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<title>mental health advocate Archives - Braving Boundaries</title>
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<title>It’s Time to Exercise Self-Love</title>
<link>https://bravingboundaries.com/self-love/</link>
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<dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Tue, 21 Feb 2023 10:47:42 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Love]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[boundaries]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[courage]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[love]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[make yourself a priority]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[mental health advocate]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[priorities]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[priority]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[respect]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[self-care]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[self-love]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[self-prioritization]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[self-respect]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[you are your priority]]></category>
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<description><![CDATA[<p>A heart-felt and deeply personal reflection about the importance of self-love, self-care and self-respect.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/self-love/">It’s Time to Exercise Self-Love</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p>
]]></description>
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<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist" target="_blank" rel="noopener">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></h5>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s the month of love and around the world people are oohing and aahing over Valentine’s Day cards and meals out with their loved ones.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s a time for </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/8-lessons-learned-about-finding-love-ps-its-no-hollywood-movie/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Rom Coms galore</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, chocolates and even a glass of bubbly or two. Because you know – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">we are celebrating love in all its glory.</span></i></p>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Cupid doing his thing and living his best life. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The funny thing is, whether in a relationship or not, we kind of miss the point. We are so used to expressing love outwardly and for other people that we completely neglect the love that we should be exercising for ourselves inwardly. Self-love. Self-care. Self-respect.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">These three things are all interconnected. And they are all about the Self.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Because if you have respect for yourself and care for yourself, ultimately you are showing love for yourself. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And that’s where I think Cupid sometimes misses the mark. Because, let’s be honest, taking a leaf out of the magnificent Ru Paul’s book – </span><a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=ru+paul+if+you+cant+love+yourself+how+in+the+hell&rlz=1C1AVFC_enZA990ZA990&oq=ru+paul+if+you+cant+love+yourself+how+in+the+hell+&aqs=chrome..69i57.11422j0j15&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:2dcb2826,vid:kyarSnDGHuE" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“if you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?”. </span></i></a></p>
<p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Can I get an “Amen” up in here?</span></i></div>
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<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>But, self-love? I’m a complete hypocrite.</strong></h2>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If I seem like I have everything all wrapped up in one big bow with my (excuse the language) shite together – that would be a big fat lie. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I don’t. Far from it.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">You see, when it comes to expressing self-love, I am the absolute worst at it. So, basically I’m a hypocrite – writing all about self-love, care and respect when I don’t do any of that for myself. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Then again, it’s always so much easier to advise others on how to live their best life without doing so yourself…. It makes you think, doesn’t it?</span></p>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The truth is, I’m pretty hard on myself. I put immense pressure on myself to do better, to do more, to be more, to give more. Constantly. It always feels like I’m filling other people’s cups up while my own runs dry. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If we are being honest here. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">This is truer now – over the last couple of weeks – than ever before. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Sure, life happens and sometimes we do need to put others’ needs before our own. But the big question is – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">how often does this really happen? </span></i></p>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For me personally and as much as I love my partner, my family and my friends (and am immensely grateful for all of them), I would probably guess that putting others’ needs before my own happens more often than not. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s no wonder that I’m kind of feeling like a big cloud is hanging over my head and it’s starting to drizzle. With no raincoat or umbrella, not even Cupid’s arrow can help me now.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, putting my “big girl panties on”, it’s time to take some action. And refill my own cup. After all – there’s a universal rule (especially in aviation) – you need to put your own oxygen mask on first, before attempting to help those around you. Sure, this may sound selfish. Putting yourself before others. But it’s also very, very necessary.</span></p>
<p><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Cobpj3KoOoV/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Make yourself a priority once in a while. It’s not selfish, it’s necessary. At the end of the day, YOU are your longest commitment” – </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Easy Wisdom</span></a></p>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Ain’t that the truth! YOU are your longest and greatest commitment, so why not make yourself a priority? Why not do things for yourself?</span></p>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The answer is simple (and it should be easy) – there is absolutely no reason not to. If everyone else is getting in the way of doing that or all your commitments have become too much for you to cope with, then you need to start making some room.</span></div>
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<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>How do we exercise self-love, self-care and self-respect?</strong></h2>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Beatles once crooned </span><a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=all+you+need+is+love&rlz=1C1AVFC_enZA990ZA990&oq=all+you+need+is+&aqs=chrome.1.69i57j0i271.4432j0j15&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:1409702f,vid:_7xMfIp-irg" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">“All you need is love”</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and while I can (almost) wholeheartedly agree, it’s the all you need is </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">self-love</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> part that is missing. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I need to fall in love with </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">myself </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">again.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In order to do that – and for me – I always need to understand what it is (at its core) that I am trying to do. Falling in love with other people, like my hubby, was easy. I know how to do that. But finding and falling in love with myself is a whole different ball game. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, to begin the self-love journey, I need to understand what “self-love” truly means. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">According to the </span><a href="https://www.bbrfoundation.org/blog/self-love-and-what-it-means" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Brain and Behavior Research Foundation</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, self-love is defined as follows – </span></p>
<p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others. Self-love means not settling for less than you deserve.”</span></i></p>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And that </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">seems</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> straight forward enough… supporting our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. But I’m still not 100% sure </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">how</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> to go about doing that.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, here’s what I’m going try …</span></div>
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<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>7 Steps to falling in love with yourself</strong></h2></div>
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<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>I need to do more of what makes me happy</i> </strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">like reading, writing (for myself) and getting back into painting and sculpting. Take a pottery class. Go to gym more often – it helps burn off some of my anxiety. I need to take more long baths and enjoy a glass of wine if I feel like it – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">damn the judgement! </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I need to do more of the things that make me happy. Even if – perhaps especially if – I do them alone (my husband does not like sculpting and has no desire for a </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-MxKd1WY2k" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Patrick Swayze and Demo Moore Ghost moment</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">). </span></div>
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<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">I also need to understand that </span><strong>s</strong><i><strong>ometimes not doing something is exactly what I should be doing</strong> </i><span style="font-weight: 400;">– nothing. We are only human after all. And despite recently going 46 hours without sleep (I don’t recommend this), we all need to and should turn off. When you are a busy person and feel like you are all over the place, doing nothing feels counterintuitive. But trust me when I say that it’s also necessary. I find it almost impossible and will forever have my grandmother’s words in my head – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“You only lie on the bed when you are sick. Otherwise, you must be outside and playing or doing something. Make something out of your day.”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> But that</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> is</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> why I feel like the </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gDCAEyLABo" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Duracell Bunny </span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">most of the time. And while it is sage advice – if taken holistically – it doesn’t help when I feel overwhelmed, forget who I am and what I want out of life. It’s time to put a stop to that. At once. It’s time to simply take deep breaths, light a candle and chill the f**k out! </span></div>
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<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>I need to be more mindful and practice daily mindfulness</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> in the form of being completely present in a single moment. Instead of worrying about what the future holds or being anxious about what I should have done or could have done, I need to focus my attention on the here and now. I need to pay attention to and focus on how I’m feeling, what my body is telling me and become more aware of what I want, think and feel. </span></div>
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<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>Working on my bad habits</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> is also something I need to address – it’s all too easy to place reliance on “something” in order to get through a stressful day. Or to make ourselves feel better. I have done that more than I care to admit. Especially recently. Whether that’s a (small) tub of </span><a href="https://paulshomemade.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Paul’s Homemade Ice-cream</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (yes, it’s amazing!) or anti-anxiety medication or even that glass of wine. We all (myself included) need to understand that these bad(ish) habits don’t serve us and instead, we need to (I need to) replace them with ones that do. That can be tough to work out. And often the best course of action is to seek guidance from a professional about how to go about doing this – like </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/work-with-me/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">working with Frieda Levycky</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> as an example. I need to truly practice self-care in the form of healthy eating habits, physical activity and (if I can muster the patience), meditation. Taking care of myself as a whole, rather than simply focus on one bad habit. A holistic approach to self-love</span></div>
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<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>Being kind to myself and setting some healthy boundaries</i></strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">are key for me. I have recently experienced some very harsh, cruel and horrible criticism from someone I loved and trusted, at a time when I lost a family member and have been feeling at my lowest point. The things that were said are unforgivable and they truly and very deeply broke my heart. It’s part of the reason I was unable to sleep for 46 hours. The thing is, what was said </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">was</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> cruel and hurtful (beyond what I believed a close family member would say) but they also </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">weren’t true</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. That person was going through their own grief and guilt and lashed out at the person that they believed could take it. Possibly because I have before. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The thing is, I have never said “no” before. I’ve never felt that it was ok to tell someone that their words had hurt me or that their actions were not acceptable. I haven’t put up boundaries before. So doing it now (seemingly “all of a sudden”) has been a bitter pill for others to swallow. But it’s been necessary. You see, it’s often so much easier to believe the negative things, the cruel things, the degrading things about ourselves, than to believe all the good stuff about who we are inside. The things I </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">have</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> done, the people I </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">have </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">helped, the work I </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">have </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">done and what I </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">have</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> accomplished, the love I </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">do</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> give to others. I have forgotten about all the successes. All because one person told me I wasn’t worthy. Being kind to myself also means sticking up for myself. Saying no. And not taking the hurt. So, yes, I need to start setting some healthy boundaries.</span></div>
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<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>I need to practice positive self-talk.</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> And no, this doesn’t mean I will be walking around my house talking aloud to myself (which I already do btw), I mean more of outwardly saying “I love myself” without feeling embarrassed or believing myself to be self-centered or narcissistic. I need to stop the self-criticism and start believing more in who I am and what I have done. I also need to give myself room to forgive myself. Consistently punishing myself for saying something out of turn or for making a small mistake is just not healthy. I have to learn that I am just human, I am flawed, I have imperfections. I need to learn to love my humanness.</span></div>
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<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>I need to weed out the toxic people in my life</i></strong><i> </i><strong><i>– </i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">this may be a little bit of repetition but it is important for my own self-worth. While setting my healthy boundaries, I also need to start protecting myself against toxic people. If I can (and this is sometimes easier said than done), I need to dismiss or avoid them as often as I can. I need to start cutting them out of my life. Again, easier in principle. But the toxicity only brings me down, it sucks the energy from me and leaves me completely flat. Unable to love myself. I need to start recognizing that anyone who shoves me into the dark so they can have my light, anyone that continually criticizes me or stops me from being me, needs to hit the road. I need to stop giving people second and third chances. I need to walk away. Instead, I need to surround myself with people who build me up and support me, not those who thrill in my misfortune.</span></div>
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<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Now, I’m not saying those 7 steps are the be all and end all of falling in love with myself again. Even starting with just one of those steps above would be a huge start. I can see how all of that change in one go is likely to feel quite overwhelming. It’s going to take some time. And work. It’s going to take me having an active role in my </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">own</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> happiness. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But they </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">are</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> steps in the right direction.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Falling in love with someone else is amazing, staying in love takes work but loving yourself is the most important thing any of us can do – we are our longest commitments.</span><strong><i> It’s time to put in the work.</i></strong></p>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Now not to be facetious or weird about it, but tonight I’m going to run a bubble bath, pour myself a glass of bubbly, put on my favorite song and have a date with myself.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But that’s me and my journey. How are you going to start loving yourself? What one thing can you do right now that is solely for your own happiness? Go on, do it. And then, every day, do it that little bit more. </span></div>
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<span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span>
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<div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong></p>
<p>Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p>
<p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Legal Belletrist website</a>.</p>
<p><strong>Email: [email protected] </strong></div>
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<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/self-love/">It’s Time to Exercise Self-Love</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p>
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<title>It’s not just you – Our sporting heroes struggle with mental health too!</title>
<link>https://bravingboundaries.com/its-not-just-you-our-sporting-heroes-struggle-with-mental-health-too/</link>
<comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/its-not-just-you-our-sporting-heroes-struggle-with-mental-health-too/#respond</comments>
<dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Wed, 25 Aug 2021 19:23:29 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[athletes]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[depression]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[good mental health]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[high achievers]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[lawyers]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[mental health advocate]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[mental health awareness]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[mental health matters]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[mental well being]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[mental wellbeing]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[mental wellness]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[olympics]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[sport stars]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[sporting heroes]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[sporting legends]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[sports stars]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[stress]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[stress awareness]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[work life balance]]></category>
<guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=3125</guid>
<description><![CDATA[<p>Many people, sports stars and everyday people alike, experience mental health issues. But it’s what we choose to do about them that counts.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/its-not-just-you-our-sporting-heroes-struggle-with-mental-health-too/">It’s not just you – Our sporting heroes struggle with mental health too!</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p>
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<h5 class="wp-block-heading"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></em></h5>
<p></p>
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<p><em>It’s “Ok not to be Ok”. Honestly.</em></p>
<p>Choice.</p>
<p>Choice is a funny thing. It’s something we all have. </p>
<p>We can choose who we love, we can choose how we worship. We can choose our sexual orientation. We can choose what political parties we follow and those we don’t. We can say no to the things we disagree with. And we can stand up for the things we do. We can get married, or not. Have children. Don’t have children. We can abort an unwanted pregnancy, or not – your body, your choice. We can choose to study or not. We can choose to live the way we want to. </p>
<p><em>And we can choose how we feel and what to do about it.</em></p>
<p>These are all choices we get to make every single day. </p>
<p><em>But what if you were not happy with your choices?</em></p>
<p>Take myself as an example. </p>
<p>I am a qualified and admitted attorney. I completed an undergraduate B.Com Law degree and thereafter a post graduate LL.B degree. Definitely achievements to be proud of. To Be sure. And I <em>was.</em> </p>
<p>I was proud to be called an Attorney or General Counsel or In-house counsel. <em>Whatever the title</em>. I was proud that I was given the opportunity to study when some people weren’t. I was proud that I could draft international contracts and win cases. I was proud of what I had achieved. <em>La-di-da.</em></p>
<p>But I was also deeply unhappy. I suffered from anxiety, stress to the extreme, I felt inadequate and constantly felt like a failure. An imposter. My mental health really took a knock. And it was so hard to admit that. </p>
<p>I wasn’t doing what I believed I should be doing. I felt like when it came down to it, I wasn’t living the life I wanted to live. I was just going through the motions. Even though I had been trained to be what I was and was operating at high levels.</p>
<p>And I didn’t (yet) have the guts to say – <em>Stop. Enough. I don’t want this. I am unhappy. </em></p>
<p>And I felt so alone in that.</p>
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<div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter size-full"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/1-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3150"/></figure></div>
<h2 class="wp-block-heading">The truth is – you are not alone – poor mental health affects us all </h2>
<p>Growing up we are all led to believe (whether it is through our families influence, TV, Magazines and now social media) that famous people are above it all. Immune to “<em>feeling all the feels”.</em> </p>
<p>Like money, fame and success can make them immune to feeling inadequate, like feeling like a failure, like being anxious, unsure. Feeling not quite themselves. Feeling down or even being depressed.</p>
<p>But it simply isn’t true. </p>
<p>After all, even famous people are human.</p>
<p>It’s funny, when I started writing this article, I wanted to discuss how athletes perform to these extremely high standards and how they are able to motivate themselves through the hard times. But it has turned into something more than that. </p>
<p>And it started with the 2020 Tokyo Olympics which really did shine a spotlight on mental health issues. </p>
<p><em>And the humanity of it all. </em></p>
<p>The “real” of it all – behind all the camera flashes, TV interviews and million dollar endorsements.</p>
<p>How, despite <em>“having the world at their feet</em>” even professional athletes trained to withstand immense pressure both in their professional and private lives <em>can fall. Can fail. And can feel it.</em></p>
<p>It is surprising which of the people we look up to, mold ourselves after or wish we could be, have suffered through their own bouts of mental health issues. Have wanted things to stop. Or have wanted to change their circumstances. But they have come through it – not entirely unscathed – but they have made it through. <em>Because of the choices they made.</em></p>
<p>And it is these people that outperform, that compete at high levels and to high standards (for a living), that put smiles on for the crowds and wave to their fans. It’s the people that win the gold medals, the people that set the records – or break them. <em>It is the people that admit they are suffering despite their fame and success,</em> that I want to talk about. </p>
<p>Because maybe we can learn a thing or two from their experiences. Especially around the choices they decided to make. <em>Despite it all.</em></p>
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<h2 class="wp-block-heading">Mental health – Even our heroes cry</h2>
<p>In an article titled <a href="https://www.vogue.com/article/how-have-other-leading-athletes-addressed-their-struggles-with-mental-health" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">How Have Leading Athletes Addressed Their Struggles With Mental Health?</a>, the following was set out – </p>
<blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow"><p><em>“The nonprofit </em><a href="https://www.athletesforhope.org/2019/05/mental-health-and-athletes/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><em>Athletes for Hope</em></a><em> has estimated that 35% of professional athletes experience problems with their mental health, facing everything from eating disorders and burnout to depression and anxiety—but they’re not often discussed on the world’s largest stages, especially not by players at the top of their careers”.</em></p></blockquote>
<p>And that is where we begin.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="683" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/simone-biles.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3128"/><figcaption> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" height="18" width="18" src="http://lgimages.s3.amazonaws.com/data/imagemanager/23236/cc.png"></a> <a href="https://live.staticflickr.com/8010/28302956634_d6900e6a70_b.jpg" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Ginástica Artística – Final individual feminino – Simone Biles/EUA – Medalha de Ouro</a> by Danilo Borges /ME /Brasil2016. </figcaption></figure>
<p>It is no surprise that during the 2020 Tokyo Olympics, <strong><em>Simone Biles</em></strong>, a four-time Olympic gold medalist, with 32 Olympic and world medals, made headlines when she <a href="https://www.nbcnews.com/news/olympics/simone-biles-out-team-gymnastics-final-after-apparent-injury-n1275121" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">pulled out of the U.S. team gymnastics finals</a> – withdrawing from the team all-around, the individual all-around, the vault, floor exercise and uneven bar events. She stated that the emotional toll of the Tokyo Games, (and not her physical health) had taken its toll on her which prompted her withdrawal. </p>
<p>Simone is widely considered to be the <a href="https://www.nbcnews.com/news/olympics/simone-biles-prepares-compete-balance-beam-final-n1275766" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">world’s best gymnast</a> – at the young age of only 24 – <a href="https://www.nbcnews.com/news/olympics/simone-biles-prepares-compete-balance-beam-final-n1275766" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">tied for the most Olympic record medals won</a> by an American gymnast. </p>
<p>She is arguably at the top of her game, <em>how could she be suffering from mental health issues?</em> </p>
<p>But she is. And she walked away from one of the biggest athletic competitions in the world in order to focus on her own mental health. On her own terms. And with her head held high. She is not ashamed. <em>Nor should she be.</em> </p>
<p>Experts have said that if the 2020 Tokyo Olympics was a measure for her future success and ability to compete – she may have missed her curtain call. But, at the very same time, she is leaving behind a legacy that transcends sports. And she has become a household name.</p>
<p>Simone who is a survivor of the USA Gymnastics team’s former doctor, Larry Nassar’s abuse (he was accused of sexually assaulting more than 120 girls. He pleaded guilty to sexually abusing 10 minors in a Michigan court in 2018 and is serving up to 175 years in prison), is now able to speak out against sexual abuse, mental health issues and will represent the shift towards advocating for better safety and better treatment of athletes and coaches alike.</p>
<p>And that’s a big deal! </p>
<p><strong><em>But if you think Simone is the only athlete to experience mental health issues, you would be sorely mistaken</em></strong></p>
<p>According to the article <a href="https://www.healthcentral.com/slideshow/famous-athletes-that-struggle-with-depression" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">10 Famous Athletes Who Struggle With Depression</a>, –</p>
<blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow"><p><em>”AN </em><a href="https://www.ncaa.org/sport-science-institute/mind-body-and-sport-depression-and-anxiety-prevalence-student-athletes" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><em>NCAA survey</em></a><em> of athletes found that 30 percent reported feeling depressed over the course of a year. Why? Research from the </em><a href="https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/the-british-journal-of-psychiatry/article/setting-the-bar-athletes-and-vulnerability-to-mental-illness/E4A39433B58B9A44D821D7A9E2C2D04C" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><em>Northern Ireland Association of Mental Health</em></a><em> suggests competitive failure and other factors can lead to psychological distress”.</em></p></blockquote>
<p><em>Our heroes have been crying for a while now, we just didn’t notice. </em></p>
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<h2 class="wp-block-heading">Joe Marler</h2>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/Joe_Marler_10243050205-1024x695.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3129"/><figcaption> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" height="18" width="18" src="http://lgimages.s3.amazonaws.com/data/imagemanager/23236/cc.png"></a> <a href="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/e3/Joe_Marler_%2810243050205%29.jpg" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Joe Marler</a> by Charlie. </figcaption></figure>
<p>The Harlequins and England prop was the subject of a Sky Sports documentary <a href="https://www.skysports.com/rugby-union/news/12321/12303342/joe-marler-discusses-battle-with-depression-and-goes-on-journey-to-rebuild-his-mental-health-in-sky-sports-big-boys-dont-cry" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Big Boys Don’t Cry</a> in which he talked openly about learning to cope with his mental health issues and how he battled with mental health in his private life and during his time playing rugby on the international stage.</p>
<p>He described how he opened up to his wife and close friends and sought to get help from them in order to better understand what was going on. He saw a psychiatrist, got an evaluation, had several sessions and was put on anti-depressants.</p>
<p>He has said that – </p>
<figure class="wp-block-pullquote"><blockquote><p><em>“We are required to dominate and intimidate opposing players when we cross the white line on the pitch, we must show no weakness or vulnerability in order to win. But it doesn’t have to be like that off the pitch.”</em></p><cite>Joe Marler</cite></blockquote></figure>
<p>Which is completely right. </p>
<p>Through Big Boys Don’t Cry, Joe has travelled around the UK to open up the conversation around mental health challenges and meet people along the way who are learning to manage their mental wellbeing.</p>
<p><em>Big boys can (and do) cry!</em></p>
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<h2 class="wp-block-heading">Michael Phelps</h2>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="683" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/Michael_Phelps_conquista_20a_medalha_de_ouro_e_e_ovacionado_1036422-09082016-_mg_7107-1024x683.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3130"/><figcaption><a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/br/deed.en" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" height="18" width="18" src="http://lgimages.s3.amazonaws.com/data/imagemanager/23236/cc.png"></a> <a href="https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fcommons.wikimedia.org%2Fwiki%2FFile%3AMichael_Phelps_conquista_20%25C2%25AA_medalha_de_ouro_e_%25C3%25A9_ovacionado_1036422-09082016-_mg_7107.jpg&psig=AOvVaw3VgSa8K4OMqWCplE1z67HT&ust=1629966413444000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CAwQjhxqFwoTCJCG_Njjy_ICFQAAAAAdAAAAABAy" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Michael Phelps</a> by Fernando Frazão/Agência Brasil.</figcaption></figure>
<p>Winner of 28 Olympic medals, retired competitive swimmer Michael Phelps is considered to be <em>one</em> of the most successful and most decorated Olympians of all time. But at a conference held at <a href="https://www.thekennedyforum.org/livestream/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">the Kennedy Forum</a> in 2018 he told a shocked audience that he had contemplated suicide. In a <a href="https://edition.cnn.com/2018/01/19/health/michael-phelps-depression/index.html" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">CNN article</a> it was stated that during a discussion with political strategist <a href="https://edition.cnn.com/profiles/david-axelrod" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">David Axelrod</a>, Michael spoke openly about his battle against anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts. He admitted to turning to alcohol (in 2004 Phelps was charged with driving under the influence) and drugs (in 2008 just weeks after he had won a record number of eight gold medals at the Beijing Olympics was photographed smoking marijuana). He admitted that – </p>
<blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow"><p><em>“Drugs were a way of running from “whatever it was I wanted to run from. It would be just me self-medicating myself, basically daily, to try to fix whatever it was that I was trying to run from.”</em></p></blockquote>
<p>But he got help. </p>
<p>And has now admitted that by talking about his feelings, <em>“life became easy.”</em></p>
<p>He also admitted to something that a lot of us <em>may</em> be guilty of – </p>
<blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow"><p><em>“I was very good at compartmentalizing things and stuffing things away that I didn’t want to talk about, I didn’t want to deal with, I didn’t want to bring up — I just never ever wanted to see those things,”</em></p><cite>Michael Phelps</cite></blockquote>
<p>Sound familiar?</p>
<p>Lastly, he said one of the most important things that I think we can take away from <em>his</em> experience – </p>
<figure class="wp-block-pullquote"><blockquote><p><strong><em>“It’s OK to not be OK”</em></strong><em> and that mental illness “has a stigma around it and that’s something we still deal with every day. </em><strong><em>I think people actually finally understand it is real. People are talking about it and I think this is the only way that it can change</em></strong><em>.”</em></p><cite>Michael Phelps</cite></blockquote></figure>
<p>Today, he is making a difference by helping others through the <a href="https://michaelphelpsfoundation.org/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Michael Phelps Foundation</a> and the <a href="https://www.bgca.org/about-us/our-partners/michael-phelps" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Boys and Girls Clubs of America</a>. </p>
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<h2 class="wp-block-heading">Naomi Osaka</h2>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1023" height="659" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/naomi-osaka.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3135"/><figcaption> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" height="18" width="18" src="http://lgimages.s3.amazonaws.com/data/imagemanager/23236/cc.png"></a> <a href="https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/49384180057_963de57e09_b.jpg" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Naomi Osaka</a> by Rob Prange. </figcaption></figure>
<p>Beating Serena Williams in the 2018 U.S Open Final, 23 year old Naomi has been unveiled by <a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/brettknight/2021/06/02/naomi-osaka-is-the-highest-paid-female-athlete-ever-and-her-french-open-exit-may-actually-help-her/?sh=8de09591ef8b" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Forbes</a> as the world’s highest-paid sportswoman, making $60 million (with $55 million coming from endorsements) in the past 12 months alone. </p>
<p>It is the <a href="https://www.news.com.au/sport/sports-life/champions/naomi-osaka-is-highest-paid-female-athlete-in-history/news-story/e12cc80d12d7febff0d93154990ff6e2" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">largest number earned by a woman in history</a>, shattering the single-year earning mark of $45.5 million set by Maria Sharapova in 2015. Naomi has many lucrative deals under her belt with the likes of Nike and Nissan, amongst a host of others. </p>
<p>Everyone knows her name. She is well and truly on top of her game. And coining it. </p>
<p><em>But is she really?</em></p>
<p>Naomi came under fire when she <a href="https://www.self.com/story/naomi-osaka-wont-do-interviews-french-open" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">announced that she would not take part in press interviews</a> whilst at the 2021 French Open resulting in a fine of $15,000 from the tournament’s authorities – which she had hoped would <em>“go towards a mental health charity.”</em></p>
<p>In a statement posted on Twitter and Instagram, Naomi said that – </p>
<blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow"><p><em>“I’ve often felt that people have no regard for athletes’ mental health and this rings very true whenever I see a press conference or partake in one.”</em></p></blockquote>
<p>She later went on to withdraw from the tournament altogether citing anxiety and wanting to exercise self-care. She needed time to focus on her mental health. </p>
<p>Whilst she suffered a harsh fine due to not abiding by her media obligations, <a href="https://www.rolandgarros.com/en-us/article/statement-from-grand-slam-tournaments-regarding-naomi-osaka" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">the Roland Garros authorities warned</a> that if Osaka continued to “ignore her media obligations,” she could incur more violations and risk more extreme fines and even suspensions from further Grand Slam tournaments. They were later <a href="https://www.nzherald.co.nz/sport/tennis-world-condemns-naomi-osaka-treatment-after-she-withdraws-from-french-open/BPW2YIM5LN5BCCPQUSW3SJALEY/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">lambasted for how she was treated</a>.</p>
<p>Prominent athletes and celebrities rallied around Naomi with messages of care and support. With Venus Williams even commenting – <em>“So proud of you. Take care of yourself and see you back winning soon.”</em></p>
<p>And a truly meaningful message coming from tennis icon Martina Navratilova who tweeted – </p>
<blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow"><p><em>“I am so sad about Naomi Osaka. I truly hope she will be OK. As athletes we are taught to take care of our body, and perhaps the mental & emotional aspect gets short shrift”.</em></p></blockquote>
<p>And that’s really the point. </p>
<p>People (famous or not) constantly focus on their physical health and wellbeing. As if that’s all that makes up a human being. But there should be more attention on the mental health of society as well. </p>
<p><em>Mental health issues are not just a trend. And they should not just be paid lip service. Real action needs to be taken. </em></p>
<p>By all of us.</p>
<p>In an essay titled Naomi Osaka: ‘It’s O.K. Not to Be O.K.’ in <a href="https://time.com/6077128/naomi-osaka-essay-tokyo-olympics/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Time magazine</a>, Naomi said this – </p>
<blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow"><p><em>“Life is a journey.</em></p><p><em>In the past few weeks, my journey took an unexpected path but one that has taught me so much and helped me grow. I learned a couple of key lessons.</em></p><p><em>Lesson one: you can never please everyone. The world is as divided now as I can remember in my short 23 years. Issues that are so obvious to me at face value, like wearing a mask in a pandemic or kneeling to show support for anti-racism, are ferociously contested. I mean, wow. So, when I said I needed to miss French Open press conferences to take care of myself mentally, I should have been prepared for what unfolded.</em></p><p><em>Lesson two was perhaps more enriching. It has become apparent to me that literally everyone either suffers from issues related to their mental health or knows someone who does. The number of messages I received from such a vast cross section of people confirms that. </em><strong><em>I think we can almost universally agree that each of us is a human being and subject to feelings and emotions</em></strong><em>.</em></p><p><em>Perhaps we should give athletes the right to take a mental break from media scrutiny on a rare occasion without being subject to strict sanctions”.</em></p></blockquote>
<p>And those are profound lessons for someone of her tender age. </p>
<p>Naomi thanks Michael Phelps for his support stating – </p>
<blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow"><p><strong><em>“Michael Phelps told me that by speaking up I may have saved a life. If that’s true, then it was all worth it.”</em></strong></p></blockquote>
<p>Naomi later withdrew from Wimbledon as well. </p>
<p>Whilst she competed in the 2020 Tokyo Olympics, she did not perform as expected (or as she had hoped) being knocked out of the women’s singles tennis by Marketa Vondrousova of the Czech Republic.</p>
<p>Naomi merely said that <em>it sucked to lose</em>. Which it undoubtedly did. </p>
<p><em>We hear you and we get it!</em></p>
<p>But Naomi’s move to withdraw from interviews and international tournaments has <a href="https://www.iol.co.za/sport/olympics/athletes-like-simone-biles-ought-to-be-applauded-for-speaking-out-on-mental-illness-6085849b-d439-463e-9f8f-bff82622f32f" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">sp</a>arked talks worldwide around mental health – people are being made more aware of the fact that mental health issues do actually exist, that it is not something to be ashamed of and that professional athletes suffer from mental health issues too. Which is an important thing!</p>
<p>Naomi’s advocacy for mental health for professional athletes will enable her to encourage others to take their mental health seriously and will help change the industry. For the better. </p>
<p><em>And hopefully, influence wider society whilst she is at it.</em></p>
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<div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter size-full"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/2-Small-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3152"/></figure></div>
<h2 class="wp-block-heading">See? Poor mental health affects us all – It’s not just you!</h2>
<p>As you can see – <em>even the mighty fall</em>. </p>
<p>Whilst it may feel like it sometimes, you are not alone. </p>
<p>Many people, famous and everyday people alike, experience mental health issues. But <em>it’s what we choose to do about them that counts.</em></p>
<p>In an article titled <a href="https://healthblog.uofmhealth.org/brain-health/a-game-changer-for-mental-health-sports-icons-open-up" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">A game-changer for mental health: Sports icons open up</a>, they said – </p>
<blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow"><p><em>“They had the world’s spotlight shining on them.</em></p><p><em>They had trained for years for this moment.</em></p><p><em>Millions of fans waited to watch them compete and see them hoist a trophy or a gold medal once again.</em></p><p><strong><em>Instead, they used that spotlight to say something few world-famous athletes have ever dared to say out loud: I need to step away from this competition and focus on my mental health.</em></strong></p><p><em>And by doing so, gymnast Simone Biles, tennis player Naomi Osaka, basketball player Kevin Love and a handful of others at the pinnacle of their athletic careers </em><strong><em>have helped accelerate a trend that mental health experts at the University of Michigan say is long overdue</em></strong><em>.</em></p><p><em>By being open about what they were experiencing, and not “toughing it out” or stifling their feelings like generations of athletes have had to do, these icons did more than spare themselves injury or defeat.</em></p><p><em>Their public choice to seek help for depression, anxiety, overwhelming stress and other concerns could help athletes at all levels have the courage to seek professional help, and a break from competition if they need it.”</em></p></blockquote>
<p>And that is exactly the point – these athletes made a choice. One that benefitted their own safety, their own mental health and their own well-being. And for those that look up to them, it will hopefully educate and encourage society to speak more openly about their own mental health issues. </p>
<p>Times are clearly changing. For professional athletes at the top of their games (earning millions), in the midst of worldwide competitions, to stop and also say – <em>Enough. I don’t want this. I am unhappy</em>. Despite fines, loss of earnings or endorsements – speaks volumes. </p>
<p>It shows that no one is immune. And that regardless of your position, you have a choice to stand up for yourself, to change your circumstances, to say no, to act in your own best interests, to say enough is enough, to admit that you have a problem. And most importantly, to ask for help. </p>
<p>Even when you are a famous sportsperson, even when you are a famous actor, like <a href="https://www.self.com/story/kit-harington-depression-addiction" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Kit Harington</a> (as only one isolated example). </p>
<p><em>Even when you are at the top of your game.</em></p>
<p>You have choice. Don’t tough it out. Don’t suffer in silence. </p>
<p>And know that you can change your situation for the better. </p>
<p>As Michael Phelps tweeted – <em>“getting help is a sign of strength, not weakness”.</em></p>
<p><em>And isn’t it about time?</em></p>
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<h2 class="wp-block-heading">How you can get help if you’re struggling with poor mental health</h2>
<p>Remember, poor mental health can transpire in many forms. From feeling stressed, anxious and overwhelmed, to feelings of low self-worth, burnout and suicide. Whatever you are experiencing, there is help out there for you. </p>
<p>For help with navigating stress and overwhelm , <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">contact Frieda Levycky of Braving Boundaries</a> who will provide the support and guidance you need to bring clarity to the chaos.</p>
<p>If you’re thinking about suicide, hurting yourself or struggling with depression, you can get support by calling –</p>
<ul class="wp-block-list"><li>LifeLine SA on 0861 322 322 </li><li>Suicide Crisis Helpline on 0800 12 13 14</li><li>South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG) on 0800 567 657</li></ul>
<p>If you’re struggling with drug use or addiction, or know someone who is, you can call Houghton House’s 24/7 emergency helpline on 079 770 7532.</p>
<p>Or visit <a href="https://www.houghtonhouse.co.za/drug-alcohol-and-addiction-helplines-south-africa/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">https://www.houghtonhouse.co.za/drug-alcohol-and-addiction-helplines-south-africa/</a> to get referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community-based organisations.</p>
<p>This is not about rewinding time to go back in order to make different decisions. No. This is about dealing with the ones you’ve already made. It is about admitting that you are experiencing a problem, it is about saying no to the things you cannot do anymore. And most importantly – it is about asking for help. </p>
<p>Remember – <a href="https://theathletic.com/news/michael-phelps-on-simone-biles-mental-health-its-ok-to-not-be-ok/nVaL238ANGo7" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><em>“IT’S OK NOT TO BE OK”.</em></a></p>
<p>But you also need to choose to do something about it. </p>
<p>If I, Michael, Simone and Naomi can do it. So can you. </p>
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<p>About the writer, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong></p>
<p>Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism. </p>
<p>Click here to visit <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/">The Legal Belletrist website</a>.</p>
<p><strong>Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">[email protected]</a> </strong></p>
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<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/its-not-just-you-our-sporting-heroes-struggle-with-mental-health-too/">It’s not just you – Our sporting heroes struggle with mental health too!</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p>
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<title>I’m a grown up! – And still being bullied….</title>
<link>https://bravingboundaries.com/workplace-bullying/</link>
<comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/workplace-bullying/#respond</comments>
<dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Tue, 22 Jun 2021 09:48:54 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Comfort over coffee]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[Lawyer Life]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category>
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<description><![CDATA[<p>Bullying is not OK. In any situation. No matter the environment. Or your age. And it has no place in a business that wants to be successful.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/workplace-bullying/">I’m a grown up! – And still being bullied….</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p>
]]></description>
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<h5 class="wp-block-heading"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></em></h5>
<p></p>
<p><em>Linked article: <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/workplace-ostracism-addressing-the-intangible-office-bully/">Workplace Ostracism: Tackling the silent office bully</a></em></p>
<p>When I think back to my school days, I recall kids taunting other kids because they had braces or freckles or perhaps their skirts were too long. But I recall, quite traumatically, how I was teased. Relentlessly. All because I wore a hearing-aid in one ear.</p>
<p>Kids thought that meant I had a mental disorder. That I was in some way mentally slower than them. Not that I couldn’t hear. It was cruel. I wasn’t invited to play with others, I was ostracized and made to feel ashamed. Like there was something inherently wrong with me. So much so that I refused to wear my hearing-aid going into High School, rather relying on lip reading.</p>
<p><em>Something I still do to this day. </em>The coping mechanism just stuck with me.</p>
<p>But that was on the playground. And I had hoped it would stay there.</p>
<p>But it didn’t. It just happened differently as I got older.</p>
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<h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Bullied adults</em></strong></h2>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/bullying-in-the-workplace1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3003"/></figure>
<div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div>
<p>Before adults think that they are immune to being bullied and that bullying is simply <em>“part of being a child”</em>, think again. Because it extends to the workplace too.</p>
<p>According to a 2017 survey by the <a href="https://www.uwsp.edu/conted/Documents/FOCUS/C5 and E2 See handout_workplace bullying stats.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Workplace Bullying Institute</a>, 38% of Americans are bullied or witness bullying, 61% of Americans are aware of abusive conduct in the workplace and 60.4 million Americans are affected by it.</p>
<p>And those are staggering numbers.</p>
<p>According to <a href="https://www.acas.org.uk/if-youre-treated-unfairly-at-work/being-bullied" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">ACAS</a> in the UK, workplace bullying is behaviour from a person or group of people that is unwanted and makes you feel uncomfortable. It is harmful, often targeted behaviour that may be spiteful, offensive, mocking, intimidating or ostracizing. It can also be in the form of verbal, physical, social or psychological abuse.</p>
<p>At a high level, the effects of bullying can be anxiety, depression, low self-worth, feeling intimidated, having low morale, feeling hopeless and stressed out. In addition, bullying can affect the business: resulting in poor work performance, high levels of sick leave, valuable employees leaving the business, and a hostile environment that can trickle down the ranks of the workplace becoming obvious to customers and business associates alike. The result? A detrimental impact to their brand and business reputation.</p>
<p>But it extends beyond that too.</p>
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<h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>The wider implications of bullying</em></strong></h2>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/bullying-in-the-workplace2-Small.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3012"/></figure>
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<p>In an article titled <a href="https://www.thehrdirector.com/features/health-and-wellbeing/bullying-is-systemic-in-the-workplace-despite-working-from-home/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Bullying is systemic, even working from home</a>, bullying in the workplace is identified as a systemic problem related to <strong><em>the actions and reactions of an organisation</em></strong> (which is often deep rooted in the core of a business). It also affects the individuals involved, as well as all those who witness the behaviour – the so-called “bystanders”.</p>
<p>Whilst bystanders may be willing to actively help and support the target, it is more often than not very difficult for them to stand up against the bully. Often they themselves fear retaliation from the bully, may fear losing their own job or may believe that they do not have enough “organisational authority” to intervene.</p>
<p>In some other instances, the bystander might either ignore the bullying or frame it as “normal behaviour”, especially when it is recurrent within the organisation without consequences or without the perpetrator being held accountable.</p>
<p>Importantly, the organisation’s response or lack of response to bullying in the workplace is critical.<strong><em> Where there is no accountability for bullying in an organisation, it can quickly become an entrenched problem.</em></strong> And when this happens, there are ramifications not only for the employees but the business’s bottom line – <em>unhappy staff are not productive staff.</em></p>
<div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div>
<h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Cyber-Bullying</em></strong></h2>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/bullying-in-the-workplace5.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3008"/></figure>
<div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div>
<p>With COVID (and the resulting lockdown), there is an increase in remote working blurring the lines between work and home life. As a result, digital bullying and discrimination (aka cyber bullying) has become a major challenge. Workplace bullying is now happening from afar – leaving no visible scars, going unreported and, as a result, not showing up in statistics.</p>
<p>Even worse is the fact that bullies can reach their victims at all times of the day due to the increased use of and reliance on technology to communicate. Seemingly expecting employees to now be available 24/7.</p>
<p>According to the article <a href="https://www.kingsleynapley.co.uk/insights/blogs/employment-law-blog/cyber-bullying-in-the-workplace-during-remote-working" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Cyber bullying in the workplace during remote working</a>, examples of cyber bullying include –</p>
<p><em>“frequent interruptions during virtual meetings, unkind emails and repeated and excessive emails from managers. Some employees may “hide behind their screens” and not uphold the usual standards expected of them”.</em></p>
<p>The situation of workplace bullying is at an all-time high and is a dire situation that needs to be addressed. Concerning is the fact that with most incidents going unreported, the only solution for some victims is to simply leave their jobs.</p>
<p>But it is important to note that whether an employee feels excluded or otherwise bullied by colleagues, it does not matter whether that behaviour takes place electronically or in person.</p>
<p>The emotional turmoil to the victim and risk to the business remains the same.</p>
<div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div>
<h2 class="wp-block-heading"><span style="color:#c69229" class="has-inline-color"><strong><em>Bullying –</em> <em>This </em></strong></span><em><strong>is not a “sticks and stones” situation</strong></em></h2>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/bullying-in-the-workplace8.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3011"/></figure>
<div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div>
<p>Whilst we already know that workplace bullying can take many forms including verbal abuse, offensive behaviours, unjustified criticism, singling someone out for the wrong reasons, excluding employees, or embarrassing or humiliating them. There are others too.</p>
<p>Let’s unpack this a little –</p>
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<figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1486" width="100" height="100"/></figure>
</div>
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<p><strong>Verbal bullying</strong> – this could include mockery, humiliation, jokes at another’s expense, gossip, or other spoken abuse like <em>calling someone worthless or insinuating that they are not worth their pay, even telling them to go back to law school just because they disagreed with the decision of the CEO (</em>happened to me);</p>
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<p><strong>Intimidation </strong>– this could include threats, work sabotage and interference, stealing or taking credit for ideas; spying, or other invasions of privacy. Anything to make you feel “small” and insignificant;</p>
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<p><strong>Social exclusion in the workplace</strong> like cold-shouldering or ostracizing (something we discussed in our article <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/workplace-ostracism-addressing-the-intangible-office-bully/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Workplace Ostracism: Tackling The Silent Office Bully</a>) can leave you feeling like you are not liked, trusted or respected by your colleagues. And this affects your confidence, taking an emotional toll on you and how you see yourself fitting within an organization,</p>
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<p><strong>Passive aggressive behaviour</strong> – when a colleague or manager harbours negative feelings towards you but expresses them indirectly. In other words, <em>they don’t say what they mean</em>. They may be angry, jealous, or upset, but they mask their emotions through <em>indirect hostility</em>. And this can make you feel confused. Bewildered even. Almost like you are going insane because the “bully” hasn’t actually said what they mean – it’s all done through intonation! <em>Did they say what they mean or do I need to read between the lines?</em></p>
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<p><strong>Unjustified criticism</strong> – this could include wrongful blame, harsh and undue criticism without a reason as to why;</p>
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<p><strong>Unwarranted retaliation</strong> – sometimes just talking about the bullying can lead to accusations of lying, further exclusion, refused promotions, or being excluded from important work meetings or emails, and</p>
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<p><strong>Institutional bullying</strong> – this is when a workplace accepts, allows, and even encourages bullying to take place. This bullying might include <em>unrealistic performance goals, expected and unrealistic overtime, or singling out those who can’t keep up</em> <em>(not worth their salaries)</em> –<strong><em>But how do you *really* know if you are being bullied?</em></strong></p>
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<p></p>
<h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>But how do you *really* know if you are being bullied?</em></strong></h2>
<p>Again, this is not a <em>“sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me</em>” situation.</p>
<p>When made to feel like a social pariah, you start to wonder whether being bullied is <em>your own fault</em>. Whether you deserve it. Whether you imagined it. Especially when the bullying has been consistent and subtle over a sustained period. You might start to doubt your own sanity or convince yourself that the behaviour is actually OK. That it is warranted.</p>
<p>Maybe you are told to <em>“grow thicker skin”</em> that these actions are entirely normal and that <em>“you are too sensitive”</em> (again, this happened to me). Continuous doubt creeps in.</p>
<p><em>Is it actually you? Your fault? </em>The answer to that is simple:<em> <strong>NO!</strong></em></p>
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<h2 class="wp-block-heading"><em><strong><span style="color:#c69229" class="has-inline-color">Here are some examples of actions that could amount to bullying:</span></strong></em></h2>
<p>1. You may become completely ostracized. Co-workers might become quiet or leave the room when you walk in or they might simply ignore you</p>
<p>2. You might be intentionally left out of office culture, such as chitchat, parties, or team lunches</p>
<p>3. Your supervisor or manager might check on you very often or ask you to meet multiple times a week without a clear reason as to why</p>
<p>4. You may be asked to do new tasks or tasks outside your typical duties or outside your skill set without training or help (even when you request it)</p>
<p>5. It may seem like your work is frequently monitored, to the point where you begin to doubt yourself and start to experience difficulty when trying to undertake your regular tasks</p>
<p>6. You might be asked to do difficult or seemingly pointless tasks and be ridiculed or criticised when you can’t get them done</p>
<p>7. You may notice a pattern of your documents, files, other work-related items, or personal belongings going missing</p>
<p>8. You may be ridiculed, told you cannot handle your work, need more training but then not told why</p>
<p>9. You could be purposely misled about work duties, like incorrect deadlines or unclear directions</p>
<p>10. There could be continued denial of requests for time off without an appropriate or valid reason why</p>
<p>11. You could experience threats to your personal standing – for example, nasty comments about your physical appearance or personality</p>
<p>12. You could also be told not to bill working hours, so that someone more senior than you can take the rewards</p>
<p>13. You could be the victim of targeted practical jokes.</p>
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<p>These incidents may seem random at first. But if they continue, you may worry something you did caused them and fear you will be fired or demoted. Thinking about work, even on your time off, may cause anxiety, fear and stress. Affecting your health physically, emotionally and mentally.</p>
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<h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Bullying in the legal profession</em></strong></h2>
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<p>Unfortunately, the legal profession is not immune to bullying.</p>
<p>In the article <a href="https://www.lawsociety.ie/gazette/in-depth/bullying-in-the-workplace/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Make it stop</a> by the Law Society Gazette in Ireland, the following was set out –</p>
<p><em>“research has shown that legal professionals who generate high profits for firms are sometimes tolerated, despite their bullying behaviour, displaying immunity from firms’ anti-bullying policies. This feeds in, significantly, to organisational culture and is noticed and felt by employees at all levels in the workplace”.</em></p>
<p>In fact, the <a href="https://www.ibanet.org/article/09C3DA0E-723F-4E21-9A7E-AA0DFF1FB627" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">International Bar Association (IBA)</a> has published the initial results of a global evaluation (the “<strong>survey</strong>”) into the wellbeing of the legal profession. This survey undertaken from July 2020–December 2020, garnered responses from more than three thousand individuals and over 80 legal organisations, including bar associations, law societies, in-house legal departments and law firms.</p>
<p>The survey confirmed that lawyer wellbeing is a cause for global concern –</p>
<p><em>“The wellbeing index scores gathered from the survey data (based on the World Health Organisation’s WHO-5 indexing methodology) demonstrate that lawyers’ levels of wellbeing are below the global average in every regional forum. Although they may differ in manifestation, no one jurisdiction has a monopoly on these issues</em></p>
<p><em>Stigma is a major problem: 41 per cent of respondents said that they could not discuss wellbeing issues with their employer without worrying that it would damage their career or livelihoods</em></p>
<p><em>Awareness about local and international wellbeing support and services available is low, and, in many jurisdictions, wellbeing support or services do not currently exist: 22 per cent of respondents said that no wellbeing help, guidance or support was in place in their jurisdiction</em></p>
<p><em>A large disparity between the number of institutions that say they have wellbeing initiatives in place (73 per cent), and the extent to which those in managerial positions are offered any sort of wellbeing training (16 per cent).</em></p>
<p><em>Findings show that experiences of bullying are widespread in the legal profession, with half of the women and a third of men reporting experiences of bullying victimisation. In 57% of cases, the bullying episodes were not reported by the targets”.</em></p>
<p>There is clearly (and still) a crisis in terms of mental wellbeing in the legal community. Globally.</p>
<p>One surprising finding from the <a href="https://www.ibanet.org/article/09C3DA0E-723F-4E21-9A7E-AA0DFF1FB627" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">IBA survey</a> however, is the fact that the majority of legal participants in the survey have found healthy coping strategies (compared to previous years), including meditation, yoga and a healthy diet, as opposed to the use of alcohol or recreational drugs as a means of coping.</p>
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<h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>So what is the solution to workplace bullying?</em></strong></h2>
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<p>Bullying can have significant and serious effects on physical, emotional and mental health. So, whilst leaving your job or changing departments could end the bullying, this isn’t always possible. Or the correct solution. Because the actual impact of being bullied can last long after it has stopped.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, there is not a one-size-fits-all approach here. Often each individual may require their own set of coping mechanisms and remedial actions.</p>
<p>BUT the following can be considered as starting points (at least) –</p>
<p>1. <strong>Try your best not to react emotionally</strong> – bullies take pleasure in emotionally manipulating their victims. Try responding instead. Responding is different to reacting. When you respond you have prepared for the outcome in advance. So, begin with the end in mind. What outcomes would you like to see?</p>
<p>2. <strong>Evaluate the situation objectively</strong> – properly evaluate the situation objectively to see if the situation is actually bullying (remember proper constructive criticism is not bullying)</p>
<p>3. <strong>Know your workplace policies</strong> – Be aware of your rights and your workplace bullying policy. Familiarise yourself with the reporting procedure and follow it if needed</p>
<p>4. <strong>Know your legal rights</strong> – Do your own research. Learn about inappropriate behavior and any <a href="https://www.werksmans.com/legal-updates-and-opinions/workplace-bullying-remedies-and-recourse-in-south-african-law/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">legislation</a> that may be of assistance. The more you know, the better your chances of successfully dealing with the situation are</p>
<p>5. <strong>Document your situation thoroughly –</strong> Start collecting as much evidence as you can. This includes keeping a dairy of events to help paint a clear picture of what’s been happening. If you need to recall particular events, having a reliable record will add credibility to your claim of bullying. If you have one and they are approachable (and presuming they are not the bully), go and talk to your HR manager</p>
<p>6. <strong>Seek help or guidance</strong> – talk to someone who you can trust. Don’t ignore what has happened or is happening. If you are struggling to cope or don’t know where to start, contact <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Braving Boundaries</a> who will be able to not only support you as you go through this process but can also provide you with actionable targets and goals that can help you deal with and get over being bullied</p>
<p>7. <strong>Look after yourself</strong> – maintain a healthy and balanced lifestyle outside of work to help you cope with the stress you are experiencing at work. Work out, get a good night’s sleep and eat a healthy diet</p>
<p>8. <strong>Know your limits</strong> – if the situation cannot be resolved, consider your options for leaving. Don’t expect to change the bully overnight. Real behaviour change is difficult and it takes time. You have no control over the person’s willingness to accept that they have a problem and to work on it. You can only do your best to manage the situation. In the worst-case scenario you may decide to leave your job or be prepared for a long hard fight with the person bullying you</p>
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<h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>What is the takeaway?</em></strong></h2>
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<p>Bullying is not OK. In any situation. No matter the environment. Or your age. And it has no place in a business that wants to be successful.</p>
<p>Whilst many companies claim to have a zero-tolerance policy, bullying can sometimes be hard to recognise or prove. It therefore makes it difficult for managers or HR departments to take action.</p>
<p>Other companies may not have any policies about bullying in place at all.</p>
<p>We are of the firm belief that all workplaces should have a policy on bullying explaining how it should be handled. If your organisation needs guidance or assistance on how to develop these policies, <a href="https://www.coachingadvocates.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Coaching Advocates</a>, a practice dedicated to helping <em>modernise the way law firms and corporates work</em>, may be the perfect place to start.</p>
<p>Taking steps to prevent workplace bullying can benefit organisations and the health of their employees. If you have been bullied or are being bullied, know you can safely take steps to combat the bullying without confronting the perpetrator.</p>
<p><em>And always remember to take care of your own health first!</em></p>
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<p>About the writer, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong></p>
<p>Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism. </p>
<p>Click here to visit <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/">The Legal Belletrist website</a>.</p>
<p><strong>Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">[email protected]</a> </strong></p>
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<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/workplace-bullying/">I’m a grown up! – And still being bullied….</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p>
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<title>The Work from Home Saga</title>
<link>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-work-from-home-saga/</link>
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<dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Fri, 25 Sep 2020 06:38:42 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Lawyer Life]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category>
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<description><![CDATA[<p>2020 - it's been quite a year, hey! Where are those ruby slippers when you need them?! But, let's take a look at what a year of working from home has taught us. Join us for a fun and insightful trip down the Yellow Brick Road.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-work-from-home-saga/">The Work from Home Saga</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p>
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<h2 class="wp-block-heading">THE WORK FROM HOME SAGA</h2>
<h5 class="wp-block-heading"><em>An article by Alicia Koch, Founder of <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist</a> </em></h5>
<p>I have a shoe fetish. There I said it. I confess. Shoes are my “thing”. I have a whole Instagram account just about shoes (I’m not joking). And over the years, I have amassed quite a collection. Louboutin, Jimmy Choo, Manolo Blahnik. You name it. </p>
<p>And because I am short, they are high. Like 12 cm stiletto heel high. And I use to love to flaunt myself around in them. A once-upon-a-time (self-proclaimed) “glamazon” I now find myself prancing around my home in my sheepskin slippers. Not at all the same thing.</p>
<p>My shoes must have thought I died!</p>
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<p>I mean, who would have thought that on New Year’s Eve 2019 we were looking ahead to a future full of lounge wear (as opposed to couture, pajama’s all day) because, <em>who cares?</em> Zoom calls from bed, “because you can” and Netflix binges during lunch times, <em>sans</em> the prying judgmental eyes of colleagues, because during your free time you can do whatever you want. Right? Basically a year full of (what my grandmother would call) laziness and slobbery. Which I obviously take offence to because well, I only wear pajama <em>bottoms</em> all day.</p>
<p>But it is only recently that we have (at least in South Africa) been allowed to venture out, go shopping, have a wax and our hair coloured (those grey hairs were peaking out a little too much from the roots), making an effort to look less like the <em>“Wicked Witch from the West”</em> and a little more like Dorothy in her red glittery shoes (or some variation of that). It is only recently that we have been allowed to eat out at restaurants where we have been able to order a glass of wine and, in essence, return to some semblance of normality. Whatever that means….</p>
<p>It really has been a trip down the <em>“yellow brick road”</em> and no amount of clicking our heels, repeating over and over again – <em><strong>“There’s no place like home”</strong></em> will take us back to where we want to go. Which for most of us, is anywhere but 2020. Because the truth really is – we <strong><em>are</em> </strong>home. And whilst there is no place like it, there has, most certainly, been challenges.</p>
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<h3 class="wp-block-heading">Welcome to Oz</h3>
<p>When I arrived in Oz (fear not, I have not immigrated!), I wasn’t at all out of place. I had been here before. Many times over the last few years during consulting gigs or in-between jobs. I knew my way around the place and was quite content with my little corner of the world, where I could set up shop and start working. I have never been as fancy as other people. I do not have my own home office. I work from my dining room table, which is long and wide and has lots of space to spread out my research and notes on articles I have been writing. With no one but my two cats and a pot of coffee, I have always been content at my dining room table, which overlooks my old lemon tree. I kept a work schedule, got up early (as one normally would), had a healthy breakfast, went to gym (on a good day) and started to write by 9h30am. Which I know is late for some. But it worked for me. And by the time hubby arrived home from work, I had packed up for the day and was ready to spend quality time with him talking about our days. It was blissful (a little like a trip back in time to 2019). And our home was a happy and content one with set boundaries, time and space allocations for specific tasks.</p>
<p><strong>Then Covid hit and the world went into Lockdown.</strong> We all know the story by now…. Companies around the world closed their doors and most employees were told to work from home. Oz seemed rather crowded, with no set boundaries and set time and space allocations, it was a little like a free for all. And I have been less than amused.</p>
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<h3 class="wp-block-heading"><b>The yellow brick road</b></h3>
<p>The journey down the yellow brick road starts off innocently enough. Everyone walking hand in hand down the road together. Families start off singing and humming tunes (mostly out of key but in sync), as they walk together down the road. But things can turn dark, quickly.</p>
<p>The saying goes that “<strong><em>absence makes the heart grow fonder</em></strong>”. So having a place to go when working and having your own space (even if it is an open plan office) before coming home to a shared space with your partner (and kids), is often needed. Couples (generally) look forward to seeing each other at the end of the day or like to sneak in a quick call to see how each other’s day is going. But that has changed. And calling your spouse from the room next to yours does not count – <em><strong>#heightoflaziness</strong></em>.</p>
<p>When working from home, couples are finding themselves spending 24 hours a day together and there is very little separation between work life and home life. Many couples have quickly realized that what they usually find endearing about their significant other, can become less so, when they are permanently embedded in their work space.</p>
<p>For example I never knew I was the kind of person that required complete silence and peace when writing articles. I like to play Beethoven, have my coffee and calmly plan my day. I never knew (because I have worked in open plan offices many times before) that I was the kind of person that gets annoyed by the smallest thing – like talking.</p>
<p><em><strong>And my husband talks. A lot.</strong> </em>To clients, to colleagues. To himself (when writing emails). So, managing the two extremes has been challenging. With my reaction to my husband saying out aloud – “<em>Dear Colleagues”</em> acting like a red flag in front of a bull. All I want to do is charge. But I don’t. Because I am not a violent person (cue <a href="https://www.facebook.com/thelillyslaptsilli/videos/lionels-shnoz/2647608858788130/">Lilly Slaptsilli</a>). But it is tempting. And with a new kitten running around the home like a hooligan with his tail on fire and our older cat hissing because someone has invaded his space, I literally feel like I am in an episode of <a href="https://www.animalplanet.com/tv-shows/my-cat-from-hell/">“My cat from hell”.</a> And there is no Jackson Galaxy to call for help. But I do find that very (very, very) deep breaths help.</p>
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<p>But it seems worse when speaking to friends with children. They have said it has been tough. Like really tough. Like finishing a bottle of wine tough.</p>
<p>Working full time whilst at home, you become not only a mom but a full time teacher, play mate and disciplinarian.</p>
<p>And it can be tiring. When you have a demanding job which requires you to be on Zoom calls during tense negotiations, having your 5 year old little girl running into your “home office” shouting <em>“look mom I am naked”</em> whilst talking to the CEO, senior international attorneys and financiers, is less comical and more mortifying. Especially when no one else laughs. Or when your 6 year old answers your phone and starts grilling your CEO on his age, where he lives and what he likes to eat for dinner. Especially when your CEO has no sense of humour. At all.</p>
<p>So the balance between mom, wife, teacher, full time employee and woman (which has its own stresses of <em>“Does my bum look big in these pants”</em>) has been extremely taxing (without any hope of a rebate from SARS).</p>
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<h3 class="wp-block-heading">What will you miss about Oz?</h3>
<p>The obvious one (and what the majority of people have relayed) is flexibility. And I don’t just mean working the hours that suit you. It is more than that. It is being able to have a proper work-life balance (something <strong><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/">Braving Boundaries</a></strong> not only supports but advocates). And something so many of us have fought for over the years. Eliminating the need to commute with time wasted in traffic going to and from meetings and back home again, people have been given some breathing room. And whilst this does come with some cons (not having the separation between work life and home life and having to be not only mom but teacher as well) it does have some major pros.</p>
<p>For example, when asking my close friend (working mom of two) she said she will miss just being able to have lunch with her kids or to take 30 mins out of her day to help her daughter with homework (something the au pair usually helps with). It’s about being around day-to-day for the boring things whilst your kids are growing up. Things we take for granted whilst we work full time in demanding jobs.</p>
<p>I think it’s something we will all miss (not necessarily having lunch with our kids – we are not all parents), rather it will be missing the simple everyday things. Like being able to pop out to the shops to buy ingredients for dinner, or to pop in somewhere to get your nails done (during your own lunch hour) or even simply being able to take yourself to the doctor without having to ask permission to do so.</p>
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<p>It’s just something about not being in an office environment that has allowed people some freedom. And that sounds like a pretty obvious statement. But think about it – without having a colleague asking where you are going, people talking about the hours you have spent out of the office (behind your back) and disapproving looks from your boss – people feel more in control over their work, themselves and their daily lives. And that is such a powerful thing. Being in control. And not something to dismiss or take lightly.</p>
<p>In exchange, a lot of people have become much more productive. In fact in an article on Business News Daily, <a href="https://www.businessnewsdaily.com/15259-working-from-home-more-productive.html#:~:text=Working%20From%20Home%20Increases%20Productivity&text=According%20to%20one%20study%2C%20remote,weeks%20of%20work%20per%20year.&text=One%20of%20the%20most%20effective,taking%20breaks%20throughout%20the%20day." target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Working From Home Increases Productivity</a>, “<em>remote employees work 1.4 more days per month than their office-based counterparts, resulting in more than three additional weeks of work per year</em>”. And that says something about the ability to be in control.</p>
<p>From my own experience (even though I am not new to the working from home lifestyle) if I am out during the day and spend three hours not working, I know when I get home I have to make up those three hours and it often results in me working later into the evening. Which I am happy to do, because I had <strong><em>the freedom to choose</em></strong>. And let’s face it, there are very few employers who are happy to let you decide your own hours, how you practice and when you get work done. Because there is still this mentality of bums on seats and micromanaging teams. Which works (and is required) in some industries (for example like sections of manufacturing, call centres and financial institutions) but it is often stifling for the professional who wants a work life balance (often thought of as a cliché in interviews – <em>what are you looking for from a job?</em>).</p>
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<h3 class="wp-block-heading">Will you leave Oz?</h3>
<p>With lockdown forcing employers to actually encourage work from home situations, companies have become far more outputs driven than clock watchers. And that really is how it should always have been. I have always felt that happy staff are productive staff. And the numbers prove it. In fact, companies like Twitter have allowed their staff to <a href="https://www.bbc.com/news/technology-52628119" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">work from home “forever”</a>. The decision came as the social media giant said its work-from-home measures during the lockdown had been a success. Whilst at the same time saying that it would allow workers to return to the office if they choose to, when it reopens. Again giving employee’s choice.</p>
<p>This move by Twitter (and other <a href="https://edition.cnn.com/2020/05/22/tech/work-from-home-companies/index.html" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">companies</a> such as Facebook, Square and Spotify – do they all know something we don’t?), has been described by Sree Sreenivasan, a Professor of Digital Innovation at the Stony Brook University School of Journalism in the USA, as an <strong><em>“era-defining moment”</em></strong>. And that is compelling. That working from home is an era-defining move. A lot of us are jointly saying “<em>Amen</em>” to that. Working moms have been fighting for decades to have more of a work life balance, <em>without the judgement</em> (or reduced pay) and it is fantastic that it is <em>seemingly</em> becoming the norm.</p>
<p>With the jury still out as to whether most companies and their respective employees will go back to an office environment permanently, this new ability to choose has definitely given people things to think about. In a good way.</p>
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<h3 class="wp-block-heading">What will you take away from your time in Oz?</h3>
<p>Well, I can tell you now that it is not blasting <strong><em>“Eye of the Tiger”</em></strong> at 9am (something my 80’s loving neighbor has done for 4 weeks straight). That said, perhaps it does help him “become the tiger” and focus on the prize. I’m not sure. Whatever floats his boat.</p>
<p>But, speaking personally it comes down to being disciplined. And having a plan for your day. Being strict about your work space and the time you spend in it. It is all too easy to take your phone to bed, late at night to answer a work-related email. So, you need to set boundaries. Just because you are at home, does not mean you are available 24 hours a day.</p>
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<p>And for me, it has also been about having confidence in myself. Knowing that I don’t need to be watched like a hawk in order to get a job done. And I think it is the same for many people out there. Micromanaging is out of date. Freedom is the new go to. And with that comes the need to be disciplined.</p>
<p>Forbes.com has provided some very useful tips in their article <a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/bryanrobinson/2020/03/14/9-tips-to-be-productive-when-working-at-home-during-covid-19/#4108966e5a38" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">9 Tips To Be Productive When Working At Home During COVID-19</a>. It is a really good reference point if you are feeling a little less motivated and need a guideline on how to get yourself back on track. Which does happen. That is why we have road maps. Or Sat Nav for those of us (myself included), who cannot read a map to save their lives. </p>
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<h3 class="wp-block-heading">Final thoughts</h3>
<p>It seems to me, that despite being in a place resembling the Emerald City, where our wildest work from home dreams are possibly coming true, it is crystal clear that <strong><em>“We are not in Kansas anymore Toto”</em></strong> (mind you, I am not sure Kansas will ever look the same again).</p>
<p>But despite the changes, the uncertainties and “crystal ball gazing” into what we <em>think </em>our futures are going to look like, one thing is for sure – we have all changed and in that we have all found ourselves, in some way. Even in the smallest of ways.</p>
<p>For me (and possibly for many others), it has been the freedom of choice and how we want to work and how we want to live.</p>
<p>For some, it has been finding their hearts again, like spending quality time with their significant others, their children and their loved ones. Much like the Tin Man finding his heart again. For others, it has involved finding the courage to start something new. To believe in themselves again. Just like the cowardly Lion finding his courage again. And for others, it still remains a search for their ideal working from home situation. Just remember, even Dorothy had many obstacles to overcome in her search for her way home. But during her journey she made friends, went on adventures and in the end, went home with the most amazingly beautiful red glittery slippers!</p>
<p>And isn’t that the point – finding your “thing” at the end of it all? Perhaps the yellow brick road is not so tricky after all.</p>
<p>_______________________________________</p>
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<p><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" sizes="(max-width: 810px) 100vw, 810px" srcset="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/BASIC-BALANCE.jpg 810w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/BASIC-BALANCE-300x167.png 300w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/BASIC-BALANCE-768x427.png 768w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/BASIC-BALANCE-500x278.png 500w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/BASIC-BALANCE-800x444.png 800w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/BASIC-BALANCE-480x267.png 480w" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/BASIC-BALANCE.jpg" alt=""></p>
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<p>This delightful article was written by <strong>Alicia Koch</strong>, <strong>Founder of The Legal Belletrist</strong>.</p>
<p>Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism. </p>
<p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">The Legal Belletrist website</a>.</p>
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<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-work-from-home-saga/">The Work from Home Saga</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p>
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<title>Law firms: 8 practical ways to improve staff mental health</title>
<link>https://bravingboundaries.com/law-firms-8-ways-to-improve-your-staff-mental-health/</link>
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<dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Thu, 10 Sep 2020 06:19:07 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Lawyer Life]]></category>
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<description><![CDATA[<p>Law firms: Your staff’s mental health matters. It’s time to take action! And here’s why.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/law-firms-8-ways-to-improve-your-staff-mental-health/">Law firms: 8 practical ways to improve staff mental health</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p>
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<h5 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Article 5 of 5 in the <em>Mental Health in the Law</em> series</strong></h5>
<p></p>
<p>Mental Health is a hot topic in the legal industry at the moment!</p>
<p>After the release of the <a href="https://www.americanbar.org/groups/lawyer_assistance/task_force_report/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Task Force Report on Lawyer Well-being</a> in 2016 (an excellent report by the way!), the mental health of legal professionals in the USA was firmly placed on the agenda. Other countries quickly followed suit with additional reports being produced in the <a href="https://www.lawcare.org.uk/images/INFOGRAPHIC-NEW.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">UK</a>, <a href="https://www.swaab.com.au/news/breaking-anz-meritas-wellness-survey-2019" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Australia & New Zealand</a> and <a href="https://www.oliverwyman.com/content/dam/oliver-wyman/v2/publications/2019/January/mental-health-in-the-workplace-survey-of-hk-empoyees-in-professional-services-firms.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Hong Kong</a>, amongst others.</p>
<p>Clearly the <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-legal-sector-has-a-very-real-mental-health-problem/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">legal sector has a very real mental health problem</a>.</p>
<p>But what actual strategies have law firms implemented to start improving the mental health of their staff? And, more importantly, what can your law firm do?</p>
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<h3 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Why law firms should care about their staff mental health </strong></h3>
<p>I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Your lawyers are your greatest asset. Your prized commodity. Your engine.</p>
<p>Like a car, if you want your law firm / team to function well, you need to keep the engine in good condition.</p>
<p>The <a href="https://www.americanbar.org/groups/lawyer_assistance/task_force_report/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Task Force Report on Lawyer Well-being</a> succinctly highlights the business case for doing so:</p>
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<p></p>
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<h3 class="wp-block-heading">It’s good for clients</h3>
<p>By investing in improving the mental health of your staff, you will improve:</p>
<ul class="wp-block-list">
<li>Staff communication</li>
<li>Staff productivity</li>
<li>Staff competence</li>
<li>Staff concentration</li>
</ul>
<p>All of which are vital to achieve the high standards of ethics and professionalism demanded from the legal sector.
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</p>
<p></p>
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<h3 class="wp-block-heading">It’s good for business</h3>
<p>We all know that staff work better in an environment which is happy, friendly and supportive. And furthermore, it actually makes good business sense.</p>
<ul class="wp-block-list">
<li>It creates a happier and healthier workforce</li>
<li>It creates a more productive workforce</li>
<li>It creates a more engaged workforce</li>
<li>It builds trust between the law firm and your staff</li>
<li>It reduces the number of sick days being taken</li>
<li>It improves staff retention</li>
<li>It builds office morale</li>
<li>It improves your corporate image</li>
</ul>
<p>Based on that list, investing in mental health initiatives for your staff’s wellbeing is a bit of a no-brainer!
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</p>
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<h3 class="wp-block-heading">It’s the right thing to do!</h3>
<p>Aside from the fact that caring for your staff’s mental health can improve the firm’s bottom line, there is also a moral obligation to do so.</p>
<p>Legal professionals spend on average between 60-80 hours a week in the office (even if that is a home office) – more time than they spend at home. You are dependent on them as much as they are dependent on you. Their lives and their careers matter. So, support them by encouraging and actively promoting good mental health initiatives and real life balance.
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<h3 class="wp-block-heading">My experience</h3>
<p>When I started out as a lawyer back in 2004, mental health was never a topic on the table for discussion.</p>
<p>I grew up in a legal world which was all about ‘<em>toughening up</em>’, ‘<em>pulling the hard hours whilst you are young</em>’ and ‘<em>earning your stripes</em>’.
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<p></p>
<p>I’d often chat to my superiors who would quite happily regale their personal stories of:</p>
<ul class="wp-block-list">
<li>5 solid days and nights in the office to complete a transaction,</li>
<li>weekend trips to Australia for a family wedding because that’s all the time they had, and</li>
<li>feasting on a 3am dinner of m&ms and oreo cookies at the printers whilst prospectuses were being finalised.</li>
</ul>
<p></p>
<p><strong style="font-size: 15px;">They wore it like a badge of honour. And so I mirrored that behaviour.</strong></p>
<p>What was not spoken about openly – but merely as a source of hushed toned gossip in the kitchenette – was:</p>
<ul class="wp-block-list">
<li>The senior associate crying in the toilet during that 5-day stint after a huge row with her husband for missing their daughter’s speech and drama exam.</li>
<li>The partner lashing out at his exhausted junior associate for missing two typos in the prospectus and kicking the printer in a state of fury.</li>
<li>The sadness of the single, in-house counsel who left yet another friend’s wedding wishing she was in a happy relationship. If only she had the time to meet someone.</li>
</ul>
<p> </p>
<p></p>
<figure class="wp-block-image"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/depression-768x1024.jpg" alt="stress" />
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<p></p>
<p><strong>And because the above was not spoken about openly, the silenced experiences were repeated once again.</strong></p>
<p>I’d love to say that things have changed, but 15 years later I continue to see the same scenarios emerging.</p>
<p><em>So, for a legal world that now allegedly promotes the importance of mental health and mental health awareness, how is it that the above scenarios are still happening?</em>
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</p>
<p></p>
<p></p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading">When lip-service is no longer an option
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<p></p>
<p>Before I highlight a couple of the amazing mental health and well-being initiatives, in general, the emphasis on improving mental health in the legal world is still far below an acceptable standard.</p>
<p>It is:</p>
<ul class="wp-block-list">
<li><strong>no longer sufficient</strong> to have a mental health strategy which consists of a few pretty A4 posters dotted around the office claiming that mental health awareness is important to the firm.</li>
<li><strong>no longer sufficient</strong> to fully promote #mentalhealthawareness for a day, week or month per year (brilliant CSR branding, but …) and then have no ongoing strategy in place to keep the importance of mental health at the forefront of everyone’s mind.</li>
<li><strong>no longer sufficient</strong> to promote the fact your firm has signed up to the Mindfulness Business Charter or the Pledge on Well Being, and then pay lip-service to that fact.</li>
<li><strong>no longer sufficient</strong> to expect your individual staff members to take sole responsibility for their own mental health issues. Yes, they have a responsibility (see last week’s article: <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/10-tips-for-lawyers-who-want-to-improve-their-mental-health/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">10 tips for lawyers who want to improve their mental health</a>), but, so do you as a law firm.</li>
</ul>
<p></p>
<p>Many firms still have no mental health and well-being policies or strategies in place. And there is a general reluctance to spend money on such initiatives, as if the mental health of staff were merely a “nice to have” – another place to cut costs whilst struggling out of COVID-19.</p>
<p>In fact, this is probably the one place where you shouldn’t be scrimping on costs at the moment.</p>
<p><strong>Protect your staff. Help your staff. Care for your staff.</strong>
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<h3 class="wp-block-heading">What mental health initiatives are working out there?</h3>
<p>Having said that, I do want to highlight two examples of mental health and wellness initiatives which have been instigated by legal firms (one global and one regional) which are having a <strong>really positive impact</strong> on the mental health of their staff and the working environment.</p>
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<p><strong>Herbert Smith Freehills (HSF)</strong> – In 2018, HSF launched <a href="https://www.herbertsmithfreehills.com/diversity-and-inclusion">Thrive</a>, the mental health initiative which forms part of HSF’s wider global diversity and inclusion (<strong>D&I</strong>) strategy. Whereas most D&I policies tend to focus on equality, HSF has a dedicated initiative to mental health. The firm’s partners and associates also actively speak about mental health awareness across social media platforms. Initiatives include:</p>
<ul class="wp-block-list">
<li><strong>“This is me” campaign</strong> – where individuals at all levels of the firm openly talk about mental health and their own experiences with poor mental health – breaking the stigma associated with discussing such topics.</li>
<li><strong>Mental Health Champions</strong> (UK, EMEA and Australia) – training individuals at all levels of the business to better understand common poor mental health conditions, how to spot early signs of possible issues and how to direct such individuals to appropriate support.</li>
<li><strong>How We Work</strong> – This is actually my favourite initiative. Why? Because it’s simple and it addresses the crux of the mental health problem in the legal sector. It promotes small changes to typical law firm behaviours which don’t promote good mental health. Some examples include: thoughtful delegation, encouraging balance and mindful emails. Check out the <a href="https://www.herbertsmithfreehills.com/diversity-and-inclusion">Guidelines</a>.</li>
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<p><!-- wp:paragraph --><strong>Clarissa Rayward – Brisbane Family Law Centre / Happy Lawyer Happy Life</strong><!-- /wp:paragraph --></p>
<p><!-- wp:paragraph -->Clarissa is one of my favourite mental health advocates in the legal space. She is an entrepreneurial divorce lawyer who left big law to establish the Brisbane Family Law Centre back in 2003. It’s not easy going out on your own, and, by 2013, she realised the effects it was having on her happiness levels and mental health. She started the <a href="https://www.happylawyerhappylife.com/">Happy Lawyer Happy Life</a> blog which initially focused on kind, calm and respectful divorce. That blog has now transformed into a global community for lawyers who are struggling with life, love and happiness. She advocates for good mental health in her own Law Centre and to lawyers at large through regular podcasts, an annual retreat for lawyers and workshops and seminars.<!-- /wp:paragraph --></p>
<p><!-- wp:paragraph --><strong>Why it works?</strong> Because she is passionate and absolutely believes in the importance of health and happiness in lawyers for a successful business. She leads the march and she walks her talk.</p>
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<h3>8 practical ways law firms can improve staff well-being<!-- /wp:heading --></h3>
<p><!-- wp:paragraph -->Poor mental health and wellbeing is experienced by all legal professionals irrespective of whether they work for a global, regional or boutique law firm.<!-- /wp:paragraph --></p>
<p><!-- wp:paragraph --><strong><em>NO ONE is immune to poor mental health.</em> </strong>So, a corporate strategy which will benefit <strong><em>ALL STAFF</em> </strong>at some stage of their career is vital.<!-- /wp:paragraph --></p>
<p><!-- wp:paragraph -->Here are 8 practical ways that law firms can improve staff well-being:</p>
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<p><!-- wp:paragraph --><strong>Educate around mental health</strong> – Most lawyers still feel awkward talking about mental health as a whole. That is mainly due to a misunderstanding as to what ‘mental health’ actually is (<a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-around-mental-health-in-the-legal-world/">See Article 1 in this series</a>). We, as a legal sector, need to stop this stigma if there is any chance of improving mental health in the workplace. If you have a dedicated diversity & inclusion team which is capable of creating workshops / trainings around mental health, then regularly offer such trainings (at least once a quarter). If not, then <strong><u>invest</u></strong> in external support (such as <a href=" https://bravingboundaries.com/work-with-me/corporate-coaching/">Braving Boundaries</a> or <a href="https://www.lawcare.org.uk/">LawCare</a>) which offer such training. Get your staff talking openly about mental health issues in the workplace: what it is, how it manifests, how they can help themselves and others.</p>
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<p><!-- wp:paragraph --><strong>Walk the talk</strong> – No junior associate is going to look after their mental health, if the senior associate and partner above them is not doing so. As I stated above, we mirror the behaviour of our superiors. If they send emails at 10pm or stay in the office late, their juniors are going to feel obliged to do the same. Change is going to have to come from the top here. If you want a law firm which has a healthy environment, the management team has to walk the talk.</p>
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<p><!-- wp:paragraph --><strong>Manage your clients</strong> – So many of us spend our legal lives living at the beck and call of our clients.<!-- /wp:paragraph --></p>
<p><!-- wp:paragraph -->“<em>They pay us so much that we have to be available 24/7</em>” – They pay you so much because you give them valuable advice.<!-- /wp:paragraph --></p>
<p><!-- wp:paragraph -->“<em>They expect us to be immediately responsive</em>.” – They expect us to be immediately responsive because we have created that expectation.<!-- /wp:paragraph --></p>
<p><!-- wp:paragraph -->Clients (well, most clients) are human too – they have lives outside of the office & understand the importance of work-life balance. Partners have a duty to manage client expectations, to set realistic deadlines that respect the personal and professional commitments of their staff. As well as reducing personal stress, it will also result in greater respect from your clients and your staff.</p>
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<p><!-- wp:paragraph --><strong>Provide appropriate skills training</strong> – Being a lawyer is no longer just about being good at the law – you have to manage teams, negotiate, market and bring in clients. Given that none of these skills are taught during your law degree, it’s not surprising that many lawyers dread client drinks, speaking at seminars or leading a negotiation. It also explains why many lawyers make terrible managers and deeply struggle with business development. Help them to help you. Bring in outside specialists to help develop non-legal skills at an early stage in their legal career. Some examples include: <a href="https://www.necademy.com/">The Negotiation Academy</a>; and <a href="http://rgtraining.co.uk/courses.html">Really Great Training</a>.</p>
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<p><!-- wp:paragraph --><strong>Clamp down on bad behaviour</strong> – There is nothing worse than working in a toxic work environment. Executive management has a responsibility to stamp out behaviour which has a negative impact on the mental health of their staff (e.g. bullying, <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/workplace-ostracism-addressing-the-intangible-office-bully/">ostracism</a>, the sending of nasty emails, yelling, temper tantrums, gossiping etc.). No one should have to tolerate this type of behaviour in the workplace irrespective of the seniority of the instigator. It’s damaging to the team. It’s damaging to the reputation of the firm. It’s damaging to the targeted individual. Consider creating a dedicate Mental Health Committee of team members who genuinely care about the mental health of staff. Create protocols that allow individuals to report such behaviour without fear of retaliation/repercussion.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p><!-- wp:paragraph --><strong>Provide access to external coaches / counsellors</strong> – Many global firms include individuals with coaching or counselling training as part of their D&I or HR departments. This is wonderful, particularly from a training aspect. But many staff members will be uncomfortable talking to internal personnel about difficulties at work or home for fear that they will be reported back to management. I’m not saying the fear is rationale, but it is real. In addition, there is a concern that the advice being given by internal staff takes into account the corporate stance, and is therefore less neutral. Provide your staff with a list of coaches/counsellors who specialise in this area. Give them a chance to choose a person who they are comfortable speaking to about their problems. Here are just some of the coaches who specialise in lawyer coaching:<!-- /wp:paragraph --><!-- wp:list --></p>
<ul>
<li><a href="http://www.bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a></li>
<li><a href="https://www.principalsofpractice.com/">Principals of Practice</a></li>
<li><a href="https://clairebibby.com/">Claire Bibby</a></li>
<li><a href="https://www.larawentworth.com.au/">Lara Wentworth</a></li>
<li><a href="https://www.theinneradvocate.com/">The Inner Advocate</a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.authenticallyspeaking.co.uk/">Authentically Speaking</a></li>
<li><a href="https://www.hirsekorncoaching.com/">Emily Hirsekorn</a></li>
<li><a href="https://www.helenconway.com/">Helen Conway</a></li>
<li><a href="https://www.thehappyfamilylawyer.com/consultant-businesscoach/">Clarissa Rayward</a></li>
</ul>
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<p><!-- wp:paragraph --><strong>Wave goodbye to the personal / professional divide</strong> – How many of you’ve heard: “<em>Oh that’s a personal issue. Not a concern for the office.</em>”? Unfortunately, if you want to improve mental health in the work environment, that notion is going to need to be set aside. Lawyers are people. They have lives outside of the office and those lives are going to have an impact on them – both good and bad. Take a genuine interest in the lives of your staff and colleagues. Get to know them. It establishes trust between team members, but it will also enable you to spot when behaviour changes and when they may need help.</p>
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<p><!-- wp:paragraph --><strong>Check-in on your staff</strong> – Now, more than ever given the remote working situation, we need to be checking in on each other. Check how your staff are feeling. Check if they are struggling with anything. If there has been an incident at work, follow up the next day and check that they are ok. It’s the little things that count here. If this doesn’t come naturally to you – stick a reminder in your calendar to drop them an email. It takes 1 minute to send a quick message to check someone’s ok.</p>
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<h3>Final thoughts<!-- /wp:heading --></h3>
<p><!-- wp:paragraph -->An <strong>on-going</strong> and <strong>practical</strong> mental health and wellbeing strategy is the key to improving mental health in the legal sector.<!-- /wp:paragraph --></p>
<p><!-- wp:paragraph -->The mental health of legal professionals <strong>CANNOT</strong> improve without the buy-in to proper mental health initiatives from law firms and the active promotion, practice and support of good mental health practices by Partners / the Executive Team.<!-- /wp:paragraph --></p>
<p><!-- wp:paragraph -->A fundamental change to long-standing, expected and accepted behaviour in the legal world is required if staff mental health is to improve.<!-- /wp:paragraph --></p>
<p><!-- wp:paragraph --><strong>That’s the corporate responsibility.</strong><!-- /wp:paragraph --></p>
<p><!-- wp:paragraph -->_______________________________________<!-- wp:block {"ref":2518} /--><!-- wp:heading {"level":4} --></p>
<p><!-- /wp:paragraph --></p>
<h4>Other articles in the <em>Mental Health in the Law</em> series<!-- /wp:heading --></h4>
<p><!-- wp:paragraph -->Article 1: <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-around-mental-health-in-the-legal-world/">The fear around mental health in the legal world</a><!-- /wp:paragraph --></p>
<p><!-- wp:paragraph -->Article 2: <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-legal-sector-has-a-very-real-mental-health-problem/">The legal sector has a very real mental health problem</a><!-- /wp:paragraph --></p>
<p><!-- wp:paragraph -->Article 3: <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/mental-health-stop-collaborate-and-listen/">Mental Health: Stop, Collaborate & Listen</a><!-- /wp:paragraph --></p>
<p><!-- wp:paragraph -->Article 4: <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/10-tips-for-lawyers-who-want-to-improve-their-mental-health/">10 Tips for lawyers who want to improve their mental health</a><!-- /wp:paragraph --></p>
<p><!-- wp:paragraph -->_______________________________________<!-- /wp:paragraph --></p>
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<p><!-- wp:paragraph --><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/corporate-creative-workshops-seminars/"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/Well-being-workshops-1.jpg" sizes="(max-width: 810px) 100vw, 810px" srcset="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/Well-being-workshops-1.jpg 810w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/Well-being-workshops-1-300x167.png 300w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/Well-being-workshops-1-768x427.png 768w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/Well-being-workshops-1-500x278.png 500w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/Well-being-workshops-1-800x444.png 800w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/Well-being-workshops-1-480x267.png 480w" alt="Well-being Workshops" width="810" height="450" /></a><!-- wp:block {"ref":2513} /--></p>
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<p><!-- wp:paragraph -->______________________________________</p>
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</div><p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/law-firms-8-ways-to-improve-your-staff-mental-health/">Law firms: 8 practical ways to improve staff mental health</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p>
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<title>10 tips for lawyers who want to improve their mental health</title>
<link>https://bravingboundaries.com/10-tips-for-lawyers-who-want-to-improve-their-mental-health/</link>
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<dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Fri, 28 Aug 2020 05:07:07 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Lawyer Life]]></category>
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<description><![CDATA[<p>Is your mental health in need of some improvement? Is your life in need of some proper work-life balance? Click on the latest blog post for some helpful tips to get your life back on track.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/10-tips-for-lawyers-who-want-to-improve-their-mental-health/">10 tips for lawyers who want to improve their mental health</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p>
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<div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Article 4 of 5 in the <em>Mental Health in the Law</em> series</strong></h5>
<h6 class="wp-block-heading"><em>Co-written by Frieda Levycky, Founder of <a href="http://www.bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>, and Alicia Koch, Founder of <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist</a> </em></h6>
<p>We’ve spent the last three weeks looking at some insightful pieces relating specifically to <strong>mental health in the legal profession</strong>:</p>
<ul class="wp-block-list"><li>The discomfort around the topic of mental health in the legal sector (<a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-around-mental-health-in-the-legal-world/"><strong>Article 1</strong></a>);</li><li>The global statistics proving that the legal sector really does have a mental health problem (<a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-legal-sector-has-a-very-real-mental-health-problem/"><strong>Article 2</strong></a>); and</li><li>The importance of having open and honest conversations around mental health in order to break the associated stigma in the legal world (<strong><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/mental-health-stop-collaborate-and-listen/">Art</a><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/mental-health-stop-collaborate-and-listen/">icle</a><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/mental-health-stop-collaborate-and-listen/"> 3</a></strong>).</li></ul>
<p>Now, it’s important that we also highlight some of the common situations experienced by legal professionals on a daily basis, which often negatively impact on their mental health. As the penultimate topic in this mental health series, we feel it is important to consider astute discussions around steps that can be taken by legal professionals to improve their mental health going forward.</p>
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<figure class="wp-block-image"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/pain-bw.jpg" alt="poor mental health"/></figure>
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<h3 class="wp-block-heading">We’re all different!</h3>
<p>I want to start by saying that every lawyer is different. <em><strong>Every person is different.</strong> </em>Their life experiences are different. Their resilience levels are different. Their coping mechanisms are different. So, a situation which may seem manageable to one lawyer, may well be experienced very differently by another. And the impact on their mental health may differ also. Vastly.</p>
<p>I’ll give you an example.</p>
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<figure class="wp-block-image"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/me-768x1024.png" alt="my story"/></figure>
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<p>I’ve spent my legal career in very alpha-dominated environments: on a trading floor and in private practice. I’m used to dealing with unwanted attention, big tempers and high-pressured, competitive work environments. It doesn’t mean that I’m immune to the negative effects of these, but I have a pretty good coping mechanism in place. One could say that I became accustomed to what those environments entailed. But I also have a personality which has the ability to call someone out when a line has been crossed, and to say ‘no’ when something is not acceptable. And that took some learning.</p>
<p><strong>That isn’t the case for everyone.</strong></p>
<p>With job security (especially now), being so high on the list of priorities for most people, standing up for themselves or asking for help (when they are struggling), is not going to come easily. Instead, the impact of the event is internalised; it conflicts with personal values and morals, and causes more distress for the individual. It is a snow ball waiting to happen. And not in the fun, <em>“do you want to build a snowman</em>” kind of way.</p>
<p>The reason I mention this up front is that some of the situations listed below may seem trivial or part and parcel of being a lawyer. <strong>The <em>“keep quiet and get on with it”</em> mentality.</strong> But we are looking at this through our own lens. It is therefore very subjective. And for you to understand mental health triggers more clearly, we need to start seeing things from multiple perspectives.</p>
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<h3 class="wp-block-heading">A reminder of what ‘mental health’ really is</h3>
<p>The World Health Organization (<strong>WHO</strong>) defines mental health as:</p>
<p>“<em>a state of well-being in which the individual realizes his or her own abilities, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully, and is able to make a contribution to his or her community.</em>”</p>
<p>Simply put – mental health is a state of well-being, something which everyone possesses and which can fluctuate from time to time. Naturally. We all experience different levels of mental health throughout our lives (good, mediocre and poor). <em><strong>It’s not static. It’s not constant. And, it is certainly not a weakness.</strong> </em>It is actually part and parcel of simply being a human being. Remember, lawyers are not super human, they are just human.</p>
<p>Poor mental health can manifest in a variety of ways and to varying degrees, including: stress, anxiety, changes in mood / behaviour, erratic thinking, impulsive actions, low self-esteem, feelings of loneliness, insomnia, burnout (and those are just a few of them).</p>
<p>It leaves you drained, emotional, hyper-sensitive (or numb), and to be honest, sometimes, quite teary-eyed. We have all been through it (even if we do not, unfortunately, openly admit it).</p>
<p>But, what situations contribute to these dips in our mental health?</p>
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<h3 class="wp-block-heading">Common causes of mental health issues in the legal sector</h3>
<p>Seeking to identify every situation which could impact the mental health of an individual would be impossible. As we said, everyone is different and so are their tolerance levels. However, here are some of the more common situations expressed by legal professionals that have taken a toll on their mental and physical health:</p>
<ul class="wp-block-list"><li><strong>Building your own practice area:</strong> Whether that be as an independent legal practitioner, a senior associate creating a business case for partnership, or as an existing partner – there is a constant pressure to bring in regular and/or new business into the firm. The COVID-19 pandemic has merely exacerbated this already stressful dynamic, causing more anxiety, more erratic behaviour and, for many, even more sleepless nights.</li><li><strong>Too much work / too little personal life:</strong> We’ve previously talked about the pressures imposed by the billable hour model and the expectations within firms that staff should be contactable 24/7. There is barely any downtime and this has a knock-on effect to the personal life of individuals. Many lawyers experience fractious home relationships with their partners and children, miss important events, work through holidays and weekends. There is a constant pressure to be 100% percent ‘on’ in everything they do (to basically be Wonder Woman / Superman). It’s no wonder that the proverbial balls get dropped from trying to juggle too much. It’s exhausting!</li><li><strong>Sedentary lifestyles:</strong> When you work long hours, you spend a lot of time sitting at your desk. This often leads to unhealthy eating habits (both to stay awake and sustained), lethargy sets in, the desire to exercise dissipates, and the weight starts to pile on. Client dinners and drinks are also part of the course, fuelling the unhealthy lifestyle even further.</li><li><strong>Inter-office relationships:</strong> With so much time being spent in the office, it’s no wonder that romantic relationships with colleagues form. Sometimes those relationships flourish, but more often than not, they serve as an interim distraction before one party moves on. Needless to say, that daily reminder of the more intimate relationship that once was, can be painful, distracting and in some cases debilitating.</li><li><strong>Toxic work environments:</strong> One of the most common complaints I hear from clients is with regards to unhappy working environments. The insecurities displayed within legal teams can be rife! Jostling for promotions. Competition for work to be seen up the chain. Personality clashes. Bullying. Back-stabbing. Ostracism. If you are on the receiving end of any of the pushback, the office can feel like a mine-field. You remain on tenterhooks all day and then bring the emotional drama home with you at night. A never-ending spiral.</li><li><strong>The ‘-isms’: </strong>Sexism, racism, machoism, chauvinism – the list goes on. I’d love to say these things no longer exist in professional working environments, but they do. And the impact of being treated as an outsider / lesser than, can have a detrimental impact on the mental health of an individual.</li></ul>
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<h3 class="wp-block-heading">And COVID-19 hasn’t helped matters …</h3>
<p>In many respects, the pandemic has eased (or rather deferred) the negative impact of some of the traditional legal sector scenarios. Fewer people are in the office. More time is spent at home with family. Any negative day-to-day interaction is dispelled. But, the pandemic itself has introduced new stressers into the mix:</p>
<ul class="wp-block-list"><li><strong>Lack of communication</strong> – Whereas some lawyers strive in the home office environment, others struggle with being away from their friends and colleagues. Many worry about the impact that this is having on their legal education and development. Feelings of isolation are common (particularly for those living on their own). Many worry about what others are doing; about being too quiet; about being forgotten.</li><li><strong>Job security</strong> <strong>concerns</strong> – Some legal practices are booming at present (as is always the case in a crisis), but others are not. There is an increased anxiety about meeting targets and covering overheads. As Government-backed plans near their term, concerns around job security are on the rise. Many law firms have already cut their salaries or created innovative ways to manage cashflow issues – but as the economic stress continues – there are increasing concerns around job losses and the knock-on impact this has to family life.</li><li><strong>Troubled relationships –</strong> Strained office relationships have been replaced with strained home relationships. Juggling cleaning, cooking, work, online schooling, zoom calls, an hour of exercise etc., into a workable routine has worked for some, but for others, it’s resulted in heated arguments, more reliance on alcohol, poor communication and, in some cases, the collapse of the relationship altogether.</li><li><strong>Feelings of guilt</strong> – Many individuals are experiencing guilt for a variety of reasons: not being able to visit elderly relatives, struggling to be emotionally available for family members, ignoring their children because they are supposed to be working; overworking because they feel guilty that they haven’t been impacted financially as a result of the pandemic.</li><li><strong>Pressures to return to work</strong> – As the business world opens its physical doors again, many people are experiencing anxiety around returning to the office for fear of catching the virus, (particularly those who live with vulnerable family members) or returning to previously hostile environments.</li></ul>
<p>The list is endless. <em><strong>And, I repeat, different people will experience these scenarios in different ways.</strong></em> Some lawyers have thrived through lockdown – personal relationships have improved, new online relationships have blossomed, work flow has been at an all-time high, many are genuinely excited about getting back into the office and networking again, and feeling that familiar business buzz.</p>
<p>But, for those of you who are struggling with your mental health at the moment, let’s look at some strategies that can help <strong><em>improve your mental health in a healthy, productive and proactive way.</em></strong></p>
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<h3 class="wp-block-heading">So, what can you do to help yourself? Today!</h3>
<p>It’s easy to blame the competitive and demanding legal industry for our mental health problems, but it cannot be held <em>solely</em> responsible. Whereas law firms and corporates have a responsibility to address systemic issues which negatively impact the health of their staff, we too, as individuals, have a responsibility to look after ourselves as best we can (physically, mentally and emotionally).</p>
<p>Practical steps that you can already start doing today include:</p>
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<p><strong>Get to grips with your values</strong> – when was the last time you sat down and identified your core values? Often the struggles we face in life are either because we are not living by our core values or because two or more of our values are in conflict with each other. If this sounds familiar, consider working with me to re-discover your core values and bring your life back into balance. <a href="https://calendly.com/bravingboundaries/discovery-call-30-mins?back=1&month=2020-08">Book a discovery call for more information</a></p>
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<p><strong>Sleep</strong> – poor sleep has been linked to mental health problems such as anxiety and depression. According to <a href="https://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletter_article/sleep-and-mental-health">Harvard Medical School</a>, studies suggest that a good night’s sleep helps foster both mental and emotional resilience, while chronic sleep disruptions set the stage for negative thinking and emotional vulnerability. For professionals, 8 hours sleep may not feel like an option. So, concentrate on quality over quantity. <strong>Block out the blue light.</strong> <a href="https://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/sleep-blue-light#:~:text=Exposure%20to%20all%20colors%20of,melatonin%20that%20makes%20you%20sleepy.">Web MD</a> succinctly describes how blue light (that bright white light emitted by our electronic devices) messes with our body’s ability to prepare for sleep. It blocks a hormone called melatonin that makes us sleepy. So, 30 minutes before bedtime, instead of scrolling through social media and emails (we all do it!), grab a Nicholas Sparkes off the bookshelf and lose yourself in the fictional world.</p>
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<p><strong>Keep active</strong> – lulls in mental health can leave you feeling sluggish and less inclined to exercise but it’s important to try and keep yourself moving. Exercise increases blood flow to the brain and releases endorphins, our body’s own anti-depressant. It also releases other neurotransmitters such as serotonin, which lifts our mood. If you’ve got a sport you love, build it back into your weekly routine. If not, try out something completely new. </p>
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<p><strong>Sing</strong> – yes, gents, you too! There is nothing quite like belting out a good tune to lift your mood! <a href="https://www.billboard.com/articles/news/billboard-lists/9366625/mental-health-month-31-songs-positive-outlook">Here is a list put together by Billboard if you are looking for some positive inspiration</a>. Singing is a natural anti-depressant. Like exercise, it releases endorphins and makes you feel happy. Scientists have also proven that a tiny organ in the ear (the sacculus) responds to the frequencies created by singing. The response creates an immediate sense of pleasure, irrespective of how good or bad your singing is. Watch out Elton John!</p>
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<p><strong>Eat well</strong> – eating foods that are rich in complex carbohydrates, vitamins, minerals, protein, and fatty acids is key to keeping your brain in good working order and therefore improving mental health. Eat regularly throughout the day to maintain a constant blood sugar level and avoid those dreaded sugar crashes. Aim for five portions of fruit and vegetables a day, limit your alcohol intake (as it has a depressant effect on the brain, which can result in a rapid worsening of your mood) and make sure you keep hydrated. We all need a treat now and then, but if your mood is low, improving your diet is a quick and easy area to make improvements.</p>
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<p><strong>Meditate</strong> – I won’t lie. It’s not for everyone. But if you are stressed and are looking for a simple way to take time out from the relentless pace of daily life, then meditation and mindfulness exercises are a great place to start. It can be a challenge to begin with, but free apps such as <a href="https://www.headspace.com/headspace-meditation-app">Headspace</a>, <a href="https://www.simplehabit.com/">Simple Habit</a> and <a href="https://www.oakmeditation.com/">Oak</a> can all help you to train your mind to focus and redirect your thoughts.</p>
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<p><strong>Prioritize priorities</strong> – let’s be honest, yes, work is demanding, but there are successful lawyers and entrepreneurs, with the same number of hours in the day, who manage to have a happy and fulfilling life outside of the office. What secret do they know that you don’t? They make a choice. They have balance. Next time you hear yourself saying: <em><strong>“I just don’t have the time”</strong>, </em>I invite you to consciously stop and ask yourself these three questions: </p>
<ul class="wp-block-list"><li><em>“What am I prioritising here?”</em></li><li><em>“What am I sacrificing?”</em></li><li><em>“Is this the option I want to choose?”</em></li></ul>
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<p><strong>Live within your means</strong> – we live in a world which encourages us to overspend. It’s all well and good wanting to keep up with the Kardashians’, but a decadent lifestyle can handcuff you. By reining back our outgoings, we give ourselves freedom, flexibility and a lot less stress.</p>
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<p><strong>Maintain your external relationships</strong> – invest time and energy in your relationships outside of the office. They matter. When things get tough at work, colleagues can often feel conflicted. It is your friends and family outside of the office who will be your greatest support. So take the time to build and maintain these relationships.</p>
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<p><strong>Seek external support</strong> – coaching, counselling and mentorship services, such as those that can be found at <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/">Braving Boundaries</a>, offer a confidential space to talk and think through any personal difficulties with a trained professional. Many people find it helpful to do this with someone who isn’t a friend or family member.</p>
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<p>And if you need a little more encouragement, try one of these on for size:</p>
<p><em>“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.”</em> ―E.E. Cummings</p>
<p><em>“It is courage, courage, courage, that raises the blood of life to crimson splendor. Live bravely and present a brave front to adversity.” </em>―Horace</p>
<p>And lastly,</p>
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<p>It takes courage and bravery to admit that you are experiencing an issue. It takes courage and bravery to “grow up” and become the person you are meant to be. But it takes even more courage and even more bravery to take a stand for yourself and demand from life the things that you <em>actua</em>lly want. But it is worth it. Because your desires and life goals matter. Not “one day”. But today. “Hell is life drying up”. And that happens when you stay stuck in the same old rut.</p>
<p><strong>So take your first step and prevent a life only half lived. </strong></p>
<p>_______________________________________</p>
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<h4 class="wp-block-heading">Other articles in the mental health in the law series</h4>
<p>Article 1: <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-around-mental-health-in-the-legal-world/">The fear around mental health in the legal world</a></p>
<p>Article 2: <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-legal-sector-has-a-very-real-mental-health-problem/">The legal sector has a very real mental health problem</a></p>
<p>Article 3: <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/mental-health-stop-collaborate-and-listen/">Mental Health: Stop, Collaborate & Listen</a></p>
<p>Article 5: <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/law-firms-8-ways-to-improve-your-staff-mental-health/">Law firms: 8 practical ways to improve staff mental health</a></p>
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<p><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" sizes="(max-width: 810px) 100vw, 810px" srcset="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/BASIC-BALANCE.jpg 810w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/BASIC-BALANCE-300x167.png 300w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/BASIC-BALANCE-768x427.png 768w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/BASIC-BALANCE-500x278.png 500w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/BASIC-BALANCE-800x444.png 800w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/BASIC-BALANCE-480x267.png 480w" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/BASIC-BALANCE.jpg" alt=""></p>
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<p>About the Co-author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong></p>
<p>Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism. </p>
<p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>.</p>
<p><strong>Email: [email protected] </strong></p>
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</div><p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/10-tips-for-lawyers-who-want-to-improve-their-mental-health/">10 tips for lawyers who want to improve their mental health</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p>
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<title>Mental Health: Stop, Collaborate and Listen</title>
<link>https://bravingboundaries.com/mental-health-stop-collaborate-and-listen/</link>
<comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/mental-health-stop-collaborate-and-listen/#comments</comments>
<dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Tue, 18 Aug 2020 05:10:00 +0000</pubDate>
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<category><![CDATA[self-care]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[stop the stigma]]></category>
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<description><![CDATA[<p>Read about the interview Frieda Levycky, Founder of Braving Boundaries, had with Rob Green, CEO of GRM, about mental health in the legal sector. IT'S TIME TO STOP THE STIGMA!</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/mental-health-stop-collaborate-and-listen/">Mental Health: Stop, Collaborate and Listen</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p>
]]></description>
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<h5 class="wp-block-heading" id="article-3-of-5-in-the-mental-health-in-the-law-series"><strong>Article 3 of 5 in the <em>Mental Health in the Law</em> series</strong></h5>
<h1 class="wp-block-heading" id="mental-health-stop-collaborate-and-listen">Mental Health: Stop, Collaborate and Listen</h1>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="introduction">Introduction</h3>
<p>There is something beautifully refreshing about people talking openly about mental health in the <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-legal-sector-has-a-very-real-mental-health-problem/">legal sector</a>. Particularly their own experiences. Particularly men.</p>
<p>Last month, I had the pleasure of sitting down with <strong>Rob Green, CEO of <a href="https://www.grm.global/">GRM</a>,</strong> an international legal recruitment and research firm, to talk about mental health in the law.</p>
<p>The podcast will form part of GRM’s new, subscription-based portal called <strong>GLC</strong> or <strong>Global Legal Career </strong>which will formally launch in September 2020 (see further details about GLC below).</p>
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<iframe loading="lazy" title="GLC GRM Podcast, Frieda Levycky, Mental Health" width="1080" height="608" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/H4PA69BvZW4?feature=oembed" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>
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<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="stopping-the-stigma-around-mental-health">Stopping the stigma around mental health</h3>
<p>To be honest, when Rob asked me if I would be keen to be interviewed about mental health in the legal sector, I was pleasantly surprised. For those that don’t know Rob, he’s a former rugby player: strong, tall and confident – no one is going to mess with him.</p>
<p>Not exactly the image of someone I expected would want to discuss mental health matters in a public forum.</p>
<p>The thing is though, when you’ve had the courage:</p>
<ul class="wp-block-list"><li>to acknowledge and address your own health issues (both physical and mental),</li><li>to see the impact work stress is having on other areas of your life,</li><li>to talk the issues through with someone</li><li>to take steps to change your work habits to create more balance in your life, and</li><li>to now live a life you love,</li></ul>
<p>you understand the importance of talking about mental health issues openly.</p>
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<figure class="wp-block-image"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/stop-the-stigma-5-1024x311.png" alt="stop the stigma"/></figure>
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<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="addressing-mental-health-issues-in-the-legal-sector">Addressing mental health issues in the legal sector</h3>
<p>The interview itself provides an interesting spin on mental health issues which affect legal professionals across the board (Business Development professionals, legal secretaries, recruiters etc.) – <strong>not just lawyers</strong>.</p>
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<p><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H4PA69BvZW4"><br> </a></p>
<p>Rob, as a legal recruiter and a service provider to law firms and corporate legal teams alike, and me, as a lawyer and coach for legal professionals, have experienced the legal sector from a variety of angles.</p>
<p>We’ve seen and, in some cases, experienced, a variety of incidents which have caused poor mental health issues in the legal sector to surface (for example, disregard for legal recruitment, bullying, <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/workplace-ostracism-addressing-the-intangible-office-bully/">ostracism</a>, over-work, harassment, under-valuing business development, lack of respect etc.).</p>
<p>Our combined 40 years of international legal experience is brought to the table in the interview.</p>
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<p>Being interviewed by Rob was an absolute joy! We touched on a range of topics including:</p>
<ul class="wp-block-list"><li>what mental health actually is</li><li>how poor mental health manifests (e.g. stress, insomnia, chronic fatigue, anxiety, depression etc)</li><li>examples of situations which may have an impact on a lawyer’s mental health (pre- and post-COVID-19), both personal and professional</li><li>our own experiences with poor mental health and how we turned things around</li><li>some tips to bolster your mental health whilst working in the legal sector</li><li>some thoughts about the pressures likely to impact the legal sector following lock-down</li></ul>
<p>We ended up recording for 3 hours – there was so much to talk about (and boy, can we talk!) – but, the <a href="http://soundcast.co.za/">Soundcast</a> team worked their magic and cut us down to 90 minutes – a much more manageable listen for you – our audience.</p>
<p><strong>Click on the link below to listen to the discussion.</strong></p>
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<iframe loading="lazy" title="GLC GRM Podcast, Frieda Levycky, Mental Health" width="1080" height="608" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/H4PA69BvZW4?feature=oembed" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>
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<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="what-to-do-if-you-are-struggling-with-your-mental-health-currently">What to do if you are struggling with your mental health currently</h3>
<p>First of all, I want to let you know that there is nothing to be ashamed about. As we mentioned in the first of our articles this month: <em><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-around-mental-health-in-the-legal-world/">The fear around mental health in the legal world</a></em>, we all experience different levels of mental health throughout our lives (good, mediocre and poor). <strong>It’s not static. It’s not constant. It is certainly not a weakness.</strong></p>
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<figure class="wp-block-image"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/MG_4218-683x1024.jpg" alt="Frieda Levycky - Life coach for lawyers"/></figure>
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<p>Poor mental health can manifest in a variety of ways and to varying degrees, including: stress, anxiety, changes in mood / behaviour, erratic thinking, impulsive actions, low self-esteem, feelings of loneliness, insomnia, burnout (those are just a few).</p>
<p>It leaves you drained, emotional, hyper-sensitive or numb, and to be honest, sometimes, quite teary-eyed.</p>
<p><strong>Nothing feels under control. </strong><strong style="font-size: 15px;">Nothing feels balanced.</strong></p>
<p>You know this isn’t healthy for you, but often there seems to be very little option to change the status quo, without causing further damage to other areas of your life. <em><strong>Where do you even start?</strong></em></p>
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<h4 class="wp-block-heading" id="here-are-a-couple-of-options"><strong>Here are a couple of options:</strong></h4>
<p><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/bring-back-balance/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">BRING BACK BALANCE</a></p>
<p><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/work-with-me/individual-coaching/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">1-TO-1 COACHING</a></p>
<p>What is the point of being a successful lawyer, if it’s costing you your health and happiness? </p>
<p>You’ve worked hard to create this standard of life, so let’s help you start living and loving it by bringing some balance back between the professional and the personal.<b> </b></p>
<p>If you’re at the point where enough is enough, you want to start living a personal and professional life you genuinely love (you’ve worked hard enough for it), and want support in making the necessary changes, that’s where I come in.</p>
<p><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Book a discovery session</a>. Let’s have a chat, see if we are a good fit, and pull a plan together to quash those limiting beliefs and enable you to live a happier, healthier and more fulfilling life, both inside and outside the office.</p>
<p>_______________________________________</p>
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<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="a-little-more-about-global-legal-career">A little more about Global Legal Career</h3>
<p>As I mentioned above, in September 2020, GRM is launching a new, subscription-based portal called <strong>GLC </strong>or <strong>Global Legal Career</strong>.</p>
<p>For a small monthly fee, the legal community around the world will be able to access webcasts, podcasts, research papers, CV and cover letter templates and interview assistance through the online GLC platform. In addition, users can practise mock video interviews, attend career guidance webinars, and book one-on-one sessions with legal market career specialists and receive updates of the latest global job openings.</p>
<p>Users will also be able to showcase their skills and meet other members of the community, from around the world, who can help facilitate new career paths and global mobility, and much much more. Needless to say, mental health awareness in the legal sector will be a topic which will be showcased through the GLC platform.</p>
<p>_______________________________________</p>
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<h5 class="wp-block-heading" id="other-articles-in-the-mental-health-in-the-law-series">Other articles in the <em>Mental Health in the Law</em> series</h5>
<p>Article 1: <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-around-mental-health-in-the-legal-world/">The fear around mental health in the legal world</a></p>
<p>Article 2: <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-legal-sector-has-a-very-real-mental-health-problem/">The legal sector has a very real mental health problem</a></p>
<p>Article 4: <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/10-tips-for-lawyers-who-want-to-improve-their-mental-health/">10 Tips for lawyers who want to improve their mental health</a></p>
<p>Article 5: <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/law-firms-8-ways-to-improve-your-staff-mental-health/">Law firms: 8 practical ways to improve staff mental health</a></p>
<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/mental-health-stop-collaborate-and-listen/">Mental Health: Stop, Collaborate and Listen</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p>
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<title>The legal sector has a very real mental health problem</title>
<link>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-legal-sector-has-a-very-real-mental-health-problem/</link>
<comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-legal-sector-has-a-very-real-mental-health-problem/#respond</comments>
<dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Sun, 09 Aug 2020 02:10:04 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Lawyer Life]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[attorney life]]></category>
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<category><![CDATA[mental health advocate]]></category>
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<category><![CDATA[mental health matters]]></category>
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<description><![CDATA[<p>If you ever doubted that the legal sector had a mental health problem, it’s time to look at the statistics. Click here to read the latest blog by guest writer Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-legal-sector-has-a-very-real-mental-health-problem/">The legal sector has a very real mental health problem</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p>
]]></description>
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<h5 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Article 2 of 5 in the <em>Mental Health in the Law</em> series</strong></h5>
<h2 class="wp-block-heading">THE LEGAL SECTOR HAS A VERY REAL MENTAL HEALTH PROBLEM</h2>
<h6 class="wp-block-heading"><em>An article by Alicia Koch, Founder of <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist</a> </em></h6>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading">Introduction</h3>
<p>Let’s start off with some sobering facts:</p>
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<p>In the <strong>United States</strong>, the 2016 <a href="https://www.americanbar.org/">American Bar Association</a> together with the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation in a study of attorneys (see “<em>Studies on Well-Being in the Profession</em>”) underscored mental health concerns in the legal profession. Of the attorneys surveyed: <strong style="font-size: 15px;">28%</strong> reported experiencing symptoms of <strong style="font-size: 15px;">depression</strong>, <strong style="font-size: 15px;">19%</strong> reported symptoms of <strong style="font-size: 15px;">anxiety</strong>, <strong style="font-size: 15px;">23%</strong> experienced symptoms of <strong style="font-size: 15px;">stress</strong> and <strong style="font-size: 15px;">21%</strong> qualified as <strong style="font-size: 15px;">problem drinkers.</strong></p>
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<p>In the <strong>United Kingdom</strong>, <a href="https://www.lawcare.org.uk/">LawCare</a> revealed that: <strong style="font-size: 15px;">26%</strong> of all lawyers that called into their helpline were suffering from <strong style="font-size: 15px;">stress</strong>, <strong style="font-size: 15px;">12%</strong> were suffering from bullying and a further <strong style="font-size: 15px;">12%</strong> of all callers suffered from <strong style="font-size: 15px;">depression</strong>.</p>
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<p>In a further article titled <a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2019-08-15/study-finds-high-rates-anxiety-depression-in-legal-profession/11412832">Lawyers experience high rates of anxiety and depression</a>, it was found that in <strong>Australia and New Zealand</strong> that – <em>“A survey of 200 legal professionals across Australia and New Zealand revealed a high percentage of employees at small and medium-sized law firms had experienced depression and stress in the workplace. An overwhelming <strong>85 per cent</strong> of respondents said they had experienced <strong>anxiety</strong>, or knew someone close to them in the workplace who had. More than <strong>60 per cent</strong> of respondents said they had experienced <strong>depression</strong>, or knew someone close to them in the workplace who had”.</em></p>
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<p>And lastly in <strong>South Africa</strong>, the South African Depression and Anxiety Group (“<a href="http://www.sadag.org/"><em>SADAG</em></a>”) has revealed that one in every five people will suffer from a mental illness. Every 24-hours in South Africa, 22 people commit suicide and 220 people attempt suicide. 9.5% of teen deaths are due to suicide. SADAG’s research has also revealed that employees are taking more than 18 days off work due to depression but are reluctant to disclose depression as a reason for sick leave due to the stigma associated with the condition. <strong><em>The statistics around lawyer specific mental health concerns have yet to be quantified.</em> </strong>And that is a scary thing considering the stigma that is currently attached with mental health issues.</p>
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<h3 class="wp-block-heading">Stopping the stigma</h3>
<p>Mental health is always spoken about in hushed tones and usually behind closed doors. As if it is something to be ashamed of. But, why?</p>
<p>There is nothing weak about mental health. As we discussed in last week’s article: <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-around-mental-health-in-the-legal-world/">The fear about mental health in the legal world</a> – we all have a level of mental health and that level of health (as with our physical health) fluctuates over time.</p>
<p>So why does the term “<em><strong>mental</strong></em>” trigger such awkwardness and discomfort in so many of us?</p>
<p>Perhaps our youth has something to do with it?</p>
<p>Growing up, the slang term <a href="https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=mental">“mental”</a> was used quite often. When you heard that a party was “mental”, you automatically assumed that it was wild and that things got out of hand. Similarly, if someone were to call another person “mental”, you immediately kept your distance at the connotation that the person was, in fact, crazy (not that we were qualified to ascertain anyone’s state of mind).</p>
<p>But the actual definition of ‘mental’ is nothing sinister – it literally means <em><strong>“related to the mind”</strong>.</em> However, when you put the words mental and health together, we are lead to something far more complex, far more important, but sadly, less spoken about.</p>
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<p><em><strong>Isn’t it time to reshape how we, as a society, view mental health and the associated issues? Especially in the legal profession.</strong></em></p>
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<h3 class="wp-block-heading">Perception of the legal industry</h3>
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<p>I have one image for you – a suit. Picture Harvey Specter in his expensive designer suit, working late into the night demanding excellence in everything he does. And from everyone he works with. And now picture someone you know who is exactly like this. I bet someone popped into your head almost immediately. Maybe it was yourself.</p>
<p>The sad reality is, this is how the general public believe legal professionals are <em>supposed</em> to act. Never mind how junior lawyers<em> expect</em> themselves to act. And this expectation continues long into most legal professional’s lives.</p>
<p>Truthfully, we can all agree that this image of absolute strength and perfection is exactly how lawyers are represented in mainstream media – workaholics, perfectionists (and we touch on this subject in <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-perfectionist-problem/">The Perfectionist Problem</a>), practitioners with meticulous attention to detail, rational and invulnerable to stress.</p>
<p><em><strong>Basically assumed to be bullet proof. </strong></em></p>
<p><em><strong>Almost superhuman. </strong></em></p>
<p>And society, generally, does not consider how legal professionals may <em>in reality</em> be affected by the work they do. Neither do the lawyers themselves. At least, they would never admit to being affected by their work out loud. And this is an impossible standard.</p>
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<h3 class="wp-block-heading">What is mental health?</h3>
<p>According to <a href="https://www.mentalhealth.gov/basics/what-is-mental-health">Mental Health.gov</a>, a person’s mental health refers to their <em>“emotional, psychological, and social well-being. It affects how we think, feel, and act”</em>.</p>
<p>And in the legal profession, a person’s emotional, psychological and social well-being is not (very often) considered to be top of mind. We are taught to believe that you need to <strong><em>“get on with it”</em></strong>. <strong><em>Harden up. Have thicker skin.</em> </strong>At least, that’s what I was told. Often.</p>
<p>The workplace, especially in law firms, is no place for sensitivity. But is being affected by something necessarily just being sensitive? And even if you are sensitive, does that mean there is no place for you in a law firm? That shouldn’t be the case. And yet, as we are constantly lead to believe, seemingly is. At least on the face of it.</p>
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<h3 class="wp-block-heading">The reality of mental health in the legal industry</h3>
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<p>An overwhelming majority of legal professionals believe their mental well-being is worse off as a result of their chosen career, an <a href="https://www.law.com/2020/02/19/by-the-numbers-the-state-of-mental-health-in-the-legal-industry/">in-depth Mental Health and Substance Abuse survey</a> of law firm lawyers and staff suggests.</p>
<p>But, that’s only the tip of the iceberg. There are far more alarming articles and studies to illustrate the above statement.</p>
<p>In an article titled <a href="https://thepractice.law.harvard.edu/article/it-is-time-to-normalize-mental-health-check-ups/">It is Time to Normalize Mental Health Check-Ups</a>, they state that mental health has become a critical issue –</p>
<p><em>“Mental health has become a significant topic of discussion and study for legal professionals as of late, and for good reason. Mental health has a critical impact on the general population—in 2018 alone, 47.6 million adults in the United States experienced symptoms that met criteria for a diagnosable mental illness. This equates to 19.1 percent of the population, or one in five adults. Further, depression is the leading cause of disability worldwide.</em></p>
<p><em>Findings further suggest that <strong>legal professionals may experience mental health issues at a rate higher than other adults in the United States</strong>. This, along with several recent deaths of legal professionals by suicide, have sparked a long-overdue conversation about mental wellness in the legal community.”</em></p>
<p>Similarly, in an article titled <a href="https://www.leadersleague.com/en/news/mental-health-in-the-legal-industry-it-s-time-to-take-action">Mental Health in the Legal Industry: It’s Time to Take Action</a>, they state the following –</p>
<p><em>“According to the World Health Organization (<strong>WHO</strong>), more than 300 million people are estimated to suffer from depression globally. Around the world, close to 800 000 people die due to suicide often caused by depression every year. And the legal industry is not immune. </em></p>
<p><em>A study conducted by Johns Hopkins University on the issue suggests that the prevalence of depression is closely related to a person’s professional occupation. Accordingly, <strong>lawyers are 3.6 times more likely on average to suffer from depression as people in other professions</strong>.”</em></p>
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<p>In a further American article titled <a href="https://www.law.com/2020/02/19/by-the-numbers-the-state-of-mental-health-in-the-legal-industry/">By the Numbers: The State of Mental Health in the Legal Industry</a>, they found that <em>“<strong>31.2% of more than 3,800 respondents feel they are depressed, 64% feel they have anxiety, 10.1% feel they have an alcohol problem and 2.8% feel they have a drug problem</strong>.”</em></p>
<p>Lastly in an article titled <a href="https://www.lawgazette.co.uk/wellbeing/moving-mental-health-to-the-top-of-the-legal-agenda/5104324.article">Moving mental health to the top of the legal agenda</a>, they refer to a study that states that –</p>
<p><em>“According to research carried out by Dr Rebecca Michalak of the University of Queensland: <strong>‘Lawyers suffer from significantly lower levels of psychological and psychosomatic health wellbeing than other professionals’.</strong> Add to this a global pandemic threatening the lives of loved ones, job insecurity and economic instability</em>, <em>and we have a rather large melting pot ready to explode.”</em></p>
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<p>In the above-mentioned article –</p>
<p><em>“According to Mental Health First Aid England over 80% of managers admit to prejudice against employees struggling with their mental health and only about 20% of companies provide training to managers around the subject. I dare say, law firms lag behind in the main. In fact, I recently asked a senior partner from a Magic Circle firm what they do to support mental health and she responded: <strong>‘Driven people like us don’t suffer with those sort of issues’.</strong> Sadly, this couldn’t be further from the truth. Though many efforts of engagement within the legal profession have been reported, particularly during this particular crisis, there is still a long way to go and the profession must not lose sight of this”.</em></p>
<p>But, admitting concerns over your mental health is not a sign of weakness or inability. This is an antiquated notion that needs to change. And quickly.</p>
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<h3 class="wp-block-heading">So how does your work affect you?</h3>
<p>In an article titled <a href="https://theconversation.com/the-legal-profession-has-a-mental-health-problem-which-is-an-issue-for-everyone-113224">The legal profession has a mental health problem – which is an issue for everyone</a>, a study was conducted in which legal professionals discussed how their work affects them –</p>
<p><em>”Participants have disclosed a number of issues which they felt had arisen from their work, including</em> <em>experiencing high levels of stress or witnessing it in others.</em></p>
<p><em>For example, they often speak about the long hours they do, the high billing requirements they have, their large caseloads and the negative effect that these have on them. They also speak of the alienating cultures in which they work and which put them in competition with their colleagues.</em></p>
<p><em>Many practitioners also speak directly of how the cultures of some legal environments mean that well-being is often not a concern. The focus for many law firms is on fee earning, growth and productivity. Well-being is therefore viewed as irrelevant. For example, practitioners have told us that there is a culture of “you have got to get on with it” when dealing with stressful or emotionally demanding work.</em></p>
<p><em>Some have suggested that there is a stigma within the profession with regards to mental health and that highlighting well-being issues could be perceived as a sign of weakness and become a barrier to promotion. Participants have also discussed a traditional lack of investment into supporting the mental health of lawyers.</em></p>
<p><em>Other lawyers have told us about the negative impacts of working with traumatised individuals, hearing traumatic narratives, or working with distressing evidence – for example, material evidence relating to serious crimes or road traffic accidents. Some have discussed the lasting effect that some cases had on them because of their distressing nature.”</em></p>
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<p>And I am certain that many of you reading this article can relate to some (if not all) of the issues listed in the above article –</p>
<ul class="wp-block-list"><li>long hours</li><li>always being on call and unable to disconnect</li><li>high billing requirements</li><li>high caseloads</li><li>competition between colleagues</li><li>a culture of “get on with it”</li><li>impacts of traumatic cases on your well-being.</li></ul>
<p>All leading to high stress levels, anxiety, depression, burn-out and in some cases substance abuse.</p>
<p>It is evidently not an experience limited to certain parts of the world. It is a feeling felt globally in the legal profession. <strong><em>A pandemic, if you will.</em></strong> And it needs to be addressed. More importantly, legal professionals need to feel comfortable enough to be able to speak about their personal concerns around their own mental health. Freely and openly.</p>
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<h3 class="wp-block-heading">Where to from here?</h3>
<p>We are starting to see many firms take a more proactive approach to managing mental health providing access to services such as coaching, counselling, mental health first aiders and employee assistance programmes (<strong>EAPs</strong>), to support individuals with mental health issues. Areas that impact mental health such as financial wellbeing, diet, alcohol intake and sleep and developing programmes to address these specific issues are also becoming top of mind.</p>
<p>An organization such as <a href="https://www.lawcare.org.uk/">LawCare</a> in the UK, promotes and supports good mental health and wellbeing in the legal community. In an article titled <a href="https://blogs.thomsonreuters.com/legal-uk/2018/05/02/the-mental-health-stigma-how-the-legal-industry-is-responding/">The mental health stigma: how the legal industry is responding</a>, they state that whilst awareness around mental health has increased dramatically in recent years, the legal industry still faces challenges –</p>
<p><em>“Meanwhile, statistics revealed by the charity LawCare, highlighted that calls from lawyers to its helpline has reached a ‘record high’. The charity received nearly 900 calls last year from 616 callers – representing an 11 percent rise compared to 2016. Nearly half of the solicitors and barristers who called in for help cited <strong>depression (17 percent)</strong> and <strong>workplace stress (27 percent)</strong> as the reason. Other problems included disciplinary concerns, anxiety, and bereavement, financial problems, bullying and harassment, chronic illness, alcohol and drugs, career development and relationship issues.</em></p>
<p><em>Elizabeth Rimmer, CEO of LawCare, said the growing number of calls to the helpline is rising every year and is showing no sign of abating. “Life in the law can be challenging. Long hours, a competitive environment, heavy workload and pressure to meet billing targets can contribute to stress and mental health issues”, said Rimmer”.</em></p>
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<p>Law societies around the world are starting to recognise the alarming trends facing the legal profession today, with decisive steps being taken to address mental health in the workplace. For example in the UK, <em>“</em><a href="https://www.lawcare.org.uk/news/legal-professions-wellbeing-taskforce-roundtable-event#:~:text=The%20Legal%20Professions%20Wellbeing%20Taskforce%20is%20a%20cross%2Dprofession%20taskforce,wellbeing%20across%20the%20legal%20community."><em>The Legal Professions Wellbeing Taskforce</em></a><em>” </em>has been established to promote and support mental health and well-being in the legal community.</p>
<p>So whilst progression around mental health issues is relatively slow in the legal profession, at least there is a shift in the right direction, providing some light at the end of the tunnel.</p>
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<h3 class="wp-block-heading">Final thoughts for today</h3>
<p>Now more than ever before, as people navigate their way through the emotional trauma, stress, anxiety and depression arising from the Covid-19 pandemic, there seems to be a clearer understanding of how these traumas can negatively impact the lives of both themselves as well as those around them. How these traumas can materially affect their mental health.</p>
<p>For some people, it is the first time that they have been ready to admit, out loud, that they are suffering from some kind of mental health issue. <strong>And that is progress.</strong></p>
<p>Perhaps as we start with the healing process following the pandemic, we should use this new knowledge to continue encouraging people (and businesses) to talk freely and openly about mental health in the work place. Pivot off of it – make policies, protect people, encourage discussion and promote overall mental wellbeing.</p>
<p>Wouldn’t it be nice if the phrase <em><strong>“are you mental?”</strong></em> was no longer associated with negative connotations that are currently invoked when hearing the phrase, but rather that <em><strong>“are you mental?” quite simply meant, – is your mental health ok?</strong></em></p>
<p>______________________________</p>
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<p>This thought-provoking and heartfelt article was written by <strong>Alicia Koch</strong>, <strong>Founder of The Legal Belletrist</strong>.</p>
<p>Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism. </p>
<p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>.</p>
<p><strong>Email: [email protected] </strong></p>
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<p>______________________________</p>
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<h4 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>FOR LAW FIRMS / CORPORATES</strong></h4>
<h4 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>FOR INDIVIDUAL LEGAL PROFESSIONALS</strong></h4>
<p>If you are interested in or responsible for bringing greater awareness around mental health to your law firm / corporate, let’s work together to create a bespoke workshop or webinar for your staff. </p>
<p>If you are a legal professional struggling with your mental health at the moment, give me a shout. Let me help you to reduce that stress so that you can start living and loving your life, both professionally and personally.</p>
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<p>______________________________</p>
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<h5 class="wp-block-heading">Other articles in the <em>Mental Health in the Law</em> series</h5>
<p>Article 1: <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-around-mental-health-in-the-legal-world/">The fear around mental health in the legal world</a></p>
<p>Article 3: <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/mental-health-stop-collaborate-and-listen/">Mental Health: Stop, Collaborate & Listen</a></p>
<p>Article 4: <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/10-tips-for-lawyers-who-want-to-improve-their-mental-health/">10 Tips for lawyers who want to improve their mental health</a></p>
<p>Article 5: <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/law-firms-8-ways-to-improve-your-staff-mental-health/">Law Firms: 8 practical ways to improve staff mental health</a></p>
<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-legal-sector-has-a-very-real-mental-health-problem/">The legal sector has a very real mental health problem</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p>
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<title>The fear around mental health in the legal world</title>
<link>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-around-mental-health-in-the-legal-world/</link>
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<dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Mon, 03 Aug 2020 04:30:39 +0000</pubDate>
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<description><![CDATA[<p>What is it with the term 'mental health' that causes so much discomfort for the legal world?<br />
This article aims to take things back to basics. We’re going to look at what mental health is, the reasons for our discomfort around mental health issues and how mental health can be displayed in the legal environment. </p>
<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-around-mental-health-in-the-legal-world/">The fear around mental health in the legal world</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p>
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<h5 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Article 1 of 5 in the <em>Mental Health in the Law</em> series</strong></h5>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading"><em>What is it with the term ‘mental health’ that causes so much discomfort for the legal world?</em></h3>
<p>This article aims to take things back to basics. We’re going to look at what mental health is, the reasons for our discomfort around mental health issues and how mental health can be displayed in the legal environment.</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading">Introduction</h3>
<p>If you ever ask a lawyer what they like most about their job, I’m certain you’ll hear variants of the following:</p>
<ul class="wp-block-list"><li>It’s intellectually stimulating</li><li>It’s mentally challenging</li><li>I love the adrenaline of thinking on my feet</li><li>I like figuring out problems / connecting the dots</li><li>I like being able to explain complex issues in an easy way</li></ul>
<p>We’re a mental lot! Our brains are our prized commodity and our mental aptitude is paramount to our success in the legal industry. Afterall, our identity, our careers, our livelihoods are all dependent on it.</p>
<p>It seems quite ironic that, for an industry which interprets and dissects words on a daily basis, that the term ‘mental health’ should cause such discomfort.</p>
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<h3 class="wp-block-heading">Why is mental health so stigmatised?</h3>
<p>No one is born with an affliction towards the words ‘mental health’. It is something which has been learned as we have grown up.</p>
<p>As children, the phrase: <strong><em>“Are you mental?”</em></strong> was often bandied around the playground. A bout of giggles usually followed, except from the poor little kid at whom the comment was directed.</p>
<p>From an early age, even if subconsciously, the word ‘mental’ was developing a negative association to being crazy; mad; out of control.</p>
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<p>Back in my day, there were no classes around mindfulness or mental health. And, in general, very few open conversations around mental health were held in the home environment either.</p>
<p>The snippets of adult conversations which we did overhear around a family member’s mental health were, more often than not, halted when we entered the room – merely stigmatising further this already negative notion we felt towards mental health.</p>
<p>For many, this lack of education and discussion around mental health continued into adult life. Mental health was still rarely spoken about in open terms, limiting the opportunity to allay the unwarranted, negative connotations associated with mental health, and gain any real understanding as to what mental health actually is.</p>
<p>When you pair that misinformation around mental health with a legal industry that prides itself on its mental prowess, is it any wonder that there is a reluctance to discuss any health issue which could seemingly threaten its most precious asset?</p>
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<h3 class="wp-block-heading">How people react to mental health issues</h3>
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<p>You’ll have, no doubt, seen the following situations play out in the work place:</p>
<ul class="wp-block-list"><li>The colleague who yells at you for not being tough enough for the law when you are stressed from overwork (<em><strong>fight</strong></em>).</li><li>The boss who can’t find his words when you try to explain that you have just had a panic attack (<em><strong>freeze</strong></em>).</li><li>The friend who avoids you when you say you are struggling with depression – as if you can catch it (<em><strong>flight</strong></em>).</li></ul>
<p>These are fear reactions: <strong>fight, flight or freeze</strong>, resulting from a feeling of inadequacy to address the issues at hand and the preconceived ideas around mental health as a whole.</p>
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<h3 class="wp-block-heading">So, what is mental health?</h3>
<p>The World Health Organisation (<strong>WHO</strong>) defines mental health as:</p>
<p>“a<em> state of well-being in which the individual realizes his or her own abilities, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully, and is able to make a contribution to his or her community.”</em></p>
<p>As further described by the Western Cape Government of South Africa:</p>
<p><em>“‘Mental health’ is not merely about an absence of mental illness, but rather the presence of mental health and well-being.”</em></p>
<p>So, let’s get this clear:</p>
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<p>Nothing too scary about that, hey?</p>
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<h3 class="wp-block-heading">Good mental health</h3>
<p>When a person is experiencing a good level of mental health, they are able to fulfil a number of key day-to-day functions and activities.</p>
<p>The Mental Health Foundation in the UK describes good mental health as, amongst other things [1]:</p>
<ul class="wp-block-list"><li>the ability to learn</li><li>the ability to feel, express and manage a range of positive and negative emotions</li><li>the ability to form and maintain good relationships with others</li><li>the ability to cope with and manage change and uncertainty.</li></ul>
<p>Research has proven that there is also a direct correlation between the physical health of a person and their mental health. [2]</p>
<p>We will talk later this month about how to improve and maintain good levels of mental health whilst working in the legal world.</p>
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<h3 class="wp-block-heading">What are the signs of someone struggling with mental health?</h3>
<p>Poor mental health can manifest in a number of ways and to varying degrees. Some examples are highlighted below:</p>
<ul class="wp-block-list"><li>Stress</li><li>Anxiety</li><li>Changes in mood / behaviour</li><li>Erratic thinking</li><li>Impulsive actions</li><li>Controlled / uncontrollable eating</li></ul>
<ul class="wp-block-list"><li>Panic attacks</li><li>Low self-esteem</li><li>Exaggerated sense of self-worth</li><li>Use of controlled substances</li><li>Reliance on alcohol</li><li>Anger</li></ul>
<ul class="wp-block-list"><li>Feelings of loneliness</li><li>Sleep problems</li><li>Burnout</li><li>Becoming quiet / withdrawn</li><li>Suicidal feelings</li><li>Lack of self-worth</li></ul>
<p>Do any of those sound familiar?</p>
<p>I’d hazard a guess, that at some point in every lawyer’s life, the words: “<strong><em>I’m stressed</em></strong>” will leave their lips. With demanding clients, long hours and a competitive working environment, it’s part and parcel of working in the legal world.</p>
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<h3 class="wp-block-heading">The difference between mental health v mental illness</h3>
<p>Before continuing, it is important to understand that there is a clear distinction between mental health and mental illness (even though these concepts are often used interchangeably).</p>
<p>Mental illness includes a range of conditions for which there are standard criteria used to diagnose them (e.g. depression, anxiety, substance abuse). A mental illness significantly affects how a person feels, thinks, behaves and interacts with other people. [3]</p>
<p>In other words:</p>
<ul class="wp-block-list"><li>you can have good mental health (e.g. a positive outlook, feeling capable of dealing with day to day issues) but be diagnosed with a mental illness (e.g. clinical depression).</li><li>you can have poor mental health (e.g. struggling with insomnia and stress), but not be diagnosed with a mental illness (e.g. alcoholism).</li></ul>
<p>Needless to say, poor mental health, if not addressed, can become a mental illness.</p>
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<h3 class="wp-block-heading">How do we effect change towards mental health in the workplace?</h3>
<p>So, with the knowledge that mental health is a state of well-being, something which we all possess, and not something to fear, how do we change the attitude towards mental health in the workplace?</p>
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<p>We have to:</p>
<ul class="wp-block-list"><li>educate the legal community about mental health</li><li>encourage open conversations about different types of mental health issues</li><li>practice good mental health</li><li>acknowledge and admit when we are struggling and seek help when we need it</li><li>lean-in to the discomfort of learning a new way of working – where mental and physical health are promoted and protected</li></ul>
<figure class="wp-block-image"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Frieda-Levycky-main-photo-centred-1001x1024.jpg" alt="Braving Boundaries - Frieda Levycky"/></figure>
<p>If you have read the “<a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/my-story/">my story</a>” page on the website, you will know that I readily admit to having struggled with stress, insomnia and low self-esteem.</p>
<p>I worked through my struggles with a counsellor and then a coach. I still work with my coach on a regular basis, dedicating an hour every couple of weeks to talk through any imminent concerns I may have and protecting my mental health.</p>
<p>It’s not made me weaker, any less capable or damaged my career. Quite the contrary in fact.</p>
<p><strong>It’s made me stronger, more self-reliant and more aware.</strong></p>
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<h3 class="wp-block-heading">Final thoughts for today</h3>
<p>As there is so much to talk about on mental health in the legal world, Braving Boundaries is dedicating August to this topic. Keep your eyes open for the weekly articles and add us on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn to keep up with the daily discussions. Click on the buttons at the top left-hand corner of the page.</p>
<p>Make August the month you really educate yourself around mental health in the legal world. </p>
<p><strong>Mental Health Matters.</strong></p>
<ul class="wp-block-list"><li>Click here for the next article: <em><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-legal-sector-has-a-very-real-mental-health-problem/">“The legal sector has a very real mental health problem”</a>.</em></li></ul>
<p>_______________________________</p>
<h4 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>FOR LAW FIRMS / CORPORATES</strong></h4>
<h4 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>FOR INDIVIDUAL LEGAL PROFESSIONALS</strong></h4>
<p>If you are interested in or responsible for bringing greater awareness around mental health to your law firm / corporate, let’s work together to create a bespoke workshop or webinar for your staff. </p>
<p>If you are a legal professional struggling to get your mental health back on track at the moment, give me a shout. Let me help you to reduce that stress so that you can start living and loving your life, both professionally and personally.</p>
<p><a role="button" href="https://calendly.com/bravingboundaries"><br>BOOK A CORPORATE DISCOVERY CALL<br></a><br><a role="button" href="https://calendly.com/bravingboundaries"><br>BOOK A DISCOVERY CALL<br></a></p>
<p>_______________________________</p>
<h5 class="wp-block-heading">Other articles in the <em>Mental Health and the Law</em> series</h5>
<p>Article 2: <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-legal-sector-has-a-very-real-mental-health-problem/">The legal sector has a very real mental health problem</a></p>
<p>Article 3: <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/mental-health-stop-collaborate-and-listen/">Mental Health: Stop, Collaborate & Listen</a></p>
<p>Article 4: <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/10-tips-for-lawyers-who-want-to-improve-their-mental-health/">10 Tips for lawyers who want to improve their mental health</a></p>
<p>Article 5: <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/law-firms-8-ways-to-improve-your-staff-mental-health/">Law firms: 8 practical ways to improve staff mental health</a></p>
<p>_______________________________</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading">References</h3>
<p><em>[1] <a href="https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/your-mental-health/about-mental-health/what-good-mental-health#:~:text=Good%20mental%20health%20is%20characterised,maintain%20good%20relationships%20with%20others">“What is good mental health?”</a> </em>by the UK Mental Health Foundation</p>
<p><em>[2]</em> Galderisi S, Heinz A, Kastrup M, Beezhold J, Sartorius N. “<a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4471980/"><em>Toward a new definition of mental health”.</em> </a>World Psychiatry. 2015;14(2):231-233. doi:10.1002/wps.20231</p>
<p><em>[3] <a href="https://www.nib.com.au/the-checkup/healthy-living/difference-between-mental-health-and-mental-illness#:~:text=Mental%20illness%20is%20different%20to,and%20interacts%20with%20other%20people.">“Mental Health v Mental Illness”</a></em> by Newcastle Industrial Benefits</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-around-mental-health-in-the-legal-world/">The fear around mental health in the legal world</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p>
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<title>The Perfectionist Problem</title>
<link>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-perfectionist-problem/</link>
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<dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Mon, 06 Jul 2020 15:44:20 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Comfort over coffee]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[Lawyer Life]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[Perfectionism]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category>
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<category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[mental health advocate]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[mental health matters]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[perfection]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[perfectionism]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[perfectionist]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[perfectionistic behaviour]]></category>
<category><![CDATA[progress over perfection]]></category>
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<description><![CDATA[<p>"Perfection" - an unattainable target for which many of us strive. This article looks at why we feel we need to be perfect, the false belief that perfection brings success, and some ideas that have helped me to let go of the need to be a perfectionist.</p>
<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-perfectionist-problem/">The Perfectionist Problem</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p>
]]></description>
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<h1 class="wp-block-heading" id="the-perfectionist-problem">The Perfectionist Problem</h1>
<p><em>This article forms part of the “Comfort Over Coffee” series – a range of articles seeking to tackle the trickier issues faced in the <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-around-mental-health-in-the-legal-world/">legal world</a></em>.</p>
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<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="introduction"><strong>Introduction</strong></h2>
<p><em><strong>Full disclosure: I am a recovering perfectionist workaholic – and I always will be.</strong></em></p>
<p>Ironically, as I sit down to write this article, I can feel my perfectionist coming out:</p>
<ul class="wp-block-list"><li><em>“This article needs to be perfect if people are going to resonate.”</em></li><li><em>“There needs to be the perfect balance between fun and information.”</em></li><li><em>“How can you write about perfectionism when you still struggle with it?”</em></li></ul>
<p>Well, the reality is that:</p>
<ul class="wp-block-list"><li>this article will resonate with some of you and not with others (<em>and that’s ok</em>).</li><li>for some it will be fun and informative, but possibly not for others (and that’s ok).</li><li>I’m not perfect (and that’s ok).</li></ul>
<p>Aside from telling you a bit about my personal struggle with perfectionism, this article is going to delve into why we feel we need to be perfect, the false belief that perfection brings success, and some ideas that have helped me to let go of the need to be perfect.</p>
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<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="our-need-to-be-perfect"><strong>Our need to be perfect</strong></h2>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="from-childhood-perfectionist"><strong>From childhood perfectionist …</strong></h3>
<p>Society has encouraged us to be perfect from an early age.</p>
<p>As children:</p>
<ul class="wp-block-list"><li>Aptitude testing was a regularity to test potential and capacity to learn (from as young as two years old in some cases): Thursdays featured 100 multiplication questions (7×8, 9×6 etc.). Mondays oriented around spelling tests (I still can’t spell ‘occurrence’ confidently). Everything was graded. 90% got praised! 70% not so much (even though it was 20% over the pass mark).</li><li>We grew up with the daily mantra from our teachers and parents of: “Success comes from hard work”. And hard work reaped rewards: being selected for the national netball team, winning the school music competition, being voted as Head Boy / Head Girl.</li><li>As others worked hard to achieve success, competition to be the best heightened – pushing us further towards the need to be perfect.</li><li>Hard work alone was no longer enough – we had to be multi-disciplinary: a good person, someone who helps others, someone who is likeable, someone who is self-sacrificing – the “good all-rounder”.</li><li>The muscles in our brains connecting success with hard work and being multi-capable strengthened, as did the muscle that linked success to perfection.</li></ul>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="to-adulthood-perfectionist"><strong>To adulthood perfectionist …</strong></h3>
<p>As we entered into adult life, our view as to what constituted “perfection” was further embellished:</p>
<ul class="wp-block-list"><li>The <strong>romantic-comedy genre</strong> solidified the belief that happiness was derived from the perfect relationship / being the perfect partner. The fact that these films focused on the “getting together” part rather than the actual long-term relationship is by-the-by.</li><li><strong>Social media</strong> portrayed “perfect” to be normal and constantly achievable (never a bad photo in sight).</li><li>The <strong>fitness industry</strong> constantly reminded us of how we could achieve the perfect body, perfect abs, perfect legs – as if there was such a thing! I vividly remember when the size 0 phenomenon hit the media with Nicole Ritchie’s emaciated figure flaunted across magazine covers for the world to see. Dangerously thin was portrayed as the ideal body shape. Another area in our lives in which we had to be perfect in order to succeed.</li></ul>
<p><em>Is it any wonder that this constant assault of unreaslistic “perfection” resulted in so many of us becoming stressed out, over-achieving perfectionists? </em></p>
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<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="my-perfectionist-story"><strong>My perfectionist story</strong></h2>
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<p>Well, this is what <em><strong>perfectionism</strong> </em>looked like for me.</p>
<p>This photo was taken back in 2014 on a night out with a friend in a bar, downing tequila shots after a long day in the office and yet another failed romantic liaison (it never actually qualified as a relationship). </p>
<p>I was:</p>
<ul class="wp-block-list"><li><strong><em>the perfect lawyer</em></strong> – I worked hard, led the most prestigious deals, volunteered on all the committees and went the extra mile. <i><strong>But,</strong> I was not paid my market value nor did I have a clear career path.</i></li></ul>
<ul class="wp-block-list"><li><strong><em>the perfect romantic partner</em></strong> – I was fun, slim, always smiling, putting everyone else’s needs before my own, being their cheerleader and daily support. <i><strong>But, </strong>I was not respected or supported (by them or myself) which led to back-to-back failed relationships and a disastrous impact on my self-worth. Not ideal when the rest of your friendship group are happily married and moving into parenthood.</i></li><li><strong><em>the perfect friend</em></strong> – I raced around the world to be at friends’ weddings, visit new-born babies, spend time with my god children. You name it – I barely sat still! <i><strong>But,</strong> my closest friendships suffered because quality time wasn’t spent with the people I cared most about and with those who cared most about me.</i></li><li><strong><em>the perfect all-rounder</em></strong> – I was the epitome of a multi-tasker. I was sporty. I loved a challenge. I raised funds for charity. I organised parties and pub quizzes. I could converse about Turandot as much as I could about how Liverpool were performing in the Premier League. <strong><i>But,</i></strong> <em>I was exhausted. I stopped enjoying the things I loved doing. I felt resentment when my time was taken away from me. I’d chameleoned into so many versions of myself that I’d forgotten who I was at my core.</em></li></ul>
<p><strong><em>Had perfectionism led to success?</em></strong></p>
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<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="the-dangers-of-perfectionism"><strong>The dangers of perfectionism</strong></h2>
<p>The problem with perfectionism is that it is an ideal. There is no finite point which can be reached to confirm that “perfection” has been achieved. It is, by virtue, unattainable.</p>
<p>So, by seeking perfection, we are setting ourselves up for constant failure which, in turn, can have a severe impact on our mental and physical health.</p>
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<p>Perfectionism also results in an unhealthy level of resistance to failure – as if failure was a bad thing. The irony is that success is achieved as a result of our failures. If we did not fail, how would we ever learn, improve and grow?</p>
<p><em><strong>Failure is a necessary part of being a human. It’s a necessary part of success.</strong></em></p>
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<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="how-to-let-go-of-the-need-to-be-perfect"><strong>How to let go of the need to be perfect</strong></h2>
<p>Wouldn’t it be nice just to chill out and relax sometimes? To kick back and enjoy your days without worrying about how you are seen, the impression that you are making, the value that you are bringing to the table. To spend your time enjoying what you are doing. To be comfortable with the very real fact that <strong>you are enough</strong>.</p>
<p>Telling a perfectionist to just do things imperfectly is never going to work though. It is not a switch which we can just turn on and off. It takes time and effort to change behavioural patterns.</p>
<p>But here are a few things that helped me to reduce my perfectionist tendencies:</p>
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<p><strong>Acknowledge the existence of your inner perfectionist:</strong> We adopt perfectionist behaviour to protect ourselves from underlying fears and insecurities. For many perfectionists, their self-worth is derived from praise, where praise is identified with perfection. <strong>Seek support</strong> from a coach to help you identify these underlying fears and build up your self-esteem. Learn to let go of your perfectionist tendencies and lead a much calmer and stress-free lifestyle.</p>
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<p><strong>Let go of the idea that “perfect” exists: </strong>It doesn’t. If “perfect” existed, I am quite certain that evolution would have created identical human beings by now, removing any irregularities. What a humdrum world that would be! Our flaws, our differences, our quirks are what make us unique. It is in our differences that we find our superpowers – the real things that let us shine.</p>
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<p><strong>Stop comparing yourself to others: <em>EVERYONE</em></strong> struggles with something, no matter how they portray themselves in the outside world. Whether it is the perfect family; the huge book of clients; the holiday home in the Hamptons – this is all external messaging. No one brags about the fact that they are feeling like an imposter, worrying about money, not having sex, struggling with their kid’s behaviour. Stop comparing your internal version of the world (the lens through which you look at your own life) with someone else’s external version of the world.</p>
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<p><strong>Reframe success: </strong>Knowing that “perfect” is unattainable, what does a successful life really look like to you? I don’t care if it is on the “what it should look like” list. I want to know what would make you happy, healthy and fulfilled. Take a moment to really think about that. Now consider how you can start implementing that.</p>
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<p><strong>Celebrate your accomplishments – no matter how big or small</strong>: As perfectionists, we achieve a lot, but when do we ever take time to celebrate our accomplishments? You’ll soon see that accomplishment and success can still be achieved in the absence of perfection.</p>
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<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="next-steps"><strong>Next Steps</strong></h2>
<p>If perfectionism is something with which you struggle and which is causing uncomfortable levels of stress for you, please know that these behaviour patterns can be changed. It takes time and effort – but it is achievable. And life is a lot less stressful on the other side.</p>
<p>Through coaching, we can address the underlying fears and insecurities which the perfectionistic behaviour is masking. Together, we can identify ways to reduce the self-criticism and increase your self-esteem, so that you can be confident in who you are, in everything you do and in how you are seen in the world.</p>
<p><strong><em>You are enough!</em></strong></p>
<p><a role="button" href="https://calendly.com/bravingboundaries/discovery-call-30-mins"><br>Book a free Discovery Session<br></a><br><a role="button" href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><br>Drop me a quick message<br></a><br><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" sizes="(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" srcset="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-1024x311-1.jpg 1024w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-300x91-1.jpg 300w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-768x233-1.jpg 768w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-500x152.png 500w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-800x243.png 800w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-1280x389-1.jpg 1280w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-1080x328-1.jpg 1080w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-980x298-1.jpg 980w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-480x146-1.jpg 480w, https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner.jpg 1400w" width="1024" height="311" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/Braving-Boundaries-banner-1024x311-1.jpg" alt="Coaching for perfectionist"></p>
<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="references"><strong>References </strong></h2>
<p>“<em>The dangerous downsides of perfectionism</em>” by Amanda Ruggeri (senior journalist for the BBC) – definitely worth the read: https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20180219-toxic-perfectionism-is-on-the-rise </p>
<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-perfectionist-problem/">The Perfectionist Problem</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p>
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