<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><rss version="2.0" xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/" xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/" xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" xmlns:sy="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/syndication/" xmlns:slash="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/slash/" > <channel> <title>mental health Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <atom:link href="https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/mental-health/feed/" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" /> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/mental-health/</link> <description>PROFESSIONAL LIFE COACHING & TRAINING</description> <lastBuildDate>Tue, 14 Jul 2026 07:44:19 +0000</lastBuildDate> <language>en-ZA</language> <sy:updatePeriod> hourly </sy:updatePeriod> <sy:updateFrequency> 1 </sy:updateFrequency> <image> <url>https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Asset-1.svg</url> <title>mental health Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/mental-health/</link> <width>32</width> <height>32</height> </image> <item> <title>Spotting the Signs: How to be there for a friend who’s struggling</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/spotting-the-signs-how-to-be-there-for-a-friend-whos-struggling/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/spotting-the-signs-how-to-be-there-for-a-friend-whos-struggling/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 14 Jul 2026 06:39:49 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Comfort over coffee]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Corporate Wellness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[crisis support]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional Wellbeing]]></category> <category><![CDATA[friendship]]></category> <category><![CDATA[leadership and resilience]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health signs]]></category> <category><![CDATA[peer support]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[supporting a friend]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=235760</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/spotting-the-signs-how-to-be-there-for-a-friend-whos-struggling/">Spotting the Signs: How to be there for a friend who’s struggling</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_0 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_0"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_0 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_0 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY Frieda Levycky, Founder of Braving Boundaries</em></span></strong></h5> <p><strong></strong></p> <p>I remember sitting in the hairdresser’s chair watching my hair fall away in dark lengths onto the floor. I hadn’t planned it. I’d gone in for a trim and left with a pixie crop and, somewhere in between, I’d also booked myself in for a tattoo. Two impulsive decisions in the same week and both of them felt strangely calm at the time. It was only when I got home and caught my own reflection in the mirror that the calm gave way and the tears started to flow. I barely recognised the woman looking back at me.</p> <p>Have you ever done something a little wild when everything else in your life felt completely out of your control?</p> <p>I want to tell you what was really going on for me that week because I think it says something about how a struggling mind can show up. Sometimes it’s tears, sometimes it’s going quiet and sometimes it’s a radical haircut and tattoo because life has started to come apart and you don’t quite know what else to do.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_0"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/getting-the-cut.jpg" alt="Woman in White Long Sleeve Shirt Wearing Eyeglasses Sitting at a Table View more by Karola G from Pexels" title="getting the cut" class="wp-image-235757" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_1 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>The unravelling before the haircut</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_2 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>The story behind that week went back a few years and, like most of these things, it built up slowly before it came to a head. In 2011, I was dumped for the first time and, in hindsight, it was the trigger for a run of relationships that were never going to work out … not in my wildest fantasies. Then, early in 2014, I’d been seeing someone for only six weeks when he ended it and the wave of emotions that followed were completely out of proportion to how long we’d actually been together. Strangely, that was the thing that finally got me into counselling and I’m grateful for it now.</p> <p>By the summer of 2014, I’d started seeing him again. It was still complicated. He was working through his own separation and couldn’t commit to anything and I found myself in that weird limbo where you’re neither properly in a relationship nor properly out of one. I asked work if I could go and cover a role in Singapore for a month using the very convenient excuse that the head of legal happened to be on holiday. It was an easy step in professionally since I knew the region and the team well but, if I’m honest, it was really just an easy way to run away from my own life for a while.</p> <p>I was in a rough place. I was distracted, barely eating and looking gaunt in a way that worried me every time I caught sight of myself. I think what I really wanted was to feel something: loved, different, attractive … and to do something a little extreme to prove to myself I was still in control. I told myself I was completely comfortable with both decisions. To be fair, the tattoo was something I’d wanted for a long time and had nothing alarming about it, though the timing certainly didn’t go unnoticed by anyone who knew me well. The haircut was different though. That was decided entirely in the chair, on a whim, with no plan behind it at all.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_1"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/Post-haircut.jpg" alt="alone in the crowd View more by track5 from Getty Images Signature" title="Post haircut" class="wp-image-235759" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_3 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>For a moment, it felt like relief. It felt lighter in every sense of the word. It was only when I got home and saw myself properly in the mirror that I burst into tears. What had I done? I could feel myself start panicking about what people would think and convinced myself that I’d made myself even less attractive than before. It reminded me of my mum after my dad left us. She’d dyed her hair to try to look younger and prettier, but the bleach had turned her beautiful silvery-grey hair a faint, unfortunate green instead. Needless to say, it just made her feel worse. There’s something very human about reaching for the one thing you think you can control when everything else has slipped from your grip (even when it doesn’t quite go to plan).</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_4 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Signs someone is struggling with their mental health</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_5 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>Poor mental health doesn’t always look like poor mental health. Often it shows up as something else entirely and it’s easy to miss if you’re not looking.</p> <ul> <li style="list-style-type: none;"> <ul> <li style="list-style-type: none;"> <ul> <li>A <strong>sudden, noticeable change in weight</strong>, up or down, can be one signal often less about food itself and more about finding some sense of control when everything else feels unmanageable.</li> <li><strong>Drinking or taking recreational drugs more than usual</strong> can be another. It can be a way of taking the edge off feelings that are otherwise too much to sit with.</li> <li>A<strong> sudden enthusiasm for extreme exercise or punishing new routines</strong> can serve much the same purpose as changes in eating. It can redivert the pain into something more tangible / physical and it can certainly feel better than dealing with what’s going on inside. Read next month’s article for more about that.</li> <li><strong>Pulling away</strong> from plans and people, a <strong>striking change in appearance</strong>, a <strong>shorter temper</strong> than usual or a <strong>dip in how someone’s managing at work</strong> can all be worth a second look too.</li> </ul> </li> </ul> </li> </ul> <p>None of these things mean anything on their own and I’d hate for anyone reading this to start diagnosing their loved ones from a checklist. However, taken together or noticed as a change from someone’s usual way of behaving are things that are worth paying attention to. The Mental Health Foundation makes a good point in their guidance on supporting someone struggling: waiting and hoping they’ll come to you can lose valuable time, so it’s better to check in a little earlier than you think you need to rather than waiting until you’re certain.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_2"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="768" height="576" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/Spotting-the-signs-of-poor-mental-health.jpg" alt="Woman Wearing a Pajama Holding Her Head View more by Karola G from Pexels" title="Spotting the signs of poor mental health" class="wp-image-235763" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_6 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>How to support a friend who’s struggling</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_7 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>Since that week, I’ve thought a lot about what I truly needed from the people around me at the time and what actually helped. So, here’s what I’d suggest based on own experience and from research on peer support:</p> <ul> <li style="list-style-type: none;"> <ul> <li style="list-style-type: none;"> <ul> <li><strong>Be kind:</strong> If you think someone is struggling, the first thing is simply to be kind. Start by checking in with the person rather than highlighting the fact that you can tell they’re not ok. You may not be the person they want to talk to about whatever it is and that’s fine. You might be, eventually, but they may simply not be ready yet. Either way, your job isn’t to get them to open up. It’s just to be there and be kind so that when they are ready, you’re one of the people they can come to.</li> <li><strong><em>Actually </em></strong><strong>listen:</strong> When someone’s ready to open up, listen … but without jumping in to fill the silence. Approaches like Mental Health First Aid put listening right at the very start, before anything else. It’s tempting to fill a pause with your own experiences or reassurances the minute they stop talking. Resist that. What matters most isn’t what you say back, it’s about allowing them to process their story.</li> <li><strong>Try not to rush in to fix it:</strong> Most of us want to solve the problem the second we hear about it because we care and it hurts to watch someone struggle. I struggle with this too. What people usually need first though is to feel heard … not managed or fixed.</li> </ul> </li> </ul> </li> </ul> <blockquote></blockquote></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_3"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/me-and-mum-post-haircut.jpg" alt="Back View of a Young Woman Walking on Stepping Stones View more by Wendy Wei from Pexels" title="me and mum post haircut" class="wp-image-235758" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_8 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><ul> <li style="list-style-type: none;"> <ul> <li style="list-style-type: none;"> <ul> <li><strong>Don’t shy away from the harder subjects:</strong> There’s a persistent myth that talking about self-harm or difficult feelings might somehow put negative ideas in someone’s head. The evidence actually says the opposite: that letting someone talk honestly (even if it’s uncomfortable for you too) tends to ease the weight rather than add to it.</li> <li><strong>Keep showing up:</strong> One check-in is rarely enough. If you can see they are still struggling, check-in again the following week, even if the first encounter felt difficult. People struggling remember those that keep showing up at a time of crisis and knowing they’ve been thought about helps.</li> <li><strong>Know your limits too</strong>: You’re a friend not a therapist. If the issues feel bigger than you can handle, suggest they see a GP or counsellor and offer to help them book it if that makes it easier.</li> </ul> </li> </ul> </li> </ul> <p>I was lucky enough to have good friends around me who spotted the signs and I had a counsellor in place so there was somewhere to process the difficult emotions and beliefs. Not everyone has that. Some people are struggling and feel they have nowhere to turn and you might be the only one who notices before things get harder than they need to.</p> <p>You don’t need the perfect words and you don’t need a plan for fixing anything. Just notice, be kind and keep showing up. Most of the time, that’s enough.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_4"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/07/Mailshot-CTA-images.jpg" alt="Contact Braving Boundaries: www.bravingboundaries.com" title="Contact Braving Boundaries: www.bravingboundaries.com" class="wp-image-235764" /></span></a> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_0 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/spotting-the-signs-how-to-be-there-for-a-friend-whos-struggling/">Spotting the Signs: How to be there for a friend who’s struggling</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/spotting-the-signs-how-to-be-there-for-a-friend-whos-struggling/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Honesty, Boundaries and the Generation Gap</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/honesty-boundaries-and-the-generation-gap/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/honesty-boundaries-and-the-generation-gap/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 07 May 2026 13:53:13 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Corporate Wellness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Leadership]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Work life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[corporate wellness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[effective communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lessons learned]]></category> <category><![CDATA[team communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Working environment]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=235659</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/honesty-boundaries-and-the-generation-gap/">Honesty, Boundaries and the Generation Gap</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_1 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_1 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_9 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY FRIEDA LEVYCKY, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/" style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;">BRAVING BOUNDARIES</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em></em></span></strong></p> <p class="western">A few weeks ago, something happened that I have not been able to stop thinking about. I was due to get on a call with a service provider, but, that morning, the call was cancelled because of illness. No problem, these things happen. We rescheduled for the following day and joined the call as planned. I asked, as you do, whether they were feeling better and it was what came next that caught me completely off guard:</p> <p class="western"><i>“Yes, much better thanks. We had an off-site last week and I was pretty tired and not really feeling it yesterday, so I moved the call.”</i></p> <p class="western">Now, I want to be honest with you: my face probably twitched. Those of you who know me will know that my face has never been particularly good at hiding what my brain is thinking. However, what was far more interesting than my expression was what was happening <i>inside</i> my head. Two very distinct voices were clearly in combat at exactly the same time.</p> <p class="western">The coach in me said: “<i>Hmm. OK. They took a mental health day. It is a generational thing. Keep an open mind.”.</i></p> <p class="western">The lawyer in me said something considerably less measured, which I will summarise as: “<i>You actually thought that was an appropriate thing to say to a client?”.</i></p> <p class="western">There it was. The generational gap, playing out in real time. Not between me and the service provider, but between the two parts of me.</p> <p class="western">Before we explore this further, take a moment to think how you would react. Are you with my coach’s voice or my lawyer’s voice?</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_10 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Why did I react so viscerally?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_5"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/05/Senior-manager-discussing-work-with-younger-colleague-View-more-by-lechatnoir-from-Getty-Images-Signature.jpg" alt="Senior manager discussing work with younger colleague View more by lechatnoir from Getty Images Signature" title="Senior manager discussing work with younger colleague View more by lechatnoir from Getty Images Signature" class="wp-image-235687" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_11 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="western">Before I point any fingers, I think it is worth sitting with that question honestly.</p> <p class="western">I was trained, professionally and personally, in an era where you did not bring your personal life into a client relationship. You showed up and you delivered. If you were having a bad day, a difficult week or a full-blown crisis, that was managed privately and it did not become your client’s problem to absorb. The boundary between the personal and the professional was clear and crossing it, particularly in the direction of a client, was simply not done.</p> <p class="western">That is not a generational flaw. It produced a great deal of reliability, accountability and mutual respect. It also, I will admit, produced a <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/prioritising-self-care-in-a-demanding-work-environment/">great deal of suppression, burnout and people falling apart behind closed doors</a> because asking for help felt like weakness.</p> <p class="western">So, when I heard that explanation, my visceral reaction was not purely about professionalism. It was also the echo of a system I was shaped by bumping up against a system that is being actively dismantled by the generation coming through. That’s a positive. I mean, it’s something I am actively trying to change.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_12 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Is honesty always a virtue?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_13 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="western">Here is where it gets genuinely interesting because I do believe in honesty. <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/faqs/">It is one of the values that sits at the heart of everything I do</a>.</p> <p class="western">Honesty, though, is not a single, undifferentiated thing. There is the honesty that builds trust and the honesty that transfers your discomfort onto someone else. There is the honesty that is brave and the honesty that is, perhaps, a little careless.</p> <p class="western">When you tell a client that you cancelled a call because you were tired and not feeling it, you are being honest. You are also, whether you intend to or not, making them the custodian of information they did not ask for and cannot really do anything useful with. It subtly shifts the dynamic. It puts them in the position of having to decide how to feel about it, whether to say something, whether to be concerned or irritated or sympathetic. That is a lot to hand someone in a professional relationship.</p> <p class="western">The question I keep returning to is this: <i>who does that honesty serve?</i></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_14 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>The Mental Health Day debate</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_6"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/05/Woman-Thinking-View-more-by-Yaroslav-Shuraev-from-The-Yaroslav-Shuraev-Collection.jpg" alt="Woman Thinking View more by Yaroslav Shuraev from The Yaroslav Shuraev Collection" title="Woman Thinking View more by Yaroslav Shuraev from The Yaroslav Shuraev Collection" class="wp-image-235689" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_15 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="western">Several countries have moved to enshrine the concept of the “Mental Health Day” formally. In the Netherlands, the approach to sick leave has long included mental and emotional wellbeing as valid grounds for absence, without the requirement to produce a medical certificate. Australia’s personal and carer’s leave provisions similarly cover mental health. New Zealand has led the way on wellbeing-related leave more broadly. The direction of travel globally is unambiguous. We are moving towards a world that takes mental health as seriously as physical health … and that is the right direction.</p> <p class="western">The existence of a right, however, does not automatically come with a roadmap for how to exercise it thoughtfully (particularly when clients are involved).</p> <p class="western">If you work in a service environment, your clients have made commitments based on your availability. They may have prepared, cleared time in their diary or arranged their own team around your meeting. When that falls away at short notice, there is a knock-on effect. Taking a mental health day is entirely reasonable. Doing so in a way that is planned around your commitments, communicated with appropriate notice and without a level of personal detail that puts the client in an awkward position, that is where the responsibility lies.</p> <p class="western">The right to the day and the responsibility for how you take it are two separate conversations and we often conflate them.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_16 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Is this a generational mismatch or simply a professional one?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_17 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="western">I have gone back and forth on this more times than I can count. Part of me wonders whether I am simply old and whether this is exactly the kind of situation where I need to update my thinking rather than reach for the comfort of: “<i>that is not how things are done</i>“. Younger generations have grown up in a world where mental health is discussed openly, where vulnerability is not weakness and where bringing your whole self to work is actively encouraged. These are genuinely positive shifts.</p> <p class="western">There is, however, a distinction that sometimes gets lost in that conversation, which is the difference between <i>internal</i> culture and <i>external</i> relationships.</p> <p class="western">Within a team, within an organisation, the norms around honesty about wellbeing, around naming when you are struggling and around creating <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/workplace-ostracism-addressing-the-intangible-office-bully/">psychological safety</a>, these can and should be progressive. Managers and leaders have a real responsibility to build environments where people feel they can say: “<i>I am not doing well today</i>” without fear of judgement or consequence.</p> <p class="western">The client relationship is a different animal. Not because clients are less important than colleagues, but because the nature of the contract is different. A client is not there to support your development. They are there because they need something from you and they have made themselves vulnerable by trusting you to deliver it. That dynamic calls for a different kind of care.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_18 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>What does this mean for Leaders and Teams?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_7"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/05/Woman-Leading-a-Meeting-View-more-by-Monkey-Business-Images.jpg" alt="Woman Leading a Meeting View more by Monkey Business Images" title="Woman Leading a Meeting View more by Monkey Business Images" class="wp-image-235688" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_19 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="western">If you manage people, particularly across generations, this scenario is almost certainly going to land on your desk at some point, if it has not already.</p> <p class="western">Here are the questions I think are worth considering:</p> <p class="western"> <ul> <li><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/work-life-balance-time-matters/"><strong>Have you had the explicit conversation?</strong></a> Many teams assume their people know where the professional line sits with clients. Often, they do not. Not because they are careless, but because the line has genuinely shifted and nobody has drawn it clearly. Do not assume. Have the conversation.</li> <li><strong>Are you managing up as well as managing down?</strong> If your team takes a mental health day, what is the plan for client commitments that day? Who is managing the communication and the rescheduling? A wellbeing-positive culture does not mean the client becomes collateral damage. Building that responsibility into the conversation is part of what it means to lead well.</li> <li><strong>Are you distinguishing between the right and the execution?</strong> You can fully support someone’s right to take time for their mental health and still give them feedback on how they communicated it to a client. Those are not contradictory positions. In fact, holding both at once is exactly what good leadership looks like.</li> <li><strong>Are you examining your own reaction?</strong> As I sat with my twitching face and my warring inner voices, what I realised is that my discomfort was telling me something useful, not just about the other person, but about my own assumptions, my own conditioning and the ways in which I still have some updating to do. That is not comfortable, but it is valuable.</li> </ul></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_20 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Where does the line sit now?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_21 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="western">What I do think is that the line has moved and that is not inherently a problem. What creates problems is when the line moves without anyone in the room agreeing on where it now sits. When one person is operating from the old map and another from the new one and nobody has noticed the discrepancy, you get exactly the kind of jarring situation I experienced on that call.</p> <p class="western">The solution is not to go back to a world where nobody was allowed to be human at work. Nor is it to abandon all professional discretion in the name of authenticity. It is to have the explicit, sometimes uncomfortable, conversations about what we expect of each other across generations, across roles and in the different contexts in which we operate.</p> <p class="western">That, in my view, is where the real work lies.</p> <p class="western"><i>What do you think? Have you experienced a situation like this, either as the person reacting or the person who said something that landed differently than you expected? I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.</i></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_8"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/05/Mailshot-CTA-images-1.png" alt="" title="Mailshot CTA images (1)" class="wp-image-235684" /></span></a> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_1 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_2"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_2 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_22 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><em>Frieda Levycky is the Founder of Braving Boundaries, a coaching and training practice based in Cape Town. She works with individuals and teams to navigate change, build self-awareness and create healthier, more effective ways of working together.</em></p></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/honesty-boundaries-and-the-generation-gap/">Honesty, Boundaries and the Generation Gap</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/honesty-boundaries-and-the-generation-gap/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>If Our Lives Were a Movie</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/if-our-lives-were-a-movie/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/if-our-lives-were-a-movie/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 16 Dec 2025 14:40:58 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Celebrations & Festivities]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Effective communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Personal Growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[chronic illness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[family]]></category> <category><![CDATA[festive reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[honesty]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life lessons]]></category> <category><![CDATA[love actually]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-worth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[year-end reflection]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=235481</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/if-our-lives-were-a-movie/">If Our Lives Were a Movie</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_2 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_3"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_3 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_23 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_24 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Rated ‘U’ for Unexpected: A Love, Actually Remake Starring Me, a Bear, and a Maine Coon</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_25 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">As a certified, card-carrying love fool – the kind who still believes Hugh Grant can dance and that a handwritten sign is the peak of romantic communication – I decided to view my year through the soft-focus, ensemble-cast lens of <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H9Z3_ifFheQ" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>Love, Actually</i></span></a>. It seemed fitting. I am a complete romantic, I always root for the underdog (usually me and my perpetually swollen joints), and frankly, my life often feels like a series of interconnected, slightly chaotic subplots that sometimes involve airport scenes that drag on too long.</p> <p class="p1">This year’s production was an emotional rollercoaster, complete with a heartwarming soundtrack, a pivotal Christmas pageant scene (metaphorically speaking), and enough anti-inflammatories and painkillers to sedate a small elephant.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_26 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>The Prime Minister and the Tea Lady (That’s Me and My Boundaries)</strong></h3></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_9"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/Metal-door-View-more-by-pixbox77-from-Getty-Images.jpg" alt="Metal door View more by pixbox77 from Getty Images" title="Metal door View more by pixbox77 from Getty Images" class="wp-image-235497" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_27 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">My main plotline, much like the Prime Minister’s awkward-but-charming romance with the tea lady, Natalie, was learning to put myself first and establish some much-needed boundaries. I spent years being the human equivalent of a revolving door for other people’s dramas, other people’s outrageous lies, always apologetic, always in pain, but perpetually available for a crisis I didn’t create.</p> <p class="p1">This year, the door was firmly shut and possibly reinforced with hardened steel, much to the chagrin of my autoimmune system, which decided to throw a flare-up party every time I used the word “no.” My anxiety disorder provided a running commentary from the sidelines: <i>“Are you sure you should have said that? They hate you now. You’re going to die alone.”</i> (My anxiety is a dramatic diva. Much like me).</p> <p class="p1">The result? A rather surprising revelation about my supporting cast. The people who complained about the new boundaries turned out to be the ones using the revolving door as a shortcut. The friends who stayed? They brought casseroles, respected the “Do Not Disturb” sign, and didn’t mind when I cancelled plans because my psoriatic arthritis decided my ankle looked like a balloon. It turns out that true friendship, much like good lighting in a British rom com, doesn’t need constant negotiation. It just works.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_28 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>Sarah and Karl (The Family Plot Twist)</strong></h3></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_10"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/Woman-Recording-Video-of-Cat-View-more-by-Yasar-Baskurt-from-Pexels.jpg" alt="Woman Recording Video of Cat View more by Yaşar Başkurt from Pexels" title="Woman Recording Video of Cat View more by Yaşar Başkurt from Pexels" class="wp-image-235496" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_29 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">My Sarah/Karl storyline was perhaps the most poignant and least-dramatic heartbreak of the year. Sarah is the lovely woman who puts her life on hold for her institutionalised brother, sacrificing her chance with Karl, the gorgeous office crush. It’s a beautifully painful subplot about duty and impossible timing.</p> <p class="p1">My twist, however, was about redefining “family.” I had to accept a hard truth – some family can’t be chosen, and sometimes, they choose not to choose you back. The phone call that interrupts the perfect romantic moment with Karl is a painful reality check.</p> <p class="p1">But here’s the unexpected cinematic magic: other family members, whom I’d never been particularly close to in my sordid past, stepped into the void and became everything to me. It was a beautiful, quiet realisation that connection is measured not in shared DNA, but in shared presence. My “Karl” moment was a pivot toward people who answered the phone when I called, rather than letting it ring out.</p> <p class="p1">They also send rather cute cat videos via Instagram and WhatsApp. I’m lucky like that.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_30 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>Jamie and Aurélia (Telling My Clients the Truth)</strong></h3></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_11"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/Discovering-the-truth-View-more-by-esolla-from-Getty-Images-Signature.jpg" alt="Discovering the truth View more by esolla from Getty Images Signature" title="Discovering the truth View more by esolla from Getty Images Signature" class="wp-image-235495" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_31 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">Jamie (Colin Firth) learns Portuguese for Aurélia, the beautiful housekeeper he can barely communicate with. It’s a grand, slightly mad gesture of connection.</p> <p class="p1">In my professional life, I had my own “learn Portuguese” moment. Instead of jargon and corporate-speak, my “Portuguese” was vulnerability. Telling clients my truth – setting realistic expectations, admitting when my chronic illness meant I needed more time, and being transparent about my capacity. It felt incredibly risky, especially with my depression whispering that I was surely about to be fired.</p> <p class="p1">The result? Stronger, deeper, and more respectful relationships. They didn’t fire me. Instead, they appreciated the honesty. We’re no longer just colleagues, we’re a united front against deadlines. Who knew honesty was the ultimate business development tool?</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_32 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>The Sidekick: Georgia Peach</strong></h3></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_12"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/Majestic-Maine-Coon-Cat-on-Cozy-Sofa-View-more-by-Ludovic-Delot-from-Pexels.jpg" alt="Majestic Maine Coon Cat on Cozy Sofa View more by Ludovic Delot from Pexels" title="Majestic Maine Coon Cat on Cozy Sofa View more by Ludovic Delot from Pexels" class="wp-image-235494" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_33 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">Every leading lady needs a fabulous sidekick. Mine wasn’t the delightfully sassy <i>Love, Actually</i> assistant, Mia. I have a full “Hairy Board of Directors.” I am a mother of cats, four perfect creatures who demand tribute and offer unconditional moral support.</p> <p class="p1">Special mention is to my Georgia Peach, my soul cat, and a majestic Maine Coon kitty. She is the quiet observer of my grand romantic gestures and dramatic boundary-setting. She was the hairy, purring anchor during every emotional scene, reminding me that the world looks better from the top of the refrigerator, and that all problems can be temporarily solved by demanding treats. Great minds think alike in that way.</p> <p class="p1">The other three – well, they mostly just reminded me that if I collapse in pain, they might eat my face, but they’d <i>probably</i> feel bad about it later. They taught me that sometimes the best form of support is simply curling up next to someone and not judging their choice of rom-com or the staggering amount of pain relief on my bedside table.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_34 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>My Happily Ever After: Big Bear and the Matchmaking Kitty</strong></h3></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_13"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/Loving-Supportive-Husband-Holding-Hand-of-Sad-Wife-View-more-by-dimaberlinphotos-2.jpg" alt="Loving Supportive Husband Holding Hand of Sad Wife View more by dimaberlinphotos (2)" title="Loving Supportive Husband Holding Hand of Sad Wife View more by dimaberlinphotos (2)" class="wp-image-235492" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_35 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">My life is a movie where I hit the jackpot in love, although it wasn’t always this way. In a previous subplot, my first cat, Hugo Boss, a big ginger kitty with excellent taste in suitors, actually helped me choose my husband. He just knew.</p> <p class="p1">And my husband, whom I lovingly call Big Bear, showed up this year – as he always does (truly) – in so many ways. He’s the quiet hero who doesn’t need a spotlight, but who ensures the show goes on. He’s the safe harbour when the autoimmune storm rages, the one who patiently listens to my anxiety’s dramatic monologues. Our love story is the stable, grounding storyline that balances out my personal chaos.</p> <p class="p1">And when in doubt he supplies ice-cream. And that works too.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_36 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>What I Learned in the Final Reel</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_37 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">As the credits prepared to roll on my year, I looked back at the messy, beautiful montage of my life. The scenes involving severe joint pain and depressive episodes didn’t make the final cut, but their lessons certainly remained.</p> <p class="p1">I learned to be kinder to myself and those in my immediate circle. It’s a small cast, but a stellar one. I learned patience – everyone truly does get what they deserve, though sometimes the universe’s delivery schedule is slower than international airmail at Christmas.</p> <p class="p1">And the biggest takeaway? The truth will out. It always does. You can’t hide behind flimsy excuses or avoidance forever. Honesty, with others and especially yourself, sets you free. Usually in slow motion, and possibly to a Sugababes song.</p> <p class="p1">As we all prepare to dash through our respective airport terminals to meet our future selves, I gently invite you to reflect on your own blockbuster year with compassion, humour (most definitely), and a sense of closure. What was your main plot twist? Who was your unlikely sidekick? What truth finally found its way out?</p> <p class="p1">Grab a box of tissues, cue the festive music, and let’s end this year in a way that makes us feel good about what’s to come in 2026. This is our cinematic homecoming. Remember: Love (of self, boundaries, very large cats, a supportive Big Bear, and a decent pain management plan), actually, <i>is</i> all around.</p> <p class="p1">Happy reflecting and Merry Christmas!</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_2 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_4 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_4 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_14"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_5 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_38 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/if-our-lives-were-a-movie/">If Our Lives Were a Movie</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/if-our-lives-were-a-movie/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>The End-of-Year Crunch is Always Nuts! Part I – Especially for Individuals</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-end-of-year-crunch-is-always-nuts-part-i-especially-for-individuals/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-end-of-year-crunch-is-always-nuts-part-i-especially-for-individuals/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 30 Oct 2025 11:10:58 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[braving boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Christmas pressure]]></category> <category><![CDATA[end-of-year tips]]></category> <category><![CDATA[holiday burnout]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Personal development]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress management]]></category> <category><![CDATA[wellbeing]]></category> <category><![CDATA[year-end stress]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=235409</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-end-of-year-crunch-is-always-nuts-part-i-especially-for-individuals/">The End-of-Year Crunch is Always Nuts! Part I – Especially for Individuals</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_3 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_5"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_6 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_39 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p> </p> <p class="p1"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-end-of-year-crunch-is-always-nuts-part-ii-especially-for-teams">Click here for Part II: The End-of-Year Crunch is Always Nuts – Especially for teams …</a></span></p> <p> </p> <p class="p1">It can’t be that time of the year already, can it?</p> <p class="p1">Wow, this year has flown by. It literally felt like Januuuuaaaaarrryyyyyyyy, Febrrrrrrruuuuuuuaaaaaaaarrrryyyyyyy and Maaaaaaaaarch took up most of the year, then AprMayJuneJulyAugustSept and October were sort of compacted into a few short weeks. Or so it seemed. And now we are left with the last two months of the year.</p> <p class="p1">I’m not sure about you, but usually when the end of year starts approaching, I become a real Grinch. Not because I dislike Christmas. Actually, I LOVE this time of the year. The lights, the Christmas décor, the mulled wine and hot cocoa. The joy that’s in the air. No matter your age, the end of the year brings with it a kind of magic. However, when you’re the one responsible for closing up shop, purchasing gifts, cooking, visiting family and friends and generally all of the organising, it can feel a little unnerving and suddenly two months doesn’t feel like enough time.</p> <p class="p1">It’s like we become burdened with endless responsibilities with trying to fit everything in. With trying to make sure everyone is happy and everything is done “just right.” The problem with that is that it often comes at the cost of our own enjoyment and happiness. You end up turning into the Grinch on a mission to “tick all the boxes.”</p> <p class="p1">And, frankly, who does that serve? Not a single soul.</p> <p class="p1">We get so caught up in the madness of the end of the year and before we know it, we are stressed to the max, overwhelmed and feeling frustrated at just how little time we have left to get everything done. Most importantly we can completely lose the joy, fun and excitement of this time of the year. And that just doesn’t feel right.</p> <p class="p1">There has got to be a different way?!</p> <p class="p1">A way that means that you can enjoy this time, while still getting all the important things done. A way that doesn’t put your mental and emotional wellbeing at stake because the point here is to thrive through the end of year craziness! Not suffer through it.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_40 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Preparing for year-end pressures</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_15"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/10/Sprinter-Getting-Ready-to-Start-by-Dean-Drobot.jpg" alt="Sprinter Getting Ready to Start by Dean Drobot" title="Sprinter Getting Ready to Start by Dean Drobot" class="wp-image-235443" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_41 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1"><strong>How individuals can prepare for the end of year silliness</strong></p> <p class="p1">I was reading <a href="https://amazingbusiness.com/6-ways-to-thrive-through-the-end-of-year-craziness/#:~:text=It%2520is%2520that%2520time%2520of,I%2520could%2520enjoy%2520this%2520time." target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1">an article</span></a> by Kim Baird regarding her prep for the end of the year and really liked her 6 guidelines. They set out as follows –</p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_6 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_7 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_16"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_8 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_42 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Get clear on your priorities</strong> – with more than enough to do at this time of the year, it’s important that you know what is most important to you, so that you can focus on those things and not allow them to slip through the cracks. Take some time, sit down and write down the most important things at this time of the year. You can do this by asking yourself some pertinent questions like: <i>What is most important for you to get done before the end of the year? What goals do you want to achieve? </i>(remember to be realistic here and not overburden yourself) and <i>how do you want to feel come the end of the year?</i> Once you have answered these questions, it’s time to set up a schedule so that you can fit these priorities into your life. That includes family time … because otherwise we find that there’s no time left for the things that are most important to us.</div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_7 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_9 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_17"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_10 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_43 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Get good at saying “No” </strong><b>– </b>if you are a “yes man” this is your time to change your ways. You don’t need to be superhuman. No one has time for that. Instead learn to embrace the “no.” You cannot do everything and cannot be everywhere. It is perfectly acceptable to say “no thank you” as well. Because you are worth it. Your goals, your business and your wellbeing are worth it. They don’t need to always be getting pushed to the bottom of the priorities list! That’s why getting clear on your priorities is so important. Once you know what those are, saying no to everything else becomes a lot easier.</div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_8 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_11 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_18"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_12 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_44 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Schedule in downtime for self-care</strong><b> – </b>being busy is good, getting things done is even better, but having a schedule that leaves little room for you and your own wellbeing practices will not help you thrive as you get through the silly season. You are as important as year end and planning for the New Year. If you are only getting caught up in the busyness of the season you risk burnout or getting sick because you are not taking care of yourself. Make yourself a priority. Schedule in your own downtime and self-care.</div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_9"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_13 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_19"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/10/Top-view-of-a-lightbox-with-motivational-words-for-self-care-mental-health-emotional-well-being-by-Wirestock-from-Getty-Images.jpg" alt="Top view of a lightbox with motivational words for self-care, mental health, emotional well-being by Wirestock from Getty Images" title="Top view of a lightbox with motivational words for self-care, mental health, emotional well-being by Wirestock from Getty Images" class="wp-image-235446" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_10 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_14 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_20"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_15 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_45 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Delete the unnecessary</strong> – striving for excellence and reaching epic goals is impressive but, at this time of the year, it isn’t necessary. Not really. Being ambitious is one thing. Being realistic is far better. Especially now. Deleting the unnecessary is in line with saying no, it’s just going a little deeper. Delete things from your list that are just not that important and don’t weigh yourself down with massive responsibility to get everything done. Recognise what is truly important to you and what really needs to be done and delete the rest of your list.</div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_11 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_16 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_21"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_17 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_46 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Delegate what you can</strong> – you aren’t an island and there’s no “I” in team. Get the picture? You don’t need to do everything yourself and you don’t need to control everything. You are still worthy, deserving and valuable even when you get other people to help with the things that need to be done. It’s ok to ask for help and it’s ok to delegate tasks to others. It may even be beneficial in the long run. So, ask for help if you need it.</div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_12 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_18 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_22"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/6.jpg" alt="" title="6" class="wp-image-1491" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_19 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_47 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><i></i><strong>Take focused action</strong> – sitting at your computer or laptop trying to work and taking focused action are two vastly different things. Make sure that when you’re working, you remove all the distractions around you that will take your focus away and truly focus on the matter at hand. It’s also a good idea to plan ahead for your day (the day before). Understand that you have 3 or so important tasks that need to get done the next day and plan how you’re going to go about doing them. When you are taking focused action, you are more productive, and you can get huge amounts done in a small amount of time. And this frees up more time and space for downtime, fun and looking after you. Ultimately helping you to thrive through the end of year craziness!</div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_13"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_20 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_48 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">It’s clear from the above that closing off the end of the year and planning for the New Year while also shopping for Christmas presents and everything else the end of year brings can be done in a way that makes you thrive! In a way that helps you enjoy this time of year. In a way that allows you to feel less guilty and less crazy with all the end of the year holds. It just takes some planning, some prioritising and it definitely takes some saying no.</p> <p class="p1">And lastly if you need support as you go through the end of year craziness, get in touch with Frieda Levycky at <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/"><span class="s1">Braving Boundaries</span></a>. Don’t waste a moment more! Again, asking for help is not only brave but the best thing you can do for you. No matter what time of the year you do it in.</p> <p class="p2"><i>(Sources used and to whom we owe thanks – </i><a href="https://www.gouldtraining.co.uk/topics/assertiveness/setting-boundaries/boundaries-at-work" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>Gould Training</i></span></a><i>; LinkedIn </i><a href="https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/navigating-year-end-pressures-finding-balance-amid-di-dia-pcc-szzce/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>here</i></span></a><i> and </i><a href="https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/manage-year-end-stress-go-q1-strong-approach-miller-caton-jr-mrmhf/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>here</i></span></a><i> and </i><a href="https://amazingbusiness.com/6-ways-to-thrive-through-the-end-of-year-craziness/#:~:text=It%2520is%2520that%2520time%2520of,I%2520could%2520enjoy%2520this%2520time." target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>Amazing Business</i></span></a><i>).<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></i></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_23"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/10/Revised-Corporate-Services-Brochure-2025.pdf" target="_blank"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/10/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image.jpg" alt="End of blog post CTA image (5)" title="End of blog post CTA image" class="wp-image-235400" /></span></a> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_3 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_14 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_21 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_24"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_22 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_49 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-end-of-year-crunch-is-always-nuts-part-i-especially-for-individuals/">The End-of-Year Crunch is Always Nuts! Part I – Especially for Individuals</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-end-of-year-crunch-is-always-nuts-part-i-especially-for-individuals/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Who You Were, Who You Are and Who You Are Becoming</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/who-you-were-who-you-are-and-who-you-are-becoming/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/who-you-were-who-you-are-and-who-you-are-becoming/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 26 Jun 2025 14:32:15 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Life after Law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Mid-Life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Personal Growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Authenticity]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional Wellbeing]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Healing]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Identity]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Life Transitions]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-Acceptance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-reflection]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=235268</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/who-you-were-who-you-are-and-who-you-are-becoming/">Who You Were, Who You Are and Who You Are Becoming</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_4 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_15"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_23 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_50 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <h2><strong>INTRODUCTION: WHY SELF-REFLECTION MATTERS</strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I read a quote the other day that said – </span></p> <blockquote> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“A person without self-reflection never changes they just get older.”</span></i></p> </blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And it got me thinking. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">About who I am. Who I was. And mostly on who I am still becoming. Because life is a journey. We all know that. A journey with so many twists and turns, bumps in the road, U-turns, and dead ends. Where we thought we would end up is hardly ever the place we foresaw in our daydreaming’s. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But I have said this on more than one occasion –</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> if my younger self could see me now</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. And I am never quite sure in those moments whether I am saying that in a state of appreciation or disapproval. Perhaps a little of both. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">What I know for sure is that it has taken a lot of work to get to where I am – both work in the real sense, my 9-5 work, but also work on myself, my inner self, to get to a place where I am ok with who and what I am. With who I am becoming. There is so much that can be said for that.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">What it comes down to is constant self-reflection. Looking inward. And that’s so much harder than it sounds. Trust me. Admitting to your own faults and downfalls and areas where you can improve on yourself. Admitting that you’re not “perfect.” Whatever </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">perfect</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> means. Admitting that you are fallible.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But one thing is for certain – I am not the same person I started out as. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And thank G-d for that. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_51 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Who I was: tHE cost of living for others</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_25"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/Tired-Worker-Sleeping-on-Messy-Work-Desk-by-oleksandrbedenyuk.jpg" alt="Tired Worker Sleeping on Messy Work Desk by oleksandrbedenyuk" title="Tired Worker Sleeping on Messy Work Desk by oleksandrbedenyuk" class="wp-image-235294" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_52 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If we are being honest – and I think we always should be – I was a hot mess. I’m not talking about when I was a teenager because we are all kind of messed up as teenagers. I’m talking about my twenties.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Fresh out of varsity, I had both intellectual and academic arrogance, accompanied by a confidence that comes with looking a certain way – something I put a lot of importance into. I lived under the roof of people I didn’t get along with. Wait, that doesn’t quite cover it. I lived under the roof of people who were and are still the cause of so much trauma and confusion in my life. I was manipulated into believing that family came before my own happiness, that looking after them was more important than looking after myself, that putting their needs before my own basic needs, was my duty and that the only way out of their house was through death or marriage.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">My anxiety was at an all time high. I lived on caffeine and cigarettes, alcohol on weekends just to shake things up. I was a cliché – a work hard, die hard wannabe lawyer working in an environment designed to make you fail – law clerks, at least when I was a law clerk, weren’t expected to excel. They were expected to be downtrodden and exhausted, and I fit the bill perfectly. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">My </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">sunny personality, raucous laugh, dance on the table, shine bright like a diamond, me against the world</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> attitude either rubbed you the wrong way or intrigued you. But it was all a front. An act. A face I put on to fool the onlookers. Inside I was broken. Plagued by not feeling good enough, feeling like I wasn’t pretty or thin enough, feeling like a failure before I had even really begun. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I set myself up to fail. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It didn’t help that my choice of partners at the time either physically abused me or emotionally abused me – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“have your salad dressing on the side, you don’t want to get fat.”</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It was a concoction of emotional abuse and guilt at home, emotional abuse at work, emotional abuse from bad choice partners, self-doubt believing I was fat, that I was ugly, that I wasn’t worthy of happiness. It was a lot. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And I buried it all really deep.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I didn’t seek help. I didn’t think I needed it at the time. All I could focus on was getting out, was starting my life away from everyone, was starting over. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But I would never admit to that aloud. Ever. Talk against my parents? Never. Admit that Articles were not shaping up to be what I had hoped they would be? Never. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">To the world, life was peachy. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But it was a lie. And it took its toll. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Who I was then was a broken person with hopes and dreams, but with no idea of how to make any of them happen. Or belief that any of them could happen.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_53 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Who I Am Now: Healing, Growth and Self-Acceptance</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_26"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/Loving-Young-Couple-in-Countryside-by-Jacob-Lund.jpg" alt="Loving Young Couple in Countryside by Jacob Lund" title="Loving Young Couple in Countryside by Jacob Lund" class="wp-image-235292" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_54 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It was when I met my husband that my life changed. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">He saved me in so many ways I can’t fully explain. Who I am now has a lot to do with him. But it has also taken a lot of work by myself on myself. And it has been very hard. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So much has happened between my early twenties, my thirties and now my forties. I feel like I have run a gauntlet. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">From career changes to failed pregnancies, to almost dying from COVID, to being diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, to my mental health diagnoses. And most importantly to confronting my parents and resorting to “no-contact,” to losing my beloved grandmother, aunt, uncle, and best friend. I have been through a great deal. I have faced and am still facing my traumas, the things I still have nightmares over, the things I have buried deep within me. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But I am facing my so-called demons, my triggers, my pain. I’m controlling my anxiety and am on top of my melancholy. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I am constantly self-reflecting, ensuring that I check in with myself on an ongoing basis – because that’s been so important. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For the first time, in a long time, I am putting myself first. My needs first. Not in a self-indulgent way. In a healthy way. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But there’s one thing I have noticed about getting older and that is the feeling that life is fleeting. It really is. A year ago, it was 1998! </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In that realisation comes the understanding that it’s </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">your</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> life. You need to live it for </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">you</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Not for anyone else. Do the things that make </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">you</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> happy. Not what makes someone else happy. Because waiting until your deathbed before you fulfil the things on your bucket list is not the way to live your life. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Living my life for </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">me </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">has meant leaving the legal profession (well not entirely) so that I can write to my heart’s content at </span><a href="https://thelegalbelletrist.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Legal Belletrist</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, starting a new venture collecting and trading authentic (imported directly from Japan) vintage and antique Japanese Kimonos at ManeKi NeKo Private Kimono Collection (Kimono’s currently available at Wizards Vintage in Johannesburg), taking pottery classes, writing poetry, starting a novel, spending time with the friends and family I have left, focusing on my health – both physical and mental, giving my cats the love and attention they deserve, travelling as much as my work and budget will allow and spending as much quality time with the amazing man I married as I can. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It has also meant saying goodbye to the people in my life causing me harm. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s an ongoing journey. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_55 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Who I Am Becoming: Owning My Life and My Future</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_27"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/Kintsugi-Japanese-antique-ceramic-bowl-by-Marco-Montalti-from-Getty-Images.jpg" alt="Taking a pause in nature by gradyreese from Getty Images Signature" title="Kintsugi Japanese antique ceramic bowl by Marco Montalti from Getty Images" class="wp-image-235291" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_56 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I had to go away and really give this one some thought. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Luckily, music is an eternal motivator. While on the treadmill, Linkin Park’s </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Somewhere I Belong”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> played over the speakers and the words just seemed to speak to this very topic – </span></p> <blockquote> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real</span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I wanna let go of the pain I’ve felt so long</span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Erase all the pain ’til it’s gone)</span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real</span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along</span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Somewhere I belong”</span></i></p> </blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">They’re not my favourite band by a long margin. So, it struck me as odd that these lyrics would mean so much. But they do. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And I think that’s who I am becoming – the person who is healed, or who is healing. The person who is able to let go of the pain that was bottled up for so long and finally be at peace. The person who finally feels like her place in the world is where she is happy and safe. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">No drama. No lies. Just peace and being happy in my own skin.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Life is short. It’s unpredictable. And that makes it so very precious. I’ve wasted so much time living my life for others and by others’ rules.</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> It’s now my turn.</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It will take work. I know that. I’ll have to constantly check in with myself to ensure I’m being true to who I am while reaching the goals I constantly set for myself. Self-reflection will be key. On an ongoing basis. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Who I am becoming is a work in progress, but I know one thing for sure – I will be authentically me. Weird, loving and looking forward to growing old, grey and hopefully wiser.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_57 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Let’s talk about Self-Reflection!</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_28"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/Taking-a-pause-in-nature-by-gradyreese-from-Getty-Images-Signature.jpg" alt="Taking a pause in nature by gradyreese from Getty Images Signature" title="Taking a pause in nature by gradyreese from Getty Images Signature" class="wp-image-235293" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_58 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Practicing self-reflection takes discipline and intentionality. It requires pressing pause on the chaos of life and simply taking the time to think and ponder about your life. Something often easier said than done. But it’s an incredibly valuable practice.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Without self-reflection, we simply go through life without thinking, moving from one thing to the next without making time to evaluate whether things are really working for us. We don’t pause to think. To analyse. The unfortunate result is that we often get stuck. Like I quoted above – we don’t change we just get older. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Throughout this article I have mentioned how important self-reflection is and how important it has been for me to practice it on an ongoing basis. But I haven’t really stopped to explain how one goes about doing it.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Before you begin with your own self-reflection, I want to say this – it’s important to remind yourself that your time in self-reflection is a safe space within yourself. Don’t judge yourself while you explore your inner thoughts, feelings and motives of behaviour. Simply notice what comes up and accept it. Instead of focusing on fears, worries or regrets, try to look for areas of growth and improvement.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_59 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>How to Self-Reflect in 6 Easy Steps</strong></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_16 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_24 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_29"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_25 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_60 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Find a quiet, comfortable place where you won’t be disturbed</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – take a notebook or device to record your reflections.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_17 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_26 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_30"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_27 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_61 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Begin with a mindful body scan</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – close your eyes and take a few deep breaths.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">What are you feeling right now?</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Where do you notice these feelings in your body? </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Note your observations.</span></li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_18 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_28 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_31"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_29 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_62 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Identify your inner feelings </p> <p></strong></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">What events, thoughts, or situations might be contributing to these feelings?</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Are these feelings aligned with your values or external pressures?</span></li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_19 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_30 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_32"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_31 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_63 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Explore your needs </p> <p></strong></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">What do you need most right now (e.g., rest, connection, adventure, achievement)?</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Are there unmet needs or boundaries you need to address?</span></li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_20 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_32 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_33"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_33 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_64 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Consider acting</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – can you take a small step to address your needs or align more closely with your values today? For example:</span></p> <p> </p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you feel stressed, commit to a short relaxation activity.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you feel disconnected, reach out to someone important to you.</span></li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_21 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_34 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_34"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/6.jpg" alt="" title="6" class="wp-image-1491" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_35 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_65 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Review your experience </strong></p> <p><strong> </strong></p> <p><strong></strong></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">How do you feel now compared to when you started?</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">What did you learn about yourself?</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">What can you change to better align yourself with your goals?</span></li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_22"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_36 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_66 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Final Thoughts: Coming Home to Who You Really Are</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_67 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">If you need support in figuring out how to self-reflect or what it means to self-reflect or even what the benefits of self-reflection are, get in touch with Frieda Levycky at </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/" style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">Braving Boundaries</a><span style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;"> today. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For me, self-reflection has meant getting to know myself better. Learning what really matters to me. What I like and what I can live without. Truly. Self-reflection has meant growth. It has meant coming home to who I really am. And loving her regardless.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And that has been priceless.</span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Sources used and to whom we owe thanks: </span></i><a href="https://www.reflection.app/blog/self-reflection-101-what-is-self-reflection-why-is-reflection-important" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Reflection</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/self-reflection-importance-benefits-and-strategies-7500858#toc-how-to-practice-self-reflection" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Very Well Mind</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span></i><a href="https://positivepsychology.com/introspection-self-reflection/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Positive Psychology</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">). </span></i></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_35"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image-4.jpg" alt="End of blog post CTA" title="End of blog post CTA image (4)" class="wp-image-235295" /></span></a> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_4 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_23 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_37 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_36"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_38 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_68 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/who-you-were-who-you-are-and-who-you-are-becoming/">Who You Were, Who You Are and Who You Are Becoming</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/who-you-were-who-you-are-and-who-you-are-becoming/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>When life feels out of control: 5 ways to find your anchor</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/when-life-feels-out-of-control/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/when-life-feels-out-of-control/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 26 Feb 2025 06:17:07 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[depression]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Finding Your Anchor]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Life Advice]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Mindfulness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Personal development]]></category> <category><![CDATA[resilience]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self care]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=235118</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/when-life-feels-out-of-control/">When life feels out of control: 5 ways to find your anchor</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_5 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_24"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_39 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_69 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em></em></span></strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Catching up with an old friend the other day we were both struck with how off kilter our lives seemed to be. She lives thousands of miles away in one of the coldest cities on earth and I live in sunny South Africa, where I have lived all my life. I know, nothing to write home about. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And yet, our lives have both taken such drastic turns. Mine with fighting constant pain as well as my mental health struggles and her with her own mental health struggles and the constant battle to keep her and her husbands’ head above water. It’s enough to send anyone diving under the covers seeking refuge from the world. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The thing that struck us is the fact that despite living two very different lives, growing up quite differently, having different careers and very different personalities, our struggles didn’t seem very different. We both struggle with anxiety and depression – the two going so nicely hand-in-hand – and are both feeling very untethered from the world. Both needing an anchor – her in the snow and me in the sun.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s funny how catchups can sometimes turn into revelations. Especially with old friends. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And that got me thinking. If two friends on literal opposite ends of the world are feeling exactly the same, surely more people are feeling less tethered to the world than they would like. I mean the world as we know it is so inundated with expectations. We’re constantly – whether this is through social media, advertising or even well-meaning advice from friends and family – to “be” this or “do” that, that the pressure to conform can be overwhelming. We’re often forced into moulds that we just don’t fit into, making us feel estranged from who we truly are. We feel unaligned with our true selves, fighting to just be seen. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And it can make us feel so alone. So unheard. So desperate to find our way back to who we are and what we want out of life. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If that’s the case and it’s more than just my friend and I that feel this way, maybe it’s a good idea to look into this – loss of control. For my friend, for me and for whoever reads this. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_70 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>5 Ways to Find Your Anchor</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_37"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/Woman-in-Black-Spaghetti-Strap-Top-Meditating-by-Mikhail-Nilov-from-Pexels.jpg" alt="Woman in Black Spaghetti Strap Top Meditating by Mikhail Nilov from Pexels" title="Woman in Black Spaghetti Strap Top Meditating by Mikhail Nilov from Pexels" class="wp-image-235140" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_71 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Having an anchor in life – whatever that anchor is – allows you to have clarity amidst all of life’s chaos and confusion. The practice of being anchored can also help you focus your energy on the things that are important to you in life, keeping you moving in the right direction and keeping you on track with meeting your goals. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, here are 5 ways that you can keep yourself anchored – </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_25 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_40 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_38"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_41 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_72 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Practice a body scan breathing exercise</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – This is a mindfulness meditation practice and is a pretty beneficial way to reconnect with your body, calm your mind and connect with your emotions. You start by finding a comfortable, preferably quiet place to sit or lie down comfortably. Take a few deep breaths and close your eyes. Start at your head and move down to your toes, taking slow deep breaths as you focus on each part of your body. </p> <p>Notice how each part feels, paying special attention to any physical sensations, emotions or thoughts that come up. Keep in mind that there’s no right or wrong way to do it. If you get distracted (which is ok), redirect your mind back to the process and start where you left off. Take a deep breath in, focus on your hands – how do they feel, move your fingers, what sensation do you feel? Do any emotions come up as you move your fingers? Feel the energy flow through your fingers as you move them around. Let your breath out. Count to 5, now move to your chest… and so on.</p> <p>This should help you feel calm, reduce stress and help you feel more connected to your body, something we don’t do enough of. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_26 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_42 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_39"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_43 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_73 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Repeat this mantra – <i>I am just (insert name)</i> </strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">– This is an important practice not only of self-acceptance but also of acknowledging that that is who you are. It’s like an anchor to your core identity; to feeling like your authentic self. Whenever you feel lost, repeat this mantra to yourself and allow it to reconnect you with who you really are. Anchor your name to the person you want to be – to your core self. Have it mean something other than “your name”. The things that make you “you” become your “anchor.” Anchoring is the practice of returning to this awareness, grounding yourself back in the person you’ve consciously chosen to be. </p> <p>“</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I am Alicia. I am a successful writer, loving wife, mother to four fur babies, romantic, world explorer, dreamer and never-say-die optimist</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”. That’s who I AM. That is my core identity. What’s yours? Have it mean something. So, when you are in doubt, remind yourself of </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">who you ARE. </span></i></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_27"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_44 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_40"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/Mindfulness-Practices-Woman-Journaling-by-Eliza-Alves-from-corelens.jpg" alt="Mindfulness Practices Woman Journaling by Eliza Alves from corelens" title="Mindfulness Practices Woman Journaling by Eliza Alves from corelens" class="wp-image-235139" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_28 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_45 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_41"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_46 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_74 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Practice mindfulness in everything you do</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – Ok maybe not everything you do, pick two things. Be realistic. Like mindfully walking or mindfully brushing your teeth. It’s the act of becoming more self-aware and noticing your thoughts and feelings while you perform normal, everyday activities. According to the </span><a href="https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/consumer-health/in-depth/mindfulness-exercises/art-20046356"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Mayo Clinic</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, mindfulness is a type of meditation in which you focus on being intensely aware of what you’re sensing and feeling in the moment, without interpretation or judgment. It’s about getting to know yourself through menial acts and not judging how you react to certain banal activities. It’s like getting down to basics and really reacquainting you with you. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_29 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_47 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_42"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_48 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_75 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Name three people</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – This is another act in developing better self-awareness. Name three people whose values you are drawn to and with whom you have fostered a deeper personal connection. This exercise will increase your awareness of what qualities you want and what would be impactful for you in that exact moment. You can start by thinking of three people who you admire. These could include celebrities, athletes or family members. Hold them in your mind and list all the qualities you admire about them. Then use the list and look at how you spend your time, energy and resources. Interestingly, the list you generate is like shining a flashlight on the values and skills you aspire to have in your own life. Perhaps you admire someone who speaks eloquently and you want more of that in your life. You could begin spending time with others who possess this quality, take a class to develop this skill or set an intention to act more in that manner throughout the day. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_30 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_49 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_43"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_50 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_76 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Visualise and apply</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– This is something you can do every day. Start by visualising your ideal day, what does it look like? Where would you be? What would you be doing? Who would be there with you? How would you feel? Focus on that. Then start with your mini action plan. Ask yourself what you really want for the day, set those goals and then, for that day, take consistent action towards achieving your ultimate vision for the day. I find that having mini goals each day and then working towards achieving them makes it feel less daunting. Like today I have achieved X and that can feel so rewarding when your life feels so untethered. Then, by the end of the week, you’ll have achieved a number of things – making the mountain into a mole hill – easy to traverse. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_31"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_51 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_77 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">All of these exercises are there to help you find your way back to you. They are there to help you plant your feet back onto the ground, tethering you to the Earths’ surface. That way you not only feel connected to yourself, but you can also start building connections to other people, taking daily steps to do more of what is good for you. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, find your anchor, something that resides within you and that remains untouched by the external chaos. It can be your value system, your faith, a creative outlet or a connection with nature. The essence lies in cultivating a connection with yourself. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">By discovering your anchors, you become very selective with your energy and where you direct it. Enjoy the process and above anything else, be kind to yourself during this process. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s something my friend and I remind each other of as we undertake to do – at the very least – practice mindfulness while we brush our teeth (it’s twice a day all!), get reconnected with our bodies and remind ourselves about who we </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">are –</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> every single day. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you need help in practicing mindfulness or becoming more self-aware while you are finding your anchor, contact Frieda Levycky of </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Braving Boundaries</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> who can support you in creating the life you want. </span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Sources used and to whom we owe thanks – </span></i><a href="https://www.cexperiences.com/how-to-find-a-solid-anchor-for-your-life/"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">CExperiences</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://braincleanupcoach.com/how-to-identify-your-anchors/"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Brain CleanUp</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.gvsu.edu/cms4/asset/8C0B809B-0726-4E3B-1EBA4A40A82D8597/developing-the-anchor_blog.pdf"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Developing the Anchor</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.kratimehra.com/anchor-grounded-confident-uncertainty/#:~:text=A%20certain%20degree%20of%20self,buy%2C%20or%20your%20social%20image."><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Kratimehra</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://medium.com/@shorombo/staying-grounded-in-a-fast-paced-world-the-power-of-personal-anchoring-f04cd9a26897"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Medium</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span></i><a href="https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/consumer-health/in-depth/mindfulness-exercises/art-20046356"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Mayo Clinic</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">). </span></i></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_44"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image-2.jpg" alt="End of blog post CTA" title="End of blog post CTA image (2)" class="wp-image-235137" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_5 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_32 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_52 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_45"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_53 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_78 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/when-life-feels-out-of-control/">When life feels out of control: 5 ways to find your anchor</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/when-life-feels-out-of-control/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Only the Lonely – the Fear of Loneliness</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/only-the-lonely-the-fear-of-loneliness/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/only-the-lonely-the-fear-of-loneliness/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 28 Nov 2024 14:01:52 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[The Fears series]]></category> <category><![CDATA[awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Building Connections]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Coping with Isolation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[divorce and loss]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional resilience]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional well-being]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Fear of Loneliness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[grief and loss]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Human Connection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Overcoming Loneliness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Relationships and Loneliness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-compassion]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Tackling Loneliness]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=235014</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/only-the-lonely-the-fear-of-loneliness/">Only the Lonely – the Fear of Loneliness</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_6 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_33"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_54 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_79 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As Roy Orbison croons his famous song</span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D6Aw3ZnqQrY" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;"> “Only the Lonely”</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, the lyrics will hit differently for different people. Some of us will listen to the song and instantly feel a kinship with Orbison knowing full well what it feels like to miss the warmth of someone next to us. Or the yearning to be someone’s darling, their sweetheart, their “one”. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When he sings – </span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Only the lonely</span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Know the way I feel tonight</span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Only the lonely</span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Know this feeling ain’t right”.</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We feel the breaking of his heart and can empathise with the thought that the feeling isn’t right. Shouldn’t be right. Can’t be right – live this life alone, without your person? No way!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And then there are the rest of us that understand the sentiment that being alone doesn’t necessarily mean we’re lonely. Perhaps it’s an only child thing – you grow up, ostensibly alone. You learn to be ok with that, comfortable in your own space and in the silence that it offers. You have your – often vivid – imagination to keep you company. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But there’s no denying that at some point in your life – an only child or not – the idea of being alone is frightening. For different reasons. But it’s a reality all of us face at one point or another. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The difference is how it affects you. For some, the fear of being alone will be so all-consuming that it will be classified as a phobia – like other phobias such as arachnophobia – known as </span><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-the-fear-of-being-alone-2671883" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">monophobia</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">One thing is for sure – only the lonely know the way it feels tonight…</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_80 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>The phobia – monophobia</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_46"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/European-woman-hiding-face-under-the-clothes.-She-is-pulling-sweater-on-her-head.-by-Koldunova_Anna-from-Getty-Images-Pro.jpg" alt="European woman hiding face under the clothes. She is pulling sweater on her head. by Koldunova_Anna from Getty Images Pro" title="European woman hiding face under the clothes. She is pulling sweater on her head. by Koldunova_Anna from Getty Images Pro" class="wp-image-235028" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_81 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-the-fear-of-being-alone-2671883" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Verywellmind</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> describes monophobia (also known as autophobia) as a severe, irrational fear of being alone. So much so that this fear could impact your normal day-to-day life.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It can refer to several fears which may or may not share a common cause, like the fear of:</span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Being apart from a particular person;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Being home alone;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Being in public by yourself;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Feeling isolated or ignored;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Experiencing danger while alone;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Living alone;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Loneliness, and</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Solitude.</span></li> </ul> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Granted, being diagnosed with monophobia is a little different to waking up </span><a href="https://www.google.com/search?sca_esv=4b38bf61f79e2069&rlz=1C1AVFC_enZA990ZA990&sxsrf=ADLYWIL2bxYQB27k7bOxQCDna3pDLUwTmw:1732629720268&q=Bridget+Jones+waking+up+alone+at+30&udm=7&fbs=AEQNm0Aa4sjWe7Rqy32pFwRj0UkWd8nbOJfsBGGB5IQQO6L3J603JUkR9Y5suk8yuy50qOYMMWTNCTu57lKPsZpPcfqPO_IpBTFq5Iu5fjJcS9zeIjPFJUv87eZfN29UFdVUPMDQu7RK9R_bUPLOf1fjQfA8iavGDDNI4XAiPb7CBH_tYixgN7oUspZLXXXsRkqTIf5aqMzAsa5BiGd_cq9iXccaPMpaPw&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjVyIPYlPqJAxWJYEEAHcgaA40QtKgLegQIEhAB&biw=1098&bih=457&dpr=1.75#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:02eac83d,vid:sYO6j_D8cg8,st:0" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Bridget Jones style</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> in your late 30’s (40’s, 50’s – insert age here) wondering where your Mr. Right (or indeed Mrs. Right or simply “Right Person”) is. But the sentiment is the same – it’s the degree of severity that distinguishes the phobia from simply being alone (which is not simple at all). </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_82 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>This loneliness is killing me</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_83 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When Britney Spears sang those famous lyrics in </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-u5WLJ9Yk4"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Baby One More Time</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, I’m sure she didn’t think that the feeling of loneliness could be so desperate. But it can be. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As we head towards the Festive Time of year, shops around town are hanging up tinsel and bells, wreaths and lights, there’s a merriment in the air. A bringing together of families – regardless of whether you celebrate Christmas or not – a hunkering down of sorts while you all collectively wait to ring in the New Year. And with all this merriment there is a sense, a need to belong – to someone mostly. Looking forward to late mornings in bed as you while away the time on Boxing Day and New Years Day – all the better spent with someone you love. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">This sentiment of the time of year can have a lot of us feeling glum. Especially those of us who aren’t attached to someone else. Not being attached. It sounds so blasé. And is anything but. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Some of us haven’t met our one yet, despite all attempts to the contrary – too much work, too little time, too many apps, not enough face time. High expectations, low self-esteems. It’s hard out there. So, we throw ourselves into work, into exercise, into jazzercise, into rock climbing, into [insert activity here] just so that we fill the time with something. Anything. Instead of focusing on ourselves. On how we can make ourselves better, happier, more adjusted. You want to find your person. Not just any person. The right person. And perhaps to do that, you need to start with you. And that’s a scary thing. Because is it really you? Or them? Or just society’s fault? Why are you </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">still</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> single? </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_47"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Lonely-by-Gang-Zhou-from-Getty-Images-Signature.jpg" alt="Lonely by Gang Zhou from Getty Images Signature" title="Lonely by Gang Zhou from Getty Images Signature" class="wp-image-235031" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_84 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Some of us are coming out of a break-up or divorce. The heartbreak still well and truly set in – regardless of who did the leaving. It’s the coming apart – it feels like from the seams – your lives turned upside down as you try to forget how someone likes their coffee (or tea), as you stop buying their favourite cereal or biscuits. It’s the uncoupling that hurts so badly. Like you’re suddenly missing your pinkie. You can get on without it but it’s far more useful to have it </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">on</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> your hand. It also looks better – aesthetically anyway. And suddenly it’s the realisation that you are – once again – on the market. A “For Sale” sign squarely on your front lawn. And the prospect of having potential buyers coming on over to look at what you have to offer has you filled with fear – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">what if I’m doomed to be single? What if no one else will ever love me? </span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And still, some of us are only just about ready to come up for air. If that’s what it is. Air – what’s the use of air? What’s the use in breathing without them? What’s the use of lungs or eyes, or hearts if there’s no one to look at, no one to love, no one to breathe for? Some of us have lost our “Plus One’s”. No. That doesn’t sound right. Our person. Our </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">only</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> person. And it feels like we have been swallowed up by the sea, thrown around by the waves, fighting – but not really – to get back to the shores. A broken person where a couple once stood. It’s funny how death makes angels of us all, redeeming even the worst fights, forgiving misdemeanors and words said but not meant. And now as we look to our future, alone for the first time in a long time, reality sets in. You are on your own. And that’s enough to make any one of us want to stay in our dark rooms like the Miss Havisham of the Upper West Side.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Being alone looks different for all of us. We all have our stories, our feelings of loss, or feelings of not belonging. It hits differently for all of us. Just like Orbison’s song. But the underlying feeling that connects us all in this loneliness is the need to belong. To a person, to a group of people, to a cause. It’s the need to connect, to make a connection to another person, or people. It’s the need to be seen. That’s what connects us as we all travel in tubes, buses and railways looking to make our ways back home.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Hopefully to a home that doesn’t echo the sounds of silence. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_85 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>How can you counter your fear of loneliness?</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_86 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s clear that as human beings we find solace and comfort amongst others – we’re social creatures after all, (well most of us anyways).</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We thrive within communities of like-minded people and in healthy relationships. When we feel isolated from other people – during times of loss or grief, break-ups or mishaps – it can take a toll on us both mentally (emotionally) as well as physically. Your stress levels can go soaring, triggering anxiety and depression, thereby increasing your risk for heart disease and stroke.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Now let’s be clear about something quickly – you can feel lonely for any number of reasons not discussed above. Moving to a new city for work, attending college far from home, not having friends close enough to divulge your feelings to, being isolated due to an illness, being housebound due to a disability, being lonely because your social anxiety sends you running for the comfort of your own home rather than face the awkwardness of a crowd.</span> <span style="font-weight: 400;"> Or y</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">ou just feel an existential loneliness that you can’t shake. Like even though you’re surrounded by friends and loved ones, you still feel lonely. Or maybe you’re just working so hard that you often find yourself eating a piece of chicken (out of the bag) over the kitchen sink at midnight, right before you take the quickest shower known to man so that you can get at least 4 hours’ worth of sleep before your day starts again – this kind of lifestyle often comes with less human interaction than one might like. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_48"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Man-Sleeping-on-A-Bed-by-Andrea-Piacquadio-from-Pexels.jpg" alt="Man Sleeping on A Bed by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels" title="Man Sleeping on A Bed by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels" class="wp-image-235032" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_87 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And it stands to reason that in any number of situations, one would fear that this feeling of loneliness is here to stay. And for some of us, that feeling is too much to bear.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Tackling your fear of loneliness often involves looking inwards. It involves working on yourself first and it often involves big bold steps into the unknown to make the changes you need in order to gain the connections desired. But there are things that you can do today to face your fear of loneliness, and they include – </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_34 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_55 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_49"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_56 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_88 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Acknowledging your feelings</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – first things first. As with any fear or irrational belief, you first need to acknowledge that you feel it. That it’s there. That it’s real – to you. The next is seeking help. Whether you talk to a close family member or friend about how you’re feeling and why you’re feeling that way or whether you seek assistance from a mental health professional, talking about how you’re feeling, acknowledging that feeling and seeking help should be your first point of call. “Keeping calm and carrying on” is so WWII. Your feelings are valid. So, express them and get the help you need.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_35 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_57 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_50"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_58 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_89 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Choosing to heal</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – you must make the cognitive, conscious decision to heal, to work on yourself, and to face your fear of being alone (or loneliness). This is not to say that it’s because of something you have done or haven’t done that you are destined to be alone. No. Rather this is an opportunity to get comfortable in your own skin. Get comfortable with who you are and what you have to offer – knowing how much you have to offer. It’s an opportunity to get comfortable learning and growing while you’re on your own. The thing is, you must make the decision to show up for yourself every day, especially when it’s hard. You must learn about the things that make you happy, the things that get your heart racing. Learn about you – the real you. Remember it’s the stories we tell ourselves about who we are and what we deserve, that often cause our feelings of loneliness. If you don’t honestly believe that you deserve human love and connection, you won’t allow yourself to feel it. And it’s up to you to change that.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_36 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_59 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_51"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_60 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_90 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Practicing self-care</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– the way you treat your mind and body has a direct effect on your emotional wellbeing. It’s why loneliness is so intricately linked to burnout and stress. It’s also why it’s important to put self-care at the top of your list – prioritise your physical and mental health. Feed your mind the correct messaging. Talk to yourself the way you would a good friend – kindly and with understanding. Try getting some physical exercise even if that’s a quick walk around your neighbourhood. Take a time out with meditation or yoga. Self-care is key to dealing with loneliness – because when you feel good about yourself, that will radiate off of you, attracting others into your orbit.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_37"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_61 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_52"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Frieda-Levycky-walk-in-the-forest.jpg" alt="Frieda Levycky walk in the forest" title="Frieda Levycky walk in the forest" class="wp-image-235029" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_38 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_62 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_53"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_63 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_91 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Getting out into nature</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">(where possible) – being out in the world – outside of the concrete jungle that is – can really put things into perspective. It gives you a sense of how big the world is, how beautiful each creature is and how each individual thing – whether tiny and seemingly insignificant – has a place and a purpose in the world. Just like you do. It can bring a sense of peace to your soul and quiet the mind and the voices that are perhaps telling you that you don’t deserve love or connection. In the UK, organization such as </span><a href="https://www.ramblers.org.uk/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Ramblers</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, arrange walks for groups of people to get together and take – building community and connection as you walk in the open, fresh air. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_39 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_64 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_54"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_65 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_92 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Planting a garden</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">(where possible)</span><b> – </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">whether that’s a vegetable garden or flower garden, Bonsai’s, or herbs. Whatever floats your boat. Whether it’s in your own garden, on your rooftop or simply on your windowsill. Not only does it give you a sense of purpose – you need to research how to plant things and what to do, you need to visit nurseries and ask questions, joining gardening enthusiasts as they shop for compost or seeds. Posting pictures of your garden online can also open up a world of possibilities with online communities that hopefully meet in person to chat about the latest Bonsai technique. But gardening also gives you a sense of accomplishment – look what you have grown! And in that a sense of pride in yourself. It’s also symbolic – watering your own garden before you can even think about watering someone else’s.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_40 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_66 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_55"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/6.jpg" alt="" title="6" class="wp-image-1491" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_67 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_93 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Spending time with animals </strong><b>– </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">animals have a way about them that transcends verbal communication. Looking into their eyes, it’s as if they know what you’re thinking and how you’re feeling without you having to express anything. Spending time at an animal shelter has a twofold purpose – not only are you offering company to an animal in need thereby contributing to their social interaction and socialisation, but you are also gaining companionship from a furry friend that can leave you feeling all the feels. A fan of dogs? </span><a href="https://www.borrowmydoggy.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Borrow my Doggy</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (in the UK) connects local dog owners with people who want to walk them, care for them, or keep them company. And that also has a two-fold result – maybe you could meet a fellow dog lover when you borrow their doggy for the day… for one person – Meg – it literally was </span><a href="https://www.glamourmagazine.co.uk/article/borrowing-dog-mental-health" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">the best thing she did for her mental health</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_41"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_68 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_56"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Frieda-Levycky-with-Dog.jpg" alt="Frieda Levycky with Dog" title="Frieda Levycky with Dog" class="wp-image-235030" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_42 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_69 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_57"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/7.png" alt="" title="7" class="wp-image-1882" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_70 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_94 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Volunteering</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – contributing your time and energy, working alongside others for a good cause, can effectively help you fight off your feelings of loneliness and isolation. Volunteer activities are shown to ease stress, reduce feelings of depression, can help you make friends, and connect with others, and give you a sense of purpose. All in all, making for a happier human being. A sense of happiness, fulfilment, and connection to others trumps loneliness any day of the week. You could volunteer at a senior nursing home, work in a soup kitchen, or even read to kids after school – all giving back while making in person connections. Brilliant!</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_43 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_71 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_58"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/8.jpg" alt="" title="8" class="wp-image-1883" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_72 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_95 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Joining a club or a group</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– what’s better than meeting new people and making new connections? Meeting new people and making new connections with shared interests and hobbies!! You know like book clubs. But it doesn’t have to be a book club – it could be a club that meets on a weekly basis talking all about Stranger Things or a group that likes visiting pubs built in 1827. Sherlock Holmes enthusiasts? There’s bound to be a club like that. </span><a href="https://www.meetup.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Meetup</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> is an online platform through which you can find a group or create your own based on a particular interest. Groups meet in person, wherever you’re located. There are Meetup groups for all types of interests, including food, travel, lifestyle, entertainment, sports, recreation, culture, and so much more. Meetup groups give you things to do when you feel lonely. It’s a terrific way to make new friends and get together with likeminded people on a regular basis.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_44"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_73 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_96 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>I’m not lonely when I’m alone</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_97 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As an only child, I feel it’s my duty to point out that some of us enjoy our own company. We even prefer it. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I may – on occasion – look foreboding (it’s all by design) and seem to repel unnecessary human interaction, but I do actually like people. And have been known to be quite the chatterbox. But because I grew up alone without siblings and am the oldest of the grandkids, being on my own is normal for me. I married another only child (as one should – we are a different breed of people I think) who is also comfortable in his own skin. So, we choose to be together rather than being dependent on one another for company – if that makes sense.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">My husband fishes a lot and as a fishing widow I’m often left to my own devices – which is a dangerous thing. I can go days without muttering a syllable to another human being (my cats on the other hand can’t get me to shut up). The point I’m making is that I am on my own a lot but that doesn’t mean I’m lonely. My mental health issues have forced me to put in the work on myself. And now, years later, with all my flaws, I realise I like myself and like my own company. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I welcome interactions with friends and love seeing loved ones, I love my hubby – so I welcome the social interaction but I’m also happy enough with who I am to know that I’ll be ok on my own. Does that make sense?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s important to make that distinction. Because being alone doesn’t necessarily mean you’re lonely. Sometimes it’s a choice.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">With all that said, loneliness is something we all feel at some point. It’s real and those feelings are valid. It’s what you do about those feelings that will determine whether you join Orbison crooning about his heartache and sorrow or whether you combat your fear of being alone by joining a group or volunteering your time – focusing on your own self-development as a cure.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It was Irish poet Brendan Behan that said – </span></p> <blockquote> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“At the innermost core of all loneliness is a deep and powerful yearning for union with one’s lost self.” </span></i></p> </blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, let’s reclaim loneliness as a natural, human emotion that most of us feel at some point or another and instead use it to connect us to our innermost selves and to one other in a deeper, more meaningful way. Focus on you and allow the deep connections to flow….</span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Sources used and to whom we owe thanks – </span></i><a href="https://www.cigna.com/knowledge-center/how-to-deal-with-loneliness" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Cigna</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/tips-for-everyday-living/loneliness/tips-to-manage-loneliness/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Mind</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/our-work/public-engagement/unlock-loneliness/15-things-do-if-youre-feeling-lonely" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Mental Health Foundation</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/social-connection/i-feel-lonely" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">HelpGuide.org</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.tonyrobbins.com/blog/loneliness-and-longevity" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Tony Robbins</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span></i><a href="https://fearlessliving.org/fear-series-how-to-overcome-your-fear-of-loneliness" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Fearless Living</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">).</span></i></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_59"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image-6.png" alt="" title="End of blog post CTA image (6)" class="wp-image-235037" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_45"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_74 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_6 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_46 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_75 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_60"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_76 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_98 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/only-the-lonely-the-fear-of-loneliness/">Only the Lonely – the Fear of Loneliness</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/only-the-lonely-the-fear-of-loneliness/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Healthy Employees, Happy Business: The ROI of Corporate Wellness</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/healthy-employees-happy-business-the-roi-of-corporate-wellness/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/healthy-employees-happy-business-the-roi-of-corporate-wellness/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 27 Mar 2024 05:38:41 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Corporate Wellness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Effective communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Leadership]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Team building]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Team communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Work life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Working environment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Business]]></category> <category><![CDATA[corporate]]></category> <category><![CDATA[corporate wellness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[corporate wellness programs]]></category> <category><![CDATA[employee wellness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[employees]]></category> <category><![CDATA[employers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[flexible workforce]]></category> <category><![CDATA[good mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[happy business]]></category> <category><![CDATA[happy business environment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[happy team]]></category> <category><![CDATA[happy workplace]]></category> <category><![CDATA[healthy team]]></category> <category><![CDATA[healthy teams]]></category> <category><![CDATA[healthy work environments]]></category> <category><![CDATA[healthy workplace]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental well being]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental wellbeing]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental wellness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[team building]]></category> <category><![CDATA[toxic work environments]]></category> <category><![CDATA[toxic workplace]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Well-being]]></category> <category><![CDATA[wellness]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=5857</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/healthy-employees-happy-business-the-roi-of-corporate-wellness/">Healthy Employees, Happy Business: The ROI of Corporate Wellness</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_7 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_47"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_77 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_99 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The world has evolved over the last few years. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We can all understand why – the world experienced a joint-mass crisis. Something every one of us were touched by. Of course, we’re talking about the Pandemic. Something that seems almost too long ago to remember firsthand and yet, when we look back on it, it seems all too familiar to ignore. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And because of the pandemic, the world changed. People changed. Employees most certainly changed. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Employees realized the value that they bring to the table. They realized that “life is short, you best be doing exactly what makes you happy”. They realized what’s important for them going forward. And that didn’t always include </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">just</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> a steady paycheck.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Employees look for more nowadays – like wellness programs, mental health awareness, upskilling, and flexibility. Gone are the days when employers can demand overtime or scream and shout at their employees. The risk of losing valuable employees – and skills – has become all too real. The </span><a href="https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2022/06/the-great-resignation-is-not-over/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">“great resignation”</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> springs to mind. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As </span><a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbesbusinesscouncil/2022/04/01/the-growing-importance-of-employee-wellness-how-are-you-responding/?sh=680f568f7afa" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Forbes</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> sets out – </span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Employees realized their worth, and there has been a huge transformation in mindset; many employees are speaking up more about the issues that matter most to them. They are being clear about their needs and wants. If their current employer doesn’t meet those needs, they are finding a new one that does”.</span></i></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Perhaps now in 2024, what happened </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">because of</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> the pandemic is already old news. But how we got to this place where employees expect more from their employers had a starting point that’s worth acknowledging. Because there is a lesson to learn here and we all </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">should</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> have learnt it by now. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The thing is, not all corporates have taken heed. Not all employers have taken corporate wellness seriously. Not all businesses are learning from what the past has taught us. And that’s got to change. Lip service is no longer sufficient. Action needs to be taken. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Perhaps we need to start from the beginning – first things first. </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_100 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>What is Corporate Wellness?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_61"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/Corporate-wellness-is-important-3.jpg" alt="" title="Corporate wellness is important (3)" class="wp-image-5878" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_101 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">When we think of wellness, we imagine healthy minds and healthy bodies full of vitality. And that’s not far off from the accepted definitions of wellness. </span><a href="https://www.pfizer.com/health-wellness/wellness/what-is-wellness#:~:text=Wellness%20is%20the%20act%20of,how%20it's%20linked%20to%20health." target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Pfizer</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> defines </span><b>wellness</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> as – </span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Wellness is the act of practicing healthy habits on a daily basis to attain better physical and mental health outcomes, so that instead of just surviving, you’re thriving”.</span></i></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">According to </span><a href="https://yourwellspace.com/why-is-employee-wellness-important/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Wellspace</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">,</span> <b>corporate wellness</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> can be thought of as follows – </span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Wellness covers physical and mental fitness. Over the past 30 or so years, it has grown as a concept in the workplace. It focuses on helping employees influence their own health, quality of life, mental wellbeing and, consequently, their performance at work.</span></i></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">As such, employee wellness looks not just at reducing absence from work through illness, but also at how to proactively encourage and promote healthier lifestyles and attitudes.</span></i></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Employee wellness looks at the individual and encourages them to make healthy lifestyle choices. The purpose of this is to benefit them and the culture in which they work”.</span></i></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Wellness – whether in the corporate environment or at home – involves the good health of both body and mind. It’s about more than just surviving, it’s about thriving. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">What that looks like depends on what corporate wellness programs are put in place.</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_102 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Corporate Wellness Programs</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_62"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/Corporate-wellness-is-important-4.jpg" alt="" title="Corporate wellness is important (4)" class="wp-image-5875" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_103 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Corporate wellness programs – according to</span><a href="https://www.wellsteps.com/blog/2022/01/03/employee-wellness-program/#:~:text=What%20is%20an%20Employee%20Wellness%20Program%3A%20Everything%20You%20Need%20for%202024&text=A%20well%20organized%20employee%20wellness,improving%20employee%20morale%20and%20productivity." target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Wellsteps </span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">– is</span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“any worksite activity designed to support better employee health. These activities often include medical screenings, incentives for healthy behaviours, behaviour change interventions, health coaching, fitness, nutrition, and weight loss programs, social support, gamified wellness challenges and much more.”</span></i></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And employers should care about employee wellbeing and corporate wellness because the costs to business of absenteeism and stress are considerable. And the benefits of attracting and retaining talent, while also improving productivity, are clear as day. A happier, more well-adjusted team is a more productive team. And that should read – increased working capacity means increased income and return on investment. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Ok, so now that we know what corporate wellness refers to and have discussed the general need for corporate wellness to be put in place, you may be wondering what some of the benefits of incorporating corporate wellness programs may be – </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_48 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_78 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_63"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_79 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_104 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Increased productivity</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">–we have alluded to this already but having employees that eat well, employees that talk about their mental health issues and who put physical activity top of their list are likely to be more productive than those employees that don’t. Poor health behaviours lead to higher health risks and chronic diseases. And that equates to absenteeism. Something a thriving business can ill afford. </span><span style="font-weight: 400;"> </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_49 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_80 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_64"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_81 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_105 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Improved employee morale</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– by investing in the wellness of your employees you make them feel valued and appreciated. An employee that feels valued is more likely to be enthusiastic, is more likely to put in the work required. Is more likely to excel. And an employee that excels in what they do will have a knock-on effect, which is – as we may already know – an increase in productivity and overall performance. And that friends, means increased profits.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_50 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_82 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_65"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_83 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_106 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Retention of employees</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– we all know that recruiting new employees is more expensive than retaining current employees. So, retention of employees and their skills should be top priority. Nowadays with employees expecting improved working environments and employers that offer wellness programs, offering an extensive corporate wellness program, will not only help with the retention of employees but may contribute to the attraction of world-class talent, whose skills you should be keen to grab ahold of. Well thought out and implemented corporate wellness programs can be an incredibly attractive attribute for any employer. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_51"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_84 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_66"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/Corporate-wellness-is-important-5.jpg" alt="" title="Corporate wellness is important (5)" class="wp-image-5876" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_52 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_85 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_67"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_86 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_107 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Reduced absenteeism and presenteeism</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – it stands to reason that extensive corporate wellness programs will see a decrease in absenteeism as the logical assumption is that with less sickness, less stress, less anxiety – there should be increased attendance at the office (and work from home individuals, less days away from the computer). However, reduced absenteeism is only one part of the problem. Remember that just because an employee is at the office or is online, doesn’t mean they are really present. It doesn’t mean that they are participating, doesn’t mean that they are fully engaged. In the article </span><a href="https://yourwellspace.com/why-is-employee-wellness-important/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Why Is Employee Wellness Important?</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, the following was set out – “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">The president of the CIPD, Professor Gary Cooper, has warned that the statistics for sickness absence may in fact be telling a different story. The suggestion is that increasingly, people are at work when they should be recovering at home. Presenteeism is where employees are present, but their motivation, and productivity, take a significant dip. There is also a risk that employers have helped encourage this situation by creating a culture of fear, where taking time off is looked down on. Both absenteeism and presenteeism are costly in both business and personal terms. This is where employee wellness has a vital part to play. Helping people become more aware of their own physical and mental health, can motivate them to be more mindful of it and to make key, positive lifestyle changes”.</span></i></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_53 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_87 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_68"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_88 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_108 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Reduced health risks</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – by promoting a healthier environment in the office, the hope is that a healthier lifestyle will be embraced at home. And that will naturally lead to a healthier mind and body of each employee leading to a reduction of avoidable health risks and may even prevent or at least address chronic illnesses. Low health risks lead to reduced health care costs.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_54 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_89 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_69"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/6.jpg" alt="" title="6" class="wp-image-1491" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_90 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_109 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Building happy teams</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– this may not be as obvious as some of the other benefits. However, it’s still important. By having wellness programs in place, an additional advantage is the promotion of happy teams. The interaction between colleagues – whether it be going to the gym together, joining a corporate sports team or openly sharing struggles, encourages bonding. And a bonded team leads to a well-oiled, coherent, team. And well, happy teams are supportive and productive teams. It just makes sense. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_55"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_91 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_110 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">At the end of the day, the point of corporate wellness programs is to do away with (or at least limit) – unhappy employees that tend to work less, that see see fewer reasons to be loyal to the company and no longer see a salary as a valuable return, if the sacrifice is their mental health.</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_111 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>How can one incorporate corporate wellness programs into their business?</b></h2> <p><a href="https://www.gallup.com/workplace/404105/importance-of-employee-wellbeing.aspx.aspx" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Gallup</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> sets out as follows – </span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Employers who care for employee health and wellbeing see numerous measurable benefits, from higher productivity and profitability to lower turnover and fewer safety incidents.</span></i></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Well-designed and research-informed wellbeing initiatives and strategies provide all-important organizational resilience and remove risk from organizations.</span></i></p> <p> </p> <p><b><i>In fact, </i></b><a href="https://www.gallup.com/workplace/390776/percent-feel-employer-cares-wellbeing-plummets.aspx" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><b><i>employees who strongly agree that their employer cares about their overall wellbeing</i></b></a><b><i>, compared with other employees, are:<br /> </i></b><b><i></i></b></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">69% less likely to actively search for a new job.</span></i></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">71% less likely to report experiencing a lot of burnouts.</span></i></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">36% more likely to be thriving in their overall lives.</span></i></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">3 times more likely to be engaged at work.</span></i></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">5 times more likely to strongly advocate for their company as a place to work and to strongly agree they trust the leadership of their organization”.</span></i></li> </ul> </blockquote></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_70"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/Corporate-wellness-is-important-1.jpg" alt="" title="Corporate wellness is important (1)" class="wp-image-5874" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_112 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">So how does one implement corporate wellness programs into practice?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">First of all, it’s important that businesses realise the importance of soft skills. Soft skills are more essential than ever to support the ongoing health, wellness and success of your teams and business. Then –</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_56 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_92 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_71"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_93 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_113 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Set goals for both team and business</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – when creating a wellness program, it’s important that you don’t lose sight of your main objective. Ensure that all parts of the program provide benefits for both the staff and the company. It’s crucial that wellness programs cater to the audience of your employees (</span><a href="https://corporatefinanceinstitute.com/resources/management/employee-wellness-programs/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">CFI)</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_57 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_94 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_72"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_95 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_114 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Set up a dedicated team</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– an extensive corporate wellness program doesn’t arrive in a day. It involves the involvement of different stakeholders within the company. It also takes time. By forming a team dedicated to the corporate wellness program you ensure that there is a real interest in the promotion of a healthy workplace.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_58 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_96 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_73"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_97 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_115 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Get in touch with external service providers</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – here its crucial that you shop around for the service provider that provides you with the most benefits. Partner with your service provider to see what resources and programs may be at your employees’ fingertips or what may be available for a small investment. In this regard Frieda Levycky of </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Braving Boundaries</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> is perfectly poised to offer your teams </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/work-with-me/individual-coaching/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">one on one coaching</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/corporate-workshops-seminars/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">creative workshops for corporates</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/enneagram/#teams"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Enneagram Team Sessions</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – all of which will benefit your team members.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_59 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_98 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_74"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_99 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_116 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Communicate with employees</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – communication is always key when implementing anything that has something to do with employees. The wellness program should be communicated to employees. They should be able to understand the schemes that are involved, the importance of wellness, and the positive effect it will have on their lives (</span><a href="https://corporatefinanceinstitute.com/resources/management/employee-wellness-programs/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">CFI</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">).</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_60 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_100 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_75"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_101 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_117 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Feedback</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– an extensive corporate wellness program will ensure that feedback from employees is considered in a way that benefits the program. The corporate wellness program must be adaptable enough to incorporate ideas and feedback from employees and continuously improve on the program. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_61"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_102 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_118 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Sources used and to whom we owe thanks: </span></i><a href="https://corporatefinanceinstitute.com/resources/management/employee-wellness-programs/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Corporate Finance Institute (CFI)</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://yourwellspace.com/why-is-employee-wellness-important/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Wellspace</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; Gallup </span></i><a href="https://www.gallup.com/workplace/404105/importance-of-employee-wellbeing.aspx.aspx" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">here</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span></i><a href="https://www.gallup.com/workplace/340202/wellness-wellbeing-difference.aspx" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">here</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbesbusinesscouncil/2022/04/01/the-growing-importance-of-employee-wellness-how-are-you-responding/?sh=680f568f7afa" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Forbes</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://emergenetics.com/blog/prioritize-soft-skills-to-enhance-workplace-and-employee-wellness/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Emergenetics International</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2022/06/the-great-resignation-is-not-over/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">World Economic Forum</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.pfizer.com/health-wellness/wellness/what-is-wellness#:~:text=Wellness%20is%20the%20act%20of,how%20it's%20linked%20to%20health." target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Pfizer</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span></i><a href="https://www.wellsteps.com/blog/2022/01/03/employee-wellness-program/#:~:text=What%20is%20an%20Employee%20Wellness%20Program%3A%20Everything%20You%20Need%20for%202024&text=A%20well%20organized%20employee%20wellness,improving%20employee%20morale%20and%20productivity." target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Wellsteps</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">). </span></i></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_119 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Corporate Wellness: Next Steps</b></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Corporate wellness and the programs that promote healthier bodies and minds of employees are win-win for employers. By investing in their employees, companies ensure improved morale, increased productivity and output and happier teams working cohesively together. And with benefits like that, it makes one wonder why every business in the world hasn’t at least considered it. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"><strong><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/download-the-2024-corporate-wellness-brochure/">Download the new Braving Boundaries Corporate Wellness Brochure</a></strong>.</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_76"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/download-the-2024-corporate-wellness-brochure/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/Brochure-mockup.jpg" alt="" title="Brochure mockup" class="wp-image-5841" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_62"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_103 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_7 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_63 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_104 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_77"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_105 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_120 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/healthy-employees-happy-business-the-roi-of-corporate-wellness/">Healthy Employees, Happy Business: The ROI of Corporate Wellness</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/healthy-employees-happy-business-the-roi-of-corporate-wellness/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>The Self-Help Conundrum</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-self-help-conundrum/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-self-help-conundrum/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Sun, 30 Jul 2023 15:11:58 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[confidence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Counselling]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional intelligence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Empowerment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[goal setting]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Growth mindset]]></category> <category><![CDATA[happiness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[inspiration]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life coaching]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Mindfulness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Personal awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Personal development]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Positive thinking]]></category> <category><![CDATA[productivity]]></category> <category><![CDATA[resilience]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-help books]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-improvement]]></category> <category><![CDATA[success]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Therapy]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Well-being]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=5595</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Are you a lover or hater of self-help books? Join Alicia and me as we explore the pros and cons of the self-help world.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-self-help-conundrum/">The Self-Help Conundrum</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_8 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_64"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_106 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_121 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>CO-WRITTEN BY FRIEDA LEVYCKY, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://www.bravingboundaries.com/">BRAVING BOUNDARIES</a></span>, AND ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></h5> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /> Self-help books seem to divide the world into two camps (a bit like Marmite): The lovers and the haters.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I hadn’t realised this until I suggested to Alicia that we write a joint article on the self-help books which have shaped our lives and our careers. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">But I don’t believe in self-help books</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”, came the response. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Really?</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”, I asked in surprise.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Nope. It really annoys me that anyone (often with no qualifications whatsoever) thinks its ok to tell you that if you ‘follow my method’ or ‘learn from my experience’ you can be more successful, thinner, happier … you name it.</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Hmmm… she has a point. But, I think it is a little unfair to smash self-help books as a whole. I personally see a lot of value in them.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, instead of proposing a list of self-help books that have changed our lives, we have decided to provide a narrative on the pros and cons of the self-help world.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We hope you read both sides of the argument and challenge your existing beliefs. Maybe you find that self-help books do have their place and could be beneficial for you? Or maybe you realise that self-help books can only get you so far and that sometimes investing in external support is required. That’s up to you though. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We just hope you enjoy the read. </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_122 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Self-help books – The non-believers (Alicia’s viewpoint)</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_78"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Self-help-books-3.jpg" alt="" title="Self help books (3)" class="wp-image-5618" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_123 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">The other day I was browsing in my favourite bookshop. Walking around the store I read title after title and found myself – quite unexpectedly – in the Self-Help section.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Not my usual preference. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As I stood there looking at the rows of “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">How-To’s”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Do-You’s?” </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I admit to having a certain degree of curiosity. Enough to find myself picking up one book and reading the back of it. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">To summarise – the book promised to help guide you through “some of your most difficult times and help you find a place of serenity and happiness”. I’m paraphrasing here because it said a lot more than that. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It was a tall undertaking by the author (who shall remain nameless) – all for the nominal price of ZAR680. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">This book promised to do what no other psychiatrist or clinical psychologist would promise (especially in one session and especially to that degree of certainty). And at an absolute bargain – considering that the going rate for a mental health professional has a far heftier price tag. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">That got me thinking – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">who are the people extracting the most value out of these self-help books? </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">And</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> how effective are they? </span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As a non-believer in the self-help movement, I think it’s only fair that I apply some reason and scientific analysis to my approach or face – perhaps – missing out on the greatest invention of all time.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">With the sheer volume of titles on the Self-Help shelves there </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">must be </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">quite a tally of bodies that flock to the stores, that sign up for the newsletters and that attend the “sold-out” shows of the latest “Guru”.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If there weren’t, there wouldn’t be a section in any book shop with titles like </span><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (which is – as fate would have it – the only somewhat self-help </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">styled</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> book I have ever read. And that’s saying something since it’s touted as the counterintuitive kind). </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_124 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>What are self-help books?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_125 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Before we get started, it’s worth reminding ourselves what self-help books are. In short, they are books which instruct or give advice on how to improve yourself. This could be physically, mentally, financially, spiritually or otherwise. The idea is that by reading a self-help book you are capable of improving your current position without the need of external resources, advice or support. In other words – </span><span style="font-weight: 400;"><span style="text-decoration: underline;">you help yourself</span>.</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_126 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>So, whose reading these books?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_79"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/BB-Blog-images-Self-help-books-1.jpg" alt="" title="BB - Blog images - Self help books (1)" class="wp-image-5621" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_127 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">According to </span><a href="https://blog.gitnux.com/self-help-industry-statistics/#:~:text=Over%2045%2C300%20new%20self%2Dhelp,how%20to%20improve%20one's%20life." target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Gitnux, “</span></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">over 45,300 new self-help books were published in 2020”, </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">with</span> <a href="https://www.marketwatch.com/press-release/global-self-improvement-products-services-market-2023-2030-estimated-to-reach-worth-usd-5607374-million-growing-at-a-cagr-of-513-2023-04-25" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Marketwatch</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> predicting that the self-help market would reach a total value of “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">USD 56073.74 Million by the End of 2030”</span></i><b>. </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">That’s a compounded annual growth of around 5.13% expected till 2030. The average reader of self-help books buys 3 a year. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Let’s face it, those are not only big figures (backed by sound scientific research) but a rather large readership. </span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Am I missing something?</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I remember the hype that surrounded the launch of </span><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Secret-Rhonda-Byrne/dp/1582701709" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Secret</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> by Rhona Byrne in 2006 – first a movie that “revealed the great mystery of the universe” – and following that (and a little after the release of the movie), a book that became a worldwide bestseller.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Every single – female – member of my family was hooked. Everyone was talking about it. Everyone believed it would turn their humdrum lives into something masterful and full of opportunity. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I had my doubts. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For starters, The Secret said that the skills learned could be used in </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“every aspect of your life—money, health, relationships, happiness, and in every interaction, you have in the world. You’ll begin to understand the hidden, untapped power that’s within you, and this revelation can bring joy to every aspect of your life”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (</span><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Secret-Rhonda-Byrne/dp/1582701709" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Amazon</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">). </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It sounds incredible… Wait just a second. All I have to do is </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">foresee the thing I want to happen, happen? To truly believe it will. And it shall be?</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> It felt far, far too easy. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, there I sat the day before my final exam of my worst subject in University – Economics – and truly believed (and in fact, foresaw) me acing the exam. Achieving an A. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Well, surprise, surprise – that didn’t happen. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I passed that exam by the skin of my teeth actually. I should have spent more time studying than “foreseeing the event happen”. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Perhaps that wasn’t the purpose of The Secret. Perhaps I’m oversimplifying. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">But that was the value I extracted from it. </span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Which then led me to ask – was it only my female family members that read The Secret – and by extension – all other self-help books? Because I don’t remember my father, my uncles or my (then) boyfriend reading it. Or any other self-help book on the shelves. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The answer to that is funnily enough – yes. Generally speaking. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Turning to </span><a href="https://blog.gitnux.com/self-help-industry-statistics/#:~:text=Women%20make%20up%20the%20majority,this%20when%20marketing%20their%20books." target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Gitnux</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> again – </span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Women make up the majority of self-help book readers, and African Americans have the highest percentage of self-help book buyers. Most self-help book buyers are under 45 years old and purchase books through planned purchases in chain bookstores, online, or through a friend’s recommendation”.</span></i></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, essentially, an African (American or not) woman under 45, that frequents a bookstore (or shops for titles online) would be the self-help market’s perfect target audience. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Bollocks to that I say. It can’t be. That’s far too general. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So why then is success coach, public speaker, self-help author and actor, </span><a href="https://www.tonyrobbins.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Tony Robbins</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> estimated to have net worth of around $600 Million (</span><a href="https://wealthygorilla.com/tony-robbins-net-worth/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Wealthy Gorilla</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">)?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Again, have I missed something?</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_128 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Do self-help books work?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_80"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Self-help-books-1.jpg" alt="" title="Self help books (1)" class="wp-image-5616" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_129 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">The premise of seeking advice from a self-help book is that you do – in fact – need help. Funny that since it’s kind of in the title of the genre. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But the people that need help (and quickly) often turn to the wisdom and knowledge of “mentors” like Robbins (who has made a success of his self-help career), rather than seeking the professional mental health support and care they most probably desperately need. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Sure, reading </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">how to turn your life around in ten easy steps</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> from the women who turned her love for fudge into a word-wide sensation, can give one hope. It makes you see possibilities in the world and in your circumstance that maybe you didn’t see before. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And that’s a great thing if it does.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Technically there isn’t anything wrong, per se, with the advice of the Queen of the Fudge Empire. It </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">can be inspiring</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. But the problem I have with it is that it’s just her view. It’s just her experience. It doesn’t mean that because you can bake a decent batch of muffins, you will become the Muffin Monarch just because you did what the Fudge Queen told you to do in her book. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And yes, I know that’s not the purpose of the self-help genre. I know that. But I do believe </span><a href="https://medium.com/@crismaximilian?source=post_page-----7737df3aa6e9--------------------------------" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Cristofer Maximilian</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> in his article </span><a href="https://medium.com/@crismaximilian/self-help-books-dont-work-here-s-why-7737df3aa6e9" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Self-Help Books Don’t Work — Here’s Why</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> when he says – </span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“While people lose themselves in a sea of advice, suggestions, routines, and “hacks”, they also lose sight of the fact that no amount of information will change this simple fact: </span></i><b><i>in order to succeed or improve in any area of your life, you need to actually do something”</i></b><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></i></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And there it is. For me at least. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">You can’t just read the book and expect a miracle. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">You need to act. You need to want to make the change. You need to put in the work.</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> And that’s where having a professional coach, psychiatrist or psychologist can be far more beneficial. Why? Because they hold you accountable and support you whilst doing so. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When we’re done with the book, most of us put it back on our shelves. Maybe we sign up for the monthly newsletter. Maybe we read it every second month or so. Maybe we even attend a seminar (or webinar) hosted by the author. But are we really implementing the change we need in our lives? Are we really acting on the – well-meaning and well-intended but perhaps not exactly professional – advice of the self-help author?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The answer is most likely no. Again, generally speaking.</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_130 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Reasons why I believe self-help books don’t work</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_131 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Author of </span><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, </span><a href="https://markmanson.net/self-help" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Mark Manson </span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">sets out five major problems with the self-help industry (that are unlikely to go away). I have (partly) paraphrased for ease of the reading – </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_65 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_107 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_81"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_108 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_132 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Self-help reinforces perceptions of inferiority and shame</strong> –<span style="font-weight: 400;"> there are (generally speaking) two types of people who purchase self-help books. Those that feel they can simply improve on their lives with a few little tips and tricks and those that feel that there’s fundamentally something wrong with them. Those that just want to improve themselves will read a self-help book and go “Ok, I can do that” and not feel disparaged by the contents of the book. Those that feel there’s something fundamentally wrong with them will take the content in the book and use it to make themselves feel even worse about themselves. Because “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">the irony here is that the pre-requisite for self-help to be effective is the one crucial thing that self-help cannot actually help: </span></i><a href="http://amzn.to/2BHZotI" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><b><i>accept yourself as a good person who makes mistakes</i></b></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_66 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_109 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_82"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_110 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_133 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Self-help is often yet another form of avoidance</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – if you suffer with anxiety (like I do) reading a self-help book has two consequences. The first is you replace one neuroticism with another one (in other words instead of feeling anxious about performing in my role as a legal practitioner, I start my own baking business and then become worried about not performing there too). And two, reading the book and implementing the thoughts and advice in the book leads to avoiding the issue altogether. The book becomes more important than dealing with the problem. And that’s not self-helping anyone.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_67 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_111 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_83"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_112 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_134 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Self-help marketing creates unrealistic expectations</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – The Secret comes to mind here. The incentive for the self-help market is not enforcing real change. Instead, the only thing they need to do is create the perception of change. Real or imagined. You see all these people living their best lives because they did steps 1 – 6 out of XYZ self-help book and you feel let down because it isn’t working for you. That’s setting yourself up to fail. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_68 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_113 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_84"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_114 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_135 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Self-help is (usually) not scientifically validated</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – The fact is</span> <span style="font-weight: 400;">people without qualifications, without degrees and with little real expert knowledge of the human brain, psyche and serious mental health issues often write these novels. I mean what gives them the right to give other people advice? And should people really be listening to them?</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_85"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Self-help-books-2.jpg" alt="" title="Self help books (2)" class="wp-image-5617" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_69 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_115 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_86"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_116 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_136 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Self-help is a contradiction</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – self-help amounts to self-improvement. Simple as that. And the purpose of self-improvement is to improve on yourself. To enhance what you already have. Is to accept yourself as is and be happy with that – only needing slight tweaks here and there. The person who has a fundamental problem with who they are is not going to find the help they need. They are looking to replace one aspect of who they are with something else. Something better. That person will never succeed. Instead, they will become bogged down by the </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“nonsense and pseudo-science and suppress your feelings of inadequacy rather than deal with them head-on”. </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Again, who is that self-helping?</span><span style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;"> </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_70"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_117 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_137 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">For me, self-help books create more problems for the people who need real help from medical professionals. Reading a book will not result in real change. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And that seems counterintuitive. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But I’m a cynic.</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_138 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Self-help books – The believers (Frieda’s viewpoint)</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_87"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/BB-Blog-images-Self-help-books.jpg" alt="" title="BB - Blog images - Self help books" class="wp-image-5620" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_139 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Cynical or not, Ali’s viewpoint has its merits. Achieving our goals and dreams requires a lot more than just believing that they are possible. I’d love it if I could think myself to becoming the fastest trail runner on the mountain, but the reality is that if that ever has a chance in hell of happening, I’m going to need to take action. So, Ali and I are in agreement on that point.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I also agree that the motivation driving individuals to pen a self-help book is not selfless. There is undoubtedly a benefit for the author: it forms part of a marketing strategy; they gain recognition as an author; and there is sheer reward and pride in being able to write a book. Gosh, I genuinely hope one day that I find the courage to write my own book.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Selfish or not though, given the effort and time it takes to write a book, I believe that authors of self-help books have a genuine desire to help people. And, even if they are not qualified therapists, people’s stories have the power to provide new perspective and insight, encourage self-reflection and provide a sense of hope. In fact, many psychologists, coaches and therapists often recommend self-help books as a means of developing self-awareness between sessions and helping individuals process issues through the use of stories. It’s called </span><a href="https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/types/bibliotherapy"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">bibliotherapy</span></i></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">. </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_140 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Reasons why I believe there is a place for self-help books</b></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_71 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_118 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_88"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_119 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_141 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>They are affordable </strong><i>– </i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Not everyone can afford therapy or coaching (no matter how much they may need it). It’s the reality of the world we live in. Self-help books provide an accessible and affordable means of gaining insight into issues which individuals are facing. The self-help book genre tackles the full range of topics: from improving self-esteem, coping with stress and developing communication skills to discovering your potential, improving personal relationships and enhancing emotional awareness. Having the ability to read around a topic on which you are struggling and learning from the experience of others is a natural way that humans progress and develop awareness in this world. Why should that be any different merely because it now has the label: “self-help” attached to it.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_72 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_120 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_89"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_121 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_142 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>They are relatable</strong> – <span style="font-weight: 400;">Prior to my own therapy back in 2014, a friend recommended I listen to the audiobook: </span><a href="https://brenebrown.com/book/the-power-of-vulnerability/">“<em>The Power of Vulnerability</em>” by Brené Brown</a><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span><span style="font-weight: 400;">. She was concerned about my inability to set boundaries both in my professional and personal life and could see it was affecting my self-esteem. For me, the power of the book was in its relatability. I was able to connect my struggles with self-worth to those reflected in the book which, in turn, encouraged me to question and challenge my beliefs and thus my negative self-talk. It is a book I will always recommend to clients struggling with self-esteem issues. Brene Brown is so relatable and her tone and delivery allow you to shed the layers of embarrassment and shame that is often attached to low self-esteem. Exposure to that book satisfied my need to belong and feel understood and became my first step to seeking the professional help I required.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_73 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_122 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_90"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_123 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_143 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>You gain a sense of autonomy </strong>– <span style="font-weight: 400;">There are two dominant drivers for reaching out for a self-help book: You either want to learn something new or improve the way you are approaching something (a more proactive, enhancing approach) or you are experiencing a crisis and your existing coping mechanisms are no longer stepping up to the task (a more help-seeking approach). In the latter case, everything feels off balance and you often find yourself feeling stuck and incapable of shifting out of the situation. It’s not a fun place to be. Although potentially not a replacement for coaching or therapy, relevant self-help books can help to restore a sense of autonomy and agency.</span> <span style="font-weight: 400;">The action of purchasing and reading a self-help book restores your mobility and gaining a new perspective on the situation acts as a stepping-stone to restoring equilibrium. You are helping yourself.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_74 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_124 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_91"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_125 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_144 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>You may not need therapy</strong> <i>– </i><span style="font-weight: 400;">As mentioned above, self-help books are not all about fixing you or helping you cope. There is a whole genre of self-help books which are about skill-enhancement, creating self-awareness and assisting with growth and development. You don’t need a therapist for that! Learning from other people’s experiences and what has worked for them is a great way to add new tools to your own skill set. If I’m a new mum, why wouldn’t I want to learn tips and tricks from mothers who have raised 3 kids? If I’m a workaholic, why wouldn’t I want to hear the story of how a former workaholic managed to flip her life into something a lot more fulfilling and balanced? Sometimes all you want and all you need is a new perspective from someone who has walked a similar path before you. A bit of inspiration. What you do with that information is completely up to you. Some things may work, others may not. But without reading those stories, you may never have discovered those techniques or approaches. Who’s at a loss then?</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_75 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_126 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_92"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_127 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_145 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>You continue to grow and learn </strong><i>–</i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> One of Ali’s arguments is that self-help amounts to self-improvement. She argues that we should be seeking self-acceptance rather than self-improvement, and self-help books discourage this. I’m all for self-acceptance i.e. fully embracing who you are, without judgement or comparison to others. However, there is an innate </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">need</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> for humans to grow and develop. Take a look a </span><a href="https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-is-maslow-hierarchy-of-needs">Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs</a> <span style="font-weight: 400;">below:</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_93"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="768" height="500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/BB-Blog-images-Maslows-needs.png" alt="" title="Maslow's hierarchy of needs" class="wp-image-5610" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_146 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Once we have satisfied our lower-level needs of safety, security, love and belonging and we’ve reached a stage of healthy self-esteem, we still need purpose. Needs motivate us. Self-help isn’t about self-improvement (i.e. you are not good enough as you are). Self-help is about self-expansion (i.e. acquiring resources, gaining new perspectives, growing).</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_76"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_128 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_147 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Conclusion</b></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Whether you’re a cynic like Alicia, or believer like Frieda, one thing is for sure – there is a huge readership of self-help books. And there’s clearly reason for it.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As Frieda has highlighted, self-help books do serve a purpose in the therapy/coaching spectrum. They are affordable, accessible, relatable and serve to help individuals address their problems. However, in this “helping” context, we both agree, that they are no substitute for the help of a therapist/coach. If you feel that you really need help, we encourage you to seek the guidance and support of a mental health professional who can support, guide and help you achieve mental wellness. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">On the flip-side, it’s important to remember that self-help books are not all about fixing problems. They exist for self-expansion; to provide inspiration; to generate new ideas; to help you grow. You don’t need a therapist/coach for that. Self-help books – in Frieda’s opinion at least – serve a very valid purpose.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">One final point to make is this. Whatever your views about self-help books, please remember that self-help books are not gospel. They provide the author’s perspective and opinion on a topic which is based on how they see the world and/or how they have analysed data presented to them. It doesn’t mean it’s right. It merely provides a perspective. When reading a self-help book, you therefore have a responsibility to question what you’re reading. Does this apply to me? Do I agree with it? Are my own beliefs and experiences influencing the way I’m interpreting this book?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We hope this article has given you some food for thought.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">One thing we can both agree on though is this – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">happy reading (whatever genre of book you choose)!</span></i></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_77"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_129 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_8 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_78 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_130 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_94"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_131 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_148 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>About the Co-author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_79"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_132 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_95"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/work-with-me/individual-coaching/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Copy-of-linkedin-filler-pictures-7.jpg" alt="" title="Copy of linkedin filler pictures (7)" class="wp-image-5630" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-self-help-conundrum/">The Self-Help Conundrum</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-self-help-conundrum/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Creativity: The superpower leading to a happier and healthier life</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/creativity-the-superpower-leading-to-a-happier-and-healthier-life/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/creativity-the-superpower-leading-to-a-happier-and-healthier-life/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Fri, 17 Mar 2023 11:27:37 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Featured]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[amplified life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[art]]></category> <category><![CDATA[creative]]></category> <category><![CDATA[creative outlet]]></category> <category><![CDATA[creativity]]></category> <category><![CDATA[dance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[depression]]></category> <category><![CDATA[enhance your life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[furniture renovation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[good mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[hobbies]]></category> <category><![CDATA[imagination]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health matters]]></category> <category><![CDATA[painting]]></category> <category><![CDATA[past times]]></category> <category><![CDATA[perspective]]></category> <category><![CDATA[pottery]]></category> <category><![CDATA[productivity]]></category> <category><![CDATA[reduce overwhelm]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relieve anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[singing]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress relief]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work life balance]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=5264</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>If you're seeking to live a happier, healthier and more productive life, then it's time to explore your creativity.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/creativity-the-superpower-leading-to-a-happier-and-healthier-life/">Creativity: The superpower leading to a happier and healthier life</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_9 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_80"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_133 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_149 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></h5> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Before I even start writing this article, it’s imperative for me to turn on some music.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Sometimes it’s Beethoven’s </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Tr0otuiQuU" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Moonlight Sonata</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (I know kind of sombre) – it’s one of my favourite pieces of music – and on other occasions I need to crank up AC/DC’S </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2AC41dglnM" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Thunderstruck</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (because – hell, who doesn’t feel all fired up when this song is cracked up on LOUD?) or listen to the latest Miley Cyrus’s </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7KNmW9a75Y" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Flowers</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (Shhhh don’t tell anyone. This is, strictly speaking, a Rock ‘n Roll family), just to remind myself to exercise </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/self-love/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">self-love, self-respect, and self-care</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Thanks Miley!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Somehow music seems to focus my energy – I know, weird right? It’s as if through the music I can hear and feel the words I put down on paper. Even before I put them on to paper. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s something about the creative process for me. It’s an all-encompassing thing – like living and breathing the words through music, through sound and with it – through emotion. It’s like the air I breathe. It’s my motivation. Even when I don’t “feel like it” (yes, that happens. On occasion). </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But then I put on some tunes, and suddenly the words are pouring out of me. Sometimes nonsensical and verbose requiring some hard-handed fine tuning. But it works. For me. It’s my (creative) process.</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_96"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/Creativity-The-superpower-leading-to-a-happier-and-healthier-life-1-3.jpg" alt="" title="Creativity The superpower leading to a happier and healthier life 1 (3)" class="wp-image-5270" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_150 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>A life without creativity</strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I wasn’t always this way. Working as a lawyer, I didn’t think it allowed for creative pursuits. I always felt like I didn’t have the time. And when I did have the time, I was too tired or too fatigued or too (insert emotion here) to be bothered enough to seek a creative pursuit. And the unfortunate thing about this? Perhaps the obvious thing about this…. I always felt like half a person. Not living to my full potential. A massive piece of my </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/product/puzzle-box/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">puzzle</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> being completely devoid of anything outside of my small world of law that I had created – a big, empty, colourless hole. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I guess – for me at least – being creative, being a writer (even when my writing is not perfect or doesn’t hit the right “notes” or perhaps finds the wrong readership) is like peering – even a tiny bit – into my soul. I relate – entirely – to </span><a href="https://www.britannica.com/biography/George-Bernard-Shaw" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">George Bernard Shaw</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> when he said – </span></p> <p style="padding-left: 40px;"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“You use a glass mirror to see your face. You use works of art to see your soul”. </span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Being able to “see your soul” through works of the creative process – how magic is </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">that?!</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Something anyone can do. In my opinion. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We’re all born with</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> a means to be creativ</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">e, to express ourselves, to standout. And that could be in so many different ways – painting (even badly), writing poetry (even if it sounds childish), drawing (even if it’s a stickman) or applying make-up (even if you look like a clown). </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We’re all able to be creative. And in that realisation – whole new worlds open up to </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">all of us</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_97"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/Creativity-The-superpower-leading-to-a-happier-and-healthier-life-1-2.jpg" alt="" title="Creativity The superpower leading to a happier and healthier life 1 (2)" class="wp-image-5268" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_151 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Creative pursuits assist poor mental health</strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Studies show that being creative and having creative pursuits assist with poor mental health.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In the article </span><a href="https://diversushealth.org/the-mental-health-benefits-of-creativity/#:~:text=How%20Does%20Creativity%20Improve%20Mental,function%20of%20our%20immune%20systems" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Mental Health Benefits of Creativity</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, the following is set out – </span></p> <blockquote><p><em>“Science continues to reveal encouraging evidence about the mental health benefits of creativity. From painting to potting plants, planning parties and beyond, creative activities help us perceive the world in new and different ways. Creativity allows us to create beautiful work, problem-solve, and refresh our bodies and minds. Having fun positively impacts our mental health.</em></p> <p><em>Being creative can increase positive emotions, reduce depressive symptoms and anxiety, and improve the function of our immune systems. The Journal of Positive Psychology supports these findings, stating that “spending time on creative goals during the day is associated with higher activated positive affect.” Positive affect refers to positive moods people experience including joy, happiness, and optimism”.</em></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’m sold on this idea that creativity is vital to good mental health. Because when I’m writing, when I’m listening to music, I can feel the words flow through me and I feel completely at peace. I feel centred. I feel happy. And it’s within this state of “flow” when I’m almost in my own world (“in the zone”) that I become mindful of what I’m thinking and feeling and how the writing is adding to my overall happiness for that day. And that feels like a massive accomplishment. It’s a beautiful thing. Almost euphoric. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But there are times when I’m not so happy. There are times when I have undeniable writer’s block. And putting even one word on a page seems almost impossible. In this space I feel stuck. Uncentred, like I – yet again – have a void inside my soul. A feeling I remember from working as a lawyer and having no creative outlet. Whatsoever. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Being creative and having a place to express helps me be productive. It helps me be the best version of myself. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, when I’m blocked and cannot write, I must turn to other methods of creative expression in order to push through the bad mojo I find myself in. </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_98"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/Creativity-The-superpower-leading-to-a-happier-and-healthier-life-1-4.jpg" alt="" title="Creativity The superpower leading to a happier and healthier life 1 (4)" class="wp-image-5272" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_152 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>The importance of finding a creative outlet</strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Firstly, let’s be honest for a second. It’s not like I’m the next Hemingway. So, this “writer’s” block that I experience is nothing compared to the great writers of our time. I’m not some pseudo artistic savant that has all the answers to all things “creative”. Believe me.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But I do know one thing – tapping into this creative part of my mind (and soul) has opened up so many other parts that I didn’t know existed. Like my penchant for </span><a href="https://www.poetrysoup.com/member_area/my_poems.aspx" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">amateur poetry </span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">and painting. Who knew I could do those things? </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It took a lot of doing </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“a little bit of this and a little bit of that”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> but I found my happy place. The point is you have to </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">start somewhere</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Because if you don’t take your first step, you will always be stuck in exactly the same place. And who wants that?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In an article by </span><a href="https://diversushealth.org/the-mental-health-benefits-of-creativity/#:~:text=How%20Does%20Creativity%20Improve%20Mental,function%20of%20our%20immune%20systems" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Diversus Health</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, they mention –</span></p> <blockquote><p><em>“Practicing creativity is a wellness exercise, similar to having a healthy diet and steady workout routine. Even if we do not think of ourselves as artists or creative innovators, we all have a varying amount of energy, intelligence, and discipline to expand on our ability to express ourselves and be creative.</em></p> <p><em>“The more we practice using our imagination, the better we will be able to express ourselves without the need of verbal language,”</em> says Nguyen. “<em>This also helps us to turn inward amid this noisy world.”</em></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">To add a little more credence to the statement (and article) above, in a research paper by the University of Tennessee titled </span><a href="https://trace.tennessee.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1137&context=utk_nurspubs" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Creativity in Older Adults: A Plethora of Possibilities</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> by Kenneth D Phillips it’s set out that –</span></p> <blockquote><p><em>“Creativity interventions have been shown to positively affect mental and physiological health indicators. The process of creating and one’s attitude toward life may be more important than the actual product or tangible outcome.”</em></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">That’s such an important point. </span><b><i>The process of creating is more important than the thing you create.</i></b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Creating – for creating’s sake – is more beneficial than we know. Whether it’s to ease your anxiety, stress or depression or whether it’s to help open your mind so that you can learn to focus (increasing productivity). The evidence in support of this is overwhelming. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Ok, enough trying to convince you. It’s evident that we need to get creative … and fast! So, let’s get started</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_153 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>My creative passions</strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It will be a trial by error approach to see what works for you – to find that thing (or maybe number of things) that gets you to your place of zen.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But create – for the sake of our mental health – we must. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Now before we get into the ways you can do this, let me add – nowadays finding that extra coin to spend on something “pleasurable” seems like a bit of a tall ask. But let me assure you that there are things you can do that won’t cost a solar panel (South African’s will understand this). And there’s so much to choose from – </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_81 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_134 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_99"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_135 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_154 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong><i>Pick up a paint brush</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – it may sound so pedestrian, but when I paint something, and it turns out even remotely resembling something that could pass as an “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">amateur wannabe arteeest</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”, I’m immensely proud. I feel like I have done something extraordinary. And once I’ve done that, I kind of feel like I could do anything. I get covered in paint, mess all over the place and absolutely love it! I have the time of my life. I especially like working with acrylic paint – its thick and gooey and feels like it carries substance. I get a lot of my supplies from <a href="https://artsavingsclub.co.za/product-category/paint/acrylic-paints/">Artsavingsclub</a></span><span style="font-weight: 400;">. But you can pick up a bunch of art supplies really cheaply, if you google. If you don’t know where to start, how about looking to YouTube for help. Personally, I love </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/c/surajfinearts" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">SurajFineArts – Abstract ART</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – he posts full tutorials on how to go about doing an abstract painting (my favourite kind). Before you know it, and with absolutely no experience, you come out with something that seems pretty impressive. Just take a look at what I did (some of my first using Suraj’s video tutorials) – </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_100"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1303" height="713" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/Creativity-The-superpower-leading-to-a-happier-and-healthier-life-1-1-1.jpg" alt="" title="Creativity The superpower leading to a happier and healthier life 1 (1)" class="wp-image-5267" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_82 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_136 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_101"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_137 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_155 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>Try your hand at pottery </i></strong><i>– </i><span style="font-weight: 400;">there’s nothing like getting your hands well and truly “dirty”. Sticking your hands into the clay and feeling it with each fingertip, getting your senses going. And with a little imagination a ball of clay can become a mug or a platter. I kid you not. I know what you must be thinking – what about a kiln? Sure some clay needs to be fired and glazed but you can also make something just as cool with </span><a href="https://eve-artsupplies.co.za/products/air-drying-clay?variant=34014363156611" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">air drying clay</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Air drying clay is best for sculptures or plaques or something else crafty. I decided to make a platter out of air drying clay and then painted it with different layers of chalk paint to create something – not quite useful – but a lot of fun! If you need some help with where to even begin, take a look at </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FtES7Gd5gHE" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Jonthepotter</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – I love his video’s!</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_102"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="854" height="194" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/Creativity-The-superpower-leading-to-a-happier-and-healthier-life-1-3-1.jpg" alt="" title="Creativity The superpower leading to a happier and healthier life 1 (3)" class="wp-image-5271" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_83 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_138 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_103"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_139 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_156 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>Restore old furniture </i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">– you’ll often find me on days off at antique furniture stores or browsing online auctions for old rickety pieces of furniture. To me there is nothing more beautiful than something with a story, something old and worn in with its own past. And I just drool at that. Good quality wood is key. I know it sounds odd, but my grandfather taught me a lot about different types of wood, what partridge wood is good for or camphor wood – what the grains mean. I loved that. So now I rescue furniture (my home is FULL of antiques either inherited or salvaged). I don’t paint every piece of furniture – some things are just too special to paint. But others are just begging for a lick of paint and an adornment or two. I use nails and often wood glue (to my husband’s dismay) to fix things that need fixing, replace door handles or polish them up (especially if they are brass) and then get to the painting part. I use </span><a href="https://www.anniesloan.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Annie Sloan Chalk Paint</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (which has just brought out two new colours – yay). It’s available worldwide! Sloan even has stencils and gilding waxes (which I use a lot). There is a colour for every room (and mood) and even different paints for different surfaces. It’s so much fun adding a slick of paint to your furniture – why buy new when you can fix up something old? I took an armoire from my late grandmother which was not in the best shape and looking terribly drab. She was begging for a makeover. So, I gave her a pretty dramatic one. I used Athenian Black, added embellishments, and then gilded the hell out of it. It’s not to everyone’s taste but she is grand and dramatic. Just like my gran. Watch </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zU3SX_eXpQQ" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Annie Sloan’s tutorials</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> to get you started.</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_104"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="376" height="554" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/Creativity-The-superpower-leading-to-a-happier-and-healthier-life-1-2-1.jpg" alt="" title="Creativity The superpower leading to a happier and healthier life 1 (2)" class="wp-image-5269" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_84"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_140 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_157 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Ways you can get creative</strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Those are some of the things that I have chosen to do – they are my creative outlet. And they won’t all work for you. So, I have included some other suggestions below –</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_85 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_141 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_105"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_142 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_158 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>Learn to cook</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – I say learn because not everyone is born with this innate ability to produce a meal that gets mouths watering. Also, with the price of food nowadays, it’s something we have all got to learn to do. Sometimes that means using the basic ingredients you have in your pantry. </span><a href="https://www.realsimple.com/food-recipes/recipe-collections-favorites/popular-ingredients/recipes-using-kitchen-staples" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Realsimple</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> has some great easy recipes that you can use with pantry staples (or supposed staples in any event). It’s kind of fun when you throw a couple of things into a pot and somehow miraculously produce an enjoyable meal. In my case, it took a few tries, but it can be done. And it’s fun learning. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_86 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_143 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_106"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_144 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_159 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>Try knitting</i></strong><i> – </i><span style="font-weight: 400;">this is not only good for concentration (you </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">have t</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">o focus), but once you get the hang of it, you can knit scarves and sweaters galore! I can’t say that knitting has ever been quite my thing. But I do see the appeal and realise that it is a skill (yes, a skill) that’s both creative and useful too. It’s also super trendy right now. So, grab some knitting needles, get some cheaper yarn, and get knitting. Before you know it, you will be gifting scarves to everyone on their Birthday – saving money and being creative at the same time! Personally, I will be watching </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Egp4NRhlMDg" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">this video</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> to begin with. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_87 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_145 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_107"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_146 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_160 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><i><strong>Gardening</strong> – </i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I truly believe that some people are born with a green thumb and other people are not. But having said that, I love spending time in a garden centre. All the plants and the colours, the scent! It gives me hope. Even if my garden doesn’t quite resemble anything hopeful. But I do believe that you can learn, and you can propagate plants that you already have (again saving money) – to start to design your own garden, even if it’s a small garden, and make it a happy one. You can start learning how by watching </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ILDnpeCELeY"><span style="font-weight: 400;">this tutorial</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_88 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_147 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_108"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_148 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_161 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><i><strong>Make your own board game</strong> –</i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> it has been said that Frieda knows a thing or two about making her own board game. I kid you not. I read about it in this </span><a href="https://scoutlife.org/hobbies-projects/projects/172763/how-to-make-your-own-board-game/">article</a> <span style="font-weight: 400;">and thought – “sure I can do that” but to my dismay failed dismally. It just wasn’t fun enough (the level of “enough” is a personal choice). But if you’re short on funds and want to make something fun for you and your partner and/or family to do – then this is it. This is Frieda’s family during Christmas 2008 tackling the “Family Quiz” – 300 questions about her family and the shenanigans that they had individually and collectively got up to! I’ve no doubt a lot of fun was had by all!</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_109"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="604" height="452" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/Creativity-The-superpower-leading-to-a-happier-and-healthier-life-1-1.jpg" alt="" title="Creativity The superpower leading to a happier and healthier life 1 (1)" class="wp-image-5266" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_89"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_149 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_162 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If none of the above is quite your thing, there’s still </span><a href="https://www.plymouth.ac.uk/research/education/university-practice-partnerships/learning-across-the-curriculum/art-resources/pebble-painting" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">pebble painting</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (and this involves going out in search of the perfect pebble and only then painting something that reminds you of the walk). It’s a “whole thing”. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Lastly, if you’re a </span><a href="https://www.flyfishersinternational.org/Learn/Learning-Center-Resources/Fly-Tying/Beginner-Fly-Tying-Manual?gclid=Cj0KCQjw2cWgBhDYARIsALggUhr_h_GRxucvZ2nySDNPW3L3P_mJorIZHj32c_SJHu-NuSrOdkoGhgAaAiW0EALw_wcB" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">fly-fisherman</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (I’m what’s known as a “fishing widow”) and you are dead keen on the perfect fly, then learning to tie one could be your thing. There’s so much here I wouldn’t even know where to begin. But when you have famous friends (and mentors) like </span><a href="https://www.thefloatingfly.com/peter-brigg" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Peter Brigg</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span><a href="http://www.tomsutcliffe.co.za/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Tom Sutcliffe</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">,</span><span style="font-weight: 400;"> my husband has learnt a thing or two about fly fishing and fly tying. And if anything, it keeps him out of trouble and has taught him colours like chartreuse (</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”if it aint chartreuse it aint no use” </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">apparently). In all honesty (and don’t tell him I said this but…), it brings him peace and makes him far more amenable to shoe shopping. It’s a really healthy, happy pursuit. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The point is – there are so many creative “things” out there to try! </span> <span style="font-weight: 400;">So, find your place of happiness, your thing of peace and then embrace it. Break away from your everyday routine, indulge in fun activities – create art, sing (even if it’s really badly), dance (“like no one’s watching”) and play (let your inner child free). </span> <span style="font-weight: 400;">Not only will it make you feel good, but it’ll give you renewed hope, a renewed sense of self and will revitalise you. Because one thing’s for sure, whether you are painting, doing pottery, restoring furniture, writing poetry, making a board game, painting a pebble or even tying a fly – you’re not thinking about your worries or stressing about tomorrow. You’re focused on the here and now and are hopefully bringing yourself inner peace and happiness. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Mental health in good shape? Check!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I think this quote may be the best motivator for being creative there is – </span></p> <blockquote> <p>“A creative life is an amplified life. It’s a bigger life, a happier life, an expanded life, and a hell of a lot more interesting life”<b> –</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Elizabeth Gilbert</span></p> </blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you really have no clue where to begin or what to do, why not join Frieda’s </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Creative Breakfast for Women</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – and put this article into practice! </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/newsletter-sign-up/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Sign up for the Braving Boundaries Newsletter</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> to find out more or contact Frieda Levycky </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">here</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_9 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_90 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_150 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_110"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_151 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_163 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong></p> <p>Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>.</p> <p><strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></p></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/creativity-the-superpower-leading-to-a-happier-and-healthier-life/">Creativity: The superpower leading to a happier and healthier life</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/creativity-the-superpower-leading-to-a-happier-and-healthier-life/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> </channel> </rss>