<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><rss version="2.0" xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/" xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/" xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" xmlns:sy="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/syndication/" xmlns:slash="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/slash/" > <channel> <title>fear of being controlled Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <atom:link href="https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/fear-of-being-controlled/feed/" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" /> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/fear-of-being-controlled/</link> <description>PROFESSIONAL LIFE COACHING & TRAINING</description> <lastBuildDate>Wed, 16 Jul 2025 14:34:08 +0000</lastBuildDate> <language>en-ZA</language> <sy:updatePeriod> hourly </sy:updatePeriod> <sy:updateFrequency> 1 </sy:updateFrequency> <image> <url>https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Asset-1.svg</url> <title>fear of being controlled Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/fear-of-being-controlled/</link> <width>32</width> <height>32</height> </image> <item> <title>Breaking Through Limiting Beliefs: Overcoming Obstacles to Personal Growth</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/breaking-through-limiting-beliefs-overcoming-obstacles-to-personal-growth/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/breaking-through-limiting-beliefs-overcoming-obstacles-to-personal-growth/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 27 Mar 2024 05:06:34 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[believe in yourself]]></category> <category><![CDATA[coaching]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Counselling]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of being controlled]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of failure]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of success]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fears]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life coaching]]></category> <category><![CDATA[limiting beliefs]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mindset]]></category> <category><![CDATA[not good enough]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Personal awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personality]]></category> <category><![CDATA[professional life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[what's holding you back]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=5872</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/breaking-through-limiting-beliefs-overcoming-obstacles-to-personal-growth/">Breaking Through Limiting Beliefs: Overcoming Obstacles to Personal Growth</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_0 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_0"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_0 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_0 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span><span style="color: #be9727;"></span></h5> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></i></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’m not good enough to lead a team.</span></i></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">My work doesn’t measure up to my colleagues. </span></i></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’m too reserved to speak in front of an audience.</span></i></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">[Insert sabotaging thought here.] </span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We all have them. Thoughts about ourselves that are unkind. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We all possess an inner voice that is perhaps not always the most supportive. Because let’s face it – we are all our own worst enemy. Getting in our own way. Often the biggest obstacle in our lives is how we truly see ourselves. Because how we see ourselves reflects how we see the world. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And our mindset, our beliefs on how the world works, can be the biggest obstacles in achieving what we want to achieve. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We call these restrictive thoughts and ideas “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">limiting beliefs</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_1 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>More about limiting beliefs</b></h2> <p><a href="https://asana.com/resources/limiting-beliefs" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Asana</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, defines a limiting belief as follows – </span></p> <blockquote> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“A limiting belief is a state of mind or belief about yourself that restricts you in some way. These beliefs are often false accusations you make about yourself that can cause a number of negative results”.</span></i></p> </blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">These limiting beliefs are not always just about ourselves either. Often, they can be about how the world works, certain ideas about situations, and how you interact with different people.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And the result of these limiting beliefs? You limit yourself from becoming. Becoming whatever it is that you want to become. You shoot your own ideas down before they’ve even had time to ruminate in your own thoughts. They can keep you in a negative state of mind, preventing you from encountering new opportunities and life experiences while wreaking havoc on your mental health. </span></p> <p><a href="https://www.betterup.com/blog/what-are-limiting-beliefs" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">BetterUp</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> describes limiting beliefs as follows – </span></p> <blockquote> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Limiting beliefs can change your life, but not always for the better. They create self-awareness that stops you from chasing after your dreams, forming healthy relationships with people, and creating change in any area of your life. </span></i></p> </blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And quite frankly – that sucks!</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_0"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/Blog-Breaking-Through-Limiting-Beliefs-3.jpg" alt="" title="Blog - Breaking Through Limiting Beliefs (3)" class="wp-image-5896" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_2 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Where do these limiting beliefs come from?</b></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As children we often believe that we can do anything and be anyone. Just think about a 4-year-old in a batman costume – they’re ready to take on the world. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But something happens as we grow older. Doubt creeps in. Fears rear their ugly heads. And suddenly we forget about ourselves in the proverbial batman costume. We forget the feeling of utter confidence and self-belief. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">This change in self-perception can happen for a number of reasons – </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Personal beliefs</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – the things we personally experience. These can be things that happen on a day-to-day basis as well as big life events. </span><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></li> <p><b></p> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Family</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – the things our family believes and how we were raised. It plays a significant role in how we navigate life and the working world. Sometimes it defines who we are and other times it ensures we become the opposite.<br /> </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Religious beliefs</strong> – <span style="font-weight: 400;">what we believe in and the rules that we follow because of our religious beliefs often influence how we go out into the world and how we go about navigating life. Our faith provides great moral guidance and support to our lives, but rigid application without challenging religious teachings can prevent us from seeing the world from multiple perspectives.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Education</strong><b> – </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">it’s often the case</span> <span style="font-weight: 400;">that we admire our teachers, and those from whom we learn. So, it’s understandable that we would absorb their ideas and beliefs. Often trying our best to mimic them. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Friends</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – the people we mix with. How do they see the world? And do you subscribe to the same beliefs? </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Society</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – popular opinion, especially on social media, can impose impossible standards on us.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Fear of failure</strong><b> – </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">the excuses you make up in order to stop yourself from acting in your own best interests. </span></li> </ul></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_1"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/Blog-Breaking-Through-Limiting-Beliefs-4.jpg" alt="" title="Blog - Breaking Through Limiting Beliefs (4)" class="wp-image-5897" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_3 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Discovering what your limiting beliefs are is not always so easy or so obvious. Sometimes we are not entirely sure how we may be limiting ourselves. We haven’t really taken notice of what thoughts could be contributing to our own limitations. But there is a way to discover what they could be – </span></p> <p><strong><i>Step 1:</i></strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">think about something you may tell yourself all the time. If you are struggling to think of something, ask a friend or family member for help. </span></p> <p><strong>Step 2:</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">write it down on a piece of paper, make it real. </span></p> <p><strong><i>Step 3:</i> </strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">how do you feel about the statement? Does it feel true? Is it helping you? How does it make you feel? Would you make that statement to a friend or colleague?</span></p> <p><strong><i>Step 4: </i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> how will you deal with it? Will you keep the piece of paper? Will you throw it away? The way you deal with the piece of paper should be the way you deal with the thought. </span></p> <p><strong><i>Step 5:</i> </strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">Consider how abandoning the thought would make a difference to your life. Would you push yourself to take the job, give the speech, lead the team? </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Now it’s time to put the above into action. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_4 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Overcoming obstacles to personal growth</b></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Limiting beliefs are often defence mechanisms we use to protect ourselves from pain. Your subconscious could remember past negative experiences and the limiting beliefs are ways you try to prevent getting hurt again. That can be hard. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But it’s important to remember that these subconscious boundaries can lead to mental health issues like imposter syndrome, stress, and anxiety. And those are not issues you want to cause yourself over a belief that holds no merit. So, while the above steps are a good way to come to terms with your limiting beliefs and what you are going to do with them, the next logical step is how you will overcome the obstacles you have put in your own way. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_2"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/Blog-Breaking-Through-Limiting-Beliefs-5.jpg" alt="" title="Blog - Breaking Through Limiting Beliefs (5)" class="wp-image-5898" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_5 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s a difficult thing to do – coming to terms with the ways you are preventing yourself from taking the next step. And it’s a hard thing admitting that you have been the cause of it. We get that. So, to help you, we have set out some steps you can take in order to overcome the obstacles preventing your personal growth – </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_1 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_1 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_3"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_2 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_6 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Start with challenging your current limiting beliefs</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – from the steps above you will already have identified what your limiting beliefs are and what you want and need to do with them. Now you need to challenge yourself. Challenge how you think, challenge how you got to the thoughts you did and challenge yourself to do away with them.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_2 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_3 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_4"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_4 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_7 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Plan</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– once you have challenged yourself, it’s time to put words into action. Know what you want to do with your thoughts and how you can go about achieving the very thing your beliefs were stopping you from achieving. Now make a plan. Assess the optimal outcomes and plan how you’re going to achieve them. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_3 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_5 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_5"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_6 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_8 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Be realistic</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– sure we want you to change your inner dialogue but there’s one thing being overly optimistic about something and an entirely different thing to make a plan that’s actually achievable. Don’t set yourself up to fail by having unreasonable expectations. Instead manage your expectations and take a grounded approach to your plans. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_4 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_7 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_6"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_8 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_9 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Don’t compare yourself to others</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– this is key. Those of us that have imposter syndrome will understand the weight of comparing ourselves to other people. Remember that we are all unique individuals fighting our own battles. We all have our own goals and what we want to achieve in life. Likewise, we will all have different plans on how to achieve our goals. Taking advice is one thing, but comparing yourself to someone else is a sure way to see yourself fail before even getting started.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_5"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_9 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_7"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/Blog-Breaking-Through-Limiting-Beliefs-6.jpg" alt="" title="Blog - Breaking Through Limiting Beliefs (6)" class="wp-image-5899" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_6 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_10 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_8"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_11 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_10 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Feel all the feels</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– it’s one thing being optimistic and having a sunny disposition, it’s an entirely different story when you are masking how you really feel. Emotions can be hard to deal with at the best of times. We understand that. But don’t put a plaster over how you feel thinking that your attitude will change everything. Explore your emotions. Feel your feels.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_7 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_12 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_9"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/6.jpg" alt="" title="6" class="wp-image-1491" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_13 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_11 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Ask for help</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– this is an important one. As you explore your thoughts and feelings, you may encounter certain emotions that have you stumped. Not knowing which way to turn. You don’t have to “go at it alone”. Get help. Whether you speak to a professional, like Freida Levycky of </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Braving Boundaries</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, or you seek the counsel of a friend, get help. You are not alone. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_8 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_14 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_10"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/7.png" alt="" title="7" class="wp-image-1882" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_15 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_12 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Keep it simple</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– keep your end goal in mind but understand that your plans don’t need to be bombastic. Easy does it. Sometimes what you want to achieve can seem massive and that, in itself, can be overwhelming. Instead of trying to tackle everything at once, break things down into smaller, bite-sized chunks. Deal with one obstacle at a time. Eventually, by continuously working towards your goals – managing one thing at a time – you will get there. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_9 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_16 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_11"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/8.jpg" alt="" title="8" class="wp-image-1883" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_17 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_13 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Adopt positive affirmations</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– this may seem a little cliché but having a positive affirmation can help drown out the negative commentary in your head. Instead, combat negative thoughts by reframing them into positive ones. For example, change “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I can’t lead a team</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” to “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Before I can lead a team, I still have some learning to do</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_10 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_18 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_12"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/9.jpg" alt="" title="9" class="wp-image-1884" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_19 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_14 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Don’t give up</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– consistency is key. With everything really. But most importantly here. Going after one’s goals, with the best laid plans in tow, doesn’t mean it will be easy. You may fail. You may trip and fall. That’s ok. Get up again, dust yourself off and realise that failure can be a learning experience. Think to yourself – “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Ok that’s how </span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">not</span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> to do something</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”, make a note of what you learnt and move on. You owe it to yourself to continue on the path you chose for yourself. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_11"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_20 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_13"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/Blog-Breaking-Through-Limiting-Beliefs-1.jpg" alt="" title="Blog - Breaking Through Limiting Beliefs (1)" class="wp-image-5894" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_15 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As always, you don’t have to implement everything we have set out above. But what you do need to do is change your mindset and then act accordingly – </span></p> <blockquote> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“It is your reaction to adversity, not the adversity itself, that determines how your life story will develop.” – </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Dieter F. Uchtdorf </span></p> </blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Remember it’s our determination to succeed and to overcome that is the most important thing. Sure, we are influenced by the world around us. But it’s how we see ourselves and it’s how we go after the things that we want that are important. If there’s anything this article should leave you with, it’s this – believe in yourself, believe in what you can do, take the time you need and you </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">will</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> succeed. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_16 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Sources used and to whom we owe thanks: </span></i><a href="https://www.uopeople.edu/blog/10-ways-how-to-overcome-challenges/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">University of the People</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.fullsailpartners.com/fspblog/bid/363719/7-ways-to-overcome-obstacles" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Full Sail Partners</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.alden-mills.com/blog/2022/05/seven-ways-to-overcome-obstacles-and-find-success" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Alden Mills</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.pushfar.com/article/6-steps-to-breaking-your-limiting-beliefs/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Push Far</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://yourtimetogrow.com/break-limiting-beliefs-start-believing/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Your Time to Grow</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://asana.com/resources/limiting-beliefs" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Asana</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span></i><a href="https://www.betterup.com/blog/what-are-limiting-beliefs" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">BetterUp</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">). </span></i></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_12"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_21 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_0 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_13 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_22 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_14"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_23 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_17 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_14"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_24 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_15"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/work-with-me/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image.jpg" alt="" title="End of blog post CTA image" class="wp-image-3291" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/breaking-through-limiting-beliefs-overcoming-obstacles-to-personal-growth/">Breaking Through Limiting Beliefs: Overcoming Obstacles to Personal Growth</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/breaking-through-limiting-beliefs-overcoming-obstacles-to-personal-growth/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Beating Procrastination (Part 1): Getting to grips with why we procrastinate</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/beating-procrastination-part-1/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/beating-procrastination-part-1/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 29 Jun 2022 06:37:43 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Perfectionism]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Procrastination]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[accountants]]></category> <category><![CDATA[boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[business men]]></category> <category><![CDATA[business women]]></category> <category><![CDATA[coping with stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[covid stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[down time]]></category> <category><![CDATA[executives]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of being controlled]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of failure]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of intimacy]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of separation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of success]]></category> <category><![CDATA[financial stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fitness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[holidays]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[managers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[procrastinating]]></category> <category><![CDATA[procrastination]]></category> <category><![CDATA[productivity]]></category> <category><![CDATA[professionals]]></category> <category><![CDATA[reduce stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relationship stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relax]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relaxation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress spiral]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stressed out]]></category> <category><![CDATA[time off]]></category> <category><![CDATA[time out]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/stressed-out-why-holidays-are-a-necessity-not-a-luxury-copy/</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Procrastination: The bane of my life and for many others. But what is procrastination and why do we do it?</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/beating-procrastination-part-1/">Beating Procrastination (Part 1): Getting to grips with why we procrastinate</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_1 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_15"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_25 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_18 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>I’m not fat. But I’m not fit.</strong></p> <p>Well, not in the way that I used to be.</p> <p>It’s that time of year again where a number of running photos pop up on Facebook, highlighting the various races I’ve run over the years. In 2015, I was training to summit the Matterhorn. In 2016, it was the Verbier-St Bernard 65km Traverse. And in 2019 it was “The Beast” (the 30km ‘baby’ race!) and the Whale Trail (53km, 25km of which comprised endless stretches of beach)! Ugh! Never again!</p> <p>I was fit! Very fit! Even if I hadn’t quite grasped that at the time.</p> <p>And then lockdown commenced and my motivation to run utterly dissipated.</p> <p>Last year, as I prepared to turn 40, I wrote an article called: <strong><em><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/motivate-me-what-to-do-when-youve-lost-your-mojo/">“Motivate Me: What to do when you’ve lost your mojo!”</a></em></strong>. The article explored the different types of motivation that encourage or force us to take action. It also gave me (and 35 of my followers who decided to join in with me) the opportunity to test out a new approach to tackling my/our goals. I loved the challenge and it worked! I committed to 40 days of yoga to kickstart a return to my practice and I’m pleased to report that I’m still practising a year on.</p> <p>But motivation isn’t my current issue. I want to get fitter. I feel better when I’m fitter. And, I have the perfect excuse to get fit too. Our wedding is next April and hey, who doesn’t want to look their best in their wedding dress?</p> <p>So, what is it that is currently holding me back?</p> <p>That darned thing called: <strong>PROCRASTINATION!</strong></p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/picture-1-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4412"/></figure> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="i-m-so-stressed-holidays-are-a-luxury-not-a-necessity"><strong>What is procrastination?</strong></h2> <p>Before we get into the nitty gritty of the definitions, just see if you recognise any of these situations:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li><strong>Scenario A:</strong> Your alarm goes off for the gym in the morning: “<em>Oh just 15 more minutes in bed. It’s so cold outside. And, well, I didn’t sleep very well last night</em>.” Before you know it, 15 minutes has turned to 30 minutes and the window for the gym session has gone.</li><li><strong>Scenario B:</strong> You’ve a complicated contract to review and the deadline is two weeks away. You leave it until the last minute. Twenty things pile in during the last week, and then there is a mad dash to get it done.</li><li><strong>Scenario C:</strong> You’ve set yourself a target to bring in more clients by the end of June. You know the best way is to make direct contact, but instead you spend the next few weeks perfecting marketing materials, writing lists of people you’d like to speak to, researching companies, but don’t make any contact.</li></ul> <p>Well, they are certainly all familiar situations to me. But, then again, I’m a prime example of a procrastinator!</p> <p>As these situations highlight, procrastination is <strong><a href="https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/procrastinate"><em>“the act of delaying or putting off tasks intentionally and habitually”</em></a> </strong>[1]. What’s worse is that this behaviour sometimes occurs: <a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/the-psychology-of-procrastination-2795944"><em><strong>even when negative consequences may result from the procrastination</strong></em></a> [2].</p> <p>If we look at the Latin meaning of the word, it provides even more clarity. “<em><strong>Pro</strong></em>” meaning forward; and “<em><strong>crastinus</strong></em>” meaning belonging to tomorrow, results in a combined definition of “<em><strong>forward it to tomorrow</strong></em>”. In other words, “<em><strong>do it later</strong></em>”! [3]</p> <p>Let’s re-look at the examples above:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li><strong>In Scenario A</strong>, the intention of going to the gym to get fit is defeated by staying in bed. The consequences of continued procrastination are potentially weight gain, health issues and low self-esteem.</li><li><strong>In Scenario B</strong>, the goal is to review and amend the contract and deliver within two weeks. By leaving it to the last minute, there are potential consequences of non-delivery (and an angry client) or a highly stressed 24-hours trying to deliver by the deadline. Neither of which are particularly helpful to your health or your business. And before you say: “<em>But, I work at my best when I’m under pressure</em>” – it doesn’t mean you’re not procrastinating.</li><li><strong>In Scenario C</strong>, the goal is to bring in new clients – after all, they pay the bills and grow the business. By distracting yourself with other work rather than reaching out and making contact, procrastination in this instance could result in your business folding before it’s even had a chance to flourish.</li></ul> <p>The above are just a few examples of procrastination played out in the real world. But despite knowing the potential for detrimental consequences, why do we continue to procrastinate?</p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/picture-2-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4413"/></figure> <p></p> <div class="wp-block-buttons is-content-justification-center is-layout-flex wp-container-core-buttons-is-layout-1 wp-block-buttons-is-layout-flex"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="my-experience-how-a-proper-holiday-shifts-the-stress-perspective"><strong>Why we procrastinate</strong></h2> <p>In their book: <strong><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702">“<em>Procrastination: Why you do it. What to do about it NOW.</em>”</a></strong>, Burka & Yuen (2008) highlight four “roots” to procrastination (some or all of which may be present):</p> <ol class="wp-block-list" type="1"><li>The <strong>Time Root</strong>: This relates to a procrastinator’s complex relationship with time and the difficulty they have with conceptualising how long a task will take. As a result, tasks are often delayed.</li><li>The <strong>Interpersonal Root</strong>: Our upbringing, our socio-economic settings and our culture can also influence our levels of procrastination. If procrastination has been evidenced in our childhood, it may well be behaviour carried into adulthood.</li><li>The <strong>Biological Root</strong>: This really is explained by the continuing struggle between two parts of our brain: the limbic system (the part of our brain involved in emotional and behavioural responses, including our flight, fight or freeze responses) and the prefrontal cortex (the area of our brain utilised in planning complex cognitive behaviour and decision making). As the limbic system is a stronger, older and more developed part of our brain, it often overpowers the prefrontal cortex. As a result, automatic fear responses kick in when faced with certain situations and procrastination ensues [4]. </li><li>The <strong>Emotional Root</strong>: The final root of procrastination lies in the desire to avoid uncomfortable feelings, fears, hopes, doubts, memories, dreams and pressures [5]. Perhaps we avoid doing certain tasks because we don’t think we’ll enjoy them? Perhaps it’s because we believe we can’t do them well? Perhaps it’s because we fear that we’ll do them so well that, in turn, it will increase the demands on our life? So, we push them out until the last minute – if we get to them at all. We’ll explore the emotional root in a little more detail below.</li></ol> <p>James Clear, in his article: <strong><em>“<a href="https://jamesclear.com/procrastination">Procrastination: A Scientific Guide on How to Stop Procrastinating”</a></em></strong> [6] highlights an additional behavioural psychology approach to procrastination which also relates to time. He argues that procrastination stems from “time inconsistency”. Our brains value immediate rewards more than they do future rewards.</p> <p>So, taking Scenario B above – you have 2 weeks to complete that complicated contract review. The future goal is obviously to complete it. The benefit to your Future Self of completing it is praise from your clients and your boss, and that great feeling of a job well done. But that’s two weeks away. Who wants to wait for two weeks if there is something that you could do <strong>now</strong> that would give you that “feel great” feeling? As James Clear says: <em>“Your Present Self really likes instant gratification, not long-term payoff”</em>. So, instead, you distract yourself with the easier and quicker things on your to do list to get that instant fix. Ha! And you wonder why those prioritisation lists don’t always work!</p> <p></p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/PROCRASTINATION-3-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4414"/><figcaption> Burka & Yuen (2008): <strong><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702">“<em>Procrastination: Why you do it. What to do about it NOW.</em>”</a></strong></figcaption></figure> <p></p> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="i-m-so-stressed-holidays-are-a-necessity-not-a-luxury"><strong>The emotional side of procrastination</strong></h2> <p>Although there are a number of “roots” of procrastination, for me, the time, interpersonal and biological roots feel easier to digest. They feel less personal. They are things that have happened to me (over which I had no control) rather than something to which I might have contributed.</p> <p>I’ll be honest, as I deepened my research into the emotional root of procrastination over the weekend, I had to take a pause. I stepped away from the article and avoided it for a couple of days, distracting myself with a trip to my friend’s and the preparation of our weekly family pub quiz. There you go, procrastination in its prime!</p> <p>The emotional side, for some reason, felt deeply uncomfortable. It forced me to question and consider the underlying motivations for my own procrastination and the potential impact it has had and could have on my life. What had procrastination stopped me from achieving? Was I really operating at my full potential? Was I using procrastination to my own detriment? Was I procrastinating or setting boundaries? Is all procrastination bad?</p> <p>Needless to say, it was a confusing weekend and I’m grateful for my friends and other half who helped me process my thoughts and the research!</p> <p>So here is a high-level summary of the four underlying motivations of emotional procrastination identified by Burka & Yuen (2008) in their book: <strong><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702">“<em>Procrastination: Why you do it. What to do about it NOW.</em>”</a></strong>. See if any (or, in my case, how many) of these resonate:</p> <p></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>(a) Procrastination: Because of the fear of failure</strong></h3> <p>This rationale for procrastinating may be the most recognisable. Often, people delay tackling a task out of fear of failing at it. That failure could come in the form of being seen as “not good enough”, “not capable enough”, simply “not enough”. But rather than limiting the failure to an inability to be able to perform a task to a specific standard, people struggling with this type of procrastination view these failures as a failure of themselves as a person (Burka & Yuen, 2008). In other words, it directly impacts their self-worth.</p> <p>Dr. Richard Beery identifies a direct correlation between <strong>PERFORMANCE</strong>, <strong>ABILITY </strong>and <strong>SELF-WORTH</strong> [7]. Think about this in the context of <strong>Scenario A</strong> above.</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>If you go to the gym and work out (<strong>PERFORM</strong>) and get fitter/slimmer and start achieving your goals, you have <strong>ABILITY </strong>and you feel really good about yourself (<strong>HIGH SELF-WORTH</strong>).</li></ul> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>If you go to the gym and work out (<strong>PERFORM</strong>), but don’t see any weight loss or any fitness improvement, you see this as a lack of <strong>ABILITY </strong>(a failure of the task) and feel bad about yourself (<strong>LOW SELF-WORTH</strong>).</li></ul> <p>What procrastination does is step in to try and protect the individual by breaking the correlation between ability and performance (thus protecting self-worth).</p> <p>Think about it. If you avoid going to the gym and working out or only go to the gym with a week to go before your big event, you know that your ability has not been fully tested. Therefore, the fact that you have not got fitter or slimmer isn’t as a result of your personal failings, merely a lack of effort. You always have the excuse: “<em>Well, if I’d given myself more time, I’d have easily been able to lose 5kg.</em>”</p> <p>But what procrastination actually does is prevent you from operating at your full potential. It prevents you from challenging your abilities; seeing just how far your potential can take you. It risks keeping you locked in a place of mediocrity because it feels more comfortable. After all, being labelled as disorganised, lazy or a “last minute Nellie” feels like a less bitter pill to swallow than “you’re unworthy” or “you’re inadequate”, doesn’t it?</p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/290268939_570967407872303_1803610608235388622_n-1-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4416"/></figure> <p></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>(b) Procrastination: Because of the fear of success</strong></h3> <p>This concept may be a little harder to grasp. One theory is that procrastination is driven by a fear of success even if we want to be successful. This requires us to look both at the light and dark side of success, and is probably easier through the use of an example.</p> <p>Success to you may be the launch of your own business. The pros are that you get to work for yourself, you are your own boss, you choose your own clients, you dictate your own hours etc. You gain independence, freedom and time.</p> <p>But depending on your experience or upbringing, deep-rooted concerns and beliefs about success could also be triggered:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>Perhaps you believe that, by running a successful business, more demands will be placed on your time. There is a risk that you become a workaholic and lose control of your time. As a result, procrastinating on tasks (leaving things to the last minute) is seen as a way of avoiding that risk (i.e. preserving time), but it also undermines the likelihood of success.</li></ul> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>Perhaps success is seen as “unbecoming”. I have a friend who, throughout childhood, was taught to believe that money is evil. It leads to arguments within the marriage. People with money are deemed to be “selfish”. Success separates and differentiates you from your friends and family etc. If that’s your belief pattern, is it any wonder that you find yourself procrastinating and stalling the establishment or growth of your own business?</li></ul> <p></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="reducing-stress-by-putting-you-first"><strong>(c) Procrastination: Because of the fear of intimacy / separation</strong></h3> <p>Procrastination is also used as a means of regulating the closeness of our interpersonal relationships. Burka and Yuen (2008) explain that:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>For some people, that desire for closeness in a relationship is driven by anxiety (a fear of separation). In order to feel safe / capable of surviving in this world, they need to have their partner / friends / family / colleagues present. So procrastination is used to preserve that dependence e.g. seeking out help with work; leaving things to the last minute so that you can “be saved”; helping a colleague shine in the work environment whilst you take a back seat; or postponing things that you want to do in favour of the things your partner wants to do.</li></ul> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>For others, procrastination is used as way to maintain distance in relationships (i.e. avoid intimacy). Intimacy (romantic or otherwise) scares some people. They feel that if they allow people to get too close to them, people may take advantage of them. Perhaps they’ve experienced painful relationships in the past and want to avoid repeating these scenarios, so use procrastination (e.g. a delay in committing or progressing the relationship) as a way of maintaining their independence.</li></ul> <p>Both of the above scenarios, Burka and Yuen (2008) explain, highlight how procrastination can be used to maintain a “comfort zone”. In reality though, procrastination in these scenarios impedes the development of healthy relationships and that balance between dependence and independence and the testing and establishment of boundaries.</p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/INTIMACY-SEPARATION-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4417"/></figure> <p></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>(D) Procrastination: Because of the fear of being controlled</strong></h3> <p>Lastly, Burka and Yuen (2008) talk about the use of procrastination to avoid being controlled. The theory here is that people delay performing certain tasks as a means of asserting their independence and autonomy. And actually, it may be more familiar to you than you think.</p> <p>Think about children and their school projects. When I was 10 years old, I had to do a project on the Wirral (the peninsula next to Liverpool in the UK). It was staggered over the whole school year and various topics were covered: geographical features, religion, Roman influences, the origins of place names. Our teacher had told all of our parents about the Wirral Project because they needed to help us take photos and explore various places. The delivery of each chapter was every 4-6 weeks.</p> <p>Now, I am sure there were some very compliant children in my class, but one of the things ensconced in my personality is the need for independence. I hate being told what to do! Despite my poor mother setting rules and routines about getting each chapter of this project done early, I would leave everything to the last minute and then, in a blind panic and with a lot of drama, throw something together. But at least I retained that sense that I wasn’t being controlled!</p> <p>Procrastination, in this context, goes back to that correlation between performance, ability and self-worth discussed in Fear of Failure above. Only, in this context, self-worth is closely linked to the ability to maintain control by NOT performing [8]. So, using the above example:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>If I do my homework (<strong>PERFORM</strong>) in accordance with my mother’s rules and routines, I have no autonomy or independence (<strong>ABILITY</strong>) and I feel bad about myself (<strong>SELF-WORTH</strong>).</li></ul> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>If I avoid /delay doing my homework (<strong>NOT PERFORM</strong>) in defiance of my mother’s wishes, I retain my autonomy and independence (<strong>ABILITY</strong>) and I feel good about myself (<strong>SELF-WORTH</strong>).</li></ul> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/defiant-child.jpg"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/defiant-child-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4418"/></a></figure> <p>This form of procrastination (the desire to avoid being controlled) doesn’t just operate at a child level though. It can easily be identified in adult life too. How many of you resist paying bills until the last minute? How many of you file your taxes late and get hit with the late filing penalty? How many of you attend meetings late despite specifically been told to turn up on time?</p> <p>What’s interesting is that, although this form of procrastination (rebelling against parental, societal, corporate control) preserves this sense of independence, it prevents you from choosing what you actually want to do. Perhaps you do want to pay your bills on time so you have peace of mind? Perhaps turning up for a meeting on time is beneficial because you’ll get back to your desk earlier?</p> <p>In my case, had I just complied with my mother’s wishes and got on with the Wirral Project, I could have avoided one of the most mortifying experiences I had as a child and achieved the A Grade I desired. Due to procrastination, I’d begged my grandad to help me complete one of the chapters the weekend before it was due in. Bless him, he had painstakingly copied (i.e. plagarised) a chapter from one of the library books I’d taken out about the Wirral’s geographical rock formations. I’d copied what he’d written and handed it in! Needless to say, my teacher humiliated me in front of the whole class and called me out for cheating. My procrastination had had the direct opposite effect to the one intended. My self-worth was not exactly in tact!</p> <p></p> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Now what?</strong></h2> <p>Well, I did say that the emotional root of procrastination may feel quite confronting. I can certainly see how it has impacted my own life, particularly the fear of failure. The reality is, it still does. The reason I’ve struggled to get back into running isn’t a lack of motivation or an inability to prioritise. It’s the fear that if I set myself a goal to get fit and toned for my wedding and fail, what does that say about me as a person? My ability? My commitment to myself?</p> <p>There is a great line in the book which I’d like to leave you with which certainly helped me to feel more positive about the whole procrastination saga. <em><strong>“We believe that when you know what you feel and understand why you feel it, you are likely to be more confident, at ease with yourself, and then able to proceed without procrastinating”</strong> </em>(Burka & Yuen, 2008).</p> <p>In other words, if you’re prepared to work through your procrastination, there is light at the end of the tunnel. And that’s what we’ll focus on in Part 2. The steps which you can take to beat procrastination depending on the type of procrastinator you are.</p> <p>And, just so you are aware, the irony has not escaped me. I could have made this article twice as long and covered off the strategies here. But, hey, in true procrastinator fashion, why would I do something today which I can push to July? The challenge for me is whether I’ll give myself two weeks to write the next article or just a couple of days? Let’s see. <img src="https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/15.0.3/72x72/1f60a.png" alt="😊" class="wp-smiley" style="height: 1em; max-height: 1em;" /></p> <p></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading">Side Note</h3> <p>The summary above of the motivations driving the emotional root of procrastination is exactly that – a high level summary. It, by no means, does justice to the book. If you are struggling with procrastination or would like to discover more about it, I highly recommend you take the time to read <strong><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702">“<em>Procrastination: Why you do it. What to do about it NOW.</em>”</a></strong>. It’s a fabulous book with a wealth of examples of how each of type of procrastination is displayed.</p> <p></p> <p></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading">references</h3> <p>[1] https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/procrastinate</p> <p>[2] <em>What is procrastination?</em> https://www.verywellmind.com/the-psychology-of-procrastination-2795944</p> <p>[3], [5], [7] and [8] Burka, J., & Yuen, L. (2008). <em>Procrastination: Why you do it. What to do about it NOW.</em> Da Capo Life Long. <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702">https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702</a></p> <p>[4] Le Cunff, A. (n.d.). <em>Why we wait: the neuroscience of procrastination. </em>Ness Labs: <a href="https://nesslabs.com/neuroscience-of-procrastination#:~:text=Procrastination%20actually%20finds%20its%20roots,Its%20processes%20are%20mostly%20automatic">https://nesslabs.com/neuroscience-of-procrastination#:~:text=Procrastination%20actually%20finds%20its%20roots,Its%20processes%20are%20mostly%20automatic</a>.</p> <p>[6] Clear, J. (n.d.). <em>Procrastination: A Scientific Guide on How to Stop Procrastinating</em>. https://jamesclear.com/procrastination</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3291"/></a></figure></div> </div> </div> </div> </div><p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/beating-procrastination-part-1/">Beating Procrastination (Part 1): Getting to grips with why we procrastinate</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/beating-procrastination-part-1/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> </channel> </rss>