<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><rss version="2.0" xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/" xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/" xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" xmlns:sy="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/syndication/" xmlns:slash="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/slash/" > <channel> <title>work life Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <atom:link href="https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/work-life/feed/" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" /> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/work-life/</link> <description>PROFESSIONAL LIFE COACHING & TRAINING</description> <lastBuildDate>Thu, 07 May 2026 15:58:41 +0000</lastBuildDate> <language>en-ZA</language> <sy:updatePeriod> hourly </sy:updatePeriod> <sy:updateFrequency> 1 </sy:updateFrequency> <image> <url>https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Asset-1.svg</url> <title>work life Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/work-life/</link> <width>32</width> <height>32</height> </image> <item> <title>Honesty, Boundaries and the Generation Gap</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/honesty-boundaries-and-the-generation-gap/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/honesty-boundaries-and-the-generation-gap/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 07 May 2026 13:53:13 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Corporate Wellness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Leadership]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Work life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[corporate wellness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[effective communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lessons learned]]></category> <category><![CDATA[team communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Working environment]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=235659</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/honesty-boundaries-and-the-generation-gap/">Honesty, Boundaries and the Generation Gap</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_0 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_0"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_0 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_0 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY FRIEDA LEVYCKY, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/" style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;">BRAVING BOUNDARIES</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em></em></span></strong></p> <p class="western">A few weeks ago, something happened that I have not been able to stop thinking about. I was due to get on a call with a service provider, but, that morning, the call was cancelled because of illness. No problem, these things happen. We rescheduled for the following day and joined the call as planned. I asked, as you do, whether they were feeling better and it was what came next that caught me completely off guard:</p> <p class="western"><i>“Yes, much better thanks. We had an off-site last week and I was pretty tired and not really feeling it yesterday, so I moved the call.”</i></p> <p class="western">Now, I want to be honest with you: my face probably twitched. Those of you who know me will know that my face has never been particularly good at hiding what my brain is thinking. However, what was far more interesting than my expression was what was happening <i>inside</i> my head. Two very distinct voices were clearly in combat at exactly the same time.</p> <p class="western">The coach in me said: “<i>Hmm. OK. They took a mental health day. It is a generational thing. Keep an open mind.”.</i></p> <p class="western">The lawyer in me said something considerably less measured, which I will summarise as: “<i>You actually thought that was an appropriate thing to say to a client?”.</i></p> <p class="western">There it was. The generational gap, playing out in real time. Not between me and the service provider, but between the two parts of me.</p> <p class="western">Before we explore this further, take a moment to think how you would react. Are you with my coach’s voice or my lawyer’s voice?</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_1 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Why did I react so viscerally?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_0"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/05/Senior-manager-discussing-work-with-younger-colleague-View-more-by-lechatnoir-from-Getty-Images-Signature.jpg" alt="Senior manager discussing work with younger colleague View more by lechatnoir from Getty Images Signature" title="Senior manager discussing work with younger colleague View more by lechatnoir from Getty Images Signature" class="wp-image-235687" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_2 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="western">Before I point any fingers, I think it is worth sitting with that question honestly.</p> <p class="western">I was trained, professionally and personally, in an era where you did not bring your personal life into a client relationship. You showed up and you delivered. If you were having a bad day, a difficult week or a full-blown crisis, that was managed privately and it did not become your client’s problem to absorb. The boundary between the personal and the professional was clear and crossing it, particularly in the direction of a client, was simply not done.</p> <p class="western">That is not a generational flaw. It produced a great deal of reliability, accountability and mutual respect. It also, I will admit, produced a <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/prioritising-self-care-in-a-demanding-work-environment/">great deal of suppression, burnout and people falling apart behind closed doors</a> because asking for help felt like weakness.</p> <p class="western">So, when I heard that explanation, my visceral reaction was not purely about professionalism. It was also the echo of a system I was shaped by bumping up against a system that is being actively dismantled by the generation coming through. That’s a positive. I mean, it’s something I am actively trying to change.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_3 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Is honesty always a virtue?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_4 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="western">Here is where it gets genuinely interesting because I do believe in honesty. <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/faqs/">It is one of the values that sits at the heart of everything I do</a>.</p> <p class="western">Honesty, though, is not a single, undifferentiated thing. There is the honesty that builds trust and the honesty that transfers your discomfort onto someone else. There is the honesty that is brave and the honesty that is, perhaps, a little careless.</p> <p class="western">When you tell a client that you cancelled a call because you were tired and not feeling it, you are being honest. You are also, whether you intend to or not, making them the custodian of information they did not ask for and cannot really do anything useful with. It subtly shifts the dynamic. It puts them in the position of having to decide how to feel about it, whether to say something, whether to be concerned or irritated or sympathetic. That is a lot to hand someone in a professional relationship.</p> <p class="western">The question I keep returning to is this: <i>who does that honesty serve?</i></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_5 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>The Mental Health Day debate</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_1"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/05/Woman-Thinking-View-more-by-Yaroslav-Shuraev-from-The-Yaroslav-Shuraev-Collection.jpg" alt="Woman Thinking View more by Yaroslav Shuraev from The Yaroslav Shuraev Collection" title="Woman Thinking View more by Yaroslav Shuraev from The Yaroslav Shuraev Collection" class="wp-image-235689" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_6 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="western">Several countries have moved to enshrine the concept of the “Mental Health Day” formally. In the Netherlands, the approach to sick leave has long included mental and emotional wellbeing as valid grounds for absence, without the requirement to produce a medical certificate. Australia’s personal and carer’s leave provisions similarly cover mental health. New Zealand has led the way on wellbeing-related leave more broadly. The direction of travel globally is unambiguous. We are moving towards a world that takes mental health as seriously as physical health … and that is the right direction.</p> <p class="western">The existence of a right, however, does not automatically come with a roadmap for how to exercise it thoughtfully (particularly when clients are involved).</p> <p class="western">If you work in a service environment, your clients have made commitments based on your availability. They may have prepared, cleared time in their diary or arranged their own team around your meeting. When that falls away at short notice, there is a knock-on effect. Taking a mental health day is entirely reasonable. Doing so in a way that is planned around your commitments, communicated with appropriate notice and without a level of personal detail that puts the client in an awkward position, that is where the responsibility lies.</p> <p class="western">The right to the day and the responsibility for how you take it are two separate conversations and we often conflate them.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_7 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Is this a generational mismatch or simply a professional one?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_8 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="western">I have gone back and forth on this more times than I can count. Part of me wonders whether I am simply old and whether this is exactly the kind of situation where I need to update my thinking rather than reach for the comfort of: “<i>that is not how things are done</i>“. Younger generations have grown up in a world where mental health is discussed openly, where vulnerability is not weakness and where bringing your whole self to work is actively encouraged. These are genuinely positive shifts.</p> <p class="western">There is, however, a distinction that sometimes gets lost in that conversation, which is the difference between <i>internal</i> culture and <i>external</i> relationships.</p> <p class="western">Within a team, within an organisation, the norms around honesty about wellbeing, around naming when you are struggling and around creating <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/workplace-ostracism-addressing-the-intangible-office-bully/">psychological safety</a>, these can and should be progressive. Managers and leaders have a real responsibility to build environments where people feel they can say: “<i>I am not doing well today</i>” without fear of judgement or consequence.</p> <p class="western">The client relationship is a different animal. Not because clients are less important than colleagues, but because the nature of the contract is different. A client is not there to support your development. They are there because they need something from you and they have made themselves vulnerable by trusting you to deliver it. That dynamic calls for a different kind of care.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_9 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>What does this mean for Leaders and Teams?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_2"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/05/Woman-Leading-a-Meeting-View-more-by-Monkey-Business-Images.jpg" alt="Woman Leading a Meeting View more by Monkey Business Images" title="Woman Leading a Meeting View more by Monkey Business Images" class="wp-image-235688" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_10 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="western">If you manage people, particularly across generations, this scenario is almost certainly going to land on your desk at some point, if it has not already.</p> <p class="western">Here are the questions I think are worth considering:</p> <p class="western"> <ul> <li><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/work-life-balance-time-matters/"><strong>Have you had the explicit conversation?</strong></a> Many teams assume their people know where the professional line sits with clients. Often, they do not. Not because they are careless, but because the line has genuinely shifted and nobody has drawn it clearly. Do not assume. Have the conversation.</li> <li><strong>Are you managing up as well as managing down?</strong> If your team takes a mental health day, what is the plan for client commitments that day? Who is managing the communication and the rescheduling? A wellbeing-positive culture does not mean the client becomes collateral damage. Building that responsibility into the conversation is part of what it means to lead well.</li> <li><strong>Are you distinguishing between the right and the execution?</strong> You can fully support someone’s right to take time for their mental health and still give them feedback on how they communicated it to a client. Those are not contradictory positions. In fact, holding both at once is exactly what good leadership looks like.</li> <li><strong>Are you examining your own reaction?</strong> As I sat with my twitching face and my warring inner voices, what I realised is that my discomfort was telling me something useful, not just about the other person, but about my own assumptions, my own conditioning and the ways in which I still have some updating to do. That is not comfortable, but it is valuable.</li> </ul></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_11 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Where does the line sit now?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_12 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="western">What I do think is that the line has moved and that is not inherently a problem. What creates problems is when the line moves without anyone in the room agreeing on where it now sits. When one person is operating from the old map and another from the new one and nobody has noticed the discrepancy, you get exactly the kind of jarring situation I experienced on that call.</p> <p class="western">The solution is not to go back to a world where nobody was allowed to be human at work. Nor is it to abandon all professional discretion in the name of authenticity. It is to have the explicit, sometimes uncomfortable, conversations about what we expect of each other across generations, across roles and in the different contexts in which we operate.</p> <p class="western">That, in my view, is where the real work lies.</p> <p class="western"><i>What do you think? Have you experienced a situation like this, either as the person reacting or the person who said something that landed differently than you expected? I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.</i></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_3"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/05/Mailshot-CTA-images-1.png" alt="" title="Mailshot CTA images (1)" class="wp-image-235684" /></span></a> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_0 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_1 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_13 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><em>Frieda Levycky is the Founder of Braving Boundaries, a coaching and training practice based in Cape Town. She works with individuals and teams to navigate change, build self-awareness and create healthier, more effective ways of working together.</em></p></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/honesty-boundaries-and-the-generation-gap/">Honesty, Boundaries and the Generation Gap</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/honesty-boundaries-and-the-generation-gap/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>I Have Anxiety – I think</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/i-have-anxiety-i-think/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/i-have-anxiety-i-think/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Mon, 29 Jul 2024 15:01:13 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Work life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety disorder]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxious]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiousness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[General anxiety disorder]]></category> <category><![CDATA[overwhelm]]></category> <category><![CDATA[panic attacks]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[struggling]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[worrying]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=6247</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/i-have-anxiety-i-think/">I Have Anxiety – I think</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_1 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_2"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_2 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_14 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Have you ever watched the series, </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQeUmSD1c3g" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Dexter</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">? Dexter Morgan, a man with homicidal tendencies, lives a double life. He works as a forensic technician for the Miami police department during the day and kills wicked perpetrators in his free time. As Showtime describes it – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“He’s smart. He’s lovable. He’s Dexter Morgan, America’s favorite serial killer.”</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Kinda weird because you definitely find yourself rooting for the so-called “bad guy.” But it’s so enjoyable. Addictive even. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In the series, Dexter talks about having a </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZbyOQ0JUV4&t=68s" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">“dark passenger”</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">. He talks about having something dark deep down inside himself, something he hides, something he certainly doesn’t talk about – but it’s there. Always. And when this dark passenger is driving, Dexter feels alive. He doesn’t fight it; he doesn’t even want to. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Now to most people, that wouldn’t make sense, but to me I can relate. Wholeheartedly. Now I’m no serial killer. Let’s get that straight. But as far as having a dark passenger of my own is concerned, I have one and she’s constantly hanging on my back, like the heaviest backpack you can imagine. She’s always there. Even though I try my best to hide her. It kind of feels like the more I hide her, the more Hunchback of Notre Dame I become. My shoulders hunched over and my head tipping lower to the floor. I certainly don’t talk about her, why would I? No one would believe me. But she’s there. Always. And when she takes over, I feel everything so keenly, like splinters on my skin. I can’t help feeling more alive. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I can’t fight her. Sometimes I don’t even want to. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_15 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>What anxiety feels like</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_16 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I have suffered with some kind of anxiety most of my life. At least that’s what I thought it was. But it’s only been recently that I was diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder, panic disorder, PTSD and what I like to call, melancholy (otherwise known as depression). Anxiety and depression often go hand in hand. Hard diagnoses to accept. Ones that still carry such a stigma. But the one that is most often taken for granted, misdiagnosed, misused and thrown around like today’s “special on a chalkboard” – good old anxiety. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Everyone and their cat has anxiety – no literally my one cat does have anxiety and is medicated for it. No jokes. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But there’s a big difference between an anxiety disorder and simply feeling overwhelmed (although there’s nothing simple about it). We’ll discuss the actual definitions and what it means but I first want to give my own take on it. For perspective.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_4"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/anxious-cat.png" alt="anxious cat" title="anxious cat" class="wp-image-6275" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_17 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>What anxiety feels like to me</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_18 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Picture climbing a mountain, with the goal of summiting. Pick any mountain you want. We all have our own backpacks on our backs filled with the bits and pieces of our own demons packed inside. Because let’s face it, every single one of us has some or other “issue”. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I have my dark passenger on my back. She’s heavy, she makes me hunch over – so much so that my head tips closer to the floor. With her, I pack my other necessary items like bottled water, some food – you know, basic items I need to survive – my survival kit. The things we all have. And suddenly the weight is that much heavier. But off we go. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As we start climbing up the mountain, I kind of struggle to see where I’m going, because my head is tipped to the floor, so I trip a little more over rocks scattered around. I’m mocked for being clumsy or too sensitive – letting out a little moan for every bump on the trail. But I carry on regardless. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But as we walk uphill, as the trail gets harder, and with my extra load – my dark passenger – I’m really feeling the extra weight. It’s hard for me to keep up with the others and I need to stop more often to catch my breath. As a result, the rest of the group seems to get a little fed up with me and it feels like – at least to me – that they are somehow plotting against me. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Are they really all talking about me? What can I do to be better? </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Ouch! My neck hurts, it feels like it’s in a spasm!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Now the climb is getting steep and as I stop to take my breath </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I worry about where I am in the group, do they still need me, have they left me here, must I carry on alone?</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Suddenly, irrational thoughts cloud my usual calm mind and murk my judgement. I can’t think straight, I can’t concentrate, I lose track of where I’m going. I get lost. It gets dark. I’m all alone and I’m scared. Things are out there in the dark, </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">they’re out to get me</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">! I can’t regulate my breathing. I can’t breathe. My heart is racing. It feels like my heart is about to jump right out of my chest. My whole body is shaking. I’m sweating. I feel like I’ve lost all control now. Why am I standing so close to this edge? I don’t understand what’s happening. The world is getting hazy now. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Someone help me! But there’s only silence. Darkness. I’m so tired but how will I ever sleep?!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But then morning comes, and I realise I’m closer to the summit than I thought. I join the others who all summited, the day before and who are already getting ready to leave. I take my seat to look at where I’ve made it to, realising that I made it to the top with my dark passenger and my survival goods all in tow. Ah how beautiful it is up here! It’s at this point that someone in my group comments that it’s nice for me to join the group at last. I just smile to myself – they don’t need to know that I got lost along the way. Instead, I put in my earphones and play </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-N4jf6rtyuw" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Crazy by Gnarls Barkley</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Because I can relate to that – then again, can’t we all?</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_19 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>How professionals define anxiety</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_20 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><a href="https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/anxiety-disorders/what-are-anxiety-disorders" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Psychiatry.org</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> defines anxiety disorders as follows – </span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Anxiety disorders can cause people to try to avoid situations that trigger or worsen their symptoms. Job performance, schoolwork and personal relationships can be affected. In general, for a person to be diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, the fear or anxiety must:</span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></i></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Be out of proportion to the situation or be age inappropriate.</span></i></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Hinder their ability to function normally.</span></i></li> </ul> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">There are several types of anxiety disorders: generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder with or without agoraphobia, specific phobias, agoraphobia, social anxiety disorder, separation anxiety disorder and selective mutism.”</span></i></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Whereas merely feeling anxious refers to anticipation of a future concern and is more associated with muscle tension and avoidance behaviour.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And being fearful is an emotional response to an immediate threat and is more associated with a fight or flight reaction – either staying to fight or leaving to escape danger.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Like I said, everyone and their cat says they have anxiety these days – it’s a term that’s thrown around like specials on a chalkboard. But what everyday people are feeling is overwhelm, or anxiousness. Fear at the most. It’s not actual anxiety. Having an anxiety disorder is a whole other ball game. And not one you should rush to buy tickets for either.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’m not sure what it is either. Why the rush to self-diagnose yourself with anxiety? Is it an age thing? Is it a generation thing? Is it a hormonal thing? </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It feels like “anxiety” is the excuse for everything nowadays – can’t commit in a relationship – oh it’s because I suffer with anxiety. Can’t perform at work- oh it’s because of my anxiety. Failing at school – yeah, it’s my anxiety. Anxiety is the reason for every failing known to man. And yet it’s not anxiety at all. </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_5"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/Blog-I-Have-Anxiety-–-I-think-2.png" alt="anxiety" title="Blog - I Have Anxiety – I think (2)" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_21 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>The symptoms of anxiety</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_22 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For people with an anxiety disorder, the anxiety does not go away and can get worse over time. The symptoms can interfere with daily activities such as job performance, schoolwork, and relationships.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">There are several types of anxiety disorders, including generalised anxiety disorder, panic disorder, social anxiety disorder, and various phobia-related disorders.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">According to the </span><a href="https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/anxiety-disorders" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">National Institute of Mental Health</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_3 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_3 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_6"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_4 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_23 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD)</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> usually involves a persistent feeling of anxiety or dread, which can interfere with daily life. It’s not the same as occasionally worrying about things or experiencing anxiety due to stressful life events. People living with GAD experience frequent anxiety for months, if not years. Symptoms of GAD include – </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <ul> <li><span style="font-weight: 400;">Feeling restless, wound-up, or on-edge;</span></li> <li><span style="font-weight: 400;">Being easily fatigued;</span></li> <li><span style="font-weight: 400;">Having difficulty concentrating;</span></li> <li><span style="font-weight: 400;">Being irritable;</span></li> <li><span style="font-weight: 400;">Having headaches, muscle aches, stomach aches, or unexplained pains;</span></li> <li><span style="font-weight: 400;">Difficulty controlling feelings of worry, and</span></li> <li><span style="font-weight: 400;">Having sleep problems, such as difficulty falling or staying asleep.</span></li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_4 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_5 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_7"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_6 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_24 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">People with </span><strong>panic disorder</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> have frequent and unexpected panic attacks. Panic attacks are sudden periods of intense fear, discomfort, or sense of losing control even when there is no clear danger or trigger. Not everyone who experiences a panic attack will develop panic disorder. People with panic disorder often worry about when the next attack will happen and actively try to prevent future attacks by avoiding places, situations, or behaviors they associate with panic attacks. Panic attacks can occur as frequently as several times a day or as rarely as a few times a year. During a panic attack, a person may experience –</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Pounding or r</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">acing heart;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Sweating;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Trembling or tingling;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Chest pain;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Feelings of impending doom, and</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Feelings of being out of control.</span></li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_5 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_7 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_8"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_8 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_25 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><b>Social anxiety disorder</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> is an intense, persistent fear of being watched and judged by others. For people with social anxiety disorder, the fear of social situations may feel so intense that it seems beyond their control. For some people, this fear may get in the way of going to work, attending school, or doing everyday things. People with social anxiety disorder may experience – </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Blushing, sweating, or trembling;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Pounding or racing heart;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Stomach aches;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Rigid body posture or speaking with an overly soft voice;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Difficulty making eye contact or being around people they don’t know, and</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Feelings of self-consciousness or fear that people will judge them negatively.</span></li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_6 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_9 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_9"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_10 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_26 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">A </span><strong>phobia</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> is an intense fear of—or aversion to—specific objects or situations. Although it can be realistic to be anxious in some circumstances, the fear people with phobias feel is out of proportion to the actual danger caused by the situation or object. People with a phobia – </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <ul> <li><span style="font-weight: 400;">May have an irrational or excessive worry about encountering the feared object or situation</span></li> <li><span style="font-weight: 400;">Take active steps to avoid the feared object or situation</span></li> <li><span style="font-weight: 400;">Experience immediate intense anxiety upon encountering the feared object or situation</span></li> <li><span style="font-weight: 400;">Endure unavoidable objects and situations with intense anxiety (</span><a href="https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/anxiety-disorders" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">nimh</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">)</span></li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_7"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_11 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_27 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you have experienced any of the above symptoms on more than one occasion or find yourself struggling with the above symptoms on a regular basis, you should seek the assistance and care of a psychiatrist and psychologist who are able to provide psychotherapy and medication should you need it. Keep in mind that in South Africa only a psychiatrist can prescribe medication and a psychologist is able to offer talk therapy and/or Cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT), a type of talk therapy, which can help a person learn a different way of thinking, reacting and behaving to help feel less anxious. Or any combination of therapies and medication. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_28 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>What then am I going through?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_10"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/Blog-I-Have-Anxiety-–-I-think-3.png" alt="therapy for anxiety" title="Blog - I Have Anxiety – I think (3)" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_29 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you’re not diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, which the majority of people won’t be, you are most likely suffering with stress, overwhelm or anxiousness. And those are bad enough. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Every day stresses can leave you feeling like you’re struggling to cope – there’s just too much going on. Or perhaps you’re going through something truly stressful that’s making it hard for you to function. This is what it means to feel (and be) overwhelmed. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">According to </span><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/feeling-overwhelmed-symptoms-causes-and-coping-5425548" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Very Well Mind</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, when you’re overwhelmed, you can be flooded by thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations that are often related to the specific problem, making it difficult to manage – says </span><a href="https://drsabrinaromanoff.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Sabrina Romanoff</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Let’s make one thing crystal clear though – everyone feels overwhelmed on occasion and it’s a completely normal response to everyday stressors to feel a little overwhelmed. We’re only human after all. But being chronically stressed out and constantly feeling overwhelmed can take a toll on your mental and physical health.</span></p> <p><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/feeling-overwhelmed-symptoms-causes-and-coping-5425548" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Very Well Mind </span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">sets out the signs and symptoms of being overwhelmed as follows – </span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Irrational thoughts:</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">you may be unable to think rationally, making what you’re going through seem more intense than what it is, and this in turn makes you feel less capable of dealing with it. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Paralysis:</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">you may experience a </span><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/the-four-fear-responses-fight-flight-freeze-and-fawn-5205083" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">freeze response</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> that can cause you to feel paralyzed and unable to function. Even simple tasks can feel impossible. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Disproportionate reactions:</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"><strong> </strong>you may overreact to minor stressors. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Withdrawal: </strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">you may find yourself withdrawing from friends and family. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Pessimism: </strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">you may feel helpless and hopeless about the situation. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Mood changes: </strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">you may feel angry, </span><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/irritability-definition-symptoms-traits-causes-treatment-5088062" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">irritable</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, or anxious, and cry easily.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Cognitive fatigue:</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">you may feel confused and have difficulty concentrating, making decisions, and solving problems.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Physical symptoms: </strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">you may even experience physical symptoms such as rapid heartbeat, difficulty breathing, dizziness, fatigue, headaches, cramps, an upset stomach, or other unexplainable aches and pains.</span></li> </ul> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">While you’re feeling overwhelmed you may not need the care of a psychiatrist just yet, speaking to a psychologist can be beneficial to nip things in the bud as they say. In addition, seeking out the services of a professional life coach like Frieda Levycky of </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Braving Boundaries</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> can help put things into perspective and get you back on the right track. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Please keep in mind though – as </span><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/feeling-overwhelmed-symptoms-causes-and-coping-5425548" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Very Well Mind</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> points out – being chronically and continuously stressed and overwhelmed </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">can</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (but not always) lead to physical and mental health conditions such as high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity, depression, addiction and eventual anxiety and anxiety disorders if not dealt with. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_30 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Tools to help you cope with your anxiousness</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_31 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I would never leave you high and dry without an ounce of hope or tools with which you can help yourself. Yes, anxiety disorders do need professional help and may require medication but that doesn’t mean you can’t ease away anxiousness or stress, even calm down your anxiety in other ways. Here are 5 things you can do at home to ease your feelings of overwhelm and stress – </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_8 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_12 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_11"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_13 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_32 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Use drawing as a tool</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – long before I was diagnosed, I would doodle on a piece of paper whenever the feelings of panic would start up. I started doing this as a child. I would often use shapes and intricate designs to calm myself. Some of my doodles were quite elaborate and quite colourful. Beautiful in ways that I can’t really describe. I’m no artist. And I don’t think this requires any real skill. I also never knew it was an actual recognized tool used to help with anxiety. According to </span><a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/anxiety-drawing#benefits" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Healthline</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> putting pencil to paper, paint brush to easel or water colour to canvas allows you to give yourself much needed space from unwanted, often uncontrollable, thoughts and engage in an activity that you </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">can </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">control. You decide what to draw and what colours to add to whatever it is that you’re doing. While focused on the creative process, you aren’t giving energy to your anxiety. You give yourself a moment to take a deep breath. And it’s backed up by research!</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_9 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_14 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_12"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_15 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_33 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Put pen to paper</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– writing for a living has its advantages – I am often able to put how I’m feeling down on a piece of paper so that I can recognize what I’m feeling and break it down into manageable pieces. And that’s the kicker for me – manageable pieces. Because once you realise that what you’re feeling is manageable and that you can handle it, everything else calms down. It’s not always easy, sometimes all I can do is write words, feelings, emotions down on a piece of paper. But that’s better than nothing. It also helps to focus the mind to try and articulate a word, a feeling. But it helps. If nothing comes right away, go back to the doodle. See what flows from that. The two go hand-in-hand often with me and I find they work wonderfully together. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_10"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_16 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_13"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/journaling-for-anxiety.png" alt="journaling for anxiety" title="journaling for anxiety" class="wp-image-6279" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_11 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_17 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_14"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_18 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_34 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Get moving</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– this is sometimes the last thing you want to hear. Get up and get moving. Sometimes you can’t get out of bed, let alone get to the gym. But it’s not about that. It’s not about big workouts. It’s just about doing something to get you moving. For me, it’s making my bed. I know it sounds ridiculous. But I’ll never forget watching a video of a Sergeant in the US army who spoke about the honour of making a bed – because at the end of the day, even if you accomplished nothing else, at least you accomplished that. You made your bed. Then I brush my two Maine Coon cats. The one loves being brushed, the other hates it. And I have to chase the one that hates being brushed around the house – I’m moving. I love cooking, so will cook a meal for my hubby and that often requires a trip to the store. Again, I’m moving. And each thing is a positive movement in the right direction to a full day of action. Small things that lead to big things. It’s not all about workouts. But if you can get a workout in – then good for you! Endorphins can only benefit you. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_12 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_19 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_15"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_20 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_35 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Use scent</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– this for me is an important one. What started out as bringing in more lavender – which is known for its calming properties – got me to invest in home fragrance like candles and diffusers with fragrances known for calming and healing properties. I have diffusers all over the house whose reeds I turn regularly and then have two pillar candles on each side of my home in my desired scent for that week (or bi-weekly). Once I’ve made the bed, had a proper breakfast and got dressed for the day my reward is getting to light the candles. It’s become almost a ritual for me. And as soon as I smell the candles, I already know that I have accomplished a set number of things for the day, I’ve already begun my day and suddenly I’m calm. Whether it’s the fragrance (which I think helps) or just the ritual of lighting the candles I’m not sure but for me, being surrounded by a calming scent really helps me feel centered.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_13 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_21 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_16"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_22 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_36 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Spending time with animals</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– this is a saving grace for me. I’m a fur mom to four beautiful kitties. My youngest – Miss Georgia Peach y’all – is a real beauty. She’s a silver and grey Maine Coon little girl. I truly believe that she is my emotional support kitty. A little angel sent to me from above. Animals pass no judgement on you, they don’t care if you have money or don’t have money, whether you’re employed or unemployed, whether your stressed out or calm, whether you’re overweight or under. All they care about is you. So, spend time with your pets – if you have them. Take your dogs for a walk, play fetch with them. Brush your cats, play with their balls or toy mice. Or just love them, give them affection. The peace that petting an animal can give you is unbelievable. If you don’t have a pet of your own, volunteer at an animal shelter if you can. And if that’s not possible, virtually adopt a cat or a dog if your funds will allow – the thought of knowing that you are helping an innocent life will fill you with a sense of peace and calm knowing you helped someone else today, outside of yourself. And how can that not make you happy?</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_14"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_23 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_37 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I wish I could wave a wand and make anxiety, anxiousness, stress and overwhelm disappear for good. Sadly, it’s an unfortunate reality of today’s day and age that stressors and overwhelm seem to be a normal part of everyday life. Something we all must learn to cope with. I pray that an anxiety disorder is not an affliction any of you get for – </span></p> <blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength.” </span><em><span style="font-weight: 400;">Charles Spurgeon</span></em></p> </blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I hope I have imparted some wisdom and that in it you have found some solace. If not, please seek assistance from the necessary professionals who can assist you. This is not something to go ignored. </span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Sources used and to whom I owe thanks – </span></i><a href="https://www.arnoldpalmerhospital.com/content-hub/stress-vs-clinical-anxiety-and-how-to-spot-the-difference#:~:text=These%20are%20considered%20normal%20physiologic,or%20constant%20fear%20in%20general" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Orlando Health</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/anxiety/symptoms-causes/syc-20350961" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Mayo Clinic</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/anxiety-disorders/what-are-anxiety-disorders" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Psychiatry.org</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/anxiety-disorders" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">NIMH</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/feeling-overwhelmed-symptoms-causes-and-coping-5425548" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">verywellmind</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; healthline </span></i><a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/anxiety-drawing#benefits" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">here </span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">and </span></i><a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-calm-anxiety#use-scent" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">here</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">)</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_17"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image-5.png" alt="" title="End of blog post CTA image (5)" class="wp-image-6274" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_15"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_24 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_1 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_16 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_25 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_18"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_26 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_38 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/i-have-anxiety-i-think/">I Have Anxiety – I think</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/i-have-anxiety-i-think/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>6 ways to create a harmonious work environment</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/6-ways-to-create-a-harmonious-work-environment/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/6-ways-to-create-a-harmonious-work-environment/#comments</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 29 Nov 2022 09:12:43 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Effective communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Team building]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Team communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Work life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Working environment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[effective workplace]]></category> <category><![CDATA[enneagram]]></category> <category><![CDATA[enneagram training]]></category> <category><![CDATA[flexible working]]></category> <category><![CDATA[hybrid working]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life at work]]></category> <category><![CDATA[team dynamics]]></category> <category><![CDATA[team enneagram]]></category> <category><![CDATA[team work]]></category> <category><![CDATA[toxic teams]]></category> <category><![CDATA[toxic work environment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[toxic workplace]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work environment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work life blend]]></category> <category><![CDATA[working mom]]></category> <category><![CDATA[working parent]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=4944</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/6-ways-to-create-a-harmonious-work-environment/">6 ways to create a harmonious work environment</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_2 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_17"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_27 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_39 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></em></h5></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_40 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">When we think of harmony, most of us imagine a type of Utopia where everyone we meet and interact with is peaceful, agreeable and lives in perfect bliss with the people and the environment around them. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s all seemingly very “kumbaya”, at least, that’s what the </span><a href="https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/harmony" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Cambridge dictionary</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> intimates.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For me though, harmony can often be found in diversity and balance. In recognising – within the diversity – how everything (and everyone) </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">can</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> fit together. Like a beautiful dance between partners. Not everyone is the same, but when moving together in unison a beautiful sway emerges. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Perhaps it’s the words of French mathematician, </span><a href="https://www.britannica.com/biography/Henri-Poincare" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Henri Poincaré </span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">that is more accurate (I’m married to a man who believes maths is the answer to </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">every question</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – actuaries, </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">what ya gonna do?</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">) – </span></p> <blockquote><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“It is the harmony of the diverse parts, their symmetry, their happy balance; in a word it is all that introduces order, all that gives unity, that permits us to see clearly and to comprehend at once both the ensemble and the details.”</span></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And it’s these words that ignite a thought. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Perhaps harmony in its real, basic form, is far more straight forward. Perhaps harmony is all about embracing what is different or diverse amongst us and learning to appreciate those differences anyway – learning the different moves, so you can </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">fox-trot</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> your way to a peaceful, happy place.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">After all, in real life, we are all different. We all want and look for different things in life. We all have differing ambitions and therefore will seek different stimuli to achieve a different result.</span></p> <p><b>Different. Diverse. Distinct. </b></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And that’s not just in life. It’s at work too. We may have a “work persona” but we are still who we are. Deep down. And our differing needs will obviously bubble to the surface. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, it’s within this framework that I wonder – how does one create a harmonious work environment? Because let’s be frank about one thing. We spend (according to Andrew Naber, an alumni of </span><a href="https://www.gettysburg.edu/news/stories?id=79db7b34-630c-4f49-ad32-4ab9ea48e72b" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Gettysburg College</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">) one third of our lives at work. That is, on average, 90 000 hours of work over a lifetime!</span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Shouldn’t we be looking at how to make our work lives better? More harmonious? Happier?</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I would say so – yes!</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_41 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Creating a harmonious working environment</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_19"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1920" height="1440" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/6-ways-to-create-a-harmonious-work-environment-1.jpg" alt="6 ways to create a harmonious work environment" title="6 ways to create a harmonious work environment (1)" class="wp-image-4949" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_42 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It should come as no surprise that to have a harmonious working environment and to work within a cohesive team, takes work. It doesn’t just happen. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Again, let me repeat – we are all different. And our differences will – on occasion – cause tension. Causing our “harmonious working environment” to be out of whack. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And while I would love to say that you can all just snap back into position and continue happily as if nothing happened, that’s not always the case. It’s just not always that easy. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But you can work on it. It takes a good action plan (as formal as that sounds) to ensure that everyone works together in a way that promotes a happy work-life. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It can be done!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The question therefore – inevitably – is:</span><strong><span style="color: #c69229;"><i> what are the strategies that you can implement to encourage a harmonious work environment?</i></span></strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">After looking at several sources, most notably </span><a href="https://interaction-training.com/9-strategies-help-create-harmonious-team/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Interaction Training</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, the </span><a href="https://hr.un.org/page/create-harmonious-workplace"><span style="font-weight: 400;">UN HR Portal</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span><a href="https://www.simplilearn.com/building-high-performing-teams-article"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Simplilearn, </span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">the following points can and should be practiced in order to encourage harmony both within teams, at work and (consequently) within your own life as well: </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_18 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_28 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_20"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_29 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_43 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong><i>Have mutual respect</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – practice awareness of each person within your team’s unique attributes, what they bring to the table, how they are different, what they are experts at. Recognise the part each person has to play. By doing so, a strong bond will naturally be created – because when someone feels recognised, when they feel appreciated and when they are respected, the opportunities to create, to brainstorm, to encourage, to support will naturally flow freely. This is important in order to be productive and to overcome challenges as one single organism, building shared values and a sense of integrity as you go.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_19 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_30 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_21"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_31 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_44 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong><i>Practice inclusivity</i></strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– in fact, make it your rule. This is where the differences in each of us shine through. Remember, it’s the value of our individual uniqueness that helps open a team up to new ways of doing things. And that’s important. You should also keep in mind that when encouraging new ways of doing things, how you act, your behavior and your beliefs will affect how you treat team members. Therefore, practice patience, kindness, open-mindedness, especially when someone’s beliefs are different to your own. Be proactive in asking for feedback to understand another person’s viewpoint. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_20 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_32 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_22"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_33 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_45 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong><i>Embrace diversity</i></strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– “diversity” as a concept, often makes one think of cross-cultural differences first i.e. the differences in each of us because of our distinct cultural backgrounds and ethnicities. Sure, these are important, but paying attention to diversity also means considering the differing perspectives that come from different genders, races, religions, sexual orientations and mental/physical difficulties and characteristics. You can embrace the diversity found within your team by using respectful language when referring to various groups and displaying supportive signs or posters in your office. Be prepared and willing to learn about your own personality type (most notably by incorporating the </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/enneagram/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Enneagram</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – discussed below – which can become invaluable when embracing diversity), because this can help you become more self-aware, engaging more easily with team members. Be open to explore your own personal biases too as this is a critical step when learning about the root of possible prejudices. And it can teach you both how to fix that bias and how avoid it in the future.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_21 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_34 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_23"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_35 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_46 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong><i>Remember that your words and actions are important</i></strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– choose your words carefully. Don’t speak without thinking how what you say will affect someone else. It also helps to stay mindful of what your body language demonstrates to others (remember the article on </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/effective-workplace-communication/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Effective Workplace Communication</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – body language is key). Ask people about what they think and would do in each situation. Truly listen to your team members. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_22 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_36 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_24"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_37 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_47 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong><i>Manage the Self</i> </strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">– when one talks about the “self” we often refer to our emotional intelligence—how well we can relate to others, even when the going gets tough. Especially when a work environment is not as harmonious as we would like it to be. This can take work on oneself too – for instance, try and empathize with and understand the perspectives of others, remain open to working on (and overcoming) your own mistakes or failures, be consistent with your interactions with others. Stop and take notice when you are not. Do what you say you will do – be true to your word. Hold yourself accountable. Ask your team members if you haven’t “walked the talk”. And then, do better! Managing the Self is an ongoing thing – you will always be working on you. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_23 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_38 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_25"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/6.jpg" alt="" title="6" class="wp-image-1491" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_39 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_48 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong><i>Encourage open communication</i></strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– not speaking up is quite common in teams. You wouldn’t be alone if you were afraid to speak up, especially during meetings. Perhaps it’s the vulnerability that keeps us all quiet. A lot of us feel this way. So, encourage other team members to speak up, to voice their opinion and support them when they do! Listen to them and then applaud them for doing so. If you cheer someone else on, when it’s your turn, they will do the same for you. Encourage an environment of open communication. And creating this sort of team culture will motivate and encourage one another, helping creative innovative ideas thrive. That’s harmonious indeed.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_24"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_40 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_49 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">You may be thinking – wow that’s just as bad as “kumbaya”. I hear you. They are just pointers. You can take them – or leave them – the choice is yours. But the fact of the matter is, practicing the above pointers in your day-to-day life</span><span style="font-weight: 400;"> encourages harmony within a team. And within you. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And it’s not just the external factors to take into consideration. It’s also about knowing yourself. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_50 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Know thyself, first!</strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Before you can really incorporate any of the above points into your life (and into your working environment), it’s crucial to gain a better understanding of who you are – deep down – first.</span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Know yourself”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> is the sum of all philosophical commandments, Socrates once observed. Aristotle in all his wisdom, echoed that sentiment by saying </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> How right they were!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Because to encourage diversity and actively embrace new ways of doing things – creating a harmonious working environment – requires the embrace of different personality types, while at the same time, knowing, without a shadow of a doubt, </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">who </span></i><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">you</span></i></span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> are – </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">as a member of that team. What is your personality type? How do you fit into a team? How can you work better within a team?</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_26"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1920" height="1440" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/6-ways-to-create-a-harmonious-work-environment-2.jpg" alt="6 ways to create a harmonious work environment" title="6 ways to create a harmonious work environment (2)" class="wp-image-4950" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_51 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">All pertinent questions in this journey to create harmony in your work (and personal) life. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And this is where the </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/enneagram/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Enneagram</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> can become invaluable to a diverse team all having diverse needs. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As you may recall in the article – </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/investing-in-you-the-world-of-the-enneagram/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Investing in You – The World of the Enneagram</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – I set out just </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">how beneficial taking the Enneagram was</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> in better understanding myself and the reasons why I do the things that I do. It has highlighted my core motivations and the impact they have on my personality, how I think, how I feel and how I act.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Enneagram has been invaluable in my own journey of self-discovery, self-development, relationship building, how I can better resolve conflict according to my own personality type and how I can work better in a team.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And I think for anyone looking to better understand team dynamics and looking to create a harmonious working environment, the following found on the Braving Boundaries </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/enneagram/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">website</span></a> <span style="font-weight: 400;">is highly enlightening – </span></p> <blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“The power of the Enneagram lies in its subtle complexity, in its flexibility, and in its open-endedness, allowing it to take into account the myriad characteristics of human personality, how these traits blend in each person, and how they change depending on circumstances. </span><span style="font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">The Enneagram is all about the WHY. It delves into our motivations and explains why we do the things we do. It offers profound insights into what makes us tick, such as the unconscious fears buried deep in our psyches that affect our everyday decisions.”</span></p> </blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The feedback session – as I said previously – was where I was able to gain a real understanding of my personality or archetype style. It’s how I got better acquainted with myself. It’s how I have been able to implement the changes suggested to me in the report. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And for </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">any team</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> in </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">any business</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">, this would be worth its weight in gold. The perfect way to ensure a harmonious working environment, as well as effective, positive communication. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">To find out more about the Enneagram Team Session and how you can both better understand team members within your oganisation whilst also discovering ways you can improve on your own communication skills, take a look at the </span><strong><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/work-with-me/">Braving Boundaries website </a></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">and </span><strong><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/">get in touch</a></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> with Frieda Levycky today. There are fantastic programmes for both individuals and teams.</span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Truly invest in yourself and your team. Ensure you create a positive, harmonious working environment!</span></i></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_27"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/enneagram-inquiry/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/10/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image-1.jpg" alt="Book a Team Enneagram Sessions with Frieda Levycky" title="End of blog post CTA image (1)" class="wp-image-4875" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_25"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_41 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_2 et_pb_divider_position_center et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_26 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_42 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_28"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_43 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_52 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the writer, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong></p> <p>Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/">The Legal Belletrist website</a>.</p> <p><strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/6-ways-to-create-a-harmonious-work-environment/">6 ways to create a harmonious work environment</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/6-ways-to-create-a-harmonious-work-environment/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>1</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>The truth about love</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-truth-about-love/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-truth-about-love/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Fri, 18 Feb 2022 14:31:06 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Love]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[affairs]]></category> <category><![CDATA[attorneys]]></category> <category><![CDATA[better half]]></category> <category><![CDATA[brokenhearted]]></category> <category><![CDATA[business women]]></category> <category><![CDATA[cupid]]></category> <category><![CDATA[cupid's arrow]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[love]]></category> <category><![CDATA[love life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[love sick]]></category> <category><![CDATA[marriage]]></category> <category><![CDATA[office affairs]]></category> <category><![CDATA[office relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[office romance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[professionals]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[rom-com]]></category> <category><![CDATA[romcom]]></category> <category><![CDATA[the truth about love]]></category> <category><![CDATA[trust]]></category> <category><![CDATA[valentine]]></category> <category><![CDATA[valentine's day]]></category> <category><![CDATA[valentines]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work life]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=4010</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Whoever said your personal life does not affect your professional life is lying. Love and relationships affect EVERYTHING! And here's why.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-truth-about-love/">The truth about love</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[ <h4 class="wp-block-heading" id="by-alicia-koch-of-the-legal-belletrist-with-section-contribution-by-frieda-levycky-of-braving-boundaries"><em><strong>BY ALICIA KOCH OF <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a> (with section contribution by FRIEDA LEVYCKY OF BRAVING BOUNDARIES)</strong></em></h4> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <p>Aaaaah February.</p> <p>The month of love. Or as some would say – the month of Tom Foolery and shenanigans. Depending on which side of the love pendulum you fall.</p> <p>Money is spent aplenty on roses and chocolates, champagne and expensive romantic dinners out with our Valentines. Wooing is the name of the game and courtships begin and end amidst waves of <em>“things moved too fast”</em>, <em>“I just needed a Valentine for Valentine’s Day”</em> or simply <em>“it’s not you, it’s me”.</em> </p> <p>That darn <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cupid#:~:text=In%20classical%20mythology%2C%20Cupid%20(Latin,His%20Greek%20counterpart%20is%20Eros." target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Cupid</a> flitting about shooting his arrows left, right and centre. Irresponsibly, I might add. I mean, you just know that a little guy in a diaper and wings, with red cheeks and pouty lips, armed with a deadly assault weapon, is most certainly up to no good. Causing mischief wherever his flits and flops. </p> <p>But Cupid or not, it’s the month where people like me – those that “love <em>love</em>” – get to indulge in rom-coms galore, reminisce over times we were wooed to perfection and showered with red roses and chocolates. Recalling our very first Valentine’s Day with our significant others. </p> <p>But, I’m kind of getting ahead of myself. A little bit.</p> <p>Sure, the point of this article is love. And more so than that, <em>the truth about love</em>. And when better to discuss this subject pondered over by poets, philosophers and the broken hearted over thousands of years, in the month that’s all about love. Make’s sense, right?</p> <p>But there is another side to this article. And that’s also talking about relationships. After all, isn’t that the point of love? </p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="finding-love"><strong><em>Finding love</em></strong></h2> <p>As professionals, we can all relate to how hard it is to find our (sometimes) better halves. It’s tough out there. With the high expectations we set both for ourselves and our partners, our ”wish lists” grow ever-longer with each “single” year that passes – <em>“why should we settle”?</em> </p> <p>The simple answer to that – you shouldn’t. Settling for love is like settling for (sugar-free) grape juice when all you wanted was a glass of champagne. And that is just plain disappointing. </p> <p>But working long hours whilst trying to build a career doesn’t leave much time for finding love. It’s a simple truth. Valentine’s Day, in the professional world, may not be as romantic as Cupid would have liked to believe. </p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/finding-love-in-an-app.jpg" alt="finding love in an app" class="wp-image-4019"/></figure> <p>I hear you. Meeting in bars is really not conducive (always) to a budding romance. Tinder is a plunder with Swindlers (have you watched <a href="https://www.netflix.com/tudum/articles/who-is-tinder-swindler-real-shimon-hayut" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">The Tinder Swindler</a>?). And set-ups by well-meaning friends or aunts often just leave everyone disappointed – least of all the setter-upper. </p> <p><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGVZOLV9SPo" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">“Love is a Battlefield” by Pat Benater</a> certainly comes to mind right about now.</p> <p><em>“Heartache to heartache we stand”.</em></p> <p>And we can relate. In one way or another. </p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="love-and-relationships-affect-everything"><strong><em>Love (and relationships) affect everything!</em></strong></h2> <p>Whoever said that your personal life does not affect your professional life (or shouldn’t) is lying. Both to you and to themselves. Think about it – you have a fight with your partner and whether you consciously think about it or not, your day is that much worse than it ought to have been. You go through a break up and suddenly the world seems like a sadder, darker place, filled with <em>love sick fools doomed to have their hearts broken too</em> (or so you <em>kind of</em> hope in your despair). You find out your partner is cheating on you and you instantly hate the opposite sex, call them liars and cheats and stop believing that you too can find happiness. </p> <p><em>Again, love is a battlefield. A fight that is not a fight waged in isolation.</em></p> <p>The different aspects of our lives (which most certainly includes our love lives) <em>will</em> have an impact on the other areas of our lives – our work, our health, relationships with other people. It has an effect on everything. Our lives are swayed by <em>how we feel</em>. Especially about love. And about ourselves because no matter how grounded and self-assured you may be, how your partner makes you feel will most certainly have an impact on how you see yourself. </p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="love-life-personal-life-professional-life-are-all-linked"><strong><em>Love life – personal life – professional life are all linked</em></strong></h2> <p>It therefore stands to reason that if your personal life is in shambles, you will either over-perform to compensate for your “failing romance” or under-perform because you simply cannot motivate yourself enough to do anything productive – <em>“what would be the point?”.</em></p> <p>Often, as professionals, we invest huge chunks of ourselves into our professional lives, simply because our personal ones are not quite living up to their potential. We over-compensate in an effort to disguise how awful, how lonely or how sad we feel inside. <em>It’s ok, you can admit it.</em> </p> <p>You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t. No one is immune to Cupid’s charms (and sometimes terrible aim).</p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/cupids-arrow.jpg" alt="cupids-arrow" class="wp-image-4018"/></figure> <p>And then there are those of us, who find the loves of our lives and live smugly forever after. And this too will have an effect on other aspects of their lives. It will affect their work, their health, their mental state, their wellbeing, their outlook on the world and their health. All of which would seemingly be better, because they are in a happy place and in a happy relationship.</p> <p>For all intents and purposes, it would seem that love, relationships (and all that goes with it), go hand in hand with everything else in our lives. </p> <p>The “truth about love (and relationships)” at least on the face of it, is this – they are complicated because love (and life) is tricky and messy and affects us all at one or other point in our lives. It even goes so far as to dictate <em>how we react to things</em>. We each have different stories. Our love lives have influenced our personal and professional lives in different ways. There is beauty in that. </p> <p>And I think that is the crux here – love affects us all in different ways. Sometimes in positive ways and other times in negative ways. And it extends to so many other aspects in our lives.</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="the-love-pendulum"><strong><em>The love pendulum</em></strong></h2> <p>Frieda and my love lives are perfect examples of the “love pendulum”. One of us found love (relatively) young and that helped mould who she was as a professional (and as a person). Whilst the other one of us forged her own professional path, not reliant on a partner, singularly focused on over-achieving and being the “best of the best”. Going on to find the love of her life a little later on, because (quite simply), she was ready. </p> <p>You can probably figure out which one is which, but these are our stories: </p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="256" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/HEarts-1024x256.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4023"/></figure> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="love-at-first-sight-ali-s-story"><strong><em>Love at first sight – Ali’s story</em></strong></h2> <p>I never believed in “true love”. Not really. I was exceptionally skeptical and a terrible cynic. And I had every reason to be. I had got “involved” in relationships very young, having had my first boyfriend at the age of 15. But sadly, I was a magnet for love in all the (very) wrong places. If there was a bad boy anywhere in sight, I was instantly attracted. I was Love’s Fool to a T. </p> <p>I had been cheated on, used, abused (physically and most certainly emotionally). I was not skinny enough, not pretty enough, not intelligent enough, or too intelligent (which just rubbed their ego the wrong way) or we simply “didn’t have a spark”. This last one resulted in a famous line between my friends and I – <em>“our wood was wet”.</em> This particular boyfriend meant that we didn’t have that “spark”. That something extra. And together our wood just wouldn’t burn. Not the way it should. A reason that still perplexes me to this day. Because I tried so hard. But it is funny. <em>Now.</em> Isn’t hindsight a wonderful thing?</p> <p>So, I had resolved to give up on love. At 25! That was until my Jewish family got wind of my plans – they were having none of it – and I was marched off to “matchmaking school” with my Rabbi’s wife. <em>Awkward</em> doesn’t even begin to describe that conversation! </p> <p>A couple of days after the “matchmaker visit”, I was (almost) strong armed into going to a “speed dating event” with a work colleague of mine. Be her “wing woman” as it were. Reluctantly, I accompanied her. It was for professionals only. Both men and women within a certain age group. I was dreading it.</p> <p><em>Until I saw him. </em></p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/Alicia-Koch-and-her-husband-1.jpg" alt="Alicia-Koch-and-her-husband-1" class="wp-image-4014"/></figure> <p>I was outside the event, trying my best to acquire “Dutch courage”, about to light my Dunhill menthol slim line cigarette (I still smoked at the time) when I saw a Jack Daniels t-shirt wearing man walk towards me. It was funny – I was drinking Jack Daniels at the time. Before I could light my cigarette, he offered to “<em>Light my fire”.</em> Being a Doors fan, I was immediately intrigued. Must be another bad boy, I thought. </p> <p>It was then that I noticed his smile and his beautiful blue eyes. I was a goner. I often wondered about <em>“love at first sight”.</em> I didn’t believe it could actually happen. At least not in real life. And not to me. But there I was. Falling in love. At first sight. Cupid had finally shot his arrow straight. And at the right people this time. </p> <p>My (now) husband was unexpected. He was not who I imagined spending my life with. Simply because I had proudly declared to the world that I would remain single. But I also did not believe that I “deserved” someone like him. </p> <p>We met during my last year in Articles. And I can say with all honesty, that he has helped me become the person and the professional I am today. He has stood by me and guided me through some of the toughest years of my life (both professionally and personally), he has helped me to always see things clearly. He has helped me make some extremely important life decisions and then stood back and cheered me on as I found my place in the professional world. </p> <p>He changed my entire world. In only the best of ways. He became my person, the one I went home to after each hard day, the person I woke up next to every morning. He was (and still is) always happy to see me. And I truly believe that because of his love, because of his faith in me, because of his guidance, his wisdom and his humour he has made me not only a better person, but a better lawyer. And (most of the time), a better writer. He helped me become <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">The Legal Belletrist</a> because he believed in me, he supported me and he gave me the grounding and foundation I needed to ultimately become who I am today.</p> <p>I guess you could say that I am one of those lucky people who are <em>living smugly</em> in their “happily ever after” with the love of their lives. And I couldn’t be more grateful.</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="loving-yourself-first-frieda-s-story"><strong><em>Loving yourself first – Frieda’s story</em></strong></h2> <p>Ha! 25?! Geez, I was nowhere near ready to settle down at 25. It wasn’t that I wasn’t looking for my perfect match, but I was so distracted by and invested in the lifestyle of an international corporate lawyer that the thought of diverting any time away from my career was really not an option. In fact, if my memory serves me correctly, at 25, I was celebrating my birthday in Wan Chai, Hong Kong by falling rather drunkenly off the bar in Carnegie’s! Not one of my proudest moments, but it makes for an amusing story! </p> <p>How different our love lives were Ali!</p> <p>In all seriousness, as much as I was loving “<em>living the high life</em>” in my 20s, it acted as the perfect distraction from looking closely at the patterns which were so clearly forming in my romantic relationships. I was attracted to “Mr Unavailable”. Whether he be physically unavailable (married, attached, newly separated) or emotionally unavailable (vague, non-committal, part-time, hot and cold) – that was my poison. For my 20s, that didn’t really phase me too much. I wasn’t ready to commit, so how could I expect anyone else to? But, once I hit my 30s, and watched every one of my friends marry and start having children, that is when the imbalance between my professional and personal life started to emerge and, inevitably, merge.</p> <p>I ended up in relationships with people in the office because that was where I spent most of my time and they were the only people I met. But rarely do work and play make for good bedfellows (there are exceptions, of course). And, inevitably, the emotional toll of the breakup seeps into the working day. It’s hard to hide heartbreak, but rather than address it – I just worked harder. To the point where both my physical and mental health took a hammering. As law and life collided, it soon became evident that there were clear patterns in my romantic relationships that needed to be addressed and some proper work needed to be done on my self-esteem if I was going to stop repeating those well-engrained patterns.</p> <p>It took two years of therapy to address the underlying issues which had led me to: (a) become a workaholic; and (b) settle for breadcrumbs in my relationships. But, by 36, I had the self-confidence, self-esteem and self-love to quit my job, travel the world for a year, and go in search for the life (and love) that I wanted (and deserved). </p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/Frieda-Levycky-running-Small.jpg" alt="Frieda Levycky running during year off" class="wp-image-4015"/></figure> <p>I know it sounds corny, but it was during my year off that I fell in love with myself. Not in a narcissistic way, but in an acceptance way: I learned about myself. I saw what I could bring to the table in a relationship. I remembered what was important to me. I set boundaries. I talked openly. I stopped trying to be someone that I thought people would want me to be. And the more I liked myself, the more I attracted the right people around me. Gone were the “Mr Unavailables”. I deserved more than that. </p> <p>People often talk about “good timing” “luck” and “fate” as being the reasons for finding the love of their lives. There is an element of that, but I think it is more to do with the work you put into yourself. When you are comfortable and happy with who you are, you attract the right people. Then let fate take its course.</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="256" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/HEarts-1024x256.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4023"/></figure> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="so-what-is-the-truth-about-love"><strong><em>So, what is the truth about love?</em></strong></h2> <p>Whether this February is your first month of love or your 50<sup>th</sup> with your partner, whether you are still looking for someone special or are happily single – whatever your status – the truth about love (we think) is this – it affects us all in ways we can’t really imagine. It is different for each of us because each relationship is unique and each one of us is an individual – special in our own ways. </p> <p>Love is not a battlefield, it is a beautiful thing that takes work. Daily. It can be strong or fragile. Love can be found in everything or nothing. Relationships can break you down or build you up. They can complete you or destroy you. Simply put, relationships are hard and love is… complicated.</p> <p>It is so complicated in fact that there really is no right or wrong way <em>to be in love</em> or to <em>have a relationship</em>. It is all relative. There is not any one thing that makes love <em>love</em>. It is a complex mix of a multitude of things. And we can only hope that Cupid in all his wisdom, good aim and occasional mischief sees fit to shoot straight and at the right people – for each of us. </p> <p>There really isn’t any <em>real advice</em> we can give you. Because we are <em>all </em>learning as we happily plod along. </p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <hr class="wp-block-separator"/> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-1 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist-1024x1024-1.jpg" alt=""/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p>About the writer, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong></p> <p>Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism. </p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/">The Legal Belletrist website</a>.</p> <p><strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></p> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-truth-about-love/">The truth about love</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-truth-about-love/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> </channel> </rss>