<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><rss version="2.0" xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/" xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/" xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" xmlns:sy="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/syndication/" xmlns:slash="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/slash/" > <channel> <title>productivity Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <atom:link href="https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/productivity/feed/" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" /> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/productivity/</link> <description>PROFESSIONAL LIFE COACHING & TRAINING</description> <lastBuildDate>Wed, 16 Jul 2025 14:34:08 +0000</lastBuildDate> <language>en-ZA</language> <sy:updatePeriod> hourly </sy:updatePeriod> <sy:updateFrequency> 1 </sy:updateFrequency> <image> <url>https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Asset-1.svg</url> <title>productivity Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/productivity/</link> <width>32</width> <height>32</height> </image> <item> <title>The Self-Help Conundrum</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-self-help-conundrum/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-self-help-conundrum/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Sun, 30 Jul 2023 15:11:58 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[confidence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Counselling]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional intelligence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Empowerment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[goal setting]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Growth mindset]]></category> <category><![CDATA[happiness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[inspiration]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life coaching]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Mindfulness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Personal awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Personal development]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Positive thinking]]></category> <category><![CDATA[productivity]]></category> <category><![CDATA[resilience]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-help books]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-improvement]]></category> <category><![CDATA[success]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Therapy]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Well-being]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=5595</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Are you a lover or hater of self-help books? Join Alicia and me as we explore the pros and cons of the self-help world.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-self-help-conundrum/">The Self-Help Conundrum</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_0 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_0"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_0 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_0 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>CO-WRITTEN BY FRIEDA LEVYCKY, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://www.bravingboundaries.com/">BRAVING BOUNDARIES</a></span>, AND ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></h5> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /> Self-help books seem to divide the world into two camps (a bit like Marmite): The lovers and the haters.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I hadn’t realised this until I suggested to Alicia that we write a joint article on the self-help books which have shaped our lives and our careers. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">But I don’t believe in self-help books</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”, came the response. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Really?</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”, I asked in surprise.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Nope. It really annoys me that anyone (often with no qualifications whatsoever) thinks its ok to tell you that if you ‘follow my method’ or ‘learn from my experience’ you can be more successful, thinner, happier … you name it.</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Hmmm… she has a point. But, I think it is a little unfair to smash self-help books as a whole. I personally see a lot of value in them.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, instead of proposing a list of self-help books that have changed our lives, we have decided to provide a narrative on the pros and cons of the self-help world.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We hope you read both sides of the argument and challenge your existing beliefs. Maybe you find that self-help books do have their place and could be beneficial for you? Or maybe you realise that self-help books can only get you so far and that sometimes investing in external support is required. That’s up to you though. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We just hope you enjoy the read. </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_1 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Self-help books – The non-believers (Alicia’s viewpoint)</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_0"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Self-help-books-3.jpg" alt="" title="Self help books (3)" class="wp-image-5618" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_2 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">The other day I was browsing in my favourite bookshop. Walking around the store I read title after title and found myself – quite unexpectedly – in the Self-Help section.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Not my usual preference. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As I stood there looking at the rows of “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">How-To’s”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Do-You’s?” </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I admit to having a certain degree of curiosity. Enough to find myself picking up one book and reading the back of it. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">To summarise – the book promised to help guide you through “some of your most difficult times and help you find a place of serenity and happiness”. I’m paraphrasing here because it said a lot more than that. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It was a tall undertaking by the author (who shall remain nameless) – all for the nominal price of ZAR680. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">This book promised to do what no other psychiatrist or clinical psychologist would promise (especially in one session and especially to that degree of certainty). And at an absolute bargain – considering that the going rate for a mental health professional has a far heftier price tag. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">That got me thinking – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">who are the people extracting the most value out of these self-help books? </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">And</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> how effective are they? </span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As a non-believer in the self-help movement, I think it’s only fair that I apply some reason and scientific analysis to my approach or face – perhaps – missing out on the greatest invention of all time.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">With the sheer volume of titles on the Self-Help shelves there </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">must be </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">quite a tally of bodies that flock to the stores, that sign up for the newsletters and that attend the “sold-out” shows of the latest “Guru”.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If there weren’t, there wouldn’t be a section in any book shop with titles like </span><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (which is – as fate would have it – the only somewhat self-help </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">styled</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> book I have ever read. And that’s saying something since it’s touted as the counterintuitive kind). </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_3 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>What are self-help books?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_4 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Before we get started, it’s worth reminding ourselves what self-help books are. In short, they are books which instruct or give advice on how to improve yourself. This could be physically, mentally, financially, spiritually or otherwise. The idea is that by reading a self-help book you are capable of improving your current position without the need of external resources, advice or support. In other words – </span><span style="font-weight: 400;"><span style="text-decoration: underline;">you help yourself</span>.</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_5 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>So, whose reading these books?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_1"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/BB-Blog-images-Self-help-books-1.jpg" alt="" title="BB - Blog images - Self help books (1)" class="wp-image-5621" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_6 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">According to </span><a href="https://blog.gitnux.com/self-help-industry-statistics/#:~:text=Over%2045%2C300%20new%20self%2Dhelp,how%20to%20improve%20one's%20life." target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Gitnux, “</span></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">over 45,300 new self-help books were published in 2020”, </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">with</span> <a href="https://www.marketwatch.com/press-release/global-self-improvement-products-services-market-2023-2030-estimated-to-reach-worth-usd-5607374-million-growing-at-a-cagr-of-513-2023-04-25" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Marketwatch</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> predicting that the self-help market would reach a total value of “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">USD 56073.74 Million by the End of 2030”</span></i><b>. </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">That’s a compounded annual growth of around 5.13% expected till 2030. The average reader of self-help books buys 3 a year. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Let’s face it, those are not only big figures (backed by sound scientific research) but a rather large readership. </span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Am I missing something?</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I remember the hype that surrounded the launch of </span><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Secret-Rhonda-Byrne/dp/1582701709" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Secret</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> by Rhona Byrne in 2006 – first a movie that “revealed the great mystery of the universe” – and following that (and a little after the release of the movie), a book that became a worldwide bestseller.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Every single – female – member of my family was hooked. Everyone was talking about it. Everyone believed it would turn their humdrum lives into something masterful and full of opportunity. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I had my doubts. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For starters, The Secret said that the skills learned could be used in </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“every aspect of your life—money, health, relationships, happiness, and in every interaction, you have in the world. You’ll begin to understand the hidden, untapped power that’s within you, and this revelation can bring joy to every aspect of your life”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (</span><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Secret-Rhonda-Byrne/dp/1582701709" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Amazon</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">). </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It sounds incredible… Wait just a second. All I have to do is </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">foresee the thing I want to happen, happen? To truly believe it will. And it shall be?</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> It felt far, far too easy. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, there I sat the day before my final exam of my worst subject in University – Economics – and truly believed (and in fact, foresaw) me acing the exam. Achieving an A. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Well, surprise, surprise – that didn’t happen. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I passed that exam by the skin of my teeth actually. I should have spent more time studying than “foreseeing the event happen”. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Perhaps that wasn’t the purpose of The Secret. Perhaps I’m oversimplifying. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">But that was the value I extracted from it. </span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Which then led me to ask – was it only my female family members that read The Secret – and by extension – all other self-help books? Because I don’t remember my father, my uncles or my (then) boyfriend reading it. Or any other self-help book on the shelves. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The answer to that is funnily enough – yes. Generally speaking. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Turning to </span><a href="https://blog.gitnux.com/self-help-industry-statistics/#:~:text=Women%20make%20up%20the%20majority,this%20when%20marketing%20their%20books." target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Gitnux</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> again – </span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Women make up the majority of self-help book readers, and African Americans have the highest percentage of self-help book buyers. Most self-help book buyers are under 45 years old and purchase books through planned purchases in chain bookstores, online, or through a friend’s recommendation”.</span></i></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, essentially, an African (American or not) woman under 45, that frequents a bookstore (or shops for titles online) would be the self-help market’s perfect target audience. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Bollocks to that I say. It can’t be. That’s far too general. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So why then is success coach, public speaker, self-help author and actor, </span><a href="https://www.tonyrobbins.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Tony Robbins</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> estimated to have net worth of around $600 Million (</span><a href="https://wealthygorilla.com/tony-robbins-net-worth/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Wealthy Gorilla</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">)?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Again, have I missed something?</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_7 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Do self-help books work?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_2"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Self-help-books-1.jpg" alt="" title="Self help books (1)" class="wp-image-5616" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_8 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">The premise of seeking advice from a self-help book is that you do – in fact – need help. Funny that since it’s kind of in the title of the genre. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But the people that need help (and quickly) often turn to the wisdom and knowledge of “mentors” like Robbins (who has made a success of his self-help career), rather than seeking the professional mental health support and care they most probably desperately need. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Sure, reading </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">how to turn your life around in ten easy steps</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> from the women who turned her love for fudge into a word-wide sensation, can give one hope. It makes you see possibilities in the world and in your circumstance that maybe you didn’t see before. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And that’s a great thing if it does.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Technically there isn’t anything wrong, per se, with the advice of the Queen of the Fudge Empire. It </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">can be inspiring</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. But the problem I have with it is that it’s just her view. It’s just her experience. It doesn’t mean that because you can bake a decent batch of muffins, you will become the Muffin Monarch just because you did what the Fudge Queen told you to do in her book. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And yes, I know that’s not the purpose of the self-help genre. I know that. But I do believe </span><a href="https://medium.com/@crismaximilian?source=post_page-----7737df3aa6e9--------------------------------" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Cristofer Maximilian</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> in his article </span><a href="https://medium.com/@crismaximilian/self-help-books-dont-work-here-s-why-7737df3aa6e9" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Self-Help Books Don’t Work — Here’s Why</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> when he says – </span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“While people lose themselves in a sea of advice, suggestions, routines, and “hacks”, they also lose sight of the fact that no amount of information will change this simple fact: </span></i><b><i>in order to succeed or improve in any area of your life, you need to actually do something”</i></b><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></i></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And there it is. For me at least. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">You can’t just read the book and expect a miracle. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">You need to act. You need to want to make the change. You need to put in the work.</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> And that’s where having a professional coach, psychiatrist or psychologist can be far more beneficial. Why? Because they hold you accountable and support you whilst doing so. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When we’re done with the book, most of us put it back on our shelves. Maybe we sign up for the monthly newsletter. Maybe we read it every second month or so. Maybe we even attend a seminar (or webinar) hosted by the author. But are we really implementing the change we need in our lives? Are we really acting on the – well-meaning and well-intended but perhaps not exactly professional – advice of the self-help author?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The answer is most likely no. Again, generally speaking.</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_9 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Reasons why I believe self-help books don’t work</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_10 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Author of </span><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, </span><a href="https://markmanson.net/self-help" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Mark Manson </span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">sets out five major problems with the self-help industry (that are unlikely to go away). I have (partly) paraphrased for ease of the reading – </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_1 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_1 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_3"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_2 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_11 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Self-help reinforces perceptions of inferiority and shame</strong> –<span style="font-weight: 400;"> there are (generally speaking) two types of people who purchase self-help books. Those that feel they can simply improve on their lives with a few little tips and tricks and those that feel that there’s fundamentally something wrong with them. Those that just want to improve themselves will read a self-help book and go “Ok, I can do that” and not feel disparaged by the contents of the book. Those that feel there’s something fundamentally wrong with them will take the content in the book and use it to make themselves feel even worse about themselves. Because “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">the irony here is that the pre-requisite for self-help to be effective is the one crucial thing that self-help cannot actually help: </span></i><a href="http://amzn.to/2BHZotI" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><b><i>accept yourself as a good person who makes mistakes</i></b></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_2 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_3 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_4"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_4 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_12 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Self-help is often yet another form of avoidance</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – if you suffer with anxiety (like I do) reading a self-help book has two consequences. The first is you replace one neuroticism with another one (in other words instead of feeling anxious about performing in my role as a legal practitioner, I start my own baking business and then become worried about not performing there too). And two, reading the book and implementing the thoughts and advice in the book leads to avoiding the issue altogether. The book becomes more important than dealing with the problem. And that’s not self-helping anyone.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_3 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_5 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_5"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_6 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_13 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Self-help marketing creates unrealistic expectations</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – The Secret comes to mind here. The incentive for the self-help market is not enforcing real change. Instead, the only thing they need to do is create the perception of change. Real or imagined. You see all these people living their best lives because they did steps 1 – 6 out of XYZ self-help book and you feel let down because it isn’t working for you. That’s setting yourself up to fail. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_4 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_7 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_6"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_8 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_14 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Self-help is (usually) not scientifically validated</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – The fact is</span> <span style="font-weight: 400;">people without qualifications, without degrees and with little real expert knowledge of the human brain, psyche and serious mental health issues often write these novels. I mean what gives them the right to give other people advice? And should people really be listening to them?</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_7"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Self-help-books-2.jpg" alt="" title="Self help books (2)" class="wp-image-5617" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_5 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_9 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_8"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_10 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_15 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Self-help is a contradiction</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – self-help amounts to self-improvement. Simple as that. And the purpose of self-improvement is to improve on yourself. To enhance what you already have. Is to accept yourself as is and be happy with that – only needing slight tweaks here and there. The person who has a fundamental problem with who they are is not going to find the help they need. They are looking to replace one aspect of who they are with something else. Something better. That person will never succeed. Instead, they will become bogged down by the </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“nonsense and pseudo-science and suppress your feelings of inadequacy rather than deal with them head-on”. </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Again, who is that self-helping?</span><span style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;"> </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_6"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_11 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_16 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">For me, self-help books create more problems for the people who need real help from medical professionals. Reading a book will not result in real change. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And that seems counterintuitive. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But I’m a cynic.</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_17 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Self-help books – The believers (Frieda’s viewpoint)</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_9"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/BB-Blog-images-Self-help-books.jpg" alt="" title="BB - Blog images - Self help books" class="wp-image-5620" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_18 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Cynical or not, Ali’s viewpoint has its merits. Achieving our goals and dreams requires a lot more than just believing that they are possible. I’d love it if I could think myself to becoming the fastest trail runner on the mountain, but the reality is that if that ever has a chance in hell of happening, I’m going to need to take action. So, Ali and I are in agreement on that point.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I also agree that the motivation driving individuals to pen a self-help book is not selfless. There is undoubtedly a benefit for the author: it forms part of a marketing strategy; they gain recognition as an author; and there is sheer reward and pride in being able to write a book. Gosh, I genuinely hope one day that I find the courage to write my own book.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Selfish or not though, given the effort and time it takes to write a book, I believe that authors of self-help books have a genuine desire to help people. And, even if they are not qualified therapists, people’s stories have the power to provide new perspective and insight, encourage self-reflection and provide a sense of hope. In fact, many psychologists, coaches and therapists often recommend self-help books as a means of developing self-awareness between sessions and helping individuals process issues through the use of stories. It’s called </span><a href="https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/types/bibliotherapy"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">bibliotherapy</span></i></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">. </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_19 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Reasons why I believe there is a place for self-help books</b></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_7 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_12 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_10"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_13 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_20 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>They are affordable </strong><i>– </i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Not everyone can afford therapy or coaching (no matter how much they may need it). It’s the reality of the world we live in. Self-help books provide an accessible and affordable means of gaining insight into issues which individuals are facing. The self-help book genre tackles the full range of topics: from improving self-esteem, coping with stress and developing communication skills to discovering your potential, improving personal relationships and enhancing emotional awareness. Having the ability to read around a topic on which you are struggling and learning from the experience of others is a natural way that humans progress and develop awareness in this world. Why should that be any different merely because it now has the label: “self-help” attached to it.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_8 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_14 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_11"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_15 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_21 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>They are relatable</strong> – <span style="font-weight: 400;">Prior to my own therapy back in 2014, a friend recommended I listen to the audiobook: </span><a href="https://brenebrown.com/book/the-power-of-vulnerability/">“<em>The Power of Vulnerability</em>” by Brené Brown</a><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span><span style="font-weight: 400;">. She was concerned about my inability to set boundaries both in my professional and personal life and could see it was affecting my self-esteem. For me, the power of the book was in its relatability. I was able to connect my struggles with self-worth to those reflected in the book which, in turn, encouraged me to question and challenge my beliefs and thus my negative self-talk. It is a book I will always recommend to clients struggling with self-esteem issues. Brene Brown is so relatable and her tone and delivery allow you to shed the layers of embarrassment and shame that is often attached to low self-esteem. Exposure to that book satisfied my need to belong and feel understood and became my first step to seeking the professional help I required.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_9 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_16 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_12"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_17 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_22 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>You gain a sense of autonomy </strong>– <span style="font-weight: 400;">There are two dominant drivers for reaching out for a self-help book: You either want to learn something new or improve the way you are approaching something (a more proactive, enhancing approach) or you are experiencing a crisis and your existing coping mechanisms are no longer stepping up to the task (a more help-seeking approach). In the latter case, everything feels off balance and you often find yourself feeling stuck and incapable of shifting out of the situation. It’s not a fun place to be. Although potentially not a replacement for coaching or therapy, relevant self-help books can help to restore a sense of autonomy and agency.</span> <span style="font-weight: 400;">The action of purchasing and reading a self-help book restores your mobility and gaining a new perspective on the situation acts as a stepping-stone to restoring equilibrium. You are helping yourself.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_10 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_18 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_13"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_19 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_23 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>You may not need therapy</strong> <i>– </i><span style="font-weight: 400;">As mentioned above, self-help books are not all about fixing you or helping you cope. There is a whole genre of self-help books which are about skill-enhancement, creating self-awareness and assisting with growth and development. You don’t need a therapist for that! Learning from other people’s experiences and what has worked for them is a great way to add new tools to your own skill set. If I’m a new mum, why wouldn’t I want to learn tips and tricks from mothers who have raised 3 kids? If I’m a workaholic, why wouldn’t I want to hear the story of how a former workaholic managed to flip her life into something a lot more fulfilling and balanced? Sometimes all you want and all you need is a new perspective from someone who has walked a similar path before you. A bit of inspiration. What you do with that information is completely up to you. Some things may work, others may not. But without reading those stories, you may never have discovered those techniques or approaches. Who’s at a loss then?</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_11 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_20 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_14"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_21 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_24 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>You continue to grow and learn </strong><i>–</i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> One of Ali’s arguments is that self-help amounts to self-improvement. She argues that we should be seeking self-acceptance rather than self-improvement, and self-help books discourage this. I’m all for self-acceptance i.e. fully embracing who you are, without judgement or comparison to others. However, there is an innate </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">need</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> for humans to grow and develop. Take a look a </span><a href="https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-is-maslow-hierarchy-of-needs">Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs</a> <span style="font-weight: 400;">below:</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_15"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="768" height="500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/BB-Blog-images-Maslows-needs.png" alt="" title="Maslow's hierarchy of needs" class="wp-image-5610" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_25 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Once we have satisfied our lower-level needs of safety, security, love and belonging and we’ve reached a stage of healthy self-esteem, we still need purpose. Needs motivate us. Self-help isn’t about self-improvement (i.e. you are not good enough as you are). Self-help is about self-expansion (i.e. acquiring resources, gaining new perspectives, growing).</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_12"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_22 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_26 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Conclusion</b></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Whether you’re a cynic like Alicia, or believer like Frieda, one thing is for sure – there is a huge readership of self-help books. And there’s clearly reason for it.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As Frieda has highlighted, self-help books do serve a purpose in the therapy/coaching spectrum. They are affordable, accessible, relatable and serve to help individuals address their problems. However, in this “helping” context, we both agree, that they are no substitute for the help of a therapist/coach. If you feel that you really need help, we encourage you to seek the guidance and support of a mental health professional who can support, guide and help you achieve mental wellness. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">On the flip-side, it’s important to remember that self-help books are not all about fixing problems. They exist for self-expansion; to provide inspiration; to generate new ideas; to help you grow. You don’t need a therapist/coach for that. Self-help books – in Frieda’s opinion at least – serve a very valid purpose.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">One final point to make is this. Whatever your views about self-help books, please remember that self-help books are not gospel. They provide the author’s perspective and opinion on a topic which is based on how they see the world and/or how they have analysed data presented to them. It doesn’t mean it’s right. It merely provides a perspective. When reading a self-help book, you therefore have a responsibility to question what you’re reading. Does this apply to me? Do I agree with it? Are my own beliefs and experiences influencing the way I’m interpreting this book?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We hope this article has given you some food for thought.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">One thing we can both agree on though is this – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">happy reading (whatever genre of book you choose)!</span></i></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_13"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_23 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_0 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_14 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_24 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_16"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_25 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_27 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>About the Co-author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">[email protected]</a> </p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_15"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_26 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_17"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/work-with-me/individual-coaching/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Copy-of-linkedin-filler-pictures-7.jpg" alt="" title="Copy of linkedin filler pictures (7)" class="wp-image-5630" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-self-help-conundrum/">The Self-Help Conundrum</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-self-help-conundrum/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Creativity: The superpower leading to a happier and healthier life</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/creativity-the-superpower-leading-to-a-happier-and-healthier-life/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/creativity-the-superpower-leading-to-a-happier-and-healthier-life/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Fri, 17 Mar 2023 11:27:37 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Featured]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[amplified life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[art]]></category> <category><![CDATA[creative]]></category> <category><![CDATA[creative outlet]]></category> <category><![CDATA[creativity]]></category> <category><![CDATA[dance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[depression]]></category> <category><![CDATA[enhance your life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[furniture renovation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[good mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[hobbies]]></category> <category><![CDATA[imagination]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health matters]]></category> <category><![CDATA[painting]]></category> <category><![CDATA[past times]]></category> <category><![CDATA[perspective]]></category> <category><![CDATA[pottery]]></category> <category><![CDATA[productivity]]></category> <category><![CDATA[reduce overwhelm]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relieve anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[singing]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress relief]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work life balance]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=5264</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>If you're seeking to live a happier, healthier and more productive life, then it's time to explore your creativity.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/creativity-the-superpower-leading-to-a-happier-and-healthier-life/">Creativity: The superpower leading to a happier and healthier life</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_1 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_16"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_27 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_28 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></h5> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Before I even start writing this article, it’s imperative for me to turn on some music.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Sometimes it’s Beethoven’s </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Tr0otuiQuU" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Moonlight Sonata</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (I know kind of sombre) – it’s one of my favourite pieces of music – and on other occasions I need to crank up AC/DC’S </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2AC41dglnM" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Thunderstruck</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (because – hell, who doesn’t feel all fired up when this song is cracked up on LOUD?) or listen to the latest Miley Cyrus’s </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7KNmW9a75Y" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Flowers</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (Shhhh don’t tell anyone. This is, strictly speaking, a Rock ‘n Roll family), just to remind myself to exercise </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/self-love/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">self-love, self-respect, and self-care</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Thanks Miley!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Somehow music seems to focus my energy – I know, weird right? It’s as if through the music I can hear and feel the words I put down on paper. Even before I put them on to paper. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s something about the creative process for me. It’s an all-encompassing thing – like living and breathing the words through music, through sound and with it – through emotion. It’s like the air I breathe. It’s my motivation. Even when I don’t “feel like it” (yes, that happens. On occasion). </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But then I put on some tunes, and suddenly the words are pouring out of me. Sometimes nonsensical and verbose requiring some hard-handed fine tuning. But it works. For me. It’s my (creative) process.</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_18"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/Creativity-The-superpower-leading-to-a-happier-and-healthier-life-1-3.jpg" alt="" title="Creativity The superpower leading to a happier and healthier life 1 (3)" class="wp-image-5270" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_29 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>A life without creativity</strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I wasn’t always this way. Working as a lawyer, I didn’t think it allowed for creative pursuits. I always felt like I didn’t have the time. And when I did have the time, I was too tired or too fatigued or too (insert emotion here) to be bothered enough to seek a creative pursuit. And the unfortunate thing about this? Perhaps the obvious thing about this…. I always felt like half a person. Not living to my full potential. A massive piece of my </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/product/puzzle-box/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">puzzle</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> being completely devoid of anything outside of my small world of law that I had created – a big, empty, colourless hole. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I guess – for me at least – being creative, being a writer (even when my writing is not perfect or doesn’t hit the right “notes” or perhaps finds the wrong readership) is like peering – even a tiny bit – into my soul. I relate – entirely – to </span><a href="https://www.britannica.com/biography/George-Bernard-Shaw" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">George Bernard Shaw</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> when he said – </span></p> <p style="padding-left: 40px;"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“You use a glass mirror to see your face. You use works of art to see your soul”. </span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Being able to “see your soul” through works of the creative process – how magic is </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">that?!</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Something anyone can do. In my opinion. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We’re all born with</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> a means to be creativ</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">e, to express ourselves, to standout. And that could be in so many different ways – painting (even badly), writing poetry (even if it sounds childish), drawing (even if it’s a stickman) or applying make-up (even if you look like a clown). </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We’re all able to be creative. And in that realisation – whole new worlds open up to </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">all of us</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_19"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/Creativity-The-superpower-leading-to-a-happier-and-healthier-life-1-2.jpg" alt="" title="Creativity The superpower leading to a happier and healthier life 1 (2)" class="wp-image-5268" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_30 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Creative pursuits assist poor mental health</strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Studies show that being creative and having creative pursuits assist with poor mental health.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In the article </span><a href="https://diversushealth.org/the-mental-health-benefits-of-creativity/#:~:text=How%20Does%20Creativity%20Improve%20Mental,function%20of%20our%20immune%20systems" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Mental Health Benefits of Creativity</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, the following is set out – </span></p> <blockquote><p><em>“Science continues to reveal encouraging evidence about the mental health benefits of creativity. From painting to potting plants, planning parties and beyond, creative activities help us perceive the world in new and different ways. Creativity allows us to create beautiful work, problem-solve, and refresh our bodies and minds. Having fun positively impacts our mental health.</em></p> <p><em>Being creative can increase positive emotions, reduce depressive symptoms and anxiety, and improve the function of our immune systems. The Journal of Positive Psychology supports these findings, stating that “spending time on creative goals during the day is associated with higher activated positive affect.” Positive affect refers to positive moods people experience including joy, happiness, and optimism”.</em></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’m sold on this idea that creativity is vital to good mental health. Because when I’m writing, when I’m listening to music, I can feel the words flow through me and I feel completely at peace. I feel centred. I feel happy. And it’s within this state of “flow” when I’m almost in my own world (“in the zone”) that I become mindful of what I’m thinking and feeling and how the writing is adding to my overall happiness for that day. And that feels like a massive accomplishment. It’s a beautiful thing. Almost euphoric. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But there are times when I’m not so happy. There are times when I have undeniable writer’s block. And putting even one word on a page seems almost impossible. In this space I feel stuck. Uncentred, like I – yet again – have a void inside my soul. A feeling I remember from working as a lawyer and having no creative outlet. Whatsoever. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Being creative and having a place to express helps me be productive. It helps me be the best version of myself. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, when I’m blocked and cannot write, I must turn to other methods of creative expression in order to push through the bad mojo I find myself in. </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_20"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/Creativity-The-superpower-leading-to-a-happier-and-healthier-life-1-4.jpg" alt="" title="Creativity The superpower leading to a happier and healthier life 1 (4)" class="wp-image-5272" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_31 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>The importance of finding a creative outlet</strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Firstly, let’s be honest for a second. It’s not like I’m the next Hemingway. So, this “writer’s” block that I experience is nothing compared to the great writers of our time. I’m not some pseudo artistic savant that has all the answers to all things “creative”. Believe me.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But I do know one thing – tapping into this creative part of my mind (and soul) has opened up so many other parts that I didn’t know existed. Like my penchant for </span><a href="https://www.poetrysoup.com/member_area/my_poems.aspx" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">amateur poetry </span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">and painting. Who knew I could do those things? </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It took a lot of doing </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“a little bit of this and a little bit of that”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> but I found my happy place. The point is you have to </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">start somewhere</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Because if you don’t take your first step, you will always be stuck in exactly the same place. And who wants that?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In an article by </span><a href="https://diversushealth.org/the-mental-health-benefits-of-creativity/#:~:text=How%20Does%20Creativity%20Improve%20Mental,function%20of%20our%20immune%20systems" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Diversus Health</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, they mention –</span></p> <blockquote><p><em>“Practicing creativity is a wellness exercise, similar to having a healthy diet and steady workout routine. Even if we do not think of ourselves as artists or creative innovators, we all have a varying amount of energy, intelligence, and discipline to expand on our ability to express ourselves and be creative.</em></p> <p><em>“The more we practice using our imagination, the better we will be able to express ourselves without the need of verbal language,”</em> says Nguyen. “<em>This also helps us to turn inward amid this noisy world.”</em></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">To add a little more credence to the statement (and article) above, in a research paper by the University of Tennessee titled </span><a href="https://trace.tennessee.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1137&context=utk_nurspubs" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Creativity in Older Adults: A Plethora of Possibilities</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> by Kenneth D Phillips it’s set out that –</span></p> <blockquote><p><em>“Creativity interventions have been shown to positively affect mental and physiological health indicators. The process of creating and one’s attitude toward life may be more important than the actual product or tangible outcome.”</em></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">That’s such an important point. </span><b><i>The process of creating is more important than the thing you create.</i></b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Creating – for creating’s sake – is more beneficial than we know. Whether it’s to ease your anxiety, stress or depression or whether it’s to help open your mind so that you can learn to focus (increasing productivity). The evidence in support of this is overwhelming. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Ok, enough trying to convince you. It’s evident that we need to get creative … and fast! So, let’s get started</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_32 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>My creative passions</strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It will be a trial by error approach to see what works for you – to find that thing (or maybe number of things) that gets you to your place of zen.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But create – for the sake of our mental health – we must. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Now before we get into the ways you can do this, let me add – nowadays finding that extra coin to spend on something “pleasurable” seems like a bit of a tall ask. But let me assure you that there are things you can do that won’t cost a solar panel (South African’s will understand this). And there’s so much to choose from – </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_17 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_28 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_21"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_29 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_33 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong><i>Pick up a paint brush</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – it may sound so pedestrian, but when I paint something, and it turns out even remotely resembling something that could pass as an “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">amateur wannabe arteeest</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”, I’m immensely proud. I feel like I have done something extraordinary. And once I’ve done that, I kind of feel like I could do anything. I get covered in paint, mess all over the place and absolutely love it! I have the time of my life. I especially like working with acrylic paint – its thick and gooey and feels like it carries substance. I get a lot of my supplies from <a href="https://artsavingsclub.co.za/product-category/paint/acrylic-paints/">Artsavingsclub</a></span><span style="font-weight: 400;">. But you can pick up a bunch of art supplies really cheaply, if you google. If you don’t know where to start, how about looking to YouTube for help. Personally, I love </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/c/surajfinearts" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">SurajFineArts – Abstract ART</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – he posts full tutorials on how to go about doing an abstract painting (my favourite kind). Before you know it, and with absolutely no experience, you come out with something that seems pretty impressive. Just take a look at what I did (some of my first using Suraj’s video tutorials) – </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_22"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1303" height="713" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/Creativity-The-superpower-leading-to-a-happier-and-healthier-life-1-1-1.jpg" alt="" title="Creativity The superpower leading to a happier and healthier life 1 (1)" class="wp-image-5267" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_18 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_30 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_23"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_31 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_34 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>Try your hand at pottery </i></strong><i>– </i><span style="font-weight: 400;">there’s nothing like getting your hands well and truly “dirty”. Sticking your hands into the clay and feeling it with each fingertip, getting your senses going. And with a little imagination a ball of clay can become a mug or a platter. I kid you not. I know what you must be thinking – what about a kiln? Sure some clay needs to be fired and glazed but you can also make something just as cool with </span><a href="https://eve-artsupplies.co.za/products/air-drying-clay?variant=34014363156611" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">air drying clay</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Air drying clay is best for sculptures or plaques or something else crafty. I decided to make a platter out of air drying clay and then painted it with different layers of chalk paint to create something – not quite useful – but a lot of fun! If you need some help with where to even begin, take a look at </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FtES7Gd5gHE" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Jonthepotter</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – I love his video’s!</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_24"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="854" height="194" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/Creativity-The-superpower-leading-to-a-happier-and-healthier-life-1-3-1.jpg" alt="" title="Creativity The superpower leading to a happier and healthier life 1 (3)" class="wp-image-5271" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_19 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_32 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_25"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_33 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_35 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>Restore old furniture </i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">– you’ll often find me on days off at antique furniture stores or browsing online auctions for old rickety pieces of furniture. To me there is nothing more beautiful than something with a story, something old and worn in with its own past. And I just drool at that. Good quality wood is key. I know it sounds odd, but my grandfather taught me a lot about different types of wood, what partridge wood is good for or camphor wood – what the grains mean. I loved that. So now I rescue furniture (my home is FULL of antiques either inherited or salvaged). I don’t paint every piece of furniture – some things are just too special to paint. But others are just begging for a lick of paint and an adornment or two. I use nails and often wood glue (to my husband’s dismay) to fix things that need fixing, replace door handles or polish them up (especially if they are brass) and then get to the painting part. I use </span><a href="https://www.anniesloan.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Annie Sloan Chalk Paint</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (which has just brought out two new colours – yay). It’s available worldwide! Sloan even has stencils and gilding waxes (which I use a lot). There is a colour for every room (and mood) and even different paints for different surfaces. It’s so much fun adding a slick of paint to your furniture – why buy new when you can fix up something old? I took an armoire from my late grandmother which was not in the best shape and looking terribly drab. She was begging for a makeover. So, I gave her a pretty dramatic one. I used Athenian Black, added embellishments, and then gilded the hell out of it. It’s not to everyone’s taste but she is grand and dramatic. Just like my gran. Watch </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zU3SX_eXpQQ" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Annie Sloan’s tutorials</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> to get you started.</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_26"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="376" height="554" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/Creativity-The-superpower-leading-to-a-happier-and-healthier-life-1-2-1.jpg" alt="" title="Creativity The superpower leading to a happier and healthier life 1 (2)" class="wp-image-5269" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_20"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_34 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_36 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Ways you can get creative</strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Those are some of the things that I have chosen to do – they are my creative outlet. And they won’t all work for you. So, I have included some other suggestions below –</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_21 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_35 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_27"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_36 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_37 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>Learn to cook</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – I say learn because not everyone is born with this innate ability to produce a meal that gets mouths watering. Also, with the price of food nowadays, it’s something we have all got to learn to do. Sometimes that means using the basic ingredients you have in your pantry. </span><a href="https://www.realsimple.com/food-recipes/recipe-collections-favorites/popular-ingredients/recipes-using-kitchen-staples" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Realsimple</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> has some great easy recipes that you can use with pantry staples (or supposed staples in any event). It’s kind of fun when you throw a couple of things into a pot and somehow miraculously produce an enjoyable meal. In my case, it took a few tries, but it can be done. And it’s fun learning. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_22 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_37 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_28"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_38 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_38 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>Try knitting</i></strong><i> – </i><span style="font-weight: 400;">this is not only good for concentration (you </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">have t</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">o focus), but once you get the hang of it, you can knit scarves and sweaters galore! I can’t say that knitting has ever been quite my thing. But I do see the appeal and realise that it is a skill (yes, a skill) that’s both creative and useful too. It’s also super trendy right now. So, grab some knitting needles, get some cheaper yarn, and get knitting. Before you know it, you will be gifting scarves to everyone on their Birthday – saving money and being creative at the same time! Personally, I will be watching </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Egp4NRhlMDg" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">this video</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> to begin with. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_23 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_39 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_29"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_40 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_39 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><i><strong>Gardening</strong> – </i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I truly believe that some people are born with a green thumb and other people are not. But having said that, I love spending time in a garden centre. All the plants and the colours, the scent! It gives me hope. Even if my garden doesn’t quite resemble anything hopeful. But I do believe that you can learn, and you can propagate plants that you already have (again saving money) – to start to design your own garden, even if it’s a small garden, and make it a happy one. You can start learning how by watching </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ILDnpeCELeY"><span style="font-weight: 400;">this tutorial</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_24 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_41 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_30"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_42 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_40 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><i><strong>Make your own board game</strong> –</i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> it has been said that Frieda knows a thing or two about making her own board game. I kid you not. I read about it in this </span><a href="https://scoutlife.org/hobbies-projects/projects/172763/how-to-make-your-own-board-game/">article</a> <span style="font-weight: 400;">and thought – “sure I can do that” but to my dismay failed dismally. It just wasn’t fun enough (the level of “enough” is a personal choice). But if you’re short on funds and want to make something fun for you and your partner and/or family to do – then this is it. This is Frieda’s family during Christmas 2008 tackling the “Family Quiz” – 300 questions about her family and the shenanigans that they had individually and collectively got up to! I’ve no doubt a lot of fun was had by all!</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_31"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="604" height="452" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/Creativity-The-superpower-leading-to-a-happier-and-healthier-life-1-1.jpg" alt="" title="Creativity The superpower leading to a happier and healthier life 1 (1)" class="wp-image-5266" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_25"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_43 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_41 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If none of the above is quite your thing, there’s still </span><a href="https://www.plymouth.ac.uk/research/education/university-practice-partnerships/learning-across-the-curriculum/art-resources/pebble-painting" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">pebble painting</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (and this involves going out in search of the perfect pebble and only then painting something that reminds you of the walk). It’s a “whole thing”. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Lastly, if you’re a </span><a href="https://www.flyfishersinternational.org/Learn/Learning-Center-Resources/Fly-Tying/Beginner-Fly-Tying-Manual?gclid=Cj0KCQjw2cWgBhDYARIsALggUhr_h_GRxucvZ2nySDNPW3L3P_mJorIZHj32c_SJHu-NuSrOdkoGhgAaAiW0EALw_wcB" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">fly-fisherman</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (I’m what’s known as a “fishing widow”) and you are dead keen on the perfect fly, then learning to tie one could be your thing. There’s so much here I wouldn’t even know where to begin. But when you have famous friends (and mentors) like </span><a href="https://www.thefloatingfly.com/peter-brigg" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Peter Brigg</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span><a href="http://www.tomsutcliffe.co.za/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Tom Sutcliffe</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">,</span><span style="font-weight: 400;"> my husband has learnt a thing or two about fly fishing and fly tying. And if anything, it keeps him out of trouble and has taught him colours like chartreuse (</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”if it aint chartreuse it aint no use” </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">apparently). In all honesty (and don’t tell him I said this but…), it brings him peace and makes him far more amenable to shoe shopping. It’s a really healthy, happy pursuit. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The point is – there are so many creative “things” out there to try! </span> <span style="font-weight: 400;">So, find your place of happiness, your thing of peace and then embrace it. Break away from your everyday routine, indulge in fun activities – create art, sing (even if it’s really badly), dance (“like no one’s watching”) and play (let your inner child free). </span> <span style="font-weight: 400;">Not only will it make you feel good, but it’ll give you renewed hope, a renewed sense of self and will revitalise you. Because one thing’s for sure, whether you are painting, doing pottery, restoring furniture, writing poetry, making a board game, painting a pebble or even tying a fly – you’re not thinking about your worries or stressing about tomorrow. You’re focused on the here and now and are hopefully bringing yourself inner peace and happiness. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Mental health in good shape? Check!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I think this quote may be the best motivator for being creative there is – </span></p> <blockquote> <p>“A creative life is an amplified life. It’s a bigger life, a happier life, an expanded life, and a hell of a lot more interesting life”<b> –</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Elizabeth Gilbert</span></p> </blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you really have no clue where to begin or what to do, why not join Frieda’s </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Creative Breakfast for Women</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – and put this article into practice! </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/newsletter-sign-up/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Sign up for the Braving Boundaries Newsletter</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> to find out more or contact Frieda Levycky </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">here</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_1 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_26 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_44 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_32"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_45 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_42 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong></p> <p>Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>.</p> <p><strong>Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">[email protected]</a> </strong></p></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/creativity-the-superpower-leading-to-a-happier-and-healthier-life/">Creativity: The superpower leading to a happier and healthier life</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/creativity-the-superpower-leading-to-a-happier-and-healthier-life/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Beating Procrastination (Part 1): Getting to grips with why we procrastinate</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/beating-procrastination-part-1/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/beating-procrastination-part-1/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 29 Jun 2022 06:37:43 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Perfectionism]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Procrastination]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[accountants]]></category> <category><![CDATA[boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[business men]]></category> <category><![CDATA[business women]]></category> <category><![CDATA[coping with stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[covid stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[down time]]></category> <category><![CDATA[executives]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of being controlled]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of failure]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of intimacy]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of separation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of success]]></category> <category><![CDATA[financial stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fitness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[holidays]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[managers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[procrastinating]]></category> <category><![CDATA[procrastination]]></category> <category><![CDATA[productivity]]></category> <category><![CDATA[professionals]]></category> <category><![CDATA[reduce stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relationship stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relax]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relaxation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress spiral]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stressed out]]></category> <category><![CDATA[time off]]></category> <category><![CDATA[time out]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/stressed-out-why-holidays-are-a-necessity-not-a-luxury-copy/</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Procrastination: The bane of my life and for many others. But what is procrastination and why do we do it?</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/beating-procrastination-part-1/">Beating Procrastination (Part 1): Getting to grips with why we procrastinate</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_2 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_27"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_46 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_43 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>I’m not fat. But I’m not fit.</strong></p> <p>Well, not in the way that I used to be.</p> <p>It’s that time of year again where a number of running photos pop up on Facebook, highlighting the various races I’ve run over the years. In 2015, I was training to summit the Matterhorn. In 2016, it was the Verbier-St Bernard 65km Traverse. And in 2019 it was “The Beast” (the 30km ‘baby’ race!) and the Whale Trail (53km, 25km of which comprised endless stretches of beach)! Ugh! Never again!</p> <p>I was fit! Very fit! Even if I hadn’t quite grasped that at the time.</p> <p>And then lockdown commenced and my motivation to run utterly dissipated.</p> <p>Last year, as I prepared to turn 40, I wrote an article called: <strong><em><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/motivate-me-what-to-do-when-youve-lost-your-mojo/">“Motivate Me: What to do when you’ve lost your mojo!”</a></em></strong>. The article explored the different types of motivation that encourage or force us to take action. It also gave me (and 35 of my followers who decided to join in with me) the opportunity to test out a new approach to tackling my/our goals. I loved the challenge and it worked! I committed to 40 days of yoga to kickstart a return to my practice and I’m pleased to report that I’m still practising a year on.</p> <p>But motivation isn’t my current issue. I want to get fitter. I feel better when I’m fitter. And, I have the perfect excuse to get fit too. Our wedding is next April and hey, who doesn’t want to look their best in their wedding dress?</p> <p>So, what is it that is currently holding me back?</p> <p>That darned thing called: <strong>PROCRASTINATION!</strong></p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/picture-1-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4412"/></figure> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="i-m-so-stressed-holidays-are-a-luxury-not-a-necessity"><strong>What is procrastination?</strong></h2> <p>Before we get into the nitty gritty of the definitions, just see if you recognise any of these situations:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li><strong>Scenario A:</strong> Your alarm goes off for the gym in the morning: “<em>Oh just 15 more minutes in bed. It’s so cold outside. And, well, I didn’t sleep very well last night</em>.” Before you know it, 15 minutes has turned to 30 minutes and the window for the gym session has gone.</li><li><strong>Scenario B:</strong> You’ve a complicated contract to review and the deadline is two weeks away. You leave it until the last minute. Twenty things pile in during the last week, and then there is a mad dash to get it done.</li><li><strong>Scenario C:</strong> You’ve set yourself a target to bring in more clients by the end of June. You know the best way is to make direct contact, but instead you spend the next few weeks perfecting marketing materials, writing lists of people you’d like to speak to, researching companies, but don’t make any contact.</li></ul> <p>Well, they are certainly all familiar situations to me. But, then again, I’m a prime example of a procrastinator!</p> <p>As these situations highlight, procrastination is <strong><a href="https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/procrastinate"><em>“the act of delaying or putting off tasks intentionally and habitually”</em></a> </strong>[1]. What’s worse is that this behaviour sometimes occurs: <a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/the-psychology-of-procrastination-2795944"><em><strong>even when negative consequences may result from the procrastination</strong></em></a> [2].</p> <p>If we look at the Latin meaning of the word, it provides even more clarity. “<em><strong>Pro</strong></em>” meaning forward; and “<em><strong>crastinus</strong></em>” meaning belonging to tomorrow, results in a combined definition of “<em><strong>forward it to tomorrow</strong></em>”. In other words, “<em><strong>do it later</strong></em>”! [3]</p> <p>Let’s re-look at the examples above:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li><strong>In Scenario A</strong>, the intention of going to the gym to get fit is defeated by staying in bed. The consequences of continued procrastination are potentially weight gain, health issues and low self-esteem.</li><li><strong>In Scenario B</strong>, the goal is to review and amend the contract and deliver within two weeks. By leaving it to the last minute, there are potential consequences of non-delivery (and an angry client) or a highly stressed 24-hours trying to deliver by the deadline. Neither of which are particularly helpful to your health or your business. And before you say: “<em>But, I work at my best when I’m under pressure</em>” – it doesn’t mean you’re not procrastinating.</li><li><strong>In Scenario C</strong>, the goal is to bring in new clients – after all, they pay the bills and grow the business. By distracting yourself with other work rather than reaching out and making contact, procrastination in this instance could result in your business folding before it’s even had a chance to flourish.</li></ul> <p>The above are just a few examples of procrastination played out in the real world. But despite knowing the potential for detrimental consequences, why do we continue to procrastinate?</p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/picture-2-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4413"/></figure> <p></p> <div class="wp-block-buttons is-content-justification-center is-layout-flex wp-container-core-buttons-is-layout-1 wp-block-buttons-is-layout-flex"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="my-experience-how-a-proper-holiday-shifts-the-stress-perspective"><strong>Why we procrastinate</strong></h2> <p>In their book: <strong><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702">“<em>Procrastination: Why you do it. What to do about it NOW.</em>”</a></strong>, Burka & Yuen (2008) highlight four “roots” to procrastination (some or all of which may be present):</p> <ol class="wp-block-list" type="1"><li>The <strong>Time Root</strong>: This relates to a procrastinator’s complex relationship with time and the difficulty they have with conceptualising how long a task will take. As a result, tasks are often delayed.</li><li>The <strong>Interpersonal Root</strong>: Our upbringing, our socio-economic settings and our culture can also influence our levels of procrastination. If procrastination has been evidenced in our childhood, it may well be behaviour carried into adulthood.</li><li>The <strong>Biological Root</strong>: This really is explained by the continuing struggle between two parts of our brain: the limbic system (the part of our brain involved in emotional and behavioural responses, including our flight, fight or freeze responses) and the prefrontal cortex (the area of our brain utilised in planning complex cognitive behaviour and decision making). As the limbic system is a stronger, older and more developed part of our brain, it often overpowers the prefrontal cortex. As a result, automatic fear responses kick in when faced with certain situations and procrastination ensues [4]. </li><li>The <strong>Emotional Root</strong>: The final root of procrastination lies in the desire to avoid uncomfortable feelings, fears, hopes, doubts, memories, dreams and pressures [5]. Perhaps we avoid doing certain tasks because we don’t think we’ll enjoy them? Perhaps it’s because we believe we can’t do them well? Perhaps it’s because we fear that we’ll do them so well that, in turn, it will increase the demands on our life? So, we push them out until the last minute – if we get to them at all. We’ll explore the emotional root in a little more detail below.</li></ol> <p>James Clear, in his article: <strong><em>“<a href="https://jamesclear.com/procrastination">Procrastination: A Scientific Guide on How to Stop Procrastinating”</a></em></strong> [6] highlights an additional behavioural psychology approach to procrastination which also relates to time. He argues that procrastination stems from “time inconsistency”. Our brains value immediate rewards more than they do future rewards.</p> <p>So, taking Scenario B above – you have 2 weeks to complete that complicated contract review. The future goal is obviously to complete it. The benefit to your Future Self of completing it is praise from your clients and your boss, and that great feeling of a job well done. But that’s two weeks away. Who wants to wait for two weeks if there is something that you could do <strong>now</strong> that would give you that “feel great” feeling? As James Clear says: <em>“Your Present Self really likes instant gratification, not long-term payoff”</em>. So, instead, you distract yourself with the easier and quicker things on your to do list to get that instant fix. Ha! And you wonder why those prioritisation lists don’t always work!</p> <p></p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/PROCRASTINATION-3-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4414"/><figcaption> Burka & Yuen (2008): <strong><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702">“<em>Procrastination: Why you do it. What to do about it NOW.</em>”</a></strong></figcaption></figure> <p></p> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="i-m-so-stressed-holidays-are-a-necessity-not-a-luxury"><strong>The emotional side of procrastination</strong></h2> <p>Although there are a number of “roots” of procrastination, for me, the time, interpersonal and biological roots feel easier to digest. They feel less personal. They are things that have happened to me (over which I had no control) rather than something to which I might have contributed.</p> <p>I’ll be honest, as I deepened my research into the emotional root of procrastination over the weekend, I had to take a pause. I stepped away from the article and avoided it for a couple of days, distracting myself with a trip to my friend’s and the preparation of our weekly family pub quiz. There you go, procrastination in its prime!</p> <p>The emotional side, for some reason, felt deeply uncomfortable. It forced me to question and consider the underlying motivations for my own procrastination and the potential impact it has had and could have on my life. What had procrastination stopped me from achieving? Was I really operating at my full potential? Was I using procrastination to my own detriment? Was I procrastinating or setting boundaries? Is all procrastination bad?</p> <p>Needless to say, it was a confusing weekend and I’m grateful for my friends and other half who helped me process my thoughts and the research!</p> <p>So here is a high-level summary of the four underlying motivations of emotional procrastination identified by Burka & Yuen (2008) in their book: <strong><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702">“<em>Procrastination: Why you do it. What to do about it NOW.</em>”</a></strong>. See if any (or, in my case, how many) of these resonate:</p> <p></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>(a) Procrastination: Because of the fear of failure</strong></h3> <p>This rationale for procrastinating may be the most recognisable. Often, people delay tackling a task out of fear of failing at it. That failure could come in the form of being seen as “not good enough”, “not capable enough”, simply “not enough”. But rather than limiting the failure to an inability to be able to perform a task to a specific standard, people struggling with this type of procrastination view these failures as a failure of themselves as a person (Burka & Yuen, 2008). In other words, it directly impacts their self-worth.</p> <p>Dr. Richard Beery identifies a direct correlation between <strong>PERFORMANCE</strong>, <strong>ABILITY </strong>and <strong>SELF-WORTH</strong> [7]. Think about this in the context of <strong>Scenario A</strong> above.</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>If you go to the gym and work out (<strong>PERFORM</strong>) and get fitter/slimmer and start achieving your goals, you have <strong>ABILITY </strong>and you feel really good about yourself (<strong>HIGH SELF-WORTH</strong>).</li></ul> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>If you go to the gym and work out (<strong>PERFORM</strong>), but don’t see any weight loss or any fitness improvement, you see this as a lack of <strong>ABILITY </strong>(a failure of the task) and feel bad about yourself (<strong>LOW SELF-WORTH</strong>).</li></ul> <p>What procrastination does is step in to try and protect the individual by breaking the correlation between ability and performance (thus protecting self-worth).</p> <p>Think about it. If you avoid going to the gym and working out or only go to the gym with a week to go before your big event, you know that your ability has not been fully tested. Therefore, the fact that you have not got fitter or slimmer isn’t as a result of your personal failings, merely a lack of effort. You always have the excuse: “<em>Well, if I’d given myself more time, I’d have easily been able to lose 5kg.</em>”</p> <p>But what procrastination actually does is prevent you from operating at your full potential. It prevents you from challenging your abilities; seeing just how far your potential can take you. It risks keeping you locked in a place of mediocrity because it feels more comfortable. After all, being labelled as disorganised, lazy or a “last minute Nellie” feels like a less bitter pill to swallow than “you’re unworthy” or “you’re inadequate”, doesn’t it?</p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/290268939_570967407872303_1803610608235388622_n-1-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4416"/></figure> <p></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>(b) Procrastination: Because of the fear of success</strong></h3> <p>This concept may be a little harder to grasp. One theory is that procrastination is driven by a fear of success even if we want to be successful. This requires us to look both at the light and dark side of success, and is probably easier through the use of an example.</p> <p>Success to you may be the launch of your own business. The pros are that you get to work for yourself, you are your own boss, you choose your own clients, you dictate your own hours etc. You gain independence, freedom and time.</p> <p>But depending on your experience or upbringing, deep-rooted concerns and beliefs about success could also be triggered:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>Perhaps you believe that, by running a successful business, more demands will be placed on your time. There is a risk that you become a workaholic and lose control of your time. As a result, procrastinating on tasks (leaving things to the last minute) is seen as a way of avoiding that risk (i.e. preserving time), but it also undermines the likelihood of success.</li></ul> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>Perhaps success is seen as “unbecoming”. I have a friend who, throughout childhood, was taught to believe that money is evil. It leads to arguments within the marriage. People with money are deemed to be “selfish”. Success separates and differentiates you from your friends and family etc. If that’s your belief pattern, is it any wonder that you find yourself procrastinating and stalling the establishment or growth of your own business?</li></ul> <p></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="reducing-stress-by-putting-you-first"><strong>(c) Procrastination: Because of the fear of intimacy / separation</strong></h3> <p>Procrastination is also used as a means of regulating the closeness of our interpersonal relationships. Burka and Yuen (2008) explain that:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>For some people, that desire for closeness in a relationship is driven by anxiety (a fear of separation). In order to feel safe / capable of surviving in this world, they need to have their partner / friends / family / colleagues present. So procrastination is used to preserve that dependence e.g. seeking out help with work; leaving things to the last minute so that you can “be saved”; helping a colleague shine in the work environment whilst you take a back seat; or postponing things that you want to do in favour of the things your partner wants to do.</li></ul> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>For others, procrastination is used as way to maintain distance in relationships (i.e. avoid intimacy). Intimacy (romantic or otherwise) scares some people. They feel that if they allow people to get too close to them, people may take advantage of them. Perhaps they’ve experienced painful relationships in the past and want to avoid repeating these scenarios, so use procrastination (e.g. a delay in committing or progressing the relationship) as a way of maintaining their independence.</li></ul> <p>Both of the above scenarios, Burka and Yuen (2008) explain, highlight how procrastination can be used to maintain a “comfort zone”. In reality though, procrastination in these scenarios impedes the development of healthy relationships and that balance between dependence and independence and the testing and establishment of boundaries.</p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/INTIMACY-SEPARATION-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4417"/></figure> <p></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>(D) Procrastination: Because of the fear of being controlled</strong></h3> <p>Lastly, Burka and Yuen (2008) talk about the use of procrastination to avoid being controlled. The theory here is that people delay performing certain tasks as a means of asserting their independence and autonomy. And actually, it may be more familiar to you than you think.</p> <p>Think about children and their school projects. When I was 10 years old, I had to do a project on the Wirral (the peninsula next to Liverpool in the UK). It was staggered over the whole school year and various topics were covered: geographical features, religion, Roman influences, the origins of place names. Our teacher had told all of our parents about the Wirral Project because they needed to help us take photos and explore various places. The delivery of each chapter was every 4-6 weeks.</p> <p>Now, I am sure there were some very compliant children in my class, but one of the things ensconced in my personality is the need for independence. I hate being told what to do! Despite my poor mother setting rules and routines about getting each chapter of this project done early, I would leave everything to the last minute and then, in a blind panic and with a lot of drama, throw something together. But at least I retained that sense that I wasn’t being controlled!</p> <p>Procrastination, in this context, goes back to that correlation between performance, ability and self-worth discussed in Fear of Failure above. Only, in this context, self-worth is closely linked to the ability to maintain control by NOT performing [8]. So, using the above example:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>If I do my homework (<strong>PERFORM</strong>) in accordance with my mother’s rules and routines, I have no autonomy or independence (<strong>ABILITY</strong>) and I feel bad about myself (<strong>SELF-WORTH</strong>).</li></ul> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>If I avoid /delay doing my homework (<strong>NOT PERFORM</strong>) in defiance of my mother’s wishes, I retain my autonomy and independence (<strong>ABILITY</strong>) and I feel good about myself (<strong>SELF-WORTH</strong>).</li></ul> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/defiant-child.jpg"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/defiant-child-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4418"/></a></figure> <p>This form of procrastination (the desire to avoid being controlled) doesn’t just operate at a child level though. It can easily be identified in adult life too. How many of you resist paying bills until the last minute? How many of you file your taxes late and get hit with the late filing penalty? How many of you attend meetings late despite specifically been told to turn up on time?</p> <p>What’s interesting is that, although this form of procrastination (rebelling against parental, societal, corporate control) preserves this sense of independence, it prevents you from choosing what you actually want to do. Perhaps you do want to pay your bills on time so you have peace of mind? Perhaps turning up for a meeting on time is beneficial because you’ll get back to your desk earlier?</p> <p>In my case, had I just complied with my mother’s wishes and got on with the Wirral Project, I could have avoided one of the most mortifying experiences I had as a child and achieved the A Grade I desired. Due to procrastination, I’d begged my grandad to help me complete one of the chapters the weekend before it was due in. Bless him, he had painstakingly copied (i.e. plagarised) a chapter from one of the library books I’d taken out about the Wirral’s geographical rock formations. I’d copied what he’d written and handed it in! Needless to say, my teacher humiliated me in front of the whole class and called me out for cheating. My procrastination had had the direct opposite effect to the one intended. My self-worth was not exactly in tact!</p> <p></p> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Now what?</strong></h2> <p>Well, I did say that the emotional root of procrastination may feel quite confronting. I can certainly see how it has impacted my own life, particularly the fear of failure. The reality is, it still does. The reason I’ve struggled to get back into running isn’t a lack of motivation or an inability to prioritise. It’s the fear that if I set myself a goal to get fit and toned for my wedding and fail, what does that say about me as a person? My ability? My commitment to myself?</p> <p>There is a great line in the book which I’d like to leave you with which certainly helped me to feel more positive about the whole procrastination saga. <em><strong>“We believe that when you know what you feel and understand why you feel it, you are likely to be more confident, at ease with yourself, and then able to proceed without procrastinating”</strong> </em>(Burka & Yuen, 2008).</p> <p>In other words, if you’re prepared to work through your procrastination, there is light at the end of the tunnel. And that’s what we’ll focus on in Part 2. The steps which you can take to beat procrastination depending on the type of procrastinator you are.</p> <p>And, just so you are aware, the irony has not escaped me. I could have made this article twice as long and covered off the strategies here. But, hey, in true procrastinator fashion, why would I do something today which I can push to July? The challenge for me is whether I’ll give myself two weeks to write the next article or just a couple of days? Let’s see. <img src="https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/15.0.3/72x72/1f60a.png" alt="😊" class="wp-smiley" style="height: 1em; max-height: 1em;" /></p> <p></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading">Side Note</h3> <p>The summary above of the motivations driving the emotional root of procrastination is exactly that – a high level summary. It, by no means, does justice to the book. If you are struggling with procrastination or would like to discover more about it, I highly recommend you take the time to read <strong><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702">“<em>Procrastination: Why you do it. What to do about it NOW.</em>”</a></strong>. It’s a fabulous book with a wealth of examples of how each of type of procrastination is displayed.</p> <p></p> <p></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading">references</h3> <p>[1] https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/procrastinate</p> <p>[2] <em>What is procrastination?</em> https://www.verywellmind.com/the-psychology-of-procrastination-2795944</p> <p>[3], [5], [7] and [8] Burka, J., & Yuen, L. (2008). <em>Procrastination: Why you do it. What to do about it NOW.</em> Da Capo Life Long. <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702">https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702</a></p> <p>[4] Le Cunff, A. (n.d.). <em>Why we wait: the neuroscience of procrastination. </em>Ness Labs: <a href="https://nesslabs.com/neuroscience-of-procrastination#:~:text=Procrastination%20actually%20finds%20its%20roots,Its%20processes%20are%20mostly%20automatic">https://nesslabs.com/neuroscience-of-procrastination#:~:text=Procrastination%20actually%20finds%20its%20roots,Its%20processes%20are%20mostly%20automatic</a>.</p> <p>[6] Clear, J. (n.d.). <em>Procrastination: A Scientific Guide on How to Stop Procrastinating</em>. https://jamesclear.com/procrastination</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3291"/></a></figure></div> </div> </div> </div> </div><p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/beating-procrastination-part-1/">Beating Procrastination (Part 1): Getting to grips with why we procrastinate</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/beating-procrastination-part-1/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Saying “Yes” when you should be saying “No”</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/saying-yes-when-you-should-be-saying-no/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/saying-yes-when-you-should-be-saying-no/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Mon, 25 Oct 2021 08:57:02 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Uncategorised]]></category> <category><![CDATA[attorney life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[braving boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[flexible working]]></category> <category><![CDATA[happy lawyer]]></category> <category><![CDATA[hybrid working]]></category> <category><![CDATA[it's ok to say no]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law firm life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law firm mentality]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer lifestyle]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[learn to say no]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[live your life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[love your life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[preserve your time]]></category> <category><![CDATA[productivity]]></category> <category><![CDATA[professional]]></category> <category><![CDATA[professional boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[professionals]]></category> <category><![CDATA[saying no]]></category> <category><![CDATA[take control of your time]]></category> <category><![CDATA[time management]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[workaholic]]></category> <category><![CDATA[working mom]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=3273</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Learning to say NO is an important step towards creating healthy boundaries. Here are some strategies to help you say NO!</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/saying-yes-when-you-should-be-saying-no/">Saying “Yes” when you should be saying “No”</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[ <h5 class="wp-block-heading"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></em></h5> <p></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading"><em>The pressing need for boundaries…</em></h3> <p>By now, we all know that the COVID-19 pandemic has caused many of us to work from home. <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-work-from-home-saga/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">A new saga</a> has inevitably emerged and <em>it is not going anywhere. </em></p> <p>In fact, companies are looking to extend the work-from-home situation into a <a href="https://ajs.co.za/2021/08/10/the-best-of-both-worlds-awaits/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">hybrid model</a> where employees will be working part time at home and part time in the office. The so-called “best of both worlds”. In fact, according to the <a href="https://hbr.org/2021/07/4-strategies-for-building-a-hybrid-workplace-that-works" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Harvard Law review</a>, global research has revealed that<em> “72% of corporate leaders plan to offer a hybrid model”</em>. </p> <p>And that may sound encouraging, but there is a saying that continuously pops up – <em>“if it’s too good to be true, it usually is”. </em></p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>A silver lining or a storm cloud waiting to burst?</em></strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/1-1024x768-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3279"/></figure> <p>We have set up home offices in our spare bedrooms or on our dining room tables and have made the most out of our new situations, often forcing ourselves to find the silver-lining of it all. </p> <p>So we have focused on the positives by relishing in the flexibility our work-from-home lives have afforded us. Many of us have even become more productive, resulting in an almost new-found “extra time” on our hands. <em>Who knew you could get so much done in one day by simply staying put?</em> </p> <p>But the article on Business News Daily, <a href="https://www.businessnewsdaily.com/15259-working-from-home-more-productive.html" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Working From Home Increases Productivity</a>, supports this theory by revealing that <em>“remote employees work 1.4 more days per month than their office-based counterparts, resulting in more than three additional weeks of work per year”.</em></p> <p>And again, that seems encouraging. </p> <p><em>But… is that too good to be true?</em></p> <p>Despite this flexibility and productiveness, our work-from-home situation has made the separation between our work-lives and home-lives extremely difficult. A single door is often not enough to keep the family noise at bay. The inevitable result? <em>The lines between work and home have become extremely blurred.</em></p> <p>And for many of us who have been striving for the comfortable equilibrium that is work-life balance (or <a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/markcperna/2020/06/01/how-to-blend-work-and-life-without-losing-your-mind/?sh=1cdf3ea63bbf" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">work-life blend</a> as the millennials call it), it seems like all our efforts have gone up in smoke. <em>Is work-life balance/blend </em><a href="https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/309121" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><em>even possible anymore</em></a><em>?</em></p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/4-1024x768-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3282"/></figure> <p>Let’s be honest, the pandemic has changed the way we feel about prioritising our responsibilities. With all this flexibility and new-found ”extra” time on our hands (due to being <em>“so productive”</em>), a lot of us (especially those of us with our own small start-up businesses) have inevitably <em>started saying “yes” more often than we should be. </em></p> <p>We say yes to please other people, to be team players, to seem more capable, more reliable, more trust worthy and ultimately to help others at our own expense. We say yes because we need the work and the money. Times are tough. So we are resorting to “making hay while the sun shines”. At the cost of our own mental health. </p> <p>Our theme song has changed from <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlY90lG_Fuw" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Freedom</a> by Pharrell Williams where we were once shouting our <em>“first name is Free, last name is Dom”</em> to Roy Orbison’s <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QNAVrQ96mpA" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">You Got it</a> – </p> <blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow"><p><em>“Anything you want, you got it.</em></p><p><em>Anything you need, you got it.</em></p><p><em>Anything at all, you got it”.</em> </p></blockquote> <p>“You got it” is not a bad song, it’s just not what we should be saying. All. The. Time.</p> <p>Because while we might want to say “yes” to everything and “no” to nothing, we need to realise that <em>that is simply not possible</em>.</p> <p>And whilst we continue looking for our silver linings, it kind of feels like <em>storm clouds are rolling in</em>. And waiting to burst. Because with all the “Yesses” being thrown around, <em>something has got to give</em>. </p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>It’s raining, it’s pouring!</em></strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/3-1-1024x768-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3281"/></figure> <p>The storm clouds have indeed burst and your ”Yesses” are falling to the earth amidst thunder and lightning, drenching the ground all around you with your unfulfilled promises. </p> <p>You are feeling overwhelmed (understandably) with all the things that you have said yes to. Work is mounting up and the possibility is increasing that in fact, you won’t have any extra time on your hands to get all the work done, that you may miss deadlines and that you may let people down. </p> <p><em>After all, life is full of trade-offs. </em></p> <p>Saying yes to everything, means you are automatically saying no to everything else. And your priorities will start to suffer. And so will your work and your family commitments. </p> <p>Are you asking yourself the right questions here? Are you saying yes to the things you really want to say yes to? <strong>Or are you saying yes because you </strong><strong><em>don’t know how to say no</em></strong><strong>? Or do not know when </strong><strong><em>it is ok to say no?</em></strong></p> <p><a href="https://www.lollydaskal.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Lolly Daskal</a> believes that saying <em>“no is one of the most important skills you can cultivate. Done right, “no” can help you build better relationships and free you up to do the things that are important to you”</em>. </p> <p>Overextending yourself by over-promising and under-delivering, will inevitably get you trapped in the viscous cycle that is stress, anxiety and possible depression because you will, inevitably, burn out. Do not repeat the mistakes of our <em>pre-work-from-home</em> lifestyles. We should have learnt better by now… </p> <p>After all, World Mental Health Day (which was on Sunday the 10<sup>th</sup> of October this year), reminds us that our mental health is as important as our physical health. Sometimes even more so. And we need to be aware that spreading ourselves too thin has consequences that often result in our mental health suffering. </p> <p>And that is just not ok. Not anymore. Not when we do actually know better.</p> <p>Perhaps it is about time that we <em>learn to say no instead of saying yes!</em></p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Let’s change our narrative!</em></strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/2-1024x768-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3280"/></figure> <p>Perhaps the first way to combat the possibilities of continuously saying yes when we should be saying no is by changing the idea that work-life balance (at the moment) may not be as attainable as it once was (when we were working at our respective offices). And that perhaps our focus should be more on <em>the balance between saying yes and saying no</em>. </p> <p>An article titled <a href="https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2021/06/the-prioritization-plan-that-brought-balance-to-my-work-and-home-life/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">How saying ‘yes’ and ‘no’ could revolutionize your work/life balance</a> states that we need to <em>“learn to say “no” in order to be able to say “yes” </em><strong><em>when it matters most”.</em></strong><em> </em></p> <p>And that is crucial – remember in life there are always trade-offs. So make sure you are choosing the right ones. </p> <p>In addition – </p> <p><em>“When you know your priorities and values – what you want time and energy to say yes to – saying no becomes much simpler” – </em><a href="https://www.mas.co.nz/hub/how-to-say-no-so-you-can-say-yes/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">How to say ‘No’ so you can say ‘Yes’</a>.</p> <p>And that again, is not only crucial but is the crux of doing away with this “Roy Orbisonism” of “<em>Anything you want, you got it”</em> mentality. </p> <p>Because you need to learn what your priorities are so that when it comes time to say no, you are actually able to. The answer will be easy because your goals will be clear. </p> <p>In fact, <a href="https://psychcentral.com/blog/boundaries-why-you-say-yes-when-you-really-mean-no#1" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">PsychCentral</a> states that <em>“A true yes — a yes that is in line with your values and best interest — you feel with your whole body. It’s easy. There is no doubt. There is no worry.</em></p> <p>And this starts by firstly knowing that <em>it is actually ok to say no in the first place.</em></p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>No is an answer</em></strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/5-1024x768-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3283"/></figure> <p>Not only is it ok to say no but it is sometimes necessary. </p> <p><em>Saying no is actually a perfectly acceptable answer. </em></p> <p>Remember – when you say yes to one thing, you are automatically saying no to something else. And vice-versa. So your choices as to what is more important become ever more relevant. </p> <p>At this point, you may be asking – <em>but how do I go about actually saying no? </em></p> <p>Well, it starts with a number of things – acknowledgements about what you can and cannot do, admissions as to what means most to you and what you are willing to sacrifice, and prioritising those things – </p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-1 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-thumbnail"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="150" height="150" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1-150x150.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1486"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:66.66%"> <p><strong><em>Firstly, acknowledge that you are not superhuman (read: you cannot do everything)</em></strong> – saying yes to everything will leave you feeling trapped, drowning and struggling for air. You will have no time or energy for yourself and your own best interests will fall by the wayside. So start by choosing the things that you can genuinely do and want to say yes to. Align your life and your choices with your values, with the things that you can do and the things that bring you joy. Stop saying yes for the sake of saying yes.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-2 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-thumbnail"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="150" height="150" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2-150x150.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1487"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:66.66%"> <p><strong><em>Set your own personal boundaries</em></strong><em> </em>– by setting boundaries between yourself and others you can get closer to a feeling of equilibrium (that so-called sweet spot of work-life balance). You will show others that you know your own value and are willing to stick up for it. And this starts by making sure that you are clear about what you are actually able to take on. So be clear on what is non-negotiable to you and what you are willing to consider. By having well defined desires, responsibilities and goals, you not only gain clarity over your work but also gain control over your <em>work-life and home-life</em>. Again defining those boundaries. And these boundaries need to be communicated to work colleagues, to clients as well as to family and other personal relationships (which are often harder to do). By doing this, you will be able to prioritise tasks more effectively and efficiently. And feel more capable and more able to do the things you genuinely say yes to.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-3 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-thumbnail"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3-150x150.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1488"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:66.66%"> <p><strong><em>Prioritise proactively</em></strong>– in order to say “No” confidently you need to understand what is important to you. Define those things. Understand them and be clear about them. By doing so, you will find yourself saying “no” more often to ensure that you can pursue the things that are most important to you and to your job. As <a href="https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2021/06/the-prioritization-plan-that-brought-balance-to-my-work-and-home-life/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Ester Banque puts it</a> – by learning to proactively prioritise she has learned to <em>“divide and conquer, making sure the right level of oversight or involvement is in place without the need for unproductive “face time.” We are also identifying non-negotiables at work and at home, managing the all-important expectations”.</em> And managing expectations is key in prioritising your work-life and home-life. Again, when you are clear on what is most important, you will know exactly where to focus your energy.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-4 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-thumbnail"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="150" height="150" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4-150x150.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1489"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:66.66%"> <p><strong><em>Never compromise your integrity</em></strong>– as <a href="https://www.lollydaskal.com/leadership/stop-saying-yes-when-you-want-to-say-no/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Lolly Daskal puts it </a> – <em>“Your integrity sets your standards and gives you a code of morality and ethics. Use it to guide you in saying no and you’ll always make consistent choices that are grounded in your beliefs”</em>. So ensure to keep your integrity in check – if you have to question your integrity or the morality of something, say no. Always.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-5 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-thumbnail"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="150" height="150" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5-150x150.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1490"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:66.66%"> <p><strong><em>Deciding on whether it is really worth it</em>?</strong> – sometimes it is as simple as that. Maybe you find yourself in the position where you have committed to something but later find yourself doubting as to whether you can actually cope with the work. You may start to think of ways of getting out of the commitment. You may start to think up excuses, risking being caught out on a white lie. <em>Is it worth it?</em> The stress, the anguish and the doubt? Saying no outright may be the absolute best option. Remember – No is a perfectly acceptable answer. As Paulo Coelho said – <em>“If it costs you your peace, it is too expensive”. </em>So saying no should be easy.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-6 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-thumbnail"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="150" height="150" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/6-150x150.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1491"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:66.66%"> <p><strong><em>Realise that you will not please everyone</em></strong><em> – </em>this is a recipe for disaster, for stress, anguish and fear (of disappointing others and yourself). By saying no, you may be afraid that your boss, your client, or your family will think less of you. Truth is – they won’t. Saying no actually ensures that you are promoting self-care and are ensuring that you always operate at your best. And that can only be respected.</p> </div> </div> <p>Simply put – you need to be able to protect yourself from burnout. You need to give yourself a break by giving yourself balance and by <em>being ok with saying no</em>. Understand your limits and realise that your own best interests are important too. Finding a balance between meeting your own needs and saying yes to others (and saying yes to work) should start by asking yourself – </p> <blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow"><p><em>“What are my needs?” </em></p><p><em>“How much of my time, energy and resources do I need to meet those needs?” </em></p><p><em>“What can I genuinely do for others?” </em></p><p><em>“How much can I take on?”</em></p><p><em>“How much of my time can I dedicate to others?” </em></p></blockquote> <p>Everyone will answer these questions differently. But the important thing is <em>to find the balance that works best for you.</em></p> <p>To gain clarity and control over your life (and your work) may include seeking guidance from a trained professional who can guide you as you navigate saying “No” (it sometimes takes practice). Get in touch with <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/my-story/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Frieda Levycky</a> of <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Braving Boundaries</a> for a consult on getting your priorities on track. </p> <p>To close off and to illustrate the importance of <em>saying no</em> we turn to the quote by James Altucher from <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/17977529-choose-yourself" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Choose yourself</a> – </p> <blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow"><p><em>“Every time you say yes to something you don’t want to do, this will happen: you will resent people, you will do a bad job, you will have less energy for the things you were doing a good job on, you will make less money, and yet another small percentage of your life will be used up, burned up, a smoke signal to the future saying, “I did it again.”</em></p></blockquote> <p>Don’t risk “doing it again”. Change the cycle. Change the narrative and learn that <em>setting boundaries, managing expectations and saying no is perfectly fine. </em></p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3291"/></a></figure> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <hr class="wp-block-separator is-style-default"/> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-7 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist-1024x1024-1.jpg" alt=""/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p>About the writer, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong></p> <p>Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism. </p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/">The Legal Belletrist website</a>.</p> <p><strong>Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">[email protected]</a> </strong></p> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/saying-yes-when-you-should-be-saying-no/">Saying “Yes” when you should be saying “No”</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/saying-yes-when-you-should-be-saying-no/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Embrace your productivity</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/embrace-your-productivity/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/embrace-your-productivity/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[@dmin2019]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Mon, 18 May 2020 20:22:17 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[a balanced life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[attorney life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[productivity]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stay connected]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work life balance]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/out-of-office-copy/</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Learning to embrace your productivity: When are you at your most productive? And what subtle changes can you make to adapt your working pattern to fit in with your productivity pattern?</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/embrace-your-productivity/">Embrace your productivity</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[ <div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_3 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_28"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_47 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_44 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><!-- divi:heading --></p> <h2>Productivity</h2> <p><!-- /divi:heading --></p> <p>“<em>You are the only person I know who takes a bath at 3pm in the afternoon!</em>” laughed my other half as he rang from work.</p> <p>“<em>It’s the part of my day when I am least productive and least creative.</em>” I replied. “<em>I may as well do something useful with it!</em>”</p> <p><strong>I have always struggled with being productive between 2pm to 4pm.</strong> When I worked in an office, unless I was in a meeting, I used to find myself getting easily distracted during this time, wandering off for a coffee, having a chat or sitting at my desk re-reading the same paragraph over and over again as it just wouldn’t sink in! I think this was partly because I didn’t use to take my full lunch hour (yes, I was someone who ate at my desk). Exercising in the morning helped to some extent, as the endorphin boost seemed to enhance productivity a little longer, but, there was an undeniable hour slump.</p> <p>Since working from home, and having the ability to manage my own hours, <strong>I’ve worked out when I am most productive.</strong> For me it is the early hours: magic happens between 6am and 9am! So, by the time it comes to 2pm/3pm, rather than feeling guilty about not working, I use the time in a productive way. I have a bath, walk the dogs, have lunch, whatever doesn’t require brain power. There is an amazing shift in my mindset when I step away from work rather than keep pushing on through purely because it is part of the typical working day. It makes for a much more productive late afternoon/early evening slot too.</p> <p><strong>This got me thinking. </strong></p> <p>During lockdown, have you noticed any patterns with your productivity throughout the day? And, if you work in an office (bearing in mind corporate policies), can you make any subtle changes to adapt your working pattern to fit in with your productivity pattern when you return?</p> <p><!-- /divi:paragraph --></p></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/embrace-your-productivity/">Embrace your productivity</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/embrace-your-productivity/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> </channel> </rss>