<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><rss version="2.0" xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/" xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/" xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" xmlns:sy="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/syndication/" xmlns:slash="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/slash/" > <channel> <title>interpersonal communication Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <atom:link href="https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/interpersonal-communication/feed/" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" /> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/interpersonal-communication/</link> <description>PROFESSIONAL LIFE COACHING & TRAINING</description> <lastBuildDate>Wed, 03 Jul 2024 20:34:24 +0000</lastBuildDate> <language>en-ZA</language> <sy:updatePeriod> hourly </sy:updatePeriod> <sy:updateFrequency> 1 </sy:updateFrequency> <image> <url>https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Asset-1.svg</url> <title>interpersonal communication Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/interpersonal-communication/</link> <width>32</width> <height>32</height> </image> <item> <title>Perfectionism vs. Excellence: Finding the Balance for Leadership and Team Success</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/perfectionism-vs-excellence-finding-the-balance-for-leadership-and-team-success/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/perfectionism-vs-excellence-finding-the-balance-for-leadership-and-team-success/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 03 Jul 2024 20:34:18 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Corporate Wellness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Effective communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Lessons Learned]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Perfectionism]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Team building]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Team communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Work life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Working environment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[communication skills]]></category> <category><![CDATA[delegation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[effective communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[effective leadership]]></category> <category><![CDATA[excellence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[interpersonal communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[leadership]]></category> <category><![CDATA[perfection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[perfectionism]]></category> <category><![CDATA[perfectionist]]></category> <category><![CDATA[promoting excellence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[team success]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=6210</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/perfectionism-vs-excellence-finding-the-balance-for-leadership-and-team-success/">Perfectionism vs. Excellence: Finding the Balance for Leadership and Team Success</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_0 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_0"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_0 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_0 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><i>By Frieda Levycky – Founder and Director of <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/">Braving Boundaries</a></i></strong></h5> <p id="ember59" class="ember-view reader-content-blocks__paragraph">Perfectionism – We’ve all encountered it at some point in our professional lives. Whether you’ve struggled under someone else’s unrealistic standards that stifle growth and leave no room for mistakes, or you’ve been the leader who couldn’t let go and delegate, one thing is clear: perfectionism is unattainable.</p> <p id="ember60" class="ember-view reader-content-blocks__paragraph">I’ve seen firsthand how leaders, driven by perfectionism, often micromanage their teams, adding unnecessary stress and ultimately creating a toxic work environment. On the other hand, I’ve seen how fostering excellence encourages innovation, collaboration and a healthier, more productive work environment. That’s why I’m sharing my insights on this important topic. What are the key differences between perfectionism and excellence? What are the telltale signs of a perfectionist leader? How does perfectionism impact teams? How can leaders promote growth and excellence within their businesses? Keep reading to find out.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_1 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Defining Perfectionism vs. Excellence</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_2 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>Key differences between perfectionism and excellence</strong></h3></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_3 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p id="ember63" class="ember-view reader-content-blocks__paragraph">You might think that perfectionism and excellence are similar, but they are fundamentally different in approach and impact. Perfectionism in leadership is driven by a need to meet unattainable standards, leaving no room for mistakes or growth. It often results in:</p> <ul> <li><strong>Micromanagement:</strong> A perfectionist leader struggles to trust their team, often overseeing every detail and task, which can suppress employees’ creativity and innovation.</li> <li><strong>Inability to Delegate:</strong> This stems from a need for control, where leaders find it challenging to entrust tasks to others, fearing the outcome won’t meet their high standards.</li> <li><strong>Excessive Control:</strong> When leaders feel “out of control” due to delegating tasks, it signals underlying perfectionism. This constant need for control can create a stressful and unproductive environment.</li> </ul> <p id="ember65" class="ember-view reader-content-blocks__paragraph">Excellence, on the other hand, focuses on achieving high yet realistic standards. It values continuous improvement, effort and progress rather than flawlessness. Leaders who promote excellence encourage innovation and collaboration, creating a supportive environment where team members feel safe to take risks and learn from their mistakes. This approach fosters a positive, dynamic work culture that enhances productivity and morale.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_4 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>Signs of a perfectionist leader</strong></h3></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_0"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/Perfectionism-vs.-Excellence-2.png" alt="" title="Perfectionism vs. Excellence (2)" class="wp-image-6219" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_5 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p id="ember63" class="ember-view reader-content-blocks__paragraph">A telltale sign of a perfectionist leader is an overemphasis on minor details and an insistence on doing things “the right way,” which often translates to “their way.” They may be reluctant to acknowledge and celebrate small wins, focusing instead on what could have been done better. Such leaders are often highly critical and quick to point out flaws while rarely offering positive feedback. Additionally, they might set unrealistic deadlines and expectations, pushing their team to the brink in pursuit of perfection. This can create an environment where employees feel undervalued and perpetually anxious about meeting unattainable standards.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_6 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>The harmful impact of perfectionism on teams</strong></h3></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_7 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p id="ember63" class="ember-view reader-content-blocks__paragraph">Perfectionism can have a detrimental impact on teams, creating an environment of constant pressure and stress. Team members may feel anxious and overwhelmed by the unrealistic expectations set by a perfectionist leader, leading to burnout and decreased morale. This fear of making mistakes slowly but surely kills creativity and innovation, as employees become hesitant to take risks or suggest new ideas. The lack of positive reinforcement and recognition for their efforts can result in feelings of underappreciation and resentment. Over time, the team’s productivity and cohesion suffer, because the focus on flawlessness erodes trust and collaboration.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_8 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>Strategies for leaders to foster excellence in their teams</strong></h3></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_9 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p id="ember71" class="ember-view reader-content-blocks__paragraph">I think I’ve fixated on perfectionism enough for one day, don’t you? Let’s switch our focus to its healthier, more sustainable counterpart… Excellence.</p> <p id="ember72" class="ember-view reader-content-blocks__paragraph">Leaders can promote excellence within their businesses by fostering a supportive and empowering work environment. Here’s how:</p> <ul> <li><strong>Set Clear, Realistic Expectations:</strong> Establish challenging, yet attainable goals. This approach encourages continuous improvement without the paralysing fear of failure.</li> <li><strong>Emphasise Effort and Progress:</strong> Highlight the importance of effort and progress over perfection. Celebrate small wins and milestones to keep morale high and motivation strong.</li> <li><strong>Encourage Open Communication:</strong>Create an atmosphere where team members feel comfortable voicing their ideas, questions and concerns without fear of judgment. This can be achieved through regular check-ins, team meetings and encouraging continuous feedback through collaboration platforms.</li> <li><strong>Provide Opportunities for Professional Development:</strong>Offer training programmes, workshops and mentorship opportunities to help employees enhance their skills and advance in their careers.</li> </ul></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_10 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>Cultivate a Culture of Excellence</strong></h3></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_11 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p id="ember75" class="ember-view reader-content-blocks__paragraph">Understanding the difference between perfectionism and excellence is the key to effective leadership. By focusing on achievable high standards and continuous improvement, leaders can create a positive and productive work environment.</p> <p id="ember76" class="ember-view reader-content-blocks__paragraph">As you reflect on the points shared in this blog, think about how you can encourage excellence within your team. Are you committed to nurturing teams that thrive on openness, innovation and collaboration? <a class="app-aware-link " href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/" data-test-app-aware-link="">Reach out today</a> to explore how we can help your team achieve excellence through improved communication and leadership strategies.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_1"> <a href="https://www.webtickets.co.za/v2/Event.aspx?itemid=1547283135" target="_blank"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1200" height="628" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/Tame-the-perfectionism-workshop.png" alt="" title="Tame the perfectionism workshop" class="wp-image-6222" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/perfectionism-vs-excellence-finding-the-balance-for-leadership-and-team-success/">Perfectionism vs. Excellence: Finding the Balance for Leadership and Team Success</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/perfectionism-vs-excellence-finding-the-balance-for-leadership-and-team-success/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Navigating Conflict: Mastering the Art of Picking your Battles & Choosing your Strategy</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/navigating-conflict-mastering-the-art-of-picking-your-battles-choosing-your-strategy/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/navigating-conflict-mastering-the-art-of-picking-your-battles-choosing-your-strategy/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Mon, 29 May 2023 11:55:02 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Conflict]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Effective communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Ostracism/bullying]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Team communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[choose your battles]]></category> <category><![CDATA[communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[communication skills]]></category> <category><![CDATA[conflict]]></category> <category><![CDATA[conflict management]]></category> <category><![CDATA[conflict management strategies]]></category> <category><![CDATA[conflict resolution]]></category> <category><![CDATA[conflict styles]]></category> <category><![CDATA[interpersonal communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[pick your battles]]></category> <category><![CDATA[team dynamics]]></category> <category><![CDATA[toxic work environment]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=5517</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Gain a greater understanding of your interpersonal conflict style and whether or not it benefits you and those around you.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/navigating-conflict-mastering-the-art-of-picking-your-battles-choosing-your-strategy/">Navigating Conflict: Mastering the Art of Picking your Battles & Choosing your Strategy</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_1 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_1 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_12 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></h5> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As a “recovering lawyer” I am no stranger to conflict. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I would easily classify myself as someone who doesn’t back away from conflict. Especially when/if I feel cornered. I will fight to the death. Which is kind of unusual since – naturally – when I’m scared, I freeze. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s an interesting perspective because the truth is, I never quite know which Gladiator is going to show up to the fight – will it be the Gladiator filled with bravado and confidence, ready to take on any worthy opponent? Strong of mind, of heart and of will (strong in body too. Obviously.). Or is it going to be the Gladiator who hides in the corner, in the form of a ball so small he/she/they didn’t know they could actually fit their bodies into. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I can relate in almost every way to each acute stress response – the fight, the flight, the freeze and the fawn (</span><a href="https://www.simplypsychology.org/fight-flight-freeze-fawn.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Simply Psychology</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">). I fight when needed, I flee when something just doesn’t feel necessary, I freeze when I’m petrified – playing dead essentially – and in instances where I just know that I’m overpowered, where I cannot win, where placating is better, I become the fawn. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">You see, I have had to learn how to “pick my battles” over the years. As can be expected, the fights or the conflicts I “lose” leave me feeling insecure, heartbroken, confused, lacking in confidence, and neglecting my self-worth.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And the biggest lesson for me, hasn’t just been my own reaction to conflict but learning – often through practical experience – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">how to approach conflict</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. How to “fight” in a way that doesn’t end with me in tears. </span> <span style="font-weight: 400;">Which battles to pick – which ones to fight, which ones to walk away from. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Because truthfully, I’m kind of soft. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_2"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/navigating-conflict-3.jpg" alt="" title="navigating conflict (3)" class="wp-image-5528" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_13 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Interpersonal Conflict: Picking your battles </b></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In every single human relationship, you are generally going to find different conflict styles. Something Frieda spoke about in her article </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/embracing-conflict-5-benefits-of-rocking-the-boat/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><b><i>Embracing conflict: 5 benefits of rocking the boat</i></b></a><b><i>.</i></b> <span style="font-weight: 400;">There is –</span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">the </span><b><i>reactive approach</i></b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (a person who is more passionate and reactive when faced with conflict and often seeks to provoke a similar response in others), </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">the </span><b><i>positive outlook approach</i></b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (a person who avoids conflict or escapes the impact of the conflict by looking for a ‘silver lining’), and </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">the practical </span><b><i>competency approach</i></b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (the person who focuses on putting personal feelings aside and seeks to address the situation as quickly as possible). </span></li> </ul> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I can say with absolute certainty that I have had a reactive approach, a positive outlook approach and a competency approach at some point or another throughout my life. Sometimes during the same conflictual situation, whether that be in some of my closest (but all very different) personal relationships, or in my professional career where I have tried to avoid conflict altogether. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And they have all been massive learning experiences for me. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">While personal to me, I am happy to share my thoughts on each with you.</span> </p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_14 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><b>Example 1: Romantic Conflict </b></h3></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_3"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/navigating-conflict-1.jpg" alt="" title="navigating conflict (1)" class="wp-image-5530" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_15 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When I first met my boyfriend (now husband), we had very different fighting styles. I would be all “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">let’s sort our issues out straight away, let’s clear the air and let’s find a silver lining</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So – if we are being technical here – sort of a mix of the positive outlook and competency approach in conflict styles. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I didn’t believe in leaving things unsaid (especially right in the beginning of our relationship) and letting feelings “fester” like an open, untreated wound. Talk it out and let’s move on was what I thought. My husband on the other hand was very much an avoider. He would give me the silent treatment for a couple of days while he worked through his feelings. Eventually coming back to sort the situation out later. Once things had “simmered down”, as he liked to say. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The problem with this? At this point – for me at least – the open wound had become so festered that it was now boiling. I would let my famous temper get the better of me and I would explode. Using language often “fit for a sailor”, I would move to Defcon 1 extremely quickly whereafter blurting out things I didn’t mean to say inevitably ensued. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, I guess I would then turn a volatile shade of reactive. Again, if we are being technical. </span><span style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">I felt unheard, unseen, uncared for and disrespected. When all my husband was trying to do was prevent a full-scale war from breaking out. Funny how the opposite is actually the result. </span><span style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;"> </span></p> <p><span style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">Our fights would escalate at this point. I couldn’t see reason anymore and my once level-headed, fair partner would rise to the occasion, becoming reactive too. It was a boiling pot waiting to explode. And certainly not what two people who love one another should do.</span></p> <h3></h3> <h3><b>Lessons Learned:</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> </span></h3> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, we decided that for the better of our relationship (and now our marriage) we would need to learn how to fight with one another. How to approach conflict. We learnt to talk things through as quickly as possible (even if one of us needed 5 – 10 mins to “simmer down”), finding our way to building a bridge back to one another. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It took some work, and it took effort from both of us. </span><span style="font-weight: 400;">But now almost 15 years later, we have found how important </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">building the bridge is</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It was that or giving up on one another. And I kind of love him. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So….</span> <span style="font-weight: 400;">Now we both feel heard, feel seen, our feelings feel cared about and for. And the respect – well without it, what kind of relationship do you have?</span> </p> <p><b>Questions to consider here: </b></p> <p><b></b></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">What do I really want to achieve from this conflict? Is it the principle or am I really hurt?</span></i></li> </ul> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Do I really care about this person? Do I want to preserve the relationship? Or am I happy to kick them to the curb? </span></i></li> </ul> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Is it better to go our separate ways? If not, what can we do to better the situation?</span></i></li> </ul> <h2></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_16 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Example 2: Friendship Conflict</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_4"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/navigating-conflict-2.jpg" alt="" title="navigating conflict (2)" class="wp-image-5529" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_17 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I said right at the start that I am no stranger to conflict. I’m not afraid to stand up for what I believe, what I think, what I know to be true and fair. But it sometimes takes a while for me to get there. Unless of course, it deserves immediate retaliation. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I tend to bottle up what I’m feeling. I store it all away for a later date. Not on purpose. It’s just how I am. My father use to call me a “dinky bottle”. You know, like the miniature bottle of champagne? Because I was small, but I would keep quiet, not say anything until one day I would just pop. Like a champagne bottle. And while that sounds cute. It really isn’t the case. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I have a tendency to bite my tongue. Perhaps in an effort to avoid conflict with those I care about. It makes me feel self-sufficient. Feeling like the “bigger person”. Letting it go, turning the other cheek and all that… </span> <span style="font-weight: 400;">But then it takes something small, something probably not meant to be insulting, and I lose it. I explode like a bottle of champagne. Every little thing that that particular person had ever done to me or said about or to me comes pouring out. I let them “have it”. I don’t hold back, and I literally release everything I have been bottling up. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">This has had two endings. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The first, the person is taken aback but is sorry for what they have done. We discuss my feelings, their feelings and find a way to reach a happy conclusion to the conflict. Moving forward, more in sync and in a better place. A good result.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The second, the person is so taken aback that they flee for their lives. Never to be heard from again. Friendships have ended. Relationships have ended. And all because we couldn’t find our way to a place of understanding and peace. There are a few political relationships like this too if you think about it. Not the desired result. Bad for all intents and purposes. </span></p> <h3></h3> <h3><b>Lessons Learned:</b></h3> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, avoiding conflict, bottling up how we feel in an effort to save the other party from pain, is honestly a dodgy approach to trying to handle conflict. Because it’s kind of like taking a 50/50 chance.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It can either create the catalyst needed to sort out the situation (especially if you’ve been bottling emotions up) or it can destroy any hope of resolution because – how do you come back from that really? How do you come back after facing conflict from someone who has seemingly avoided it for years? The behaviour that has suddenly been pointed out as wrong was accepted before. So why is how I behave now not acceptable? </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It can be a bit of a shock to the system. And sometimes the other person simply cannot see their fault and instead feels attacked for no reason. </span></p> <p><b>Questions to consider here:</b></p> <p><b> </b></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">What is the purpose of this conflict – what do I really hope to gain?</span></i></li> </ul> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Do I care enough about this person/people to find a solution to the problem? Or is it only the inheritance I’m after (kidding)?</span></i></li> </ul> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Or do I just want to prove a point (because I’ve had enough of “unacceptable” behaviour)?</span></i></li> </ul> <h2></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_18 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Example 3: Work Conflict</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_5"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/BB-Blog-images-Navigating-Conflict-1.png" alt="" title="BB - Blog images - Navigating Conflict (1)" class="wp-image-5550" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_19 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I have always been vocal about my experiences within the legal profession. They haven’t all been good. Which is why I often refer to myself – tongue in cheek – as a “recovering lawyer”. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I know in the beginning I said that I’m not afraid of conflict. Or to stand up for what I believe in. I do believe that. But the problem with this is, in just about every legal role I’ve had over the years, I have seemingly fled away from conflict. Or I have tried to placate the person I am in conflict with – whatever I need to say to make the situation go away. To “save” myself. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">These are not healthy reactions. I’m aware.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I have always been too scared to say what I think or what I feel about something because, for the most part at least, I have always been shot down. Or criticised. Told I’m not good enough. I even had someone tell me to go back to law school, all because I believed there was another way to solve a problem. It was different from their view. </span></p> <h3></h3> <h3><b>Lessons learned:</b></h3> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Each time I have remained silent for fear of ridicule or abuse or each time I have placated the person who is towering over me with their domineering stance and death stare, I have hacked away at a piece of me. Of who I am. Of what I believe in. Of what I want. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I have let myself down. So many times. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But there does come a point when you are so tired of being ridiculed or made to feel small, so many times that you take the abuse, that you just want it to stop. So, you keep quiet, you avoid eye contact. You agree, you put others at ease. Just so you can be left alone. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And the only thing not saying something or trying to ease the situation did for me professionally was to ruin my self-confidence and self-belief. I became worn out, burnt out and too scared to say anything. I was a wreck. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Therefore, despite the negative side of it, when it’s called for, taking a more “aggressive” stance, practicing the reactive approach can be very transformative. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s important to stand up for what is important to you – which should include your self-worth. I wonder what would’ve happened if I had stood up for myself. Would anything have changed? I will never know because I was never able to stand up and find out. </span> <span style="font-weight: 400;">And that’s a real shame. </span></p> <p><b>Questions to consider here: </b></p> <p><b> </b></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Will speaking up really get me fired or will it merely raise an alternative viewpoint?</span></i></li> </ul> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">What’s the worst outcome if I engage in conflict (especially when murder is off the table)?</span></i></li> </ul> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">If I do get fired, is that necessarily a bad thing? It may help me find my purpose in life … and do I really want to work with people who behave like that?</span></i></li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_2"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_2 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_20 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Conflict: Choosing your strategy</b></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As you can tell from the above, conflict is an inevitable part of human interaction, present in both personal and professional relationships. Or certainly in mine anyway. </span><b><i>How</i></b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> we handle conflict can significantly impact the outcomes we foresee and the quality of our relationships in the long run. Whilst it may be tempting to engage in every battle that comes our way – Gladiator at the ready – strategically considering the outcome we are looking to achieve may help us decide on the most appropriate course of action – for that situation at least. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Ultimately, our goals will dictate which strategy we adopt. </span> <span style="font-weight: 400;">In his book: <em>The </em></span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"><em>Interpersonal Communication Book</em><sup>1</sup></span><span style="font-weight: 400;">, Joseph DeVito identifies a variety of conflict management strategies. Consider which strategies you have previously adopted. Have those strategies benefited you? If not, consider what alternative strategies could be adopted in the future:</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_6"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="800" height="4760" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/Conflict-Management-Strategy-1.png" alt="Conflict Management Strategies Infographic" title="Conflict Management Strategies" class="wp-image-5525" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_3"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_3 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_21 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Conclusion</b></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We all have our default strategies, but understanding these strategies, their pros, and cons, and being aware of the things that could potentially influence/trigger us, could influence the strategy we choose to take for a particular situation. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For example, if you’re in a negotiation and want to close the deal as soon as possible, you’re more likely to seek a Win-Win strategy (i.e., compromise) rather than go for an all-out screaming match or stomp off out of the room mid-negotiation (I’ve seen this happen)! Twice! Bizarrely, it worked on one occasion but not in the other.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In our interpersonal relationships we should seek to engage in active fighting, talking and support and enhance our partner’s self-image and worth. Avoiding the conflict, forcing an opinion on your partner, demanding time, and attacking their worth are sure fire ways to see an end to a relationship – whether romantic or platonic. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">There may not be an absolute ideal way to handle conflict in </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">every</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> situation. Sure, we can learn from mistakes, we can try to turn a negative into a positive, we can see conflict as a path to change and renewal. Those things are absolutely possible. And true. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But find your bridges. Find your way towards building a happier, better relationship where both parties feel heard, seen, and respected. Look towards what you want for your future.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Conflict in life, even in general, is inevitable. You will need to face it at some point. But </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">how you do so,</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> in each situation you find yourself in, is key.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you need help figuring out what your conflict style is or how you can improve on your approach to conflict, especially with your significant other or other important people in your life, </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">get in touch</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> with Frieda Levycky of </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Braving Boundaries</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> who can support you as you go through this process. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">(I’ll be setting up a call as soon as I finish this article….)</span> </p> <p><em><span style="font-weight: 400;"><sup></sup></span></em></p> <p><em><span style="font-weight: 400;"><sup>1</sup> The Interpersonal Communication Book, Joseph DeVito, 15th Edition, Pearson </span></em></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_0 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_4 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_4 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_7"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_5 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_22 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">[email protected]</a> </strong></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_5"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_6 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_8"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/conflict-CTA.jpg" alt="" title="conflict CTA" class="wp-image-5510" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/navigating-conflict-mastering-the-art-of-picking-your-battles-choosing-your-strategy/">Navigating Conflict: Mastering the Art of Picking your Battles & Choosing your Strategy</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/navigating-conflict-mastering-the-art-of-picking-your-battles-choosing-your-strategy/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Embracing conflict: 5 benefits of rocking the boat</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/embracing-conflict-5-benefits-of-rocking-the-boat/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/embracing-conflict-5-benefits-of-rocking-the-boat/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 25 May 2023 12:41:32 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Conflict]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Effective communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Team communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[arguments]]></category> <category><![CDATA[benefits of conflict]]></category> <category><![CDATA[blind spots]]></category> <category><![CDATA[communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[competency]]></category> <category><![CDATA[conflict]]></category> <category><![CDATA[conflict resolution]]></category> <category><![CDATA[dispute]]></category> <category><![CDATA[effective communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[interpersonal communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[learning to communicate]]></category> <category><![CDATA[positive outlook]]></category> <category><![CDATA[reactive]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relationship dynamics]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[rocking the boat]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[team dynamics]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=5476</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Despite the discomfort that many of us feel towards conflict, it is a natural part of life. Join as us we discover the benefits of conflict.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/embracing-conflict-5-benefits-of-rocking-the-boat/">Embracing conflict: 5 benefits of rocking the boat</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_2 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_6"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_7 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_23 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY FRIEDA LEVYCKY, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://bravingboundaries.com/">BRAVING BOUNDARIES</a></span> </em></span></h5> <h2></h2> <h2></h2> <h2><b>Introduction</b></h2> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Seriously, WTF?”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Ok. Those words didn’t exactly come out of my mouth on Justin and my jog around Newlands Forest a few weeks ago. What I actually said was: “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Thanks for waiting for me</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” in a fabulously passive aggressive tone, shrug of my shoulders, raised arms, head jutting forwards, raised eyebrows and a sneer on my face. Needless to say, “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Seriously, WTF?</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” was definitely conveyed!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And, as expected, one aggressive stance (whether verbally communicated or not) was met by another: </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“What’s that for? Why are you ‘kakking’ me out? I turned back at the corner, ran back for a bit so you could catch up and then carried on. Just like I always do!”</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Ah the joys of couple’s conflicts. And usually over the silliest things.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The funny thing is that it’s rare for me to enter into conflict voluntarily. In fact, I usually actively avoid conflict. Conflict makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable, results in direct confrontation, and leaves me feeling a mix of overwhelmed, exposed, guilty, vulnerable and fragile. These feelings are not generally my first pick of the bunch, and they can sometimes last weeks (if not years) on end.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Any yet, there are some occasions, like the above, that despite knowing that a conflict will no doubt ensue, I forge on ahead regardless. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Why is that?</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> What makes those particular circumstances different to others? </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, this got me thinking, are there actually benefits to conflict? Is this something which we should be encouraging rather than avoiding? </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_24 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Coping with conflict: our default position </b></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Before looking at the benefits of conflict, I’d like you to consider what your default position is when it comes to conflict. If it helps, sit for a minute and consider the last argument you had with someone.</span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Perhaps you are someone who relishes a good “ding dong” to clear the air? The issue is out in the open. Everyone knows how you feel about the situation. Case closed. Move on (The </span><b>REACTIVE</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> approach).</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Perhaps you avoid conflict. What good can come of it anyway? Someone (if not everyone) always gets hurt. Best not to upset the apple cart. I’m sure we can find a silver-lining to the situation anyway (The </span><b>POSITIVE OUTLOOK</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> approach).</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Perhaps you see conflict as merely a problem to be resolved. Remove the emotion and apply a rational and logical approach to reach a resolution (The </span><b>COMPETENCY</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> approach).</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Or perhaps you’re like me: You’d prefer to shy away from conflict, but, sometimes you just can’t resist a dig despite knowing you’ll need to deal with the fallout.</span></li> </ul> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Where do you think you sit within these conflict styles? Each of these conflict styles (</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">harmonics</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">)</span><sup>1</sup><span style="font-weight: 400;"> have both their benefits and detriments and, in fact, we should work towards being able to access the full range of conflict styles, so that we can navigate each conflictual situation with greater flexibility and ease. Alicia will explore conflict styles in greater detail in next week’s article.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For the remainder of this article though, I want to consider the overall benefits of conflict (irrespective of the conflict style you use). </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_9"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/Embracing-conflict-5-benefits-of-rocking-the-boat-1.jpg" alt="" title="Embracing conflict 5 benefits of rocking the boat (1)" class="wp-image-5492" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_25 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>The benefits of conflict</b></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Let’s be honest for a second. Conflict is a natural and inevitable part of life. It may not be a regular occurrence, but put any two people together for long enough and conflict will ensue. We’re humans, not robots. None of us think, feel or act exactly the same way. What a boring world it would be if we did! </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We each have needs, desires, values and opinions that, from time to time, will clash with those of our friends, our partners, our children and our colleagues, leading to heated discussions, passive aggressive comments, fights or, in my mother’s case, the day long silent treatment!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Despite the discomfort that many of us feel towards conflict, it has a number of benefits:</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_7 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_8 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_10"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_9 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_26 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Conflict identifies underlying issues</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – Conflict often serves as a catalyst for uncovering and addressing underlying issues in relationships, friendships or teams. You know as well as I do that the incidents causing the conflict are rarely the real issue at hand. When conflicts arise, they provide a unique opportunity to delve deeper into the root causes of the disagreements and tensions. By acknowledging and exploring underlying issues, we can gain valuable insights into differing perspectives, unmet needs and miscommunications. And it, sure as heck, removes the elephant from the room!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In the example above, our quarrel had nothing to do with Justin not waiting for me. It was all to do with the fact that I was supposed to be the good runner in the couple (he was the cyclist) and yet he was stronger and quicker than me. I had started to doubt my capabilities and fitness levels and started to feel “not good enough”. It was those underlying issues that needed to be released, and the conflict brought them to the surface.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_8 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_10 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_11"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_11 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_27 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Conflict increases personal growth</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – Following on from 1) above, conflict provides us with the opportunity to improve our self-awareness. When underlying issues are explored, we become aware of how our behaviour, attitude and/or communication style have contributed to the conflict at hand. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Embarrassingly, our tête-à-tête, once again highlighted for me my passive-aggressive tendencies when it comes to conflict. This approach supports my desire to avoid conflict, but at the same time vent my frustrations (admittedly indirectly) with the situation. Inevitably though, it ends up as a direct confrontation anyway with a good hour of silence afterwards. “Fun” times. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But conflictual situations give us the chance to acknowledge the impact of our conflict style and adjust our behaviour and approach accordingly. So not </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">all</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> bad.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_9"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_12 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_12"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/Embracing-conflict-5-benefits-of-rocking-the-boat-2.jpg" alt="" title="Embracing conflict 5 benefits of rocking the boat (2)" class="wp-image-5490" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_10 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_13 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_13"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_14 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_28 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Conflict improves relationships and makes us better communicators</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– Conflict, if handled correctly, can improve communication. By actively listening to what the other person is saying, engaging in a dialogue, considering that person’s perspective, providing your own perspective and intentionally working together to find a resolution, people can build trust and respect for each other, ultimately leading to stronger relationships. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Using a different example, during the 6-week COVID lock down in April/May 2020, I was able to continue working remotely whereas Justin was not. As a result, he took on the household duties (actually, he always does), and I continued to work as normal. Now, I’m not the tidiest of people and I often leave my clothes lying around (much to the irritation of all of my family). By the third week of lock-down, Justin calmly asked me if we could have a chat. He told me that, although he knew that it was not my intention, he felt that I really undervalued his efforts around the house. He felt disrespected and unappreciated. Oh crumbs! That was certainly </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">not</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> my intention. In fact, I hadn’t even contemplated that my actions could impact someone in that manner. His approach to the situation (which was, in every essence, a conflict) allowed us to bring awareness to the issues, explain our perspectives and create a solution to address the problem moving forwards. All without either of us feeling that we’d not been heard.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_11 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_15 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_14"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_16 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_29 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Conflict effects change</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – When conflicts arise, they highlight existing issues, disparities or outdated practices that require attention. Conflict often prompts individuals and organisations to re-evaluate their current actions and behaviours, leading to the exploration of new ideas, perspectives and approaches. Conflict can also ignite passionate discussions, inspire innovation and challenge the status quo, pushing individuals and groups to think collaboratively and creatively.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">From my career as a legal practitioner, people’s frustration with the hierarchy, the billable hours and poor work-life balance, (amongst other things) resulted in a lot of conflict amongst partners and senior associates alike. Over time, these conflicts have resulted in a new breed of lawyer and legal practice emerging. No longer is “Big Law” the only option. Boutique law firms with purpose driven values (rather than profit driven values) now compete with the City Firms. Individual lawyers have opted to work as consultants or contractors rather than full time employees, many of which are supported by alternative legal service providers such as </span><a href="https://www.cognialaw.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Cognia Law</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">. And Artificial Intelligence is also making its mark in the legal arena reducing time-wasting tasks, enhancing legal research and supporting contract analysis. All changes which have ultimately resulted due to a difference of opinion in approach. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_12"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_17 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_15"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/innovation.jpg" alt="" title="innovation" class="wp-image-5509" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_13 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_18 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_16"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_19 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_30 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Conflict creates awareness and re-establishes boundaries</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – Conflict is not something everyone enters into lightly. So, when an individual is prepared to step into the conflict arena and consciously engage in conflict, they do so because they believe that fight is worth having. Conflict offers us the opportunity to re-assess what is most important to us (our values), whether those values are being met, and whether appropriate boundaries are in place to protect those values.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">This is probably the only situation where I find conflict remotely bearable, when I’m fighting </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">for </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">something that I truly believe in. Whether that be standing up against inappropriate behaviour in the office or fighting for a promotion/pay rise because I know that I deserve it. In those circumstances, I’m prepared to take on the wrath of my opponent if it honours my beliefs and values. In each of those situations, not only have I reminded myself of the things that are most important to me, but I’ve re-established my boundaries for others. They are made aware of the line I am not prepared to cross. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_14"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_20 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_31 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Consequences of avoiding conflict</b></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">There are ways and means of approaching conflict, but constructive conflict (i.e. conflict that embraces different ideas and viewpoints) benefits us. In contrast:</span></p> <p> </p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>Avoiding conflict risks compromising our values and principles</b><span style="font-weight: 400;">, resulting in us choosing to remain silent or go along with situations that contradict what we truly believe in. This dissonance between our actions and values can lead to a sense of inner conflict and dissatisfaction.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>Avoiding conflict allows underlying issues to fester</b><span style="font-weight: 400;">, resulting in unresolved tensions and resentments that can gradually erode relationships and create long-lasting damage. By avoiding conflict, we miss the opportunity to address and resolve small problems early on, allowing them to escalate into larger, more complex issues over time.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>Avoiding conflict limits our opportunity for personal growth</b><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Whereas conflict allows us to explore new perspectives, create self-awareness and develop our problem-solving skills; avoiding conflict stifles self-expression, impedes emotional intelligence and prevents the opportunity for self-reflection that arises from confronting and navigating challenging situations.</span></li> </ul></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_32 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Conclusion</b></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As much as I struggle with conflict, it clearly does have its benefits. And embracing constructive conflict can have a transformative impact on our lives and relationships. By recognising the value of conflict and approaching it with openness, curiosity and a willingness to learn, we can harness its power to foster growth, strengthen relationships and create positive change in our lives. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">While this is not a “call to arms”, perhaps it </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">is</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> time to go forth and rock the boat. Embrace conflict and accept it for what it is: a catalyst for growth and understanding and an opportunity to navigate life’s challenges with just a tad more resilience and grace.</span></p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p><em><span style="font-weight: 400;"> <sup>1 </sup>Integrative Enneagram for Practitioners, Dirk Cloete</span></em></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_17"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/conflict-CTA.jpg" alt="" title="conflict CTA" class="wp-image-5510" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/embracing-conflict-5-benefits-of-rocking-the-boat/">Embracing conflict: 5 benefits of rocking the boat</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/embracing-conflict-5-benefits-of-rocking-the-boat/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> </channel> </rss>