<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><rss version="2.0" xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/" xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/" xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" xmlns:sy="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/syndication/" xmlns:slash="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/slash/" > <channel> <title>self-esteem Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <atom:link href="https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/self-esteem/feed/" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" /> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/self-esteem/</link> <description>PROFESSIONAL LIFE COACHING & TRAINING</description> <lastBuildDate>Sat, 21 Jan 2023 20:10:21 +0000</lastBuildDate> <language>en-ZA</language> <sy:updatePeriod> hourly </sy:updatePeriod> <sy:updateFrequency> 1 </sy:updateFrequency> <image> <url>https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Asset-1.svg</url> <title>self-esteem Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/self-esteem/</link> <width>32</width> <height>32</height> </image> <item> <title>Your own worst enemy is YOU!</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/your-own-worst-enemy-is-you/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/your-own-worst-enemy-is-you/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Sat, 21 Jan 2023 18:31:14 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Lawyer Life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Lessons Learned]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Life after Law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Work life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[alice in wonderland]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[attorney]]></category> <category><![CDATA[believe in yourself]]></category> <category><![CDATA[business owner]]></category> <category><![CDATA[business woman]]></category> <category><![CDATA[determination]]></category> <category><![CDATA[direction]]></category> <category><![CDATA[dreams]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[jabberwocky]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal world]]></category> <category><![CDATA[live your life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[love your life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[overcoming anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-belief]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-esteem]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/the-festive-seasons-unexpected-delights-copy/</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Building self-belief: 5 Ways to quieten the negative thoughts that hold you back from living to your fullest potential.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/your-own-worst-enemy-is-you/">Your own worst enemy is YOU!</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_0 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_0"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_0 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_0 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist" style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></h5> <p>When I was a child, I was fearless.</p> <p>I believed I could do anything I set my mind to – and I had big dreams. Bless little me. I wanted to climb mountains, go to the Moon, swim with Mermaids, and fly a plane to Antarctica.</p> <p>I may have been influenced by my favourite novels of all time – Alice in Wonderland and Through the looking glass. I have read both dozens of times (probably more, but who’s counting)?</p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It was Alice’s line –</span><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <p><em>“Sometimes I believe in as many as </em><a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=six+impossible+things+before+breakfast+alice+in+wonderland&rlz=1C1AVFC_enZA990ZA990&biw=1536&bih=722&tbm=vid&sxsrf=AJOqlzUesyOonKcblO8Rn3OHgM9lP3jlXQ%3A1674216117463&ei=tYLKY43vG6CUhbIPuv2M0Ag&oq=6+impossible+things+before+breakfast&gs_lcp=Cg1nd3Mtd2l6LXZpZGVvEAEYATIGCAAQFhAeMgYIABAWEB4yBggAEBYQHjIGCAAQFhAeMgYIABAWEB4yBggAEBYQHjIGCAAQFhAeMgYIABAWEB4yBQgAEIYDMgUIABCGAzoFCAAQkQI6CAgAEIAEELEDOgUIABCABDoLCAAQgAQQsQMQgwE6BAgAEEM6BwgAELEDEEM6BwgAEIAEEAo6CAgAEBYQHhAPOggIABAWEB4QClAAWI8mYKw4aABwAHgCgAGYA4gB206SAQgyLTI4LjcuMZgBAKABAcABAQ&sclient=gws-wiz-video#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:d332b5a3,vid:81qfjNLAo5c"><em>six impossible things before breakfast</em></a><em>.”</em></p> <p>That had done me in.</p> <p><em>6 impossible things for breakfast she says? Why – I could gobble that all in one mouthful. I can do 10 impossible things before breakfast”</em>! Ha Alice. Take that!</p> <p>Little did I know how much that fearless attitude affected those around me. How could I know? A child can never truly see how amazing they are. They are too caught up in their own world and “becoming” that they cannot see who they are through other’s eyes.</p> <p>Some of us still can’t.</p> <p>But it was my life-long friend who, on my 21<sup>st</sup> Birthday got up and gave a speech. She said something to me that night that has stuck with me – through better or worse – ever since. She said <em>“Fishy*, you <u>will</u> rule the world one day. I believe in you”. </em></p> <p><em>*a caveat here – my nickname was Fishy because my maiden name was Fisher. Full disclosure. </em></p> <p>Since I had known this friend, let’s call her my “BFFE”, from the day I was fresh from the oven – I figured she had a pretty good insight into my potential. Someone who had known me since birth (still does) can probably see something I could not.</p> <p>And for a while, I believed her.</p> <p>I wasn’t afraid of anything – dance on a table? Sure. Jump out of a plane? Absolutely (who’s packing my parachute?). Swim in shark infested waters – yeah (ok, at the time I wasn’t really aware there were sharks around but nevertheless), let’s go!</p> <p>Fearless.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_0"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" width="1920" height="1440" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/alice.jpg" alt="6 ways to create a harmonious work environment" title="alice in wonderland" class="wp-image-5149" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_1 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>And then suddenly one day, I grew up (unwillingly).</p> <p>That fearlessness and self-belief had dissipated. Like cotton candy in the wind. The moment I graduated with my second degree and my life loomed before me, I got an inkling of reality and responsibility and how hard it would truly be to take over the world. Lady Gaga had stolen my look and I didn’t even have one minion, let alone dozens.</p> <p>But I still read Alice on an annual basis and I still believed I could do 6 impossible things before breakfast. So on to legal articles I went. And then suddenly 6 individual impossible things turned into 1 enormous impossible thing. A feeling I am betting most article clerks/trainees will share.</p> <p>And that 1 enormous impossible thing grew. Like a little snowball that rolls down a hill and accumulates more and more snow so that by the time it lands at your feet it is a ginormous sphere almost ready to take on its own climate – the <a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=big+bang+theory+intro&rlz=1C1AVFC_enZA990ZA990&sxsrf=AJOqlzUTe4w-KtizOon-omKXI9zdAntkew:1674216115123&source=lnms&tbm=vid&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiYscaGjdb8AhWORsAKHfS4AkAQ_AUoAXoECAEQAw&biw=1536&bih=722&dpr=1.25#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:f089c26d,vid:6CawmYcysAQ">“big-bang theory”</a> almost starting again…. A hot dense state and everything.</p> <p>And like with most things in life, <strong><em>the more you tell yourself, you can’t, the less you actually can. </em></strong></p> <p>A once fearless girl who had believed she could take over the world, felt “less than”, unequal to the task and pretty scared. Of just about everything, but most significantly – failing. I started saying to myself – “Don’t do that, it wont work” and “You are such a failure” and “Why bother trying, you will only fail”.</p> <p>It was the last one that really got me into some pretty dark, dank places in my life.</p> <p>But almost like Samara from the movie <a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=the+ring+girl+out+of+well&rlz=1C1AVFC_enZA990ZA990&sxsrf=AJOqlzU3MXShn_UT_B6189vDqvRyRE4m7Q%3A1674216575518&ei=f4TKY6umH4q4gQbAiZqYAg&ved=0ahUKEwjr4Yrijtb8AhUKXMAKHcCEBiMQ4dUDCA8&uact=5&oq=the+ring+girl+out+of+well&gs_lcp=Cgxnd3Mtd2l6LXNlcnAQAzIGCAAQCBAeMgYIABAIEB4yBQgAEIYDMgUIABCGAzIFCAAQhgMyBQgAEIYDMgUIABCGAzoKCAAQRxDWBBCwA0oECEEYAEoECEYYAFDFA1iVE2DpGGgBcAF4AIABiAOIAYcVkgEFMi04LjKYAQCgAQHIAQjAAQE&sclient=gws-wiz-serp#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:f5538344,vid:IWj_Q-WinUc">The Ring, crawling out of the well</a>, I somehow managed to pull myself out of my darkest place.</p> <p>It wasn’t pretty, resembled a horror movie and I really needed to wash my hair!</p> <p>But I got out.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_1"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1920" height="1440" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/adult-anxiety.jpg" alt="6 ways to create a harmonious work environment" title="adult anxiety" class="wp-image-5150" /></span> </div><div id="flicks" class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_2 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>BUILDING YOUR OWN CASTLE</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_3 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>Whoever told you starting your own business – whatever you may be doing – was easy, had clearly not done it themselves.</p> <p>It takes guts, it takes self-belief and it takes someone who doesn’t mind listening to Billy Ocean on a daily basis – because <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1S89K49BeBU">“When the going gets tough. The tough get going”, </a></p> <p>The lyrics becoming almost like a daily mantra –</p> <p><span style="color: #c69229;"><em>“I got something to say</em></span></p> <p><span style="color: #c69229;"><em>I’m gonna put this dream in motion</em></span></p> <p><span style="color: #c69229;"><em>I Never let nothing stand in my way</em></span></p> <p><span style="color: #c69229;"><em>When the going gets tough</em></span></p> <p><span style="color: #c69229;"><em>The tough get going</em></span></p> <p><span style="color: #c69229;"><em>I’m gonna get myself ‘cross the river</em></span></p> <p><span style="color: #c69229;"><em>That’s the price I’m willing to pay</em></span></p> <p><span style="color: #c69229;"><em>I’m gonna make you stand and deliver….”</em></span></p> <p>And every day, especially when you are starting from scratch, takes having confidence in yourself and in what you can achieve. It takes getting up after being knocked down. It takes looking at situations with new eyes and a new perspective. And more than anything, it takes getting out of your own way.</p> <p>Because you have probably had more than one person say to you <span style="color: #c69229;">“</span><em><span style="color: #c69229;">you are your own worst enemy”</span>. </em>I know I have.</p> <p>And so my own version of Alicia in Wonderland continued.</p> <p>I began The Legal Belletrist at the start of 2020, possibly the worst time in my own personal timeline to start a new business. Or so the naysayers said. But I did. And here I find myself doing the very thing I love the most – talking about me. No that’s not right, I meant – writing. That’s it, writing. For a living!</p> <p>I never had this as part of my dreams as a child. I don’t even think I – with the biggest imagination and biggest dreams – could’ve foreseen this incredible turn of events.</p> <p>And yet, I’m doing it.</p> <p>Taking over the world, one article/blog/ (and one day) book at a time.</p> <p>Just like my BFFE said I would.</p> <p>But that doesn’t mean that on my first working day of 2023 I didn’t wake up in a cold sweat, freaked out and worried I wouldn’t be able to write anymore. That I wouldn’t be able to write anything coherent or meaningful. In fact, I am thinking that as I type.</p> <p>I was scared that I would disappoint a client or all my client’s. I was worried that the very thing I loved would disappear. That I would fail. That I would lose my business, my livelihood. Or that someone else would be able to do what I do, only better – Billy Eilish standing in the wings ready to take on <em>my</em> leading role. Someone else stealing my look. Yet again.</p> <p><em>Turns out that even in your own business doing your own thing, away from all the office politics and toxicity, you still have your own Jabberwocky to slay. </em></p> <p>And the most unexpected one are your own negative thoughts – they can be the hardest. The thing is, all this negative noise is good for is keeping you in your status quo, stuck in the mud and deep down your own dark well, like Samara (and no-one needs that bad-hair day). </p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_1 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_2"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1920" height="1440" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/change-your-mindset.jpg" alt="6 ways to create a harmonious work environment" title="change your mindset" class="wp-image-5151" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_2"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_2 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div id="lessons" class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_4 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>5 ways to slay your inner jabberwocky</strong></h2> <p>Now anyone that has read Lewis Carroll’s “Jabberwocky” knows that it is a playful, whimsical poem that makes little sense, but is at the same time, beautifully bewildering and fun.</p> <p>The same does not however go for the creature itself – which is a rather scary, horrific creature that is threatening to destroy Underland. And the Jabberwocky – which in your particular circumstance and the villain in <em>this</em> story – has got to go!</p> <p>So how do we go about slaying it?</p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_3 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_3 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_3"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_4 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_5 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong><em>Take a moment </em></strong>– when you hear yourself talking badly about YOU, stop for a minute and realise what is happening. Realise that this is just your anxiety or an anxious moment that is taking hold of you. The thoughts are irrational, nonsensical and can threaten your very success and affect self-esteem. Realise that you are in a type of fight or flight (or in my case freeze) scenario that does not serve you right now. And then take a deep breath. In and out. And repeat. Then – and this is important – stick up for yourself, as you would do for a good friend. Tell your inner voice – No. That’s not true. It’s irrational. Because you deserve protection from your inner Jabberwocky sometimes too. Remember that.</p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_4 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_5 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_4"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_6 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_6 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong><em>Identify exactly what you are feeling</em></strong> – it’s very easy to feel negative about something, to feel like a failure before you have even tried. But understanding what triggered that feeling in the first place is key to slaying your inner Jabberwocky. Why do you feel this way? What was the precursor, what was the trigger? Did you see someone post something on the socials about a moment of success and feel envious, pressure, or subconsciously wonder how they did it? It’s a healing process to genuinely think about how your thoughts can affect your emotions. An effective way to do this is to write it all down – what you were thinking and how it made you feel. That way you can start to unpack any underlying emotions that need to be addressed. Think of this as starting a journal to help YOU. Not only will this create self-awareness, but it will also help you truly identify your inner thoughts and feelings.</p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_5 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_7 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_5"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_8 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_7 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong><em style="font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">Replace negativity with positivity </em></strong><span style="font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">– sure, it’ easier said than done. It’s hard to be positive all the time. But it’s time to replace your negative thoughts with positive ones. It sounds so simplistic – like “sure why didn’t I think of that”? But the truth is, we often don’t. We don’t remember what we have already achieved or what we have already overcome. We forget our accomplishments so easily. I’m not even sure why this is the case. But it always seems like it’s easier to believe the negative over the positive. So, changing that is key. Every time you think to yourself “I will never succeed” or “I’m a failure”, remind yourself of everything you have already done, everything you have already achieved. And the more you think about those positive things the less you will focus on the negative Nancy in your own head. Your inner Jabberwocky is not who you should be listening to. It should be your inner Alice – remembering the 6 impossible things she did before breakfast!</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_6 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_9 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_6"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_10 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_8 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><em><strong>Take it easy on yourself</strong> – </em>living in such a fast-paced society, everything feels like it should have happened yesterday. You should already be listed on the stock exchange after just starting your start-up, right? You should already be listed on the Forbes Top 50 most successful people list, because you published one opinion article and have changed the world. At 40 you should already be a director of a global Law Firm, right? By 35 you should already have 2 kids – a perfect pigeon pair. How lovely. What nonsense! There is no time limit here. There is no age we should be doing anything by. It’s all according to our own timelines. So, take it easy on yourself. Instead, take a moment and celebrate what you have achieved and look forward to what comes next. Stop measuring yourself against everyone else. We are all on our own journeys.</p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_7 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_11 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_7"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_12 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_9 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><em><strong>Focus</strong> – </em>something everyone who has ever run their own department or own business will tell you is key. Having focus. It is all too easy to get bogged down by all the little “to-do’s”, the accumulating unread emails in your inbox, the constant sales pitches or touch bases. It is amazingly easy to get overwhelmed. It can feel like you haven’t done enough – there is still more you should be doing. Again, overwhelm. It happens. But this feeling of overwhelm can cause you to lose focus on what your end-goal is. What you want to achieve. And when this happens, it can feel like your dreams are falling by the wayside. So, don’t let that happen. Keep laser focused on what you want out of your work, your livelihood. What is important to you. If it helps, write down what you want to achieve and stick it on your wall – like a daily reminder of why you started whatever it is you started in the first place.<span style="color: #008000;"><b><i></i></b></span><span style="font-weight: 400;"> </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_8"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_13 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_8"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1920" height="1440" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/believe-in-yourself.jpg" alt="" title="believe in yourself" class="wp-image-5152" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_10 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>The take-away from this article simply is – everything is achievable if you look at the facts that support and drive your ambition and desires to work for and on yourself.</p> <p>Less listening to the inner Jabberwocky. More listening to your inner Alice! Instead of your own worst enemy, become your own best friend and most fervid supporter.</p> <p>Believing in YOU is the absolute best thing you can do for your self-esteem, confidence and self-belief.</p> <p><strong><em>It’s time to become fearless again. It’s time to tackle 6 impossible things before breakfast!</em></strong></p> <p>Because you can….</p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> </span></i></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_0 et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_9 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_14 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_9"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_15 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_11 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong></p> <p>Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism. </p> <p>Click here to visit<span> </span><a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>.</p> <p><strong>Email: legalwhizz@gmail.com </strong></p></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/your-own-worst-enemy-is-you/">Your own worst enemy is YOU!</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/your-own-worst-enemy-is-you/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>7 ways to bounce back after failure</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/7-ways-to-bounce-back-after-failure/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/7-ways-to-bounce-back-after-failure/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 24 Aug 2022 14:07:58 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Lessons Learned]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Working environment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[airbnb]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[bounce back]]></category> <category><![CDATA[career anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[career progression]]></category> <category><![CDATA[coaching]]></category> <category><![CDATA[confidence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[failing]]></category> <category><![CDATA[failure]]></category> <category><![CDATA[failure before success]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of failure]]></category> <category><![CDATA[feeling down]]></category> <category><![CDATA[feeling like a failure]]></category> <category><![CDATA[harry potter]]></category> <category><![CDATA[overcome disappointment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-esteem]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-worth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[success]]></category> <category><![CDATA[successful]]></category> <category><![CDATA[worry]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=4534</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>There is nothing worse than feeling like a failure. But, there is no success without failure. Here are 7 ways to bounce back after failure.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/7-ways-to-bounce-back-after-failure/">7 ways to bounce back after failure</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_1 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_10"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_16 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_12 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF<span> </span><a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></em></h5></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_11"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_17 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_13 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">What a word.</p> <p><strong><em>Failure. </em></strong></p> <p>All by its “itty-bitty” self, it conjures up feelings of inadequacy, inferiority, and embarrassment. All in one go.</p> <p>As if the word itself holds the power of a hundred men and women pointing and laughing because you <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RMDgmHB4znc" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">tripped on a banana peel and landed flat on your backside</a>. Yes, a completely ridiculous scenario out of scenes of a slapstick comedy.</p> <p>But it does make you think – <em>why does the word hold so much power over us?</em></p> <p>Perhaps it’s because failures seem to make news headlines quicker than success stories do. Let’s be honest.</p> <p>It’s like we all thrive knowing that someone else has failed. It makes us feel good somehow. Like we are not alone in the world of mishap.</p> <p>The truth is, when I asked my husband (again – he suddenly seems to be filled with sage advice) what failure means to him, he couldn’t quite put it into words. Thinking quite hard, he described losing a job, losing a home, having no food to eat, no friends, no family. He basically described the story of Oliver Twist – <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7tOkpntQtBM" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><em>“Please Sir, I want some more”</em></a>.</p> <p>Sad to be sure. But rather generic. And devoid of what failure <em>could</em> actually mean. With all due respect to my husband.</p> <p>Why do I say this?</p> <p>Because <strong>every single person who has done anything with their lives has failed. </strong>At least twice. Sometimes more.</p> <p>Don’t believe me?</div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_10"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="900" height="708" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/image1.png" alt="" title="image1" class="wp-image-4535" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_14 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p style="text-align: center;"><em><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Infographic by </span><a href="https://blog.adioma.com/how-many-times-should-you-try/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Adioma</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">)</span></em></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_15 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong>Everyone has failed.</strong></h5> <p>The sheer number of quotes about failure proves this statement:</p> <ul> <li><em><strong>“Success is most often achieved by those who don’t know that failure is inevitable.”</strong> – </em>Coco Chanel</li> <li><em><strong>“Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.”</strong> – </em>Robert F. Kennedy</li> <li><em><strong>“The phoenix must burn to emerge.”</strong> – </em>Janet Fitch</li> <li><em><strong>“If you don’t try at anything, you can’t fail… it takes back bone to lead the life you want”</strong> – </em>Richard Yates</li> <li><em><strong>“Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.”</strong> – </em>Denis Waitley</li> <li><em><strong>“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”</strong> – </em>Winston Churchill</li> </ul> <p>And all of them – essentially – say the same thing.</p> <p>The biggest lesson we can learn is changing how we see “failure”.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_16 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>The biggest success stories start off as “failures”</strong></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_12 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_18 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_11"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_19 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_17 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Heard of Airbnb?</strong><br /> As of August 2022, Airbnb is <a href="https://ipropertymanagement.com/research/airbnb-statistics#:~:text=%20Airbnb%20Statistics%20%201%20Corporate%20revenue%20for,have%206%20million%20listings%20on%20Airbnb.%20More%20" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">valued at</a> over US$70 billion. But it wasn’t a success story overnight. It took years for this “success story” to become a reality.</p> <p>According to <a href="https://failurebeforesuccess.com/airbnb/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Failure before Success</a> and <a href="https://inc42.com/resources/airbnbs-journey-failing-startup-25-bn-company/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Inc42 </a>, it all started in 2007 when Joe Gebbia and Brian Chesky met in Rhode School of Design and rented an apartment together. Due to the high rent, the roommates tried to find some means to pay for it. After a little bit of brainstorming, they came up with an idea.</p> <p>They started with a very pedestrian website (airbedandbreakfast.com), bought three air mattresses and gave their apartment up for rent. Their first clients were two men and a woman, each paying out US$80 rent. With US$240 in hand on their very first day, Gebbia and Chesky both realized that there was something big about their idea.</p> <p>And it was about this time that they approached their former roommate Nathan Blecharczyk to develop a more professional website for their budding enterprise (Blecharczyk eventually became the third co-founder of Airbnb).</p> <p>But they hadn’t found success yet.</p> <p>With their new, “more professional” website launched in 2008, they expected big things to start happening. But no one noticed, no one blinked an eye. So, instead of admitting defeat, they decided to launch it again at the annual event of SxSW.</p> <p>Alas, the 5-day festival ended up with only two customers #epicfail (right?).</p> <p>In fact, in 2008, more than 15 investors rejected them outright. There was no growth, no revenue, no visibility, the trio’s cash was running low and things seemed hopeless. Even their close friends advised them to look for other options. The trio spent the first three months of 2009 at the <a href="https://www.startupschool.org/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Y Combinator Startup School</a>, but they failed to convince investors about the possibility of turning their marvelous idea into – what they believed – would be a profitable business. It was an extremely difficult time for the company.</p> <p style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/how-airbnb-started-infographic.png"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="aligncenter wp-image-4539 size-full" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/how-airbnb-started-infographic.png" alt="" width="1024" height="798" /></a>(Infograph sourced from <a href="https://blog.adioma.com/how-airbnb-started-infographic/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Adioma</a>)</p> <p>But while brainstorming one day, they suddenly had a light bulb moment – it was the photos on the portal that really sucked. So, they rented a camera and went door-to-door in NYC, building connections with the hosts and shooting quality photos of all the leased premises. As soon as they replaced the amateur photography with high resolution photos, the revenues doubled to US$400 per week.</p> <p>In addition, in March of 2009, they decided to ditch their not-so-catchy name – “Air Bed and Breakfast “– and changed it to Airbnb – flashy, new, and so easy to say!</p> <p>Their efforts finally had paid off.</p> <p>Within a month, they got a seed investment of US$600,000 from Sequoia Capital (April 2009). Following that, they grew exponentially – the US$7.2 million Series A investment in 2010 and the next round of US$112 million investment from Andreessen Horowitz made Airbnb a Silicon Valley unicorn.</p> <p>And this was from a company who struggled to raise US$150,000 in 2008.</p> <p>Airbnb was a massive hit.</p> <p>So much so, that as of 2022, Airbnb broke its own booking record in the <a href="https://ipropertymanagement.com/research/airbnb-statistics#:~:text=%20Airbnb%20Statistics%20%201%20Corporate%20revenue%20for,have%206%20million%20listings%20on%20Airbnb.%20More%20" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">second quarter of 2022</a> when guests collectively booked 103.7 million stays (including Experiences). The gross booking value for 2022 Q2 was US$17.0 billion. There are over 150 million worldwide users who have collectively booked over 1 billion stays. Airbnb includes listings from over 100,000 cities worldwide. And those are staggering numbers from a company that struggled and struggled when they first started.</div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_13 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_20 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_12"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_21 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_18 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Heard of Harry Potter?</strong></p> <p><span style="font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">Harry Potter and indeed the writer of the Wizarding World – J.K Rowling – are household names.</span></p> <p><span style="font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">But Joanne Rowland (her actual name) was not an overnight success.</span></p> <p>According to <a href="https://www.biography.com/news/jk-rowling-harry-potter-author-rags-to-riches-billionaire" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Biography</a> – <em>“Poor and almost homeless, the ‘Harry Potter’ creator eventually became the world’s first billionaire author”</em>.</p> <p>From a failed, abusive marriage, Rowland found herself alone, in an apartment which she secured after begrudgingly accepting a loan from a friend, with her infant daughter, Jessica. She found herself <em>“as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless,” </em>she became increasingly hopeless, angry about her so-called failures and immense guilt about her inability to provide for her daughter. It was at her lowest point that she contemplated suicide. She was in a bad way.</p> <p>After realizing that she had to take care of her child, she pulled herself together and tried to get her head right. For the sake of her daughter. She underwent therapy, which helped, and decided to focus on a “boy wizard who flitted through her imagination” (since 1990).</p> <p><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/harry-potter.jpg"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="aligncenter wp-image-4552 size-full" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/harry-potter.jpg" alt="" width="1920" height="1440" /></a></p> <p>She completed her first Harry Potter manuscript in 1995 and thereafter submitted a three-chapter sample of Harry Potter to an agent Christopher Little in London. But Harry Potter was rejected over a dozen times by publishing houses. <em>Harry Potter rejected? It’s hard to believe</em>. Little <em>finally </em>found a taker in a London publishing house Bloomsbury, which offered a £1,500 advance to Rowland. She also snagged a £8,000 grant from the Scottish Arts Council, enabling her to finish the next Harry Potter book on a brand-new typewriter.</p> <p>On June 26, 1997, Rowland saw her determination and typing night-after-night come to fruition with the publication of Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone in the U.K. But she was now known as “J.K. Rowling,” due to concerns about how boys would respond to a female writer.</p> <p>Within days of the release of the first Harry Potter, children’s publishing powerhouse Scholastic had bid more than US$100,000 for the American publishing rights (They renamed the book Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone). The highly successful sequel, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets followed a year later, and by the fall of 1998, Warner Bros. was on board with a feature-film deal.</p> <p><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/harry-potter-2.jpg"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="aligncenter wp-image-4562 size-full" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/harry-potter-2.jpg" alt="harry potter" width="1920" height="1440" /></a></p> <p>A true “rags to riches” story – Rowland became a billionaire by 2004 when Hollywood was still only halfway through eight Harry Potter films and well before the launch of another cash-cow franchise, Fantastic Beasts.</p> <p><em><strong>From almost homeless to being a billionaire. From epic failure to epic success.</strong></em></p> <p>But it is Rowland’s commencing address to Harvard where she talks about the <a href="https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2008/06/text-of-j-k-rowling-speech/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">‘The Fringe Benefits of Failure, and the Importance of Imagination’</a> that really speaks to what we said earlier – <strong><em>rethinking how we see failure:</em></strong></p> <p><em>“Ultimately, we all have to decide for ourselves what constitutes failure, but the world is quite eager to give you a set of criteria if you let it. So, I think it fair to say that by any conventional measure, a mere seven years after my graduation day, I had failed on an epic scale. An exceptionally short-lived marriage had imploded, and I was jobless, a lone parent, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless. The fears that my parents had had for me, and that I had had for myself, had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew.</em></p> <p><em>Now, I am not going to stand here and tell you that failure is fun. That period of my life was a dark one, and I had no idea that there was going to be what the press has since represented as a kind of fairy tale resolution. I had no idea then how far the tunnel extended, and for a long time, any light at the end of it was a hope rather than a reality.</em></p> <p><em>So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realized, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.</em></p> <p><em>You might never fail on the scale I did, but some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.</em></p> <p><em>Failure gave me an inner security that I had never attained by passing examinations. Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way. I discovered that I had a strong will, and more discipline than I had suspected; I also found out that I had friends whose value was truly above the price of rubies.</em></p> <p><em>The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift, for all that it is painfully won, and it has been worth more than any qualification I ever earned.”</em></p> <p>And I think that J.K Rowling sets out how to relook at failure far better than I ever could.</p> <p><em>(For more stories on people who have failed – epically – and then succeeded, read </em><a href="https://www.lifehack.org/articles/productivity/15-highly-successful-people-who-failed-their-way-success.html" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><em>this</em></a><em>).</em></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_14"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_22 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_19 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>After failure – How do you pick yourself up again?</strong></h2> <p>Ok. So maybe you have failed. Maybe everything you have done and worked for thus far has not turned out the way you had planned it.</p> <p>Life is like that sometimes.</p> <p><strong><em>So, what do you do if you fail? How do you pick yourself up again?</em></strong></p> <p>As inspired by the article’s <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/guides/working-womans-handbook/how-to-overcome-failure" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Everyone Fails. Here’s How to Pick Yourself Back Up</a> and <a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbesbusinesscouncil/2020/10/20/seven-outstanding-ways-to-overcome-failure-and-succeed/?sh=2a6d38194200" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Seven Outstanding Ways To Overcome Failure And Succeed</a>, I have set out some pointers that can help you get back on track:</p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_15 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_23 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_13"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_24 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_20 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong style="font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">You are more than your mistake</strong><span style="font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;"> – it’s easy to focus on your mistake. It’s easy to reprimand yourself – </span><em style="font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">“you could have done this better”</em><span style="font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">. It’s easy to dwell. But that would be the wrong approach. Instead, remind yourself of all the things that you have done right. No matter how small they are. Remind yourself that before this failure, you had other successes. Think about what those are so that you can try soothing the burn of a setback. The point here is not to diminish the mistake or glance over it but rather to remind yourself that this is a minor setback. You are worth more than this!</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_16 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_25 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_14"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_26 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_21 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong style="font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">Take a break but don’t give up</strong><span style="font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;"> – when facing failure, it’s important to take time out to look inward. Identify what the possible disconnect was. Identify the root of your mistake. Look at ways that you can do it differently next time. Draw up an action plan if you need to. Because it’s only after you have addressed the mistake that you can move forward. It’s only then that you have a chance to succeed. Don’t give up.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_17 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_27 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_15"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_28 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_22 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Try again</strong> – some say that success comes from living outside of your comfort zone. In order to do that, you need your drive to succeed to outweigh your fear of failure. So, do just that – dream big and let those dreams carry you as you move towards your goals.</p> <p><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="aligncenter wp-image-4555 size-full" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/dream-big.jpg" alt="dream big" width="1920" height="1440" /></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_18 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_29 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_16"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_30 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_23 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong style="font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">Own your mistakes</strong><span style="font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;"> – it’s all too easy to point the finger of blame elsewhere. </span><em style="font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">“I didn’t succeed because x happened”</em><span style="font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">. But if you do that, how do you learn? And by blaming something or someone else, you may even end up repeating the same mistake in the future. And who wants that? Instead, own up to your mistake and your part in it. Take the lesson gained from that admission and apply it to your life so that the past is not repeated.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_19 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_31 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_17"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_32 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_24 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Practice self-compassion</strong> – I know when I fail or make a mistake, I’m extremely hard on myself. I’m my worst critic. I’m sure that a lot of you reading this are the same way. But what if it was your friend that was going through this? What would you tell them? I’m sure you would be kind, supportive and compassionate. After all, it’s one set back. Not the end of the world. So, practice the same compassion towards yourself. Being hard on yourself can cause immense stress and anxiety (I’m speaking from experience here). So, instead of being harsh and critical, be kind. Be gentle. And treat yourself how you would treat others – compassionately. Dealing with a setback is hard enough without the self-criticism!</div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_20 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_33 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_18"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/6.jpg" alt="" title="6" class="wp-image-1491" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_34 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_25 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p style="text-align: left;"><strong>Practice risk taking</strong> – Eleanor Roosevelt once said:<em> “Do something that scares you every day.” </em>And that’s all well and good. But perhaps a little “higher grade” for those of us who haven’t quite yet mastered the “art of failing”. So, instead of doing something that completely freaks you out, why not start small? Here are a few suggestions on less adrenalin inducing activities, which will still help you as you learn that failing is not the end of the world:</p> <ul> <li style="text-align: left;"><strong>Practice being alone – </strong>enjoy a meal for one at a new restaurant. Better still, be brave and order a glass of wine whilst you do!</li> </ul> <p><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/1202841364506607.Bx4LqNVPXopUQQbyvUew_height640.jpg"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="360" height="480" class="wp-image-4543 aligncenter" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/1202841364506607.Bx4LqNVPXopUQQbyvUew_height640.jpg" alt="" /></a></p> <p><em>Dinner for One: Green Lip Mussels and a glass of Chardonnay at the <a href="https://peppertreerestaurant.co.nz/">Pepper Tree Restaurant & Bar</a>, Coromandel, New Zealand</em></p> <p> </p> <ul> <li style="text-align: left;"><strong>Try a new activity</strong> – like ice-skating or horse riding. Something a little out of your comfort zone. But still fun. Please be sure to do any new activity with a professional – we wouldn’t want you to cause physical injury to yourself just to experience a new activity!</li> <li style="text-align: left;"><strong>Be bold</strong> – when booking your next trip ask for an upgrade in accommodation. Give it a whirl and see what your negotiation skills are like.</li> <li style="text-align: left;"><strong>Gain a new skill</strong> – have you changed a tyre by yourself? Do you know how to crochet? Or perhaps, pottery is on the cards for you. Pick one and give it a shot. You have nothing to lose.</li> <li style="text-align: left;"><strong>Seek like-minded people</strong><em> – </em>failure, especially when you are hard on yourself, can be hard to deal with on your own. Instead of bearing down and ‘going at it alone”, seek out people that are like-minded, that can rally around you. Seek support from others who may have been in your shoes or are currently going through all the feels too. Having a support system is key.</li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_21 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_35 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_19"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/7.png" alt="" title="7" class="wp-image-1882" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_36 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_26 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Seek outside help</strong><em> – </em>sometimes it’s extremely hard to see through all the fog, to see the forest for the trees. Sometimes you need some outside, unbiased perspective to help you get through the muddy water. Contact <strong><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/">Braving Boundaries</a></strong> and set up a call with Frieda Levycky who can take you through some practical and actionable steps to get you out of your failure rut and ultimately on the road where you can achieve success.</p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_22"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_37 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_27 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>Whilst doing any of the activities suggested above, please remember that lasting change doesn’t come easily. It takes work. It takes practice. Sometimes change is a result of the small things that you have done along the way. Don’t beat yourself up. Try a few new things, try taking small risks and see where that gets you. After all, you often need to master the basics before you can move on to the next round. Think of these suggestions as the basics. As baby steps. And go from there…</p> <p> </p> <h2><strong>Final thoughts on failure</strong></h2> <p>As Paulo Coelho said –</p> <p><strong><em>“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.” </em></strong></p> <p>Don’t give up on your dreams because of mistake, a failure, a setback – whatever you want to call it. Get back on that horse and try and try again!</p> <p>Every single person fails at some point in their life. The supporting evidence is overwhelming.</p> <p>Failure is just an “itty-bitty” little word. <em>It does not define you! </em>And what’s more – it is inevitable.</p> <p>Remember what J.K Rowling said –</p> <p><strong><em>“It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.”</em></strong></p> <p>So, then, by all means – fail.</p> <p>Because at least it means you will be living. But remember to dust yourself off and get back up again.</p> <p>Because giving up is not an option!</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_1 et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_28 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3>FURTHER READING</h3> <p>If you enjoyed this article, take a read of the previous article: “<a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/what-is-success/">What is Success?</a>“</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_2 et_pb_divider_position_center et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_23 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_38 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_20"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_39 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_29 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>About the writer, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong></p> <p>Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism. </p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/">The Legal Belletrist website</a>.</p> <p><strong>Email:<span> </span><a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></p></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/7-ways-to-bounce-back-after-failure/">7 ways to bounce back after failure</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/7-ways-to-bounce-back-after-failure/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>The Perfectionist Problem</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-perfectionist-problem/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-perfectionist-problem/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Mon, 06 Jul 2020 15:44:20 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Comfort over coffee]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Lawyer Life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Perfectionism]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[a balanced life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[big law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[big law life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[junior associate]]></category> <category><![CDATA[junior attorney]]></category> <category><![CDATA[junior lawyer]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law students]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer tips]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health advocate]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health matters]]></category> <category><![CDATA[perfection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[perfectionism]]></category> <category><![CDATA[perfectionist]]></category> <category><![CDATA[perfectionistic behaviour]]></category> <category><![CDATA[progress over perfection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self confidence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self esteem]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-confidence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-esteem]]></category> <category><![CDATA[trust in yourself]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[workaholic]]></category> <category><![CDATA[workaholism]]></category> <category><![CDATA[young lawyer]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=1478</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>"Perfection" - an unattainable target for which many of us strive. This article looks at why we feel we need to be perfect, the false belief that perfection brings success, and some ideas that have helped me to let go of the need to be a perfectionist.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-perfectionist-problem/">The Perfectionist Problem</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[ <h1 class="wp-block-heading" id="the-perfectionist-problem">The Perfectionist Problem</h1> <p><em>This article forms part of the “Comfort Over Coffee” series – a range of articles seeking to tackle the trickier issues faced in the <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-around-mental-health-in-the-legal-world/">legal world</a></em>.</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="introduction"><strong>Introduction</strong></h2> <p><em><strong>Full disclosure: I am a recovering perfectionist workaholic – and I always will be.</strong></em></p> <p>Ironically, as I sit down to write this article, I can feel my perfectionist coming out:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li><em>“This article needs to be perfect if people are going to resonate.”</em></li><li><em>“There needs to be the perfect balance between fun and information.”</em></li><li><em>“How can you write about perfectionism when you still struggle with it?”</em></li></ul> <p>Well, the reality is that:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>this article will resonate with some of you and not with others (<em>and that’s ok</em>).</li><li>for some it will be fun and informative, but possibly not for others (and that’s ok).</li><li>I’m not perfect (and that’s ok).</li></ul> <p>Aside from telling you a bit about my personal struggle with perfectionism, this article is going to delve into why we feel we need to be perfect, the false belief that perfection brings success, and some ideas that have helped me to let go of the need to be perfect.</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="our-need-to-be-perfect"><strong>Our need to be perfect</strong></h2> <h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="from-childhood-perfectionist"><strong>From childhood perfectionist …</strong></h3> <p>Society has encouraged us to be perfect from an early age.</p> <p>As children:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>Aptitude testing was a regularity to test potential and capacity to learn (from as young as two years old in some cases): Thursdays featured 100 multiplication questions (7×8, 9×6 etc.). Mondays oriented around spelling tests (I still can’t spell ‘occurrence’ confidently). Everything was graded. 90% got praised! 70% not so much (even though it was 20% over the pass mark).</li><li>We grew up with the daily mantra from our teachers and parents of: “Success comes from hard work”. And hard work reaped rewards: being selected for the national netball team, winning the school music competition, being voted as Head Boy / Head Girl.</li><li>As others worked hard to achieve success, competition to be the best heightened – pushing us further towards the need to be perfect.</li><li>Hard work alone was no longer enough – we had to be multi-disciplinary: a good person, someone who helps others, someone who is likeable, someone who is self-sacrificing – the “good all-rounder”.</li><li>The muscles in our brains connecting success with hard work and being multi-capable strengthened, as did the muscle that linked success to perfection.</li></ul> <h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="to-adulthood-perfectionist"><strong>To adulthood perfectionist …</strong></h3> <p>As we entered into adult life, our view as to what constituted “perfection” was further embellished:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>The <strong>romantic-comedy genre</strong> solidified the belief that happiness was derived from the perfect relationship / being the perfect partner. The fact that these films focused on the “getting together” part rather than the actual long-term relationship is by-the-by.</li><li><strong>Social media</strong> portrayed “perfect” to be normal and constantly achievable (never a bad photo in sight).</li><li>The <strong>fitness industry</strong> constantly reminded us of how we could achieve the perfect body, perfect abs, perfect legs – as if there was such a thing! I vividly remember when the size 0 phenomenon hit the media with Nicole Ritchie’s emaciated figure flaunted across magazine covers for the world to see. Dangerously thin was portrayed as the ideal body shape. Another area in our lives in which we had to be perfect in order to succeed.</li></ul> <p><em>Is it any wonder that this constant assault of unreaslistic “perfection” resulted in so many of us becoming stressed out, over-achieving perfectionists? </em></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="my-perfectionist-story"><strong>My perfectionist story</strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/not-so-perfect2-640x1024.png" alt="Me as a perfectionist"/></figure> <p>Well, this is what <em><strong>perfectionism</strong> </em>looked like for me.</p> <p>This photo was taken back in 2014 on a night out with a friend in a bar, downing tequila shots after a long day in the office and yet another failed romantic liaison (it never actually qualified as a relationship). </p> <p>I was:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li><strong><em>the perfect lawyer</em></strong> – I worked hard, led the most prestigious deals, volunteered on all the committees and went the extra mile. <i><strong>But,</strong> I was not paid my market value nor did I have a clear career path.</i></li></ul> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li><strong><em>the perfect romantic partner</em></strong> – I was fun, slim, always smiling, putting everyone else’s needs before my own, being their cheerleader and daily support. <i><strong>But, </strong>I was not respected or supported (by them or myself) which led to back-to-back failed relationships and a disastrous impact on my self-worth. Not ideal when the rest of your friendship group are happily married and moving into parenthood.</i></li><li><strong><em>the perfect friend</em></strong> – I raced around the world to be at friends’ weddings, visit new-born babies, spend time with my god children. You name it – I barely sat still! <i><strong>But,</strong> my closest friendships suffered because quality time wasn’t spent with the people I cared most about and with those who cared most about me.</i></li><li><strong><em>the perfect all-rounder</em></strong> – I was the epitome of a multi-tasker. I was sporty. I loved a challenge. I raised funds for charity. I organised parties and pub quizzes. I could converse about Turandot as much as I could about how Liverpool were performing in the Premier League. <strong><i>But,</i></strong> <em>I was exhausted. I stopped enjoying the things I loved doing. I felt resentment when my time was taken away from me. I’d chameleoned into so many versions of myself that I’d forgotten who I was at my core.</em></li></ul> <p><strong><em>Had perfectionism led to success?</em></strong></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="the-dangers-of-perfectionism"><strong>The dangers of perfectionism</strong></h2> <p>The problem with perfectionism is that it is an ideal. There is no finite point which can be reached to confirm that “perfection” has been achieved. It is, by virtue, unattainable.</p> <p>So, by seeking perfection, we are setting ourselves up for constant failure which, in turn, can have a severe impact on our mental and physical health.</p> <figure class="wp-block-image"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/impact-of-perfectionism.png" alt="perfectionist traits"/></figure> <p>Perfectionism also results in an unhealthy level of resistance to failure – as if failure was a bad thing. The irony is that success is achieved as a result of our failures. If we did not fail, how would we ever learn, improve and grow?</p> <p><em><strong>Failure is a necessary part of being a human. It’s a necessary part of success.</strong></em></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="how-to-let-go-of-the-need-to-be-perfect"><strong>How to let go of the need to be perfect</strong></h2> <p>Wouldn’t it be nice just to chill out and relax sometimes? To kick back and enjoy your days without worrying about how you are seen, the impression that you are making, the value that you are bringing to the table. To spend your time enjoying what you are doing. To be comfortable with the very real fact that <strong>you are enough</strong>.</p> <p>Telling a perfectionist to just do things imperfectly is never going to work though. It is not a switch which we can just turn on and off. It takes time and effort to change behavioural patterns.</p> <p>But here are a few things that helped me to reduce my perfectionist tendencies:</p> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-1 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1-1024x1024.png" alt=""/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow"> <p><strong>Acknowledge the existence of your inner perfectionist:</strong> We adopt perfectionist behaviour to protect ourselves from underlying fears and insecurities. For many perfectionists, their self-worth is derived from praise, where praise is identified with perfection. <strong>Seek support</strong> from a coach to help you identify these underlying fears and build up your self-esteem. Learn to let go of your perfectionist tendencies and lead a much calmer and stress-free lifestyle.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-2 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2-1024x1024.png" alt=""/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow"> <p><strong>Let go of the idea that “perfect” exists: </strong>It doesn’t. If “perfect” existed, I am quite certain that evolution would have created identical human beings by now, removing any irregularities. What a humdrum world that would be! Our flaws, our differences, our quirks are what make us unique. It is in our differences that we find our superpowers – the real things that let us shine.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-3 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3-1024x1024.png" alt=""/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow"> <p><strong>Stop comparing yourself to others: <em>EVERYONE</em></strong> struggles with something, no matter how they portray themselves in the outside world. Whether it is the perfect family; the huge book of clients; the holiday home in the Hamptons – this is all external messaging. No one brags about the fact that they are feeling like an imposter, worrying about money, not having sex, struggling with their kid’s behaviour. Stop comparing your internal version of the world (the lens through which you look at your own life) with someone else’s external version of the world.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-4 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4-1024x1024.png" alt=""/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow"> <p><strong>Reframe success: </strong>Knowing that “perfect” is unattainable, what does a successful life really look like to you? I don’t care if it is on the “what it should look like” list. I want to know what would make you happy, healthy and fulfilled. Take a moment to really think about that. Now consider how you can start implementing that.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-5 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5-1024x1024.png" alt=""/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow"> <p><strong>Celebrate your accomplishments – no matter how big or small</strong>: As perfectionists, we achieve a lot, but when do we ever take time to celebrate our accomplishments? You’ll soon see that accomplishment and success can still be achieved in the absence of perfection.</p> </div> </div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="next-steps"><strong>Next Steps</strong></h2> <p>If perfectionism is something with which you struggle and which is causing uncomfortable levels of stress for you, please know that these behaviour patterns can be changed. It takes time and effort – but it is achievable. And life is a lot less stressful on the other side.</p> <p>Through coaching, we can address the underlying fears and insecurities which the perfectionistic behaviour is masking. Together, we can identify ways to reduce the self-criticism and increase your self-esteem, so that you can be confident in who you are, in everything you do and in how you are seen in the world.</p> <p><strong><em>You are enough!</em></strong></p> <p><a role="button" href="https://calendly.com/bravingboundaries/discovery-call-30-mins"><br>Book a free Discovery Session<br></a><br><a role="button" href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><br>Drop me a quick message<br></a><br><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" sizes="(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" srcset="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-1024x311-1.jpg 1024w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-300x91-1.jpg 300w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-768x233-1.jpg 768w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-500x152.png 500w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-800x243.png 800w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-1280x389-1.jpg 1280w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-1080x328-1.jpg 1080w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-980x298-1.jpg 980w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-480x146-1.jpg 480w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner.jpg 1400w" width="1024" height="311" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-1024x311-1.jpg" alt="Coaching for perfectionist"></p> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="references"><strong>References </strong></h2> <p>“<em>The dangerous downsides of perfectionism</em>” by Amanda Ruggeri (senior journalist for the BBC) – definitely worth the read: https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20180219-toxic-perfectionism-is-on-the-rise </p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-perfectionist-problem/">The Perfectionist Problem</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-perfectionist-problem/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> </channel> </rss>