<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><rss version="2.0" xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/" xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/" xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" xmlns:sy="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/syndication/" xmlns:slash="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/slash/" > <channel> <title>workaholic Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <atom:link href="https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/workaholic/feed/" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" /> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/workaholic/</link> <description>PROFESSIONAL LIFE COACHING & TRAINING</description> <lastBuildDate>Wed, 09 Feb 2022 10:47:38 +0000</lastBuildDate> <language>en-ZA</language> <sy:updatePeriod> hourly </sy:updatePeriod> <sy:updateFrequency> 1 </sy:updateFrequency> <image> <url>https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Asset-1.svg</url> <title>workaholic Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/workaholic/</link> <width>32</width> <height>32</height> </image> <item> <title>Saying “Yes” when you should be saying “No”</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/saying-yes-when-you-should-be-saying-no/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/saying-yes-when-you-should-be-saying-no/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Mon, 25 Oct 2021 08:57:02 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Uncategorised]]></category> <category><![CDATA[attorney life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[braving boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[flexible working]]></category> <category><![CDATA[happy lawyer]]></category> <category><![CDATA[hybrid working]]></category> <category><![CDATA[it's ok to say no]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law firm life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law firm mentality]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer lifestyle]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[learn to say no]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[live your life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[love your life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[preserve your time]]></category> <category><![CDATA[productivity]]></category> <category><![CDATA[professional]]></category> <category><![CDATA[professional boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[professionals]]></category> <category><![CDATA[saying no]]></category> <category><![CDATA[take control of your time]]></category> <category><![CDATA[time management]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[workaholic]]></category> <category><![CDATA[working mom]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=3273</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Learning to say NO is an important step towards creating healthy boundaries. Here are some strategies to help you say NO!</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/saying-yes-when-you-should-be-saying-no/">Saying “Yes” when you should be saying “No”</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[ <h5 class="wp-block-heading"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></em></h5> <p></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading"><em>The pressing need for boundaries…</em></h3> <p>By now, we all know that the COVID-19 pandemic has caused many of us to work from home. <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-work-from-home-saga/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">A new saga</a> has inevitably emerged and <em>it is not going anywhere. </em></p> <p>In fact, companies are looking to extend the work-from-home situation into a <a href="https://ajs.co.za/2021/08/10/the-best-of-both-worlds-awaits/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">hybrid model</a> where employees will be working part time at home and part time in the office. The so-called “best of both worlds”. In fact, according to the <a href="https://hbr.org/2021/07/4-strategies-for-building-a-hybrid-workplace-that-works" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Harvard Law review</a>, global research has revealed that<em> “72% of corporate leaders plan to offer a hybrid model”</em>. </p> <p>And that may sound encouraging, but there is a saying that continuously pops up – <em>“if it’s too good to be true, it usually is”. </em></p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>A silver lining or a storm cloud waiting to burst?</em></strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/1-1024x768-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3279"/></figure> <p>We have set up home offices in our spare bedrooms or on our dining room tables and have made the most out of our new situations, often forcing ourselves to find the silver-lining of it all. </p> <p>So we have focused on the positives by relishing in the flexibility our work-from-home lives have afforded us. Many of us have even become more productive, resulting in an almost new-found “extra time” on our hands. <em>Who knew you could get so much done in one day by simply staying put?</em> </p> <p>But the article on Business News Daily, <a href="https://www.businessnewsdaily.com/15259-working-from-home-more-productive.html" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Working From Home Increases Productivity</a>, supports this theory by revealing that <em>“remote employees work 1.4 more days per month than their office-based counterparts, resulting in more than three additional weeks of work per year”.</em></p> <p>And again, that seems encouraging. </p> <p><em>But… is that too good to be true?</em></p> <p>Despite this flexibility and productiveness, our work-from-home situation has made the separation between our work-lives and home-lives extremely difficult. A single door is often not enough to keep the family noise at bay. The inevitable result? <em>The lines between work and home have become extremely blurred.</em></p> <p>And for many of us who have been striving for the comfortable equilibrium that is work-life balance (or <a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/markcperna/2020/06/01/how-to-blend-work-and-life-without-losing-your-mind/?sh=1cdf3ea63bbf" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">work-life blend</a> as the millennials call it), it seems like all our efforts have gone up in smoke. <em>Is work-life balance/blend </em><a href="https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/309121" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><em>even possible anymore</em></a><em>?</em></p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/4-1024x768-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3282"/></figure> <p>Let’s be honest, the pandemic has changed the way we feel about prioritising our responsibilities. With all this flexibility and new-found ”extra” time on our hands (due to being <em>“so productive”</em>), a lot of us (especially those of us with our own small start-up businesses) have inevitably <em>started saying “yes” more often than we should be. </em></p> <p>We say yes to please other people, to be team players, to seem more capable, more reliable, more trust worthy and ultimately to help others at our own expense. We say yes because we need the work and the money. Times are tough. So we are resorting to “making hay while the sun shines”. At the cost of our own mental health. </p> <p>Our theme song has changed from <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlY90lG_Fuw" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Freedom</a> by Pharrell Williams where we were once shouting our <em>“first name is Free, last name is Dom”</em> to Roy Orbison’s <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QNAVrQ96mpA" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">You Got it</a> – </p> <blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow"><p><em>“Anything you want, you got it.</em></p><p><em>Anything you need, you got it.</em></p><p><em>Anything at all, you got it”.</em> </p></blockquote> <p>“You got it” is not a bad song, it’s just not what we should be saying. All. The. Time.</p> <p>Because while we might want to say “yes” to everything and “no” to nothing, we need to realise that <em>that is simply not possible</em>.</p> <p>And whilst we continue looking for our silver linings, it kind of feels like <em>storm clouds are rolling in</em>. And waiting to burst. Because with all the “Yesses” being thrown around, <em>something has got to give</em>. </p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>It’s raining, it’s pouring!</em></strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/3-1-1024x768-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3281"/></figure> <p>The storm clouds have indeed burst and your ”Yesses” are falling to the earth amidst thunder and lightning, drenching the ground all around you with your unfulfilled promises. </p> <p>You are feeling overwhelmed (understandably) with all the things that you have said yes to. Work is mounting up and the possibility is increasing that in fact, you won’t have any extra time on your hands to get all the work done, that you may miss deadlines and that you may let people down. </p> <p><em>After all, life is full of trade-offs. </em></p> <p>Saying yes to everything, means you are automatically saying no to everything else. And your priorities will start to suffer. And so will your work and your family commitments. </p> <p>Are you asking yourself the right questions here? Are you saying yes to the things you really want to say yes to? <strong>Or are you saying yes because you </strong><strong><em>don’t know how to say no</em></strong><strong>? Or do not know when </strong><strong><em>it is ok to say no?</em></strong></p> <p><a href="https://www.lollydaskal.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Lolly Daskal</a> believes that saying <em>“no is one of the most important skills you can cultivate. Done right, “no” can help you build better relationships and free you up to do the things that are important to you”</em>. </p> <p>Overextending yourself by over-promising and under-delivering, will inevitably get you trapped in the viscous cycle that is stress, anxiety and possible depression because you will, inevitably, burn out. Do not repeat the mistakes of our <em>pre-work-from-home</em> lifestyles. We should have learnt better by now… </p> <p>After all, World Mental Health Day (which was on Sunday the 10<sup>th</sup> of October this year), reminds us that our mental health is as important as our physical health. Sometimes even more so. And we need to be aware that spreading ourselves too thin has consequences that often result in our mental health suffering. </p> <p>And that is just not ok. Not anymore. Not when we do actually know better.</p> <p>Perhaps it is about time that we <em>learn to say no instead of saying yes!</em></p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Let’s change our narrative!</em></strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/2-1024x768-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3280"/></figure> <p>Perhaps the first way to combat the possibilities of continuously saying yes when we should be saying no is by changing the idea that work-life balance (at the moment) may not be as attainable as it once was (when we were working at our respective offices). And that perhaps our focus should be more on <em>the balance between saying yes and saying no</em>. </p> <p>An article titled <a href="https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2021/06/the-prioritization-plan-that-brought-balance-to-my-work-and-home-life/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">How saying ‘yes’ and ‘no’ could revolutionize your work/life balance</a> states that we need to <em>“learn to say “no” in order to be able to say “yes” </em><strong><em>when it matters most”.</em></strong><em> </em></p> <p>And that is crucial – remember in life there are always trade-offs. So make sure you are choosing the right ones. </p> <p>In addition – </p> <p><em>“When you know your priorities and values – what you want time and energy to say yes to – saying no becomes much simpler” – </em><a href="https://www.mas.co.nz/hub/how-to-say-no-so-you-can-say-yes/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">How to say ‘No’ so you can say ‘Yes’</a>.</p> <p>And that again, is not only crucial but is the crux of doing away with this “Roy Orbisonism” of “<em>Anything you want, you got it”</em> mentality. </p> <p>Because you need to learn what your priorities are so that when it comes time to say no, you are actually able to. The answer will be easy because your goals will be clear. </p> <p>In fact, <a href="https://psychcentral.com/blog/boundaries-why-you-say-yes-when-you-really-mean-no#1" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">PsychCentral</a> states that <em>“A true yes — a yes that is in line with your values and best interest — you feel with your whole body. It’s easy. There is no doubt. There is no worry.</em></p> <p>And this starts by firstly knowing that <em>it is actually ok to say no in the first place.</em></p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>No is an answer</em></strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/5-1024x768-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3283"/></figure> <p>Not only is it ok to say no but it is sometimes necessary. </p> <p><em>Saying no is actually a perfectly acceptable answer. </em></p> <p>Remember – when you say yes to one thing, you are automatically saying no to something else. And vice-versa. So your choices as to what is more important become ever more relevant. </p> <p>At this point, you may be asking – <em>but how do I go about actually saying no? </em></p> <p>Well, it starts with a number of things – acknowledgements about what you can and cannot do, admissions as to what means most to you and what you are willing to sacrifice, and prioritising those things – </p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-1 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-thumbnail"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="150" height="150" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1-150x150.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1486"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:66.66%"> <p><strong><em>Firstly, acknowledge that you are not superhuman (read: you cannot do everything)</em></strong> – saying yes to everything will leave you feeling trapped, drowning and struggling for air. You will have no time or energy for yourself and your own best interests will fall by the wayside. So start by choosing the things that you can genuinely do and want to say yes to. Align your life and your choices with your values, with the things that you can do and the things that bring you joy. Stop saying yes for the sake of saying yes.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-2 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-thumbnail"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="150" height="150" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2-150x150.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1487"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:66.66%"> <p><strong><em>Set your own personal boundaries</em></strong><em> </em>– by setting boundaries between yourself and others you can get closer to a feeling of equilibrium (that so-called sweet spot of work-life balance). You will show others that you know your own value and are willing to stick up for it. And this starts by making sure that you are clear about what you are actually able to take on. So be clear on what is non-negotiable to you and what you are willing to consider. By having well defined desires, responsibilities and goals, you not only gain clarity over your work but also gain control over your <em>work-life and home-life</em>. Again defining those boundaries. And these boundaries need to be communicated to work colleagues, to clients as well as to family and other personal relationships (which are often harder to do). By doing this, you will be able to prioritise tasks more effectively and efficiently. And feel more capable and more able to do the things you genuinely say yes to.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-3 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-thumbnail"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3-150x150.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1488"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:66.66%"> <p><strong><em>Prioritise proactively</em></strong>– in order to say “No” confidently you need to understand what is important to you. Define those things. Understand them and be clear about them. By doing so, you will find yourself saying “no” more often to ensure that you can pursue the things that are most important to you and to your job. As <a href="https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2021/06/the-prioritization-plan-that-brought-balance-to-my-work-and-home-life/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Ester Banque puts it</a> – by learning to proactively prioritise she has learned to <em>“divide and conquer, making sure the right level of oversight or involvement is in place without the need for unproductive “face time.” We are also identifying non-negotiables at work and at home, managing the all-important expectations”.</em> And managing expectations is key in prioritising your work-life and home-life. Again, when you are clear on what is most important, you will know exactly where to focus your energy.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-4 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-thumbnail"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="150" height="150" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4-150x150.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1489"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:66.66%"> <p><strong><em>Never compromise your integrity</em></strong>– as <a href="https://www.lollydaskal.com/leadership/stop-saying-yes-when-you-want-to-say-no/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Lolly Daskal puts it </a> – <em>“Your integrity sets your standards and gives you a code of morality and ethics. Use it to guide you in saying no and you’ll always make consistent choices that are grounded in your beliefs”</em>. So ensure to keep your integrity in check – if you have to question your integrity or the morality of something, say no. Always.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-5 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-thumbnail"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="150" height="150" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5-150x150.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1490"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:66.66%"> <p><strong><em>Deciding on whether it is really worth it</em>?</strong> – sometimes it is as simple as that. Maybe you find yourself in the position where you have committed to something but later find yourself doubting as to whether you can actually cope with the work. You may start to think of ways of getting out of the commitment. You may start to think up excuses, risking being caught out on a white lie. <em>Is it worth it?</em> The stress, the anguish and the doubt? Saying no outright may be the absolute best option. Remember – No is a perfectly acceptable answer. As Paulo Coelho said – <em>“If it costs you your peace, it is too expensive”. </em>So saying no should be easy.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-6 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-thumbnail"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="150" height="150" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/6-150x150.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1491"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:66.66%"> <p><strong><em>Realise that you will not please everyone</em></strong><em> – </em>this is a recipe for disaster, for stress, anguish and fear (of disappointing others and yourself). By saying no, you may be afraid that your boss, your client, or your family will think less of you. Truth is – they won’t. Saying no actually ensures that you are promoting self-care and are ensuring that you always operate at your best. And that can only be respected.</p> </div> </div> <p>Simply put – you need to be able to protect yourself from burnout. You need to give yourself a break by giving yourself balance and by <em>being ok with saying no</em>. Understand your limits and realise that your own best interests are important too. Finding a balance between meeting your own needs and saying yes to others (and saying yes to work) should start by asking yourself – </p> <blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow"><p><em>“What are my needs?” </em></p><p><em>“How much of my time, energy and resources do I need to meet those needs?” </em></p><p><em>“What can I genuinely do for others?” </em></p><p><em>“How much can I take on?”</em></p><p><em>“How much of my time can I dedicate to others?” </em></p></blockquote> <p>Everyone will answer these questions differently. But the important thing is <em>to find the balance that works best for you.</em></p> <p>To gain clarity and control over your life (and your work) may include seeking guidance from a trained professional who can guide you as you navigate saying “No” (it sometimes takes practice). Get in touch with <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/my-story/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Frieda Levycky</a> of <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Braving Boundaries</a> for a consult on getting your priorities on track. </p> <p>To close off and to illustrate the importance of <em>saying no</em> we turn to the quote by James Altucher from <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/17977529-choose-yourself" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Choose yourself</a> – </p> <blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow"><p><em>“Every time you say yes to something you don’t want to do, this will happen: you will resent people, you will do a bad job, you will have less energy for the things you were doing a good job on, you will make less money, and yet another small percentage of your life will be used up, burned up, a smoke signal to the future saying, “I did it again.”</em></p></blockquote> <p>Don’t risk “doing it again”. Change the cycle. Change the narrative and learn that <em>setting boundaries, managing expectations and saying no is perfectly fine. </em></p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3291"/></a></figure> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <hr class="wp-block-separator is-style-default"/> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-7 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist-1024x1024-1.jpg" alt=""/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p>About the writer, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong></p> <p>Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism. </p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/">The Legal Belletrist website</a>.</p> <p><strong>Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">[email protected]</a> </strong></p> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/saying-yes-when-you-should-be-saying-no/">Saying “Yes” when you should be saying “No”</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/saying-yes-when-you-should-be-saying-no/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Building resilience</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/building-resilience/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/building-resilience/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Sat, 11 Jul 2020 10:45:34 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Lawyer Life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Perfectionism]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[a balanced life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[attorney life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[big law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[big law life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[junior lawyer]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law students]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer tips]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal firm life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life coaching]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mindset]]></category> <category><![CDATA[perfection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[perfectionism]]></category> <category><![CDATA[perfectionist]]></category> <category><![CDATA[perfectionistic behaviour]]></category> <category><![CDATA[progress over perfection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[resilience]]></category> <category><![CDATA[success]]></category> <category><![CDATA[success mindset]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[workaholic]]></category> <category><![CDATA[workaholism]]></category> <category><![CDATA[young lawyer]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=1533</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>In a world where perfection is still promoted, learn to build resilience.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/building-resilience/">Building resilience</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[ <p>I hate this question in an interview. Why? </p> <p>Because:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li><strong>the question is disingenuous</strong> – if they wanted to know my greatest weakness, I would tell them it was my right knee from over-running;</li><li><strong>no one gives an honest answer</strong> – there are articles galore on how to respond to this question in a way that pivots an alleged weakness into a strength; and</li><li><strong>it associates weakness with characteristics / behaviours that are not weak</strong>.</li></ul> <p>I’m hardly going to say: <strong><em>“I’m not very functional when I don’t have enough sleep”</em></strong>. Although true, that isn’t going to land me a job in the <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-around-mental-health-in-the-legal-world/">legal world</a> that expects so much of my time.</p> <p>Is being dysfunctional after 24 hours in the office a weakness? <em><strong>Absolutely not!</strong> </em>Is it considered weak in the legal world? Unfortunately, yes. Why would we need to reframe things otherwise?</p> <figure class="wp-block-image"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/perfectionism-tired.jpg" alt="perfection at work"/></figure> <p>Perfectionism – whether expressed or not – is still promoted in the legal world.</p> <p>Think of all the superlatives: <strong><em>the best, the biggest, the most accessible</em></strong> etc. Ideals and standards that are then adopted by lawyers. I must be available 24/7; I must be seen to be working hard. I must… I must … I must…</p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="is-it-any-surprise-that-so-many-lawyers-become-perfectionists"><strong><em>Is it any surprise that so many lawyers become perfectionists?</em></strong></h3> <p>So, having spent the week looking at the dangers of perfectionism, <em><strong>how do you stay resilient in a world that promotes perfection?</strong></em></p> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-8 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1-1024x1024.png" alt=""/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow"> <p><strong>Stay healthy</strong> – Build hydration, good nutrition, sleep and exercise into your life to reduce the impact of stress on your physical and mental health.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-9 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2-1024x1024.png" alt=""/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow"> <p><strong>Nurture your tribe</strong> – They keep your grounded, supported and in touch with the real world.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-10 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3-1024x1024.png" alt=""/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow"> <p><strong>Have this mantra on repeat: “<em>You don’t have to be perfect to be successful</em>”: </strong>Our flaws, our differences, our quirks are what make us unique. It is in our differences that we find success.</p> </div> </div> <p><em>Tell me, what do you do to build your resilience in the legal world?</em></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="if-you-are-struggling-with-perfectionism"><strong>If you are struggling with perfectionism</strong></h2> <p>If perfectionism is something with which you struggle and which is causing uncomfortable levels of stress for you, please know that these behaviour patterns can be changed. It takes time and effort – but it is achievable. And life is a lot less stressful on the other side.</p> <p>Through coaching, we can address the underlying fears and insecurities which the perfectionistic behaviour is masking. Together, we can identify ways to reduce the self-criticism and increase your self-esteem, so that you can be confident in who you are, in everything you do and in how you are seen in the world.</p> <p><strong><em>You are enough!</em></strong></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <p class="has-text-align-center"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" sizes="(max-width: 854px) 100vw, 854px" srcset="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/2-854x1024.jpg 854w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/2-250x300.jpg 250w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/2-768x921.jpg 768w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/2-417x500.jpg 417w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/2-667x800.jpg 667w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/2-1067x1280.jpg 1067w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/2-1080x1295.jpg 1080w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/2-980x1175.jpg 980w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/2-480x576.jpg 480w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/2.jpg 1138w" width="854" height="1024" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/2-854x1024.jpg" alt="Frieda Levycky - Life coach for lawyers"><br><a role="button" href="https://calendly.com/bravingboundaries/discovery-call-30-mins"><br>Book a free Discovery Session</a><br><a role="button" href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><br>Drop me a quick message<br></a><br><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" sizes="(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" srcset="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-1024x311-1.jpg 1024w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-300x91-1.jpg 300w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-768x233-1.jpg 768w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-500x152.png 500w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-800x243.png 800w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-1280x389-1.jpg 1280w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-1080x328-1.jpg 1080w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-980x298-1.jpg 980w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-480x146-1.jpg 480w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner.jpg 1400w" width="1024" height="311" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-1024x311-1.jpg" alt="Lawyer coaching"></p> <div class="wp-block-buttons is-horizontal is-content-justification-center is-layout-flex wp-container-core-buttons-is-layout-1 wp-block-buttons-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-button"><a class="wp-block-button__link has-white-color has-text-color has-background" href="" style="background-color:#27281d" target="_blank" rel="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/ noopener">BOOK A DISCOVERY CALL</a></div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/building-resilience/">Building resilience</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/building-resilience/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>The Perfectionist Problem</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-perfectionist-problem/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-perfectionist-problem/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Mon, 06 Jul 2020 15:44:20 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Comfort over coffee]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Lawyer Life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Perfectionism]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[a balanced life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[big law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[big law life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[junior associate]]></category> <category><![CDATA[junior attorney]]></category> <category><![CDATA[junior lawyer]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law students]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer tips]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health advocate]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health matters]]></category> <category><![CDATA[perfection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[perfectionism]]></category> <category><![CDATA[perfectionist]]></category> <category><![CDATA[perfectionistic behaviour]]></category> <category><![CDATA[progress over perfection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self confidence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self esteem]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-confidence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-esteem]]></category> <category><![CDATA[trust in yourself]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[workaholic]]></category> <category><![CDATA[workaholism]]></category> <category><![CDATA[young lawyer]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=1478</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>"Perfection" - an unattainable target for which many of us strive. This article looks at why we feel we need to be perfect, the false belief that perfection brings success, and some ideas that have helped me to let go of the need to be a perfectionist.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-perfectionist-problem/">The Perfectionist Problem</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[ <h1 class="wp-block-heading" id="the-perfectionist-problem">The Perfectionist Problem</h1> <p><em>This article forms part of the “Comfort Over Coffee” series – a range of articles seeking to tackle the trickier issues faced in the <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-around-mental-health-in-the-legal-world/">legal world</a></em>.</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="introduction"><strong>Introduction</strong></h2> <p><em><strong>Full disclosure: I am a recovering perfectionist workaholic – and I always will be.</strong></em></p> <p>Ironically, as I sit down to write this article, I can feel my perfectionist coming out:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li><em>“This article needs to be perfect if people are going to resonate.”</em></li><li><em>“There needs to be the perfect balance between fun and information.”</em></li><li><em>“How can you write about perfectionism when you still struggle with it?”</em></li></ul> <p>Well, the reality is that:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>this article will resonate with some of you and not with others (<em>and that’s ok</em>).</li><li>for some it will be fun and informative, but possibly not for others (and that’s ok).</li><li>I’m not perfect (and that’s ok).</li></ul> <p>Aside from telling you a bit about my personal struggle with perfectionism, this article is going to delve into why we feel we need to be perfect, the false belief that perfection brings success, and some ideas that have helped me to let go of the need to be perfect.</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="our-need-to-be-perfect"><strong>Our need to be perfect</strong></h2> <h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="from-childhood-perfectionist"><strong>From childhood perfectionist …</strong></h3> <p>Society has encouraged us to be perfect from an early age.</p> <p>As children:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>Aptitude testing was a regularity to test potential and capacity to learn (from as young as two years old in some cases): Thursdays featured 100 multiplication questions (7×8, 9×6 etc.). Mondays oriented around spelling tests (I still can’t spell ‘occurrence’ confidently). Everything was graded. 90% got praised! 70% not so much (even though it was 20% over the pass mark).</li><li>We grew up with the daily mantra from our teachers and parents of: “Success comes from hard work”. And hard work reaped rewards: being selected for the national netball team, winning the school music competition, being voted as Head Boy / Head Girl.</li><li>As others worked hard to achieve success, competition to be the best heightened – pushing us further towards the need to be perfect.</li><li>Hard work alone was no longer enough – we had to be multi-disciplinary: a good person, someone who helps others, someone who is likeable, someone who is self-sacrificing – the “good all-rounder”.</li><li>The muscles in our brains connecting success with hard work and being multi-capable strengthened, as did the muscle that linked success to perfection.</li></ul> <h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="to-adulthood-perfectionist"><strong>To adulthood perfectionist …</strong></h3> <p>As we entered into adult life, our view as to what constituted “perfection” was further embellished:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>The <strong>romantic-comedy genre</strong> solidified the belief that happiness was derived from the perfect relationship / being the perfect partner. The fact that these films focused on the “getting together” part rather than the actual long-term relationship is by-the-by.</li><li><strong>Social media</strong> portrayed “perfect” to be normal and constantly achievable (never a bad photo in sight).</li><li>The <strong>fitness industry</strong> constantly reminded us of how we could achieve the perfect body, perfect abs, perfect legs – as if there was such a thing! I vividly remember when the size 0 phenomenon hit the media with Nicole Ritchie’s emaciated figure flaunted across magazine covers for the world to see. Dangerously thin was portrayed as the ideal body shape. Another area in our lives in which we had to be perfect in order to succeed.</li></ul> <p><em>Is it any wonder that this constant assault of unreaslistic “perfection” resulted in so many of us becoming stressed out, over-achieving perfectionists? </em></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="my-perfectionist-story"><strong>My perfectionist story</strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/not-so-perfect2-640x1024.png" alt="Me as a perfectionist"/></figure> <p>Well, this is what <em><strong>perfectionism</strong> </em>looked like for me.</p> <p>This photo was taken back in 2014 on a night out with a friend in a bar, downing tequila shots after a long day in the office and yet another failed romantic liaison (it never actually qualified as a relationship). </p> <p>I was:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li><strong><em>the perfect lawyer</em></strong> – I worked hard, led the most prestigious deals, volunteered on all the committees and went the extra mile. <i><strong>But,</strong> I was not paid my market value nor did I have a clear career path.</i></li></ul> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li><strong><em>the perfect romantic partner</em></strong> – I was fun, slim, always smiling, putting everyone else’s needs before my own, being their cheerleader and daily support. <i><strong>But, </strong>I was not respected or supported (by them or myself) which led to back-to-back failed relationships and a disastrous impact on my self-worth. Not ideal when the rest of your friendship group are happily married and moving into parenthood.</i></li><li><strong><em>the perfect friend</em></strong> – I raced around the world to be at friends’ weddings, visit new-born babies, spend time with my god children. You name it – I barely sat still! <i><strong>But,</strong> my closest friendships suffered because quality time wasn’t spent with the people I cared most about and with those who cared most about me.</i></li><li><strong><em>the perfect all-rounder</em></strong> – I was the epitome of a multi-tasker. I was sporty. I loved a challenge. I raised funds for charity. I organised parties and pub quizzes. I could converse about Turandot as much as I could about how Liverpool were performing in the Premier League. <strong><i>But,</i></strong> <em>I was exhausted. I stopped enjoying the things I loved doing. I felt resentment when my time was taken away from me. I’d chameleoned into so many versions of myself that I’d forgotten who I was at my core.</em></li></ul> <p><strong><em>Had perfectionism led to success?</em></strong></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="the-dangers-of-perfectionism"><strong>The dangers of perfectionism</strong></h2> <p>The problem with perfectionism is that it is an ideal. There is no finite point which can be reached to confirm that “perfection” has been achieved. It is, by virtue, unattainable.</p> <p>So, by seeking perfection, we are setting ourselves up for constant failure which, in turn, can have a severe impact on our mental and physical health.</p> <figure class="wp-block-image"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/impact-of-perfectionism.png" alt="perfectionist traits"/></figure> <p>Perfectionism also results in an unhealthy level of resistance to failure – as if failure was a bad thing. The irony is that success is achieved as a result of our failures. If we did not fail, how would we ever learn, improve and grow?</p> <p><em><strong>Failure is a necessary part of being a human. It’s a necessary part of success.</strong></em></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="how-to-let-go-of-the-need-to-be-perfect"><strong>How to let go of the need to be perfect</strong></h2> <p>Wouldn’t it be nice just to chill out and relax sometimes? To kick back and enjoy your days without worrying about how you are seen, the impression that you are making, the value that you are bringing to the table. To spend your time enjoying what you are doing. To be comfortable with the very real fact that <strong>you are enough</strong>.</p> <p>Telling a perfectionist to just do things imperfectly is never going to work though. It is not a switch which we can just turn on and off. It takes time and effort to change behavioural patterns.</p> <p>But here are a few things that helped me to reduce my perfectionist tendencies:</p> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-11 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1-1024x1024.png" alt=""/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow"> <p><strong>Acknowledge the existence of your inner perfectionist:</strong> We adopt perfectionist behaviour to protect ourselves from underlying fears and insecurities. For many perfectionists, their self-worth is derived from praise, where praise is identified with perfection. <strong>Seek support</strong> from a coach to help you identify these underlying fears and build up your self-esteem. Learn to let go of your perfectionist tendencies and lead a much calmer and stress-free lifestyle.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-12 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2-1024x1024.png" alt=""/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow"> <p><strong>Let go of the idea that “perfect” exists: </strong>It doesn’t. If “perfect” existed, I am quite certain that evolution would have created identical human beings by now, removing any irregularities. What a humdrum world that would be! Our flaws, our differences, our quirks are what make us unique. It is in our differences that we find our superpowers – the real things that let us shine.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-13 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3-1024x1024.png" alt=""/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow"> <p><strong>Stop comparing yourself to others: <em>EVERYONE</em></strong> struggles with something, no matter how they portray themselves in the outside world. Whether it is the perfect family; the huge book of clients; the holiday home in the Hamptons – this is all external messaging. No one brags about the fact that they are feeling like an imposter, worrying about money, not having sex, struggling with their kid’s behaviour. Stop comparing your internal version of the world (the lens through which you look at your own life) with someone else’s external version of the world.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-14 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4-1024x1024.png" alt=""/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow"> <p><strong>Reframe success: </strong>Knowing that “perfect” is unattainable, what does a successful life really look like to you? I don’t care if it is on the “what it should look like” list. I want to know what would make you happy, healthy and fulfilled. Take a moment to really think about that. Now consider how you can start implementing that.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-15 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5-1024x1024.png" alt=""/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow"> <p><strong>Celebrate your accomplishments – no matter how big or small</strong>: As perfectionists, we achieve a lot, but when do we ever take time to celebrate our accomplishments? You’ll soon see that accomplishment and success can still be achieved in the absence of perfection.</p> </div> </div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="next-steps"><strong>Next Steps</strong></h2> <p>If perfectionism is something with which you struggle and which is causing uncomfortable levels of stress for you, please know that these behaviour patterns can be changed. It takes time and effort – but it is achievable. And life is a lot less stressful on the other side.</p> <p>Through coaching, we can address the underlying fears and insecurities which the perfectionistic behaviour is masking. Together, we can identify ways to reduce the self-criticism and increase your self-esteem, so that you can be confident in who you are, in everything you do and in how you are seen in the world.</p> <p><strong><em>You are enough!</em></strong></p> <p><a role="button" href="https://calendly.com/bravingboundaries/discovery-call-30-mins"><br>Book a free Discovery Session<br></a><br><a role="button" href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><br>Drop me a quick message<br></a><br><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" sizes="(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" srcset="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-1024x311-1.jpg 1024w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-300x91-1.jpg 300w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-768x233-1.jpg 768w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-500x152.png 500w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-800x243.png 800w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-1280x389-1.jpg 1280w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-1080x328-1.jpg 1080w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-980x298-1.jpg 980w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-480x146-1.jpg 480w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner.jpg 1400w" width="1024" height="311" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-1024x311-1.jpg" alt="Coaching for perfectionist"></p> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="references"><strong>References </strong></h2> <p>“<em>The dangerous downsides of perfectionism</em>” by Amanda Ruggeri (senior journalist for the BBC) – definitely worth the read: https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20180219-toxic-perfectionism-is-on-the-rise </p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-perfectionist-problem/">The Perfectionist Problem</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-perfectionist-problem/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Work-Life Balance: Time Matters</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/work-life-balance-time-matters/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/work-life-balance-time-matters/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[@dmin2019]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Sat, 02 May 2020 08:02:00 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Lawyer Life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Perfectionism]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Uncategorised]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[avoid burnout]]></category> <category><![CDATA[basic balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[braving boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[burnout]]></category> <category><![CDATA[choices]]></category> <category><![CDATA[down time]]></category> <category><![CDATA[holidays]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[live your life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lost time]]></category> <category><![CDATA[love your life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health matters]]></category> <category><![CDATA[no time]]></category> <category><![CDATA[priorities]]></category> <category><![CDATA[sacrifices]]></category> <category><![CDATA[take a break]]></category> <category><![CDATA[take back control]]></category> <category><![CDATA[time matters]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work life blend]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life blend]]></category> <category><![CDATA[workaholic]]></category> <category><![CDATA[you matter]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/workplace-ostracism-addressing-the-intangible-office-bully-copy/</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>When did the phrase: “I just don’t have time” last slip out of your mouth? And what did you sacrifice as a result?</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/work-life-balance-time-matters/">Work-Life Balance: Time Matters</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[ <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Work-Life Balance: Time Matters </strong></h2> <p class="has-text-align-center"><em>“We can make up for lost money, but we can’t make up for lost time.” – Simon Sinek</em></p> <p></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading"><span style="color:#c69229" class="has-inline-color">Introduction:</span></h3> <p>When did the phrase: “<strong><em>I just don’t have time</em></strong>” last slip out of your mouth? And what did you sacrifice as a result?</p> <p>Was it:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>a call with your mum?</li><li>personal time with your partner?</li><li>dinner with your friends?</li><li>a yoga class?</li><li>the kids’ school play?</li><li>a visit to the doctor?</li><li>a date?</li></ul> <p>It’s a reality: as lawyers, our lives are busy. With billable hour targets set at up to 2,000 hours a year and lawyers regularly working 50 to 80-hour weeks, it is no surprise that time feels scarce. Let’s be honest though: yes, work is demanding, but there are successful lawyers, with the same number of hours in the day, who manage to have a happy and fulfilling life outside of the office. What secret to life do they have that you don’t?</p> <p class="has-text-align-center has-text-color has-normal-font-size" style="color:#c69229"><strong>They make a choice.</strong></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading">Losing control of my time and my priorities</h3> <p>I want to tell you about one of the best pieces of advice I ever received.</p> <p>Back in December 2007, I was a junior associate working for one of the big international law firms. My transaction was completing on 31 December and I was in charge of finalising the documentation and making sure the bank transfers ran smoothly. Needless to say, they did not. An exchange rate fluctuation kicked out the calculations and money went into the wrong accounts! It was a complete catastrophe: my Partner was yelling at me from their holiday home blaming me for the mess, the poor lady in charge of the physical transfers quit and I was the only person in the office trying to manage the fall out.</p> <p>Around midday, mum called me to ask what time I’d be home for the New Year Celebrations. The conversation went something like this:</p> <pre class="wp-block-verse"><em>“Mum, there has been a disaster at work. I’m stressed and I just don’t have the time to talk.” “Ok love. Just let me know what time you will be at the station and we’ll come and collect you. Your grandmother is so excited to see you.” “Mum – You don’t understand. I’m the only person here. I can’t just leave. This is really important. I don’t even know if I can make it home for New Year.” “Oh, OK darling. Well, just keep us in the loop.”</em></pre> <p>I put down the phone and felt a pang of guilt soar through my veins. I could hear the disappointment in mum’s voice and I knew how upset my grandmother would be too. I really wanted to go home, but what could I do?!<strong><em> I didn’t have a choice</em></strong><em>.</em></p> <p>By 4pm, the banks were closed and it was evident that the matter was not going to get resolved that day. I’d missed my train home, but managed to catch the overnight bus. I would miss the evening celebrations, but at least I would be home for New Year’s Day and the long weekend.</p> <p>It was my step-father who picked me up from the bus depot. I burst into tears the minute I saw him and he gave me a big hug and listened as I recounted the story. Once I’d finished, he said:</p> <p><em>“I’m glad you made it home, but your mum and your grandmother were really disappointed you missed last night.”</em></p> <p>I could feel the annoyance growing inside me. <em>“Did you not hear what I just said? I didn’t choose to miss it. I was really busy. I didn’t have the time to make my train. I couldn’t just leave!”</em></p> <p>His response was short and simple and has remained with me ever since:</p> <figure class="wp-block-pullquote has-background is-style-solid-color quoteblockgrey" style="background-color:#686252"><blockquote class="has-text-color has-white-color"><p><strong>“Everyone has the same amount of time; it’s just how they choose to prioritise their time which differs.”</strong></p><cite>My step-father</cite></blockquote></figure> <p></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading">Your time matters: <span style="" class="has-inline-color"><strong style=""><font color="#c69229">You always have a choice</font></strong></span></h3> <p>It took me many years before I put my step-father’s advice into practice. Back then, I never really felt like I had a choice. How could I explain that dinner with my friends was more important than work? The reality was though that, back then, it wasn’t. Work was always the most important thing to me. Whether consciously or subconsciously, I chose work.</p> <p class="has-text-align-center has-text-color has-normal-font-size" style="color:#c69229"><strong><strong>I always chose work.</strong></strong></p> <p>It was only as I got older that I realised the negative impact that my constant choice was having on other areas of my life: poor health, insomnia, a confusing romantic life etc. Check out the article: <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/10-tips-for-lawyers-who-want-to-improve-their-mental-health/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">10 tips for lawyers who want to improve their mental health</a> for some helpful tips to counter the negative impact of over working.</p> <figure class="wp-block-pullquote has-background is-style-solid-color quoteblockgrey" style="background-color:#686252"><blockquote class="has-text-color has-very-light-gray-color"><p>I needed to shift my priorities if I was going to achieve a more balanced and meaningful life.</p></blockquote></figure> <p><em>So, next time you hear yourself saying: “I’m too busy” or “<em>I just don’t have the time</em>”, I invite you to consciously stop and ask yourself these three questions:</em></p> <p class="has-text-color" style="color:#c69229"><strong>“What am I prioritising here?”</strong></p> <p class="has-text-color" style="color:#c69229"><strong>“What am I sacrificing?”</strong></p> <p class="has-text-color" style="color:#c69229"><strong>“Is this the option I want to choose?”</strong></p> <p class="has-text-align-center">________________________________________________</p> <p>If you are looking to re-prioritise your time, but are struggling with implementing the change, then that’s where I come in. I know how hard it is to change habitual behaviour. Amongst, other things, it triggers feelings of guilt, disloyalty and selfishness and forces you out of your comfort zone. But once you take the initial steps, the benefits of nurturing other aspects of your life become evident.</p> <p><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/work-with-me/individual-coaching/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1500" height="833" class="wp-image-2667" style="width: 1500px;" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/Time-for-a-change-blog-1.jpg" alt="Ready to get started - Work With Me"></a></p> <p><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/work-with-me/individual-coaching/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"></a></p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/work-life-balance-time-matters/">Work-Life Balance: Time Matters</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/work-life-balance-time-matters/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> </channel> </rss>