<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><rss version="2.0" xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/" xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/" xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" xmlns:sy="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/syndication/" xmlns:slash="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/slash/" > <channel> <title>love actually Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <atom:link href="https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/love-actually/feed/" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" /> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/love-actually/</link> <description>PROFESSIONAL LIFE COACHING & TRAINING</description> <lastBuildDate>Tue, 16 Dec 2025 14:41:10 +0000</lastBuildDate> <language>en-ZA</language> <sy:updatePeriod> hourly </sy:updatePeriod> <sy:updateFrequency> 1 </sy:updateFrequency> <image> <url>https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Asset-1.svg</url> <title>love actually Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/love-actually/</link> <width>32</width> <height>32</height> </image> <item> <title>If Our Lives Were a Movie</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/if-our-lives-were-a-movie/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/if-our-lives-were-a-movie/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 16 Dec 2025 14:40:58 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Celebrations & Festivities]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Effective communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Personal Growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[chronic illness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[family]]></category> <category><![CDATA[festive reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[honesty]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life lessons]]></category> <category><![CDATA[love actually]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-worth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[year-end reflection]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=235481</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/if-our-lives-were-a-movie/">If Our Lives Were a Movie</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_0 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_0"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_0 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_0 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_1 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Rated ‘U’ for Unexpected: A Love, Actually Remake Starring Me, a Bear, and a Maine Coon</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_2 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">As a certified, card-carrying love fool – the kind who still believes Hugh Grant can dance and that a handwritten sign is the peak of romantic communication – I decided to view my year through the soft-focus, ensemble-cast lens of <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H9Z3_ifFheQ" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>Love, Actually</i></span></a>. It seemed fitting. I am a complete romantic, I always root for the underdog (usually me and my perpetually swollen joints), and frankly, my life often feels like a series of interconnected, slightly chaotic subplots that sometimes involve airport scenes that drag on too long.</p> <p class="p1">This year’s production was an emotional rollercoaster, complete with a heartwarming soundtrack, a pivotal Christmas pageant scene (metaphorically speaking), and enough anti-inflammatories and painkillers to sedate a small elephant.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_3 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>The Prime Minister and the Tea Lady (That’s Me and My Boundaries)</strong></h3></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_0"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/Metal-door-View-more-by-pixbox77-from-Getty-Images.jpg" alt="Metal door View more by pixbox77 from Getty Images" title="Metal door View more by pixbox77 from Getty Images" class="wp-image-235497" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_4 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">My main plotline, much like the Prime Minister’s awkward-but-charming romance with the tea lady, Natalie, was learning to put myself first and establish some much-needed boundaries. I spent years being the human equivalent of a revolving door for other people’s dramas, other people’s outrageous lies, always apologetic, always in pain, but perpetually available for a crisis I didn’t create.</p> <p class="p1">This year, the door was firmly shut and possibly reinforced with hardened steel, much to the chagrin of my autoimmune system, which decided to throw a flare-up party every time I used the word “no.” My anxiety disorder provided a running commentary from the sidelines: <i>“Are you sure you should have said that? They hate you now. You’re going to die alone.”</i> (My anxiety is a dramatic diva. Much like me).</p> <p class="p1">The result? A rather surprising revelation about my supporting cast. The people who complained about the new boundaries turned out to be the ones using the revolving door as a shortcut. The friends who stayed? They brought casseroles, respected the “Do Not Disturb” sign, and didn’t mind when I cancelled plans because my psoriatic arthritis decided my ankle looked like a balloon. It turns out that true friendship, much like good lighting in a British rom com, doesn’t need constant negotiation. It just works.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_5 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>Sarah and Karl (The Family Plot Twist)</strong></h3></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_1"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/Woman-Recording-Video-of-Cat-View-more-by-Yasar-Baskurt-from-Pexels.jpg" alt="Woman Recording Video of Cat View more by Yaşar Başkurt from Pexels" title="Woman Recording Video of Cat View more by Yaşar Başkurt from Pexels" class="wp-image-235496" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_6 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">My Sarah/Karl storyline was perhaps the most poignant and least-dramatic heartbreak of the year. Sarah is the lovely woman who puts her life on hold for her institutionalised brother, sacrificing her chance with Karl, the gorgeous office crush. It’s a beautifully painful subplot about duty and impossible timing.</p> <p class="p1">My twist, however, was about redefining “family.” I had to accept a hard truth – some family can’t be chosen, and sometimes, they choose not to choose you back. The phone call that interrupts the perfect romantic moment with Karl is a painful reality check.</p> <p class="p1">But here’s the unexpected cinematic magic: other family members, whom I’d never been particularly close to in my sordid past, stepped into the void and became everything to me. It was a beautiful, quiet realisation that connection is measured not in shared DNA, but in shared presence. My “Karl” moment was a pivot toward people who answered the phone when I called, rather than letting it ring out.</p> <p class="p1">They also send rather cute cat videos via Instagram and WhatsApp. I’m lucky like that.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_7 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>Jamie and Aurélia (Telling My Clients the Truth)</strong></h3></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_2"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/Discovering-the-truth-View-more-by-esolla-from-Getty-Images-Signature.jpg" alt="Discovering the truth View more by esolla from Getty Images Signature" title="Discovering the truth View more by esolla from Getty Images Signature" class="wp-image-235495" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_8 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">Jamie (Colin Firth) learns Portuguese for Aurélia, the beautiful housekeeper he can barely communicate with. It’s a grand, slightly mad gesture of connection.</p> <p class="p1">In my professional life, I had my own “learn Portuguese” moment. Instead of jargon and corporate-speak, my “Portuguese” was vulnerability. Telling clients my truth – setting realistic expectations, admitting when my chronic illness meant I needed more time, and being transparent about my capacity. It felt incredibly risky, especially with my depression whispering that I was surely about to be fired.</p> <p class="p1">The result? Stronger, deeper, and more respectful relationships. They didn’t fire me. Instead, they appreciated the honesty. We’re no longer just colleagues, we’re a united front against deadlines. Who knew honesty was the ultimate business development tool?</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_9 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>The Sidekick: Georgia Peach</strong></h3></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_3"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/Majestic-Maine-Coon-Cat-on-Cozy-Sofa-View-more-by-Ludovic-Delot-from-Pexels.jpg" alt="Majestic Maine Coon Cat on Cozy Sofa View more by Ludovic Delot from Pexels" title="Majestic Maine Coon Cat on Cozy Sofa View more by Ludovic Delot from Pexels" class="wp-image-235494" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_10 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">Every leading lady needs a fabulous sidekick. Mine wasn’t the delightfully sassy <i>Love, Actually</i> assistant, Mia. I have a full “Hairy Board of Directors.” I am a mother of cats, four perfect creatures who demand tribute and offer unconditional moral support.</p> <p class="p1">Special mention is to my Georgia Peach, my soul cat, and a majestic Maine Coon kitty. She is the quiet observer of my grand romantic gestures and dramatic boundary-setting. She was the hairy, purring anchor during every emotional scene, reminding me that the world looks better from the top of the refrigerator, and that all problems can be temporarily solved by demanding treats. Great minds think alike in that way.</p> <p class="p1">The other three – well, they mostly just reminded me that if I collapse in pain, they might eat my face, but they’d <i>probably</i> feel bad about it later. They taught me that sometimes the best form of support is simply curling up next to someone and not judging their choice of rom-com or the staggering amount of pain relief on my bedside table.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_11 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>My Happily Ever After: Big Bear and the Matchmaking Kitty</strong></h3></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_4"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/Loving-Supportive-Husband-Holding-Hand-of-Sad-Wife-View-more-by-dimaberlinphotos-2.jpg" alt="Loving Supportive Husband Holding Hand of Sad Wife View more by dimaberlinphotos (2)" title="Loving Supportive Husband Holding Hand of Sad Wife View more by dimaberlinphotos (2)" class="wp-image-235492" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_12 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">My life is a movie where I hit the jackpot in love, although it wasn’t always this way. In a previous subplot, my first cat, Hugo Boss, a big ginger kitty with excellent taste in suitors, actually helped me choose my husband. He just knew.</p> <p class="p1">And my husband, whom I lovingly call Big Bear, showed up this year – as he always does (truly) – in so many ways. He’s the quiet hero who doesn’t need a spotlight, but who ensures the show goes on. He’s the safe harbour when the autoimmune storm rages, the one who patiently listens to my anxiety’s dramatic monologues. Our love story is the stable, grounding storyline that balances out my personal chaos.</p> <p class="p1">And when in doubt he supplies ice-cream. And that works too.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_13 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>What I Learned in the Final Reel</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_14 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">As the credits prepared to roll on my year, I looked back at the messy, beautiful montage of my life. The scenes involving severe joint pain and depressive episodes didn’t make the final cut, but their lessons certainly remained.</p> <p class="p1">I learned to be kinder to myself and those in my immediate circle. It’s a small cast, but a stellar one. I learned patience – everyone truly does get what they deserve, though sometimes the universe’s delivery schedule is slower than international airmail at Christmas.</p> <p class="p1">And the biggest takeaway? The truth will out. It always does. You can’t hide behind flimsy excuses or avoidance forever. Honesty, with others and especially yourself, sets you free. Usually in slow motion, and possibly to a Sugababes song.</p> <p class="p1">As we all prepare to dash through our respective airport terminals to meet our future selves, I gently invite you to reflect on your own blockbuster year with compassion, humour (most definitely), and a sense of closure. What was your main plot twist? Who was your unlikely sidekick? What truth finally found its way out?</p> <p class="p1">Grab a box of tissues, cue the festive music, and let’s end this year in a way that makes us feel good about what’s to come in 2026. This is our cinematic homecoming. Remember: Love (of self, boundaries, very large cats, a supportive Big Bear, and a decent pain management plan), actually, <i>is</i> all around.</p> <p class="p1">Happy reflecting and Merry Christmas!</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_0 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_1 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_1 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_5"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_2 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_15 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/if-our-lives-were-a-movie/">If Our Lives Were a Movie</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/if-our-lives-were-a-movie/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>8 lessons learned about finding love (PS. It’s no Hollywood Movie)!</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/8-lessons-learned-about-finding-love-ps-its-no-hollywood-movie/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/8-lessons-learned-about-finding-love-ps-its-no-hollywood-movie/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Mon, 13 Feb 2023 10:18:35 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Lessons Learned]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Love]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[affairs]]></category> <category><![CDATA[bad boys]]></category> <category><![CDATA[boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[bridget jones]]></category> <category><![CDATA[communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[damsel in distress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fairy tale]]></category> <category><![CDATA[finding love]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Hollywood romance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[looking for love]]></category> <category><![CDATA[love]]></category> <category><![CDATA[love actually]]></category> <category><![CDATA[love conquers all]]></category> <category><![CDATA[love yourself]]></category> <category><![CDATA[patterns]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[romantic comedies]]></category> <category><![CDATA[romantic movie]]></category> <category><![CDATA[romcom]]></category> <category><![CDATA[searching for love]]></category> <category><![CDATA[unrequited love]]></category> <category><![CDATA[valentine]]></category> <category><![CDATA[valentines]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=5161</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Is there a dramatic formula for finding love (like Hollywood would like us to believe)? Or does love simply find you?</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/8-lessons-learned-about-finding-love-ps-its-no-hollywood-movie/">8 lessons learned about finding love (PS. It’s no Hollywood Movie)!</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_1 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_2"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_3 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_16 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY FRIEDA LEVYCKY, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="http://bravingboundaries.com/" style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;">BRAVING BOUNDARIES</a></span> </em></span></h5> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Love is a many splendored thing. Love lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love!” – </span></i><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0203009/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Moulin Rouge</span></i></a></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">LOVE! I love LOVE and I have done ever since I was a little girl. If you browse through my DVD collection (yes, I still have one of those), 80% of those will be love stories. From the classics of </span><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0032145/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Wuthering Heights</span></i></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, </span><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0031381/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Gone with the Wind</span></i></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0046250/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Roman Holiday</span></i></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> to the modern day love stories of: </span><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0332280/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Notebook</span></i></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, </span><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099653/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Ghost</span></i></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, </span><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0100405/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Pretty Woman</span></i></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092890/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Dirty Dancing</span></i></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> to the RomComs of </span><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0243155/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Bridget Jones’s Diary</span></i></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, </span><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0251127/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days</span></i></a> <span style="font-weight: 400;">and </span><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0160862/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">She’s All That</span></i></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – I’ve loved them all and seen them all (many, many times)!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you take any cinematic love story though, nothing about “love” is easy. Come on, it would be a pretty boring movie if the crux of the story was: boy meets girl, they fall in love, the end! </span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">No, no! Love must conquer the most impossible situations for it to have meaning and depth. Look at </span><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0117509/?ref_=nm_ov_bio_lk" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Romeo and Juliet</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">: two warring families prohibiting their entanglement which resulted in them poisoning themselves to be together! I’m not really sure that worked out too well for them, but I digress. </span></li> </ul> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">If it’s not warring families, there is deceit, lies, mischief, a ruse that must be discovered before the protagonists’ true feelings of love and adoration can emerge. Think </span><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8740790/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Bridgerton</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and every other period drama that has ever been filmed. </span></li> </ul> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">And if there is no deceit, then there is a clear obstacle in the way that needs to be navigated (usually a husband, wife, fiancé(e) or partner, a geographical divide, or a societal gap (rich/poor, prostitute/businessman, black/white, guy/guy, girl/girl)) before “true love” can materialise!</span></li> </ul> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The problem is, no matter how much we love these Hollywood fables, we start to believe that this is reality. Unrealistic, fantastical expectations about love are created and then transposed into the real world. To find “true love” one must experience hardship, drama and tears. It needs to conquer all, with the promise that all the pain will be worth it in the end.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_6"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1920" height="1440" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/8-lessons-learned-about-finding-love-3.jpg" alt="" title="8 lessons learned about finding love (3)" class="wp-image-5165" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_17 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>The drama that was my love life</strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Needless to say, my own love life mirrored my Hollywood love education, leading to 20 years of romantic chaos and drama. It provided the source of much entertainment for my work colleagues & friends. I always had a story to tell about some ski chalet shenanigans or </span><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0095243/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_2" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Gorilla in the Mist”</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> exploits. The constant newness of the beginning phase of the relationships was exhilarating. It held so much potential. “Maybe this is the one?!” But the dizzy highs were met with devastating lows.</span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">From the high of feeling my knees buckling under me as the “man of my dreams” strode up to me, took me in his arms and kissed me in the elevator, to the crushing realisation that three years later he was in a relationship with my colleague. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">From the high of a forbidden glance, a touch, a breath against my ear, to the desperation of waiting for a call on my birthday that never came. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">From the high of a long-distance romance that started in the valleys of the Dordogne, to a broken engagement and a wedding dress that, to this day, hangs unused, never to be worn. </span></li> </ul> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Hollywood’s romantic drama infused my life. But, that promise of a “true love” phoenix rising from the flames of pain and suffering, never did transpire.</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_7"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1920" height="1440" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/8-lessons-learned-about-finding-love-4.jpg" alt="" title="8 lessons learned about finding love (4)" class="wp-image-5166" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_18 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>When <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0110950/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Reality Bites</a></span></strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Unlike the single blow experienced by the protagonist in a romantic movie (which can seemingly be resolved by a makeover montage and a few cutting words which make the intended realise what he’s about to lose unless he comes to his senses), the reality of constant drama repeated in one relationship after another begins to wear you down. </span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">You begin to question yourself. Your choices. Your self-worth.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Your confidence takes an almighty blow. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">You start to lower your standards and accept things because you feel like you have no other option. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Your insecurities come to the fore. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">You start behaving in ways you never imagined. Where did this neediness and desperation come from?</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">You pretend to be someone you’re not, purely because you start to believe that you – </span><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/803962-jude-just-as-you-are-not-thinner-not-cleverer-not" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">“just as you are”</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – are not good enough.</span></li> </ul> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s a recipe for disaster, and one that inevitably ends in heartbreak. Compounding the pain realised from the break-up before. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And yet, with this hope of true love still residing deep inside you, somehow you manage to stitch the broken pieces of your heart back together again. Willing it to just keep on searching for the one. He has to be out there somewhere. Just a little more effort. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And so you go out, you search, you find, you repeat your pattern, you experience that giddy, all-consuming high…</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And then you feel the tug. Something is off. The drama starts again. And soon that piece of string holding those fragile pieces of your heart together is yanked away like a rip cord, spiralling you back down to that familiar pit of despair and confusion.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">There’s your Hollywood drama. Just not the intended romantic comedy type.</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_8"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1920" height="1440" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/8-lessons-learned-about-finding-love-5.jpg" alt="" title="8 lessons learned about finding love (5)" class="wp-image-5167" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_19 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Finding love – Re-writing the fairy tale</strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Fast forward 6 years, and here I am in love and in a healthy relationship. As I sit down to write my vows, I realise that I’m none the wiser about how you </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">find</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> “true love”. Is there a method to the madness? Is it fluke? Can you intentionally go out and “find” it? Or is it just destiny?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’d be a hypocrite to even think that I could tell you the formula for love, despite having eventually found it. Why? Because I think love comes in many forms, and my understanding of love will be very different from yours. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">What I can share with you though are a few lessons I learned along the way, which I’m pretty certain put me in a better position for love to find me.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_3 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_4 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_9"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_5 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_20 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Sort out your own sh*t first</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– Our choices in partners are a reflection of how we feel about ourselves, what we think we deserve and what we’ve learned from our environment (whether that be Hollywood movies, </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Just_Seventeen" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Just Seventeen</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, parents or friends). Challenge your beliefs. Challenge the stories that you tell yourself about how loveable you are. Challenge society’s notion of what is acceptable in love. Do the hard work. If you do not love and accept yourself, how can you possibly expect someone else to?</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_4 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_6 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_10"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_7 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_21 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Identify your patterns</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – We all have patterns in relationships. Maybe you are someone who only likes bad boys or people you can fix. Maybe you only date people that earn more than a certain amount of money. For me, it took a couple of years of therapy to work out my pattern. My internal story was that: “all men would leave me”. So, I dated people who were attached / unavailable because I subconsciously knew that they couldn’t commit to me. If they couldn’t commit to me, then they couldn’t hurt me when they left me. The rationale was logic enough. Needless to say, the reality was quite different. </span></p> <p> </p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">By identifying your patterns in relationships, you can change your internal narrative.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_5"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_8 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_11"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1920" height="1440" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/8-lessons-learned-about-finding-love-6.jpg" alt="" title="8 lessons learned about finding love (6)" class="wp-image-5183" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_6 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_9 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_12"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_10 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_22 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Break your patterns </strong><b>– </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">Linked to point 2 above. Identifying your patterns is one thing. Breaking them is quite another. When Justin and I met, I had worked hard at quashing the drama-filled notions of romance that had dictated my early adulthood. I was 37 years and I’d had my fill of piecemeal, uncommitted relationships. So, as I quit my job and jet-setted off around the world on my gap year, my new “men” rule book was being strictly applied (irrespective of how good looking they were): no married men, no attached men, no ar$eholes, no divorcing men, no needy men, no letharios, no men that could only speak basic English, no men more than 5 years younger than me, no men more than 10 years older than me, no French men (I’d just had enough!), no men that I needed to “save”. Trust me, I had experienced them all. In fact, for a good 6 months of my year out, men were completely off the cards. </span></p> <p> </p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">By breaking your patterns, you can start making better, more conscious choices. A whole new world opens up to you, and you’ll be amazed at what you can find.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_7 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_11 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_13"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_12 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_23 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Enjoy being single</strong><b> – </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">There are sooooo many advantages of being single. You can do what you want, when you want and with whom you want. There are no obligations or commitments. Life is cheaper, freer, more spontaneous and a heck of a lot of fun. Once I embraced my independence, I lost the notion of needing to “find someone”. And then, when I did, I still took that independence into the relationship. We’ve not lost ourselves in each other. We still know who we are and that we can, perfectly happily, live on our own if things don’t work out between us. </span></p> <p> </div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_8"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_13 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_14"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1920" height="1440" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/8-lessons-learned-about-finding-love-7.jpg" alt="" title="8 lessons learned about finding love (7)" class="wp-image-5184" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_9 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_14 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_15"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_15 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_24 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Ignore the well-meaning (and slightly patronising) advice of your married friends</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – here is just some of the advice that I’ve been given about finding true love:</span><b></b></p> <p> </p> <ul> <li><strong>“<i>Weddings are the best place to meet your future partner.</i>”</strong><b> – </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">As they surreptitiously pop you on the dreaded singles’ table! Just because your friends met their beloveds in a particular way, doesn’t mean that you will follow suit.</span><b> </b></li> <li><strong><i>“I have a single friend – he’ll be perfect for you.” </i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">Why? Because he’s single? I’ve been on some terrible dates purely because of our shared status!</span></li> <li><strong><i>“You don’t have to be attracted to them initially to fall in love with someone.” </i></strong><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">–</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Do you know, that’s probably true for some, but not for me. </span></li> <li><strong><i>“You’ll never find true love with someone who you sleep with on the first night. He’ll just think you’re easy.</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"><strong>”</strong> – Sorry, also a myth.</span></li> <li><strong><i>“Don’t punch above your weight. Good looking men are always self-centred</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"><strong>.”</strong> – A double whammy. Not only does this one absolutely shatter your own self-worth and self-confidence by suggesting our looks dictate who we should or should not be with, but it also suggests that someone’s looks will determine their morals and values! Again, not true! Good old Hollywood movies influencing all our thinking it seems.</span></li> <li><strong><i>“Are you still single? Tick-tock. Tick-tock”</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – I’m not sure how well-meaning this advice was, but it was certainly not helpful in finding true love. I’ve seen many a friend walk down the aisle with the wrong person because of this biological and societal pressure to have children. Choose your partner for love, not because the time for having children is running out.</span></li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_10 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_16 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_16"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/6.jpg" alt="" title="6" class="wp-image-1491" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_17 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_25 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>There’s a difference between love and lust </strong><b>– </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">Good sex can be like kryptonite. It messes with your brain. It cripples your rational senses. It convinces you that it is love. But, sex is only one part of a relationship (granted, a rather fun part). Long-term, relationships last and love strengthens out of so much more: shared values; morals; communication & compromise.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_11 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_18 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_17"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/7.png" alt="" title="7" class="wp-image-1882" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_19 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_26 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Know your limits & make sure your partner knows them too </strong><b>– </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">You have to be aware of what you’re prepared to compromise on in a relationship, and what is an absolute “no go”. Boundaries are essential and communicating those to each other is vital. For me, if you cheat on me, I’m out. I’ve been there before. I’ve no interest in going there again. It’s my hard line.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_12"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_20 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_18"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1920" height="1440" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/8-lessons-learned-about-finding-love-1.jpg" alt="" title="8 lessons learned about finding love (1)" class="wp-image-5163" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_13 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_21 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_19"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/8.jpg" alt="" title="8" class="wp-image-1883" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_22 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_27 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Create space for the tough conversations </strong><b>– </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">This romantic notion of arguing and then incredible make-up sex is very Hollywood. Constant bickering is exhausting. Not saying what you want to say in case you cause and argument or they leave, damages you and the relationship. Walking on eggshells in a relationship is not fun. It impacts your self-worth, your self-confidence and your self-esteem. Healthy, loving relationships allow you to express your needs, desires, discomforts, concerns and frustrations to your partner without fear that the relationship will collapse as a result. They also require you to listen and take on board the needs of your other half. Healthy relationships create the space and respect for the tough conversations to be had.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_14"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_23 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_28 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Despite what we’ve learned from Hollywood romantic movies, love doesn’t have to be hard or scripted or complicated. It doesn’t have to be full of drama, pain and suffering. It doesn’t have to conquer all.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Love, in many ways, should feel easy. I’m not saying that relationships won’t face their difficulties, but the “love” part – that’s the straightforward part. It’s a strong, positive emotion. It allows you to be yourself in a relationship. To maintain your identity. To be part of a team. To feel supported. To have a voice. To be vulnerable. To feel safe.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">That, in my humble view, is </span><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0314331/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">love … actually</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_20"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/tired-of-all-the-drama.jpg" alt="" title="tired of all the drama" class="wp-image-5191" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/8-lessons-learned-about-finding-love-ps-its-no-hollywood-movie/">8 lessons learned about finding love (PS. It’s no Hollywood Movie)!</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/8-lessons-learned-about-finding-love-ps-its-no-hollywood-movie/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> </channel> </rss>