<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><rss version="2.0" xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/" xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/" xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" xmlns:sy="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/syndication/" xmlns:slash="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/slash/" > <channel> <title>fear Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <atom:link href="https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/fear/feed/" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" /> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/fear/</link> <description>PROFESSIONAL LIFE COACHING & TRAINING</description> <lastBuildDate>Wed, 16 Jul 2025 14:34:08 +0000</lastBuildDate> <language>en-ZA</language> <sy:updatePeriod> hourly </sy:updatePeriod> <sy:updateFrequency> 1 </sy:updateFrequency> <image> <url>https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Asset-1.svg</url> <title>fear Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/fear/</link> <width>32</width> <height>32</height> </image> <item> <title>Facing the uncontrollable: Managing irrational fears</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/facing-the-uncontrollable-managing-irrational-fears/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/facing-the-uncontrollable-managing-irrational-fears/#comments</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 21 Nov 2024 06:19:07 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[The Fears series]]></category> <category><![CDATA[conquering anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[coping with anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional resilience]]></category> <category><![CDATA[facing your fears]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of drowning]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of flying]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of public speaking]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of the unknown]]></category> <category><![CDATA[how to manage fears]]></category> <category><![CDATA[irrational fears]]></category> <category><![CDATA[letting go of fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[living with uncertainty]]></category> <category><![CDATA[managing fear and anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[overcoming fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[practical tips for fear management]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=234987</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/facing-the-uncontrollable-managing-irrational-fears/">Facing the uncontrollable: Managing irrational fears</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_0 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_0"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_0 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_0 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY FRIEDA LEVYCKY, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/" style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;">BRAVING BOUNDARIES</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em></em></span></strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’m terrified of being in the water. Sharks, the unknown depths below, Cape Town’s freezing temperature and the fact I’m not the strongest swimmer, all contribute to this fear. Throw in that I nearly drowned when I was six, and it’s safe to say the ocean and I have a complicated relationship.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Am I over it? Absolutely not. But there was a point when I realised that if I didn’t at least try, I’d miss out on some of life’s most incredible experiences. Things like snorkelling with friends in Bali, swimming across the equator in Uganda, surfing (once) in Bondi and jet-skiing around James Bond Island in Thailand. And yes, even having my bum kissed by a grouper fish in the Whitsundays – an entertaining experience for all those watching! So, I took swimming lessons. I didn’t enjoy it and I still have that familiar pang of dread when I think about jumping into open water, but I’ve chipped away at the fear enough to stop it ruling my life.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">That’s the thing about irrational fears. They have this way of taking hold of us, limiting us and making the world feel smaller. So how do we manage them when they’re not exactly logical?</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_0"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Woman-Snorkeling-by-blueorangestudio.png" alt="Woman Snorkeling by blueorangestudio" title="Woman Snorkeling by blueorangestudio" class="wp-image-234994" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_1 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>What are irrational fears?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_2 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Irrational fears are tricky to pin down. They’re not like rational fears that kick in to keep us safe e.g. the ones that stop us from touching a hot stove or walking into traffic. Instead, irrational fears creep in and blow things wildly out of proportion. They tell us that if we don’t control every little detail, disaster is just around the corner. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">These fears can come from past experiences (like almost drowning), stories we’ve been told or just our own imagination. And even though they don’t make much sense, they feel very, very real.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <h3><b>Common examples of irrational fears</b></h3> <p><b></b></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">You might recognise some of these: </span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Keeping your kids on a short leash because you’re terrified something bad will happen. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Avoiding outdoor adventures during snake season – even when the chances of seeing one are pretty slim. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Worrying that every little ache or pain is the start of a rare, life-altering illness. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Refusing to get on a plane because turbulence might mean disaster – even though you know flying is far safer than driving.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Dreading public speaking because you are convinced that you’ll forget your words, trip over your feet or face judgment from everyone in the room.</span></li> </ul> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Sound familiar? The problem is, when these fears go unchecked, they don’t just sit quietly in the background. They stop us from living.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_1"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Plane-in-the-Sunset-Sky-by-jakubgojda.png" alt="" title="Plane in the Sunset Sky by jakubgojda" class="wp-image-234992" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_3 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Why do we have irrational fears?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_4 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Our brains are wired to protect us. The fight-or-flight response kicks in whenever it thinks we’re in danger, but it’s not always the best judge of what’s </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">actually</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> dangerous. Instead, it reacts to uncertainty with a loud, panicky: “</span><b><i>What if?!</i></b><span style="font-weight: 400;">”.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The world is messy and unpredictable and, as much as we’d like to, we can’t control everything. Irrational fears are often about trying to create the illusion of control – but that illusion comes at a cost.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_5 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>So how do we manage irrational fears?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_6 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The good news is that you don’t have to let these fears control you. Here are a few things that have helped me and others overcome their irrational fears:</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_1 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_1 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_2"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_2 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_7 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Name the fear</strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Start by acknowledging the fear. Say it out loud. Write it down. Whatever works. Once you name it, it becomes something you can deal with rather than something that just looms in the background.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_2 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_3 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_3"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_4 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_8 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Check the odds</strong></p> <p><b></b><span style="font-weight: 400;">Ask yourself: </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“What are the real chances of this fear actually becoming a reality?”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Nine times out of ten, they’re much lower than your fear would have you believe. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_3 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_5 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_4"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_6 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_9 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Reframe it</strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">What can you control? For me, it was learning to swim. I couldn’t make the ocean safer or warmer or shark-free, but I could make myself feel a little more confident in the water. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_4 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_7 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_5"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_8 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_10 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Start small </strong></p> <p><b></b><span style="font-weight: 400;">You don’t need to dive straight into the deep end – literally or figuratively. Take baby steps. Dip your toes in, get comfortable and go from there. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Clearly, I couldn’t resist the swimming pun </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"><img src="https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/15.0.3/72x72/1f60a.png" alt="😊" class="wp-smiley" style="height: 1em; max-height: 1em;" /></span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></i></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_5 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_9 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_6"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_10 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_11 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Talk it through</strong></p> <p><b></b><span style="font-weight: 400;">Whether it’s with a friend, a coach or a therapist, sharing your fear can give you a fresh perspective. Sometimes just hearing someone say: </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“That’s not as scary as it sounds”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">, is enough to quieten the panic. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_6 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_11 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_7"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/6.jpg" alt="" title="6" class="wp-image-1491" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_12 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_12 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Stay in the present</strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When your fear spirals into worst-case scenarios, grounding techniques can help. Focus on your surroundings, take a few deep breaths and remind yourself that you’re ok right now. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_7"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_13 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_8"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Frieda-Levycky-Cape-Town.png" alt="" title="Frieda Levycky Cape Town" class="wp-image-234993" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_13 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>What happens when you let go of your irrational fear?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_14 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The reality is that no one gets through life without uncertainty. However, the more you let irrational fears dictate your actions, the more of life you miss out on. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’m still not a water baby, but I’ll never forget the feeling of snorkelling in crystal-clear waters in Bali and seeing the shoals of brightly-coloured angelfish, clownfish and butterflyfish. That experience alone was worth every uncomfortable step I took to get there.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_15 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>What irrational fear is holding you back?</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_16 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, what about you? Is there an irrational fear that is stopping you from doing something you love or want to experience? If so, what’s one small step you can take to face it? </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Bravery isn’t about being fearless. It’s about feeling the fear, doing it anyway and discovering that life on the other side is usually far less scary (and far more rewarding) than you imagined.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_9"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image-5.png" alt="" title="End of blog post CTA image (5)" class="wp-image-6274" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/facing-the-uncontrollable-managing-irrational-fears/">Facing the uncontrollable: Managing irrational fears</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/facing-the-uncontrollable-managing-irrational-fears/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>1</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Living with the Fear of Rejection</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/living-with-the-fear-of-rejection/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/living-with-the-fear-of-rejection/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 30 Oct 2024 14:00:35 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Lessons Learned]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[The Fears series]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Coping mechanisms]]></category> <category><![CDATA[coping with fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Coping with rejection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional resilience]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional well-being]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Fear of Rejection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fears]]></category> <category><![CDATA[live your life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[managing fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Managing rejection anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Mental health tips]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Mindset and resilience]]></category> <category><![CDATA[overcoming challenges]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Overcoming rejection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Rejection sensitivity]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-confidence building]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-help strategies]]></category> <category><![CDATA[The Fear Series]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=234920</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/living-with-the-fear-of-rejection/">Living with the Fear of Rejection</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_1 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_8"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_14 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_17 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY FRIEDA LEVYCKY, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/" style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;">BRAVING BOUNDARIES</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><span style="color: #be9727;"></span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">This article forms part of “The Fears Series”. With the Fear of Rejection being so prevalent for many people, we’ve written two articles on the topic: one from Frieda’s perspective (Founder of Braving Boundaries) and <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/facing-the-fear-of-rejection/">one from Alicia’s perspective</a> (Founder of the Legal Belletrist). Take a read.</span></i></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’d love to know what it’s like to live without the fear of rejection. Imagine how freeing that must feel! But for as long as I can remember, this notion of rejection has always been present. It’s almost like a shadow lingering quietly in the background; that familiar sensation that reminds me of the “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">what ifs</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Fear of rejection isn’t a simple, one-layered issue and it’s not just about the rejection itself. It goes beyond the sting of hearing “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">no</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” or the awkwardness of being ghosted. It’s the </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">ripple effect</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> we fear. What if that “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">no</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” says something about me – about my worth, my abilities or even my future?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As humans, we have this natural need to belong; to be liked, wanted and accepted. From childhood, we learn the importance of fitting in. It’s so entrenched within us that Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs even allocates a whole level to it! Rejection threatens that. It gnaws away at our sense of belonging and safety.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But where does this fear come from? Well, I think it’s a mix of things: a deep need to feel secure, accepted and valued. When we’re rejected (or think we’re being rejected), it can feel like a blow to our self-worth. It challenges our sense of who we are and, let’s face it, none of us like the idea of being told “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">you’re not enough</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”. We’ve all felt it at some point … so we all know how painful that feels.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_18 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>My experience of the fear of rejection</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_10"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/10/Rejecting-Bribery-in-an-Envelope-by-89Stocker.png" alt="" title="Rejecting Bribery in an Envelope by 89Stocker" class="wp-image-234956" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_19 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The fear of rejection has held me back at various stages of my life:</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <ul> <ul> <li><b>Job interviews</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – Well, I avoided those like the plague! Putting myself forward and potentially hearing: “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Thanks, but no thanks</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” was always unsettling. I’m pretty sure that this particular version of my fear of rejection stems from the constant rejection / radio silence I experienced when applying for Summer Internships. I spent hours filling in the forms and I couldn’t help but wonder what the rejection / non-responsiveness said about me. Was I not good enough?<br /></span><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>Asking for a pay rise</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – There have been many times where I have avoided having the pay rise conversation arguing that it would be a pointless exercise. But really, I avoided that conversation because I feared hearing the justification for the negative response. Not only would it make me question my value in the workplace, but I also feared being seen as greedy or out of line. It was irrelevant that I also knew that I was only asking for what I deserved. The fear trumped the logic most times.<br /></span><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>Telling people I was a coach</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – Yes, Yes, I know! Transitioning from a well-established legal career to a flourishing coaching career felt daunting though. Would people take me seriously? Or would they see me as just another person jumping on the coaching bandwagon? The fear of losing credibility amongst my peers and network – or no longer “belonging” – was very real for me, and it held me back from truly stepping into my identity as a Coach for a good couple of years.</span><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>Promoting Braving Boundaries</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – SALES! The word still fills me with dread. When it comes to marketing services to corporates, rejection is a given and it comes in many forms: radio silence, vague responses or budget constraints. It requires a thick skin to push on through – perhaps that’s why most new businesses fail within the first 2-4 years of being established. The fear of rejection makes you avoid putting yourself out there; letting people know how you can help them. This, in turn, chips away at your confidence and makes you question your entire business.</span></li> </ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">Dating</b><span style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;"> – Ah, dating! I’ve lost count of how many times I avoided online dating or being set up by friends simply because the fear of rejection was too overwhelming. The fear of opening up to someone and being natural and vulnerable – i.e. being me – and then being told: “</span><i style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">I just don’t fancy you enough</i><span style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">” or “</span><i style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">I think we should just be friends</i><span style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">” or “</span><i style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">Maybe we could keep things casual</i><span style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">” or “</span><i style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">You’re great, but …</i><span style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">”, hit me right to the core. Vulnerability combined with rejection? No thank you! It’s honestly a miracle I ever got married!</span><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></li> </ul></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_20 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>The ripple effect of the fear of rejection</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_11"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/10/Sad-woman-suffering-by-bymuratdeniz-from-Getty-Images-Signature.png" alt="" title="Sad woman suffering by bymuratdeniz from Getty Images Signature" class="wp-image-234957" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_21 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The fear of rejection can manifest in different ways for each of us. For some of you, it will stop you entirely while for others, like me, it leads to procrastination and delay. Save in the case of dating, the fear of rejection didn’t stop me from taking action, but it did make me hesitate – whether in job interviews, asking for a pay rise or promoting Braving Boundaries. It made me worry about how rejection would reflect on my abilities, identity and self-worth, and caused me to delay taking the steps I knew I needed to in order to progress.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For others though, this fear might show up as staying in a comfortable role or relationship to avoid the potential pain of rejection. It might keep someone from sharing their ideas or speaking up – fearing criticism or failure (there is a separate article on that). This fear (while seemingly protective) often holds us back. It keeps us stuck and undermines our confidence. Whether it’s in personal relationships, careers or creative pursuits, the fear of rejection stalls progress. It leaves us questioning our worth and comparing ourselves to those who seem to push through without hesitation.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_22 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Overcoming the fear of rejection</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_23 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If the above sounds all too familiar, just know that you are not alone. I’ve set out below some of the tried and tested strategies which have helped me address my fear of rejection over the years (and still help me today):</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_9 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_15 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_12"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_16 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_24 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Explore where your fear of rejection comes from</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– The fear of rejection often has roots deep in our past. It might stem from a specific incident that knocked your confidence or perhaps it’s been a lifelong struggle to feel accepted. Either way, it’s important to recognise that what we perceive as rejection may not have been rejection at all. It’s simply how we’ve interpreted it. Working with a counsellor can help you explore and, more importantly, reframe that incident. By revisiting it, you might discover that the rejection you’ve carried for so long was more about perception than reality. Seeing it for what it truly was can help you release its grip. Separate your current situation from the past. They are not the same and it’s time to stop letting the past define your present.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_10 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_17 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_13"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_18 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_25 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Fact-check your beliefs</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– So often, our fears aren’t grounded in reality. They are beliefs we carry around with us. A great way to check is to ask yourself: “</span><strong><i>What proof do I have that this fear is justified?</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">”. Take, for example, my fear that no one will show up for a workshop. Is there any factual reason to believe that? Have I ever had a workshop where no one signed up? Is there something else occurring on that date which might prevent people from attending? This exercise helps to challenge those beliefs and bring you back to reality. If the response is no – then you’re confirming that your thoughts are fear-driven beliefs and not facts. If the response to any of the questions is yes (i.e. the fear has a factual base), then explore that further – what can be adjusted or done differently? This is a great exercise to work through with a friend/coach/partner. Having someone asking these questions who is not emotionally tied to the outcome, can bring much needed perspective to the situation.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_11 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_19 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_14"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_20 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_26 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Rejection is just a change in direction.</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">Rejection stings – there’s no denying that – but, more often than not, it’s simply redirecting us to where we’re meant to be. What do they say? “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"><strong>When one door closes another door opens</strong>”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. It’s about shifting our perspective from seeing rejection as a final judgment on our worth to seeing it as part of the process. Sometimes a “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">no</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” is just a way of clearing space for a better “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">yes</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” down the line. Instead of viewing rejection as the end of the road, try to see it as a detour that’s leading you to an opportunity that you wouldn’t have discovered otherwise.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_12"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_21 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_15"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/10/Changing-business-management-concept.-by-tadamichi-from-Getty-Images.png" alt="" title="Changing business management concept. by tadamichi from Getty Images" class="wp-image-234955" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_13 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_22 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_16"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_23 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_27 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Not everyone is your person</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– In life, whether it’s in relationships, job interviews or even friendships, we won’t always be the right fit for everyone. And that’s ok. Just because someone doesn’t choose you (whether personally or professionally), it doesn’t mean you’re not enough. It simply means that what they’re looking for might be different from what you can offer. It’s about finding the people or opportunities that align with who you are, not trying to be something you’re not. The right people will see and appreciate your unique value. Keep putting yourself out there because your people and your opportunities are out there too.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_14 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_24 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_17"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_25 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_28 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Celebrate the small wins</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – Let’s face it, overcoming the fear of rejection is no small feat. So, when you do step out of your comfort zone – whether it’s sending that email, asking for that raise or swiping right – celebrate it. Those moments of courage deserve recognition, no matter the outcome.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_15"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_26 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_29 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Final Thoughts</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_30 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The fear of rejection is something many of us carry and it can shape so much of what we do (or don’t do) in life. But it doesn’t have to control us. By understanding where that fear comes from, challenging our beliefs and learning to see rejection as part of the journey, we can begin to move through it. It’s not about eliminating the fear entirely but about learning to live with it in a healthier way. Each small step forward, every risk we take, helps loosen its grip.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Remember, rejection isn’t a reflection of your worth, it’s just a part of life. Each “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">no</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” can lead you closer to the opportunities, people and experiences that are truly right for you. So be kind to yourself, take those small steps and celebrate each win along the way. You’re braver than you think.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_18"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image-5.png" alt="" title="End of blog post CTA image (5)" class="wp-image-6274" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/living-with-the-fear-of-rejection/">Living with the Fear of Rejection</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/living-with-the-fear-of-rejection/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Facing the fear of rejection</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/facing-the-fear-of-rejection/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/facing-the-fear-of-rejection/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 30 Oct 2024 13:45:49 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Lessons Learned]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[The Fears series]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Coping mechanisms]]></category> <category><![CDATA[coping with fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Coping with rejection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional resilience]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional well-being]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Fear of Rejection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fears]]></category> <category><![CDATA[live your life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[managing fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Managing rejection anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Mental health tips]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Mindset and resilience]]></category> <category><![CDATA[overcoming challenges]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Overcoming rejection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Rejection sensitivity]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-confidence building]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-help strategies]]></category> <category><![CDATA[The Fear Series]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=234937</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/facing-the-fear-of-rejection/">Facing the fear of rejection</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_2 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_16"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_27 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_31 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><span style="color: #be9727;"></span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">This article forms part of “The Fears Series”. With the Fear of Rejection being so prevalent for many people, we’ve written two articles on the topic: <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/living-with-the-fear-of-rejection/">one from Frieda’s perspective</a> (Founder of Braving Boundaries) and one from Alicia’s perspective (Founder of the Legal Belletrist). Take a read.</span></i></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I was born with rejection as my shroud, and I feel like I’ve worn it ever since.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">My mother was adopted as a baby, and I don’t think she ever forgave the universe for this fact. It’s defined her as a person, just like having red(ish) hair defines me. In a way. It’s as if it’s tattooed on her forehead. Like an expiration date on a milk carton. And for some reason, when I came into the world, I was meant to not only be her redeemer, her saviour but the one she could bat this fact against – as if she was bouncing a ball against a wall, expecting it to come right back to her. Almost like playing fetch.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It was always her and me against the world. And I know how sweet that sounds. Mother and daughter, two peas in a pod. Until it’s not so sweet. Until it really is you and her against everyone. Until you’re made to believe that no one else could ever care about you like she could. Until you’re made to believe that no one else has your best interests at heart. Including your father. Until you’re made to believe that only she will tell you the truth, will help you succeed, will be there for you. Will ever love you. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s a lonely place. Your world. Especially when there’s only one other person in it. And she’s sucking all the air out the room. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_32 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>My experiences with the fear of rejection</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_19"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1250" height="937" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/10/Young-Angry-Emotional-Mother-Screaming-at-Troubled-Teen-Daughter-at-Home-by-dimaberlinphotos.png" alt="" title="Young Angry Emotional Mother Screaming at Troubled Teen Daughter at Home by dimaberlinphotos" class="wp-image-234963" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_33 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Growing up with a mother who is a textbook narcissist and compulsive liar with </span><a href="https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/conditionsandtreatments/munchausen-syndrome" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Munchausen syndrome</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> is not for the faint at heart. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When you’re a little girl, especially an only child, you’re so susceptible to the things that your mother says and does – as William Makepeace Thackeray said, </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Mother is G-d in the eyes of a child.”</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As all my friends went to children’s parties, I would be stuck at home. But my mother would always go – it was the right thing to do. Apparently. I was always “sick in bed” even when I wasn’t. When I asked why I wasn’t invited, my mother told me that the birthday girl/boy didn’t want me there. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Strike one. </span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When I was 9 it became difficult to hear. I started to sit really close to the TV just so I could read lips. If my head was turned away from you, I probably wouldn’t hear you. It turned out that I needed to wear hearing aids. Well one at least, in my left ear. When I got it, my mother was furious. It cost them a lot of money, money they needed for other things. And I didn’t really need it. I had lied. I was looking for attention. Rich coming from her. What child lies about needing a hearing aid? I was teased horrendously to boot. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Strike two.</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When I started to go through puberty, I matured quicker than all the other girls my age. I got a lot of attention from older boys. Before I could even kiss my first boy, my mother scolded me – no one likes a slut – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“when you lay down with dogs, you get their fleas”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Then as I got a bit older her friend was the mother of boys my age and she would come home to tell me – all the boys were talking about you today; they say your bum is too big and your hair isn’t straight enough. You know no boy wants to date a fat girl. Confidence blown. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Strike three. </span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">With my very first boyfriend, who of course she didn’t approve of – he will never treat you right and will never care about you. Not like I do. Turns out he wasn’t the nicest guy. He hit me – always in places no one could see. He tortured me emotionally, cheated on me constantly over the couple of years we were together. And when we broke up, he told me he never loved me. Almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy.</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> And you’re outta here……</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Every exam I ever wrote my mother (and father) would remind me how much money they were spending on me – despite me taking out a student loan so that I could study law – and that failing wasn’t an option because they didn’t have the money to bail me out. Also, they warned – who wants to be with a “failure” a “loser”? </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">The dug out is my home now…. </span></i></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_20"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1250" height="937" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/10/concept-word-imposter-on-cubes-on-a-blue-background.-by-Eugene-Zvonkov-from-Getty-Images.png" alt="" title="concept word imposter on cubes on a blue background. by Eugene Zvonkov from Getty Images" class="wp-image-234962" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_34 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When I applied to do articles – something you need to do in South Africa, 2 years of training before you can be admitted as an attorney – my parents asked me what I had that would make any of the large law firms take me on? I honestly didn’t have an answer. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Are there any other baseball references?</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When I was in a room full of other lawyers, I always felt like there was a sign above my head saying – </span><b><i>imposter here</i></b><span style="font-weight: 400;">. I didn’t belong in the same room as other legal eagles, the ones who had made partner and were driving the new BMW. We had written the same exams, studied the same textbooks and yet I, I don’t know sneaked through the side door when no one was looking. At least, that’s how I felt. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">There are countless more stories. Stories behind the scenes. Stories of – </span><b><i>the world out there will never accept you, but I will – even with all your flaws</i></b><span style="font-weight: 400;">. And boy she was so quick to point out the flaws. In detail. But in front of people, it was – you’re beautiful, you’re perfect, you’re my angel from heaven. I support you. I love you. I am your ever devoted mother. And best friend. So sweet. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But it was all lies. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So many lies it’s hard for the mind to comprehend. In fact, at 42, I have only now discovered the full extent of all the lies and manipulation and deceit. It’s been a long, rocky, heartbreaking road. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">What I can tell you from all of this is – </span><b><i>I have always felt rejected long before anyone even had the chance to actually reject me</i></b><span style="font-weight: 400;">. I expected it. The no’s didn’t surprise me – why would they? The you’re not right for this, not a good fit, it’s not you it’s me – insert rejection here – none of it surprised me. It kind of just went with the narrative– </span><b><i>just like my mother’s biological mother rejected her, the world would reject me. </i></b><span style="font-weight: 400;">Maybe that was my mothers’ intention the whole time. It makes sense. In retrospect.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, when someone </span><b><i>didn’t</i></b> <span style="font-weight: 400;">reject me, it was such a surprise. I often couldn’t believe how lucky I was – even when the person or the position was very wrong for me. This has led to a lifetime of bad relationships, abuse – physical and emotional, poor job choices, abuse at the workplace, always doing more than what I should be doing personally and professionally, always scared of asking for days off or asking for a raise, eating disorders, self-harm and later diagnosis of generalised anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder and depression.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Is it any wonder?</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_35 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Overcoming the fear of rejection</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_21"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1250" height="937" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/10/Asian-small-business-owner-working-at-home-office.-Business-by-Natee-Meepians-Images.png" alt="" title="Asian small business owner working at home office. Business by Natee Meepian's Images" class="wp-image-234961" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_36 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Look, I know this sounds like I’m parent bashing. And I’m sure there will be people saying – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">how long will she blame her mother for her own failings? </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Eventually we all have to take responsibility for our own lives, right?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Right. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, let’s put things into perspective. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It wasn’t all bad. I do have happy memories of my parents. They always went “all out” for my Birthdays. Those were such happy days. And for a while – and despite everything that happened – I was close to them in my 20’s and early 30’s. And that’s what makes “zero contact” so hard. Because I miss them. I miss who </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I thought they were</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. And there are times when I feel so lost and so alone that all I want is to contact them. But I can’t. Because they are still who they are. And I am who I am. Or who I am trying to be without them. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Somehow, amidst everything, I managed to find the most amazing man – a gentle, kind, caring, loving man, who treats me like a Queen. And he loves me. More than I ever thought I deserved. We have been together for 16 years and happily married for 12. So, my mother was wrong there. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I have built a business from the ground up, with nothing but an idea . And I have made it work. Not only that, but I get to do something I love every single day.. Again, my mother was wrong there too. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Because when everything else fails and you have no one but yourself to rely on, you step up. You become your own saviour. You pick your own damn self up off the ground and you make it happen. There’s no one else in the world – no matter how much they love you – that can make a success out of your life other than you. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So that’s what I did. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s something I have learnt to do. I had to. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’ve learnt how to make myself shine brighter than the things that my mother said. I’ve learnt to be louder than the deafening silence that is my father sitting idly by. And I’ve learnt to accept that this is my life. No one else’s. And I get to choose how I want to lead it. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, nowadays when I hear a no, I take an unemotional, educated view of why it was a no and learn from it. Take the lesson with me as I move forward. It’s not personal. It’s just a no. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Because no one and nothing will ever again take my power away! For me that is what the fear of rejection is – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">giving your power away. </span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Look, it’s hard to feel unwanted. It’s even harder to feel like you’re not worthy. But from personal experience I can say this wholeheartedly – </span><b><i>I would rather it be a no and avoid another bad fit than have it be a yes and find myself in another horrible situation. </i></b></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Knowing your true worth – which does take some work, believe me – means knowing that a no, that a perceived rejection, is not necessarily a bad thing. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The are two quotes from two of my heroes that I want to leave you with – </span></p> <blockquote> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – Dita Von Teese</span><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – Walt Disney</span></p> </blockquote></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_22"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image-5.png" alt="" title="End of blog post CTA image (5)" class="wp-image-6274" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_17"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_28 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_0 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_18 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_29 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_23"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_30 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_37 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/facing-the-fear-of-rejection/">Facing the fear of rejection</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/facing-the-fear-of-rejection/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>The Fear of Success – why are you afraid of being the best you?</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-of-success-why-are-you-afraid-of-being-the-best-you/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-of-success-why-are-you-afraid-of-being-the-best-you/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 17 Sep 2024 06:18:56 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Business Development]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[The Fears series]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Uncategorised]]></category> <category><![CDATA[addressing your fears]]></category> <category><![CDATA[be the best you]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of failure]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of success]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear series]]></category> <category><![CDATA[finding success]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stepping into change]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=6301</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-of-success-why-are-you-afraid-of-being-the-best-you/">The Fear of Success – why are you afraid of being the best you?</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_3 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_19"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_31 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_38 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p> </p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Picture this – you are contacted by a prestigious corporate association – or something similar – to speak at an upcoming legal forum. Not just to speak at the forum, to be </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">the</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> speaker at the forum. And it’s on a topic that you have researched countless times, speak about constantly and on which you have plenty of opinions. To top it off, the organisers are the nicest ladies and make you feel so comfortable. It would be a brilliant opportunity for your little business – you would get a lot of exposure. Free publicity in a sense. It would catapult your business a few steps forward and is exactly what you need. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Only you would need to attend the forum in person. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The problem with this is twofold (well multiple fold if there is such a thing). Your self-confidence is at an all-time low. Since being diagnosed with an autoimmune condition – which has left your joints and bones in literal pins and needles and constant pain – you don’t feel like yourself. Being on a stage is the last thing you want to do. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The other problem is that your immune system is essentially non-existent. Especially in Winter. Which means you’re picking up every little virus, bug or disease that happens to be circulating. So, being out in public, especially amid a big crowd is a bad idea. There are ways around this of course, but you can’t bring yourself to help yourself.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">You convince yourself of other reasons that you simply can’t commit to the event. And you justify them with a number of real reasons. Reasons that you could get over, in truth. And then just as soon as the opportunity came your way, it disappears in an instant.</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_24"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/08/fear-of-success-braving-boundaries-3.png" alt="fear of success - braving boundaries" title="fear of success - braving boundaries (3)" class="wp-image-6320" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_39 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">In the aftermath of this ordeal, you are left wondering what on earth happened. How could you have let this opportunity slip through your fingers so easily. At least, that’s what I thought when this happened to me. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Here’s the thing – and it’s kind of weird to say – I was a little worried about what would happen afterwards. Would my work-life balance be upended once again because I take on too much? I want to succeed (really badly), and I have all the right tools at my disposal to make it happen. I just can’t get out of my own way.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s a hard thing to come to terms with because no one wants to admit that they are the ones that could be secretly sabotaging their own success out of fear. But many people experience a hidden, yet powerful force called “fear of success.” Self-efficacy, or the belief in one’s ability to achieve goals, plays a significant role in this fear.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It takes a lot of self-awareness to recognise this kind of fear. Most people have never considered that a fear of success could be holding them back. But I swear to you it just may be. </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_40 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>So, what is the fear of success?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_41 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">A fear of success is very real, it’s quite common and it can hold you back in the worst kind of way – it can cause you to lose out on a lot of opportunities in life. When you’re too afraid to take risks in order to move forward with the goals you have set for yourself – either consciously or unconsciously – you get stuck in one place, neither moving forward or backward.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And it makes sense if you think about it – expectations of success are often based on the idea that achieving your goals means making sacrifices or enduring losses. Ultimately to get what you desire you have to give up something else, right? It’s therefore not surprising that people would be wary of what success might ultimately cost them. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The fear of success was first diagnosed by Psychologist Matina Horner during the early 1970s. Her findings, especially as they related to fear of success in women at that time, were incredibly controversial. Since then, however, most scientists and psychologists agree that fear of success exists for both men and women.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The key dimension in Horner’s (1970; Journal of Social Issues, 28(2), 157–175, 1972) studies was gender. In a current study (2023) (which further develops Horner’s theory), the key dimension is social class. It was hypothesised that individuals from socio-economically disadvantaged backgrounds fear that, for them, success will lead to alienation from their community, and the loss of identity and loss of overall sense of belonging within their culture. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Eleven participants took part in the current study, three males and eight females. The majority of participants believed that they would </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">have to make vast life changes</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">, in order to facilitate their views of desired success. The participants’ fear was rooted in what they perceived as the </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“consequences of success.”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> These participants occupied a </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“trade-off mindset;”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> for these young people, </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">success meant leaving their family, friends, community, and culture behind</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. The thought of losing this “connection” and sense of belonging was expressed with noticeable anxiety.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">(my </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">emphasis</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">)</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As we can tell from the above extract from the study, fear of success is most often the fear of the possible change or consequences of success. It’s an anticipation of how others — and oneself — will respond to the success. The concern is that achieving success will come at the cost of something else valued in one’s life. In many ways, it’s similar to the fear of failure.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Sometimes the fear of success can be obvious. Other times it can lie just below the surface, noted in patterns of thought and/or actions repeated by the individual. It takes a high level of self-awareness to identify your own fear of success.</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_25"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/08/fear-of-success-braving-boundaries-4.png" alt="fear of success - braving boundaries" title="fear of success - braving boundaries (4)" class="wp-image-6321" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_42 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>How the fear of success can manifest in your life</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_43 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">A fear of success can manifest in a variety of ways. Identifying these sources can help you deal with your fear down the line –</span></p> <ol> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Avoidance</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – you may avoid being the centre of attention, being praised, or use other avoidance strategies like the plague;</span></span> </li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Procrastination</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – you may put off starting and/or completing a project. As a result of your procrastination, the opportunity may be missed altogether, or the end product may be an epic failure, either way you didn’t perform to the best of your ability;</span></span> </li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Perfectionism</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;"><span style="font-weight: 400;">– you may believe that you are keeping the bar high but by holding an impossibly high standard of perfection, the outcome will inevitably be disappointing. To you and everyone else.</span></span> </li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Quitting</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;"><span style="font-weight: 400;">– it’s easier to quit just as the goal comes into sight than to complete the job and let the chips fall where they may, right?</span></span> </li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Self-sabotage</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – this is a big one. You get in your own way </span><b>All. The. Time.</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Setting obstacles in your own way so that it becomes impossible to succeed. You set yourself up to fail;</span></span> </li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Self -destructiveness</strong><b> – </b><span style="font-weight: 400;"><span style="font-weight: 400;">at its worst, the fear of success may involve self-destructive behaviour. Left unchecked, that derails any real opportunity for success. Again, you set yourself up to fail time and time again.</span></span> </li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Reluctance to Set Goals:</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"><span style="font-weight: 400;"> setting big goals seems scary, or arrogant or you just never make the time for it. It might be because setting such goals brings a clear pathway to success, and not setting them is a way to avoid facing the fear of achieving success.</span></span> </li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Feeling Unworthy:</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> you harbour the misguided belief that you don’t deserve success. You decline to speak at that big meeting or to be a guest on that podcast because you don’t feel good enough. It can prevent you from pursuing opportunities wholeheartedly and might make you feel like an imposter in your own life.</span></li> </ol></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_44 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>What causes your fear of success?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_45 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">The age-old question, right? </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">The why. </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">We all want to know why something happens, why we do the things we do – </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_20 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_32 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_26"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_33 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_46 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Imposter syndrome</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – you know that old sneaky feeling of </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“my work isn’t good enough” </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">or </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“they will realise my work doesn’t live up to expectations” </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">or </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“they’ll find out that I’m a fraud?” </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Yes, a lot of us have those feelings when starting out and especially when we put ourselves out there, afraid that we will be discovered</span> <span style="font-weight: 400;">as a fake / a phoney. Sometimes those of us who experience success fear our achievements are undeserved or not as good as others in our field. We fear that we won’t be able to live up to expectations or that other people will discover that we aren’t up for the challenge. I’m sure there are many of us that can relate to this one.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_21 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_34 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_27"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_35 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_47 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Tall poppy syndrome</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – this refers to a social phenomenon where people who are perceived to be more successful or prominent than others in a community are criticised, resented or targeted because of their success. It’s a dynamic where the “tall poppies” are cut down to size, essentially discouraging people from rising above the average.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_22 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_36 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_28"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_37 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_48 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Fear of backlash</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– it’s like I said – consequences of success. People fear success because of the anticipated potential social or relational repercussions. Researchers call this phenomenon “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">backlash</span></i> <i><span style="font-weight: 400;">avoidance</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">.” For example, women may avoid self-promotion because they fear it does not align with traditional gender roles. Researchers have found that women tend to associate success with more significant negative consequences;</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_23"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_38 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_29"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/08/fear-of-success-braving-boundaries-5.png" alt="" title="fear of success - braving boundaries (5)" class="wp-image-6322" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_24 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_39 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_30"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_40 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_49 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Negative experiences</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – ever been called a “show off” after doing well? Even if it was said in jest. Did you feel a little pang of awkwardness or unease? Even if it was just a little. This is what I mean about negative experiences. If you have endured any hardship because of your success— you may also fear doing well again in the future.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_25 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_41 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_31"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_42 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_50 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Poor self-efficacy</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – or self-belief. This refers to how you perceive yourself and your own self-belief, how you foresee yourself achieving your goals. Naturally how you feel about yourself or your self-confidence will not only play a role in how you think about yourself, but it will also influence your behaviours and motivation to go after your goals. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_26 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_43 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_32"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/6.jpg" alt="" title="6" class="wp-image-1491" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_44 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_51 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Social anxiety</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– social anxiety is a mental health disorder and refers to someone’s fear about being judged or embarrassed in social situations. Because they experience intense physical symptoms of fear in these situations, they often avoid them altogether. A person with social anxiety will fear succeeding because they want to avoid being in the spotlight. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_27"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_45 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_52 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>How can you overcome your fear of success?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_53 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">If, after reading the above, you realise that you have your own fear of success, then you have taken an important first step. From here it may take some trial and error before you find what works best for you, but here are some ways you can tackle this fear – </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_28 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_46 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_33"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_47 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_54 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Self – reflection</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – I think this is one of the most important things you can do. You have acknowledged the fear, now start with trying to understand the root of it. It could be past experiences or deep-seated beliefs that are holding you back. Ask yourself, </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">what am I afraid of? Is this likely to happen?</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> And if it did happen, </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">how would I cope with it?</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Asking yourself these questions helps you to identify the fear and then assists you to plan for how you would cope if that fear did come true.</span> <span style="font-weight: 400;">Examine your past experiences with success, going back to your childhood to figure out how you got here. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Think about earlier successes and what happened as a result.</span></i></p> <p> </div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_29 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_48 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_34"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_49 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_55 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Note how fear manifests</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– consider how your fear of success shows itself. I personally am not a big “journaller,” but it may be helpful to keep a journal (or perhaps just call it a notebook?) and make a list of all the ways you’ve been sabotaging your path to success. Writing it down will help put it all in focus. Identifying these behaviours means you can start facing them head on, making plans on how you can counteract them.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_30 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_50 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_35"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_51 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_56 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Visualise success</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– success, like everything in life, has its complications. So, ask yourself, </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">what does success mean to you? </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">It may be useful to visualise success with the corresponding idea that it’s not likely to be all roses and sunshine – because let’s be honest, when is anything all roses? Nothing’s perfect. So, </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">what are the potential positives and negatives of being successful? </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Imagine achieving your goal, what may happen as a result, and diverse ways you might deal with it.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_31"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_52 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_36"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/08/fear-of-success-braving-boundaries-1-Medium.png" alt="fear of success - braving boundaries" title="fear of success - braving boundaries (1) (Medium)" class="wp-image-6325" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_32 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_53 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_37"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_54 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_57 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Manage stress and anxiety</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– everyday stress and anxiety may be contributing to your fears. Here are some general lifestyle tips that can help – </span></p> <p> </p> <ol> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>Eat well</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – aim for a balanced diet that provides all the necessary nutrients. Don’t skip meals.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>Avoid junk</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – go easy on alcohol, caffeine, and highly processed foods.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>Relax</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – make time to chill so that you can read, soak in the tub or whatever helps you wind down. And I mean every day, not on an odd occasion. Everyone needs a daily wind down.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>Exercise</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – some physical activity is important to overall good health. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>Socialize</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – share a few laughs, talk things over, and hold your support network close.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>Volunteer</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – helping others is a great way to distract you from your own fears.</span></li> </ol></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_33 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_55 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_38"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_56 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_58 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><b>Get professional help or coaching</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – if the fear of success is significantly hindering your progress, considering therapy can be a beneficial step. A therapist can help in uncovering the underlying issues and can help you work through them. If therapy isn’t something you think you need, a life coach could help you examine your mindset and help you to set goals, act and shift your beliefs in more positive ways. Frieda Levycky of </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Braving Boundaries</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> is perfectly poised to support you in this endeavour. </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Get in touch</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> with her to see how you can work together.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_34"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_57 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_59 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Marianne Williamson in </span><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/845977.A_Return_to_Love" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of ‘A Course in Miracles’”</span></i></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> famously said:</span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be?”</span></i></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">A powerful quote because it demands that we ask more of ourselves. It demands that we have self-confidence because we are worthy. Beyond imagination. In fact, it tells us that we are powerful beyond measure. And that realisation can be a lot for us to bear. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Because the fear of success is very real. It’s also very common. Coming to terms with it, dealing with it and learning how to overcome it can be a lifelong journey. One that you must take with self-compassion, perseverance, persistence, resilience and a big helping of self-belief in order to live a life where you are your best you through and through.</span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Sources used and to whom we owe thanks: </span></i><a href="https://www.calmer-you.com/fear-of-success/#:~:text=What%20is%20fear%20of%20success,by%20the%20idea%20of%20succeeding." target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Calmer You</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-the-fear-of-success-5179184" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Very Well Mind; </span></i></a><a href="https://www.betterup.com/blog/fear-of-success" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Better Up</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.mindtools.com/anwsvkb/fear-of-success" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Mind Tools</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/anxiety/fear-of-success#strategies" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Healthline</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.researchgate.net/publication/257488383_A_phenomenological_reinterpretation_of_Horner's_fear_of_success_in_terms_of_social_class" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Research Gate</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">). </span></i></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_39"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image-5.png" alt="" title="End of blog post CTA image (5)" class="wp-image-6274" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_35"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_58 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_1 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_36 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_59 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_40"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_60 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_60 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-of-success-why-are-you-afraid-of-being-the-best-you/">The Fear of Success – why are you afraid of being the best you?</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-of-success-why-are-you-afraid-of-being-the-best-you/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>5 Ways to Navigate the Fear of Change</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/5-ways-to-navigate-the-fear-of-change/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/5-ways-to-navigate-the-fear-of-change/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 03 Jul 2024 20:25:54 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Enneagram]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[The Fears series]]></category> <category><![CDATA[addressing your fears]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety spiral]]></category> <category><![CDATA[braving change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[career change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[country change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[direction]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fears]]></category> <category><![CDATA[finding direction]]></category> <category><![CDATA[job change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life direction]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[metathesiophobia]]></category> <category><![CDATA[one life live it]]></category> <category><![CDATA[phobias]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relationship change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[risk reward]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=6162</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/5-ways-to-navigate-the-fear-of-change/">5 Ways to Navigate the Fear of Change</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_4 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_37"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_61 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_61 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Part of the </span><b><i>The Fears</i></b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> series)</span></em></span></strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s natural for every human being on the face of the planet to be comfortable with the status quo. We all revel in the comfort zone, with our little routines, with going to the same grocery stores, eating at the same restaurants, and doing the same thing. It gives us a sense of control – and which one of us doesn’t want to have a sense of control over our own lives? We all do. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It makes us feel secure, like we are on top of things – especially in a world that often feels like it’s so out of control. With our lives feeling like everything fits nicely into little compartments, tidy and well organized, adding anything into the mix other than what we know is enough to drive anyone over the edge. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Yes, we are talking about </span><b><i>change</i></b><span style="font-weight: 400;">. A somewhat innocuous word but one that has the ability to send chills up and down the spine of even the strongest person. Sweat dripping down your face and your palms getting hot and flustered, the thought of anything disrupting your beautiful, predictable world has you in a tailspin. And trust us, you wouldn’t be alone. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In a recent study by TePe as part of a campaign raising awareness about the importance of good oral health, it found that millions of Brits admit they hate change – but many recognise it could be holding them back. For example, 32% of those polled fear they’ve missed out on new experiences and opportunities because of their reluctance to break the mould, while 26% of adults lack the confidence to try new things, and 14% worry their attitude to change will negatively affect their health (</span><a href="https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/fear-change-study-poll-adults-b2392623.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Independent</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">).</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_62 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>But what makes us fear change?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_41"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1249" height="937" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/5-Ways-to-Navigate-the-Fear-of-Change-4.png" alt="" title="5 Ways to Navigate the Fear of Change (4)" class="wp-image-6184" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_63 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">It seems like we are hard wired to resist change. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">According to clinical psychologist Carla Marie Manly, PhD, the fear of change is evolutionary and dates back to ancestral times – </span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Our ancestors preferred constancy as they inherently knew that change often brought a lack of safety.</span></i></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">For example, our ancestors needed to move around to search for food, water, and shelter to survive. Staying in a location where these essential resources had been depleted out of fear could ultimately lead to starvation, dehydration, or death of the pack.” </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(</span><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/i-fear-change-how-to-cope-with-the-unknown-5189851" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Very Well Mind</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">)</span></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It makes sense – intrinsically we are aware that dealing with the unknown or the unfamiliar poses a risk: it might be scary; it might bring with it a “lack of safety.” All theoretical, let’s be honest. None of us are fighting for our survival out in the wilderness – at least not in large numbers in any event – but that irrational fear is still present. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And it’s that irrational fear that says: </span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“If I were to try something new (e.g. move house, change jobs, get into a new relationship etc.), it might be incredible, but:</span></i></p> <p> </p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I might fail</span></i></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I might not meet expectations</span></i></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I might be disappointed</span></i></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I might be out of my depth</span></i></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I might not know what is going on</span></i></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i>I might feel like an imposter.”</i></li> </ul> </blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And that’s what keeps holding us back.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Change is scary. It’s the act of putting yourself out there – putting yourself into a vulnerable position, sometimes having to start from scratch – that poses a very real fear for most rational people. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As Manly sets out in </span><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/i-fear-change-how-to-cope-with-the-unknown-5189851" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Very Well Mind</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – </span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“When life feels predictable, we experience less stress and anxiety because we know what to expect. When life doesn’t feel predictable, and we are uncertain about what might be around the next corner, we feel stressed and anxious.”</span></i></p></blockquote></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_64 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>When your irrational fear of change is more than just the jitters</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_42"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1249" height="937" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/5-Ways-to-Navigate-the-Fear-of-Change-1.png" alt="" title="5 Ways to Navigate the Fear of Change (1)" class="wp-image-6181" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_65 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">It seems that the real fear of change – when it’s more than just the jitters – is an actual clinical phobia termed </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">metathesiophobia</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">While we all experience the fear of change, having a phobia like metathesiophobia will result in more extreme symptoms. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Some of the common signs and symptoms of metathesiophobia are set out below (though if you recognise any of these symptoms, before jumping to conclusions, do speak to your doctor for a formal diagnosis) – </span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">You feel stuck in a situation but make no attempt at creating positive change;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">You stay in a failing or toxic relationship, knowing it best to leave;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">You remain in a dead-end job instead of searching for an ideal career; </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">You have extreme anxiety over what is going to happen in your future;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">You cannot accept simple life changes whether within or outside of your control;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">You refuse to stray from an everyday routine because you’re uncertain of what will happen if you don’t stick to it;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">You don’t socialise;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">You frequently feel nauseous or have indigestion when you think about change;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">You experience heart palpitations when you think about change, and</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">You find yourself shaking, sweating, or trembling at the thought of change.</span></li> </ul> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">To further understand how the fear of change can affect someone in a clinical sense, one needs to understand the difference between constructive and destructive fear. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Constructive fear is the fear of an actual, physical threat and its purpose is to keep one safe from danger. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Destructive fear – as the converse implies – is the fear of a non-existent threat i.e. there’s no actual threat. It’s only our minds playing tricks on us. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Depending on the severity of a person’s fear of change, the fear could become a destructive fear. If left untreated or unchecked it could lead to –</span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Depression;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Anxiety;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Isolation;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Avoidance;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Stress;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Substance use disorders;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Staying in unhealthy environments;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Staying in toxic relationships, and</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Suicidal ideation (</span><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/i-fear-change-how-to-cope-with-the-unknown-5189851" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Very Well Mind</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">)</span></li> </ul> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you are having suicidal thoughts, contact the </span><a href="https://www.sadag.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=1904&Itemid=151" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Suicide Crisis Helpline</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> in South Africa on 0800 567 567 for support and assistance from a trained counsellor. </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_66 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>How can one cope with the fear of change?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_67 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Diagnosed phobias aside, how does a person who is struggling to accept change cope with it?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Here are a few suggestions:</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_38 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_62 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_43"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_63 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_68 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Start with self-awareness </strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">– realise that you are merely human, that your daily comforts and routines are good for your sanity and try to keep you centred. BUT (and there’s always a but) know when you become too comfortable, too stagnant, too set in your ways. Know when your feeling of safety and security is keeping you from moving forwards in a positive manner. Know when your comfort is keeping you from achieving your goals. There needs to be a limit of how “secure” in the status quo you remain and that can only be determined by you.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_39 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_64 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_44"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_65 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_69 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Practice acceptance</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– it may seem like an impossible thing to do, but one of the first things you can do when faced with change is to accept that it’s happening. Take ownership, (as much as one can) of it. Some of the feelings that come with change, especially when it’s thrust upon you, is disempowerment. And that’s because it’s happening to you, instead of you taking charge of it. But if you accept it, take ownership of it, and realise that it’s happening, you can start to take back the power. Lean into the change, acknowledge that it’s there and that it’s now a part of your life – with all that it entails. From there, you can work on finding ways to take that change and move it in a new direction – one that suits you. Make it your own.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_40 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_66 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_45"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_67 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_70 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Control what you can</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– part of the strife that people find with change is the disempowerment that comes with it. So, leading on from Point 2, is putting things into action. Take decisive steps to help the situation you find yourself in. Make plans and increase your sense of control. Part of making plans can come from journaling – freely being the caveat. Allow yourself to freely jot down thoughts, feelings, ideas, road maps. Whatever you feel. You never know when something may be shaken from the tree. But writing it down, even in free flow, allows your mind to expand which can result in plans developing. From there you can take a rough idea and expand on it, develop a real road map of where you want to go. And it all starts with the jotting down of one idea and one action item. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_41"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_68 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_46"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1249" height="937" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/5-Ways-to-Navigate-the-Fear-of-Change-2.png" alt="" title="5 Ways to Navigate the Fear of Change (2)" class="wp-image-6182" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_42 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_69 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_47"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_70 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_71 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Limit your stress</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– change is inherently stressful, but given that stress has a way of creating health risks, it’s important to manage stress levels when experiencing change. Stress-management can come in a variety of forms. Perhaps it’s simply changing your perspective of change. See it as an invitation for new possibilities rather than a threat to the status quo. Perhaps stress can be managed through meditation or through speaking with a counsellor/coach or talking to friends or family. Whatever works for you – but manage your stress. Whatever that entails.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_43 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_71 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_48"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_72 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_72 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Practice patience</strong> <i><span style="font-weight: 400;">– </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">remember the adage “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">life is about the journey, not the destination</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”, well that rings true here. Change is just a part of life – nothing ever </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">really</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> remains the same. As a human being you will experience a variety of life changes – growing up, changing jobs, getting married, having children, getting divorced, travel, death, moving home. The important thing here is not to view a change as something that you have to get use to immediately. Change (and the transition that comes with it) takes time. It will require plenty of patience and the acceptance that it may take a while to settle into a new way of life. And that’s ok. As long as you work on it, a little every day. But whatever you do, don’t fight against it. Take it all in your stride, remembering that it’s all a part of your journey. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_44"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_73 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_73 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Change is inevitable. Some say: “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">as good as a holiday</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">.” However you view change, the one thing we can say is don’t live your life on autopilot. Sometimes it takes the act of changing to realise your potential, to see what you’re really made of.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As Roy T. Bennett says</span><b> – </b></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“It’s only after you’ve stepped outside your comfort zone that you begin to change, grow, and transform.”</span></i></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Change can be seen as an act of transformation if you just get out of your own way. </span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Sources used and to whom we owe thanks – </span></i><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/i-fear-change-how-to-cope-with-the-unknown-5189851" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Very Well Mind</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/za/blog/the-adaptive-mind/201809/how-overcome-the-fear-change" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Psychology Today</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.realsimple.com/fear-of-change-7100822" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Real Simple</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span></i><a href="https://www.heart.org/en/news/2020/02/04/chronic-stress-can-cause-heart-trouble#:~:text=Stress%20may%20lead%20to%20high,and%20lack%20of%20physical%20activity." target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Heart</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">). </span></i></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_49"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image-4.png" alt="" title="End of blog post CTA image (4)" class="wp-image-6189" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_45"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_74 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_2 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_46 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_75 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_50"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_76 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_74 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/5-ways-to-navigate-the-fear-of-change/">5 Ways to Navigate the Fear of Change</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/5-ways-to-navigate-the-fear-of-change/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>The Fear of Letting Go</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-of-letting-go/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-of-letting-go/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 30 May 2024 05:28:27 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[The Fears series]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[baby steps]]></category> <category><![CDATA[braving change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[let it go]]></category> <category><![CDATA[letting go]]></category> <category><![CDATA[letting go of the past]]></category> <category><![CDATA[start small]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress management]]></category> <category><![CDATA[the fear of letting go]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=6191</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-of-letting-go/">The Fear of Letting Go</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_5 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_47"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_77 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_75 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Part of the </span><b><i>The Fears</i></b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> series)</span></em></span></strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Chicken soup, it’s one of those things that I’ve grown up with. And every single time I have it, a wave of nostalgia sweeps over me. No matter what I’m going through, I immediately feel better. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And chicken soup, like many things in my life, carries a certain amount of nostalgia. It reminds me of my grandmother who would make chicken soup from scratch, something she would do on a weekly basis. And something she would do more often if I had the flu or a cold. It was her way of giving me a big, get-well hug from across the wall. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">You see, I grew up next door to my grandparents and spent so much time with them it felt like home. I learnt to play card games from my grandmother on days my mother had a migraine – something that happened often. In fact, growing up I was more at my grandparent’s home than I was at my parents’ home. I didn’t mind, there was less drama there. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’ve been thinking about them a lot recently. Both because of the deterioration of familial ties in recent times but also because I have been going through old family photos and gathering items together – inherited from my grandparents – which I now need to sort into </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">keep, donate </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">or</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> sell</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> piles. We are starting to downscale as we look to move to Cape Town in the coming months and for some or other reason, I have accumulated a mass of “stuff” that I neither like, use or want. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But some of this “stuff” is not so much sentimental as it is “theirs”. And the process of getting rid of it, is a burden that feels too heavy to take. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It feels like I am losing them all over again. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And I know that isn’t true. They are only things after all. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">There’s an old writing desk that my grandmother loved. It used to be where she opened letters (when people still wrote them), where she read newspapers and magazines (when people still read them) and where she did her weekly accounts (when they were still sent by mail). It has marks on it from where she spilled her tea one time and left a hot tea pot. It’s old (it belonged to her mother), warped with age and a little rickety if I’m honest. It’s also heavy and in a dark wood, not really matching anything else in my home. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">There’s also an old rocking chair that my grandfather loved. It’s where he spent most afternoons dozing after a long day. It’s where he watched the 7 o’clock news from and from where he drank his tea. It’s also where he spent his last days rocking along, with a red checkered blanket covering his legs. The same red blanket is still on it today. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">They are memories of my grandparents. Flickers of the lives they led and the people they were. And while they are just things, it’s very hard to let them go. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_76 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>The Process of Letting Go</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_51"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/blog-fear-of-letting-go-3.png" alt="" title="blog - fear of letting go (3)" class="wp-image-6205" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_77 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">And it’s here that I find myself – with this absolute fear of letting go. Of the items and what they mean. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Letting go of two people who meant so much to me. Letting go of a past that I don’t want to address nor forget. Letting go of memories that mean so much to me. All because I’m trying to make room in my life for new beginnings, for new memories, for a new life in a different city. I should be excited, jumping for joy really. But here I sit cross legged on the carpet crying into my tea. My cats think I’ve lost the plot. My husband knows I have. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As my tea gets cold, with me staring into the distance, a thought crawls up my spine – is it them I’m afraid of losing or is just my fear of losing an item that has a self-proclaimed meaning attached to it? </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In other words, if I decide to sell, donate or give the rocking chair or writing desk away will it make it easier to move or could I potentially find a place for it in my new home (keeping in mind that we have already decided that these items will not be moving with us). </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s then that I decide to Google “Fear of Letting Go” and this pops up </span><a href="https://www.becomingminimalist.com/loss-aversion/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Loss Aversion: Understanding and Overcoming Our Fear of Letting Go</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, and the first two points seem to apply to my situation – at least in part –</span></p> <blockquote> <ol> <li><b><i>“Acknowledge the Fear of Loss</i></b></li> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">The first step is to recognize when loss aversion is influencing your decisions. Are you keeping an item because it moves you toward your purpose? Or are you giving extra weight to the fear of what you may be losing?</span></i></p> <ol start="2"> <li><b><i> Redefine ‘Loss’ and ‘Gain’</i></b></li> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Rather than focusing on what you are giving up, shift your perspective to what you’re gaining through owning less. Minimalism is about </span></i><a href="https://www.becomingminimalist.com/add/"><b><i>addition</i></b></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> more than it is about subtraction—more space, less stress, increased focus on what truly matters. The loss of physical items pales in comparison to these gains.”</span></i></ol> </blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Reading this article got me thinking – and while I in no way proclaim to be a minimalist – perhaps there are steps that I could take that could ease my fear of letting go? Not just of the furniture but of the memories and of the past attached to them. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Which leads me to the first step of five. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_48 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_78 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_52"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_79 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_78 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Acknowledge the past</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – don’t dance around the issue, instead identify whatever you are afraid of letting go of and confront it as best you can. Don’t allow your past to loom over you like a monster hiding under your bed. Remember: It happened, but it’s not happening any longer. Ignoring or suppressing the things you’re afraid of letting go of will only lead to it disrupting aspects of your life. So, if there are any necessary actions to be taken, take them. Do you need to have a conversation with someone you have pent up animosity towards or someone you need closure from? Is there something you need to get off your chest? Speaking about the past, whether it is with friends or a therapist, is an effective way to release whatever emotions you’re hoarding from that experience. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Releasing these emotions is the first step to letting go.</span></i></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_49 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_80 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_53"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_81 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_79 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Look for the positives</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – there’s no denying that it can be hard to look back on situations that may have hurt us, that may have been disappointing or where you need closure. But regardless of how negative that situation may have been, think of the positives. Is there something that you can learn from the experience? Instead of dwelling on what could’ve been or what was, think of what can be. What can you get out of the situation that will be of use to you in the future? How can you move on if you aren’t able to get the closure you need? What positive reinforcement are you able to take that can help you close the book on whatever situation you are struggling to let go of? </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_50 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_82 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_54"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_83 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_80 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Baby steps</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– letting go doesn’t have to be an all or nothing process. Break the process down into small, manageable steps. That way, letting go will feel attainable. Progress is progress. Celebrate each and every small achievement along the way – they all matter. Positive reinforcement helps shift your focus from the difficult past into a positive future, from what you’re saying goodbye to, to what you’re gaining from the process. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_51"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_84 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_55"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/blog-fear-of-letting-go-1.png" alt="" title="blog - fear of letting go (1)" class="wp-image-6203" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_52 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_85 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_56"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_86 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_81 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Embrace the joy of letting go</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – the joy of what we will find ahead is much greater than what we leave behind. Keep that thought in mind—every time you let go of something you take another step towards a more intentional life. This mindset can help counterbalance the initial discomfort of addressing difficult pasts or disappointing outcomes. And while our tendency may be to overvalue the loss we feel from those situations, we can overwhelm that tendency with the promise of something better – letting them go.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_53 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_87 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_57"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_88 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_82 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Strive to live in the present</strong><b> – </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">today is more important than yesterday, we all know that. That’s why it’s called the present. It’s therefore important that we fully immerse ourselves with the present, that we occupy ourselves with things that make us happy, with activities that we enjoy. We need to make new memories that we can look back on with contentment. Oftentimes, we can’t help but ruminate on the possibilities, the </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">might have beens</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. But the truth is, this is all we get. Looking back gets us nowhere. Ultimately, we can’t change the past — we can only control our actions in the present. So, dedicate your time to pursuing your desires and creating that future you would like to see.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_54"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_89 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_83 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">With the above five steps in mind and a proper plan in place, I feel better equipped to not only deal with the pieces of my past that I need to address before moving on but also the literal pieces from my past – the rocking chair and writing desk that need new homes. It’s funny how we bury things so deep down that they resurface at the most inopportune moments. But here we are, adulting our lives away, needing to deal with issues as they arise. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">No one said adulting would be fun, only that it would be a journey. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you are on your own journey towards letting go, I wish you luck, patience, and peace. There’s nothing to be afraid of if you deal with it head on. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_58"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image-4.png" alt="" title="End of blog post CTA image (4)" class="wp-image-6189" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_55"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_90 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_3 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_56 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_91 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_59"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_92 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_84 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-of-letting-go/">The Fear of Letting Go</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-of-letting-go/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Breaking Through Limiting Beliefs: Overcoming Obstacles to Personal Growth</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/breaking-through-limiting-beliefs-overcoming-obstacles-to-personal-growth/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/breaking-through-limiting-beliefs-overcoming-obstacles-to-personal-growth/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 27 Mar 2024 05:06:34 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[believe in yourself]]></category> <category><![CDATA[coaching]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Counselling]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of being controlled]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of failure]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of success]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fears]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life coaching]]></category> <category><![CDATA[limiting beliefs]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mindset]]></category> <category><![CDATA[not good enough]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Personal awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personality]]></category> <category><![CDATA[professional life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[what's holding you back]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=5872</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/breaking-through-limiting-beliefs-overcoming-obstacles-to-personal-growth/">Breaking Through Limiting Beliefs: Overcoming Obstacles to Personal Growth</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_6 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_57"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_93 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_85 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span><span style="color: #be9727;"></span></h5> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></i></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’m not good enough to lead a team.</span></i></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">My work doesn’t measure up to my colleagues. </span></i></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’m too reserved to speak in front of an audience.</span></i></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">[Insert sabotaging thought here.] </span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We all have them. Thoughts about ourselves that are unkind. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We all possess an inner voice that is perhaps not always the most supportive. Because let’s face it – we are all our own worst enemy. Getting in our own way. Often the biggest obstacle in our lives is how we truly see ourselves. Because how we see ourselves reflects how we see the world. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And our mindset, our beliefs on how the world works, can be the biggest obstacles in achieving what we want to achieve. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We call these restrictive thoughts and ideas “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">limiting beliefs</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_86 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>More about limiting beliefs</b></h2> <p><a href="https://asana.com/resources/limiting-beliefs" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Asana</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, defines a limiting belief as follows – </span></p> <blockquote> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“A limiting belief is a state of mind or belief about yourself that restricts you in some way. These beliefs are often false accusations you make about yourself that can cause a number of negative results”.</span></i></p> </blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">These limiting beliefs are not always just about ourselves either. Often, they can be about how the world works, certain ideas about situations, and how you interact with different people.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And the result of these limiting beliefs? You limit yourself from becoming. Becoming whatever it is that you want to become. You shoot your own ideas down before they’ve even had time to ruminate in your own thoughts. They can keep you in a negative state of mind, preventing you from encountering new opportunities and life experiences while wreaking havoc on your mental health. </span></p> <p><a href="https://www.betterup.com/blog/what-are-limiting-beliefs" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">BetterUp</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> describes limiting beliefs as follows – </span></p> <blockquote> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Limiting beliefs can change your life, but not always for the better. They create self-awareness that stops you from chasing after your dreams, forming healthy relationships with people, and creating change in any area of your life. </span></i></p> </blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And quite frankly – that sucks!</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_60"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/Blog-Breaking-Through-Limiting-Beliefs-3.jpg" alt="" title="Blog - Breaking Through Limiting Beliefs (3)" class="wp-image-5896" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_87 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Where do these limiting beliefs come from?</b></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As children we often believe that we can do anything and be anyone. Just think about a 4-year-old in a batman costume – they’re ready to take on the world. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But something happens as we grow older. Doubt creeps in. Fears rear their ugly heads. And suddenly we forget about ourselves in the proverbial batman costume. We forget the feeling of utter confidence and self-belief. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">This change in self-perception can happen for a number of reasons – </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Personal beliefs</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – the things we personally experience. These can be things that happen on a day-to-day basis as well as big life events. </span><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></li> <p><b></p> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Family</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – the things our family believes and how we were raised. It plays a significant role in how we navigate life and the working world. Sometimes it defines who we are and other times it ensures we become the opposite.<br /> </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Religious beliefs</strong> – <span style="font-weight: 400;">what we believe in and the rules that we follow because of our religious beliefs often influence how we go out into the world and how we go about navigating life. Our faith provides great moral guidance and support to our lives, but rigid application without challenging religious teachings can prevent us from seeing the world from multiple perspectives.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Education</strong><b> – </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">it’s often the case</span> <span style="font-weight: 400;">that we admire our teachers, and those from whom we learn. So, it’s understandable that we would absorb their ideas and beliefs. Often trying our best to mimic them. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Friends</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – the people we mix with. How do they see the world? And do you subscribe to the same beliefs? </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Society</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – popular opinion, especially on social media, can impose impossible standards on us.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Fear of failure</strong><b> – </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">the excuses you make up in order to stop yourself from acting in your own best interests. </span></li> </ul></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_61"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/Blog-Breaking-Through-Limiting-Beliefs-4.jpg" alt="" title="Blog - Breaking Through Limiting Beliefs (4)" class="wp-image-5897" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_88 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Discovering what your limiting beliefs are is not always so easy or so obvious. Sometimes we are not entirely sure how we may be limiting ourselves. We haven’t really taken notice of what thoughts could be contributing to our own limitations. But there is a way to discover what they could be – </span></p> <p><strong><i>Step 1:</i></strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">think about something you may tell yourself all the time. If you are struggling to think of something, ask a friend or family member for help. </span></p> <p><strong>Step 2:</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">write it down on a piece of paper, make it real. </span></p> <p><strong><i>Step 3:</i> </strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">how do you feel about the statement? Does it feel true? Is it helping you? How does it make you feel? Would you make that statement to a friend or colleague?</span></p> <p><strong><i>Step 4: </i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> how will you deal with it? Will you keep the piece of paper? Will you throw it away? The way you deal with the piece of paper should be the way you deal with the thought. </span></p> <p><strong><i>Step 5:</i> </strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">Consider how abandoning the thought would make a difference to your life. Would you push yourself to take the job, give the speech, lead the team? </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Now it’s time to put the above into action. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_89 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Overcoming obstacles to personal growth</b></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Limiting beliefs are often defence mechanisms we use to protect ourselves from pain. Your subconscious could remember past negative experiences and the limiting beliefs are ways you try to prevent getting hurt again. That can be hard. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But it’s important to remember that these subconscious boundaries can lead to mental health issues like imposter syndrome, stress, and anxiety. And those are not issues you want to cause yourself over a belief that holds no merit. So, while the above steps are a good way to come to terms with your limiting beliefs and what you are going to do with them, the next logical step is how you will overcome the obstacles you have put in your own way. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_62"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/Blog-Breaking-Through-Limiting-Beliefs-5.jpg" alt="" title="Blog - Breaking Through Limiting Beliefs (5)" class="wp-image-5898" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_90 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s a difficult thing to do – coming to terms with the ways you are preventing yourself from taking the next step. And it’s a hard thing admitting that you have been the cause of it. We get that. So, to help you, we have set out some steps you can take in order to overcome the obstacles preventing your personal growth – </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_58 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_94 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_63"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_95 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_91 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Start with challenging your current limiting beliefs</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – from the steps above you will already have identified what your limiting beliefs are and what you want and need to do with them. Now you need to challenge yourself. Challenge how you think, challenge how you got to the thoughts you did and challenge yourself to do away with them.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_59 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_96 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_64"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_97 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_92 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Plan</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– once you have challenged yourself, it’s time to put words into action. Know what you want to do with your thoughts and how you can go about achieving the very thing your beliefs were stopping you from achieving. Now make a plan. Assess the optimal outcomes and plan how you’re going to achieve them. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_60 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_98 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_65"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_99 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_93 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Be realistic</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– sure we want you to change your inner dialogue but there’s one thing being overly optimistic about something and an entirely different thing to make a plan that’s actually achievable. Don’t set yourself up to fail by having unreasonable expectations. Instead manage your expectations and take a grounded approach to your plans. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_61 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_100 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_66"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_101 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_94 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Don’t compare yourself to others</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– this is key. Those of us that have imposter syndrome will understand the weight of comparing ourselves to other people. Remember that we are all unique individuals fighting our own battles. We all have our own goals and what we want to achieve in life. Likewise, we will all have different plans on how to achieve our goals. Taking advice is one thing, but comparing yourself to someone else is a sure way to see yourself fail before even getting started.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_62"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_102 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_67"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/Blog-Breaking-Through-Limiting-Beliefs-6.jpg" alt="" title="Blog - Breaking Through Limiting Beliefs (6)" class="wp-image-5899" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_63 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_103 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_68"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_104 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_95 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Feel all the feels</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– it’s one thing being optimistic and having a sunny disposition, it’s an entirely different story when you are masking how you really feel. Emotions can be hard to deal with at the best of times. We understand that. But don’t put a plaster over how you feel thinking that your attitude will change everything. Explore your emotions. Feel your feels.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_64 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_105 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_69"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/6.jpg" alt="" title="6" class="wp-image-1491" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_106 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_96 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Ask for help</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– this is an important one. As you explore your thoughts and feelings, you may encounter certain emotions that have you stumped. Not knowing which way to turn. You don’t have to “go at it alone”. Get help. Whether you speak to a professional, like Freida Levycky of </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Braving Boundaries</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, or you seek the counsel of a friend, get help. You are not alone. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_65 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_107 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_70"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/7.png" alt="" title="7" class="wp-image-1882" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_108 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_97 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Keep it simple</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– keep your end goal in mind but understand that your plans don’t need to be bombastic. Easy does it. Sometimes what you want to achieve can seem massive and that, in itself, can be overwhelming. Instead of trying to tackle everything at once, break things down into smaller, bite-sized chunks. Deal with one obstacle at a time. Eventually, by continuously working towards your goals – managing one thing at a time – you will get there. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_66 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_109 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_71"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/8.jpg" alt="" title="8" class="wp-image-1883" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_110 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_98 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Adopt positive affirmations</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– this may seem a little cliché but having a positive affirmation can help drown out the negative commentary in your head. Instead, combat negative thoughts by reframing them into positive ones. For example, change “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I can’t lead a team</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” to “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Before I can lead a team, I still have some learning to do</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_67 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_111 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_72"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/9.jpg" alt="" title="9" class="wp-image-1884" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_112 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_99 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Don’t give up</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– consistency is key. With everything really. But most importantly here. Going after one’s goals, with the best laid plans in tow, doesn’t mean it will be easy. You may fail. You may trip and fall. That’s ok. Get up again, dust yourself off and realise that failure can be a learning experience. Think to yourself – “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Ok that’s how </span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">not</span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> to do something</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”, make a note of what you learnt and move on. You owe it to yourself to continue on the path you chose for yourself. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_68"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_113 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_73"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/Blog-Breaking-Through-Limiting-Beliefs-1.jpg" alt="" title="Blog - Breaking Through Limiting Beliefs (1)" class="wp-image-5894" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_100 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As always, you don’t have to implement everything we have set out above. But what you do need to do is change your mindset and then act accordingly – </span></p> <blockquote> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“It is your reaction to adversity, not the adversity itself, that determines how your life story will develop.” – </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Dieter F. Uchtdorf </span></p> </blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Remember it’s our determination to succeed and to overcome that is the most important thing. Sure, we are influenced by the world around us. But it’s how we see ourselves and it’s how we go after the things that we want that are important. If there’s anything this article should leave you with, it’s this – believe in yourself, believe in what you can do, take the time you need and you </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">will</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> succeed. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_101 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Sources used and to whom we owe thanks: </span></i><a href="https://www.uopeople.edu/blog/10-ways-how-to-overcome-challenges/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">University of the People</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.fullsailpartners.com/fspblog/bid/363719/7-ways-to-overcome-obstacles" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Full Sail Partners</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.alden-mills.com/blog/2022/05/seven-ways-to-overcome-obstacles-and-find-success" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Alden Mills</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.pushfar.com/article/6-steps-to-breaking-your-limiting-beliefs/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Push Far</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://yourtimetogrow.com/break-limiting-beliefs-start-believing/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Your Time to Grow</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://asana.com/resources/limiting-beliefs" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Asana</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span></i><a href="https://www.betterup.com/blog/what-are-limiting-beliefs" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">BetterUp</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">). </span></i></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_69"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_114 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_4 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_70 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_115 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_74"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_116 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_102 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_71"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_117 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_75"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/work-with-me/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image.jpg" alt="" title="End of blog post CTA image" class="wp-image-3291" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/breaking-through-limiting-beliefs-overcoming-obstacles-to-personal-growth/">Breaking Through Limiting Beliefs: Overcoming Obstacles to Personal Growth</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/breaking-through-limiting-beliefs-overcoming-obstacles-to-personal-growth/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Your own worst enemy is YOU!</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/your-own-worst-enemy-is-you/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/your-own-worst-enemy-is-you/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Sat, 21 Jan 2023 18:31:14 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Lawyer Life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Lessons Learned]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Life after Law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Work life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[alice in wonderland]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[attorney]]></category> <category><![CDATA[believe in yourself]]></category> <category><![CDATA[business owner]]></category> <category><![CDATA[business woman]]></category> <category><![CDATA[determination]]></category> <category><![CDATA[direction]]></category> <category><![CDATA[dreams]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[jabberwocky]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal world]]></category> <category><![CDATA[live your life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[love your life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[overcoming anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-belief]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-esteem]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/the-festive-seasons-unexpected-delights-copy/</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Building self-belief: 5 Ways to quieten the negative thoughts that hold you back from living to your fullest potential.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/your-own-worst-enemy-is-you/">Your own worst enemy is YOU!</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_7 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_72"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_118 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_103 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist" style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></h5> <p>When I was a child, I was fearless.</p> <p>I believed I could do anything I set my mind to – and I had big dreams. Bless little me. I wanted to climb mountains, go to the Moon, swim with Mermaids, and fly a plane to Antarctica.</p> <p>I may have been influenced by my favourite novels of all time – Alice in Wonderland and Through the looking glass. I have read both dozens of times (probably more, but who’s counting)?</p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It was Alice’s line –</span><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <p><em>“Sometimes I believe in as many as </em><a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=six+impossible+things+before+breakfast+alice+in+wonderland&rlz=1C1AVFC_enZA990ZA990&biw=1536&bih=722&tbm=vid&sxsrf=AJOqlzUesyOonKcblO8Rn3OHgM9lP3jlXQ%3A1674216117463&ei=tYLKY43vG6CUhbIPuv2M0Ag&oq=6+impossible+things+before+breakfast&gs_lcp=Cg1nd3Mtd2l6LXZpZGVvEAEYATIGCAAQFhAeMgYIABAWEB4yBggAEBYQHjIGCAAQFhAeMgYIABAWEB4yBggAEBYQHjIGCAAQFhAeMgYIABAWEB4yBQgAEIYDMgUIABCGAzoFCAAQkQI6CAgAEIAEELEDOgUIABCABDoLCAAQgAQQsQMQgwE6BAgAEEM6BwgAELEDEEM6BwgAEIAEEAo6CAgAEBYQHhAPOggIABAWEB4QClAAWI8mYKw4aABwAHgCgAGYA4gB206SAQgyLTI4LjcuMZgBAKABAcABAQ&sclient=gws-wiz-video#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:d332b5a3,vid:81qfjNLAo5c"><em>six impossible things before breakfast</em></a><em>.”</em></p> <p>That had done me in.</p> <p><em>6 impossible things for breakfast she says? Why – I could gobble that all in one mouthful. I can do 10 impossible things before breakfast”</em>! Ha Alice. Take that!</p> <p>Little did I know how much that fearless attitude affected those around me. How could I know? A child can never truly see how amazing they are. They are too caught up in their own world and “becoming” that they cannot see who they are through other’s eyes.</p> <p>Some of us still can’t.</p> <p>But it was my life-long friend who, on my 21<sup>st</sup> Birthday got up and gave a speech. She said something to me that night that has stuck with me – through better or worse – ever since. She said <em>“Fishy*, you <u>will</u> rule the world one day. I believe in you”. </em></p> <p><em>*a caveat here – my nickname was Fishy because my maiden name was Fisher. Full disclosure. </em></p> <p>Since I had known this friend, let’s call her my “BFFE”, from the day I was fresh from the oven – I figured she had a pretty good insight into my potential. Someone who had known me since birth (still does) can probably see something I could not.</p> <p>And for a while, I believed her.</p> <p>I wasn’t afraid of anything – dance on a table? Sure. Jump out of a plane? Absolutely (who’s packing my parachute?). Swim in shark infested waters – yeah (ok, at the time I wasn’t really aware there were sharks around but nevertheless), let’s go!</p> <p>Fearless.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_76"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1920" height="1440" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/alice.jpg" alt="6 ways to create a harmonious work environment" title="alice in wonderland" class="wp-image-5149" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_104 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>And then suddenly one day, I grew up (unwillingly).</p> <p>That fearlessness and self-belief had dissipated. Like cotton candy in the wind. The moment I graduated with my second degree and my life loomed before me, I got an inkling of reality and responsibility and how hard it would truly be to take over the world. Lady Gaga had stolen my look and I didn’t even have one minion, let alone dozens.</p> <p>But I still read Alice on an annual basis and I still believed I could do 6 impossible things before breakfast. So on to legal articles I went. And then suddenly 6 individual impossible things turned into 1 enormous impossible thing. A feeling I am betting most article clerks/trainees will share.</p> <p>And that 1 enormous impossible thing grew. Like a little snowball that rolls down a hill and accumulates more and more snow so that by the time it lands at your feet it is a ginormous sphere almost ready to take on its own climate – the <a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=big+bang+theory+intro&rlz=1C1AVFC_enZA990ZA990&sxsrf=AJOqlzUTe4w-KtizOon-omKXI9zdAntkew:1674216115123&source=lnms&tbm=vid&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiYscaGjdb8AhWORsAKHfS4AkAQ_AUoAXoECAEQAw&biw=1536&bih=722&dpr=1.25#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:f089c26d,vid:6CawmYcysAQ">“big-bang theory”</a> almost starting again…. A hot dense state and everything.</p> <p>And like with most things in life, <strong><em>the more you tell yourself, you can’t, the less you actually can. </em></strong></p> <p>A once fearless girl who had believed she could take over the world, felt “less than”, unequal to the task and pretty scared. Of just about everything, but most significantly – failing. I started saying to myself – “Don’t do that, it wont work” and “You are such a failure” and “Why bother trying, you will only fail”.</p> <p>It was the last one that really got me into some pretty dark, dank places in my life.</p> <p>But almost like Samara from the movie <a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=the+ring+girl+out+of+well&rlz=1C1AVFC_enZA990ZA990&sxsrf=AJOqlzU3MXShn_UT_B6189vDqvRyRE4m7Q%3A1674216575518&ei=f4TKY6umH4q4gQbAiZqYAg&ved=0ahUKEwjr4Yrijtb8AhUKXMAKHcCEBiMQ4dUDCA8&uact=5&oq=the+ring+girl+out+of+well&gs_lcp=Cgxnd3Mtd2l6LXNlcnAQAzIGCAAQCBAeMgYIABAIEB4yBQgAEIYDMgUIABCGAzIFCAAQhgMyBQgAEIYDMgUIABCGAzoKCAAQRxDWBBCwA0oECEEYAEoECEYYAFDFA1iVE2DpGGgBcAF4AIABiAOIAYcVkgEFMi04LjKYAQCgAQHIAQjAAQE&sclient=gws-wiz-serp#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:f5538344,vid:IWj_Q-WinUc">The Ring, crawling out of the well</a>, I somehow managed to pull myself out of my darkest place.</p> <p>It wasn’t pretty, resembled a horror movie and I really needed to wash my hair!</p> <p>But I got out.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_77"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1920" height="1440" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/adult-anxiety.jpg" alt="6 ways to create a harmonious work environment" title="adult anxiety" class="wp-image-5150" /></span> </div><div id="flicks" class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_105 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>BUILDING YOUR OWN CASTLE</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_106 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>Whoever told you starting your own business – whatever you may be doing – was easy, had clearly not done it themselves.</p> <p>It takes guts, it takes self-belief and it takes someone who doesn’t mind listening to Billy Ocean on a daily basis – because <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1S89K49BeBU">“When the going gets tough. The tough get going”, </a></p> <p>The lyrics becoming almost like a daily mantra –</p> <p><span style="color: #c69229;"><em>“I got something to say</em></span></p> <p><span style="color: #c69229;"><em>I’m gonna put this dream in motion</em></span></p> <p><span style="color: #c69229;"><em>I Never let nothing stand in my way</em></span></p> <p><span style="color: #c69229;"><em>When the going gets tough</em></span></p> <p><span style="color: #c69229;"><em>The tough get going</em></span></p> <p><span style="color: #c69229;"><em>I’m gonna get myself ‘cross the river</em></span></p> <p><span style="color: #c69229;"><em>That’s the price I’m willing to pay</em></span></p> <p><span style="color: #c69229;"><em>I’m gonna make you stand and deliver….”</em></span></p> <p>And every day, especially when you are starting from scratch, takes having confidence in yourself and in what you can achieve. It takes getting up after being knocked down. It takes looking at situations with new eyes and a new perspective. And more than anything, it takes getting out of your own way.</p> <p>Because you have probably had more than one person say to you <span style="color: #c69229;">“</span><em><span style="color: #c69229;">you are your own worst enemy”</span>. </em>I know I have.</p> <p>And so my own version of Alicia in Wonderland continued.</p> <p>I began The Legal Belletrist at the start of 2020, possibly the worst time in my own personal timeline to start a new business. Or so the naysayers said. But I did. And here I find myself doing the very thing I love the most – talking about me. No that’s not right, I meant – writing. That’s it, writing. For a living!</p> <p>I never had this as part of my dreams as a child. I don’t even think I – with the biggest imagination and biggest dreams – could’ve foreseen this incredible turn of events.</p> <p>And yet, I’m doing it.</p> <p>Taking over the world, one article/blog/ (and one day) book at a time.</p> <p>Just like my BFFE said I would.</p> <p>But that doesn’t mean that on my first working day of 2023 I didn’t wake up in a cold sweat, freaked out and worried I wouldn’t be able to write anymore. That I wouldn’t be able to write anything coherent or meaningful. In fact, I am thinking that as I type.</p> <p>I was scared that I would disappoint a client or all my client’s. I was worried that the very thing I loved would disappear. That I would fail. That I would lose my business, my livelihood. Or that someone else would be able to do what I do, only better – Billy Eilish standing in the wings ready to take on <em>my</em> leading role. Someone else stealing my look. Yet again.</p> <p><em>Turns out that even in your own business doing your own thing, away from all the office politics and toxicity, you still have your own Jabberwocky to slay. </em></p> <p>And the most unexpected one are your own negative thoughts – they can be the hardest. The thing is, all this negative noise is good for is keeping you in your status quo, stuck in the mud and deep down your own dark well, like Samara (and no-one needs that bad-hair day). </p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_73"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_119 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_78"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1920" height="1440" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/change-your-mindset.jpg" alt="6 ways to create a harmonious work environment" title="change your mindset" class="wp-image-5151" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_74"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_120 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div id="lessons" class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_107 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>5 ways to slay your inner jabberwocky</strong></h2> <p>Now anyone that has read Lewis Carroll’s “Jabberwocky” knows that it is a playful, whimsical poem that makes little sense, but is at the same time, beautifully bewildering and fun.</p> <p>The same does not however go for the creature itself – which is a rather scary, horrific creature that is threatening to destroy Underland. And the Jabberwocky – which in your particular circumstance and the villain in <em>this</em> story – has got to go!</p> <p>So how do we go about slaying it?</p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_75 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_121 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_79"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_122 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_108 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong><em>Take a moment </em></strong>– when you hear yourself talking badly about YOU, stop for a minute and realise what is happening. Realise that this is just your anxiety or an anxious moment that is taking hold of you. The thoughts are irrational, nonsensical and can threaten your very success and affect self-esteem. Realise that you are in a type of fight or flight (or in my case freeze) scenario that does not serve you right now. And then take a deep breath. In and out. And repeat. Then – and this is important – stick up for yourself, as you would do for a good friend. Tell your inner voice – No. That’s not true. It’s irrational. Because you deserve protection from your inner Jabberwocky sometimes too. Remember that.</p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_76 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_123 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_80"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_124 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_109 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong><em>Identify exactly what you are feeling</em></strong> – it’s very easy to feel negative about something, to feel like a failure before you have even tried. But understanding what triggered that feeling in the first place is key to slaying your inner Jabberwocky. Why do you feel this way? What was the precursor, what was the trigger? Did you see someone post something on the socials about a moment of success and feel envious, pressure, or subconsciously wonder how they did it? It’s a healing process to genuinely think about how your thoughts can affect your emotions. An effective way to do this is to write it all down – what you were thinking and how it made you feel. That way you can start to unpack any underlying emotions that need to be addressed. Think of this as starting a journal to help YOU. Not only will this create self-awareness, but it will also help you truly identify your inner thoughts and feelings.</p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_77 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_125 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_81"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_126 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_110 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong><em style="font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">Replace negativity with positivity </em></strong><span style="font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">– sure, it’ easier said than done. It’s hard to be positive all the time. But it’s time to replace your negative thoughts with positive ones. It sounds so simplistic – like “sure why didn’t I think of that”? But the truth is, we often don’t. We don’t remember what we have already achieved or what we have already overcome. We forget our accomplishments so easily. I’m not even sure why this is the case. But it always seems like it’s easier to believe the negative over the positive. So, changing that is key. Every time you think to yourself “I will never succeed” or “I’m a failure”, remind yourself of everything you have already done, everything you have already achieved. And the more you think about those positive things the less you will focus on the negative Nancy in your own head. Your inner Jabberwocky is not who you should be listening to. It should be your inner Alice – remembering the 6 impossible things she did before breakfast!</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_78 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_127 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_82"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_128 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_111 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><em><strong>Take it easy on yourself</strong> – </em>living in such a fast-paced society, everything feels like it should have happened yesterday. You should already be listed on the stock exchange after just starting your start-up, right? You should already be listed on the Forbes Top 50 most successful people list, because you published one opinion article and have changed the world. At 40 you should already be a director of a global Law Firm, right? By 35 you should already have 2 kids – a perfect pigeon pair. How lovely. What nonsense! There is no time limit here. There is no age we should be doing anything by. It’s all according to our own timelines. So, take it easy on yourself. Instead, take a moment and celebrate what you have achieved and look forward to what comes next. Stop measuring yourself against everyone else. We are all on our own journeys.</p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_79 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_129 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_83"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_130 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_112 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><em><strong>Focus</strong> – </em>something everyone who has ever run their own department or own business will tell you is key. Having focus. It is all too easy to get bogged down by all the little “to-do’s”, the accumulating unread emails in your inbox, the constant sales pitches or touch bases. It is amazingly easy to get overwhelmed. It can feel like you haven’t done enough – there is still more you should be doing. Again, overwhelm. It happens. But this feeling of overwhelm can cause you to lose focus on what your end-goal is. What you want to achieve. And when this happens, it can feel like your dreams are falling by the wayside. So, don’t let that happen. Keep laser focused on what you want out of your work, your livelihood. What is important to you. If it helps, write down what you want to achieve and stick it on your wall – like a daily reminder of why you started whatever it is you started in the first place.<span style="color: #008000;"><b><i></i></b></span><span style="font-weight: 400;"> </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_80"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_131 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_84"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1920" height="1440" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/believe-in-yourself.jpg" alt="" title="believe in yourself" class="wp-image-5152" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_113 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>The take-away from this article simply is – everything is achievable if you look at the facts that support and drive your ambition and desires to work for and on yourself.</p> <p>Less listening to the inner Jabberwocky. More listening to your inner Alice! Instead of your own worst enemy, become your own best friend and most fervid supporter.</p> <p>Believing in YOU is the absolute best thing you can do for your self-esteem, confidence and self-belief.</p> <p><strong><em>It’s time to become fearless again. It’s time to tackle 6 impossible things before breakfast!</em></strong></p> <p>Because you can….</p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> </span></i></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_5 et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_81 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_132 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_85"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_133 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_114 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong></p> <p>Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism. </p> <p>Click here to visit<span> </span><a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>.</p> <p><strong>Email: legalwhizz@gmail.com </strong></p></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/your-own-worst-enemy-is-you/">Your own worst enemy is YOU!</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/your-own-worst-enemy-is-you/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Beating Procrastination (Part 1): Getting to grips with why we procrastinate</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/beating-procrastination-part-1/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/beating-procrastination-part-1/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 29 Jun 2022 06:37:43 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Perfectionism]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Procrastination]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[accountants]]></category> <category><![CDATA[boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[business men]]></category> <category><![CDATA[business women]]></category> <category><![CDATA[coping with stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[covid stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[down time]]></category> <category><![CDATA[executives]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of being controlled]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of failure]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of intimacy]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of separation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of success]]></category> <category><![CDATA[financial stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fitness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[holidays]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[managers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[procrastinating]]></category> <category><![CDATA[procrastination]]></category> <category><![CDATA[productivity]]></category> <category><![CDATA[professionals]]></category> <category><![CDATA[reduce stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relationship stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relax]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relaxation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress spiral]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stressed out]]></category> <category><![CDATA[time off]]></category> <category><![CDATA[time out]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/stressed-out-why-holidays-are-a-necessity-not-a-luxury-copy/</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Procrastination: The bane of my life and for many others. But what is procrastination and why do we do it?</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/beating-procrastination-part-1/">Beating Procrastination (Part 1): Getting to grips with why we procrastinate</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_8 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_82"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_134 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_115 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>I’m not fat. But I’m not fit.</strong></p> <p>Well, not in the way that I used to be.</p> <p>It’s that time of year again where a number of running photos pop up on Facebook, highlighting the various races I’ve run over the years. In 2015, I was training to summit the Matterhorn. In 2016, it was the Verbier-St Bernard 65km Traverse. And in 2019 it was “The Beast” (the 30km ‘baby’ race!) and the Whale Trail (53km, 25km of which comprised endless stretches of beach)! Ugh! Never again!</p> <p>I was fit! Very fit! Even if I hadn’t quite grasped that at the time.</p> <p>And then lockdown commenced and my motivation to run utterly dissipated.</p> <p>Last year, as I prepared to turn 40, I wrote an article called: <strong><em><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/motivate-me-what-to-do-when-youve-lost-your-mojo/">“Motivate Me: What to do when you’ve lost your mojo!”</a></em></strong>. The article explored the different types of motivation that encourage or force us to take action. It also gave me (and 35 of my followers who decided to join in with me) the opportunity to test out a new approach to tackling my/our goals. I loved the challenge and it worked! I committed to 40 days of yoga to kickstart a return to my practice and I’m pleased to report that I’m still practising a year on.</p> <p>But motivation isn’t my current issue. I want to get fitter. I feel better when I’m fitter. And, I have the perfect excuse to get fit too. Our wedding is next April and hey, who doesn’t want to look their best in their wedding dress?</p> <p>So, what is it that is currently holding me back?</p> <p>That darned thing called: <strong>PROCRASTINATION!</strong></p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/picture-1-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4412"/></figure> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="i-m-so-stressed-holidays-are-a-luxury-not-a-necessity"><strong>What is procrastination?</strong></h2> <p>Before we get into the nitty gritty of the definitions, just see if you recognise any of these situations:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li><strong>Scenario A:</strong> Your alarm goes off for the gym in the morning: “<em>Oh just 15 more minutes in bed. It’s so cold outside. And, well, I didn’t sleep very well last night</em>.” Before you know it, 15 minutes has turned to 30 minutes and the window for the gym session has gone.</li><li><strong>Scenario B:</strong> You’ve a complicated contract to review and the deadline is two weeks away. You leave it until the last minute. Twenty things pile in during the last week, and then there is a mad dash to get it done.</li><li><strong>Scenario C:</strong> You’ve set yourself a target to bring in more clients by the end of June. You know the best way is to make direct contact, but instead you spend the next few weeks perfecting marketing materials, writing lists of people you’d like to speak to, researching companies, but don’t make any contact.</li></ul> <p>Well, they are certainly all familiar situations to me. But, then again, I’m a prime example of a procrastinator!</p> <p>As these situations highlight, procrastination is <strong><a href="https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/procrastinate"><em>“the act of delaying or putting off tasks intentionally and habitually”</em></a> </strong>[1]. What’s worse is that this behaviour sometimes occurs: <a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/the-psychology-of-procrastination-2795944"><em><strong>even when negative consequences may result from the procrastination</strong></em></a> [2].</p> <p>If we look at the Latin meaning of the word, it provides even more clarity. “<em><strong>Pro</strong></em>” meaning forward; and “<em><strong>crastinus</strong></em>” meaning belonging to tomorrow, results in a combined definition of “<em><strong>forward it to tomorrow</strong></em>”. In other words, “<em><strong>do it later</strong></em>”! [3]</p> <p>Let’s re-look at the examples above:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li><strong>In Scenario A</strong>, the intention of going to the gym to get fit is defeated by staying in bed. The consequences of continued procrastination are potentially weight gain, health issues and low self-esteem.</li><li><strong>In Scenario B</strong>, the goal is to review and amend the contract and deliver within two weeks. By leaving it to the last minute, there are potential consequences of non-delivery (and an angry client) or a highly stressed 24-hours trying to deliver by the deadline. Neither of which are particularly helpful to your health or your business. And before you say: “<em>But, I work at my best when I’m under pressure</em>” – it doesn’t mean you’re not procrastinating.</li><li><strong>In Scenario C</strong>, the goal is to bring in new clients – after all, they pay the bills and grow the business. By distracting yourself with other work rather than reaching out and making contact, procrastination in this instance could result in your business folding before it’s even had a chance to flourish.</li></ul> <p>The above are just a few examples of procrastination played out in the real world. But despite knowing the potential for detrimental consequences, why do we continue to procrastinate?</p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/picture-2-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4413"/></figure> <p></p> <div class="wp-block-buttons is-content-justification-center is-layout-flex wp-container-core-buttons-is-layout-1 wp-block-buttons-is-layout-flex"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="my-experience-how-a-proper-holiday-shifts-the-stress-perspective"><strong>Why we procrastinate</strong></h2> <p>In their book: <strong><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702">“<em>Procrastination: Why you do it. What to do about it NOW.</em>”</a></strong>, Burka & Yuen (2008) highlight four “roots” to procrastination (some or all of which may be present):</p> <ol class="wp-block-list" type="1"><li>The <strong>Time Root</strong>: This relates to a procrastinator’s complex relationship with time and the difficulty they have with conceptualising how long a task will take. As a result, tasks are often delayed.</li><li>The <strong>Interpersonal Root</strong>: Our upbringing, our socio-economic settings and our culture can also influence our levels of procrastination. If procrastination has been evidenced in our childhood, it may well be behaviour carried into adulthood.</li><li>The <strong>Biological Root</strong>: This really is explained by the continuing struggle between two parts of our brain: the limbic system (the part of our brain involved in emotional and behavioural responses, including our flight, fight or freeze responses) and the prefrontal cortex (the area of our brain utilised in planning complex cognitive behaviour and decision making). As the limbic system is a stronger, older and more developed part of our brain, it often overpowers the prefrontal cortex. As a result, automatic fear responses kick in when faced with certain situations and procrastination ensues [4]. </li><li>The <strong>Emotional Root</strong>: The final root of procrastination lies in the desire to avoid uncomfortable feelings, fears, hopes, doubts, memories, dreams and pressures [5]. Perhaps we avoid doing certain tasks because we don’t think we’ll enjoy them? Perhaps it’s because we believe we can’t do them well? Perhaps it’s because we fear that we’ll do them so well that, in turn, it will increase the demands on our life? So, we push them out until the last minute – if we get to them at all. We’ll explore the emotional root in a little more detail below.</li></ol> <p>James Clear, in his article: <strong><em>“<a href="https://jamesclear.com/procrastination">Procrastination: A Scientific Guide on How to Stop Procrastinating”</a></em></strong> [6] highlights an additional behavioural psychology approach to procrastination which also relates to time. He argues that procrastination stems from “time inconsistency”. Our brains value immediate rewards more than they do future rewards.</p> <p>So, taking Scenario B above – you have 2 weeks to complete that complicated contract review. The future goal is obviously to complete it. The benefit to your Future Self of completing it is praise from your clients and your boss, and that great feeling of a job well done. But that’s two weeks away. Who wants to wait for two weeks if there is something that you could do <strong>now</strong> that would give you that “feel great” feeling? As James Clear says: <em>“Your Present Self really likes instant gratification, not long-term payoff”</em>. So, instead, you distract yourself with the easier and quicker things on your to do list to get that instant fix. Ha! And you wonder why those prioritisation lists don’t always work!</p> <p></p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/PROCRASTINATION-3-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4414"/><figcaption> Burka & Yuen (2008): <strong><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702">“<em>Procrastination: Why you do it. What to do about it NOW.</em>”</a></strong></figcaption></figure> <p></p> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="i-m-so-stressed-holidays-are-a-necessity-not-a-luxury"><strong>The emotional side of procrastination</strong></h2> <p>Although there are a number of “roots” of procrastination, for me, the time, interpersonal and biological roots feel easier to digest. They feel less personal. They are things that have happened to me (over which I had no control) rather than something to which I might have contributed.</p> <p>I’ll be honest, as I deepened my research into the emotional root of procrastination over the weekend, I had to take a pause. I stepped away from the article and avoided it for a couple of days, distracting myself with a trip to my friend’s and the preparation of our weekly family pub quiz. There you go, procrastination in its prime!</p> <p>The emotional side, for some reason, felt deeply uncomfortable. It forced me to question and consider the underlying motivations for my own procrastination and the potential impact it has had and could have on my life. What had procrastination stopped me from achieving? Was I really operating at my full potential? Was I using procrastination to my own detriment? Was I procrastinating or setting boundaries? Is all procrastination bad?</p> <p>Needless to say, it was a confusing weekend and I’m grateful for my friends and other half who helped me process my thoughts and the research!</p> <p>So here is a high-level summary of the four underlying motivations of emotional procrastination identified by Burka & Yuen (2008) in their book: <strong><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702">“<em>Procrastination: Why you do it. What to do about it NOW.</em>”</a></strong>. See if any (or, in my case, how many) of these resonate:</p> <p></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>(a) Procrastination: Because of the fear of failure</strong></h3> <p>This rationale for procrastinating may be the most recognisable. Often, people delay tackling a task out of fear of failing at it. That failure could come in the form of being seen as “not good enough”, “not capable enough”, simply “not enough”. But rather than limiting the failure to an inability to be able to perform a task to a specific standard, people struggling with this type of procrastination view these failures as a failure of themselves as a person (Burka & Yuen, 2008). In other words, it directly impacts their self-worth.</p> <p>Dr. Richard Beery identifies a direct correlation between <strong>PERFORMANCE</strong>, <strong>ABILITY </strong>and <strong>SELF-WORTH</strong> [7]. Think about this in the context of <strong>Scenario A</strong> above.</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>If you go to the gym and work out (<strong>PERFORM</strong>) and get fitter/slimmer and start achieving your goals, you have <strong>ABILITY </strong>and you feel really good about yourself (<strong>HIGH SELF-WORTH</strong>).</li></ul> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>If you go to the gym and work out (<strong>PERFORM</strong>), but don’t see any weight loss or any fitness improvement, you see this as a lack of <strong>ABILITY </strong>(a failure of the task) and feel bad about yourself (<strong>LOW SELF-WORTH</strong>).</li></ul> <p>What procrastination does is step in to try and protect the individual by breaking the correlation between ability and performance (thus protecting self-worth).</p> <p>Think about it. If you avoid going to the gym and working out or only go to the gym with a week to go before your big event, you know that your ability has not been fully tested. Therefore, the fact that you have not got fitter or slimmer isn’t as a result of your personal failings, merely a lack of effort. You always have the excuse: “<em>Well, if I’d given myself more time, I’d have easily been able to lose 5kg.</em>”</p> <p>But what procrastination actually does is prevent you from operating at your full potential. It prevents you from challenging your abilities; seeing just how far your potential can take you. It risks keeping you locked in a place of mediocrity because it feels more comfortable. After all, being labelled as disorganised, lazy or a “last minute Nellie” feels like a less bitter pill to swallow than “you’re unworthy” or “you’re inadequate”, doesn’t it?</p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/290268939_570967407872303_1803610608235388622_n-1-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4416"/></figure> <p></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>(b) Procrastination: Because of the fear of success</strong></h3> <p>This concept may be a little harder to grasp. One theory is that procrastination is driven by a fear of success even if we want to be successful. This requires us to look both at the light and dark side of success, and is probably easier through the use of an example.</p> <p>Success to you may be the launch of your own business. The pros are that you get to work for yourself, you are your own boss, you choose your own clients, you dictate your own hours etc. You gain independence, freedom and time.</p> <p>But depending on your experience or upbringing, deep-rooted concerns and beliefs about success could also be triggered:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>Perhaps you believe that, by running a successful business, more demands will be placed on your time. There is a risk that you become a workaholic and lose control of your time. As a result, procrastinating on tasks (leaving things to the last minute) is seen as a way of avoiding that risk (i.e. preserving time), but it also undermines the likelihood of success.</li></ul> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>Perhaps success is seen as “unbecoming”. I have a friend who, throughout childhood, was taught to believe that money is evil. It leads to arguments within the marriage. People with money are deemed to be “selfish”. Success separates and differentiates you from your friends and family etc. If that’s your belief pattern, is it any wonder that you find yourself procrastinating and stalling the establishment or growth of your own business?</li></ul> <p></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="reducing-stress-by-putting-you-first"><strong>(c) Procrastination: Because of the fear of intimacy / separation</strong></h3> <p>Procrastination is also used as a means of regulating the closeness of our interpersonal relationships. Burka and Yuen (2008) explain that:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>For some people, that desire for closeness in a relationship is driven by anxiety (a fear of separation). In order to feel safe / capable of surviving in this world, they need to have their partner / friends / family / colleagues present. So procrastination is used to preserve that dependence e.g. seeking out help with work; leaving things to the last minute so that you can “be saved”; helping a colleague shine in the work environment whilst you take a back seat; or postponing things that you want to do in favour of the things your partner wants to do.</li></ul> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>For others, procrastination is used as way to maintain distance in relationships (i.e. avoid intimacy). Intimacy (romantic or otherwise) scares some people. They feel that if they allow people to get too close to them, people may take advantage of them. Perhaps they’ve experienced painful relationships in the past and want to avoid repeating these scenarios, so use procrastination (e.g. a delay in committing or progressing the relationship) as a way of maintaining their independence.</li></ul> <p>Both of the above scenarios, Burka and Yuen (2008) explain, highlight how procrastination can be used to maintain a “comfort zone”. In reality though, procrastination in these scenarios impedes the development of healthy relationships and that balance between dependence and independence and the testing and establishment of boundaries.</p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/INTIMACY-SEPARATION-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4417"/></figure> <p></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>(D) Procrastination: Because of the fear of being controlled</strong></h3> <p>Lastly, Burka and Yuen (2008) talk about the use of procrastination to avoid being controlled. The theory here is that people delay performing certain tasks as a means of asserting their independence and autonomy. And actually, it may be more familiar to you than you think.</p> <p>Think about children and their school projects. When I was 10 years old, I had to do a project on the Wirral (the peninsula next to Liverpool in the UK). It was staggered over the whole school year and various topics were covered: geographical features, religion, Roman influences, the origins of place names. Our teacher had told all of our parents about the Wirral Project because they needed to help us take photos and explore various places. The delivery of each chapter was every 4-6 weeks.</p> <p>Now, I am sure there were some very compliant children in my class, but one of the things ensconced in my personality is the need for independence. I hate being told what to do! Despite my poor mother setting rules and routines about getting each chapter of this project done early, I would leave everything to the last minute and then, in a blind panic and with a lot of drama, throw something together. But at least I retained that sense that I wasn’t being controlled!</p> <p>Procrastination, in this context, goes back to that correlation between performance, ability and self-worth discussed in Fear of Failure above. Only, in this context, self-worth is closely linked to the ability to maintain control by NOT performing [8]. So, using the above example:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>If I do my homework (<strong>PERFORM</strong>) in accordance with my mother’s rules and routines, I have no autonomy or independence (<strong>ABILITY</strong>) and I feel bad about myself (<strong>SELF-WORTH</strong>).</li></ul> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>If I avoid /delay doing my homework (<strong>NOT PERFORM</strong>) in defiance of my mother’s wishes, I retain my autonomy and independence (<strong>ABILITY</strong>) and I feel good about myself (<strong>SELF-WORTH</strong>).</li></ul> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/defiant-child.jpg"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/defiant-child-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4418"/></a></figure> <p>This form of procrastination (the desire to avoid being controlled) doesn’t just operate at a child level though. It can easily be identified in adult life too. How many of you resist paying bills until the last minute? How many of you file your taxes late and get hit with the late filing penalty? How many of you attend meetings late despite specifically been told to turn up on time?</p> <p>What’s interesting is that, although this form of procrastination (rebelling against parental, societal, corporate control) preserves this sense of independence, it prevents you from choosing what you actually want to do. Perhaps you do want to pay your bills on time so you have peace of mind? Perhaps turning up for a meeting on time is beneficial because you’ll get back to your desk earlier?</p> <p>In my case, had I just complied with my mother’s wishes and got on with the Wirral Project, I could have avoided one of the most mortifying experiences I had as a child and achieved the A Grade I desired. Due to procrastination, I’d begged my grandad to help me complete one of the chapters the weekend before it was due in. Bless him, he had painstakingly copied (i.e. plagarised) a chapter from one of the library books I’d taken out about the Wirral’s geographical rock formations. I’d copied what he’d written and handed it in! Needless to say, my teacher humiliated me in front of the whole class and called me out for cheating. My procrastination had had the direct opposite effect to the one intended. My self-worth was not exactly in tact!</p> <p></p> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Now what?</strong></h2> <p>Well, I did say that the emotional root of procrastination may feel quite confronting. I can certainly see how it has impacted my own life, particularly the fear of failure. The reality is, it still does. The reason I’ve struggled to get back into running isn’t a lack of motivation or an inability to prioritise. It’s the fear that if I set myself a goal to get fit and toned for my wedding and fail, what does that say about me as a person? My ability? My commitment to myself?</p> <p>There is a great line in the book which I’d like to leave you with which certainly helped me to feel more positive about the whole procrastination saga. <em><strong>“We believe that when you know what you feel and understand why you feel it, you are likely to be more confident, at ease with yourself, and then able to proceed without procrastinating”</strong> </em>(Burka & Yuen, 2008).</p> <p>In other words, if you’re prepared to work through your procrastination, there is light at the end of the tunnel. And that’s what we’ll focus on in Part 2. The steps which you can take to beat procrastination depending on the type of procrastinator you are.</p> <p>And, just so you are aware, the irony has not escaped me. I could have made this article twice as long and covered off the strategies here. But, hey, in true procrastinator fashion, why would I do something today which I can push to July? The challenge for me is whether I’ll give myself two weeks to write the next article or just a couple of days? Let’s see. <img src="https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/15.0.3/72x72/1f60a.png" alt="😊" class="wp-smiley" style="height: 1em; max-height: 1em;" /></p> <p></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading">Side Note</h3> <p>The summary above of the motivations driving the emotional root of procrastination is exactly that – a high level summary. It, by no means, does justice to the book. If you are struggling with procrastination or would like to discover more about it, I highly recommend you take the time to read <strong><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702">“<em>Procrastination: Why you do it. What to do about it NOW.</em>”</a></strong>. It’s a fabulous book with a wealth of examples of how each of type of procrastination is displayed.</p> <p></p> <p></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading">references</h3> <p>[1] https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/procrastinate</p> <p>[2] <em>What is procrastination?</em> https://www.verywellmind.com/the-psychology-of-procrastination-2795944</p> <p>[3], [5], [7] and [8] Burka, J., & Yuen, L. (2008). <em>Procrastination: Why you do it. What to do about it NOW.</em> Da Capo Life Long. <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702">https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702</a></p> <p>[4] Le Cunff, A. (n.d.). <em>Why we wait: the neuroscience of procrastination. </em>Ness Labs: <a href="https://nesslabs.com/neuroscience-of-procrastination#:~:text=Procrastination%20actually%20finds%20its%20roots,Its%20processes%20are%20mostly%20automatic">https://nesslabs.com/neuroscience-of-procrastination#:~:text=Procrastination%20actually%20finds%20its%20roots,Its%20processes%20are%20mostly%20automatic</a>.</p> <p>[6] Clear, J. (n.d.). <em>Procrastination: A Scientific Guide on How to Stop Procrastinating</em>. https://jamesclear.com/procrastination</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3291"/></a></figure></div> </div> </div> </div> </div><p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/beating-procrastination-part-1/">Beating Procrastination (Part 1): Getting to grips with why we procrastinate</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/beating-procrastination-part-1/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> </channel> </rss>