<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><rss version="2.0" xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/" xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/" xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" xmlns:sy="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/syndication/" xmlns:slash="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/slash/" > <channel> <title>self-compassion Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <atom:link href="https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/self-compassion/feed/" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" /> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/self-compassion/</link> <description>PROFESSIONAL LIFE COACHING & TRAINING</description> <lastBuildDate>Wed, 16 Jul 2025 15:33:01 +0000</lastBuildDate> <language>en-ZA</language> <sy:updatePeriod> hourly </sy:updatePeriod> <sy:updateFrequency> 1 </sy:updateFrequency> <image> <url>https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Asset-1.svg</url> <title>self-compassion Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/self-compassion/</link> <width>32</width> <height>32</height> </image> <item> <title>How to Beat Procrastination (Part 2): Practical Strategies That Work</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/how-to-beat-procrastination-part-2/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/how-to-beat-procrastination-part-2/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 16 Jul 2025 15:32:49 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Procrastination]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[beating procrastination]]></category> <category><![CDATA[braving boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[how to stop procrastinating]]></category> <category><![CDATA[implementation intentions]]></category> <category><![CDATA[overcoming procrastination]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Pomodoro technique]]></category> <category><![CDATA[procrastination]]></category> <category><![CDATA[procrastination emotional root]]></category> <category><![CDATA[productivity for professionals]]></category> <category><![CDATA[science-backed productivity tools]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-compassion]]></category> <category><![CDATA[time management]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=235304</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/how-to-beat-procrastination-part-2/">How to Beat Procrastination (Part 2): Practical Strategies That Work</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_0 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_0"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_0 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_0 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY FRIEDA LEVYCKY, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/" style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;">BRAVING BOUNDARIES</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em></em></span></strong></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Yes, finally.)</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So here we are. Part 2 of the procrastination series. Only three years in the making. I mean, if that’s not living the work, I don’t know what is.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For those of you who’ve been waiting patiently since </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/beating-procrastination-part-1/"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Part 1</span></i></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (published in June 2022 – sorry about that), thank you. You’ll be pleased to know that the delay wasn’t due to a lack of inspiration. Quite the opposite. I’ve had plenty of real-life examples of procrastination play out in all their glory; some impressively creative, others frustratingly familiar.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">There was the weekend I’d set aside to write this article in July <strong><em>2022</em> </strong>… which coincided, very inconveniently, with a sudden and unrelenting need to sort out our table plan for our wedding in April 2023. Then came the flurry of pub quiz planning, a strong case made (by me) for why walking the dogs was far more urgent than finishing this article and even a couple of bouts of spring cleaning (if you know me, you’ll know procrastination is definitely in full swing when that happens). There may even have been a holiday spreadsheet involved at one point too! No one </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">needs </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">a spreadsheet, but there you go!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Classic procrastination.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Still, I always knew it needed to be finished. The first article unpacked the </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">why</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> behind procrastination: the roots, the reasoning and a fair bit of personal reflection, particularly on the emotional side of things. That was the easy part to write. Well, easier. This one asks:</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> What do we actually do about it?</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> A far trickier question for a procrastinator.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, before we get into the how, here’s a quick reminder of where we left off.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_1 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>What causes procrastination? A quick recap of Part 1</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_0"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/PROCRASTINATION-3-1024x768.jpg.webp" alt="" title="" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_2 et_pb_text_align_center et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span>Burka & Yuen (2008): </span><strong><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702" target="_blank" rel="noopener">“<em>Procrastination: Why you do it. What to do about it NOW.</em>”</a></strong></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_3 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you haven’t read it (or can’t remember it – I had to go back and read it myself), </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/beating-procrastination-part-1/"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Part 1</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> was all about understanding what procrastination is and where it comes from</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Drawing on the brilliant work of Burka & Yuen in </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Procrastination: Why You Do It, What To Do About It Now</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">, I explored the four key roots of procrastination:</span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>The Time Root</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – that slightly warped relationship with time, where we convince ourselves something will only take 15 minutes … right up until it doesn’t.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>The Interpersonal Root</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – the influence of our upbringing, our environment and those oh-so-familiar family patterns.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>The Biological Root</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – where our limbic system (the emotional, reactive part of the brain) often hijacks our best-laid plans and our prefrontal cortex just sighs in the background.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>The Emotional Root</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – the most uncomfortable of the lot and the one that hit me the hardest. This is where fear creeps in. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of being judged, exposed, relied on, left behind, pushed forward … the full emotional buffet.</span></li> </ul> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, with the </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">why</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> in mind, let’s take a look at the </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">how</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_4 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>How to start moving through procrastination</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_5 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’d love to say there’s a one-size-fits-all answer. That there’s a magical method I discovered whilst on a trail run that cured my procrastination overnight and I’ve never looked back. I haven’t though. I do procrastinate and I probably always will.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The reality is, procrastination isn’t something we fix. It’s something we learn to understand. Something we work with rather than battle against. I’ve spent the last few years trying different things, some helpful, some completely ineffective and some just another form of productive avoidance (organising a to-do list using different coloured pens, for example, is </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">not</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> the win it feels like).</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Still, there are a few strategies that do seem to work. They don’t work every time, but they are enough to gently interrupt the cycle and help move things forward when the familiar urge to delay starts creeping in.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you struggle with procrastination, why don’t you give these a go?</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_1 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_1 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_1"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_2 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_6 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>Break big tasks into smaller steps</strong></h3> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When something feels big, it usually means I’ll avoid it. My brain throws it straight into the “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">too hard</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” basket, where it sits until the pressure becomes unbearable and I do it in a mad panic while simultaneously resenting everyone and everything around me.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The trick (and this is one of the very few that works reliably) is to shrink it. Make the first step so small that it’s almost laughable.</span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Write one sentence.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Open the document.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Put your leggings on. You don’t even have to work out, just put them on.</span></li> </ul> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">This is loosely based on the </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">two-minute rule</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> in behavioural psychology. If something takes less than two minutes, do it. If it’s more complex, start it for just two minutes. The point is not to finish the task. It’s to override the part of your brain that’s convinced it’s impossible.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Once you’re in, you usually keep going. Not always, but more often than not, something shifts.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_2 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_3 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_2"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_4 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_7 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>Use the Pomodoro Technique or timed sprints</strong></h3> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’m not naturally a timer person. I rebel against rigid structure (that’ll be my <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/enneagram/">Enneagram 7</a>). However, I’ve learned that giving myself a set amount of time (e.g. 25 minutes) and then a break, feels manageable. That’s the basis of the Pomodoro Technique and it’s surprisingly effective. It has certainly helped me with assessment writing.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It turns the looming mountain of: </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">write a research paper on Mental Toughness</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (something I am currently working on) into </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">just work on it for 25 minutes</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. I don’t have to finish it. I don’t have to get it perfect. I just have to stay with it for that short period (then I can make a cuppa and complain about it to someone). </span><span style="font-weight: 400;"><img src="https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/15.0.3/72x72/1f60a.png" alt="😊" class="wp-smiley" style="height: 1em; max-height: 1em;" /></span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The psychology behind it is simple: we focus better in short bursts and we’re more likely to start something if the commitment feels light.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_3"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_5 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_3"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/07/Closeup-shot-of-a-Pomodoro-technique-by-Wirestock-from-Getty-Images.jpg" alt="Closeup shot of a Pomodoro technique by Wirestock from Getty Images" title="Closeup shot of a Pomodoro technique by Wirestock from Getty Images" class="wp-image-235316" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_4 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_6 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_4"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_7 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_8 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>Try if-then planning (implementation intentions)</strong></h3> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I realise that sounds like something from a productivity podcast, but bear with me. There’s a theory called </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">implementation intentions</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> which basically means creating a clear plan in advance in the following format: “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">If X happens, then I’ll do Y</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For example:</span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">If it’s 8am, I’ll go for a 20-minute walk.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">If I finish lunch, I’ll spend 10 minutes replying to emails.</span></li> </ul> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It seems obvious, but there’s good evidence that this kind of planning increases the likelihood of follow-through, especially when willpower is low. The clearer the cue and the simpler the task, the less room there is for the usual mental negotiation to creep in.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_5 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_8 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_5"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_9 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_9 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>Create accountability without pressure</strong></h3> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Now I know a lot of people are not a fan of the public declaration approach. “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Tell everyone you’re running a marathon so you have to do it!</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” can sound more like a threat than a strategy.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">That said, sharing something with a trusted friend – someone who knows you well, who won’t guilt-trip you and who will check in with curiosity rather than judgement – can be really helpful. It creates a gentle nudge and a little momentum.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Back in June, when I came back from the Coaching Advocates roadshow, I messaged my yoga instructor and said: </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“I turn 44 years old on 12 August 2025. There are 50 days left before that. My goal is to complete 44 exercise sessions before then. Please can you support me on this bout of madness?!”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. She gladly agreed. It was less about being held accountable in a disciplinary way (though she is good at that too </span><span style="font-weight: 400;"><img src="https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/15.0.3/72x72/1f609.png" alt="😉" class="wp-smiley" style="height: 1em; max-height: 1em;" /></span><span style="font-weight: 400;">). It was more about breaking the pattern of secrecy that procrastination loves to hide in (e.g. well, if I don’t tell anyone about my challenge, then if I fail, no one will know).</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_6 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_10 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_6"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_11 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_10 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>Use self-compassion to break the cycle</strong></h3> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">This one sounds obvious, but it can be the hardest. Procrastination is often wrapped up in shame and when we start beating ourselves up for not getting things done, we shut down even more.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Self-compassion is, as it turns out, a far more effective motivator than criticism. Studies show that people who respond to their procrastination with kindness are more likely to move forward than those who berate themselves. It’s definitely a work in progress for me!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, if you find yourself deep in avoidance, maybe the best thing you can do is pause, take a breath and, rather than asking yourself: </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“How do I fix everything today?”,</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> ask yourself: </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“What do I need right now to take one small step?”.</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Just one step. That’s all.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_7"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_12 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_11 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Final thoughts on how to beat procrastination</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_12 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Procrastination isn’t something to conquer. It’s something to understand. Mine still pops up more than I’d like, sometimes dressed as helpful planning, sometimes hidden under tiredness, sometimes wrapped up in old fears I thought I’d left behind.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The difference now is, I see it sooner. I notice the excuses, I know what it’s protecting me from and I have a few more tools in my kit to meet it with curiosity rather than shame.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you want to go deeper: </span><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Procrastination: Why You Do It, What to Do About It Now</span></i></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702"> by Burka & Yuen</a> is still one of the most insightful books I’ve read on the subject. It’s not a hustle manual, but a genuine exploration of the messiness behind the avoidance.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Finally, if you’re currently procrastinating on something while reading this … I see you. Me too.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Maybe just start with five minutes. That’s all.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_7"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image.jpg.webp" alt="" title="" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/how-to-beat-procrastination-part-2/">How to Beat Procrastination (Part 2): Practical Strategies That Work</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/how-to-beat-procrastination-part-2/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Only the Lonely – the Fear of Loneliness</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/only-the-lonely-the-fear-of-loneliness/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/only-the-lonely-the-fear-of-loneliness/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 28 Nov 2024 14:01:52 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[The Fears series]]></category> <category><![CDATA[awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Building Connections]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Coping with Isolation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[divorce and loss]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional resilience]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional well-being]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Fear of Loneliness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[grief and loss]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Human Connection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Overcoming Loneliness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Relationships and Loneliness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-compassion]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Tackling Loneliness]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=235014</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/only-the-lonely-the-fear-of-loneliness/">Only the Lonely – the Fear of Loneliness</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_1 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_8"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_13 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_13 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As Roy Orbison croons his famous song</span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D6Aw3ZnqQrY" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;"> “Only the Lonely”</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, the lyrics will hit differently for different people. Some of us will listen to the song and instantly feel a kinship with Orbison knowing full well what it feels like to miss the warmth of someone next to us. Or the yearning to be someone’s darling, their sweetheart, their “one”. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When he sings – </span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Only the lonely</span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Know the way I feel tonight</span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Only the lonely</span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Know this feeling ain’t right”.</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We feel the breaking of his heart and can empathise with the thought that the feeling isn’t right. Shouldn’t be right. Can’t be right – live this life alone, without your person? No way!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And then there are the rest of us that understand the sentiment that being alone doesn’t necessarily mean we’re lonely. Perhaps it’s an only child thing – you grow up, ostensibly alone. You learn to be ok with that, comfortable in your own space and in the silence that it offers. You have your – often vivid – imagination to keep you company. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But there’s no denying that at some point in your life – an only child or not – the idea of being alone is frightening. For different reasons. But it’s a reality all of us face at one point or another. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The difference is how it affects you. For some, the fear of being alone will be so all-consuming that it will be classified as a phobia – like other phobias such as arachnophobia – known as </span><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-the-fear-of-being-alone-2671883" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">monophobia</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">One thing is for sure – only the lonely know the way it feels tonight…</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_14 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>The phobia – monophobia</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_8"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/European-woman-hiding-face-under-the-clothes.-She-is-pulling-sweater-on-her-head.-by-Koldunova_Anna-from-Getty-Images-Pro.jpg" alt="European woman hiding face under the clothes. She is pulling sweater on her head. by Koldunova_Anna from Getty Images Pro" title="European woman hiding face under the clothes. She is pulling sweater on her head. by Koldunova_Anna from Getty Images Pro" class="wp-image-235028" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_15 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-the-fear-of-being-alone-2671883" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Verywellmind</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> describes monophobia (also known as autophobia) as a severe, irrational fear of being alone. So much so that this fear could impact your normal day-to-day life.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It can refer to several fears which may or may not share a common cause, like the fear of:</span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Being apart from a particular person;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Being home alone;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Being in public by yourself;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Feeling isolated or ignored;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Experiencing danger while alone;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Living alone;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Loneliness, and</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Solitude.</span></li> </ul> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Granted, being diagnosed with monophobia is a little different to waking up </span><a href="https://www.google.com/search?sca_esv=4b38bf61f79e2069&rlz=1C1AVFC_enZA990ZA990&sxsrf=ADLYWIL2bxYQB27k7bOxQCDna3pDLUwTmw:1732629720268&q=Bridget+Jones+waking+up+alone+at+30&udm=7&fbs=AEQNm0Aa4sjWe7Rqy32pFwRj0UkWd8nbOJfsBGGB5IQQO6L3J603JUkR9Y5suk8yuy50qOYMMWTNCTu57lKPsZpPcfqPO_IpBTFq5Iu5fjJcS9zeIjPFJUv87eZfN29UFdVUPMDQu7RK9R_bUPLOf1fjQfA8iavGDDNI4XAiPb7CBH_tYixgN7oUspZLXXXsRkqTIf5aqMzAsa5BiGd_cq9iXccaPMpaPw&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjVyIPYlPqJAxWJYEEAHcgaA40QtKgLegQIEhAB&biw=1098&bih=457&dpr=1.75#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:02eac83d,vid:sYO6j_D8cg8,st:0" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Bridget Jones style</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> in your late 30’s (40’s, 50’s – insert age here) wondering where your Mr. Right (or indeed Mrs. Right or simply “Right Person”) is. But the sentiment is the same – it’s the degree of severity that distinguishes the phobia from simply being alone (which is not simple at all). </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_16 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>This loneliness is killing me</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_17 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When Britney Spears sang those famous lyrics in </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-u5WLJ9Yk4"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Baby One More Time</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, I’m sure she didn’t think that the feeling of loneliness could be so desperate. But it can be. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As we head towards the Festive Time of year, shops around town are hanging up tinsel and bells, wreaths and lights, there’s a merriment in the air. A bringing together of families – regardless of whether you celebrate Christmas or not – a hunkering down of sorts while you all collectively wait to ring in the New Year. And with all this merriment there is a sense, a need to belong – to someone mostly. Looking forward to late mornings in bed as you while away the time on Boxing Day and New Years Day – all the better spent with someone you love. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">This sentiment of the time of year can have a lot of us feeling glum. Especially those of us who aren’t attached to someone else. Not being attached. It sounds so blasé. And is anything but. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Some of us haven’t met our one yet, despite all attempts to the contrary – too much work, too little time, too many apps, not enough face time. High expectations, low self-esteems. It’s hard out there. So, we throw ourselves into work, into exercise, into jazzercise, into rock climbing, into [insert activity here] just so that we fill the time with something. Anything. Instead of focusing on ourselves. On how we can make ourselves better, happier, more adjusted. You want to find your person. Not just any person. The right person. And perhaps to do that, you need to start with you. And that’s a scary thing. Because is it really you? Or them? Or just society’s fault? Why are you </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">still</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> single? </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_9"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Lonely-by-Gang-Zhou-from-Getty-Images-Signature.jpg" alt="Lonely by Gang Zhou from Getty Images Signature" title="Lonely by Gang Zhou from Getty Images Signature" class="wp-image-235031" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_18 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Some of us are coming out of a break-up or divorce. The heartbreak still well and truly set in – regardless of who did the leaving. It’s the coming apart – it feels like from the seams – your lives turned upside down as you try to forget how someone likes their coffee (or tea), as you stop buying their favourite cereal or biscuits. It’s the uncoupling that hurts so badly. Like you’re suddenly missing your pinkie. You can get on without it but it’s far more useful to have it </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">on</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> your hand. It also looks better – aesthetically anyway. And suddenly it’s the realisation that you are – once again – on the market. A “For Sale” sign squarely on your front lawn. And the prospect of having potential buyers coming on over to look at what you have to offer has you filled with fear – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">what if I’m doomed to be single? What if no one else will ever love me? </span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And still, some of us are only just about ready to come up for air. If that’s what it is. Air – what’s the use of air? What’s the use in breathing without them? What’s the use of lungs or eyes, or hearts if there’s no one to look at, no one to love, no one to breathe for? Some of us have lost our “Plus One’s”. No. That doesn’t sound right. Our person. Our </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">only</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> person. And it feels like we have been swallowed up by the sea, thrown around by the waves, fighting – but not really – to get back to the shores. A broken person where a couple once stood. It’s funny how death makes angels of us all, redeeming even the worst fights, forgiving misdemeanors and words said but not meant. And now as we look to our future, alone for the first time in a long time, reality sets in. You are on your own. And that’s enough to make any one of us want to stay in our dark rooms like the Miss Havisham of the Upper West Side.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Being alone looks different for all of us. We all have our stories, our feelings of loss, or feelings of not belonging. It hits differently for all of us. Just like Orbison’s song. But the underlying feeling that connects us all in this loneliness is the need to belong. To a person, to a group of people, to a cause. It’s the need to connect, to make a connection to another person, or people. It’s the need to be seen. That’s what connects us as we all travel in tubes, buses and railways looking to make our ways back home.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Hopefully to a home that doesn’t echo the sounds of silence. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_19 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>How can you counter your fear of loneliness?</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_20 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s clear that as human beings we find solace and comfort amongst others – we’re social creatures after all, (well most of us anyways).</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We thrive within communities of like-minded people and in healthy relationships. When we feel isolated from other people – during times of loss or grief, break-ups or mishaps – it can take a toll on us both mentally (emotionally) as well as physically. Your stress levels can go soaring, triggering anxiety and depression, thereby increasing your risk for heart disease and stroke.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Now let’s be clear about something quickly – you can feel lonely for any number of reasons not discussed above. Moving to a new city for work, attending college far from home, not having friends close enough to divulge your feelings to, being isolated due to an illness, being housebound due to a disability, being lonely because your social anxiety sends you running for the comfort of your own home rather than face the awkwardness of a crowd.</span> <span style="font-weight: 400;"> Or y</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">ou just feel an existential loneliness that you can’t shake. Like even though you’re surrounded by friends and loved ones, you still feel lonely. Or maybe you’re just working so hard that you often find yourself eating a piece of chicken (out of the bag) over the kitchen sink at midnight, right before you take the quickest shower known to man so that you can get at least 4 hours’ worth of sleep before your day starts again – this kind of lifestyle often comes with less human interaction than one might like. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_10"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Man-Sleeping-on-A-Bed-by-Andrea-Piacquadio-from-Pexels.jpg" alt="Man Sleeping on A Bed by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels" title="Man Sleeping on A Bed by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels" class="wp-image-235032" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_21 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And it stands to reason that in any number of situations, one would fear that this feeling of loneliness is here to stay. And for some of us, that feeling is too much to bear.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Tackling your fear of loneliness often involves looking inwards. It involves working on yourself first and it often involves big bold steps into the unknown to make the changes you need in order to gain the connections desired. But there are things that you can do today to face your fear of loneliness, and they include – </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_9 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_14 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_11"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_15 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_22 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Acknowledging your feelings</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – first things first. As with any fear or irrational belief, you first need to acknowledge that you feel it. That it’s there. That it’s real – to you. The next is seeking help. Whether you talk to a close family member or friend about how you’re feeling and why you’re feeling that way or whether you seek assistance from a mental health professional, talking about how you’re feeling, acknowledging that feeling and seeking help should be your first point of call. “Keeping calm and carrying on” is so WWII. Your feelings are valid. So, express them and get the help you need.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_10 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_16 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_12"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_17 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_23 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Choosing to heal</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – you must make the cognitive, conscious decision to heal, to work on yourself, and to face your fear of being alone (or loneliness). This is not to say that it’s because of something you have done or haven’t done that you are destined to be alone. No. Rather this is an opportunity to get comfortable in your own skin. Get comfortable with who you are and what you have to offer – knowing how much you have to offer. It’s an opportunity to get comfortable learning and growing while you’re on your own. The thing is, you must make the decision to show up for yourself every day, especially when it’s hard. You must learn about the things that make you happy, the things that get your heart racing. Learn about you – the real you. Remember it’s the stories we tell ourselves about who we are and what we deserve, that often cause our feelings of loneliness. If you don’t honestly believe that you deserve human love and connection, you won’t allow yourself to feel it. And it’s up to you to change that.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_11 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_18 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_13"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_19 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_24 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Practicing self-care</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– the way you treat your mind and body has a direct effect on your emotional wellbeing. It’s why loneliness is so intricately linked to burnout and stress. It’s also why it’s important to put self-care at the top of your list – prioritise your physical and mental health. Feed your mind the correct messaging. Talk to yourself the way you would a good friend – kindly and with understanding. Try getting some physical exercise even if that’s a quick walk around your neighbourhood. Take a time out with meditation or yoga. Self-care is key to dealing with loneliness – because when you feel good about yourself, that will radiate off of you, attracting others into your orbit.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_12"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_20 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_14"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Frieda-Levycky-walk-in-the-forest.jpg" alt="Frieda Levycky walk in the forest" title="Frieda Levycky walk in the forest" class="wp-image-235029" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_13 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_21 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_15"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_22 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_25 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Getting out into nature</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">(where possible) – being out in the world – outside of the concrete jungle that is – can really put things into perspective. It gives you a sense of how big the world is, how beautiful each creature is and how each individual thing – whether tiny and seemingly insignificant – has a place and a purpose in the world. Just like you do. It can bring a sense of peace to your soul and quiet the mind and the voices that are perhaps telling you that you don’t deserve love or connection. In the UK, organization such as </span><a href="https://www.ramblers.org.uk/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Ramblers</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, arrange walks for groups of people to get together and take – building community and connection as you walk in the open, fresh air. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_14 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_23 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_16"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_24 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_26 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Planting a garden</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">(where possible)</span><b> – </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">whether that’s a vegetable garden or flower garden, Bonsai’s, or herbs. Whatever floats your boat. Whether it’s in your own garden, on your rooftop or simply on your windowsill. Not only does it give you a sense of purpose – you need to research how to plant things and what to do, you need to visit nurseries and ask questions, joining gardening enthusiasts as they shop for compost or seeds. Posting pictures of your garden online can also open up a world of possibilities with online communities that hopefully meet in person to chat about the latest Bonsai technique. But gardening also gives you a sense of accomplishment – look what you have grown! And in that a sense of pride in yourself. It’s also symbolic – watering your own garden before you can even think about watering someone else’s.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_15 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_25 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_17"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/6.jpg" alt="" title="6" class="wp-image-1491" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_26 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_27 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Spending time with animals </strong><b>– </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">animals have a way about them that transcends verbal communication. Looking into their eyes, it’s as if they know what you’re thinking and how you’re feeling without you having to express anything. Spending time at an animal shelter has a twofold purpose – not only are you offering company to an animal in need thereby contributing to their social interaction and socialisation, but you are also gaining companionship from a furry friend that can leave you feeling all the feels. A fan of dogs? </span><a href="https://www.borrowmydoggy.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Borrow my Doggy</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (in the UK) connects local dog owners with people who want to walk them, care for them, or keep them company. And that also has a two-fold result – maybe you could meet a fellow dog lover when you borrow their doggy for the day… for one person – Meg – it literally was </span><a href="https://www.glamourmagazine.co.uk/article/borrowing-dog-mental-health" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">the best thing she did for her mental health</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_16"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_27 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_18"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Frieda-Levycky-with-Dog.jpg" alt="Frieda Levycky with Dog" title="Frieda Levycky with Dog" class="wp-image-235030" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_17 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_28 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_19"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/7.png" alt="" title="7" class="wp-image-1882" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_29 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_28 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Volunteering</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – contributing your time and energy, working alongside others for a good cause, can effectively help you fight off your feelings of loneliness and isolation. Volunteer activities are shown to ease stress, reduce feelings of depression, can help you make friends, and connect with others, and give you a sense of purpose. All in all, making for a happier human being. A sense of happiness, fulfilment, and connection to others trumps loneliness any day of the week. You could volunteer at a senior nursing home, work in a soup kitchen, or even read to kids after school – all giving back while making in person connections. Brilliant!</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_18 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_30 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_20"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/8.jpg" alt="" title="8" class="wp-image-1883" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_31 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_29 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Joining a club or a group</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– what’s better than meeting new people and making new connections? Meeting new people and making new connections with shared interests and hobbies!! You know like book clubs. But it doesn’t have to be a book club – it could be a club that meets on a weekly basis talking all about Stranger Things or a group that likes visiting pubs built in 1827. Sherlock Holmes enthusiasts? There’s bound to be a club like that. </span><a href="https://www.meetup.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Meetup</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> is an online platform through which you can find a group or create your own based on a particular interest. Groups meet in person, wherever you’re located. There are Meetup groups for all types of interests, including food, travel, lifestyle, entertainment, sports, recreation, culture, and so much more. Meetup groups give you things to do when you feel lonely. It’s a terrific way to make new friends and get together with likeminded people on a regular basis.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_19"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_32 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_30 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>I’m not lonely when I’m alone</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_31 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As an only child, I feel it’s my duty to point out that some of us enjoy our own company. We even prefer it. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I may – on occasion – look foreboding (it’s all by design) and seem to repel unnecessary human interaction, but I do actually like people. And have been known to be quite the chatterbox. But because I grew up alone without siblings and am the oldest of the grandkids, being on my own is normal for me. I married another only child (as one should – we are a different breed of people I think) who is also comfortable in his own skin. So, we choose to be together rather than being dependent on one another for company – if that makes sense.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">My husband fishes a lot and as a fishing widow I’m often left to my own devices – which is a dangerous thing. I can go days without muttering a syllable to another human being (my cats on the other hand can’t get me to shut up). The point I’m making is that I am on my own a lot but that doesn’t mean I’m lonely. My mental health issues have forced me to put in the work on myself. And now, years later, with all my flaws, I realise I like myself and like my own company. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I welcome interactions with friends and love seeing loved ones, I love my hubby – so I welcome the social interaction but I’m also happy enough with who I am to know that I’ll be ok on my own. Does that make sense?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s important to make that distinction. Because being alone doesn’t necessarily mean you’re lonely. Sometimes it’s a choice.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">With all that said, loneliness is something we all feel at some point. It’s real and those feelings are valid. It’s what you do about those feelings that will determine whether you join Orbison crooning about his heartache and sorrow or whether you combat your fear of being alone by joining a group or volunteering your time – focusing on your own self-development as a cure.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It was Irish poet Brendan Behan that said – </span></p> <blockquote> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“At the innermost core of all loneliness is a deep and powerful yearning for union with one’s lost self.” </span></i></p> </blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, let’s reclaim loneliness as a natural, human emotion that most of us feel at some point or another and instead use it to connect us to our innermost selves and to one other in a deeper, more meaningful way. Focus on you and allow the deep connections to flow….</span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Sources used and to whom we owe thanks – </span></i><a href="https://www.cigna.com/knowledge-center/how-to-deal-with-loneliness" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Cigna</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/tips-for-everyday-living/loneliness/tips-to-manage-loneliness/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Mind</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/our-work/public-engagement/unlock-loneliness/15-things-do-if-youre-feeling-lonely" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Mental Health Foundation</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/social-connection/i-feel-lonely" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">HelpGuide.org</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.tonyrobbins.com/blog/loneliness-and-longevity" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Tony Robbins</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span></i><a href="https://fearlessliving.org/fear-series-how-to-overcome-your-fear-of-loneliness" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Fearless Living</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">).</span></i></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_21"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image-6.png" alt="" title="End of blog post CTA image (6)" class="wp-image-235037" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_20"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_33 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_0 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_21 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_34 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_22"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_35 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_32 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/only-the-lonely-the-fear-of-loneliness/">Only the Lonely – the Fear of Loneliness</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/only-the-lonely-the-fear-of-loneliness/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>My 10-day liver cleanse with Juice Revolution: A journey of self-compassion and transformation</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/my-10-day-liver-cleanse/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/my-10-day-liver-cleanse/#comments</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Fri, 04 Oct 2024 05:39:49 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Mid-Life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[braving boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[clean yourself from inside out]]></category> <category><![CDATA[cleanse]]></category> <category><![CDATA[detox]]></category> <category><![CDATA[gallbladder cleanse]]></category> <category><![CDATA[good health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[healthy eating]]></category> <category><![CDATA[healthy living]]></category> <category><![CDATA[juice revolution]]></category> <category><![CDATA[juicing]]></category> <category><![CDATA[kidney detox]]></category> <category><![CDATA[liver cleanse]]></category> <category><![CDATA[menopause]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mid-life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[middle age]]></category> <category><![CDATA[peri-menopause]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-compassion]]></category> <category><![CDATA[take care of yourself]]></category> <category><![CDATA[transformation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[your body your life]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=6384</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/my-10-day-liver-cleanse/">My 10-day liver cleanse with Juice Revolution: A journey of self-compassion and transformation</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_2 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_22"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_36 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_33 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY FRIEDA LEVYCKY, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/" style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;">BRAVING BOUNDARIES</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><span style="color: #be9727;"></span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As I mentioned in last month’s newsletter, after finishing the Braving Change Challenge, I felt like I needed an additional boost to regain control of my energy and overall well-being. Despite increasing my exercise routine, I was still feeling sluggish, weighed down by hormonal swings (hello, peri-menopause!) and a bit disconnected from my body. I wanted to feel more in tune with myself and, let’s be honest, I was also eager to get back a bit more control over my figure. That’s when I decided to embark on a 10-day liver cleanse with </span><a href="https://juicerevolution.co.za/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Juice Revolution</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and I’m so glad I did it.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_34 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>The Cleanse Breakdown</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_35 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The 10-day cleanse was structured in a way that felt achievable (even though, I’ll admit, I had a few moments of doubt)! Here’s what the process looked like:</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_36 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><b>Days 1 to 3: Clean eating and liver stone softening</b></h3></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_37 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The first three days were all about clean eating coupled with regular consumption of apple juice to soften liver stones. This phase eased me into the cleanse, giving my body time to adjust to the lighter food load and preparing it for the more intense detox days ahead.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_23"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/10/Liver-detox-cleanse-1-1.png" alt="" title="Liver detox cleanse (1)" class="wp-image-6394" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_38 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><b>Days 4 to 6: Juicing </b></h3></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_39 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">These days were filled with delicious juices and soups provided by </span><a href="https://juicerevolution.co.za/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Juice Revolution</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, and I have to say, they were surprisingly tasty! I didn’t feel deprived of food because the juices were rich in nutrients and had such a variety of flavours that kept things interesting. It was during this phase that I really started to notice a shift in how I felt; lighter, clearer and more in tune with my body. By day 5 though, I hit a bit of a wall. The headache I experienced was intense as the toxins were being released from my body. However, I knew this was part of the process and a necessary step in the detox journey.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Something that really kept me engaged during this phase were the educational videos that explained why we were eating certain foods and taking specific supplements. I’m one of those people who needs to understand the “</span><b>why</b><span style="font-weight: 400;">” behind what I’m doing, rather than just following directions because someone said so. It was fascinating to learn how each element played a role in supporting the cleanse and detoxification process. This knowledge made the whole experience feel more purposeful and kept me motivated.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_40 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><b>Day 5 and Day 10: Colonics!</b></h3></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_41 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Now, let’s talk about colonics – something that I’ve been doing for nearly two decades. I know, I know, many of my friends are horrified at the mere mention of it, but let me tell you, colonics are a game-changer! Sure, the idea of flushing out your insides might not sound like a day at the spa, but it’s an </span><b>incredibly</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> effective way to support a cleanse. Trust me, we carry around a lot more </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">‘baggage’</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> than we realise, and colonics help you let go – both literally and figuratively! The results? Well, let’s just say it was a liberating experience and I left feeling </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">light as a feather</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (and perhaps a few pounds lighter too).</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you’ve ever wondered whether we’re all full of … well, you know, the answer is yes! </span><span style="font-weight: 400;"><img src="https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/15.0.3/72x72/1f60a.png" alt="😊" class="wp-smiley" style="height: 1em; max-height: 1em;" /></span><span style="font-weight: 400;"> But I promise you, once you’ve done a colonic or two, you’ll be amazed at how much better you feel. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it!</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_42 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><b>Day 6/7: Fasting</b></h3></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_43 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Ah, the infamous fasting day. I never thought I’d drink neat Epsom salts (let alone a grapefruit and olive oil concoction) but I did – and it worked! To my surprise, the fasting day went way more smoothly than I had anticipated, even though my husband and friends were busy demolishing four pizzas and chicken wings right in front of me! That moment really tested my resolve, but I stayed dedicated to the process and it felt strangely empowering.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_24"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/10/Liver-detox-cleanse-3-1.png" alt="" title="Liver detox cleanse (3)" class="wp-image-6396" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_44 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><b>Days 8 to 10: Reintroducing whole foods</b></h3></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_45 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The final three days were about reintroducing whole foods and, interestingly, adding a kidney cleanse to the mix. It was wonderful to bring back solid food, but I was mindful of how my body was responding to every bite. I felt a newfound appreciation for nourishing my body with clean, wholesome ingredients. And the taste of the </span><a href="https://www.lifeshine.co.za/edible-eden-menu" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Edible Eden </span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">Cottage Pie on Sunday night was just sublime!!</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_46 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><b>How I felt after the cleanse</b></h3></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_47 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, let’s talk about the results. It’s safe to say that I feel completely transformed – both physically and mentally. The energy I was missing is back in full force and my brain feels clearer than it has in months. My skin is glowing, my figure has returned to where I want it to be and perhaps the most surprising benefit of all: I didn’t experience the usual hormonal swing as that time of the month approached. That, in itself, is a huge relief – not just for me, but for everyone around me!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">What’s more: my eyes are brighter, my skin feels smooth and I generally feel lighter and more at ease in my body. But beyond the physical changes, this cleanse gave me a much-needed reminder of the importance of </span><b>self-compassion</b><span style="font-weight: 400;">, especially as I navigate the realities of middle age.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_25"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/10/Liver-detox-cleanse-4-Medium.png" alt="" title="Liver detox cleanse (4) (Medium)" class="wp-image-6397" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_48 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><b>Learning self-compassion during middle age</b></h3></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_49 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As we age, our bodies change in ways we can’t always control and that can be tough to accept. I’ve spent most of my life with a good figure, so watching these changes unfold has been challenging for me – both physically and emotionally. There’s an underlying fear of losing control over something so central to how we perceive ourselves. But what this cleanse taught me is that, while we may not have control over everything, we do have a say in how we care for our bodies.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’m learning to be more compassionate with myself during this transition period. Rather than fighting against these changes, I’m focusing on what I can do to support my body: regular exercise, weight training and eating healthily (and learning what “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">eating healthily</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” really means). These are all things within my control and they make a huge difference in how I feel day-to-day.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_50 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><b>Why I recommend a liver cleanse</b></h3></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_51 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’m not a doctor or a nutritionist, but from what I’ve learned from experts, taking care of your body from the inside out really does make a difference – especially as we go through the hormonal changes that come with middle age. A liver cleanse like this one isn’t just about losing weight or getting a ‘quick fix’ for feeling sluggish. It’s about resetting, giving your body a chance to detox and allowing it to function at its best. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">This cleanse showed me that I can still feel good in my skin, no matter what age I am. It’s given me renewed energy, clearer skin and a sense of pride in what I was able to accomplish over those 10 days.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_52 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><b>A HUGE thank you</b></h3></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_53 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I couldn’t have done this without the incredible guidance of </span><a href="https://juicerevolution.co.za/about-juice-revolution/#founder" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Fiona Stander from Juice Revolution</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Her support and the delicious juices and soups she provided made the entire process so much easier and, dare I say it, enjoyable. I’m also grateful to my fellow participants. Sharing our experiences and challenges along the way kept me motivated and inspired. We laughed, supported each other and emerged from this journey feeling stronger.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">To anyone considering a cleanse, I highly recommend it. Not just for the physical benefits but for the mental clarity and self-compassion that comes with it. So, here’s to embracing the changes that come our way and to finding ways to love and care for our bodies through every stage of our lives.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/my-10-day-liver-cleanse/">My 10-day liver cleanse with Juice Revolution: A journey of self-compassion and transformation</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/my-10-day-liver-cleanse/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>4</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>The Naked Lawyer: When I met my Judge!</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-naked-lawyer-judgment-free/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-naked-lawyer-judgment-free/#comments</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 29 Apr 2021 08:02:39 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Lawyer Life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Lessons Learned]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[attorney]]></category> <category><![CDATA[attorney life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[attorneys]]></category> <category><![CDATA[awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[big law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[big law life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[body image]]></category> <category><![CDATA[body worries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[braving boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[camping]]></category> <category><![CDATA[camping with dogs]]></category> <category><![CDATA[clothing optional]]></category> <category><![CDATA[confidence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[executive coaching]]></category> <category><![CDATA[female lawyers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[insecurities]]></category> <category><![CDATA[judge]]></category> <category><![CDATA[judgement]]></category> <category><![CDATA[judgment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[judgment detox]]></category> <category><![CDATA[judgment free]]></category> <category><![CDATA[judgment free zone]]></category> <category><![CDATA[klipfontein]]></category> <category><![CDATA[land cruiser]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer coach]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer lifestyle]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer problems]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer tips]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lessons learned]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life coach]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life coaching]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life lessons]]></category> <category><![CDATA[naked]]></category> <category><![CDATA[narrow mindedness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[naturist]]></category> <category><![CDATA[naturist campsite]]></category> <category><![CDATA[no judgment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[nudist]]></category> <category><![CDATA[open mind]]></category> <category><![CDATA[open minded]]></category> <category><![CDATA[open mindedness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[open-mind]]></category> <category><![CDATA[open-minded]]></category> <category><![CDATA[outdoor camping]]></category> <category><![CDATA[positive intelligence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[rustic camping]]></category> <category><![CDATA[saboteurs]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-compassion]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-confidence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-conscious]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-imposed limitations]]></category> <category><![CDATA[south africa camping]]></category> <category><![CDATA[tulbagh]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/female-leaders-in-the-workplace-how-do-we-break-through-copy/</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Meet the Naked Lawyer (and her Judge)! Welcome to camping with a twist - where clothing is optional and an open mind is a necessity.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-naked-lawyer-judgment-free/">The Naked Lawyer: When I met my Judge!</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[ <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <p>I’ve thought long and hard about whether or not I should write this article. Ironically, for fear of judgment. And rejection. But I’ve learned some important lessons about myself over the last 4 days. And I always believe it is important to share those important lessons when learnt. </p> <p>So, here it goes.</p> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"></h2> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Camping with a twist</strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/2-1024x768.png" alt="" class="wp-image-2827"/></figure> <p>The 27 April is a Public Holiday in South Africa – <em>Freedom Day </em>– a day which commemorates the country’s first democratic elections after the apartheid era. This year it happened to fall on a Tuesday, so we decided to make a long weekend out of it.</p> <p>As some of you know, we have recently bought an old Land Cruiser which is fully kitted out with a roof top tent and awning. We both love traveling and exploring new locations, but feel guilty leaving our 3 rescue dogs behind. The land cruiser was an ideal solution. And last weekend was the perfect opportunity for our first adventure.</p> <p><em>And what an adventure it was!</em></p> <p>As is typical for us, we ended up leaving arrangements to the last minute. Having trawled through the internet for dog-friendly campsites and contacted numerous agents for assistance, we managed to find a beautiful campsite in <a href="https://www.booking.com/hotel/za/klipfontein-farm.en-gb.html" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Klipfontein, Tulbagh</a>, about 90 minutes outside of Cape Town. The pictures looked beautiful. There was tonnes of space for the dogs to run. And it was a no kids’ zone! Perfect when you have dogs who use children as ten-pin bowling practice!</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>The </strong><strong><em>bare</em></strong><strong> necessities</strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/3-1024x768.png" alt="" class="wp-image-2828"/></figure> <p>The booking confirmation came through and immediately my face flushed red: “<strong>CLOTHING OPTIONAL</strong>”. And you’d think as a lawyer I would have read the small print! How was I going to explain this?!</p> <p>Now, one thing you should know about me is that, when embarrassed, my reaction is to burst out laughing (you’ll see how inappropriate this trait is later) – and this had me in fits. I awkwardly explained to Justin what I’d done and – to my surprise – he took it in his stride: <em>“<strong>Best give the dogs’ nails a trim then</strong>”! </em></p> <p>So, after having a good giggle about the error of my ways with a few of our close friends, we headed off to Tulbagh. The car was full to the brim: dog beds, tables, cooking equipment and ironically two full suitcases of clothes. Well, it did say clothing was optional – and I fully intended to embrace this option!</p> <p>As we arrived, I could already feel the nervous laughter rising from the pit of my stomach. <em>“<strong>Just behave Frieda. Nudity is a perfectly natural state</strong>”</em> – I said to myself. But, frankly, nothing can prepare you for walking around a corner smack into a very naked man. Especially when he is a stranger. I burst out laughing! Oh my goodness, I had no idea where to look. Fortunately, I could pass off the laughter as fright from the collision. But thank heavens for my COVID mask! </p> <p>The gentleman was super kind and found the owners for us who, in turn, explained the layout of the campsite, fetched us firewood, came to meet the dogs, and helped us locate a braai pit (barbecue pit for non-South Africans). </p> <p>We explained to them that this was our first time venturing into a naturist campsite and that we hadn’t actually realised it was an <em>au natural </em>camp at the time of booking. They were incredibly kind and re-emphasised the fact that clothing was optional. <em>No one would judge</em> <em>us </em>if we chose to keep our clothes on. Or if we braved taking them off. There was 50 hectares of land so we could be as secluded as we liked. </p> <p>But, the toilets, showers and wifi were only located in the main campsite. Where every other naturist would be….</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Shaken but not stirred!</strong></h2> <p>I must say, having got the initial interaction out of the way, my discomfort levels rapidly decreased. We did opt for a secluded spot under the willows opposite the main campsite. Partly for the dogs. But mainly to ease ourselves into these new surroundings. </p> <p>Having established camp, we ventured into the main campsite to familiarise ourselves with the lay of the land. No sooner had we arrived, we were offered pancakes and a beer, asked if any assistance was required, and engaged in conversation. </p> <p>The openness and friendliness of the camping community was quite different to our normal camping experience. Usually, people tend to acknowledge each other by a nod of the head, but generally try to avoid engaging in social niceties. This was a refreshing change. And the conversation was a lot more honest and open because <em><strong>eye contact was consciously maintained!</strong></em> (But yes, I couldn’t resist having a peek or two – oh come on, so would you!)!</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Meeting my judge</strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/4-1024x768.png" alt="The Naked Lawyer - When I met my Judge!" class="wp-image-2829"/></figure> <p>By Day 2, we’d plucked up the courage to give it a whirl. The sun was shining. We were in our secluded spot. We felt safe. And if we weren’t going to experience this now, then when were we ever going to? So off came our clothes! </p> <p>It felt so foreign and triggered every single one of my insecurities:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>“What would people say if they find out?”</li><li>“What would they think of me?”</li><li>“How is this going to damage my reputation?”</li><li>“People are going to think I’m weird!”</li><li>“You’re no Cindy Crawford! Keep your clothes on and don’t go and offend society!”</li></ul> <p><strong><em>Isn’t it amazing how harshly we judge ourselves, each other and uncomfortable situations</em>? </strong>All those negative assumptions that we carry around with us. We are so conscious of what other people think about us that I can only imagine how often our “judge” prevents us from trying out new things or stepping outside of society’s expectations.</p> <p>But rather than reaching for my clothes, I pushed myself to see how long I could last. I’m in a fortunate position to be training in <a href="https://www.positiveintelligence.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Positive Intelligence</a> at the moment – which directly explores the limitations which our Judge and supporting saboteurs impose on the way we see the world. As such, I have a tonne of exercises that I can tap into to calm my survival brain (which encourages fight, flight or freeze actions) and activate my PQ brain which views things from a much more empathetic, curious, creative, fearless and clear-headed perspective.</p> <p>Yes, the first few conversations were a little awkward, but gradually the discomfort of seeing multiple naked bodies dissipated. It wasn’t threatening, sexual or perverse – which is (admittedly) what I had sub-consciously expected. It was a judgment-free community which had erased all of societies airs and graces. </p> <p>These people were comfortable with who they were. They were comfortable with their bodies – which crossed all dimensions of society: race, size, culture, age, gender. There was no automatic assumption of positions or the status you held in society by the clothes you wore. <strong><em>Everyone was on a level playing field – something which we rarely experience in this day and age.</em></strong></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Judging others: It says more about you</strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/5-1024x768.png" alt="Meeting your judge" class="wp-image-2830"/></figure> <p>The weekend not only opened our eyes to a new experience, but it also shed light on how I judge myself and others around me. And I should say that I consider myself to be pretty open-minded. The lessons I learned were the following:</p> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-1 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="1024" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1486"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow"> <p></p> <p><strong>I’m a lot less concerned about my cellulite when the rest of my body is on show!</strong> My body is also in pretty good nick – so I should probably embrace that!</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-2 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="1024" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1487"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow"> <p><strong>Honest and powerful conversations come when you make eye contact.</strong> Granted, I was consciously conversing at eye level – but my goodness, I realised how little we actually look people straight in the eye when we talk to them. We are forever scanning people. Looking around. Multi-tasking whilst having a conversation. Rarely do we focus just on the conversation at hand. Try it out – you’ll see the difference.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-3 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1488"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow"> <p><strong>We assume so much about a person based on how they dress</strong>; what they do; where they live; what car they drive etc. We form our first impressions of people within a <a href="https://www.psychologicalscience.org/observer/how-many-seconds-to-a-first-impression" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">blink of an eye</a>. Quite literally within 1/10 of a second! Most of the time our assumptions dictate whether or not we invest in a conversation. I’ve learned so much about the people I met this weekend because societal indicators were removed.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-4 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1489"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow"> <p><strong>We make judgments about situations that are foreign to us. </strong>The minute we exit our comfort zone and try something new, our brain also steps out of its comfort zone. It struggles to compute the new pattern of activity and switches into “survival mode” in order to protect us. By calming our brain and seeing the situation for what it is – a learning opportunity – we are able to step out of this fight, flight or freeze mode and become less judgmental.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-5 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="1024" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1490"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow"> <p><strong>It’s strengthened my relationship. </strong>Both of us were outside of our comfort zone this weekend and our insecurities were triggered. But we laughed, talked openly, listened and supported each other. We return to our daily lives more aware and more open-minded.</p> </div> </div> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>What’s your judge preventing you from doing?</strong></h2> <p>The above story is intended to highlight how our own self-judgment, the judgment of others and judgment of situations keeps us trapped in the status quo. Our judge narrows our perspective, holds us back from trying out new things, and makes implementing any desired change in our lives ten times harder.</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>Imagine being able to take time off work without feeling guilty.</li><li>Imagine being able to try a new hobby without fear of criticism.</li><li>Imagine being able to date without fear of rejection.</li><li>Imagine being able to voice your opinion without fear of repercussions.</li></ul> <p><strong>So ask yourself this:</strong></p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>What assumptions / judgments do you hold about yourself, about others and about certain situations?</li><li>Are those assumptions / judgments valid? Or are they triggered out of fear? Or are they triggered out of your own insecurities?</li><li>What is your judge preventing you from doing? What desired changes in your life is it preventing you from making for fear of negative consequences?</li></ul> <p><strong>We all have a judge in us. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US.</strong></p> <p><strong>Wouldn’t it be nice to get to know yours, so that you can reduce its power? </strong></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/naked-lawyer-CTA.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-2823"/></a></figure> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-naked-lawyer-judgment-free/">The Naked Lawyer: When I met my Judge!</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-naked-lawyer-judgment-free/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>8</slash:comments> </item> </channel> </rss>