WRITTEN BY FRIEDA LEVYCKY, FOUNDER OF BRAVING BOUNDARIES
I’m terrified of being in the water. Sharks, the unknown depths below, Cape Town’s freezing temperature and the fact I’m not the strongest swimmer, all contribute to this fear. Throw in that I nearly drowned when I was six, and it’s safe to say the ocean and I have a complicated relationship.
Am I over it? Absolutely not. But there was a point when I realised that if I didn’t at least try, I’d miss out on some of life’s most incredible experiences. Things like snorkelling with friends in Bali, swimming across the equator in Uganda, surfing (once) in Bondi and jet-skiing around James Bond Island in Thailand. And yes, even having my bum kissed by a grouper fish in the Whitsundays – an entertaining experience for all those watching! So, I took swimming lessons. I didn’t enjoy it and I still have that familiar pang of dread when I think about jumping into open water, but I’ve chipped away at the fear enough to stop it ruling my life.
That’s the thing about irrational fears. They have this way of taking hold of us, limiting us and making the world feel smaller. So how do we manage them when they’re not exactly logical?
What are irrational fears?
Irrational fears are tricky to pin down. They’re not like rational fears that kick in to keep us safe e.g. the ones that stop us from touching a hot stove or walking into traffic. Instead, irrational fears creep in and blow things wildly out of proportion. They tell us that if we don’t control every little detail, disaster is just around the corner.
These fears can come from past experiences (like almost drowning), stories we’ve been told or just our own imagination. And even though they don’t make much sense, they feel very, very real.
Common examples of irrational fears
You might recognise some of these:
- Keeping your kids on a short leash because you’re terrified something bad will happen.
- Avoiding outdoor adventures during snake season – even when the chances of seeing one are pretty slim.
- Worrying that every little ache or pain is the start of a rare, life-altering illness.
- Refusing to get on a plane because turbulence might mean disaster – even though you know flying is far safer than driving.
- Dreading public speaking because you are convinced that you’ll forget your words, trip over your feet or face judgment from everyone in the room.
Sound familiar? The problem is, when these fears go unchecked, they don’t just sit quietly in the background. They stop us from living.
Why do we have irrational fears?
Our brains are wired to protect us. The fight-or-flight response kicks in whenever it thinks we’re in danger, but it’s not always the best judge of what’s actually dangerous. Instead, it reacts to uncertainty with a loud, panicky: “What if?!”.
The world is messy and unpredictable and, as much as we’d like to, we can’t control everything. Irrational fears are often about trying to create the illusion of control – but that illusion comes at a cost.
So how do we manage irrational fears?
The good news is that you don’t have to let these fears control you. Here are a few things that have helped me and others overcome their irrational fears:
Name the fear
Start by acknowledging the fear. Say it out loud. Write it down. Whatever works. Once you name it, it becomes something you can deal with rather than something that just looms in the background.
Check the odds
Ask yourself: “What are the real chances of this fear actually becoming a reality?” Nine times out of ten, they’re much lower than your fear would have you believe.
Reframe it
What can you control? For me, it was learning to swim. I couldn’t make the ocean safer or warmer or shark-free, but I could make myself feel a little more confident in the water.
Start small
You don’t need to dive straight into the deep end – literally or figuratively. Take baby steps. Dip your toes in, get comfortable and go from there. Clearly, I couldn’t resist the swimming pun 😊.
Talk it through
Whether it’s with a friend, a coach or a therapist, sharing your fear can give you a fresh perspective. Sometimes just hearing someone say: “That’s not as scary as it sounds”, is enough to quieten the panic.
Stay in the present
When your fear spirals into worst-case scenarios, grounding techniques can help. Focus on your surroundings, take a few deep breaths and remind yourself that you’re ok right now.
What happens when you let go of your irrational fear?
The reality is that no one gets through life without uncertainty. However, the more you let irrational fears dictate your actions, the more of life you miss out on.
I’m still not a water baby, but I’ll never forget the feeling of snorkelling in crystal-clear waters in Bali and seeing the shoals of brightly-coloured angelfish, clownfish and butterflyfish. That experience alone was worth every uncomfortable step I took to get there.
What irrational fear is holding you back?
So, what about you? Is there an irrational fear that is stopping you from doing something you love or want to experience? If so, what’s one small step you can take to face it?
Bravery isn’t about being fearless. It’s about feeling the fear, doing it anyway and discovering that life on the other side is usually far less scary (and far more rewarding) than you imagined.
Excellent summary. Well done.