<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><rss version="2.0" xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/" xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/" xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" xmlns:sy="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/syndication/" xmlns:slash="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/slash/" > <channel> <title>personal growth Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <atom:link href="https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/personal-growth/feed/" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" /> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/personal-growth/</link> <description>PROFESSIONAL LIFE COACHING & TRAINING</description> <lastBuildDate>Tue, 14 Jul 2026 07:44:19 +0000</lastBuildDate> <language>en-ZA</language> <sy:updatePeriod> hourly </sy:updatePeriod> <sy:updateFrequency> 1 </sy:updateFrequency> <image> <url>https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Asset-1.svg</url> <title>personal growth Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/personal-growth/</link> <width>32</width> <height>32</height> </image> <item> <title>Spotting the Signs: How to be there for a friend who’s struggling</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/spotting-the-signs-how-to-be-there-for-a-friend-whos-struggling/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/spotting-the-signs-how-to-be-there-for-a-friend-whos-struggling/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 14 Jul 2026 06:39:49 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Comfort over coffee]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Corporate Wellness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[crisis support]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional Wellbeing]]></category> <category><![CDATA[friendship]]></category> <category><![CDATA[leadership and resilience]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health signs]]></category> <category><![CDATA[peer support]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[supporting a friend]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=235760</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/spotting-the-signs-how-to-be-there-for-a-friend-whos-struggling/">Spotting the Signs: How to be there for a friend who’s struggling</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_0 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_0"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_0 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_0 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY Frieda Levycky, Founder of Braving Boundaries</em></span></strong></h5> <p><strong></strong></p> <p>I remember sitting in the hairdresser’s chair watching my hair fall away in dark lengths onto the floor. I hadn’t planned it. I’d gone in for a trim and left with a pixie crop and, somewhere in between, I’d also booked myself in for a tattoo. Two impulsive decisions in the same week and both of them felt strangely calm at the time. It was only when I got home and caught my own reflection in the mirror that the calm gave way and the tears started to flow. I barely recognised the woman looking back at me.</p> <p>Have you ever done something a little wild when everything else in your life felt completely out of your control?</p> <p>I want to tell you what was really going on for me that week because I think it says something about how a struggling mind can show up. Sometimes it’s tears, sometimes it’s going quiet and sometimes it’s a radical haircut and tattoo because life has started to come apart and you don’t quite know what else to do.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_0"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/getting-the-cut.jpg" alt="Woman in White Long Sleeve Shirt Wearing Eyeglasses Sitting at a Table View more by Karola G from Pexels" title="getting the cut" class="wp-image-235757" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_1 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>The unravelling before the haircut</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_2 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>The story behind that week went back a few years and, like most of these things, it built up slowly before it came to a head. In 2011, I was dumped for the first time and, in hindsight, it was the trigger for a run of relationships that were never going to work out … not in my wildest fantasies. Then, early in 2014, I’d been seeing someone for only six weeks when he ended it and the wave of emotions that followed were completely out of proportion to how long we’d actually been together. Strangely, that was the thing that finally got me into counselling and I’m grateful for it now.</p> <p>By the summer of 2014, I’d started seeing him again. It was still complicated. He was working through his own separation and couldn’t commit to anything and I found myself in that weird limbo where you’re neither properly in a relationship nor properly out of one. I asked work if I could go and cover a role in Singapore for a month using the very convenient excuse that the head of legal happened to be on holiday. It was an easy step in professionally since I knew the region and the team well but, if I’m honest, it was really just an easy way to run away from my own life for a while.</p> <p>I was in a rough place. I was distracted, barely eating and looking gaunt in a way that worried me every time I caught sight of myself. I think what I really wanted was to feel something: loved, different, attractive … and to do something a little extreme to prove to myself I was still in control. I told myself I was completely comfortable with both decisions. To be fair, the tattoo was something I’d wanted for a long time and had nothing alarming about it, though the timing certainly didn’t go unnoticed by anyone who knew me well. The haircut was different though. That was decided entirely in the chair, on a whim, with no plan behind it at all.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_1"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/Post-haircut.jpg" alt="alone in the crowd View more by track5 from Getty Images Signature" title="Post haircut" class="wp-image-235759" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_3 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>For a moment, it felt like relief. It felt lighter in every sense of the word. It was only when I got home and saw myself properly in the mirror that I burst into tears. What had I done? I could feel myself start panicking about what people would think and convinced myself that I’d made myself even less attractive than before. It reminded me of my mum after my dad left us. She’d dyed her hair to try to look younger and prettier, but the bleach had turned her beautiful silvery-grey hair a faint, unfortunate green instead. Needless to say, it just made her feel worse. There’s something very human about reaching for the one thing you think you can control when everything else has slipped from your grip (even when it doesn’t quite go to plan).</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_4 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Signs someone is struggling with their mental health</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_5 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>Poor mental health doesn’t always look like poor mental health. Often it shows up as something else entirely and it’s easy to miss if you’re not looking.</p> <ul> <li style="list-style-type: none;"> <ul> <li style="list-style-type: none;"> <ul> <li>A <strong>sudden, noticeable change in weight</strong>, up or down, can be one signal often less about food itself and more about finding some sense of control when everything else feels unmanageable.</li> <li><strong>Drinking or taking recreational drugs more than usual</strong> can be another. It can be a way of taking the edge off feelings that are otherwise too much to sit with.</li> <li>A<strong> sudden enthusiasm for extreme exercise or punishing new routines</strong> can serve much the same purpose as changes in eating. It can redivert the pain into something more tangible / physical and it can certainly feel better than dealing with what’s going on inside. Read next month’s article for more about that.</li> <li><strong>Pulling away</strong> from plans and people, a <strong>striking change in appearance</strong>, a <strong>shorter temper</strong> than usual or a <strong>dip in how someone’s managing at work</strong> can all be worth a second look too.</li> </ul> </li> </ul> </li> </ul> <p>None of these things mean anything on their own and I’d hate for anyone reading this to start diagnosing their loved ones from a checklist. However, taken together or noticed as a change from someone’s usual way of behaving are things that are worth paying attention to. The Mental Health Foundation makes a good point in their guidance on supporting someone struggling: waiting and hoping they’ll come to you can lose valuable time, so it’s better to check in a little earlier than you think you need to rather than waiting until you’re certain.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_2"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="768" height="576" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/Spotting-the-signs-of-poor-mental-health.jpg" alt="Woman Wearing a Pajama Holding Her Head View more by Karola G from Pexels" title="Spotting the signs of poor mental health" class="wp-image-235763" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_6 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>How to support a friend who’s struggling</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_7 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>Since that week, I’ve thought a lot about what I truly needed from the people around me at the time and what actually helped. So, here’s what I’d suggest based on own experience and from research on peer support:</p> <ul> <li style="list-style-type: none;"> <ul> <li style="list-style-type: none;"> <ul> <li><strong>Be kind:</strong> If you think someone is struggling, the first thing is simply to be kind. Start by checking in with the person rather than highlighting the fact that you can tell they’re not ok. You may not be the person they want to talk to about whatever it is and that’s fine. You might be, eventually, but they may simply not be ready yet. Either way, your job isn’t to get them to open up. It’s just to be there and be kind so that when they are ready, you’re one of the people they can come to.</li> <li><strong><em>Actually </em></strong><strong>listen:</strong> When someone’s ready to open up, listen … but without jumping in to fill the silence. Approaches like Mental Health First Aid put listening right at the very start, before anything else. It’s tempting to fill a pause with your own experiences or reassurances the minute they stop talking. Resist that. What matters most isn’t what you say back, it’s about allowing them to process their story.</li> <li><strong>Try not to rush in to fix it:</strong> Most of us want to solve the problem the second we hear about it because we care and it hurts to watch someone struggle. I struggle with this too. What people usually need first though is to feel heard … not managed or fixed.</li> </ul> </li> </ul> </li> </ul> <blockquote></blockquote></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_3"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/me-and-mum-post-haircut.jpg" alt="Back View of a Young Woman Walking on Stepping Stones View more by Wendy Wei from Pexels" title="me and mum post haircut" class="wp-image-235758" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_8 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><ul> <li style="list-style-type: none;"> <ul> <li style="list-style-type: none;"> <ul> <li><strong>Don’t shy away from the harder subjects:</strong> There’s a persistent myth that talking about self-harm or difficult feelings might somehow put negative ideas in someone’s head. The evidence actually says the opposite: that letting someone talk honestly (even if it’s uncomfortable for you too) tends to ease the weight rather than add to it.</li> <li><strong>Keep showing up:</strong> One check-in is rarely enough. If you can see they are still struggling, check-in again the following week, even if the first encounter felt difficult. People struggling remember those that keep showing up at a time of crisis and knowing they’ve been thought about helps.</li> <li><strong>Know your limits too</strong>: You’re a friend not a therapist. If the issues feel bigger than you can handle, suggest they see a GP or counsellor and offer to help them book it if that makes it easier.</li> </ul> </li> </ul> </li> </ul> <p>I was lucky enough to have good friends around me who spotted the signs and I had a counsellor in place so there was somewhere to process the difficult emotions and beliefs. Not everyone has that. Some people are struggling and feel they have nowhere to turn and you might be the only one who notices before things get harder than they need to.</p> <p>You don’t need the perfect words and you don’t need a plan for fixing anything. Just notice, be kind and keep showing up. Most of the time, that’s enough.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_4"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/Mailshot-CTA-images.jpg" alt="Contact Braving Boundaries: www.bravingboundaries.com" title="Contact Braving Boundaries: www.bravingboundaries.com" class="wp-image-235764" /></span></a> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_0 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/spotting-the-signs-how-to-be-there-for-a-friend-whos-struggling/">Spotting the Signs: How to be there for a friend who’s struggling</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/spotting-the-signs-how-to-be-there-for-a-friend-whos-struggling/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>The Messy Middle: Why Self-Awareness Feels Hard</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-messy-middle-why-self-awareness-feels-hard/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-messy-middle-why-self-awareness-feels-hard/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Sat, 25 Apr 2026 15:59:06 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Personal Growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[braving boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Career Growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[confidence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional intelligence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[executive coaching]]></category> <category><![CDATA[high achievers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Leadership Development]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mindset]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[professionals]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Workplace Communication]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=235610</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-messy-middle-why-self-awareness-feels-hard/">The Messy Middle: Why Self-Awareness Feels Hard</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_1 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_1 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_9 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em></em></span></strong></h5> <p><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em></em></span></strong></p> <p class="p1"><i>Many professionals look successful on the outside while feeling stuck, reactive or disconnected on the inside. This article explores why self-awareness can feel uncomfortable, why growth often gets messy before it gets better and how honest reflection and boundaries can lead to stronger leadership, healthier relationships and lasting change.</i></p> <p class="p1">Hello, my fellow high functioning, “bulletproof” professionals. Let’s have a seat – metaphorically speaking, of course, because standing makes it easier to flee when things get too real. If you’re reading this, you’ve likely survived another week of pretending you have it all together while your internal monologue is a chaotic mix of a business strategy and a silent scream into the vast, empty void.</p> <p class="p1">In the world of Braving Boundaries, we’re diving into self-awareness (catch up on more posts about <a class="underline underline underline-offset-2 decoration-1 decoration-current/40 hover:decoration-current focus:decoration-current" href="https://bravingboundaries.com/category/change-2/">boundaries and change</a>). But we aren’t doing the “sparkly Pinterest quote” version where you find your inner light while wearing linen pants on a beach. No. We’re doing the version that feels like finding a cockroach in your designer handbag – shocking, slightly nauseating, somewhat curious and utterly impossible to unsee.<strong></strong></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_10 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Why most people think they are self-aware</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_5"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1249" height="937" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Woman-Looking-at-Her-Reflection-in-a-Broken-Mirror-View-more-by-Artmim-from-Getty-Images.jpg" alt="Woman Looking at Her Reflection in a Broken Mirror View more by Artmim from Getty Images" title="Woman Looking at Her Reflection in a Broken Mirror View more by Artmim from Getty Images" class="wp-image-235651" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_11 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">Before we get personal, let’s look at the numbers. They’re deliciously, darkly grim. According to research by organisational psychologist <a href="https://tashaeurich.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1">Dr. Tasha Eurich</span></a>, 95% of people believe they are self-aware. We all think we’re the hero of the story, the “self-actualised” leader, the person who “gets it”.</p> <p class="p1">It makes us feel good about our own existential crises.</p> <p class="p1">However, the reality is a cold bucket of water – only <b>10% to 15% of people actually meet the criteria</b>. That’s a cold hard reality smack to the face if you ask me. Ego bruised and our perfectly curated delusion smashed like Avo on toast.</p> <p class="p1">That means about 85% of the people you meet today – your boss, your spouse, the person cutting you off in traffic – are walking around in a cloud of blissful, dangerous ignorance. They are unknowingly stepping on toes, alienating colleagues and repeating the same three mistakes like a glitching NPC in a video game.</p> <p class="p1">If you currently feel uncomfortable, itchy in your own skin or suddenly unsure of your “vibe”, congratulations! You’ve likely stumbled out of the delusional 95% and into the “Messy Middle”.</p> <p class="p1">Just like Neo you took the red pill and now there’s no going back. It’s a cramped, confusing place with terrible snacks, but at least the lighting is more honest. Eeeuw! Overhead lighting. I look far better in dimly lit rooms – you know – with “atmosphere” and intrigue.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_12 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>The professional mask high-achievers wear</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_6"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1250" height="937" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Woman-leading-a-business-presentation-at-a-conference-event-View-more-by-Jacob-Lund-Photography-from-Jacob-Lund.jpg" alt="Woman leading a business presentation at a conference event View more by Jacob Lund Photography from Jacob Lund" title="Woman leading a business presentation at a conference event View more by Jacob Lund Photography from Jacob Lund" class="wp-image-235650" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_13 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">As someone who has spent years perfecting the art of being “bulletproof” (albeit with a very chic bulletproof vest), I know the struggle. In the professional world, we’re taught that admitting a struggle is a death sentence for your reputation. We wear our high-functioning anxiety like a tailored blazer – it’s stiff, it’s expensive and it hides the fact that we can’t breathe. Almost like a corset, without the fabulous figure-hugging silhouette.</p> <p class="p1">I remember a specific season of my life where I thought I was being “assertive, clear and efficient”. I was the hero of my own corporate thriller – fearless, climbing mountains, swimming with metaphorical mermaids. Mermaids exist, ok? Then, a “loving critic” (someone who actually likes me but doesn’t mind watching me squirm for my own good) pointed out that my “clear communication” actually felt like a deposition to everyone else in the room.</p> <p class="p1">Shock! Horror!</p> <p class="p1">They told me that when I entered a meeting, people didn’t feel “led”, they felt “interrogated”. As if! I’m a delight.</p> <p class="p1">That moment of awareness didn’t feel like a “breakthrough”. It didn’t feel like a weight that was lifted off my shoulders. It felt like abject humiliation. It felt like I’d been walking around with spinach in my teeth for a decade while giving speeches on dental hygiene. This is the <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-ghost-in-the-corner-office-grieving-the-life-you-thought-youd-have/"><span class="s1">“Ghost in the Corner Office”</span></a> (see last month’s article) – the jarring tension between who we thought we were and who we actually are.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_14 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>The Anatomy of Corporate Purgatory</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_7"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1250" height="937" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Aerial-View-of-a-Green-Hedge-Maze-View-more-by-meydiiqbal-from-Gambar-Iqbal-Meidi-hapsal.jpg" alt="Aerial View of a Green Hedge Maze View more by meydiiqbal from Gambar Iqbal Meidi hapsal" title="Aerial View of a Green Hedge Maze View more by meydiiqbal from Gambar Iqbal Meidi hapsal" class="wp-image-235655" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_15 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">This brings us to the broader realisation – the Messy Middle isn’t just about your personality. It’s about the work itself. It’s that distinctive, agonising stretch of time where the initial adrenaline of “Innovation!” has evaporated, replaced by the realisation that you’re now professionally obligated to see this through to the bitter end.</p> <p class="p1">In the beginning, everything was beautiful. You had a slide deck with high-resolution stock photos of people pointing at glass walls. You had a budget that hadn’t been reduced by a round of unforeseen integration costs.</p> <p class="p1">You had <i>hope</i>.</p> <p class="p1">But now? You are in the thick of it. The “vision” has been replaced by a spreadsheet with 47 tabs, and the only thing “disrupting” your industry is your own rising blood pressure and a caffeine habit that would concern a cardiologist.</p> <p class="p1">The Messy Middle is the phase where reality finally catches up to your ambition and demands its pound of flesh. In the business world, this is often misdiagnosed as “poor planning”. In reality, it’s simply the point where the complexity of a task finally outweighs the novelty of starting it.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_16 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Why growth often feels worse before it feels better</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_17 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">We’ve been sold a lie that personal and professional growth is a linear, upward trajectory. We think it’s – <i>Ignorance </i><span class="s1">→</span><i> Epiphany </i><span class="s1">→</span><i> Success.</i></p> <p class="p1">Wrong!</p> <p class="p1">In reality, the process of self-awareness looks much more like – <i>Ignorance </i><span class="s1">→</span><i> Horrified Realisation </i><span class="s1">→</span><i> Existential Crisis </i><span class="s1">→</span><i> The Messy Middle </i><span class="s1">→</span><i> Tiny Bit of Clarity </i><span class="s1">→</span><i> More Horrified Realisation.</i></p> <p class="p1">It’s so fun!</p> <p class="p1">Increased self-awareness and project maturity bring discomfort because they destabilise your internal status quo.</p> <p class="p1">But here are some reasons why it may feel like you’re failing when you’re actually winning –</p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_2 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_2 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_8"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_3 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_18 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>The Death of the Avatar – </strong>you have to kill the “Professional Avatar” you built – the one that’s never flustered and always has the answer. Letting it go feels like mourning. But it’s so very freeing.</p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_3 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_4 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_9"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_5 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_19 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>The Feedback Loop of Doom –</strong> real progress requires external feedback. Hearing that your “passion” looks like “aggression” stings. It makes you want to delete your LinkedIn and move to a farm with mini goats and fluffy cows, daisies growing wild all around you. But …</p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_4 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_6 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_10"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_7 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_20 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>The “What” vs. “Why” Trap – </strong>asking “Why” leads to a rumination spiral. Asking “What is happening right now?” leads to observation. But “What” is terrifying because it requires you to look at your behaviour without the shield of an excuse. I sometimes hide behind the cuteness that is my Georgia Peach. Because if you can still see my rubbish behind the adorable fluff ball in front of you, then what I’m selling truly does stink.</p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_5"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_8 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_21 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Repair Mode: Awareness in Action</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_11"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1250" height="937" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Writing-in-a-notebook-with-a-pen-in-hand-View-more-by-Lina-Darjans-Images.jpg" alt="Writing in a notebook with a pen in hand View more by Lina Darjan's Images" title="Writing in a notebook with a pen in hand View more by Lina Darjan's Images" class="wp-image-235652" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_22 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">Once you’ve sat in the discomfort and realised that you aren’t the infallible G-d-Queen of the boardroom (I know, it’s a surprise to me too), you enter the most critical phase – <b>Repair Mode</b>.</p> <p class="p1">Self-awareness without repair is just a fancy way of being a self-aware jerk. Repair Mode is the bridge between <i>knowing</i> you’re difficult – or that your project is failing – and <i>actually changing</i> the impact you have on others. It’s where the rubber meets the road and usually, that road is covered in broken glass. So, stepping lightly is usually a good idea. I’d leave the stilettos behind if I were you.</p> <h3 class="p1"><b><i>Step 1: The Tactical Apology (Not the Ego-Stroking One)</i></b></h3> <p class="p1">Repair starts with acknowledging the impact, not the intent. Nobody cares if you “intended” to be helpful when you actually just spoke over them for twenty minutes. Repair Mode sounds like – <i>“I realised that, in our last meeting, I dominated the conversation and didn’t leave room for your input. I’m working on my self-awareness and I’m sorry for the impact that had on the team”.</i></p> <p class="p1">Let’s not go down the same road as Jose Mourinho during his “self-aware” <a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=i+appologise+but+i+apologise+to+an+idiot+soccer+coach&sca_esv=4074d84388868a32&rlz=1C1AVFC_enZA990ZA990&sxsrf=ANbL-n6YC_6SOX3ewkvjBMSMTCpsGYbFyA:1776333090835&ei=IrHgadLYMoeFhbIPudOayQY&biw=1098&bih=457&ved=0ahUKEwjS8Ya3jPKTAxWHQkEAHbmpJmkQ4dUDCBE&uact=5&oq=i+appologise+but+i+apologise+to+an+idiot+soccer+coach&gs_lp=Egxnd3Mtd2l6LXNlcnAiNWkgYXBwb2xvZ2lzZSBidXQgaSBhcG9sb2dpc2UgdG8gYW4gaWRpb3Qgc29jY2VyIGNvYWNoSNQfUPkFWKMacAF4AJABAJgB7AKgAeMdqgEGMi0xMS4yuAEDyAEA-AEBmAIBoAILwgIOEAAYgAQYsAMYhgMYigXCAgsQABiABBiwAxiiBMICCxAAGLADGKIEGIkFmAMA4gMFEgExIECIBgGQBgqSBwExoAenGrIHALgHAMIHAzMtMcgHCYAIAA&sclient=gws-wiz-serp#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:450a2854,vid:ofL054wxBXc,st:0" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1">apology</span></a>.</p> <h3 class="p1"><b><i>Step 2: Closing the Gap</i></b></h3> <p class="p1">Repair Mode requires you to close the gap between your perception and theirs. This means asking for real-time course correction. Tell your team – <i>“I know I have a tendency to micromanage when I’m stressed. If you see me doing it, please use the code word ‘Oxygen’. It’ll help me reset”.</i> This gives others permission to help you stay aware. Just remember you gave your team and/or partner this permission – don’t go biting the messenger.</p> <h3 class="p1"><b><i>Step 3: Self-Forgiveness (The Hard Part)</i></b></h3> <p class="p1">You cannot repair a relationship if you’re drowning in self-loathing. If you’re constantly beating yourself up, you become the “victim” again and suddenly the conversation is about <i>your</i> feelings instead of the people you hurt. Repair requires you to be stable enough to hold space for others.</p> <p class="p1">So, pull up your socks and put your “big girl panties” on!</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_23 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Redefining progress in the Messy Middle</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_12"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1250" height="937" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Stepping-stones-on-a-garden-path-View-more-by-Horia-Ionescus-Images.jpg" alt="Stepping stones on a garden path View more by Horia Ionescu's Images" title="Stepping stones on a garden path View more by Horia Ionescu's Images" class="wp-image-235648" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_24 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">In the Messy Middle, you must learn to find “micro-victories”. We used to joke that specialists found joy in a perfectly placed semicolon in a 400-page contract. Because semantics matter. Apparently. But, in the broader business world, it’s about <i>Milestones of Survival</i>.</p> <p class="p1"> <ul class="ul1"> <li class="li1">Did you make it through a Monday without a “quick sync” that lasted four hours? <i>That’s progress.</i></li> <li class="li1">Did you successfully survive another meeting where “synergy” was offered instead of a functional database? <i>That’s a win.</i></li> <li class="li1">Did you manage to keep your internal monologue from becoming your external dialogue? <i>That’s</i> p<i>romotion material.</i></li> </ul></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_25 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Setting boundaries at work: The brave “No”</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_26 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">This is where boundaries go to die. Because you’re desperate for a sense of forward motion, you’re tempted to say “Yes” to every distraction, hoping one of them is the magic bullet. This is a lie. Self-awareness is what helps you recognise when you are overcommitting, people-pleasing or mistaking exhaustion for ambition. True “Braving Boundaries” means having the audacity to protect your focus –</p> <p class="p1"> <ul class="ul1"> <li class="li1"><b>The Calendar Boundary – </b>marking yourself as <i>“Busy: Strategic Analysis”</i> for four hours just to do your job, while everyone else assumes you are in a very high-powered meeting about “Leveraging Assets”.</li> <li class="li1"><b>The Emotional Boundary –</b> recognising that a project’s “messiness” isn’t a reflection of your worth. Your value cannot be measured by deadlines, deliverables or this quarter’s spreadsheet.</li> </ul></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_27 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Why growth happens in difficult seasons</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_13"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1250" height="937" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Rain-in-the-city-View-more-by-Chalabala-from-Getty-Images.jpg" alt="Rain in the city View more by Chalabala from Getty Images" title="Rain in the city View more by Chalabala from Getty Images" class="wp-image-235654" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_28 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">Here’s the dark, satirical truth – the finish line is overrated. Once you finish, you just get a bigger, messier project as a “reward” for your competence. The Messy Middle is where the actual growth happens – mostly because you’re too exhausted to maintain your professional facade.</p> <p class="p1">It’s in the middle that teams actually bond (usually over a shared frustration with the new project management software). It’s where processes get lean (because you literally don’t have the energy for the “fluff” anymore). It’s where true leadership is forged (or at least, people who can keep a straight face while explaining a 200% budget overrun are identified for future executive roles).</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_29 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>4 survival tactics for overwhelmed professionals</strong></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_6 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_9 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_14"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_10 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_30 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Lower the Bar –</strong> not for quality, but for your expectations of “perfection”. You’re looking for “functional and not currently on fire.”</p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_7 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_11 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_15"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_12 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_31 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Find Your “Personal Board of Advisors” –</strong> the 2-3 colleagues you can text at 10:00 PM to ask, <i>“Is it just me, or is this whole initiative actually a social experiment?”</i></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_8 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_13 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_16"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_14 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_32 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Acknowledge the Hallucination –</strong> just as AI has “hallucinations”, corporate strategies have them too. When the plan stops making sense, stop following the plan.</p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_9 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_15 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_17"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_16 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_33 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Practice Strategic Apathy – </strong>care deeply about the outcome, but care very little about the “noise”. You’re the mountain. A very tired, slightly cynical mountain.</p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_10"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_17 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_34 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>If your team is stuck in the Messy Middle together, our <a class="underline underline underline-offset-2 decoration-1 decoration-current/40 hover:decoration-current focus:decoration-current" href="https://bravingboundaries.com/corporate-creative-workshops-seminars/">corporate workshops</a> are built for exactly this.</p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_11"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_18 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_35 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Here’s to the Elite (and the Exhausted)</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_18"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1250" height="937" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Happy-beautiful-woman-laughing-while-holding-coffee-View-more-by-YakobchukOlena-from-Getty-Images.jpg" alt="Happy beautiful woman laughing while holding coffee View more by YakobchukOlena from Getty Images" title="Happy beautiful woman laughing while holding coffee View more by YakobchukOlena from Getty Images" class="wp-image-235647" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_36 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">At <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/"><span class="s1"><b>Braving Boundaries</b></span></a>, we’ve realised that the most “elite” professionals aren’t the ones with the cleanest desks. They’re the ones who can sit in the middle of a chaotic, half-finished, over-budget disaster and calmly ask,<i> “Ok, what’s the next small step?”</i><i></i></p> <p class="p1">We’re eternally grateful for the Messy Middle. Without it, we wouldn’t need sophisticated technology, high-level strategic consulting or three double espressos before 9:00 AM. We’d just be people with good ideas and no way to execute them.</p> <p class="p1">So, here’s to the orchestrators of the chaos, the survivors of the “mid-project slump” and the professionals who still haven’t figured out why their automated workflows are sending invoices to the office cat.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_37 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Ready to brave your boundaries?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_38 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">If this article made you feel slightly attacked, incredibly seen or just deeply uncomfortable – good. That’s the first step toward a version of you that doesn’t need a cardboard cutout to survive the day.</p> <p class="p1">But you don’t have to navigate the “Messy Middle” or the “Repair Mode” alone. If you’re ready to trade your armour for actual, sustainable growth, it’s time to talk to a professional who knows how to navigate these trenches.</p> <p class="p1"><strong><span class="s1"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><i>Contact</i></a></span><i> Frieda Levycky at Braving Boundaries.</i></strong><b><i></i></b></p> <p class="p1"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/my-story/">Frieda</a> specialises in helping professionals navigate the complex, often messy world of self-awareness, emotional intelligence and sustainable growth. Whether you’re a lawyer, a CEO, an overworked Executive or just someone tired of their own excuses, Frieda provides the sounding board you need to move from “horrified realisation” to “meaningful change”.</p> <p class="p1"><b>Explore <a class="underline underline underline-offset-2 decoration-1 decoration-current/40 hover:decoration-current focus:decoration-current" href="https://bravingboundaries.com/work-with-me/individual-coaching/">individual coaching with Frieda</a> — designed for professionals who are done performing and ready to do the real work.</b></p> <p class="p1">Stop pretending you’re bulletproof. Start being real. The view from the 15% is much better – even if it takes a little discomfort to get there.</p> <p class="p1"> <p class="p2"><span class="s2"><i>(Sources used and to whom we owe thanks – </i><a href="https://skillpath.com/blog/self-awareness-is-the-strongest-predictor-of-leadership-success" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>Skillpath</i></span></a><i>; LinkedIn </i><a href="https://www.linkedin.com/posts/tashaeurich_think-youre-self-aware-odds-are-youre-activity-7361475393603715072-eYRk/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>here</i></span></a><i>, </i><a href="https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/my-three-biggest-self-awareness-lessons-researcher-tasha-eurich/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>here</i></span></a></span><span class="s3"> </span><span class="s2"><i>and </i><a href="https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/google-decodes-messy-middle-buying-process-g-david-dodd/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>here</i></span></a><i>; </i><a href="https://www.successpodcast.com/show-notes/2020/5/20/you-arent-actually-self-aware-with-tasha-eurich#:~:text=She%2520is%2520the%2520New%2520York,Understanding%2520how%2520people%2520see%2520us." target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>Success Podcast</i></span></a><i>; </i><a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/jeffkauflin/2017/05/10/only-15-of-people-are-self-aware-heres-how-to-change/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>Forbes</i></span></a><i>; </i><a href="https://hbr.org/2018/01/what-self-awareness-really-is-and-how-to-cultivate-it" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>Harvard Business Review</i></span></a><i>; </i><a href="https://medium.com/mind-cafe/why-introspection-isnt-the-best-way-to-self-awareness-140b8492e6fe" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>Medium</i></span></a><i>; </i><a href="https://katedejong.com/the-self-awareness-gap/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>Kate de Jong</i></span></a><i>; </i><a href="https://tim.blog/2018/09/13/scott-belsky/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>Tim Ferriss</i></span></a><i>; </i><a href="https://www.ted.com/talks/tasha_eurich_increase_your_self_awareness_with_one_simple_fix" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>TED Talks</i></span></a><i> and </i><a href="https://www.tech4law.co.za/news-in-brief/local/taking-stock-part-i/#:~:text=We%2520all%2520look%2520forward%2520to,happens%2520to%2520all%2520of%2520us.&text=But%2520what%2520does%2520that%2520quote,the%2520Forrest%2520for%2520the%2520trees." target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>Tech4law</i></span></a><i>). <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></i></span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_19"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Mailshot-CTA-images.png" alt="" title="Mailshot CTA images" class="wp-image-235639" /></span></a> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_1 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_12 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_19 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_20"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_20 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_39 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-messy-middle-why-self-awareness-feels-hard/">The Messy Middle: Why Self-Awareness Feels Hard</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-messy-middle-why-self-awareness-feels-hard/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>The Ghost in the Corner Office: Grieving the Life You Thought You’d Have</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-ghost-in-the-corner-office-grieving-the-life-you-thought-youd-have/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-ghost-in-the-corner-office-grieving-the-life-you-thought-youd-have/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 26 Mar 2026 06:43:25 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Lawyer Life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Lessons Learned]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Life after Law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Personal Growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[authentic living]]></category> <category><![CDATA[burnout and recovery]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Burnout and transition]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Career identity]]></category> <category><![CDATA[career transition]]></category> <category><![CDATA[High achiever pressure]]></category> <category><![CDATA[high achievers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Identity shift]]></category> <category><![CDATA[leadership identity]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Life Transitions]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Professional change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[professional identity]]></category> <category><![CDATA[redefining success]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=235581</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-ghost-in-the-corner-office-grieving-the-life-you-thought-youd-have/">The Ghost in the Corner Office: Grieving the Life You Thought You’d Have</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_2 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_13"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_21 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_40 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em></em></span></strong></p> <p class="p1"><i>Many professionals reach a point where life looks successful on paper but feels different on the inside. This tension between who we thought we would become and who we are today often brings a subtle form of grief that few people talk about. Alicia Koch explores this experience with honesty, humour and insight.</i></p> <p class="p1">Let’s perform a quick autopsy on your twenty-two-year-old self. You remember them, right? That bright-eyed, over-caffeinated specimen of pure, unadulterated potential? They had a Five-Year Plan etched in stone – probably in a very expensive Moleskine – and a wardrobe that screamed “<i>I have never experienced a lumbar spasm or a panic attack in a bathroom stall”.</i></p> <p class="p1">They knew exactly where they were going – the corner office, the partner track, the perfectly curated offspring, and a lifestyle that looked less like a frantic scramble for sanity and more like a high-end neutral-toned linen advertisement.</p> <p class="p1">And then, life happened.</p> <p class="p1">Not the cinematic, tragic kind of life – though there’s plenty of that – but the slow, grinding, bureaucratic reality of existing.</p> <p class="p1">Now, here you are. Maybe you’re the CEO of a company that consumes your soul like a Dementor at an all-you-can-eat buffet. Maybe you’re a lawyer who realised that <i>Suits</i> was a filthy, stylish lie and real practice is mostly just discovery disputes and high-functioning alcoholism. Maybe you’re a stay-at-home mother wondering why your master’s degree is currently being used as a coaster for a lukewarm cup of apple juice.</p> <p class="p1">Or maybe you’re like me.</p> <p class="p1">I used to be a lawyer. I had the degree, the path, and the crushing weight of billable hours that felt like a slow-motion car crash. Today, I am the owner and founder of <a href="https://thelegalbelletrist.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1">The Legal Belletrist</span></a>, the proud mother to four cats, and a woman who has traded courtrooms for a keyboard and a very complicated relationship with my own immune system.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_41 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>The Great “Absolutely Not” Moment</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_21"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/03/verworked-Asian-woman-falls-asleep-on-desk-with-paperwork-lapto-View-more-by-nuttapong-punna-from-nuttapong-punnas-Images.png" alt="Overworked Asian woman falls asleep on desk with paperwork, lapto View more by nuttapong punna from nuttapong punna's Images" title="verworked Asian woman falls asleep on desk with paperwork, lapto View more by nuttapong punna from nuttapong punna's Images" class="wp-image-235601" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_42 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">Let’s talk about the “Breakdown.” Or the “Burnout.” Or, as I prefer to call it, <i>The Tuesday My Soul Resigned Without Giving Two Weeks’ Notice.</i></p> <p class="p1">There I was, a high-functioning cog in the legal machine, staring at a stack of documents so dry they could have been used as kindling in a rainforest. My brain felt like a browser with forty-seven tabs open, three of them were frozen, and one was playing circus music that I couldn’t find to turn off.</p> <p class="p1">I was a “Success Story” by every societal metric, yet I was sitting in my car in the office parking lot, weeping over a lukewarm granola bar because I couldn’t remember if I’d fed the cats or if I’d just dreamed about feeding the cats. Or worse if the cats were real.</p> <p class="p1">That was the moment the “Absolutely Not” arrived. It wasn’t a whisper, it was a roar. It was the realisation that if I had to draft one more contract or sit through one more meeting where “synergy” was used unironically, I might actually spontaneously combust.</p> <p class="p1">I quit. I walked away from the path I’d spent a decade paving. And then? The hollow hit.</p> <p class="p1">You know that feeling? It’s the gut-level <i>“What Now?”</i> And it’s the silence that follows when you stop running on a treadmill you didn’t even want to be on. I sat in my house – with the four cats who, for the record, were perfectly well-fed – and felt like a hollowed-out pumpkin in mid-November. I was Alicia Koch, Lawyer. Without the “Lawyer,” I was just Alicia Koch, <i>Woman Who Is Very Good At Crying In Parking Lots.</i></p> <p class="p1">And then, the genius hit. Or rather, it tripped over me.</p> <p class="p1">I started writing. Not legal briefs. Not “Whereas” and “Heretofore.” Just… words. It was like my brain had been a pressurised steam cooker and someone finally flipped the valve. Out came the wit, the satire, the observations of a life lived in the trenches of the billable hour. I looked at the screen and thought, <i>Where the hell did that come from? Was this in there the whole time?</i><i></i></p> <p class="p1">Suddenly, The Legal Belletrist wasn’t just an idea, it was a lifeline. It was the “something else” I never saw coming because I was too busy staring at the corner office. I realised I could either wither in the shadow of who I <i>thought</i> I should be, or I could make hay while the sun shone – even if that sun was mostly illuminating cat hair on my sofa.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_43 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>The Ghost of the “Better” You</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_22"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/03/man-looking-at-pixelated-reflection-of-himself.png" alt="man looking at pixelated reflection of himself" title="man looking at pixelated reflection of himself" class="wp-image-235600" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_44 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">This is what I mean by subtle grief. It’s not the explosive, Hallmark-movie sorrow of a sudden loss. It’s the low-frequency hum of the life you <i>didn’t</i> live. It’s the mourning of a version of yourself that never actually existed outside of your imagination.</p> <p class="p1">It’s the Executive who looks at their private jet and feels a pang of longing for the starving artist they promised they’d be back in undergrad. It’s the woman who chose not to have children, standing in a quiet, pristine kitchen, feeling the phantom weight of a choice she doesn’t regret but still feels the need to acknowledge. It’s the person struggling with a body that has turned into a traitor – hello, <a href="https://autoimmune.org/autoimmune-awareness-month/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1">Autoimmune Awareness Month</span></a> – grieving the effortless mobility they once took for granted before their cells decided to stage a mutiny.</p> <p class="p1">This isn’t dissatisfaction. It isn’t regret. You can love your life, your cats, and your career, and still feel the sting of the <i>“Alternative Me”</i>. You can be objectively successful and still feel like a ghost is haunting your achievements.</p> <p class="p1">We are taught to “pivot” and “hustle.” We are told to “manifest” our dreams by shouting at the universe until it gives in. But nobody tells us how to hold a funeral for the dreams that died of natural causes.</p> <p class="p1">We just pack them into the basement of our psyche and wonder why we feel so heavy when we’re walking up the stairs (for the record that could just be my immense unfitness talking).</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_45 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>The Corporate Martyr and the Domestic Saint</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_23"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/03/Female-CEO-at-desk-View-more-by-Pressmaster-from-Getty-Images.png" alt="" title="Female CEO at desk View more by Pressmaster from Getty Images" class="wp-image-235599" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_46 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">Whether you are a high-flying CEO or a man living alone with a sourdough starter kit and a subscription to a gym you only visit in your recurring nightmares, we all share this – <strong>the gap between the expectation and the evidence.</strong></p> <p class="p1">For the professionals, the grief is often wrapped in gold leaf. You reached the summit, only to find the air is thin and the view is mostly just other exhausted people pretending they aren’t dizzy. You grieve the passion you traded for a pension. You grieve the version of you that didn’t have to check emails during your sister’s wedding.</p> <p class="p1">For the parents – and those of us who took a different exit on the motherhood highway – the grief is visceral. To the stay-at-home mothers – you love them, obviously, but you might grieve the woman who could leave the house with nothing but a lipstick and a sense of spontaneity, rather than a diaper bag that weighs more than a small planet. To the women who chose not to be mothers, or those of us still trying, or those whose path simply didn’t lead there – we enjoy the sleep and the freedom, but we might grieve the “normality” the world insists we’re missing out on.</p> <p class="p1">And for those of us dealing with the “invisible” battles – the depression that feels like walking through waist-deep molasses, or the autoimmune flare-ups that turn a simple Tuesday into an Olympic feat of endurance – the grief is about <strong>identity</strong>.</p> <p class="p1">Who are you when you can’t “produce” at 110%? Who are you when your body says “no” while your ambition is screaming “KEEP GOING”?</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_47 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Why Sarcasm is a Valid Coping Mechanism (Until it Isn’t)</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_24"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/03/Person-Sitting-on-Rocks-in-Nature-Malmedy-View-more-by-Maarten-Ceulemans-from-Pexels.jpg" alt="Person Sitting on Rocks in Nature, Malmedy View more by Maarten Ceulemans from Pexels" title="Person Sitting on Rocks in Nature, Malmedy View more by Maarten Ceulemans from Pexels" class="wp-image-235604" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_48 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">We use wit and sarcasm to shield ourselves from the earnestness of this pain. It’s easier to make a joke about being a “cat lady” or having a “mid-life rebrand” than it is to sit down and say, <i>“I am sad that I am not who I thought I’d be, even though I quite like who I am”. </i>For real.</p> <p class="p1">Sarcasm is the armour of the burnt-out. It’s the language of the CEO who hasn’t slept since the Obama administration and the lawyer who has forgotten what sunlight looks like. But armour is heavy. Eventually, you have to take it off to see where you’re bleeding.</p> <p class="p1">But the truth really is – your “unmet expectations” aren’t failures. They are the shedding of a skin that no longer fits.</p> <p class="p1">Even snakes probably feel a bit chilly and vulnerable when they leave their old selves behind on a rock.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_49 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>The Beauty of the “Wrong” Life</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_50 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">My life isn’t the one I initially picked. I didn’t sign up for the autoimmune “party” or the mental health hurdles that make some days feel like I’m trying to climb Everest in flip-flops. But in the space where the “Power Lawyer” used to be, something more authentic grew. A writer. A business owner. A human being who understands that <strong>showing up</strong> – even if you’re showing up in pyjamas with a cat on your lap – is the bravest thing you can do.</p> <p class="p1">If you are currently at the end of your tether, looking at the frayed rope and wondering if you should just let go, listen closely – The tether was an illusion!</p> <p class="p1">The grief you feel for your “ideal self” is actually a sign of life. It means you still have the capacity to imagine. It means you have a heart that remembers its desires. The goal isn’t to kill the grief. No. It’s to invite it to tea, acknowledge its presence, and then tell it to sit in the corner while you get on with the business of living the life you actually have.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_51 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>The Evolution of Identity</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_25"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/03/Identity-problem-View-more-by-numbeos-from-Getty-Images-Signature.png" alt="" title="Identity problem View more by numbeos from Getty Images Signature" class="wp-image-235598" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_52 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">We are not static objects. We are not “finished” when we hit thirty, forty, or sixty. Your identity is a liquid, not a solid. It pours itself into the containers life provides. Sometimes the container is a boardroom, sometimes it’s a doctor’s office, sometimes it’s a quiet house with four cats and a deadline.</p> <p class="p1">The subtle grief comes when we try to force our liquid selves back into the old, cracked jars of our youth.</p> <p class="p1">March is Autoimmune Awareness Month, a time for awareness of our bodies, our health, and the silent struggles we carry. <strong>But let’s also make it a month for identity awareness</strong><b>. </b></p> <p class="p1">Let’s stop pretending that we are all “crushing it” and acknowledge that some days, the only thing we are crushing is our own spirit trying to meet impossible standards.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_53 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Making it the Best Darn Thing</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_54 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">It may not be the life you initially picked. You might be tired, you might be aching, and you might be wondering where that twenty-two-year-old with the Moleskine went. But the version of you that exists right now – the one who has survived the disappointments, the burnouts, and the “what ifs” – <strong>is much more interesting than the person you imagined you’d be!</strong> Honestly.</p> <p class="p1">The person you imagined was a cardboard cutout. The person you are is a masterpiece of scar tissue, resilience, and hard-won wisdom.</p> <p class="p1">So, here is the deal – you’re allowed to mourn the life you didn’t have. You’re allowed to be sad about the parts of yourself that didn’t make the cut. But once you’ve had a good cry (and perhaps a very sarcastic rant to your pets), you have to look at the life you <i>are</i> living.</p> <p class="p1"><span class="s1"><i>Make it the best darn thing you’ve ever seen. Not because it’s perfect – it’s clearly a mess – but because it’s yours.</i></span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_55 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Are you tired of hauling the luggage of who you thought you’d be?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_56 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">If you are struggling with unmet expectations, evolving priorities, or the shifting sands of your<b> </b>identity, you don’t have to navigate the fog alone. Frieda Levycky of <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/"><span class="s1">Braving Boundaries </span></a>specialises in helping professionals, executives, and anyone at the end of their tether navigate these messy transitions.</p> <p class="p1">It’s time to stop grieving the ghost and start living the life you’ve actually got. <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span class="s1">Contact </span></a>Frieda Levycky at Braving Boundaries today to help shape the identity you were always meant to have.</p> <p class="p1">It may not be the life you picked, but we can make it the best darn thing ever!</p> <p class="p2"><i>(Sources used and to whom we owe thanks – </i><a href="https://whatsyourgrief.com/grieving-who-i-used-to-be/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>What’s your grief</i></span></a><i>). <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></i></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_26"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/03/Mailshot-CTA-images.jpg" alt="" title="Mailshot CTA images" class="wp-image-235596" /></span></a> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_2 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_14 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_22 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_27"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_23 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_57 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-ghost-in-the-corner-office-grieving-the-life-you-thought-youd-have/">The Ghost in the Corner Office: Grieving the Life You Thought You’d Have</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-ghost-in-the-corner-office-grieving-the-life-you-thought-youd-have/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>If Our Lives Were a Movie</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/if-our-lives-were-a-movie/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/if-our-lives-were-a-movie/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 16 Dec 2025 14:40:58 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Celebrations & Festivities]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Effective communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Personal Growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[chronic illness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[family]]></category> <category><![CDATA[festive reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[honesty]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life lessons]]></category> <category><![CDATA[love actually]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-worth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[year-end reflection]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=235481</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/if-our-lives-were-a-movie/">If Our Lives Were a Movie</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_3 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_15"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_24 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_58 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_59 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Rated ‘U’ for Unexpected: A Love, Actually Remake Starring Me, a Bear, and a Maine Coon</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_60 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">As a certified, card-carrying love fool – the kind who still believes Hugh Grant can dance and that a handwritten sign is the peak of romantic communication – I decided to view my year through the soft-focus, ensemble-cast lens of <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H9Z3_ifFheQ" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>Love, Actually</i></span></a>. It seemed fitting. I am a complete romantic, I always root for the underdog (usually me and my perpetually swollen joints), and frankly, my life often feels like a series of interconnected, slightly chaotic subplots that sometimes involve airport scenes that drag on too long.</p> <p class="p1">This year’s production was an emotional rollercoaster, complete with a heartwarming soundtrack, a pivotal Christmas pageant scene (metaphorically speaking), and enough anti-inflammatories and painkillers to sedate a small elephant.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_61 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>The Prime Minister and the Tea Lady (That’s Me and My Boundaries)</strong></h3></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_28"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/Metal-door-View-more-by-pixbox77-from-Getty-Images.jpg" alt="Metal door View more by pixbox77 from Getty Images" title="Metal door View more by pixbox77 from Getty Images" class="wp-image-235497" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_62 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">My main plotline, much like the Prime Minister’s awkward-but-charming romance with the tea lady, Natalie, was learning to put myself first and establish some much-needed boundaries. I spent years being the human equivalent of a revolving door for other people’s dramas, other people’s outrageous lies, always apologetic, always in pain, but perpetually available for a crisis I didn’t create.</p> <p class="p1">This year, the door was firmly shut and possibly reinforced with hardened steel, much to the chagrin of my autoimmune system, which decided to throw a flare-up party every time I used the word “no.” My anxiety disorder provided a running commentary from the sidelines: <i>“Are you sure you should have said that? They hate you now. You’re going to die alone.”</i> (My anxiety is a dramatic diva. Much like me).</p> <p class="p1">The result? A rather surprising revelation about my supporting cast. The people who complained about the new boundaries turned out to be the ones using the revolving door as a shortcut. The friends who stayed? They brought casseroles, respected the “Do Not Disturb” sign, and didn’t mind when I cancelled plans because my psoriatic arthritis decided my ankle looked like a balloon. It turns out that true friendship, much like good lighting in a British rom com, doesn’t need constant negotiation. It just works.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_63 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>Sarah and Karl (The Family Plot Twist)</strong></h3></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_29"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/Woman-Recording-Video-of-Cat-View-more-by-Yasar-Baskurt-from-Pexels.jpg" alt="Woman Recording Video of Cat View more by Yaşar Başkurt from Pexels" title="Woman Recording Video of Cat View more by Yaşar Başkurt from Pexels" class="wp-image-235496" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_64 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">My Sarah/Karl storyline was perhaps the most poignant and least-dramatic heartbreak of the year. Sarah is the lovely woman who puts her life on hold for her institutionalised brother, sacrificing her chance with Karl, the gorgeous office crush. It’s a beautifully painful subplot about duty and impossible timing.</p> <p class="p1">My twist, however, was about redefining “family.” I had to accept a hard truth – some family can’t be chosen, and sometimes, they choose not to choose you back. The phone call that interrupts the perfect romantic moment with Karl is a painful reality check.</p> <p class="p1">But here’s the unexpected cinematic magic: other family members, whom I’d never been particularly close to in my sordid past, stepped into the void and became everything to me. It was a beautiful, quiet realisation that connection is measured not in shared DNA, but in shared presence. My “Karl” moment was a pivot toward people who answered the phone when I called, rather than letting it ring out.</p> <p class="p1">They also send rather cute cat videos via Instagram and WhatsApp. I’m lucky like that.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_65 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>Jamie and Aurélia (Telling My Clients the Truth)</strong></h3></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_30"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/Discovering-the-truth-View-more-by-esolla-from-Getty-Images-Signature.jpg" alt="Discovering the truth View more by esolla from Getty Images Signature" title="Discovering the truth View more by esolla from Getty Images Signature" class="wp-image-235495" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_66 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">Jamie (Colin Firth) learns Portuguese for Aurélia, the beautiful housekeeper he can barely communicate with. It’s a grand, slightly mad gesture of connection.</p> <p class="p1">In my professional life, I had my own “learn Portuguese” moment. Instead of jargon and corporate-speak, my “Portuguese” was vulnerability. Telling clients my truth – setting realistic expectations, admitting when my chronic illness meant I needed more time, and being transparent about my capacity. It felt incredibly risky, especially with my depression whispering that I was surely about to be fired.</p> <p class="p1">The result? Stronger, deeper, and more respectful relationships. They didn’t fire me. Instead, they appreciated the honesty. We’re no longer just colleagues, we’re a united front against deadlines. Who knew honesty was the ultimate business development tool?</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_67 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>The Sidekick: Georgia Peach</strong></h3></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_31"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/Majestic-Maine-Coon-Cat-on-Cozy-Sofa-View-more-by-Ludovic-Delot-from-Pexels.jpg" alt="Majestic Maine Coon Cat on Cozy Sofa View more by Ludovic Delot from Pexels" title="Majestic Maine Coon Cat on Cozy Sofa View more by Ludovic Delot from Pexels" class="wp-image-235494" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_68 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">Every leading lady needs a fabulous sidekick. Mine wasn’t the delightfully sassy <i>Love, Actually</i> assistant, Mia. I have a full “Hairy Board of Directors.” I am a mother of cats, four perfect creatures who demand tribute and offer unconditional moral support.</p> <p class="p1">Special mention is to my Georgia Peach, my soul cat, and a majestic Maine Coon kitty. She is the quiet observer of my grand romantic gestures and dramatic boundary-setting. She was the hairy, purring anchor during every emotional scene, reminding me that the world looks better from the top of the refrigerator, and that all problems can be temporarily solved by demanding treats. Great minds think alike in that way.</p> <p class="p1">The other three – well, they mostly just reminded me that if I collapse in pain, they might eat my face, but they’d <i>probably</i> feel bad about it later. They taught me that sometimes the best form of support is simply curling up next to someone and not judging their choice of rom-com or the staggering amount of pain relief on my bedside table.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_69 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>My Happily Ever After: Big Bear and the Matchmaking Kitty</strong></h3></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_32"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/Loving-Supportive-Husband-Holding-Hand-of-Sad-Wife-View-more-by-dimaberlinphotos-2.jpg" alt="Loving Supportive Husband Holding Hand of Sad Wife View more by dimaberlinphotos (2)" title="Loving Supportive Husband Holding Hand of Sad Wife View more by dimaberlinphotos (2)" class="wp-image-235492" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_70 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">My life is a movie where I hit the jackpot in love, although it wasn’t always this way. In a previous subplot, my first cat, Hugo Boss, a big ginger kitty with excellent taste in suitors, actually helped me choose my husband. He just knew.</p> <p class="p1">And my husband, whom I lovingly call Big Bear, showed up this year – as he always does (truly) – in so many ways. He’s the quiet hero who doesn’t need a spotlight, but who ensures the show goes on. He’s the safe harbour when the autoimmune storm rages, the one who patiently listens to my anxiety’s dramatic monologues. Our love story is the stable, grounding storyline that balances out my personal chaos.</p> <p class="p1">And when in doubt he supplies ice-cream. And that works too.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_71 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>What I Learned in the Final Reel</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_72 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">As the credits prepared to roll on my year, I looked back at the messy, beautiful montage of my life. The scenes involving severe joint pain and depressive episodes didn’t make the final cut, but their lessons certainly remained.</p> <p class="p1">I learned to be kinder to myself and those in my immediate circle. It’s a small cast, but a stellar one. I learned patience – everyone truly does get what they deserve, though sometimes the universe’s delivery schedule is slower than international airmail at Christmas.</p> <p class="p1">And the biggest takeaway? The truth will out. It always does. You can’t hide behind flimsy excuses or avoidance forever. Honesty, with others and especially yourself, sets you free. Usually in slow motion, and possibly to a Sugababes song.</p> <p class="p1">As we all prepare to dash through our respective airport terminals to meet our future selves, I gently invite you to reflect on your own blockbuster year with compassion, humour (most definitely), and a sense of closure. What was your main plot twist? Who was your unlikely sidekick? What truth finally found its way out?</p> <p class="p1">Grab a box of tissues, cue the festive music, and let’s end this year in a way that makes us feel good about what’s to come in 2026. This is our cinematic homecoming. Remember: Love (of self, boundaries, very large cats, a supportive Big Bear, and a decent pain management plan), actually, <i>is</i> all around.</p> <p class="p1">Happy reflecting and Merry Christmas!</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_3 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_16 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_25 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_33"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_26 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_73 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/if-our-lives-were-a-movie/">If Our Lives Were a Movie</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/if-our-lives-were-a-movie/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>How self-worth changes the way you make decisions</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/how-self-worth-changes-the-way-you-make-decisions/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/how-self-worth-changes-the-way-you-make-decisions/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 16 Dec 2025 14:31:36 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Corporate Wellness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Lawyer Life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Team communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[career reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[coaching insights]]></category> <category><![CDATA[confidence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[decision making]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Leadership Development]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Navigating Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Personal development]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-respect]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-worth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=235503</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/how-self-worth-changes-the-way-you-make-decisions/">How self-worth changes the way you make decisions</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_4 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_17"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_27 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_74 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY FRIEDA LEVYCKY, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/" style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;">BRAVING BOUNDARIES</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em></em></span></strong></p> <p class="p1">Self-worth isn’t something we tend to think about day to day, yet it quietly sits behind almost every decision we make. It influences what we ask for, what we put up with and when we finally decide something needs to change. When you start to see your value more clearly, the choices you make begin to look very different.</p> <p class="p1">I learnt this during a conversation about a salary increase; an exchange that revealed far more about how I saw myself than I expected. It wasn’t really about the money. It was about the internal shift that comes from finally backing yourself. Once that shift begins, it has a way of reshaping your next steps, both at work and in the rest of your life.</p> <p class="p1">The experience didn’t start dramatically, it built slowly. That familiar mix of tiredness, frustration and feeling slightly invisible despite working incredibly hard. I’ve always hated confrontation. I would tell myself that my salary wasn’t that bad, that others had it worse, that raising it might make me look ungrateful or difficult. I kept my head down and carried on, even though something inside felt off.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_75 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>The appraisal that changed everything</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_34"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/A-Woman-Working-hard-in-the-Office-View-more-by-Tima-Miroshnichenko-from-Pexels.jpg" alt="A Woman Working hard in the Office View more by Tima Miroshnichenko from Pexels" title="A Woman Working hard in the Office View more by Tima Miroshnichenko from Pexels" class="wp-image-235511" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_76 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">The pressure reached a tipping point during my annual appraisal. I had already done the groundwork. I had researched market benchmarks, spoken to trusted colleagues and gathered the data I needed to make a reasonable, well-informed case. My intention was simple: a straightforward discussion about performance and fair compensation.</p> <p class="p1">The response surprised me. I was told that if I received more money, others would have to lose out. A “limited pot” for the team suddenly became my responsibility to navigate. The implication was subtle yet powerful: <em>asking for fairness meant harming the people around me</em>.</p> <p class="p1">I walked out feeling completely deflated. My request had turned into a moral dilemma. The doubt crept in quickly, which is exactly what comments like that tend to provoke. I began questioning whether I should have raised it at all, despite knowing my figures were accurate and reasonable.</p> <p class="p1">A few hours later, a different feeling settled in. I realised I wasn’t willing to sit with that discomfort or accept the guilt that had been handed to me. I emailed HR and expressed my disappointment. That email marked the first real step in backing myself. It was a quiet refusal to accept the narrative I had been given.</p> <p class="p1">What followed was a series of conversations: first with HR, then with HR and my boss together. None of it was especially comfortable, but most things worth doing rarely are. It was somewhere in the middle of it all, that the penny dropped. The problem wasn’t my request. The problem was the system that made me feel guilty for making it.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_77 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>The outcome and what truly changed</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_35"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/Person-Celebrating-in-Nature-with-Outstretched-Arms-View-more-by-Aflo-Images-from-アフロ（Aflo）.jpg" alt="Person Celebrating in Nature with Outstretched Arms View more by Aflo Images from アフロ（Aflo）" title="Person Celebrating in Nature with Outstretched Arms View more by Aflo Images from アフロ（Aflo）" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_78 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">I eventually received an increase (staggered over two years). A very corporate outcome. The most meaningful change had nothing to do with money though. It happened internally. For the first time, I stopped waiting for someone else to define my worth. I stopped outsourcing that responsibility. I stood up for myself.</p> <p class="p1">It was the first time I showed up as the <i>real</i> me. Not the overly accommodating version. Not the “I’ll just cope” version. The version that quietly knew she deserved better and finally acted on it.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_79 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>When self-worth grows, your life starts to reorganise itself</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_80 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">There’s something else worth saying here because it’s important. Times like these often leave us with a choice: do I stay or do I go? Do I keep trying to make the current situation work or has this experience shown me that I’ve outgrown the box I’m in?</p> <p class="p1">We often imagine that once we take a stand and “win” (whether that’s a pay increase, a promotion or some acknowledgment), things will feel better. Yet, sometimes, all it does is confirm that the box you’ve been squeezing yourself into no longer fits. That’s exactly what happened to me.</p> <p class="p1">Was I pleased with the increase? Yes, on the surface. Was it market value? No, but by then it wasn’t even about the numbers. It was about something far more internal. It was the realisation that I was <i>allowed</i> to ask for more: more money, more balance, more respect, more alignment. That shift doesn’t stay neatly contained in one corner of your life. It ripples.</p> <blockquote> <p class="p2"><b><i>Once you recognise you’re allowed to want more, it becomes very hard to un-see it.</i></b></p> </blockquote> <p class="p1">That point of showing up in my career opened a much wider door. Not long after, I left that job to take a gap year. I also ended friendships and romantic relationships that weren’t good for me. It wasn’t dramatic or chaotic. It was simply a series of decisions rooted in a new, steadier sense of self-worth.</p> <p class="p1">When you finally show up for yourself in one area of your life, you begin to show up everywhere.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_81 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Why these shifts matter</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_36"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/Frieda-Levycky-with-a-coffee-cup.jpg" alt="Frieda Levycky with a coffee cup" title="Frieda Levycky with a coffee cup" class="wp-image-235509" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_82 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">Personal change does not usually arrive through grand gestures. Most of it is shaped by small, uncomfortable choices that you replay in your mind long after the conversation ends. Those choices quietly mark a before and after.</p> <p class="p1">Self-worth influences those decisions more than we realise. It shapes what we accept, what we ask for and when we finally choose a different path.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_83 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>What coaching helped me see</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_84 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">The experience did not turn me into someone who enjoys confrontation or enters every challenging discussion with flawless confidence. What it did do was open a door to deeper self-awareness.</p> <p class="p1">Coaching helped me walk through it. It helped me separate my worth from external approval, understand the stories that held me back and recognise that showing up is a skill rather than a personality trait. Something we get better at each time we practise it.</p> <p class="p1">I see the same pattern with so many clients: most people know what they want. They’re just not convinced they’re allowed to want it.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_85 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>If you’re standing at a crossroads</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_86 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">Anyone who finds themselves in that uncomfortable space where something needs to change – even if the shape of the change isn’t fully clear – is not alone.</p> <p class="p1">You don’t need to be fearless. You don’t need to have a full plan. You just need to be willing to take the first step. Confidence grows from action, not the other way round.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_37"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/Mailshot-CTA-images.jpg" alt="" title="Mailshot CTA images" class="wp-image-235507" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/how-self-worth-changes-the-way-you-make-decisions/">How self-worth changes the way you make decisions</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/how-self-worth-changes-the-way-you-make-decisions/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Mirror, Mirror: Reflections on ageing (and laughing anyway)</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/mirror-mirror-reflections-on-ageing/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/mirror-mirror-reflections-on-ageing/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 07 Oct 2025 07:03:51 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Procrastination]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[ageing]]></category> <category><![CDATA[body confidence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[confidence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Embracing Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[friendship]]></category> <category><![CDATA[invisibility]]></category> <category><![CDATA[middle age]]></category> <category><![CDATA[midlife]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mindset]]></category> <category><![CDATA[navigating midlife]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal empowerment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[perspective]]></category> <category><![CDATA[redefining limit]]></category> <category><![CDATA[resilience]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-Acceptance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-talk]]></category> <category><![CDATA[women and ageing]]></category> <category><![CDATA[yoga]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=235362</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/mirror-mirror-reflections-on-ageing/">Mirror, Mirror: Reflections on ageing (and laughing anyway)</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_5 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_18"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_28 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_87 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY FRIEDA LEVYCKY, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/" style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;">BRAVING BOUNDARIES</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em></em></span></strong></p> <p><span>“<em>So, I’m old and weak?</em>” Fabulous! Well, that’s a good start to a Monday!</span></p> <p><span>My friends and I burst out laughing at girls’ night last week as I relayed the story of my yoga instructor helping me stretch further into a pigeon pose than I’d ever managed before. Post class, he gave me some feedback: “<em>Older women …</em>” he started, then quickly corrected himself: “<em>I mean, women who are more mature … need additional weight to progress into positions, as flexibility is just not enough as we get older. Your hips and shoulders are flexible, but weak</em>”. To be fair, his feedback was probably meant to be encouraging. I mean, I am (a bit) older now and I do have weak spots in my body, but all I heard was: <em>old and weak</em>.</span></p> <p><span>So, of course, I went home and did what any reasonable, totally well-balanced woman would do. I studied myself for a good ten minutes in front of the mirror. First my face then, for good measure, the rest of me too. Am I old? Is that how the world sees me now? Inside, I still feel like that flirty little nymph; the young lawyer who tottered around the office in very high heels and a dress. I’m the runner, the traveller, the yoga pretzel, the one who’s never been fussed about make-up. Ever since I was at school, I was always the youngest of the group (an August birthday has its perks). That’s still how I see myself, but is that really how the rest of the world sees me? Or have I quietly, without meaning to, stepped into this “<em>tannie</em>” role (as they say in South Africa)? Not properly old, not exactly young either, but that strange middle space of invisibility.</span></p> <p><span></span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_38"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/10/2.jpg" alt="ageing" title="who is that in the mirror?" class="wp-image-235368" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_88 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong><span>The Invisibility Cloak of Middle Age</span></strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_89 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p style="text-align: left;"><span>A friend of mine told me she knew she’d officially crossed the line when, at 50, the teenage checkout assistant asked if she’d like to use her pensioner discount. “<em>For f**k’s sake!</em>” she laughed, describing how she marched home, dumped the shopping and demanded of her husband and friend: “<em>Do I look like a pensioner?</em>”. There really was only one correct answer to that question and, fortunately, both men were wise enough to choose it.</span></p> <p>Another friend recalled standing in a wine bar bathroom next to a gaggle of 20-somethings on a hen party and catching her reflection beside theirs. The contrast was sobering. Others have shared those silly, but defining, moments when you realise you’ve officially lost track of what “<em>Whip/Nae Nae</em>” is (yes, I did need to look up the spelling for that as I did originally write “<em>Nay Nay</em>”), let alone how to dance to it.</p> <p>To be fair, I can still give them a run for their money if Whigfield or Steps comes on the radio. I’ve always nailed “<em>Saturday Night</em>” and “<em>Tragedy</em>.”<span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_90 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong><span>The Double-Edged Sword of Invisibility</span></strong></h2> <h2></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_91 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">There’s a strange freedom in becoming invisible though. Fewer eyes watching, fewer judgements, fewer comparisons. However, it can also be lonely. You start to notice the subtle ways the world stops looking your way: the compliments fade, the flirtatious glances vanish and shop assistants suddenly call you “<em>Ma’am</em>”.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_19"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_29 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_39"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/10/3.jpg" alt="Becoming invisible" title="Becoming invisible" class="wp-image-235369" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_20"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_30 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_92 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span>I used to be judgmental about women who turned to Botox or surgery. I’d make sweeping statements about “<em>ageing gracefully</em>” and “<em>accepting yourself</em>”, but as I inch closer to that stage, I can feel myself softening. I understand now that it’s not always about vanity. Sometimes it’s about visibility. About wanting to feel seen again in a world that treats women’s ageing as something to hide.</span></p> <p>There’s something to be said for doing what makes you feel good in your own skin. Whether that’s fillers or face yoga, Spanx or squats. Seriously, who am I to judge? If it lifts your spirits, then that’s what matters.</p> <p>Clearly, I’ve been talking about ageing a lot because Instagram’s now decided that I’m obsessed. My feed has been flooded with clips from <a href="https://www.instagram.com/reel/DPWk_OAETkK/">Paris Fashion Week</a>: a stunning parade of ageless icons like Helen Mirren, Heidi Klum, Jane Fonda, Gillian Anderson, Iris Berben, Andie MacDowell and Philippine Leroy-Beaulieu drifting effortlessly down the runway, and snippets of Patricia Routledge’s <a href="https://selfdiscoverywisdom.com/2025/08/08/a-poem-by-patricia-routledge/">Letter to Life</a> which she wrote for her 95th birthday. Alongside them, the quote that keeps popping up: “<em>Too young, too old, too bold. Whatever you do, someone will always judge your choices</em>”. How accurate that statement is.</p> <p>It’s almost as if the universe (or the algorithm) is forcing me to re-check my thinking. Some of those women have chosen the surgical route; others have aged naturally and all of them looked magnificent. There really isn’t a single right way to do this ageing thing.</p> <p> </p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_93 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong><span>Old Bird, Strong Body</span></strong></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_21"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_31 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_94 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span>This past week, after all the “old and weak” jokes, I went back to yoga and did a Bikram class. I’ve trained on and off in Bikram for 15 years (I even took my teaching qualifications back in 2017), but this was my first class in months. For anyone who’s ever sweated through those 26 poses in 40 degrees, you’ll know: no class is ever the same. Yet, that class was one of the magical ones; one where everything clicks. My bow-pulling pose was strong, my balance steady and I felt incredible.</p> <p>At the end, a gorgeous, blonde twenty-something bounced over to me and said: “<em>Wow! How long have you been practising? I hope one day I can be just like you</em>”. Now, if that doesn’t make an “old bird” smile, I don’t know what will.</span></p> <p><span></span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_40"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/10/4.jpg" alt="yoga" title="yoga" class="wp-image-235370" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_22"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_32 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_95 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong><span>Rewriting the Narrative</span></strong></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_23"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_33 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_96 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>The reality is that I’m new to this ageing thing. I don’t have all the answers and I know damn well that the only way to get them is to walk through this period of my life. What I have started to realise though is that I’ve been joking a lot about ageing lately. I’ve been laughing it off, making quips about “<em>feeling</em> <em>ancient</em>”, but … I’ve also started to notice it (that feeling of being old) and, if I’m not careful, I’ll end up believing my own words too. Negative self-talk rewires the brain and I’m not ready to programme mine to think I’m old and weak.</p> <p>So, I’m changing the script. I’ve set myself a new mantra to stop the negative seeping in:</p> <p><em>“I’m healthy, happy and still a little bit fabulous. This body has seen things, done things, climbed mountains, danced in heels and still gets me through yoga. She’s not old or weak. She’s strong and full of life.”</em></p> <p><em></em></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_41"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/10/5.jpg" alt="my new ageing mantra" title="my new ageing mantra" class="wp-image-235371" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_24"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_34 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_97 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>Ageing is a privilege, one that’s easily forgotten until you realise that not everyone is given that gift.</p> <p>So, here’s to all the “<em>old birds</em>” out there, laughing our way through yoga classes, mirror reflections and checkout discounts. May we never forget: <strong><em>we are anything but invisible</em></strong>.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_42"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image.jpg.webp" alt="" title="" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/mirror-mirror-reflections-on-ageing/">Mirror, Mirror: Reflections on ageing (and laughing anyway)</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/mirror-mirror-reflections-on-ageing/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>What’s Holding You Back? Overcoming Imposter Syndrome and Fear of Failure</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/whats-holding-you-back-overcoming-imposter-syndrome-and-fear-of-failure/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/whats-holding-you-back-overcoming-imposter-syndrome-and-fear-of-failure/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 28 Aug 2025 14:13:28 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Personal Growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[The Fears series]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Barriers to Success]]></category> <category><![CDATA[braving boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Coaching for Confidence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of failure]]></category> <category><![CDATA[How to Build Confidence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Mindset Shifts]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Navigating Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Overcoming Anxiety at Work]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Overcoming Imposter Syndrome]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Psychology of Success]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-Doubt and Confidence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-Sabotage]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=235323</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/whats-holding-you-back-overcoming-imposter-syndrome-and-fear-of-failure/">What’s Holding You Back? Overcoming Imposter Syndrome and Fear of Failure</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_6 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_25"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_35 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_98 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em></em></span></strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s a funny thing.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When we think about all the things we have accomplished in our lives – and some of the things that we haven’t accomplished (yet) – each thing has been because we either made up our minds that we were going to give it our all, or we decided that “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">the juice just wasn’t worth the squeeze</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” (a saying I have used since I was a teenager). </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But the common denominator here is that it’s always been up to us. Sure, we may get help every now and again, but whether we succeed or fail has always been up to us. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, the thing that I am pondering is this: </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">What holds us back on the times when we don’t succeed?</span></i> <i><span style="font-weight: 400;">What is the thing that keeps us from even trying?</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And it’s that “thing” that invisible barrier that we put in front of ourselves to stop ourselves that has me interested. It’s the why that has me intrigued. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I have some theories and, for some or other reason, I have the </span><a href="https://mrmen.fandom.com/wiki/Little_Miss_characters"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Little Miss characters</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> in mind – as if by imagining these barriers as little characters, they are easier to boot. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Shall we dive in?</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_99 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Common Barriers to Achieving our Goals (Imposter Syndrome and Fear of Failure)</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_100 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It stands to reason that there will be the usual suspects when it comes to the barriers to pursuing our dreams and our goals. You know, the common miscreants that turn our confidence into gloop and our self-esteem into putty. Perhaps you have heard of them?</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_26 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_36 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_43"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_37 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_101 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Little Miss Imposter Syndrome</strong><b> – </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">This little number knows how to play us for fools. You know the saying “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">fake it ‘til you make it?</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”, well Little Miss Imposter Syndrome not only has her admirers singing that like their favourite tune, but believing it wholeheartedly as well. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">They believe they are frauds that they will be “found out” any day now. That they are not good enough. That one day someone will find out that they were faking “it” the whole time. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Despite being excellent at their job. Despite being more than qualified. Despite being trained and proficient in their role. Despite all the evidence to the contrary, they believe they are failures. All rubbish. And yet, Little Miss Imposter Syndrome has them eating out of her outstretched hand. According to </span><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/imposter-syndrome-and-social-anxiety-disorder-4156469"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Verywellmind</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">:</span></p> <blockquote> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Imposter syndrome is not a </span></i><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/definition-of-mental-illness-4587855" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">diagnosable mental illness</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Instead, the term is usually narrowly applied to intelligence and achievement, although it also has links to perfectionism and the social context. It can show up in the context of work, relationships, friendships, or just overall, that holds us back from the self-confidence we’ve earned and deserve to feel. Psychologists Suzanna Imes and Pauline Rose Clance first used this term in the 1970s”. </span></i></p> </blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The sweet irony here is that people that suffer from Little Miss Imposter Syndrome’s attentions are often highly accomplished, super impressive people. There is no apparent reason for them to feel like an imposter, and yet they do. This is what makes it such a challenging psychological phenomenon that needs to be unpacked.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_27"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_38 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_44"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/concept-word-imposter-on-cubes-on-a-blue-background-by-Eugene-Zvonkov-from-Getty-Images.jpg" alt="concept word imposter on cubes on a blue background by Eugene Zvonkov from Getty Images" title="concept word imposter on cubes on a blue background by Eugene Zvonkov from Getty Images" class="wp-image-235350" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_28 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_39 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_45"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_40 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_102 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Little Miss Fear of Failure</strong><b> – </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">This Little Miss is a funny one. Because she’s slightly deceiving. You don’t realllly notice her right away because, let’s be honest, a lot of us are kind of scared of the big F. And we mean failing. Not the other F. None of us like it. Who likes failing? Sure, we may be scared to fail, and it may give us pause before we start something new, but do we have an actual fear of it? You see that’s why we say Little Miss Fear of Failure can be a tough one to crack. Little Miss Fear of Failure </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">is</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> a type of anxiety disorder that can manifest through thought patterns and subconscious behaviours, such as self-sabotage or procrastination. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Clinically Little Miss Fear of Failure has a “stage name.” She is known as atychiphobia. Not very showtuney we admit. But it does mean that there is an irrational and persistent fear of failing. This fear can stem from a number of sources. Sometimes it might emerge in response to a specific situation. In other cases, it might be related to another mental health condition such as anxiety or depression. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Little Miss Fear of Failure can produce emotional and behavioural symptoms – she’s fun like that. Some of her common entourage include – anxiety, avoidance (they’re cousins), feeling a loss of control as well as helplessness and powerlessness (they’re twins). In addition to emotional and behavioural symptoms, people who hang out with Little Miss Fear of Failure may also experience physical symptoms including rapid heart rate, chest tightness, trembling, dizziness, light-headedness, sweating, and digestive problems. It’s an absolute hoot! </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_29"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_41 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_103 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>How do you know if you and Little Miss Imposter Syndrome have met? </strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_104 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Well, the funny thing is, Little Miss Imposter Syndrome used to only target high-achieving women. But now, with Little Miss Imposter Syndrome becoming more well known, or rather a more widely experienced phenomenon, she has no preference. Little Miss Imposter Syndrome targets anyone, no matter their social status, work background, skill level, or degree of expertise. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_46"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/Exhausted-millennial-african-woman-suffering-from-dry-eyes-syndrome.-by-fizkes-from-Getty-Images.jpg" alt="Exhausted millennial african woman suffering from dry eyes syndrome. by fizkes from Getty Images" title="Exhausted millennial african woman suffering from dry eyes syndrome. by fizkes from Getty Images" class="wp-image-235351" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_105 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you wonder whether you and Little Miss Imposter Syndrome have become well acquainted of late, ask yourself the following questions:</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Do you agonize over even the smallest mistakes or flaws in your work?</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Do you attribute your success to luck or outside factors?</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Are you sensitive to even constructive criticism?</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Do you feel like you will inevitably be found out as a phony?</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Do you downplay your own expertise, even in areas where you are genuinely more skilled than others?</span></li> </ul></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_106 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>How do you know if you and Little Miss Fear of Failure have met? </strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_47"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/Failure-concept-View-more-by-alexskopje-from-Getty-Images-Pro.jpg" alt="" title="Failure concept View more by alexskopje from Getty Images Pro" class="wp-image-235352" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_107 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Little Miss Fear of Failure is intense. You’ll know if you have met her because you will feel that a toll has been taken on your beliefs in your abilities and your motivation to pursue your goals, accompanied by:</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Low self-esteem</strong><b> –</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> people who fear failure may also engage in negative self-talk or have low self-confidence that makes it difficult to pursue goals. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Poor motivation</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – if someone actually fears failure, they may also experience a lack of motivation that makes it difficult to get started on projects and work toward goals. When something seems too challenging or involves learning new skills, people may simply give up or refuse to get involved before they have even begun.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Self-sabotage</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – it’s not unusual to be loved by anyone…. nor is it uncommon for people who fear failure to engage in acts of self-handicapping that undermine their own chances of success. Why even try when you can sabotage instead – it’s not your fault if it’s someone else’s, right? </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Shame</strong><span> – Little Miss Fear of Failure is well acquainted with the fear of experiencing shame or embarrassment. Failing can trigger feelings worthlessness, so avoiding trying in the first place can sometimes serve as a way to protect the self from disappointment, regret, and sadness. A weird way to protect yourself from worse.</span></li> </ul></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_108 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>How do you end your relationship with Little Miss Imposter Syndrome?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_48"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/Friends-talking-to-each-other-View-more-by-simonkr-from-Getty-Images-Signature.jpg" alt="Friends talking to each other View more by simonkr from Getty Images Signature" title="Friends talking to each other View more by simonkr from Getty Images Signature" class="wp-image-235354" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_109 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The problem with Little Miss Impostor Syndrome is that the experience of doing well at something does nothing to change your beliefs. The thought still nags in your head: “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">What gives me the right to be here?</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“. The more you accomplish, the more you feel like a fraud. It’s as though you can’t </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">internalise</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> your experiences of success.</span> <span style="font-weight: 400;">And b</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">ecause imposter syndrome eats at you from the inside out, often with no outward signs of struggle, it makes it all the more important to recognise and take steps to address your ill-founded feelings. Otherwise, your feeling of false incompetence will prevent you from pursuing a professional goal that might actually be right for you. And that will only lead to more regret, more negative self-talk, more self-loathing, anxiety and eventually depression. So how do we nip this in the bud so to speak? Name and shame! Name her, call her out and let her know she is no longer welcome here! To do this, or to get to this point, you can do the following – </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Share your feelings </strong><b>– </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">talk it out. Tell someone how you feel. Whether it’s a friend, family member or professional. Tell them how you feel. Irrational beliefs tend to fester when they are hidden and not talked about.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Focus on someone else</strong><b> – </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">while this might feel counterintuitive, try to help others in the same situation as you. If you see someone who seems awkward or alone, ask them a question to bring them into the group. As you practice your skills, you will build confidence in your own abilities.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Assess your abilities</strong><b> –</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> if you have long-held beliefs about your incompetence in social and performance situations, make a realistic assessment of your abilities. Get unbiased help. Write down your accomplishments and what you are good at, then compare these with your self-assessment. Seek the counsel of someone outside of your immediate support circle, who will be able to guide you unbiasedly, like Frieda Levycky of </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Braving Boundaries</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Question your own thoughts</strong><b> – </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">as you start to assess your abilities, start to question whether your thoughts are rational. Does it make rational sense to believe that you are a fraud given everything that you know? Does 1 + 1 = 2?</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Most importantly – Stop comparing! </strong><b>– </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">every time you compare yourself to others, in whichever capacity that is, you are going to find something wrong with yourself. It’s only natural. And that will only serve to fuel the feeling of not being good enough or not belonging. Instead, focus on listening to what the other person is saying. Be genuinely interested in learning more. Open yourself up to new experiences and new people. We are all different and we can all learn from one another. </span></li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_30"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_42 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_110 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>How do you end your relationship with Little Miss Fear of Failure? </strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_49"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/Success-and-Failure-Concept-View-more-by-pixelshot.jpg" alt="Success and Failure Concept View more by pixelshot" title="Success and Failure Concept View more by pixelshot" class="wp-image-235356" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_111 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The key to breaking tup with Little Miss Fear of Failure is recognising your behaviours. For some, the anxiety created by a fear of failure becomes so familiar that maintaining it feels safer than working through the underlying cause. It’s safer, it’s easier. Just maintain the status quo. It might take some time to recognise that she is bad for you, and it may take some time to recognise the signs of fearing failure in yourself. So, don’t be too hard on yourself. The symptoms can be interwoven with shame, depression, anxiety, or low self-esteem, which makes identifying a fear of failure as the root cause so hard to spot. Self-awareness and patience are crucial, but it’s also critical to be compassionate with yourself. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As with learning any new skill, it takes time. However, when you learn how to work with a fear of failure, you open the door to greater life and career satisfaction. You’ll feel more confident and better equipped to work toward achieving life goals, and you’ll ultimately experience greater life fulfilment. After you have identified the need to break up with Little Miss Fear of Failure, the next step is to work through your feelings. And you can do this by:</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_31 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_43 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_50"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_44 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_112 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Accepting that failure is normal</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – even the most successful people experience failure. The ability to overcome obstacles and accept mistakes is a key part of achieving success. By learning from your mistakes, you’re a step closer to reaching your goals. If you fail, remind yourself that it’s normal. It’s life.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_32 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_45 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_51"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_46 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_113 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Talk to someone you trust</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – if you’re feeling stuck, overthinking and overwhelm can kick in. Talking to someone you trust, such as a friend, mentor, family member, or therapist, can help shed new light on your situation. Tell them about your fears and listen to their feedback. An outsider’s perspective on your challenges can change how you see things.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_33 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_47 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_52"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_48 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_114 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Remember the cost of not trying</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – making decisions based on a fear of failure can come at a cost. You could miss out on some of life’s great opportunities if you never try anything unfamiliar. Remember that trying and failing is often better than not trying at all. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_34"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_49 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_53"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/Go-with-the-Flow-written-in-sand-View-more-by-JodiJacobson-from-Getty-Images-Signature.jpg" alt="Go with the Flow written in sand View more by JodiJacobson from Getty Images Signature" title="Go with the Flow written in sand View more by JodiJacobson from Getty Images Signature" class="wp-image-235355" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_35 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_50 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_54"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_51 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_115 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Maintain a flexible mindset</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – be easy breezy lemon squeezy. Go with the flow. Approach every situation with the mindset that you can learn and grow from the experience. Be flexible enough to move with each situation. Don’t pre-judge the situation and think you’ll fail before you even start. As long as you’re willing to adapt, you’re never truly stuck in a decision.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_36 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_52 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_55"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_53 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_116 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Be afraid but do it anyway</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – be brave and the mighty forces will come to your aid. Or something along those lines. Sometimes you just have to put the “big person pants” on and go for it. Be brave and you’ll be surprised at what you can accomplish. Don’t let the fear stop you from the really cool things that life has to offer. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_37 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_54 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_56"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/6.jpg" alt="" title="6" class="wp-image-1491" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_55 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_117 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Work on taking risks</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – a fear of failure can make you risk averse. But taking small, healthy risks is a little less scary. More manageable. So perhaps you can take a larger risk, and break it down into smaller more manageable risks, Tackle it one small bite at a time. With practice, you’ll grow more comfortable taking a reasonable risk. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_38"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_56 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_57"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/Concept-of-a-Businesswoman-Taking-a-Risk-View-more-by-Creativa-Images.jpg" alt="" title="Concept of a Businesswoman Taking a Risk View more by Creativa Images" class="wp-image-235349" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_39 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_57 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_58"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/7.png" alt="" title="7" class="wp-image-1882" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_58 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_118 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Get comfortable with rejection</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – every time you put yourself out there, you risk rejection. And that is normal. For us all. But if you approach it as a learning curve, every rejection becomes an opportunity to gain experience and to grow. And when has that ever been a bad thing?</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_40 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_59 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_59"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/8.jpg" alt="" title="8" class="wp-image-1883" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_60 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_119 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Try new things</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – doing the same old thing is like wearing the same old trusted jersey. It fits, it’s comfy, it’s dependable and there’s no fuss. But there’s also no excitement. Get uncomfortable for a change. Try on a new “outfit” (tip – we are not talking about clothes here) and get out of your comfort zone. if you attempt new things or visit new places, you can grow more comfortable with being uncomfortable. You’ll learn something new and gain practice. While discomfort is uncomfortable, it’s also a sign that you’re expanding your horizons. And that’s a good thing!</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_41"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_61 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_120 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">With Little Miss Imposter Syndrome and Little Miss Fear of Failure given their marching orders, following your dreams may be a tad easier to achieve and success may be just around the corner. Who knows? Maybe Little Miss Sunshine, Little Miss Splendid and Little Miss Magic will keep you company instead. They seem like far healthier bedfellows from where we’re sitting. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But understand this – giving Little Miss Imposter Syndrome and Little Miss Fear of Failure the boot is only the first step. Working through your feelings and working on yourself, on an ongoing basis, is key. If you feel you need assistance with identifying and working through your feelings, </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">get in touch</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> with Frieda Levycky of Braving Boundaries who is perfectly poised to support you as you learn to manage your relationship with these toxic Little Misses. </span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Sources used and to whom we owe thanks – verywellmind </span></i><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-the-fear-of-failure-5176202" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">here</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span></i><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/imposter-syndrome-and-social-anxiety-disorder-4156469" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">here</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span></i><a href="https://www.betterup.com/blog/how-to-overcome-fear-of-failure" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">BetterUp</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">).</span></i></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_60"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image-5.jpg" alt="End of blog post CTA image (5)" title="End of blog post CTA image (5)" class="wp-image-235348" /></span></a> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_4 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_121 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>Related Articles</strong></h3></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_122 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><ul> <li><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/living-with-the-fear-of-rejection/"><b>Living with the Fear of Rejection</b></a></li> <li><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/facing-the-fear-of-rejection/"><b>Facing the Fear of Rejection</b></a></li> <li><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/7-ways-to-bounce-back-after-failure/"><b>7 Ways to Bounce Back after Failure</b></a></li> <li><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/imposter-syndrome-fighting-the-feelings-of-being-a-fraud/"><b>Imposter Syndrome: Fighting the Feelings on being a Fraud</b></a></li> </ul></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_5 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_42 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_62 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_61"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_63 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_123 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/whats-holding-you-back-overcoming-imposter-syndrome-and-fear-of-failure/">What’s Holding You Back? Overcoming Imposter Syndrome and Fear of Failure</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/whats-holding-you-back-overcoming-imposter-syndrome-and-fear-of-failure/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Who You Were, Who You Are and Who You Are Becoming</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/who-you-were-who-you-are-and-who-you-are-becoming/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/who-you-were-who-you-are-and-who-you-are-becoming/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 26 Jun 2025 14:32:15 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Life after Law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Mid-Life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Personal Growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Authenticity]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional Wellbeing]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Healing]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Identity]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Life Transitions]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-Acceptance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-reflection]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=235268</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/who-you-were-who-you-are-and-who-you-are-becoming/">Who You Were, Who You Are and Who You Are Becoming</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_7 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_43"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_64 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_124 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <h2><strong>INTRODUCTION: WHY SELF-REFLECTION MATTERS</strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I read a quote the other day that said – </span></p> <blockquote> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“A person without self-reflection never changes they just get older.”</span></i></p> </blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And it got me thinking. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">About who I am. Who I was. And mostly on who I am still becoming. Because life is a journey. We all know that. A journey with so many twists and turns, bumps in the road, U-turns, and dead ends. Where we thought we would end up is hardly ever the place we foresaw in our daydreaming’s. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But I have said this on more than one occasion –</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> if my younger self could see me now</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. And I am never quite sure in those moments whether I am saying that in a state of appreciation or disapproval. Perhaps a little of both. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">What I know for sure is that it has taken a lot of work to get to where I am – both work in the real sense, my 9-5 work, but also work on myself, my inner self, to get to a place where I am ok with who and what I am. With who I am becoming. There is so much that can be said for that.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">What it comes down to is constant self-reflection. Looking inward. And that’s so much harder than it sounds. Trust me. Admitting to your own faults and downfalls and areas where you can improve on yourself. Admitting that you’re not “perfect.” Whatever </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">perfect</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> means. Admitting that you are fallible.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But one thing is for certain – I am not the same person I started out as. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And thank G-d for that. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_125 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Who I was: tHE cost of living for others</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_62"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/Tired-Worker-Sleeping-on-Messy-Work-Desk-by-oleksandrbedenyuk.jpg" alt="Tired Worker Sleeping on Messy Work Desk by oleksandrbedenyuk" title="Tired Worker Sleeping on Messy Work Desk by oleksandrbedenyuk" class="wp-image-235294" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_126 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If we are being honest – and I think we always should be – I was a hot mess. I’m not talking about when I was a teenager because we are all kind of messed up as teenagers. I’m talking about my twenties.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Fresh out of varsity, I had both intellectual and academic arrogance, accompanied by a confidence that comes with looking a certain way – something I put a lot of importance into. I lived under the roof of people I didn’t get along with. Wait, that doesn’t quite cover it. I lived under the roof of people who were and are still the cause of so much trauma and confusion in my life. I was manipulated into believing that family came before my own happiness, that looking after them was more important than looking after myself, that putting their needs before my own basic needs, was my duty and that the only way out of their house was through death or marriage.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">My anxiety was at an all time high. I lived on caffeine and cigarettes, alcohol on weekends just to shake things up. I was a cliché – a work hard, die hard wannabe lawyer working in an environment designed to make you fail – law clerks, at least when I was a law clerk, weren’t expected to excel. They were expected to be downtrodden and exhausted, and I fit the bill perfectly. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">My </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">sunny personality, raucous laugh, dance on the table, shine bright like a diamond, me against the world</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> attitude either rubbed you the wrong way or intrigued you. But it was all a front. An act. A face I put on to fool the onlookers. Inside I was broken. Plagued by not feeling good enough, feeling like I wasn’t pretty or thin enough, feeling like a failure before I had even really begun. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I set myself up to fail. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It didn’t help that my choice of partners at the time either physically abused me or emotionally abused me – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“have your salad dressing on the side, you don’t want to get fat.”</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It was a concoction of emotional abuse and guilt at home, emotional abuse at work, emotional abuse from bad choice partners, self-doubt believing I was fat, that I was ugly, that I wasn’t worthy of happiness. It was a lot. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And I buried it all really deep.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I didn’t seek help. I didn’t think I needed it at the time. All I could focus on was getting out, was starting my life away from everyone, was starting over. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But I would never admit to that aloud. Ever. Talk against my parents? Never. Admit that Articles were not shaping up to be what I had hoped they would be? Never. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">To the world, life was peachy. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But it was a lie. And it took its toll. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Who I was then was a broken person with hopes and dreams, but with no idea of how to make any of them happen. Or belief that any of them could happen.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_127 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Who I Am Now: Healing, Growth and Self-Acceptance</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_63"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/Loving-Young-Couple-in-Countryside-by-Jacob-Lund.jpg" alt="Loving Young Couple in Countryside by Jacob Lund" title="Loving Young Couple in Countryside by Jacob Lund" class="wp-image-235292" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_128 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It was when I met my husband that my life changed. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">He saved me in so many ways I can’t fully explain. Who I am now has a lot to do with him. But it has also taken a lot of work by myself on myself. And it has been very hard. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So much has happened between my early twenties, my thirties and now my forties. I feel like I have run a gauntlet. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">From career changes to failed pregnancies, to almost dying from COVID, to being diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, to my mental health diagnoses. And most importantly to confronting my parents and resorting to “no-contact,” to losing my beloved grandmother, aunt, uncle, and best friend. I have been through a great deal. I have faced and am still facing my traumas, the things I still have nightmares over, the things I have buried deep within me. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But I am facing my so-called demons, my triggers, my pain. I’m controlling my anxiety and am on top of my melancholy. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I am constantly self-reflecting, ensuring that I check in with myself on an ongoing basis – because that’s been so important. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For the first time, in a long time, I am putting myself first. My needs first. Not in a self-indulgent way. In a healthy way. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But there’s one thing I have noticed about getting older and that is the feeling that life is fleeting. It really is. A year ago, it was 1998! </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In that realisation comes the understanding that it’s </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">your</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> life. You need to live it for </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">you</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Not for anyone else. Do the things that make </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">you</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> happy. Not what makes someone else happy. Because waiting until your deathbed before you fulfil the things on your bucket list is not the way to live your life. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Living my life for </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">me </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">has meant leaving the legal profession (well not entirely) so that I can write to my heart’s content at </span><a href="https://thelegalbelletrist.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Legal Belletrist</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, starting a new venture collecting and trading authentic (imported directly from Japan) vintage and antique Japanese Kimonos at ManeKi NeKo Private Kimono Collection (Kimono’s currently available at Wizards Vintage in Johannesburg), taking pottery classes, writing poetry, starting a novel, spending time with the friends and family I have left, focusing on my health – both physical and mental, giving my cats the love and attention they deserve, travelling as much as my work and budget will allow and spending as much quality time with the amazing man I married as I can. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It has also meant saying goodbye to the people in my life causing me harm. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s an ongoing journey. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_129 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Who I Am Becoming: Owning My Life and My Future</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_64"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/Kintsugi-Japanese-antique-ceramic-bowl-by-Marco-Montalti-from-Getty-Images.jpg" alt="Taking a pause in nature by gradyreese from Getty Images Signature" title="Kintsugi Japanese antique ceramic bowl by Marco Montalti from Getty Images" class="wp-image-235291" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_130 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I had to go away and really give this one some thought. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Luckily, music is an eternal motivator. While on the treadmill, Linkin Park’s </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Somewhere I Belong”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> played over the speakers and the words just seemed to speak to this very topic – </span></p> <blockquote> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real</span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I wanna let go of the pain I’ve felt so long</span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Erase all the pain ’til it’s gone)</span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real</span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along</span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Somewhere I belong”</span></i></p> </blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">They’re not my favourite band by a long margin. So, it struck me as odd that these lyrics would mean so much. But they do. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And I think that’s who I am becoming – the person who is healed, or who is healing. The person who is able to let go of the pain that was bottled up for so long and finally be at peace. The person who finally feels like her place in the world is where she is happy and safe. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">No drama. No lies. Just peace and being happy in my own skin.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Life is short. It’s unpredictable. And that makes it so very precious. I’ve wasted so much time living my life for others and by others’ rules.</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> It’s now my turn.</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It will take work. I know that. I’ll have to constantly check in with myself to ensure I’m being true to who I am while reaching the goals I constantly set for myself. Self-reflection will be key. On an ongoing basis. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Who I am becoming is a work in progress, but I know one thing for sure – I will be authentically me. Weird, loving and looking forward to growing old, grey and hopefully wiser.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_131 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Let’s talk about Self-Reflection!</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_65"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/Taking-a-pause-in-nature-by-gradyreese-from-Getty-Images-Signature.jpg" alt="Taking a pause in nature by gradyreese from Getty Images Signature" title="Taking a pause in nature by gradyreese from Getty Images Signature" class="wp-image-235293" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_132 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Practicing self-reflection takes discipline and intentionality. It requires pressing pause on the chaos of life and simply taking the time to think and ponder about your life. Something often easier said than done. But it’s an incredibly valuable practice.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Without self-reflection, we simply go through life without thinking, moving from one thing to the next without making time to evaluate whether things are really working for us. We don’t pause to think. To analyse. The unfortunate result is that we often get stuck. Like I quoted above – we don’t change we just get older. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Throughout this article I have mentioned how important self-reflection is and how important it has been for me to practice it on an ongoing basis. But I haven’t really stopped to explain how one goes about doing it.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Before you begin with your own self-reflection, I want to say this – it’s important to remind yourself that your time in self-reflection is a safe space within yourself. Don’t judge yourself while you explore your inner thoughts, feelings and motives of behaviour. Simply notice what comes up and accept it. Instead of focusing on fears, worries or regrets, try to look for areas of growth and improvement.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_133 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>How to Self-Reflect in 6 Easy Steps</strong></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_44 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_65 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_66"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_66 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_134 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Find a quiet, comfortable place where you won’t be disturbed</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – take a notebook or device to record your reflections.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_45 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_67 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_67"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_68 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_135 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Begin with a mindful body scan</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – close your eyes and take a few deep breaths.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">What are you feeling right now?</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Where do you notice these feelings in your body? </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Note your observations.</span></li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_46 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_69 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_68"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_70 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_136 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Identify your inner feelings </p> <p></strong></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">What events, thoughts, or situations might be contributing to these feelings?</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Are these feelings aligned with your values or external pressures?</span></li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_47 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_71 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_69"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_72 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_137 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Explore your needs </p> <p></strong></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">What do you need most right now (e.g., rest, connection, adventure, achievement)?</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Are there unmet needs or boundaries you need to address?</span></li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_48 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_73 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_70"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_74 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_138 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Consider acting</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – can you take a small step to address your needs or align more closely with your values today? For example:</span></p> <p> </p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you feel stressed, commit to a short relaxation activity.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you feel disconnected, reach out to someone important to you.</span></li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_49 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_75 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_71"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/6.jpg" alt="" title="6" class="wp-image-1491" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_76 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_139 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Review your experience </strong></p> <p><strong> </strong></p> <p><strong></strong></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">How do you feel now compared to when you started?</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">What did you learn about yourself?</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">What can you change to better align yourself with your goals?</span></li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_50"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_77 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_140 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Final Thoughts: Coming Home to Who You Really Are</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_141 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">If you need support in figuring out how to self-reflect or what it means to self-reflect or even what the benefits of self-reflection are, get in touch with Frieda Levycky at </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/" style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">Braving Boundaries</a><span style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;"> today. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For me, self-reflection has meant getting to know myself better. Learning what really matters to me. What I like and what I can live without. Truly. Self-reflection has meant growth. It has meant coming home to who I really am. And loving her regardless.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And that has been priceless.</span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Sources used and to whom we owe thanks: </span></i><a href="https://www.reflection.app/blog/self-reflection-101-what-is-self-reflection-why-is-reflection-important" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Reflection</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/self-reflection-importance-benefits-and-strategies-7500858#toc-how-to-practice-self-reflection" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Very Well Mind</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span></i><a href="https://positivepsychology.com/introspection-self-reflection/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Positive Psychology</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">). </span></i></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_72"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image-4.jpg" alt="End of blog post CTA" title="End of blog post CTA image (4)" class="wp-image-235295" /></span></a> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_6 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_51 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_78 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_73"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_79 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_142 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/who-you-were-who-you-are-and-who-you-are-becoming/">Who You Were, Who You Are and Who You Are Becoming</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/who-you-were-who-you-are-and-who-you-are-becoming/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Why We Fear Change – And How to Reframe It</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/why-we-fear-change-and-how-to-reframe-it/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/why-we-fear-change-and-how-to-reframe-it/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 29 Apr 2025 18:22:46 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[The Fears series]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Change Management]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Embracing Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional resilience]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Life Transitions]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Mindset Shift]]></category> <category><![CDATA[overcoming fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Reframing Challenges]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-Development]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=235222</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Discover why change often evokes fear and how to reframe it as an opportunity for growth. This article delves into the psychology behind our resistance to change and offers practical strategies to embrace transformation with confidence.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/why-we-fear-change-and-how-to-reframe-it/">Why We Fear Change – And How to Reframe It</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_8 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_52"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_80 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_143 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><strong></strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Have you ever heard the saying: “the grass is always greener on the other side” or “better the devil you know”? I have. Many times. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’m not sure if it’s because I come from a religious Jewish family and the go-to was always to remain under the radar, always to be careful, always to stick with who and what we know. Never to wander too far, never to ask too many questions, never to rock the boat and certainly never to make drastic changes. Better the devil we know was the family motto. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s understandable. My grandparents – who I spent most of my time with – are from the WWII generation. Their friends and some of our family members escaped the camps. I heard the stories. It scared the hell out of me. So, I understood that safe was better. Safe meant sticking to the status quo. To what we knew. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But that’s before I became a teenager. Before I “knew” everything. Before I decided that safe was last century and that changing everything was all that mattered. I was rebellious. Part of me still is. Then again, I do have things to rebel against (but that’s a whole other story). The world seemed so big to me, while my little corner of the world seemed so small. The devil we know felt a little too familiar and I was looking for new devils to meet. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Change didn’t feel so scary. When I was younger. I learnt a great deal. Met some real-life devils that’s for sure. And eveeeenually found my place in the world. But it took an embracing of change to get here. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As I have aged and experienced the world, that desire for change has dissipated. My grandparents’ view of the world seems more understandable; more palpable. And I find that now, all I want is to feel safe. To keep those I love safe. To keep everything that means something to me safe. Maybe it’s because it isn’t just about me anymore. There’s more at stake. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And I have found that I am or am becoming fearful of my life changing in an instant. Because everything can change – *snap* – just like that. In a second. And that scares the bejesus out of me.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, how have I reverted back to this old way of thinking? How have I become what I fought so hard against?</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_144 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>It’s in the Brain</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_74"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/3d-render-medical-illustration-of-the-human-brain-cerebrum-by-SomkiatFakmee-from-Getty-Images.jpg" alt="3d render medical illustration of the human brain cerebrum by SomkiatFakmee from Getty Images" title="3d render medical illustration of the human brain cerebrum by SomkiatFakmee from Getty Images" class="wp-image-235242" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_145 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">There’s a part of the brain called the amygdala, a small almond-shaped structure located in the temporal lobe of the brain, specifically in the medial portion of each hemisphere, just anterior to the hippocampus. It is the part of the brain that is responsible for processing emotions, particularly fear and anxiety. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Neuroscientists have discovered that when it gets activated, the amygdala sends a distress signal to the hypothalamus. The hypothalamus functions like a command centre, communicating with the rest of the body through the nervous system so that the person has the energy to fight or flee (a stress response). </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As you may have guessed, this fight or flight response has been deeply ingrained in our evolutionary history since forever, it’s what has kept us safe from potential threats for the last 300,000 years (or last 7 million years if you want to get technical and include the oldest hominins).</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">However, with modern day humans, this fight or flight response has become overused, impacting our ability to adapt and embrace new opportunities</span> <span style="font-weight: 400;">therefore being more of a hinderance than a help. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_146 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>It’s Psychological</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_147 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">There are three main biases that affect our fear of change:</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_53 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_81 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_75"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_82 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_148 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">A cognitive bias called </span><b>“the status quo bias.”</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> It is what it sounds like – the bias for things to remain the same or that the current state of affairs remains the same. This bias minimises the risks associated with change, but it also causes people to miss out on potential benefits that might outweigh the risks.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The term “status quo bias” was first introduced by researchers William Samuelson and Richard Zeckhauser in 1988. In a series of controlled experiments, Samuelson and Zeckhauser found that people showed a disproportionate preference for choices that maintain the status quo.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In these experiments, participants were asked a variety of questions in which they had to take the role of decision-maker. It involved situations often faced by individuals, managers and government officials.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The results showed a strong bias in subjects’ responses. Specifically, when making an important decision, subjects were more likely to pick the option that maintained things as they were.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_54 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_83 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_76"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_84 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_149 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The reason for the status quo bias can be explained through </span><b>“the loss aversion bias” </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">– when considering potential choices, people often focus more on what they stand to lose rather than how they might benefit. According to the “prospect theory,” an economics theory developed by researchers Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky in 1979, “losses loom larger than gains.”</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">3</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In other words, the potential for loss stands out in people’s minds much more prominently than the potential for gains.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As an example, the research by Samuelson and Zeckhauser also found that younger workers were more likely to sign up for a health insurance plan that had better premiums and deductibles. Whereas older employees were more likely to stick with their old but less favourable plans.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Older employees may be more concerned with minimising any possible losses rather than risking everything on </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">potential</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> gains. They know what to expect from their current plan, so they may be less willing to accept the risks of a new plan, even though the switch might come with financial benefits.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Sort of like – better the devil you know. And I totally get it. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_55"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_85 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_77"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/old-way-vs-new-way-improvement-and-change-management-concept-by-anyaberkut-from-Getty-Images.jpg" alt="old way vs new way, improvement and change management concept by anyaberkut from Getty Images" title="old way vs new way, improvement and change management concept by anyaberkut from Getty Images" class="wp-image-235244" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_56 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_86 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_78"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_87 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_150 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">There is one more theory that has an effect on our fear of change and that is </span><b>“the cognitive dissonance theory.”</b></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The cognitive dissonance theory was hypothesised by Leon Festinger in 1957. The theory is based on the idea that two cognitions can be relevant or irrelevant to each other. Such cognitions can be about behaviours, perceptions, attitudes, emotions and beliefs. Often, one of the cognitions in question is about our behaviour. If the cognitions are relevant, they can be in agreement (consistent) or disagreement (inconsistent) with one another.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Discrepancy between an attitude and a behaviour – like eating a doughnut the day before going on a diet – leads to psychological discomfort called cognitive dissonance.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Cognitive dissonance leads to the motivation to reduce the dissonance. The stronger the discrepancy between thoughts, the greater the motivation to reduce it. There are four strategies used to reduce the discomfort of cognitive dissonance:</span></p> <ol> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">We change our behaviour so that it is consistent with the other thought.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">We change one of the dissonant thoughts in order to restore consistency.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">We add other thoughts (consonant thoughts) that justify or reduce the importance of one thought and therefore diminish the inconsistency.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">We trivialise the inconsistency altogether, making it less important and less relevant.</span></li> </ol> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">There are two other factors that influence the magnitude of cognitive dissonance: whether you had some choice over the inconsistency and whether you expect the inconsistency to have negative consequences in the future. The more choice you had over the inconsistency and the worse the consequences, the stronger the dissonance will be.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_57"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_88 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_151 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>It’s Emotional</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_152 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Perhaps looking at the anatomy and psychology is tooooo analytical. It can just as easily be explained through our emotions because as humans we are emotional – </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_58 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_89 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_79"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_90 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_153 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Fear of the unknown</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – with change comes uncertainty and I don’t know about you, but right now I tend to shy away from change because I’m anxious about what the result might be. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_59 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_91 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_80"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_92 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_154 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>The moral force</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– people become so set in their ways that they honestly believe that the status quo is the right way to do things. Just like my grandparents – and now me – better the devil you know. We tend to cling strongly to the familiar, the tried and tested, to what is familiar and comfortable. It becomes “morally correct” – a term coined by noted psychologist Howard S. Friedman.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_60 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_93 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_81"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_94 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_155 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Fear of failure</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– another source of anxiety associated with change is the fear that any change will result in failure or even disaster. Like trading in your petrol car for an electric vehicle. Somewhere deep down we know that it’s better for the environment and that inevitably we will all one day be driving electric cars, but there is that fear – at least in South Africa – that there aren’t enough charging stations, and that we’ll get stranded because we couldn’t charge our car. In reality, it’s exactly the same as being stranded because we ran out of gas, but because it’s new and unknown, we immediately assume the worse – failure.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_61"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_95 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_82"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/Thoughtful-Bored-Lonely-Teen-Girl-in-Glasses-Feeling-Apathy-Sadly-Pondering-Sitting-on-Couch-at-Home-by-dimaberlinphotos.jpg" alt="Thoughtful Bored Lonely Teen Girl in Glasses Feeling Apathy Sadly Pondering Sitting on Couch at Home by dimaberlinphotos" title="Thoughtful Bored Lonely Teen Girl in Glasses Feeling Apathy Sadly Pondering Sitting on Couch at Home by dimaberlinphotos" class="wp-image-235245" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_62 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_96 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_83"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_97 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_156 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Apathy</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– sometimes people resist change simply because it takes effort. It takes effort to learn a new procedure and it takes work to adapt to change – like a diet and getting fit. It takes work. And sometimes people see the work or the effort as not worth it. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_63 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_98 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_84"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_99 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_157 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Mistrust of changemakers</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– many people resist change because they are wary of those advocating change. They may doubt the knowledge and credentials of those advocating the change, known as the changemakers. Why is changing so important to them – are there ulterior motives? Just like during COVID and with the COVID vaccines.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_64"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_100 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_158 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Reframing The Fear</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_159 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Reframing our fears so we see them as opportunities is crucial if we want real change, so taking the fears, we listed above, let’s reframe them in a way that’s positive. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_65 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_101 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_85"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_102 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_160 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Fear of the unknown</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – knowing the full details about the situation is crucial. Being told what the benefits and drawbacks are can change the whole scenario for you. Always insist on clear and credible information so that you can make proper and informed decisions. This can help alleviate the fear of unknown outcomes caused by change.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_66 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_103 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_86"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_104 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_161 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>The moral force</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – although combating a moral force is difficult it’s the presentation of evidence that the new way is better than the old way that will win the day. It sounds like an obvious thing. But showing the sceptic proof is key.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_67"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_105 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_87"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/Hand-Opening-Blind-to-See-the-Sun-by-calimiel-from-pixabay.jpg" alt="Hand Opening Blind to See the Sun by calimiel from pixabay" title="Hand Opening Blind to See the Sun by calimiel from pixabay" class="wp-image-235243" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_68 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_106 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_88"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_107 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_162 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Fear of failure</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– providing assurances that a worst-case-scenario is unlikely is the best way to help people overcome their fear of failure.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_69 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_108 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_89"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_109 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_163 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Apathy</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– motivation is everything! Motivating a sceptic is critical for overcoming change-related apathy. Focusing on the desirable outcomes of a change process can help incentivise naysayers.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_70 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_110 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_90"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_111 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_164 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Mistrust of changemakers</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– changemakers must first establish their credibility. They need to be transparent and clear about the benefits and potential risks associated with the change, provide a good rationale for why people should change and monitor the change process while providing support.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_71"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_112 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_165 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The fear of change is a complex phenomenon that is influenced by many things – anatomical, psychological and emotional. But by understanding the underlying causes of our fear – of my fear – of change, we can implement small strategies to address them, thereby improving on our adaptability and flexibility as we navigate our way through the world. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Change is not only an external thing that needs to be monitored. It is an “inside job” that needs to be navigated with care. Embracing change as a natural and necessary part of growth and development is key to overcoming our fears and, as a result, achieving long-term success.</span><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you need help navigating your fear of change, book a consult with Frieda Levycky at <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/">Braving Boundaries</a> today.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Sources used and to whom we owe thanks: </span></i><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/za/blog/cutting-edge-leadership/202408/why-are-people-so-resistant-to-change" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Psychology Today</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://medium.com/change-becomes-you/why-we-are-resistant-to-change-489a6f06d234" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Medium</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/psychology-change-understanding-human-resistance-how-david-mccreery-ave2c/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">LinkedIn</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/understanding-the-stress-response#:~:text=When%20someone%20experiences%20a%20stressful,after%20the%20danger%20has%20passed." target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Harvard Health Publishing</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/status-quo-bias-psychological-definition-4065385" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Very Well Mind</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span></i><a href="https://positivepsychology.com/cognitive-dissonance-theory/#:~:text=What%20is%20cognitive%20dissonance%20theory,beliefs%20to%20achieve%20internal%20consistency." target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Positive Psychology</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">). </span></i></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_91"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image-8.png" alt="" title="End of blog post CTA image (8)" class="wp-image-235236" /></span></a> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_7 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_72 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_113 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_92"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_114 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_166 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/why-we-fear-change-and-how-to-reframe-it/">Why We Fear Change – And How to Reframe It</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/why-we-fear-change-and-how-to-reframe-it/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>The Silent Weight of Unwanted Change: How to Start Moving Forward</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-silent-weight-of-unwanted-change/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-silent-weight-of-unwanted-change/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Mon, 17 Mar 2025 14:26:49 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Change and Transition]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Coping with Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Embracing Uncertainty]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional resilience]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Growth mindset]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Inner Strength]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Life Transitions]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Managing Unwanted Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Mindset Shift]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Moving Forward]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Navigating Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[overcoming challenges]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Personal development]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-Discovery]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=235148</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-silent-weight-of-unwanted-change/">The Silent Weight of Unwanted Change: How to Start Moving Forward</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_9 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_73"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_115 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_167 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em></em></span></strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Change is hard. Even when we want it for ourselves. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But when it’s unexpected or unwanted change, the blow to the gut is that much worse. It’s not like it can even be prevented. It’s out of our hands and that’s why it makes it even more difficult to swallow. Like a lump in your throat or a knot in your stomach, unwanted change sits like an unwelcome visitor. A heavy, yet silent weight. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It could be the loss of your job, the end of a relationship, the loss of a loved one or the receipt of unwelcome news from a doctor. Each one carries with it, its own weight in pain and remorse. The “what ifs” running through our minds. Broken hearted and crestfallen we look for ways to shoulder the strain, only to find ourselves wanting. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s hard to find the light when we are amid the heaviness of the dark, feeling our way through the uncertainty, the loss of control, the heavy feeling that things will never be the same again. And there’s nothing we can do about it. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Heavy. Heavy. Heavy. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Let’s not forget the overwhelming stress that accompanies this unwanted change – like best friends walking hand-in-hand into your life, they feel quite at home together. Stress takes residence in our minds – as opposed to our stomachs – where it makes you worry. Worry that you’re leaving or losing something that was well known to you and moving towards something that is uncertain. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The mind, the poor thing that it is, processes that as loss and fear. Even positive change is stressful. But if the change is unexpected or unwanted, and accompanied by greater uncertainty than normal, the experience of loss and worry are amplified. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s a tough position even for the strongest of us. But there are ways to get through this time of your life.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_168 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Ways to Cope During Unwanted Change</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_169 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We’re not saying that change is easy. We know that it’s hard. Any change is hard. Unwanted change is especially hard. But there are things you can do that will help you cope with the change as you process everything you are going through – </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_74 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_116 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_93"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_117 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_170 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Recognise that your situation <i>is</i> temporary</strong><b> – </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">while you’re processing change, it’s natural to feel anxious and depressed, even angry. The important thing is to recognise that these intense feelings are intermittent, they are temporary. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Any change, whether they are welcome or not, creates discomfort. When the change is both unwelcome and unexpected, the discomfort is even worse. Unexpected changes throw us off balance. And in this space, we find ourselves out of our comfort zones. It can feel like things will never be ok again, that things will never get better. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The thing is, as humans we are incredibly resilient creatures. It’s how we’ve survived 300 000 odd years. We weren’t the fastest, or the strongest. We weren’t the fiercest in a fight. But we could outlast just about anything. Wearing them down until they eventually collapsed. And then, well, we ate them – Survival of the fittest and all that. So, know that you are naturally resilient, know that this situation is temporary and know that, in time, things will go back to a state of normalcy. What normal now looks like for you will depend entirely on you. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_75 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_118 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_94"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_119 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_171 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Learn what you <i>can</i> control</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – when you’re looking at a substantial change, it’s helpful to understand that there are </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">simply things you can control and there are things out of your control</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. When someone passes away, we can’t control that – as much as we would want to. It’s out of our hands. What we can control is how we deal with things afterwards. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We can ensure that their last wishes are carried out as they would’ve wanted them to be. We can ensure that their memory is immortalised in a way that we feel good about. And we can remember them with love and respect. Perhaps immortalising a small memory that just the two of you would know about. Finding small things that you </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">can</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> control during the change process helps make the whole ordeal easier on the soul. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_76"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_120 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_95"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/Keep-moving-forward-motivational-quote.-Milestone-on-the-field.-by-designer491-from-Getty-Images.jpg" alt="Keep moving forward motivational quote. Milestone on the field. by designer491 from Getty Images" title="Keep moving forward motivational quote. Milestone on the field. by designer491 from Getty Images" class="wp-image-235160" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_77 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_121 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_96"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_122 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_172 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Be kind to yourself</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– for every transition we go through, whether it’s positive or negative, there will always be a sense of loss, a sense of sadness – like something is gone, and you can’t get it back. These feelings are absolutely normal and it’s important to let yourself grieve that loss. It’s important that you let yourself sit with those feelings. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But it’s also important that you don’t allow yourself to wallow. Instead, try to indulge in something that makes you happy, like seeing friends, painting a random piece of art, baking a cake (even if it’s wonky) or going for a walk in the sunshine. Surround yourself with things that bring a smile to your face – even if this is a gradual process – and remind yourself that there’s so much life still to live. So much still to experience and enjoy. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_78 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_123 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_97"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_124 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_173 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Find meaning, look for positives</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – change brings about new problems, but we often forget that it also brings about new opportunities. Being able to find meaning in our challenges allows us to own them. We challenge our ability to go where we have not gone before, and to do what we have not done before. In turn, this fosters courage, resilience, confidence, and self-worth. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Ask yourself: What can I learn from this? What do I know about myself now that I didn’t know before? How can I turn this into something that will have a positive impact on my life one year, two years, or five years from now? </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Try and look beyond the “big change” and try to see what comes next or what </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">could</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> come next… there might just be a positive in there somewhere. For example, if you’ve lost your job, it’s normal to worry about the future. But think about whether it’s time for something new anyway? Even the most fearful changes can bring about unexpected joys.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_79"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_125 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_98"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/Everyone-needs-support-by-LaylaBird-from-Getty-Images-Signature.jpg" alt="Everyone needs support by LaylaBird from Getty Images Signature" title="Everyone needs support by LaylaBird from Getty Images Signature" class="wp-image-235159" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_80 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_126 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_99"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_127 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_174 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Get help</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – the important thing to know is that you’re not alone. Even if it seems that way. There is always help when you need it. Reaching out can help you gain new perspectives, or even solutions to your problems. Tough times is when social support is needed the most. Positive social support enhances resilience to stress. It helps you cope with unexpected changes in healthy, adaptive ways. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Think about whether there are individuals in your family or social circle that you can turn to. Have any of them been through similar situations? Perhaps seeking professional help is the best way forward and can be a valuable resource for navigating life’s unexpected changes. By reaching out to experts, like Frieda Levycky of </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Braving Boundaries</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and Di Atherton of </span><a href="https://diatherton.co.za/grief-end-of-life-coaching/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Spiral Pathway</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, you can enhance your ability to cope and adapt effectively. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_81"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_128 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_175 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Author of the Chronicles of Narnia, and my personal favourite </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe,”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> C.S. Lewis</span> <span style="font-weight: 400;">had this to say about overcoming change</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – </span></i></p> <blockquote> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” </span></p> </blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And he’s right. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We all know that the only way out is through. So, to overcome unwanted change, we need to work through the feelings of loss and grief, anger and sadness. We need to accept that these feelings are part of life. They happen. Devastatingly they happen. To all of us at one point or another. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The trick is knowing, beyond your worrying mind, that your state of flux is temporary. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">That even in the hardest moments, you are not alone. That support is there when you need it. And that, in time, you will feel the sun on your face and the smile on your lips, not because the pain has vanished, but because you have found a way to carry it differently. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Sources used and to whom we owe thanks – </span></i><a href="https://careinmind.com.au/blog/how-to-deal-with-unexpected-change/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Care in Mind</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.wm.edu/offices/wellness/virtual/flourishing/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">William & Mary</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span></i><a href="https://www.sofia.com.sg/facing-unexpected-changes/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Sofia Wellness Clinic</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">). </span></i></p> <p> </p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_100"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image-3.jpg" alt="End of blog post CTA" title="End of blog post CTA image (3)" class="wp-image-235162" /></span></a> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_8 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_82 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_129 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_101"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_130 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_176 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-silent-weight-of-unwanted-change/">The Silent Weight of Unwanted Change: How to Start Moving Forward</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-silent-weight-of-unwanted-change/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> </channel> </rss>