<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><rss version="2.0" xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/" xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/" xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" xmlns:sy="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/syndication/" xmlns:slash="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/slash/" > <channel> <title>rocking the boat Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <atom:link href="https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/rocking-the-boat/feed/" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" /> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/rocking-the-boat/</link> <description>PROFESSIONAL LIFE COACHING & TRAINING</description> <lastBuildDate>Fri, 26 May 2023 12:56:26 +0000</lastBuildDate> <language>en-ZA</language> <sy:updatePeriod> hourly </sy:updatePeriod> <sy:updateFrequency> 1 </sy:updateFrequency> <image> <url>https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Asset-1.svg</url> <title>rocking the boat Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/rocking-the-boat/</link> <width>32</width> <height>32</height> </image> <item> <title>Embracing conflict: 5 benefits of rocking the boat</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/embracing-conflict-5-benefits-of-rocking-the-boat/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/embracing-conflict-5-benefits-of-rocking-the-boat/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 25 May 2023 12:41:32 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Conflict]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Effective communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Team communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[arguments]]></category> <category><![CDATA[benefits of conflict]]></category> <category><![CDATA[blind spots]]></category> <category><![CDATA[communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[competency]]></category> <category><![CDATA[conflict]]></category> <category><![CDATA[conflict resolution]]></category> <category><![CDATA[dispute]]></category> <category><![CDATA[effective communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[interpersonal communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[learning to communicate]]></category> <category><![CDATA[positive outlook]]></category> <category><![CDATA[reactive]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relationship dynamics]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[rocking the boat]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[team dynamics]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=5476</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Despite the discomfort that many of us feel towards conflict, it is a natural part of life. Join as us we discover the benefits of conflict.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/embracing-conflict-5-benefits-of-rocking-the-boat/">Embracing conflict: 5 benefits of rocking the boat</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_0 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_0"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_0 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_0 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY FRIEDA LEVYCKY, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://bravingboundaries.com/">BRAVING BOUNDARIES</a></span> </em></span></h5> <h2></h2> <h2></h2> <h2><b>Introduction</b></h2> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Seriously, WTF?”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Ok. Those words didn’t exactly come out of my mouth on Justin and my jog around Newlands Forest a few weeks ago. What I actually said was: “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Thanks for waiting for me</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” in a fabulously passive aggressive tone, shrug of my shoulders, raised arms, head jutting forwards, raised eyebrows and a sneer on my face. Needless to say, “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Seriously, WTF?</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” was definitely conveyed!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And, as expected, one aggressive stance (whether verbally communicated or not) was met by another: </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“What’s that for? Why are you ‘kakking’ me out? I turned back at the corner, ran back for a bit so you could catch up and then carried on. Just like I always do!”</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Ah the joys of couple’s conflicts. And usually over the silliest things.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The funny thing is that it’s rare for me to enter into conflict voluntarily. In fact, I usually actively avoid conflict. Conflict makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable, results in direct confrontation, and leaves me feeling a mix of overwhelmed, exposed, guilty, vulnerable and fragile. These feelings are not generally my first pick of the bunch, and they can sometimes last weeks (if not years) on end.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Any yet, there are some occasions, like the above, that despite knowing that a conflict will no doubt ensue, I forge on ahead regardless. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Why is that?</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> What makes those particular circumstances different to others? </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, this got me thinking, are there actually benefits to conflict? Is this something which we should be encouraging rather than avoiding? </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_1 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Coping with conflict: our default position </b></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Before looking at the benefits of conflict, I’d like you to consider what your default position is when it comes to conflict. If it helps, sit for a minute and consider the last argument you had with someone.</span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Perhaps you are someone who relishes a good “ding dong” to clear the air? The issue is out in the open. Everyone knows how you feel about the situation. Case closed. Move on (The </span><b>REACTIVE</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> approach).</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Perhaps you avoid conflict. What good can come of it anyway? Someone (if not everyone) always gets hurt. Best not to upset the apple cart. I’m sure we can find a silver-lining to the situation anyway (The </span><b>POSITIVE OUTLOOK</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> approach).</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Perhaps you see conflict as merely a problem to be resolved. Remove the emotion and apply a rational and logical approach to reach a resolution (The </span><b>COMPETENCY</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> approach).</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Or perhaps you’re like me: You’d prefer to shy away from conflict, but, sometimes you just can’t resist a dig despite knowing you’ll need to deal with the fallout.</span></li> </ul> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Where do you think you sit within these conflict styles? Each of these conflict styles (</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">harmonics</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">)</span><sup>1</sup><span style="font-weight: 400;"> have both their benefits and detriments and, in fact, we should work towards being able to access the full range of conflict styles, so that we can navigate each conflictual situation with greater flexibility and ease. Alicia will explore conflict styles in greater detail in next week’s article.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For the remainder of this article though, I want to consider the overall benefits of conflict (irrespective of the conflict style you use). </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_0"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/Embracing-conflict-5-benefits-of-rocking-the-boat-1.jpg" alt="" title="Embracing conflict 5 benefits of rocking the boat (1)" class="wp-image-5492" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_2 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>The benefits of conflict</b></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Let’s be honest for a second. Conflict is a natural and inevitable part of life. It may not be a regular occurrence, but put any two people together for long enough and conflict will ensue. We’re humans, not robots. None of us think, feel or act exactly the same way. What a boring world it would be if we did! </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We each have needs, desires, values and opinions that, from time to time, will clash with those of our friends, our partners, our children and our colleagues, leading to heated discussions, passive aggressive comments, fights or, in my mother’s case, the day long silent treatment!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Despite the discomfort that many of us feel towards conflict, it has a number of benefits:</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_1 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_1 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_1"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_2 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_3 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Conflict identifies underlying issues</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – Conflict often serves as a catalyst for uncovering and addressing underlying issues in relationships, friendships or teams. You know as well as I do that the incidents causing the conflict are rarely the real issue at hand. When conflicts arise, they provide a unique opportunity to delve deeper into the root causes of the disagreements and tensions. By acknowledging and exploring underlying issues, we can gain valuable insights into differing perspectives, unmet needs and miscommunications. And it, sure as heck, removes the elephant from the room!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In the example above, our quarrel had nothing to do with Justin not waiting for me. It was all to do with the fact that I was supposed to be the good runner in the couple (he was the cyclist) and yet he was stronger and quicker than me. I had started to doubt my capabilities and fitness levels and started to feel “not good enough”. It was those underlying issues that needed to be released, and the conflict brought them to the surface.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_2 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_3 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_2"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_4 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_4 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Conflict increases personal growth</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – Following on from 1) above, conflict provides us with the opportunity to improve our self-awareness. When underlying issues are explored, we become aware of how our behaviour, attitude and/or communication style have contributed to the conflict at hand. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Embarrassingly, our tête-à-tête, once again highlighted for me my passive-aggressive tendencies when it comes to conflict. This approach supports my desire to avoid conflict, but at the same time vent my frustrations (admittedly indirectly) with the situation. Inevitably though, it ends up as a direct confrontation anyway with a good hour of silence afterwards. “Fun” times. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But conflictual situations give us the chance to acknowledge the impact of our conflict style and adjust our behaviour and approach accordingly. So not </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">all</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> bad.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_3"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_5 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_3"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/Embracing-conflict-5-benefits-of-rocking-the-boat-2.jpg" alt="" title="Embracing conflict 5 benefits of rocking the boat (2)" class="wp-image-5490" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_4 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_6 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_4"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_7 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_5 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Conflict improves relationships and makes us better communicators</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– Conflict, if handled correctly, can improve communication. By actively listening to what the other person is saying, engaging in a dialogue, considering that person’s perspective, providing your own perspective and intentionally working together to find a resolution, people can build trust and respect for each other, ultimately leading to stronger relationships. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Using a different example, during the 6-week COVID lock down in April/May 2020, I was able to continue working remotely whereas Justin was not. As a result, he took on the household duties (actually, he always does), and I continued to work as normal. Now, I’m not the tidiest of people and I often leave my clothes lying around (much to the irritation of all of my family). By the third week of lock-down, Justin calmly asked me if we could have a chat. He told me that, although he knew that it was not my intention, he felt that I really undervalued his efforts around the house. He felt disrespected and unappreciated. Oh crumbs! That was certainly </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">not</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> my intention. In fact, I hadn’t even contemplated that my actions could impact someone in that manner. His approach to the situation (which was, in every essence, a conflict) allowed us to bring awareness to the issues, explain our perspectives and create a solution to address the problem moving forwards. All without either of us feeling that we’d not been heard.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_5 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_8 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_5"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_9 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_6 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Conflict effects change</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – When conflicts arise, they highlight existing issues, disparities or outdated practices that require attention. Conflict often prompts individuals and organisations to re-evaluate their current actions and behaviours, leading to the exploration of new ideas, perspectives and approaches. Conflict can also ignite passionate discussions, inspire innovation and challenge the status quo, pushing individuals and groups to think collaboratively and creatively.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">From my career as a legal practitioner, people’s frustration with the hierarchy, the billable hours and poor work-life balance, (amongst other things) resulted in a lot of conflict amongst partners and senior associates alike. Over time, these conflicts have resulted in a new breed of lawyer and legal practice emerging. No longer is “Big Law” the only option. Boutique law firms with purpose driven values (rather than profit driven values) now compete with the City Firms. Individual lawyers have opted to work as consultants or contractors rather than full time employees, many of which are supported by alternative legal service providers such as </span><a href="https://www.cognialaw.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Cognia Law</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">. And Artificial Intelligence is also making its mark in the legal arena reducing time-wasting tasks, enhancing legal research and supporting contract analysis. All changes which have ultimately resulted due to a difference of opinion in approach. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_6"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_10 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_6"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/innovation.jpg" alt="" title="innovation" class="wp-image-5509" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_7 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_11 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_7"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_12 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_7 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Conflict creates awareness and re-establishes boundaries</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – Conflict is not something everyone enters into lightly. So, when an individual is prepared to step into the conflict arena and consciously engage in conflict, they do so because they believe that fight is worth having. Conflict offers us the opportunity to re-assess what is most important to us (our values), whether those values are being met, and whether appropriate boundaries are in place to protect those values.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">This is probably the only situation where I find conflict remotely bearable, when I’m fighting </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">for </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">something that I truly believe in. Whether that be standing up against inappropriate behaviour in the office or fighting for a promotion/pay rise because I know that I deserve it. In those circumstances, I’m prepared to take on the wrath of my opponent if it honours my beliefs and values. In each of those situations, not only have I reminded myself of the things that are most important to me, but I’ve re-established my boundaries for others. They are made aware of the line I am not prepared to cross. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_8"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_13 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_8 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Consequences of avoiding conflict</b></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">There are ways and means of approaching conflict, but constructive conflict (i.e. conflict that embraces different ideas and viewpoints) benefits us. In contrast:</span></p> <p> </p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>Avoiding conflict risks compromising our values and principles</b><span style="font-weight: 400;">, resulting in us choosing to remain silent or go along with situations that contradict what we truly believe in. This dissonance between our actions and values can lead to a sense of inner conflict and dissatisfaction.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>Avoiding conflict allows underlying issues to fester</b><span style="font-weight: 400;">, resulting in unresolved tensions and resentments that can gradually erode relationships and create long-lasting damage. By avoiding conflict, we miss the opportunity to address and resolve small problems early on, allowing them to escalate into larger, more complex issues over time.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>Avoiding conflict limits our opportunity for personal growth</b><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Whereas conflict allows us to explore new perspectives, create self-awareness and develop our problem-solving skills; avoiding conflict stifles self-expression, impedes emotional intelligence and prevents the opportunity for self-reflection that arises from confronting and navigating challenging situations.</span></li> </ul></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_9 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Conclusion</b></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As much as I struggle with conflict, it clearly does have its benefits. And embracing constructive conflict can have a transformative impact on our lives and relationships. By recognising the value of conflict and approaching it with openness, curiosity and a willingness to learn, we can harness its power to foster growth, strengthen relationships and create positive change in our lives. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">While this is not a “call to arms”, perhaps it </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">is</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> time to go forth and rock the boat. Embrace conflict and accept it for what it is: a catalyst for growth and understanding and an opportunity to navigate life’s challenges with just a tad more resilience and grace.</span></p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p><em><span style="font-weight: 400;"> <sup>1 </sup>Integrative Enneagram for Practitioners, Dirk Cloete</span></em></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_8"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/conflict-CTA.jpg" alt="" title="conflict CTA" class="wp-image-5510" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/embracing-conflict-5-benefits-of-rocking-the-boat/">Embracing conflict: 5 benefits of rocking the boat</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/embracing-conflict-5-benefits-of-rocking-the-boat/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> </channel> </rss>