<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><rss version="2.0" xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/" xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/" xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" xmlns:sy="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/syndication/" xmlns:slash="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/slash/" > <channel> <title>stress Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <atom:link href="https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/stress/feed/" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" /> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/stress/</link> <description>PROFESSIONAL LIFE COACHING & TRAINING</description> <lastBuildDate>Wed, 16 Jul 2025 14:34:08 +0000</lastBuildDate> <language>en-ZA</language> <sy:updatePeriod> hourly </sy:updatePeriod> <sy:updateFrequency> 1 </sy:updateFrequency> <image> <url>https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Asset-1.svg</url> <title>stress Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/stress/</link> <width>32</width> <height>32</height> </image> <item> <title>I Have Anxiety – I think</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/i-have-anxiety-i-think/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/i-have-anxiety-i-think/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Mon, 29 Jul 2024 15:01:13 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Work life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety disorder]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxious]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiousness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[General anxiety disorder]]></category> <category><![CDATA[overwhelm]]></category> <category><![CDATA[panic attacks]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[struggling]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[worrying]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=6247</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/i-have-anxiety-i-think/">I Have Anxiety – I think</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_0 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_0"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_0 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_0 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Have you ever watched the series, </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQeUmSD1c3g" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Dexter</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">? Dexter Morgan, a man with homicidal tendencies, lives a double life. He works as a forensic technician for the Miami police department during the day and kills wicked perpetrators in his free time. As Showtime describes it – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“He’s smart. He’s lovable. He’s Dexter Morgan, America’s favorite serial killer.”</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Kinda weird because you definitely find yourself rooting for the so-called “bad guy.” But it’s so enjoyable. Addictive even. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In the series, Dexter talks about having a </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZbyOQ0JUV4&t=68s" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">“dark passenger”</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">. He talks about having something dark deep down inside himself, something he hides, something he certainly doesn’t talk about – but it’s there. Always. And when this dark passenger is driving, Dexter feels alive. He doesn’t fight it; he doesn’t even want to. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Now to most people, that wouldn’t make sense, but to me I can relate. Wholeheartedly. Now I’m no serial killer. Let’s get that straight. But as far as having a dark passenger of my own is concerned, I have one and she’s constantly hanging on my back, like the heaviest backpack you can imagine. She’s always there. Even though I try my best to hide her. It kind of feels like the more I hide her, the more Hunchback of Notre Dame I become. My shoulders hunched over and my head tipping lower to the floor. I certainly don’t talk about her, why would I? No one would believe me. But she’s there. Always. And when she takes over, I feel everything so keenly, like splinters on my skin. I can’t help feeling more alive. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I can’t fight her. Sometimes I don’t even want to. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_1 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>What anxiety feels like</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_2 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I have suffered with some kind of anxiety most of my life. At least that’s what I thought it was. But it’s only been recently that I was diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder, panic disorder, PTSD and what I like to call, melancholy (otherwise known as depression). Anxiety and depression often go hand in hand. Hard diagnoses to accept. Ones that still carry such a stigma. But the one that is most often taken for granted, misdiagnosed, misused and thrown around like today’s “special on a chalkboard” – good old anxiety. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Everyone and their cat has anxiety – no literally my one cat does have anxiety and is medicated for it. No jokes. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But there’s a big difference between an anxiety disorder and simply feeling overwhelmed (although there’s nothing simple about it). We’ll discuss the actual definitions and what it means but I first want to give my own take on it. For perspective.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_0"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/anxious-cat.png" alt="anxious cat" title="anxious cat" class="wp-image-6275" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_3 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>What anxiety feels like to me</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_4 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Picture climbing a mountain, with the goal of summiting. Pick any mountain you want. We all have our own backpacks on our backs filled with the bits and pieces of our own demons packed inside. Because let’s face it, every single one of us has some or other “issue”. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I have my dark passenger on my back. She’s heavy, she makes me hunch over – so much so that my head tips closer to the floor. With her, I pack my other necessary items like bottled water, some food – you know, basic items I need to survive – my survival kit. The things we all have. And suddenly the weight is that much heavier. But off we go. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As we start climbing up the mountain, I kind of struggle to see where I’m going, because my head is tipped to the floor, so I trip a little more over rocks scattered around. I’m mocked for being clumsy or too sensitive – letting out a little moan for every bump on the trail. But I carry on regardless. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But as we walk uphill, as the trail gets harder, and with my extra load – my dark passenger – I’m really feeling the extra weight. It’s hard for me to keep up with the others and I need to stop more often to catch my breath. As a result, the rest of the group seems to get a little fed up with me and it feels like – at least to me – that they are somehow plotting against me. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Are they really all talking about me? What can I do to be better? </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Ouch! My neck hurts, it feels like it’s in a spasm!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Now the climb is getting steep and as I stop to take my breath </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I worry about where I am in the group, do they still need me, have they left me here, must I carry on alone?</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Suddenly, irrational thoughts cloud my usual calm mind and murk my judgement. I can’t think straight, I can’t concentrate, I lose track of where I’m going. I get lost. It gets dark. I’m all alone and I’m scared. Things are out there in the dark, </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">they’re out to get me</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">! I can’t regulate my breathing. I can’t breathe. My heart is racing. It feels like my heart is about to jump right out of my chest. My whole body is shaking. I’m sweating. I feel like I’ve lost all control now. Why am I standing so close to this edge? I don’t understand what’s happening. The world is getting hazy now. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Someone help me! But there’s only silence. Darkness. I’m so tired but how will I ever sleep?!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But then morning comes, and I realise I’m closer to the summit than I thought. I join the others who all summited, the day before and who are already getting ready to leave. I take my seat to look at where I’ve made it to, realising that I made it to the top with my dark passenger and my survival goods all in tow. Ah how beautiful it is up here! It’s at this point that someone in my group comments that it’s nice for me to join the group at last. I just smile to myself – they don’t need to know that I got lost along the way. Instead, I put in my earphones and play </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-N4jf6rtyuw" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Crazy by Gnarls Barkley</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Because I can relate to that – then again, can’t we all?</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_5 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>How professionals define anxiety</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_6 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><a href="https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/anxiety-disorders/what-are-anxiety-disorders" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Psychiatry.org</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> defines anxiety disorders as follows – </span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Anxiety disorders can cause people to try to avoid situations that trigger or worsen their symptoms. Job performance, schoolwork and personal relationships can be affected. In general, for a person to be diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, the fear or anxiety must:</span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></i></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Be out of proportion to the situation or be age inappropriate.</span></i></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Hinder their ability to function normally.</span></i></li> </ul> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">There are several types of anxiety disorders: generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder with or without agoraphobia, specific phobias, agoraphobia, social anxiety disorder, separation anxiety disorder and selective mutism.”</span></i></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Whereas merely feeling anxious refers to anticipation of a future concern and is more associated with muscle tension and avoidance behaviour.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And being fearful is an emotional response to an immediate threat and is more associated with a fight or flight reaction – either staying to fight or leaving to escape danger.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Like I said, everyone and their cat says they have anxiety these days – it’s a term that’s thrown around like specials on a chalkboard. But what everyday people are feeling is overwhelm, or anxiousness. Fear at the most. It’s not actual anxiety. Having an anxiety disorder is a whole other ball game. And not one you should rush to buy tickets for either.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’m not sure what it is either. Why the rush to self-diagnose yourself with anxiety? Is it an age thing? Is it a generation thing? Is it a hormonal thing? </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It feels like “anxiety” is the excuse for everything nowadays – can’t commit in a relationship – oh it’s because I suffer with anxiety. Can’t perform at work- oh it’s because of my anxiety. Failing at school – yeah, it’s my anxiety. Anxiety is the reason for every failing known to man. And yet it’s not anxiety at all. </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_1"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/Blog-I-Have-Anxiety-–-I-think-2.png" alt="anxiety" title="Blog - I Have Anxiety – I think (2)" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_7 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>The symptoms of anxiety</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_8 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For people with an anxiety disorder, the anxiety does not go away and can get worse over time. The symptoms can interfere with daily activities such as job performance, schoolwork, and relationships.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">There are several types of anxiety disorders, including generalised anxiety disorder, panic disorder, social anxiety disorder, and various phobia-related disorders.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">According to the </span><a href="https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/anxiety-disorders" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">National Institute of Mental Health</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_1 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_1 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_2"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_2 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_9 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD)</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> usually involves a persistent feeling of anxiety or dread, which can interfere with daily life. It’s not the same as occasionally worrying about things or experiencing anxiety due to stressful life events. People living with GAD experience frequent anxiety for months, if not years. Symptoms of GAD include – </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <ul> <li><span style="font-weight: 400;">Feeling restless, wound-up, or on-edge;</span></li> <li><span style="font-weight: 400;">Being easily fatigued;</span></li> <li><span style="font-weight: 400;">Having difficulty concentrating;</span></li> <li><span style="font-weight: 400;">Being irritable;</span></li> <li><span style="font-weight: 400;">Having headaches, muscle aches, stomach aches, or unexplained pains;</span></li> <li><span style="font-weight: 400;">Difficulty controlling feelings of worry, and</span></li> <li><span style="font-weight: 400;">Having sleep problems, such as difficulty falling or staying asleep.</span></li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_2 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_3 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_3"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_4 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_10 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">People with </span><strong>panic disorder</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> have frequent and unexpected panic attacks. Panic attacks are sudden periods of intense fear, discomfort, or sense of losing control even when there is no clear danger or trigger. Not everyone who experiences a panic attack will develop panic disorder. People with panic disorder often worry about when the next attack will happen and actively try to prevent future attacks by avoiding places, situations, or behaviors they associate with panic attacks. Panic attacks can occur as frequently as several times a day or as rarely as a few times a year. During a panic attack, a person may experience –</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Pounding or r</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">acing heart;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Sweating;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Trembling or tingling;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Chest pain;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Feelings of impending doom, and</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Feelings of being out of control.</span></li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_3 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_5 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_4"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_6 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_11 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><b>Social anxiety disorder</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> is an intense, persistent fear of being watched and judged by others. For people with social anxiety disorder, the fear of social situations may feel so intense that it seems beyond their control. For some people, this fear may get in the way of going to work, attending school, or doing everyday things. People with social anxiety disorder may experience – </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Blushing, sweating, or trembling;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Pounding or racing heart;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Stomach aches;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Rigid body posture or speaking with an overly soft voice;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Difficulty making eye contact or being around people they don’t know, and</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Feelings of self-consciousness or fear that people will judge them negatively.</span></li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_4 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_7 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_5"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_8 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_12 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">A </span><strong>phobia</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> is an intense fear of—or aversion to—specific objects or situations. Although it can be realistic to be anxious in some circumstances, the fear people with phobias feel is out of proportion to the actual danger caused by the situation or object. People with a phobia – </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <ul> <li><span style="font-weight: 400;">May have an irrational or excessive worry about encountering the feared object or situation</span></li> <li><span style="font-weight: 400;">Take active steps to avoid the feared object or situation</span></li> <li><span style="font-weight: 400;">Experience immediate intense anxiety upon encountering the feared object or situation</span></li> <li><span style="font-weight: 400;">Endure unavoidable objects and situations with intense anxiety (</span><a href="https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/anxiety-disorders" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">nimh</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">)</span></li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_5"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_9 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_13 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you have experienced any of the above symptoms on more than one occasion or find yourself struggling with the above symptoms on a regular basis, you should seek the assistance and care of a psychiatrist and psychologist who are able to provide psychotherapy and medication should you need it. Keep in mind that in South Africa only a psychiatrist can prescribe medication and a psychologist is able to offer talk therapy and/or Cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT), a type of talk therapy, which can help a person learn a different way of thinking, reacting and behaving to help feel less anxious. Or any combination of therapies and medication. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_14 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>What then am I going through?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_6"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/Blog-I-Have-Anxiety-–-I-think-3.png" alt="therapy for anxiety" title="Blog - I Have Anxiety – I think (3)" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_15 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you’re not diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, which the majority of people won’t be, you are most likely suffering with stress, overwhelm or anxiousness. And those are bad enough. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Every day stresses can leave you feeling like you’re struggling to cope – there’s just too much going on. Or perhaps you’re going through something truly stressful that’s making it hard for you to function. This is what it means to feel (and be) overwhelmed. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">According to </span><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/feeling-overwhelmed-symptoms-causes-and-coping-5425548" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Very Well Mind</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, when you’re overwhelmed, you can be flooded by thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations that are often related to the specific problem, making it difficult to manage – says </span><a href="https://drsabrinaromanoff.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Sabrina Romanoff</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Let’s make one thing crystal clear though – everyone feels overwhelmed on occasion and it’s a completely normal response to everyday stressors to feel a little overwhelmed. We’re only human after all. But being chronically stressed out and constantly feeling overwhelmed can take a toll on your mental and physical health.</span></p> <p><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/feeling-overwhelmed-symptoms-causes-and-coping-5425548" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Very Well Mind </span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">sets out the signs and symptoms of being overwhelmed as follows – </span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Irrational thoughts:</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">you may be unable to think rationally, making what you’re going through seem more intense than what it is, and this in turn makes you feel less capable of dealing with it. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Paralysis:</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">you may experience a </span><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/the-four-fear-responses-fight-flight-freeze-and-fawn-5205083" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">freeze response</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> that can cause you to feel paralyzed and unable to function. Even simple tasks can feel impossible. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Disproportionate reactions:</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"><strong> </strong>you may overreact to minor stressors. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Withdrawal: </strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">you may find yourself withdrawing from friends and family. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Pessimism: </strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">you may feel helpless and hopeless about the situation. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Mood changes: </strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">you may feel angry, </span><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/irritability-definition-symptoms-traits-causes-treatment-5088062" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">irritable</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, or anxious, and cry easily.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Cognitive fatigue:</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">you may feel confused and have difficulty concentrating, making decisions, and solving problems.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Physical symptoms: </strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">you may even experience physical symptoms such as rapid heartbeat, difficulty breathing, dizziness, fatigue, headaches, cramps, an upset stomach, or other unexplainable aches and pains.</span></li> </ul> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">While you’re feeling overwhelmed you may not need the care of a psychiatrist just yet, speaking to a psychologist can be beneficial to nip things in the bud as they say. In addition, seeking out the services of a professional life coach like Frieda Levycky of </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Braving Boundaries</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> can help put things into perspective and get you back on the right track. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Please keep in mind though – as </span><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/feeling-overwhelmed-symptoms-causes-and-coping-5425548" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Very Well Mind</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> points out – being chronically and continuously stressed and overwhelmed </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">can</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (but not always) lead to physical and mental health conditions such as high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity, depression, addiction and eventual anxiety and anxiety disorders if not dealt with. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_16 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Tools to help you cope with your anxiousness</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_17 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I would never leave you high and dry without an ounce of hope or tools with which you can help yourself. Yes, anxiety disorders do need professional help and may require medication but that doesn’t mean you can’t ease away anxiousness or stress, even calm down your anxiety in other ways. Here are 5 things you can do at home to ease your feelings of overwhelm and stress – </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_6 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_10 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_7"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_11 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_18 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Use drawing as a tool</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – long before I was diagnosed, I would doodle on a piece of paper whenever the feelings of panic would start up. I started doing this as a child. I would often use shapes and intricate designs to calm myself. Some of my doodles were quite elaborate and quite colourful. Beautiful in ways that I can’t really describe. I’m no artist. And I don’t think this requires any real skill. I also never knew it was an actual recognized tool used to help with anxiety. According to </span><a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/anxiety-drawing#benefits" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Healthline</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> putting pencil to paper, paint brush to easel or water colour to canvas allows you to give yourself much needed space from unwanted, often uncontrollable, thoughts and engage in an activity that you </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">can </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">control. You decide what to draw and what colours to add to whatever it is that you’re doing. While focused on the creative process, you aren’t giving energy to your anxiety. You give yourself a moment to take a deep breath. And it’s backed up by research!</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_7 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_12 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_8"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_13 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_19 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Put pen to paper</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– writing for a living has its advantages – I am often able to put how I’m feeling down on a piece of paper so that I can recognize what I’m feeling and break it down into manageable pieces. And that’s the kicker for me – manageable pieces. Because once you realise that what you’re feeling is manageable and that you can handle it, everything else calms down. It’s not always easy, sometimes all I can do is write words, feelings, emotions down on a piece of paper. But that’s better than nothing. It also helps to focus the mind to try and articulate a word, a feeling. But it helps. If nothing comes right away, go back to the doodle. See what flows from that. The two go hand-in-hand often with me and I find they work wonderfully together. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_8"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_14 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_9"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/journaling-for-anxiety.png" alt="journaling for anxiety" title="journaling for anxiety" class="wp-image-6279" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_9 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_15 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_10"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_16 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_20 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Get moving</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– this is sometimes the last thing you want to hear. Get up and get moving. Sometimes you can’t get out of bed, let alone get to the gym. But it’s not about that. It’s not about big workouts. It’s just about doing something to get you moving. For me, it’s making my bed. I know it sounds ridiculous. But I’ll never forget watching a video of a Sergeant in the US army who spoke about the honour of making a bed – because at the end of the day, even if you accomplished nothing else, at least you accomplished that. You made your bed. Then I brush my two Maine Coon cats. The one loves being brushed, the other hates it. And I have to chase the one that hates being brushed around the house – I’m moving. I love cooking, so will cook a meal for my hubby and that often requires a trip to the store. Again, I’m moving. And each thing is a positive movement in the right direction to a full day of action. Small things that lead to big things. It’s not all about workouts. But if you can get a workout in – then good for you! Endorphins can only benefit you. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_10 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_17 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_11"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_18 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_21 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Use scent</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– this for me is an important one. What started out as bringing in more lavender – which is known for its calming properties – got me to invest in home fragrance like candles and diffusers with fragrances known for calming and healing properties. I have diffusers all over the house whose reeds I turn regularly and then have two pillar candles on each side of my home in my desired scent for that week (or bi-weekly). Once I’ve made the bed, had a proper breakfast and got dressed for the day my reward is getting to light the candles. It’s become almost a ritual for me. And as soon as I smell the candles, I already know that I have accomplished a set number of things for the day, I’ve already begun my day and suddenly I’m calm. Whether it’s the fragrance (which I think helps) or just the ritual of lighting the candles I’m not sure but for me, being surrounded by a calming scent really helps me feel centered.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_11 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_19 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_12"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_20 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_22 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Spending time with animals</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– this is a saving grace for me. I’m a fur mom to four beautiful kitties. My youngest – Miss Georgia Peach y’all – is a real beauty. She’s a silver and grey Maine Coon little girl. I truly believe that she is my emotional support kitty. A little angel sent to me from above. Animals pass no judgement on you, they don’t care if you have money or don’t have money, whether you’re employed or unemployed, whether your stressed out or calm, whether you’re overweight or under. All they care about is you. So, spend time with your pets – if you have them. Take your dogs for a walk, play fetch with them. Brush your cats, play with their balls or toy mice. Or just love them, give them affection. The peace that petting an animal can give you is unbelievable. If you don’t have a pet of your own, volunteer at an animal shelter if you can. And if that’s not possible, virtually adopt a cat or a dog if your funds will allow – the thought of knowing that you are helping an innocent life will fill you with a sense of peace and calm knowing you helped someone else today, outside of yourself. And how can that not make you happy?</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_12"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_21 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_23 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I wish I could wave a wand and make anxiety, anxiousness, stress and overwhelm disappear for good. Sadly, it’s an unfortunate reality of today’s day and age that stressors and overwhelm seem to be a normal part of everyday life. Something we all must learn to cope with. I pray that an anxiety disorder is not an affliction any of you get for – </span></p> <blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength.” </span><em><span style="font-weight: 400;">Charles Spurgeon</span></em></p> </blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I hope I have imparted some wisdom and that in it you have found some solace. If not, please seek assistance from the necessary professionals who can assist you. This is not something to go ignored. </span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Sources used and to whom I owe thanks – </span></i><a href="https://www.arnoldpalmerhospital.com/content-hub/stress-vs-clinical-anxiety-and-how-to-spot-the-difference#:~:text=These%20are%20considered%20normal%20physiologic,or%20constant%20fear%20in%20general" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Orlando Health</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/anxiety/symptoms-causes/syc-20350961" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Mayo Clinic</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/anxiety-disorders/what-are-anxiety-disorders" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Psychiatry.org</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/anxiety-disorders" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">NIMH</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/feeling-overwhelmed-symptoms-causes-and-coping-5425548" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">verywellmind</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; healthline </span></i><a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/anxiety-drawing#benefits" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">here </span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">and </span></i><a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-calm-anxiety#use-scent" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">here</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">)</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_13"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image-5.png" alt="" title="End of blog post CTA image (5)" class="wp-image-6274" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_13"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_22 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_0 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_14 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_23 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_14"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_24 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_24 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/i-have-anxiety-i-think/">I Have Anxiety – I think</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/i-have-anxiety-i-think/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>5 Ways to Navigate the Fear of Change</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/5-ways-to-navigate-the-fear-of-change/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/5-ways-to-navigate-the-fear-of-change/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 03 Jul 2024 20:25:54 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Enneagram]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[The Fears series]]></category> <category><![CDATA[addressing your fears]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety spiral]]></category> <category><![CDATA[braving change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[career change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[country change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[direction]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fears]]></category> <category><![CDATA[finding direction]]></category> <category><![CDATA[job change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life direction]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[metathesiophobia]]></category> <category><![CDATA[one life live it]]></category> <category><![CDATA[phobias]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relationship change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[risk reward]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=6162</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/5-ways-to-navigate-the-fear-of-change/">5 Ways to Navigate the Fear of Change</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_1 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_15"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_25 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_25 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Part of the </span><b><i>The Fears</i></b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> series)</span></em></span></strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s natural for every human being on the face of the planet to be comfortable with the status quo. We all revel in the comfort zone, with our little routines, with going to the same grocery stores, eating at the same restaurants, and doing the same thing. It gives us a sense of control – and which one of us doesn’t want to have a sense of control over our own lives? We all do. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It makes us feel secure, like we are on top of things – especially in a world that often feels like it’s so out of control. With our lives feeling like everything fits nicely into little compartments, tidy and well organized, adding anything into the mix other than what we know is enough to drive anyone over the edge. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Yes, we are talking about </span><b><i>change</i></b><span style="font-weight: 400;">. A somewhat innocuous word but one that has the ability to send chills up and down the spine of even the strongest person. Sweat dripping down your face and your palms getting hot and flustered, the thought of anything disrupting your beautiful, predictable world has you in a tailspin. And trust us, you wouldn’t be alone. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In a recent study by TePe as part of a campaign raising awareness about the importance of good oral health, it found that millions of Brits admit they hate change – but many recognise it could be holding them back. For example, 32% of those polled fear they’ve missed out on new experiences and opportunities because of their reluctance to break the mould, while 26% of adults lack the confidence to try new things, and 14% worry their attitude to change will negatively affect their health (</span><a href="https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/fear-change-study-poll-adults-b2392623.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Independent</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">).</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_26 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>But what makes us fear change?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_15"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1249" height="937" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/5-Ways-to-Navigate-the-Fear-of-Change-4.png" alt="" title="5 Ways to Navigate the Fear of Change (4)" class="wp-image-6184" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_27 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">It seems like we are hard wired to resist change. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">According to clinical psychologist Carla Marie Manly, PhD, the fear of change is evolutionary and dates back to ancestral times – </span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Our ancestors preferred constancy as they inherently knew that change often brought a lack of safety.</span></i></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">For example, our ancestors needed to move around to search for food, water, and shelter to survive. Staying in a location where these essential resources had been depleted out of fear could ultimately lead to starvation, dehydration, or death of the pack.” </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(</span><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/i-fear-change-how-to-cope-with-the-unknown-5189851" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Very Well Mind</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">)</span></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It makes sense – intrinsically we are aware that dealing with the unknown or the unfamiliar poses a risk: it might be scary; it might bring with it a “lack of safety.” All theoretical, let’s be honest. None of us are fighting for our survival out in the wilderness – at least not in large numbers in any event – but that irrational fear is still present. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And it’s that irrational fear that says: </span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“If I were to try something new (e.g. move house, change jobs, get into a new relationship etc.), it might be incredible, but:</span></i></p> <p> </p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I might fail</span></i></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I might not meet expectations</span></i></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I might be disappointed</span></i></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I might be out of my depth</span></i></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I might not know what is going on</span></i></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i>I might feel like an imposter.”</i></li> </ul> </blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And that’s what keeps holding us back.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Change is scary. It’s the act of putting yourself out there – putting yourself into a vulnerable position, sometimes having to start from scratch – that poses a very real fear for most rational people. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As Manly sets out in </span><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/i-fear-change-how-to-cope-with-the-unknown-5189851" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Very Well Mind</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – </span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“When life feels predictable, we experience less stress and anxiety because we know what to expect. When life doesn’t feel predictable, and we are uncertain about what might be around the next corner, we feel stressed and anxious.”</span></i></p></blockquote></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_28 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>When your irrational fear of change is more than just the jitters</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_16"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1249" height="937" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/5-Ways-to-Navigate-the-Fear-of-Change-1.png" alt="" title="5 Ways to Navigate the Fear of Change (1)" class="wp-image-6181" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_29 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">It seems that the real fear of change – when it’s more than just the jitters – is an actual clinical phobia termed </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">metathesiophobia</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">While we all experience the fear of change, having a phobia like metathesiophobia will result in more extreme symptoms. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Some of the common signs and symptoms of metathesiophobia are set out below (though if you recognise any of these symptoms, before jumping to conclusions, do speak to your doctor for a formal diagnosis) – </span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">You feel stuck in a situation but make no attempt at creating positive change;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">You stay in a failing or toxic relationship, knowing it best to leave;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">You remain in a dead-end job instead of searching for an ideal career; </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">You have extreme anxiety over what is going to happen in your future;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">You cannot accept simple life changes whether within or outside of your control;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">You refuse to stray from an everyday routine because you’re uncertain of what will happen if you don’t stick to it;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">You don’t socialise;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">You frequently feel nauseous or have indigestion when you think about change;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">You experience heart palpitations when you think about change, and</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">You find yourself shaking, sweating, or trembling at the thought of change.</span></li> </ul> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">To further understand how the fear of change can affect someone in a clinical sense, one needs to understand the difference between constructive and destructive fear. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Constructive fear is the fear of an actual, physical threat and its purpose is to keep one safe from danger. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Destructive fear – as the converse implies – is the fear of a non-existent threat i.e. there’s no actual threat. It’s only our minds playing tricks on us. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Depending on the severity of a person’s fear of change, the fear could become a destructive fear. If left untreated or unchecked it could lead to –</span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Depression;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Anxiety;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Isolation;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Avoidance;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Stress;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Substance use disorders;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Staying in unhealthy environments;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Staying in toxic relationships, and</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Suicidal ideation (</span><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/i-fear-change-how-to-cope-with-the-unknown-5189851" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Very Well Mind</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">)</span></li> </ul> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you are having suicidal thoughts, contact the </span><a href="https://www.sadag.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=1904&Itemid=151" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Suicide Crisis Helpline</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> in South Africa on 0800 567 567 for support and assistance from a trained counsellor. </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_30 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>How can one cope with the fear of change?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_31 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Diagnosed phobias aside, how does a person who is struggling to accept change cope with it?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Here are a few suggestions:</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_16 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_26 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_17"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_27 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_32 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Start with self-awareness </strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">– realise that you are merely human, that your daily comforts and routines are good for your sanity and try to keep you centred. BUT (and there’s always a but) know when you become too comfortable, too stagnant, too set in your ways. Know when your feeling of safety and security is keeping you from moving forwards in a positive manner. Know when your comfort is keeping you from achieving your goals. There needs to be a limit of how “secure” in the status quo you remain and that can only be determined by you.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_17 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_28 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_18"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_29 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_33 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Practice acceptance</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– it may seem like an impossible thing to do, but one of the first things you can do when faced with change is to accept that it’s happening. Take ownership, (as much as one can) of it. Some of the feelings that come with change, especially when it’s thrust upon you, is disempowerment. And that’s because it’s happening to you, instead of you taking charge of it. But if you accept it, take ownership of it, and realise that it’s happening, you can start to take back the power. Lean into the change, acknowledge that it’s there and that it’s now a part of your life – with all that it entails. From there, you can work on finding ways to take that change and move it in a new direction – one that suits you. Make it your own.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_18 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_30 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_19"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_31 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_34 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Control what you can</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– part of the strife that people find with change is the disempowerment that comes with it. So, leading on from Point 2, is putting things into action. Take decisive steps to help the situation you find yourself in. Make plans and increase your sense of control. Part of making plans can come from journaling – freely being the caveat. Allow yourself to freely jot down thoughts, feelings, ideas, road maps. Whatever you feel. You never know when something may be shaken from the tree. But writing it down, even in free flow, allows your mind to expand which can result in plans developing. From there you can take a rough idea and expand on it, develop a real road map of where you want to go. And it all starts with the jotting down of one idea and one action item. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_19"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_32 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_20"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1249" height="937" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/5-Ways-to-Navigate-the-Fear-of-Change-2.png" alt="" title="5 Ways to Navigate the Fear of Change (2)" class="wp-image-6182" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_20 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_33 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_21"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_34 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_35 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Limit your stress</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– change is inherently stressful, but given that stress has a way of creating health risks, it’s important to manage stress levels when experiencing change. Stress-management can come in a variety of forms. Perhaps it’s simply changing your perspective of change. See it as an invitation for new possibilities rather than a threat to the status quo. Perhaps stress can be managed through meditation or through speaking with a counsellor/coach or talking to friends or family. Whatever works for you – but manage your stress. Whatever that entails.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_21 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_35 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_22"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_36 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_36 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Practice patience</strong> <i><span style="font-weight: 400;">– </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">remember the adage “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">life is about the journey, not the destination</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”, well that rings true here. Change is just a part of life – nothing ever </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">really</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> remains the same. As a human being you will experience a variety of life changes – growing up, changing jobs, getting married, having children, getting divorced, travel, death, moving home. The important thing here is not to view a change as something that you have to get use to immediately. Change (and the transition that comes with it) takes time. It will require plenty of patience and the acceptance that it may take a while to settle into a new way of life. And that’s ok. As long as you work on it, a little every day. But whatever you do, don’t fight against it. Take it all in your stride, remembering that it’s all a part of your journey. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_22"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_37 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_37 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Change is inevitable. Some say: “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">as good as a holiday</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">.” However you view change, the one thing we can say is don’t live your life on autopilot. Sometimes it takes the act of changing to realise your potential, to see what you’re really made of.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As Roy T. Bennett says</span><b> – </b></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“It’s only after you’ve stepped outside your comfort zone that you begin to change, grow, and transform.”</span></i></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Change can be seen as an act of transformation if you just get out of your own way. </span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Sources used and to whom we owe thanks – </span></i><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/i-fear-change-how-to-cope-with-the-unknown-5189851" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Very Well Mind</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/za/blog/the-adaptive-mind/201809/how-overcome-the-fear-change" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Psychology Today</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.realsimple.com/fear-of-change-7100822" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Real Simple</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span></i><a href="https://www.heart.org/en/news/2020/02/04/chronic-stress-can-cause-heart-trouble#:~:text=Stress%20may%20lead%20to%20high,and%20lack%20of%20physical%20activity." target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Heart</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">). </span></i></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_23"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image-4.png" alt="" title="End of blog post CTA image (4)" class="wp-image-6189" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_23"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_38 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_1 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_24 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_39 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_24"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_40 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_38 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/5-ways-to-navigate-the-fear-of-change/">5 Ways to Navigate the Fear of Change</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/5-ways-to-navigate-the-fear-of-change/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>The Fear of Letting Go</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-of-letting-go/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-of-letting-go/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 30 May 2024 05:28:27 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[The Fears series]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[baby steps]]></category> <category><![CDATA[braving change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[let it go]]></category> <category><![CDATA[letting go]]></category> <category><![CDATA[letting go of the past]]></category> <category><![CDATA[start small]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress management]]></category> <category><![CDATA[the fear of letting go]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=6191</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-of-letting-go/">The Fear of Letting Go</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_2 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_25"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_41 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_39 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Part of the </span><b><i>The Fears</i></b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> series)</span></em></span></strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Chicken soup, it’s one of those things that I’ve grown up with. And every single time I have it, a wave of nostalgia sweeps over me. No matter what I’m going through, I immediately feel better. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And chicken soup, like many things in my life, carries a certain amount of nostalgia. It reminds me of my grandmother who would make chicken soup from scratch, something she would do on a weekly basis. And something she would do more often if I had the flu or a cold. It was her way of giving me a big, get-well hug from across the wall. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">You see, I grew up next door to my grandparents and spent so much time with them it felt like home. I learnt to play card games from my grandmother on days my mother had a migraine – something that happened often. In fact, growing up I was more at my grandparent’s home than I was at my parents’ home. I didn’t mind, there was less drama there. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’ve been thinking about them a lot recently. Both because of the deterioration of familial ties in recent times but also because I have been going through old family photos and gathering items together – inherited from my grandparents – which I now need to sort into </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">keep, donate </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">or</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> sell</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> piles. We are starting to downscale as we look to move to Cape Town in the coming months and for some or other reason, I have accumulated a mass of “stuff” that I neither like, use or want. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But some of this “stuff” is not so much sentimental as it is “theirs”. And the process of getting rid of it, is a burden that feels too heavy to take. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It feels like I am losing them all over again. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And I know that isn’t true. They are only things after all. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">There’s an old writing desk that my grandmother loved. It used to be where she opened letters (when people still wrote them), where she read newspapers and magazines (when people still read them) and where she did her weekly accounts (when they were still sent by mail). It has marks on it from where she spilled her tea one time and left a hot tea pot. It’s old (it belonged to her mother), warped with age and a little rickety if I’m honest. It’s also heavy and in a dark wood, not really matching anything else in my home. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">There’s also an old rocking chair that my grandfather loved. It’s where he spent most afternoons dozing after a long day. It’s where he watched the 7 o’clock news from and from where he drank his tea. It’s also where he spent his last days rocking along, with a red checkered blanket covering his legs. The same red blanket is still on it today. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">They are memories of my grandparents. Flickers of the lives they led and the people they were. And while they are just things, it’s very hard to let them go. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_40 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>The Process of Letting Go</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_25"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/blog-fear-of-letting-go-3.png" alt="" title="blog - fear of letting go (3)" class="wp-image-6205" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_41 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">And it’s here that I find myself – with this absolute fear of letting go. Of the items and what they mean. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Letting go of two people who meant so much to me. Letting go of a past that I don’t want to address nor forget. Letting go of memories that mean so much to me. All because I’m trying to make room in my life for new beginnings, for new memories, for a new life in a different city. I should be excited, jumping for joy really. But here I sit cross legged on the carpet crying into my tea. My cats think I’ve lost the plot. My husband knows I have. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As my tea gets cold, with me staring into the distance, a thought crawls up my spine – is it them I’m afraid of losing or is just my fear of losing an item that has a self-proclaimed meaning attached to it? </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In other words, if I decide to sell, donate or give the rocking chair or writing desk away will it make it easier to move or could I potentially find a place for it in my new home (keeping in mind that we have already decided that these items will not be moving with us). </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s then that I decide to Google “Fear of Letting Go” and this pops up </span><a href="https://www.becomingminimalist.com/loss-aversion/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Loss Aversion: Understanding and Overcoming Our Fear of Letting Go</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, and the first two points seem to apply to my situation – at least in part –</span></p> <blockquote> <ol> <li><b><i>“Acknowledge the Fear of Loss</i></b></li> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">The first step is to recognize when loss aversion is influencing your decisions. Are you keeping an item because it moves you toward your purpose? Or are you giving extra weight to the fear of what you may be losing?</span></i></p> <ol start="2"> <li><b><i> Redefine ‘Loss’ and ‘Gain’</i></b></li> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Rather than focusing on what you are giving up, shift your perspective to what you’re gaining through owning less. Minimalism is about </span></i><a href="https://www.becomingminimalist.com/add/"><b><i>addition</i></b></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> more than it is about subtraction—more space, less stress, increased focus on what truly matters. The loss of physical items pales in comparison to these gains.”</span></i></ol> </blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Reading this article got me thinking – and while I in no way proclaim to be a minimalist – perhaps there are steps that I could take that could ease my fear of letting go? Not just of the furniture but of the memories and of the past attached to them. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Which leads me to the first step of five. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_26 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_42 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_26"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_43 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_42 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Acknowledge the past</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – don’t dance around the issue, instead identify whatever you are afraid of letting go of and confront it as best you can. Don’t allow your past to loom over you like a monster hiding under your bed. Remember: It happened, but it’s not happening any longer. Ignoring or suppressing the things you’re afraid of letting go of will only lead to it disrupting aspects of your life. So, if there are any necessary actions to be taken, take them. Do you need to have a conversation with someone you have pent up animosity towards or someone you need closure from? Is there something you need to get off your chest? Speaking about the past, whether it is with friends or a therapist, is an effective way to release whatever emotions you’re hoarding from that experience. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Releasing these emotions is the first step to letting go.</span></i></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_27 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_44 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_27"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_45 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_43 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Look for the positives</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – there’s no denying that it can be hard to look back on situations that may have hurt us, that may have been disappointing or where you need closure. But regardless of how negative that situation may have been, think of the positives. Is there something that you can learn from the experience? Instead of dwelling on what could’ve been or what was, think of what can be. What can you get out of the situation that will be of use to you in the future? How can you move on if you aren’t able to get the closure you need? What positive reinforcement are you able to take that can help you close the book on whatever situation you are struggling to let go of? </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_28 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_46 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_28"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_47 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_44 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Baby steps</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– letting go doesn’t have to be an all or nothing process. Break the process down into small, manageable steps. That way, letting go will feel attainable. Progress is progress. Celebrate each and every small achievement along the way – they all matter. Positive reinforcement helps shift your focus from the difficult past into a positive future, from what you’re saying goodbye to, to what you’re gaining from the process. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_29"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_48 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_29"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/blog-fear-of-letting-go-1.png" alt="" title="blog - fear of letting go (1)" class="wp-image-6203" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_30 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_49 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_30"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_50 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_45 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Embrace the joy of letting go</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – the joy of what we will find ahead is much greater than what we leave behind. Keep that thought in mind—every time you let go of something you take another step towards a more intentional life. This mindset can help counterbalance the initial discomfort of addressing difficult pasts or disappointing outcomes. And while our tendency may be to overvalue the loss we feel from those situations, we can overwhelm that tendency with the promise of something better – letting them go.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_31 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_51 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_31"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_52 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_46 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Strive to live in the present</strong><b> – </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">today is more important than yesterday, we all know that. That’s why it’s called the present. It’s therefore important that we fully immerse ourselves with the present, that we occupy ourselves with things that make us happy, with activities that we enjoy. We need to make new memories that we can look back on with contentment. Oftentimes, we can’t help but ruminate on the possibilities, the </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">might have beens</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. But the truth is, this is all we get. Looking back gets us nowhere. Ultimately, we can’t change the past — we can only control our actions in the present. So, dedicate your time to pursuing your desires and creating that future you would like to see.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_32"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_53 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_47 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">With the above five steps in mind and a proper plan in place, I feel better equipped to not only deal with the pieces of my past that I need to address before moving on but also the literal pieces from my past – the rocking chair and writing desk that need new homes. It’s funny how we bury things so deep down that they resurface at the most inopportune moments. But here we are, adulting our lives away, needing to deal with issues as they arise. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">No one said adulting would be fun, only that it would be a journey. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you are on your own journey towards letting go, I wish you luck, patience, and peace. There’s nothing to be afraid of if you deal with it head on. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_32"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image-4.png" alt="" title="End of blog post CTA image (4)" class="wp-image-6189" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_33"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_54 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_2 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_34 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_55 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_33"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_56 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_48 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-of-letting-go/">The Fear of Letting Go</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-of-letting-go/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Investing in You – The World of the Enneagram</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/investing-in-you-the-world-of-the-enneagram/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/investing-in-you-the-world-of-the-enneagram/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 28 Sep 2022 08:22:33 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Enneagram]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Leadership]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[behavior]]></category> <category><![CDATA[behaviour]]></category> <category><![CDATA[communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[de-stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[effective communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[enneagram]]></category> <category><![CDATA[enneagram coach]]></category> <category><![CDATA[invest in yourself]]></category> <category><![CDATA[leadership behaviour]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health matters]]></category> <category><![CDATA[motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[overwhelm]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personality]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personality type]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Selfcare]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[understanding you]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/7-ways-to-bounce-back-after-failure-copy/</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Have you ever wondered WHY you do what you do? Or WHY others behave in a certain way? Welcome to the world of the Enneagram!</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/investing-in-you-the-world-of-the-enneagram/">Investing in You – The World of the Enneagram</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_3 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_35"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_57 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_49 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></em></h5></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_36"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_58 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_50 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Sections include:</strong></p> <p> </p> <ol> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><a href="#intro">Introduction to the Enneagram</a></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><a href="#selfcare"><span style="font-weight: 400;">What does self-care look like?</span></a></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><a href="#whatis"><span style="font-weight: 400;">What is the Enneagram?</span></a></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><a href="#me"><span style="font-weight: 400;">What was the Enneagram like for me?</span></a></li> </ol></div> </div><div id="intro" class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_51 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Introduction</strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’m not sure what it is. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’m not sure what causes us to put our own personal needs at the bottom of the pile. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Perhaps it’s because many of us (often from a young age), are taught that looking after our own needs amounts to self-indulgence and selfishness, resulting in an air of (unwanted) self-importance. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">None of which – in my childhood home – were positive.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Helping others, donating time (or money) to those less fortunate was always seen as a good deed. My family fully supported </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">outward</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> care. Looking out for others and championing the underdog. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And those things can be good. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Can</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> being the operative word.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But what about the </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">inward</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> care? Well, those were not really on the list of my priorities growing up. Or as an adult for that matter. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It doesn’t help that I am prone to feelings of self-sacrifice wanting to do more for others than myself, often to my own detriment (although I would never admit it). </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s just that, sometimes, it all feels a little too much. You know what I mean? </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Constantly putting what you need at the bottom of your own to-do list. And this, in turn, can have a knock-on effect. A feeling of utter overwhelm. The feeling of not doing enough. The feeling of not being good enough. Suddenly imposter syndrome pops in for a visit and you find yourself rocking yourself back and forth in the corner of a dark room (you know, “self-soothing”?)</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The problem is, the longer we let them take up space in our heads (and hearts), these feelings manifest and grow into more troublesome bed fellows. This undoubtedly will cause further issues, whether it is at home or (more often than not), at work. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The result? Feeling outgunned and outmaneuvered. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">At least, that’s how </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I feel.</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And you know the truth of the matter? I’m often amazed by how some people seem (on the face of it) to have all their s&%t together. And yet, here I sit (despite my best efforts) seemingly struggling (on the face of it anyway). </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">These feelings of overwhelm tend to catch me by surprise and because I don’t see them coming, I panic.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The other day, whilst chatting to my friend </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/my-story/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Frieda Levycky of Braving Boundaries</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – an ICF-accredited coach specializing in Whole Person Coaching and Enneagram Coaching – about feeling overwhelmed and how I (on occasion) struggle, she suggested that we explore WHY this happens to me. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, we sought to address my nagging issues by exercising self-care. More specifically – looking at the Enneagram.</span><span style="font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;"> </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_34"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/Investing-in-You-–-The-World-of-the-Enneagram-selfcare.jpg" alt="" title="Investing in You – The World of the Enneagram - selfcare" /></span> </div><div id="selfcare" class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_52 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>What does self-care look like?</strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For some of us, practicing self-care comes down to regularly seeing a massage therapist to help get rid of the tight stress knots in our shoulders and neck. For others, it’s spending bucket loads of hard-earned cash on a fancy holiday for yourself and family.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Either way, you’ll (most likely), return home relaxed and rejuvenated. That is, until you get back into the swing of things. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The familiar and seemingly ever-present feelings of overwhelm, not being good enough, not being worthy, being an imposter in your own life, come flooding back in. Once again taking up residence in your life like an unwanted tenant. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Why? These expressions of “self-care” are transitory. They are not permanent and will not result in permanent positive change in your life. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Change they say, </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“is as good as a holiday”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. But in this case – the self-care case – change is what is needed. </span><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Lasting change</span></i></span><span style="font-weight: 400;">. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Change that comes with practical steps that can be implemented in your daily life to promote balance and wellness. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Step in – </span><b>The Enneagram. </b></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I must admit that I was skeptical at first (as I always am with personality type assessments) but with an invitation to </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“live life to the fullest”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> how could I possibly say no?</span></div> </div><div id="whatis" class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_53 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>What is the Enneagram?</strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">According to</span><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Braving Boundaries</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">, the Enneagram is –</span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“At its most basic, the Enneagram is a personality assessment that has nine personality types. Each type—for example, Type 7 (or the Enthusiastic Visionary), or Type 1 (the Strict Perfectionist) or Type 5 (the Quiet Specialist)—has its own unique strengths and challenges, and each person within that type has their own blend of these group characteristics.</span></i></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">We all have a dominant personality type and exhibit the traits of this type along a continuum, either showing the healthier side of our personality, or spiralling down into the more unhealthy and reactive patterns of our natures.”</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But the Enneagram is also far more than just a “personality assessment”. Sure, the Enneagram does identify an archetype (“</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">a very typical example of a certain person or thing”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">) that resonates with your core motivations – making up a part of what makes you, you. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And your core motivations will have an impact on your personality, how you think, how you feel and how you take action. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But the Enneagram can also be used as a valuable guide towards self-discovery, self-development, relationship building, how you can resolve conflict according to your own personality type and how you can improve team dynamics – or simply how you can work better in a team.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Enneagram doesn’t try to put you in a box. It’s not aimed at limiting you or treating you as a generic copy of someone else. It completely recognizes that each person is complex, unique, and distinct. It recognizes that you (inevitably) change over time. In Enneagram terminology, this means that while your Enneagram style remains constant throughout your life, </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">the characteristics </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">of your archetype style may either soften or become more pronounced as you grow and develop. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Think of the Enneagram as a map, providing context and insight into –</span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Why you do the things that you do.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">How you can improve on the things where you faulter. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">How you can embrace your most important (and valuable) qualities. </span></li> </ul></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_35"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/Investing-in-You-–-The-World-of-the-Enneagram-Map.jpg" alt="" title="Investing in You – The World of the Enneagram Map" /></span> </div><div id="whatis" class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_54 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">By using the Enneagram as a map to better understand yourself, you become a more liberated, actualized and fully expressed version of yourself. You gain insight into your overall purpose and get closer to achieving your full potential.</p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Importantly, the Enneagram helps you to recognize and accept your own strengths and weaknesses. Which can be hard for some of us to do. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As found on the Braving Boundaries </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/enneagram/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">website </span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">– </span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“The power of the Enneagram lies in its subtle complexity, in its flexibility, and in its open-endedness, allowing it to take into account the myriad characteristics of human personality, how these traits blend in each person, and how they change depending on circumstances.</span></i></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Enneagram is all about the WHY. It delves into our motivations and explains why we do the things we do. It offers profound insights into what makes us tick, such as the unconscious fears buried deep in our psyches that affect our everyday decisions.”</span></i></p></blockquote></div> </div><div id="me" class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_55 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>What was the Enneagram like for me? </strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Going into the Enneagram as a skeptic was probably my saving grace. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I know how odd that sounds, but I answered each question as openly and honestly (and as forthright) as I could, hoping I would catch the Enneagram out. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">To my utter astonishment, my report was extremely accurate. To the T in fact. Even when highlighting my weaknesses and the things that I can work on. The things that I knew deep down but found hard to admit. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">My faith was renewed!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Of course, not all assessments are created equal and there will be some that fall short of legitimacy. But the Integrative Enneagram Solutions Assessment isn’t one of them. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In fact, I’ve read over my report numerous times. Making notes, taking in the insights set out in the report and have tried to implement the recommended exercises into my daily life. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Of course, I don’t think I would’ve got to this place of absolute acceptance had I not had a feedback session with Frieda. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Frieda listened to what I thought of the report and how it made me feel. We spoke through some of the issues highlighted and discussed straightforward ways to implement change.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It was invaluable. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And let me tell you why….</span><i></i></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_37 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_59 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_36"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_60 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_56 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>You get to put the Enneagram Report into YOUR life context</strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Your report may contain some words which – traditionally – have a negative connotation. This will be the same for every archetype. There will just be some words that trigger you and in turn trigger your defence mechanisms. We all have a word that just rubs us up the wrong way e.g. impatient, manipulative, emotional, sensitive, self-absorbed, controlling, uncommitted, passive-aggressive. Words that we’ve been told are “negative” and certainly don’t like seeing in a report. And if you’re anything like me, I stressed about “my word”. I worried that I was that “word” in everything I did. It caused me immense anxiety. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Simply because I read it in isolation, with all my preconceived ideas attached to it (which is a recipe for disaster). </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The truth is every archetype will have a trigger word. After all, we are only human. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But the problem arises with </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">how</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> we interpret the words and the challenges those words highlight. </span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">How do we process them? </span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Instead of running away from these “negative words” or hiding under the covers for fear that you may actually </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">be</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> that word, or perhaps ignoring them entirely, pretending you never read the report in the first place (sort of like an ostrich sticking its head in the sand – not a great look by the way) – a feedback session with an accredited Enneagram coach, allows you to gently explore the report. In its entirety. And most importantly, in context (less the preconceived ideas). </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In doing so, you begin to understand what everything actually means. Helping you to come to terms (and fully understand) your weaknesses or blind spots and how you can embrace your strengths and positive qualities. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_38 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_61 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_37"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_62 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_57 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>The Enneagram Feedback Session helps you to hold yourself accountable</strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The other valuable point of the feedback session is accountability. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">How many times have we, as professionals, taken a report from an assessment we did (often because we had to), had a quick read through it and then done absolutely zilch with the information? Because there’s no one holding you accountable. It’s just another piece of paper with your name on it, categorizing you into a specific box. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Sure, you may laugh and agree that some of the points are “totally you”, but </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">how does that add real value to your life? </span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">With the Enneagram, the feedback session is where you gain a real understanding of your archetype style. It’s how you get better acquainted with yourself. It’s how you implement the change suggested in the report. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Truly investing in you</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Because once you understand your core motivations, you can – in fact – become a more “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">liberated, actualized and fully expressed version of yourself”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. You can gain insight into who you (really) are deep down, you can discover what your true purpose is and you can (as a result) reach your full potential. Naturally, leading to </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">living your life to the fullest. </span></i></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_39"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_63 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_58 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Following my feedback session with Frieda, I have gained a far better understanding of who I am, acknowledging my challenges and areas for growth and looking forward with hope (and excitement) because I have realized </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">how much I have to give.</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I simply cannot recommend the Enneagram Feedback Session enough. Self-care with long lasting results that you can take with you as you grow.</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> That’s what I’m talking about!</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">You owe it to yourself to gain a better understanding of who you are – deep down – and perhaps even a better understanding of the team you work with. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_38"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/enneagram/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1920" height="1440" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/BB-Blog-images-Investing-in-You.jpg" alt="" title="BB - Blog images - Investing in You" class="wp-image-4841" /></span></a> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_59 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As Frieda </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/enneagram/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">sets out</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – </span></p> <blockquote> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“You can’t change who you are, but there are several benefits to having a deeper understanding of yourself:</span></i></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">You can make the most of your strengths and become aware of the things that challenge you.</span></i></li> </ul> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">You can face the hidden motivations and fears that rule your life and are holding you back in both your personal and professional life.</span></i></li> </ul> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">You can work more effectively in a team.</span></i></li> </ul> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">You can see what lies behind the decisions you make, why you see the world the way you do, where your blind spots and defence mechanisms are, what’s behind your anxieties, and what’s likely to trigger you.</span></i></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">You can live up to your true potential and identify where you can grow and develop.”</span></i></li> </ul> </blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">To find out more about the Enneagram Feedback Session, take a look at the </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/work-with-me/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Braving Boundaries website </span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">and </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">get in touch</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> with Frieda Levycky today. There are programmes for both individuals and teams.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">This is valuable self-care. At its finest. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">All that there’s left to do is to</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> truly</span></i> <i><span style="font-weight: 400;">invest in </span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">you.</span></i></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_39"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/enneagram-inquiry/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image.jpg" alt="" title="End of blog post CTA image" class="wp-image-4842" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_40"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_64 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_3 et_pb_divider_position_center et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_41 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_65 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_40"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_66 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_60 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the writer, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong></p> <p>Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/">The Legal Belletrist website</a>.</p> <p><strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/investing-in-you-the-world-of-the-enneagram/">Investing in You – The World of the Enneagram</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/investing-in-you-the-world-of-the-enneagram/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Beating Procrastination (Part 1): Getting to grips with why we procrastinate</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/beating-procrastination-part-1/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/beating-procrastination-part-1/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 29 Jun 2022 06:37:43 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Perfectionism]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Procrastination]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[accountants]]></category> <category><![CDATA[boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[business men]]></category> <category><![CDATA[business women]]></category> <category><![CDATA[coping with stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[covid stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[down time]]></category> <category><![CDATA[executives]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of being controlled]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of failure]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of intimacy]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of separation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of success]]></category> <category><![CDATA[financial stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fitness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[holidays]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[managers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[procrastinating]]></category> <category><![CDATA[procrastination]]></category> <category><![CDATA[productivity]]></category> <category><![CDATA[professionals]]></category> <category><![CDATA[reduce stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relationship stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relax]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relaxation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress spiral]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stressed out]]></category> <category><![CDATA[time off]]></category> <category><![CDATA[time out]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/stressed-out-why-holidays-are-a-necessity-not-a-luxury-copy/</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Procrastination: The bane of my life and for many others. But what is procrastination and why do we do it?</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/beating-procrastination-part-1/">Beating Procrastination (Part 1): Getting to grips with why we procrastinate</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_4 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_42"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_67 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_61 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>I’m not fat. But I’m not fit.</strong></p> <p>Well, not in the way that I used to be.</p> <p>It’s that time of year again where a number of running photos pop up on Facebook, highlighting the various races I’ve run over the years. In 2015, I was training to summit the Matterhorn. In 2016, it was the Verbier-St Bernard 65km Traverse. And in 2019 it was “The Beast” (the 30km ‘baby’ race!) and the Whale Trail (53km, 25km of which comprised endless stretches of beach)! Ugh! Never again!</p> <p>I was fit! Very fit! Even if I hadn’t quite grasped that at the time.</p> <p>And then lockdown commenced and my motivation to run utterly dissipated.</p> <p>Last year, as I prepared to turn 40, I wrote an article called: <strong><em><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/motivate-me-what-to-do-when-youve-lost-your-mojo/">“Motivate Me: What to do when you’ve lost your mojo!”</a></em></strong>. The article explored the different types of motivation that encourage or force us to take action. It also gave me (and 35 of my followers who decided to join in with me) the opportunity to test out a new approach to tackling my/our goals. I loved the challenge and it worked! I committed to 40 days of yoga to kickstart a return to my practice and I’m pleased to report that I’m still practising a year on.</p> <p>But motivation isn’t my current issue. I want to get fitter. I feel better when I’m fitter. And, I have the perfect excuse to get fit too. Our wedding is next April and hey, who doesn’t want to look their best in their wedding dress?</p> <p>So, what is it that is currently holding me back?</p> <p>That darned thing called: <strong>PROCRASTINATION!</strong></p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/picture-1-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4412"/></figure> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="i-m-so-stressed-holidays-are-a-luxury-not-a-necessity"><strong>What is procrastination?</strong></h2> <p>Before we get into the nitty gritty of the definitions, just see if you recognise any of these situations:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li><strong>Scenario A:</strong> Your alarm goes off for the gym in the morning: “<em>Oh just 15 more minutes in bed. It’s so cold outside. And, well, I didn’t sleep very well last night</em>.” Before you know it, 15 minutes has turned to 30 minutes and the window for the gym session has gone.</li><li><strong>Scenario B:</strong> You’ve a complicated contract to review and the deadline is two weeks away. You leave it until the last minute. Twenty things pile in during the last week, and then there is a mad dash to get it done.</li><li><strong>Scenario C:</strong> You’ve set yourself a target to bring in more clients by the end of June. You know the best way is to make direct contact, but instead you spend the next few weeks perfecting marketing materials, writing lists of people you’d like to speak to, researching companies, but don’t make any contact.</li></ul> <p>Well, they are certainly all familiar situations to me. But, then again, I’m a prime example of a procrastinator!</p> <p>As these situations highlight, procrastination is <strong><a href="https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/procrastinate"><em>“the act of delaying or putting off tasks intentionally and habitually”</em></a> </strong>[1]. What’s worse is that this behaviour sometimes occurs: <a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/the-psychology-of-procrastination-2795944"><em><strong>even when negative consequences may result from the procrastination</strong></em></a> [2].</p> <p>If we look at the Latin meaning of the word, it provides even more clarity. “<em><strong>Pro</strong></em>” meaning forward; and “<em><strong>crastinus</strong></em>” meaning belonging to tomorrow, results in a combined definition of “<em><strong>forward it to tomorrow</strong></em>”. In other words, “<em><strong>do it later</strong></em>”! [3]</p> <p>Let’s re-look at the examples above:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li><strong>In Scenario A</strong>, the intention of going to the gym to get fit is defeated by staying in bed. The consequences of continued procrastination are potentially weight gain, health issues and low self-esteem.</li><li><strong>In Scenario B</strong>, the goal is to review and amend the contract and deliver within two weeks. By leaving it to the last minute, there are potential consequences of non-delivery (and an angry client) or a highly stressed 24-hours trying to deliver by the deadline. Neither of which are particularly helpful to your health or your business. And before you say: “<em>But, I work at my best when I’m under pressure</em>” – it doesn’t mean you’re not procrastinating.</li><li><strong>In Scenario C</strong>, the goal is to bring in new clients – after all, they pay the bills and grow the business. By distracting yourself with other work rather than reaching out and making contact, procrastination in this instance could result in your business folding before it’s even had a chance to flourish.</li></ul> <p>The above are just a few examples of procrastination played out in the real world. But despite knowing the potential for detrimental consequences, why do we continue to procrastinate?</p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/picture-2-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4413"/></figure> <p></p> <div class="wp-block-buttons is-content-justification-center is-layout-flex wp-container-core-buttons-is-layout-1 wp-block-buttons-is-layout-flex"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="my-experience-how-a-proper-holiday-shifts-the-stress-perspective"><strong>Why we procrastinate</strong></h2> <p>In their book: <strong><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702">“<em>Procrastination: Why you do it. What to do about it NOW.</em>”</a></strong>, Burka & Yuen (2008) highlight four “roots” to procrastination (some or all of which may be present):</p> <ol class="wp-block-list" type="1"><li>The <strong>Time Root</strong>: This relates to a procrastinator’s complex relationship with time and the difficulty they have with conceptualising how long a task will take. As a result, tasks are often delayed.</li><li>The <strong>Interpersonal Root</strong>: Our upbringing, our socio-economic settings and our culture can also influence our levels of procrastination. If procrastination has been evidenced in our childhood, it may well be behaviour carried into adulthood.</li><li>The <strong>Biological Root</strong>: This really is explained by the continuing struggle between two parts of our brain: the limbic system (the part of our brain involved in emotional and behavioural responses, including our flight, fight or freeze responses) and the prefrontal cortex (the area of our brain utilised in planning complex cognitive behaviour and decision making). As the limbic system is a stronger, older and more developed part of our brain, it often overpowers the prefrontal cortex. As a result, automatic fear responses kick in when faced with certain situations and procrastination ensues [4]. </li><li>The <strong>Emotional Root</strong>: The final root of procrastination lies in the desire to avoid uncomfortable feelings, fears, hopes, doubts, memories, dreams and pressures [5]. Perhaps we avoid doing certain tasks because we don’t think we’ll enjoy them? Perhaps it’s because we believe we can’t do them well? Perhaps it’s because we fear that we’ll do them so well that, in turn, it will increase the demands on our life? So, we push them out until the last minute – if we get to them at all. We’ll explore the emotional root in a little more detail below.</li></ol> <p>James Clear, in his article: <strong><em>“<a href="https://jamesclear.com/procrastination">Procrastination: A Scientific Guide on How to Stop Procrastinating”</a></em></strong> [6] highlights an additional behavioural psychology approach to procrastination which also relates to time. He argues that procrastination stems from “time inconsistency”. Our brains value immediate rewards more than they do future rewards.</p> <p>So, taking Scenario B above – you have 2 weeks to complete that complicated contract review. The future goal is obviously to complete it. The benefit to your Future Self of completing it is praise from your clients and your boss, and that great feeling of a job well done. But that’s two weeks away. Who wants to wait for two weeks if there is something that you could do <strong>now</strong> that would give you that “feel great” feeling? As James Clear says: <em>“Your Present Self really likes instant gratification, not long-term payoff”</em>. So, instead, you distract yourself with the easier and quicker things on your to do list to get that instant fix. Ha! And you wonder why those prioritisation lists don’t always work!</p> <p></p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/PROCRASTINATION-3-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4414"/><figcaption> Burka & Yuen (2008): <strong><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702">“<em>Procrastination: Why you do it. What to do about it NOW.</em>”</a></strong></figcaption></figure> <p></p> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="i-m-so-stressed-holidays-are-a-necessity-not-a-luxury"><strong>The emotional side of procrastination</strong></h2> <p>Although there are a number of “roots” of procrastination, for me, the time, interpersonal and biological roots feel easier to digest. They feel less personal. They are things that have happened to me (over which I had no control) rather than something to which I might have contributed.</p> <p>I’ll be honest, as I deepened my research into the emotional root of procrastination over the weekend, I had to take a pause. I stepped away from the article and avoided it for a couple of days, distracting myself with a trip to my friend’s and the preparation of our weekly family pub quiz. There you go, procrastination in its prime!</p> <p>The emotional side, for some reason, felt deeply uncomfortable. It forced me to question and consider the underlying motivations for my own procrastination and the potential impact it has had and could have on my life. What had procrastination stopped me from achieving? Was I really operating at my full potential? Was I using procrastination to my own detriment? Was I procrastinating or setting boundaries? Is all procrastination bad?</p> <p>Needless to say, it was a confusing weekend and I’m grateful for my friends and other half who helped me process my thoughts and the research!</p> <p>So here is a high-level summary of the four underlying motivations of emotional procrastination identified by Burka & Yuen (2008) in their book: <strong><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702">“<em>Procrastination: Why you do it. What to do about it NOW.</em>”</a></strong>. See if any (or, in my case, how many) of these resonate:</p> <p></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>(a) Procrastination: Because of the fear of failure</strong></h3> <p>This rationale for procrastinating may be the most recognisable. Often, people delay tackling a task out of fear of failing at it. That failure could come in the form of being seen as “not good enough”, “not capable enough”, simply “not enough”. But rather than limiting the failure to an inability to be able to perform a task to a specific standard, people struggling with this type of procrastination view these failures as a failure of themselves as a person (Burka & Yuen, 2008). In other words, it directly impacts their self-worth.</p> <p>Dr. Richard Beery identifies a direct correlation between <strong>PERFORMANCE</strong>, <strong>ABILITY </strong>and <strong>SELF-WORTH</strong> [7]. Think about this in the context of <strong>Scenario A</strong> above.</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>If you go to the gym and work out (<strong>PERFORM</strong>) and get fitter/slimmer and start achieving your goals, you have <strong>ABILITY </strong>and you feel really good about yourself (<strong>HIGH SELF-WORTH</strong>).</li></ul> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>If you go to the gym and work out (<strong>PERFORM</strong>), but don’t see any weight loss or any fitness improvement, you see this as a lack of <strong>ABILITY </strong>(a failure of the task) and feel bad about yourself (<strong>LOW SELF-WORTH</strong>).</li></ul> <p>What procrastination does is step in to try and protect the individual by breaking the correlation between ability and performance (thus protecting self-worth).</p> <p>Think about it. If you avoid going to the gym and working out or only go to the gym with a week to go before your big event, you know that your ability has not been fully tested. Therefore, the fact that you have not got fitter or slimmer isn’t as a result of your personal failings, merely a lack of effort. You always have the excuse: “<em>Well, if I’d given myself more time, I’d have easily been able to lose 5kg.</em>”</p> <p>But what procrastination actually does is prevent you from operating at your full potential. It prevents you from challenging your abilities; seeing just how far your potential can take you. It risks keeping you locked in a place of mediocrity because it feels more comfortable. After all, being labelled as disorganised, lazy or a “last minute Nellie” feels like a less bitter pill to swallow than “you’re unworthy” or “you’re inadequate”, doesn’t it?</p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/290268939_570967407872303_1803610608235388622_n-1-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4416"/></figure> <p></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>(b) Procrastination: Because of the fear of success</strong></h3> <p>This concept may be a little harder to grasp. One theory is that procrastination is driven by a fear of success even if we want to be successful. This requires us to look both at the light and dark side of success, and is probably easier through the use of an example.</p> <p>Success to you may be the launch of your own business. The pros are that you get to work for yourself, you are your own boss, you choose your own clients, you dictate your own hours etc. You gain independence, freedom and time.</p> <p>But depending on your experience or upbringing, deep-rooted concerns and beliefs about success could also be triggered:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>Perhaps you believe that, by running a successful business, more demands will be placed on your time. There is a risk that you become a workaholic and lose control of your time. As a result, procrastinating on tasks (leaving things to the last minute) is seen as a way of avoiding that risk (i.e. preserving time), but it also undermines the likelihood of success.</li></ul> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>Perhaps success is seen as “unbecoming”. I have a friend who, throughout childhood, was taught to believe that money is evil. It leads to arguments within the marriage. People with money are deemed to be “selfish”. Success separates and differentiates you from your friends and family etc. If that’s your belief pattern, is it any wonder that you find yourself procrastinating and stalling the establishment or growth of your own business?</li></ul> <p></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="reducing-stress-by-putting-you-first"><strong>(c) Procrastination: Because of the fear of intimacy / separation</strong></h3> <p>Procrastination is also used as a means of regulating the closeness of our interpersonal relationships. Burka and Yuen (2008) explain that:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>For some people, that desire for closeness in a relationship is driven by anxiety (a fear of separation). In order to feel safe / capable of surviving in this world, they need to have their partner / friends / family / colleagues present. So procrastination is used to preserve that dependence e.g. seeking out help with work; leaving things to the last minute so that you can “be saved”; helping a colleague shine in the work environment whilst you take a back seat; or postponing things that you want to do in favour of the things your partner wants to do.</li></ul> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>For others, procrastination is used as way to maintain distance in relationships (i.e. avoid intimacy). Intimacy (romantic or otherwise) scares some people. They feel that if they allow people to get too close to them, people may take advantage of them. Perhaps they’ve experienced painful relationships in the past and want to avoid repeating these scenarios, so use procrastination (e.g. a delay in committing or progressing the relationship) as a way of maintaining their independence.</li></ul> <p>Both of the above scenarios, Burka and Yuen (2008) explain, highlight how procrastination can be used to maintain a “comfort zone”. In reality though, procrastination in these scenarios impedes the development of healthy relationships and that balance between dependence and independence and the testing and establishment of boundaries.</p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/INTIMACY-SEPARATION-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4417"/></figure> <p></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>(D) Procrastination: Because of the fear of being controlled</strong></h3> <p>Lastly, Burka and Yuen (2008) talk about the use of procrastination to avoid being controlled. The theory here is that people delay performing certain tasks as a means of asserting their independence and autonomy. And actually, it may be more familiar to you than you think.</p> <p>Think about children and their school projects. When I was 10 years old, I had to do a project on the Wirral (the peninsula next to Liverpool in the UK). It was staggered over the whole school year and various topics were covered: geographical features, religion, Roman influences, the origins of place names. Our teacher had told all of our parents about the Wirral Project because they needed to help us take photos and explore various places. The delivery of each chapter was every 4-6 weeks.</p> <p>Now, I am sure there were some very compliant children in my class, but one of the things ensconced in my personality is the need for independence. I hate being told what to do! Despite my poor mother setting rules and routines about getting each chapter of this project done early, I would leave everything to the last minute and then, in a blind panic and with a lot of drama, throw something together. But at least I retained that sense that I wasn’t being controlled!</p> <p>Procrastination, in this context, goes back to that correlation between performance, ability and self-worth discussed in Fear of Failure above. Only, in this context, self-worth is closely linked to the ability to maintain control by NOT performing [8]. So, using the above example:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>If I do my homework (<strong>PERFORM</strong>) in accordance with my mother’s rules and routines, I have no autonomy or independence (<strong>ABILITY</strong>) and I feel bad about myself (<strong>SELF-WORTH</strong>).</li></ul> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>If I avoid /delay doing my homework (<strong>NOT PERFORM</strong>) in defiance of my mother’s wishes, I retain my autonomy and independence (<strong>ABILITY</strong>) and I feel good about myself (<strong>SELF-WORTH</strong>).</li></ul> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/defiant-child.jpg"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/defiant-child-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4418"/></a></figure> <p>This form of procrastination (the desire to avoid being controlled) doesn’t just operate at a child level though. It can easily be identified in adult life too. How many of you resist paying bills until the last minute? How many of you file your taxes late and get hit with the late filing penalty? How many of you attend meetings late despite specifically been told to turn up on time?</p> <p>What’s interesting is that, although this form of procrastination (rebelling against parental, societal, corporate control) preserves this sense of independence, it prevents you from choosing what you actually want to do. Perhaps you do want to pay your bills on time so you have peace of mind? Perhaps turning up for a meeting on time is beneficial because you’ll get back to your desk earlier?</p> <p>In my case, had I just complied with my mother’s wishes and got on with the Wirral Project, I could have avoided one of the most mortifying experiences I had as a child and achieved the A Grade I desired. Due to procrastination, I’d begged my grandad to help me complete one of the chapters the weekend before it was due in. Bless him, he had painstakingly copied (i.e. plagarised) a chapter from one of the library books I’d taken out about the Wirral’s geographical rock formations. I’d copied what he’d written and handed it in! Needless to say, my teacher humiliated me in front of the whole class and called me out for cheating. My procrastination had had the direct opposite effect to the one intended. My self-worth was not exactly in tact!</p> <p></p> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Now what?</strong></h2> <p>Well, I did say that the emotional root of procrastination may feel quite confronting. I can certainly see how it has impacted my own life, particularly the fear of failure. The reality is, it still does. The reason I’ve struggled to get back into running isn’t a lack of motivation or an inability to prioritise. It’s the fear that if I set myself a goal to get fit and toned for my wedding and fail, what does that say about me as a person? My ability? My commitment to myself?</p> <p>There is a great line in the book which I’d like to leave you with which certainly helped me to feel more positive about the whole procrastination saga. <em><strong>“We believe that when you know what you feel and understand why you feel it, you are likely to be more confident, at ease with yourself, and then able to proceed without procrastinating”</strong> </em>(Burka & Yuen, 2008).</p> <p>In other words, if you’re prepared to work through your procrastination, there is light at the end of the tunnel. And that’s what we’ll focus on in Part 2. The steps which you can take to beat procrastination depending on the type of procrastinator you are.</p> <p>And, just so you are aware, the irony has not escaped me. I could have made this article twice as long and covered off the strategies here. But, hey, in true procrastinator fashion, why would I do something today which I can push to July? The challenge for me is whether I’ll give myself two weeks to write the next article or just a couple of days? Let’s see. <img src="https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/15.0.3/72x72/1f60a.png" alt="😊" class="wp-smiley" style="height: 1em; max-height: 1em;" /></p> <p></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading">Side Note</h3> <p>The summary above of the motivations driving the emotional root of procrastination is exactly that – a high level summary. It, by no means, does justice to the book. If you are struggling with procrastination or would like to discover more about it, I highly recommend you take the time to read <strong><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702">“<em>Procrastination: Why you do it. What to do about it NOW.</em>”</a></strong>. It’s a fabulous book with a wealth of examples of how each of type of procrastination is displayed.</p> <p></p> <p></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading">references</h3> <p>[1] https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/procrastinate</p> <p>[2] <em>What is procrastination?</em> https://www.verywellmind.com/the-psychology-of-procrastination-2795944</p> <p>[3], [5], [7] and [8] Burka, J., & Yuen, L. (2008). <em>Procrastination: Why you do it. What to do about it NOW.</em> Da Capo Life Long. <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702">https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702</a></p> <p>[4] Le Cunff, A. (n.d.). <em>Why we wait: the neuroscience of procrastination. </em>Ness Labs: <a href="https://nesslabs.com/neuroscience-of-procrastination#:~:text=Procrastination%20actually%20finds%20its%20roots,Its%20processes%20are%20mostly%20automatic">https://nesslabs.com/neuroscience-of-procrastination#:~:text=Procrastination%20actually%20finds%20its%20roots,Its%20processes%20are%20mostly%20automatic</a>.</p> <p>[6] Clear, J. (n.d.). <em>Procrastination: A Scientific Guide on How to Stop Procrastinating</em>. https://jamesclear.com/procrastination</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3291"/></a></figure></div> </div> </div> </div> </div><p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/beating-procrastination-part-1/">Beating Procrastination (Part 1): Getting to grips with why we procrastinate</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/beating-procrastination-part-1/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Feeling lost? 7 tips to get you back on track</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/feeling-lost-7-tips-to-get-you-back-on-track/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/feeling-lost-7-tips-to-get-you-back-on-track/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 26 May 2022 06:38:50 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[accountants]]></category> <category><![CDATA[boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[bravery]]></category> <category><![CDATA[business men]]></category> <category><![CDATA[business women]]></category> <category><![CDATA[coping with stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[courage]]></category> <category><![CDATA[covid stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[directionless]]></category> <category><![CDATA[down time]]></category> <category><![CDATA[executives]]></category> <category><![CDATA[feeling lost]]></category> <category><![CDATA[feeling overwhelmed]]></category> <category><![CDATA[financial stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[finding balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[finding direction]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[listen to your feelings]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lost]]></category> <category><![CDATA[managers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[off track]]></category> <category><![CDATA[overwhelmed]]></category> <category><![CDATA[purposeless]]></category> <category><![CDATA[reduce stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relationship stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[searching for purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress spiral]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stressed out]]></category> <category><![CDATA[time off]]></category> <category><![CDATA[time out]]></category> <category><![CDATA[trust your gut]]></category> <category><![CDATA[value alignment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[values]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work life balance]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=4353</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Have you ever felt lost? That feeling of having no direction, no purpose and being completely off track? You're not alone.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/feeling-lost-7-tips-to-get-you-back-on-track/">Feeling lost? 7 tips to get you back on track</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[ <h5 class="wp-block-heading"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></em></h5> <p></p> <p>Have you ever felt lost?</p> <p>We’re not talking about driving to an area you don’t know without your sat-nav working. That’s a different kind of lost. <em>Altogether.</em> </p> <p>We’re talking about the “lost” that happens when you feel yourself losing your place in the world. The “lost” you feel when you’re not quite keeping up with those around you. The “lost” you feel when you’re disconnected from your purpose. And yourself. </p> <p>A feeling of “<em>where have I come from and where am I going to?</em>”.</p> <p>That kind of “lost”. Directionless. Purposeless. And completely off track.</p> <p>Feeling lost is very tangible. You can hear it. Smell it. Even taste it. It’s there all around you. </p> <p>What has caused it can be an innumerable amount of things. Maybe you have plenty of reasons. Maybe only one. And maybe none at all. Maybe you just are feeling – <em>lost.</em> Simple as that. </p> <p>It happens. To most of us throughout our lives. Spurred on by many different things – the end of a romance, the end of a career, the loss of a loved one, failing an exam, losing a case, or bungling up a deal. There are just so many variables. So many factors. And sometimes it’s more than one. </p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Am I lost or just demotivated?</em></strong></h2> <p>Being demotivated is quite different from feeling lost. </p> <p>According to the Oxford Dictionary being “demotivated” is when someone is <em>“less eager to work or study.” </em></p> <p>Someone who is demotivated knows where they are going and what they are doing (usually) but they just feel a little <em>less eager to get there</em>. They are missing that little cherry on top. That incentive. That nudge to get them back on track.</p> <p>But this feeling of “being lost” is different. It’s when you look in the mirror and suddenly don’t know who the person looking back at you <em>is</em>. Inside. It is the feeling of being suspended in liquid treading water and hoping you find your way out and towards the sun once again. </p> <p><em>Maybe an example will help.</em></p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/05/Feeling-lost-tips-to-get-you-back-on-track-1.jpg"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/05/Feeling-lost-tips-to-get-you-back-on-track-1-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4355"/></a></figure> <p>Take a puzzle. After all, you know how much we love puzzles.</p> <p>Someone who is demotivated will look at all the bright coloured pieces – they will see the different shapes and sizes and can possibly even tell where one piece is meant to go. But they just don’t want to. Maybe they don’t like the image on the puzzle. Maybe they just don’t like puzzles. Maybe they just can’t be bothered. Either way, they don’t feel excited about completing it. </p> <p>Someone who is feeling lost, actually does like puzzles. But they cannot see the image of the puzzle. At all. They cannot even tell if it is in black and white or colour. So, they don’t know the first thing about <em>how</em> to put it together. </p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Acknowledging how you feel is the first step</em></strong></h2> <p>We acknowledge that this feeling of being lost is really hard. We acknowledge that it is not something that you can just “keep calm and carry on” about. In fact, you really shouldn’t. </p> <p>But we also know that the first step in dealing with feeling lost is acknowledging and admitting that <em>you are.</em></p> <p>Because by acknowledging how you are feeling, <em>you can start to deal with it.</em> And in so doing, <em>get to know who you are </em><em>now</em> – after finding yourself again. </p> <p>Remember, <em>“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom” </em>(Aristotle).</p> <p>Acknowledging, accepting and reminding yourself that it is ok to feel the way you do, is your absolute first step. </p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>What comes next? </em></strong></h2> <p>Your journey to finding yourself again, learning about yourself and accepting the “new you” can be an unbelievably valuable exercise. Learning about yourself is a great gift and helping yourself get through this feeling of unease can change your life in so many ways. All for the better. </p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/05/Blog-images-Feeling-Lost.jpg"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/05/Blog-images-Feeling-Lost-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4358"/></a></figure> <p>So here are some tips/strategies to follow on how to deal with feeling lost: </p> <ol class="wp-block-list"><li><a href="#care">Take care of yourself</a></li><li><a href="#victim">Do not become a victim</a></li><li><a href="#focus">Focus on your strengths and capabilities</a></li><li><a href="#reflect">Reflect on your values</a></li><li><a href="#acknowledge">Acknowledge who you really are</a></li><li><a href="#learn">Learn from it</a></li><li><a href="#ask">Ask for help</a></li></ol> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-1 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large" id="care"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="1024" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1486"/></a></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p><strong><em>Take care of yourself</em></strong> – be kind to yourself first and foremost. After telling yourself it’s ok to feel how you are feeling, taking care of yourself is crucial. This is not the time to badger yourself about being weak or failing or <em>“not being good enough”</em>. Firstly, all of that is rubbish. That is just your insecurity talking. And secondly, belittling yourself will not help the situation. Be kind to yourself. Breathe. Try meditation or yoga. Get back to feeling ok in your own skin again. </p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-2 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large" id="victim"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="1024" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1487"/></a></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p><strong><em>Do not become a victim</em></strong><em> </em>– when you are trying to figure out what to do next, it is only natural to develop a sort of defeatist attitude. It becomes easy to give up and not try. It is easy to become a victim. But that will only hurt you in the long run. If you stop caring about what you are doing and simply accept your situation, you are telling yourself its fine to stay in the hole you are in. It’s ok to give up. But it just isn’t. So, work on your self-esteem. Remind yourself that this is a phase, something you are working through and give yourself back your self-worth – because <em>you deserve more than that. </em></p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-3 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large" id="focus"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1488"/></a></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p><strong><em>Focus on your strengths and capabilities</em></strong><em> </em>– it’s only natural that when you are feeling lost in the world to focus on your flaws. We all have them. We are only human after all. No one is perfect. But focusing on those flaws that you may (or may not) have is again harmful. You will have nothing to gain from focusing on your weaknesses. Your flaws. The things you cannot do. <em>Yet.</em> So instead – shift your perspective. Focus on the things that you <em>can</em> do well. Focus on your strengths and your best qualities (come on you can admit what these are). Become your biggest supporter. Tell yourself <em>“You’ve got this”</em> and feel strong in that realisation. Because you are amazing, with your own gifts, your own qualities and your own unique personality. And that’s a powerful thing. </p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-4 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large" id="reflect"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1489"/></a></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p><strong><em>Reflect on your values</em></strong><em> </em>– ask yourself this <em>“what is important to you?”</em>. When you can understand what matters most in your life, when you can feel what resonates with you – focus on that. And then do whatever you need to, to live your life in line with those values that are most important to you. Remember this is <em>your life</em>. You should be living it for yourself. Not anyone else. And with that knowledge in mind – open yourself up to opportunity and take it all in.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-5 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large" id="acknowledge"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="1024" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1490"/></a></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p><strong><em>Acknowledge who you really are</em></strong><em> </em>– now this may be a hard one. Because again, it starts with acknowledging where you are <em>right now</em>. We don’t mean on your couch in your living room. We mean, where you are emotionally. Then once you have done that, remind yourself <em>who you are</em>. Think about this deeply and look inside of yourself. You know your core values, you will already have admitted to your strengths and capabilities, you will know your self-worth. Now acknowledge what knowing all of those things about yourself makes you – a beautiful, unique individual who has been through a tough time. But someone who can find their way out of it. <em>Be true to you.</em></p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-6 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large" id="learn"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/6.jpg"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="1024" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/6-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1491"/></a></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p><strong><em>Learn from it</em></strong><em> </em>– every obstacle put in our way is there to teach us a lesson. Even the really hard ones. And feeling lost is one of them. But going through this process of self-evaluation and self-care can open up your mind to parts of yourself that you didn’t know existed. We are always so busy – with work, with our families, with our friends that we often neglect getting to know ourselves first. We forget that each experience in life teaches us a valuable lesson. You have most likely been through emotions similar to this before. And going through it taught you something knew about you. So, take this life lesson and learn from it. Grow.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-7 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large" id="ask"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/7.png"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="1024" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/7-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1882"/></a></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p><strong><em>Ask for help</em></strong><em> </em>– while the above are helpful steps to take in finding your way out of the fog, they are not the <em>be all and end all</em>. They are not magical beans that will suddenly turn your life around. No matter how hard you try. Sometimes we just cannot seem to pull ourselves out of the hole we have dug for ourselves. And that’s ok. But staying in that state of flux is not. So, put pride, shame and whatever else aside and ask for help. Again, we acknowledge that feeling lost is hard. It is scary and can be lonely. This isn’t easy. And we are not playing it down. <em>Whatsoever.</em> </p> </div> </div> <p>However, we believe that situations like this can be a catalyst for amazing change in your life. It can redirect you towards the things that matter most to you. <em>If you let them</em>. And that’s the key right there. <em>Its all up to you.</em> </p> <blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow"><p><em>“Be patient with yourself. Nothing blooms all year” </em></p><cite>Anonymous</cite></blockquote> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <p>On that note, we remind you that your mental health and your mental wellbeing are paramount to living a full life. Do not neglect them. Do not dismiss them. Do not ignore feelings of despair or feelings of being lost. </p> <p>Reach out. But also allow yourself <em>to feel, to deal and to grow from this. </em></p> <h2 class="wp-block-heading">Resources</h2> <p><a href="https://declutterthemind.com/blog/feeling-lost/">Feeling Lost: 9 Ways to Cope When You Feel Lost</a><br><a href="http://12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life">12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life</a><br><a href="http://Feeling Lost? Here’s What It Means and How to Find Yourself">Feeling Lost? Here’s What It Means and How to Find Yourself</a></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3291"/></a></figure> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <hr class="wp-block-separator has-text-color has-alpha-channel-opacity has-background is-style-wide" style="background-color:#c69229;color:#c69229"/> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-8 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist-1024x1024-1.jpg" alt=""/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p>About the writer, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong></p> <p>Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism. </p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/">The Legal Belletrist website</a>.</p> <p><strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></p> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/feeling-lost-7-tips-to-get-you-back-on-track/">Feeling lost? 7 tips to get you back on track</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/feeling-lost-7-tips-to-get-you-back-on-track/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Stressed out? Why holidays are a necessity NOT a luxury</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/stressed-out-why-holidays-are-a-necessity-not-a-luxury/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/stressed-out-why-holidays-are-a-necessity-not-a-luxury/#comments</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 26 Jan 2022 13:14:15 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[accountants]]></category> <category><![CDATA[boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[business men]]></category> <category><![CDATA[business women]]></category> <category><![CDATA[coping with stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[covid stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[down time]]></category> <category><![CDATA[executives]]></category> <category><![CDATA[financial stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[holidays]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[managers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[reduce stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relationship stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relax]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relaxation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress spiral]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stressed out]]></category> <category><![CDATA[time off]]></category> <category><![CDATA[time out]]></category> <category><![CDATA[unplug]]></category> <category><![CDATA[vacation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[vacation time]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work life balance]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=3911</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Stress impacts both our physical and mental health. Yet society has convinced us that everything else in life trumps our need to rest. We need to stop thinking that holidays are a luxury rather than a necessity.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/stressed-out-why-holidays-are-a-necessity-not-a-luxury/">Stressed out? Why holidays are a necessity NOT a luxury</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[ <p>When was the last time you took (at least) a 2-week holiday?</p> <p>Was it as recently as this Christmas? Was it in the last year? Was it in the last 2, 3, 5 years? </p> <p>For those of you who have managed a 2-week break, let me ask you that question again, just with a slightly different emphasis this time: <em>When was the last time you took (at least) a 2-week </em><strong><em>holiday</em></strong><em>?</em></p> <p>I’m not talking about a “holiday” where you’re on call. Or a holiday where you’ll answer one or two emails. Or a holiday which coincides with a business trip. Or a holiday combined with working from your hotel room a couple of hours a day. Or a holiday where you are racing from one place to another. Or a holiday which is basically two weeks of admin catch up because you’ve not found time to do it during working hours.</p> <p>I’m talking about a <strong><em>proper holiday</em></strong>: downtime; a real break; time off. An extended period where you rest, read a book, go for lazy walks, sleep in, watch TV, paint, drink wine, daydream – whatever it is that allows you to truly switch off and do what you want to do. When was the last time you did that?</p> <p>Any takers?</p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/Importance-of-Reducing-Stress-Braving-Boundaries-Life-Coaching-for-Professionals-3-1024x768.jpg" alt="Importance of Reducing Stress - Braving Boundaries Life Coaching for Professionals (3)" class="wp-image-3922"/></figure> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="i-m-so-stressed-holidays-are-a-luxury-not-a-necessity"><strong>I’m so stressed! – Holidays </strong><strong><em>are a luxury</em></strong><strong> not a necessity</strong></h2> <p>Although not stated in so many words, this is a belief many of us hold about taking time off (me included, back in the day). Society has convinced us that practically everything else in life trumps our need to rest. Just consider how many of the following statements have run through your mind (if not been explicitly said) when you’ve considered pausing for a couple hours or a weekend (never mind two weeks): </p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>I have kids – my time is not my own. There is no such thing as downtime.</li><li>I’m strong, capable and an amazing multi-tasker. I don’t need a break.</li><li>I’m not lucky enough to have been born into a wealthy family. I can’t afford time off.</li><li>My free time needs to benefit me – it’s not for rest.</li><li>There’s been no point in taking a holiday in the last 2 years, we’ve had nowhere to go.</li><li>Work needs me – I’m essential to the project. I can’t just swan off to a beach for a week to read a book!</li><li>I get bored too easily. 4 days is sufficient time off for me.</li><li>I’m worried that if I’m not in the office that people will forget about me or get promoted ahead of me.</li><li>I’ve no one to travel with. What’s the point of taking a holiday?</li><li>If you’re not punching out the hours, you’re not a team player / you’ll never succeed.</li><li>I find it really difficult to stop and do nothing.</li><li>Holidays are an incredible waste of time!</li></ul> <p>The list goes on and on. </p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/Importance-of-Reducing-Stress-Braving-Boundaries-Life-Coaching-for-Professionals-4-1024x768.jpg" alt="Importance of Reducing Stress - Braving Boundaries Life Coaching for Professionals (4)" class="wp-image-3923"/></figure> <p>And so, with a heavy head of acceptance and a dose of martyrdom, we sacrifice our rest time (that time for our seemingly frivolous needs and wants) for the “right” things – the things a capitalist society tells us are more important: money, power, success, stability and security.</p> <p>The thing is, all of the above reasons seem perfectly justifiable for placing the luxury of a holiday on the backburner. But, when we take a closer look, those reasons are merely well-constructed and societally-approved excuses masking our own fears about taking time off. Often our identities are so intrinsically linked to the stereotyped roles that we play (the good mother, father, daughter, son, lawyer, accountant, CEO, COO, teacher, charity worker etc.) that the thought of taking a break from those roles (and the potential consequences of losing our identity – <em>I mean, what would people say?</em>) prevent us from seeing holidays as a necessity rather than a luxury.</p> <p>But what happens when you don’t stop and take time out for yourself? What happens when you keep on pushing through; putting work, family, friends, relationships ahead of your needs?</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/product/deluxe-gift-box/"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="790" height="170" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/BB-animated-deluxe-gift-promo-banner-790-×-170-px.gif" alt="" class="wp-image-4343"/></a></figure> <div class="wp-block-buttons is-content-justification-center is-layout-flex wp-container-core-buttons-is-layout-2 wp-block-buttons-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-button aligncenter is-style-fill"><a class="wp-block-button__link has-background" style="border-radius:0px;background-color:#c69229">GET SOME “ME TIME”</a></div> </div> <div style="height:60px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="my-experience-how-a-proper-holiday-shifts-the-stress-perspective"><strong>My experience – how a proper holiday shifts the stress perspective </strong></h2> <p>Back in my years in corporate, 70-100 hour weeks were the norm. I constantly worked through my holidays and some, if not all, my weekends. There was one particular period where I remember flying over to Australia to spend time with my step-brother and his family. At the time, I was lead counsel on a mining deal in Canada which insisted on closing whilst I was “on holiday”. Given the time difference, the entire two weeks were spent working through the night (drafting documents, attending conference calls and negotiating), crawling into bed at 4am for three hours sleep, and then groggily playing with my niece and nephews. So much for time off! When I flew back to Geneva, there was little reprieve. The next 6 months consisted of trips to Canada, Russia and Ukraine, interspersed with weekends in Italy climbing 4,000 metre peaks; daily gym workouts; a road trip to a friends’ wedding in France and at least half a day every weekend at my computer. </p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/Importance-of-Reducing-Stress-Braving-Boundaries-Life-Coaching-for-Professionals-5-1024x768.jpg" alt="Frieda Levycky Stressed" class="wp-image-3913"/></figure> <p>Life was exciting and full of variety, but it was exhausting!!! And it paid a physical toll on my body… I lost tonnes of weight. I wasn’t sleeping properly. My skin was pale. I woke up every morning with grey puffy eyes. The physical signs that I needed a break were all there, staring back at me in the mirror every morning … my body was literally screaming at me to take a break and yet I refused to listen. I had convinced myself that work needed me. I was priceless to them. I was the only person who knew everything about the projects I was working on. And let’s be honest, I loved the feeling of being indispensable, needed and wanted. Had I taken a break, I’d merely have felt guilty for letting people down and worried that someone else would shine in my place. My self-worth and identity were so reliant on work – that I actually just feared the consequences of taking a break and seeing what was left of me without the work.</p> <p>When I got hospitalized with pneumonia, and my CFO called me to tell me that under no circumstances was I to respond to any email in the next two weeks, I finally sat back in my hospital bed and relaxed. I finally had permission (not that I should have needed it) to stop and rest and focus on getting my body back to health. I promise you, it’s not the ideal way of spending a 2 week holiday.</p> <p>Subconsciously, that two week break put into motion a wave of events that ultimately led me to reassess my needs and priorities. I missed quality time with my friends and family. I missed traveling for fun and adventuring. I missed morning coffees in bed. I missed sunbathing and reading for fun. I missed playing board games and creating photograph books. I missed all the “frivolous” things that just “wasted my time” because they didn’t push me towards “success”.</p> <p>That 2 week rest brought about a profound change in my life. In the way I made decisions; in what I valued; and in what I chose to prioritize.</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="i-m-so-stressed-holidays-are-a-necessity-not-a-luxury"><strong>I’m so stressed! – Holidays are </strong><strong><em>a necessity</em></strong><strong>, </strong><strong>not</strong><strong> a luxury</strong></h2> <p>My story is just one of thousands of examples of what can happen when we don’t make downtime a priority. And the world already acknowledges that it is.</p> <p>Every judicial system around the world has built in statutory minimum holiday requirements for employees for a reason. Why? Because it is a common, well-researched fact that a holiday is essential to recover from the daily stress of work.</p> <p>Stress impacts both our physical and mental health. And the longer it continues, the more damaging the effects will be on us.</p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/Importance-of-Reducing-Stress-Braving-Boundaries-Life-Coaching-for-Professionals-6-1-1024x768.jpg" alt="Importance of Reducing Stress - Braving Boundaries Life Coaching for Professionals (6)" class="wp-image-3925"/></figure> <p>And yet, there we are, with our bounty of viable excuses as to why holidays are not a necessity.</p> <p>But the reality is that:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>We need to be <strong><em>changing our mindset</em></strong> towards holidays and self-prioritisation. </li><li>We need to <strong><em>stop boasting</em></strong> about the fact that we’ve not taken a day’s holiday in two years!</li><li>We need to <strong><em>stop joking that taking time off is “dangerous”</em></strong> as it “allows us to remember what life is like outside of the office”! – What is it they say about jokes? There is always an element of truth in them.</li><li>We need to <strong><em>take a reality check on what is important to us</em></strong>. As Oliver Burkeman succinctly explains in his book: <em><a href="https://www.audiobooks.com/audiobook/four-thousand-weeks-time-management-for-mortals/503825?refId=38712&gclid=Cj0KCQiA_8OPBhDtARIsAKQu0gZRhB-UEmg1XjoM86a2VMql94QQpZiioW3gx1iXI0A_GOsUvX2YhBcaAtNQEALw_wcB">Four Thousand Weeks</a></em>: <em>“The average human lifespan is absurdly, terrifyingly, insultingly short …. Assuming you live to be 80, you’ll have about four thousand weeks.”</em> That is all the time that we have on this earth: four thousand weeks! So, ask yourself, how do you want to spend those weeks? Stressed out and constantly prioritizing everyone ahead of yourself? Or enjoying the things that you love doing just for the sake of doing them (and for no other purpose than that).</li></ul> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="reducing-stress-by-putting-you-first"><strong><em>Reducing stress by putting you first</em></strong></h2> <p>So, before you think of a reason <em>not</em> to go on holiday, <em>not</em> to put yourself first and <em>not</em> to do the things that bring happiness into your life, think instead of every reason that you <em>should be</em> doing those things. Like your own wellbeing, your health (both mentally and physically) and your happiness. Those should be top priority (regardless of everything else going on in your day-to-day).</p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/Importance-of-Reducing-Stress-Braving-Boundaries-Life-Coaching-for-Professionals-1-1024x768.jpg" alt="Importance of Reducing Stress - Braving Boundaries Life Coaching for Professionals (1)" class="wp-image-3920"/></figure> <p>Life is short, it is unpredictable and it is fragile – embrace every moment you have on this planet and <em>live well</em>. Don’t just survive each day, <em>enjoy each day</em>. And taking a real holiday (or simply taking the weekend for yourself), is key to achieving a balance, well-lived life. Real rest is crucial. </p> <p>So go on – the sun, sea and sand are calling you. <em>Can you hear them?</em></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <p>Take a read of next week’s article <strong><em>“Spotting the signs of stress – even when you think you aren’t” </em></strong>which will explore how stress manifests in our bodies and how to recover from it.</p> <p>For further insight into stress and anxiety management, check out the article: <em><strong><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-janu-worry-stress-spiral/">The “Janu-worry” stress spiral</a></strong></em>.</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3291"/></a></figure> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/stressed-out-why-holidays-are-a-necessity-not-a-luxury/">Stressed out? Why holidays are a necessity NOT a luxury</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/stressed-out-why-holidays-are-a-necessity-not-a-luxury/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>4</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>The “Janu-worry” stress spiral</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-janu-worry-stress-spiral/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-janu-worry-stress-spiral/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 26 Jan 2022 12:55:35 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Working environment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety spiral]]></category> <category><![CDATA[coping with anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[coping with overwhelm]]></category> <category><![CDATA[coping with stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[covid]]></category> <category><![CDATA[covid stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[edith eger]]></category> <category><![CDATA[financial stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[it's not fair]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[overwhelm]]></category> <category><![CDATA[pandemic]]></category> <category><![CDATA[reduce stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress spiral]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stressed out]]></category> <category><![CDATA[viktor frankl]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[worry]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=3883</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Aside from the normal New Year stress, in 2022, there is an ever present anxiety around what now, what next or where to from here?</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-janu-worry-stress-spiral/">The “Janu-worry” stress spiral</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[ <h5 class="wp-block-heading"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></em></h5> <p></p> <p>As we “come down” from our “festive high” – filled with presents, hope for 2022, rich food and laughter of family – we find ourselves gradually settling back into the daily norm and the reality of <em>“taking the year seriously”</em> once again comes to the fore. </p> <p>And, if you’re anything like me, as with the start of every year, you’ll find that you have already put pressure on yourself to overhaul your life – to become a better, more shinier version of yourself and excel before you have even found yourself (properly) at the starting block. </p> <p>But this year, things are a little different. </p> <p><strong><em>“Janu-worry” at the start of 2022 has never been more “worryful”.</em></strong></p> <p>Not only is the world still reeling from the Omicron variant, but we are also dealing with so many other issues, like a reduced household income (due to job loss or resignation), our normal “New Year worries” and an ever present anxiety around – <em>what now, what next or where to from here? </em></p> <p>Everything kind of feels “up in the air”. </p> <p>It’s enough to make your head spin. And we are all kind of feeling a little dizzy right about now – <em>can we please get off this “joy ride”?</em></p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/2-1024x768.jpg" alt="stress spiral for 2022" class="wp-image-3885"/></figure> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="the-cause-of-the-stress-spiral-for-2022"><strong><em>The cause of the stress spiral for 2022</em></strong></h2> <h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="1-financial-stress"><strong><em>1. Financial Stress</em></strong></h3> <p>As we all know – Janu-worry is 54 days long! There it is again – that familiar realisation that all the money that we spent on gifts, travel or expensive festive meals should have covered us for the rest of the month. With no happy distractions to take our minds off the matter, coming down off of a relaxing holiday and having to delve into our finances knowing that we are <em>coming up short,</em> is an excruciating exercise. Stress levels increase and the stress spiral begins. </p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="2-the-it-s-not-fair-stress"><strong><em>2. The “it’s not fair” stress</em></strong></h3> <p>Some of us did not take leave. Some of us could not spend time with our families (who are living abroad) with travel restrictions being what they are. Perhaps we had planned a big family reunion only to have the “stuffing pulled out of the turkey” – so to speak. Travel plans were cancelled, teary calls to family members (once again) with news that we wouldn’t be coming home this year. Tearful Video Chats on Christmas day or on New Year’s –<em> “maybe next year”. </em></p> <p>Quite frankly, it sucked! </p> <p>And for those of us that still worked throughout December and found ourselves, yet again, alone during our Christmas lunches, we too are feeling the rather resentful twitch that is – <em>Christmas (and our holiday cheer) was stolen from us</em>. The Grinch being rather successful this year.</p> <p>All in all we are feeling it – that worry, anxiety and stress sprinkled with a dash of regret, resentment and anger. </p> <p>It kind of feels like the three bears – one bowl of porridge was too hot (the over spenders), one bowl of porridge was too cold (we didn’t get a Christmas at all) and on reflection, there does not seem to be many with a bowl <em>that was just right.</em> </p> <p>Know what we mean?</p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/3-1024x768.jpg" alt="stress spiral for 2022" class="wp-image-3886"/></figure> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="3-the-covid-stress">3<em><strong>. The covid stress</strong></em></h3> <p>Some of us were again infected with Covid (Omicron being extremely transmissible. Not necessarily worse, just catchier). And after a couple of run-ins with Covid during 2021, some of us are dealing with abject fear, uncertainty of what to do to prevent transmission and an overall state of subjective PTSD. </p> <p>Wanting to lock ourselves away from the world. Yet again. Putting ourselves under a self-inflicted lockdown. Sanitising <em>everythaaaang</em> (even considering whether we should sanitise our sanitizer bottles) and becoming complete loons at the thought of <em>another</em> outbreak.</p> <p>It feels like we have been fighting a war.</p> <p>We know, it sounds extreme, but ever since the beginning of this horrible ordeal, we have all been “under threat”. Never knowing what is going to happen next. Where the next “attack” will come from. </p> <p>It has felt <em>almost war-like</em> with measures taken by countries to mitigate the spread of the virus feeling like we are fighting an invisible enemy. The same one around the world. <em>Which we are.</em> </p> <p>But in this pursuit, it has affected livelihoods, confidence in our governments and our own sanity. And it’s made worse by the feeling that there is no real baseline for understanding what we are all going through right now and <em>how to best cope.</em></p> <p></p> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="stress-anxiety-and-fear-are-real-this-year"><strong><em>Stress, anxiety and fear are real this year</em></strong></h2> <p>As a result, we have (once again) picked up less healthy habits as a coping mechanism for our spiraling emotions. We have searched for “quick fix” comforts like eating poorly (mostly potato chips), binge-watching Netflix or Amazon Prime (Have you watched <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1190634/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">The Boys</a> yet??) and isolating ourselves from friends and family. </p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/4-1024x768.jpg" alt="stress spiral for 2022" class="wp-image-3887"/></figure> <p>The very definition of an <em>act of self-preservation</em> which creates a feeling of distance and an over-whelming isolation from others. And this, in turn (ironically) results in feeling even more anxious.</p> <p>And you have to ask yourself, <em>is this really living?</em></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="strategies-to-combat-the-stress-spiral"><strong><em>Strategies to combat the stress spiral</em></strong></h2> <p>When going through turmoil, it’s hard to know which way to turn. We understand that. </p> <p>But if there is anyone that can give us advice on how best to cope during this pandemic, it’s those that have themselves already experienced horrors and loss beyond most of our own comprehension. It’s people that survived the Holocaust that came out the other side with lessons learnt, experiences gained and psychology degrees that are perfectly poised to guide us. They survived because they found meaning and purpose despite the atrocities they faced. </p> <p>And we would venture to say that if they can survive the Holocaust, <em>we can get through anything….</em></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="reducing-stress-man-s-search-for-meaning"><strong><em>Reducing stress – Man’s Search for Meaning</em></strong></h2> <p>Victor Emil Frankl (1905 – 1997) was an Austrian neurologist, psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor. He devoted his life to studying, understanding and promoting “meaning”, techniques he himself used during his horrific time in the concentration camps. </p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/5-1024x768.jpg" alt="Viktor Frankl | Man's Search For Meaning" class="wp-image-3888"/></figure> <p>In his book, <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4069.Man_s_Search_for_Meaning" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Man’s Search for Meaning</a>, Frankl described how he survived the Holocaust <strong><em>by finding personal meaning in the experience, giving him the will to live through it.</em></strong> He bases this on the following <a href="https://www.realtimeperformance.com/5-lessons-from-viktor-frankls-book-mans-search-for-meaning/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">five premises</a>:</p> <p></p> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-9 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-thumbnail"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="150" height="150" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1-150x150.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1486"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:66.66%"> <p><strong><strong>We always retain the ability to choose our attitude</strong> – </strong><em><em>“We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts, comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.“ </em></em>No matter what life throws at us, we will always retain our own inner-freedom to decide our own attitude, to remain true to our character and to our duties.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-10 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="1024" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1487"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:66.66%"> <p><strong><strong><strong>There will be suffering but it’s how we react to the suffering that counts – </strong></strong></strong>one finds meaning in life in three ways. Through <em>work</em> (especially when that work is both creative in nature and aligned with a purpose greater than ourselves), through <em>love</em> (which often manifests itself in the service of others) and through <em>suffering</em> (which is fundamental to the human experience). The test then for all of us is how we respond to the <em>suffering in our lives</em>.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-11 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1488"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:66.66%"> <p><strong>The power of purpose</strong> – Frankl observed that those prisoners who survived, who found a way to endure, always had a greater purpose that carried them onward through difficult conditions. <em>“The prisoner who had lost faith in the future – his future – was doomed. With his loss of belief in the future he also lost his spiritual hold; he let himself decline and become subject to mental and physical decay”. </em>Frankl refers several times to the words of <a style="href="https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/nietzsche/"" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Friedrich Nietzsche</a>:<em> “He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how. </em>It is finding our meaning, our greater purpose in life -despite the atrocities we face – that keep us alive and keep us going.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-12 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1489"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:66.66%"> <p><strong><strong><strong>The true test of our character is revealed in<em> how we act </em>– </strong></strong></strong><span style="font-size: revert;">Frankl came to the conclusion that there is <em>no general answer to the meaning of life</em>. Each person must answer the question for themselves. We find our own unique meaning based on our circumstances, our relationships and our experiences. Life is essentially testing us, and the answer is revealed in how we respond.</span></p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-13 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="1024" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1490"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:66.66%"> <p><strong>Human Kindness can be found in the most surprising places</strong> – In his book, Frankl recalls a time when a guard, at great risk to himself, secretly gave him a piece of bread. <em>“It was far more than the small piece of bread which moved me to tears at the time. It was the human “something” that this man gave to me – the word and look which accompanied the gift. The mere knowledge that a man was either a camp guard or a prisoner tells us almost nothing. Human kindness can be found in all groups, even those which as a whole it would be easy to condemn”. </em>Frankl claims there are really only two types of people in the world – decent human beings and indecent human beings. Both can be found everywhere. They penetrate every group and every society.</p> </div> </div> <p>Frankl’s book and what he experienced emphasise the importance of finding and cultivating meaning in our daily lives, something that is core to (what Socrates called) <em>“a life well-lived.”</em> Frankl’s insights teach us that, <em>not only is there value in our search for meaning, but it’s the duty of each and every one of us to find that meaning for ourselves and pursue it.</em></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="reducing-stress-aiming-to-see-the-positive-in-everything"><strong><em>Reducing stress – Aiming to see the positive in everything</em></strong></h2> <p><a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/jessicagold/2020/09/15/5-tips-a-psychologist-and-holocaust-survivor-can-teach-us-about-surviving/?sh=1b8f63197260" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Dr. Edith Eger</a>, a Hungarian teenager in 1944 found herself in Auschwitz. Though her parents died in the gas chamber, her outlook kept both her sister and herself alive. After her liberation from the death camp, she went on to get her degree in psychology, mentored by Viktor Frankl. </p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/6-1024x768.jpg" alt="The Gift | 12 Lessons to Save Your Life" class="wp-image-3889"/></figure> <p>She lived through war, horror and abject fear. She saw the absolute worst side of man. As did Frankl. But she came out the other side not only with a degree but life lessons we can all take to heart, especially <em>as we learn to cope with our everyday stress and anxiety</em>:</p> <p></p> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-14 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-thumbnail"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="150" height="150" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1-150x150.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1486"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:66.66%"> <p><strong><strong><strong>Live in the present, remembering lessons learned from the past –</strong></strong></strong> aim to live your life as much as you can in the present moment and not in the past. Don’t risk remaining “a prisoner” in your own home, a prisoner to your own life and to your own mindset. Avoid the <em>“should have”</em> and <em>“could have”</em> mentality and focus on the things you can do right now.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-15 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="1024" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1487"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:66.66%"> <p><strong><strong><strong><strong>We can’t change what’s happening around us, but we can change our internal attitude – </strong></strong></strong></strong>create a world within yourself that no one can affect. Think of the dark times as being only temporary – <em>“this too shall pass”.</em> Shift expectations to realistic rather than idealistic i.e. <em>“2022 will be my year”</em> and instead find hope and positivity in the things that you can realistically accomplish.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-16 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1488"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:66.66%"> <p><strong><strong><strong><strong><strong>Self-love is self-care – </strong></strong></strong></strong></strong>we are often nicer to our friends and family than we are to ourselves, seemingly believing that self-love and self-care is self-centered and selfish. But we believe (as does Eger) that self-love is critical to survival, especially during challenging times. Get up in the morning, look at yourself in the mirror with kindness and remind yourself that <em>you love you</em> too. Loving yourself is caring for yourself. So start your day with a positive affirmation and pursue your goals with a powerful purpose.<strong><strong><strong><strong> </strong></strong></strong></strong></p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-17 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1489"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:66.66%"> <p><strong><strong><strong><strong><strong><strong>Everyone experiences grief differently – </strong></strong></strong></strong></strong></strong>during this time, grief manifests in many ways. People are grieving the loss of school, planned events, sports, travel and general life experiences. Sure it may not be to the same extent as actual war or finding yourself in a death camp but with such a broad spectrum of loss, many experience guilt when they feel their grief is not equal to that of mourning the passing of a loved one or witnessing mass murder in gas chambers. Their grief does not deserve to be “grieved for” in the same way. But you cannot compare grief. You can’t compare situations either. Everyone grieves for their own personal losses in their own unique way. There is no right or wrong way to grieve or what you are allowed to grieve for. And the truth of the matter is this – everyone’s loss will be worse at that point in time for them than anyone else’s grief. It’s all relative. So grieve what you need to grieve in a way that is right for you.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-18 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="1024" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1490"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:66.66%"> <p><strong><strong><strong><strong><strong><strong><strong>Look for the good amongst the negative – </strong></strong></strong></strong></strong></strong></strong>as hard as it is to understand, there actually <em>is</em> good in everything. We need to learn to look at our current situation in this light. No matter how bad it may seem. We need to decide how we are going to approach our experiences. How we are going to use our time – <em>complain and blame</em> or rather <em>recognise the good</em> in the situation and <em>regroup</em>? Decide on <em>“where to from here”</em> and make a plan to get there. <em>Hope is found within you</em> and not something you look for outside of yourself. It is the events that we endure that make us stronger, and in the end, <em>“it is not what happens, it is what we do with it.”</em></p> </div> </div> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="reducing-stress-the-key-take-away"><strong><em>Reducing stress – The key take away</em></strong></h2> <p>We need to continually search for and find meaning and purpose in our everyday lives. And we do this by <em>looking within ourselves</em>. Remembering that it is our attitude and how we react to the experiences around us that will help us endure. </p> <p>Having optimism and looking for good in everything is key. We will all experience things differently (but our own experiences are still important) and we need to not only embrace our uniqueness but remember to practice self-love and self-care. Human kindness (and hope) can be found all around us. If only we look for it. </p> <p>Sure, it may seem like a tall order and <em>“easier said than done”</em> but both Frankl and Eger survived actual death camps with their outlooks. They overcame tragedy, loss, suffering and trauma beyond our imaginations because of their attitudes and how they approached their situation. 6 million Jews and about 5 million non-Jews were not as lucky. </p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/7-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3890"/></figure> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="our-closing-thoughts"><strong><em>Our closing thoughts</em></strong></h2> <p>In these uncertain times, it is important to talk about how you are feeling. In fact, we strongly encourage it. “Going it alone”, being self-sufficient and independent is not necessarily a virtue. Not at the present moment with the world, our lives and our “Janu-worry” stress spiral in upheaval.</p> <p>Find a safe person or group of people that you can share your innermost feelings and concerns with—this could be a friend, a family member, a therapist (especially if you are not 100% certain where your anxiety stems from), a coach (like <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/work-with-me/">Braving Boundaries</a>), or a safe online support group. Whoever or whatever it is, it’s crucial that you feel emotionally supported and encouraged. Not judged. </p> <p>We also believe that it is vital for you to leave self-judgment at the door. Don’t beat yourself up for going through a “Janu-worry” stress spiral. It does not make you weak. And you are not a bad or selfish person for <em>feeling your feels</em>. It’s not only understandable but expected. Rather focus your energies on escaping the spiral and digging yourself out of the slump. Being able to challenge your negative thoughts while at the same time being compassionate to yourself about what is happening is a good place to start. </p> <p>While it isn’t easy and often takes practice, you can put a stop to the “Janu-worry” stress spiral and start to look forward to the rest of the year, keeping Frankl and Eger’s words close to heart. <em>They knew what they were talking about.</em></p> <p>You got this! Trust us. </p> <p></p> <p>For further articles on stress management and the impact that stress has on your mental and physical health, check out the blog article: <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/stressed-out-why-holidays-are-a-necessity-not-a-luxury/"><em><strong>“Stressed out? Why holidays are a NECESSITY not a luxury”</strong></em></a>.</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3291"/></a></figure> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <hr class="wp-block-separator aligncenter is-style-default"/> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-19 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist-1024x1024-1.jpg" alt=""/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p>About the writer, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong></p> <p>Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism. </p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/">The Legal Belletrist website</a>.</p> <p><strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></p> </div> </div> <p></p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-janu-worry-stress-spiral/">The “Janu-worry” stress spiral</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-janu-worry-stress-spiral/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>It’s not just you – Our sporting heroes struggle with mental health too!</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/its-not-just-you-our-sporting-heroes-struggle-with-mental-health-too/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/its-not-just-you-our-sporting-heroes-struggle-with-mental-health-too/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 25 Aug 2021 19:23:29 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[athletes]]></category> <category><![CDATA[depression]]></category> <category><![CDATA[good mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[high achievers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health advocate]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health matters]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental well being]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental wellbeing]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental wellness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[olympics]]></category> <category><![CDATA[sport stars]]></category> <category><![CDATA[sporting heroes]]></category> <category><![CDATA[sporting legends]]></category> <category><![CDATA[sports stars]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work life balance]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=3125</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Many people, sports stars and everyday people alike, experience mental health issues. But it’s what we choose to do about them that counts.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/its-not-just-you-our-sporting-heroes-struggle-with-mental-health-too/">It’s not just you – Our sporting heroes struggle with mental health too!</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[ <h5 class="wp-block-heading"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></em></h5> <p></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <p><em>It’s “Ok not to be Ok”. Honestly.</em></p> <p>Choice.</p> <p>Choice is a funny thing. It’s something we all have. </p> <p>We can choose who we love, we can choose how we worship. We can choose our sexual orientation. We can choose what political parties we follow and those we don’t. We can say no to the things we disagree with. And we can stand up for the things we do. We can get married, or not. Have children. Don’t have children. We can abort an unwanted pregnancy, or not – your body, your choice. We can choose to study or not. We can choose to live the way we want to. </p> <p><em>And we can choose how we feel and what to do about it.</em></p> <p>These are all choices we get to make every single day. </p> <p><em>But what if you were not happy with your choices?</em></p> <p>Take myself as an example. </p> <p>I am a qualified and admitted attorney. I completed an undergraduate B.Com Law degree and thereafter a post graduate LL.B degree. Definitely achievements to be proud of. To Be sure. And I <em>was.</em> </p> <p>I was proud to be called an Attorney or General Counsel or In-house counsel. <em>Whatever the title</em>. I was proud that I was given the opportunity to study when some people weren’t. I was proud that I could draft international contracts and win cases. I was proud of what I had achieved. <em>La-di-da.</em></p> <p>But I was also deeply unhappy. I suffered from anxiety, stress to the extreme, I felt inadequate and constantly felt like a failure. An imposter. My mental health really took a knock. And it was so hard to admit that. </p> <p>I wasn’t doing what I believed I should be doing. I felt like when it came down to it, I wasn’t living the life I wanted to live. I was just going through the motions. Even though I had been trained to be what I was and was operating at high levels.</p> <p>And I didn’t (yet) have the guts to say – <em>Stop. Enough. I don’t want this. I am unhappy. </em></p> <p>And I felt so alone in that.</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter size-full"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/1-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3150"/></figure></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading">The truth is – you are not alone – poor mental health affects us all </h2> <p>Growing up we are all led to believe (whether it is through our families influence, TV, Magazines and now social media) that famous people are above it all. Immune to “<em>feeling all the feels”.</em> </p> <p>Like money, fame and success can make them immune to feeling inadequate, like feeling like a failure, like being anxious, unsure. Feeling not quite themselves. Feeling down or even being depressed.</p> <p>But it simply isn’t true. </p> <p>After all, even famous people are human.</p> <p>It’s funny, when I started writing this article, I wanted to discuss how athletes perform to these extremely high standards and how they are able to motivate themselves through the hard times. But it has turned into something more than that. </p> <p>And it started with the 2020 Tokyo Olympics which really did shine a spotlight on mental health issues. </p> <p><em>And the humanity of it all. </em></p> <p>The “real” of it all – behind all the camera flashes, TV interviews and million dollar endorsements.</p> <p>How, despite <em>“having the world at their feet</em>” even professional athletes trained to withstand immense pressure both in their professional and private lives <em>can fall. Can fail. And can feel it.</em></p> <p>It is surprising which of the people we look up to, mold ourselves after or wish we could be, have suffered through their own bouts of mental health issues. Have wanted things to stop. Or have wanted to change their circumstances. But they have come through it – not entirely unscathed – but they have made it through. <em>Because of the choices they made.</em></p> <p>And it is these people that outperform, that compete at high levels and to high standards (for a living), that put smiles on for the crowds and wave to their fans. It’s the people that win the gold medals, the people that set the records – or break them. <em>It is the people that admit they are suffering despite their fame and success,</em> that I want to talk about. </p> <p>Because maybe we can learn a thing or two from their experiences. Especially around the choices they decided to make. <em>Despite it all.</em></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading">Mental health – Even our heroes cry</h2> <p>In an article titled <a href="https://www.vogue.com/article/how-have-other-leading-athletes-addressed-their-struggles-with-mental-health" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">How Have Leading Athletes Addressed Their Struggles With Mental Health?</a>, the following was set out – </p> <blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow"><p><em>“The nonprofit </em><a href="https://www.athletesforhope.org/2019/05/mental-health-and-athletes/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><em>Athletes for Hope</em></a><em> has estimated that 35% of professional athletes experience problems with their mental health, facing everything from eating disorders and burnout to depression and anxiety—but they’re not often discussed on the world’s largest stages, especially not by players at the top of their careers”.</em></p></blockquote> <p>And that is where we begin.</p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="683" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/simone-biles.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3128"/><figcaption> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" height="18" width="18" src="http://lgimages.s3.amazonaws.com/data/imagemanager/23236/cc.png"></a> <a href="https://live.staticflickr.com/8010/28302956634_d6900e6a70_b.jpg" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Ginástica Artística – Final individual feminino – Simone Biles/EUA – Medalha de Ouro</a> by Danilo Borges /ME /Brasil2016. </figcaption></figure> <p>It is no surprise that during the 2020 Tokyo Olympics, <strong><em>Simone Biles</em></strong>, a four-time Olympic gold medalist, with 32 Olympic and world medals, made headlines when she <a href="https://www.nbcnews.com/news/olympics/simone-biles-out-team-gymnastics-final-after-apparent-injury-n1275121" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">pulled out of the U.S. team gymnastics finals</a> – withdrawing from the team all-around, the individual all-around, the vault, floor exercise and uneven bar events. She stated that the emotional toll of the Tokyo Games, (and not her physical health) had taken its toll on her which prompted her withdrawal. </p> <p>Simone is widely considered to be the <a href="https://www.nbcnews.com/news/olympics/simone-biles-prepares-compete-balance-beam-final-n1275766" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">world’s best gymnast</a> – at the young age of only 24 – <a href="https://www.nbcnews.com/news/olympics/simone-biles-prepares-compete-balance-beam-final-n1275766" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">tied for the most Olympic record medals won</a> by an American gymnast. </p> <p>She is arguably at the top of her game, <em>how could she be suffering from mental health issues?</em> </p> <p>But she is. And she walked away from one of the biggest athletic competitions in the world in order to focus on her own mental health. On her own terms. And with her head held high. She is not ashamed. <em>Nor should she be.</em> </p> <p>Experts have said that if the 2020 Tokyo Olympics was a measure for her future success and ability to compete – she may have missed her curtain call. But, at the very same time, she is leaving behind a legacy that transcends sports. And she has become a household name.</p> <p>Simone who is a survivor of the USA Gymnastics team’s former doctor, Larry Nassar’s abuse (he was accused of sexually assaulting more than 120 girls. He pleaded guilty to sexually abusing 10 minors in a Michigan court in 2018 and is serving up to 175 years in prison), is now able to speak out against sexual abuse, mental health issues and will represent the shift towards advocating for better safety and better treatment of athletes and coaches alike.</p> <p>And that’s a big deal! </p> <p><strong><em>But if you think Simone is the only athlete to experience mental health issues, you would be sorely mistaken</em></strong></p> <p>According to the article <a href="https://www.healthcentral.com/slideshow/famous-athletes-that-struggle-with-depression" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">10 Famous Athletes Who Struggle With Depression</a>, –</p> <blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow"><p><em>”AN </em><a href="https://www.ncaa.org/sport-science-institute/mind-body-and-sport-depression-and-anxiety-prevalence-student-athletes" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><em>NCAA survey</em></a><em> of athletes found that 30 percent reported feeling depressed over the course of a year. Why? Research from the </em><a href="https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/the-british-journal-of-psychiatry/article/setting-the-bar-athletes-and-vulnerability-to-mental-illness/E4A39433B58B9A44D821D7A9E2C2D04C" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><em>Northern Ireland Association of Mental Health</em></a><em> suggests competitive failure and other factors can lead to psychological distress”.</em></p></blockquote> <p><em>Our heroes have been crying for a while now, we just didn’t notice. </em></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading">Joe Marler</h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/Joe_Marler_10243050205-1024x695.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3129"/><figcaption> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" height="18" width="18" src="http://lgimages.s3.amazonaws.com/data/imagemanager/23236/cc.png"></a> <a href="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/e3/Joe_Marler_%2810243050205%29.jpg" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Joe Marler</a> by Charlie. </figcaption></figure> <p>The Harlequins and England prop was the subject of a Sky Sports documentary <a href="https://www.skysports.com/rugby-union/news/12321/12303342/joe-marler-discusses-battle-with-depression-and-goes-on-journey-to-rebuild-his-mental-health-in-sky-sports-big-boys-dont-cry" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Big Boys Don’t Cry</a> in which he talked openly about learning to cope with his mental health issues and how he battled with mental health in his private life and during his time playing rugby on the international stage.</p> <p>He described how he opened up to his wife and close friends and sought to get help from them in order to better understand what was going on. He saw a psychiatrist, got an evaluation, had several sessions and was put on anti-depressants.</p> <p>He has said that – </p> <figure class="wp-block-pullquote"><blockquote><p><em>“We are required to dominate and intimidate opposing players when we cross the white line on the pitch, we must show no weakness or vulnerability in order to win. But it doesn’t have to be like that off the pitch.”</em></p><cite>Joe Marler</cite></blockquote></figure> <p>Which is completely right. </p> <p>Through Big Boys Don’t Cry, Joe has travelled around the UK to open up the conversation around mental health challenges and meet people along the way who are learning to manage their mental wellbeing.</p> <p><em>Big boys can (and do) cry!</em></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading">Michael Phelps</h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="683" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/Michael_Phelps_conquista_20a_medalha_de_ouro_e_e_ovacionado_1036422-09082016-_mg_7107-1024x683.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3130"/><figcaption><a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/br/deed.en" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" height="18" width="18" src="http://lgimages.s3.amazonaws.com/data/imagemanager/23236/cc.png"></a> <a href="https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fcommons.wikimedia.org%2Fwiki%2FFile%3AMichael_Phelps_conquista_20%25C2%25AA_medalha_de_ouro_e_%25C3%25A9_ovacionado_1036422-09082016-_mg_7107.jpg&psig=AOvVaw3VgSa8K4OMqWCplE1z67HT&ust=1629966413444000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CAwQjhxqFwoTCJCG_Njjy_ICFQAAAAAdAAAAABAy" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Michael Phelps</a> by Fernando Frazão/Agência Brasil.</figcaption></figure> <p>Winner of 28 Olympic medals, retired competitive swimmer Michael Phelps is considered to be <em>one</em> of the most successful and most decorated Olympians of all time. But at a conference held at <a href="https://www.thekennedyforum.org/livestream/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">the Kennedy Forum</a> in 2018 he told a shocked audience that he had contemplated suicide. In a <a href="https://edition.cnn.com/2018/01/19/health/michael-phelps-depression/index.html" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">CNN article</a> it was stated that during a discussion with political strategist <a href="https://edition.cnn.com/profiles/david-axelrod" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">David Axelrod</a>, Michael spoke openly about his battle against anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts. He admitted to turning to alcohol (in 2004 Phelps was charged with driving under the influence) and drugs (in 2008 just weeks after he had won a record number of eight gold medals at the Beijing Olympics was photographed smoking marijuana). He admitted that – </p> <blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow"><p><em>“Drugs were a way of running from “whatever it was I wanted to run from. It would be just me self-medicating myself, basically daily, to try to fix whatever it was that I was trying to run from.”</em></p></blockquote> <p>But he got help. </p> <p>And has now admitted that by talking about his feelings, <em>“life became easy.”</em></p> <p>He also admitted to something that a lot of us <em>may</em> be guilty of – </p> <blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow"><p><em>“I was very good at compartmentalizing things and stuffing things away that I didn’t want to talk about, I didn’t want to deal with, I didn’t want to bring up — I just never ever wanted to see those things,”</em></p><cite>Michael Phelps</cite></blockquote> <p>Sound familiar?</p> <p>Lastly, he said one of the most important things that I think we can take away from <em>his</em> experience – </p> <figure class="wp-block-pullquote"><blockquote><p><strong><em>“It’s OK to not be OK”</em></strong><em> and that mental illness “has a stigma around it and that’s something we still deal with every day. </em><strong><em>I think people actually finally understand it is real. People are talking about it and I think this is the only way that it can change</em></strong><em>.”</em></p><cite>Michael Phelps</cite></blockquote></figure> <p>Today, he is making a difference by helping others through the <a href="https://michaelphelpsfoundation.org/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Michael Phelps Foundation</a> and the <a href="https://www.bgca.org/about-us/our-partners/michael-phelps" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Boys and Girls Clubs of America</a>. </p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading">Naomi Osaka</h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1023" height="659" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/naomi-osaka.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3135"/><figcaption> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" height="18" width="18" src="http://lgimages.s3.amazonaws.com/data/imagemanager/23236/cc.png"></a> <a href="https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/49384180057_963de57e09_b.jpg" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Naomi Osaka</a> by Rob Prange. </figcaption></figure> <p>Beating Serena Williams in the 2018 U.S Open Final, 23 year old Naomi has been unveiled by <a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/brettknight/2021/06/02/naomi-osaka-is-the-highest-paid-female-athlete-ever-and-her-french-open-exit-may-actually-help-her/?sh=8de09591ef8b" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Forbes</a> as the world’s highest-paid sportswoman, making $60 million (with $55 million coming from endorsements) in the past 12 months alone. </p> <p>It is the <a href="https://www.news.com.au/sport/sports-life/champions/naomi-osaka-is-highest-paid-female-athlete-in-history/news-story/e12cc80d12d7febff0d93154990ff6e2" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">largest number earned by a woman in history</a>, shattering the single-year earning mark of $45.5 million set by Maria Sharapova in 2015. Naomi has many lucrative deals under her belt with the likes of Nike and Nissan, amongst a host of others. </p> <p>Everyone knows her name. She is well and truly on top of her game. And coining it. </p> <p><em>But is she really?</em></p> <p>Naomi came under fire when she <a href="https://www.self.com/story/naomi-osaka-wont-do-interviews-french-open" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">announced that she would not take part in press interviews</a> whilst at the 2021 French Open resulting in a fine of $15,000 from the tournament’s authorities – which she had hoped would <em>“go towards a mental health charity.”</em></p> <p>In a statement posted on Twitter and Instagram, Naomi said that – </p> <blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow"><p><em>“I’ve often felt that people have no regard for athletes’ mental health and this rings very true whenever I see a press conference or partake in one.”</em></p></blockquote> <p>She later went on to withdraw from the tournament altogether citing anxiety and wanting to exercise self-care. She needed time to focus on her mental health. </p> <p>Whilst she suffered a harsh fine due to not abiding by her media obligations, <a href="https://www.rolandgarros.com/en-us/article/statement-from-grand-slam-tournaments-regarding-naomi-osaka" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">the Roland Garros authorities warned</a> that if Osaka continued to “ignore her media obligations,” she could incur more violations and risk more extreme fines and even suspensions from further Grand Slam tournaments. They were later <a href="https://www.nzherald.co.nz/sport/tennis-world-condemns-naomi-osaka-treatment-after-she-withdraws-from-french-open/BPW2YIM5LN5BCCPQUSW3SJALEY/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">lambasted for how she was treated</a>.</p> <p>Prominent athletes and celebrities rallied around Naomi with messages of care and support. With Venus Williams even commenting – <em>“So proud of you. Take care of yourself and see you back winning soon.”</em></p> <p>And a truly meaningful message coming from tennis icon Martina Navratilova who tweeted – </p> <blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow"><p><em>“I am so sad about Naomi Osaka. I truly hope she will be OK. As athletes we are taught to take care of our body, and perhaps the mental & emotional aspect gets short shrift”.</em></p></blockquote> <p>And that’s really the point. </p> <p>People (famous or not) constantly focus on their physical health and wellbeing. As if that’s all that makes up a human being. But there should be more attention on the mental health of society as well. </p> <p><em>Mental health issues are not just a trend. And they should not just be paid lip service. Real action needs to be taken. </em></p> <p>By all of us.</p> <p>In an essay titled Naomi Osaka: ‘It’s O.K. Not to Be O.K.’ in <a href="https://time.com/6077128/naomi-osaka-essay-tokyo-olympics/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Time magazine</a>, Naomi said this – </p> <blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow"><p><em>“Life is a journey.</em></p><p><em>In the past few weeks, my journey took an unexpected path but one that has taught me so much and helped me grow. I learned a couple of key lessons.</em></p><p><em>Lesson one: you can never please everyone. The world is as divided now as I can remember in my short 23 years. Issues that are so obvious to me at face value, like wearing a mask in a pandemic or kneeling to show support for anti-racism, are ferociously contested. I mean, wow. So, when I said I needed to miss French Open press conferences to take care of myself mentally, I should have been prepared for what unfolded.</em></p><p><em>Lesson two was perhaps more enriching. It has become apparent to me that literally everyone either suffers from issues related to their mental health or knows someone who does. The number of messages I received from such a vast cross section of people confirms that. </em><strong><em>I think we can almost universally agree that each of us is a human being and subject to feelings and emotions</em></strong><em>.</em></p><p><em>Perhaps we should give athletes the right to take a mental break from media scrutiny on a rare occasion without being subject to strict sanctions”.</em></p></blockquote> <p>And those are profound lessons for someone of her tender age. </p> <p>Naomi thanks Michael Phelps for his support stating – </p> <blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow"><p><strong><em>“Michael Phelps told me that by speaking up I may have saved a life. If that’s true, then it was all worth it.”</em></strong></p></blockquote> <p>Naomi later withdrew from Wimbledon as well. </p> <p>Whilst she competed in the 2020 Tokyo Olympics, she did not perform as expected (or as she had hoped) being knocked out of the women’s singles tennis by Marketa Vondrousova of the Czech Republic.</p> <p>Naomi merely said that <em>it sucked to lose</em>. Which it undoubtedly did. </p> <p><em>We hear you and we get it!</em></p> <p>But Naomi’s move to withdraw from interviews and international tournaments has <a href="https://www.iol.co.za/sport/olympics/athletes-like-simone-biles-ought-to-be-applauded-for-speaking-out-on-mental-illness-6085849b-d439-463e-9f8f-bff82622f32f" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">sp</a>arked talks worldwide around mental health – people are being made more aware of the fact that mental health issues do actually exist, that it is not something to be ashamed of and that professional athletes suffer from mental health issues too. Which is an important thing!</p> <p>Naomi’s advocacy for mental health for professional athletes will enable her to encourage others to take their mental health seriously and will help change the industry. For the better. </p> <p><em>And hopefully, influence wider society whilst she is at it.</em></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter size-full"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/2-Small-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3152"/></figure></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading">See? Poor mental health affects us all – It’s not just you!</h2> <p>As you can see – <em>even the mighty fall</em>. </p> <p>Whilst it may feel like it sometimes, you are not alone. </p> <p>Many people, famous and everyday people alike, experience mental health issues. But <em>it’s what we choose to do about them that counts.</em></p> <p>In an article titled <a href="https://healthblog.uofmhealth.org/brain-health/a-game-changer-for-mental-health-sports-icons-open-up" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">A game-changer for mental health: Sports icons open up</a>, they said – </p> <blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow"><p><em>“They had the world’s spotlight shining on them.</em></p><p><em>They had trained for years for this moment.</em></p><p><em>Millions of fans waited to watch them compete and see them hoist a trophy or a gold medal once again.</em></p><p><strong><em>Instead, they used that spotlight to say something few world-famous athletes have ever dared to say out loud: I need to step away from this competition and focus on my mental health.</em></strong></p><p><em>And by doing so, gymnast Simone Biles, tennis player Naomi Osaka, basketball player Kevin Love and a handful of others at the pinnacle of their athletic careers </em><strong><em>have helped accelerate a trend that mental health experts at the University of Michigan say is long overdue</em></strong><em>.</em></p><p><em>By being open about what they were experiencing, and not “toughing it out” or stifling their feelings like generations of athletes have had to do, these icons did more than spare themselves injury or defeat.</em></p><p><em>Their public choice to seek help for depression, anxiety, overwhelming stress and other concerns could help athletes at all levels have the courage to seek professional help, and a break from competition if they need it.”</em></p></blockquote> <p>And that is exactly the point – these athletes made a choice. One that benefitted their own safety, their own mental health and their own well-being. And for those that look up to them, it will hopefully educate and encourage society to speak more openly about their own mental health issues. </p> <p>Times are clearly changing. For professional athletes at the top of their games (earning millions), in the midst of worldwide competitions, to stop and also say – <em>Enough. I don’t want this. I am unhappy</em>. Despite fines, loss of earnings or endorsements – speaks volumes. </p> <p>It shows that no one is immune. And that regardless of your position, you have a choice to stand up for yourself, to change your circumstances, to say no, to act in your own best interests, to say enough is enough, to admit that you have a problem. And most importantly, to ask for help. </p> <p>Even when you are a famous sportsperson, even when you are a famous actor, like <a href="https://www.self.com/story/kit-harington-depression-addiction" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Kit Harington</a> (as only one isolated example). </p> <p><em>Even when you are at the top of your game.</em></p> <p>You have choice. Don’t tough it out. Don’t suffer in silence. </p> <p>And know that you can change your situation for the better. </p> <p>As Michael Phelps tweeted – <em>“getting help is a sign of strength, not weakness”.</em></p> <p><em>And isn’t it about time?</em></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading">How you can get help if you’re struggling with poor mental health</h2> <p>Remember, poor mental health can transpire in many forms. From feeling stressed, anxious and overwhelmed, to feelings of low self-worth, burnout and suicide. Whatever you are experiencing, there is help out there for you. </p> <p>For help with navigating stress and overwhelm , <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">contact Frieda Levycky of Braving Boundaries</a> who will provide the support and guidance you need to bring clarity to the chaos.</p> <p>If you’re thinking about suicide, hurting yourself or struggling with depression, you can get support by calling –</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>LifeLine SA on 0861 322 322 </li><li>Suicide Crisis Helpline on 0800 12 13 14</li><li>South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG) on 0800 567 657</li></ul> <p>If you’re struggling with drug use or addiction, or know someone who is, you can call Houghton House’s 24/7 emergency helpline on 079 770 7532.</p> <p>Or visit <a href="https://www.houghtonhouse.co.za/drug-alcohol-and-addiction-helplines-south-africa/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">https://www.houghtonhouse.co.za/drug-alcohol-and-addiction-helplines-south-africa/</a> to get referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community-based organisations.</p> <p>This is not about rewinding time to go back in order to make different decisions. No. This is about dealing with the ones you’ve already made. It is about admitting that you are experiencing a problem, it is about saying no to the things you cannot do anymore. And most importantly – it is about asking for help. </p> <p>Remember – <a href="https://theathletic.com/news/michael-phelps-on-simone-biles-mental-health-its-ok-to-not-be-ok/nVaL238ANGo7" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><em>“IT’S OK NOT TO BE OK”.</em></a></p> <p>But you also need to choose to do something about it. </p> <p>If I, Michael, Simone and Naomi can do it. So can you. </p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/Basic-Balance-CTA.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3149"/></figure> <div class="wp-block-buttons is-content-justification-center is-layout-flex wp-block-buttons-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-button"><a class="wp-block-button__link has-white-color has-black-background-color has-text-color has-background no-border-radius" target="_blank" rel="https://bravingboundaries.com/work-with-me/individual-coaching/ noopener">WORK WITH ME</a></div> </div> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <hr class="wp-block-separator is-style-default"/> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-20 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist-1024x1024-1.jpg" alt=""/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p>About the writer, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong></p> <p>Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism. </p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/">The Legal Belletrist website</a>.</p> <p><strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></p> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/its-not-just-you-our-sporting-heroes-struggle-with-mental-health-too/">It’s not just you – Our sporting heroes struggle with mental health too!</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/its-not-just-you-our-sporting-heroes-struggle-with-mental-health-too/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> </channel> </rss>