<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><rss version="2.0" xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/" xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/" xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" xmlns:sy="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/syndication/" xmlns:slash="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/slash/" > <channel> <title>self-awareness Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <atom:link href="https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/self-awareness/feed/" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" /> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/self-awareness/</link> <description>PROFESSIONAL LIFE COACHING & TRAINING</description> <lastBuildDate>Thu, 26 Jun 2025 14:33:55 +0000</lastBuildDate> <language>en-ZA</language> <sy:updatePeriod> hourly </sy:updatePeriod> <sy:updateFrequency> 1 </sy:updateFrequency> <image> <url>https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Asset-1.svg</url> <title>self-awareness Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/self-awareness/</link> <width>32</width> <height>32</height> </image> <item> <title>Who You Were, Who You Are and Who You Are Becoming</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/who-you-were-who-you-are-and-who-you-are-becoming/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/who-you-were-who-you-are-and-who-you-are-becoming/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 26 Jun 2025 14:32:15 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Life after Law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Mid-Life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Personal Growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Authenticity]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional Wellbeing]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Healing]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Identity]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Life Transitions]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-Acceptance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-reflection]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=235268</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/who-you-were-who-you-are-and-who-you-are-becoming/">Who You Were, Who You Are and Who You Are Becoming</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_0 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_0"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_0 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_0 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <h2><strong>INTRODUCTION: WHY SELF-REFLECTION MATTERS</strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I read a quote the other day that said – </span></p> <blockquote> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“A person without self-reflection never changes they just get older.”</span></i></p> </blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And it got me thinking. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">About who I am. Who I was. And mostly on who I am still becoming. Because life is a journey. We all know that. A journey with so many twists and turns, bumps in the road, U-turns, and dead ends. Where we thought we would end up is hardly ever the place we foresaw in our daydreaming’s. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But I have said this on more than one occasion –</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> if my younger self could see me now</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. And I am never quite sure in those moments whether I am saying that in a state of appreciation or disapproval. Perhaps a little of both. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">What I know for sure is that it has taken a lot of work to get to where I am – both work in the real sense, my 9-5 work, but also work on myself, my inner self, to get to a place where I am ok with who and what I am. With who I am becoming. There is so much that can be said for that.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">What it comes down to is constant self-reflection. Looking inward. And that’s so much harder than it sounds. Trust me. Admitting to your own faults and downfalls and areas where you can improve on yourself. Admitting that you’re not “perfect.” Whatever </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">perfect</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> means. Admitting that you are fallible.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But one thing is for certain – I am not the same person I started out as. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And thank G-d for that. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_1 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Who I was: tHE cost of living for others</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_0"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/Tired-Worker-Sleeping-on-Messy-Work-Desk-by-oleksandrbedenyuk.jpg" alt="Tired Worker Sleeping on Messy Work Desk by oleksandrbedenyuk" title="Tired Worker Sleeping on Messy Work Desk by oleksandrbedenyuk" class="wp-image-235294" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_2 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If we are being honest – and I think we always should be – I was a hot mess. I’m not talking about when I was a teenager because we are all kind of messed up as teenagers. I’m talking about my twenties.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Fresh out of varsity, I had both intellectual and academic arrogance, accompanied by a confidence that comes with looking a certain way – something I put a lot of importance into. I lived under the roof of people I didn’t get along with. Wait, that doesn’t quite cover it. I lived under the roof of people who were and are still the cause of so much trauma and confusion in my life. I was manipulated into believing that family came before my own happiness, that looking after them was more important than looking after myself, that putting their needs before my own basic needs, was my duty and that the only way out of their house was through death or marriage.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">My anxiety was at an all time high. I lived on caffeine and cigarettes, alcohol on weekends just to shake things up. I was a cliché – a work hard, die hard wannabe lawyer working in an environment designed to make you fail – law clerks, at least when I was a law clerk, weren’t expected to excel. They were expected to be downtrodden and exhausted, and I fit the bill perfectly. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">My </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">sunny personality, raucous laugh, dance on the table, shine bright like a diamond, me against the world</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> attitude either rubbed you the wrong way or intrigued you. But it was all a front. An act. A face I put on to fool the onlookers. Inside I was broken. Plagued by not feeling good enough, feeling like I wasn’t pretty or thin enough, feeling like a failure before I had even really begun. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I set myself up to fail. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It didn’t help that my choice of partners at the time either physically abused me or emotionally abused me – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“have your salad dressing on the side, you don’t want to get fat.”</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It was a concoction of emotional abuse and guilt at home, emotional abuse at work, emotional abuse from bad choice partners, self-doubt believing I was fat, that I was ugly, that I wasn’t worthy of happiness. It was a lot. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And I buried it all really deep.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I didn’t seek help. I didn’t think I needed it at the time. All I could focus on was getting out, was starting my life away from everyone, was starting over. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But I would never admit to that aloud. Ever. Talk against my parents? Never. Admit that Articles were not shaping up to be what I had hoped they would be? Never. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">To the world, life was peachy. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But it was a lie. And it took its toll. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Who I was then was a broken person with hopes and dreams, but with no idea of how to make any of them happen. Or belief that any of them could happen.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_3 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Who I Am Now: Healing, Growth and Self-Acceptance</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_1"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/Loving-Young-Couple-in-Countryside-by-Jacob-Lund.jpg" alt="Loving Young Couple in Countryside by Jacob Lund" title="Loving Young Couple in Countryside by Jacob Lund" class="wp-image-235292" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_4 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It was when I met my husband that my life changed. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">He saved me in so many ways I can’t fully explain. Who I am now has a lot to do with him. But it has also taken a lot of work by myself on myself. And it has been very hard. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So much has happened between my early twenties, my thirties and now my forties. I feel like I have run a gauntlet. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">From career changes to failed pregnancies, to almost dying from COVID, to being diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, to my mental health diagnoses. And most importantly to confronting my parents and resorting to “no-contact,” to losing my beloved grandmother, aunt, uncle, and best friend. I have been through a great deal. I have faced and am still facing my traumas, the things I still have nightmares over, the things I have buried deep within me. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But I am facing my so-called demons, my triggers, my pain. I’m controlling my anxiety and am on top of my melancholy. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I am constantly self-reflecting, ensuring that I check in with myself on an ongoing basis – because that’s been so important. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For the first time, in a long time, I am putting myself first. My needs first. Not in a self-indulgent way. In a healthy way. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But there’s one thing I have noticed about getting older and that is the feeling that life is fleeting. It really is. A year ago, it was 1998! </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In that realisation comes the understanding that it’s </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">your</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> life. You need to live it for </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">you</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Not for anyone else. Do the things that make </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">you</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> happy. Not what makes someone else happy. Because waiting until your deathbed before you fulfil the things on your bucket list is not the way to live your life. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Living my life for </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">me </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">has meant leaving the legal profession (well not entirely) so that I can write to my heart’s content at </span><a href="https://thelegalbelletrist.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Legal Belletrist</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, starting a new venture collecting and trading authentic (imported directly from Japan) vintage and antique Japanese Kimonos at ManeKi NeKo Private Kimono Collection (Kimono’s currently available at Wizards Vintage in Johannesburg), taking pottery classes, writing poetry, starting a novel, spending time with the friends and family I have left, focusing on my health – both physical and mental, giving my cats the love and attention they deserve, travelling as much as my work and budget will allow and spending as much quality time with the amazing man I married as I can. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It has also meant saying goodbye to the people in my life causing me harm. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s an ongoing journey. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_5 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Who I Am Becoming: Owning My Life and My Future</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_2"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/Kintsugi-Japanese-antique-ceramic-bowl-by-Marco-Montalti-from-Getty-Images.jpg" alt="Taking a pause in nature by gradyreese from Getty Images Signature" title="Kintsugi Japanese antique ceramic bowl by Marco Montalti from Getty Images" class="wp-image-235291" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_6 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I had to go away and really give this one some thought. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Luckily, music is an eternal motivator. While on the treadmill, Linkin Park’s </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Somewhere I Belong”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> played over the speakers and the words just seemed to speak to this very topic – </span></p> <blockquote> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real</span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I wanna let go of the pain I’ve felt so long</span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Erase all the pain ’til it’s gone)</span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real</span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along</span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Somewhere I belong”</span></i></p> </blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">They’re not my favourite band by a long margin. So, it struck me as odd that these lyrics would mean so much. But they do. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And I think that’s who I am becoming – the person who is healed, or who is healing. The person who is able to let go of the pain that was bottled up for so long and finally be at peace. The person who finally feels like her place in the world is where she is happy and safe. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">No drama. No lies. Just peace and being happy in my own skin.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Life is short. It’s unpredictable. And that makes it so very precious. I’ve wasted so much time living my life for others and by others’ rules.</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> It’s now my turn.</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It will take work. I know that. I’ll have to constantly check in with myself to ensure I’m being true to who I am while reaching the goals I constantly set for myself. Self-reflection will be key. On an ongoing basis. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Who I am becoming is a work in progress, but I know one thing for sure – I will be authentically me. Weird, loving and looking forward to growing old, grey and hopefully wiser.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_7 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Let’s talk about Self-Reflection!</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_3"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/Taking-a-pause-in-nature-by-gradyreese-from-Getty-Images-Signature.jpg" alt="Taking a pause in nature by gradyreese from Getty Images Signature" title="Taking a pause in nature by gradyreese from Getty Images Signature" class="wp-image-235293" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_8 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Practicing self-reflection takes discipline and intentionality. It requires pressing pause on the chaos of life and simply taking the time to think and ponder about your life. Something often easier said than done. But it’s an incredibly valuable practice.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Without self-reflection, we simply go through life without thinking, moving from one thing to the next without making time to evaluate whether things are really working for us. We don’t pause to think. To analyse. The unfortunate result is that we often get stuck. Like I quoted above – we don’t change we just get older. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Throughout this article I have mentioned how important self-reflection is and how important it has been for me to practice it on an ongoing basis. But I haven’t really stopped to explain how one goes about doing it.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Before you begin with your own self-reflection, I want to say this – it’s important to remind yourself that your time in self-reflection is a safe space within yourself. Don’t judge yourself while you explore your inner thoughts, feelings and motives of behaviour. Simply notice what comes up and accept it. Instead of focusing on fears, worries or regrets, try to look for areas of growth and improvement.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_9 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>How to Self-Reflect in 6 Easy Steps</strong></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_1 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_1 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_4"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_2 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_10 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Find a quiet, comfortable place where you won’t be disturbed</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – take a notebook or device to record your reflections.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_2 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_3 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_5"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_4 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_11 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Begin with a mindful body scan</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – close your eyes and take a few deep breaths.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">What are you feeling right now?</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Where do you notice these feelings in your body? </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Note your observations.</span></li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_3 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_5 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_6"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_6 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_12 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Identify your inner feelings </p> <p></strong></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">What events, thoughts, or situations might be contributing to these feelings?</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Are these feelings aligned with your values or external pressures?</span></li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_4 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_7 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_7"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_8 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_13 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Explore your needs </p> <p></strong></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">What do you need most right now (e.g., rest, connection, adventure, achievement)?</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Are there unmet needs or boundaries you need to address?</span></li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_5 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_9 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_8"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_10 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_14 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Consider acting</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – can you take a small step to address your needs or align more closely with your values today? For example:</span></p> <p> </p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you feel stressed, commit to a short relaxation activity.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you feel disconnected, reach out to someone important to you.</span></li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_6 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_11 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_9"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/6.jpg" alt="" title="6" class="wp-image-1491" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_12 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_15 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Review your experience </strong></p> <p><strong> </strong></p> <p><strong></strong></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">How do you feel now compared to when you started?</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">What did you learn about yourself?</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">What can you change to better align yourself with your goals?</span></li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_7"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_13 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_16 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Final Thoughts: Coming Home to Who You Really Are</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_17 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">If you need support in figuring out how to self-reflect or what it means to self-reflect or even what the benefits of self-reflection are, get in touch with Frieda Levycky at </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/" style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">Braving Boundaries</a><span style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;"> today. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For me, self-reflection has meant getting to know myself better. Learning what really matters to me. What I like and what I can live without. Truly. Self-reflection has meant growth. It has meant coming home to who I really am. And loving her regardless.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And that has been priceless.</span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Sources used and to whom we owe thanks: </span></i><a href="https://www.reflection.app/blog/self-reflection-101-what-is-self-reflection-why-is-reflection-important" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Reflection</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/self-reflection-importance-benefits-and-strategies-7500858#toc-how-to-practice-self-reflection" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Very Well Mind</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span></i><a href="https://positivepsychology.com/introspection-self-reflection/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Positive Psychology</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">). </span></i></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_10"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image-4.jpg" alt="End of blog post CTA" title="End of blog post CTA image (4)" class="wp-image-235295" /></span></a> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_0 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_8 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_14 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_11"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_15 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_18 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">[email protected]</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/who-you-were-who-you-are-and-who-you-are-becoming/">Who You Were, Who You Are and Who You Are Becoming</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/who-you-were-who-you-are-and-who-you-are-becoming/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>New year, same stuck feeling?</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/new-year-same-stuck-feeling/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/new-year-same-stuck-feeling/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 29 Jan 2025 12:21:52 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Enneagram]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Breaking Patterns]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Career Growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Coaching for Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[feeling stuck]]></category> <category><![CDATA[finding purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[goal setting]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Life Transitions]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Mindset Shift]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Navigating Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[New Year Reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[new year resolutions]]></category> <category><![CDATA[overcoming challenges]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-Development]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=235097</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/new-year-same-stuck-feeling/">New year, same stuck feeling?</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_1 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_9"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_16 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_19 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_20 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Why resolutions fail without self-awareness</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_21 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Isn’t it funny how, as the clock strikes 12 on December the 31</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">st</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">, social media is awash with posts about New Year’s Resolutions: </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“This will be the year I finally lose the baby weight” </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">or </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“2025 is my year to get fit”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> or better still </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“This is the year I make a million quid”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Endless empty promises dominating your news feeds that you just know will be broken the minute the going gets tough.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Because let’s be honest, no one’s problems – whether they are health issues, mental health issues, family problems, work problems, weight problems, financial problems – disappear the minute the calendar changes from the 31</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">st</span><span style="font-weight: 400;"> to the 1</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">st</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">. The rolling over the date doesn’t make problems disappear. So yeah, the same stuck feeling continues. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The idea that New Year’s Day offers a </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“clean slate”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> or a </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“New Year, New You”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> type mentality is so misleading. Sure, it’s easy to believe that as the new year starts, we get the opportunity to turn over a new leaf. And who can blame our optimism? </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But while January the 1</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">st</span><span style="font-weight: 400;"> offers an opportunity for a fresh start; the underlying habits and mindsets that led to past failures don’t just disappear overnight.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Real change takes time, and it requires a real shift in mindset. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_12"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/New-Year-resolution-concept.-by-Coompia77-from-Getty-Images.jpg" alt="New Year resolution concept. by Coompia77 from Getty Images" title="New Year resolution concept. by Coompia77 from Getty Images" class="wp-image-235110" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_22 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The notion that we can completely change ourselves in the blink of an eye is unrealistic. Sustainable transformation doesn’t happen as soon as we change our minds about a situation. And it certainly won’t happen in the first 31 days of the year. It’s a long-term process that extends far beyond the novelty of a new year.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But there’s no getting away from the fact that New Year’s Resolutions are a part of the festivities. Everyone is doing them. So, it’s only natural that you’ll get caught up in the whole hoopla that the new year offers. And what it offers more than anything else is hope. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Hope that change </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">can</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> happen. Hope that you </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">can</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> make a difference in some aspect of your life. And there’s nothing wrong with hope. It’s the expectations behind the hope that need some adjusting. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Because while our intentions are good – they reflect our desire for self-improvement (which is never a bad thing) – we need to remain realistic. The uncomfortable truth is that most new year’s resolutions won’t last until February. According to </span><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/202412/why-new-years-resolutions-set-you-up-to-fail#:~:text=last%20until%20February.-,Research%20shows%20that%20about%2080%25%20of%20people%20abandon%20their%20resolutions,the%20concept%20itself%20is%20flawed." target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Psychology Today</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, research shows that about 80% of people abandon their resolutions within a month.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And the reason for this? We are so quick to set unrealistic goals that we rarely vet our resolutions through the filter of self-awareness. In other words, we gravitate towards aspirational objectives that make sense for someone else – not being entirely realistic for ourselves personally. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Let’s be clear – this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t set New Year’s Resolutions. Go ahead. But inform your goals by reflecting on what matters most to you.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And you can do this by implementing the following strategies: </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_10 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_17 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_13"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_18 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_23 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Get to know yourself</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – to set realistic and achievable goals for 2025 (and beyond), you need to understand what really makes you tick. What motivators get you moving and which ones get you to stay on track? Use your answers to bypass self-sabotaging tendencies that cause you to constantly miss your goals, such as trying to work toward big-picture achievements on Fridays when you know you do your best thinking work on Mondays. As you begin to get a better handle on your needs, create smaller, easily achievable tasks that can assist you in fulfilling your larger longer-term objectives. Here, it’s important that these smaller tasks have meaning and will aid in the achievement of your overall yearly objective. A simple tick-box exercise isn’t going to do the trick. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Find smoothie recipes I will actually make,”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> for example, is a concrete step toward an overall goal of eating healthier in 2025. Over time, you’ll naturally begin to understand how to establish new dreams that help you get out of ruts, overcome your shortcomings, and challenge yourself in positive ways, thereby setting goals that will stick.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_11 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_19 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_14"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_20 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_24 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Explore the <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/enneagram/">enneagram</a></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – following on from the above, by exploring the enneagram method with a trained professional such as Frieda Levycky at </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Braving Boundaries</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, you can delve into what motivates you and answer a burning question – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">why do you do the things you do?</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> The enneagram offers profound insights into what makes us tick, such as the unconscious fears buried deep in our psyches that affect our everyday decisions. While you can’t change who you are, there are several benefits to having a deeper understanding of yourself – you can make the most of your strengths and become aware of the things that challenge you; you can face the hidden motivations and fears that rule your life and are holding you back in both your personal and professional life; you can see what lies behind the decisions you make, why you see the world the way you do, where your blind spots and defence mechanisms are, what’s behind your anxieties, and what’s likely to trigger you. Essentially you can live up to your true potential and identify where you can grow and develop. By knowing these things, you can set resolutions that speak to exactly who you are. Because you will know who that is. You will set goals that speak to your specific needs and desires and you’ll be able to set goals that you know you’ll be able to stick to. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_12"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_21 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_15"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/Handwritten-2025-GOALS-New-Year-Resolutions-Aims-Goals-on-Paper-Notepad.-Preparation-for-New-Year.-Planning-and-Setting-Goals-for-Personal-Development-by-Анастасия-Янишевская.jpg" alt="Handwritten 2025 GOALS New Year Resolutions Aims Goals on Paper Notepad. Preparation for New Year. Planning and Setting Goals for Personal Development by Анастасия Янишевская" title="Handwritten 2025 GOALS New Year Resolutions Aims Goals on Paper Notepad. Preparation for New Year. Planning and Setting Goals for Personal Development by Анастасия Янишевская" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_13 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_22 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_16"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_23 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_25 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Focus your mind on past successes</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – while you’re getting to know yourself (pretty well at this point), looking to past failures and ruminating on past wins is the next step. To be clear, the aim is not to focus on the negative. Rather it’s to learn from past mistakes and then reset your focus on your past achievements – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">how did you achieve what you set out to achieve?</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> By doing so, you shift your focus from </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“How will I achieve this?”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> to </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“I know I can do this, because I have done it before.”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Having a positive outlook is essential to achieving the new goals you set for yourself because you will have a resilient, success-driven mindset. When you find yourself lamenting too long on prior mistakes, force yourself to revisit your accomplishments. Over time, you’ll naturally begin to look for the silver lining, which will help you see yourself as worthy, competent, and successful rather than unable to get a leg up. Your resolutions will start to fall into place because you’ll know you have done it before. And that’s half the battle won. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_14 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_24 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_17"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_25 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_26 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Reframe your why</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– the next step in getting to know yourself and really practicing the act of self-awareness is to take the time to ask yourself why this particular goal matters to you. Are you choosing it because it’s something you deeply value, or because you feel you should? Is it something you really want to achieve – and by now if you have really got to know yourself and employed the enneagram method, you should be able to answer this question – or is this goal linked more towards what society thinks you should be achieving. Like getting a ”Snatched body” or a “revenge body” by March. Aligning your goals with intrinsic motivations creates a greater sense of purpose. So, in the examples we have given, instead of focusing on “getting a revenge body by March” reframe your resolution around </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“feeling stronger and having more energy so I can do fun activities with family.” </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">See the difference there? Make sure you’re setting goals for you and not because society expects you to. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_15 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_26 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_18"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_27 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_27 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Forget perfection</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – the last point we want to make about making resolutions through self-awareness is the perfection conundrum. The pressure that comes with expecting perfection from your new year’s resolution is immense. It’s the enemy of progress. And it’s a sure-fire way to set ourselves up to fail by aiming for an ideal that is simply too hard to achieve. Resolutions like </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“I’m going to work out every day,”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> or </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“I’m going to eat clean all month,”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> are doomed to fail from the start because they leave little room for imperfection. Remember that </span><b><i>life happens</i></b><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Don’t let one slip-up on the road to achieving your long-term goal lead you to giving up. The key to success isn’t perfection. It’s consistency. The smallest changes, done consistently can make a big difference in your life. Don’t give up. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_16"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_28 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_19"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/Just-go-with-the-flow-View-more-by-Nicola-Katie-from-Getty-Images-Signature.jpg" alt="Just go with the flow View more by Nicola Katie from Getty Images Signature" title="Just go with the flow View more by Nicola Katie from Getty Images Signature" class="wp-image-235109" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_28 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Once your resolution has gone through the self-awareness check, the rest is easy. Sure, we can remind you to have fun, don’t take yourself too seriously, track your progress (not your perfection); be flexible and most importantly be kind to yourself – but these points are applicable to every situation. Not just when setting your resolutions or better put – goals – for 2025. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The important take-away here is that change isn’t just about acting. It’s about knowing yourself first in order to make your goals achievable. Lastly, it’s important to note that you don’t need to wait until January to start over. Every day is an opportunity to reshape your life with goals that honour who you are and where you want to go.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And to this we say</span><b> – Carpe Diem friends!</b></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Sources used and to whom we owe thanks: </span></i><a href="https://www.inc.com/rhett-power/why-self-aware-resolutions-are-way-to-go-in-2020.html"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Inc.</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; Psychology Today </span></i><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/202412/why-new-years-resolutions-set-you-up-to-fail#:~:text=They're%20Based%20on%20All,feel%20like%20you've%20failed."><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">here</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span></i><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/202412/why-new-years-resolutions-set-you-up-to-fail#:~:text=last%20until%20February.-,Research%20shows%20that%20about%2080%25%20of%20people%20abandon%20their%20resolutions,the%20concept%20itself%20is%20flawed."><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">here</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/why-new-years-resolutions-fail-6823972"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Very Well Mind</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.lhsdoi.com/29285/opinion/failed-by-february-why-your-new-years-resolutions-never-last/"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Drops of Ink</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span></i><a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/markmurphy/2020/02/11/this-is-the-month-when-new-years-resolutions-fail-heres-how-to-save-them/"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Forbes</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">). </span></i></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_20"> <a href="https://calendly.com/bravingboundaries/exploration-call"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image-7.png" alt="" title="End of blog post CTA image (7)" class="wp-image-235105" /></span></a> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_1 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_17 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_29 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_21"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_30 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_29 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">[email protected]</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/new-year-same-stuck-feeling/">New year, same stuck feeling?</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/new-year-same-stuck-feeling/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>The Fear of Success – why are you afraid of being the best you?</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-of-success-why-are-you-afraid-of-being-the-best-you/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-of-success-why-are-you-afraid-of-being-the-best-you/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 17 Sep 2024 06:18:56 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Business Development]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[The Fears series]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Uncategorised]]></category> <category><![CDATA[addressing your fears]]></category> <category><![CDATA[be the best you]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of failure]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of success]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear series]]></category> <category><![CDATA[finding success]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stepping into change]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=6301</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-of-success-why-are-you-afraid-of-being-the-best-you/">The Fear of Success – why are you afraid of being the best you?</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_2 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_18"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_31 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_30 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p> </p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Picture this – you are contacted by a prestigious corporate association – or something similar – to speak at an upcoming legal forum. Not just to speak at the forum, to be </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">the</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> speaker at the forum. And it’s on a topic that you have researched countless times, speak about constantly and on which you have plenty of opinions. To top it off, the organisers are the nicest ladies and make you feel so comfortable. It would be a brilliant opportunity for your little business – you would get a lot of exposure. Free publicity in a sense. It would catapult your business a few steps forward and is exactly what you need. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Only you would need to attend the forum in person. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The problem with this is twofold (well multiple fold if there is such a thing). Your self-confidence is at an all-time low. Since being diagnosed with an autoimmune condition – which has left your joints and bones in literal pins and needles and constant pain – you don’t feel like yourself. Being on a stage is the last thing you want to do. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The other problem is that your immune system is essentially non-existent. Especially in Winter. Which means you’re picking up every little virus, bug or disease that happens to be circulating. So, being out in public, especially amid a big crowd is a bad idea. There are ways around this of course, but you can’t bring yourself to help yourself.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">You convince yourself of other reasons that you simply can’t commit to the event. And you justify them with a number of real reasons. Reasons that you could get over, in truth. And then just as soon as the opportunity came your way, it disappears in an instant.</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_22"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/08/fear-of-success-braving-boundaries-3.png" alt="fear of success - braving boundaries" title="fear of success - braving boundaries (3)" class="wp-image-6320" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_31 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">In the aftermath of this ordeal, you are left wondering what on earth happened. How could you have let this opportunity slip through your fingers so easily. At least, that’s what I thought when this happened to me. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Here’s the thing – and it’s kind of weird to say – I was a little worried about what would happen afterwards. Would my work-life balance be upended once again because I take on too much? I want to succeed (really badly), and I have all the right tools at my disposal to make it happen. I just can’t get out of my own way.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s a hard thing to come to terms with because no one wants to admit that they are the ones that could be secretly sabotaging their own success out of fear. But many people experience a hidden, yet powerful force called “fear of success.” Self-efficacy, or the belief in one’s ability to achieve goals, plays a significant role in this fear.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It takes a lot of self-awareness to recognise this kind of fear. Most people have never considered that a fear of success could be holding them back. But I swear to you it just may be. </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_32 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>So, what is the fear of success?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_33 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">A fear of success is very real, it’s quite common and it can hold you back in the worst kind of way – it can cause you to lose out on a lot of opportunities in life. When you’re too afraid to take risks in order to move forward with the goals you have set for yourself – either consciously or unconsciously – you get stuck in one place, neither moving forward or backward.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And it makes sense if you think about it – expectations of success are often based on the idea that achieving your goals means making sacrifices or enduring losses. Ultimately to get what you desire you have to give up something else, right? It’s therefore not surprising that people would be wary of what success might ultimately cost them. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The fear of success was first diagnosed by Psychologist Matina Horner during the early 1970s. Her findings, especially as they related to fear of success in women at that time, were incredibly controversial. Since then, however, most scientists and psychologists agree that fear of success exists for both men and women.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The key dimension in Horner’s (1970; Journal of Social Issues, 28(2), 157–175, 1972) studies was gender. In a current study (2023) (which further develops Horner’s theory), the key dimension is social class. It was hypothesised that individuals from socio-economically disadvantaged backgrounds fear that, for them, success will lead to alienation from their community, and the loss of identity and loss of overall sense of belonging within their culture. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Eleven participants took part in the current study, three males and eight females. The majority of participants believed that they would </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">have to make vast life changes</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">, in order to facilitate their views of desired success. The participants’ fear was rooted in what they perceived as the </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“consequences of success.”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> These participants occupied a </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“trade-off mindset;”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> for these young people, </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">success meant leaving their family, friends, community, and culture behind</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. The thought of losing this “connection” and sense of belonging was expressed with noticeable anxiety.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">(my </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">emphasis</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">)</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As we can tell from the above extract from the study, fear of success is most often the fear of the possible change or consequences of success. It’s an anticipation of how others — and oneself — will respond to the success. The concern is that achieving success will come at the cost of something else valued in one’s life. In many ways, it’s similar to the fear of failure.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Sometimes the fear of success can be obvious. Other times it can lie just below the surface, noted in patterns of thought and/or actions repeated by the individual. It takes a high level of self-awareness to identify your own fear of success.</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_23"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/08/fear-of-success-braving-boundaries-4.png" alt="fear of success - braving boundaries" title="fear of success - braving boundaries (4)" class="wp-image-6321" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_34 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>How the fear of success can manifest in your life</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_35 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">A fear of success can manifest in a variety of ways. Identifying these sources can help you deal with your fear down the line –</span></p> <ol> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Avoidance</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – you may avoid being the centre of attention, being praised, or use other avoidance strategies like the plague;</span></span> </li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Procrastination</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – you may put off starting and/or completing a project. As a result of your procrastination, the opportunity may be missed altogether, or the end product may be an epic failure, either way you didn’t perform to the best of your ability;</span></span> </li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Perfectionism</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;"><span style="font-weight: 400;">– you may believe that you are keeping the bar high but by holding an impossibly high standard of perfection, the outcome will inevitably be disappointing. To you and everyone else.</span></span> </li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Quitting</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;"><span style="font-weight: 400;">– it’s easier to quit just as the goal comes into sight than to complete the job and let the chips fall where they may, right?</span></span> </li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Self-sabotage</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – this is a big one. You get in your own way </span><b>All. The. Time.</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Setting obstacles in your own way so that it becomes impossible to succeed. You set yourself up to fail;</span></span> </li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Self -destructiveness</strong><b> – </b><span style="font-weight: 400;"><span style="font-weight: 400;">at its worst, the fear of success may involve self-destructive behaviour. Left unchecked, that derails any real opportunity for success. Again, you set yourself up to fail time and time again.</span></span> </li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Reluctance to Set Goals:</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"><span style="font-weight: 400;"> setting big goals seems scary, or arrogant or you just never make the time for it. It might be because setting such goals brings a clear pathway to success, and not setting them is a way to avoid facing the fear of achieving success.</span></span> </li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Feeling Unworthy:</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> you harbour the misguided belief that you don’t deserve success. You decline to speak at that big meeting or to be a guest on that podcast because you don’t feel good enough. It can prevent you from pursuing opportunities wholeheartedly and might make you feel like an imposter in your own life.</span></li> </ol></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_36 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>What causes your fear of success?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_37 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">The age-old question, right? </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">The why. </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">We all want to know why something happens, why we do the things we do – </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_19 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_32 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_24"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_33 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_38 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Imposter syndrome</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – you know that old sneaky feeling of </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“my work isn’t good enough” </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">or </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“they will realise my work doesn’t live up to expectations” </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">or </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“they’ll find out that I’m a fraud?” </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Yes, a lot of us have those feelings when starting out and especially when we put ourselves out there, afraid that we will be discovered</span> <span style="font-weight: 400;">as a fake / a phoney. Sometimes those of us who experience success fear our achievements are undeserved or not as good as others in our field. We fear that we won’t be able to live up to expectations or that other people will discover that we aren’t up for the challenge. I’m sure there are many of us that can relate to this one.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_20 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_34 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_25"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_35 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_39 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Tall poppy syndrome</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – this refers to a social phenomenon where people who are perceived to be more successful or prominent than others in a community are criticised, resented or targeted because of their success. It’s a dynamic where the “tall poppies” are cut down to size, essentially discouraging people from rising above the average.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_21 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_36 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_26"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_37 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_40 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Fear of backlash</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– it’s like I said – consequences of success. People fear success because of the anticipated potential social or relational repercussions. Researchers call this phenomenon “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">backlash</span></i> <i><span style="font-weight: 400;">avoidance</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">.” For example, women may avoid self-promotion because they fear it does not align with traditional gender roles. Researchers have found that women tend to associate success with more significant negative consequences;</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_22"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_38 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_27"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/08/fear-of-success-braving-boundaries-5.png" alt="" title="fear of success - braving boundaries (5)" class="wp-image-6322" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_23 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_39 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_28"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_40 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_41 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Negative experiences</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – ever been called a “show off” after doing well? Even if it was said in jest. Did you feel a little pang of awkwardness or unease? Even if it was just a little. This is what I mean about negative experiences. If you have endured any hardship because of your success— you may also fear doing well again in the future.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_24 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_41 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_29"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_42 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_42 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Poor self-efficacy</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – or self-belief. This refers to how you perceive yourself and your own self-belief, how you foresee yourself achieving your goals. Naturally how you feel about yourself or your self-confidence will not only play a role in how you think about yourself, but it will also influence your behaviours and motivation to go after your goals. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_25 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_43 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_30"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/6.jpg" alt="" title="6" class="wp-image-1491" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_44 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_43 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Social anxiety</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– social anxiety is a mental health disorder and refers to someone’s fear about being judged or embarrassed in social situations. Because they experience intense physical symptoms of fear in these situations, they often avoid them altogether. A person with social anxiety will fear succeeding because they want to avoid being in the spotlight. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_26"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_45 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_44 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>How can you overcome your fear of success?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_45 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">If, after reading the above, you realise that you have your own fear of success, then you have taken an important first step. From here it may take some trial and error before you find what works best for you, but here are some ways you can tackle this fear – </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_27 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_46 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_31"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_47 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_46 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Self – reflection</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – I think this is one of the most important things you can do. You have acknowledged the fear, now start with trying to understand the root of it. It could be past experiences or deep-seated beliefs that are holding you back. Ask yourself, </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">what am I afraid of? Is this likely to happen?</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> And if it did happen, </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">how would I cope with it?</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Asking yourself these questions helps you to identify the fear and then assists you to plan for how you would cope if that fear did come true.</span> <span style="font-weight: 400;">Examine your past experiences with success, going back to your childhood to figure out how you got here. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Think about earlier successes and what happened as a result.</span></i></p> <p> </div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_28 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_48 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_32"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_49 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_47 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Note how fear manifests</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– consider how your fear of success shows itself. I personally am not a big “journaller,” but it may be helpful to keep a journal (or perhaps just call it a notebook?) and make a list of all the ways you’ve been sabotaging your path to success. Writing it down will help put it all in focus. Identifying these behaviours means you can start facing them head on, making plans on how you can counteract them.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_29 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_50 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_33"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_51 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_48 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Visualise success</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– success, like everything in life, has its complications. So, ask yourself, </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">what does success mean to you? </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">It may be useful to visualise success with the corresponding idea that it’s not likely to be all roses and sunshine – because let’s be honest, when is anything all roses? Nothing’s perfect. So, </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">what are the potential positives and negatives of being successful? </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Imagine achieving your goal, what may happen as a result, and diverse ways you might deal with it.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_30"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_52 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_34"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/08/fear-of-success-braving-boundaries-1-Medium.png" alt="fear of success - braving boundaries" title="fear of success - braving boundaries (1) (Medium)" class="wp-image-6325" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_31 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_53 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_35"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_54 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_49 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Manage stress and anxiety</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– everyday stress and anxiety may be contributing to your fears. Here are some general lifestyle tips that can help – </span></p> <p> </p> <ol> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>Eat well</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – aim for a balanced diet that provides all the necessary nutrients. Don’t skip meals.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>Avoid junk</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – go easy on alcohol, caffeine, and highly processed foods.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>Relax</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – make time to chill so that you can read, soak in the tub or whatever helps you wind down. And I mean every day, not on an odd occasion. Everyone needs a daily wind down.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>Exercise</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – some physical activity is important to overall good health. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>Socialize</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – share a few laughs, talk things over, and hold your support network close.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>Volunteer</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – helping others is a great way to distract you from your own fears.</span></li> </ol></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_32 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_55 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_36"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_56 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_50 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><b>Get professional help or coaching</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – if the fear of success is significantly hindering your progress, considering therapy can be a beneficial step. A therapist can help in uncovering the underlying issues and can help you work through them. If therapy isn’t something you think you need, a life coach could help you examine your mindset and help you to set goals, act and shift your beliefs in more positive ways. Frieda Levycky of </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Braving Boundaries</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> is perfectly poised to support you in this endeavour. </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Get in touch</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> with her to see how you can work together.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_33"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_57 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_51 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Marianne Williamson in </span><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/845977.A_Return_to_Love" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of ‘A Course in Miracles’”</span></i></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> famously said:</span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be?”</span></i></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">A powerful quote because it demands that we ask more of ourselves. It demands that we have self-confidence because we are worthy. Beyond imagination. In fact, it tells us that we are powerful beyond measure. And that realisation can be a lot for us to bear. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Because the fear of success is very real. It’s also very common. Coming to terms with it, dealing with it and learning how to overcome it can be a lifelong journey. One that you must take with self-compassion, perseverance, persistence, resilience and a big helping of self-belief in order to live a life where you are your best you through and through.</span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Sources used and to whom we owe thanks: </span></i><a href="https://www.calmer-you.com/fear-of-success/#:~:text=What%20is%20fear%20of%20success,by%20the%20idea%20of%20succeeding." target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Calmer You</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-the-fear-of-success-5179184" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Very Well Mind; </span></i></a><a href="https://www.betterup.com/blog/fear-of-success" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Better Up</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.mindtools.com/anwsvkb/fear-of-success" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Mind Tools</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/anxiety/fear-of-success#strategies" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Healthline</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.researchgate.net/publication/257488383_A_phenomenological_reinterpretation_of_Horner's_fear_of_success_in_terms_of_social_class" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Research Gate</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">). </span></i></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_37"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image-5.png" alt="" title="End of blog post CTA image (5)" class="wp-image-6274" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_34"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_58 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_2 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_35 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_59 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_38"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_60 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_52 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">[email protected]</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-of-success-why-are-you-afraid-of-being-the-best-you/">The Fear of Success – why are you afraid of being the best you?</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-of-success-why-are-you-afraid-of-being-the-best-you/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>The Benefits of Being Grateful</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-benefits-of-being-grateful/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-benefits-of-being-grateful/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 05 Oct 2023 15:49:22 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[appreciation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[celebrate]]></category> <category><![CDATA[celebrate the small stuff]]></category> <category><![CDATA[communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[finding gratitude]]></category> <category><![CDATA[grateful]]></category> <category><![CDATA[gratefulness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[gratitude]]></category> <category><![CDATA[honesty]]></category> <category><![CDATA[openness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[thankful]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=5713</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-benefits-of-being-grateful/">The Benefits of Being Grateful</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_3 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_36"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_61 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_53 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></h5> <p> </p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Thank you. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Two words we say every single day. Almost like we are automated to say the words. Without giving much thought to the words we are saying – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">thank you for this, thank you for that.</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s good manners, thanking people for what they have done or what they have given. Most of us were taught to always show appreciation. Even for the small things. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But is that it?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">This got me thinking. What does it really mean to be thankful? To be grateful? The words are often used interchangeably. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If we think about it, </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">to be thankful</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> requires an action by someone else or a positive occurrence around a person in order for them </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">to express gratitude.</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> So, one might say that being grateful is a positive reaction to a positive stimulus.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But that seems rather sterile.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And it occurred to me – perhaps in order to be grateful, one needs to </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">understand what gratitude is.</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_54 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Understanding gratitude</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_39"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/10/The-Benefits-of-Being-Grateful-2.jpg" alt="" title="The Benefits of Being Grateful (2)" class="wp-image-5725" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_55 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">In a quest to understand gratitude, the following definition comes to mind – </span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Gratitude is an emotion similar to appreciation. The American Psychological Association (n.d.) more specifically defines this phenomenon as a sense of happiness and thankfulness in response to a fortunate happenstance or tangible gift.</span></i></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Gratitude is both a state and a trait (Jans-Beken et al., 2020). Better explained, one can experience gratitude for someone or something at a certain moment in time, and someone experience gratitude </span></i><a href="https://positivepsychology.com/more-more-more/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">more</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> long-term as a positive character trait” </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(</span><a href="https://positivepsychology.com/gratitude-appreciation/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Positive Psychology</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">).</span></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In other words – and according to </span><a href="https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-health/gratitude.htm" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Help Guide</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“gratitude involves showing appreciation for the things in life that are meaningful or valuable to you”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So perhaps our above assumption was correct – gratitude is a positive response to a positive stimulus. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But there is a little more to it than that. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Psychology professor and gratitude researcher at the University of California Davis </span><a href="https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/profile/robert_emmons"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Robert Emmons</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (yes, he’s a gratitude scientist) </span><a href="https://youtu.be/pdLRNnrxQAw"><span style="font-weight: 400;">describes gratitude</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> as follows – </span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Gratitude is something we are all familiar with. We have all received gifts from others. We have all received benefits and kindnesses. What is the feeling we have inside when we receive the gift from someone – it is gratefulness. It is the warm feeling of appreciation. We know that we have been the recipient of a benefit and we feel a tendency to want to give back because of the goodness we have received. That’s really what gratefulness is. It’s really just a form of thankfulness”.</span></i></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Gratitude comes from a feeling of thankfulness, gratefulness and appreciation. </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_56 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>How can one practice gratitude?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_57 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s easy to say thank you for something you have received, but to truly practice gratitude for the small everyday things – like a chat with a friend, a hug from a partner, a kind gesture from a stranger and a cool breeze in the heat of Summer – takes practice. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But it was Jon Kabat-Zinn that said</span><b> – </b></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“The little things? The little moments? They aren’t little.”</span></i></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Just like a muscle, practicing gratitude takes conscious effort. And you can do this by practicing these 6 simple exercises – </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_37 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_62 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_40"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_63 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_58 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>Make gratefulness a part of your morning routine</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – instead of waking up and immediately checking your phone, practice mindfulness first. For at least 30 seconds, start your day off with contemplation. Focus on how lucky you are. Lucky to see the sky, lucky to hear the birds’ chirp. Blessed to be able to experience a new day. Breath in and out on this thought, taking deep, mindful breaths. Focus on how you feel as you contemplate your blessings – however small – in life. Starting your day like this is a great way to remind yourself how big the small things are. How they all contribute to your overall happiness in life. And this thought and feeling will follow you throughout your day. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_38 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_64 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_41"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_65 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_59 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>Notice the small things</i></strong><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">try your best to notice all the small things that happen throughout your day (remembering that they aren’t actually small). Being mindful of the things that happen around you and stretching yourself beyond what is directly in front of you. Open your eyes to more of the world around you. Write small notes on your calendar or in a book you’re reading – wherever – about all the things that you’re thankful for. Notes that you will come across on another day and be able to look back on.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_39 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_66 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_42"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_67 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_60 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>Keep a gratitude journal</i> </strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">– Professor Emmons suggests keeping a </span><a href="https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/ten_ways_to_become_more_grateful1/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">gratitude journal</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">. In this journal you can remind yourself of all the things that bring you joy – getting really specific about what happened to you during your day that brought a smile to your face. Do this on a daily basis, setting aside time to remember moments of gratitude that are associated with everyday ordinary events, personal attributes, or the people around you that enhance your life.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_40 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_68 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_43"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_69 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_61 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>Keep things fresh</i></strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– perhaps journaling isn’t for you. That’s ok. Try new and creative ways to express your gratitude. For example, Derrick Carpenter in his article </span><a href="https://www.happify.com/hd/the-science-behind-gratitude/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Science Behind Gratitude (and How It Can Change Your Life)</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> suggests keeping a gratitude jar. Any time you experience a poignant moment of gratitude, write it on a piece of paper and put it in a jar. On New Year’s Eve, he suggests (and as is done by his wife), empty the jar and review everything you were grateful for. It’s a simple and eco-friendly way of practising gratitude. Take a look at Frieda’s gratitude jar below.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_41"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_70 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_44"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/10/The-Benefits-of-Being-Grateful-3.jpg" alt="" title="The Benefits of Being Grateful (3)" class="wp-image-5726" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_42 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_71 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_45"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_72 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_62 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>Practice a 5-minute gratitude meditation</i></strong><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">if you’re able to meditate, find a peaceful, quiet place in your home and tune into your senses. Take deep breaths in and out, focusing your energy on the present moment. Slow everything down by noticing that you can see, hear, touch, smell, and taste. Be grateful for those things. As simple as that. Nothing special needs to be going on in your life in order to practice this meditation. It’s all about the moment and the simple feeling of being grateful for your senses, for your morning coffee, a good book or the kitty on your lap. Explore this simple practice to appreciate all the little things.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_43 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_73 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_46"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/6.jpg" alt="" title="6" class="wp-image-1491" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_74 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_63 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>Share your gratitude</i></strong><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> –</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> we are almost all guilty of taking our loved ones a little bit for granted. Unfortunately. And this can create tension in an otherwise harmonious relationship. So next time you notice a kind act by a loved one, say thank you, give them a hug, buy them a cup of coffee. Do something to make them feel noticed and appreciated. By consciously doing this and making the effort, you naturally strengthen your relationship. And by all accounts that can only be a good thing. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_44"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_75 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_64 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Building any one of the above habits will promote the practice of gratitude. Because what it comes down to is recognising the good moments as they happen. Being grateful for the small things (knowing that they are actually the big things) and expressing this gratefulness outwardly. </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_65 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>What are the benefits of practising gratitude?</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_47"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/10/The-Benefits-of-Being-Grateful-4.jpg" alt="" title="The Benefits of Being Grateful (4)" class="wp-image-5727" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_66 arrows et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">First and foremost, practising gratitude forces us to shift our thoughts away from negative emotions and instead we focus our attention on positive things that may have been initially overlooked. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">According to </span><a href="https://positivepsychology.com/gratitude-appreciation/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Positive Psychology</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, practising gratitude is important because it – </span></p> <p> </p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">strongly relates to overall wellbeing, including social wellbeing, emotional wellbeing, and psychological wellbeing; and</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">has a domino effect. If a person experiences gratitude, they are more likely to recognise the help and then later reciprocate that help. People who are thanked are presumably more apt to extend help to others in the future.</span></li> </ul></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_67 arrows et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Additionally, and as set out in </span><a href="https://www.mindful.org/an-introduction-to-mindful-gratitude/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Mindful</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span><a href="https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-health/gratitude.htm" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Help Guide</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, practising gratitude can – </span></p> <p> </p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong><i>Relieve stress and pain</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – feeling grateful and recognising help from others creates a more relaxed body state and allows the subsequent benefits of lowered stress. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong><i>Improvement in health over time</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – as gratefulness reduces stress, this, in turn, can decrease blood pressure and levels of inflammation. This can give way to better overall cardiovascular health.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong><i>Alleviate depression</i></strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– researcher </span><a href="https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_gratitude_changes_you_and_your_brain" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Prathik Kini </span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">at Indiana University performed a study examining how </span><a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1053811915011532" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">practising gratitude can alter brain function in depressed individuals</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Evidence was found that gratitude may induce structural changes in the brain. Such a result reflects how the mental practice of gratitude may even be able to change and re-wire the brain.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong><i>Better sleep</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – increased gratitude supports higher quality sleep and fewer sleep disturbances. All because our bodies are more relaxed. Also, if you express gratitude right before going to bed, you fall asleep with a more positive outlook.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong><i>Improved focus</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – if you begin to view the task in front of you in a more positive light, you spend less energy feeling stressed about it. You might even begin to view challenges as opportunities rather than hurdles. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong><i>Higher self-esteem</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – viewing the world with a sense of gratitude can change the way you think about your own worth. Especially if you focus on acts by those around you. If your partner takes you out for dinner, they are not only spending money on you but are also spending time with you. This in turn makes you feel appreciated and loved. </span></li> </ul></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_68 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">From the above, it would seem that the positive effects of experiencing and expressing gratitude are endless.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you need help with practising gratitude or are not quite sure how to go about doing so, get in touch with Frieda Levycky of</span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/"><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Braving Boundaries</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> who can help you see the forest for the trees and the light at the end of the tunnel. Or why not<strong> join Frieda and Vee at the <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/workshop">“<span style="text-decoration: underline;">Reflect, Connect & Celebrate” Workshop</span></a> in Cape Town on Saturday, 25 November 2023</strong>? The workshop is all about reflecting on and finding gratitude in 2023. It sounds like a perfect place to start to me! See details below.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For me, I will be starting a gratitude jar where my first little note says: “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’m so grateful I was able to write this article</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_45"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_76 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_3 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_46 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_77 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_48"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_78 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_69 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">[email protected]</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_47"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_79 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_49"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/workshop/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1200" height="628" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/10/BB-Facebook-Ad-Graphics-HORIZONTAL-1.png" alt="" title="BB - Facebook Ad Graphics - HORIZONTAL (1)" class="wp-image-5733" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-benefits-of-being-grateful/">The Benefits of Being Grateful</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-benefits-of-being-grateful/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>The Self-Help Conundrum</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-self-help-conundrum/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-self-help-conundrum/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Sun, 30 Jul 2023 15:11:58 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[confidence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Counselling]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional intelligence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Empowerment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[goal setting]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Growth mindset]]></category> <category><![CDATA[happiness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[inspiration]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life coaching]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Mindfulness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Personal awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Personal development]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Positive thinking]]></category> <category><![CDATA[productivity]]></category> <category><![CDATA[resilience]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-help books]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-improvement]]></category> <category><![CDATA[success]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Therapy]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Well-being]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=5595</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Are you a lover or hater of self-help books? Join Alicia and me as we explore the pros and cons of the self-help world.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-self-help-conundrum/">The Self-Help Conundrum</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_4 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_48"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_80 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_70 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>CO-WRITTEN BY FRIEDA LEVYCKY, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://www.bravingboundaries.com/">BRAVING BOUNDARIES</a></span>, AND ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></h5> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /> Self-help books seem to divide the world into two camps (a bit like Marmite): The lovers and the haters.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I hadn’t realised this until I suggested to Alicia that we write a joint article on the self-help books which have shaped our lives and our careers. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">But I don’t believe in self-help books</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”, came the response. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Really?</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”, I asked in surprise.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Nope. It really annoys me that anyone (often with no qualifications whatsoever) thinks its ok to tell you that if you ‘follow my method’ or ‘learn from my experience’ you can be more successful, thinner, happier … you name it.</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Hmmm… she has a point. But, I think it is a little unfair to smash self-help books as a whole. I personally see a lot of value in them.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, instead of proposing a list of self-help books that have changed our lives, we have decided to provide a narrative on the pros and cons of the self-help world.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We hope you read both sides of the argument and challenge your existing beliefs. Maybe you find that self-help books do have their place and could be beneficial for you? Or maybe you realise that self-help books can only get you so far and that sometimes investing in external support is required. That’s up to you though. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We just hope you enjoy the read. </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_71 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Self-help books – The non-believers (Alicia’s viewpoint)</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_50"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Self-help-books-3.jpg" alt="" title="Self help books (3)" class="wp-image-5618" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_72 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">The other day I was browsing in my favourite bookshop. Walking around the store I read title after title and found myself – quite unexpectedly – in the Self-Help section.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Not my usual preference. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As I stood there looking at the rows of “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">How-To’s”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Do-You’s?” </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I admit to having a certain degree of curiosity. Enough to find myself picking up one book and reading the back of it. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">To summarise – the book promised to help guide you through “some of your most difficult times and help you find a place of serenity and happiness”. I’m paraphrasing here because it said a lot more than that. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It was a tall undertaking by the author (who shall remain nameless) – all for the nominal price of ZAR680. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">This book promised to do what no other psychiatrist or clinical psychologist would promise (especially in one session and especially to that degree of certainty). And at an absolute bargain – considering that the going rate for a mental health professional has a far heftier price tag. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">That got me thinking – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">who are the people extracting the most value out of these self-help books? </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">And</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> how effective are they? </span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As a non-believer in the self-help movement, I think it’s only fair that I apply some reason and scientific analysis to my approach or face – perhaps – missing out on the greatest invention of all time.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">With the sheer volume of titles on the Self-Help shelves there </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">must be </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">quite a tally of bodies that flock to the stores, that sign up for the newsletters and that attend the “sold-out” shows of the latest “Guru”.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If there weren’t, there wouldn’t be a section in any book shop with titles like </span><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (which is – as fate would have it – the only somewhat self-help </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">styled</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> book I have ever read. And that’s saying something since it’s touted as the counterintuitive kind). </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_73 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>What are self-help books?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_74 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Before we get started, it’s worth reminding ourselves what self-help books are. In short, they are books which instruct or give advice on how to improve yourself. This could be physically, mentally, financially, spiritually or otherwise. The idea is that by reading a self-help book you are capable of improving your current position without the need of external resources, advice or support. In other words – </span><span style="font-weight: 400;"><span style="text-decoration: underline;">you help yourself</span>.</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_75 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>So, whose reading these books?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_51"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/BB-Blog-images-Self-help-books-1.jpg" alt="" title="BB - Blog images - Self help books (1)" class="wp-image-5621" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_76 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">According to </span><a href="https://blog.gitnux.com/self-help-industry-statistics/#:~:text=Over%2045%2C300%20new%20self%2Dhelp,how%20to%20improve%20one's%20life." target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Gitnux, “</span></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">over 45,300 new self-help books were published in 2020”, </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">with</span> <a href="https://www.marketwatch.com/press-release/global-self-improvement-products-services-market-2023-2030-estimated-to-reach-worth-usd-5607374-million-growing-at-a-cagr-of-513-2023-04-25" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Marketwatch</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> predicting that the self-help market would reach a total value of “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">USD 56073.74 Million by the End of 2030”</span></i><b>. </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">That’s a compounded annual growth of around 5.13% expected till 2030. The average reader of self-help books buys 3 a year. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Let’s face it, those are not only big figures (backed by sound scientific research) but a rather large readership. </span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Am I missing something?</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I remember the hype that surrounded the launch of </span><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Secret-Rhonda-Byrne/dp/1582701709" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Secret</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> by Rhona Byrne in 2006 – first a movie that “revealed the great mystery of the universe” – and following that (and a little after the release of the movie), a book that became a worldwide bestseller.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Every single – female – member of my family was hooked. Everyone was talking about it. Everyone believed it would turn their humdrum lives into something masterful and full of opportunity. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I had my doubts. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For starters, The Secret said that the skills learned could be used in </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“every aspect of your life—money, health, relationships, happiness, and in every interaction, you have in the world. You’ll begin to understand the hidden, untapped power that’s within you, and this revelation can bring joy to every aspect of your life”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (</span><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Secret-Rhonda-Byrne/dp/1582701709" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Amazon</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">). </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It sounds incredible… Wait just a second. All I have to do is </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">foresee the thing I want to happen, happen? To truly believe it will. And it shall be?</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> It felt far, far too easy. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, there I sat the day before my final exam of my worst subject in University – Economics – and truly believed (and in fact, foresaw) me acing the exam. Achieving an A. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Well, surprise, surprise – that didn’t happen. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I passed that exam by the skin of my teeth actually. I should have spent more time studying than “foreseeing the event happen”. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Perhaps that wasn’t the purpose of The Secret. Perhaps I’m oversimplifying. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">But that was the value I extracted from it. </span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Which then led me to ask – was it only my female family members that read The Secret – and by extension – all other self-help books? Because I don’t remember my father, my uncles or my (then) boyfriend reading it. Or any other self-help book on the shelves. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The answer to that is funnily enough – yes. Generally speaking. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Turning to </span><a href="https://blog.gitnux.com/self-help-industry-statistics/#:~:text=Women%20make%20up%20the%20majority,this%20when%20marketing%20their%20books." target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Gitnux</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> again – </span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Women make up the majority of self-help book readers, and African Americans have the highest percentage of self-help book buyers. Most self-help book buyers are under 45 years old and purchase books through planned purchases in chain bookstores, online, or through a friend’s recommendation”.</span></i></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, essentially, an African (American or not) woman under 45, that frequents a bookstore (or shops for titles online) would be the self-help market’s perfect target audience. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Bollocks to that I say. It can’t be. That’s far too general. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So why then is success coach, public speaker, self-help author and actor, </span><a href="https://www.tonyrobbins.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Tony Robbins</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> estimated to have net worth of around $600 Million (</span><a href="https://wealthygorilla.com/tony-robbins-net-worth/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Wealthy Gorilla</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">)?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Again, have I missed something?</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_77 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Do self-help books work?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_52"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Self-help-books-1.jpg" alt="" title="Self help books (1)" class="wp-image-5616" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_78 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">The premise of seeking advice from a self-help book is that you do – in fact – need help. Funny that since it’s kind of in the title of the genre. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But the people that need help (and quickly) often turn to the wisdom and knowledge of “mentors” like Robbins (who has made a success of his self-help career), rather than seeking the professional mental health support and care they most probably desperately need. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Sure, reading </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">how to turn your life around in ten easy steps</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> from the women who turned her love for fudge into a word-wide sensation, can give one hope. It makes you see possibilities in the world and in your circumstance that maybe you didn’t see before. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And that’s a great thing if it does.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Technically there isn’t anything wrong, per se, with the advice of the Queen of the Fudge Empire. It </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">can be inspiring</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. But the problem I have with it is that it’s just her view. It’s just her experience. It doesn’t mean that because you can bake a decent batch of muffins, you will become the Muffin Monarch just because you did what the Fudge Queen told you to do in her book. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And yes, I know that’s not the purpose of the self-help genre. I know that. But I do believe </span><a href="https://medium.com/@crismaximilian?source=post_page-----7737df3aa6e9--------------------------------" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Cristofer Maximilian</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> in his article </span><a href="https://medium.com/@crismaximilian/self-help-books-dont-work-here-s-why-7737df3aa6e9" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Self-Help Books Don’t Work — Here’s Why</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> when he says – </span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“While people lose themselves in a sea of advice, suggestions, routines, and “hacks”, they also lose sight of the fact that no amount of information will change this simple fact: </span></i><b><i>in order to succeed or improve in any area of your life, you need to actually do something”</i></b><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></i></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And there it is. For me at least. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">You can’t just read the book and expect a miracle. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">You need to act. You need to want to make the change. You need to put in the work.</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> And that’s where having a professional coach, psychiatrist or psychologist can be far more beneficial. Why? Because they hold you accountable and support you whilst doing so. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When we’re done with the book, most of us put it back on our shelves. Maybe we sign up for the monthly newsletter. Maybe we read it every second month or so. Maybe we even attend a seminar (or webinar) hosted by the author. But are we really implementing the change we need in our lives? Are we really acting on the – well-meaning and well-intended but perhaps not exactly professional – advice of the self-help author?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The answer is most likely no. Again, generally speaking.</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_79 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Reasons why I believe self-help books don’t work</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_80 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Author of </span><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, </span><a href="https://markmanson.net/self-help" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Mark Manson </span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">sets out five major problems with the self-help industry (that are unlikely to go away). I have (partly) paraphrased for ease of the reading – </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_49 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_81 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_53"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_82 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_81 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Self-help reinforces perceptions of inferiority and shame</strong> –<span style="font-weight: 400;"> there are (generally speaking) two types of people who purchase self-help books. Those that feel they can simply improve on their lives with a few little tips and tricks and those that feel that there’s fundamentally something wrong with them. Those that just want to improve themselves will read a self-help book and go “Ok, I can do that” and not feel disparaged by the contents of the book. Those that feel there’s something fundamentally wrong with them will take the content in the book and use it to make themselves feel even worse about themselves. Because “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">the irony here is that the pre-requisite for self-help to be effective is the one crucial thing that self-help cannot actually help: </span></i><a href="http://amzn.to/2BHZotI" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><b><i>accept yourself as a good person who makes mistakes</i></b></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_50 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_83 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_54"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_84 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_82 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Self-help is often yet another form of avoidance</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – if you suffer with anxiety (like I do) reading a self-help book has two consequences. The first is you replace one neuroticism with another one (in other words instead of feeling anxious about performing in my role as a legal practitioner, I start my own baking business and then become worried about not performing there too). And two, reading the book and implementing the thoughts and advice in the book leads to avoiding the issue altogether. The book becomes more important than dealing with the problem. And that’s not self-helping anyone.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_51 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_85 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_55"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_86 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_83 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Self-help marketing creates unrealistic expectations</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – The Secret comes to mind here. The incentive for the self-help market is not enforcing real change. Instead, the only thing they need to do is create the perception of change. Real or imagined. You see all these people living their best lives because they did steps 1 – 6 out of XYZ self-help book and you feel let down because it isn’t working for you. That’s setting yourself up to fail. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_52 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_87 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_56"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_88 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_84 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Self-help is (usually) not scientifically validated</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – The fact is</span> <span style="font-weight: 400;">people without qualifications, without degrees and with little real expert knowledge of the human brain, psyche and serious mental health issues often write these novels. I mean what gives them the right to give other people advice? And should people really be listening to them?</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_57"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Self-help-books-2.jpg" alt="" title="Self help books (2)" class="wp-image-5617" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_53 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_89 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_58"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_90 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_85 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Self-help is a contradiction</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – self-help amounts to self-improvement. Simple as that. And the purpose of self-improvement is to improve on yourself. To enhance what you already have. Is to accept yourself as is and be happy with that – only needing slight tweaks here and there. The person who has a fundamental problem with who they are is not going to find the help they need. They are looking to replace one aspect of who they are with something else. Something better. That person will never succeed. Instead, they will become bogged down by the </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“nonsense and pseudo-science and suppress your feelings of inadequacy rather than deal with them head-on”. </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Again, who is that self-helping?</span><span style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;"> </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_54"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_91 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_86 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">For me, self-help books create more problems for the people who need real help from medical professionals. Reading a book will not result in real change. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And that seems counterintuitive. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But I’m a cynic.</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_87 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Self-help books – The believers (Frieda’s viewpoint)</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_59"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/BB-Blog-images-Self-help-books.jpg" alt="" title="BB - Blog images - Self help books" class="wp-image-5620" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_88 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Cynical or not, Ali’s viewpoint has its merits. Achieving our goals and dreams requires a lot more than just believing that they are possible. I’d love it if I could think myself to becoming the fastest trail runner on the mountain, but the reality is that if that ever has a chance in hell of happening, I’m going to need to take action. So, Ali and I are in agreement on that point.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I also agree that the motivation driving individuals to pen a self-help book is not selfless. There is undoubtedly a benefit for the author: it forms part of a marketing strategy; they gain recognition as an author; and there is sheer reward and pride in being able to write a book. Gosh, I genuinely hope one day that I find the courage to write my own book.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Selfish or not though, given the effort and time it takes to write a book, I believe that authors of self-help books have a genuine desire to help people. And, even if they are not qualified therapists, people’s stories have the power to provide new perspective and insight, encourage self-reflection and provide a sense of hope. In fact, many psychologists, coaches and therapists often recommend self-help books as a means of developing self-awareness between sessions and helping individuals process issues through the use of stories. It’s called </span><a href="https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/types/bibliotherapy"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">bibliotherapy</span></i></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">. </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_89 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Reasons why I believe there is a place for self-help books</b></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_55 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_92 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_60"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_93 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_90 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>They are affordable </strong><i>– </i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Not everyone can afford therapy or coaching (no matter how much they may need it). It’s the reality of the world we live in. Self-help books provide an accessible and affordable means of gaining insight into issues which individuals are facing. The self-help book genre tackles the full range of topics: from improving self-esteem, coping with stress and developing communication skills to discovering your potential, improving personal relationships and enhancing emotional awareness. Having the ability to read around a topic on which you are struggling and learning from the experience of others is a natural way that humans progress and develop awareness in this world. Why should that be any different merely because it now has the label: “self-help” attached to it.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_56 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_94 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_61"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_95 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_91 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>They are relatable</strong> – <span style="font-weight: 400;">Prior to my own therapy back in 2014, a friend recommended I listen to the audiobook: </span><a href="https://brenebrown.com/book/the-power-of-vulnerability/">“<em>The Power of Vulnerability</em>” by Brené Brown</a><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span><span style="font-weight: 400;">. She was concerned about my inability to set boundaries both in my professional and personal life and could see it was affecting my self-esteem. For me, the power of the book was in its relatability. I was able to connect my struggles with self-worth to those reflected in the book which, in turn, encouraged me to question and challenge my beliefs and thus my negative self-talk. It is a book I will always recommend to clients struggling with self-esteem issues. Brene Brown is so relatable and her tone and delivery allow you to shed the layers of embarrassment and shame that is often attached to low self-esteem. Exposure to that book satisfied my need to belong and feel understood and became my first step to seeking the professional help I required.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_57 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_96 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_62"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_97 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_92 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>You gain a sense of autonomy </strong>– <span style="font-weight: 400;">There are two dominant drivers for reaching out for a self-help book: You either want to learn something new or improve the way you are approaching something (a more proactive, enhancing approach) or you are experiencing a crisis and your existing coping mechanisms are no longer stepping up to the task (a more help-seeking approach). In the latter case, everything feels off balance and you often find yourself feeling stuck and incapable of shifting out of the situation. It’s not a fun place to be. Although potentially not a replacement for coaching or therapy, relevant self-help books can help to restore a sense of autonomy and agency.</span> <span style="font-weight: 400;">The action of purchasing and reading a self-help book restores your mobility and gaining a new perspective on the situation acts as a stepping-stone to restoring equilibrium. You are helping yourself.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_58 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_98 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_63"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_99 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_93 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>You may not need therapy</strong> <i>– </i><span style="font-weight: 400;">As mentioned above, self-help books are not all about fixing you or helping you cope. There is a whole genre of self-help books which are about skill-enhancement, creating self-awareness and assisting with growth and development. You don’t need a therapist for that! Learning from other people’s experiences and what has worked for them is a great way to add new tools to your own skill set. If I’m a new mum, why wouldn’t I want to learn tips and tricks from mothers who have raised 3 kids? If I’m a workaholic, why wouldn’t I want to hear the story of how a former workaholic managed to flip her life into something a lot more fulfilling and balanced? Sometimes all you want and all you need is a new perspective from someone who has walked a similar path before you. A bit of inspiration. What you do with that information is completely up to you. Some things may work, others may not. But without reading those stories, you may never have discovered those techniques or approaches. Who’s at a loss then?</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_59 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_100 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_64"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_101 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_94 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>You continue to grow and learn </strong><i>–</i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> One of Ali’s arguments is that self-help amounts to self-improvement. She argues that we should be seeking self-acceptance rather than self-improvement, and self-help books discourage this. I’m all for self-acceptance i.e. fully embracing who you are, without judgement or comparison to others. However, there is an innate </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">need</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> for humans to grow and develop. Take a look a </span><a href="https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-is-maslow-hierarchy-of-needs">Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs</a> <span style="font-weight: 400;">below:</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_65"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="768" height="500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/BB-Blog-images-Maslows-needs.png" alt="" title="Maslow's hierarchy of needs" class="wp-image-5610" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_95 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Once we have satisfied our lower-level needs of safety, security, love and belonging and we’ve reached a stage of healthy self-esteem, we still need purpose. Needs motivate us. Self-help isn’t about self-improvement (i.e. you are not good enough as you are). Self-help is about self-expansion (i.e. acquiring resources, gaining new perspectives, growing).</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_60"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_102 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_96 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Conclusion</b></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Whether you’re a cynic like Alicia, or believer like Frieda, one thing is for sure – there is a huge readership of self-help books. And there’s clearly reason for it.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As Frieda has highlighted, self-help books do serve a purpose in the therapy/coaching spectrum. They are affordable, accessible, relatable and serve to help individuals address their problems. However, in this “helping” context, we both agree, that they are no substitute for the help of a therapist/coach. If you feel that you really need help, we encourage you to seek the guidance and support of a mental health professional who can support, guide and help you achieve mental wellness. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">On the flip-side, it’s important to remember that self-help books are not all about fixing problems. They exist for self-expansion; to provide inspiration; to generate new ideas; to help you grow. You don’t need a therapist/coach for that. Self-help books – in Frieda’s opinion at least – serve a very valid purpose.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">One final point to make is this. Whatever your views about self-help books, please remember that self-help books are not gospel. They provide the author’s perspective and opinion on a topic which is based on how they see the world and/or how they have analysed data presented to them. It doesn’t mean it’s right. It merely provides a perspective. When reading a self-help book, you therefore have a responsibility to question what you’re reading. Does this apply to me? Do I agree with it? Are my own beliefs and experiences influencing the way I’m interpreting this book?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We hope this article has given you some food for thought.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">One thing we can both agree on though is this – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">happy reading (whatever genre of book you choose)!</span></i></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_61"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_103 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_4 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_62 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_104 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_66"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_105 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_97 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>About the Co-author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">[email protected]</a> </p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_63"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_106 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_67"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/work-with-me/individual-coaching/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Copy-of-linkedin-filler-pictures-7.jpg" alt="" title="Copy of linkedin filler pictures (7)" class="wp-image-5630" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-self-help-conundrum/">The Self-Help Conundrum</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-self-help-conundrum/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Embracing conflict: 5 benefits of rocking the boat</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/embracing-conflict-5-benefits-of-rocking-the-boat/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/embracing-conflict-5-benefits-of-rocking-the-boat/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 25 May 2023 12:41:32 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Conflict]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Effective communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Team communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[arguments]]></category> <category><![CDATA[benefits of conflict]]></category> <category><![CDATA[blind spots]]></category> <category><![CDATA[communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[competency]]></category> <category><![CDATA[conflict]]></category> <category><![CDATA[conflict resolution]]></category> <category><![CDATA[dispute]]></category> <category><![CDATA[effective communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[interpersonal communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[learning to communicate]]></category> <category><![CDATA[positive outlook]]></category> <category><![CDATA[reactive]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relationship dynamics]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[rocking the boat]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[team dynamics]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=5476</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Despite the discomfort that many of us feel towards conflict, it is a natural part of life. Join as us we discover the benefits of conflict.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/embracing-conflict-5-benefits-of-rocking-the-boat/">Embracing conflict: 5 benefits of rocking the boat</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_5 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_64"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_107 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_98 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY FRIEDA LEVYCKY, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://bravingboundaries.com/">BRAVING BOUNDARIES</a></span> </em></span></h5> <h2></h2> <h2></h2> <h2><b>Introduction</b></h2> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Seriously, WTF?”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Ok. Those words didn’t exactly come out of my mouth on Justin and my jog around Newlands Forest a few weeks ago. What I actually said was: “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Thanks for waiting for me</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” in a fabulously passive aggressive tone, shrug of my shoulders, raised arms, head jutting forwards, raised eyebrows and a sneer on my face. Needless to say, “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Seriously, WTF?</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” was definitely conveyed!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And, as expected, one aggressive stance (whether verbally communicated or not) was met by another: </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“What’s that for? Why are you ‘kakking’ me out? I turned back at the corner, ran back for a bit so you could catch up and then carried on. Just like I always do!”</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Ah the joys of couple’s conflicts. And usually over the silliest things.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The funny thing is that it’s rare for me to enter into conflict voluntarily. In fact, I usually actively avoid conflict. Conflict makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable, results in direct confrontation, and leaves me feeling a mix of overwhelmed, exposed, guilty, vulnerable and fragile. These feelings are not generally my first pick of the bunch, and they can sometimes last weeks (if not years) on end.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Any yet, there are some occasions, like the above, that despite knowing that a conflict will no doubt ensue, I forge on ahead regardless. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Why is that?</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> What makes those particular circumstances different to others? </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, this got me thinking, are there actually benefits to conflict? Is this something which we should be encouraging rather than avoiding? </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_99 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Coping with conflict: our default position </b></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Before looking at the benefits of conflict, I’d like you to consider what your default position is when it comes to conflict. If it helps, sit for a minute and consider the last argument you had with someone.</span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Perhaps you are someone who relishes a good “ding dong” to clear the air? The issue is out in the open. Everyone knows how you feel about the situation. Case closed. Move on (The </span><b>REACTIVE</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> approach).</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Perhaps you avoid conflict. What good can come of it anyway? Someone (if not everyone) always gets hurt. Best not to upset the apple cart. I’m sure we can find a silver-lining to the situation anyway (The </span><b>POSITIVE OUTLOOK</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> approach).</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Perhaps you see conflict as merely a problem to be resolved. Remove the emotion and apply a rational and logical approach to reach a resolution (The </span><b>COMPETENCY</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> approach).</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Or perhaps you’re like me: You’d prefer to shy away from conflict, but, sometimes you just can’t resist a dig despite knowing you’ll need to deal with the fallout.</span></li> </ul> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Where do you think you sit within these conflict styles? Each of these conflict styles (</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">harmonics</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">)</span><sup>1</sup><span style="font-weight: 400;"> have both their benefits and detriments and, in fact, we should work towards being able to access the full range of conflict styles, so that we can navigate each conflictual situation with greater flexibility and ease. Alicia will explore conflict styles in greater detail in next week’s article.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For the remainder of this article though, I want to consider the overall benefits of conflict (irrespective of the conflict style you use). </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_68"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/Embracing-conflict-5-benefits-of-rocking-the-boat-1.jpg" alt="" title="Embracing conflict 5 benefits of rocking the boat (1)" class="wp-image-5492" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_100 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>The benefits of conflict</b></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Let’s be honest for a second. Conflict is a natural and inevitable part of life. It may not be a regular occurrence, but put any two people together for long enough and conflict will ensue. We’re humans, not robots. None of us think, feel or act exactly the same way. What a boring world it would be if we did! </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We each have needs, desires, values and opinions that, from time to time, will clash with those of our friends, our partners, our children and our colleagues, leading to heated discussions, passive aggressive comments, fights or, in my mother’s case, the day long silent treatment!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Despite the discomfort that many of us feel towards conflict, it has a number of benefits:</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_65 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_108 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_69"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_109 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_101 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Conflict identifies underlying issues</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – Conflict often serves as a catalyst for uncovering and addressing underlying issues in relationships, friendships or teams. You know as well as I do that the incidents causing the conflict are rarely the real issue at hand. When conflicts arise, they provide a unique opportunity to delve deeper into the root causes of the disagreements and tensions. By acknowledging and exploring underlying issues, we can gain valuable insights into differing perspectives, unmet needs and miscommunications. And it, sure as heck, removes the elephant from the room!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In the example above, our quarrel had nothing to do with Justin not waiting for me. It was all to do with the fact that I was supposed to be the good runner in the couple (he was the cyclist) and yet he was stronger and quicker than me. I had started to doubt my capabilities and fitness levels and started to feel “not good enough”. It was those underlying issues that needed to be released, and the conflict brought them to the surface.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_66 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_110 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_70"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_111 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_102 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Conflict increases personal growth</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – Following on from 1) above, conflict provides us with the opportunity to improve our self-awareness. When underlying issues are explored, we become aware of how our behaviour, attitude and/or communication style have contributed to the conflict at hand. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Embarrassingly, our tête-à-tête, once again highlighted for me my passive-aggressive tendencies when it comes to conflict. This approach supports my desire to avoid conflict, but at the same time vent my frustrations (admittedly indirectly) with the situation. Inevitably though, it ends up as a direct confrontation anyway with a good hour of silence afterwards. “Fun” times. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But conflictual situations give us the chance to acknowledge the impact of our conflict style and adjust our behaviour and approach accordingly. So not </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">all</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> bad.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_67"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_112 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_71"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/Embracing-conflict-5-benefits-of-rocking-the-boat-2.jpg" alt="" title="Embracing conflict 5 benefits of rocking the boat (2)" class="wp-image-5490" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_68 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_113 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_72"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_114 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_103 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Conflict improves relationships and makes us better communicators</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– Conflict, if handled correctly, can improve communication. By actively listening to what the other person is saying, engaging in a dialogue, considering that person’s perspective, providing your own perspective and intentionally working together to find a resolution, people can build trust and respect for each other, ultimately leading to stronger relationships. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Using a different example, during the 6-week COVID lock down in April/May 2020, I was able to continue working remotely whereas Justin was not. As a result, he took on the household duties (actually, he always does), and I continued to work as normal. Now, I’m not the tidiest of people and I often leave my clothes lying around (much to the irritation of all of my family). By the third week of lock-down, Justin calmly asked me if we could have a chat. He told me that, although he knew that it was not my intention, he felt that I really undervalued his efforts around the house. He felt disrespected and unappreciated. Oh crumbs! That was certainly </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">not</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> my intention. In fact, I hadn’t even contemplated that my actions could impact someone in that manner. His approach to the situation (which was, in every essence, a conflict) allowed us to bring awareness to the issues, explain our perspectives and create a solution to address the problem moving forwards. All without either of us feeling that we’d not been heard.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_69 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_115 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_73"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_116 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_104 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Conflict effects change</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – When conflicts arise, they highlight existing issues, disparities or outdated practices that require attention. Conflict often prompts individuals and organisations to re-evaluate their current actions and behaviours, leading to the exploration of new ideas, perspectives and approaches. Conflict can also ignite passionate discussions, inspire innovation and challenge the status quo, pushing individuals and groups to think collaboratively and creatively.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">From my career as a legal practitioner, people’s frustration with the hierarchy, the billable hours and poor work-life balance, (amongst other things) resulted in a lot of conflict amongst partners and senior associates alike. Over time, these conflicts have resulted in a new breed of lawyer and legal practice emerging. No longer is “Big Law” the only option. Boutique law firms with purpose driven values (rather than profit driven values) now compete with the City Firms. Individual lawyers have opted to work as consultants or contractors rather than full time employees, many of which are supported by alternative legal service providers such as </span><a href="https://www.cognialaw.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Cognia Law</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">. And Artificial Intelligence is also making its mark in the legal arena reducing time-wasting tasks, enhancing legal research and supporting contract analysis. All changes which have ultimately resulted due to a difference of opinion in approach. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_70"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_117 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_74"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/innovation.jpg" alt="" title="innovation" class="wp-image-5509" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_71 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_118 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_75"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_119 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_105 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Conflict creates awareness and re-establishes boundaries</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – Conflict is not something everyone enters into lightly. So, when an individual is prepared to step into the conflict arena and consciously engage in conflict, they do so because they believe that fight is worth having. Conflict offers us the opportunity to re-assess what is most important to us (our values), whether those values are being met, and whether appropriate boundaries are in place to protect those values.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">This is probably the only situation where I find conflict remotely bearable, when I’m fighting </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">for </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">something that I truly believe in. Whether that be standing up against inappropriate behaviour in the office or fighting for a promotion/pay rise because I know that I deserve it. In those circumstances, I’m prepared to take on the wrath of my opponent if it honours my beliefs and values. In each of those situations, not only have I reminded myself of the things that are most important to me, but I’ve re-established my boundaries for others. They are made aware of the line I am not prepared to cross. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_72"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_120 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_106 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Consequences of avoiding conflict</b></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">There are ways and means of approaching conflict, but constructive conflict (i.e. conflict that embraces different ideas and viewpoints) benefits us. In contrast:</span></p> <p> </p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>Avoiding conflict risks compromising our values and principles</b><span style="font-weight: 400;">, resulting in us choosing to remain silent or go along with situations that contradict what we truly believe in. This dissonance between our actions and values can lead to a sense of inner conflict and dissatisfaction.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>Avoiding conflict allows underlying issues to fester</b><span style="font-weight: 400;">, resulting in unresolved tensions and resentments that can gradually erode relationships and create long-lasting damage. By avoiding conflict, we miss the opportunity to address and resolve small problems early on, allowing them to escalate into larger, more complex issues over time.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>Avoiding conflict limits our opportunity for personal growth</b><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Whereas conflict allows us to explore new perspectives, create self-awareness and develop our problem-solving skills; avoiding conflict stifles self-expression, impedes emotional intelligence and prevents the opportunity for self-reflection that arises from confronting and navigating challenging situations.</span></li> </ul></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_107 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Conclusion</b></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As much as I struggle with conflict, it clearly does have its benefits. And embracing constructive conflict can have a transformative impact on our lives and relationships. By recognising the value of conflict and approaching it with openness, curiosity and a willingness to learn, we can harness its power to foster growth, strengthen relationships and create positive change in our lives. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">While this is not a “call to arms”, perhaps it </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">is</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> time to go forth and rock the boat. Embrace conflict and accept it for what it is: a catalyst for growth and understanding and an opportunity to navigate life’s challenges with just a tad more resilience and grace.</span></p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p><em><span style="font-weight: 400;"> <sup>1 </sup>Integrative Enneagram for Practitioners, Dirk Cloete</span></em></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_76"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/conflict-CTA.jpg" alt="" title="conflict CTA" class="wp-image-5510" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/embracing-conflict-5-benefits-of-rocking-the-boat/">Embracing conflict: 5 benefits of rocking the boat</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/embracing-conflict-5-benefits-of-rocking-the-boat/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Investing in You – The World of the Enneagram</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/investing-in-you-the-world-of-the-enneagram/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/investing-in-you-the-world-of-the-enneagram/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 28 Sep 2022 08:22:33 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Enneagram]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Leadership]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[behavior]]></category> <category><![CDATA[behaviour]]></category> <category><![CDATA[communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[de-stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[effective communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[enneagram]]></category> <category><![CDATA[enneagram coach]]></category> <category><![CDATA[invest in yourself]]></category> <category><![CDATA[leadership behaviour]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health matters]]></category> <category><![CDATA[motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[overwhelm]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personality]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personality type]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Selfcare]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[understanding you]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/7-ways-to-bounce-back-after-failure-copy/</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Have you ever wondered WHY you do what you do? Or WHY others behave in a certain way? Welcome to the world of the Enneagram!</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/investing-in-you-the-world-of-the-enneagram/">Investing in You – The World of the Enneagram</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_6 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_73"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_121 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_108 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></em></h5></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_74"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_122 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_109 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Sections include:</strong></p> <p> </p> <ol> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><a href="#intro">Introduction to the Enneagram</a></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><a href="#selfcare"><span style="font-weight: 400;">What does self-care look like?</span></a></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><a href="#whatis"><span style="font-weight: 400;">What is the Enneagram?</span></a></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><a href="#me"><span style="font-weight: 400;">What was the Enneagram like for me?</span></a></li> </ol></div> </div><div id="intro" class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_110 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Introduction</strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’m not sure what it is. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’m not sure what causes us to put our own personal needs at the bottom of the pile. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Perhaps it’s because many of us (often from a young age), are taught that looking after our own needs amounts to self-indulgence and selfishness, resulting in an air of (unwanted) self-importance. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">None of which – in my childhood home – were positive.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Helping others, donating time (or money) to those less fortunate was always seen as a good deed. My family fully supported </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">outward</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> care. Looking out for others and championing the underdog. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And those things can be good. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Can</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> being the operative word.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But what about the </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">inward</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> care? Well, those were not really on the list of my priorities growing up. Or as an adult for that matter. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It doesn’t help that I am prone to feelings of self-sacrifice wanting to do more for others than myself, often to my own detriment (although I would never admit it). </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s just that, sometimes, it all feels a little too much. You know what I mean? </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Constantly putting what you need at the bottom of your own to-do list. And this, in turn, can have a knock-on effect. A feeling of utter overwhelm. The feeling of not doing enough. The feeling of not being good enough. Suddenly imposter syndrome pops in for a visit and you find yourself rocking yourself back and forth in the corner of a dark room (you know, “self-soothing”?)</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The problem is, the longer we let them take up space in our heads (and hearts), these feelings manifest and grow into more troublesome bed fellows. This undoubtedly will cause further issues, whether it is at home or (more often than not), at work. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The result? Feeling outgunned and outmaneuvered. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">At least, that’s how </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I feel.</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And you know the truth of the matter? I’m often amazed by how some people seem (on the face of it) to have all their s&%t together. And yet, here I sit (despite my best efforts) seemingly struggling (on the face of it anyway). </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">These feelings of overwhelm tend to catch me by surprise and because I don’t see them coming, I panic.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The other day, whilst chatting to my friend </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/my-story/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Frieda Levycky of Braving Boundaries</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – an ICF-accredited coach specializing in Whole Person Coaching and Enneagram Coaching – about feeling overwhelmed and how I (on occasion) struggle, she suggested that we explore WHY this happens to me. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, we sought to address my nagging issues by exercising self-care. More specifically – looking at the Enneagram.</span><span style="font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;"> </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_77"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/Investing-in-You-–-The-World-of-the-Enneagram-selfcare.jpg" alt="" title="Investing in You – The World of the Enneagram - selfcare" /></span> </div><div id="selfcare" class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_111 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>What does self-care look like?</strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For some of us, practicing self-care comes down to regularly seeing a massage therapist to help get rid of the tight stress knots in our shoulders and neck. For others, it’s spending bucket loads of hard-earned cash on a fancy holiday for yourself and family.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Either way, you’ll (most likely), return home relaxed and rejuvenated. That is, until you get back into the swing of things. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The familiar and seemingly ever-present feelings of overwhelm, not being good enough, not being worthy, being an imposter in your own life, come flooding back in. Once again taking up residence in your life like an unwanted tenant. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Why? These expressions of “self-care” are transitory. They are not permanent and will not result in permanent positive change in your life. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Change they say, </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“is as good as a holiday”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. But in this case – the self-care case – change is what is needed. </span><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Lasting change</span></i></span><span style="font-weight: 400;">. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Change that comes with practical steps that can be implemented in your daily life to promote balance and wellness. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Step in – </span><b>The Enneagram. </b></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I must admit that I was skeptical at first (as I always am with personality type assessments) but with an invitation to </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“live life to the fullest”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> how could I possibly say no?</span></div> </div><div id="whatis" class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_112 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>What is the Enneagram?</strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">According to</span><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Braving Boundaries</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">, the Enneagram is –</span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“At its most basic, the Enneagram is a personality assessment that has nine personality types. Each type—for example, Type 7 (or the Enthusiastic Visionary), or Type 1 (the Strict Perfectionist) or Type 5 (the Quiet Specialist)—has its own unique strengths and challenges, and each person within that type has their own blend of these group characteristics.</span></i></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">We all have a dominant personality type and exhibit the traits of this type along a continuum, either showing the healthier side of our personality, or spiralling down into the more unhealthy and reactive patterns of our natures.”</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But the Enneagram is also far more than just a “personality assessment”. Sure, the Enneagram does identify an archetype (“</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">a very typical example of a certain person or thing”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">) that resonates with your core motivations – making up a part of what makes you, you. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And your core motivations will have an impact on your personality, how you think, how you feel and how you take action. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But the Enneagram can also be used as a valuable guide towards self-discovery, self-development, relationship building, how you can resolve conflict according to your own personality type and how you can improve team dynamics – or simply how you can work better in a team.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Enneagram doesn’t try to put you in a box. It’s not aimed at limiting you or treating you as a generic copy of someone else. It completely recognizes that each person is complex, unique, and distinct. It recognizes that you (inevitably) change over time. In Enneagram terminology, this means that while your Enneagram style remains constant throughout your life, </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">the characteristics </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">of your archetype style may either soften or become more pronounced as you grow and develop. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Think of the Enneagram as a map, providing context and insight into –</span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Why you do the things that you do.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">How you can improve on the things where you faulter. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">How you can embrace your most important (and valuable) qualities. </span></li> </ul></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_78"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/Investing-in-You-–-The-World-of-the-Enneagram-Map.jpg" alt="" title="Investing in You – The World of the Enneagram Map" /></span> </div><div id="whatis" class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_113 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">By using the Enneagram as a map to better understand yourself, you become a more liberated, actualized and fully expressed version of yourself. You gain insight into your overall purpose and get closer to achieving your full potential.</p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Importantly, the Enneagram helps you to recognize and accept your own strengths and weaknesses. Which can be hard for some of us to do. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As found on the Braving Boundaries </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/enneagram/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">website </span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">– </span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“The power of the Enneagram lies in its subtle complexity, in its flexibility, and in its open-endedness, allowing it to take into account the myriad characteristics of human personality, how these traits blend in each person, and how they change depending on circumstances.</span></i></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Enneagram is all about the WHY. It delves into our motivations and explains why we do the things we do. It offers profound insights into what makes us tick, such as the unconscious fears buried deep in our psyches that affect our everyday decisions.”</span></i></p></blockquote></div> </div><div id="me" class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_114 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>What was the Enneagram like for me? </strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Going into the Enneagram as a skeptic was probably my saving grace. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I know how odd that sounds, but I answered each question as openly and honestly (and as forthright) as I could, hoping I would catch the Enneagram out. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">To my utter astonishment, my report was extremely accurate. To the T in fact. Even when highlighting my weaknesses and the things that I can work on. The things that I knew deep down but found hard to admit. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">My faith was renewed!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Of course, not all assessments are created equal and there will be some that fall short of legitimacy. But the Integrative Enneagram Solutions Assessment isn’t one of them. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In fact, I’ve read over my report numerous times. Making notes, taking in the insights set out in the report and have tried to implement the recommended exercises into my daily life. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Of course, I don’t think I would’ve got to this place of absolute acceptance had I not had a feedback session with Frieda. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Frieda listened to what I thought of the report and how it made me feel. We spoke through some of the issues highlighted and discussed straightforward ways to implement change.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It was invaluable. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And let me tell you why….</span><i></i></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_75 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_123 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_79"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_124 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_115 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>You get to put the Enneagram Report into YOUR life context</strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Your report may contain some words which – traditionally – have a negative connotation. This will be the same for every archetype. There will just be some words that trigger you and in turn trigger your defence mechanisms. We all have a word that just rubs us up the wrong way e.g. impatient, manipulative, emotional, sensitive, self-absorbed, controlling, uncommitted, passive-aggressive. Words that we’ve been told are “negative” and certainly don’t like seeing in a report. And if you’re anything like me, I stressed about “my word”. I worried that I was that “word” in everything I did. It caused me immense anxiety. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Simply because I read it in isolation, with all my preconceived ideas attached to it (which is a recipe for disaster). </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The truth is every archetype will have a trigger word. After all, we are only human. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But the problem arises with </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">how</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> we interpret the words and the challenges those words highlight. </span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">How do we process them? </span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Instead of running away from these “negative words” or hiding under the covers for fear that you may actually </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">be</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> that word, or perhaps ignoring them entirely, pretending you never read the report in the first place (sort of like an ostrich sticking its head in the sand – not a great look by the way) – a feedback session with an accredited Enneagram coach, allows you to gently explore the report. In its entirety. And most importantly, in context (less the preconceived ideas). </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In doing so, you begin to understand what everything actually means. Helping you to come to terms (and fully understand) your weaknesses or blind spots and how you can embrace your strengths and positive qualities. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_76 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_125 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_80"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_126 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_116 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>The Enneagram Feedback Session helps you to hold yourself accountable</strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The other valuable point of the feedback session is accountability. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">How many times have we, as professionals, taken a report from an assessment we did (often because we had to), had a quick read through it and then done absolutely zilch with the information? Because there’s no one holding you accountable. It’s just another piece of paper with your name on it, categorizing you into a specific box. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Sure, you may laugh and agree that some of the points are “totally you”, but </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">how does that add real value to your life? </span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">With the Enneagram, the feedback session is where you gain a real understanding of your archetype style. It’s how you get better acquainted with yourself. It’s how you implement the change suggested in the report. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Truly investing in you</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Because once you understand your core motivations, you can – in fact – become a more “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">liberated, actualized and fully expressed version of yourself”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. You can gain insight into who you (really) are deep down, you can discover what your true purpose is and you can (as a result) reach your full potential. Naturally, leading to </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">living your life to the fullest. </span></i></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_77"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_127 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_117 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Following my feedback session with Frieda, I have gained a far better understanding of who I am, acknowledging my challenges and areas for growth and looking forward with hope (and excitement) because I have realized </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">how much I have to give.</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I simply cannot recommend the Enneagram Feedback Session enough. Self-care with long lasting results that you can take with you as you grow.</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> That’s what I’m talking about!</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">You owe it to yourself to gain a better understanding of who you are – deep down – and perhaps even a better understanding of the team you work with. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_81"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/enneagram/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1920" height="1440" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/BB-Blog-images-Investing-in-You.jpg" alt="" title="BB - Blog images - Investing in You" class="wp-image-4841" /></span></a> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_118 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As Frieda </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/enneagram/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">sets out</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – </span></p> <blockquote> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“You can’t change who you are, but there are several benefits to having a deeper understanding of yourself:</span></i></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">You can make the most of your strengths and become aware of the things that challenge you.</span></i></li> </ul> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">You can face the hidden motivations and fears that rule your life and are holding you back in both your personal and professional life.</span></i></li> </ul> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">You can work more effectively in a team.</span></i></li> </ul> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">You can see what lies behind the decisions you make, why you see the world the way you do, where your blind spots and defence mechanisms are, what’s behind your anxieties, and what’s likely to trigger you.</span></i></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">You can live up to your true potential and identify where you can grow and develop.”</span></i></li> </ul> </blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">To find out more about the Enneagram Feedback Session, take a look at the </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/work-with-me/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Braving Boundaries website </span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">and </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">get in touch</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> with Frieda Levycky today. There are programmes for both individuals and teams.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">This is valuable self-care. At its finest. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">All that there’s left to do is to</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> truly</span></i> <i><span style="font-weight: 400;">invest in </span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">you.</span></i></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_82"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/enneagram-inquiry/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image.jpg" alt="" title="End of blog post CTA image" class="wp-image-4842" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_78"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_128 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_5 et_pb_divider_position_center et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_79 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_129 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_83"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_130 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_119 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the writer, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong></p> <p>Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/">The Legal Belletrist website</a>.</p> <p><strong>Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">[email protected]</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/investing-in-you-the-world-of-the-enneagram/">Investing in You – The World of the Enneagram</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/investing-in-you-the-world-of-the-enneagram/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>New Year’s Resolutions with a twist (Part 2)</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/new-years-resolutions-with-a-twist-part-2/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/new-years-resolutions-with-a-twist-part-2/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 16 Dec 2021 23:01:00 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Celebrations & Festivities]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[2022]]></category> <category><![CDATA[be kind]]></category> <category><![CDATA[big picture]]></category> <category><![CDATA[braving boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[celebrate the small stuff]]></category> <category><![CDATA[celebrations]]></category> <category><![CDATA[connection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[creativity]]></category> <category><![CDATA[direction]]></category> <category><![CDATA[end of year]]></category> <category><![CDATA[enneagram assessment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[harmony]]></category> <category><![CDATA[IEQ9]]></category> <category><![CDATA[keep on track]]></category> <category><![CDATA[kindness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life goals]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mantra]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mindset]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mindset matters]]></category> <category><![CDATA[motivate me]]></category> <category><![CDATA[motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[new beginnings]]></category> <category><![CDATA[new year]]></category> <category><![CDATA[new year's resolution]]></category> <category><![CDATA[optimism]]></category> <category><![CDATA[overcoming overwhelm]]></category> <category><![CDATA[positivity]]></category> <category><![CDATA[reconnect]]></category> <category><![CDATA[reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[starting anew]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stay on track]]></category> <category><![CDATA[word for the year]]></category> <category><![CDATA[word of the year]]></category> <category><![CDATA[year goals]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=3715</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Keeping your New Year's Resolutions on track. How do you give yourself the best chance at implementing and achieving the changes you desire?</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/new-years-resolutions-with-a-twist-part-2/">New Year’s Resolutions with a twist (Part 2)</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[ <h4 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>By Frieda Levycky of Braving Boundaries and Alicia Koch of The Legal Belletrist</em></strong></h4> <p>So, how are you holding up at the end of 2021? If you’re anything like us, the end of year can’t come soon enough. After two years of uncertainty – of changed plans, obscure regulations and waves of highs and lows (and not just in the pandemic sense) – we are well and truly in need of a proper break. A time to reflect, relax and re-connect with ourselves and our loved ones.</p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/9-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3759"/></figure> <p>In part 1 of this Article, we spoke about taking a kinder (rather than resolute) approach to making New Year’s Resolutions in 2022. Instead of having a long list of things to accomplish, we encouraged you to identify one word that could be your guiding light for the year.</p> <p>Did you have a chance to consider the word that encapsulates the changes you want to make in 2022? Ali and I managed to choose ours and here are our reasons why.</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>New Year’s Resolution: RE-CONNECT (Frieda’s word)</strong></h2> <p>For me, 2022 is going to be all about re-connection. As a natural extrovert – someone who is always connecting, socialising, involving and organising – I never imagined being someone who would struggle with connection. However, having easily adapted to working from home and the inevitable reduced in-person interaction in 2020/21, I’ve stopped flexing my “connection muscle”. And, frankly, the thought of group activities, live trainings, networking events and easily reaching out to people one-on-one to connect, has started to cause some feelings of overwhelm and anxiety. The irony is that I coach around this and know everything that I need to do to move through these feelings and fears. The reality is though that, at times, we all fall off track – even coaches – it’s just part of being human.</p> <p>So, rather than beating myself up for not making more of an effort to connect in 2021, 2022 is going to be a kinder reintegration into connection again: connection with my family in the UK and Ireland, connection with my existing clients and potential clients, connection with my followers, connection with my industry and connection with myself. That muscle will get re-built, I just need to take the necessary steps to bring about that change. </p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/10-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3760"/></figure> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>New Year’s Resolution: HARMONY (Alicia’s word)</strong></h2> <p>The word harmony, to me at least, evokes feelings of balance and flow within all the different areas and facets of our lives, and is something I have personally lacked the last couple of years (being an ex-lawyer it is not entirely hard to understand why). Whether it has been changes in my career, challenges with health or disconnection with family (or friends), I have felt my life lacking harmony and balance. I have, often times, felt lost at sea without a life jacket flailing around the waves in panic. When one part of my life has improved, another has suffered. And because of that, I have not felt completely present nor completely at ease. </p> <p>The beginning of COVID (and start of lockdown) in 2020 marked an enormous change in my life – both professionally and most certainly personally. And whilst lockdown regretfully had negative ripple effects globally, I found myself slowly coming into my own. I had finally found what I loved to do – write – and have successfully made a career out of it. But my health suffered. When my health improved, I found that my personal relationships were negatively affected. It has (very much) been a give and take situation with the important things unfortunately not weighing equally. </p> <p>Whilst I don’t (yet) have all the answers to how I am practically going to find harmony and balance in my life, I know that it will be the small steps I take every day (keeping my word of the year in mind), that will ultimately improve my life. I will need to make focused, conscious decisions and take deliberate actions, knowing (now) that I need to handle myself with care and kindness. Something we do for others but not always for ourselves. </p> <p>I am so looking forward to 2022 which I know will be more balanced and more harmonious not only because I will it so, but because I will take the necessary actions to ensure the outcome I have envisaged for myself. Slowly and gently… </p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/11-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3761"/></figure> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Helping you to keep your New Year’s Resolution on track</strong></h2> <p>As we said in the <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/new-years-resolutions-with-a-twist-part-1/">previous article</a>, choosing your word is the first step. But how do you give yourself the best chance at implementing that word throughout 2022 and achieving the changes you desire?</p> <p>Here are a few ideas:</p> <h4 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Positive Self -Reflection</em></strong></h4> <p>Once you have chosen your word for the year, think about the areas in your life you would like to improve. This will help you to reflect not only on your past but your present and future as well. What has been working in your favour and what would you like to change? In order to set an achievable goal, you need to have a better sense of where you have been, as well as the direction you are moving towards. It’s also important to acknowledge your most recent accomplishments. When immersed in the hustle and bustle of everyday life, we often forget to reflect on our achievements. Perhaps you have already made positive changes throughout the year without giving these accomplishments much thought. Do that now and ensure you acknowledge what you have achieved.</p> <h4 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Develop critical self-awareness </em></strong></h4> <p>Living without self-awareness is like driving your car at night without brakes. Technically, you can still drive, but you will eventually lose control, be unable to stop and have a collision. With self-awareness, you shed light on your destructive, reflexive habits. And by doing so, you are able to eliminate self-sabotaging behaviour. So be aware of them. If you’re interested in finding out more about your motivations, blind spots and defence mechanisms, take a look at <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/enneagram/">the Enneagram</a>.</p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/12-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3762"/></figure> <h4 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Make your goal possible</em></strong></h4> <p>Make the actions around your word something you will enjoy. For example, choosing “Health” as your word for the year will involve many different actions like becoming more active and eating healthier. But don’t undertake exercises that will make you feel miserable. Don’t put a bowl of fruit on your kitchen counter filled with fruit you don’t like or commit to running a marathon if you hate running. Be conscious about the actions you take to honour your word for the year in a way that ultimately makes you happy. </p> <h4 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Celebrate the small stuff</em></strong></h4> <p>The trick is not to become overwhelmed before you get going. Decide the type of person you want to be – A healthy person? A strong person? A writer? A musician? Then prove it to yourself with small wins over time. Start small and begin with acknowledging all of your small successes on a daily basis. </p> <p>Start by taking a look at habits that may be holding you back. Find one that is simple and easy to achieve. For example drinking a glass of water every time you are at your kitchen sink. It may not be often but every time you are there you have one glass of water. This will contribute to your overall wellness and health/fitness. It is also not impossible to do. Find small, simple challenges that you can easily make happen and do them. It will feel so good as well.</p> <h4 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Get creative about it</em></strong></h4> <p>How can you motivate yourself to stay on track? It is often the visual things that keep us optimistic. So why not get creative with it? Why not create a piece of art (in whatever medium feels good to you) to hang in your home or your office that visually captures your word of the year. Have a little fun with it and focus your energy on that word entirely as you get creative. </p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/13-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3763"/></figure> <h4 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Define what your word means to you</em></strong></h4> <p>One simple word can capture limitless inspiration and many meaningful feelings. Your own personal definition of what that word means to you will go far beyond what the dictionary has to say about it and will be more meaningful because it is from your own unique perspective. So think about this hard and write it down somewhere that you can refer to when you feel that you have lost your way. </p> <h4 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Use your word as a mantra </em></strong></h4> <p>Whether or not you create an affirmation, prayer, statement, or something else that works for you, use your single word as a mantra throughout each day. See it in your mind’s eye by creating a mental image that captures its meaning and repeat it to yourself every day. Believe in it and know that it is achievable. </p> <h4 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Cultivate optimism </em></strong></h4> <p>No one’s life is positive all the time. But the important thing here is to train yourself to focus on the positives and only briefly acknowledge the negatives. Don’t let insecurity prevent you from having a positive outlook. Realise it’s a choice.</p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/14-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3764"/></figure> <h4 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Let go of the typical “resolution” mentality</em></strong></h4> <p>The word of the year process is meant to be a gentle one. But the important thing here is not to confuse gentle with weak. A word for the year is a powerful practice. It is far more effective to focus on a word like “health” than to command yourself to get to the gym or to only eat X number of calories a day. As you inspire yourself towards overall good health, it is likely that you will find yourself achieving good health as a byproduct of simply having an overall healthier mindset. So, make sure that your word feels good to you, not pushy, demanding or unachievable.</p> <h4 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Don’t sweat the bad days (small stuff)</em></strong></h4> <p>Just because you have your word for the year and are taking baby steps to achieve your overall goal every day, good habits are extremely hard to develop. And they are really easy to break. Remember change is never easy – for anyone. </p> <p>Perfection is impossible. There will be days when you slip and fall, graze a knee or take a tumble. There will be times when you won’t be able to do what you planned to do. But know that it’s okay – accept it, own it, and then get back on the new habit horse.</p> <p>What matters most here is your long term goals. While you might occasionally fail, see a setback as just a setback – not a reason to give up. </p> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Remember the Big Picture</em></strong></h2> <p>Although change is difficult, what’s most important is developing <em>the kind of habits that allow you to achieve that change</em>. Your mindset is crucial in ensuring that your word of the year is honoured in a way that <em>motivates you, encourages you and fulfills you. </em> </p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/15-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3765"/></figure> <p>Don’t just wish and hope that all will be well. Take attainable steps that will ensure success. And keep your mind focused on the achievement of the overall bigger picture. A small misstep today should not mark the end of “word”. </p> <p>While there are, no doubt, still resolution-makers in our midst, we feel it is prudent practice (at least at this point in time) to be kind to ourselves. Whether you’re defining your New Year’s resolutions, choosing your one word to define the whole year, or are choosing to decline the tradition altogether, try your best to maintain positive outlooks and motivation. </p> <p><em>“Past and Present I know well, each is a friend and sometimes an enemy to me. But it is the quiet, beckoning Future, an absolute stranger, with whom I have fallen madly in love.” – </em>Richelle E. Goodrich</p> <p>So, embrace the beckoning future and fall madly in love with it – whether you make resolutions or choose a word of the year, make it your own. Be kind, be gentle, have grace and fall in love with the opportunities that lie ahead of you. </p> <p>From all of us at <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/">Braving Boundaries</a>, we wish you a Happy, Healthy Festive Season and all the best for 2022. </p> <p>Frieda & Ali x</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3291"/></a></figure> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-1 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist-1024x1024-1.jpg" alt=""/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p>About the writer, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong></p> <p>Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism. </p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/">The Legal Belletrist website</a>.</p> <p><strong>Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">[email protected]</a> </strong></p> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/new-years-resolutions-with-a-twist-part-2/">New Year’s Resolutions with a twist (Part 2)</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/new-years-resolutions-with-a-twist-part-2/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>The Naked Lawyer: When I met my Judge!</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-naked-lawyer-judgment-free/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-naked-lawyer-judgment-free/#comments</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 29 Apr 2021 08:02:39 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Lawyer Life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Lessons Learned]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[attorney]]></category> <category><![CDATA[attorney life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[attorneys]]></category> <category><![CDATA[awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[big law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[big law life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[body image]]></category> <category><![CDATA[body worries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[braving boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[camping]]></category> <category><![CDATA[camping with dogs]]></category> <category><![CDATA[clothing optional]]></category> <category><![CDATA[confidence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[executive coaching]]></category> <category><![CDATA[female lawyers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[insecurities]]></category> <category><![CDATA[judge]]></category> <category><![CDATA[judgement]]></category> <category><![CDATA[judgment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[judgment detox]]></category> <category><![CDATA[judgment free]]></category> <category><![CDATA[judgment free zone]]></category> <category><![CDATA[klipfontein]]></category> <category><![CDATA[land cruiser]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer coach]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer lifestyle]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer problems]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer tips]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lessons learned]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life coach]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life coaching]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life lessons]]></category> <category><![CDATA[naked]]></category> <category><![CDATA[narrow mindedness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[naturist]]></category> <category><![CDATA[naturist campsite]]></category> <category><![CDATA[no judgment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[nudist]]></category> <category><![CDATA[open mind]]></category> <category><![CDATA[open minded]]></category> <category><![CDATA[open mindedness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[open-mind]]></category> <category><![CDATA[open-minded]]></category> <category><![CDATA[outdoor camping]]></category> <category><![CDATA[positive intelligence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[rustic camping]]></category> <category><![CDATA[saboteurs]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-compassion]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-confidence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-conscious]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-imposed limitations]]></category> <category><![CDATA[south africa camping]]></category> <category><![CDATA[tulbagh]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/female-leaders-in-the-workplace-how-do-we-break-through-copy/</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Meet the Naked Lawyer (and her Judge)! Welcome to camping with a twist - where clothing is optional and an open mind is a necessity.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-naked-lawyer-judgment-free/">The Naked Lawyer: When I met my Judge!</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[ <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <p>I’ve thought long and hard about whether or not I should write this article. Ironically, for fear of judgment. And rejection. But I’ve learned some important lessons about myself over the last 4 days. And I always believe it is important to share those important lessons when learnt. </p> <p>So, here it goes.</p> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"></h2> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Camping with a twist</strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/2-1024x768.png" alt="" class="wp-image-2827"/></figure> <p>The 27 April is a Public Holiday in South Africa – <em>Freedom Day </em>– a day which commemorates the country’s first democratic elections after the apartheid era. This year it happened to fall on a Tuesday, so we decided to make a long weekend out of it.</p> <p>As some of you know, we have recently bought an old Land Cruiser which is fully kitted out with a roof top tent and awning. We both love traveling and exploring new locations, but feel guilty leaving our 3 rescue dogs behind. The land cruiser was an ideal solution. And last weekend was the perfect opportunity for our first adventure.</p> <p><em>And what an adventure it was!</em></p> <p>As is typical for us, we ended up leaving arrangements to the last minute. Having trawled through the internet for dog-friendly campsites and contacted numerous agents for assistance, we managed to find a beautiful campsite in <a href="https://www.booking.com/hotel/za/klipfontein-farm.en-gb.html" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Klipfontein, Tulbagh</a>, about 90 minutes outside of Cape Town. The pictures looked beautiful. There was tonnes of space for the dogs to run. And it was a no kids’ zone! Perfect when you have dogs who use children as ten-pin bowling practice!</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>The </strong><strong><em>bare</em></strong><strong> necessities</strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/3-1024x768.png" alt="" class="wp-image-2828"/></figure> <p>The booking confirmation came through and immediately my face flushed red: “<strong>CLOTHING OPTIONAL</strong>”. And you’d think as a lawyer I would have read the small print! How was I going to explain this?!</p> <p>Now, one thing you should know about me is that, when embarrassed, my reaction is to burst out laughing (you’ll see how inappropriate this trait is later) – and this had me in fits. I awkwardly explained to Justin what I’d done and – to my surprise – he took it in his stride: <em>“<strong>Best give the dogs’ nails a trim then</strong>”! </em></p> <p>So, after having a good giggle about the error of my ways with a few of our close friends, we headed off to Tulbagh. The car was full to the brim: dog beds, tables, cooking equipment and ironically two full suitcases of clothes. Well, it did say clothing was optional – and I fully intended to embrace this option!</p> <p>As we arrived, I could already feel the nervous laughter rising from the pit of my stomach. <em>“<strong>Just behave Frieda. Nudity is a perfectly natural state</strong>”</em> – I said to myself. But, frankly, nothing can prepare you for walking around a corner smack into a very naked man. Especially when he is a stranger. I burst out laughing! Oh my goodness, I had no idea where to look. Fortunately, I could pass off the laughter as fright from the collision. But thank heavens for my COVID mask! </p> <p>The gentleman was super kind and found the owners for us who, in turn, explained the layout of the campsite, fetched us firewood, came to meet the dogs, and helped us locate a braai pit (barbecue pit for non-South Africans). </p> <p>We explained to them that this was our first time venturing into a naturist campsite and that we hadn’t actually realised it was an <em>au natural </em>camp at the time of booking. They were incredibly kind and re-emphasised the fact that clothing was optional. <em>No one would judge</em> <em>us </em>if we chose to keep our clothes on. Or if we braved taking them off. There was 50 hectares of land so we could be as secluded as we liked. </p> <p>But, the toilets, showers and wifi were only located in the main campsite. Where every other naturist would be….</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Shaken but not stirred!</strong></h2> <p>I must say, having got the initial interaction out of the way, my discomfort levels rapidly decreased. We did opt for a secluded spot under the willows opposite the main campsite. Partly for the dogs. But mainly to ease ourselves into these new surroundings. </p> <p>Having established camp, we ventured into the main campsite to familiarise ourselves with the lay of the land. No sooner had we arrived, we were offered pancakes and a beer, asked if any assistance was required, and engaged in conversation. </p> <p>The openness and friendliness of the camping community was quite different to our normal camping experience. Usually, people tend to acknowledge each other by a nod of the head, but generally try to avoid engaging in social niceties. This was a refreshing change. And the conversation was a lot more honest and open because <em><strong>eye contact was consciously maintained!</strong></em> (But yes, I couldn’t resist having a peek or two – oh come on, so would you!)!</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Meeting my judge</strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/4-1024x768.png" alt="The Naked Lawyer - When I met my Judge!" class="wp-image-2829"/></figure> <p>By Day 2, we’d plucked up the courage to give it a whirl. The sun was shining. We were in our secluded spot. We felt safe. And if we weren’t going to experience this now, then when were we ever going to? So off came our clothes! </p> <p>It felt so foreign and triggered every single one of my insecurities:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>“What would people say if they find out?”</li><li>“What would they think of me?”</li><li>“How is this going to damage my reputation?”</li><li>“People are going to think I’m weird!”</li><li>“You’re no Cindy Crawford! Keep your clothes on and don’t go and offend society!”</li></ul> <p><strong><em>Isn’t it amazing how harshly we judge ourselves, each other and uncomfortable situations</em>? </strong>All those negative assumptions that we carry around with us. We are so conscious of what other people think about us that I can only imagine how often our “judge” prevents us from trying out new things or stepping outside of society’s expectations.</p> <p>But rather than reaching for my clothes, I pushed myself to see how long I could last. I’m in a fortunate position to be training in <a href="https://www.positiveintelligence.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Positive Intelligence</a> at the moment – which directly explores the limitations which our Judge and supporting saboteurs impose on the way we see the world. As such, I have a tonne of exercises that I can tap into to calm my survival brain (which encourages fight, flight or freeze actions) and activate my PQ brain which views things from a much more empathetic, curious, creative, fearless and clear-headed perspective.</p> <p>Yes, the first few conversations were a little awkward, but gradually the discomfort of seeing multiple naked bodies dissipated. It wasn’t threatening, sexual or perverse – which is (admittedly) what I had sub-consciously expected. It was a judgment-free community which had erased all of societies airs and graces. </p> <p>These people were comfortable with who they were. They were comfortable with their bodies – which crossed all dimensions of society: race, size, culture, age, gender. There was no automatic assumption of positions or the status you held in society by the clothes you wore. <strong><em>Everyone was on a level playing field – something which we rarely experience in this day and age.</em></strong></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Judging others: It says more about you</strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/5-1024x768.png" alt="Meeting your judge" class="wp-image-2830"/></figure> <p>The weekend not only opened our eyes to a new experience, but it also shed light on how I judge myself and others around me. And I should say that I consider myself to be pretty open-minded. The lessons I learned were the following:</p> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-2 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="1024" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1486"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow"> <p></p> <p><strong>I’m a lot less concerned about my cellulite when the rest of my body is on show!</strong> My body is also in pretty good nick – so I should probably embrace that!</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-3 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="1024" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1487"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow"> <p><strong>Honest and powerful conversations come when you make eye contact.</strong> Granted, I was consciously conversing at eye level – but my goodness, I realised how little we actually look people straight in the eye when we talk to them. We are forever scanning people. Looking around. Multi-tasking whilst having a conversation. Rarely do we focus just on the conversation at hand. Try it out – you’ll see the difference.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-4 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1488"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow"> <p><strong>We assume so much about a person based on how they dress</strong>; what they do; where they live; what car they drive etc. We form our first impressions of people within a <a href="https://www.psychologicalscience.org/observer/how-many-seconds-to-a-first-impression" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">blink of an eye</a>. Quite literally within 1/10 of a second! Most of the time our assumptions dictate whether or not we invest in a conversation. I’ve learned so much about the people I met this weekend because societal indicators were removed.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-5 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1489"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow"> <p><strong>We make judgments about situations that are foreign to us. </strong>The minute we exit our comfort zone and try something new, our brain also steps out of its comfort zone. It struggles to compute the new pattern of activity and switches into “survival mode” in order to protect us. By calming our brain and seeing the situation for what it is – a learning opportunity – we are able to step out of this fight, flight or freeze mode and become less judgmental.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-6 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="1024" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1490"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow"> <p><strong>It’s strengthened my relationship. </strong>Both of us were outside of our comfort zone this weekend and our insecurities were triggered. But we laughed, talked openly, listened and supported each other. We return to our daily lives more aware and more open-minded.</p> </div> </div> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>What’s your judge preventing you from doing?</strong></h2> <p>The above story is intended to highlight how our own self-judgment, the judgment of others and judgment of situations keeps us trapped in the status quo. Our judge narrows our perspective, holds us back from trying out new things, and makes implementing any desired change in our lives ten times harder.</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>Imagine being able to take time off work without feeling guilty.</li><li>Imagine being able to try a new hobby without fear of criticism.</li><li>Imagine being able to date without fear of rejection.</li><li>Imagine being able to voice your opinion without fear of repercussions.</li></ul> <p><strong>So ask yourself this:</strong></p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>What assumptions / judgments do you hold about yourself, about others and about certain situations?</li><li>Are those assumptions / judgments valid? Or are they triggered out of fear? Or are they triggered out of your own insecurities?</li><li>What is your judge preventing you from doing? What desired changes in your life is it preventing you from making for fear of negative consequences?</li></ul> <p><strong>We all have a judge in us. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US.</strong></p> <p><strong>Wouldn’t it be nice to get to know yours, so that you can reduce its power? </strong></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/naked-lawyer-CTA.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-2823"/></a></figure> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-naked-lawyer-judgment-free/">The Naked Lawyer: When I met my Judge!</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-naked-lawyer-judgment-free/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>8</slash:comments> </item> </channel> </rss>