<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><rss version="2.0" xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/" xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/" xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" xmlns:sy="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/syndication/" xmlns:slash="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/slash/" > <channel> <title>life lessons Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <atom:link href="https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/life-lessons/feed/" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" /> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/life-lessons/</link> <description>PROFESSIONAL LIFE COACHING & TRAINING</description> <lastBuildDate>Tue, 16 Dec 2025 14:41:10 +0000</lastBuildDate> <language>en-ZA</language> <sy:updatePeriod> hourly </sy:updatePeriod> <sy:updateFrequency> 1 </sy:updateFrequency> <image> <url>https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Asset-1.svg</url> <title>life lessons Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/life-lessons/</link> <width>32</width> <height>32</height> </image> <item> <title>If Our Lives Were a Movie</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/if-our-lives-were-a-movie/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/if-our-lives-were-a-movie/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 16 Dec 2025 14:40:58 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Celebrations & Festivities]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Effective communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Personal Growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[chronic illness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[family]]></category> <category><![CDATA[festive reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[honesty]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life lessons]]></category> <category><![CDATA[love actually]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-worth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[year-end reflection]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=235481</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/if-our-lives-were-a-movie/">If Our Lives Were a Movie</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_0 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_0"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_0 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_0 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_1 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Rated ‘U’ for Unexpected: A Love, Actually Remake Starring Me, a Bear, and a Maine Coon</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_2 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">As a certified, card-carrying love fool – the kind who still believes Hugh Grant can dance and that a handwritten sign is the peak of romantic communication – I decided to view my year through the soft-focus, ensemble-cast lens of <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H9Z3_ifFheQ" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>Love, Actually</i></span></a>. It seemed fitting. I am a complete romantic, I always root for the underdog (usually me and my perpetually swollen joints), and frankly, my life often feels like a series of interconnected, slightly chaotic subplots that sometimes involve airport scenes that drag on too long.</p> <p class="p1">This year’s production was an emotional rollercoaster, complete with a heartwarming soundtrack, a pivotal Christmas pageant scene (metaphorically speaking), and enough anti-inflammatories and painkillers to sedate a small elephant.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_3 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>The Prime Minister and the Tea Lady (That’s Me and My Boundaries)</strong></h3></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_0"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/Metal-door-View-more-by-pixbox77-from-Getty-Images.jpg" alt="Metal door View more by pixbox77 from Getty Images" title="Metal door View more by pixbox77 from Getty Images" class="wp-image-235497" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_4 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">My main plotline, much like the Prime Minister’s awkward-but-charming romance with the tea lady, Natalie, was learning to put myself first and establish some much-needed boundaries. I spent years being the human equivalent of a revolving door for other people’s dramas, other people’s outrageous lies, always apologetic, always in pain, but perpetually available for a crisis I didn’t create.</p> <p class="p1">This year, the door was firmly shut and possibly reinforced with hardened steel, much to the chagrin of my autoimmune system, which decided to throw a flare-up party every time I used the word “no.” My anxiety disorder provided a running commentary from the sidelines: <i>“Are you sure you should have said that? They hate you now. You’re going to die alone.”</i> (My anxiety is a dramatic diva. Much like me).</p> <p class="p1">The result? A rather surprising revelation about my supporting cast. The people who complained about the new boundaries turned out to be the ones using the revolving door as a shortcut. The friends who stayed? They brought casseroles, respected the “Do Not Disturb” sign, and didn’t mind when I cancelled plans because my psoriatic arthritis decided my ankle looked like a balloon. It turns out that true friendship, much like good lighting in a British rom com, doesn’t need constant negotiation. It just works.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_5 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>Sarah and Karl (The Family Plot Twist)</strong></h3></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_1"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/Woman-Recording-Video-of-Cat-View-more-by-Yasar-Baskurt-from-Pexels.jpg" alt="Woman Recording Video of Cat View more by Yaşar Başkurt from Pexels" title="Woman Recording Video of Cat View more by Yaşar Başkurt from Pexels" class="wp-image-235496" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_6 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">My Sarah/Karl storyline was perhaps the most poignant and least-dramatic heartbreak of the year. Sarah is the lovely woman who puts her life on hold for her institutionalised brother, sacrificing her chance with Karl, the gorgeous office crush. It’s a beautifully painful subplot about duty and impossible timing.</p> <p class="p1">My twist, however, was about redefining “family.” I had to accept a hard truth – some family can’t be chosen, and sometimes, they choose not to choose you back. The phone call that interrupts the perfect romantic moment with Karl is a painful reality check.</p> <p class="p1">But here’s the unexpected cinematic magic: other family members, whom I’d never been particularly close to in my sordid past, stepped into the void and became everything to me. It was a beautiful, quiet realisation that connection is measured not in shared DNA, but in shared presence. My “Karl” moment was a pivot toward people who answered the phone when I called, rather than letting it ring out.</p> <p class="p1">They also send rather cute cat videos via Instagram and WhatsApp. I’m lucky like that.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_7 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>Jamie and Aurélia (Telling My Clients the Truth)</strong></h3></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_2"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/Discovering-the-truth-View-more-by-esolla-from-Getty-Images-Signature.jpg" alt="Discovering the truth View more by esolla from Getty Images Signature" title="Discovering the truth View more by esolla from Getty Images Signature" class="wp-image-235495" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_8 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">Jamie (Colin Firth) learns Portuguese for Aurélia, the beautiful housekeeper he can barely communicate with. It’s a grand, slightly mad gesture of connection.</p> <p class="p1">In my professional life, I had my own “learn Portuguese” moment. Instead of jargon and corporate-speak, my “Portuguese” was vulnerability. Telling clients my truth – setting realistic expectations, admitting when my chronic illness meant I needed more time, and being transparent about my capacity. It felt incredibly risky, especially with my depression whispering that I was surely about to be fired.</p> <p class="p1">The result? Stronger, deeper, and more respectful relationships. They didn’t fire me. Instead, they appreciated the honesty. We’re no longer just colleagues, we’re a united front against deadlines. Who knew honesty was the ultimate business development tool?</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_9 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>The Sidekick: Georgia Peach</strong></h3></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_3"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/Majestic-Maine-Coon-Cat-on-Cozy-Sofa-View-more-by-Ludovic-Delot-from-Pexels.jpg" alt="Majestic Maine Coon Cat on Cozy Sofa View more by Ludovic Delot from Pexels" title="Majestic Maine Coon Cat on Cozy Sofa View more by Ludovic Delot from Pexels" class="wp-image-235494" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_10 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">Every leading lady needs a fabulous sidekick. Mine wasn’t the delightfully sassy <i>Love, Actually</i> assistant, Mia. I have a full “Hairy Board of Directors.” I am a mother of cats, four perfect creatures who demand tribute and offer unconditional moral support.</p> <p class="p1">Special mention is to my Georgia Peach, my soul cat, and a majestic Maine Coon kitty. She is the quiet observer of my grand romantic gestures and dramatic boundary-setting. She was the hairy, purring anchor during every emotional scene, reminding me that the world looks better from the top of the refrigerator, and that all problems can be temporarily solved by demanding treats. Great minds think alike in that way.</p> <p class="p1">The other three – well, they mostly just reminded me that if I collapse in pain, they might eat my face, but they’d <i>probably</i> feel bad about it later. They taught me that sometimes the best form of support is simply curling up next to someone and not judging their choice of rom-com or the staggering amount of pain relief on my bedside table.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_11 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>My Happily Ever After: Big Bear and the Matchmaking Kitty</strong></h3></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_4"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/Loving-Supportive-Husband-Holding-Hand-of-Sad-Wife-View-more-by-dimaberlinphotos-2.jpg" alt="Loving Supportive Husband Holding Hand of Sad Wife View more by dimaberlinphotos (2)" title="Loving Supportive Husband Holding Hand of Sad Wife View more by dimaberlinphotos (2)" class="wp-image-235492" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_12 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">My life is a movie where I hit the jackpot in love, although it wasn’t always this way. In a previous subplot, my first cat, Hugo Boss, a big ginger kitty with excellent taste in suitors, actually helped me choose my husband. He just knew.</p> <p class="p1">And my husband, whom I lovingly call Big Bear, showed up this year – as he always does (truly) – in so many ways. He’s the quiet hero who doesn’t need a spotlight, but who ensures the show goes on. He’s the safe harbour when the autoimmune storm rages, the one who patiently listens to my anxiety’s dramatic monologues. Our love story is the stable, grounding storyline that balances out my personal chaos.</p> <p class="p1">And when in doubt he supplies ice-cream. And that works too.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_13 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>What I Learned in the Final Reel</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_14 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">As the credits prepared to roll on my year, I looked back at the messy, beautiful montage of my life. The scenes involving severe joint pain and depressive episodes didn’t make the final cut, but their lessons certainly remained.</p> <p class="p1">I learned to be kinder to myself and those in my immediate circle. It’s a small cast, but a stellar one. I learned patience – everyone truly does get what they deserve, though sometimes the universe’s delivery schedule is slower than international airmail at Christmas.</p> <p class="p1">And the biggest takeaway? The truth will out. It always does. You can’t hide behind flimsy excuses or avoidance forever. Honesty, with others and especially yourself, sets you free. Usually in slow motion, and possibly to a Sugababes song.</p> <p class="p1">As we all prepare to dash through our respective airport terminals to meet our future selves, I gently invite you to reflect on your own blockbuster year with compassion, humour (most definitely), and a sense of closure. What was your main plot twist? Who was your unlikely sidekick? What truth finally found its way out?</p> <p class="p1">Grab a box of tissues, cue the festive music, and let’s end this year in a way that makes us feel good about what’s to come in 2026. This is our cinematic homecoming. Remember: Love (of self, boundaries, very large cats, a supportive Big Bear, and a decent pain management plan), actually, <i>is</i> all around.</p> <p class="p1">Happy reflecting and Merry Christmas!</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_0 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_1 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_1 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_5"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_2 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_15 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/if-our-lives-were-a-movie/">If Our Lives Were a Movie</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/if-our-lives-were-a-movie/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>I’m a grown up! – And still being bullied….</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/workplace-bullying/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/workplace-bullying/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 22 Jun 2021 09:48:54 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Comfort over coffee]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Lawyer Life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Working environment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[attorney]]></category> <category><![CDATA[attorney life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[attorneys]]></category> <category><![CDATA[big law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[big law life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[bullied adults]]></category> <category><![CDATA[bullying]]></category> <category><![CDATA[cold shoulder]]></category> <category><![CDATA[cyber bullying]]></category> <category><![CDATA[cyber-bullying]]></category> <category><![CDATA[executive coaching]]></category> <category><![CDATA[human resources]]></category> <category><![CDATA[ignoring]]></category> <category><![CDATA[institutional bullying]]></category> <category><![CDATA[intimidation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[junior associate]]></category> <category><![CDATA[junior attorney]]></category> <category><![CDATA[junior lawyer]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer careers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer coach]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer lifestyle]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer problems]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer tips]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[leadership]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal environment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal firm life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal professionals]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal recruitment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal secretaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal world]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life coach]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life coaching]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life lessons]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health advocate]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health matters]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental wellbeing]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental wellness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[ostracism]]></category> <category><![CDATA[ostracizm]]></category> <category><![CDATA[partner]]></category> <category><![CDATA[passive aggressive]]></category> <category><![CDATA[passive-aggressive]]></category> <category><![CDATA[professional coaching]]></category> <category><![CDATA[resilience]]></category> <category><![CDATA[retaliation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[social exclusion]]></category> <category><![CDATA[sticks and stones]]></category> <category><![CDATA[toxic work environments]]></category> <category><![CDATA[toxic workplace]]></category> <category><![CDATA[trust in yourself]]></category> <category><![CDATA[unjustified criticism]]></category> <category><![CDATA[verbal bullying]]></category> <category><![CDATA[words will never hurt me]]></category> <category><![CDATA[workplace bullying]]></category> <category><![CDATA[workplace ostracism]]></category> <category><![CDATA[you matter]]></category> <category><![CDATA[young attorney]]></category> <category><![CDATA[young lawyer]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=2993</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Bullying is not OK. In any situation. No matter the environment. Or your age. And it has no place in a business that wants to be successful.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/workplace-bullying/">I’m a grown up! – And still being bullied….</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[ <h5 class="wp-block-heading"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></em></h5> <p></p> <p><em>Linked article: <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/workplace-ostracism-addressing-the-intangible-office-bully/">Workplace Ostracism: Tackling the silent office bully</a></em></p> <p>When I think back to my school days, I recall kids taunting other kids because they had braces or freckles or perhaps their skirts were too long. But I recall, quite traumatically, how I was teased. Relentlessly. All because I wore a hearing-aid in one ear.</p> <p>Kids thought that meant I had a mental disorder. That I was in some way mentally slower than them. Not that I couldn’t hear. It was cruel. I wasn’t invited to play with others, I was ostracized and made to feel ashamed. Like there was something inherently wrong with me. So much so that I refused to wear my hearing-aid going into High School, rather relying on lip reading.</p> <p><em>Something I still do to this day. </em>The coping mechanism just stuck with me.</p> <p>But that was on the playground. And I had hoped it would stay there.</p> <p>But it didn’t. It just happened differently as I got older.</p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Bullied adults</em></strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/bullying-in-the-workplace1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3003"/></figure> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <p>Before adults think that they are immune to being bullied and that bullying is simply <em>“part of being a child”</em>, think again. Because it extends to the workplace too.</p> <p>According to a 2017 survey by the <a href="https://www.uwsp.edu/conted/Documents/FOCUS/C5 and E2 See handout_workplace bullying stats.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Workplace Bullying Institute</a>, 38% of Americans are bullied or witness bullying, 61% of Americans are aware of abusive conduct in the workplace and 60.4 million Americans are affected by it.</p> <p>And those are staggering numbers.</p> <p>According to <a href="https://www.acas.org.uk/if-youre-treated-unfairly-at-work/being-bullied" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">ACAS</a> in the UK, workplace bullying is behaviour from a person or group of people that is unwanted and makes you feel uncomfortable. It is harmful, often targeted behaviour that may be spiteful, offensive, mocking, intimidating or ostracizing. It can also be in the form of verbal, physical, social or psychological abuse.</p> <p>At a high level, the effects of bullying can be anxiety, depression, low self-worth, feeling intimidated, having low morale, feeling hopeless and stressed out. In addition, bullying can affect the business: resulting in poor work performance, high levels of sick leave, valuable employees leaving the business, and a hostile environment that can trickle down the ranks of the workplace becoming obvious to customers and business associates alike. The result? A detrimental impact to their brand and business reputation.</p> <p>But it extends beyond that too.</p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>The wider implications of bullying</em></strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/bullying-in-the-workplace2-Small.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3012"/></figure> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <p>In an article titled <a href="https://www.thehrdirector.com/features/health-and-wellbeing/bullying-is-systemic-in-the-workplace-despite-working-from-home/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Bullying is systemic, even working from home</a>, bullying in the workplace is identified as a systemic problem related to <strong><em>the actions and reactions of an organisation</em></strong> (which is often deep rooted in the core of a business). It also affects the individuals involved, as well as all those who witness the behaviour – the so-called “bystanders”.</p> <p>Whilst bystanders may be willing to actively help and support the target, it is more often than not very difficult for them to stand up against the bully. Often they themselves fear retaliation from the bully, may fear losing their own job or may believe that they do not have enough “organisational authority” to intervene.</p> <p>In some other instances, the bystander might either ignore the bullying or frame it as “normal behaviour”, especially when it is recurrent within the organisation without consequences or without the perpetrator being held accountable.</p> <p>Importantly, the organisation’s response or lack of response to bullying in the workplace is critical.<strong><em> Where there is no accountability for bullying in an organisation, it can quickly become an entrenched problem.</em></strong> And when this happens, there are ramifications not only for the employees but the business’s bottom line – <em>unhappy staff are not productive staff.</em></p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Cyber-Bullying</em></strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/bullying-in-the-workplace5.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3008"/></figure> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <p>With COVID (and the resulting lockdown), there is an increase in remote working blurring the lines between work and home life. As a result, digital bullying and discrimination (aka cyber bullying) has become a major challenge. Workplace bullying is now happening from afar – leaving no visible scars, going unreported and, as a result, not showing up in statistics.</p> <p>Even worse is the fact that bullies can reach their victims at all times of the day due to the increased use of and reliance on technology to communicate. Seemingly expecting employees to now be available 24/7.</p> <p>According to the article <a href="https://www.kingsleynapley.co.uk/insights/blogs/employment-law-blog/cyber-bullying-in-the-workplace-during-remote-working" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Cyber bullying in the workplace during remote working</a>, examples of cyber bullying include –</p> <p><em>“frequent interruptions during virtual meetings, unkind emails and repeated and excessive emails from managers. Some employees may “hide behind their screens” and not uphold the usual standards expected of them”.</em></p> <p>The situation of workplace bullying is at an all-time high and is a dire situation that needs to be addressed. Concerning is the fact that with most incidents going unreported, the only solution for some victims is to simply leave their jobs.</p> <p>But it is important to note that whether an employee feels excluded or otherwise bullied by colleagues, it does not matter whether that behaviour takes place electronically or in person.</p> <p>The emotional turmoil to the victim and risk to the business remains the same.</p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><span style="color:#c69229" class="has-inline-color"><strong><em>Bullying –</em> <em>This </em></strong></span><em><strong>is not a “sticks and stones” situation</strong></em></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/bullying-in-the-workplace8.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3011"/></figure> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <p>Whilst we already know that workplace bullying can take many forms including verbal abuse, offensive behaviours, unjustified criticism, singling someone out for the wrong reasons, excluding employees, or embarrassing or humiliating them. There are others too.</p> <p>Let’s unpack this a little –</p> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-1 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1486" width="100" height="100"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p><strong>Verbal bullying</strong> – this could include mockery, humiliation, jokes at another’s expense, gossip, or other spoken abuse like <em>calling someone worthless or insinuating that they are not worth their pay, even telling them to go back to law school just because they disagreed with the decision of the CEO (</em>happened to me);</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-2 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="1024" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1487"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p><strong>Intimidation </strong>– this could include threats, work sabotage and interference, stealing or taking credit for ideas; spying, or other invasions of privacy. Anything to make you feel “small” and insignificant;</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-3 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1488"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p><strong>Social exclusion in the workplace</strong> like cold-shouldering or ostracizing (something we discussed in our article <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/workplace-ostracism-addressing-the-intangible-office-bully/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Workplace Ostracism: Tackling The Silent Office Bully</a>) can leave you feeling like you are not liked, trusted or respected by your colleagues. And this affects your confidence, taking an emotional toll on you and how you see yourself fitting within an organization,</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-4 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1489"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p><strong>Passive aggressive behaviour</strong> – when a colleague or manager harbours negative feelings towards you but expresses them indirectly. In other words, <em>they don’t say what they mean</em>. They may be angry, jealous, or upset, but they mask their emotions through <em>indirect hostility</em>. And this can make you feel confused. Bewildered even. Almost like you are going insane because the “bully” hasn’t actually said what they mean – it’s all done through intonation! <em>Did they say what they mean or do I need to read between the lines?</em></p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-5 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="1024" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1490"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p><strong>Unjustified criticism</strong> – this could include wrongful blame, harsh and undue criticism without a reason as to why;</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-6 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="1024" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/6-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1491"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p><strong>Unwarranted retaliation</strong> – sometimes just talking about the bullying can lead to accusations of lying, further exclusion, refused promotions, or being excluded from important work meetings or emails, and</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-7 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="1024" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/7-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1882"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p><strong>Institutional bullying</strong> – this is when a workplace accepts, allows, and even encourages bullying to take place. This bullying might include <em>unrealistic performance goals, expected and unrealistic overtime, or singling out those who can’t keep up</em> <em>(not worth their salaries)</em> –<strong><em>But how do you *really* know if you are being bullied?</em></strong></p> </div> </div> <p></p> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>But how do you *really* know if you are being bullied?</em></strong></h2> <p>Again, this is not a <em>“sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me</em>” situation.</p> <p>When made to feel like a social pariah, you start to wonder whether being bullied is <em>your own fault</em>. Whether you deserve it. Whether you imagined it. Especially when the bullying has been consistent and subtle over a sustained period. You might start to doubt your own sanity or convince yourself that the behaviour is actually OK. That it is warranted.</p> <p>Maybe you are told to <em>“grow thicker skin”</em> that these actions are entirely normal and that <em>“you are too sensitive”</em> (again, this happened to me). Continuous doubt creeps in.</p> <p><em>Is it actually you? Your fault? </em>The answer to that is simple:<em> <strong>NO!</strong></em></p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><em><strong><span style="color:#c69229" class="has-inline-color">Here are some examples of actions that could amount to bullying:</span></strong></em></h2> <p>1. You may become completely ostracized. Co-workers might become quiet or leave the room when you walk in or they might simply ignore you</p> <p>2. You might be intentionally left out of office culture, such as chitchat, parties, or team lunches</p> <p>3. Your supervisor or manager might check on you very often or ask you to meet multiple times a week without a clear reason as to why</p> <p>4. You may be asked to do new tasks or tasks outside your typical duties or outside your skill set without training or help (even when you request it)</p> <p>5. It may seem like your work is frequently monitored, to the point where you begin to doubt yourself and start to experience difficulty when trying to undertake your regular tasks</p> <p>6. You might be asked to do difficult or seemingly pointless tasks and be ridiculed or criticised when you can’t get them done</p> <p>7. You may notice a pattern of your documents, files, other work-related items, or personal belongings going missing</p> <p>8. You may be ridiculed, told you cannot handle your work, need more training but then not told why</p> <p>9. You could be purposely misled about work duties, like incorrect deadlines or unclear directions</p> <p>10. There could be continued denial of requests for time off without an appropriate or valid reason why</p> <p>11. You could experience threats to your personal standing – for example, nasty comments about your physical appearance or personality</p> <p>12. You could also be told not to bill working hours, so that someone more senior than you can take the rewards</p> <p>13. You could be the victim of targeted practical jokes.</p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <p>These incidents may seem random at first. But if they continue, you may worry something you did caused them and fear you will be fired or demoted. Thinking about work, even on your time off, may cause anxiety, fear and stress. Affecting your health physically, emotionally and mentally.</p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Bullying in the legal profession</em></strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/bullying-in-the-workplace6.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3009"/></figure> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <p>Unfortunately, the legal profession is not immune to bullying.</p> <p>In the article <a href="https://www.lawsociety.ie/gazette/in-depth/bullying-in-the-workplace/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Make it stop</a> by the Law Society Gazette in Ireland, the following was set out –</p> <p><em>“research has shown that legal professionals who generate high profits for firms are sometimes tolerated, despite their bullying behaviour, displaying immunity from firms’ anti-bullying policies. This feeds in, significantly, to organisational culture and is noticed and felt by employees at all levels in the workplace”.</em></p> <p>In fact, the <a href="https://www.ibanet.org/article/09C3DA0E-723F-4E21-9A7E-AA0DFF1FB627" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">International Bar Association (IBA)</a> has published the initial results of a global evaluation (the “<strong>survey</strong>”) into the wellbeing of the legal profession. This survey undertaken from July 2020–December 2020, garnered responses from more than three thousand individuals and over 80 legal organisations, including bar associations, law societies, in-house legal departments and law firms.</p> <p>The survey confirmed that lawyer wellbeing is a cause for global concern –</p> <p><em>“The wellbeing index scores gathered from the survey data (based on the World Health Organisation’s WHO-5 indexing methodology) demonstrate that lawyers’ levels of wellbeing are below the global average in every regional forum. Although they may differ in manifestation, no one jurisdiction has a monopoly on these issues</em></p> <p><em>Stigma is a major problem: 41 per cent of respondents said that they could not discuss wellbeing issues with their employer without worrying that it would damage their career or livelihoods</em></p> <p><em>Awareness about local and international wellbeing support and services available is low, and, in many jurisdictions, wellbeing support or services do not currently exist: 22 per cent of respondents said that no wellbeing help, guidance or support was in place in their jurisdiction</em></p> <p><em>A large disparity between the number of institutions that say they have wellbeing initiatives in place (73 per cent), and the extent to which those in managerial positions are offered any sort of wellbeing training (16 per cent).</em></p> <p><em>Findings show that experiences of bullying are widespread in the legal profession, with half of the women and a third of men reporting experiences of bullying victimisation. In 57% of cases, the bullying episodes were not reported by the targets”.</em></p> <p>There is clearly (and still) a crisis in terms of mental wellbeing in the legal community. Globally.</p> <p>One surprising finding from the <a href="https://www.ibanet.org/article/09C3DA0E-723F-4E21-9A7E-AA0DFF1FB627" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">IBA survey</a> however, is the fact that the majority of legal participants in the survey have found healthy coping strategies (compared to previous years), including meditation, yoga and a healthy diet, as opposed to the use of alcohol or recreational drugs as a means of coping.</p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>So what is the solution to workplace bullying?</em></strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/bullying-in-the-workplace7.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3010"/></figure> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <p>Bullying can have significant and serious effects on physical, emotional and mental health. So, whilst leaving your job or changing departments could end the bullying, this isn’t always possible. Or the correct solution. Because the actual impact of being bullied can last long after it has stopped.</p> <p>Unfortunately, there is not a one-size-fits-all approach here. Often each individual may require their own set of coping mechanisms and remedial actions.</p> <p>BUT the following can be considered as starting points (at least) –</p> <p>1. <strong>Try your best not to react emotionally</strong> – bullies take pleasure in emotionally manipulating their victims. Try responding instead. Responding is different to reacting. When you respond you have prepared for the outcome in advance. So, begin with the end in mind. What outcomes would you like to see?</p> <p>2. <strong>Evaluate the situation objectively</strong> – properly evaluate the situation objectively to see if the situation is actually bullying (remember proper constructive criticism is not bullying)</p> <p>3. <strong>Know your workplace policies</strong> – Be aware of your rights and your workplace bullying policy. Familiarise yourself with the reporting procedure and follow it if needed</p> <p>4. <strong>Know your legal rights</strong> – Do your own research. Learn about inappropriate behavior and any <a href="https://www.werksmans.com/legal-updates-and-opinions/workplace-bullying-remedies-and-recourse-in-south-african-law/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">legislation</a> that may be of assistance. The more you know, the better your chances of successfully dealing with the situation are</p> <p>5. <strong>Document your situation thoroughly –</strong> Start collecting as much evidence as you can. This includes keeping a dairy of events to help paint a clear picture of what’s been happening. If you need to recall particular events, having a reliable record will add credibility to your claim of bullying. If you have one and they are approachable (and presuming they are not the bully), go and talk to your HR manager</p> <p>6. <strong>Seek help or guidance</strong> – talk to someone who you can trust. Don’t ignore what has happened or is happening. If you are struggling to cope or don’t know where to start, contact <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Braving Boundaries</a> who will be able to not only support you as you go through this process but can also provide you with actionable targets and goals that can help you deal with and get over being bullied</p> <p>7. <strong>Look after yourself</strong> – maintain a healthy and balanced lifestyle outside of work to help you cope with the stress you are experiencing at work. Work out, get a good night’s sleep and eat a healthy diet</p> <p>8. <strong>Know your limits</strong> – if the situation cannot be resolved, consider your options for leaving. Don’t expect to change the bully overnight. Real behaviour change is difficult and it takes time. You have no control over the person’s willingness to accept that they have a problem and to work on it. You can only do your best to manage the situation. In the worst-case scenario you may decide to leave your job or be prepared for a long hard fight with the person bullying you</p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>What is the takeaway?</em></strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/bullying-in-the-workplace3.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3005"/></figure> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <p>Bullying is not OK. In any situation. No matter the environment. Or your age. And it has no place in a business that wants to be successful.</p> <p>Whilst many companies claim to have a zero-tolerance policy, bullying can sometimes be hard to recognise or prove. It therefore makes it difficult for managers or HR departments to take action.</p> <p>Other companies may not have any policies about bullying in place at all.</p> <p>We are of the firm belief that all workplaces should have a policy on bullying explaining how it should be handled. If your organisation needs guidance or assistance on how to develop these policies, <a href="https://www.coachingadvocates.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Coaching Advocates</a>, a practice dedicated to helping <em>modernise the way law firms and corporates work</em>, may be the perfect place to start.</p> <p>Taking steps to prevent workplace bullying can benefit organisations and the health of their employees. If you have been bullied or are being bullied, know you can safely take steps to combat the bullying without confronting the perpetrator.</p> <p><em>And always remember to take care of your own health first!</em></p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/Copy-of-linkedin-filler-pictures-5.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3000"/></a></figure> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <hr class="wp-block-separator is-style-wide"/> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-8 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist-1024x1024-1.jpg" alt=""/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p>About the writer, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong></p> <p>Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism. </p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/">The Legal Belletrist website</a>.</p> <p><strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></p> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/workplace-bullying/">I’m a grown up! – And still being bullied….</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/workplace-bullying/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>The Naked Lawyer: When I met my Judge!</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-naked-lawyer-judgment-free/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-naked-lawyer-judgment-free/#comments</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 29 Apr 2021 08:02:39 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Lawyer Life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Lessons Learned]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[attorney]]></category> <category><![CDATA[attorney life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[attorneys]]></category> <category><![CDATA[awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[big law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[big law life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[body image]]></category> <category><![CDATA[body worries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[braving boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[camping]]></category> <category><![CDATA[camping with dogs]]></category> <category><![CDATA[clothing optional]]></category> <category><![CDATA[confidence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[executive coaching]]></category> <category><![CDATA[female lawyers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[insecurities]]></category> <category><![CDATA[judge]]></category> <category><![CDATA[judgement]]></category> <category><![CDATA[judgment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[judgment detox]]></category> <category><![CDATA[judgment free]]></category> <category><![CDATA[judgment free zone]]></category> <category><![CDATA[klipfontein]]></category> <category><![CDATA[land cruiser]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer coach]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer lifestyle]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer problems]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer tips]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lessons learned]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life coach]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life coaching]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life lessons]]></category> <category><![CDATA[naked]]></category> <category><![CDATA[narrow mindedness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[naturist]]></category> <category><![CDATA[naturist campsite]]></category> <category><![CDATA[no judgment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[nudist]]></category> <category><![CDATA[open mind]]></category> <category><![CDATA[open minded]]></category> <category><![CDATA[open mindedness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[open-mind]]></category> <category><![CDATA[open-minded]]></category> <category><![CDATA[outdoor camping]]></category> <category><![CDATA[positive intelligence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[rustic camping]]></category> <category><![CDATA[saboteurs]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-compassion]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-confidence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-conscious]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-imposed limitations]]></category> <category><![CDATA[south africa camping]]></category> <category><![CDATA[tulbagh]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/female-leaders-in-the-workplace-how-do-we-break-through-copy/</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Meet the Naked Lawyer (and her Judge)! Welcome to camping with a twist - where clothing is optional and an open mind is a necessity.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-naked-lawyer-judgment-free/">The Naked Lawyer: When I met my Judge!</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[ <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <p>I’ve thought long and hard about whether or not I should write this article. Ironically, for fear of judgment. And rejection. But I’ve learned some important lessons about myself over the last 4 days. And I always believe it is important to share those important lessons when learnt. </p> <p>So, here it goes.</p> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"></h2> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Camping with a twist</strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/2-1024x768.png" alt="" class="wp-image-2827"/></figure> <p>The 27 April is a Public Holiday in South Africa – <em>Freedom Day </em>– a day which commemorates the country’s first democratic elections after the apartheid era. This year it happened to fall on a Tuesday, so we decided to make a long weekend out of it.</p> <p>As some of you know, we have recently bought an old Land Cruiser which is fully kitted out with a roof top tent and awning. We both love traveling and exploring new locations, but feel guilty leaving our 3 rescue dogs behind. The land cruiser was an ideal solution. And last weekend was the perfect opportunity for our first adventure.</p> <p><em>And what an adventure it was!</em></p> <p>As is typical for us, we ended up leaving arrangements to the last minute. Having trawled through the internet for dog-friendly campsites and contacted numerous agents for assistance, we managed to find a beautiful campsite in <a href="https://www.booking.com/hotel/za/klipfontein-farm.en-gb.html" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Klipfontein, Tulbagh</a>, about 90 minutes outside of Cape Town. The pictures looked beautiful. There was tonnes of space for the dogs to run. And it was a no kids’ zone! Perfect when you have dogs who use children as ten-pin bowling practice!</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>The </strong><strong><em>bare</em></strong><strong> necessities</strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/3-1024x768.png" alt="" class="wp-image-2828"/></figure> <p>The booking confirmation came through and immediately my face flushed red: “<strong>CLOTHING OPTIONAL</strong>”. And you’d think as a lawyer I would have read the small print! How was I going to explain this?!</p> <p>Now, one thing you should know about me is that, when embarrassed, my reaction is to burst out laughing (you’ll see how inappropriate this trait is later) – and this had me in fits. I awkwardly explained to Justin what I’d done and – to my surprise – he took it in his stride: <em>“<strong>Best give the dogs’ nails a trim then</strong>”! </em></p> <p>So, after having a good giggle about the error of my ways with a few of our close friends, we headed off to Tulbagh. The car was full to the brim: dog beds, tables, cooking equipment and ironically two full suitcases of clothes. Well, it did say clothing was optional – and I fully intended to embrace this option!</p> <p>As we arrived, I could already feel the nervous laughter rising from the pit of my stomach. <em>“<strong>Just behave Frieda. Nudity is a perfectly natural state</strong>”</em> – I said to myself. But, frankly, nothing can prepare you for walking around a corner smack into a very naked man. Especially when he is a stranger. I burst out laughing! Oh my goodness, I had no idea where to look. Fortunately, I could pass off the laughter as fright from the collision. But thank heavens for my COVID mask! </p> <p>The gentleman was super kind and found the owners for us who, in turn, explained the layout of the campsite, fetched us firewood, came to meet the dogs, and helped us locate a braai pit (barbecue pit for non-South Africans). </p> <p>We explained to them that this was our first time venturing into a naturist campsite and that we hadn’t actually realised it was an <em>au natural </em>camp at the time of booking. They were incredibly kind and re-emphasised the fact that clothing was optional. <em>No one would judge</em> <em>us </em>if we chose to keep our clothes on. Or if we braved taking them off. There was 50 hectares of land so we could be as secluded as we liked. </p> <p>But, the toilets, showers and wifi were only located in the main campsite. Where every other naturist would be….</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Shaken but not stirred!</strong></h2> <p>I must say, having got the initial interaction out of the way, my discomfort levels rapidly decreased. We did opt for a secluded spot under the willows opposite the main campsite. Partly for the dogs. But mainly to ease ourselves into these new surroundings. </p> <p>Having established camp, we ventured into the main campsite to familiarise ourselves with the lay of the land. No sooner had we arrived, we were offered pancakes and a beer, asked if any assistance was required, and engaged in conversation. </p> <p>The openness and friendliness of the camping community was quite different to our normal camping experience. Usually, people tend to acknowledge each other by a nod of the head, but generally try to avoid engaging in social niceties. This was a refreshing change. And the conversation was a lot more honest and open because <em><strong>eye contact was consciously maintained!</strong></em> (But yes, I couldn’t resist having a peek or two – oh come on, so would you!)!</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Meeting my judge</strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/4-1024x768.png" alt="The Naked Lawyer - When I met my Judge!" class="wp-image-2829"/></figure> <p>By Day 2, we’d plucked up the courage to give it a whirl. The sun was shining. We were in our secluded spot. We felt safe. And if we weren’t going to experience this now, then when were we ever going to? So off came our clothes! </p> <p>It felt so foreign and triggered every single one of my insecurities:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>“What would people say if they find out?”</li><li>“What would they think of me?”</li><li>“How is this going to damage my reputation?”</li><li>“People are going to think I’m weird!”</li><li>“You’re no Cindy Crawford! Keep your clothes on and don’t go and offend society!”</li></ul> <p><strong><em>Isn’t it amazing how harshly we judge ourselves, each other and uncomfortable situations</em>? </strong>All those negative assumptions that we carry around with us. We are so conscious of what other people think about us that I can only imagine how often our “judge” prevents us from trying out new things or stepping outside of society’s expectations.</p> <p>But rather than reaching for my clothes, I pushed myself to see how long I could last. I’m in a fortunate position to be training in <a href="https://www.positiveintelligence.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Positive Intelligence</a> at the moment – which directly explores the limitations which our Judge and supporting saboteurs impose on the way we see the world. As such, I have a tonne of exercises that I can tap into to calm my survival brain (which encourages fight, flight or freeze actions) and activate my PQ brain which views things from a much more empathetic, curious, creative, fearless and clear-headed perspective.</p> <p>Yes, the first few conversations were a little awkward, but gradually the discomfort of seeing multiple naked bodies dissipated. It wasn’t threatening, sexual or perverse – which is (admittedly) what I had sub-consciously expected. It was a judgment-free community which had erased all of societies airs and graces. </p> <p>These people were comfortable with who they were. They were comfortable with their bodies – which crossed all dimensions of society: race, size, culture, age, gender. There was no automatic assumption of positions or the status you held in society by the clothes you wore. <strong><em>Everyone was on a level playing field – something which we rarely experience in this day and age.</em></strong></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Judging others: It says more about you</strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/5-1024x768.png" alt="Meeting your judge" class="wp-image-2830"/></figure> <p>The weekend not only opened our eyes to a new experience, but it also shed light on how I judge myself and others around me. And I should say that I consider myself to be pretty open-minded. The lessons I learned were the following:</p> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-9 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="1024" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1486"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow"> <p></p> <p><strong>I’m a lot less concerned about my cellulite when the rest of my body is on show!</strong> My body is also in pretty good nick – so I should probably embrace that!</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-10 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="1024" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1487"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow"> <p><strong>Honest and powerful conversations come when you make eye contact.</strong> Granted, I was consciously conversing at eye level – but my goodness, I realised how little we actually look people straight in the eye when we talk to them. We are forever scanning people. Looking around. Multi-tasking whilst having a conversation. Rarely do we focus just on the conversation at hand. Try it out – you’ll see the difference.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-11 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1488"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow"> <p><strong>We assume so much about a person based on how they dress</strong>; what they do; where they live; what car they drive etc. We form our first impressions of people within a <a href="https://www.psychologicalscience.org/observer/how-many-seconds-to-a-first-impression" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">blink of an eye</a>. Quite literally within 1/10 of a second! Most of the time our assumptions dictate whether or not we invest in a conversation. I’ve learned so much about the people I met this weekend because societal indicators were removed.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-12 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1489"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow"> <p><strong>We make judgments about situations that are foreign to us. </strong>The minute we exit our comfort zone and try something new, our brain also steps out of its comfort zone. It struggles to compute the new pattern of activity and switches into “survival mode” in order to protect us. By calming our brain and seeing the situation for what it is – a learning opportunity – we are able to step out of this fight, flight or freeze mode and become less judgmental.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-13 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="1024" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1490"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow"> <p><strong>It’s strengthened my relationship. </strong>Both of us were outside of our comfort zone this weekend and our insecurities were triggered. But we laughed, talked openly, listened and supported each other. We return to our daily lives more aware and more open-minded.</p> </div> </div> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>What’s your judge preventing you from doing?</strong></h2> <p>The above story is intended to highlight how our own self-judgment, the judgment of others and judgment of situations keeps us trapped in the status quo. Our judge narrows our perspective, holds us back from trying out new things, and makes implementing any desired change in our lives ten times harder.</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>Imagine being able to take time off work without feeling guilty.</li><li>Imagine being able to try a new hobby without fear of criticism.</li><li>Imagine being able to date without fear of rejection.</li><li>Imagine being able to voice your opinion without fear of repercussions.</li></ul> <p><strong>So ask yourself this:</strong></p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>What assumptions / judgments do you hold about yourself, about others and about certain situations?</li><li>Are those assumptions / judgments valid? Or are they triggered out of fear? Or are they triggered out of your own insecurities?</li><li>What is your judge preventing you from doing? What desired changes in your life is it preventing you from making for fear of negative consequences?</li></ul> <p><strong>We all have a judge in us. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US.</strong></p> <p><strong>Wouldn’t it be nice to get to know yours, so that you can reduce its power? </strong></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/naked-lawyer-CTA.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-2823"/></a></figure> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-naked-lawyer-judgment-free/">The Naked Lawyer: When I met my Judge!</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-naked-lawyer-judgment-free/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>8</slash:comments> </item> </channel> </rss>