<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><rss version="2.0" xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/" xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/" xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" xmlns:sy="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/syndication/" xmlns:slash="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/slash/" > <channel> <title>perfectionism Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <atom:link href="https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/perfectionism/feed/" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" /> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/perfectionism/</link> <description>PROFESSIONAL LIFE COACHING & TRAINING</description> <lastBuildDate>Thu, 30 Jul 2026 12:57:05 +0000</lastBuildDate> <language>en-ZA</language> <sy:updatePeriod> hourly </sy:updatePeriod> <sy:updateFrequency> 1 </sy:updateFrequency> <image> <url>https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Asset-1.svg</url> <title>perfectionism Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/perfectionism/</link> <width>32</width> <height>32</height> </image> <item> <title>Going through the Motions: The Difference Between Coping and Actually Being Ok</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/going-through-the-motions/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/going-through-the-motions/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 30 Jul 2026 12:51:51 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Corporate Wellness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Lawyer Life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Lessons Learned]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Personal Growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[authentic leadership]]></category> <category><![CDATA[boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[burnout]]></category> <category><![CDATA[chronic illness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[coping strategies]]></category> <category><![CDATA[emotional labour]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional resilience]]></category> <category><![CDATA[flourishing]]></category> <category><![CDATA[high functioning anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[languishing]]></category> <category><![CDATA[leadership wellbeing]]></category> <category><![CDATA[perfectionism]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[professional burnout]]></category> <category><![CDATA[psychological safety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress management]]></category> <category><![CDATA[wellbeing]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work life balance]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=235774</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/going-through-the-motions/">Going through the Motions: The Difference Between Coping and Actually Being Ok</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_0 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_0"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_0 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_0 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><strong></strong></p> <p class="p1">Functioning beautifully is the ultimate human camouflage. Isn’t it?</p> <p class="p1">We live in a culture that routinely confuses compliance with health. If you’re hitting your professional targets, replying to messages within minutes, keeping your household running and maintaining a polished public profile, the world assumes you’re flourishing. That’s true whether you’re a corporate leader steering an organisation, a professional managing a crushing workload, or a parent balancing work and family. But there’s a vast, frightening distance between coping and actually being OK.</p> <p class="p1">Coping is surviving the storm. Being OK is knowing how to live when the rain stops.</p> <p class="p1">When we exist in high-stress, high-achievement environments, our survival mechanisms become so sophisticated that they start to look like competence. Trust me, I know how it feels to master this performance. You might be managing a clinical cocktail of major depression and severe anxiety, waking up with a racing heart before the alarm even sounds, your chest tightening as you glance at an inbox that never sleeps.</p> <p class="p1">You might be nursing the burning, swollen joints of an autoimmune condition, calculating exactly how many steps you can take before your mobility fails, while silently begging your knees to co-operate for one more hour. You might be navigating the quiet, exhausting grief of going entirely no-contact with parents or close family members, carrying a heavy trunk of family trauma while pretending long weekends are joyous rather than emotionally treacherous.</p> <p class="p1">Or perhaps you’re simply drowning under the pressure of perfectionism, caring for an unwell family member, or balancing a workload that treats human boundaries as optional suggestions.</p> <p class="p1">Whatever the flavour of your particular hell, you’ve probably mastered the art of going through the motions. You’re a masterpiece of functionality – orderly, reliable and structured. But beneath the surface, you may feel exactly like the title of that melancholy 1991 Roxette song: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9xZfezXo3s" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>Watercolours in the Rain</i></span></a>. You’re running, performing, and executing, but your internal sense of self is bleeding out, washing away into an indistinguishable grey smudge. Like watercolours in the rain…</p> <p class="p1">To move beyond this state of quiet desperation, we’ve got to dismantle the illusion of high-functioning survival and understand why our best coping strategies might actually be keeping us sick.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_1 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>The Autopilot Paradox: Why High Functioning Is a Trap</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_0"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/Reflective-Businessman-Looking-Out-the-Window-View-more-by-Aflo-Images-from-アフロ（Aflo.jpg" alt="Reflective Businessman Looking Out the Window View more by Aflo Images from アフロ（Aflo" title="Reflective Businessman Looking Out the Window View more by Aflo Images from アフロ（Aflo" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_2 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">In psychology, there’s a fundamental difference between an adaptive coping mechanism and genuine psychological wellbeing. Coping mechanisms are behavioural or cognitive tools used to manage internal and external stressors. They’re emergency brakes. They’re not a destination.</p> <p class="p1">When you operate in a state of chronic trauma, severe stress, or systemic physical pain, your brain defaults to a highly efficient autopilot. This is often driven by a psychological state known as languishing, a term popularised by sociologist <a href="http://www.compassion.life.edu/team/corey-keyes-ph-d/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1">Corey Keyes</span></a>. Languishing is the empty space between depression and flourishing. It’s a life of quiet stagnation, where you feel hollow, empty, like a mere shell.</p> <p class="p1">For a high achiever, languishing doesn’t look like staying in bed with the lights off. It looks like this –</p> <ul class="ul1"> <li class="li1">Perfecting a complex project or presentation while feeling absolutely nothing inside.</li> <li class="li1">Using perfectionism as armour so no one can see how close you are to cracking.</li> <li class="li1">Isolating yourself from peers because maintaining the “everything is fine” facade requires more energy than you possess.</li> </ul> <p class="p1">The trap for high-functioning people is that their coping mechanisms work <i>too</i> well. They get you across the finish line, but they can leave your psychological landscape completely barren. You’re ticking the boxes of adulthood and success, but objective markers of success don’t equal subjective satisfaction. If your coping strategies have become a permanent lifestyle, you’re not living. You’re just postponing the breakdown that’s not too far behind.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_3 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Diagnosing Your Camouflage – Coping vs Being OK</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_1"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/Woman-Walking-Alone-a-Narrow-Path-View-more-by-GreenCardShow-from-pixabay.jpg" alt="" title="Woman Walking Alone a Narrow Path View more by GreenCardShow from pixabay" class="wp-image-235797" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_4 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">How do you distinguish between someone who is genuinely well and someone who is simply an expert at psychological stagecraft?</p> <p class="p1">You look past output and pay attention to your internal landscape.</p> <p class="p1">The following outlines how identical external behaviours stem from entirely different psychological states –</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_5 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0"> <tbody> <tr> <td valign="middle"><span style="color: #000000; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: medium;"><b>External Behaviour</b><b></b></span></td> <td valign="middle"><span style="color: #000000; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: medium;"><b>The “Just Coping” State</b><b></b></span></p> <p> </td> <td valign="middle"><span style="color: #000000; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: medium;"><b>The “Actually OK” State</b><b></b></span></p> <p> </td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="middle"><span style="color: #000000; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: medium;"><b>Daily Leadership and Responsibility</b><b></b></span></p> <p> </td> <td valign="middle"><span style="color: #000000; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: medium;">Running on fear, second-guessing everything, and trying to control every moving part so nothing falls apart in public.</span></p> <p> </td> <td valign="middle"><span style="color: #000000; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: medium;">Leading from steadier ground – curious, collaborative, and able to take sensible risks without treating every decision like a test of your worth.</span></p> <p> </td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="middle"><span style="color: #000000; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: medium;"><b>Setting Boundaries</b><b></b></span></td> <td valign="middle"><span style="color: #000000; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: medium;">Either saying yes to everything until you resent everyone, or building walls so high that even useful help can’t get in.</span></p> <p> </td> <td valign="middle"><span style="color: #000000; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: medium;">Saying what you can and can’t do clearly, without turning every limit into an apology or a courtroom defence.</span></p> <p> </td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="middle"><span style="color: #000000; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: medium;"><b>Managing Physical Pain / Illness</b><b></b></span></td> <td valign="middle"><span style="color: #000000; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: medium;">Pushing through pain, pretending your body is just being dramatic and forcing yourself to meet a standard no human body signed up for.</span></p> <p> </td> <td valign="middle"><span style="color: #000000; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: medium;">Adjusting your day honestly, asking for what you need and refusing to treat physical limits as moral failure.</span></p> <p> </td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="middle"><span style="color: #000000; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: medium;"><b>Social Interaction</b><b></b></span></td> <td valign="middle"><span style="color: #000000; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: medium;">Performing “fine” through dinners, meetings and gatherings while feeling miles away from everyone in the room.</span></p> <p> </td> <td valign="middle"><span style="color: #000000; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: medium;">Spending time with people who let you be honest, imperfect, and human without making you pay for it later.</span></p> <p> </td> </tr> </tbody> </table></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_6 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1"><i>This table is the author’s own synthesis, informed by the wellbeing frameworks discussed above, particularly Keyes’ languishing/flourishing model and Seligman’s PERMA model.</i><i></i></p> <p class="p2">If you look at this table and realise your entire life is built on the middle column, congratulations – you’re a world-class coper. You’re also running on fumes, and the watercolour of your identity may be dissolving in the downpour.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_7 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Why Sucking It Up Is Bad Science</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_2"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/Close-up-woman-hands-crossed-nervously-anxiously-await-news-on-couch.-Fear-and-mental-issues-View-more-by-dimaberlinphotos.jpg" alt="Close up woman hands crossed nervously, anxiously await news on couch. Fear and mental issues View more by dimaberlinphotos" title="Close up woman hands crossed nervously, anxiously await news on couch. Fear and mental issues View more by dimaberlinphotos" class="wp-image-235793" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_8 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">Our culture loves the myth of grit. We’re told to push through, control our emotions, and leave our personal struggles at the door. Put our “big girl panties on”. But modern psychological frameworks, such as Martin Seligman’s PERMA Model of positive emotions, engagement, relationships, meaning and achievement, show that true wellbeing needs a holistic ecosystem, not isolated achievement.</p> <p class="p1">When you suppress severe anxiety, block out physical pain, or bury the complex grief of family estrangement just to look steady, you incur a massive allostatic load (<i>allostatic load refers to the cumulative “wear and tear” on the body and brain caused by prolonged or repeated exposure to chronic stress. It represents the physiological cost of adapting to repeated challenges, which can eventually lead to organ dysfunction and chronic illness</i>). The stress response system remains perpetually activated, wreaking havoc on your nervous system and potentially exacerbating autoimmune conditions such as arthritis.</p> <p class="p1">Relentless positivity and stoicism can also stop us from accepting the full, authentic range of human emotions. True wellbeing isn’t a permanent state of happiness. It’s the psychological agility to experience pain, anxiety, or sadness without letting them hollow out your sense of purpose.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_9 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Shifting from Survival to Authenticity – Practical, Evidence-Based Steps</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_10 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">If you’re tired of running through life like watercolours in the rain, you need to pivot intentionally from survival mode to resilience and, eventually, flourishing. I’ve found that healing doesn’t mean quitting your job or letting your standards collapse. It means upgrading your internal operating system with practical, verified psychological strategies.</p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_1 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_1 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_3"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_2 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_11 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Initiate a Reflective Writing Practice</strong></p> <p class="p1">When you’re constantly going through the motions, your thoughts can become a tangled mess of obligations and defence mechanisms. A daily, intentional <i>reflective writing practice</i> can help you build resilience, clarity and meaning.</p> <p class="p1"> <ul class="ul1"> <li class="li1"><b>The Action –</b> take ten minutes every morning to write unfiltered, private thoughts about your emotional state and physical pain.</li> <li class="li1"><b>The Goal –</b> don’t edit or sanitise your words for an audience. Use the page as a private clearing where you can recognise your inner strengths, patterns, and practical wisdom away from daily expectations.</li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_2 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_3 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_4"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_4 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_12 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Practice Radical Authenticity and Savouring</strong></p> <p class="p1">Inauthenticity creeps in when we focus exclusively on meeting other people’s expectations and lose our own anchor. To reverse this, build small moments of <i>savouring and intentional self-alignment </i>into your day.</p> <p class="p1"> <ul class="ul1"> <li class="li1"><b>The Action –</b> savour small, positive experiences: a perfect cup of tea, a brief moment of quiet, or a genuine laugh with a trusted friend.</li> <li class="li1"><b>The Goal –</b> pay deliberate attention to positive emotional experiences. This helps retrain a brain that has become hyper-focused on threat detection and pain management.</li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_3 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_5 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_5"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_6 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_13 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Move from Emotional Dissociation to Micro-Recovery</strong></p> <p class="p1">If you’re managing chronic illness or severe anxiety, you can’t simply wish the symptoms away. Powering through intense pain often creates more inflammation, stress, and psychological exhaustion.</p> <p class="p1"> <ul class="ul1"> <li class="li1"><b>The Action – </b>introduce deliberate micro-breaks throughout your day. This could be a five-minute mindfulness break, a brief walk, or a short period offline to gaze out of a window.</li> <li class="li1"><b>The Goal – </b>use these small, intentional pauses to let your stress response recover and reduce the cumulative load on your immune system and body.</li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_4 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_7 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_6"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_8 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_14 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Cultivate Safe, High-Quality Relationships</strong></p> <p class="p1">The Harvard Study of Adult Development, the longest-running study on adult life, found that high-quality relationships are one of the most powerful factors in human health and longevity. If you’ve gone no-contact with family, creating a chosen, psychologically safe inner circle matters even more.</p> <p class="p1"> <ul class="ul1"> <li class="li1"><b>The Action –</b> identify one relationship where you don’t have to play the role of the infallible, perfectly strong person. Invest time in deepening that connection.</li> <li class="li1"><b>The Goal –</b> share a fraction of your actual reality. True well-being cannot exist in a vacuum of total isolation.</li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_5"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_9 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_15 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>The Peer-to-Peer Reality Check</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_7"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/Two-authentic-women-laughing-and-smiling-together-View-more-by-Zanuck-from-Getty-Images.jpg" alt="Two authentic women laughing and smiling together View more by Zanuck from Getty Images" title="Two authentic women laughing and smiling together View more by Zanuck from Getty Images" class="wp-image-235799" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_16 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">Let’s be entirely real for a moment, peer to peer. I’m not speaking to you from some serene, high-vibe mountaintop where anxiety doesn’t exist and joints never ache. I’m right here in the trenches with you. I know what it’s like to sit at a desk while your nervous system screams that the building is on fire, even though you’re only looking at a spreadsheet. I know the dark absurdity of staring at a flight of stairs and calculating whether your psoriatic arthritis will allow you to reach the top, or whether you should simply announce that this staircase is now your permanent residence – “<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tH2ZpbE_ow0" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1">My old enemy! Stairs!”</span></a> (said in the voice of Po from Kung Fu Panda).</p> <p class="p1">And let’s talk about those wonderfully festive family holidays. There’s a specific, darkly comic absurdity in sitting through seasonal small talk while your brain runs a background programme reminding you that you haven’t spoken to your biological family in years. If you listen closely to the corporate chatter around you, you’ll realise we’re all participating in a mass performance piece. We buy the planners, download the meditation apps that gently ping us to just breathe while everything falls apart, and pretend that a green smoothie can cure systemic trauma or a genetic joint crisis. It’s a joke.</p> <p class="p1">But here’s the comforting twist – <span class="s2"><i>admitting that the performance is exhausting doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human.</i></span> You don’t have to wait until you’re fully cured of anxiety, arthritis, or complicated grief to start feeling OK. Being OK doesn’t mean pain disappears or your life becomes magically tidy. It means you stop letting the performance consume your entire identity. It means looking at the rain, accepting that you’re getting a bit wet, and refusing to let your whole self dissolve into the pavement.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_17 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>There Is Light at the End of the Tunnel</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_8"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/Misty-Pathway-Through-Majestic-Cypress-Trees-View-more-by-Stephen-Leonardi-from-Pexels.jpg" alt="Misty Pathway Through Majestic Cypress Trees View more by Stephen Leonardi from Pexels" title="Misty Pathway Through Majestic Cypress Trees View more by Stephen Leonardi from Pexels" class="wp-image-235794" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_18 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">Admitting that you’re merely coping is not weakness. It’s strategic honesty. You can’t care for others, lead effectively, or manage an organisation if your own internal infrastructure is held together by willpower and masking tape.</p> <p class="p1">I want you to know this – <strong><i>you can be a brilliant professional, an exceptional leader, or a deeply dedicated parent while openly acknowledging that life can be complicated, painful, and hard. </i></strong>You can manage severe anxiety, navigate chronic physical limitations, and heal from family trauma while remaining reliable. There is light at the end of this tunnel, but you’ll reach it more sustainably when you stop pretending everything is perfect.</p> <p class="p1">So, start small. Cancel one unnecessary obligation. Tell one safe person the truth. Take one proper breath before answering the next message. Write one honest sentence you never have to show anyone. Step out of the downpour where you can, put down the burden of performative perfectionism, and build a life that doesn’t just look good from the outside, but feels steadier, kinder, and more liveable from the inside.</p> <p class="p1">And if those small steps feel too heavy to take alone, you don’t have to force yourself through them in silence. <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span class="s1">Reach out to</span></a> Frieda Levycky of Braving Boundaries. Think of it less as asking for help and more as letting a steady, supportive friend walk beside you while you work out what the next kind, manageable step could be. Sometimes the bravest thing isn’t doing everything by yourself. It’s letting someone safe sit with you while you begin.</p> <p class="p1"> <p class="p2">(Sources used and to whom we owe thanks – <i>Keyes, C.L.M. (2002) ‘</i><a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/3090197" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>The Mental Health Continuum: From Languishing to Flourishing in Life’, Journal of Health and Social Behavior</i></span></a><i>, 43(2), pp. 207–222. This source supports the article’s discussion of languishing, flourishing and the distinction between merely functioning and genuine wellbeing; Seligman, M.E.P. (2011) </i><a href="https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Flourish/Martin-E-P-Seligman/9781439190760" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being</i></span></a><i>. New York: Free Press. This source supports the article’s reference to the PERMA model and the idea that wellbeing depends on more than achievement alone; Pennebaker, J.W. (1997) </i><a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1111/j.1467-9280.1997.tb00403.x" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>‘Writing About Emotional Experiences as a Therapeutic Process’</i></span></a><i>, Psychological Science, 8(3), pp. 162–166. This source supports the article’s recommendation of reflective and expressive writing as a practical resilience-building tool; Farber, S.K. (2016) ‘</i><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-mind-body-connection/201603/expressive-writing-physical-and-mental-health" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>Expressive Writing for Physical and Mental Health</i></span></a><i>’, Psychology Today, 28 March. This source provides accessible supporting context for the article’s discussion of expressive writing and its relationship to mood and physical health; Waldinger, R. and Schulz, M. (2023) </i><a href="https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/The-Good-Life/Robert-Waldinger/9781982166694" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness</i></span></a><i>. New York: Simon & Schuster. This source supports the article’s discussion of the Harvard Study of Adult Development and the importance of high-quality relationships for long-term health and wellbeing; Waldinger, R. and Schulz, M. (2022) </i><a href="https://magazine.hms.harvard.edu/articles/good-life" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>‘The Good Life’, Harvard Medicine Magazine.</i></span></a><i> This source provides an accessible summary of the Harvard Study of Adult Development and the authors’ central finding that relationship quality strongly predicts health and wellbeing across the lifespan and University of Pennsylvania Positive Psychology Center. </i><a href="https://ppc.sas.upenn.edu/learn-more/perma-theory-well-being-and-perma-workshops" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>‘PERMA<img src="https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/17.0.2/72x72/2122.png" alt="™" class="wp-smiley" style="height: 1em; max-height: 1em;" /> Theory of Well-Being and PERMA<img src="https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/17.0.2/72x72/2122.png" alt="™" class="wp-smiley" style="height: 1em; max-height: 1em;" /> Workshops’</i></span></a><i>. This source provides a concise institutional explanation of Seligman’s PERMA theory and its five building blocks: positive emotion, engagement, relationships, meaning, and accomplishment).</i></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_9"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/Mailshot-CTA-images-1.jpg" alt="" title="Mailshot CTA images" class="wp-image-235792" /></span></a> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_0 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_6 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_10 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_10"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_11 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_19 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/going-through-the-motions/">Going through the Motions: The Difference Between Coping and Actually Being Ok</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/going-through-the-motions/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Perfectionism vs. Excellence: Finding the Balance for Leadership and Team Success</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/perfectionism-vs-excellence-finding-the-balance-for-leadership-and-team-success/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/perfectionism-vs-excellence-finding-the-balance-for-leadership-and-team-success/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 03 Jul 2024 20:34:18 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Corporate Wellness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Effective communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Lessons Learned]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Perfectionism]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Team building]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Team communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Work life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Working environment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[communication skills]]></category> <category><![CDATA[delegation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[effective communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[effective leadership]]></category> <category><![CDATA[excellence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[interpersonal communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[leadership]]></category> <category><![CDATA[perfection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[perfectionism]]></category> <category><![CDATA[perfectionist]]></category> <category><![CDATA[promoting excellence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[team success]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=6210</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/perfectionism-vs-excellence-finding-the-balance-for-leadership-and-team-success/">Perfectionism vs. Excellence: Finding the Balance for Leadership and Team Success</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_1 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_7"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_12 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_20 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><i>By Frieda Levycky – Founder and Director of <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/">Braving Boundaries</a></i></strong></h5> <p id="ember59" class="ember-view reader-content-blocks__paragraph">Perfectionism – We’ve all encountered it at some point in our professional lives. Whether you’ve struggled under someone else’s unrealistic standards that stifle growth and leave no room for mistakes, or you’ve been the leader who couldn’t let go and delegate, one thing is clear: perfectionism is unattainable.</p> <p id="ember60" class="ember-view reader-content-blocks__paragraph">I’ve seen firsthand how leaders, driven by perfectionism, often micromanage their teams, adding unnecessary stress and ultimately creating a toxic work environment. On the other hand, I’ve seen how fostering excellence encourages innovation, collaboration and a healthier, more productive work environment. That’s why I’m sharing my insights on this important topic. What are the key differences between perfectionism and excellence? What are the telltale signs of a perfectionist leader? How does perfectionism impact teams? How can leaders promote growth and excellence within their businesses? Keep reading to find out.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_21 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Defining Perfectionism vs. Excellence</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_22 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>Key differences between perfectionism and excellence</strong></h3></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_23 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p id="ember63" class="ember-view reader-content-blocks__paragraph">You might think that perfectionism and excellence are similar, but they are fundamentally different in approach and impact. Perfectionism in leadership is driven by a need to meet unattainable standards, leaving no room for mistakes or growth. It often results in:</p> <ul> <li><strong>Micromanagement:</strong> A perfectionist leader struggles to trust their team, often overseeing every detail and task, which can suppress employees’ creativity and innovation.</li> <li><strong>Inability to Delegate:</strong> This stems from a need for control, where leaders find it challenging to entrust tasks to others, fearing the outcome won’t meet their high standards.</li> <li><strong>Excessive Control:</strong> When leaders feel “out of control” due to delegating tasks, it signals underlying perfectionism. This constant need for control can create a stressful and unproductive environment.</li> </ul> <p id="ember65" class="ember-view reader-content-blocks__paragraph">Excellence, on the other hand, focuses on achieving high yet realistic standards. It values continuous improvement, effort and progress rather than flawlessness. Leaders who promote excellence encourage innovation and collaboration, creating a supportive environment where team members feel safe to take risks and learn from their mistakes. This approach fosters a positive, dynamic work culture that enhances productivity and morale.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_24 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>Signs of a perfectionist leader</strong></h3></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_11"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/Perfectionism-vs.-Excellence-2.png" alt="" title="Perfectionism vs. Excellence (2)" class="wp-image-6219" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_25 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p id="ember63" class="ember-view reader-content-blocks__paragraph">A telltale sign of a perfectionist leader is an overemphasis on minor details and an insistence on doing things “the right way,” which often translates to “their way.” They may be reluctant to acknowledge and celebrate small wins, focusing instead on what could have been done better. Such leaders are often highly critical and quick to point out flaws while rarely offering positive feedback. Additionally, they might set unrealistic deadlines and expectations, pushing their team to the brink in pursuit of perfection. This can create an environment where employees feel undervalued and perpetually anxious about meeting unattainable standards.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_26 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>The harmful impact of perfectionism on teams</strong></h3></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_27 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p id="ember63" class="ember-view reader-content-blocks__paragraph">Perfectionism can have a detrimental impact on teams, creating an environment of constant pressure and stress. Team members may feel anxious and overwhelmed by the unrealistic expectations set by a perfectionist leader, leading to burnout and decreased morale. This fear of making mistakes slowly but surely kills creativity and innovation, as employees become hesitant to take risks or suggest new ideas. The lack of positive reinforcement and recognition for their efforts can result in feelings of underappreciation and resentment. Over time, the team’s productivity and cohesion suffer, because the focus on flawlessness erodes trust and collaboration.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_28 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>Strategies for leaders to foster excellence in their teams</strong></h3></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_29 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p id="ember71" class="ember-view reader-content-blocks__paragraph">I think I’ve fixated on perfectionism enough for one day, don’t you? Let’s switch our focus to its healthier, more sustainable counterpart… Excellence.</p> <p id="ember72" class="ember-view reader-content-blocks__paragraph">Leaders can promote excellence within their businesses by fostering a supportive and empowering work environment. Here’s how:</p> <ul> <li><strong>Set Clear, Realistic Expectations:</strong> Establish challenging, yet attainable goals. This approach encourages continuous improvement without the paralysing fear of failure.</li> <li><strong>Emphasise Effort and Progress:</strong> Highlight the importance of effort and progress over perfection. Celebrate small wins and milestones to keep morale high and motivation strong.</li> <li><strong>Encourage Open Communication:</strong>Create an atmosphere where team members feel comfortable voicing their ideas, questions and concerns without fear of judgment. This can be achieved through regular check-ins, team meetings and encouraging continuous feedback through collaboration platforms.</li> <li><strong>Provide Opportunities for Professional Development:</strong>Offer training programmes, workshops and mentorship opportunities to help employees enhance their skills and advance in their careers.</li> </ul></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_30 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>Cultivate a Culture of Excellence</strong></h3></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_31 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p id="ember75" class="ember-view reader-content-blocks__paragraph">Understanding the difference between perfectionism and excellence is the key to effective leadership. By focusing on achievable high standards and continuous improvement, leaders can create a positive and productive work environment.</p> <p id="ember76" class="ember-view reader-content-blocks__paragraph">As you reflect on the points shared in this blog, think about how you can encourage excellence within your team. Are you committed to nurturing teams that thrive on openness, innovation and collaboration? <a class="app-aware-link " href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/" data-test-app-aware-link="">Reach out today</a> to explore how we can help your team achieve excellence through improved communication and leadership strategies.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_12"> <a href="https://www.webtickets.co.za/v2/Event.aspx?itemid=1547283135" target="_blank"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1200" height="628" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/Tame-the-perfectionism-workshop.png" alt="" title="Tame the perfectionism workshop" class="wp-image-6222" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/perfectionism-vs-excellence-finding-the-balance-for-leadership-and-team-success/">Perfectionism vs. Excellence: Finding the Balance for Leadership and Team Success</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/perfectionism-vs-excellence-finding-the-balance-for-leadership-and-team-success/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Building resilience</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/building-resilience/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/building-resilience/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Sat, 11 Jul 2020 10:45:34 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Lawyer Life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Perfectionism]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[a balanced life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[attorney life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[big law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[big law life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[junior lawyer]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law students]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer tips]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal firm life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life coaching]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mindset]]></category> <category><![CDATA[perfection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[perfectionism]]></category> <category><![CDATA[perfectionist]]></category> <category><![CDATA[perfectionistic behaviour]]></category> <category><![CDATA[progress over perfection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[resilience]]></category> <category><![CDATA[success]]></category> <category><![CDATA[success mindset]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[workaholic]]></category> <category><![CDATA[workaholism]]></category> <category><![CDATA[young lawyer]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=1533</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>In a world where perfection is still promoted, learn to build resilience.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/building-resilience/">Building resilience</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[ <p class="wp-block-paragraph">I hate this question in an interview. Why? </p> <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Because:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li><strong>the question is disingenuous</strong> – if they wanted to know my greatest weakness, I would tell them it was my right knee from over-running;</li><li><strong>no one gives an honest answer</strong> – there are articles galore on how to respond to this question in a way that pivots an alleged weakness into a strength; and</li><li><strong>it associates weakness with characteristics / behaviours that are not weak</strong>.</li></ul> <p class="wp-block-paragraph">I’m hardly going to say: <strong><em>“I’m not very functional when I don’t have enough sleep”</em></strong>. Although true, that isn’t going to land me a job in the <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-around-mental-health-in-the-legal-world/">legal world</a> that expects so much of my time.</p> <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Is being dysfunctional after 24 hours in the office a weakness? <em><strong>Absolutely not!</strong> </em>Is it considered weak in the legal world? Unfortunately, yes. Why would we need to reframe things otherwise?</p> <figure class="wp-block-image"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/perfectionism-tired.jpg" alt="perfection at work"/></figure> <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Perfectionism – whether expressed or not – is still promoted in the legal world.</p> <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Think of all the superlatives: <strong><em>the best, the biggest, the most accessible</em></strong> etc. Ideals and standards that are then adopted by lawyers. I must be available 24/7; I must be seen to be working hard. I must… I must … I must…</p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="is-it-any-surprise-that-so-many-lawyers-become-perfectionists"><strong><em>Is it any surprise that so many lawyers become perfectionists?</em></strong></h3> <p class="wp-block-paragraph">So, having spent the week looking at the dangers of perfectionism, <em><strong>how do you stay resilient in a world that promotes perfection?</strong></em></p> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-8f761849 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1-1024x1024.png" alt=""/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow"> <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>Stay healthy</strong> – Build hydration, good nutrition, sleep and exercise into your life to reduce the impact of stress on your physical and mental health.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-8f761849 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2-1024x1024.png" alt=""/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow"> <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>Nurture your tribe</strong> – They keep your grounded, supported and in touch with the real world.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-8f761849 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3-1024x1024.png" alt=""/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow"> <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>Have this mantra on repeat: “<em>You don’t have to be perfect to be successful</em>”: </strong>Our flaws, our differences, our quirks are what make us unique. It is in our differences that we find success.</p> </div> </div> <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><em>Tell me, what do you do to build your resilience in the legal world?</em></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="if-you-are-struggling-with-perfectionism"><strong>If you are struggling with perfectionism</strong></h2> <p class="wp-block-paragraph">If perfectionism is something with which you struggle and which is causing uncomfortable levels of stress for you, please know that these behaviour patterns can be changed. It takes time and effort – but it is achievable. And life is a lot less stressful on the other side.</p> <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Through coaching, we can address the underlying fears and insecurities which the perfectionistic behaviour is masking. Together, we can identify ways to reduce the self-criticism and increase your self-esteem, so that you can be confident in who you are, in everything you do and in how you are seen in the world.</p> <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong><em>You are enough!</em></strong></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <p class="has-text-align-center wp-block-paragraph"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" sizes="(max-width: 854px) 100vw, 854px" srcset="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/2-854x1024.jpg 854w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/2-250x300.jpg 250w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/2-768x921.jpg 768w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/2-417x500.jpg 417w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/2-667x800.jpg 667w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/2-1067x1280.jpg 1067w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/2-1080x1295.jpg 1080w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/2-980x1175.jpg 980w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/2-480x576.jpg 480w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/2.jpg 1138w" width="854" height="1024" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/2-854x1024.jpg" alt="Frieda Levycky - Life coach for lawyers"><br><a role="button" href="https://calendly.com/bravingboundaries/discovery-call-30-mins"><br>Book a free Discovery Session</a><br><a role="button" href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><br>Drop me a quick message<br></a><br><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" sizes="(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" srcset="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-1024x311-1.jpg 1024w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-300x91-1.jpg 300w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-768x233-1.jpg 768w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-500x152.png 500w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-800x243.png 800w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-1280x389-1.jpg 1280w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-1080x328-1.jpg 1080w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-980x298-1.jpg 980w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-480x146-1.jpg 480w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner.jpg 1400w" width="1024" height="311" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-1024x311-1.jpg" alt="Lawyer coaching"></p> <div class="wp-block-buttons is-horizontal is-content-justification-center is-layout-flex wp-container-core-buttons-is-layout-7d812b4c wp-block-buttons-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-button"><a class="wp-block-button__link has-white-color has-text-color has-background" href="" style="background-color:#27281d" target="_blank" rel="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/ noopener">BOOK A DISCOVERY CALL</a></div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/building-resilience/">Building resilience</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/building-resilience/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>The Perfectionist Problem</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-perfectionist-problem/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-perfectionist-problem/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Mon, 06 Jul 2020 15:44:20 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Comfort over coffee]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Lawyer Life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Perfectionism]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[a balanced life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[big law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[big law life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[junior associate]]></category> <category><![CDATA[junior attorney]]></category> <category><![CDATA[junior lawyer]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law students]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer tips]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health advocate]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health matters]]></category> <category><![CDATA[perfection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[perfectionism]]></category> <category><![CDATA[perfectionist]]></category> <category><![CDATA[perfectionistic behaviour]]></category> <category><![CDATA[progress over perfection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self confidence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self esteem]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-confidence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-esteem]]></category> <category><![CDATA[trust in yourself]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[workaholic]]></category> <category><![CDATA[workaholism]]></category> <category><![CDATA[young lawyer]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=1478</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>"Perfection" - an unattainable target for which many of us strive. This article looks at why we feel we need to be perfect, the false belief that perfection brings success, and some ideas that have helped me to let go of the need to be a perfectionist.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-perfectionist-problem/">The Perfectionist Problem</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[ <h1 class="wp-block-heading" id="the-perfectionist-problem">The Perfectionist Problem</h1> <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><em>This article forms part of the “Comfort Over Coffee” series – a range of articles seeking to tackle the trickier issues faced in the <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-around-mental-health-in-the-legal-world/">legal world</a></em>.</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="introduction"><strong>Introduction</strong></h2> <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><em><strong>Full disclosure: I am a recovering perfectionist workaholic – and I always will be.</strong></em></p> <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Ironically, as I sit down to write this article, I can feel my perfectionist coming out:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li><em>“This article needs to be perfect if people are going to resonate.”</em></li><li><em>“There needs to be the perfect balance between fun and information.”</em></li><li><em>“How can you write about perfectionism when you still struggle with it?”</em></li></ul> <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Well, the reality is that:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>this article will resonate with some of you and not with others (<em>and that’s ok</em>).</li><li>for some it will be fun and informative, but possibly not for others (and that’s ok).</li><li>I’m not perfect (and that’s ok).</li></ul> <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Aside from telling you a bit about my personal struggle with perfectionism, this article is going to delve into why we feel we need to be perfect, the false belief that perfection brings success, and some ideas that have helped me to let go of the need to be perfect.</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="our-need-to-be-perfect"><strong>Our need to be perfect</strong></h2> <h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="from-childhood-perfectionist"><strong>From childhood perfectionist …</strong></h3> <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Society has encouraged us to be perfect from an early age.</p> <p class="wp-block-paragraph">As children:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>Aptitude testing was a regularity to test potential and capacity to learn (from as young as two years old in some cases): Thursdays featured 100 multiplication questions (7×8, 9×6 etc.). Mondays oriented around spelling tests (I still can’t spell ‘occurrence’ confidently). Everything was graded. 90% got praised! 70% not so much (even though it was 20% over the pass mark).</li><li>We grew up with the daily mantra from our teachers and parents of: “Success comes from hard work”. And hard work reaped rewards: being selected for the national netball team, winning the school music competition, being voted as Head Boy / Head Girl.</li><li>As others worked hard to achieve success, competition to be the best heightened – pushing us further towards the need to be perfect.</li><li>Hard work alone was no longer enough – we had to be multi-disciplinary: a good person, someone who helps others, someone who is likeable, someone who is self-sacrificing – the “good all-rounder”.</li><li>The muscles in our brains connecting success with hard work and being multi-capable strengthened, as did the muscle that linked success to perfection.</li></ul> <h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="to-adulthood-perfectionist"><strong>To adulthood perfectionist …</strong></h3> <p class="wp-block-paragraph">As we entered into adult life, our view as to what constituted “perfection” was further embellished:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>The <strong>romantic-comedy genre</strong> solidified the belief that happiness was derived from the perfect relationship / being the perfect partner. The fact that these films focused on the “getting together” part rather than the actual long-term relationship is by-the-by.</li><li><strong>Social media</strong> portrayed “perfect” to be normal and constantly achievable (never a bad photo in sight).</li><li>The <strong>fitness industry</strong> constantly reminded us of how we could achieve the perfect body, perfect abs, perfect legs – as if there was such a thing! I vividly remember when the size 0 phenomenon hit the media with Nicole Ritchie’s emaciated figure flaunted across magazine covers for the world to see. Dangerously thin was portrayed as the ideal body shape. Another area in our lives in which we had to be perfect in order to succeed.</li></ul> <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><em>Is it any wonder that this constant assault of unreaslistic “perfection” resulted in so many of us becoming stressed out, over-achieving perfectionists? </em></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="my-perfectionist-story"><strong>My perfectionist story</strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/not-so-perfect2-640x1024.png" alt="Me as a perfectionist"/></figure> <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Well, this is what <em><strong>perfectionism</strong> </em>looked like for me.</p> <p class="wp-block-paragraph">This photo was taken back in 2014 on a night out with a friend in a bar, downing tequila shots after a long day in the office and yet another failed romantic liaison (it never actually qualified as a relationship). </p> <p class="wp-block-paragraph">I was:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li><strong><em>the perfect lawyer</em></strong> – I worked hard, led the most prestigious deals, volunteered on all the committees and went the extra mile. <i><strong>But,</strong> I was not paid my market value nor did I have a clear career path.</i></li></ul> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li><strong><em>the perfect romantic partner</em></strong> – I was fun, slim, always smiling, putting everyone else’s needs before my own, being their cheerleader and daily support. <i><strong>But, </strong>I was not respected or supported (by them or myself) which led to back-to-back failed relationships and a disastrous impact on my self-worth. Not ideal when the rest of your friendship group are happily married and moving into parenthood.</i></li><li><strong><em>the perfect friend</em></strong> – I raced around the world to be at friends’ weddings, visit new-born babies, spend time with my god children. You name it – I barely sat still! <i><strong>But,</strong> my closest friendships suffered because quality time wasn’t spent with the people I cared most about and with those who cared most about me.</i></li><li><strong><em>the perfect all-rounder</em></strong> – I was the epitome of a multi-tasker. I was sporty. I loved a challenge. I raised funds for charity. I organised parties and pub quizzes. I could converse about Turandot as much as I could about how Liverpool were performing in the Premier League. <strong><i>But,</i></strong> <em>I was exhausted. I stopped enjoying the things I loved doing. I felt resentment when my time was taken away from me. I’d chameleoned into so many versions of myself that I’d forgotten who I was at my core.</em></li></ul> <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong><em>Had perfectionism led to success?</em></strong></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="the-dangers-of-perfectionism"><strong>The dangers of perfectionism</strong></h2> <p class="wp-block-paragraph">The problem with perfectionism is that it is an ideal. There is no finite point which can be reached to confirm that “perfection” has been achieved. It is, by virtue, unattainable.</p> <p class="wp-block-paragraph">So, by seeking perfection, we are setting ourselves up for constant failure which, in turn, can have a severe impact on our mental and physical health.</p> <figure class="wp-block-image"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/impact-of-perfectionism.png" alt="perfectionist traits"/></figure> <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Perfectionism also results in an unhealthy level of resistance to failure – as if failure was a bad thing. The irony is that success is achieved as a result of our failures. If we did not fail, how would we ever learn, improve and grow?</p> <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><em><strong>Failure is a necessary part of being a human. It’s a necessary part of success.</strong></em></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="how-to-let-go-of-the-need-to-be-perfect"><strong>How to let go of the need to be perfect</strong></h2> <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Wouldn’t it be nice just to chill out and relax sometimes? To kick back and enjoy your days without worrying about how you are seen, the impression that you are making, the value that you are bringing to the table. To spend your time enjoying what you are doing. To be comfortable with the very real fact that <strong>you are enough</strong>.</p> <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Telling a perfectionist to just do things imperfectly is never going to work though. It is not a switch which we can just turn on and off. It takes time and effort to change behavioural patterns.</p> <p class="wp-block-paragraph">But here are a few things that helped me to reduce my perfectionist tendencies:</p> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-8f761849 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1-1024x1024.png" alt=""/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow"> <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>Acknowledge the existence of your inner perfectionist:</strong> We adopt perfectionist behaviour to protect ourselves from underlying fears and insecurities. For many perfectionists, their self-worth is derived from praise, where praise is identified with perfection. <strong>Seek support</strong> from a coach to help you identify these underlying fears and build up your self-esteem. Learn to let go of your perfectionist tendencies and lead a much calmer and stress-free lifestyle.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-8f761849 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2-1024x1024.png" alt=""/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow"> <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>Let go of the idea that “perfect” exists: </strong>It doesn’t. If “perfect” existed, I am quite certain that evolution would have created identical human beings by now, removing any irregularities. What a humdrum world that would be! Our flaws, our differences, our quirks are what make us unique. It is in our differences that we find our superpowers – the real things that let us shine.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-8f761849 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3-1024x1024.png" alt=""/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow"> <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>Stop comparing yourself to others: <em>EVERYONE</em></strong> struggles with something, no matter how they portray themselves in the outside world. Whether it is the perfect family; the huge book of clients; the holiday home in the Hamptons – this is all external messaging. No one brags about the fact that they are feeling like an imposter, worrying about money, not having sex, struggling with their kid’s behaviour. Stop comparing your internal version of the world (the lens through which you look at your own life) with someone else’s external version of the world.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-8f761849 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4-1024x1024.png" alt=""/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow"> <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>Reframe success: </strong>Knowing that “perfect” is unattainable, what does a successful life really look like to you? I don’t care if it is on the “what it should look like” list. I want to know what would make you happy, healthy and fulfilled. Take a moment to really think about that. Now consider how you can start implementing that.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-8f761849 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5-1024x1024.png" alt=""/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow"> <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>Celebrate your accomplishments – no matter how big or small</strong>: As perfectionists, we achieve a lot, but when do we ever take time to celebrate our accomplishments? You’ll soon see that accomplishment and success can still be achieved in the absence of perfection.</p> </div> </div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="next-steps"><strong>Next Steps</strong></h2> <p class="wp-block-paragraph">If perfectionism is something with which you struggle and which is causing uncomfortable levels of stress for you, please know that these behaviour patterns can be changed. It takes time and effort – but it is achievable. And life is a lot less stressful on the other side.</p> <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Through coaching, we can address the underlying fears and insecurities which the perfectionistic behaviour is masking. Together, we can identify ways to reduce the self-criticism and increase your self-esteem, so that you can be confident in who you are, in everything you do and in how you are seen in the world.</p> <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong><em>You are enough!</em></strong></p> <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><a role="button" href="https://calendly.com/bravingboundaries/discovery-call-30-mins"><br>Book a free Discovery Session<br></a><br><a role="button" href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><br>Drop me a quick message<br></a><br><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" sizes="(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" srcset="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-1024x311-1.jpg 1024w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-300x91-1.jpg 300w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-768x233-1.jpg 768w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-500x152.png 500w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-800x243.png 800w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-1280x389-1.jpg 1280w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-1080x328-1.jpg 1080w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-980x298-1.jpg 980w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-480x146-1.jpg 480w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner.jpg 1400w" width="1024" height="311" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-1024x311-1.jpg" alt="Coaching for perfectionist"></p> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="references"><strong>References </strong></h2> <p class="wp-block-paragraph">“<em>The dangerous downsides of perfectionism</em>” by Amanda Ruggeri (senior journalist for the BBC) – definitely worth the read: https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20180219-toxic-perfectionism-is-on-the-rise </p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-perfectionist-problem/">The Perfectionist Problem</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-perfectionist-problem/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> </channel> </rss>