<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><rss version="2.0" xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/" xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/" xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" xmlns:sy="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/syndication/" xmlns:slash="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/slash/" > <channel> <title>priorities Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <atom:link href="https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/priorities/feed/" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" /> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/priorities/</link> <description>PROFESSIONAL LIFE COACHING & TRAINING</description> <lastBuildDate>Tue, 21 Feb 2023 10:52:54 +0000</lastBuildDate> <language>en-ZA</language> <sy:updatePeriod> hourly </sy:updatePeriod> <sy:updateFrequency> 1 </sy:updateFrequency> <image> <url>https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Asset-1.svg</url> <title>priorities Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/priorities/</link> <width>32</width> <height>32</height> </image> <item> <title>It’s Time to Exercise Self-Love</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/self-love/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/self-love/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 21 Feb 2023 10:47:42 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Love]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[courage]]></category> <category><![CDATA[love]]></category> <category><![CDATA[make yourself a priority]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health advocate]]></category> <category><![CDATA[priorities]]></category> <category><![CDATA[priority]]></category> <category><![CDATA[respect]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-love]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-prioritization]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-respect]]></category> <category><![CDATA[you are your priority]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=5230</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>A heart-felt and deeply personal reflection about the importance of self-love, self-care and self-respect.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/self-love/">It’s Time to Exercise Self-Love</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_0 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_0"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_0 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_0 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist" target="_blank" rel="noopener">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></h5> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s the month of love and around the world people are oohing and aahing over Valentine’s Day cards and meals out with their loved ones.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s a time for </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/8-lessons-learned-about-finding-love-ps-its-no-hollywood-movie/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Rom Coms galore</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, chocolates and even a glass of bubbly or two. Because you know – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">we are celebrating love in all its glory.</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Cupid doing his thing and living his best life. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The funny thing is, whether in a relationship or not, we kind of miss the point. We are so used to expressing love outwardly and for other people that we completely neglect the love that we should be exercising for ourselves inwardly. Self-love. Self-care. Self-respect.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">These three things are all interconnected. And they are all about the Self.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Because if you have respect for yourself and care for yourself, ultimately you are showing love for yourself. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And that’s where I think Cupid sometimes misses the mark. Because, let’s be honest, taking a leaf out of the magnificent Ru Paul’s book – </span><a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=ru+paul+if+you+cant+love+yourself+how+in+the+hell&rlz=1C1AVFC_enZA990ZA990&oq=ru+paul+if+you+cant+love+yourself+how+in+the+hell+&aqs=chrome..69i57.11422j0j15&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:2dcb2826,vid:kyarSnDGHuE" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“if you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?”. </span></i></a></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Can I get an “Amen” up in here?</span></i></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_0"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/Its-Time-to-Exercise-Self-Love-3.png" alt="" title="It’s Time to Exercise Self-Love (3)" class="wp-image-5242" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_1 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>But, self-love? I’m a complete hypocrite.</strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If I seem like I have everything all wrapped up in one big bow with my (excuse the language) shite together – that would be a big fat lie. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I don’t. Far from it.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">You see, when it comes to expressing self-love, I am the absolute worst at it. So, basically I’m a hypocrite – writing all about self-love, care and respect when I don’t do any of that for myself. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Then again, it’s always so much easier to advise others on how to live their best life without doing so yourself…. It makes you think, doesn’t it?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The truth is, I’m pretty hard on myself. I put immense pressure on myself to do better, to do more, to be more, to give more. Constantly. It always feels like I’m filling other people’s cups up while my own runs dry. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If we are being honest here. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">This is truer now – over the last couple of weeks – than ever before. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Sure, life happens and sometimes we do need to put others’ needs before our own. But the big question is – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">how often does this really happen? </span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For me personally and as much as I love my partner, my family and my friends (and am immensely grateful for all of them), I would probably guess that putting others’ needs before my own happens more often than not. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s no wonder that I’m kind of feeling like a big cloud is hanging over my head and it’s starting to drizzle. With no raincoat or umbrella, not even Cupid’s arrow can help me now.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, putting my “big girl panties on”, it’s time to take some action. And refill my own cup. After all – there’s a universal rule (especially in aviation) – you need to put your own oxygen mask on first, before attempting to help those around you. Sure, this may sound selfish. Putting yourself before others. But it’s also very, very necessary.</span></p> <p><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Cobpj3KoOoV/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Make yourself a priority once in a while. It’s not selfish, it’s necessary. At the end of the day, YOU are your longest commitment” – </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Easy Wisdom</span></a></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Ain’t that the truth! YOU are your longest and greatest commitment, so why not make yourself a priority? Why not do things for yourself?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The answer is simple (and it should be easy) – there is absolutely no reason not to. If everyone else is getting in the way of doing that or all your commitments have become too much for you to cope with, then you need to start making some room.</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_1"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/Its-Time-to-Exercise-Self-Love-4.jpg" alt="" title="It’s Time to Exercise Self-Love (4)" class="wp-image-5241" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_2 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>How do we exercise self-love, self-care and self-respect?</strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Beatles once crooned </span><a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=all+you+need+is+love&rlz=1C1AVFC_enZA990ZA990&oq=all+you+need+is+&aqs=chrome.1.69i57j0i271.4432j0j15&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:1409702f,vid:_7xMfIp-irg" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">“All you need is love”</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and while I can (almost) wholeheartedly agree, it’s the all you need is </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">self-love</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> part that is missing. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I need to fall in love with </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">myself </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">again.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In order to do that – and for me – I always need to understand what it is (at its core) that I am trying to do. Falling in love with other people, like my hubby, was easy. I know how to do that. But finding and falling in love with myself is a whole different ball game. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, to begin the self-love journey, I need to understand what “self-love” truly means. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">According to the </span><a href="https://www.bbrfoundation.org/blog/self-love-and-what-it-means" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Brain and Behavior Research Foundation</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, self-love is defined as follows – </span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others. Self-love means not settling for less than you deserve.”</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And that </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">seems</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> straight forward enough… supporting our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. But I’m still not 100% sure </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">how</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> to go about doing that.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, here’s what I’m going try …</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_2"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/Its-Time-to-Exercise-Self-Love-5.jpg" alt="" title="It’s Time to Exercise Self-Love (5)" class="wp-image-5240" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_3 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>7 Steps to falling in love with yourself</strong></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_1 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_1 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_3"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_2 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_4 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>I need to do more of what makes me happy</i> </strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">like reading, writing (for myself) and getting back into painting and sculpting. Take a pottery class. Go to gym more often – it helps burn off some of my anxiety. I need to take more long baths and enjoy a glass of wine if I feel like it – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">damn the judgement! </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I need to do more of the things that make me happy. Even if – perhaps especially if – I do them alone (my husband does not like sculpting and has no desire for a </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-MxKd1WY2k" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Patrick Swayze and Demo Moore Ghost moment</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">). </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_2 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_3 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_4"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_4 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_5 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">I also need to understand that </span><strong>s</strong><i><strong>ometimes not doing something is exactly what I should be doing</strong> </i><span style="font-weight: 400;">– nothing. We are only human after all. And despite recently going 46 hours without sleep (I don’t recommend this), we all need to and should turn off. When you are a busy person and feel like you are all over the place, doing nothing feels counterintuitive. But trust me when I say that it’s also necessary. I find it almost impossible and will forever have my grandmother’s words in my head – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“You only lie on the bed when you are sick. Otherwise, you must be outside and playing or doing something. Make something out of your day.”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> But that</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> is</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> why I feel like the </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gDCAEyLABo" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Duracell Bunny </span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">most of the time. And while it is sage advice – if taken holistically – it doesn’t help when I feel overwhelmed, forget who I am and what I want out of life. It’s time to put a stop to that. At once. It’s time to simply take deep breaths, light a candle and chill the f**k out! </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_3"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_5 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_5"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/Its-Time-to-Exercise-Self-Love-6.jpg" alt="" title="It’s Time to Exercise Self-Love (6)" class="wp-image-5239" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_4 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_6 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_6"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_7 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_6 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>I need to be more mindful and practice daily mindfulness</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> in the form of being completely present in a single moment. Instead of worrying about what the future holds or being anxious about what I should have done or could have done, I need to focus my attention on the here and now. I need to pay attention to and focus on how I’m feeling, what my body is telling me and become more aware of what I want, think and feel. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_5 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_8 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_7"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_9 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_7 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>Working on my bad habits</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> is also something I need to address – it’s all too easy to place reliance on “something” in order to get through a stressful day. Or to make ourselves feel better. I have done that more than I care to admit. Especially recently. Whether that’s a (small) tub of </span><a href="https://paulshomemade.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Paul’s Homemade Ice-cream</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (yes, it’s amazing!) or anti-anxiety medication or even that glass of wine. We all (myself included) need to understand that these bad(ish) habits don’t serve us and instead, we need to (I need to) replace them with ones that do. That can be tough to work out. And often the best course of action is to seek guidance from a professional about how to go about doing this – like </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/work-with-me/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">working with Frieda Levycky</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> as an example. I need to truly practice self-care in the form of healthy eating habits, physical activity and (if I can muster the patience), meditation. Taking care of myself as a whole, rather than simply focus on one bad habit. A holistic approach to self-love</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_6 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_10 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_8"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_11 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_8 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>Being kind to myself and setting some healthy boundaries</i></strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">are key for me. I have recently experienced some very harsh, cruel and horrible criticism from someone I loved and trusted, at a time when I lost a family member and have been feeling at my lowest point. The things that were said are unforgivable and they truly and very deeply broke my heart. It’s part of the reason I was unable to sleep for 46 hours. The thing is, what was said </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">was</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> cruel and hurtful (beyond what I believed a close family member would say) but they also </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">weren’t true</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. That person was going through their own grief and guilt and lashed out at the person that they believed could take it. Possibly because I have before. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The thing is, I have never said “no” before. I’ve never felt that it was ok to tell someone that their words had hurt me or that their actions were not acceptable. I haven’t put up boundaries before. So doing it now (seemingly “all of a sudden”) has been a bitter pill for others to swallow. But it’s been necessary. You see, it’s often so much easier to believe the negative things, the cruel things, the degrading things about ourselves, than to believe all the good stuff about who we are inside. The things I </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">have</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> done, the people I </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">have </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">helped, the work I </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">have </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">done and what I </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">have</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> accomplished, the love I </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">do</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> give to others. I have forgotten about all the successes. All because one person told me I wasn’t worthy. Being kind to myself also means sticking up for myself. Saying no. And not taking the hurt. So, yes, I need to start setting some healthy boundaries.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_7"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_12 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_9"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/Its-Time-to-Exercise-Self-Love-1.jpg" alt="" title="It’s Time to Exercise Self-Love (1)" class="wp-image-5244" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_8 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_13 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_10"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/6.jpg" alt="" title="6" class="wp-image-1491" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_14 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_9 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>I need to practice positive self-talk.</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> And no, this doesn’t mean I will be walking around my house talking aloud to myself (which I already do btw), I mean more of outwardly saying “I love myself” without feeling embarrassed or believing myself to be self-centered or narcissistic. I need to stop the self-criticism and start believing more in who I am and what I have done. I also need to give myself room to forgive myself. Consistently punishing myself for saying something out of turn or for making a small mistake is just not healthy. I have to learn that I am just human, I am flawed, I have imperfections. I need to learn to love my humanness.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_9 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_15 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_11"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/7.png" alt="" title="7" class="wp-image-1882" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_16 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_10 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>I need to weed out the toxic people in my life</i></strong><i> </i><strong><i>– </i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">this may be a little bit of repetition but it is important for my own self-worth. While setting my healthy boundaries, I also need to start protecting myself against toxic people. If I can (and this is sometimes easier said than done), I need to dismiss or avoid them as often as I can. I need to start cutting them out of my life. Again, easier in principle. But the toxicity only brings me down, it sucks the energy from me and leaves me completely flat. Unable to love myself. I need to start recognizing that anyone who shoves me into the dark so they can have my light, anyone that continually criticizes me or stops me from being me, needs to hit the road. I need to stop giving people second and third chances. I need to walk away. Instead, I need to surround myself with people who build me up and support me, not those who thrill in my misfortune.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_10"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_17 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_11 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Now, I’m not saying those 7 steps are the be all and end all of falling in love with myself again. Even starting with just one of those steps above would be a huge start. I can see how all of that change in one go is likely to feel quite overwhelming. It’s going to take some time. And work. It’s going to take me having an active role in my </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">own</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> happiness. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But they </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">are</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> steps in the right direction.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Falling in love with someone else is amazing, staying in love takes work but loving yourself is the most important thing any of us can do – we are our longest commitments.</span><strong><i> It’s time to put in the work.</i></strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Now not to be facetious or weird about it, but tonight I’m going to run a bubble bath, pour myself a glass of bubbly, put on my favorite song and have a date with myself.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But that’s me and my journey. How are you going to start loving yourself? What one thing can you do right now that is solely for your own happiness? Go on, do it. And then, every day, do it that little bit more. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_11"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_18 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_12"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/Copy-of-linkedin-filler-pictures-2.jpg" alt="" title="Copy of linkedin filler pictures (2)" /></span></a> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_0 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_12 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_19 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_13"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_20 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_12 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong></p> <p>Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Legal Belletrist website</a>.</p> <p><strong>Email: [email protected] </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/self-love/">It’s Time to Exercise Self-Love</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/self-love/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Be Brave!</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/be-brave/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/be-brave/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 02 Jul 2020 00:55:00 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Lawyer Life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[attorney life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[attorneys]]></category> <category><![CDATA[be brave]]></category> <category><![CDATA[courage]]></category> <category><![CDATA[enough is enough]]></category> <category><![CDATA[inspiration]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer tips]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[me time]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health matters]]></category> <category><![CDATA[priorities]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-confidence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-trust]]></category> <category><![CDATA[trust in yourself]]></category> <category><![CDATA[values]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work life balance]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=1457</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>There are times in our lives where enough becomes enough! It is in those times, when we put ourselves first, that the magic truly happens ...</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/be-brave/">Be Brave!</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<h2><strong><em>“Do something today that your future self will thank you for.”</em> ― Sean Patrick Flanery</strong></h2> <p>I first read and posted this quote on 30 September 2016.</p> <p>It was a big day for me.</p> <ul> <li>It was the day I handed in my notice.</li> <li>It was the day that I found true courage to put myself first.</li> <li>It was the day I said: “enough is enough”.</li> <li>It was the day I took control back over the direction of my life.</li> </ul> <p><img decoding="async" title="10362954_10156371786730554_8301205857118522256_n2" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/10362954_10156371786730554_8301205857118522256_n2-1.jpg" alt="10362954_10156371786730554_8301205857118522256_n2" /></p> <h2><strong>Three months later …</strong></h2> <p>… I was sitting on a plane, heading back to Singapore (my previous home) to start a trip of a lifetime. It became the most transformative year of my life:</p> <ul> <li>I traveled alone.</li> <li>I spent quality time with my closest friends and family.</li> <li>I visited places I had never managed to get to before (New Zealand, Zimbabwe, Botswana).</li> <li>I helped my sister prepare for her wedding.</li> <li>I faced my fears of eating out alone.<br /> I finally did my yoga teacher training after 10 years of practice.</li> <li>I volunteered at mothers 2 mothers- an incredible charity which I’d supported whilst in corporate.</li> <li>I put myself out there – I actually dated.</li> <li>I slowed down: I wrote. I reflected.</li> <li>I gained perspective. I put past issues to rest.</li> <li>I truly enjoyed myself.</li> </ul> <figure><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/16830898_10158335835260554_1341082582831099851_n.jpg" sizes="(max-width: 960px) 100vw, 960px" srcset="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/16830898_10158335835260554_1341082582831099851_n.jpg 960w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/16830898_10158335835260554_1341082582831099851_n-300x225.jpg 300w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/16830898_10158335835260554_1341082582831099851_n-768x576.jpg 768w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/16830898_10158335835260554_1341082582831099851_n-500x375.jpg 500w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/16830898_10158335835260554_1341082582831099851_n-800x600.jpg 800w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/16830898_10158335835260554_1341082582831099851_n-510x382.jpg 510w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/16830898_10158335835260554_1341082582831099851_n-480x360.jpg 480w" alt="" width="960" height="720" /><figcaption>Braemar Station, Lake Pukaki, Tekapo, New Zealand</figcaption></figure> <p>That change (quite drastic in my case) allowed me to bring my life back in alignment with my core values. When I returned to the <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-around-mental-health-in-the-legal-world/">legal world</a> in 2018, those values and priorities remained (and still remain) at the forefront of everything I do.</p> <h2><strong>Braving change</strong></h2> <p>Change, no matter how big or small it may seem, takes time and effort, and believe me, it helps if you have someone to talk it all through with. My transformation started well before 2016 through counselling (<em>putting my historical issues to rest</em>) and coaching (<em>working out what the hell I wanted from my life and learning how to go out and get it</em>).</p> <p>If you are at a point where you want to make a change, but are struggling with the “how” – then drop me a message or consider booking a <strong>Basic Balance</strong> session.</p> <p>Let’s address the challenges together, so you can achieve a <strong>happier</strong>, <strong>healthier</strong> and <strong>more balanced life</strong>.</p> <p><a role="button" href="https://bravingboundaries.com/work-with-me-individual/"><br /> Click here To work with me<br /> </a></p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/be-brave/">Be Brave!</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/be-brave/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Work-Life Balance: Time Matters</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/work-life-balance-time-matters/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/work-life-balance-time-matters/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[@dmin2019]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Sat, 02 May 2020 08:02:00 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Lawyer Life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Perfectionism]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Uncategorised]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[avoid burnout]]></category> <category><![CDATA[basic balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[braving boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[burnout]]></category> <category><![CDATA[choices]]></category> <category><![CDATA[down time]]></category> <category><![CDATA[holidays]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[live your life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lost time]]></category> <category><![CDATA[love your life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health matters]]></category> <category><![CDATA[no time]]></category> <category><![CDATA[priorities]]></category> <category><![CDATA[sacrifices]]></category> <category><![CDATA[take a break]]></category> <category><![CDATA[take back control]]></category> <category><![CDATA[time matters]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work life blend]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life blend]]></category> <category><![CDATA[workaholic]]></category> <category><![CDATA[you matter]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/workplace-ostracism-addressing-the-intangible-office-bully-copy/</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>When did the phrase: “I just don’t have time” last slip out of your mouth? And what did you sacrifice as a result?</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/work-life-balance-time-matters/">Work-Life Balance: Time Matters</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[ <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Work-Life Balance: Time Matters </strong></h2> <p class="has-text-align-center"><em>“We can make up for lost money, but we can’t make up for lost time.” – Simon Sinek</em></p> <p></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading"><span style="color:#c69229" class="has-inline-color">Introduction:</span></h3> <p>When did the phrase: “<strong><em>I just don’t have time</em></strong>” last slip out of your mouth? And what did you sacrifice as a result?</p> <p>Was it:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>a call with your mum?</li><li>personal time with your partner?</li><li>dinner with your friends?</li><li>a yoga class?</li><li>the kids’ school play?</li><li>a visit to the doctor?</li><li>a date?</li></ul> <p>It’s a reality: as lawyers, our lives are busy. With billable hour targets set at up to 2,000 hours a year and lawyers regularly working 50 to 80-hour weeks, it is no surprise that time feels scarce. Let’s be honest though: yes, work is demanding, but there are successful lawyers, with the same number of hours in the day, who manage to have a happy and fulfilling life outside of the office. What secret to life do they have that you don’t?</p> <p class="has-text-align-center has-text-color has-normal-font-size" style="color:#c69229"><strong>They make a choice.</strong></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading">Losing control of my time and my priorities</h3> <p>I want to tell you about one of the best pieces of advice I ever received.</p> <p>Back in December 2007, I was a junior associate working for one of the big international law firms. My transaction was completing on 31 December and I was in charge of finalising the documentation and making sure the bank transfers ran smoothly. Needless to say, they did not. An exchange rate fluctuation kicked out the calculations and money went into the wrong accounts! It was a complete catastrophe: my Partner was yelling at me from their holiday home blaming me for the mess, the poor lady in charge of the physical transfers quit and I was the only person in the office trying to manage the fall out.</p> <p>Around midday, mum called me to ask what time I’d be home for the New Year Celebrations. The conversation went something like this:</p> <pre class="wp-block-verse"><em>“Mum, there has been a disaster at work. I’m stressed and I just don’t have the time to talk.” “Ok love. Just let me know what time you will be at the station and we’ll come and collect you. Your grandmother is so excited to see you.” “Mum – You don’t understand. I’m the only person here. I can’t just leave. This is really important. I don’t even know if I can make it home for New Year.” “Oh, OK darling. Well, just keep us in the loop.”</em></pre> <p>I put down the phone and felt a pang of guilt soar through my veins. I could hear the disappointment in mum’s voice and I knew how upset my grandmother would be too. I really wanted to go home, but what could I do?!<strong><em> I didn’t have a choice</em></strong><em>.</em></p> <p>By 4pm, the banks were closed and it was evident that the matter was not going to get resolved that day. I’d missed my train home, but managed to catch the overnight bus. I would miss the evening celebrations, but at least I would be home for New Year’s Day and the long weekend.</p> <p>It was my step-father who picked me up from the bus depot. I burst into tears the minute I saw him and he gave me a big hug and listened as I recounted the story. Once I’d finished, he said:</p> <p><em>“I’m glad you made it home, but your mum and your grandmother were really disappointed you missed last night.”</em></p> <p>I could feel the annoyance growing inside me. <em>“Did you not hear what I just said? I didn’t choose to miss it. I was really busy. I didn’t have the time to make my train. I couldn’t just leave!”</em></p> <p>His response was short and simple and has remained with me ever since:</p> <figure class="wp-block-pullquote has-background is-style-solid-color quoteblockgrey" style="background-color:#686252"><blockquote class="has-text-color has-white-color"><p><strong>“Everyone has the same amount of time; it’s just how they choose to prioritise their time which differs.”</strong></p><cite>My step-father</cite></blockquote></figure> <p></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading">Your time matters: <span style="" class="has-inline-color"><strong style=""><font color="#c69229">You always have a choice</font></strong></span></h3> <p>It took me many years before I put my step-father’s advice into practice. Back then, I never really felt like I had a choice. How could I explain that dinner with my friends was more important than work? The reality was though that, back then, it wasn’t. Work was always the most important thing to me. Whether consciously or subconsciously, I chose work.</p> <p class="has-text-align-center has-text-color has-normal-font-size" style="color:#c69229"><strong><strong>I always chose work.</strong></strong></p> <p>It was only as I got older that I realised the negative impact that my constant choice was having on other areas of my life: poor health, insomnia, a confusing romantic life etc. Check out the article: <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/10-tips-for-lawyers-who-want-to-improve-their-mental-health/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">10 tips for lawyers who want to improve their mental health</a> for some helpful tips to counter the negative impact of over working.</p> <figure class="wp-block-pullquote has-background is-style-solid-color quoteblockgrey" style="background-color:#686252"><blockquote class="has-text-color has-very-light-gray-color"><p>I needed to shift my priorities if I was going to achieve a more balanced and meaningful life.</p></blockquote></figure> <p><em>So, next time you hear yourself saying: “I’m too busy” or “<em>I just don’t have the time</em>”, I invite you to consciously stop and ask yourself these three questions:</em></p> <p class="has-text-color" style="color:#c69229"><strong>“What am I prioritising here?”</strong></p> <p class="has-text-color" style="color:#c69229"><strong>“What am I sacrificing?”</strong></p> <p class="has-text-color" style="color:#c69229"><strong>“Is this the option I want to choose?”</strong></p> <p class="has-text-align-center">________________________________________________</p> <p>If you are looking to re-prioritise your time, but are struggling with implementing the change, then that’s where I come in. I know how hard it is to change habitual behaviour. Amongst, other things, it triggers feelings of guilt, disloyalty and selfishness and forces you out of your comfort zone. But once you take the initial steps, the benefits of nurturing other aspects of your life become evident.</p> <p><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/work-with-me/individual-coaching/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1500" height="833" class="wp-image-2667" style="width: 1500px;" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/Time-for-a-change-blog-1.jpg" alt="Ready to get started - Work With Me"></a></p> <p><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/work-with-me/individual-coaching/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"></a></p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/work-life-balance-time-matters/">Work-Life Balance: Time Matters</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/work-life-balance-time-matters/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> </channel> </rss>