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		<title>The Messy Middle: Why Self-Awareness Feels Hard</title>
		<link>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-messy-middle-why-self-awareness-feels-hard/</link>
					<comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-messy-middle-why-self-awareness-feels-hard/#respond</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 25 Apr 2026 15:59:06 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Change]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Personal Growth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[braving boundaries]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Career Growth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[confidence]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Emotional intelligence]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[executive coaching]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[high achievers]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Leadership Development]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mindset]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[professionals]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[self-awareness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Workplace Communication]]></category>
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					<description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-messy-middle-why-self-awareness-feels-hard/">The Messy Middle: Why Self-Awareness Feels Hard</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em></em></span></strong></h5>
<p><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em></em></span></strong></p>
<p class="p1"><i>Many professionals look successful on the outside while feeling stuck, reactive or disconnected on the inside. This article explores why self-awareness can feel uncomfortable, why growth often gets messy before it gets better and how honest reflection and boundaries can lead to stronger leadership, healthier relationships and lasting change.</i></p>
<p class="p1">Hello, my fellow high functioning, &#8220;bulletproof&#8221; professionals. Let’s have a seat – metaphorically speaking, of course, because standing makes it easier to flee when things get too real. If you’re reading this, you’ve likely survived another week of pretending you have it all together while your internal monologue is a chaotic mix of a business strategy and a silent scream into the vast, empty void.</p>
<p class="p1">In the world of Braving Boundaries, we’re diving into self-awareness (catch up on more posts about <a class="underline underline underline-offset-2 decoration-1 decoration-current/40 hover:decoration-current focus:decoration-current" href="https://bravingboundaries.com/category/change-2/">boundaries and change</a>). But we aren&#8217;t doing the &#8220;sparkly Pinterest quote&#8221; version where you find your inner light while wearing linen pants on a beach. No. We’re doing the version that feels like finding a cockroach in your designer handbag &#8211; shocking, slightly nauseating, somewhat curious and utterly impossible to unsee.<strong></strong></p></div>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Why most people think they are self-aware</strong></h2></div>
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				<span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" width="1249" height="937" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Woman-Looking-at-Her-Reflection-in-a-Broken-Mirror-View-more-by-Artmim-from-Getty-Images.jpg" alt="Woman Looking at Her Reflection in a Broken Mirror View more by Artmim from Getty Images" title="Woman Looking at Her Reflection in a Broken Mirror View more by Artmim from Getty Images" class="wp-image-235651" /></span>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">Before we get personal, let’s look at the numbers. They’re deliciously, darkly grim. According to research by organisational psychologist <a href="https://tashaeurich.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1">Dr. Tasha Eurich</span></a>, 95% of people believe they are self-aware. We all think we’re the hero of the story, the &#8220;self-actualised&#8221; leader, the person who &#8220;gets it&#8221;.</p>
<p class="p1">It makes us feel good about our own existential crises.</p>
<p class="p1">However, the reality is a cold bucket of water &#8211; only <b>10% to 15% of people actually meet the criteria</b>. That’s a cold hard reality smack to the face if you ask me. Ego bruised and our perfectly curated delusion smashed like Avo on toast.</p>
<p class="p1">That means about 85% of the people you meet today &#8211; your boss, your spouse, the person cutting you off in traffic &#8211; are walking around in a cloud of blissful, dangerous ignorance. They are unknowingly stepping on toes, alienating colleagues and repeating the same three mistakes like a glitching NPC in a video game.</p>
<p class="p1">If you currently feel uncomfortable, itchy in your own skin or suddenly unsure of your &#8220;vibe&#8221;, congratulations! You’ve likely stumbled out of the delusional 95% and into the &#8220;Messy Middle&#8221;.</p>
<p class="p1">Just like Neo you took the red pill and now there’s no going back. It’s a cramped, confusing place with terrible snacks, but at least the lighting is more honest. Eeeuw! Overhead lighting. I look far better in dimly lit rooms &#8211; you know &#8211; with “atmosphere” and intrigue.</p></div>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>The professional mask high-achievers wear</strong></h2></div>
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				<span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1250" height="937" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Woman-leading-a-business-presentation-at-a-conference-event-View-more-by-Jacob-Lund-Photography-from-Jacob-Lund.jpg" alt="Woman leading a business presentation at a conference event View more by Jacob Lund Photography from Jacob Lund" title="Woman leading a business presentation at a conference event View more by Jacob Lund Photography from Jacob Lund" class="wp-image-235650" /></span>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">As someone who has spent years perfecting the art of being &#8220;bulletproof&#8221; (albeit with a very chic bulletproof vest), I know the struggle. In the professional world, we’re taught that admitting a struggle is a death sentence for your reputation. We wear our high-functioning anxiety like a tailored blazer &#8211; it’s stiff, it’s expensive and it hides the fact that we can’t breathe. Almost like a corset, without the fabulous figure-hugging silhouette.</p>
<p class="p1">I remember a specific season of my life where I thought I was being &#8220;assertive, clear and efficient&#8221;. I was the hero of my own corporate thriller &#8211; fearless, climbing mountains, swimming with metaphorical mermaids. Mermaids exist, ok? Then, a &#8220;loving critic&#8221; (someone who actually likes me but doesn&#8217;t mind watching me squirm for my own good) pointed out that my &#8220;clear communication&#8221; actually felt like a deposition to everyone else in the room.</p>
<p class="p1">Shock! Horror!</p>
<p class="p1">They told me that when I entered a meeting, people didn&#8217;t feel &#8220;led&#8221;, they felt &#8220;interrogated&#8221;. As if! I&#8217;m a delight.</p>
<p class="p1">That moment of awareness didn’t feel like a &#8220;breakthrough&#8221;. It didn’t feel like a weight that was lifted off my shoulders. It felt like abject humiliation. It felt like I’d been walking around with spinach in my teeth for a decade while giving speeches on dental hygiene. This is the <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-ghost-in-the-corner-office-grieving-the-life-you-thought-youd-have/"><span class="s1">&#8220;Ghost in the Corner Office&#8221;</span></a> (see last month’s article) &#8211; the jarring tension between who we thought we were and who we actually are.</p></div>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>The Anatomy of Corporate Purgatory</strong></h2></div>
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				<span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1250" height="937" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Aerial-View-of-a-Green-Hedge-Maze-View-more-by-meydiiqbal-from-Gambar-Iqbal-Meidi-hapsal.jpg" alt="Aerial View of a Green Hedge Maze View more by meydiiqbal from Gambar Iqbal Meidi hapsal" title="Aerial View of a Green Hedge Maze View more by meydiiqbal from Gambar Iqbal Meidi hapsal" class="wp-image-235655" /></span>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">This brings us to the broader realisation &#8211; the Messy Middle isn&#8217;t just about your personality. It’s about the work itself. It’s that distinctive, agonising stretch of time where the initial adrenaline of &#8220;Innovation!&#8221; has evaporated, replaced by the realisation that you’re now professionally obligated to see this through to the bitter end.</p>
<p class="p1">In the beginning, everything was beautiful. You had a slide deck with high-resolution stock photos of people pointing at glass walls. You had a budget that hadn’t been reduced by a round of unforeseen integration costs.</p>
<p class="p1">You had <i>hope</i>.</p>
<p class="p1">But now? You are in the thick of it. The &#8220;vision&#8221; has been replaced by a spreadsheet with 47 tabs, and the only thing &#8220;disrupting&#8221; your industry is your own rising blood pressure and a caffeine habit that would concern a cardiologist.</p>
<p class="p1">The Messy Middle is the phase where reality finally catches up to your ambition and demands its pound of flesh. In the business world, this is often misdiagnosed as &#8220;poor planning&#8221;. In reality, it’s simply the point where the complexity of a task finally outweighs the novelty of starting it.</p></div>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Why growth often feels worse before it feels better</strong></h2></div>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">We’ve been sold a lie that personal and professional growth is a linear, upward trajectory. We think it’s &#8211; <i>Ignorance </i><span class="s1">→</span><i> Epiphany </i><span class="s1">→</span><i> Success.</i></p>
<p class="p1">Wrong!</p>
<p class="p1">In reality, the process of self-awareness looks much more like &#8211; <i>Ignorance </i><span class="s1">→</span><i> Horrified Realisation </i><span class="s1">→</span><i> Existential Crisis </i><span class="s1">→</span><i> The Messy Middle </i><span class="s1">→</span><i> Tiny Bit of Clarity </i><span class="s1">→</span><i> More Horrified Realisation.</i></p>
<p class="p1">It’s so fun!</p>
<p class="p1">Increased self-awareness and project maturity bring discomfort because they destabilise your internal status quo.</p>
<p class="p1">But here are some reasons why it may feel like you’re failing when you’re actually winning &#8211;</p></div>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>The Death of the Avatar &#8211; </strong>you have to kill the &#8220;Professional Avatar&#8221; you built &#8211; the one that’s never flustered and always has the answer. Letting it go feels like mourning. But it’s so very freeing.</p></div>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>The Feedback Loop of Doom &#8211;</strong> real progress requires external feedback. Hearing that your &#8220;passion&#8221; looks like &#8220;aggression&#8221; stings. It makes you want to delete your LinkedIn and move to a farm with mini goats and fluffy cows, daisies growing wild all around you. But …</p></div>
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				<span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>The &#8220;What&#8221; vs. &#8220;Why&#8221; Trap &#8211; </strong>asking &#8220;Why&#8221; leads to a rumination spiral. Asking &#8220;What is happening right now?&#8221; leads to observation. But &#8220;What&#8221; is terrifying because it requires you to look at your behaviour without the shield of an excuse. I sometimes hide behind the cuteness that is my Georgia Peach. Because if you can still see my rubbish behind the adorable fluff ball in front of you, then what I’m selling truly does stink.</p></div>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Repair Mode: Awareness in Action</strong></h2></div>
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				<span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1250" height="937" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Writing-in-a-notebook-with-a-pen-in-hand-View-more-by-Lina-Darjans-Images.jpg" alt="Writing in a notebook with a pen in hand View more by Lina Darjan&#039;s Images" title="Writing in a notebook with a pen in hand View more by Lina Darjan&#039;s Images" class="wp-image-235652" /></span>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">Once you’ve sat in the discomfort and realised that you aren&#8217;t the infallible G-d-Queen of the boardroom (I know, it’s a surprise to me too), you enter the most critical phase &#8211; <b>Repair Mode</b>.</p>
<p class="p1">Self-awareness without repair is just a fancy way of being a self-aware jerk. Repair Mode is the bridge between <i>knowing</i> you’re difficult &#8211; or that your project is failing &#8211; and <i>actually changing</i> the impact you have on others. It’s where the rubber meets the road and usually, that road is covered in broken glass. So, stepping lightly is usually a good idea. I’d leave the stilettos behind if I were you.</p>
<h3 class="p1"><b><i>Step 1: The Tactical Apology (Not the Ego-Stroking One)</i></b></h3>
<p class="p1">Repair starts with acknowledging the impact, not the intent. Nobody cares if you &#8220;intended&#8221; to be helpful when you actually just spoke over them for twenty minutes. Repair Mode sounds like &#8211; <i>&#8220;I realised that, in our last meeting, I dominated the conversation and didn&#8217;t leave room for your input. I’m working on my self-awareness and I’m sorry for the impact that had on the team&#8221;.</i></p>
<p class="p1">Let’s not go down the same road as Jose Mourinho during his “self-aware” <a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=i+appologise+but+i+apologise+to+an+idiot+soccer+coach&amp;sca_esv=4074d84388868a32&amp;rlz=1C1AVFC_enZA990ZA990&amp;sxsrf=ANbL-n6YC_6SOX3ewkvjBMSMTCpsGYbFyA:1776333090835&amp;ei=IrHgadLYMoeFhbIPudOayQY&amp;biw=1098&amp;bih=457&amp;ved=0ahUKEwjS8Ya3jPKTAxWHQkEAHbmpJmkQ4dUDCBE&amp;uact=5&amp;oq=i+appologise+but+i+apologise+to+an+idiot+soccer+coach&amp;gs_lp=Egxnd3Mtd2l6LXNlcnAiNWkgYXBwb2xvZ2lzZSBidXQgaSBhcG9sb2dpc2UgdG8gYW4gaWRpb3Qgc29jY2VyIGNvYWNoSNQfUPkFWKMacAF4AJABAJgB7AKgAeMdqgEGMi0xMS4yuAEDyAEA-AEBmAIBoAILwgIOEAAYgAQYsAMYhgMYigXCAgsQABiABBiwAxiiBMICCxAAGLADGKIEGIkFmAMA4gMFEgExIECIBgGQBgqSBwExoAenGrIHALgHAMIHAzMtMcgHCYAIAA&amp;sclient=gws-wiz-serp#fpstate=ive&amp;vld=cid:450a2854,vid:ofL054wxBXc,st:0" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1">apology</span></a>.</p>
<h3 class="p1"><b><i>Step 2: Closing the Gap</i></b></h3>
<p class="p1">Repair Mode requires you to close the gap between your perception and theirs. This means asking for real-time course correction. Tell your team &#8211; <i>&#8220;I know I have a tendency to micromanage when I&#8217;m stressed. If you see me doing it, please use the code word &#8216;Oxygen&#8217;. It’ll help me reset&#8221;.</i> This gives others permission to help you stay aware. Just remember you gave your team and/or partner this permission – don’t go biting the messenger.</p>
<h3 class="p1"><b><i>Step 3: Self-Forgiveness (The Hard Part)</i></b></h3>
<p class="p1">You cannot repair a relationship if you’re drowning in self-loathing. If you’re constantly beating yourself up, you become the &#8220;victim&#8221; again and suddenly the conversation is about <i>your</i> feelings instead of the people you hurt. Repair requires you to be stable enough to hold space for others.</p>
<p class="p1">So, pull up your socks and put your “big girl panties” on!</p></div>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Redefining progress in the Messy Middle</strong></h2></div>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">In the Messy Middle, you must learn to find &#8220;micro-victories&#8221;. We used to joke that specialists found joy in a perfectly placed semicolon in a 400-page contract. Because semantics matter. Apparently. But, in the broader business world, it’s about <i>Milestones of Survival</i>.</p>
<p class="p1">
<ul class="ul1">
<li class="li1">Did you make it through a Monday without a &#8220;quick sync&#8221; that lasted four hours? <i>That’s progress.</i></li>
<li class="li1">Did you successfully survive another meeting where &#8220;synergy&#8221; was offered instead of a functional database? <i>That’s a win.</i></li>
<li class="li1">Did you manage to keep your internal monologue from becoming your external dialogue? <i>That’s</i> p<i>romotion material.</i></li>
</ul></div>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Setting boundaries at work: The brave “No”</strong></h2></div>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">This is where boundaries go to die. Because you’re desperate for a sense of forward motion, you’re tempted to say &#8220;Yes&#8221; to every distraction, hoping one of them is the magic bullet. This is a lie. Self-awareness is what helps you recognise when you are overcommitting, people-pleasing or mistaking exhaustion for ambition. True &#8220;Braving Boundaries&#8221; means having the audacity to protect your focus &#8211;</p>
<p class="p1">
<ul class="ul1">
<li class="li1"><b>The Calendar Boundary &#8211; </b>marking yourself as <i>&#8220;Busy: Strategic Analysis&#8221;</i> for four hours just to do your job, while everyone else assumes you are in a very high-powered meeting about &#8220;Leveraging Assets&#8221;.</li>
<li class="li1"><b>The Emotional Boundary &#8211;</b> recognising that a project’s &#8220;messiness&#8221; isn’t a reflection of your worth. Your value cannot be measured by deadlines, deliverables or this quarter’s spreadsheet.</li>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Why growth happens in difficult seasons</strong></h2></div>
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				<span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1250" height="937" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Rain-in-the-city-View-more-by-Chalabala-from-Getty-Images.jpg" alt="Rain in the city View more by Chalabala from Getty Images" title="Rain in the city View more by Chalabala from Getty Images" class="wp-image-235654" /></span>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">Here’s the dark, satirical truth &#8211; the finish line is overrated. Once you finish, you just get a bigger, messier project as a &#8220;reward&#8221; for your competence. The Messy Middle is where the actual growth happens &#8211; mostly because you’re too exhausted to maintain your professional facade.</p>
<p class="p1">It’s in the middle that teams actually bond (usually over a shared frustration with the new project management software). It’s where processes get lean (because you literally don&#8217;t have the energy for the &#8220;fluff&#8221; anymore). It’s where true leadership is forged (or at least, people who can keep a straight face while explaining a 200% budget overrun are identified for future executive roles).</p></div>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>4 survival tactics for overwhelmed professionals</strong></h2></div>
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				<span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Lower the Bar &#8211;</strong> not for quality, but for your expectations of &#8220;perfection&#8221;. You’re looking for &#8220;functional and not currently on fire.&#8221;</p></div>
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				<span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Find Your &#8220;Personal Board of Advisors&#8221; &#8211;</strong> the 2-3 colleagues you can text at 10:00 PM to ask, <i>&#8220;Is it just me, or is this whole initiative actually a social experiment?&#8221;</i></p></div>
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				<span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Acknowledge the Hallucination &#8211;</strong> just as AI has &#8220;hallucinations&#8221;, corporate strategies have them too. When the plan stops making sense, stop following the plan.</p></div>
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				<span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Practice Strategic Apathy &#8211; </strong>care deeply about the outcome, but care very little about the &#8220;noise&#8221;. You’re the mountain. A very tired, slightly cynical mountain.</p></div>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>If your team is stuck in the Messy Middle together, our <a class="underline underline underline-offset-2 decoration-1 decoration-current/40 hover:decoration-current focus:decoration-current" href="https://bravingboundaries.com/corporate-creative-workshops-seminars/">corporate workshops</a> are built for exactly this.</p></div>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Here’s to the Elite (and the Exhausted)</strong></h2></div>
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				<span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1250" height="937" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Happy-beautiful-woman-laughing-while-holding-coffee-View-more-by-YakobchukOlena-from-Getty-Images.jpg" alt="Happy beautiful woman laughing while holding coffee View more by YakobchukOlena from Getty Images" title="Happy beautiful woman laughing while holding coffee View more by YakobchukOlena from Getty Images" class="wp-image-235647" /></span>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">At <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/"><span class="s1"><b>Braving Boundaries</b></span></a>, we’ve realised that the most &#8220;elite&#8221; professionals aren&#8217;t the ones with the cleanest desks. They’re the ones who can sit in the middle of a chaotic, half-finished, over-budget disaster and calmly ask,<i> &#8220;Ok, what’s the next small step?&#8221;</i><i></i></p>
<p class="p1">We’re eternally grateful for the Messy Middle. Without it, we wouldn’t need sophisticated technology, high-level strategic consulting or three double espressos before 9:00 AM. We’d just be people with good ideas and no way to execute them.</p>
<p class="p1">So, here’s to the orchestrators of the chaos, the survivors of the &#8220;mid-project slump&#8221; and the professionals who still haven&#8217;t figured out why their automated workflows are sending invoices to the office cat.</p></div>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Ready to brave your boundaries?</strong></h2></div>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">If this article made you feel slightly attacked, incredibly seen or just deeply uncomfortable &#8211; good. That’s the first step toward a version of you that doesn&#8217;t need a cardboard cutout to survive the day.</p>
<p class="p1">But you don’t have to navigate the &#8220;Messy Middle&#8221; or the &#8220;Repair Mode&#8221; alone. If you’re ready to trade your armour for actual, sustainable growth, it’s time to talk to a professional who knows how to navigate these trenches.</p>
<p class="p1"><strong><span class="s1"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><i>Contact</i></a></span><i> Frieda Levycky at Braving Boundaries.</i></strong><b><i></i></b></p>
<p class="p1"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/my-story/">Frieda</a> specialises in helping professionals navigate the complex, often messy world of self-awareness, emotional intelligence and sustainable growth. Whether you’re a lawyer, a CEO, an overworked Executive or just someone tired of their own excuses, Frieda provides the sounding board you need to move from &#8220;horrified realisation&#8221; to &#8220;meaningful change&#8221;.</p>
<p class="p1"><b>Explore <a class="underline underline underline-offset-2 decoration-1 decoration-current/40 hover:decoration-current focus:decoration-current" href="https://bravingboundaries.com/work-with-me/individual-coaching/">individual coaching with Frieda</a> — designed for professionals who are done performing and ready to do the real work.</b></p>
<p class="p1">Stop pretending you&#8217;re bulletproof. Start being real. The view from the 15% is much better &#8211; even if it takes a little discomfort to get there.</p>
<p class="p1">
<p class="p2"><span class="s2"><i>(Sources used and to whom we owe thanks – </i><a href="https://skillpath.com/blog/self-awareness-is-the-strongest-predictor-of-leadership-success" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>Skillpath</i></span></a><i>; LinkedIn </i><a href="https://www.linkedin.com/posts/tashaeurich_think-youre-self-aware-odds-are-youre-activity-7361475393603715072-eYRk/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>here</i></span></a><i>, </i><a href="https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/my-three-biggest-self-awareness-lessons-researcher-tasha-eurich/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>here</i></span></a></span><span class="s3"> </span><span class="s2"><i>and </i><a href="https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/google-decodes-messy-middle-buying-process-g-david-dodd/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>here</i></span></a><i>; </i><a href="https://www.successpodcast.com/show-notes/2020/5/20/you-arent-actually-self-aware-with-tasha-eurich#:~:text=She%2520is%2520the%2520New%2520York,Understanding%2520how%2520people%2520see%2520us." target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>Success Podcast</i></span></a><i>; </i><a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/jeffkauflin/2017/05/10/only-15-of-people-are-self-aware-heres-how-to-change/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>Forbes</i></span></a><i>; </i><a href="https://hbr.org/2018/01/what-self-awareness-really-is-and-how-to-cultivate-it" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>Harvard Business Review</i></span></a><i>; </i><a href="https://medium.com/mind-cafe/why-introspection-isnt-the-best-way-to-self-awareness-140b8492e6fe" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>Medium</i></span></a><i>; </i><a href="https://katedejong.com/the-self-awareness-gap/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>Kate de Jong</i></span></a><i>; </i><a href="https://tim.blog/2018/09/13/scott-belsky/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>Tim Ferriss</i></span></a><i>; </i><a href="https://www.ted.com/talks/tasha_eurich_increase_your_self_awareness_with_one_simple_fix" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>TED Talks</i></span></a><i> and </i><a href="https://www.tech4law.co.za/news-in-brief/local/taking-stock-part-i/#:~:text=We%2520all%2520look%2520forward%2520to,happens%2520to%2520all%2520of%2520us.&amp;text=But%2520what%2520does%2520that%2520quote,the%2520Forrest%2520for%2520the%2520trees." target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>Tech4law</i></span></a><i>). <span class="Apple-converted-space">       </span></i></span></p></div>
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				<span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p>
<p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a>  </strong></div>
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<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-messy-middle-why-self-awareness-feels-hard/">The Messy Middle: Why Self-Awareness Feels Hard</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p>
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		<title>Mirror, Mirror: Reflections on ageing (and laughing anyway)</title>
		<link>https://bravingboundaries.com/mirror-mirror-reflections-on-ageing/</link>
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		<dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 07 Oct 2025 07:03:51 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Procrastination]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[ageing]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[body confidence]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[confidence]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Embracing Change]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[friendship]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[invisibility]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[middle age]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[midlife]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mindset]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[navigating midlife]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[personal empowerment]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[perspective]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[redefining limit]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[resilience]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Self-Acceptance]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[self-reflection]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[self-talk]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[women and ageing]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[yoga]]></category>
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					<description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/mirror-mirror-reflections-on-ageing/">Mirror, Mirror: Reflections on ageing (and laughing anyway)</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY FRIEDA LEVYCKY, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/" style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;">BRAVING BOUNDARIES</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5>
<p><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em></em></span></strong></p>
<p><span>“<em>So, I’m old and weak?</em>” Fabulous! Well, that’s a good start to a Monday!</span></p>
<p><span>My friends and I burst out laughing at girls’ night last week as I relayed the story of my yoga instructor helping me stretch further into a pigeon pose than I’d ever managed before. Post class, he gave me some feedback: “<em>Older women …</em>” he started, then quickly corrected himself: “<em>I mean, women who are more mature … need additional weight to progress into positions, as flexibility is just not enough as we get older. Your hips and shoulders are flexible, but weak</em>”. To be fair, his feedback was probably meant to be encouraging. I mean, I am (a bit) older now and I do have weak spots in my body, but all I heard was: <em>old and weak</em>.</span></p>
<p><span>So, of course, I went home and did what any reasonable, totally well-balanced woman would do. I studied myself for a good ten minutes in front of the mirror. First my face then, for good measure, the rest of me too. Am I old? Is that how the world sees me now? Inside, I still feel like that flirty little nymph; the young lawyer who tottered around the office in very high heels and a dress. I’m the runner, the traveller, the yoga pretzel, the one who’s never been fussed about make-up. Ever since I was at school, I was always the youngest of the group (an August birthday has its perks). That’s still how I see myself, but is that really how the rest of the world sees me? Or have I quietly, without meaning to, stepped into this “<em>tannie</em>” role (as they say in South Africa)? Not properly old, not exactly young either, but that strange middle space of invisibility.</span></p>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong><span>The Invisibility Cloak of Middle Age</span></strong></h2></div>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p style="text-align: left;"><span>A friend of mine told me she knew she’d officially crossed the line when, at 50, the teenage checkout assistant asked if she’d like to use her pensioner discount. “<em>For f**k’s sake!</em>” she laughed, describing how she marched home, dumped the shopping and demanded of her husband and friend: “<em>Do I look like a pensioner?</em>”. There really was only one correct answer to that question and, fortunately, both men were wise enough to choose it.</span></p>
<p>Another friend recalled standing in a wine bar bathroom next to a gaggle of 20-somethings on a hen party and catching her reflection beside theirs. The contrast was sobering. Others have shared those silly, but defining, moments when you realise you’ve officially lost track of what “<em>Whip/Nae Nae</em>” is (yes, I did need to look up the spelling for that as I did originally write “<em>Nay Nay</em>”), let alone how to dance to it.</p>
<p>To be fair, I can still give them a run for their money if Whigfield or Steps comes on the radio. I’ve always nailed “<em>Saturday Night</em>” and “<em>Tragedy</em>.”<span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p></div>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong><span>The Double-Edged Sword of Invisibility</span></strong></h2>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">There’s a strange freedom in becoming invisible though. Fewer eyes watching, fewer judgements, fewer comparisons. However, it can also be lonely. You start to notice the subtle ways the world stops looking your way: the compliments fade, the flirtatious glances vanish and shop assistants suddenly call you “<em>Ma’am</em>”.</span></p></div>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span>I used to be judgmental about women who turned to Botox or surgery. I’d make sweeping statements about “<em>ageing gracefully</em>” and “<em>accepting yourself</em>”, but as I inch closer to that stage, I can feel myself softening. I understand now that it’s not always about vanity. Sometimes it’s about visibility. About wanting to feel seen again in a world that treats women’s ageing as something to hide.</span></p>
<p>There’s something to be said for doing what makes you feel good in your own skin. Whether that’s fillers or face yoga, Spanx or squats. Seriously, who am I to judge? If it lifts your spirits, then that’s what matters.</p>
<p>Clearly, I’ve been talking about ageing a lot because Instagram’s now decided that I’m obsessed. My feed has been flooded with clips from <a href="https://www.instagram.com/reel/DPWk_OAETkK/">Paris Fashion Week</a>: a stunning parade of ageless icons like Helen Mirren, Heidi Klum, Jane Fonda, Gillian Anderson, Iris Berben, Andie MacDowell and Philippine Leroy-Beaulieu drifting effortlessly down the runway, and snippets of Patricia Routledge’s <a href="https://selfdiscoverywisdom.com/2025/08/08/a-poem-by-patricia-routledge/">Letter to Life</a> which she wrote for her 95th birthday. Alongside them, the quote that keeps popping up: “<em>Too young, too old, too bold. Whatever you do, someone will always judge your choices</em>”. How accurate that statement is.</p>
<p>It’s almost as if the universe (or the algorithm) is forcing me to re-check my thinking. Some of those women have chosen the surgical route; others have aged naturally and all of them looked magnificent. There really isn’t a single right way to do this ageing thing.</p>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong><span>Old Bird, Strong Body</span></strong></h2></div>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span>This past week, after all the “old and weak” jokes, I went back to yoga and did a Bikram class. I’ve trained on and off in Bikram for 15 years (I even took my teaching qualifications back in 2017), but this was my first class in months. For anyone who’s ever sweated through those 26 poses in 40 degrees, you’ll know: no class is ever the same. Yet, that class was one of the magical ones; one where everything clicks. My bow-pulling pose was strong, my balance steady and I felt incredible.</p>
<p>At the end, a gorgeous, blonde twenty-something bounced over to me and said: “<em>Wow! How long have you been practising? I hope one day I can be just like you</em>”. Now, if that doesn’t make an “old bird” smile, I don’t know what will.</span></p>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>The reality is that I’m new to this ageing thing. I don’t have all the answers and I know damn well that the only way to get them is to walk through this period of my life. What I have started to realise though is that I’ve been joking a lot about ageing lately. I&#8217;ve been laughing it off, making quips about “<em>feeling</em> <em>ancient</em>”, but &#8230; I’ve also started to notice it (that feeling of being old) and, if I’m not careful, I’ll end up believing my own words too. Negative self-talk rewires the brain and I’m not ready to programme mine to think I’m old and weak.</p>
<p>So, I’m changing the script. I’ve set myself a new mantra to stop the negative seeping in:</p>
<p><em>“I’m healthy, happy and still a little bit fabulous. This body has seen things, done things, climbed mountains, danced in heels and still gets me through yoga. She’s not old or weak. She’s strong and full of life.”</em></p>
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				<span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/10/5.jpg" alt="my new ageing mantra" title="my new ageing mantra" class="wp-image-235371" /></span>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>Ageing is a privilege, one that’s easily forgotten until you realise that not everyone is given that gift.</p>
<p>So, here’s to all the “<em>old birds</em>” out there, laughing our way through yoga classes, mirror reflections and checkout discounts. May we never forget: <strong><em>we are anything but invisible</em></strong>.</p></div>
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<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/mirror-mirror-reflections-on-ageing/">Mirror, Mirror: Reflections on ageing (and laughing anyway)</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p>
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		<title>Breaking Through Limiting Beliefs: Overcoming Obstacles to Personal Growth</title>
		<link>https://bravingboundaries.com/breaking-through-limiting-beliefs-overcoming-obstacles-to-personal-growth/</link>
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		<dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Wed, 27 Mar 2024 05:06:34 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[believe in yourself]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[fear]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[limiting beliefs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mindset]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[not good enough]]></category>
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					<description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/breaking-through-limiting-beliefs-overcoming-obstacles-to-personal-growth/">Breaking Through Limiting Beliefs: Overcoming Obstacles to Personal Growth</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span><span style="color: #be9727;"></span></h5>
<p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></i></p>
<p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’m not good enough to lead a team.</span></i></p>
<p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">My work doesn’t measure up to my colleagues. </span></i></p>
<p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’m too reserved to speak in front of an audience.</span></i></p>
<p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">[Insert sabotaging thought here.] </span></i></p>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We all have them. Thoughts about ourselves that are unkind.  </span></p>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We all possess an inner voice that is perhaps not always the most supportive. Because let’s face it – we are all our own worst enemy. Getting in our own way. Often the biggest obstacle in our lives is how we truly see ourselves. Because how we see ourselves reflects how we see the world. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And our mindset, our beliefs on how the world works, can be the biggest obstacles in achieving what we want to achieve. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We call these restrictive thoughts and ideas “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">limiting beliefs</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”. </span></p></div>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>More about limiting beliefs</b></h2>
<p><a href="https://asana.com/resources/limiting-beliefs" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Asana</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, defines a limiting belief as follows – </span></p>
<blockquote>
<p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“A limiting belief is a state of mind or belief about yourself that restricts you in some way. These beliefs are often false accusations you make about yourself that can cause a number of negative results”.</span></i></p>
</blockquote>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">These limiting beliefs are not always just about ourselves either. Often, they can be about how the world works, certain ideas about situations, and how you interact with different people.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And the result of these limiting beliefs? You limit yourself from becoming. Becoming whatever it is that you want to become. You shoot your own ideas down before they’ve even had time to ruminate in your own thoughts. They can keep you in a negative state of mind, preventing you from encountering new opportunities and life experiences while wreaking havoc on your mental health. </span></p>
<p><a href="https://www.betterup.com/blog/what-are-limiting-beliefs" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">BetterUp</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> describes limiting beliefs as follows – </span></p>
<blockquote>
<p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Limiting beliefs can change your life, but not always for the better. They create self-awareness that stops you from chasing after your dreams, forming healthy relationships with people, and creating change in any area of your life. </span></i></p>
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<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And quite frankly – that sucks!</span></p></div>
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				<span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/Blog-Breaking-Through-Limiting-Beliefs-3.jpg" alt="" title="Blog - Breaking Through Limiting Beliefs (3)" class="wp-image-5896" /></span>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Where do these limiting beliefs come from?</b></h2>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As children we often believe that we can do anything and be anyone. Just think about a 4-year-old in a batman costume – they’re ready to take on the world. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But something happens as we grow older. Doubt creeps in. Fears rear their ugly heads. And suddenly we forget about ourselves in the proverbial batman costume. We forget the feeling of utter confidence and self-belief. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">This change in self-perception can happen for a number of reasons – </span></p>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p>
<ul>
<li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Personal beliefs</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – the things we personally experience. These can be things that happen on a day-to-day basis as well as big life events. </span><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></li>
<p><b></p>
<li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Family</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – the things our family believes and how we were raised. It plays a significant role in how we navigate life and the working world. Sometimes it defines who we are and other times it ensures we become the opposite.<br />
</span></li>
<li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Religious beliefs</strong> &#8211; <span style="font-weight: 400;">what we believe in and the rules that we follow because of our religious beliefs often influence how we go out into the world and how we go about navigating life. Our faith provides great moral guidance and support to our lives, but rigid application without challenging religious teachings can prevent us from seeing the world from multiple perspectives.</span></li>
<li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Education</strong><b> – </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">it’s often the case</span> <span style="font-weight: 400;">that we admire our teachers, and those from whom we learn. So, it’s understandable that we would absorb their ideas and beliefs. Often trying our best to mimic them. </span></li>
<li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Friends</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – the people we mix with. How do they see the world? And do you subscribe to the same beliefs? </span></li>
<li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Society</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – popular opinion, especially on social media, can impose impossible standards on us.</span></li>
<li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Fear of failure</strong><b> – </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">the excuses you make up in order to stop yourself from acting in your own best interests. </span></li>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Discovering what your limiting beliefs are is not always so easy or so obvious. Sometimes we are not entirely sure how we may be limiting ourselves. We haven’t really taken notice of what thoughts could be contributing to our own limitations. But there is a way to discover what they could be – </span></p>
<p><strong><i>Step 1:</i></strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">think about something you may tell yourself all the time. If you are struggling to think of something, ask a friend or family member for help. </span></p>
<p><strong>Step 2:</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">write it down on a piece of paper, make it real. </span></p>
<p><strong><i>Step 3:</i> </strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">how do you feel about the statement? Does it feel true? Is it helping you? How does it make you feel? Would you make that statement to a friend or colleague?</span></p>
<p><strong><i>Step 4: </i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> how will you deal with it? Will you keep the piece of paper? Will you throw it away? The way you deal with the piece of paper should be the way you deal with the thought. </span></p>
<p><strong><i>Step 5:</i> </strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">Consider how abandoning the thought would make a difference to your life. Would you push yourself to take the job, give the speech, lead the team? </span></p>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Now it’s time to put the above into action. </span></p></div>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Overcoming obstacles to personal growth</b></h2>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Limiting beliefs are often defence mechanisms we use to protect ourselves from pain. Your subconscious could remember past negative experiences and the limiting beliefs are ways you try to prevent getting hurt again. That can be hard. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But it’s important to remember that these subconscious boundaries can lead to mental health issues like imposter syndrome, stress, and anxiety. And those are not issues you want to cause yourself over a belief that holds no merit. So, while the above steps are a good way to come to terms with your limiting beliefs and what you are going to do with them, the next logical step is how you will overcome the obstacles you have put in your own way. </span></p></div>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s a difficult thing to do – coming to terms with the ways you are preventing yourself from taking the next step. And it’s a hard thing admitting that you have been the cause of it. We get that. So, to help you, we have set out some steps you can take in order to overcome the obstacles preventing your personal growth – </span></p></div>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Start with challenging your current limiting beliefs</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – from the steps above you will already have identified what your limiting beliefs are and what you want and need to do with them. Now you need to challenge yourself. Challenge how you think, challenge how you got to the thoughts you did and challenge yourself to do away with them.</span></p></div>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Plan</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– once you have challenged yourself, it’s time to put words into action. Know what you want to do with your thoughts and how you can go about achieving the very thing your beliefs were stopping you from achieving. Now make a plan. Assess the optimal outcomes and plan how you’re going to achieve them. </span></p></div>
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				<span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Be realistic</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– sure we want you to change your inner dialogue but there’s one thing being overly optimistic about something and an entirely different thing to make a plan that’s actually achievable. Don’t set yourself up to fail by having unreasonable expectations. Instead manage your expectations and take a grounded approach to your plans. </span></p></div>
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				<span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Don’t compare yourself to others</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– this is key. Those of us that have imposter syndrome will understand the weight of comparing ourselves to other people. Remember that we are all unique individuals fighting our own battles. We all have our own goals and what we want to achieve in life. Likewise, we will all have different plans on how to achieve our goals. Taking advice is one thing, but comparing yourself to someone else is a sure way to see yourself fail before even getting started.</span></p></div>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Feel all the feels</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– it’s one thing being optimistic and having a sunny disposition, it’s an entirely different story when you are masking how you really feel. Emotions can be hard to deal with at the best of times. We understand that. But don’t put a plaster over how you feel thinking that your attitude will change everything. Explore your emotions. Feel your feels.</span></p></div>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Ask for help</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– this is an important one. As you explore your thoughts and feelings, you may encounter certain emotions that have you stumped. Not knowing which way to turn. You don’t have to “go at it alone”. Get help. Whether you speak to a professional, like Freida Levycky of </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Braving Boundaries</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, or you seek the counsel of a friend, get help. You are not alone. </span></p></div>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Keep it simple</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– keep your end goal in mind but understand that your plans don’t need to be bombastic. Easy does it. Sometimes what you want to achieve can seem massive and that, in itself, can be overwhelming. Instead of trying to tackle everything at once, break things down into smaller, bite-sized chunks. Deal with one obstacle at a time. Eventually, by continuously working towards your goals &#8211; managing one thing at a time &#8211; you will get there. </span></p></div>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Adopt positive affirmations</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– this may seem a little cliché but having a positive affirmation can help drown out the negative commentary in your head. Instead, combat negative thoughts by reframing them into positive ones. For example, change “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I can’t lead a team</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” to “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Before I can lead a team, I still have some learning to do</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”. </span></p></div>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Don’t give up</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– consistency is key. With everything really. But most importantly here. Going after one’s goals, with the best laid plans in tow, doesn’t mean it will be easy. You may fail. You may trip and fall. That’s ok. Get up again, dust yourself off and realise that failure can be a learning experience. Think to yourself – “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Ok that’s how </span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">not</span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> to do something</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”, make a note of what you learnt and move on. You owe it to yourself to continue on the path you chose for yourself. </span></p></div>
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				<span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/Blog-Breaking-Through-Limiting-Beliefs-1.jpg" alt="" title="Blog - Breaking Through Limiting Beliefs (1)" class="wp-image-5894" /></span>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As always, you don’t have to implement everything we have set out above. But what you do need to do is change your mindset and then act accordingly &#8211; </span></p>
<blockquote>
<p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“It is your reaction to adversity, not the adversity itself, that determines how your life story will develop.” &#8211; </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Dieter F. Uchtdorf </span></p>
</blockquote>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Remember it’s our determination to succeed and to overcome that is the most important thing. Sure, we are influenced by the world around us. But it’s how we see ourselves and it’s how we go after the things that we want that are important. If there’s anything this article should leave you with, it’s this – believe in yourself, believe in what you can do, take the time you need and you </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">will</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> succeed. </span></p></div>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Sources used and to whom we owe thanks: </span></i><a href="https://www.uopeople.edu/blog/10-ways-how-to-overcome-challenges/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">University of the People</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.fullsailpartners.com/fspblog/bid/363719/7-ways-to-overcome-obstacles" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Full Sail Partners</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.alden-mills.com/blog/2022/05/seven-ways-to-overcome-obstacles-and-find-success" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Alden Mills</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.pushfar.com/article/6-steps-to-breaking-your-limiting-beliefs/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Push Far</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://yourtimetogrow.com/break-limiting-beliefs-start-believing/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Your Time to Grow</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://asana.com/resources/limiting-beliefs" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Asana</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span></i><a href="https://www.betterup.com/blog/what-are-limiting-beliefs" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">BetterUp</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">). </span></i></p></div>
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				<span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span>
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				<div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p>
<p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a>  </strong></div>
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				<a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/work-with-me/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image.jpg" alt="" title="End of blog post CTA image" class="wp-image-3291" /></span></a>
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<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/breaking-through-limiting-beliefs-overcoming-obstacles-to-personal-growth/">Breaking Through Limiting Beliefs: Overcoming Obstacles to Personal Growth</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p>
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		<title>New Year’s Resolutions with a twist (Part 2)</title>
		<link>https://bravingboundaries.com/new-years-resolutions-with-a-twist-part-2/</link>
					<comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/new-years-resolutions-with-a-twist-part-2/#respond</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Thu, 16 Dec 2021 23:01:00 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Celebrations & Festivities]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[2022]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[be kind]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[big picture]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[braving boundaries]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[celebrate the small stuff]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[celebrations]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[connection]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[creativity]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[direction]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[end of year]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[enneagram assessment]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[harmony]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[IEQ9]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[keep on track]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[kindness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[life goals]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mantra]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mindset]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mindset matters]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[motivate me]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[motivation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[new beginnings]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[new year]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[new year&#039;s resolution]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[optimism]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[overcoming overwhelm]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[positivity]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[reconnect]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[reflection]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[self-awareness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[self-care]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[self-reflection]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[starting anew]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[stay on track]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[word for the year]]></category>
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					<description><![CDATA[<p>Keeping your New Year's Resolutions on track. How do you give yourself the best chance at implementing and achieving the changes you desire?</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/new-years-resolutions-with-a-twist-part-2/">New Year’s Resolutions with a twist (Part 2)</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[
<h4 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>By Frieda Levycky of Braving Boundaries and Alicia Koch of The Legal Belletrist</em></strong></h4>



<p>So, how are you holding up at the end of 2021? If you’re anything like us, the end of year can’t come soon enough. After two years of uncertainty – of changed plans, obscure regulations and waves of highs and lows (and not just in the pandemic sense) – we are well and truly in need of a proper break. A time to reflect, relax and re-connect with ourselves and our loved ones.</p>



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<p>In part 1 of this Article, we spoke about taking a kinder (rather than resolute) approach to making New Year’s Resolutions in 2022. Instead of having a long list of things to accomplish, we encouraged you to identify one word that could be your guiding light for the year.</p>



<p>Did you have a chance to consider the word that encapsulates the changes you want to make in 2022? Ali and I managed to choose ours and here are our reasons why.</p>



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<h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>New Year’s Resolution: RE-CONNECT (Frieda’s word)</strong></h2>



<p>For me, 2022 is going to be all about re-connection. As a natural extrovert – someone who is always connecting, socialising, involving and organising – I never imagined being someone who would struggle with connection. However, having easily adapted to working from home and the inevitable reduced in-person interaction in 2020/21, I’ve stopped flexing my “connection muscle”. And, frankly, the thought of group activities, live trainings, networking events and easily reaching out to people one-on-one to connect, has started to cause some feelings of overwhelm and anxiety. The irony is that I coach around this and know everything that I need to do to move through these feelings and fears. The reality is though that, at times, we all fall off track – even coaches &#8211; it’s just part of being human.</p>



<p>So, rather than beating myself up for not making more of an effort to connect in 2021, 2022 is going to be a kinder reintegration into connection again: connection with my family in the UK and Ireland, connection with my existing clients and potential clients, connection with my followers, connection with my industry and connection with myself. That muscle will get re-built, I just need to take the necessary steps to bring about that change.&nbsp;</p>



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<h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>New Year’s Resolution: HARMONY (Alicia’s word)</strong></h2>



<p>The word harmony, to me at least, evokes feelings of balance and flow within all the different areas and facets of our lives, and is something I have personally lacked the last couple&nbsp;of years (being an ex-lawyer it is not entirely hard to understand why). Whether it has been changes in my career, challenges with health or disconnection with family (or friends), I have felt my life lacking harmony and balance. I have, often times, felt lost at sea without a life jacket flailing around the waves in panic. When one part of my life has improved, another has suffered. And because of that, I have not felt completely present nor completely at ease.&nbsp;</p>



<p>The beginning of COVID (and start of lockdown) in 2020 marked an enormous change in my life &#8211; both professionally and most certainly personally. And whilst lockdown regretfully had negative ripple effects globally, I found myself slowly coming into my own. I had finally found what I loved to do &#8211; write &#8211; and have successfully made a career out of it. But my health suffered. When my health improved, I found that my personal relationships were negatively affected. It has (very much) been a give and take situation with the important things unfortunately not weighing equally.&nbsp;</p>



<p>Whilst I don’t (yet) have all the answers to how I am practically going to find harmony and balance in my life, I know that it will be the small steps I take every day (keeping my word of the year in mind), that will ultimately improve my life. I will need to make focused, conscious decisions and take deliberate actions, knowing (now) that I need to handle myself with care and kindness. Something we do for others but not always for ourselves.&nbsp;</p>



<p>I am so looking forward to 2022 which I know will be more balanced and more harmonious not only because I will it so, but because I will take the necessary actions to ensure the outcome I have envisaged for myself. Slowly and gently…&nbsp;</p>



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<h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Helping you to keep your New Year’s Resolution on track</strong></h2>



<p>As we said in the <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/new-years-resolutions-with-a-twist-part-1/">previous article</a>, choosing your word is the first step. But how do you give yourself the best chance at implementing that word throughout 2022 and achieving the changes you desire?</p>



<p>Here are a few ideas:</p>



<h4 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Positive Self -Reflection</em></strong></h4>



<p>Once you have chosen your word for the year, think about the areas in your life you would like to improve. This will help you to reflect not only on your past but your present and future as well.&nbsp; What has been working in your favour and what would you like to change? In order to set an achievable goal, you need to have a better sense of where you have been, as well as the direction you are moving towards. It’s also important to acknowledge your most recent accomplishments. When immersed in the hustle and bustle of everyday life, we often forget to reflect on our achievements. Perhaps you have already made positive changes throughout the year without giving these accomplishments much thought. Do that now and ensure you acknowledge what you have achieved.</p>



<h4 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Develop critical self-awareness&nbsp;</em></strong></h4>



<p>Living without self-awareness is like driving your car at night without brakes. Technically, you can still drive, but you will eventually lose control, be unable to stop and have a collision. With self-awareness, you shed light on your destructive, reflexive habits. And by doing so, you are able to eliminate self-sabotaging behaviour. So be aware of them. If you’re interested in finding out more about your motivations, blind spots and defence mechanisms, take a look at <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/enneagram/">the Enneagram</a>.</p>



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<h4 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Make your goal possible</em></strong></h4>



<p>Make the actions around your word something you will enjoy. For example, choosing “Health” as your word for the year will involve many different actions like becoming more active and eating healthier. But don’t undertake exercises that will make you feel miserable. Don’t put a bowl of fruit on your kitchen counter filled with fruit you don’t like or commit to running a marathon if you hate running. Be conscious about the actions you take to honour your word for the year in a way that ultimately makes you happy.&nbsp;</p>



<h4 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Celebrate the small stuff</em></strong></h4>



<p>The trick is not to become overwhelmed before you get going. Decide the type of person you want to be &#8211; A healthy person? A strong person? A writer? A musician? Then prove it to yourself with small wins over time. Start small and begin with acknowledging all of your small successes on a daily basis.&nbsp;</p>



<p>Start by taking a look at habits that may be holding you back. Find one that is simple and easy to achieve. For example drinking a glass of water every time you are at your kitchen sink. It may not be often but every time you are there you have one glass of water. This will contribute to your overall wellness and health/fitness. It is also not impossible to do. Find small, simple challenges that you can easily make happen and do them. It will feel so good as well.</p>



<h4 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Get creative about it</em></strong></h4>



<p>How can you motivate yourself to stay on track? It is often the visual things that keep us optimistic. So why not get creative with it? Why not create a piece of art (in whatever medium feels good to you) to hang in your home or your office that visually captures your word of the year. Have a little fun with it and focus your energy on that word entirely as you get creative.&nbsp;</p>



<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/13-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3763"/></figure>



<h4 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Define what your word means to you</em></strong></h4>



<p>One simple word can capture limitless inspiration and many meaningful feelings. Your own personal definition of what that word means to you will go far beyond what the dictionary has to say about it and will be more meaningful because it is from your own unique perspective. So think about this hard and write it down somewhere that you can refer to when you feel that you have lost your way.&nbsp;</p>



<h4 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Use your word as a mantra&nbsp;</em></strong></h4>



<p>Whether or not you create an affirmation, prayer, statement, or something else that works for you, use your single word as a mantra throughout each day. See it in your mind&#8217;s eye by creating a mental image that captures its meaning and repeat it to yourself every day. Believe in it and know that it is achievable.&nbsp;</p>



<h4 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Cultivate optimism&nbsp;</em></strong></h4>



<p>No one&#8217;s life is positive all the time. But the important thing here is to train yourself to focus on the positives and only briefly acknowledge the negatives. Don&#8217;t let insecurity prevent you from having a positive outlook. Realise it&#8217;s a choice.</p>



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<h4 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Let go of the typical “resolution” mentality</em></strong></h4>



<p>The word of the year process is meant to be a gentle one. But the important thing here is not to confuse gentle with weak. A word for the year is a powerful practice. It is far more effective to focus on a word like &#8220;health&#8221; than to command yourself to get to the gym or to only eat X number of calories a day. As you inspire yourself towards overall good health, it is likely that you will find yourself achieving good health as a byproduct of simply having an overall healthier mindset. So, make sure that your word feels good to you, not pushy, demanding or unachievable.</p>



<h4 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Don&#8217;t sweat the bad days (small stuff)</em></strong></h4>



<p>Just because you have your word for the year and are taking baby steps to achieve your overall goal every day, good habits are extremely hard to develop. And they are really easy to break. Remember change is never easy &#8211; for anyone.&nbsp;</p>



<p>Perfection is impossible. There will be days when you slip and fall, graze a knee or take a tumble. There will be times when you won&#8217;t be able to do what you planned to do. But know that it’s okay &#8211; accept it, own it, and then get back on the new habit horse.</p>



<p>What matters most here is your long term goals. While you might occasionally fail, see a setback as just a setback &#8211; not a reason to give up.&nbsp;</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Remember the Big Picture</em></strong></h2>



<p>Although change is difficult, what’s most important is developing <em>the kind of habits that allow you to achieve that change</em>. Your mindset is crucial in ensuring that your word of the year is honoured in a way that <em>motivates you, encourages you and fulfills you. </em>&nbsp;</p>



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<p>Don’t just wish and hope that all will be well. Take attainable steps that will ensure success. And keep your mind focused on the achievement of the overall bigger picture. A small misstep today should not mark the end of “word”.&nbsp;</p>



<p>While there are, no doubt, still resolution-makers in our midst, we feel it is prudent practice (at least at this point in time) to be kind to ourselves. Whether you’re defining your New Year’s resolutions, choosing your one word to define the whole year, or are choosing to decline the tradition altogether, try your best to maintain positive outlooks and motivation.&nbsp;</p>



<p><em>“Past and Present I know well, each is a friend and sometimes an enemy to me. But it is the quiet, beckoning Future, an absolute stranger, with whom I have fallen madly in love.” &#8211; </em>Richelle E. Goodrich</p>



<p>So, embrace the beckoning future and fall madly in love with it – whether you make resolutions or choose a word of the year, make it your own. Be kind, be gentle, have grace and fall in love with the opportunities that lie ahead of you.&nbsp;</p>



<p>From all of us at <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/">Braving Boundaries</a>, we wish you a Happy, Healthy Festive Season and all the best for 2022.&nbsp;</p>



<p>Frieda &amp; Ali x</p>



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<p>About the writer,&nbsp;<strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong></p>



<p>Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.&nbsp;</p>



<p>Click here to visit&nbsp;<a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/">The Legal Belletrist website</a>.</p>



<p><strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></p>
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<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/new-years-resolutions-with-a-twist-part-2/">New Year’s Resolutions with a twist (Part 2)</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p>
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		<title>New Year’s Resolutions with a twist (Part 1)</title>
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		<dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Wed, 15 Dec 2021 15:23:05 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Celebrations & Festivities]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Uncategorised]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[2022]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[be kind]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[be kind to yourself]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[braving boundaries]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[chnage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[creating change]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[feeling inspired]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[goal setting]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[kindness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[melinda gates]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mindset]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mindset matters]]></category>
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					<description><![CDATA[<p>As 2022 draws nearer, let's take a fresh look at our approach to New Year's Resolutions. How can we be kinder to ourselves this year?</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/new-years-resolutions-with-a-twist-part-1/">New Year’s Resolutions with a twist (Part 1)</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p>
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<h4 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>By Frieda Levycky of Braving Boundaries and Alicia Koch of <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">The Legal Belletrist</a></em></strong></h4>



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<h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>New Year’s Resolutions &#8211; they are very resolute aren’t they?</em></strong></h2>



<p>It’s that time of year again – Christmas turkeys have been ordered and champagne is chilling in the fridge. All in preparation for a festive time of the year – boasting promises of hope for the future.&nbsp;</p>



<p>With that, social media is abuzz with positive images and quotes, everything to help gear you towards “achieving your goals” and tackling 2022 with optimism and positivity.&nbsp;</p>



<p>Meme after meme motivating us to become better versions of ourselves. <em>As if we are not good enough already</em>. It can get overwhelming. Especially when there is still so much on our plates – a new COVID variant &#8211; <a href="https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/variants/omicron-variant.html" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Omicron</a>, <a href="https://www.news24.com/health24/medical/infectious-diseases/coronavirus/covid-19-booster-doses-who-needs-them-and-are-they-safe-and-effective-20211213-2" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">booster vaccines</a> and <a href="https://www.za.kayak.com/travel-restrictions" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">travel restrictions</a> – again. To name but a few.&nbsp;</p>



<p>But historically, and as many of us will admit, this is also the time for New Year’s Resolutions. Aaaah, the promises we make to ourselves – <em>to lose weight, to get fit and to find a job that makes us happy.</em> They all sound fantastic in our own heads, especially as we devise plans on how to make them happen. Complex and intricate details around step-by-step improvements that we promise to implement come Day One of the New Year. But are they always realistic?&nbsp;</p>



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<p>Either way, they do serve to make us feel better as we indulge in a chocolate or two, have a second helping of Christmas lunch or simply lay on the couch binging Netflix. It calms us down as we reflect on our holiday excess and it gives us a sense of hope that this excess can all be forgotten about and done away with. This sort of “buyer’s remorse” for holidays, propels us to make the wild promises to ourselves to “get into shape” as we unwrap a Jaffa cake and turn on the telly.&nbsp;</p>



<p>We have abandoned our restraint (and all reason) but dispel our fears of complete ruin by setting goals to start our new year afresh and completely motivated. We are on holiday after all and excuses to “let go” come easily (and aplenty).&nbsp;</p>



<p>It’s not a bad thing to let go, of course. A little R&amp;R is most certainly needed (particularly after the last two years). But it is the promises around the R&amp;R that are important.&nbsp;</p>



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<h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>A New Year, a New You?</strong></h2>



<p>It seems like a viscous cycle. Come 1st January &#8211; after a night full of <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=acxnmaVTlZA" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><em>“Auld Lang Syne</em></a>”, champagne corks popping and heads aching – gym, yoga or pilates memberships increase at a rapid rate, diets are hastily undertaken and more positive memes are posted on social media. <em>“Out with the old and in with the new”</em> seems to be the general motto with an overall sense of self-improvement (and possible enlightenment) a flurry.&nbsp;</p>



<p>It’s like we all wake up at the start of the new year thinking it will be easy as pie to turn over a new leaf and change everything about ourselves. Cabbage soup diets commence. Carbs and wine become unspoken terms. 5am alarms spur us into action for early morning park runs. And those size 8 jeans that have been embarrassingly hidden in the back of our closets for the last ten years, once again, remerge with the allure of: “You can do this”. And there we find ourselves, starting the New Year determined and brimming with self-belief.&nbsp;</p>



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<p>Inevitably, however (and if the <a href="https://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/a-study-of-800-million-activities-predicts-most-new-years-resolutions-will-be-abandoned-on-january-19-how-you-cancreate-new-habits-that-actually-stick.html" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">surveys</a> are anything to go by), as we settle into the new ebb and flow that is a new year, we become accustomed to a new rhythm and that does not always go hand-in-hand or in sync with the goals we have set for ourselves. All of a sudden, come <a href="https://www.thereisadayforthat.com/holidays/various/quitters-day" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">“Quitters Day”</a> (aka 19 January), our resolutions and what we sought to achieve often seem too far out of reach and are thus abandoned unfulfilled and seemingly meaningless.&nbsp;</p>



<p>This, in turn, leaves us feeling disappointed and disheartened. Like a failure before we’ve even really begun. A recipe for disaster and certainly no good for our self-esteem. We find ourselves in front of the mirror asking:</p>



<p><em>“Why is it that with every good intention, I am unable to get fit, lose weight, save more money or find that so-called “happy job”? </em>(the apparently most highly ranked New Year’s resolutions according to <a href="https://www.statista.com/statistics/378105/new-years-resolution/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Statista</a>). <em>Why does improving my life seem so elusive?”</em></p>



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<h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>It’s not the resolution, it’s you</strong></h2>



<p>Perhaps it’s the word “resolution” that instills fear of under-achievement in all of us. It is a very intimidating, demanding word – the finality and seriousness of it. It’s like something you “must do”, “have to do” &#8211; with seemingly no room for failure.</p>



<p>According to the Oxford English Dictionary, a Resolution means –&nbsp;</p>



<p><em>“a firm decision to do or not to do something”.</em></p>



<p>It’s the <em>firm decision</em> part that has a way of doing us all in.&nbsp;</p>



<p>But you see, it’s not the resolution itself that is doomed to fail, like dieting or exercising. It’s your mindset that encourages you to “change” that is most likely at fault. In order to succeed with a goal, you need to change the way you think in order to sustain the motivation to succeed. Unless you change your mindset, your health goals or financial goals will not magically materialise. You need to put in the mental effort first.&nbsp;</p>



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<p><strong><em>Change in and of itself is a scary concept.</em></strong><strong> </strong>It involves, at least to a certain degree, a certain amount of emotional strain which in turn can lead to stress, overall discomfort, anxiety, feelings of failure and sometimes depression. Change is not easy for anyone. And that difficulty can lead to a degree of self-sabotage.&nbsp;&nbsp;</p>



<p>So, the next logical question is this – <strong><em>how do we change this “setting yourself up to fail” cycle?</em></strong></p>



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<h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>New Year’s Resolutions with a twist</strong></h2>



<p>Take Melinda Gates as an example. Melinda does not make New Year’s resolutions. While she does resolve to change, instead of having a list of “resolutions”, she chooses <a href="https://www.cnbc.com/2019/01/02/melinda-gates-doesnt-make-new-years-resolutions-heres-what-she-does-instead.html" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">a single word</a> to bring her guidance and clarity. She has said that the power of a well-chosen (and focused) word makes the year better, gives her clarity on what she wants to achieve and helps her to focus on an overall (and often continuing) goal. It is a gentler approach and alternative to a long list of resolutions which encourages growth and optimism despite setbacks.&nbsp;</p>



<p>As we look back on the last two years, we realise that having a long list of resolutions that are perhaps unattainable (simply because the world is so full of uncertainty at the moment) is <a href="https://www.dispatch.com/story/lifestyle/health-fitness/2021/01/01/experts-say-go-easy-2021-new-years-resolutions-theyre-ok-even-skip/6539824002/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">not necessarily the kindest thing to do to ourselves</a>. Instead, we believe we need to dig a little deeper and find something that encapsulates everything we want to achieve and then take small, daily steps to get closer to that goal.&nbsp;</p>



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<h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>A different approach for 2022</strong></h2>



<p>This New Year we believe it is ok to take it a little easier on yourself. Rather than creating a long list of things to accomplish, we encourage you to:&nbsp;</p>



<ol class="wp-block-list"><li><strong>Identify the changes you want to make</strong> in 2022 and how those changes will benefit your life as a whole.&nbsp;</li><li>Then <strong>choose one word</strong> that fully encapsulates the changes you want to make in 2022. Let that be the word that becomes your guiding light for the year.</li></ol>



<p>Finding your word is just the start. But it’s the beginning of a journey that will gently get you to where you want (and need) to be.&nbsp;</p>



<p>Take a read of Part 2 of this Article to gain some insight into how you can turn that one word into a year’s worth of action. Released on Friday, 17 December 2021.</p>



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<p>About the writer,&nbsp;<strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong></p>



<p>Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.&nbsp;</p>



<p>Click here to visit&nbsp;<a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/">The Legal Belletrist website</a>.</p>



<p><strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></p>
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<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/new-years-resolutions-with-a-twist-part-1/">New Year’s Resolutions with a twist (Part 1)</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p>
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		<title>Building resilience</title>
		<link>https://bravingboundaries.com/building-resilience/</link>
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		<dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 11 Jul 2020 10:45:34 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Lawyer Life]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Perfectionism]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[a balanced life]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[attorney life]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[big law]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[big law life]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[junior lawyer]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[law]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[law life]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[law students]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[lawyer life]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[lawyer tips]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[lawyers]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[legal firm life]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[legal life]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[life balance]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[life coaching]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mindset]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[perfection]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[perfectionism]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[perfectionist]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[perfectionistic behaviour]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[progress over perfection]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[resilience]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[success]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[success mindset]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[work life balance]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[workaholic]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[workaholism]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[young lawyer]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=1533</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>In a world where perfection is still promoted, learn to build resilience.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/building-resilience/">Building resilience</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p>
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<p>I hate this question in an interview. Why?&nbsp;</p>



<p>Because:</p>



<ul class="wp-block-list"><li><strong>the question is disingenuous</strong> – if they wanted to know my greatest weakness, I would tell them it was my right knee from over-running;</li><li><strong>no one gives an honest answer</strong> – there are articles galore on how to respond to this question in a way that pivots an alleged weakness into a strength; and</li><li><strong>it associates weakness with characteristics / behaviours that are not weak</strong>.</li></ul>



<p>I’m hardly going to say: <strong><em>“I’m not very functional when I don’t have enough sleep”</em></strong>. Although true, that isn’t going to land me a job in the <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-around-mental-health-in-the-legal-world/">legal world</a> that expects so much of my time.</p>



<p>Is being dysfunctional after 24 hours in the office a weakness? <em><strong>Absolutely not!</strong> </em>Is it considered weak in the legal world? Unfortunately, yes. Why would we need to reframe things otherwise?</p>



<figure class="wp-block-image"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/perfectionism-tired.jpg" alt="perfection at work"/></figure>



<p>Perfectionism – whether expressed or not – is still promoted in the legal world.</p>



<p>Think of all the superlatives: <strong><em>the best, the biggest, the most accessible</em></strong> etc. Ideals and standards that are then adopted by lawyers. I must be available 24/7; I must be seen to be working hard. I must&#8230; I must … I must…</p>



<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="is-it-any-surprise-that-so-many-lawyers-become-perfectionists"><strong><em>Is it any surprise that so many lawyers become perfectionists?</em></strong></h3>



<p>So, having spent the week looking at the dangers of perfectionism, <em><strong>how do you stay resilient in a world that promotes perfection?</strong></em></p>



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<p><strong>Stay healthy</strong> – Build hydration, good nutrition, sleep and exercise into your life to reduce the impact of stress on your physical and mental health.</p>
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<p><strong>Nurture your tribe</strong> – They keep your grounded, supported and in touch with the real world.</p>
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<p><strong>Have this mantra on repeat: “<em>You don’t have to be perfect to be successful</em>”: </strong>Our flaws, our differences, our quirks are what make us unique. It is in our differences that we find success.</p>
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<p><em>Tell me, what do you do to build your resilience in the legal world?</em></p>



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<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="if-you-are-struggling-with-perfectionism"><strong>If you are struggling with perfectionism</strong></h2>



<p>If perfectionism is something with which you struggle and which is causing uncomfortable levels of stress for you, please know that these behaviour patterns can be changed. It takes time and effort &#8211; but it is achievable. And life is a lot less stressful on the other side.</p>



<p>Through coaching, we can address the underlying fears and insecurities which the perfectionistic behaviour is masking. Together, we can identify ways to reduce the self-criticism and increase your self-esteem, so that you can be confident in who you are, in everything you do and in how you are seen in the world.</p>



<p><strong><em>You are enough!</em></strong></p>



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