<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><rss version="2.0" xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/" xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/" xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" xmlns:sy="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/syndication/" xmlns:slash="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/slash/" > <channel> <title>finding your groove Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <atom:link href="https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/finding-your-groove/feed/" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" /> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/finding-your-groove/</link> <description>PROFESSIONAL LIFE COACHING & TRAINING</description> <lastBuildDate>Thu, 22 Jul 2021 06:03:05 +0000</lastBuildDate> <language>en-ZA</language> <sy:updatePeriod> hourly </sy:updatePeriod> <sy:updateFrequency> 1 </sy:updateFrequency> <image> <url>https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Asset-1.svg</url> <title>finding your groove Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/finding-your-groove/</link> <width>32</width> <height>32</height> </image> <item> <title>Finding Motivation at 40</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/finding-motivation-at-40/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/finding-motivation-at-40/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 21 Jul 2021 09:41:30 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Uncategorised]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[attorney]]></category> <category><![CDATA[attorney life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[attorneys]]></category> <category><![CDATA[beyond law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[big law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[big law life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[climbing the corporate ladder]]></category> <category><![CDATA[corporate life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[corporate world]]></category> <category><![CDATA[demotivated]]></category> <category><![CDATA[demotivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[executive coaching]]></category> <category><![CDATA[extrinsic motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[feeling inspired]]></category> <category><![CDATA[female lawyers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[finding your groove]]></category> <category><![CDATA[finding your mojo]]></category> <category><![CDATA[intrinsic motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[junior attorney]]></category> <category><![CDATA[junior lawyer]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lacking motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law recruiters]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law students]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer careers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer coach]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer lifestyle]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer problems]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer tips]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal environment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal firm life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal professionals]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal recruiter]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal recruitment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal secretaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal services]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal talent]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal world]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life after law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life coach]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life coaching]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lost your mojo]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health matters]]></category> <category><![CDATA[motivate me]]></category> <category><![CDATA[motivate yourself]]></category> <category><![CDATA[motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[motivation challenge]]></category> <category><![CDATA[negative motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[online challenge]]></category> <category><![CDATA[positive motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[professional coaching]]></category> <category><![CDATA[time matters]]></category> <category><![CDATA[you matter]]></category> <category><![CDATA[young attorney]]></category> <category><![CDATA[young lawyer]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/motivate-me-what-to-do-when-youve-lost-your-mojo-copy/</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Staying motivated is hard - unless the task you are looking to achieve has a greater, positive purpose. Here's what keeps me motivated.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/finding-motivation-at-40/">Finding Motivation at 40</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[ <h5 class="wp-block-heading"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></em></h5> <p></p> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>It’s an inside job today!</em></strong></h2> <p>I have been thinking a lot about the term “High-Fliers” recently. And what it really means.</p> <p>This is probably due to the fact that during all this “Lockdown” time I have been indulging in some true RomCom classics, like the Bridget Jones trilogy (it’s an obvious one). Of specific meaning, at least to this particular conversation, is <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2DFQNPx5sxA" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Bridget Jones – Edge of Reason</a>. It’s hilarious. But it is also significant. For a number of reasons. </p> <p>Of particular importance is the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0OdXXYKj6rY" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Legal Quiz scene</a> and the discussion between Bridget and Giles Benwick – </p> <figure class="wp-block-pullquote is-style-default"><blockquote><p><em> “<strong>Giles</strong> – You see, there’s the high-fliers, like Annabel and Mark Darcy and there’s the gorgeous girls, like Rebecca there and there’s the rest of us.</em></p><p><em><strong>Bridget</strong> – Like you and me, you mean?</em></p><p><em><strong>Giles</strong> – Absolutely. l mean, look at the state of us. You and me stumbled into the VlP room by mistake and it’s only a matter of moments before they show us the door”. </em></p></blockquote></figure> <p>You see, I have found myself relating more and more to the Bridget’s and Giles’s of the world rather than the high-fliers like Mark Darcy and Rebecca Gillies. Stumbling into the VIP room myself. By mistake of course. And now waiting to be shown the door……</p> <p>So the other day, when I tried to think of who the high-fliers in my circle of friends and colleagues were, there was one name that came to mind immediately – <em>Frieda Levycky</em>.</p> <p>She is the very definition of a “High Flier”. I mean she has done more than most. Climbing mountains whilst achieving Senior Associate status (after only a few years of practice), becoming Head of Global Mergers & Acquisitions by 34, General Counsel by 35 and Partner by 36. And always remaining in tip- top physical condition by spending hours in the gym achieving abs of steel (making a lot of us green with envy). </p> <p><em>And that’s a long list of tick items that some of us have yet to tick. </em></p> <p>Whilst I, on the other hand, resemble very much (not because of any illicit drugs but because of a general sense of “WTF”?) Bridget on the beach in Thailand, dazed and confused – <a href="https://tenor.com/view/bridget-jones-renee-zellweger-edge-of-reason-bridget-jones-diary-workingtitlefilms-gif-15268280" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><em>Looking at all the pretty colours</em></a><em>….</em></p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/motivate-me-life-coaching-for-lawyers-1024x711-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3088"/><figcaption>© 2004 Universal Studios and Studio Canal and Miramax Film Corp.</figcaption></figure> <p>You can imagine my shock, when I heard that Frieda was <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/motivate-me-what-to-do-when-youve-lost-your-mojo/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">struggling to find motivation</a> after varying levels of lockdown resulting in months and months of inconsistency and <em>“loss of mojo”.</em> </p> <p>It seems that even the High Fliers had come down to earth to spend a little time with the rest of us. But let’s be honest. Frieda is only human. Not infallible nor super human. </p> <p>She is<em> “just a girl standing in front of a salad, wishing it was a cupcake” </em>kind of girl.</p> <p>Just like the rest of us. </p> <p>And we can all relate. </p> <p>Turning 40 has a way of sneakily creeping up on you. On tippy toes. In the dark. Making no noise at all, until it gets right up behind you and claps its hands.</p> <p><em>FRRRREEEEEAKING you the hell out!</em></p> <p>And with my own sneaky 40 creeping up on me too, I just had to sit down with Frieda to find out <em>what’s what.</em> </p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>What’s the T girlfriend?</em></strong></h2> <p>So like all girlfriends, Frieda and I got together over a lovely glass of Chardonnay (via Zoom of course) and discussed mojo, the need to find motivation, what can deter you, what can encourage you and of course what turning 40 means….</p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/motivate-me-life-coaching-for-lawyers2-1024x711-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3089"/></figure> <p>What set this all in motion was Frieda’s feeling of being a little lack-lustered and struggling to get back to her active self. Being someone who thrives on staying active, who thrives on challenges and who thrives on excelling, she decided to start the “Motivate Me” challenge. She has set out to do a 40-day yoga challenge from 1 July to 11 August – focusing on healthy, positive intrinsic motivation (i.e. internal rewards) rather than focusing on any negativity (which she has done before). </p> <p>She is on day 22 and so far, has had a number of revelations…..</p> <p>But – <em>So far, so good. </em></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>The struggles of keeping motivated</em></strong></h2> <p>Frieda readily admits that she has historically been motivated and driven by fear and/or pain to succeed (obviously a negative motivation). No one can deny that it got her to the top. Quite quickly. But it also left her with scars and traumas that she has had to deal with over the years. </p> <p>Discovering and admitting that she has previously been motivated by fear and pain, led to a number of truths. <em>Hard truths.</em> </p> <p>As an example, this is the first time Frieda has ever undertaken a challenge or set out to achieve a goal from a positive intrinsic standpoint. And it has proven, in some circumstances, to be difficult. Previously Frieda had always had a clear goal in mind and often ended up taking on too much, justifying to herself that she was working hard to achieve a goal. And she would be rewarded at the end of it by a promotion or financial incentive. She has always been motivated by a long term vision – <em>“this is where I will be in 2 years’ time”. </em></p> <p>So undertaking something that was purely focused on her. Something that was not related to work. Something that actually took time away from her work, not resulting in a promotion or financial gain, left her in a bit of spin. Initially. Having her inner saboteur constantly saying – </p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li><em>How could she take time away from work for something personal?</em></li><li><em>Work is more important than personal goals.</em></li><li><em>You have no long-term vision here – what’s the point?</em></li><li><em>You have no real goal here – how will undertaking a yoga challenge benefit your career?</em></li></ul> <p>But through this challenge she has discovered that taking time out for herself has not affected her business, it has not affected her career. In fact, it has improved it all. </p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" width="1024" height="711" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/motivate-me-life-coaching-for-lawyers3-1024x711-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3090"/></figure> <p><strong>And the biggest realisation has been – </strong><strong><em>why are we always the first thing that we cross off our “to-do” list?</em></strong><strong> </strong></p> <p>It shouldn’t be this way. And by realising this, Frieda has found motivation in the fact that she does, in fact, have a clear goal which is supported by her purpose to have a healthy work-life balance. Where she can enjoy work as well as her personal time and not feel guilty about either. She is having fun, doing something new every day, excited to be challenged physically – she wants to keep on going. </p> <p>As a perfect example, she had a really tough week where she took on re-drafting a contract which required far more work than she initially realised. It sent her into a bit of a tailspin. Panic rose. And she thought to herself <em>“How can I take time out of my day to do something for myself when there is urgent work waiting?”</em></p> <p>But she forced herself to. Not something she would have done before. And by doing so, discovered – </p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li><em>Her perspective of what was really important and what was really urgent had changed.</em></li><li><em>She managed to clear her head, enabling her to truly apply her mind. She woke up the next day refreshed, with a renewed outlook and tackled the contract in a way that proved better than had she not taken the time out and slogged on.</em></li><li><em>In fact, had she slogged on, she’d have missed a key structuring point which would have resulted in the contract needing further changes at a later date. By taking time out for herself, she drafted the contract in a far better and more efficient way. </em></li></ul> <p>Putting herself on her own to-do list has, so far, been the biggest achievement of all. </p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="711" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/motivate-me-life-coaching-for-lawyers4-1024x711-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3091"/></figure> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>What’s working, what’s not?</em></strong></h2> <h3 class="wp-block-heading"><em>What’s working?</em></h3> <ol class="wp-block-list"><li><strong>Having a routine has been a saving grace. As routine often is: </strong>By diarising time for her yoga challenge – like any other meeting – it enabled Frieda to take time out. Without the guilt. Have a breather. And come back to her work refreshed, renewed and excited to tackle difficult tasks. Having variety in her routines has also kept things interesting for her. Something Frieda needs in her life. </li><li><strong>Having a yoga instructor is important for her. </strong>Ensuring she shows up – because someone has taken time out of their day to dedicate to Frieda. It is a respect thing. Having accountability to someone is important. It has kept her on track and has kept her committed. The hardest yoga routines are the ones you have to tackle alone. The external motivation and having someone to “answer to” helps her stay on track. </li></ol> <p>But she has also realised that there is a big difference between doing something because you have to – because you have been told to – and doing something because you want to and have someone supporting you. That’s a positive motivation. And one which has kept her going. </p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="711" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/motivate-me-life-coaching-for-lawyers5-1024x711-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3092"/></figure> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h3 class="wp-block-heading"><em>What’s not working?</em></h3> <ol class="wp-block-list"><li><strong>The journal reflection exercise has been a challenge in itself!</strong> Having to reflect on her challenge on a day-to-day basis has not been easy. In fact, instead of feeling motivated and excited to document her journey, it has resulted in feelings of stress and anxiety at having to write feelings down daily. And that surprised her.</li></ol> <p>When she travelled abroad, during a time when she experienced an emotional transition in her life, she was able to document her feelings and what she was experiencing. Easily. The journals have served as a great record of this transitional point in her life. And she has looked back on them over the years with a sense of accomplishment and deep meaning. </p> <p>These things shouldn’t be forced. They need to flow easily. Otherwise, they don’t hold the meaning they should. </p> <p>So she has stopped journaling this particular journey and has rather focused on the overall positive impact on her life. With no real need for words.</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Her tips to stay motivated?</em></strong></h2> <p>This will be different for each person. We are all motivated differently (read Frieda’s article on motivation <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/motivate-me-what-to-do-when-youve-lost-your-mojo/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">here</a>). But for Frieda it has come down to having variety and fun. Being able to enjoy more than one thing during her “me” time. </p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="711" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/motivate-me-life-coaching-for-lawyers6-1024x711-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3093"/></figure> <p>It has come down to making the most out of her time – using it wisely. For Frieda, it has involved listening to audio books whilst on her way to her yoga class: such as <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Complete-Enneagram-Paths-Greater-Self-Knowledge/dp/1938314549" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">The Complete Enneagram: 27 Paths to Greater Self-Knowledge</a> by Beatrice Chestnut (a hugely beneficial developmental framework which provides deeper insight into your personality, motivation and self-limiting beliefs. It helps that Frieda is a trained Enneagram Coach!) and <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/154924.No_Shortcuts_to_the_Top" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">No Shortcuts to the Top: Climbing the World’s 14 Highest Peaks</a> by Ed Viesturs and David Roberts (seemingly quite apt during this challenge).</p> <p>By doing more than one of the things she loves in order to meet her work-life balance expectations, she has been able to affirm her core values and by doing so, she is now fully aware of what her core values are – variety, fun, intuition, trust and security. Knowing this enables her to focus her attentions on them in order to improve her overall wellness and life purpose. </p> <p>Let’s face it – “<em>variety and fun are often lacking for a self-proclaimed workaholic”</em> (Frieda’s words). But by doing her yoga every day and listening to her audio books, her need for variety and fun is being met. <strong><em>And when you live in line with your values, you have a purpose. </em></strong></p> <p>And that is an extremely powerful thing!</p> <p>Something she has learnt not only through her 40 day challenge, but something she has also learnt through <a href="https://www.integrative9.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">coaching around the Enneagram</a> (something she highly recommends).</p> <p>Staying intrinsically motivated in line with meeting her core values has really kept her on track. </p> <p><em>And living with purpose is awesome!</em></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Are there saboteurs trying to detract her from her goal?</em></strong></h2> <p>Absolutely!</p> <p>We all have our own inner Judge (someone Frieda met and got well acquainted with in her <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-naked-lawyer-judgment-free/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Naked Lawyer</a> article). </p> <p>You know that nagging negative nelly that always brings up your worst fears and deepest insecurities? That’s the culprit.</p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="711" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/motivate-me-life-coaching-for-lawyers7-1024x711-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3094"/></figure> <p>And Frieda has had this Judge in her head big time during the challenge!</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li><em>You shouldn’t take time out of your working day to do something for yourself!</em></li><li><em>You cannot put your needs before those of your clients! </em></li><li><em>What’s the point? Just be happy with who you are.</em></li><li><em>You have lost a couple of pounds already, so you may as well stop here.</em></li><li><em>You are only planning on doing this for 40 days, so it’s not such a big deal if you quit now.</em></li><li><em>This isn’t paying you, so you should focus on the things that do – like your clients.</em></li></ul> <p>And it took a lot of work to quieten that voice<em>. </em></p> <p><em>But shush it you must!</em></p> <p>Stay focused on your goals, especially when they align with your core values and give you purpose. </p> <p><em>Stay true to yourself and what you need to make your life full of meaning and purpose. </em></p> <p>It is an inside job.</p> <p>Just like Pearl Jam sang in <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GNwnMGpW90" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Inside job</a> – </p> <figure class="wp-block-pullquote"><blockquote><p><em>“I will not lose my faith</em></p><p><em>It’s an inside job today</em></p><p><em>I know this one thing well”</em></p></blockquote></figure> <p>It is important to remember that you too count. You need to be on your own to-do list. Your internal desires and needs for a fulfilling life are crucial. </p> <p>Do not lose your faith!</p> <figure class="wp-block-pullquote"><blockquote><p><em>“Life comes from within your heart and desire”…</em></p></blockquote></figure> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>What has been the real “Aha” moment?</em></strong></h2> <p>Everything is actually ok!</p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/motivate-me-life-coaching-for-lawyers8-1024x711-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3095"/></figure> <p>There has actually been no backlash for taking time out to do yoga. The world hasn’t fallen apart because she took 90 minutes out of her day to focus on her inner wellbeing. </p> <p>Work is getting done, even better than before, in a shorter period of time thanks to her renewed energy and focus. There is no one throwing their toys out the cot. No one shouting at her because she has taken time out of her day to do something for herself. In fact, most of her clients have been supportive, asking about the challenge and wanting to join. </p> <p><em>Now that’s a revelation for any professional…. The world doesn’t fall apart in your absence, clients don’t have conniptions and work still gets done. I mean, who would’ve thunk it? </em></p> <p>There will always be this fear that if you change something in your life, you have to give up something else. But that simply isn’t true. A sacrifice for the betterment of your life, is not always required. Both literally and figuratively…</p> <p>And that’s hard to remember. Especially during uncertain times, like COVID, lockdowns and looting. You always seem to default back to your old ways – the Judge firmly sitting on the bench in your subconscious. </p> <p>It is impossible to foresee all the difficulties you will face. In life in general really. </p> <p>There will always be self-awareness work that you will need to do. Working on yourself, facing your uncertainties, challenges and insecurities head on.</p> <p>Remembering to always take deep breaths.</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>And on turning 40?</em></strong></h2> <p>It’s really just a number. Truthfully.</p> <p>And by doing the work (on an ongoing basis), especially at 40, <em>instead of running for the hills you will learn to dance with your inner Judges as they come along.</em></p> <p>Finishing off our Zoom “fireside” chat (it is winter after all) and our respective glasses of Chardonnay, we come to one more conclusion (over a lot of laughter and toasts to our good health) – we absolutely agree with Bridget Jones!</p> <p><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W3QgZ5G72EM" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><em>“Smug – well it’s about time. So maybe just a little”.</em></a></p> <p>About time for what you may ask?</p> <p>For putting ourselves first. And not feeling guilty about it. </p> <p>For embracing our 40 year old status with excitement and joy! After all, just like a fine wine, you always get better with age. Remembering of course to store your bottles of wine well and ensuring you make yourself a priority! </p> <p>So, yeah, maybe we are being a little smug about that. <em>Because it’s about time!</em></p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><a href="http://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/feeling-demotivated-cta.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3096"/></a></figure> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <hr class="wp-block-separator"/> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-1 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist-1024x1024-1.jpg" alt=""/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p>About the writer, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong></p> <p>Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism. </p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/">The Legal Belletrist website</a>.</p> <p><strong>Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">[email protected]</a> </strong></p> </div> </div> <p>[et_bloom_inline optin_id=”optin_2″]</p> <p></p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/finding-motivation-at-40/">Finding Motivation at 40</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/finding-motivation-at-40/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Motivate me: What to do when you’ve lost your mojo!</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/motivate-me-what-to-do-when-youve-lost-your-mojo/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/motivate-me-what-to-do-when-youve-lost-your-mojo/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 29 Jun 2021 19:09:10 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Uncategorised]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[attorney]]></category> 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<category><![CDATA[legal world]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life after law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life coach]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life coaching]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lost your mojo]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health matters]]></category> <category><![CDATA[motivate me]]></category> <category><![CDATA[motivate yourself]]></category> <category><![CDATA[motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[motivation challenge]]></category> <category><![CDATA[negative motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[online challenge]]></category> <category><![CDATA[positive motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[professional coaching]]></category> <category><![CDATA[time matters]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[you matter]]></category> <category><![CDATA[young attorney]]></category> <category><![CDATA[young lawyer]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=3026</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>I’m one of the most active and motivated people I know. In my entire 39 years on this planet, I’ve moved. I’ve crawled, walked, run, climbed, hiked, cycled, skied, jumped, leaped, launched, rolled and tumbled – not always in the prettiest of fashions – But I have constantly been active. Constantly pushed myself. Constantly achieved. […]</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/motivate-me-what-to-do-when-youve-lost-your-mojo/">Motivate me: What to do when you’ve lost your mojo!</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[ <p>I’m one of the most active and motivated people I know. In my entire 39 years on this planet, I’ve moved. I’ve crawled, walked, run, climbed, hiked, cycled, skied, jumped, leaped, launched, rolled and tumbled – not always in the prettiest of fashions – But I have constantly been active. Constantly pushed myself. Constantly achieved.</p> <p>So, the last 18 months have come as a bit of a shock. </p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="711" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/how-to-keep-motivated1-1024x711-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3034"/></figure> <p>When lockdown hit and South Africa was thrown into a 6-week complete shutdown (we were only capable of leaving the house for shopping or a medical visit), my body gradually shut down too. </p> <p>Week 1 commenced by running around the house 20 times a day, a 45 minute cycle on the indoor bike whilst watching Top Gun; and an hour Tae Bo session with Billy Blanks dressed in 80’s garb. But the motivation rapidly dwindled.</p> <p>I had assumed that once the mountain re-opened, I would be back out on the Cape Town trails. Motivation fully resumed (after all – I had put on a couple of lockdown pounds). I did get back out there – sporadically. And loved it when I did. But I struggled to regain any form of consistency. </p> <p><em>What the heck was going on? This just wasn’t like me! The things that used to motivate me: staying slim; being the best; achieving the impossible – just weren’t incentivizing me anymore!</em></p> <p><strong><em>I know that I’m not alone in this demotivation journey. </em></strong></p> <p>But whether you are struggling to get out of bed in the morning; to find motivation to complete work tasks; to exercise or stick to healthy eating plans – that lack of motivation is adding an extra layer of stress to what is already an uncertain and anxiety-fueled world at present.</p> <p>So, I thought I’d write this article to share my realisations around my personal motivations over the last couple of months; and set out some new methods I’m testing to motivate myself to get back into exercise. Hopefully it will provide some food for thought with your own motivation struggles.</p> <p>[et_bloom_inline optin_id=”optin_2″]</p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>My worries around exploring the topic of motivation</strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/how-to-keep-motivated2-1024x711-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3035"/></figure> <p>I’m going to preface this article by saying that I was reluctant to look into my lack of motivation for fear of confirming a long-term belief I’ve held about success, drive and motivation. For years, I’ve believed that in order to be successful, you have to be driven by fear and/or pain. I’ll use myself as an example:</p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h3 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Negative motivation: Example 1</strong></h3> <p>Back when I was a teenager, a close family friend stopped speaking to me for three years. It was a difficult time. Emotions were heightened. Feelings were not discussed. And silly things were said out of pain and guilt. One of the last things said to me before the hiatus was that I wasn’t good enough to be a lawyer or to go to Harvard. </p> <p>As a result, although subconsciously, I spent the next 15 years constantly striving; working hard; stretching myself to be the best I possibly could in my career to prove them wrong. By the time our differences were resolved, that negative motivation was firmly entrenched. It drove me up the career ladder at full speed: achieving Senior Associate after 4 years of practice; Head of Global Mergers & Acquisitions by 34; General Counsel by 35 and Partner by 36.</p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h3 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Negative motivation: Example 2</strong></h3> <p>I grew up in the 80s/90s where the perverse notion that every woman needed to be a Size 0 or Size 00 was flaunted through every form of media. If you weren’t skeletal, then you were not attractive. The horror of being anything larger than a UK Size 10 was just not acceptable in society. You were a failure. Media in the 90’s certainly did women’s self-esteem a world of good! </p> <p>Once again, negatively motivated, I became obsessed with food and exercise. I ate like a mouse throughout university to try and control my weight – much to the horror of my poor housemate. I tried every faddy diet under the sun; from Atkins to the South Beach Diet to some weird concoction of cayenne pepper, lemon juice and maple syrup! </p> <p>As I stumbled through my 20s, my obsession with food was replaced by exercise. I trained for at least an hour every single day; if not twice a day. Running off the calories that I’d consumed. Woe betide I missed a day of exercise – the negative self-talk banshee would be there in full force. </p> <p>My most extreme was when I was a trainee solicitor living in Hong Kong. For those of you who have ever done a stint in Hong Kong, you’ll understand the concept of the “<em>Hong Kong Stone</em>”. Hong Kong is a city that never sleeps. As trainees / young associates we worked hard and we played even harder. Countless nights did we leave Jardine House at midnight; begin our walk home up the escalators to Mid-Levels and undoubtedly bump into someone we knew – which resulted in a detour to Lan Kwai Fong. For 8 months I survived on about 3 hours of sleep a night; a lot of alcohol and early morning breakfasts at the <em>Flying Pan</em>. It was certainly the most unhealthy lifestyle I’ve lived. </p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="711" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/hong-kong-skyline-1024x711-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3063"/></figure> <p>But, the fear of the Hong Kong Stone – the fear of not being attractive – motivated me every day to be at Pure Fitness at 6am. I spent an hour sweating on the cross trainer or running machine (clocking off season after season of the OC and One Tree Hill) before heading to the office for another long stint. And it worked: my abs were rock hard and into those skinny Size 8 jeans I slipped. The negative motivation once again worked.</p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Can you be successful without negative motivation?</strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="711" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/how-to-keep-motivated5-1024x711-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3038"/></figure> <p>So, fast-forward to 2020 – a time where I have:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>worked through all my historical traumas</li><li>worked on my self-confidence</li><li>become a lot kinder to myself</li><li>placed less emphasis on the way I look</li><li>developed a happy and loving relationship</li><li>created and started to live the lifestyle I love and want</li></ul> <p>I realized that I am no longer fueled by fear and negativity. And there rose the fear / resistance to look into this. What if my theory that you can only be successful if driven by fear/pain was true? Where does that leave me? How could I motivate myself if I was no longer in pain?</p> <p>So, let’s take a look at what motivation is and how it can transpire in our day to day lives.</p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>What is motivation?</strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/how-to-keep-motivated3-1024x711-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3036"/></figure> <p>Motivation is “<em>the reason or reasons for acting or behaving in a particular way</em>” (Oxford English Dictionary). </p> <p>In other words, motivation is why we do what we do. It’s our underlying driver, our reason, our purpose for taking action and behaving the way we do. It also explains why different people are motivated by different things.</p> <p>Motivation falls into two main categories: <strong>Intrinsic motivation </strong>and<strong> extrinsic motivation</strong>, and both of those types can be expressed in a positive way (<em>reward</em>) or a negative way (<em>punishment</em>).</p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h3 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Intrinsic motivation</strong> </h3> <p>Intrinsic motivation refers to behaviour that is driven by internal rewards. In other words, you do it because you gain personal joy and satisfaction from the activity rather than doing it because you are influenced by an external factor.</p> <p>An example of intrinsic motivation would be reading a book because you love escaping to a different world through literature. Whereas having to read a book in order to pass your Trusts exam would be an external influence. Granted – if you loved learning Trust law then this would constitute intrinsic motivation – but, for me – aie, aie aie! – I was glad to get those books off to the charity shop!</p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h3 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Extrinsic motivation</strong> </h3> <p>Extrinsic motivation, on the other hand, refers to behaviour driven by an external factor. This could be in the form of an external reward (i.e. I get something from someone else as a result of completing the activity) or an external punishment (i.e. I avoid something as a result of completing the activity).</p> <p>A few examples of extrinsic motivation are as follows:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>If I work hard, I’ll get a promotion / salary increase from my company (<em>reward</em>).</li><li>If I use my American Express card, I’ll get frequent flyer miles (<em>reward</em>).</li><li>If I comply with my fiduciary duties as a director, I won’t get fired or put in jail (<em>punishment</em>).</li><li>If I clean up the house, my flat mate won’t get mad and yell at me for being untidy (<em>punishment</em>).</li></ul> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Positive and negative motivation</strong></h2> <p>As you can see from the examples given above, intrinsic and extrinsic motivation can be expressed both in a positive or negative way. </p> <p>Using the desire / need to get back into exercise as an example, the diagram below highlights some possible intrinsic and extrinsic motivations which could trigger action. </p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/Motivation-diagram-1024x1024.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3028"/></figure> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Which style of motivation is better?</strong></h2> <p>Each style of motivation has the ability to move a person forward, but it is questionable whether extrinsic and negative motivation is sustainable.</p> <p>The “carrot and stick” approach – i.e. dangling rewards (such as the promise of a pay rise) or the threat of punishment (such as the fear of being fired) may increase motivation short-term, but eventually the influence of that motivation will wear off. For example, you’ll see in the corporate context, unless intrinsically motivated, staff will choose to leave unhealthy work situations even if there are prospects of a promotion or pay rise.</p> <p>And when it comes to intrinsic motivation, although negative intrinsic motivation may be an effective source of motivation, it is evident that it has detrimental consequences on an individual’s mental health: their self-confidence, self-worth and their value. </p> <p>Looking back on the two scenarios I highlighted at the beginning of this article, it’s clear that negative extrinsic motivation and negative intrinsic motivation fueled my own action, in so many aspects of my life. Especially when I was younger. It also had the effect of highlighting the fact that negative motivation and extrinsic motivation (whether positive or negative) are not sustainable forms of motivation in the long term. </p> <p>Unless our motivation is aligned with our personal values & beliefs, and there is a true internal benefit to us in performing the actions necessary – creating long-term, sustainable habits and practices and achieving long-term goals is always going to feel out of reach. </p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Finding some healthy and positive intrinsic motivation</strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/motivation-quote-1024x711-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3069"/></figure> <p>With all this research at my fingertips, I’ve decided to try and incentivize myself back into a consistent exercise routine from a stance of positive intrinsic motivation.</p> <p>As you can imagine, there are a variety of tools and techniques that can be found dotted around the internet suggesting ways in which to develop positive intrinsic motivation.</p> <p>I’d be a fraud if I were to tell you how to do it. Considering I’ve never tested it out for myself. So, instead I’ve pulled together various elements of the research I found to form the backbone of my experiment:</p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-2 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="1024" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1486"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p><strong><strong>Set a challenge which is not too easy and not too hard</strong></strong></p> <p>The theory is that a challenge is a good incentive to move you into action. But – you don’t want the challenge to be too easy – you’ll get bored; nor too hard – you’ll get disillusioned (<em>The Goldilocks Rule – a challenge that is “Just right”</em>).</p> <p>So, with my 40<sup>th</sup> birthday looming just around the corner, I’ve decided to undertake a 40-day yoga challenge from 1 July to 11 August. I will finish (all going according to plan) the day before my birthday.</p> <p>This challenge for me is a stretch. But it is also something I know I am capable of as I have completed a 40-day challenge before! Granted, it was 12 years ago!</p> </div> </div> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-3 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="1024" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1487"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p><strong><strong>Understand the positive internal benefits of taking on this challenge:</strong></strong></p> <p>I’ve worked through a number of questions (see worksheet attached) to really tap into why I want to get back into yoga, the benefits it will bring to me, and the saboteur tendencies that are likely to try and derail me.</p> </div> </div> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-4 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3-1024x1024.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1488"/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p><strong><strong>Journal</strong></strong></p> <p>I’m certain that this challenge is going to be far from easy. But to keep track of my progress, I’ve committed to keep myself accountable by documenting this journey in my journal. </p> </div> </div> <p></p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Will I re-find my yoga mojo? </em></strong></h2> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/how-to-keep-motivated6-1024x711-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3039"/></figure> <p>I honestly don’t know. I’ve never consciously motivated myself this way before. But, I’ll keep you updated on social media over the next 40 days. So, stay tuned!</p> <p>If you are in need of some motivation to kickstart a lifestyle change or reach a goal, and you’d like to join me on the “Motivate Me” challenge – by all means do so. </p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>Identify your 40-day goal / challenge</li><li>Determine your intrinsic motivation (download the worksheet below)</li><li>Grab yourself a journal and be ready to note down your daily progress.</li></ul> <p><em>We’re all in this together. </em></p> <p>I can honestly admit, hand-on-heart, that I don’t have the answers. But I’ll tell you one thing – I’m prepared to try something new!</p> <p>After all: <em>“If you want something you’ve never had, you must be willing to do something you’ve never done.”</em> – Thomas Jefferson.</p> <p>Success motivated from a place of happiness – well, who wouldn’t want that!</p> <p>[et_bloom_inline optin_id=”optin_2″]</p> <p></p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/motivate-me-what-to-do-when-youve-lost-your-mojo/">Motivate me: What to do when you’ve lost your mojo!</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/motivate-me-what-to-do-when-youve-lost-your-mojo/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> </channel> </rss>