<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><rss version="2.0" xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/" xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/" xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" xmlns:sy="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/syndication/" xmlns:slash="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/slash/" > <channel> <title>lawyers Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <atom:link href="https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/lawyers/feed/" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" /> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/lawyers/</link> <description>PROFESSIONAL LIFE COACHING & TRAINING</description> <lastBuildDate>Wed, 16 Jul 2025 14:34:08 +0000</lastBuildDate> <language>en-ZA</language> <sy:updatePeriod> hourly </sy:updatePeriod> <sy:updateFrequency> 1 </sy:updateFrequency> <image> <url>https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Asset-1.svg</url> <title>lawyers Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/lawyers/</link> <width>32</width> <height>32</height> </image> <item> <title>Beating Procrastination (Part 1): Getting to grips with why we procrastinate</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/beating-procrastination-part-1/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/beating-procrastination-part-1/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 29 Jun 2022 06:37:43 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Perfectionism]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Procrastination]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[accountants]]></category> <category><![CDATA[boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[business men]]></category> <category><![CDATA[business women]]></category> <category><![CDATA[coping with stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[covid stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[down time]]></category> <category><![CDATA[executives]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of being controlled]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of failure]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of intimacy]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of separation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of success]]></category> <category><![CDATA[financial stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fitness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[holidays]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[managers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[procrastinating]]></category> <category><![CDATA[procrastination]]></category> <category><![CDATA[productivity]]></category> <category><![CDATA[professionals]]></category> <category><![CDATA[reduce stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relationship stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relax]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relaxation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress spiral]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stressed out]]></category> <category><![CDATA[time off]]></category> <category><![CDATA[time out]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/stressed-out-why-holidays-are-a-necessity-not-a-luxury-copy/</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Procrastination: The bane of my life and for many others. But what is procrastination and why do we do it?</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/beating-procrastination-part-1/">Beating Procrastination (Part 1): Getting to grips with why we procrastinate</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_0 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_0"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_0 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_0 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>I’m not fat. But I’m not fit.</strong></p> <p>Well, not in the way that I used to be.</p> <p>It’s that time of year again where a number of running photos pop up on Facebook, highlighting the various races I’ve run over the years. In 2015, I was training to summit the Matterhorn. In 2016, it was the Verbier-St Bernard 65km Traverse. And in 2019 it was “The Beast” (the 30km ‘baby’ race!) and the Whale Trail (53km, 25km of which comprised endless stretches of beach)! Ugh! Never again!</p> <p>I was fit! Very fit! Even if I hadn’t quite grasped that at the time.</p> <p>And then lockdown commenced and my motivation to run utterly dissipated.</p> <p>Last year, as I prepared to turn 40, I wrote an article called: <strong><em><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/motivate-me-what-to-do-when-youve-lost-your-mojo/">“Motivate Me: What to do when you’ve lost your mojo!”</a></em></strong>. The article explored the different types of motivation that encourage or force us to take action. It also gave me (and 35 of my followers who decided to join in with me) the opportunity to test out a new approach to tackling my/our goals. I loved the challenge and it worked! I committed to 40 days of yoga to kickstart a return to my practice and I’m pleased to report that I’m still practising a year on.</p> <p>But motivation isn’t my current issue. I want to get fitter. I feel better when I’m fitter. And, I have the perfect excuse to get fit too. Our wedding is next April and hey, who doesn’t want to look their best in their wedding dress?</p> <p>So, what is it that is currently holding me back?</p> <p>That darned thing called: <strong>PROCRASTINATION!</strong></p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/picture-1-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4412"/></figure> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="i-m-so-stressed-holidays-are-a-luxury-not-a-necessity"><strong>What is procrastination?</strong></h2> <p>Before we get into the nitty gritty of the definitions, just see if you recognise any of these situations:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li><strong>Scenario A:</strong> Your alarm goes off for the gym in the morning: “<em>Oh just 15 more minutes in bed. It’s so cold outside. And, well, I didn’t sleep very well last night</em>.” Before you know it, 15 minutes has turned to 30 minutes and the window for the gym session has gone.</li><li><strong>Scenario B:</strong> You’ve a complicated contract to review and the deadline is two weeks away. You leave it until the last minute. Twenty things pile in during the last week, and then there is a mad dash to get it done.</li><li><strong>Scenario C:</strong> You’ve set yourself a target to bring in more clients by the end of June. You know the best way is to make direct contact, but instead you spend the next few weeks perfecting marketing materials, writing lists of people you’d like to speak to, researching companies, but don’t make any contact.</li></ul> <p>Well, they are certainly all familiar situations to me. But, then again, I’m a prime example of a procrastinator!</p> <p>As these situations highlight, procrastination is <strong><a href="https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/procrastinate"><em>“the act of delaying or putting off tasks intentionally and habitually”</em></a> </strong>[1]. What’s worse is that this behaviour sometimes occurs: <a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/the-psychology-of-procrastination-2795944"><em><strong>even when negative consequences may result from the procrastination</strong></em></a> [2].</p> <p>If we look at the Latin meaning of the word, it provides even more clarity. “<em><strong>Pro</strong></em>” meaning forward; and “<em><strong>crastinus</strong></em>” meaning belonging to tomorrow, results in a combined definition of “<em><strong>forward it to tomorrow</strong></em>”. In other words, “<em><strong>do it later</strong></em>”! [3]</p> <p>Let’s re-look at the examples above:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li><strong>In Scenario A</strong>, the intention of going to the gym to get fit is defeated by staying in bed. The consequences of continued procrastination are potentially weight gain, health issues and low self-esteem.</li><li><strong>In Scenario B</strong>, the goal is to review and amend the contract and deliver within two weeks. By leaving it to the last minute, there are potential consequences of non-delivery (and an angry client) or a highly stressed 24-hours trying to deliver by the deadline. Neither of which are particularly helpful to your health or your business. And before you say: “<em>But, I work at my best when I’m under pressure</em>” – it doesn’t mean you’re not procrastinating.</li><li><strong>In Scenario C</strong>, the goal is to bring in new clients – after all, they pay the bills and grow the business. By distracting yourself with other work rather than reaching out and making contact, procrastination in this instance could result in your business folding before it’s even had a chance to flourish.</li></ul> <p>The above are just a few examples of procrastination played out in the real world. But despite knowing the potential for detrimental consequences, why do we continue to procrastinate?</p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/picture-2-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4413"/></figure> <p></p> <div class="wp-block-buttons is-content-justification-center is-layout-flex wp-container-core-buttons-is-layout-1 wp-block-buttons-is-layout-flex"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="my-experience-how-a-proper-holiday-shifts-the-stress-perspective"><strong>Why we procrastinate</strong></h2> <p>In their book: <strong><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702">“<em>Procrastination: Why you do it. What to do about it NOW.</em>”</a></strong>, Burka & Yuen (2008) highlight four “roots” to procrastination (some or all of which may be present):</p> <ol class="wp-block-list" type="1"><li>The <strong>Time Root</strong>: This relates to a procrastinator’s complex relationship with time and the difficulty they have with conceptualising how long a task will take. As a result, tasks are often delayed.</li><li>The <strong>Interpersonal Root</strong>: Our upbringing, our socio-economic settings and our culture can also influence our levels of procrastination. If procrastination has been evidenced in our childhood, it may well be behaviour carried into adulthood.</li><li>The <strong>Biological Root</strong>: This really is explained by the continuing struggle between two parts of our brain: the limbic system (the part of our brain involved in emotional and behavioural responses, including our flight, fight or freeze responses) and the prefrontal cortex (the area of our brain utilised in planning complex cognitive behaviour and decision making). As the limbic system is a stronger, older and more developed part of our brain, it often overpowers the prefrontal cortex. As a result, automatic fear responses kick in when faced with certain situations and procrastination ensues [4]. </li><li>The <strong>Emotional Root</strong>: The final root of procrastination lies in the desire to avoid uncomfortable feelings, fears, hopes, doubts, memories, dreams and pressures [5]. Perhaps we avoid doing certain tasks because we don’t think we’ll enjoy them? Perhaps it’s because we believe we can’t do them well? Perhaps it’s because we fear that we’ll do them so well that, in turn, it will increase the demands on our life? So, we push them out until the last minute – if we get to them at all. We’ll explore the emotional root in a little more detail below.</li></ol> <p>James Clear, in his article: <strong><em>“<a href="https://jamesclear.com/procrastination">Procrastination: A Scientific Guide on How to Stop Procrastinating”</a></em></strong> [6] highlights an additional behavioural psychology approach to procrastination which also relates to time. He argues that procrastination stems from “time inconsistency”. Our brains value immediate rewards more than they do future rewards.</p> <p>So, taking Scenario B above – you have 2 weeks to complete that complicated contract review. The future goal is obviously to complete it. The benefit to your Future Self of completing it is praise from your clients and your boss, and that great feeling of a job well done. But that’s two weeks away. Who wants to wait for two weeks if there is something that you could do <strong>now</strong> that would give you that “feel great” feeling? As James Clear says: <em>“Your Present Self really likes instant gratification, not long-term payoff”</em>. So, instead, you distract yourself with the easier and quicker things on your to do list to get that instant fix. Ha! And you wonder why those prioritisation lists don’t always work!</p> <p></p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/PROCRASTINATION-3-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4414"/><figcaption> Burka & Yuen (2008): <strong><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702">“<em>Procrastination: Why you do it. What to do about it NOW.</em>”</a></strong></figcaption></figure> <p></p> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="i-m-so-stressed-holidays-are-a-necessity-not-a-luxury"><strong>The emotional side of procrastination</strong></h2> <p>Although there are a number of “roots” of procrastination, for me, the time, interpersonal and biological roots feel easier to digest. They feel less personal. They are things that have happened to me (over which I had no control) rather than something to which I might have contributed.</p> <p>I’ll be honest, as I deepened my research into the emotional root of procrastination over the weekend, I had to take a pause. I stepped away from the article and avoided it for a couple of days, distracting myself with a trip to my friend’s and the preparation of our weekly family pub quiz. There you go, procrastination in its prime!</p> <p>The emotional side, for some reason, felt deeply uncomfortable. It forced me to question and consider the underlying motivations for my own procrastination and the potential impact it has had and could have on my life. What had procrastination stopped me from achieving? Was I really operating at my full potential? Was I using procrastination to my own detriment? Was I procrastinating or setting boundaries? Is all procrastination bad?</p> <p>Needless to say, it was a confusing weekend and I’m grateful for my friends and other half who helped me process my thoughts and the research!</p> <p>So here is a high-level summary of the four underlying motivations of emotional procrastination identified by Burka & Yuen (2008) in their book: <strong><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702">“<em>Procrastination: Why you do it. What to do about it NOW.</em>”</a></strong>. See if any (or, in my case, how many) of these resonate:</p> <p></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>(a) Procrastination: Because of the fear of failure</strong></h3> <p>This rationale for procrastinating may be the most recognisable. Often, people delay tackling a task out of fear of failing at it. That failure could come in the form of being seen as “not good enough”, “not capable enough”, simply “not enough”. But rather than limiting the failure to an inability to be able to perform a task to a specific standard, people struggling with this type of procrastination view these failures as a failure of themselves as a person (Burka & Yuen, 2008). In other words, it directly impacts their self-worth.</p> <p>Dr. Richard Beery identifies a direct correlation between <strong>PERFORMANCE</strong>, <strong>ABILITY </strong>and <strong>SELF-WORTH</strong> [7]. Think about this in the context of <strong>Scenario A</strong> above.</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>If you go to the gym and work out (<strong>PERFORM</strong>) and get fitter/slimmer and start achieving your goals, you have <strong>ABILITY </strong>and you feel really good about yourself (<strong>HIGH SELF-WORTH</strong>).</li></ul> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>If you go to the gym and work out (<strong>PERFORM</strong>), but don’t see any weight loss or any fitness improvement, you see this as a lack of <strong>ABILITY </strong>(a failure of the task) and feel bad about yourself (<strong>LOW SELF-WORTH</strong>).</li></ul> <p>What procrastination does is step in to try and protect the individual by breaking the correlation between ability and performance (thus protecting self-worth).</p> <p>Think about it. If you avoid going to the gym and working out or only go to the gym with a week to go before your big event, you know that your ability has not been fully tested. Therefore, the fact that you have not got fitter or slimmer isn’t as a result of your personal failings, merely a lack of effort. You always have the excuse: “<em>Well, if I’d given myself more time, I’d have easily been able to lose 5kg.</em>”</p> <p>But what procrastination actually does is prevent you from operating at your full potential. It prevents you from challenging your abilities; seeing just how far your potential can take you. It risks keeping you locked in a place of mediocrity because it feels more comfortable. After all, being labelled as disorganised, lazy or a “last minute Nellie” feels like a less bitter pill to swallow than “you’re unworthy” or “you’re inadequate”, doesn’t it?</p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/290268939_570967407872303_1803610608235388622_n-1-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4416"/></figure> <p></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>(b) Procrastination: Because of the fear of success</strong></h3> <p>This concept may be a little harder to grasp. One theory is that procrastination is driven by a fear of success even if we want to be successful. This requires us to look both at the light and dark side of success, and is probably easier through the use of an example.</p> <p>Success to you may be the launch of your own business. The pros are that you get to work for yourself, you are your own boss, you choose your own clients, you dictate your own hours etc. You gain independence, freedom and time.</p> <p>But depending on your experience or upbringing, deep-rooted concerns and beliefs about success could also be triggered:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>Perhaps you believe that, by running a successful business, more demands will be placed on your time. There is a risk that you become a workaholic and lose control of your time. As a result, procrastinating on tasks (leaving things to the last minute) is seen as a way of avoiding that risk (i.e. preserving time), but it also undermines the likelihood of success.</li></ul> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>Perhaps success is seen as “unbecoming”. I have a friend who, throughout childhood, was taught to believe that money is evil. It leads to arguments within the marriage. People with money are deemed to be “selfish”. Success separates and differentiates you from your friends and family etc. If that’s your belief pattern, is it any wonder that you find yourself procrastinating and stalling the establishment or growth of your own business?</li></ul> <p></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="reducing-stress-by-putting-you-first"><strong>(c) Procrastination: Because of the fear of intimacy / separation</strong></h3> <p>Procrastination is also used as a means of regulating the closeness of our interpersonal relationships. Burka and Yuen (2008) explain that:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>For some people, that desire for closeness in a relationship is driven by anxiety (a fear of separation). In order to feel safe / capable of surviving in this world, they need to have their partner / friends / family / colleagues present. So procrastination is used to preserve that dependence e.g. seeking out help with work; leaving things to the last minute so that you can “be saved”; helping a colleague shine in the work environment whilst you take a back seat; or postponing things that you want to do in favour of the things your partner wants to do.</li></ul> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>For others, procrastination is used as way to maintain distance in relationships (i.e. avoid intimacy). Intimacy (romantic or otherwise) scares some people. They feel that if they allow people to get too close to them, people may take advantage of them. Perhaps they’ve experienced painful relationships in the past and want to avoid repeating these scenarios, so use procrastination (e.g. a delay in committing or progressing the relationship) as a way of maintaining their independence.</li></ul> <p>Both of the above scenarios, Burka and Yuen (2008) explain, highlight how procrastination can be used to maintain a “comfort zone”. In reality though, procrastination in these scenarios impedes the development of healthy relationships and that balance between dependence and independence and the testing and establishment of boundaries.</p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/INTIMACY-SEPARATION-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4417"/></figure> <p></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>(D) Procrastination: Because of the fear of being controlled</strong></h3> <p>Lastly, Burka and Yuen (2008) talk about the use of procrastination to avoid being controlled. The theory here is that people delay performing certain tasks as a means of asserting their independence and autonomy. And actually, it may be more familiar to you than you think.</p> <p>Think about children and their school projects. When I was 10 years old, I had to do a project on the Wirral (the peninsula next to Liverpool in the UK). It was staggered over the whole school year and various topics were covered: geographical features, religion, Roman influences, the origins of place names. Our teacher had told all of our parents about the Wirral Project because they needed to help us take photos and explore various places. The delivery of each chapter was every 4-6 weeks.</p> <p>Now, I am sure there were some very compliant children in my class, but one of the things ensconced in my personality is the need for independence. I hate being told what to do! Despite my poor mother setting rules and routines about getting each chapter of this project done early, I would leave everything to the last minute and then, in a blind panic and with a lot of drama, throw something together. But at least I retained that sense that I wasn’t being controlled!</p> <p>Procrastination, in this context, goes back to that correlation between performance, ability and self-worth discussed in Fear of Failure above. Only, in this context, self-worth is closely linked to the ability to maintain control by NOT performing [8]. So, using the above example:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>If I do my homework (<strong>PERFORM</strong>) in accordance with my mother’s rules and routines, I have no autonomy or independence (<strong>ABILITY</strong>) and I feel bad about myself (<strong>SELF-WORTH</strong>).</li></ul> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>If I avoid /delay doing my homework (<strong>NOT PERFORM</strong>) in defiance of my mother’s wishes, I retain my autonomy and independence (<strong>ABILITY</strong>) and I feel good about myself (<strong>SELF-WORTH</strong>).</li></ul> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/defiant-child.jpg"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/defiant-child-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4418"/></a></figure> <p>This form of procrastination (the desire to avoid being controlled) doesn’t just operate at a child level though. It can easily be identified in adult life too. How many of you resist paying bills until the last minute? How many of you file your taxes late and get hit with the late filing penalty? How many of you attend meetings late despite specifically been told to turn up on time?</p> <p>What’s interesting is that, although this form of procrastination (rebelling against parental, societal, corporate control) preserves this sense of independence, it prevents you from choosing what you actually want to do. Perhaps you do want to pay your bills on time so you have peace of mind? Perhaps turning up for a meeting on time is beneficial because you’ll get back to your desk earlier?</p> <p>In my case, had I just complied with my mother’s wishes and got on with the Wirral Project, I could have avoided one of the most mortifying experiences I had as a child and achieved the A Grade I desired. Due to procrastination, I’d begged my grandad to help me complete one of the chapters the weekend before it was due in. Bless him, he had painstakingly copied (i.e. plagarised) a chapter from one of the library books I’d taken out about the Wirral’s geographical rock formations. I’d copied what he’d written and handed it in! Needless to say, my teacher humiliated me in front of the whole class and called me out for cheating. My procrastination had had the direct opposite effect to the one intended. My self-worth was not exactly in tact!</p> <p></p> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Now what?</strong></h2> <p>Well, I did say that the emotional root of procrastination may feel quite confronting. I can certainly see how it has impacted my own life, particularly the fear of failure. The reality is, it still does. The reason I’ve struggled to get back into running isn’t a lack of motivation or an inability to prioritise. It’s the fear that if I set myself a goal to get fit and toned for my wedding and fail, what does that say about me as a person? My ability? My commitment to myself?</p> <p>There is a great line in the book which I’d like to leave you with which certainly helped me to feel more positive about the whole procrastination saga. <em><strong>“We believe that when you know what you feel and understand why you feel it, you are likely to be more confident, at ease with yourself, and then able to proceed without procrastinating”</strong> </em>(Burka & Yuen, 2008).</p> <p>In other words, if you’re prepared to work through your procrastination, there is light at the end of the tunnel. And that’s what we’ll focus on in Part 2. The steps which you can take to beat procrastination depending on the type of procrastinator you are.</p> <p>And, just so you are aware, the irony has not escaped me. I could have made this article twice as long and covered off the strategies here. But, hey, in true procrastinator fashion, why would I do something today which I can push to July? The challenge for me is whether I’ll give myself two weeks to write the next article or just a couple of days? Let’s see. <img src="https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/15.0.3/72x72/1f60a.png" alt="😊" class="wp-smiley" style="height: 1em; max-height: 1em;" /></p> <p></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading">Side Note</h3> <p>The summary above of the motivations driving the emotional root of procrastination is exactly that – a high level summary. It, by no means, does justice to the book. If you are struggling with procrastination or would like to discover more about it, I highly recommend you take the time to read <strong><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702">“<em>Procrastination: Why you do it. What to do about it NOW.</em>”</a></strong>. It’s a fabulous book with a wealth of examples of how each of type of procrastination is displayed.</p> <p></p> <p></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading">references</h3> <p>[1] https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/procrastinate</p> <p>[2] <em>What is procrastination?</em> https://www.verywellmind.com/the-psychology-of-procrastination-2795944</p> <p>[3], [5], [7] and [8] Burka, J., & Yuen, L. (2008). <em>Procrastination: Why you do it. What to do about it NOW.</em> Da Capo Life Long. <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702">https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702</a></p> <p>[4] Le Cunff, A. (n.d.). <em>Why we wait: the neuroscience of procrastination. </em>Ness Labs: <a href="https://nesslabs.com/neuroscience-of-procrastination#:~:text=Procrastination%20actually%20finds%20its%20roots,Its%20processes%20are%20mostly%20automatic">https://nesslabs.com/neuroscience-of-procrastination#:~:text=Procrastination%20actually%20finds%20its%20roots,Its%20processes%20are%20mostly%20automatic</a>.</p> <p>[6] Clear, J. (n.d.). <em>Procrastination: A Scientific Guide on How to Stop Procrastinating</em>. https://jamesclear.com/procrastination</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3291"/></a></figure></div> </div> </div> </div> </div><p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/beating-procrastination-part-1/">Beating Procrastination (Part 1): Getting to grips with why we procrastinate</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/beating-procrastination-part-1/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Feeling lost? 7 tips to get you back on track</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/feeling-lost-7-tips-to-get-you-back-on-track/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/feeling-lost-7-tips-to-get-you-back-on-track/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 26 May 2022 06:38:50 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[accountants]]></category> <category><![CDATA[boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[bravery]]></category> <category><![CDATA[business men]]></category> <category><![CDATA[business women]]></category> <category><![CDATA[coping with stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[courage]]></category> <category><![CDATA[covid stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[directionless]]></category> <category><![CDATA[down time]]></category> <category><![CDATA[executives]]></category> <category><![CDATA[feeling lost]]></category> <category><![CDATA[feeling overwhelmed]]></category> <category><![CDATA[financial stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[finding balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[finding direction]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[listen to your feelings]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lost]]></category> <category><![CDATA[managers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[off track]]></category> <category><![CDATA[overwhelmed]]></category> <category><![CDATA[purposeless]]></category> <category><![CDATA[reduce stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relationship stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[searching for purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress spiral]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stressed out]]></category> <category><![CDATA[time off]]></category> <category><![CDATA[time out]]></category> <category><![CDATA[trust your gut]]></category> <category><![CDATA[value alignment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[values]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work life balance]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=4353</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Have you ever felt lost? That feeling of having no direction, no purpose and being completely off track? You're not alone.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/feeling-lost-7-tips-to-get-you-back-on-track/">Feeling lost? 7 tips to get you back on track</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[ <h5 class="wp-block-heading"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></em></h5> <p></p> <p>Have you ever felt lost?</p> <p>We’re not talking about driving to an area you don’t know without your sat-nav working. That’s a different kind of lost. <em>Altogether.</em> </p> <p>We’re talking about the “lost” that happens when you feel yourself losing your place in the world. The “lost” you feel when you’re not quite keeping up with those around you. The “lost” you feel when you’re disconnected from your purpose. And yourself. </p> <p>A feeling of “<em>where have I come from and where am I going to?</em>”.</p> <p>That kind of “lost”. Directionless. Purposeless. And completely off track.</p> <p>Feeling lost is very tangible. You can hear it. Smell it. Even taste it. It’s there all around you. </p> <p>What has caused it can be an innumerable amount of things. Maybe you have plenty of reasons. Maybe only one. And maybe none at all. Maybe you just are feeling – <em>lost.</em> Simple as that. </p> <p>It happens. To most of us throughout our lives. Spurred on by many different things – the end of a romance, the end of a career, the loss of a loved one, failing an exam, losing a case, or bungling up a deal. There are just so many variables. So many factors. And sometimes it’s more than one. </p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Am I lost or just demotivated?</em></strong></h2> <p>Being demotivated is quite different from feeling lost. </p> <p>According to the Oxford Dictionary being “demotivated” is when someone is <em>“less eager to work or study.” </em></p> <p>Someone who is demotivated knows where they are going and what they are doing (usually) but they just feel a little <em>less eager to get there</em>. They are missing that little cherry on top. That incentive. That nudge to get them back on track.</p> <p>But this feeling of “being lost” is different. It’s when you look in the mirror and suddenly don’t know who the person looking back at you <em>is</em>. Inside. It is the feeling of being suspended in liquid treading water and hoping you find your way out and towards the sun once again. </p> <p><em>Maybe an example will help.</em></p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/05/Feeling-lost-tips-to-get-you-back-on-track-1.jpg"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/05/Feeling-lost-tips-to-get-you-back-on-track-1-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4355"/></a></figure> <p>Take a puzzle. After all, you know how much we love puzzles.</p> <p>Someone who is demotivated will look at all the bright coloured pieces – they will see the different shapes and sizes and can possibly even tell where one piece is meant to go. But they just don’t want to. Maybe they don’t like the image on the puzzle. Maybe they just don’t like puzzles. Maybe they just can’t be bothered. Either way, they don’t feel excited about completing it. </p> <p>Someone who is feeling lost, actually does like puzzles. But they cannot see the image of the puzzle. At all. They cannot even tell if it is in black and white or colour. So, they don’t know the first thing about <em>how</em> to put it together. </p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Acknowledging how you feel is the first step</em></strong></h2> <p>We acknowledge that this feeling of being lost is really hard. We acknowledge that it is not something that you can just “keep calm and carry on” about. In fact, you really shouldn’t. </p> <p>But we also know that the first step in dealing with feeling lost is acknowledging and admitting that <em>you are.</em></p> <p>Because by acknowledging how you are feeling, <em>you can start to deal with it.</em> And in so doing, <em>get to know who you are </em><em>now</em> – after finding yourself again. </p> <p>Remember, <em>“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom” </em>(Aristotle).</p> <p>Acknowledging, accepting and reminding yourself that it is ok to feel the way you do, is your absolute first step. </p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>What comes next? </em></strong></h2> <p>Your journey to finding yourself again, learning about yourself and accepting the “new you” can be an unbelievably valuable exercise. Learning about yourself is a great gift and helping yourself get through this feeling of unease can change your life in so many ways. All for the better. </p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/05/Blog-images-Feeling-Lost.jpg"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/05/Blog-images-Feeling-Lost-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4358"/></a></figure> <p>So here are some tips/strategies to follow on how to deal with feeling lost: </p> <ol class="wp-block-list"><li><a href="#care">Take care of yourself</a></li><li><a href="#victim">Do not become a victim</a></li><li><a href="#focus">Focus on your strengths and capabilities</a></li><li><a href="#reflect">Reflect on your values</a></li><li><a href="#acknowledge">Acknowledge who you really are</a></li><li><a href="#learn">Learn from it</a></li><li><a href="#ask">Ask for help</a></li></ol> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-1 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large" id="care"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="1024" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1486"/></a></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p><strong><em>Take care of yourself</em></strong> – be kind to yourself first and foremost. After telling yourself it’s ok to feel how you are feeling, taking care of yourself is crucial. This is not the time to badger yourself about being weak or failing or <em>“not being good enough”</em>. Firstly, all of that is rubbish. That is just your insecurity talking. And secondly, belittling yourself will not help the situation. Be kind to yourself. Breathe. Try meditation or yoga. Get back to feeling ok in your own skin again. </p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-2 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large" id="victim"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="1024" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1487"/></a></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p><strong><em>Do not become a victim</em></strong><em> </em>– when you are trying to figure out what to do next, it is only natural to develop a sort of defeatist attitude. It becomes easy to give up and not try. It is easy to become a victim. But that will only hurt you in the long run. If you stop caring about what you are doing and simply accept your situation, you are telling yourself its fine to stay in the hole you are in. It’s ok to give up. But it just isn’t. So, work on your self-esteem. Remind yourself that this is a phase, something you are working through and give yourself back your self-worth – because <em>you deserve more than that. </em></p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-3 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large" id="focus"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1488"/></a></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p><strong><em>Focus on your strengths and capabilities</em></strong><em> </em>– it’s only natural that when you are feeling lost in the world to focus on your flaws. We all have them. We are only human after all. No one is perfect. But focusing on those flaws that you may (or may not) have is again harmful. You will have nothing to gain from focusing on your weaknesses. Your flaws. The things you cannot do. <em>Yet.</em> So instead – shift your perspective. Focus on the things that you <em>can</em> do well. Focus on your strengths and your best qualities (come on you can admit what these are). Become your biggest supporter. Tell yourself <em>“You’ve got this”</em> and feel strong in that realisation. Because you are amazing, with your own gifts, your own qualities and your own unique personality. And that’s a powerful thing. </p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-4 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large" id="reflect"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1489"/></a></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p><strong><em>Reflect on your values</em></strong><em> </em>– ask yourself this <em>“what is important to you?”</em>. When you can understand what matters most in your life, when you can feel what resonates with you – focus on that. And then do whatever you need to, to live your life in line with those values that are most important to you. Remember this is <em>your life</em>. You should be living it for yourself. Not anyone else. And with that knowledge in mind – open yourself up to opportunity and take it all in.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-5 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large" id="acknowledge"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="1024" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1490"/></a></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p><strong><em>Acknowledge who you really are</em></strong><em> </em>– now this may be a hard one. Because again, it starts with acknowledging where you are <em>right now</em>. We don’t mean on your couch in your living room. We mean, where you are emotionally. Then once you have done that, remind yourself <em>who you are</em>. Think about this deeply and look inside of yourself. You know your core values, you will already have admitted to your strengths and capabilities, you will know your self-worth. Now acknowledge what knowing all of those things about yourself makes you – a beautiful, unique individual who has been through a tough time. But someone who can find their way out of it. <em>Be true to you.</em></p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-6 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large" id="learn"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/6.jpg"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="1024" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/6-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1491"/></a></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p><strong><em>Learn from it</em></strong><em> </em>– every obstacle put in our way is there to teach us a lesson. Even the really hard ones. And feeling lost is one of them. But going through this process of self-evaluation and self-care can open up your mind to parts of yourself that you didn’t know existed. We are always so busy – with work, with our families, with our friends that we often neglect getting to know ourselves first. We forget that each experience in life teaches us a valuable lesson. You have most likely been through emotions similar to this before. And going through it taught you something knew about you. So, take this life lesson and learn from it. Grow.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-7 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large" id="ask"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/7.png"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="1024" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/7-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1882"/></a></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p><strong><em>Ask for help</em></strong><em> </em>– while the above are helpful steps to take in finding your way out of the fog, they are not the <em>be all and end all</em>. They are not magical beans that will suddenly turn your life around. No matter how hard you try. Sometimes we just cannot seem to pull ourselves out of the hole we have dug for ourselves. And that’s ok. But staying in that state of flux is not. So, put pride, shame and whatever else aside and ask for help. Again, we acknowledge that feeling lost is hard. It is scary and can be lonely. This isn’t easy. And we are not playing it down. <em>Whatsoever.</em> </p> </div> </div> <p>However, we believe that situations like this can be a catalyst for amazing change in your life. It can redirect you towards the things that matter most to you. <em>If you let them</em>. And that’s the key right there. <em>Its all up to you.</em> </p> <blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow"><p><em>“Be patient with yourself. Nothing blooms all year” </em></p><cite>Anonymous</cite></blockquote> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <p>On that note, we remind you that your mental health and your mental wellbeing are paramount to living a full life. Do not neglect them. Do not dismiss them. Do not ignore feelings of despair or feelings of being lost. </p> <p>Reach out. But also allow yourself <em>to feel, to deal and to grow from this. </em></p> <h2 class="wp-block-heading">Resources</h2> <p><a href="https://declutterthemind.com/blog/feeling-lost/">Feeling Lost: 9 Ways to Cope When You Feel Lost</a><br><a href="http://12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life">12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life</a><br><a href="http://Feeling Lost? Here’s What It Means and How to Find Yourself">Feeling Lost? Here’s What It Means and How to Find Yourself</a></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3291"/></a></figure> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <hr class="wp-block-separator has-text-color has-alpha-channel-opacity has-background is-style-wide" style="background-color:#c69229;color:#c69229"/> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-8 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist-1024x1024-1.jpg" alt=""/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p>About the writer, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong></p> <p>Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism. </p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/">The Legal Belletrist website</a>.</p> <p><strong>Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">[email protected]</a> </strong></p> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/feeling-lost-7-tips-to-get-you-back-on-track/">Feeling lost? 7 tips to get you back on track</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/feeling-lost-7-tips-to-get-you-back-on-track/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Stressed out? Why holidays are a necessity NOT a luxury</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/stressed-out-why-holidays-are-a-necessity-not-a-luxury/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/stressed-out-why-holidays-are-a-necessity-not-a-luxury/#comments</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 26 Jan 2022 13:14:15 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[accountants]]></category> <category><![CDATA[boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[business men]]></category> <category><![CDATA[business women]]></category> <category><![CDATA[coping with stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[covid stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[down time]]></category> <category><![CDATA[executives]]></category> <category><![CDATA[financial stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[holidays]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[managers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[reduce stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relationship stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relax]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relaxation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress spiral]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stressed out]]></category> <category><![CDATA[time off]]></category> <category><![CDATA[time out]]></category> <category><![CDATA[unplug]]></category> <category><![CDATA[vacation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[vacation time]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work life balance]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=3911</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Stress impacts both our physical and mental health. Yet society has convinced us that everything else in life trumps our need to rest. We need to stop thinking that holidays are a luxury rather than a necessity.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/stressed-out-why-holidays-are-a-necessity-not-a-luxury/">Stressed out? Why holidays are a necessity NOT a luxury</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[ <p>When was the last time you took (at least) a 2-week holiday?</p> <p>Was it as recently as this Christmas? Was it in the last year? Was it in the last 2, 3, 5 years? </p> <p>For those of you who have managed a 2-week break, let me ask you that question again, just with a slightly different emphasis this time: <em>When was the last time you took (at least) a 2-week </em><strong><em>holiday</em></strong><em>?</em></p> <p>I’m not talking about a “holiday” where you’re on call. Or a holiday where you’ll answer one or two emails. Or a holiday which coincides with a business trip. Or a holiday combined with working from your hotel room a couple of hours a day. Or a holiday where you are racing from one place to another. Or a holiday which is basically two weeks of admin catch up because you’ve not found time to do it during working hours.</p> <p>I’m talking about a <strong><em>proper holiday</em></strong>: downtime; a real break; time off. An extended period where you rest, read a book, go for lazy walks, sleep in, watch TV, paint, drink wine, daydream – whatever it is that allows you to truly switch off and do what you want to do. When was the last time you did that?</p> <p>Any takers?</p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/Importance-of-Reducing-Stress-Braving-Boundaries-Life-Coaching-for-Professionals-3-1024x768.jpg" alt="Importance of Reducing Stress - Braving Boundaries Life Coaching for Professionals (3)" class="wp-image-3922"/></figure> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="i-m-so-stressed-holidays-are-a-luxury-not-a-necessity"><strong>I’m so stressed! – Holidays </strong><strong><em>are a luxury</em></strong><strong> not a necessity</strong></h2> <p>Although not stated in so many words, this is a belief many of us hold about taking time off (me included, back in the day). Society has convinced us that practically everything else in life trumps our need to rest. Just consider how many of the following statements have run through your mind (if not been explicitly said) when you’ve considered pausing for a couple hours or a weekend (never mind two weeks): </p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>I have kids – my time is not my own. There is no such thing as downtime.</li><li>I’m strong, capable and an amazing multi-tasker. I don’t need a break.</li><li>I’m not lucky enough to have been born into a wealthy family. I can’t afford time off.</li><li>My free time needs to benefit me – it’s not for rest.</li><li>There’s been no point in taking a holiday in the last 2 years, we’ve had nowhere to go.</li><li>Work needs me – I’m essential to the project. I can’t just swan off to a beach for a week to read a book!</li><li>I get bored too easily. 4 days is sufficient time off for me.</li><li>I’m worried that if I’m not in the office that people will forget about me or get promoted ahead of me.</li><li>I’ve no one to travel with. What’s the point of taking a holiday?</li><li>If you’re not punching out the hours, you’re not a team player / you’ll never succeed.</li><li>I find it really difficult to stop and do nothing.</li><li>Holidays are an incredible waste of time!</li></ul> <p>The list goes on and on. </p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/Importance-of-Reducing-Stress-Braving-Boundaries-Life-Coaching-for-Professionals-4-1024x768.jpg" alt="Importance of Reducing Stress - Braving Boundaries Life Coaching for Professionals (4)" class="wp-image-3923"/></figure> <p>And so, with a heavy head of acceptance and a dose of martyrdom, we sacrifice our rest time (that time for our seemingly frivolous needs and wants) for the “right” things – the things a capitalist society tells us are more important: money, power, success, stability and security.</p> <p>The thing is, all of the above reasons seem perfectly justifiable for placing the luxury of a holiday on the backburner. But, when we take a closer look, those reasons are merely well-constructed and societally-approved excuses masking our own fears about taking time off. Often our identities are so intrinsically linked to the stereotyped roles that we play (the good mother, father, daughter, son, lawyer, accountant, CEO, COO, teacher, charity worker etc.) that the thought of taking a break from those roles (and the potential consequences of losing our identity – <em>I mean, what would people say?</em>) prevent us from seeing holidays as a necessity rather than a luxury.</p> <p>But what happens when you don’t stop and take time out for yourself? What happens when you keep on pushing through; putting work, family, friends, relationships ahead of your needs?</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/product/deluxe-gift-box/"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="790" height="170" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/BB-animated-deluxe-gift-promo-banner-790-×-170-px.gif" alt="" class="wp-image-4343"/></a></figure> <div class="wp-block-buttons is-content-justification-center is-layout-flex wp-container-core-buttons-is-layout-2 wp-block-buttons-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-button aligncenter is-style-fill"><a class="wp-block-button__link has-background" style="border-radius:0px;background-color:#c69229">GET SOME “ME TIME”</a></div> </div> <div style="height:60px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="my-experience-how-a-proper-holiday-shifts-the-stress-perspective"><strong>My experience – how a proper holiday shifts the stress perspective </strong></h2> <p>Back in my years in corporate, 70-100 hour weeks were the norm. I constantly worked through my holidays and some, if not all, my weekends. There was one particular period where I remember flying over to Australia to spend time with my step-brother and his family. At the time, I was lead counsel on a mining deal in Canada which insisted on closing whilst I was “on holiday”. Given the time difference, the entire two weeks were spent working through the night (drafting documents, attending conference calls and negotiating), crawling into bed at 4am for three hours sleep, and then groggily playing with my niece and nephews. So much for time off! When I flew back to Geneva, there was little reprieve. The next 6 months consisted of trips to Canada, Russia and Ukraine, interspersed with weekends in Italy climbing 4,000 metre peaks; daily gym workouts; a road trip to a friends’ wedding in France and at least half a day every weekend at my computer. </p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/Importance-of-Reducing-Stress-Braving-Boundaries-Life-Coaching-for-Professionals-5-1024x768.jpg" alt="Frieda Levycky Stressed" class="wp-image-3913"/></figure> <p>Life was exciting and full of variety, but it was exhausting!!! And it paid a physical toll on my body… I lost tonnes of weight. I wasn’t sleeping properly. My skin was pale. I woke up every morning with grey puffy eyes. The physical signs that I needed a break were all there, staring back at me in the mirror every morning … my body was literally screaming at me to take a break and yet I refused to listen. I had convinced myself that work needed me. I was priceless to them. I was the only person who knew everything about the projects I was working on. And let’s be honest, I loved the feeling of being indispensable, needed and wanted. Had I taken a break, I’d merely have felt guilty for letting people down and worried that someone else would shine in my place. My self-worth and identity were so reliant on work – that I actually just feared the consequences of taking a break and seeing what was left of me without the work.</p> <p>When I got hospitalized with pneumonia, and my CFO called me to tell me that under no circumstances was I to respond to any email in the next two weeks, I finally sat back in my hospital bed and relaxed. I finally had permission (not that I should have needed it) to stop and rest and focus on getting my body back to health. I promise you, it’s not the ideal way of spending a 2 week holiday.</p> <p>Subconsciously, that two week break put into motion a wave of events that ultimately led me to reassess my needs and priorities. I missed quality time with my friends and family. I missed traveling for fun and adventuring. I missed morning coffees in bed. I missed sunbathing and reading for fun. I missed playing board games and creating photograph books. I missed all the “frivolous” things that just “wasted my time” because they didn’t push me towards “success”.</p> <p>That 2 week rest brought about a profound change in my life. In the way I made decisions; in what I valued; and in what I chose to prioritize.</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="i-m-so-stressed-holidays-are-a-necessity-not-a-luxury"><strong>I’m so stressed! – Holidays are </strong><strong><em>a necessity</em></strong><strong>, </strong><strong>not</strong><strong> a luxury</strong></h2> <p>My story is just one of thousands of examples of what can happen when we don’t make downtime a priority. And the world already acknowledges that it is.</p> <p>Every judicial system around the world has built in statutory minimum holiday requirements for employees for a reason. Why? Because it is a common, well-researched fact that a holiday is essential to recover from the daily stress of work.</p> <p>Stress impacts both our physical and mental health. And the longer it continues, the more damaging the effects will be on us.</p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/Importance-of-Reducing-Stress-Braving-Boundaries-Life-Coaching-for-Professionals-6-1-1024x768.jpg" alt="Importance of Reducing Stress - Braving Boundaries Life Coaching for Professionals (6)" class="wp-image-3925"/></figure> <p>And yet, there we are, with our bounty of viable excuses as to why holidays are not a necessity.</p> <p>But the reality is that:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>We need to be <strong><em>changing our mindset</em></strong> towards holidays and self-prioritisation. </li><li>We need to <strong><em>stop boasting</em></strong> about the fact that we’ve not taken a day’s holiday in two years!</li><li>We need to <strong><em>stop joking that taking time off is “dangerous”</em></strong> as it “allows us to remember what life is like outside of the office”! – What is it they say about jokes? There is always an element of truth in them.</li><li>We need to <strong><em>take a reality check on what is important to us</em></strong>. As Oliver Burkeman succinctly explains in his book: <em><a href="https://www.audiobooks.com/audiobook/four-thousand-weeks-time-management-for-mortals/503825?refId=38712&gclid=Cj0KCQiA_8OPBhDtARIsAKQu0gZRhB-UEmg1XjoM86a2VMql94QQpZiioW3gx1iXI0A_GOsUvX2YhBcaAtNQEALw_wcB">Four Thousand Weeks</a></em>: <em>“The average human lifespan is absurdly, terrifyingly, insultingly short …. Assuming you live to be 80, you’ll have about four thousand weeks.”</em> That is all the time that we have on this earth: four thousand weeks! So, ask yourself, how do you want to spend those weeks? Stressed out and constantly prioritizing everyone ahead of yourself? Or enjoying the things that you love doing just for the sake of doing them (and for no other purpose than that).</li></ul> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="reducing-stress-by-putting-you-first"><strong><em>Reducing stress by putting you first</em></strong></h2> <p>So, before you think of a reason <em>not</em> to go on holiday, <em>not</em> to put yourself first and <em>not</em> to do the things that bring happiness into your life, think instead of every reason that you <em>should be</em> doing those things. Like your own wellbeing, your health (both mentally and physically) and your happiness. Those should be top priority (regardless of everything else going on in your day-to-day).</p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/Importance-of-Reducing-Stress-Braving-Boundaries-Life-Coaching-for-Professionals-1-1024x768.jpg" alt="Importance of Reducing Stress - Braving Boundaries Life Coaching for Professionals (1)" class="wp-image-3920"/></figure> <p>Life is short, it is unpredictable and it is fragile – embrace every moment you have on this planet and <em>live well</em>. Don’t just survive each day, <em>enjoy each day</em>. And taking a real holiday (or simply taking the weekend for yourself), is key to achieving a balance, well-lived life. Real rest is crucial. </p> <p>So go on – the sun, sea and sand are calling you. <em>Can you hear them?</em></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <p>Take a read of next week’s article <strong><em>“Spotting the signs of stress – even when you think you aren’t” </em></strong>which will explore how stress manifests in our bodies and how to recover from it.</p> <p>For further insight into stress and anxiety management, check out the article: <em><strong><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-janu-worry-stress-spiral/">The “Janu-worry” stress spiral</a></strong></em>.</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3291"/></a></figure> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/stressed-out-why-holidays-are-a-necessity-not-a-luxury/">Stressed out? Why holidays are a necessity NOT a luxury</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/stressed-out-why-holidays-are-a-necessity-not-a-luxury/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>4</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Braving Boundaries – Slotting life’s puzzle into place</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/braving-boundaries-slotting-lifes-puzzle-into-place/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/braving-boundaries-slotting-lifes-puzzle-into-place/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 24 Nov 2021 11:10:52 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Comfort over coffee]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Lessons Learned]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[attorney life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[big law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[big law life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[braving boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[braving change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[changing life course]]></category> <category><![CDATA[feeling lost]]></category> <category><![CDATA[feeling overwhelmed]]></category> <category><![CDATA[feeling stuck]]></category> <category><![CDATA[finding direction]]></category> <category><![CDATA[finding meaning]]></category> <category><![CDATA[finding purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fresh start]]></category> <category><![CDATA[junior lawyer]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer tips]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life is a puzzle]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life journey]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lost]]></category> <category><![CDATA[overwhelmed]]></category> <category><![CDATA[professional]]></category> <category><![CDATA[professionals]]></category> <category><![CDATA[starting afresh]]></category> <category><![CDATA[starting anew]]></category> <category><![CDATA[starting over]]></category> <category><![CDATA[struggling]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=3645</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Life is a puzzle: sometimes easy, sometimes hard. Are you ready to brave your boundaries and slot those pieces into their rightful place?</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/braving-boundaries-slotting-lifes-puzzle-into-place/">Braving Boundaries – Slotting life’s puzzle into place</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[ <p><strong>Life has been compared to many things. A book with chapters that close behind us as others open. A mountain: hard to climb, but worth the view. There’s even Forrest Gump and his well-known “life is like a box of chocolates” analogy. </strong></p> <p><strong>For me though, life is like a puzzle.</strong></p> <p>One of those big puzzles with thousands of pieces of featureless forest or open sky. And to make things harder, you’ve lost the lid of the box and have no idea what you’re building.</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>THE EARLY YEARS</strong></h2> <p>Unsure of what we’re building, we start off with the easiest part—the border—setting up the boundaries of this as-yet-unknown picture. School. Higher education. Our first job. Our first relationship. This is a time in our lives when the world has seemingly limitless opportunities, and we confidently slot in piece after piece, full of enthusiasm as we look forward to figuring out where we’re headed.</p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="800" height="600" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/life-is-a-puzzle-1.jpg" alt="Braving Boundaries – Slotting life’s puzzle into place" class="wp-image-3654"/></figure> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>REALITY SETS IN</strong></h2> <p>But what do we do once that border is complete and, faced with all those endless pieces of non-descript forest, our enthusiasm and progress begin to wane? When life becomes an endless cycle of rinse and repeat: get up, work all day, gym, come home, eat, TV, sleep…what then? </p> <p>Maybe you choose to walk away from the puzzle, leaving it unfinished, and just accept that this is your life.</p> <p>Or you start working on completing small sections within the bigger puzzle. Perhaps you get lucky and find a piece that unlocks a new section of the puzzle, when life serves up a new opportunity. The chance to move abroad. A new job offer. A new relationship.</p> <p>And so you start building these sections, adding piece after piece until your progress dwindles again. That new opportunity that had seemed to hold such promise isn’t the puzzle-unlocking key you thought it was. </p> <p>Like all experiences in life, it has a place in your puzzle, and is necessary to complete the whole picture of your life, but it’s in the wrong place. You’re left with a section that, while complete in itself, just won’t click into other sections to form a bigger picture. </p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="800" height="600" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/life-is-a-puzzle2.jpg" alt="Braving Boundaries – Slotting life’s puzzle into place" class="wp-image-3655"/></figure> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>BRAVING BOUNDARIES</strong></h2> <p>At this point, we find ourselves at the proverbial fork in the road. If we want to make progress on our life puzzle, we have to choose one of two paths.</p> <ol class="wp-block-list"><li>We can force this section into the puzzle, wanting so badly for it to fit that we jam it in, ignoring the niggling feeling that it’s <strong><em>just not right</em></strong>. We’re so focused on keeping those ill-fitting pieces in place, that we ignore all the other pieces—the other aspects of our lives—that are waiting to be developed.</li></ol> <ol class="wp-block-list" start="2"><li>Or we find the courage to go back and take another look at those pieces. </li></ol> <div style="height:10px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>BRAVING CHANGE</strong></h2> <p>Change is never easy, especially when it requires us to revisit our past choices. </p> <p>It takes courage to acknowledge that something is wrong in our lives. </p> <p>It requires trust that we’ll be able to find the correct place to replace that wrongly positioned piece, giving it the correct importance in our lives. </p> <p>It needs a willingness to go back and switch out the mismatched pieces, making changes where needed.</p> <p>It also means dealing with the discomfort that comes from turning our attention to something new as we work on a new section of the puzzle.</p> <p>While change isn’t easy, it’s often necessary, or you’ll be left with a mountain of unplaced pieces and the sinking feeling that maybe you’ll never be able to complete your life puzzle. </p> <p>If that’s how you’re feeling, as if your life is a jumbled-up puzzle with no hope of ever being completed, then know that it doesn’t have to be like this. You can make a change. </p> <p>All it takes is for you to be brave enough to take that first step.</p> <div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter size-full"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="800" height="600" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/life-is-a-puzzle3.jpg" alt="Braving Boundaries – Slotting life’s puzzle into place" class="wp-image-3656"/></figure></div> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <div class="wp-block-buttons is-content-justification-center is-layout-flex wp-block-buttons-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-button is-style-fill"><a class="wp-block-button__link has-white-color has-black-background-color has-text-color has-background no-border-radius" href="https://bravingboundaries.com/work-with-me/individual-coaching/">BE BRAVE. TAKE THAT FIRST STEP NOW.</a></div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/braving-boundaries-slotting-lifes-puzzle-into-place/">Braving Boundaries – Slotting life’s puzzle into place</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/braving-boundaries-slotting-lifes-puzzle-into-place/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Saying “Yes” when you should be saying “No”</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/saying-yes-when-you-should-be-saying-no/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/saying-yes-when-you-should-be-saying-no/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Mon, 25 Oct 2021 08:57:02 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Uncategorised]]></category> <category><![CDATA[attorney life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[braving boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[flexible working]]></category> <category><![CDATA[happy lawyer]]></category> <category><![CDATA[hybrid working]]></category> <category><![CDATA[it's ok to say no]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law firm life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law firm mentality]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer lifestyle]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[learn to say no]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[live your life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[love your life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[preserve your time]]></category> <category><![CDATA[productivity]]></category> <category><![CDATA[professional]]></category> <category><![CDATA[professional boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[professionals]]></category> <category><![CDATA[saying no]]></category> <category><![CDATA[take control of your time]]></category> <category><![CDATA[time management]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[workaholic]]></category> <category><![CDATA[working mom]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=3273</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Learning to say NO is an important step towards creating healthy boundaries. Here are some strategies to help you say NO!</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/saying-yes-when-you-should-be-saying-no/">Saying “Yes” when you should be saying “No”</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[ <h5 class="wp-block-heading"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></em></h5> <p></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading"><em>The pressing need for boundaries…</em></h3> <p>By now, we all know that the COVID-19 pandemic has caused many of us to work from home. <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-work-from-home-saga/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">A new saga</a> has inevitably emerged and <em>it is not going anywhere. </em></p> <p>In fact, companies are looking to extend the work-from-home situation into a <a href="https://ajs.co.za/2021/08/10/the-best-of-both-worlds-awaits/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">hybrid model</a> where employees will be working part time at home and part time in the office. The so-called “best of both worlds”. In fact, according to the <a href="https://hbr.org/2021/07/4-strategies-for-building-a-hybrid-workplace-that-works" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Harvard Law review</a>, global research has revealed that<em> “72% of corporate leaders plan to offer a hybrid model”</em>. </p> <p>And that may sound encouraging, but there is a saying that continuously pops up – <em>“if it’s too good to be true, it usually is”. </em></p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>A silver lining or a storm cloud waiting to burst?</em></strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/1-1024x768-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3279"/></figure> <p>We have set up home offices in our spare bedrooms or on our dining room tables and have made the most out of our new situations, often forcing ourselves to find the silver-lining of it all. </p> <p>So we have focused on the positives by relishing in the flexibility our work-from-home lives have afforded us. Many of us have even become more productive, resulting in an almost new-found “extra time” on our hands. <em>Who knew you could get so much done in one day by simply staying put?</em> </p> <p>But the article on Business News Daily, <a href="https://www.businessnewsdaily.com/15259-working-from-home-more-productive.html" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Working From Home Increases Productivity</a>, supports this theory by revealing that <em>“remote employees work 1.4 more days per month than their office-based counterparts, resulting in more than three additional weeks of work per year”.</em></p> <p>And again, that seems encouraging. </p> <p><em>But… is that too good to be true?</em></p> <p>Despite this flexibility and productiveness, our work-from-home situation has made the separation between our work-lives and home-lives extremely difficult. A single door is often not enough to keep the family noise at bay. The inevitable result? <em>The lines between work and home have become extremely blurred.</em></p> <p>And for many of us who have been striving for the comfortable equilibrium that is work-life balance (or <a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/markcperna/2020/06/01/how-to-blend-work-and-life-without-losing-your-mind/?sh=1cdf3ea63bbf" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">work-life blend</a> as the millennials call it), it seems like all our efforts have gone up in smoke. <em>Is work-life balance/blend </em><a href="https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/309121" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><em>even possible anymore</em></a><em>?</em></p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/4-1024x768-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3282"/></figure> <p>Let’s be honest, the pandemic has changed the way we feel about prioritising our responsibilities. With all this flexibility and new-found ”extra” time on our hands (due to being <em>“so productive”</em>), a lot of us (especially those of us with our own small start-up businesses) have inevitably <em>started saying “yes” more often than we should be. </em></p> <p>We say yes to please other people, to be team players, to seem more capable, more reliable, more trust worthy and ultimately to help others at our own expense. We say yes because we need the work and the money. Times are tough. So we are resorting to “making hay while the sun shines”. At the cost of our own mental health. </p> <p>Our theme song has changed from <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlY90lG_Fuw" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Freedom</a> by Pharrell Williams where we were once shouting our <em>“first name is Free, last name is Dom”</em> to Roy Orbison’s <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QNAVrQ96mpA" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">You Got it</a> – </p> <blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow"><p><em>“Anything you want, you got it.</em></p><p><em>Anything you need, you got it.</em></p><p><em>Anything at all, you got it”.</em> </p></blockquote> <p>“You got it” is not a bad song, it’s just not what we should be saying. All. The. Time.</p> <p>Because while we might want to say “yes” to everything and “no” to nothing, we need to realise that <em>that is simply not possible</em>.</p> <p>And whilst we continue looking for our silver linings, it kind of feels like <em>storm clouds are rolling in</em>. And waiting to burst. Because with all the “Yesses” being thrown around, <em>something has got to give</em>. </p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>It’s raining, it’s pouring!</em></strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/3-1-1024x768-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3281"/></figure> <p>The storm clouds have indeed burst and your ”Yesses” are falling to the earth amidst thunder and lightning, drenching the ground all around you with your unfulfilled promises. </p> <p>You are feeling overwhelmed (understandably) with all the things that you have said yes to. Work is mounting up and the possibility is increasing that in fact, you won’t have any extra time on your hands to get all the work done, that you may miss deadlines and that you may let people down. </p> <p><em>After all, life is full of trade-offs. </em></p> <p>Saying yes to everything, means you are automatically saying no to everything else. And your priorities will start to suffer. And so will your work and your family commitments. </p> <p>Are you asking yourself the right questions here? Are you saying yes to the things you really want to say yes to? <strong>Or are you saying yes because you </strong><strong><em>don’t know how to say no</em></strong><strong>? Or do not know when </strong><strong><em>it is ok to say no?</em></strong></p> <p><a href="https://www.lollydaskal.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Lolly Daskal</a> believes that saying <em>“no is one of the most important skills you can cultivate. Done right, “no” can help you build better relationships and free you up to do the things that are important to you”</em>. </p> <p>Overextending yourself by over-promising and under-delivering, will inevitably get you trapped in the viscous cycle that is stress, anxiety and possible depression because you will, inevitably, burn out. Do not repeat the mistakes of our <em>pre-work-from-home</em> lifestyles. We should have learnt better by now… </p> <p>After all, World Mental Health Day (which was on Sunday the 10<sup>th</sup> of October this year), reminds us that our mental health is as important as our physical health. Sometimes even more so. And we need to be aware that spreading ourselves too thin has consequences that often result in our mental health suffering. </p> <p>And that is just not ok. Not anymore. Not when we do actually know better.</p> <p>Perhaps it is about time that we <em>learn to say no instead of saying yes!</em></p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Let’s change our narrative!</em></strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/2-1024x768-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3280"/></figure> <p>Perhaps the first way to combat the possibilities of continuously saying yes when we should be saying no is by changing the idea that work-life balance (at the moment) may not be as attainable as it once was (when we were working at our respective offices). And that perhaps our focus should be more on <em>the balance between saying yes and saying no</em>. </p> <p>An article titled <a href="https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2021/06/the-prioritization-plan-that-brought-balance-to-my-work-and-home-life/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">How saying ‘yes’ and ‘no’ could revolutionize your work/life balance</a> states that we need to <em>“learn to say “no” in order to be able to say “yes” </em><strong><em>when it matters most”.</em></strong><em> </em></p> <p>And that is crucial – remember in life there are always trade-offs. So make sure you are choosing the right ones. </p> <p>In addition – </p> <p><em>“When you know your priorities and values – what you want time and energy to say yes to – saying no becomes much simpler” – </em><a href="https://www.mas.co.nz/hub/how-to-say-no-so-you-can-say-yes/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">How to say ‘No’ so you can say ‘Yes’</a>.</p> <p>And that again, is not only crucial but is the crux of doing away with this “Roy Orbisonism” of “<em>Anything you want, you got it”</em> mentality. </p> <p>Because you need to learn what your priorities are so that when it comes time to say no, you are actually able to. The answer will be easy because your goals will be clear. </p> <p>In fact, <a href="https://psychcentral.com/blog/boundaries-why-you-say-yes-when-you-really-mean-no#1" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">PsychCentral</a> states that <em>“A true yes — a yes that is in line with your values and best interest — you feel with your whole body. It’s easy. There is no doubt. There is no worry.</em></p> <p>And this starts by firstly knowing that <em>it is actually ok to say no in the first place.</em></p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>No is an answer</em></strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/5-1024x768-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3283"/></figure> <p>Not only is it ok to say no but it is sometimes necessary. </p> <p><em>Saying no is actually a perfectly acceptable answer. </em></p> <p>Remember – when you say yes to one thing, you are automatically saying no to something else. And vice-versa. So your choices as to what is more important become ever more relevant. </p> <p>At this point, you may be asking – <em>but how do I go about actually saying no? </em></p> <p>Well, it starts with a number of things – acknowledgements about what you can and cannot do, admissions as to what means most to you and what you are willing to sacrifice, and prioritising those things – </p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-9 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-thumbnail"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="150" height="150" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1-150x150.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1486"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:66.66%"> <p><strong><em>Firstly, acknowledge that you are not superhuman (read: you cannot do everything)</em></strong> – saying yes to everything will leave you feeling trapped, drowning and struggling for air. You will have no time or energy for yourself and your own best interests will fall by the wayside. So start by choosing the things that you can genuinely do and want to say yes to. Align your life and your choices with your values, with the things that you can do and the things that bring you joy. Stop saying yes for the sake of saying yes.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-10 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-thumbnail"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="150" height="150" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2-150x150.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1487"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:66.66%"> <p><strong><em>Set your own personal boundaries</em></strong><em> </em>– by setting boundaries between yourself and others you can get closer to a feeling of equilibrium (that so-called sweet spot of work-life balance). You will show others that you know your own value and are willing to stick up for it. And this starts by making sure that you are clear about what you are actually able to take on. So be clear on what is non-negotiable to you and what you are willing to consider. By having well defined desires, responsibilities and goals, you not only gain clarity over your work but also gain control over your <em>work-life and home-life</em>. Again defining those boundaries. And these boundaries need to be communicated to work colleagues, to clients as well as to family and other personal relationships (which are often harder to do). By doing this, you will be able to prioritise tasks more effectively and efficiently. And feel more capable and more able to do the things you genuinely say yes to.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-11 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-thumbnail"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3-150x150.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1488"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:66.66%"> <p><strong><em>Prioritise proactively</em></strong>– in order to say “No” confidently you need to understand what is important to you. Define those things. Understand them and be clear about them. By doing so, you will find yourself saying “no” more often to ensure that you can pursue the things that are most important to you and to your job. As <a href="https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2021/06/the-prioritization-plan-that-brought-balance-to-my-work-and-home-life/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Ester Banque puts it</a> – by learning to proactively prioritise she has learned to <em>“divide and conquer, making sure the right level of oversight or involvement is in place without the need for unproductive “face time.” We are also identifying non-negotiables at work and at home, managing the all-important expectations”.</em> And managing expectations is key in prioritising your work-life and home-life. Again, when you are clear on what is most important, you will know exactly where to focus your energy.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-12 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-thumbnail"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="150" height="150" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4-150x150.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1489"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:66.66%"> <p><strong><em>Never compromise your integrity</em></strong>– as <a href="https://www.lollydaskal.com/leadership/stop-saying-yes-when-you-want-to-say-no/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Lolly Daskal puts it </a> – <em>“Your integrity sets your standards and gives you a code of morality and ethics. Use it to guide you in saying no and you’ll always make consistent choices that are grounded in your beliefs”</em>. So ensure to keep your integrity in check – if you have to question your integrity or the morality of something, say no. Always.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-13 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-thumbnail"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="150" height="150" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5-150x150.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1490"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:66.66%"> <p><strong><em>Deciding on whether it is really worth it</em>?</strong> – sometimes it is as simple as that. Maybe you find yourself in the position where you have committed to something but later find yourself doubting as to whether you can actually cope with the work. You may start to think of ways of getting out of the commitment. You may start to think up excuses, risking being caught out on a white lie. <em>Is it worth it?</em> The stress, the anguish and the doubt? Saying no outright may be the absolute best option. Remember – No is a perfectly acceptable answer. As Paulo Coelho said – <em>“If it costs you your peace, it is too expensive”. </em>So saying no should be easy.</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-14 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-thumbnail"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="150" height="150" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/6-150x150.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1491"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:66.66%"> <p><strong><em>Realise that you will not please everyone</em></strong><em> – </em>this is a recipe for disaster, for stress, anguish and fear (of disappointing others and yourself). By saying no, you may be afraid that your boss, your client, or your family will think less of you. Truth is – they won’t. Saying no actually ensures that you are promoting self-care and are ensuring that you always operate at your best. And that can only be respected.</p> </div> </div> <p>Simply put – you need to be able to protect yourself from burnout. You need to give yourself a break by giving yourself balance and by <em>being ok with saying no</em>. Understand your limits and realise that your own best interests are important too. Finding a balance between meeting your own needs and saying yes to others (and saying yes to work) should start by asking yourself – </p> <blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow"><p><em>“What are my needs?” </em></p><p><em>“How much of my time, energy and resources do I need to meet those needs?” </em></p><p><em>“What can I genuinely do for others?” </em></p><p><em>“How much can I take on?”</em></p><p><em>“How much of my time can I dedicate to others?” </em></p></blockquote> <p>Everyone will answer these questions differently. But the important thing is <em>to find the balance that works best for you.</em></p> <p>To gain clarity and control over your life (and your work) may include seeking guidance from a trained professional who can guide you as you navigate saying “No” (it sometimes takes practice). Get in touch with <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/my-story/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Frieda Levycky</a> of <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Braving Boundaries</a> for a consult on getting your priorities on track. </p> <p>To close off and to illustrate the importance of <em>saying no</em> we turn to the quote by James Altucher from <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/17977529-choose-yourself" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Choose yourself</a> – </p> <blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow"><p><em>“Every time you say yes to something you don’t want to do, this will happen: you will resent people, you will do a bad job, you will have less energy for the things you were doing a good job on, you will make less money, and yet another small percentage of your life will be used up, burned up, a smoke signal to the future saying, “I did it again.”</em></p></blockquote> <p>Don’t risk “doing it again”. Change the cycle. Change the narrative and learn that <em>setting boundaries, managing expectations and saying no is perfectly fine. </em></p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3291"/></a></figure> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <hr class="wp-block-separator is-style-default"/> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-15 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist-1024x1024-1.jpg" alt=""/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p>About the writer, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong></p> <p>Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism. </p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/">The Legal Belletrist website</a>.</p> <p><strong>Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">[email protected]</a> </strong></p> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/saying-yes-when-you-should-be-saying-no/">Saying “Yes” when you should be saying “No”</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/saying-yes-when-you-should-be-saying-no/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>It’s not just you – Our sporting heroes struggle with mental health too!</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/its-not-just-you-our-sporting-heroes-struggle-with-mental-health-too/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/its-not-just-you-our-sporting-heroes-struggle-with-mental-health-too/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 25 Aug 2021 19:23:29 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[athletes]]></category> <category><![CDATA[depression]]></category> <category><![CDATA[good mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[high achievers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health advocate]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health matters]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental well being]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental wellbeing]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental wellness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[olympics]]></category> <category><![CDATA[sport stars]]></category> <category><![CDATA[sporting heroes]]></category> <category><![CDATA[sporting legends]]></category> <category><![CDATA[sports stars]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work life balance]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=3125</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Many people, sports stars and everyday people alike, experience mental health issues. But it’s what we choose to do about them that counts.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/its-not-just-you-our-sporting-heroes-struggle-with-mental-health-too/">It’s not just you – Our sporting heroes struggle with mental health too!</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[ <h5 class="wp-block-heading"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></em></h5> <p></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <p><em>It’s “Ok not to be Ok”. Honestly.</em></p> <p>Choice.</p> <p>Choice is a funny thing. It’s something we all have. </p> <p>We can choose who we love, we can choose how we worship. We can choose our sexual orientation. We can choose what political parties we follow and those we don’t. We can say no to the things we disagree with. And we can stand up for the things we do. We can get married, or not. Have children. Don’t have children. We can abort an unwanted pregnancy, or not – your body, your choice. We can choose to study or not. We can choose to live the way we want to. </p> <p><em>And we can choose how we feel and what to do about it.</em></p> <p>These are all choices we get to make every single day. </p> <p><em>But what if you were not happy with your choices?</em></p> <p>Take myself as an example. </p> <p>I am a qualified and admitted attorney. I completed an undergraduate B.Com Law degree and thereafter a post graduate LL.B degree. Definitely achievements to be proud of. To Be sure. And I <em>was.</em> </p> <p>I was proud to be called an Attorney or General Counsel or In-house counsel. <em>Whatever the title</em>. I was proud that I was given the opportunity to study when some people weren’t. I was proud that I could draft international contracts and win cases. I was proud of what I had achieved. <em>La-di-da.</em></p> <p>But I was also deeply unhappy. I suffered from anxiety, stress to the extreme, I felt inadequate and constantly felt like a failure. An imposter. My mental health really took a knock. And it was so hard to admit that. </p> <p>I wasn’t doing what I believed I should be doing. I felt like when it came down to it, I wasn’t living the life I wanted to live. I was just going through the motions. Even though I had been trained to be what I was and was operating at high levels.</p> <p>And I didn’t (yet) have the guts to say – <em>Stop. Enough. I don’t want this. I am unhappy. </em></p> <p>And I felt so alone in that.</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter size-full"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/1-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3150"/></figure></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading">The truth is – you are not alone – poor mental health affects us all </h2> <p>Growing up we are all led to believe (whether it is through our families influence, TV, Magazines and now social media) that famous people are above it all. Immune to “<em>feeling all the feels”.</em> </p> <p>Like money, fame and success can make them immune to feeling inadequate, like feeling like a failure, like being anxious, unsure. Feeling not quite themselves. Feeling down or even being depressed.</p> <p>But it simply isn’t true. </p> <p>After all, even famous people are human.</p> <p>It’s funny, when I started writing this article, I wanted to discuss how athletes perform to these extremely high standards and how they are able to motivate themselves through the hard times. But it has turned into something more than that. </p> <p>And it started with the 2020 Tokyo Olympics which really did shine a spotlight on mental health issues. </p> <p><em>And the humanity of it all. </em></p> <p>The “real” of it all – behind all the camera flashes, TV interviews and million dollar endorsements.</p> <p>How, despite <em>“having the world at their feet</em>” even professional athletes trained to withstand immense pressure both in their professional and private lives <em>can fall. Can fail. And can feel it.</em></p> <p>It is surprising which of the people we look up to, mold ourselves after or wish we could be, have suffered through their own bouts of mental health issues. Have wanted things to stop. Or have wanted to change their circumstances. But they have come through it – not entirely unscathed – but they have made it through. <em>Because of the choices they made.</em></p> <p>And it is these people that outperform, that compete at high levels and to high standards (for a living), that put smiles on for the crowds and wave to their fans. It’s the people that win the gold medals, the people that set the records – or break them. <em>It is the people that admit they are suffering despite their fame and success,</em> that I want to talk about. </p> <p>Because maybe we can learn a thing or two from their experiences. Especially around the choices they decided to make. <em>Despite it all.</em></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading">Mental health – Even our heroes cry</h2> <p>In an article titled <a href="https://www.vogue.com/article/how-have-other-leading-athletes-addressed-their-struggles-with-mental-health" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">How Have Leading Athletes Addressed Their Struggles With Mental Health?</a>, the following was set out – </p> <blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow"><p><em>“The nonprofit </em><a href="https://www.athletesforhope.org/2019/05/mental-health-and-athletes/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><em>Athletes for Hope</em></a><em> has estimated that 35% of professional athletes experience problems with their mental health, facing everything from eating disorders and burnout to depression and anxiety—but they’re not often discussed on the world’s largest stages, especially not by players at the top of their careers”.</em></p></blockquote> <p>And that is where we begin.</p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="683" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/simone-biles.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3128"/><figcaption> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" height="18" width="18" src="http://lgimages.s3.amazonaws.com/data/imagemanager/23236/cc.png"></a> <a href="https://live.staticflickr.com/8010/28302956634_d6900e6a70_b.jpg" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Ginástica Artística – Final individual feminino – Simone Biles/EUA – Medalha de Ouro</a> by Danilo Borges /ME /Brasil2016. </figcaption></figure> <p>It is no surprise that during the 2020 Tokyo Olympics, <strong><em>Simone Biles</em></strong>, a four-time Olympic gold medalist, with 32 Olympic and world medals, made headlines when she <a href="https://www.nbcnews.com/news/olympics/simone-biles-out-team-gymnastics-final-after-apparent-injury-n1275121" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">pulled out of the U.S. team gymnastics finals</a> – withdrawing from the team all-around, the individual all-around, the vault, floor exercise and uneven bar events. She stated that the emotional toll of the Tokyo Games, (and not her physical health) had taken its toll on her which prompted her withdrawal. </p> <p>Simone is widely considered to be the <a href="https://www.nbcnews.com/news/olympics/simone-biles-prepares-compete-balance-beam-final-n1275766" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">world’s best gymnast</a> – at the young age of only 24 – <a href="https://www.nbcnews.com/news/olympics/simone-biles-prepares-compete-balance-beam-final-n1275766" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">tied for the most Olympic record medals won</a> by an American gymnast. </p> <p>She is arguably at the top of her game, <em>how could she be suffering from mental health issues?</em> </p> <p>But she is. And she walked away from one of the biggest athletic competitions in the world in order to focus on her own mental health. On her own terms. And with her head held high. She is not ashamed. <em>Nor should she be.</em> </p> <p>Experts have said that if the 2020 Tokyo Olympics was a measure for her future success and ability to compete – she may have missed her curtain call. But, at the very same time, she is leaving behind a legacy that transcends sports. And she has become a household name.</p> <p>Simone who is a survivor of the USA Gymnastics team’s former doctor, Larry Nassar’s abuse (he was accused of sexually assaulting more than 120 girls. He pleaded guilty to sexually abusing 10 minors in a Michigan court in 2018 and is serving up to 175 years in prison), is now able to speak out against sexual abuse, mental health issues and will represent the shift towards advocating for better safety and better treatment of athletes and coaches alike.</p> <p>And that’s a big deal! </p> <p><strong><em>But if you think Simone is the only athlete to experience mental health issues, you would be sorely mistaken</em></strong></p> <p>According to the article <a href="https://www.healthcentral.com/slideshow/famous-athletes-that-struggle-with-depression" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">10 Famous Athletes Who Struggle With Depression</a>, –</p> <blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow"><p><em>”AN </em><a href="https://www.ncaa.org/sport-science-institute/mind-body-and-sport-depression-and-anxiety-prevalence-student-athletes" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><em>NCAA survey</em></a><em> of athletes found that 30 percent reported feeling depressed over the course of a year. Why? Research from the </em><a href="https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/the-british-journal-of-psychiatry/article/setting-the-bar-athletes-and-vulnerability-to-mental-illness/E4A39433B58B9A44D821D7A9E2C2D04C" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><em>Northern Ireland Association of Mental Health</em></a><em> suggests competitive failure and other factors can lead to psychological distress”.</em></p></blockquote> <p><em>Our heroes have been crying for a while now, we just didn’t notice. </em></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading">Joe Marler</h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/Joe_Marler_10243050205-1024x695.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3129"/><figcaption> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" height="18" width="18" src="http://lgimages.s3.amazonaws.com/data/imagemanager/23236/cc.png"></a> <a href="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/e3/Joe_Marler_%2810243050205%29.jpg" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Joe Marler</a> by Charlie. </figcaption></figure> <p>The Harlequins and England prop was the subject of a Sky Sports documentary <a href="https://www.skysports.com/rugby-union/news/12321/12303342/joe-marler-discusses-battle-with-depression-and-goes-on-journey-to-rebuild-his-mental-health-in-sky-sports-big-boys-dont-cry" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Big Boys Don’t Cry</a> in which he talked openly about learning to cope with his mental health issues and how he battled with mental health in his private life and during his time playing rugby on the international stage.</p> <p>He described how he opened up to his wife and close friends and sought to get help from them in order to better understand what was going on. He saw a psychiatrist, got an evaluation, had several sessions and was put on anti-depressants.</p> <p>He has said that – </p> <figure class="wp-block-pullquote"><blockquote><p><em>“We are required to dominate and intimidate opposing players when we cross the white line on the pitch, we must show no weakness or vulnerability in order to win. But it doesn’t have to be like that off the pitch.”</em></p><cite>Joe Marler</cite></blockquote></figure> <p>Which is completely right. </p> <p>Through Big Boys Don’t Cry, Joe has travelled around the UK to open up the conversation around mental health challenges and meet people along the way who are learning to manage their mental wellbeing.</p> <p><em>Big boys can (and do) cry!</em></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading">Michael Phelps</h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="683" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/Michael_Phelps_conquista_20a_medalha_de_ouro_e_e_ovacionado_1036422-09082016-_mg_7107-1024x683.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3130"/><figcaption><a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/br/deed.en" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" height="18" width="18" src="http://lgimages.s3.amazonaws.com/data/imagemanager/23236/cc.png"></a> <a href="https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fcommons.wikimedia.org%2Fwiki%2FFile%3AMichael_Phelps_conquista_20%25C2%25AA_medalha_de_ouro_e_%25C3%25A9_ovacionado_1036422-09082016-_mg_7107.jpg&psig=AOvVaw3VgSa8K4OMqWCplE1z67HT&ust=1629966413444000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CAwQjhxqFwoTCJCG_Njjy_ICFQAAAAAdAAAAABAy" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Michael Phelps</a> by Fernando Frazão/Agência Brasil.</figcaption></figure> <p>Winner of 28 Olympic medals, retired competitive swimmer Michael Phelps is considered to be <em>one</em> of the most successful and most decorated Olympians of all time. But at a conference held at <a href="https://www.thekennedyforum.org/livestream/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">the Kennedy Forum</a> in 2018 he told a shocked audience that he had contemplated suicide. In a <a href="https://edition.cnn.com/2018/01/19/health/michael-phelps-depression/index.html" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">CNN article</a> it was stated that during a discussion with political strategist <a href="https://edition.cnn.com/profiles/david-axelrod" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">David Axelrod</a>, Michael spoke openly about his battle against anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts. He admitted to turning to alcohol (in 2004 Phelps was charged with driving under the influence) and drugs (in 2008 just weeks after he had won a record number of eight gold medals at the Beijing Olympics was photographed smoking marijuana). He admitted that – </p> <blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow"><p><em>“Drugs were a way of running from “whatever it was I wanted to run from. It would be just me self-medicating myself, basically daily, to try to fix whatever it was that I was trying to run from.”</em></p></blockquote> <p>But he got help. </p> <p>And has now admitted that by talking about his feelings, <em>“life became easy.”</em></p> <p>He also admitted to something that a lot of us <em>may</em> be guilty of – </p> <blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow"><p><em>“I was very good at compartmentalizing things and stuffing things away that I didn’t want to talk about, I didn’t want to deal with, I didn’t want to bring up — I just never ever wanted to see those things,”</em></p><cite>Michael Phelps</cite></blockquote> <p>Sound familiar?</p> <p>Lastly, he said one of the most important things that I think we can take away from <em>his</em> experience – </p> <figure class="wp-block-pullquote"><blockquote><p><strong><em>“It’s OK to not be OK”</em></strong><em> and that mental illness “has a stigma around it and that’s something we still deal with every day. </em><strong><em>I think people actually finally understand it is real. People are talking about it and I think this is the only way that it can change</em></strong><em>.”</em></p><cite>Michael Phelps</cite></blockquote></figure> <p>Today, he is making a difference by helping others through the <a href="https://michaelphelpsfoundation.org/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Michael Phelps Foundation</a> and the <a href="https://www.bgca.org/about-us/our-partners/michael-phelps" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Boys and Girls Clubs of America</a>. </p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading">Naomi Osaka</h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1023" height="659" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/naomi-osaka.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3135"/><figcaption> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" height="18" width="18" src="http://lgimages.s3.amazonaws.com/data/imagemanager/23236/cc.png"></a> <a href="https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/49384180057_963de57e09_b.jpg" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Naomi Osaka</a> by Rob Prange. </figcaption></figure> <p>Beating Serena Williams in the 2018 U.S Open Final, 23 year old Naomi has been unveiled by <a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/brettknight/2021/06/02/naomi-osaka-is-the-highest-paid-female-athlete-ever-and-her-french-open-exit-may-actually-help-her/?sh=8de09591ef8b" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Forbes</a> as the world’s highest-paid sportswoman, making $60 million (with $55 million coming from endorsements) in the past 12 months alone. </p> <p>It is the <a href="https://www.news.com.au/sport/sports-life/champions/naomi-osaka-is-highest-paid-female-athlete-in-history/news-story/e12cc80d12d7febff0d93154990ff6e2" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">largest number earned by a woman in history</a>, shattering the single-year earning mark of $45.5 million set by Maria Sharapova in 2015. Naomi has many lucrative deals under her belt with the likes of Nike and Nissan, amongst a host of others. </p> <p>Everyone knows her name. She is well and truly on top of her game. And coining it. </p> <p><em>But is she really?</em></p> <p>Naomi came under fire when she <a href="https://www.self.com/story/naomi-osaka-wont-do-interviews-french-open" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">announced that she would not take part in press interviews</a> whilst at the 2021 French Open resulting in a fine of $15,000 from the tournament’s authorities – which she had hoped would <em>“go towards a mental health charity.”</em></p> <p>In a statement posted on Twitter and Instagram, Naomi said that – </p> <blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow"><p><em>“I’ve often felt that people have no regard for athletes’ mental health and this rings very true whenever I see a press conference or partake in one.”</em></p></blockquote> <p>She later went on to withdraw from the tournament altogether citing anxiety and wanting to exercise self-care. She needed time to focus on her mental health. </p> <p>Whilst she suffered a harsh fine due to not abiding by her media obligations, <a href="https://www.rolandgarros.com/en-us/article/statement-from-grand-slam-tournaments-regarding-naomi-osaka" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">the Roland Garros authorities warned</a> that if Osaka continued to “ignore her media obligations,” she could incur more violations and risk more extreme fines and even suspensions from further Grand Slam tournaments. They were later <a href="https://www.nzherald.co.nz/sport/tennis-world-condemns-naomi-osaka-treatment-after-she-withdraws-from-french-open/BPW2YIM5LN5BCCPQUSW3SJALEY/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">lambasted for how she was treated</a>.</p> <p>Prominent athletes and celebrities rallied around Naomi with messages of care and support. With Venus Williams even commenting – <em>“So proud of you. Take care of yourself and see you back winning soon.”</em></p> <p>And a truly meaningful message coming from tennis icon Martina Navratilova who tweeted – </p> <blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow"><p><em>“I am so sad about Naomi Osaka. I truly hope she will be OK. As athletes we are taught to take care of our body, and perhaps the mental & emotional aspect gets short shrift”.</em></p></blockquote> <p>And that’s really the point. </p> <p>People (famous or not) constantly focus on their physical health and wellbeing. As if that’s all that makes up a human being. But there should be more attention on the mental health of society as well. </p> <p><em>Mental health issues are not just a trend. And they should not just be paid lip service. Real action needs to be taken. </em></p> <p>By all of us.</p> <p>In an essay titled Naomi Osaka: ‘It’s O.K. Not to Be O.K.’ in <a href="https://time.com/6077128/naomi-osaka-essay-tokyo-olympics/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Time magazine</a>, Naomi said this – </p> <blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow"><p><em>“Life is a journey.</em></p><p><em>In the past few weeks, my journey took an unexpected path but one that has taught me so much and helped me grow. I learned a couple of key lessons.</em></p><p><em>Lesson one: you can never please everyone. The world is as divided now as I can remember in my short 23 years. Issues that are so obvious to me at face value, like wearing a mask in a pandemic or kneeling to show support for anti-racism, are ferociously contested. I mean, wow. So, when I said I needed to miss French Open press conferences to take care of myself mentally, I should have been prepared for what unfolded.</em></p><p><em>Lesson two was perhaps more enriching. It has become apparent to me that literally everyone either suffers from issues related to their mental health or knows someone who does. The number of messages I received from such a vast cross section of people confirms that. </em><strong><em>I think we can almost universally agree that each of us is a human being and subject to feelings and emotions</em></strong><em>.</em></p><p><em>Perhaps we should give athletes the right to take a mental break from media scrutiny on a rare occasion without being subject to strict sanctions”.</em></p></blockquote> <p>And those are profound lessons for someone of her tender age. </p> <p>Naomi thanks Michael Phelps for his support stating – </p> <blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow"><p><strong><em>“Michael Phelps told me that by speaking up I may have saved a life. If that’s true, then it was all worth it.”</em></strong></p></blockquote> <p>Naomi later withdrew from Wimbledon as well. </p> <p>Whilst she competed in the 2020 Tokyo Olympics, she did not perform as expected (or as she had hoped) being knocked out of the women’s singles tennis by Marketa Vondrousova of the Czech Republic.</p> <p>Naomi merely said that <em>it sucked to lose</em>. Which it undoubtedly did. </p> <p><em>We hear you and we get it!</em></p> <p>But Naomi’s move to withdraw from interviews and international tournaments has <a href="https://www.iol.co.za/sport/olympics/athletes-like-simone-biles-ought-to-be-applauded-for-speaking-out-on-mental-illness-6085849b-d439-463e-9f8f-bff82622f32f" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">sp</a>arked talks worldwide around mental health – people are being made more aware of the fact that mental health issues do actually exist, that it is not something to be ashamed of and that professional athletes suffer from mental health issues too. Which is an important thing!</p> <p>Naomi’s advocacy for mental health for professional athletes will enable her to encourage others to take their mental health seriously and will help change the industry. For the better. </p> <p><em>And hopefully, influence wider society whilst she is at it.</em></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter size-full"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/2-Small-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3152"/></figure></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading">See? Poor mental health affects us all – It’s not just you!</h2> <p>As you can see – <em>even the mighty fall</em>. </p> <p>Whilst it may feel like it sometimes, you are not alone. </p> <p>Many people, famous and everyday people alike, experience mental health issues. But <em>it’s what we choose to do about them that counts.</em></p> <p>In an article titled <a href="https://healthblog.uofmhealth.org/brain-health/a-game-changer-for-mental-health-sports-icons-open-up" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">A game-changer for mental health: Sports icons open up</a>, they said – </p> <blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow"><p><em>“They had the world’s spotlight shining on them.</em></p><p><em>They had trained for years for this moment.</em></p><p><em>Millions of fans waited to watch them compete and see them hoist a trophy or a gold medal once again.</em></p><p><strong><em>Instead, they used that spotlight to say something few world-famous athletes have ever dared to say out loud: I need to step away from this competition and focus on my mental health.</em></strong></p><p><em>And by doing so, gymnast Simone Biles, tennis player Naomi Osaka, basketball player Kevin Love and a handful of others at the pinnacle of their athletic careers </em><strong><em>have helped accelerate a trend that mental health experts at the University of Michigan say is long overdue</em></strong><em>.</em></p><p><em>By being open about what they were experiencing, and not “toughing it out” or stifling their feelings like generations of athletes have had to do, these icons did more than spare themselves injury or defeat.</em></p><p><em>Their public choice to seek help for depression, anxiety, overwhelming stress and other concerns could help athletes at all levels have the courage to seek professional help, and a break from competition if they need it.”</em></p></blockquote> <p>And that is exactly the point – these athletes made a choice. One that benefitted their own safety, their own mental health and their own well-being. And for those that look up to them, it will hopefully educate and encourage society to speak more openly about their own mental health issues. </p> <p>Times are clearly changing. For professional athletes at the top of their games (earning millions), in the midst of worldwide competitions, to stop and also say – <em>Enough. I don’t want this. I am unhappy</em>. Despite fines, loss of earnings or endorsements – speaks volumes. </p> <p>It shows that no one is immune. And that regardless of your position, you have a choice to stand up for yourself, to change your circumstances, to say no, to act in your own best interests, to say enough is enough, to admit that you have a problem. And most importantly, to ask for help. </p> <p>Even when you are a famous sportsperson, even when you are a famous actor, like <a href="https://www.self.com/story/kit-harington-depression-addiction" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Kit Harington</a> (as only one isolated example). </p> <p><em>Even when you are at the top of your game.</em></p> <p>You have choice. Don’t tough it out. Don’t suffer in silence. </p> <p>And know that you can change your situation for the better. </p> <p>As Michael Phelps tweeted – <em>“getting help is a sign of strength, not weakness”.</em></p> <p><em>And isn’t it about time?</em></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading">How you can get help if you’re struggling with poor mental health</h2> <p>Remember, poor mental health can transpire in many forms. From feeling stressed, anxious and overwhelmed, to feelings of low self-worth, burnout and suicide. Whatever you are experiencing, there is help out there for you. </p> <p>For help with navigating stress and overwhelm , <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">contact Frieda Levycky of Braving Boundaries</a> who will provide the support and guidance you need to bring clarity to the chaos.</p> <p>If you’re thinking about suicide, hurting yourself or struggling with depression, you can get support by calling –</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>LifeLine SA on 0861 322 322 </li><li>Suicide Crisis Helpline on 0800 12 13 14</li><li>South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG) on 0800 567 657</li></ul> <p>If you’re struggling with drug use or addiction, or know someone who is, you can call Houghton House’s 24/7 emergency helpline on 079 770 7532.</p> <p>Or visit <a href="https://www.houghtonhouse.co.za/drug-alcohol-and-addiction-helplines-south-africa/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">https://www.houghtonhouse.co.za/drug-alcohol-and-addiction-helplines-south-africa/</a> to get referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community-based organisations.</p> <p>This is not about rewinding time to go back in order to make different decisions. No. This is about dealing with the ones you’ve already made. It is about admitting that you are experiencing a problem, it is about saying no to the things you cannot do anymore. And most importantly – it is about asking for help. </p> <p>Remember – <a href="https://theathletic.com/news/michael-phelps-on-simone-biles-mental-health-its-ok-to-not-be-ok/nVaL238ANGo7" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><em>“IT’S OK NOT TO BE OK”.</em></a></p> <p>But you also need to choose to do something about it. </p> <p>If I, Michael, Simone and Naomi can do it. So can you. </p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/Basic-Balance-CTA.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3149"/></figure> <div class="wp-block-buttons is-content-justification-center is-layout-flex wp-block-buttons-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-button"><a class="wp-block-button__link has-white-color has-black-background-color has-text-color has-background no-border-radius" target="_blank" rel="https://bravingboundaries.com/work-with-me/individual-coaching/ noopener">WORK WITH ME</a></div> </div> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <hr class="wp-block-separator is-style-default"/> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-16 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist-1024x1024-1.jpg" alt=""/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p>About the writer, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong></p> <p>Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism. </p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/">The Legal Belletrist website</a>.</p> <p><strong>Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">[email protected]</a> </strong></p> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/its-not-just-you-our-sporting-heroes-struggle-with-mental-health-too/">It’s not just you – Our sporting heroes struggle with mental health too!</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/its-not-just-you-our-sporting-heroes-struggle-with-mental-health-too/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Finding Motivation at 40</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/finding-motivation-at-40/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/finding-motivation-at-40/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 21 Jul 2021 09:41:30 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Uncategorised]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[attorney]]></category> <category><![CDATA[attorney life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[attorneys]]></category> <category><![CDATA[beyond law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[big law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[big law life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[climbing the corporate ladder]]></category> <category><![CDATA[corporate life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[corporate world]]></category> <category><![CDATA[demotivated]]></category> <category><![CDATA[demotivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[executive coaching]]></category> <category><![CDATA[extrinsic motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[feeling inspired]]></category> <category><![CDATA[female lawyers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[finding your groove]]></category> <category><![CDATA[finding your mojo]]></category> <category><![CDATA[intrinsic motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[junior attorney]]></category> <category><![CDATA[junior lawyer]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lacking motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law recruiters]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law students]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer careers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer coach]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer lifestyle]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer problems]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer tips]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal environment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal firm life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal professionals]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal recruiter]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal recruitment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal secretaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal services]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal talent]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal world]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life after law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life coach]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life coaching]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lost your mojo]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health matters]]></category> <category><![CDATA[motivate me]]></category> <category><![CDATA[motivate yourself]]></category> <category><![CDATA[motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[motivation challenge]]></category> <category><![CDATA[negative motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[online challenge]]></category> <category><![CDATA[positive motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[professional coaching]]></category> <category><![CDATA[time matters]]></category> <category><![CDATA[you matter]]></category> <category><![CDATA[young attorney]]></category> <category><![CDATA[young lawyer]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/motivate-me-what-to-do-when-youve-lost-your-mojo-copy/</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Staying motivated is hard - unless the task you are looking to achieve has a greater, positive purpose. Here's what keeps me motivated.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/finding-motivation-at-40/">Finding Motivation at 40</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[ <h5 class="wp-block-heading"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></em></h5> <p></p> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>It’s an inside job today!</em></strong></h2> <p>I have been thinking a lot about the term “High-Fliers” recently. And what it really means.</p> <p>This is probably due to the fact that during all this “Lockdown” time I have been indulging in some true RomCom classics, like the Bridget Jones trilogy (it’s an obvious one). Of specific meaning, at least to this particular conversation, is <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2DFQNPx5sxA" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Bridget Jones – Edge of Reason</a>. It’s hilarious. But it is also significant. For a number of reasons. </p> <p>Of particular importance is the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0OdXXYKj6rY" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Legal Quiz scene</a> and the discussion between Bridget and Giles Benwick – </p> <figure class="wp-block-pullquote is-style-default"><blockquote><p><em> “<strong>Giles</strong> – You see, there’s the high-fliers, like Annabel and Mark Darcy and there’s the gorgeous girls, like Rebecca there and there’s the rest of us.</em></p><p><em><strong>Bridget</strong> – Like you and me, you mean?</em></p><p><em><strong>Giles</strong> – Absolutely. l mean, look at the state of us. You and me stumbled into the VlP room by mistake and it’s only a matter of moments before they show us the door”. </em></p></blockquote></figure> <p>You see, I have found myself relating more and more to the Bridget’s and Giles’s of the world rather than the high-fliers like Mark Darcy and Rebecca Gillies. Stumbling into the VIP room myself. By mistake of course. And now waiting to be shown the door……</p> <p>So the other day, when I tried to think of who the high-fliers in my circle of friends and colleagues were, there was one name that came to mind immediately – <em>Frieda Levycky</em>.</p> <p>She is the very definition of a “High Flier”. I mean she has done more than most. Climbing mountains whilst achieving Senior Associate status (after only a few years of practice), becoming Head of Global Mergers & Acquisitions by 34, General Counsel by 35 and Partner by 36. And always remaining in tip- top physical condition by spending hours in the gym achieving abs of steel (making a lot of us green with envy). </p> <p><em>And that’s a long list of tick items that some of us have yet to tick. </em></p> <p>Whilst I, on the other hand, resemble very much (not because of any illicit drugs but because of a general sense of “WTF”?) Bridget on the beach in Thailand, dazed and confused – <a href="https://tenor.com/view/bridget-jones-renee-zellweger-edge-of-reason-bridget-jones-diary-workingtitlefilms-gif-15268280" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><em>Looking at all the pretty colours</em></a><em>….</em></p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/motivate-me-life-coaching-for-lawyers-1024x711-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3088"/><figcaption>© 2004 Universal Studios and Studio Canal and Miramax Film Corp.</figcaption></figure> <p>You can imagine my shock, when I heard that Frieda was <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/motivate-me-what-to-do-when-youve-lost-your-mojo/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">struggling to find motivation</a> after varying levels of lockdown resulting in months and months of inconsistency and <em>“loss of mojo”.</em> </p> <p>It seems that even the High Fliers had come down to earth to spend a little time with the rest of us. But let’s be honest. Frieda is only human. Not infallible nor super human. </p> <p>She is<em> “just a girl standing in front of a salad, wishing it was a cupcake” </em>kind of girl.</p> <p>Just like the rest of us. </p> <p>And we can all relate. </p> <p>Turning 40 has a way of sneakily creeping up on you. On tippy toes. In the dark. Making no noise at all, until it gets right up behind you and claps its hands.</p> <p><em>FRRRREEEEEAKING you the hell out!</em></p> <p>And with my own sneaky 40 creeping up on me too, I just had to sit down with Frieda to find out <em>what’s what.</em> </p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>What’s the T girlfriend?</em></strong></h2> <p>So like all girlfriends, Frieda and I got together over a lovely glass of Chardonnay (via Zoom of course) and discussed mojo, the need to find motivation, what can deter you, what can encourage you and of course what turning 40 means….</p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/motivate-me-life-coaching-for-lawyers2-1024x711-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3089"/></figure> <p>What set this all in motion was Frieda’s feeling of being a little lack-lustered and struggling to get back to her active self. Being someone who thrives on staying active, who thrives on challenges and who thrives on excelling, she decided to start the “Motivate Me” challenge. She has set out to do a 40-day yoga challenge from 1 July to 11 August – focusing on healthy, positive intrinsic motivation (i.e. internal rewards) rather than focusing on any negativity (which she has done before). </p> <p>She is on day 22 and so far, has had a number of revelations…..</p> <p>But – <em>So far, so good. </em></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>The struggles of keeping motivated</em></strong></h2> <p>Frieda readily admits that she has historically been motivated and driven by fear and/or pain to succeed (obviously a negative motivation). No one can deny that it got her to the top. Quite quickly. But it also left her with scars and traumas that she has had to deal with over the years. </p> <p>Discovering and admitting that she has previously been motivated by fear and pain, led to a number of truths. <em>Hard truths.</em> </p> <p>As an example, this is the first time Frieda has ever undertaken a challenge or set out to achieve a goal from a positive intrinsic standpoint. And it has proven, in some circumstances, to be difficult. Previously Frieda had always had a clear goal in mind and often ended up taking on too much, justifying to herself that she was working hard to achieve a goal. And she would be rewarded at the end of it by a promotion or financial incentive. She has always been motivated by a long term vision – <em>“this is where I will be in 2 years’ time”. </em></p> <p>So undertaking something that was purely focused on her. Something that was not related to work. Something that actually took time away from her work, not resulting in a promotion or financial gain, left her in a bit of spin. Initially. Having her inner saboteur constantly saying – </p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li><em>How could she take time away from work for something personal?</em></li><li><em>Work is more important than personal goals.</em></li><li><em>You have no long-term vision here – what’s the point?</em></li><li><em>You have no real goal here – how will undertaking a yoga challenge benefit your career?</em></li></ul> <p>But through this challenge she has discovered that taking time out for herself has not affected her business, it has not affected her career. In fact, it has improved it all. </p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="711" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/motivate-me-life-coaching-for-lawyers3-1024x711-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3090"/></figure> <p><strong>And the biggest realisation has been – </strong><strong><em>why are we always the first thing that we cross off our “to-do” list?</em></strong><strong> </strong></p> <p>It shouldn’t be this way. And by realising this, Frieda has found motivation in the fact that she does, in fact, have a clear goal which is supported by her purpose to have a healthy work-life balance. Where she can enjoy work as well as her personal time and not feel guilty about either. She is having fun, doing something new every day, excited to be challenged physically – she wants to keep on going. </p> <p>As a perfect example, she had a really tough week where she took on re-drafting a contract which required far more work than she initially realised. It sent her into a bit of a tailspin. Panic rose. And she thought to herself <em>“How can I take time out of my day to do something for myself when there is urgent work waiting?”</em></p> <p>But she forced herself to. Not something she would have done before. And by doing so, discovered – </p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li><em>Her perspective of what was really important and what was really urgent had changed.</em></li><li><em>She managed to clear her head, enabling her to truly apply her mind. She woke up the next day refreshed, with a renewed outlook and tackled the contract in a way that proved better than had she not taken the time out and slogged on.</em></li><li><em>In fact, had she slogged on, she’d have missed a key structuring point which would have resulted in the contract needing further changes at a later date. By taking time out for herself, she drafted the contract in a far better and more efficient way. </em></li></ul> <p>Putting herself on her own to-do list has, so far, been the biggest achievement of all. </p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="711" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/motivate-me-life-coaching-for-lawyers4-1024x711-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3091"/></figure> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>What’s working, what’s not?</em></strong></h2> <h3 class="wp-block-heading"><em>What’s working?</em></h3> <ol class="wp-block-list"><li><strong>Having a routine has been a saving grace. As routine often is: </strong>By diarising time for her yoga challenge – like any other meeting – it enabled Frieda to take time out. Without the guilt. Have a breather. And come back to her work refreshed, renewed and excited to tackle difficult tasks. Having variety in her routines has also kept things interesting for her. Something Frieda needs in her life. </li><li><strong>Having a yoga instructor is important for her. </strong>Ensuring she shows up – because someone has taken time out of their day to dedicate to Frieda. It is a respect thing. Having accountability to someone is important. It has kept her on track and has kept her committed. The hardest yoga routines are the ones you have to tackle alone. The external motivation and having someone to “answer to” helps her stay on track. </li></ol> <p>But she has also realised that there is a big difference between doing something because you have to – because you have been told to – and doing something because you want to and have someone supporting you. That’s a positive motivation. And one which has kept her going. </p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="711" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/motivate-me-life-coaching-for-lawyers5-1024x711-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3092"/></figure> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h3 class="wp-block-heading"><em>What’s not working?</em></h3> <ol class="wp-block-list"><li><strong>The journal reflection exercise has been a challenge in itself!</strong> Having to reflect on her challenge on a day-to-day basis has not been easy. In fact, instead of feeling motivated and excited to document her journey, it has resulted in feelings of stress and anxiety at having to write feelings down daily. And that surprised her.</li></ol> <p>When she travelled abroad, during a time when she experienced an emotional transition in her life, she was able to document her feelings and what she was experiencing. Easily. The journals have served as a great record of this transitional point in her life. And she has looked back on them over the years with a sense of accomplishment and deep meaning. </p> <p>These things shouldn’t be forced. They need to flow easily. Otherwise, they don’t hold the meaning they should. </p> <p>So she has stopped journaling this particular journey and has rather focused on the overall positive impact on her life. With no real need for words.</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Her tips to stay motivated?</em></strong></h2> <p>This will be different for each person. We are all motivated differently (read Frieda’s article on motivation <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/motivate-me-what-to-do-when-youve-lost-your-mojo/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">here</a>). But for Frieda it has come down to having variety and fun. Being able to enjoy more than one thing during her “me” time. </p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="711" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/motivate-me-life-coaching-for-lawyers6-1024x711-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3093"/></figure> <p>It has come down to making the most out of her time – using it wisely. For Frieda, it has involved listening to audio books whilst on her way to her yoga class: such as <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Complete-Enneagram-Paths-Greater-Self-Knowledge/dp/1938314549" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">The Complete Enneagram: 27 Paths to Greater Self-Knowledge</a> by Beatrice Chestnut (a hugely beneficial developmental framework which provides deeper insight into your personality, motivation and self-limiting beliefs. It helps that Frieda is a trained Enneagram Coach!) and <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/154924.No_Shortcuts_to_the_Top" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">No Shortcuts to the Top: Climbing the World’s 14 Highest Peaks</a> by Ed Viesturs and David Roberts (seemingly quite apt during this challenge).</p> <p>By doing more than one of the things she loves in order to meet her work-life balance expectations, she has been able to affirm her core values and by doing so, she is now fully aware of what her core values are – variety, fun, intuition, trust and security. Knowing this enables her to focus her attentions on them in order to improve her overall wellness and life purpose. </p> <p>Let’s face it – “<em>variety and fun are often lacking for a self-proclaimed workaholic”</em> (Frieda’s words). But by doing her yoga every day and listening to her audio books, her need for variety and fun is being met. <strong><em>And when you live in line with your values, you have a purpose. </em></strong></p> <p>And that is an extremely powerful thing!</p> <p>Something she has learnt not only through her 40 day challenge, but something she has also learnt through <a href="https://www.integrative9.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">coaching around the Enneagram</a> (something she highly recommends).</p> <p>Staying intrinsically motivated in line with meeting her core values has really kept her on track. </p> <p><em>And living with purpose is awesome!</em></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Are there saboteurs trying to detract her from her goal?</em></strong></h2> <p>Absolutely!</p> <p>We all have our own inner Judge (someone Frieda met and got well acquainted with in her <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-naked-lawyer-judgment-free/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Naked Lawyer</a> article). </p> <p>You know that nagging negative nelly that always brings up your worst fears and deepest insecurities? That’s the culprit.</p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="711" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/motivate-me-life-coaching-for-lawyers7-1024x711-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3094"/></figure> <p>And Frieda has had this Judge in her head big time during the challenge!</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li><em>You shouldn’t take time out of your working day to do something for yourself!</em></li><li><em>You cannot put your needs before those of your clients! </em></li><li><em>What’s the point? Just be happy with who you are.</em></li><li><em>You have lost a couple of pounds already, so you may as well stop here.</em></li><li><em>You are only planning on doing this for 40 days, so it’s not such a big deal if you quit now.</em></li><li><em>This isn’t paying you, so you should focus on the things that do – like your clients.</em></li></ul> <p>And it took a lot of work to quieten that voice<em>. </em></p> <p><em>But shush it you must!</em></p> <p>Stay focused on your goals, especially when they align with your core values and give you purpose. </p> <p><em>Stay true to yourself and what you need to make your life full of meaning and purpose. </em></p> <p>It is an inside job.</p> <p>Just like Pearl Jam sang in <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GNwnMGpW90" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Inside job</a> – </p> <figure class="wp-block-pullquote"><blockquote><p><em>“I will not lose my faith</em></p><p><em>It’s an inside job today</em></p><p><em>I know this one thing well”</em></p></blockquote></figure> <p>It is important to remember that you too count. You need to be on your own to-do list. Your internal desires and needs for a fulfilling life are crucial. </p> <p>Do not lose your faith!</p> <figure class="wp-block-pullquote"><blockquote><p><em>“Life comes from within your heart and desire”…</em></p></blockquote></figure> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>What has been the real “Aha” moment?</em></strong></h2> <p>Everything is actually ok!</p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/motivate-me-life-coaching-for-lawyers8-1024x711-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3095"/></figure> <p>There has actually been no backlash for taking time out to do yoga. The world hasn’t fallen apart because she took 90 minutes out of her day to focus on her inner wellbeing. </p> <p>Work is getting done, even better than before, in a shorter period of time thanks to her renewed energy and focus. There is no one throwing their toys out the cot. No one shouting at her because she has taken time out of her day to do something for herself. In fact, most of her clients have been supportive, asking about the challenge and wanting to join. </p> <p><em>Now that’s a revelation for any professional…. The world doesn’t fall apart in your absence, clients don’t have conniptions and work still gets done. I mean, who would’ve thunk it? </em></p> <p>There will always be this fear that if you change something in your life, you have to give up something else. But that simply isn’t true. A sacrifice for the betterment of your life, is not always required. Both literally and figuratively…</p> <p>And that’s hard to remember. Especially during uncertain times, like COVID, lockdowns and looting. You always seem to default back to your old ways – the Judge firmly sitting on the bench in your subconscious. </p> <p>It is impossible to foresee all the difficulties you will face. In life in general really. </p> <p>There will always be self-awareness work that you will need to do. Working on yourself, facing your uncertainties, challenges and insecurities head on.</p> <p>Remembering to always take deep breaths.</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>And on turning 40?</em></strong></h2> <p>It’s really just a number. Truthfully.</p> <p>And by doing the work (on an ongoing basis), especially at 40, <em>instead of running for the hills you will learn to dance with your inner Judges as they come along.</em></p> <p>Finishing off our Zoom “fireside” chat (it is winter after all) and our respective glasses of Chardonnay, we come to one more conclusion (over a lot of laughter and toasts to our good health) – we absolutely agree with Bridget Jones!</p> <p><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W3QgZ5G72EM" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><em>“Smug – well it’s about time. So maybe just a little”.</em></a></p> <p>About time for what you may ask?</p> <p>For putting ourselves first. And not feeling guilty about it. </p> <p>For embracing our 40 year old status with excitement and joy! After all, just like a fine wine, you always get better with age. Remembering of course to store your bottles of wine well and ensuring you make yourself a priority! </p> <p>So, yeah, maybe we are being a little smug about that. <em>Because it’s about time!</em></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><a href="http://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/feeling-demotivated-cta.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3096"/></a></figure> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <hr class="wp-block-separator"/> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-17 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist-1024x1024-1.jpg" alt=""/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p>About the writer, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong></p> <p>Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism. </p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/">The Legal Belletrist website</a>.</p> <p><strong>Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">[email protected]</a> </strong></p> </div> </div> <p>[et_bloom_inline optin_id=”optin_2″]</p> <p></p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/finding-motivation-at-40/">Finding Motivation at 40</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/finding-motivation-at-40/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Motivate me: What to do when you’ve lost your mojo!</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/motivate-me-what-to-do-when-youve-lost-your-mojo/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/motivate-me-what-to-do-when-youve-lost-your-mojo/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 29 Jun 2021 19:09:10 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Uncategorised]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[attorney]]></category> 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<category><![CDATA[legal world]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life after law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life coach]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life coaching]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lost your mojo]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health matters]]></category> <category><![CDATA[motivate me]]></category> <category><![CDATA[motivate yourself]]></category> <category><![CDATA[motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[motivation challenge]]></category> <category><![CDATA[negative motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[online challenge]]></category> <category><![CDATA[positive motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[professional coaching]]></category> <category><![CDATA[time matters]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[you matter]]></category> <category><![CDATA[young attorney]]></category> <category><![CDATA[young lawyer]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=3026</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>I’m one of the most active and motivated people I know. In my entire 39 years on this planet, I’ve moved. I’ve crawled, walked, run, climbed, hiked, cycled, skied, jumped, leaped, launched, rolled and tumbled – not always in the prettiest of fashions – But I have constantly been active. Constantly pushed myself. Constantly achieved. […]</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/motivate-me-what-to-do-when-youve-lost-your-mojo/">Motivate me: What to do when you’ve lost your mojo!</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[ <p>I’m one of the most active and motivated people I know. In my entire 39 years on this planet, I’ve moved. I’ve crawled, walked, run, climbed, hiked, cycled, skied, jumped, leaped, launched, rolled and tumbled – not always in the prettiest of fashions – But I have constantly been active. Constantly pushed myself. Constantly achieved.</p> <p>So, the last 18 months have come as a bit of a shock. </p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="711" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/how-to-keep-motivated1-1024x711-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3034"/></figure> <p>When lockdown hit and South Africa was thrown into a 6-week complete shutdown (we were only capable of leaving the house for shopping or a medical visit), my body gradually shut down too. </p> <p>Week 1 commenced by running around the house 20 times a day, a 45 minute cycle on the indoor bike whilst watching Top Gun; and an hour Tae Bo session with Billy Blanks dressed in 80’s garb. But the motivation rapidly dwindled.</p> <p>I had assumed that once the mountain re-opened, I would be back out on the Cape Town trails. Motivation fully resumed (after all – I had put on a couple of lockdown pounds). I did get back out there – sporadically. And loved it when I did. But I struggled to regain any form of consistency. </p> <p><em>What the heck was going on? This just wasn’t like me! The things that used to motivate me: staying slim; being the best; achieving the impossible – just weren’t incentivizing me anymore!</em></p> <p><strong><em>I know that I’m not alone in this demotivation journey. </em></strong></p> <p>But whether you are struggling to get out of bed in the morning; to find motivation to complete work tasks; to exercise or stick to healthy eating plans – that lack of motivation is adding an extra layer of stress to what is already an uncertain and anxiety-fueled world at present.</p> <p>So, I thought I’d write this article to share my realisations around my personal motivations over the last couple of months; and set out some new methods I’m testing to motivate myself to get back into exercise. Hopefully it will provide some food for thought with your own motivation struggles.</p> <p>[et_bloom_inline optin_id=”optin_2″]</p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>My worries around exploring the topic of motivation</strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/how-to-keep-motivated2-1024x711-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3035"/></figure> <p>I’m going to preface this article by saying that I was reluctant to look into my lack of motivation for fear of confirming a long-term belief I’ve held about success, drive and motivation. For years, I’ve believed that in order to be successful, you have to be driven by fear and/or pain. I’ll use myself as an example:</p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h3 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Negative motivation: Example 1</strong></h3> <p>Back when I was a teenager, a close family friend stopped speaking to me for three years. It was a difficult time. Emotions were heightened. Feelings were not discussed. And silly things were said out of pain and guilt. One of the last things said to me before the hiatus was that I wasn’t good enough to be a lawyer or to go to Harvard. </p> <p>As a result, although subconsciously, I spent the next 15 years constantly striving; working hard; stretching myself to be the best I possibly could in my career to prove them wrong. By the time our differences were resolved, that negative motivation was firmly entrenched. It drove me up the career ladder at full speed: achieving Senior Associate after 4 years of practice; Head of Global Mergers & Acquisitions by 34; General Counsel by 35 and Partner by 36.</p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h3 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Negative motivation: Example 2</strong></h3> <p>I grew up in the 80s/90s where the perverse notion that every woman needed to be a Size 0 or Size 00 was flaunted through every form of media. If you weren’t skeletal, then you were not attractive. The horror of being anything larger than a UK Size 10 was just not acceptable in society. You were a failure. Media in the 90’s certainly did women’s self-esteem a world of good! </p> <p>Once again, negatively motivated, I became obsessed with food and exercise. I ate like a mouse throughout university to try and control my weight – much to the horror of my poor housemate. I tried every faddy diet under the sun; from Atkins to the South Beach Diet to some weird concoction of cayenne pepper, lemon juice and maple syrup! </p> <p>As I stumbled through my 20s, my obsession with food was replaced by exercise. I trained for at least an hour every single day; if not twice a day. Running off the calories that I’d consumed. Woe betide I missed a day of exercise – the negative self-talk banshee would be there in full force. </p> <p>My most extreme was when I was a trainee solicitor living in Hong Kong. For those of you who have ever done a stint in Hong Kong, you’ll understand the concept of the “<em>Hong Kong Stone</em>”. Hong Kong is a city that never sleeps. As trainees / young associates we worked hard and we played even harder. Countless nights did we leave Jardine House at midnight; begin our walk home up the escalators to Mid-Levels and undoubtedly bump into someone we knew – which resulted in a detour to Lan Kwai Fong. For 8 months I survived on about 3 hours of sleep a night; a lot of alcohol and early morning breakfasts at the <em>Flying Pan</em>. It was certainly the most unhealthy lifestyle I’ve lived. </p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="711" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/hong-kong-skyline-1024x711-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3063"/></figure> <p>But, the fear of the Hong Kong Stone – the fear of not being attractive – motivated me every day to be at Pure Fitness at 6am. I spent an hour sweating on the cross trainer or running machine (clocking off season after season of the OC and One Tree Hill) before heading to the office for another long stint. And it worked: my abs were rock hard and into those skinny Size 8 jeans I slipped. The negative motivation once again worked.</p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Can you be successful without negative motivation?</strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="711" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/how-to-keep-motivated5-1024x711-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3038"/></figure> <p>So, fast-forward to 2020 – a time where I have:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>worked through all my historical traumas</li><li>worked on my self-confidence</li><li>become a lot kinder to myself</li><li>placed less emphasis on the way I look</li><li>developed a happy and loving relationship</li><li>created and started to live the lifestyle I love and want</li></ul> <p>I realized that I am no longer fueled by fear and negativity. And there rose the fear / resistance to look into this. What if my theory that you can only be successful if driven by fear/pain was true? Where does that leave me? How could I motivate myself if I was no longer in pain?</p> <p>So, let’s take a look at what motivation is and how it can transpire in our day to day lives.</p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>What is motivation?</strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/how-to-keep-motivated3-1024x711-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3036"/></figure> <p>Motivation is “<em>the reason or reasons for acting or behaving in a particular way</em>” (Oxford English Dictionary). </p> <p>In other words, motivation is why we do what we do. It’s our underlying driver, our reason, our purpose for taking action and behaving the way we do. It also explains why different people are motivated by different things.</p> <p>Motivation falls into two main categories: <strong>Intrinsic motivation </strong>and<strong> extrinsic motivation</strong>, and both of those types can be expressed in a positive way (<em>reward</em>) or a negative way (<em>punishment</em>).</p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h3 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Intrinsic motivation</strong> </h3> <p>Intrinsic motivation refers to behaviour that is driven by internal rewards. In other words, you do it because you gain personal joy and satisfaction from the activity rather than doing it because you are influenced by an external factor.</p> <p>An example of intrinsic motivation would be reading a book because you love escaping to a different world through literature. Whereas having to read a book in order to pass your Trusts exam would be an external influence. Granted – if you loved learning Trust law then this would constitute intrinsic motivation – but, for me – aie, aie aie! – I was glad to get those books off to the charity shop!</p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h3 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Extrinsic motivation</strong> </h3> <p>Extrinsic motivation, on the other hand, refers to behaviour driven by an external factor. This could be in the form of an external reward (i.e. I get something from someone else as a result of completing the activity) or an external punishment (i.e. I avoid something as a result of completing the activity).</p> <p>A few examples of extrinsic motivation are as follows:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>If I work hard, I’ll get a promotion / salary increase from my company (<em>reward</em>).</li><li>If I use my American Express card, I’ll get frequent flyer miles (<em>reward</em>).</li><li>If I comply with my fiduciary duties as a director, I won’t get fired or put in jail (<em>punishment</em>).</li><li>If I clean up the house, my flat mate won’t get mad and yell at me for being untidy (<em>punishment</em>).</li></ul> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Positive and negative motivation</strong></h2> <p>As you can see from the examples given above, intrinsic and extrinsic motivation can be expressed both in a positive or negative way. </p> <p>Using the desire / need to get back into exercise as an example, the diagram below highlights some possible intrinsic and extrinsic motivations which could trigger action. </p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/Motivation-diagram-1024x1024.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3028"/></figure> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Which style of motivation is better?</strong></h2> <p>Each style of motivation has the ability to move a person forward, but it is questionable whether extrinsic and negative motivation is sustainable.</p> <p>The “carrot and stick” approach – i.e. dangling rewards (such as the promise of a pay rise) or the threat of punishment (such as the fear of being fired) may increase motivation short-term, but eventually the influence of that motivation will wear off. For example, you’ll see in the corporate context, unless intrinsically motivated, staff will choose to leave unhealthy work situations even if there are prospects of a promotion or pay rise.</p> <p>And when it comes to intrinsic motivation, although negative intrinsic motivation may be an effective source of motivation, it is evident that it has detrimental consequences on an individual’s mental health: their self-confidence, self-worth and their value. </p> <p>Looking back on the two scenarios I highlighted at the beginning of this article, it’s clear that negative extrinsic motivation and negative intrinsic motivation fueled my own action, in so many aspects of my life. Especially when I was younger. It also had the effect of highlighting the fact that negative motivation and extrinsic motivation (whether positive or negative) are not sustainable forms of motivation in the long term. </p> <p>Unless our motivation is aligned with our personal values & beliefs, and there is a true internal benefit to us in performing the actions necessary – creating long-term, sustainable habits and practices and achieving long-term goals is always going to feel out of reach. </p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Finding some healthy and positive intrinsic motivation</strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/motivation-quote-1024x711-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3069"/></figure> <p>With all this research at my fingertips, I’ve decided to try and incentivize myself back into a consistent exercise routine from a stance of positive intrinsic motivation.</p> <p>As you can imagine, there are a variety of tools and techniques that can be found dotted around the internet suggesting ways in which to develop positive intrinsic motivation.</p> <p>I’d be a fraud if I were to tell you how to do it. Considering I’ve never tested it out for myself. So, instead I’ve pulled together various elements of the research I found to form the backbone of my experiment:</p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-18 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="1024" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1486"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p><strong><strong>Set a challenge which is not too easy and not too hard</strong></strong></p> <p>The theory is that a challenge is a good incentive to move you into action. But – you don’t want the challenge to be too easy – you’ll get bored; nor too hard – you’ll get disillusioned (<em>The Goldilocks Rule – a challenge that is “Just right”</em>).</p> <p>So, with my 40<sup>th</sup> birthday looming just around the corner, I’ve decided to undertake a 40-day yoga challenge from 1 July to 11 August. I will finish (all going according to plan) the day before my birthday.</p> <p>This challenge for me is a stretch. But it is also something I know I am capable of as I have completed a 40-day challenge before! Granted, it was 12 years ago!</p> </div> </div> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-19 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="1024" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1487"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p><strong><strong>Understand the positive internal benefits of taking on this challenge:</strong></strong></p> <p>I’ve worked through a number of questions (see worksheet attached) to really tap into why I want to get back into yoga, the benefits it will bring to me, and the saboteur tendencies that are likely to try and derail me.</p> </div> </div> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-20 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1488"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p><strong><strong>Journal</strong></strong></p> <p>I’m certain that this challenge is going to be far from easy. But to keep track of my progress, I’ve committed to keep myself accountable by documenting this journey in my journal. </p> </div> </div> <p></p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Will I re-find my yoga mojo? </em></strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/how-to-keep-motivated6-1024x711-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3039"/></figure> <p>I honestly don’t know. I’ve never consciously motivated myself this way before. But, I’ll keep you updated on social media over the next 40 days. So, stay tuned!</p> <p>If you are in need of some motivation to kickstart a lifestyle change or reach a goal, and you’d like to join me on the “Motivate Me” challenge – by all means do so. </p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>Identify your 40-day goal / challenge</li><li>Determine your intrinsic motivation (download the worksheet below)</li><li>Grab yourself a journal and be ready to note down your daily progress.</li></ul> <p><em>We’re all in this together. </em></p> <p>I can honestly admit, hand-on-heart, that I don’t have the answers. But I’ll tell you one thing – I’m prepared to try something new!</p> <p>After all: <em>“If you want something you’ve never had, you must be willing to do something you’ve never done.”</em> – Thomas Jefferson.</p> <p>Success motivated from a place of happiness – well, who wouldn’t want that!</p> <p>[et_bloom_inline optin_id=”optin_2″]</p> <p></p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/motivate-me-what-to-do-when-youve-lost-your-mojo/">Motivate me: What to do when you’ve lost your mojo!</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/motivate-me-what-to-do-when-youve-lost-your-mojo/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>I’m a grown up! – And still being bullied….</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/workplace-bullying/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/workplace-bullying/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 22 Jun 2021 09:48:54 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Comfort over coffee]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Lawyer Life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Working environment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[attorney]]></category> <category><![CDATA[attorney life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[attorneys]]></category> <category><![CDATA[big law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[big law life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[bullied adults]]></category> <category><![CDATA[bullying]]></category> <category><![CDATA[cold shoulder]]></category> <category><![CDATA[cyber bullying]]></category> <category><![CDATA[cyber-bullying]]></category> <category><![CDATA[executive coaching]]></category> <category><![CDATA[human resources]]></category> <category><![CDATA[ignoring]]></category> <category><![CDATA[institutional bullying]]></category> <category><![CDATA[intimidation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[junior associate]]></category> <category><![CDATA[junior attorney]]></category> <category><![CDATA[junior lawyer]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer careers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer coach]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer lifestyle]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer problems]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer tips]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[leadership]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal environment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal firm life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal professionals]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal recruitment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal secretaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal world]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life coach]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life coaching]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life lessons]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health advocate]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health matters]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental wellbeing]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental wellness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[ostracism]]></category> <category><![CDATA[ostracizm]]></category> <category><![CDATA[partner]]></category> <category><![CDATA[passive aggressive]]></category> <category><![CDATA[passive-aggressive]]></category> <category><![CDATA[professional coaching]]></category> <category><![CDATA[resilience]]></category> <category><![CDATA[retaliation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[social exclusion]]></category> <category><![CDATA[sticks and stones]]></category> <category><![CDATA[toxic work environments]]></category> <category><![CDATA[toxic workplace]]></category> <category><![CDATA[trust in yourself]]></category> <category><![CDATA[unjustified criticism]]></category> <category><![CDATA[verbal bullying]]></category> <category><![CDATA[words will never hurt me]]></category> <category><![CDATA[workplace bullying]]></category> <category><![CDATA[workplace ostracism]]></category> <category><![CDATA[you matter]]></category> <category><![CDATA[young attorney]]></category> <category><![CDATA[young lawyer]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=2993</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Bullying is not OK. In any situation. No matter the environment. Or your age. And it has no place in a business that wants to be successful.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/workplace-bullying/">I’m a grown up! – And still being bullied….</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[ <h5 class="wp-block-heading"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></em></h5> <p></p> <p><em>Linked article: <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/workplace-ostracism-addressing-the-intangible-office-bully/">Workplace Ostracism: Tackling the silent office bully</a></em></p> <p>When I think back to my school days, I recall kids taunting other kids because they had braces or freckles or perhaps their skirts were too long. But I recall, quite traumatically, how I was teased. Relentlessly. All because I wore a hearing-aid in one ear.</p> <p>Kids thought that meant I had a mental disorder. That I was in some way mentally slower than them. Not that I couldn’t hear. It was cruel. I wasn’t invited to play with others, I was ostracized and made to feel ashamed. Like there was something inherently wrong with me. So much so that I refused to wear my hearing-aid going into High School, rather relying on lip reading.</p> <p><em>Something I still do to this day. </em>The coping mechanism just stuck with me.</p> <p>But that was on the playground. And I had hoped it would stay there.</p> <p>But it didn’t. It just happened differently as I got older.</p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Bullied adults</em></strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/bullying-in-the-workplace1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3003"/></figure> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <p>Before adults think that they are immune to being bullied and that bullying is simply <em>“part of being a child”</em>, think again. Because it extends to the workplace too.</p> <p>According to a 2017 survey by the <a href="https://www.uwsp.edu/conted/Documents/FOCUS/C5 and E2 See handout_workplace bullying stats.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Workplace Bullying Institute</a>, 38% of Americans are bullied or witness bullying, 61% of Americans are aware of abusive conduct in the workplace and 60.4 million Americans are affected by it.</p> <p>And those are staggering numbers.</p> <p>According to <a href="https://www.acas.org.uk/if-youre-treated-unfairly-at-work/being-bullied" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">ACAS</a> in the UK, workplace bullying is behaviour from a person or group of people that is unwanted and makes you feel uncomfortable. It is harmful, often targeted behaviour that may be spiteful, offensive, mocking, intimidating or ostracizing. It can also be in the form of verbal, physical, social or psychological abuse.</p> <p>At a high level, the effects of bullying can be anxiety, depression, low self-worth, feeling intimidated, having low morale, feeling hopeless and stressed out. In addition, bullying can affect the business: resulting in poor work performance, high levels of sick leave, valuable employees leaving the business, and a hostile environment that can trickle down the ranks of the workplace becoming obvious to customers and business associates alike. The result? A detrimental impact to their brand and business reputation.</p> <p>But it extends beyond that too.</p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>The wider implications of bullying</em></strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/bullying-in-the-workplace2-Small.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3012"/></figure> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <p>In an article titled <a href="https://www.thehrdirector.com/features/health-and-wellbeing/bullying-is-systemic-in-the-workplace-despite-working-from-home/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Bullying is systemic, even working from home</a>, bullying in the workplace is identified as a systemic problem related to <strong><em>the actions and reactions of an organisation</em></strong> (which is often deep rooted in the core of a business). It also affects the individuals involved, as well as all those who witness the behaviour – the so-called “bystanders”.</p> <p>Whilst bystanders may be willing to actively help and support the target, it is more often than not very difficult for them to stand up against the bully. Often they themselves fear retaliation from the bully, may fear losing their own job or may believe that they do not have enough “organisational authority” to intervene.</p> <p>In some other instances, the bystander might either ignore the bullying or frame it as “normal behaviour”, especially when it is recurrent within the organisation without consequences or without the perpetrator being held accountable.</p> <p>Importantly, the organisation’s response or lack of response to bullying in the workplace is critical.<strong><em> Where there is no accountability for bullying in an organisation, it can quickly become an entrenched problem.</em></strong> And when this happens, there are ramifications not only for the employees but the business’s bottom line – <em>unhappy staff are not productive staff.</em></p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Cyber-Bullying</em></strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/bullying-in-the-workplace5.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3008"/></figure> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <p>With COVID (and the resulting lockdown), there is an increase in remote working blurring the lines between work and home life. As a result, digital bullying and discrimination (aka cyber bullying) has become a major challenge. Workplace bullying is now happening from afar – leaving no visible scars, going unreported and, as a result, not showing up in statistics.</p> <p>Even worse is the fact that bullies can reach their victims at all times of the day due to the increased use of and reliance on technology to communicate. Seemingly expecting employees to now be available 24/7.</p> <p>According to the article <a href="https://www.kingsleynapley.co.uk/insights/blogs/employment-law-blog/cyber-bullying-in-the-workplace-during-remote-working" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Cyber bullying in the workplace during remote working</a>, examples of cyber bullying include –</p> <p><em>“frequent interruptions during virtual meetings, unkind emails and repeated and excessive emails from managers. Some employees may “hide behind their screens” and not uphold the usual standards expected of them”.</em></p> <p>The situation of workplace bullying is at an all-time high and is a dire situation that needs to be addressed. Concerning is the fact that with most incidents going unreported, the only solution for some victims is to simply leave their jobs.</p> <p>But it is important to note that whether an employee feels excluded or otherwise bullied by colleagues, it does not matter whether that behaviour takes place electronically or in person.</p> <p>The emotional turmoil to the victim and risk to the business remains the same.</p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><span style="color:#c69229" class="has-inline-color"><strong><em>Bullying –</em> <em>This </em></strong></span><em><strong>is not a “sticks and stones” situation</strong></em></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/bullying-in-the-workplace8.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3011"/></figure> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <p>Whilst we already know that workplace bullying can take many forms including verbal abuse, offensive behaviours, unjustified criticism, singling someone out for the wrong reasons, excluding employees, or embarrassing or humiliating them. There are others too.</p> <p>Let’s unpack this a little –</p> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-21 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1486" width="100" height="100"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p><strong>Verbal bullying</strong> – this could include mockery, humiliation, jokes at another’s expense, gossip, or other spoken abuse like <em>calling someone worthless or insinuating that they are not worth their pay, even telling them to go back to law school just because they disagreed with the decision of the CEO (</em>happened to me);</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-22 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="1024" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1487"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p><strong>Intimidation </strong>– this could include threats, work sabotage and interference, stealing or taking credit for ideas; spying, or other invasions of privacy. Anything to make you feel “small” and insignificant;</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-23 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1488"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p><strong>Social exclusion in the workplace</strong> like cold-shouldering or ostracizing (something we discussed in our article <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/workplace-ostracism-addressing-the-intangible-office-bully/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Workplace Ostracism: Tackling The Silent Office Bully</a>) can leave you feeling like you are not liked, trusted or respected by your colleagues. And this affects your confidence, taking an emotional toll on you and how you see yourself fitting within an organization,</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-24 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1489"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p><strong>Passive aggressive behaviour</strong> – when a colleague or manager harbours negative feelings towards you but expresses them indirectly. In other words, <em>they don’t say what they mean</em>. They may be angry, jealous, or upset, but they mask their emotions through <em>indirect hostility</em>. And this can make you feel confused. Bewildered even. Almost like you are going insane because the “bully” hasn’t actually said what they mean – it’s all done through intonation! <em>Did they say what they mean or do I need to read between the lines?</em></p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-25 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="1024" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1490"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p><strong>Unjustified criticism</strong> – this could include wrongful blame, harsh and undue criticism without a reason as to why;</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-26 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="1024" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/6-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1491"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p><strong>Unwarranted retaliation</strong> – sometimes just talking about the bullying can lead to accusations of lying, further exclusion, refused promotions, or being excluded from important work meetings or emails, and</p> </div> </div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-27 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="1024" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/7-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1882"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p><strong>Institutional bullying</strong> – this is when a workplace accepts, allows, and even encourages bullying to take place. This bullying might include <em>unrealistic performance goals, expected and unrealistic overtime, or singling out those who can’t keep up</em> <em>(not worth their salaries)</em> –<strong><em>But how do you *really* know if you are being bullied?</em></strong></p> </div> </div> <p></p> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>But how do you *really* know if you are being bullied?</em></strong></h2> <p>Again, this is not a <em>“sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me</em>” situation.</p> <p>When made to feel like a social pariah, you start to wonder whether being bullied is <em>your own fault</em>. Whether you deserve it. Whether you imagined it. Especially when the bullying has been consistent and subtle over a sustained period. You might start to doubt your own sanity or convince yourself that the behaviour is actually OK. That it is warranted.</p> <p>Maybe you are told to <em>“grow thicker skin”</em> that these actions are entirely normal and that <em>“you are too sensitive”</em> (again, this happened to me). Continuous doubt creeps in.</p> <p><em>Is it actually you? Your fault? </em>The answer to that is simple:<em> <strong>NO!</strong></em></p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><em><strong><span style="color:#c69229" class="has-inline-color">Here are some examples of actions that could amount to bullying:</span></strong></em></h2> <p>1. You may become completely ostracized. Co-workers might become quiet or leave the room when you walk in or they might simply ignore you</p> <p>2. You might be intentionally left out of office culture, such as chitchat, parties, or team lunches</p> <p>3. Your supervisor or manager might check on you very often or ask you to meet multiple times a week without a clear reason as to why</p> <p>4. You may be asked to do new tasks or tasks outside your typical duties or outside your skill set without training or help (even when you request it)</p> <p>5. It may seem like your work is frequently monitored, to the point where you begin to doubt yourself and start to experience difficulty when trying to undertake your regular tasks</p> <p>6. You might be asked to do difficult or seemingly pointless tasks and be ridiculed or criticised when you can’t get them done</p> <p>7. You may notice a pattern of your documents, files, other work-related items, or personal belongings going missing</p> <p>8. You may be ridiculed, told you cannot handle your work, need more training but then not told why</p> <p>9. You could be purposely misled about work duties, like incorrect deadlines or unclear directions</p> <p>10. There could be continued denial of requests for time off without an appropriate or valid reason why</p> <p>11. You could experience threats to your personal standing – for example, nasty comments about your physical appearance or personality</p> <p>12. You could also be told not to bill working hours, so that someone more senior than you can take the rewards</p> <p>13. You could be the victim of targeted practical jokes.</p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <p>These incidents may seem random at first. But if they continue, you may worry something you did caused them and fear you will be fired or demoted. Thinking about work, even on your time off, may cause anxiety, fear and stress. Affecting your health physically, emotionally and mentally.</p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Bullying in the legal profession</em></strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/bullying-in-the-workplace6.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3009"/></figure> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <p>Unfortunately, the legal profession is not immune to bullying.</p> <p>In the article <a href="https://www.lawsociety.ie/gazette/in-depth/bullying-in-the-workplace/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Make it stop</a> by the Law Society Gazette in Ireland, the following was set out –</p> <p><em>“research has shown that legal professionals who generate high profits for firms are sometimes tolerated, despite their bullying behaviour, displaying immunity from firms’ anti-bullying policies. This feeds in, significantly, to organisational culture and is noticed and felt by employees at all levels in the workplace”.</em></p> <p>In fact, the <a href="https://www.ibanet.org/article/09C3DA0E-723F-4E21-9A7E-AA0DFF1FB627" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">International Bar Association (IBA)</a> has published the initial results of a global evaluation (the “<strong>survey</strong>”) into the wellbeing of the legal profession. This survey undertaken from July 2020–December 2020, garnered responses from more than three thousand individuals and over 80 legal organisations, including bar associations, law societies, in-house legal departments and law firms.</p> <p>The survey confirmed that lawyer wellbeing is a cause for global concern –</p> <p><em>“The wellbeing index scores gathered from the survey data (based on the World Health Organisation’s WHO-5 indexing methodology) demonstrate that lawyers’ levels of wellbeing are below the global average in every regional forum. Although they may differ in manifestation, no one jurisdiction has a monopoly on these issues</em></p> <p><em>Stigma is a major problem: 41 per cent of respondents said that they could not discuss wellbeing issues with their employer without worrying that it would damage their career or livelihoods</em></p> <p><em>Awareness about local and international wellbeing support and services available is low, and, in many jurisdictions, wellbeing support or services do not currently exist: 22 per cent of respondents said that no wellbeing help, guidance or support was in place in their jurisdiction</em></p> <p><em>A large disparity between the number of institutions that say they have wellbeing initiatives in place (73 per cent), and the extent to which those in managerial positions are offered any sort of wellbeing training (16 per cent).</em></p> <p><em>Findings show that experiences of bullying are widespread in the legal profession, with half of the women and a third of men reporting experiences of bullying victimisation. In 57% of cases, the bullying episodes were not reported by the targets”.</em></p> <p>There is clearly (and still) a crisis in terms of mental wellbeing in the legal community. Globally.</p> <p>One surprising finding from the <a href="https://www.ibanet.org/article/09C3DA0E-723F-4E21-9A7E-AA0DFF1FB627" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">IBA survey</a> however, is the fact that the majority of legal participants in the survey have found healthy coping strategies (compared to previous years), including meditation, yoga and a healthy diet, as opposed to the use of alcohol or recreational drugs as a means of coping.</p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>So what is the solution to workplace bullying?</em></strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/bullying-in-the-workplace7.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3010"/></figure> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <p>Bullying can have significant and serious effects on physical, emotional and mental health. So, whilst leaving your job or changing departments could end the bullying, this isn’t always possible. Or the correct solution. Because the actual impact of being bullied can last long after it has stopped.</p> <p>Unfortunately, there is not a one-size-fits-all approach here. Often each individual may require their own set of coping mechanisms and remedial actions.</p> <p>BUT the following can be considered as starting points (at least) –</p> <p>1. <strong>Try your best not to react emotionally</strong> – bullies take pleasure in emotionally manipulating their victims. Try responding instead. Responding is different to reacting. When you respond you have prepared for the outcome in advance. So, begin with the end in mind. What outcomes would you like to see?</p> <p>2. <strong>Evaluate the situation objectively</strong> – properly evaluate the situation objectively to see if the situation is actually bullying (remember proper constructive criticism is not bullying)</p> <p>3. <strong>Know your workplace policies</strong> – Be aware of your rights and your workplace bullying policy. Familiarise yourself with the reporting procedure and follow it if needed</p> <p>4. <strong>Know your legal rights</strong> – Do your own research. Learn about inappropriate behavior and any <a href="https://www.werksmans.com/legal-updates-and-opinions/workplace-bullying-remedies-and-recourse-in-south-african-law/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">legislation</a> that may be of assistance. The more you know, the better your chances of successfully dealing with the situation are</p> <p>5. <strong>Document your situation thoroughly –</strong> Start collecting as much evidence as you can. This includes keeping a dairy of events to help paint a clear picture of what’s been happening. If you need to recall particular events, having a reliable record will add credibility to your claim of bullying. If you have one and they are approachable (and presuming they are not the bully), go and talk to your HR manager</p> <p>6. <strong>Seek help or guidance</strong> – talk to someone who you can trust. Don’t ignore what has happened or is happening. If you are struggling to cope or don’t know where to start, contact <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Braving Boundaries</a> who will be able to not only support you as you go through this process but can also provide you with actionable targets and goals that can help you deal with and get over being bullied</p> <p>7. <strong>Look after yourself</strong> – maintain a healthy and balanced lifestyle outside of work to help you cope with the stress you are experiencing at work. Work out, get a good night’s sleep and eat a healthy diet</p> <p>8. <strong>Know your limits</strong> – if the situation cannot be resolved, consider your options for leaving. Don’t expect to change the bully overnight. Real behaviour change is difficult and it takes time. You have no control over the person’s willingness to accept that they have a problem and to work on it. You can only do your best to manage the situation. In the worst-case scenario you may decide to leave your job or be prepared for a long hard fight with the person bullying you</p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>What is the takeaway?</em></strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/bullying-in-the-workplace3.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3005"/></figure> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <p>Bullying is not OK. In any situation. No matter the environment. Or your age. And it has no place in a business that wants to be successful.</p> <p>Whilst many companies claim to have a zero-tolerance policy, bullying can sometimes be hard to recognise or prove. It therefore makes it difficult for managers or HR departments to take action.</p> <p>Other companies may not have any policies about bullying in place at all.</p> <p>We are of the firm belief that all workplaces should have a policy on bullying explaining how it should be handled. If your organisation needs guidance or assistance on how to develop these policies, <a href="https://www.coachingadvocates.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Coaching Advocates</a>, a practice dedicated to helping <em>modernise the way law firms and corporates work</em>, may be the perfect place to start.</p> <p>Taking steps to prevent workplace bullying can benefit organisations and the health of their employees. If you have been bullied or are being bullied, know you can safely take steps to combat the bullying without confronting the perpetrator.</p> <p><em>And always remember to take care of your own health first!</em></p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/Copy-of-linkedin-filler-pictures-5.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3000"/></a></figure> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <hr class="wp-block-separator is-style-wide"/> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-28 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist-1024x1024-1.jpg" alt=""/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p>About the writer, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong></p> <p>Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism. </p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/">The Legal Belletrist website</a>.</p> <p><strong>Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">[email protected]</a> </strong></p> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/workplace-bullying/">I’m a grown up! – And still being bullied….</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/workplace-bullying/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>FEMALE LEADERS in the workplace – breaking the glass slipper, ceiling & cliff</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/female-leaders-breaking-the-glass-ceiling/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/female-leaders-breaking-the-glass-ceiling/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 19 May 2021 06:53:05 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Lawyer Life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Leadership]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Working environment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[assumptions about women]]></category> <category><![CDATA[beyond law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[bias]]></category> <category><![CDATA[big law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[big law life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[breaking the glass ceiling]]></category> <category><![CDATA[broken rung]]></category> <category><![CDATA[business women]]></category> <category><![CDATA[cinderella]]></category> <category><![CDATA[climbing the corporate ladder]]></category> <category><![CDATA[discrimination]]></category> <category><![CDATA[entitlement gap]]></category> <category><![CDATA[executives]]></category> <category><![CDATA[female]]></category> <category><![CDATA[female boss]]></category> <category><![CDATA[female bosses]]></category> <category><![CDATA[female business women]]></category> <category><![CDATA[female empowerment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[female entrepreneurs]]></category> <category><![CDATA[female lawyers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[female lead]]></category> <category><![CDATA[female leaders]]></category> <category><![CDATA[female leadership]]></category> <category><![CDATA[female role models]]></category> <category><![CDATA[females]]></category> <category><![CDATA[gender discrimination]]></category> <category><![CDATA[gender equality]]></category> <category><![CDATA[gender gap]]></category> <category><![CDATA[gender inequality]]></category> <category><![CDATA[girls supporting girls]]></category> <category><![CDATA[glass ceiling]]></category> <category><![CDATA[glass cliff]]></category> <category><![CDATA[great leaders]]></category> <category><![CDATA[inequality]]></category> <category><![CDATA[junior lawyer]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law recruiters]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law students]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer careers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer lifestyle]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer tips]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[leadership]]></category> <category><![CDATA[male role models]]></category> <category><![CDATA[male supporters]]></category> <category><![CDATA[strong leaders]]></category> <category><![CDATA[the glass slipper]]></category> <category><![CDATA[the real world glass slipper]]></category> <category><![CDATA[toxic work environments]]></category> <category><![CDATA[toxic workplace]]></category> <category><![CDATA[unconscious bias]]></category> <category><![CDATA[woke]]></category> <category><![CDATA[woman boss]]></category> <category><![CDATA[women]]></category> <category><![CDATA[women bosses]]></category> <category><![CDATA[women empowerment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[women in business]]></category> <category><![CDATA[women in leadership]]></category> <category><![CDATA[women in the workplace]]></category> <category><![CDATA[women leaders]]></category> <category><![CDATA[women supporting women]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work environment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[working mom]]></category> <category><![CDATA[working moms]]></category> <category><![CDATA[working mum]]></category> <category><![CDATA[working mums]]></category> <category><![CDATA[workplace bias]]></category> <category><![CDATA[young lawyer]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=2894</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Climbing the corporate ladder for female leaders still remains overly complex. It's time to break the glass ceiling & glass cliff for good.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/female-leaders-breaking-the-glass-ceiling/">FEMALE LEADERS in the workplace – breaking the glass slipper, ceiling & cliff</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[ <p><strong>Article 3 of 3 in the <em>Female Leadership</em> series</strong></p> <h6 class="wp-block-heading"><em>CO-WRITTEN BY FRIEDA LEVYCKY (<a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/">BRAVING BOUNDARIES</a>) & ALICIA KOCH (<a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a>)</em></h6> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <p>Think back to when you still played with dolls and had tea parties with your teddy bears. When we all still believed in magic and talking animals. When we all still watched Walt Disney with a certain sense of belief. And wonder.</p> <p><em>We all wanted to be the heroine in our own stories. We all wanted to be the princesses in our own fairytales.</em></p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/gender-discrimination-in-the-legal-profession-Braving-Boundaries4.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-2921"/></figure> <p>Take Cinderella as an example. Despite being, for want of a better word, a servant in the beginning of the story, we all still wanted <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yY30B9ZMq4U" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">talking mice as friends</a> <em>like her</em>, we all wanted to <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSknj15TYuU" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">talk to birds</a> <em>like her</em> and we all wanted to have our own Happily Ever After <em>like her</em>. <em>We all wanted to be Cinderella.</em></p> <p>I mean, why not? At the end of the day she was rewarded for her hard work and strife with one night that changed her life. Forever.</p> <p><em>Swoooooon.</em></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><em><strong>The fairy tale</strong> – no glass ceilings or cliffs in sight</em></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/gender-discrimination-in-the-legal-profession-Braving-Boundaries11.jpg" alt="gender discrimination in the legal profession Braving Boundaries11" class="wp-image-2914"/></figure> <p><em></em>Donned in her one-of-a-kind, exquisite dress and glass slippers (all provided by her magical Fairy Godmother), Cinderella runs down the stairs as the clock strikes 12 (just before her carriage turns into a pumpkin) leaving behind one glass slipper – the <em>only clue</em> to her identity for her one true love to find.</p> <p><em>Umm, hello? Wouldn’t he just recognize her face, her laugh, her voice? Why the glass slipper? And – as an aside – if it fit so perfectly, how did it fall off her foot in the first place?</em></p> <p>Miraculously, prince charming by sheer wit and will alone (<em>whatev’s</em>) finally finds Cinderella, the glass slipper fitting her perfectly (I mean how unique <em>were her feet</em>?) and suddenly he recognizes her. Because of her glass slipper….. not because of her.</p> <p>And they lived<em> Happily Ever After</em>.</p> <p>Simple as that.</p> <p><strong>Preposterous!</strong></p> <p>I mean a shoe cannot be the key to a Happily Ever After, can it? (If so, then Alicia, here is the proof that your shoe fetish has been wholeheartedly justified).</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>The real world glass slipper</em></strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/gender-discrimination-in-the-legal-profession-Braving-Boundaries3.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-2922"/></figure> <p>If we’re really honest – we wanted the happily ever after part. We too wanted to get everything we had ever dreamed of.</p> <p>If we are <em>really, really honest</em>, we dreamt of having our own Fairy Godmother, of wearing the glass slippers and of having our own prince charming sweep us off our feet.</p> <p>We are both romantics at heart….. <em>and naïve.</em></p> <p><em></em>But it was only later that we discovered that stories like Cinderella were not only <em>wholly inaccurate</em>, they were also make believe. They were fairy tales. Some might even say that they were vehicles for keeping women in line – <em>be good, work hard and you will be rewarded with your prince charming. </em>A whimsical tale, which may even dissuade a woman from actually trying to climb the corporate ladder in the first place – <em>why do all that if you only need a prince charming to make you happy?</em></p> <p>And whilst we always had a taste for expensive heels, it was only later in our careers that the “<em>glass slipper”</em> magically appeared in our life. Just not in the way we had always imagined it would.</p> <p>You see, adulthood has a way of poking holes into even the most charming of fairy tales. And even the most innocent of wishes.</p> <p>Reality is no fairytale.</p> <p>So, let’s talk about the <em>“glass slipper”</em> <strong><em>in the real world</em></strong>….</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><em>Problem 1 for females in the workplace: </em><strong><em>The Glass Ceiling</em></strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/gender-discrimination-in-the-legal-profession-Braving-Boundaries5.jpg" alt="gender discrimination in the legal profession Braving Boundaries5.png" class="wp-image-2915"/></figure> <p>Not a slipper at all, rather a ceiling. The glass ceiling can be described as an invisible barrier that <em>prevents women</em> from rising to higher ranks within a corporation. And women continue (even in this day and age. Perhaps, especially in this day and age) to struggle to get fair representation in corporate boards and higher management levels <em>because of it</em>.</p> <p>You know you have reached this glass ceiling when lesser qualified individuals than you keep passing you by, smugly being promoted to more senior roles.</p> <p>In fact in a study titled the <a href="https://www.ijrte.org/wp-content/uploads/papers/v8i4/D6923118419.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Impact of Glass Ceiling on Stress, Well-Being, Self-Esteem, Effective Organizational Commitment and Job Satisfaction among Working Women</a>, the following was set out – <em>“even though there is a considerable increase in participation and subsistence of women employees in the workforce, the ingress of women into higher managerial positions remains restricted”</em>.</p> <p>And that was in 2019.</p> <p>It is clear that the glass ceiling is still being fought today. I mean we <em>can</em> <em>see through it</em>. We just <em>cannot break through it</em>. <strong><em>Still</em></strong><em>.</em></p> <p>In our article <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/women-leaders-in-the-workplace-why-are-we-so-few/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Women leaders in the workplace – why are we so few?</a>, we highlighted the fact that based on the January 2021 S&P 500 list, women currently hold only 31 of the <em>total CEO positions</em> at S&P 500 companies. That makes up a meager 6.2% of total global top 500 companies.</p> <p>Startling.</p> <p>And we’re certain that a common thread with each of the female CEOs has been to fight tooth and nail for the role. Because they undoubtedly had to work doubly hard for the position. It’s a battle women around the world face in their workplace. No matter how “diverse” their oganisation may claim to be.</p> <p>And don’t forget, the effects of the glass ceiling can be felt long after you have bumped your head against it – year after year. In fact, in the afore mentioned study, the researcher wanted to “<em>throw the light on the need of equality which is only seen in policies / practices, but the fact is <strong>females are not taken as healthy competitors of males in professional roles due to the social taboo & how these things are affecting their performance, job satisfaction, work-life balance, stress levels & their confidence</strong>.”</em></p> <p>In fact, and according to <a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/glass-ceiling-effect" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">health line</a>, the realities of inequality in the workplace can have a direct effect on women’s health and well-being. A stalled career and the inability to gain a higher income can leave you with a bundle of mixed feelings, including self-doubt, a sense of isolation, resentment, anger, stress, mood disorders, anxiety and depression. I am certain we have all felt it at one point or another.</p> <p>And whilst women have been chipping away at the glass ceiling for years, there is still <em>a long way to go</em>.</p> <p>However, the important take away is this – being held back <em>because of the glass ceiling</em>, is a <em>reflection on the company you work for</em>. And not on you or your abilities.</p> <p>You <em>can </em>manage the stress, depression and anxiety by talking to someone who understands you, who can listen and provide some guidance, like <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> <p>So keep looking beyond that glass ceiling and focus on the stars instead.</p> <p><em>“Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star” – W. Clement Stone</em></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><em>Problem 2 for females in the workplace:</em> <strong><em>The Glass Cliff</em></strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/gender-discrimination-in-the-legal-profession-Braving-Boundaries7.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-2916"/></figure> <p>Michelle Ryan, a social and organizational psychologist at the University of Exeter, (and the person responsible for coining the phrase the <em>“glass cliff”), </em>described the<em> </em>research-backed phenomenon as when <em>women are promoted to senior leadership positions during a difficult time for a company, when the risk of failure is high. </em>And fail to lead <em>because of it</em>.<em></em></p> <p><em></em>It is a <em>sister phenomenon to the glass ceiling</em> and is seemingly one of the major ways that women can attempt to <em>break through the glass ceiling. </em>Unfortunately.<em></em></p> <p><em>It’s easy to understand why it is likened to a cliff – given the ease in which you can fall off it!</em></p> <p>And the crucial thing with the Glass Cliff is the <em>timing and manner in which women are promoted to leadership positions</em>. Are women only chosen for top positions <em>because of precarious times</em>, because employees are demanding diversity, because their stakeholders are demanding diversity?</p> <p>According to Michelle Ryan and in answer to the above question, (together with her colleague Alex Haslam), the “<em>failure to lead” </em>during difficult times is not <em>due to women being bad leaders, but because they were appointed as leaders when companies were failing themselves</em>.</p> <p><em></em>The conclusion? – <em>if women are only promoted during times of crisis the fact that they fail is <strong>not because they are unable to lead, but because leading in a time of crisis is more difficult</strong> and more precarious than leading when everything is smooth sailing. It’s the circumstance and not the quality of leadership.</em></p> <p>Seemingly obvious.</p> <p><em></em>And what inevitably results from “<em>failing to lead” </em>during these times of crisis is the assumption (and stereotype) that <em>women are unable to lead and are not good in leadership roles.</em></p> <p>Not only nonsense but outright unfair!</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>The glass cliff and glass ceiling in action</em></strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/gender-discrimination-in-the-legal-profession-Braving-Boundaries8-1.jpg" alt="gender-discrimination-in-the-legal-profession-Braving-Boundaries" class="wp-image-2917"/></figure> <p>I (Frieda) once had a conversation with the senior heads of a global corporation about its lack of diversity in the executive team. Of the 20 members, not a single female was represented. When I pointed out the benefits that qualified and capable women would bring to the team, I was greeted by a roll of the eyes and a sneer: “<em>We’ve tried that twice before and look at how that turned out</em>.”</p> <p>I was pretty astounded by the response. I knew the women who had been appointed to these top positions: both strong, charismatic, clever women. Women who had dedicated the majority of their professional careers to the organization. And when I say dedicated – I mean dedicated. They’d sacrificed time with their families. Worked late into the night. Travelled the world to meet with consumers and staff. These were women whose hard work and integrity I admired. Whose dedication had warranted their promotion.</p> <p>But once they had jumped every hurdle possible to achieve the lofty heights of the executive suite – it became a never-ending battle to stay there. Instead of focusing on the capability, compassion, innovative way of thinking which they had brought to the executive suite, one was cloaked by rumours that she’d slept her way to the top – quite frankly, who cares who she was sleeping with (if she was). She was excellent at her job and deserved a seat at the table. And the other was knowingly promoted into a position outside of her area of expertise at a time when the company was really struggling. <em>Glass cliff – here we come!</em> A year later, she was replaced by a man. Back into familiar territory we go.</p> <p>The cards were written before the executive suite door had even been opened.</p> <p>Despite regaling this information to the senior heads, I’m sorry to say that it landed on deaf ears. The same corporation today still has a leadership team of 20 people – only one of them is a woman.</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>So how are the glass ceiling and glass cliff tackled?</em></strong></h2> <p>Not through positive discrimination – that’s for sure! Appointing women to higher ranking positions purely because quotas or external financing require it, doesn’t stop sexist behaviour – it fuels it. Positive discrimination suggests that women need a leg up to get to the executive level. What nonsense! Women deserve to be appointed because of their <em>talents, because of their hard work, because of their perspective.</em> Appointments should be based on <em>merit</em> not gender … or race, sexual preference or religion for that matter.</p> <p><em>So what can we do tackle the glass ceiling and glass cliff?</em></p> <p>It may seem like a <em>“Duh”</em> moment but it’s simple really.</p> <p>It <em>starts</em> by consciously changing the kind of sexist language that is no longer acceptable in the workplace today. And ladies, this applies to us too. We have adopted sexist language into our own daily vocabulary. Language that encourages the unconscious bias that companies have towards women in the workplace. Language that limits a woman’s role within the workplace. Albeit unconsciously.</p> <p>When preparing this blog post, we spoke with a number of our female friends in the corporate world and asked them for examples of recent sexist language used in the workplace. Take a look at the infograph below.</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full is-resized"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/what-women-dont-want-to-hear-in-the-workplace.png" alt="" class="wp-image-2944" width="660" height="1500"/></figure> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <p>These sayings or words may seem somewhat unimportant and petty. Especially when there are bigger issues at hand. But language and <em>how it reflects the role of gender in the workplace, how it can perpetuate the glass ceilings or cause the glass cliffs is crucial</em>. Think about it – <em>“oh it’s that time of the month again” – </em>eluding to the fact that a woman, especially in a senior role, cannot be entrusted to make a sound decision because she is on her period. It’s nonsense. And yet said. So often.</p> <p>These small changes in the workplace, like changing demeanour and changing language can place everyone – male and female – on a level playing field at an earlier stage in their careers. Right from the get-go. And in the right way.</p> <p>But language is only the beginning – how about when appointing women in senior leadership positions, you provide them with the support they require to succeed? Whether that means bigger budgets, more time, more flexibility or the support of others within the company. Whatever it is. They need to be set up to succeed. Not set up to fail. Just like a man placed in the same role. Equality is the goal!</p> <p>Logical. And easy to do. No?</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Breaking through the glass ceiling and cliff: Is there a happy ever after?</em></strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/gender-discrimination-in-the-legal-profession-Braving-Boundaries10-Custom.jpg" alt="gender discrimination in the legal profession Braving Boundaries10 (Custom)" class="wp-image-2925"/></figure> <p><em></em>There is a great saying: <em>“Teach your daughters to worry less about fitting into glass slippers and more about shattering glass ceilings.”</em></p> <p>Accurate. And appropriately thought provoking. But we think it goes beyond that..</p> <p>There is no doubt that fairytales have their place – they bring a magical quality to our childhood (and to our dreams) – but (more importantly) we need to teach the younger generation about how the real world works. We need to teach them about the importance of culture and diversity <em>in all aspects of life</em>. About equality. About how language impacts the way we see the world.</p> <p><em>About the realities of glass ceilings and glass cliffs. And not about the romance of glass slippers.</em></p> <p>Through teaching the next generation, we are not only seeking to eradicate inequality at the younger level, we are also bringing awareness to our own language and behaviour; to our own unconscious bias.</p> <p>And perhaps instead of just wearing our glass slippers, we can take them in hand and use them as tools to break the glass ceilings and glass cliffs. Turn the fairytale into something more empowering. We don’t need a prince to be our “happily ever after”. What we <em>do </em>need is awareness, strength of character and moral aptitude to do better. Be better.</p> <p>After all – isn’t that what a fairytale is for – showing you how good life could be? Well then, be rewarded for your hard work and strife. Take that darn shoe (glass or otherwise) and walk forward, looking ahead. Your head held high. Because you don’t need to rely on a fairy Godmother to make your dreams come true. <em>You have yourself for that!</em></p> <p></p> <p><strong>Other articles in the <em>female leadership</em> series:</strong></p> <p><strong><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/women-leaders-in-the-workplace-why-are-we-so-few/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Article 1: FEMALE LEADERS IN THE WORKPLACE – WHY ARE WE SO FEW?</a><br><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/female-leaders-in-the-workplace-how-do-we-break-through/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Article 2: FEMALE LEADERS IN THE WORKPLACE – HOW DO WE BREAK THROUGH?</a><br><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/female-leaders-breaking-the-glass-ceiling/">Article 3: FEMALE LEADERS IN THE WORKPLACE – BREAKING THE GLASS SLIPPER, CEILING & CLIFF</a></strong></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/work-with-me/individual-coaching/"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/struggling-in-the-workplace-CTA.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-2690"/></a></figure> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <hr class="wp-block-separator"/> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-29 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist-1024x1024-1.jpg" alt=""/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p>About the writer, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong></p> <p>Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism. </p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/">The Legal Belletrist website</a>.</p> <p><strong>Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">[email protected]</a> </strong></p> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/female-leaders-breaking-the-glass-ceiling/">FEMALE LEADERS in the workplace – breaking the glass slipper, ceiling & cliff</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/female-leaders-breaking-the-glass-ceiling/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> </channel> </rss>