<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><rss version="2.0" xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/" xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/" xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" xmlns:sy="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/syndication/" xmlns:slash="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/slash/" > <channel> <title>overcoming challenges Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <atom:link href="https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/overcoming-challenges/feed/" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" /> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/overcoming-challenges/</link> <description>PROFESSIONAL LIFE COACHING & TRAINING</description> <lastBuildDate>Wed, 16 Jul 2025 14:27:48 +0000</lastBuildDate> <language>en-ZA</language> <sy:updatePeriod> hourly </sy:updatePeriod> <sy:updateFrequency> 1 </sy:updateFrequency> <image> <url>https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Asset-1.svg</url> <title>overcoming challenges Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/overcoming-challenges/</link> <width>32</width> <height>32</height> </image> <item> <title>The Silent Weight of Unwanted Change: How to Start Moving Forward</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-silent-weight-of-unwanted-change/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-silent-weight-of-unwanted-change/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Mon, 17 Mar 2025 14:26:49 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Change and Transition]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Coping with Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Embracing Uncertainty]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional resilience]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Growth mindset]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Inner Strength]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Life Transitions]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Managing Unwanted Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Mindset Shift]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Moving Forward]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Navigating Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[overcoming challenges]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Personal development]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-Discovery]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=235148</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-silent-weight-of-unwanted-change/">The Silent Weight of Unwanted Change: How to Start Moving Forward</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_0 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_0"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_0 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_0 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em></em></span></strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Change is hard. Even when we want it for ourselves. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But when it’s unexpected or unwanted change, the blow to the gut is that much worse. It’s not like it can even be prevented. It’s out of our hands and that’s why it makes it even more difficult to swallow. Like a lump in your throat or a knot in your stomach, unwanted change sits like an unwelcome visitor. A heavy, yet silent weight. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It could be the loss of your job, the end of a relationship, the loss of a loved one or the receipt of unwelcome news from a doctor. Each one carries with it, its own weight in pain and remorse. The “what ifs” running through our minds. Broken hearted and crestfallen we look for ways to shoulder the strain, only to find ourselves wanting. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s hard to find the light when we are amid the heaviness of the dark, feeling our way through the uncertainty, the loss of control, the heavy feeling that things will never be the same again. And there’s nothing we can do about it. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Heavy. Heavy. Heavy. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Let’s not forget the overwhelming stress that accompanies this unwanted change – like best friends walking hand-in-hand into your life, they feel quite at home together. Stress takes residence in our minds – as opposed to our stomachs – where it makes you worry. Worry that you’re leaving or losing something that was well known to you and moving towards something that is uncertain. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The mind, the poor thing that it is, processes that as loss and fear. Even positive change is stressful. But if the change is unexpected or unwanted, and accompanied by greater uncertainty than normal, the experience of loss and worry are amplified. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s a tough position even for the strongest of us. But there are ways to get through this time of your life.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_1 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Ways to Cope During Unwanted Change</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_2 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We’re not saying that change is easy. We know that it’s hard. Any change is hard. Unwanted change is especially hard. But there are things you can do that will help you cope with the change as you process everything you are going through – </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_1 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_1 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_0"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_2 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_3 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Recognise that your situation <i>is</i> temporary</strong><b> – </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">while you’re processing change, it’s natural to feel anxious and depressed, even angry. The important thing is to recognise that these intense feelings are intermittent, they are temporary. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Any change, whether they are welcome or not, creates discomfort. When the change is both unwelcome and unexpected, the discomfort is even worse. Unexpected changes throw us off balance. And in this space, we find ourselves out of our comfort zones. It can feel like things will never be ok again, that things will never get better. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The thing is, as humans we are incredibly resilient creatures. It’s how we’ve survived 300 000 odd years. We weren’t the fastest, or the strongest. We weren’t the fiercest in a fight. But we could outlast just about anything. Wearing them down until they eventually collapsed. And then, well, we ate them – Survival of the fittest and all that. So, know that you are naturally resilient, know that this situation is temporary and know that, in time, things will go back to a state of normalcy. What normal now looks like for you will depend entirely on you. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_2 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_3 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_1"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_4 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_4 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Learn what you <i>can</i> control</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – when you’re looking at a substantial change, it’s helpful to understand that there are </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">simply things you can control and there are things out of your control</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. When someone passes away, we can’t control that – as much as we would want to. It’s out of our hands. What we can control is how we deal with things afterwards. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We can ensure that their last wishes are carried out as they would’ve wanted them to be. We can ensure that their memory is immortalised in a way that we feel good about. And we can remember them with love and respect. Perhaps immortalising a small memory that just the two of you would know about. Finding small things that you </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">can</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> control during the change process helps make the whole ordeal easier on the soul. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_3"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_5 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_2"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/Keep-moving-forward-motivational-quote.-Milestone-on-the-field.-by-designer491-from-Getty-Images.jpg" alt="Keep moving forward motivational quote. Milestone on the field. by designer491 from Getty Images" title="Keep moving forward motivational quote. Milestone on the field. by designer491 from Getty Images" class="wp-image-235160" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_4 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_6 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_3"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_7 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_5 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Be kind to yourself</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– for every transition we go through, whether it’s positive or negative, there will always be a sense of loss, a sense of sadness – like something is gone, and you can’t get it back. These feelings are absolutely normal and it’s important to let yourself grieve that loss. It’s important that you let yourself sit with those feelings. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But it’s also important that you don’t allow yourself to wallow. Instead, try to indulge in something that makes you happy, like seeing friends, painting a random piece of art, baking a cake (even if it’s wonky) or going for a walk in the sunshine. Surround yourself with things that bring a smile to your face – even if this is a gradual process – and remind yourself that there’s so much life still to live. So much still to experience and enjoy. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_5 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_8 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_4"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_9 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_6 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Find meaning, look for positives</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – change brings about new problems, but we often forget that it also brings about new opportunities. Being able to find meaning in our challenges allows us to own them. We challenge our ability to go where we have not gone before, and to do what we have not done before. In turn, this fosters courage, resilience, confidence, and self-worth. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Ask yourself: What can I learn from this? What do I know about myself now that I didn’t know before? How can I turn this into something that will have a positive impact on my life one year, two years, or five years from now? </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Try and look beyond the “big change” and try to see what comes next or what </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">could</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> come next… there might just be a positive in there somewhere. For example, if you’ve lost your job, it’s normal to worry about the future. But think about whether it’s time for something new anyway? Even the most fearful changes can bring about unexpected joys.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_6"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_10 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_5"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/Everyone-needs-support-by-LaylaBird-from-Getty-Images-Signature.jpg" alt="Everyone needs support by LaylaBird from Getty Images Signature" title="Everyone needs support by LaylaBird from Getty Images Signature" class="wp-image-235159" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_7 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_11 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_6"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_12 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_7 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Get help</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – the important thing to know is that you’re not alone. Even if it seems that way. There is always help when you need it. Reaching out can help you gain new perspectives, or even solutions to your problems. Tough times is when social support is needed the most. Positive social support enhances resilience to stress. It helps you cope with unexpected changes in healthy, adaptive ways. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Think about whether there are individuals in your family or social circle that you can turn to. Have any of them been through similar situations? Perhaps seeking professional help is the best way forward and can be a valuable resource for navigating life’s unexpected changes. By reaching out to experts, like Frieda Levycky of </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Braving Boundaries</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and Di Atherton of </span><a href="https://diatherton.co.za/grief-end-of-life-coaching/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Spiral Pathway</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, you can enhance your ability to cope and adapt effectively. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_8"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_13 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_8 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Author of the Chronicles of Narnia, and my personal favourite </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe,”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> C.S. Lewis</span> <span style="font-weight: 400;">had this to say about overcoming change</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – </span></i></p> <blockquote> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” </span></p> </blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And he’s right. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We all know that the only way out is through. So, to overcome unwanted change, we need to work through the feelings of loss and grief, anger and sadness. We need to accept that these feelings are part of life. They happen. Devastatingly they happen. To all of us at one point or another. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The trick is knowing, beyond your worrying mind, that your state of flux is temporary. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">That even in the hardest moments, you are not alone. That support is there when you need it. And that, in time, you will feel the sun on your face and the smile on your lips, not because the pain has vanished, but because you have found a way to carry it differently. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Sources used and to whom we owe thanks – </span></i><a href="https://careinmind.com.au/blog/how-to-deal-with-unexpected-change/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Care in Mind</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.wm.edu/offices/wellness/virtual/flourishing/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">William & Mary</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span></i><a href="https://www.sofia.com.sg/facing-unexpected-changes/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Sofia Wellness Clinic</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">). </span></i></p> <p> </p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_7"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image-3.jpg" alt="End of blog post CTA" title="End of blog post CTA image (3)" class="wp-image-235162" /></span></a> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_0 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_9 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_14 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_8"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_15 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_9 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-silent-weight-of-unwanted-change/">The Silent Weight of Unwanted Change: How to Start Moving Forward</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-silent-weight-of-unwanted-change/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Five years of Braving Boundaries: The good, the bad and the “what was I thinking?”!</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/five-years-of-braving-boundaries-lessons-learned/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/five-years-of-braving-boundaries-lessons-learned/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Mon, 17 Mar 2025 13:16:02 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Business Development]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Celebrations & Festivities]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[braving boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Business Growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Business Mistakes]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Coaching Business]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Corporate Coaching]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Entrepreneurship]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Leadership Development]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lessons learned]]></category> <category><![CDATA[overcoming challenges]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Professional Development]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-Employment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[small business]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Small Business Advice]]></category> <category><![CDATA[small business lessons]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=235165</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/five-years-of-braving-boundaries-lessons-learned/">Five years of Braving Boundaries: The good, the bad and the “what was I thinking?”!</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_1 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_10"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_16 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_10 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY FRIEDA LEVYCKY, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/" style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;">BRAVING BOUNDARIES</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em></em></span></strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Five years of Braving Boundaries. Five years of building a business from scratch. Five years of learning. And what a journey it’s been!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Starting a business is an eye-opening experience. It brings up all your strengths, weaknesses, fears and blind spots. It forces you to grow in ways you never expected. These are the biggest lessons I’ve learned over the last five years. If you’re running a business or thinking about starting one, maybe some of these will resonate.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_9"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/2.jpg" alt="Braving Boundaries 5 years collage" title="Braving Boundaries 5 years collage" class="wp-image-235206" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_11 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_17 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_10 et_pb_image_sticky"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="540" height="540" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-235189" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_18 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_11 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>I’ve learned that focus changes</b></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_12"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_19 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_12 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Braving Boundaries started as a coaching business for the legal industry. It made sense. My background was in law and I knew the pressures lawyers faced. But over time I expanded my focus for two reasons.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">First, my corporate experience was broader than just law. Despite being told by business coaches that I needed to niche, I felt stifled by not being able to help a wider audience. Second, I realised I was playing safe by sticking with what I knew. I wasn’t stepping into a broader field because I didn’t feel I had the right. In reality, everything I had learned was transferable.</span></p> <p><strong>Takeaway:</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Don’t be afraid to change direction and step away from what you </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">should</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> be doing just because someone told you that’s the right way to do it. Trust yourself and evolve in the way that feels right for you.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_13 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_20 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_11 et_pb_image_sticky"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="540" height="540" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-235190" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_21 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_13 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>I’ve learned that you just have to start</b></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_14"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_22 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_14 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Perfect doesn’t exist. You can spend months refining a programme, tweaking your messaging and waiting for the right time, but you still won’t know if it works until you launch it. By doing so, I’ve learned that some workshops sell out, others flop, some ideas take off, some don’t. The only way to find out is to </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">put it out there</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></p> <p><strong>Takeaway:</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Stop waiting. Just start. You’ll adjust as you go.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_12"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/Ive-learned-that-you-just-have-to-start.jpg" alt="I've learned that you just have to start" title="I've learned that you just have to start" class="wp-image-235214" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_15 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_23 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_13 et_pb_image_sticky"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="540" height="540" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/3.png" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-235191" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_24 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_15 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>I’ve learned that quick fixes don’t work</b></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_16"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_25 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_16 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When you’re building a business, there is a huge temptation to speed up success. That’s when the “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Make US$10k a month overnight</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” adverts get you. Even when you know they’re too good to be true, there’s a part of you that wants to believe them.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Much to my own chagrin, I’ve fallen for it. I ignored my gut and paid for a course that sold the dream. I shouldn’t have. It still irritates me because I knew at the time it wouldn’t work. The reality is there are no shortcuts. Just put in the work, grow steadily and know that building something meaningful takes time.</span></p> <p><strong>Takeaway:</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> If something sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Trust your instincts and don’t waste time chasing quick wins.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_17 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_26 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_14 et_pb_image_sticky"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="540" height="540" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-235192" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_27 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_17 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>I’ve learned that building a coaching business isn’t easy</b></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_18"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_28 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_18 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’ve had many clients who have benefited from coaching and decided to become coaches themselves. It makes sense. When something profoundly changes your life, you want to share it with others. I felt the same about becoming a counsellor after experiencing the benefits of two years of counselling in my early 30s.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The thing about coaching though, is that it isn’t the easiest business to grow. There are a </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">lot</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> of coaches out there (see point 7 below) and, despite what the <em>“Make</em> <em>US$10k a month</em>” ads claim, it isn’t a “<em>get rich quick</em>” kind of business. You don’t go into coaching because it’s an easy way to make money. You go into coaching because you genuinely want to help people struggle less and succeed more. That’s why so many coaches fold within two years.</span></p> <p><strong>Takeaway:</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Coaching is about impact, not instant success. If you’re drawn to it, make sure you’re in it for the right reasons. The business side takes time, effort and patience – but when you’re passionate about what you do, it’s worth it.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_15"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/Ive-learned-that-building-a-coaching-business-isnt-easy.jpg" alt="I’ve learned that building a coaching business isn’t easy" title="I’ve learned that building a coaching business isn’t easy" class="wp-image-235212" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_19 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_29 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_16 et_pb_image_sticky"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="540" height="540" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-235193" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_30 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_19 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>I’ve learned that pricing is a psychological battle</b></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_20"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_31 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_20 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Setting prices as a coach is torture. You spend hours comparing yourself to others, questioning your worth and wondering if you’re charging too much or too little.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">What I’ve learned is that people will pay for what they value. If someone tells you that you’re “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">too expensive</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” what they actually mean is: “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">it’s too expensive for me</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” or “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">this isn’t my priority right now</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” – and that’s fine. It shouldn’t make you doubt your worth.</span></p> <p><strong>Takeaway:</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Charge what reflects your expertise. The right clients will see the value.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_21 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_32 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_17 et_pb_image_sticky"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="540" height="540" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/6.png" alt="" title="6" class="wp-image-235194" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_33 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_21 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>I’ve learned that you have to keep studying</b></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_22"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_34 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_22 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Getting a coaching qualification isn’t the end; it’s just the start. The world is shifting rapidly. AI is developing at speed, workplace challenges are evolving and new theories on human behaviour keep emerging. What worked five years ago doesn’t always work today.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Every client is different. Every team is different. To be a good coach, you have to keep learning, adapting and staying open to new ideas. The moment you think you know it all, well … that’s when you’re in trouble.</span></p> <p><strong>Takeaway:</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> If you work in a people-focused profession, staying relevant means staying curious. Keep learning.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_23 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_35 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_18 et_pb_image_sticky"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="540" height="540" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/7.png" alt="" title="7" class="wp-image-235195" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_36 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_23 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>I’ve learned that coaching should be regulated</b></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_24"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_37 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_24 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It still shocks me that anyone can call themselves a coach after a weekend course. No degree, no rigorous training, no board exams – just a certificate and a LinkedIn profile. Meanwhile, counsellors and therapists spend years earning degrees, passing board exams and meeting strict requirements before they can practise.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Yet as coaches, we work with real people facing real challenges. Whether you’re guiding someone through their past or helping them build their future, you’re responsible for their wellbeing. That’s not something to take lightly.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’m grateful for my 18-month coach training, but even then I chose to study psychology and counselling further. Not everything can be solved with a “<em>just focus on the future</em>” approach. Sometimes people need to unpack what’s holding them back before they can move forward.</span></p> <p><strong>Takeaway</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"><strong>:</strong> If you’re looking for a coach, do your research. If you’re becoming a coach, take the responsibility seriously. People put their trust in you – make sure you’re qualified to hold it.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_25 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_38 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_19 et_pb_image_sticky"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="540" height="540" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/8.png" alt="" title="8" class="wp-image-235196" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_39 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_25 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>I’ve learned that business brings up all your baggage</b></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_26"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_40 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_26 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Self-doubt, imposter syndrome, fear of failure, you name it! Starting a business drags up everything: </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Am I good enough? What if people don’t sign up? What if I fail?</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Running a business means constant change. Change creates uncertainty. Uncertainty fuels fear. The trick is to take small steps and keep going.</span></p> <p><strong>Takeaway:</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> If you feel overwhelmed, break it down. What do they say about eating an elephant? Take one bite at a time.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_20"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/Ive-learned-that-business-brings-up-all-your-baggage.jpg" alt="I’ve learned that business brings up all your baggage" title="I’ve learned that business brings up all your baggage" class="wp-image-235213" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_27 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_41 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_21 et_pb_image_sticky"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="540" height="540" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/9.png" alt="" title="9" class="wp-image-235197" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_42 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_27 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>I’ve learned that self-awareness is an ongoing reality check</b></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_28"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_43 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_28 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">One of the biggest surprises was how much I learned about myself while coaching others and building a business.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I started noticing patterns. How I react under stress. How I have so many ideas but struggle to finish them. How, when I feel overwhelmed, my instinct is to avoid and run.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Just last week my overwhelm levels tipped the scale. Instead of writing everything down on my to-do list and gently working my way through it, I decided to book in a facial and avoid everything for the day! I also managed to justify it easily as self-care (rather than avoidance) – I’m quite a pro at that! </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The irony is, I </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">know</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> that facing things head-on makes life easier. Yet even with all my awareness, old habits still creep in. That’s the thing about self-awareness – it doesn’t mean you magically stop your patterns, but it helps you catch yourself faster and course-correct.</span></p> <p><strong>Takeaway:</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Self-awareness is ongoing. Pay attention to your patterns.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_29 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_44 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_22 et_pb_image_sticky"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="540" height="540" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/10.png" alt="" title="10" class="wp-image-235198" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_45 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_29 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>I’ve learned that your support squad is everything</b></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_30"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_46 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_30 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Business can be lonely. Having a group of people at the same stage as you or a few steps ahead makes a huge difference.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">They’ll give you honest feedback, help you see things differently and keep you accountable.</span></p> <p><strong>Takeaway:</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Find your people. Business is hard enough without trying to do it alone.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_23"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/Ive-learned-that-your-support-squad-is-everything.jpg" alt="I’ve learned that your support squad is everything" title="I’ve learned that your support squad is everything" class="wp-image-235209" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_31 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_47 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_24 et_pb_image_sticky"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="540" height="540" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/11.png" alt="" title="11" class="wp-image-235199" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_48 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_31 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>I’ve learned that passion and purpose both matter</b></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_32"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_49 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_32 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’m passionate about helping people and teams get unstuck. Seeing those </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">a-ha</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> moments when something finally clicks is what makes this work so rewarding. But passion alone isn’t enough. It’s what gets you started, but it doesn’t always keep you going.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Purpose is what gives passion direction. My purpose is to help people </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">do things differently</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> so they can create successful lives and businesses in a way that actually works for them. That’s what keeps me committed, even on the days when things feel hard.</span></p> <p><strong>Takeaway:</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Passion gets you excited about the work, but purpose gives it meaning. If you feel stuck, reconnect with both.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_33 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_50 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_25 et_pb_image_sticky"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="540" height="540" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/12.png" alt="" title="12" class="wp-image-235200" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_51 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_33 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>I’ve learned that there is only one </b><b><i>you</i></b></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_34"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_52 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_34 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In business (and especially in coaching), it’s easy to get caught up in comparison. You see other people launching polished online courses, nailing their social media presence or recording twenty engaging videos a week with zero effort. And sometimes, people even pinch your ideas. It’s frustrating, and it has a way of making your inner critic very loud.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">What I’ve learned though is that someone can copy your content, your process or even your business model, but … they can’t be </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">you</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Your unique voice, your perspective, your way of connecting with people are what makes the difference. There are people out there who will choose </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">you</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> because of who you are, not just what you offer.</span></p> <p><strong>Takeaway:</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Forget the noise. Stop worrying about what others are doing. The people meant to work with you will be drawn to </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">you</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Not because you have the fanciest website or the most polished videos, but because of the way you make them feel. And no one else can replicate that.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_26"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/Ive-learned-that-there-is-only-one-you.jpg" alt="" title="I’ve learned that there is only one you" class="wp-image-235207" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_35 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Looking ahead</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_36 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The learning never stops. These lessons have shaped how I work, coach and grow. Now it’s time to take them forward.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The next five years will be about building, evolving and making an even bigger impact. My dreams and goals for Braving Boundaries (and myself) have been set. Now it’s time to see them unfold.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Here’s to the next 5 years! </span><span style="font-weight: 400;"><img src="https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/15.0.3/72x72/1f942.png" alt="🥂" class="wp-smiley" style="height: 1em; max-height: 1em;" /></span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_27"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/Heres-to-the-next-5-years.jpg" alt="Here’s to the next 5 years!" title="Here’s to the next 5 years!" class="wp-image-235208" /></span> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/five-years-of-braving-boundaries-lessons-learned/">Five years of Braving Boundaries: The good, the bad and the “what was I thinking?”!</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/five-years-of-braving-boundaries-lessons-learned/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>New year, same stuck feeling?</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/new-year-same-stuck-feeling/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/new-year-same-stuck-feeling/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 29 Jan 2025 12:21:52 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Enneagram]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Breaking Patterns]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Career Growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Coaching for Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[feeling stuck]]></category> <category><![CDATA[finding purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[goal setting]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Life Transitions]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Mindset Shift]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Navigating Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[New Year Reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[new year resolutions]]></category> <category><![CDATA[overcoming challenges]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-Development]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=235097</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/new-year-same-stuck-feeling/">New year, same stuck feeling?</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_2 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_35"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_53 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_37 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_38 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Why resolutions fail without self-awareness</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_39 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Isn’t it funny how, as the clock strikes 12 on December the 31</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">st</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">, social media is awash with posts about New Year’s Resolutions: </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“This will be the year I finally lose the baby weight” </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">or </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“2025 is my year to get fit”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> or better still </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“This is the year I make a million quid”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Endless empty promises dominating your news feeds that you just know will be broken the minute the going gets tough.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Because let’s be honest, no one’s problems – whether they are health issues, mental health issues, family problems, work problems, weight problems, financial problems – disappear the minute the calendar changes from the 31</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">st</span><span style="font-weight: 400;"> to the 1</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">st</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">. The rolling over the date doesn’t make problems disappear. So yeah, the same stuck feeling continues. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The idea that New Year’s Day offers a </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“clean slate”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> or a </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“New Year, New You”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> type mentality is so misleading. Sure, it’s easy to believe that as the new year starts, we get the opportunity to turn over a new leaf. And who can blame our optimism? </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But while January the 1</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">st</span><span style="font-weight: 400;"> offers an opportunity for a fresh start; the underlying habits and mindsets that led to past failures don’t just disappear overnight.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Real change takes time, and it requires a real shift in mindset. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_28"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/New-Year-resolution-concept.-by-Coompia77-from-Getty-Images.jpg" alt="New Year resolution concept. by Coompia77 from Getty Images" title="New Year resolution concept. by Coompia77 from Getty Images" class="wp-image-235110" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_40 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The notion that we can completely change ourselves in the blink of an eye is unrealistic. Sustainable transformation doesn’t happen as soon as we change our minds about a situation. And it certainly won’t happen in the first 31 days of the year. It’s a long-term process that extends far beyond the novelty of a new year.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But there’s no getting away from the fact that New Year’s Resolutions are a part of the festivities. Everyone is doing them. So, it’s only natural that you’ll get caught up in the whole hoopla that the new year offers. And what it offers more than anything else is hope. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Hope that change </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">can</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> happen. Hope that you </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">can</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> make a difference in some aspect of your life. And there’s nothing wrong with hope. It’s the expectations behind the hope that need some adjusting. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Because while our intentions are good – they reflect our desire for self-improvement (which is never a bad thing) – we need to remain realistic. The uncomfortable truth is that most new year’s resolutions won’t last until February. According to </span><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/202412/why-new-years-resolutions-set-you-up-to-fail#:~:text=last%20until%20February.-,Research%20shows%20that%20about%2080%25%20of%20people%20abandon%20their%20resolutions,the%20concept%20itself%20is%20flawed." target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Psychology Today</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, research shows that about 80% of people abandon their resolutions within a month.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And the reason for this? We are so quick to set unrealistic goals that we rarely vet our resolutions through the filter of self-awareness. In other words, we gravitate towards aspirational objectives that make sense for someone else – not being entirely realistic for ourselves personally. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Let’s be clear – this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t set New Year’s Resolutions. Go ahead. But inform your goals by reflecting on what matters most to you.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And you can do this by implementing the following strategies: </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_36 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_54 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_29"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_55 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_41 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Get to know yourself</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – to set realistic and achievable goals for 2025 (and beyond), you need to understand what really makes you tick. What motivators get you moving and which ones get you to stay on track? Use your answers to bypass self-sabotaging tendencies that cause you to constantly miss your goals, such as trying to work toward big-picture achievements on Fridays when you know you do your best thinking work on Mondays. As you begin to get a better handle on your needs, create smaller, easily achievable tasks that can assist you in fulfilling your larger longer-term objectives. Here, it’s important that these smaller tasks have meaning and will aid in the achievement of your overall yearly objective. A simple tick-box exercise isn’t going to do the trick. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Find smoothie recipes I will actually make,”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> for example, is a concrete step toward an overall goal of eating healthier in 2025. Over time, you’ll naturally begin to understand how to establish new dreams that help you get out of ruts, overcome your shortcomings, and challenge yourself in positive ways, thereby setting goals that will stick.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_37 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_56 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_30"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_57 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_42 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Explore the <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/enneagram/">enneagram</a></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – following on from the above, by exploring the enneagram method with a trained professional such as Frieda Levycky at </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Braving Boundaries</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, you can delve into what motivates you and answer a burning question – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">why do you do the things you do?</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> The enneagram offers profound insights into what makes us tick, such as the unconscious fears buried deep in our psyches that affect our everyday decisions. While you can’t change who you are, there are several benefits to having a deeper understanding of yourself – you can make the most of your strengths and become aware of the things that challenge you; you can face the hidden motivations and fears that rule your life and are holding you back in both your personal and professional life; you can see what lies behind the decisions you make, why you see the world the way you do, where your blind spots and defence mechanisms are, what’s behind your anxieties, and what’s likely to trigger you. Essentially you can live up to your true potential and identify where you can grow and develop. By knowing these things, you can set resolutions that speak to exactly who you are. Because you will know who that is. You will set goals that speak to your specific needs and desires and you’ll be able to set goals that you know you’ll be able to stick to. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_38"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_58 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_31"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/Handwritten-2025-GOALS-New-Year-Resolutions-Aims-Goals-on-Paper-Notepad.-Preparation-for-New-Year.-Planning-and-Setting-Goals-for-Personal-Development-by-Анастасия-Янишевская.jpg" alt="Handwritten 2025 GOALS New Year Resolutions Aims Goals on Paper Notepad. Preparation for New Year. Planning and Setting Goals for Personal Development by Анастасия Янишевская" title="Handwritten 2025 GOALS New Year Resolutions Aims Goals on Paper Notepad. Preparation for New Year. Planning and Setting Goals for Personal Development by Анастасия Янишевская" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_39 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_59 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_32"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_60 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_43 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Focus your mind on past successes</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – while you’re getting to know yourself (pretty well at this point), looking to past failures and ruminating on past wins is the next step. To be clear, the aim is not to focus on the negative. Rather it’s to learn from past mistakes and then reset your focus on your past achievements – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">how did you achieve what you set out to achieve?</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> By doing so, you shift your focus from </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“How will I achieve this?”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> to </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“I know I can do this, because I have done it before.”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Having a positive outlook is essential to achieving the new goals you set for yourself because you will have a resilient, success-driven mindset. When you find yourself lamenting too long on prior mistakes, force yourself to revisit your accomplishments. Over time, you’ll naturally begin to look for the silver lining, which will help you see yourself as worthy, competent, and successful rather than unable to get a leg up. Your resolutions will start to fall into place because you’ll know you have done it before. And that’s half the battle won. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_40 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_61 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_33"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_62 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_44 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Reframe your why</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– the next step in getting to know yourself and really practicing the act of self-awareness is to take the time to ask yourself why this particular goal matters to you. Are you choosing it because it’s something you deeply value, or because you feel you should? Is it something you really want to achieve – and by now if you have really got to know yourself and employed the enneagram method, you should be able to answer this question – or is this goal linked more towards what society thinks you should be achieving. Like getting a ”Snatched body” or a “revenge body” by March. Aligning your goals with intrinsic motivations creates a greater sense of purpose. So, in the examples we have given, instead of focusing on “getting a revenge body by March” reframe your resolution around </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“feeling stronger and having more energy so I can do fun activities with family.” </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">See the difference there? Make sure you’re setting goals for you and not because society expects you to. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_41 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_63 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_34"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_64 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_45 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Forget perfection</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – the last point we want to make about making resolutions through self-awareness is the perfection conundrum. The pressure that comes with expecting perfection from your new year’s resolution is immense. It’s the enemy of progress. And it’s a sure-fire way to set ourselves up to fail by aiming for an ideal that is simply too hard to achieve. Resolutions like </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“I’m going to work out every day,”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> or </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“I’m going to eat clean all month,”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> are doomed to fail from the start because they leave little room for imperfection. Remember that </span><b><i>life happens</i></b><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Don’t let one slip-up on the road to achieving your long-term goal lead you to giving up. The key to success isn’t perfection. It’s consistency. The smallest changes, done consistently can make a big difference in your life. Don’t give up. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_42"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_65 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_35"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/Just-go-with-the-flow-View-more-by-Nicola-Katie-from-Getty-Images-Signature.jpg" alt="Just go with the flow View more by Nicola Katie from Getty Images Signature" title="Just go with the flow View more by Nicola Katie from Getty Images Signature" class="wp-image-235109" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_46 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Once your resolution has gone through the self-awareness check, the rest is easy. Sure, we can remind you to have fun, don’t take yourself too seriously, track your progress (not your perfection); be flexible and most importantly be kind to yourself – but these points are applicable to every situation. Not just when setting your resolutions or better put – goals – for 2025. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The important take-away here is that change isn’t just about acting. It’s about knowing yourself first in order to make your goals achievable. Lastly, it’s important to note that you don’t need to wait until January to start over. Every day is an opportunity to reshape your life with goals that honour who you are and where you want to go.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And to this we say</span><b> – Carpe Diem friends!</b></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Sources used and to whom we owe thanks: </span></i><a href="https://www.inc.com/rhett-power/why-self-aware-resolutions-are-way-to-go-in-2020.html"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Inc.</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; Psychology Today </span></i><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/202412/why-new-years-resolutions-set-you-up-to-fail#:~:text=They're%20Based%20on%20All,feel%20like%20you've%20failed."><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">here</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span></i><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/202412/why-new-years-resolutions-set-you-up-to-fail#:~:text=last%20until%20February.-,Research%20shows%20that%20about%2080%25%20of%20people%20abandon%20their%20resolutions,the%20concept%20itself%20is%20flawed."><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">here</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/why-new-years-resolutions-fail-6823972"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Very Well Mind</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.lhsdoi.com/29285/opinion/failed-by-february-why-your-new-years-resolutions-never-last/"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Drops of Ink</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span></i><a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/markmurphy/2020/02/11/this-is-the-month-when-new-years-resolutions-fail-heres-how-to-save-them/"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Forbes</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">). </span></i></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_36"> <a href="https://calendly.com/bravingboundaries/exploration-call"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image-7.png" alt="" title="End of blog post CTA image (7)" class="wp-image-235105" /></span></a> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_1 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_43 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_66 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_37"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_67 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_47 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/new-year-same-stuck-feeling/">New year, same stuck feeling?</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/new-year-same-stuck-feeling/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Living with the Fear of Rejection</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/living-with-the-fear-of-rejection/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/living-with-the-fear-of-rejection/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 30 Oct 2024 14:00:35 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Lessons Learned]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[The Fears series]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Coping mechanisms]]></category> <category><![CDATA[coping with fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Coping with rejection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional resilience]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional well-being]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Fear of Rejection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fears]]></category> <category><![CDATA[live your life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[managing fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Managing rejection anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Mental health tips]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Mindset and resilience]]></category> <category><![CDATA[overcoming challenges]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Overcoming rejection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Rejection sensitivity]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-confidence building]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-help strategies]]></category> <category><![CDATA[The Fear Series]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=234920</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/living-with-the-fear-of-rejection/">Living with the Fear of Rejection</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_3 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_44"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_68 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_48 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY FRIEDA LEVYCKY, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/" style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;">BRAVING BOUNDARIES</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><span style="color: #be9727;"></span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">This article forms part of “The Fears Series”. With the Fear of Rejection being so prevalent for many people, we’ve written two articles on the topic: one from Frieda’s perspective (Founder of Braving Boundaries) and <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/facing-the-fear-of-rejection/">one from Alicia’s perspective</a> (Founder of the Legal Belletrist). Take a read.</span></i></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’d love to know what it’s like to live without the fear of rejection. Imagine how freeing that must feel! But for as long as I can remember, this notion of rejection has always been present. It’s almost like a shadow lingering quietly in the background; that familiar sensation that reminds me of the “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">what ifs</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Fear of rejection isn’t a simple, one-layered issue and it’s not just about the rejection itself. It goes beyond the sting of hearing “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">no</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” or the awkwardness of being ghosted. It’s the </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">ripple effect</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> we fear. What if that “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">no</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” says something about me – about my worth, my abilities or even my future?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As humans, we have this natural need to belong; to be liked, wanted and accepted. From childhood, we learn the importance of fitting in. It’s so entrenched within us that Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs even allocates a whole level to it! Rejection threatens that. It gnaws away at our sense of belonging and safety.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But where does this fear come from? Well, I think it’s a mix of things: a deep need to feel secure, accepted and valued. When we’re rejected (or think we’re being rejected), it can feel like a blow to our self-worth. It challenges our sense of who we are and, let’s face it, none of us like the idea of being told “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">you’re not enough</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”. We’ve all felt it at some point … so we all know how painful that feels.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_49 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>My experience of the fear of rejection</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_38"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/10/Rejecting-Bribery-in-an-Envelope-by-89Stocker.png" alt="" title="Rejecting Bribery in an Envelope by 89Stocker" class="wp-image-234956" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_50 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The fear of rejection has held me back at various stages of my life:</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <ul> <ul> <li><b>Job interviews</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – Well, I avoided those like the plague! Putting myself forward and potentially hearing: “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Thanks, but no thanks</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” was always unsettling. I’m pretty sure that this particular version of my fear of rejection stems from the constant rejection / radio silence I experienced when applying for Summer Internships. I spent hours filling in the forms and I couldn’t help but wonder what the rejection / non-responsiveness said about me. Was I not good enough?<br /></span><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>Asking for a pay rise</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – There have been many times where I have avoided having the pay rise conversation arguing that it would be a pointless exercise. But really, I avoided that conversation because I feared hearing the justification for the negative response. Not only would it make me question my value in the workplace, but I also feared being seen as greedy or out of line. It was irrelevant that I also knew that I was only asking for what I deserved. The fear trumped the logic most times.<br /></span><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>Telling people I was a coach</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – Yes, Yes, I know! Transitioning from a well-established legal career to a flourishing coaching career felt daunting though. Would people take me seriously? Or would they see me as just another person jumping on the coaching bandwagon? The fear of losing credibility amongst my peers and network – or no longer “belonging” – was very real for me, and it held me back from truly stepping into my identity as a Coach for a good couple of years.</span><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>Promoting Braving Boundaries</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – SALES! The word still fills me with dread. When it comes to marketing services to corporates, rejection is a given and it comes in many forms: radio silence, vague responses or budget constraints. It requires a thick skin to push on through – perhaps that’s why most new businesses fail within the first 2-4 years of being established. The fear of rejection makes you avoid putting yourself out there; letting people know how you can help them. This, in turn, chips away at your confidence and makes you question your entire business.</span></li> </ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">Dating</b><span style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;"> – Ah, dating! I’ve lost count of how many times I avoided online dating or being set up by friends simply because the fear of rejection was too overwhelming. The fear of opening up to someone and being natural and vulnerable – i.e. being me – and then being told: “</span><i style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">I just don’t fancy you enough</i><span style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">” or “</span><i style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">I think we should just be friends</i><span style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">” or “</span><i style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">Maybe we could keep things casual</i><span style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">” or “</span><i style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">You’re great, but …</i><span style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">”, hit me right to the core. Vulnerability combined with rejection? No thank you! It’s honestly a miracle I ever got married!</span><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></li> </ul></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_51 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>The ripple effect of the fear of rejection</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_39"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/10/Sad-woman-suffering-by-bymuratdeniz-from-Getty-Images-Signature.png" alt="" title="Sad woman suffering by bymuratdeniz from Getty Images Signature" class="wp-image-234957" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_52 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The fear of rejection can manifest in different ways for each of us. For some of you, it will stop you entirely while for others, like me, it leads to procrastination and delay. Save in the case of dating, the fear of rejection didn’t stop me from taking action, but it did make me hesitate – whether in job interviews, asking for a pay rise or promoting Braving Boundaries. It made me worry about how rejection would reflect on my abilities, identity and self-worth, and caused me to delay taking the steps I knew I needed to in order to progress.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For others though, this fear might show up as staying in a comfortable role or relationship to avoid the potential pain of rejection. It might keep someone from sharing their ideas or speaking up – fearing criticism or failure (there is a separate article on that). This fear (while seemingly protective) often holds us back. It keeps us stuck and undermines our confidence. Whether it’s in personal relationships, careers or creative pursuits, the fear of rejection stalls progress. It leaves us questioning our worth and comparing ourselves to those who seem to push through without hesitation.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_53 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Overcoming the fear of rejection</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_54 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If the above sounds all too familiar, just know that you are not alone. I’ve set out below some of the tried and tested strategies which have helped me address my fear of rejection over the years (and still help me today):</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_45 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_69 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_40"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_70 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_55 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Explore where your fear of rejection comes from</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– The fear of rejection often has roots deep in our past. It might stem from a specific incident that knocked your confidence or perhaps it’s been a lifelong struggle to feel accepted. Either way, it’s important to recognise that what we perceive as rejection may not have been rejection at all. It’s simply how we’ve interpreted it. Working with a counsellor can help you explore and, more importantly, reframe that incident. By revisiting it, you might discover that the rejection you’ve carried for so long was more about perception than reality. Seeing it for what it truly was can help you release its grip. Separate your current situation from the past. They are not the same and it’s time to stop letting the past define your present.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_46 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_71 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_41"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_72 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_56 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Fact-check your beliefs</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– So often, our fears aren’t grounded in reality. They are beliefs we carry around with us. A great way to check is to ask yourself: “</span><strong><i>What proof do I have that this fear is justified?</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">”. Take, for example, my fear that no one will show up for a workshop. Is there any factual reason to believe that? Have I ever had a workshop where no one signed up? Is there something else occurring on that date which might prevent people from attending? This exercise helps to challenge those beliefs and bring you back to reality. If the response is no – then you’re confirming that your thoughts are fear-driven beliefs and not facts. If the response to any of the questions is yes (i.e. the fear has a factual base), then explore that further – what can be adjusted or done differently? This is a great exercise to work through with a friend/coach/partner. Having someone asking these questions who is not emotionally tied to the outcome, can bring much needed perspective to the situation.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_47 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_73 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_42"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_74 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_57 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Rejection is just a change in direction.</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">Rejection stings – there’s no denying that – but, more often than not, it’s simply redirecting us to where we’re meant to be. What do they say? “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"><strong>When one door closes another door opens</strong>”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. It’s about shifting our perspective from seeing rejection as a final judgment on our worth to seeing it as part of the process. Sometimes a “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">no</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” is just a way of clearing space for a better “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">yes</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” down the line. Instead of viewing rejection as the end of the road, try to see it as a detour that’s leading you to an opportunity that you wouldn’t have discovered otherwise.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_48"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_75 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_43"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/10/Changing-business-management-concept.-by-tadamichi-from-Getty-Images.png" alt="" title="Changing business management concept. by tadamichi from Getty Images" class="wp-image-234955" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_49 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_76 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_44"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_77 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_58 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Not everyone is your person</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– In life, whether it’s in relationships, job interviews or even friendships, we won’t always be the right fit for everyone. And that’s ok. Just because someone doesn’t choose you (whether personally or professionally), it doesn’t mean you’re not enough. It simply means that what they’re looking for might be different from what you can offer. It’s about finding the people or opportunities that align with who you are, not trying to be something you’re not. The right people will see and appreciate your unique value. Keep putting yourself out there because your people and your opportunities are out there too.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_50 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_78 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_45"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_79 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_59 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Celebrate the small wins</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – Let’s face it, overcoming the fear of rejection is no small feat. So, when you do step out of your comfort zone – whether it’s sending that email, asking for that raise or swiping right – celebrate it. Those moments of courage deserve recognition, no matter the outcome.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_51"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_80 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_60 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Final Thoughts</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_61 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The fear of rejection is something many of us carry and it can shape so much of what we do (or don’t do) in life. But it doesn’t have to control us. By understanding where that fear comes from, challenging our beliefs and learning to see rejection as part of the journey, we can begin to move through it. It’s not about eliminating the fear entirely but about learning to live with it in a healthier way. Each small step forward, every risk we take, helps loosen its grip.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Remember, rejection isn’t a reflection of your worth, it’s just a part of life. Each “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">no</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” can lead you closer to the opportunities, people and experiences that are truly right for you. So be kind to yourself, take those small steps and celebrate each win along the way. You’re braver than you think.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_46"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image-5.png" alt="" title="End of blog post CTA image (5)" class="wp-image-6274" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/living-with-the-fear-of-rejection/">Living with the Fear of Rejection</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/living-with-the-fear-of-rejection/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Facing the fear of rejection</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/facing-the-fear-of-rejection/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/facing-the-fear-of-rejection/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 30 Oct 2024 13:45:49 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Lessons Learned]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[The Fears series]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Coping mechanisms]]></category> <category><![CDATA[coping with fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Coping with rejection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional resilience]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional well-being]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Fear of Rejection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fears]]></category> <category><![CDATA[live your life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[managing fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Managing rejection anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Mental health tips]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Mindset and resilience]]></category> <category><![CDATA[overcoming challenges]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Overcoming rejection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Rejection sensitivity]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-confidence building]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-help strategies]]></category> <category><![CDATA[The Fear Series]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=234937</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/facing-the-fear-of-rejection/">Facing the fear of rejection</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_4 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_52"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_81 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_62 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><span style="color: #be9727;"></span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">This article forms part of “The Fears Series”. With the Fear of Rejection being so prevalent for many people, we’ve written two articles on the topic: <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/living-with-the-fear-of-rejection/">one from Frieda’s perspective</a> (Founder of Braving Boundaries) and one from Alicia’s perspective (Founder of the Legal Belletrist). Take a read.</span></i></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I was born with rejection as my shroud, and I feel like I’ve worn it ever since.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">My mother was adopted as a baby, and I don’t think she ever forgave the universe for this fact. It’s defined her as a person, just like having red(ish) hair defines me. In a way. It’s as if it’s tattooed on her forehead. Like an expiration date on a milk carton. And for some reason, when I came into the world, I was meant to not only be her redeemer, her saviour but the one she could bat this fact against – as if she was bouncing a ball against a wall, expecting it to come right back to her. Almost like playing fetch.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It was always her and me against the world. And I know how sweet that sounds. Mother and daughter, two peas in a pod. Until it’s not so sweet. Until it really is you and her against everyone. Until you’re made to believe that no one else could ever care about you like she could. Until you’re made to believe that no one else has your best interests at heart. Including your father. Until you’re made to believe that only she will tell you the truth, will help you succeed, will be there for you. Will ever love you. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s a lonely place. Your world. Especially when there’s only one other person in it. And she’s sucking all the air out the room. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_63 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>My experiences with the fear of rejection</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_47"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1250" height="937" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/10/Young-Angry-Emotional-Mother-Screaming-at-Troubled-Teen-Daughter-at-Home-by-dimaberlinphotos.png" alt="" title="Young Angry Emotional Mother Screaming at Troubled Teen Daughter at Home by dimaberlinphotos" class="wp-image-234963" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_64 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Growing up with a mother who is a textbook narcissist and compulsive liar with </span><a href="https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/conditionsandtreatments/munchausen-syndrome" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Munchausen syndrome</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> is not for the faint at heart. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When you’re a little girl, especially an only child, you’re so susceptible to the things that your mother says and does – as William Makepeace Thackeray said, </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Mother is G-d in the eyes of a child.”</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As all my friends went to children’s parties, I would be stuck at home. But my mother would always go – it was the right thing to do. Apparently. I was always “sick in bed” even when I wasn’t. When I asked why I wasn’t invited, my mother told me that the birthday girl/boy didn’t want me there. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Strike one. </span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When I was 9 it became difficult to hear. I started to sit really close to the TV just so I could read lips. If my head was turned away from you, I probably wouldn’t hear you. It turned out that I needed to wear hearing aids. Well one at least, in my left ear. When I got it, my mother was furious. It cost them a lot of money, money they needed for other things. And I didn’t really need it. I had lied. I was looking for attention. Rich coming from her. What child lies about needing a hearing aid? I was teased horrendously to boot. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Strike two.</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When I started to go through puberty, I matured quicker than all the other girls my age. I got a lot of attention from older boys. Before I could even kiss my first boy, my mother scolded me – no one likes a slut – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“when you lay down with dogs, you get their fleas”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Then as I got a bit older her friend was the mother of boys my age and she would come home to tell me – all the boys were talking about you today; they say your bum is too big and your hair isn’t straight enough. You know no boy wants to date a fat girl. Confidence blown. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Strike three. </span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">With my very first boyfriend, who of course she didn’t approve of – he will never treat you right and will never care about you. Not like I do. Turns out he wasn’t the nicest guy. He hit me – always in places no one could see. He tortured me emotionally, cheated on me constantly over the couple of years we were together. And when we broke up, he told me he never loved me. Almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy.</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> And you’re outta here……</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Every exam I ever wrote my mother (and father) would remind me how much money they were spending on me – despite me taking out a student loan so that I could study law – and that failing wasn’t an option because they didn’t have the money to bail me out. Also, they warned – who wants to be with a “failure” a “loser”? </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">The dug out is my home now…. </span></i></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_48"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1250" height="937" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/10/concept-word-imposter-on-cubes-on-a-blue-background.-by-Eugene-Zvonkov-from-Getty-Images.png" alt="" title="concept word imposter on cubes on a blue background. by Eugene Zvonkov from Getty Images" class="wp-image-234962" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_65 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When I applied to do articles – something you need to do in South Africa, 2 years of training before you can be admitted as an attorney – my parents asked me what I had that would make any of the large law firms take me on? I honestly didn’t have an answer. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Are there any other baseball references?</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When I was in a room full of other lawyers, I always felt like there was a sign above my head saying – </span><b><i>imposter here</i></b><span style="font-weight: 400;">. I didn’t belong in the same room as other legal eagles, the ones who had made partner and were driving the new BMW. We had written the same exams, studied the same textbooks and yet I, I don’t know sneaked through the side door when no one was looking. At least, that’s how I felt. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">There are countless more stories. Stories behind the scenes. Stories of – </span><b><i>the world out there will never accept you, but I will – even with all your flaws</i></b><span style="font-weight: 400;">. And boy she was so quick to point out the flaws. In detail. But in front of people, it was – you’re beautiful, you’re perfect, you’re my angel from heaven. I support you. I love you. I am your ever devoted mother. And best friend. So sweet. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But it was all lies. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So many lies it’s hard for the mind to comprehend. In fact, at 42, I have only now discovered the full extent of all the lies and manipulation and deceit. It’s been a long, rocky, heartbreaking road. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">What I can tell you from all of this is – </span><b><i>I have always felt rejected long before anyone even had the chance to actually reject me</i></b><span style="font-weight: 400;">. I expected it. The no’s didn’t surprise me – why would they? The you’re not right for this, not a good fit, it’s not you it’s me – insert rejection here – none of it surprised me. It kind of just went with the narrative– </span><b><i>just like my mother’s biological mother rejected her, the world would reject me. </i></b><span style="font-weight: 400;">Maybe that was my mothers’ intention the whole time. It makes sense. In retrospect.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, when someone </span><b><i>didn’t</i></b> <span style="font-weight: 400;">reject me, it was such a surprise. I often couldn’t believe how lucky I was – even when the person or the position was very wrong for me. This has led to a lifetime of bad relationships, abuse – physical and emotional, poor job choices, abuse at the workplace, always doing more than what I should be doing personally and professionally, always scared of asking for days off or asking for a raise, eating disorders, self-harm and later diagnosis of generalised anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder and depression.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Is it any wonder?</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_66 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Overcoming the fear of rejection</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_49"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1250" height="937" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/10/Asian-small-business-owner-working-at-home-office.-Business-by-Natee-Meepians-Images.png" alt="" title="Asian small business owner working at home office. Business by Natee Meepian's Images" class="wp-image-234961" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_67 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Look, I know this sounds like I’m parent bashing. And I’m sure there will be people saying – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">how long will she blame her mother for her own failings? </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Eventually we all have to take responsibility for our own lives, right?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Right. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, let’s put things into perspective. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It wasn’t all bad. I do have happy memories of my parents. They always went “all out” for my Birthdays. Those were such happy days. And for a while – and despite everything that happened – I was close to them in my 20’s and early 30’s. And that’s what makes “zero contact” so hard. Because I miss them. I miss who </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I thought they were</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. And there are times when I feel so lost and so alone that all I want is to contact them. But I can’t. Because they are still who they are. And I am who I am. Or who I am trying to be without them. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Somehow, amidst everything, I managed to find the most amazing man – a gentle, kind, caring, loving man, who treats me like a Queen. And he loves me. More than I ever thought I deserved. We have been together for 16 years and happily married for 12. So, my mother was wrong there. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I have built a business from the ground up, with nothing but an idea . And I have made it work. Not only that, but I get to do something I love every single day.. Again, my mother was wrong there too. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Because when everything else fails and you have no one but yourself to rely on, you step up. You become your own saviour. You pick your own damn self up off the ground and you make it happen. There’s no one else in the world – no matter how much they love you – that can make a success out of your life other than you. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So that’s what I did. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s something I have learnt to do. I had to. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’ve learnt how to make myself shine brighter than the things that my mother said. I’ve learnt to be louder than the deafening silence that is my father sitting idly by. And I’ve learnt to accept that this is my life. No one else’s. And I get to choose how I want to lead it. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, nowadays when I hear a no, I take an unemotional, educated view of why it was a no and learn from it. Take the lesson with me as I move forward. It’s not personal. It’s just a no. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Because no one and nothing will ever again take my power away! For me that is what the fear of rejection is – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">giving your power away. </span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Look, it’s hard to feel unwanted. It’s even harder to feel like you’re not worthy. But from personal experience I can say this wholeheartedly – </span><b><i>I would rather it be a no and avoid another bad fit than have it be a yes and find myself in another horrible situation. </i></b></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Knowing your true worth – which does take some work, believe me – means knowing that a no, that a perceived rejection, is not necessarily a bad thing. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The are two quotes from two of my heroes that I want to leave you with – </span></p> <blockquote> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – Dita Von Teese</span><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – Walt Disney</span></p> </blockquote></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_50"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image-5.png" alt="" title="End of blog post CTA image (5)" class="wp-image-6274" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_53"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_82 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_2 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_54 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_83 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_51"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_84 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_68 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/facing-the-fear-of-rejection/">Facing the fear of rejection</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/facing-the-fear-of-rejection/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> </channel> </rss>