<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><rss version="2.0" xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/" xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/" xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" xmlns:sy="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/syndication/" xmlns:slash="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/slash/" > <channel> <title>anxiety Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <atom:link href="https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/anxiety/feed/" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" /> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/anxiety/</link> <description>PROFESSIONAL LIFE COACHING & TRAINING</description> <lastBuildDate>Wed, 26 Feb 2025 06:17:44 +0000</lastBuildDate> <language>en-ZA</language> <sy:updatePeriod> hourly </sy:updatePeriod> <sy:updateFrequency> 1 </sy:updateFrequency> <image> <url>https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Asset-1.svg</url> <title>anxiety Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/tag/anxiety/</link> <width>32</width> <height>32</height> </image> <item> <title>When life feels out of control: 5 ways to find your anchor</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/when-life-feels-out-of-control/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/when-life-feels-out-of-control/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 26 Feb 2025 06:17:07 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[depression]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Finding Your Anchor]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Life Advice]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Mindfulness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Personal development]]></category> <category><![CDATA[resilience]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self care]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=235118</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/when-life-feels-out-of-control/">When life feels out of control: 5 ways to find your anchor</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_0 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_0"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_0 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_0 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em></em></span></strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Catching up with an old friend the other day we were both struck with how off kilter our lives seemed to be. She lives thousands of miles away in one of the coldest cities on earth and I live in sunny South Africa, where I have lived all my life. I know, nothing to write home about. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And yet, our lives have both taken such drastic turns. Mine with fighting constant pain as well as my mental health struggles and her with her own mental health struggles and the constant battle to keep her and her husbands’ head above water. It’s enough to send anyone diving under the covers seeking refuge from the world. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The thing that struck us is the fact that despite living two very different lives, growing up quite differently, having different careers and very different personalities, our struggles didn’t seem very different. We both struggle with anxiety and depression – the two going so nicely hand-in-hand – and are both feeling very untethered from the world. Both needing an anchor – her in the snow and me in the sun.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s funny how catchups can sometimes turn into revelations. Especially with old friends. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And that got me thinking. If two friends on literal opposite ends of the world are feeling exactly the same, surely more people are feeling less tethered to the world than they would like. I mean the world as we know it is so inundated with expectations. We’re constantly – whether this is through social media, advertising or even well-meaning advice from friends and family – to “be” this or “do” that, that the pressure to conform can be overwhelming. We’re often forced into moulds that we just don’t fit into, making us feel estranged from who we truly are. We feel unaligned with our true selves, fighting to just be seen. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And it can make us feel so alone. So unheard. So desperate to find our way back to who we are and what we want out of life. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If that’s the case and it’s more than just my friend and I that feel this way, maybe it’s a good idea to look into this – loss of control. For my friend, for me and for whoever reads this. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_1 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>5 Ways to Find Your Anchor</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_0"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/Woman-in-Black-Spaghetti-Strap-Top-Meditating-by-Mikhail-Nilov-from-Pexels.jpg" alt="Woman in Black Spaghetti Strap Top Meditating by Mikhail Nilov from Pexels" title="Woman in Black Spaghetti Strap Top Meditating by Mikhail Nilov from Pexels" class="wp-image-235140" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_2 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Having an anchor in life – whatever that anchor is – allows you to have clarity amidst all of life’s chaos and confusion. The practice of being anchored can also help you focus your energy on the things that are important to you in life, keeping you moving in the right direction and keeping you on track with meeting your goals. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, here are 5 ways that you can keep yourself anchored – </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_1 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_1 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_1"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_2 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_3 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Practice a body scan breathing exercise</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – This is a mindfulness meditation practice and is a pretty beneficial way to reconnect with your body, calm your mind and connect with your emotions. You start by finding a comfortable, preferably quiet place to sit or lie down comfortably. Take a few deep breaths and close your eyes. Start at your head and move down to your toes, taking slow deep breaths as you focus on each part of your body. </p> <p>Notice how each part feels, paying special attention to any physical sensations, emotions or thoughts that come up. Keep in mind that there’s no right or wrong way to do it. If you get distracted (which is ok), redirect your mind back to the process and start where you left off. Take a deep breath in, focus on your hands – how do they feel, move your fingers, what sensation do you feel? Do any emotions come up as you move your fingers? Feel the energy flow through your fingers as you move them around. Let your breath out. Count to 5, now move to your chest… and so on.</p> <p>This should help you feel calm, reduce stress and help you feel more connected to your body, something we don’t do enough of. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_2 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_3 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_2"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_4 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_4 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Repeat this mantra – <i>I am just (insert name)</i> </strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">– This is an important practice not only of self-acceptance but also of acknowledging that that is who you are. It’s like an anchor to your core identity; to feeling like your authentic self. Whenever you feel lost, repeat this mantra to yourself and allow it to reconnect you with who you really are. Anchor your name to the person you want to be – to your core self. Have it mean something other than “your name”. The things that make you “you” become your “anchor.” Anchoring is the practice of returning to this awareness, grounding yourself back in the person you’ve consciously chosen to be. </p> <p>“</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I am Alicia. I am a successful writer, loving wife, mother to four fur babies, romantic, world explorer, dreamer and never-say-die optimist</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”. That’s who I AM. That is my core identity. What’s yours? Have it mean something. So, when you are in doubt, remind yourself of </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">who you ARE. </span></i></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_3"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_5 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_3"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/Mindfulness-Practices-Woman-Journaling-by-Eliza-Alves-from-corelens.jpg" alt="Mindfulness Practices Woman Journaling by Eliza Alves from corelens" title="Mindfulness Practices Woman Journaling by Eliza Alves from corelens" class="wp-image-235139" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_4 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_6 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_4"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_7 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_5 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Practice mindfulness in everything you do</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – Ok maybe not everything you do, pick two things. Be realistic. Like mindfully walking or mindfully brushing your teeth. It’s the act of becoming more self-aware and noticing your thoughts and feelings while you perform normal, everyday activities. According to the </span><a href="https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/consumer-health/in-depth/mindfulness-exercises/art-20046356"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Mayo Clinic</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, mindfulness is a type of meditation in which you focus on being intensely aware of what you’re sensing and feeling in the moment, without interpretation or judgment. It’s about getting to know yourself through menial acts and not judging how you react to certain banal activities. It’s like getting down to basics and really reacquainting you with you. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_5 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_8 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_5"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_9 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_6 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Name three people</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – This is another act in developing better self-awareness. Name three people whose values you are drawn to and with whom you have fostered a deeper personal connection. This exercise will increase your awareness of what qualities you want and what would be impactful for you in that exact moment. You can start by thinking of three people who you admire. These could include celebrities, athletes or family members. Hold them in your mind and list all the qualities you admire about them. Then use the list and look at how you spend your time, energy and resources. Interestingly, the list you generate is like shining a flashlight on the values and skills you aspire to have in your own life. Perhaps you admire someone who speaks eloquently and you want more of that in your life. You could begin spending time with others who possess this quality, take a class to develop this skill or set an intention to act more in that manner throughout the day. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_6 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_10 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_6"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_11 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_7 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Visualise and apply</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– This is something you can do every day. Start by visualising your ideal day, what does it look like? Where would you be? What would you be doing? Who would be there with you? How would you feel? Focus on that. Then start with your mini action plan. Ask yourself what you really want for the day, set those goals and then, for that day, take consistent action towards achieving your ultimate vision for the day. I find that having mini goals each day and then working towards achieving them makes it feel less daunting. Like today I have achieved X and that can feel so rewarding when your life feels so untethered. Then, by the end of the week, you’ll have achieved a number of things – making the mountain into a mole hill – easy to traverse. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_7"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_12 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_8 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">All of these exercises are there to help you find your way back to you. They are there to help you plant your feet back onto the ground, tethering you to the Earths’ surface. That way you not only feel connected to yourself, but you can also start building connections to other people, taking daily steps to do more of what is good for you. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, find your anchor, something that resides within you and that remains untouched by the external chaos. It can be your value system, your faith, a creative outlet or a connection with nature. The essence lies in cultivating a connection with yourself. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">By discovering your anchors, you become very selective with your energy and where you direct it. Enjoy the process and above anything else, be kind to yourself during this process. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s something my friend and I remind each other of as we undertake to do – at the very least – practice mindfulness while we brush our teeth (it’s twice a day all!), get reconnected with our bodies and remind ourselves about who we </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">are –</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> every single day. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you need help in practicing mindfulness or becoming more self-aware while you are finding your anchor, contact Frieda Levycky of </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Braving Boundaries</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> who can support you in creating the life you want. </span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Sources used and to whom we owe thanks – </span></i><a href="https://www.cexperiences.com/how-to-find-a-solid-anchor-for-your-life/"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">CExperiences</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://braincleanupcoach.com/how-to-identify-your-anchors/"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Brain CleanUp</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.gvsu.edu/cms4/asset/8C0B809B-0726-4E3B-1EBA4A40A82D8597/developing-the-anchor_blog.pdf"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Developing the Anchor</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.kratimehra.com/anchor-grounded-confident-uncertainty/#:~:text=A%20certain%20degree%20of%20self,buy%2C%20or%20your%20social%20image."><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Kratimehra</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://medium.com/@shorombo/staying-grounded-in-a-fast-paced-world-the-power-of-personal-anchoring-f04cd9a26897"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Medium</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span></i><a href="https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/consumer-health/in-depth/mindfulness-exercises/art-20046356"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Mayo Clinic</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">). </span></i></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_7"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image-2.jpg" alt="End of blog post CTA" title="End of blog post CTA image (2)" class="wp-image-235137" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_0 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_8 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_13 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_8"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_14 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_9 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/when-life-feels-out-of-control/">When life feels out of control: 5 ways to find your anchor</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/when-life-feels-out-of-control/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Living with the Fear of Rejection</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/living-with-the-fear-of-rejection/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/living-with-the-fear-of-rejection/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 30 Oct 2024 14:00:35 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Lessons Learned]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[The Fears series]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Coping mechanisms]]></category> <category><![CDATA[coping with fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Coping with rejection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional resilience]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional well-being]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Fear of Rejection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fears]]></category> <category><![CDATA[live your life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[managing fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Managing rejection anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Mental health tips]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Mindset and resilience]]></category> <category><![CDATA[overcoming challenges]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Overcoming rejection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Rejection sensitivity]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-confidence building]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-help strategies]]></category> <category><![CDATA[The Fear Series]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=234920</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/living-with-the-fear-of-rejection/">Living with the Fear of Rejection</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_1 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_9"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_15 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_10 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY FRIEDA LEVYCKY, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/" style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;">BRAVING BOUNDARIES</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><span style="color: #be9727;"></span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">This article forms part of “The Fears Series”. With the Fear of Rejection being so prevalent for many people, we’ve written two articles on the topic: one from Frieda’s perspective (Founder of Braving Boundaries) and <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/facing-the-fear-of-rejection/">one from Alicia’s perspective</a> (Founder of the Legal Belletrist). Take a read.</span></i></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’d love to know what it’s like to live without the fear of rejection. Imagine how freeing that must feel! But for as long as I can remember, this notion of rejection has always been present. It’s almost like a shadow lingering quietly in the background; that familiar sensation that reminds me of the “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">what ifs</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Fear of rejection isn’t a simple, one-layered issue and it’s not just about the rejection itself. It goes beyond the sting of hearing “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">no</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” or the awkwardness of being ghosted. It’s the </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">ripple effect</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> we fear. What if that “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">no</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” says something about me – about my worth, my abilities or even my future?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As humans, we have this natural need to belong; to be liked, wanted and accepted. From childhood, we learn the importance of fitting in. It’s so entrenched within us that Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs even allocates a whole level to it! Rejection threatens that. It gnaws away at our sense of belonging and safety.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But where does this fear come from? Well, I think it’s a mix of things: a deep need to feel secure, accepted and valued. When we’re rejected (or think we’re being rejected), it can feel like a blow to our self-worth. It challenges our sense of who we are and, let’s face it, none of us like the idea of being told “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">you’re not enough</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”. We’ve all felt it at some point … so we all know how painful that feels.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_11 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>My experience of the fear of rejection</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_9"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/10/Rejecting-Bribery-in-an-Envelope-by-89Stocker.png" alt="" title="Rejecting Bribery in an Envelope by 89Stocker" class="wp-image-234956" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_12 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The fear of rejection has held me back at various stages of my life:</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <ul> <ul> <li><b>Job interviews</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – Well, I avoided those like the plague! Putting myself forward and potentially hearing: “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Thanks, but no thanks</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” was always unsettling. I’m pretty sure that this particular version of my fear of rejection stems from the constant rejection / radio silence I experienced when applying for Summer Internships. I spent hours filling in the forms and I couldn’t help but wonder what the rejection / non-responsiveness said about me. Was I not good enough?<br /></span><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>Asking for a pay rise</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – There have been many times where I have avoided having the pay rise conversation arguing that it would be a pointless exercise. But really, I avoided that conversation because I feared hearing the justification for the negative response. Not only would it make me question my value in the workplace, but I also feared being seen as greedy or out of line. It was irrelevant that I also knew that I was only asking for what I deserved. The fear trumped the logic most times.<br /></span><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>Telling people I was a coach</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – Yes, Yes, I know! Transitioning from a well-established legal career to a flourishing coaching career felt daunting though. Would people take me seriously? Or would they see me as just another person jumping on the coaching bandwagon? The fear of losing credibility amongst my peers and network – or no longer “belonging” – was very real for me, and it held me back from truly stepping into my identity as a Coach for a good couple of years.</span><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>Promoting Braving Boundaries</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – SALES! The word still fills me with dread. When it comes to marketing services to corporates, rejection is a given and it comes in many forms: radio silence, vague responses or budget constraints. It requires a thick skin to push on through – perhaps that’s why most new businesses fail within the first 2-4 years of being established. The fear of rejection makes you avoid putting yourself out there; letting people know how you can help them. This, in turn, chips away at your confidence and makes you question your entire business.</span></li> </ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">Dating</b><span style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;"> – Ah, dating! I’ve lost count of how many times I avoided online dating or being set up by friends simply because the fear of rejection was too overwhelming. The fear of opening up to someone and being natural and vulnerable – i.e. being me – and then being told: “</span><i style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">I just don’t fancy you enough</i><span style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">” or “</span><i style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">I think we should just be friends</i><span style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">” or “</span><i style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">Maybe we could keep things casual</i><span style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">” or “</span><i style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">You’re great, but …</i><span style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">”, hit me right to the core. Vulnerability combined with rejection? No thank you! It’s honestly a miracle I ever got married!</span><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></li> </ul></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_13 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>The ripple effect of the fear of rejection</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_10"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/10/Sad-woman-suffering-by-bymuratdeniz-from-Getty-Images-Signature.png" alt="" title="Sad woman suffering by bymuratdeniz from Getty Images Signature" class="wp-image-234957" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_14 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The fear of rejection can manifest in different ways for each of us. For some of you, it will stop you entirely while for others, like me, it leads to procrastination and delay. Save in the case of dating, the fear of rejection didn’t stop me from taking action, but it did make me hesitate – whether in job interviews, asking for a pay rise or promoting Braving Boundaries. It made me worry about how rejection would reflect on my abilities, identity and self-worth, and caused me to delay taking the steps I knew I needed to in order to progress.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For others though, this fear might show up as staying in a comfortable role or relationship to avoid the potential pain of rejection. It might keep someone from sharing their ideas or speaking up – fearing criticism or failure (there is a separate article on that). This fear (while seemingly protective) often holds us back. It keeps us stuck and undermines our confidence. Whether it’s in personal relationships, careers or creative pursuits, the fear of rejection stalls progress. It leaves us questioning our worth and comparing ourselves to those who seem to push through without hesitation.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_15 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Overcoming the fear of rejection</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_16 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If the above sounds all too familiar, just know that you are not alone. I’ve set out below some of the tried and tested strategies which have helped me address my fear of rejection over the years (and still help me today):</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_10 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_16 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_11"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_17 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_17 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Explore where your fear of rejection comes from</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– The fear of rejection often has roots deep in our past. It might stem from a specific incident that knocked your confidence or perhaps it’s been a lifelong struggle to feel accepted. Either way, it’s important to recognise that what we perceive as rejection may not have been rejection at all. It’s simply how we’ve interpreted it. Working with a counsellor can help you explore and, more importantly, reframe that incident. By revisiting it, you might discover that the rejection you’ve carried for so long was more about perception than reality. Seeing it for what it truly was can help you release its grip. Separate your current situation from the past. They are not the same and it’s time to stop letting the past define your present.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_11 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_18 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_12"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_19 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_18 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Fact-check your beliefs</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– So often, our fears aren’t grounded in reality. They are beliefs we carry around with us. A great way to check is to ask yourself: “</span><strong><i>What proof do I have that this fear is justified?</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">”. Take, for example, my fear that no one will show up for a workshop. Is there any factual reason to believe that? Have I ever had a workshop where no one signed up? Is there something else occurring on that date which might prevent people from attending? This exercise helps to challenge those beliefs and bring you back to reality. If the response is no – then you’re confirming that your thoughts are fear-driven beliefs and not facts. If the response to any of the questions is yes (i.e. the fear has a factual base), then explore that further – what can be adjusted or done differently? This is a great exercise to work through with a friend/coach/partner. Having someone asking these questions who is not emotionally tied to the outcome, can bring much needed perspective to the situation.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_12 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_20 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_13"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_21 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_19 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Rejection is just a change in direction.</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">Rejection stings – there’s no denying that – but, more often than not, it’s simply redirecting us to where we’re meant to be. What do they say? “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"><strong>When one door closes another door opens</strong>”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. It’s about shifting our perspective from seeing rejection as a final judgment on our worth to seeing it as part of the process. Sometimes a “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">no</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” is just a way of clearing space for a better “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">yes</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” down the line. Instead of viewing rejection as the end of the road, try to see it as a detour that’s leading you to an opportunity that you wouldn’t have discovered otherwise.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_13"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_22 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_14"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/10/Changing-business-management-concept.-by-tadamichi-from-Getty-Images.png" alt="" title="Changing business management concept. by tadamichi from Getty Images" class="wp-image-234955" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_14 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_23 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_15"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_24 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_20 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Not everyone is your person</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– In life, whether it’s in relationships, job interviews or even friendships, we won’t always be the right fit for everyone. And that’s ok. Just because someone doesn’t choose you (whether personally or professionally), it doesn’t mean you’re not enough. It simply means that what they’re looking for might be different from what you can offer. It’s about finding the people or opportunities that align with who you are, not trying to be something you’re not. The right people will see and appreciate your unique value. Keep putting yourself out there because your people and your opportunities are out there too.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_15 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_25 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_16"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_26 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_21 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Celebrate the small wins</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – Let’s face it, overcoming the fear of rejection is no small feat. So, when you do step out of your comfort zone – whether it’s sending that email, asking for that raise or swiping right – celebrate it. Those moments of courage deserve recognition, no matter the outcome.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_16"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_27 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_22 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Final Thoughts</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_23 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The fear of rejection is something many of us carry and it can shape so much of what we do (or don’t do) in life. But it doesn’t have to control us. By understanding where that fear comes from, challenging our beliefs and learning to see rejection as part of the journey, we can begin to move through it. It’s not about eliminating the fear entirely but about learning to live with it in a healthier way. Each small step forward, every risk we take, helps loosen its grip.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Remember, rejection isn’t a reflection of your worth, it’s just a part of life. Each “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">no</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” can lead you closer to the opportunities, people and experiences that are truly right for you. So be kind to yourself, take those small steps and celebrate each win along the way. You’re braver than you think.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_17"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image-5.png" alt="" title="End of blog post CTA image (5)" class="wp-image-6274" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/living-with-the-fear-of-rejection/">Living with the Fear of Rejection</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/living-with-the-fear-of-rejection/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Facing the fear of rejection</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/facing-the-fear-of-rejection/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/facing-the-fear-of-rejection/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 30 Oct 2024 13:45:49 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Lessons Learned]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[The Fears series]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Coping mechanisms]]></category> <category><![CDATA[coping with fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Coping with rejection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional resilience]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional well-being]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Fear of Rejection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fears]]></category> <category><![CDATA[live your life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[managing fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Managing rejection anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Mental health tips]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Mindset and resilience]]></category> <category><![CDATA[overcoming challenges]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Overcoming rejection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Rejection sensitivity]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-confidence building]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-help strategies]]></category> <category><![CDATA[The Fear Series]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=234937</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/facing-the-fear-of-rejection/">Facing the fear of rejection</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_2 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_17"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_28 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_24 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><span style="color: #be9727;"></span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">This article forms part of “The Fears Series”. With the Fear of Rejection being so prevalent for many people, we’ve written two articles on the topic: <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/living-with-the-fear-of-rejection/">one from Frieda’s perspective</a> (Founder of Braving Boundaries) and one from Alicia’s perspective (Founder of the Legal Belletrist). Take a read.</span></i></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I was born with rejection as my shroud, and I feel like I’ve worn it ever since.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">My mother was adopted as a baby, and I don’t think she ever forgave the universe for this fact. It’s defined her as a person, just like having red(ish) hair defines me. In a way. It’s as if it’s tattooed on her forehead. Like an expiration date on a milk carton. And for some reason, when I came into the world, I was meant to not only be her redeemer, her saviour but the one she could bat this fact against – as if she was bouncing a ball against a wall, expecting it to come right back to her. Almost like playing fetch.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It was always her and me against the world. And I know how sweet that sounds. Mother and daughter, two peas in a pod. Until it’s not so sweet. Until it really is you and her against everyone. Until you’re made to believe that no one else could ever care about you like she could. Until you’re made to believe that no one else has your best interests at heart. Including your father. Until you’re made to believe that only she will tell you the truth, will help you succeed, will be there for you. Will ever love you. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s a lonely place. Your world. Especially when there’s only one other person in it. And she’s sucking all the air out the room. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_25 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>My experiences with the fear of rejection</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_18"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1250" height="937" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/10/Young-Angry-Emotional-Mother-Screaming-at-Troubled-Teen-Daughter-at-Home-by-dimaberlinphotos.png" alt="" title="Young Angry Emotional Mother Screaming at Troubled Teen Daughter at Home by dimaberlinphotos" class="wp-image-234963" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_26 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Growing up with a mother who is a textbook narcissist and compulsive liar with </span><a href="https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/conditionsandtreatments/munchausen-syndrome" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Munchausen syndrome</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> is not for the faint at heart. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When you’re a little girl, especially an only child, you’re so susceptible to the things that your mother says and does – as William Makepeace Thackeray said, </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Mother is G-d in the eyes of a child.”</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As all my friends went to children’s parties, I would be stuck at home. But my mother would always go – it was the right thing to do. Apparently. I was always “sick in bed” even when I wasn’t. When I asked why I wasn’t invited, my mother told me that the birthday girl/boy didn’t want me there. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Strike one. </span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When I was 9 it became difficult to hear. I started to sit really close to the TV just so I could read lips. If my head was turned away from you, I probably wouldn’t hear you. It turned out that I needed to wear hearing aids. Well one at least, in my left ear. When I got it, my mother was furious. It cost them a lot of money, money they needed for other things. And I didn’t really need it. I had lied. I was looking for attention. Rich coming from her. What child lies about needing a hearing aid? I was teased horrendously to boot. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Strike two.</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When I started to go through puberty, I matured quicker than all the other girls my age. I got a lot of attention from older boys. Before I could even kiss my first boy, my mother scolded me – no one likes a slut – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“when you lay down with dogs, you get their fleas”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Then as I got a bit older her friend was the mother of boys my age and she would come home to tell me – all the boys were talking about you today; they say your bum is too big and your hair isn’t straight enough. You know no boy wants to date a fat girl. Confidence blown. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Strike three. </span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">With my very first boyfriend, who of course she didn’t approve of – he will never treat you right and will never care about you. Not like I do. Turns out he wasn’t the nicest guy. He hit me – always in places no one could see. He tortured me emotionally, cheated on me constantly over the couple of years we were together. And when we broke up, he told me he never loved me. Almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy.</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> And you’re outta here……</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Every exam I ever wrote my mother (and father) would remind me how much money they were spending on me – despite me taking out a student loan so that I could study law – and that failing wasn’t an option because they didn’t have the money to bail me out. Also, they warned – who wants to be with a “failure” a “loser”? </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">The dug out is my home now…. </span></i></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_19"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1250" height="937" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/10/concept-word-imposter-on-cubes-on-a-blue-background.-by-Eugene-Zvonkov-from-Getty-Images.png" alt="" title="concept word imposter on cubes on a blue background. by Eugene Zvonkov from Getty Images" class="wp-image-234962" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_27 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When I applied to do articles – something you need to do in South Africa, 2 years of training before you can be admitted as an attorney – my parents asked me what I had that would make any of the large law firms take me on? I honestly didn’t have an answer. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Are there any other baseball references?</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When I was in a room full of other lawyers, I always felt like there was a sign above my head saying – </span><b><i>imposter here</i></b><span style="font-weight: 400;">. I didn’t belong in the same room as other legal eagles, the ones who had made partner and were driving the new BMW. We had written the same exams, studied the same textbooks and yet I, I don’t know sneaked through the side door when no one was looking. At least, that’s how I felt. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">There are countless more stories. Stories behind the scenes. Stories of – </span><b><i>the world out there will never accept you, but I will – even with all your flaws</i></b><span style="font-weight: 400;">. And boy she was so quick to point out the flaws. In detail. But in front of people, it was – you’re beautiful, you’re perfect, you’re my angel from heaven. I support you. I love you. I am your ever devoted mother. And best friend. So sweet. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But it was all lies. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So many lies it’s hard for the mind to comprehend. In fact, at 42, I have only now discovered the full extent of all the lies and manipulation and deceit. It’s been a long, rocky, heartbreaking road. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">What I can tell you from all of this is – </span><b><i>I have always felt rejected long before anyone even had the chance to actually reject me</i></b><span style="font-weight: 400;">. I expected it. The no’s didn’t surprise me – why would they? The you’re not right for this, not a good fit, it’s not you it’s me – insert rejection here – none of it surprised me. It kind of just went with the narrative– </span><b><i>just like my mother’s biological mother rejected her, the world would reject me. </i></b><span style="font-weight: 400;">Maybe that was my mothers’ intention the whole time. It makes sense. In retrospect.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, when someone </span><b><i>didn’t</i></b> <span style="font-weight: 400;">reject me, it was such a surprise. I often couldn’t believe how lucky I was – even when the person or the position was very wrong for me. This has led to a lifetime of bad relationships, abuse – physical and emotional, poor job choices, abuse at the workplace, always doing more than what I should be doing personally and professionally, always scared of asking for days off or asking for a raise, eating disorders, self-harm and later diagnosis of generalised anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder and depression.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Is it any wonder?</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_28 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Overcoming the fear of rejection</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_20"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1250" height="937" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/10/Asian-small-business-owner-working-at-home-office.-Business-by-Natee-Meepians-Images.png" alt="" title="Asian small business owner working at home office. Business by Natee Meepian's Images" class="wp-image-234961" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_29 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Look, I know this sounds like I’m parent bashing. And I’m sure there will be people saying – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">how long will she blame her mother for her own failings? </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Eventually we all have to take responsibility for our own lives, right?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Right. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, let’s put things into perspective. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It wasn’t all bad. I do have happy memories of my parents. They always went “all out” for my Birthdays. Those were such happy days. And for a while – and despite everything that happened – I was close to them in my 20’s and early 30’s. And that’s what makes “zero contact” so hard. Because I miss them. I miss who </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I thought they were</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. And there are times when I feel so lost and so alone that all I want is to contact them. But I can’t. Because they are still who they are. And I am who I am. Or who I am trying to be without them. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Somehow, amidst everything, I managed to find the most amazing man – a gentle, kind, caring, loving man, who treats me like a Queen. And he loves me. More than I ever thought I deserved. We have been together for 16 years and happily married for 12. So, my mother was wrong there. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I have built a business from the ground up, with nothing but an idea . And I have made it work. Not only that, but I get to do something I love every single day.. Again, my mother was wrong there too. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Because when everything else fails and you have no one but yourself to rely on, you step up. You become your own saviour. You pick your own damn self up off the ground and you make it happen. There’s no one else in the world – no matter how much they love you – that can make a success out of your life other than you. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So that’s what I did. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s something I have learnt to do. I had to. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’ve learnt how to make myself shine brighter than the things that my mother said. I’ve learnt to be louder than the deafening silence that is my father sitting idly by. And I’ve learnt to accept that this is my life. No one else’s. And I get to choose how I want to lead it. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, nowadays when I hear a no, I take an unemotional, educated view of why it was a no and learn from it. Take the lesson with me as I move forward. It’s not personal. It’s just a no. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Because no one and nothing will ever again take my power away! For me that is what the fear of rejection is – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">giving your power away. </span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Look, it’s hard to feel unwanted. It’s even harder to feel like you’re not worthy. But from personal experience I can say this wholeheartedly – </span><b><i>I would rather it be a no and avoid another bad fit than have it be a yes and find myself in another horrible situation. </i></b></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Knowing your true worth – which does take some work, believe me – means knowing that a no, that a perceived rejection, is not necessarily a bad thing. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The are two quotes from two of my heroes that I want to leave you with – </span></p> <blockquote> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – Dita Von Teese</span><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – Walt Disney</span></p> </blockquote></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_21"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image-5.png" alt="" title="End of blog post CTA image (5)" class="wp-image-6274" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_18"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_29 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_1 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_19 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_30 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_22"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_31 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_30 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/facing-the-fear-of-rejection/">Facing the fear of rejection</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/facing-the-fear-of-rejection/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>I Have Anxiety – I think</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/i-have-anxiety-i-think/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/i-have-anxiety-i-think/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Mon, 29 Jul 2024 15:01:13 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Work life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety disorder]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxious]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiousness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[General anxiety disorder]]></category> <category><![CDATA[overwhelm]]></category> <category><![CDATA[panic attacks]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[struggling]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[worrying]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=6247</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/i-have-anxiety-i-think/">I Have Anxiety – I think</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_3 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_20"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_32 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_31 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Have you ever watched the series, </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQeUmSD1c3g" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Dexter</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">? Dexter Morgan, a man with homicidal tendencies, lives a double life. He works as a forensic technician for the Miami police department during the day and kills wicked perpetrators in his free time. As Showtime describes it – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“He’s smart. He’s lovable. He’s Dexter Morgan, America’s favorite serial killer.”</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Kinda weird because you definitely find yourself rooting for the so-called “bad guy.” But it’s so enjoyable. Addictive even. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In the series, Dexter talks about having a </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZbyOQ0JUV4&t=68s" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">“dark passenger”</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">. He talks about having something dark deep down inside himself, something he hides, something he certainly doesn’t talk about – but it’s there. Always. And when this dark passenger is driving, Dexter feels alive. He doesn’t fight it; he doesn’t even want to. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Now to most people, that wouldn’t make sense, but to me I can relate. Wholeheartedly. Now I’m no serial killer. Let’s get that straight. But as far as having a dark passenger of my own is concerned, I have one and she’s constantly hanging on my back, like the heaviest backpack you can imagine. She’s always there. Even though I try my best to hide her. It kind of feels like the more I hide her, the more Hunchback of Notre Dame I become. My shoulders hunched over and my head tipping lower to the floor. I certainly don’t talk about her, why would I? No one would believe me. But she’s there. Always. And when she takes over, I feel everything so keenly, like splinters on my skin. I can’t help feeling more alive. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I can’t fight her. Sometimes I don’t even want to. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_32 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>What anxiety feels like</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_33 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I have suffered with some kind of anxiety most of my life. At least that’s what I thought it was. But it’s only been recently that I was diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder, panic disorder, PTSD and what I like to call, melancholy (otherwise known as depression). Anxiety and depression often go hand in hand. Hard diagnoses to accept. Ones that still carry such a stigma. But the one that is most often taken for granted, misdiagnosed, misused and thrown around like today’s “special on a chalkboard” – good old anxiety. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Everyone and their cat has anxiety – no literally my one cat does have anxiety and is medicated for it. No jokes. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But there’s a big difference between an anxiety disorder and simply feeling overwhelmed (although there’s nothing simple about it). We’ll discuss the actual definitions and what it means but I first want to give my own take on it. For perspective.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_23"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/anxious-cat.png" alt="anxious cat" title="anxious cat" class="wp-image-6275" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_34 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>What anxiety feels like to me</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_35 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Picture climbing a mountain, with the goal of summiting. Pick any mountain you want. We all have our own backpacks on our backs filled with the bits and pieces of our own demons packed inside. Because let’s face it, every single one of us has some or other “issue”. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I have my dark passenger on my back. She’s heavy, she makes me hunch over – so much so that my head tips closer to the floor. With her, I pack my other necessary items like bottled water, some food – you know, basic items I need to survive – my survival kit. The things we all have. And suddenly the weight is that much heavier. But off we go. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As we start climbing up the mountain, I kind of struggle to see where I’m going, because my head is tipped to the floor, so I trip a little more over rocks scattered around. I’m mocked for being clumsy or too sensitive – letting out a little moan for every bump on the trail. But I carry on regardless. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But as we walk uphill, as the trail gets harder, and with my extra load – my dark passenger – I’m really feeling the extra weight. It’s hard for me to keep up with the others and I need to stop more often to catch my breath. As a result, the rest of the group seems to get a little fed up with me and it feels like – at least to me – that they are somehow plotting against me. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Are they really all talking about me? What can I do to be better? </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Ouch! My neck hurts, it feels like it’s in a spasm!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Now the climb is getting steep and as I stop to take my breath </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I worry about where I am in the group, do they still need me, have they left me here, must I carry on alone?</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Suddenly, irrational thoughts cloud my usual calm mind and murk my judgement. I can’t think straight, I can’t concentrate, I lose track of where I’m going. I get lost. It gets dark. I’m all alone and I’m scared. Things are out there in the dark, </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">they’re out to get me</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">! I can’t regulate my breathing. I can’t breathe. My heart is racing. It feels like my heart is about to jump right out of my chest. My whole body is shaking. I’m sweating. I feel like I’ve lost all control now. Why am I standing so close to this edge? I don’t understand what’s happening. The world is getting hazy now. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Someone help me! But there’s only silence. Darkness. I’m so tired but how will I ever sleep?!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But then morning comes, and I realise I’m closer to the summit than I thought. I join the others who all summited, the day before and who are already getting ready to leave. I take my seat to look at where I’ve made it to, realising that I made it to the top with my dark passenger and my survival goods all in tow. Ah how beautiful it is up here! It’s at this point that someone in my group comments that it’s nice for me to join the group at last. I just smile to myself – they don’t need to know that I got lost along the way. Instead, I put in my earphones and play </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-N4jf6rtyuw" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Crazy by Gnarls Barkley</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Because I can relate to that – then again, can’t we all?</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_36 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>How professionals define anxiety</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_37 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><a href="https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/anxiety-disorders/what-are-anxiety-disorders" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Psychiatry.org</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> defines anxiety disorders as follows – </span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Anxiety disorders can cause people to try to avoid situations that trigger or worsen their symptoms. Job performance, schoolwork and personal relationships can be affected. In general, for a person to be diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, the fear or anxiety must:</span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></i></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Be out of proportion to the situation or be age inappropriate.</span></i></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Hinder their ability to function normally.</span></i></li> </ul> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">There are several types of anxiety disorders: generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder with or without agoraphobia, specific phobias, agoraphobia, social anxiety disorder, separation anxiety disorder and selective mutism.”</span></i></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Whereas merely feeling anxious refers to anticipation of a future concern and is more associated with muscle tension and avoidance behaviour.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And being fearful is an emotional response to an immediate threat and is more associated with a fight or flight reaction – either staying to fight or leaving to escape danger.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Like I said, everyone and their cat says they have anxiety these days – it’s a term that’s thrown around like specials on a chalkboard. But what everyday people are feeling is overwhelm, or anxiousness. Fear at the most. It’s not actual anxiety. Having an anxiety disorder is a whole other ball game. And not one you should rush to buy tickets for either.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’m not sure what it is either. Why the rush to self-diagnose yourself with anxiety? Is it an age thing? Is it a generation thing? Is it a hormonal thing? </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It feels like “anxiety” is the excuse for everything nowadays – can’t commit in a relationship – oh it’s because I suffer with anxiety. Can’t perform at work- oh it’s because of my anxiety. Failing at school – yeah, it’s my anxiety. Anxiety is the reason for every failing known to man. And yet it’s not anxiety at all. </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_24"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/Blog-I-Have-Anxiety-–-I-think-2.png" alt="anxiety" title="Blog - I Have Anxiety – I think (2)" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_38 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>The symptoms of anxiety</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_39 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For people with an anxiety disorder, the anxiety does not go away and can get worse over time. The symptoms can interfere with daily activities such as job performance, schoolwork, and relationships.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">There are several types of anxiety disorders, including generalised anxiety disorder, panic disorder, social anxiety disorder, and various phobia-related disorders.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">According to the </span><a href="https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/anxiety-disorders" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">National Institute of Mental Health</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_21 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_33 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_25"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_34 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_40 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD)</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> usually involves a persistent feeling of anxiety or dread, which can interfere with daily life. It’s not the same as occasionally worrying about things or experiencing anxiety due to stressful life events. People living with GAD experience frequent anxiety for months, if not years. Symptoms of GAD include – </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <ul> <li><span style="font-weight: 400;">Feeling restless, wound-up, or on-edge;</span></li> <li><span style="font-weight: 400;">Being easily fatigued;</span></li> <li><span style="font-weight: 400;">Having difficulty concentrating;</span></li> <li><span style="font-weight: 400;">Being irritable;</span></li> <li><span style="font-weight: 400;">Having headaches, muscle aches, stomach aches, or unexplained pains;</span></li> <li><span style="font-weight: 400;">Difficulty controlling feelings of worry, and</span></li> <li><span style="font-weight: 400;">Having sleep problems, such as difficulty falling or staying asleep.</span></li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_22 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_35 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_26"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_36 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_41 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">People with </span><strong>panic disorder</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> have frequent and unexpected panic attacks. Panic attacks are sudden periods of intense fear, discomfort, or sense of losing control even when there is no clear danger or trigger. Not everyone who experiences a panic attack will develop panic disorder. People with panic disorder often worry about when the next attack will happen and actively try to prevent future attacks by avoiding places, situations, or behaviors they associate with panic attacks. Panic attacks can occur as frequently as several times a day or as rarely as a few times a year. During a panic attack, a person may experience –</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Pounding or r</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">acing heart;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Sweating;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Trembling or tingling;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Chest pain;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Feelings of impending doom, and</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Feelings of being out of control.</span></li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_23 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_37 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_27"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_38 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_42 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><b>Social anxiety disorder</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> is an intense, persistent fear of being watched and judged by others. For people with social anxiety disorder, the fear of social situations may feel so intense that it seems beyond their control. For some people, this fear may get in the way of going to work, attending school, or doing everyday things. People with social anxiety disorder may experience – </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Blushing, sweating, or trembling;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Pounding or racing heart;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Stomach aches;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Rigid body posture or speaking with an overly soft voice;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Difficulty making eye contact or being around people they don’t know, and</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Feelings of self-consciousness or fear that people will judge them negatively.</span></li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_24 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_39 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_28"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_40 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_43 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">A </span><strong>phobia</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> is an intense fear of—or aversion to—specific objects or situations. Although it can be realistic to be anxious in some circumstances, the fear people with phobias feel is out of proportion to the actual danger caused by the situation or object. People with a phobia – </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <ul> <li><span style="font-weight: 400;">May have an irrational or excessive worry about encountering the feared object or situation</span></li> <li><span style="font-weight: 400;">Take active steps to avoid the feared object or situation</span></li> <li><span style="font-weight: 400;">Experience immediate intense anxiety upon encountering the feared object or situation</span></li> <li><span style="font-weight: 400;">Endure unavoidable objects and situations with intense anxiety (</span><a href="https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/anxiety-disorders" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">nimh</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">)</span></li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_25"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_41 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_44 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you have experienced any of the above symptoms on more than one occasion or find yourself struggling with the above symptoms on a regular basis, you should seek the assistance and care of a psychiatrist and psychologist who are able to provide psychotherapy and medication should you need it. Keep in mind that in South Africa only a psychiatrist can prescribe medication and a psychologist is able to offer talk therapy and/or Cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT), a type of talk therapy, which can help a person learn a different way of thinking, reacting and behaving to help feel less anxious. Or any combination of therapies and medication. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_45 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>What then am I going through?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_29"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/Blog-I-Have-Anxiety-–-I-think-3.png" alt="therapy for anxiety" title="Blog - I Have Anxiety – I think (3)" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_46 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you’re not diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, which the majority of people won’t be, you are most likely suffering with stress, overwhelm or anxiousness. And those are bad enough. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Every day stresses can leave you feeling like you’re struggling to cope – there’s just too much going on. Or perhaps you’re going through something truly stressful that’s making it hard for you to function. This is what it means to feel (and be) overwhelmed. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">According to </span><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/feeling-overwhelmed-symptoms-causes-and-coping-5425548" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Very Well Mind</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, when you’re overwhelmed, you can be flooded by thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations that are often related to the specific problem, making it difficult to manage – says </span><a href="https://drsabrinaromanoff.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Sabrina Romanoff</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Let’s make one thing crystal clear though – everyone feels overwhelmed on occasion and it’s a completely normal response to everyday stressors to feel a little overwhelmed. We’re only human after all. But being chronically stressed out and constantly feeling overwhelmed can take a toll on your mental and physical health.</span></p> <p><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/feeling-overwhelmed-symptoms-causes-and-coping-5425548" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Very Well Mind </span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">sets out the signs and symptoms of being overwhelmed as follows – </span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Irrational thoughts:</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">you may be unable to think rationally, making what you’re going through seem more intense than what it is, and this in turn makes you feel less capable of dealing with it. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Paralysis:</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">you may experience a </span><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/the-four-fear-responses-fight-flight-freeze-and-fawn-5205083" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">freeze response</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> that can cause you to feel paralyzed and unable to function. Even simple tasks can feel impossible. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Disproportionate reactions:</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"><strong> </strong>you may overreact to minor stressors. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Withdrawal: </strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">you may find yourself withdrawing from friends and family. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Pessimism: </strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">you may feel helpless and hopeless about the situation. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Mood changes: </strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">you may feel angry, </span><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/irritability-definition-symptoms-traits-causes-treatment-5088062" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">irritable</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, or anxious, and cry easily.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Cognitive fatigue:</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">you may feel confused and have difficulty concentrating, making decisions, and solving problems.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Physical symptoms: </strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">you may even experience physical symptoms such as rapid heartbeat, difficulty breathing, dizziness, fatigue, headaches, cramps, an upset stomach, or other unexplainable aches and pains.</span></li> </ul> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">While you’re feeling overwhelmed you may not need the care of a psychiatrist just yet, speaking to a psychologist can be beneficial to nip things in the bud as they say. In addition, seeking out the services of a professional life coach like Frieda Levycky of </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Braving Boundaries</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> can help put things into perspective and get you back on the right track. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Please keep in mind though – as </span><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/feeling-overwhelmed-symptoms-causes-and-coping-5425548" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Very Well Mind</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> points out – being chronically and continuously stressed and overwhelmed </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">can</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (but not always) lead to physical and mental health conditions such as high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity, depression, addiction and eventual anxiety and anxiety disorders if not dealt with. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_47 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Tools to help you cope with your anxiousness</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_48 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I would never leave you high and dry without an ounce of hope or tools with which you can help yourself. Yes, anxiety disorders do need professional help and may require medication but that doesn’t mean you can’t ease away anxiousness or stress, even calm down your anxiety in other ways. Here are 5 things you can do at home to ease your feelings of overwhelm and stress – </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_26 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_42 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_30"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_43 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_49 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Use drawing as a tool</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – long before I was diagnosed, I would doodle on a piece of paper whenever the feelings of panic would start up. I started doing this as a child. I would often use shapes and intricate designs to calm myself. Some of my doodles were quite elaborate and quite colourful. Beautiful in ways that I can’t really describe. I’m no artist. And I don’t think this requires any real skill. I also never knew it was an actual recognized tool used to help with anxiety. According to </span><a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/anxiety-drawing#benefits" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Healthline</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> putting pencil to paper, paint brush to easel or water colour to canvas allows you to give yourself much needed space from unwanted, often uncontrollable, thoughts and engage in an activity that you </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">can </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">control. You decide what to draw and what colours to add to whatever it is that you’re doing. While focused on the creative process, you aren’t giving energy to your anxiety. You give yourself a moment to take a deep breath. And it’s backed up by research!</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_27 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_44 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_31"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_45 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_50 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Put pen to paper</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– writing for a living has its advantages – I am often able to put how I’m feeling down on a piece of paper so that I can recognize what I’m feeling and break it down into manageable pieces. And that’s the kicker for me – manageable pieces. Because once you realise that what you’re feeling is manageable and that you can handle it, everything else calms down. It’s not always easy, sometimes all I can do is write words, feelings, emotions down on a piece of paper. But that’s better than nothing. It also helps to focus the mind to try and articulate a word, a feeling. But it helps. If nothing comes right away, go back to the doodle. See what flows from that. The two go hand-in-hand often with me and I find they work wonderfully together. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_28"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_46 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_32"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/journaling-for-anxiety.png" alt="journaling for anxiety" title="journaling for anxiety" class="wp-image-6279" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_29 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_47 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_33"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_48 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_51 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Get moving</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– this is sometimes the last thing you want to hear. Get up and get moving. Sometimes you can’t get out of bed, let alone get to the gym. But it’s not about that. It’s not about big workouts. It’s just about doing something to get you moving. For me, it’s making my bed. I know it sounds ridiculous. But I’ll never forget watching a video of a Sergeant in the US army who spoke about the honour of making a bed – because at the end of the day, even if you accomplished nothing else, at least you accomplished that. You made your bed. Then I brush my two Maine Coon cats. The one loves being brushed, the other hates it. And I have to chase the one that hates being brushed around the house – I’m moving. I love cooking, so will cook a meal for my hubby and that often requires a trip to the store. Again, I’m moving. And each thing is a positive movement in the right direction to a full day of action. Small things that lead to big things. It’s not all about workouts. But if you can get a workout in – then good for you! Endorphins can only benefit you. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_30 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_49 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_34"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_50 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_52 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Use scent</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– this for me is an important one. What started out as bringing in more lavender – which is known for its calming properties – got me to invest in home fragrance like candles and diffusers with fragrances known for calming and healing properties. I have diffusers all over the house whose reeds I turn regularly and then have two pillar candles on each side of my home in my desired scent for that week (or bi-weekly). Once I’ve made the bed, had a proper breakfast and got dressed for the day my reward is getting to light the candles. It’s become almost a ritual for me. And as soon as I smell the candles, I already know that I have accomplished a set number of things for the day, I’ve already begun my day and suddenly I’m calm. Whether it’s the fragrance (which I think helps) or just the ritual of lighting the candles I’m not sure but for me, being surrounded by a calming scent really helps me feel centered.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_31 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_51 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_35"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_52 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_53 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Spending time with animals</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– this is a saving grace for me. I’m a fur mom to four beautiful kitties. My youngest – Miss Georgia Peach y’all – is a real beauty. She’s a silver and grey Maine Coon little girl. I truly believe that she is my emotional support kitty. A little angel sent to me from above. Animals pass no judgement on you, they don’t care if you have money or don’t have money, whether you’re employed or unemployed, whether your stressed out or calm, whether you’re overweight or under. All they care about is you. So, spend time with your pets – if you have them. Take your dogs for a walk, play fetch with them. Brush your cats, play with their balls or toy mice. Or just love them, give them affection. The peace that petting an animal can give you is unbelievable. If you don’t have a pet of your own, volunteer at an animal shelter if you can. And if that’s not possible, virtually adopt a cat or a dog if your funds will allow – the thought of knowing that you are helping an innocent life will fill you with a sense of peace and calm knowing you helped someone else today, outside of yourself. And how can that not make you happy?</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_32"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_53 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_54 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I wish I could wave a wand and make anxiety, anxiousness, stress and overwhelm disappear for good. Sadly, it’s an unfortunate reality of today’s day and age that stressors and overwhelm seem to be a normal part of everyday life. Something we all must learn to cope with. I pray that an anxiety disorder is not an affliction any of you get for – </span></p> <blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength.” </span><em><span style="font-weight: 400;">Charles Spurgeon</span></em></p> </blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I hope I have imparted some wisdom and that in it you have found some solace. If not, please seek assistance from the necessary professionals who can assist you. This is not something to go ignored. </span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Sources used and to whom I owe thanks – </span></i><a href="https://www.arnoldpalmerhospital.com/content-hub/stress-vs-clinical-anxiety-and-how-to-spot-the-difference#:~:text=These%20are%20considered%20normal%20physiologic,or%20constant%20fear%20in%20general" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Orlando Health</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/anxiety/symptoms-causes/syc-20350961" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Mayo Clinic</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/anxiety-disorders/what-are-anxiety-disorders" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Psychiatry.org</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/anxiety-disorders" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">NIMH</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/feeling-overwhelmed-symptoms-causes-and-coping-5425548" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">verywellmind</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; healthline </span></i><a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/anxiety-drawing#benefits" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">here </span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">and </span></i><a href="https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-calm-anxiety#use-scent" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">here</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">)</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_36"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image-5.png" alt="" title="End of blog post CTA image (5)" class="wp-image-6274" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_33"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_54 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_2 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_34 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_55 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_37"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_56 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_55 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/i-have-anxiety-i-think/">I Have Anxiety – I think</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/i-have-anxiety-i-think/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>5 Ways to Navigate the Fear of Change</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/5-ways-to-navigate-the-fear-of-change/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/5-ways-to-navigate-the-fear-of-change/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 03 Jul 2024 20:25:54 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Enneagram]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[The Fears series]]></category> <category><![CDATA[addressing your fears]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety spiral]]></category> <category><![CDATA[braving change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[career change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[country change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[direction]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fears]]></category> <category><![CDATA[finding direction]]></category> <category><![CDATA[job change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life direction]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[metathesiophobia]]></category> <category><![CDATA[one life live it]]></category> <category><![CDATA[phobias]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relationship change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[risk reward]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=6162</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/5-ways-to-navigate-the-fear-of-change/">5 Ways to Navigate the Fear of Change</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_4 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_35"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_57 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_56 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Part of the </span><b><i>The Fears</i></b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> series)</span></em></span></strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s natural for every human being on the face of the planet to be comfortable with the status quo. We all revel in the comfort zone, with our little routines, with going to the same grocery stores, eating at the same restaurants, and doing the same thing. It gives us a sense of control – and which one of us doesn’t want to have a sense of control over our own lives? We all do. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It makes us feel secure, like we are on top of things – especially in a world that often feels like it’s so out of control. With our lives feeling like everything fits nicely into little compartments, tidy and well organized, adding anything into the mix other than what we know is enough to drive anyone over the edge. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Yes, we are talking about </span><b><i>change</i></b><span style="font-weight: 400;">. A somewhat innocuous word but one that has the ability to send chills up and down the spine of even the strongest person. Sweat dripping down your face and your palms getting hot and flustered, the thought of anything disrupting your beautiful, predictable world has you in a tailspin. And trust us, you wouldn’t be alone. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In a recent study by TePe as part of a campaign raising awareness about the importance of good oral health, it found that millions of Brits admit they hate change – but many recognise it could be holding them back. For example, 32% of those polled fear they’ve missed out on new experiences and opportunities because of their reluctance to break the mould, while 26% of adults lack the confidence to try new things, and 14% worry their attitude to change will negatively affect their health (</span><a href="https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/fear-change-study-poll-adults-b2392623.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Independent</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">).</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_57 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>But what makes us fear change?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_38"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1249" height="937" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/5-Ways-to-Navigate-the-Fear-of-Change-4.png" alt="" title="5 Ways to Navigate the Fear of Change (4)" class="wp-image-6184" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_58 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">It seems like we are hard wired to resist change. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">According to clinical psychologist Carla Marie Manly, PhD, the fear of change is evolutionary and dates back to ancestral times – </span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Our ancestors preferred constancy as they inherently knew that change often brought a lack of safety.</span></i></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">For example, our ancestors needed to move around to search for food, water, and shelter to survive. Staying in a location where these essential resources had been depleted out of fear could ultimately lead to starvation, dehydration, or death of the pack.” </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(</span><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/i-fear-change-how-to-cope-with-the-unknown-5189851" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Very Well Mind</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">)</span></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It makes sense – intrinsically we are aware that dealing with the unknown or the unfamiliar poses a risk: it might be scary; it might bring with it a “lack of safety.” All theoretical, let’s be honest. None of us are fighting for our survival out in the wilderness – at least not in large numbers in any event – but that irrational fear is still present. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And it’s that irrational fear that says: </span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“If I were to try something new (e.g. move house, change jobs, get into a new relationship etc.), it might be incredible, but:</span></i></p> <p> </p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I might fail</span></i></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I might not meet expectations</span></i></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I might be disappointed</span></i></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I might be out of my depth</span></i></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I might not know what is going on</span></i></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i>I might feel like an imposter.”</i></li> </ul> </blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And that’s what keeps holding us back.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Change is scary. It’s the act of putting yourself out there – putting yourself into a vulnerable position, sometimes having to start from scratch – that poses a very real fear for most rational people. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As Manly sets out in </span><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/i-fear-change-how-to-cope-with-the-unknown-5189851" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Very Well Mind</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – </span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“When life feels predictable, we experience less stress and anxiety because we know what to expect. When life doesn’t feel predictable, and we are uncertain about what might be around the next corner, we feel stressed and anxious.”</span></i></p></blockquote></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_59 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>When your irrational fear of change is more than just the jitters</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_39"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1249" height="937" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/5-Ways-to-Navigate-the-Fear-of-Change-1.png" alt="" title="5 Ways to Navigate the Fear of Change (1)" class="wp-image-6181" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_60 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">It seems that the real fear of change – when it’s more than just the jitters – is an actual clinical phobia termed </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">metathesiophobia</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">While we all experience the fear of change, having a phobia like metathesiophobia will result in more extreme symptoms. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Some of the common signs and symptoms of metathesiophobia are set out below (though if you recognise any of these symptoms, before jumping to conclusions, do speak to your doctor for a formal diagnosis) – </span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">You feel stuck in a situation but make no attempt at creating positive change;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">You stay in a failing or toxic relationship, knowing it best to leave;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">You remain in a dead-end job instead of searching for an ideal career; </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">You have extreme anxiety over what is going to happen in your future;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">You cannot accept simple life changes whether within or outside of your control;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">You refuse to stray from an everyday routine because you’re uncertain of what will happen if you don’t stick to it;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">You don’t socialise;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">You frequently feel nauseous or have indigestion when you think about change;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">You experience heart palpitations when you think about change, and</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">You find yourself shaking, sweating, or trembling at the thought of change.</span></li> </ul> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">To further understand how the fear of change can affect someone in a clinical sense, one needs to understand the difference between constructive and destructive fear. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Constructive fear is the fear of an actual, physical threat and its purpose is to keep one safe from danger. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Destructive fear – as the converse implies – is the fear of a non-existent threat i.e. there’s no actual threat. It’s only our minds playing tricks on us. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Depending on the severity of a person’s fear of change, the fear could become a destructive fear. If left untreated or unchecked it could lead to –</span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Depression;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Anxiety;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Isolation;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Avoidance;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Stress;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Substance use disorders;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Staying in unhealthy environments;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Staying in toxic relationships, and</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Suicidal ideation (</span><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/i-fear-change-how-to-cope-with-the-unknown-5189851" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Very Well Mind</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">)</span></li> </ul> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you are having suicidal thoughts, contact the </span><a href="https://www.sadag.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=1904&Itemid=151" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Suicide Crisis Helpline</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> in South Africa on 0800 567 567 for support and assistance from a trained counsellor. </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_61 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>How can one cope with the fear of change?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_62 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Diagnosed phobias aside, how does a person who is struggling to accept change cope with it?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Here are a few suggestions:</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_36 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_58 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_40"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_59 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_63 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Start with self-awareness </strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">– realise that you are merely human, that your daily comforts and routines are good for your sanity and try to keep you centred. BUT (and there’s always a but) know when you become too comfortable, too stagnant, too set in your ways. Know when your feeling of safety and security is keeping you from moving forwards in a positive manner. Know when your comfort is keeping you from achieving your goals. There needs to be a limit of how “secure” in the status quo you remain and that can only be determined by you.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_37 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_60 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_41"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_61 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_64 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Practice acceptance</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– it may seem like an impossible thing to do, but one of the first things you can do when faced with change is to accept that it’s happening. Take ownership, (as much as one can) of it. Some of the feelings that come with change, especially when it’s thrust upon you, is disempowerment. And that’s because it’s happening to you, instead of you taking charge of it. But if you accept it, take ownership of it, and realise that it’s happening, you can start to take back the power. Lean into the change, acknowledge that it’s there and that it’s now a part of your life – with all that it entails. From there, you can work on finding ways to take that change and move it in a new direction – one that suits you. Make it your own.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_38 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_62 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_42"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_63 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_65 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Control what you can</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– part of the strife that people find with change is the disempowerment that comes with it. So, leading on from Point 2, is putting things into action. Take decisive steps to help the situation you find yourself in. Make plans and increase your sense of control. Part of making plans can come from journaling – freely being the caveat. Allow yourself to freely jot down thoughts, feelings, ideas, road maps. Whatever you feel. You never know when something may be shaken from the tree. But writing it down, even in free flow, allows your mind to expand which can result in plans developing. From there you can take a rough idea and expand on it, develop a real road map of where you want to go. And it all starts with the jotting down of one idea and one action item. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_39"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_64 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_43"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1249" height="937" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/5-Ways-to-Navigate-the-Fear-of-Change-2.png" alt="" title="5 Ways to Navigate the Fear of Change (2)" class="wp-image-6182" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_40 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_65 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_44"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_66 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_66 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Limit your stress</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– change is inherently stressful, but given that stress has a way of creating health risks, it’s important to manage stress levels when experiencing change. Stress-management can come in a variety of forms. Perhaps it’s simply changing your perspective of change. See it as an invitation for new possibilities rather than a threat to the status quo. Perhaps stress can be managed through meditation or through speaking with a counsellor/coach or talking to friends or family. Whatever works for you – but manage your stress. Whatever that entails.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_41 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_67 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_45"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_68 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_67 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Practice patience</strong> <i><span style="font-weight: 400;">– </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">remember the adage “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">life is about the journey, not the destination</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”, well that rings true here. Change is just a part of life – nothing ever </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">really</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> remains the same. As a human being you will experience a variety of life changes – growing up, changing jobs, getting married, having children, getting divorced, travel, death, moving home. The important thing here is not to view a change as something that you have to get use to immediately. Change (and the transition that comes with it) takes time. It will require plenty of patience and the acceptance that it may take a while to settle into a new way of life. And that’s ok. As long as you work on it, a little every day. But whatever you do, don’t fight against it. Take it all in your stride, remembering that it’s all a part of your journey. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_42"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_69 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_68 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Change is inevitable. Some say: “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">as good as a holiday</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">.” However you view change, the one thing we can say is don’t live your life on autopilot. Sometimes it takes the act of changing to realise your potential, to see what you’re really made of.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As Roy T. Bennett says</span><b> – </b></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“It’s only after you’ve stepped outside your comfort zone that you begin to change, grow, and transform.”</span></i></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Change can be seen as an act of transformation if you just get out of your own way. </span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Sources used and to whom we owe thanks – </span></i><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/i-fear-change-how-to-cope-with-the-unknown-5189851" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Very Well Mind</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/za/blog/the-adaptive-mind/201809/how-overcome-the-fear-change" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Psychology Today</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.realsimple.com/fear-of-change-7100822" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Real Simple</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span></i><a href="https://www.heart.org/en/news/2020/02/04/chronic-stress-can-cause-heart-trouble#:~:text=Stress%20may%20lead%20to%20high,and%20lack%20of%20physical%20activity." target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Heart</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">). </span></i></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_46"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image-4.png" alt="" title="End of blog post CTA image (4)" class="wp-image-6189" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_43"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_70 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_3 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_44 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_71 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_47"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_72 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_69 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/5-ways-to-navigate-the-fear-of-change/">5 Ways to Navigate the Fear of Change</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/5-ways-to-navigate-the-fear-of-change/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>The Fear of Letting Go</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-of-letting-go/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-of-letting-go/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 30 May 2024 05:28:27 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[The Fears series]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[baby steps]]></category> <category><![CDATA[braving change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[let it go]]></category> <category><![CDATA[letting go]]></category> <category><![CDATA[letting go of the past]]></category> <category><![CDATA[start small]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress management]]></category> <category><![CDATA[the fear of letting go]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=6191</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-of-letting-go/">The Fear of Letting Go</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_5 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_45"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_73 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_70 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Part of the </span><b><i>The Fears</i></b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> series)</span></em></span></strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Chicken soup, it’s one of those things that I’ve grown up with. And every single time I have it, a wave of nostalgia sweeps over me. No matter what I’m going through, I immediately feel better. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And chicken soup, like many things in my life, carries a certain amount of nostalgia. It reminds me of my grandmother who would make chicken soup from scratch, something she would do on a weekly basis. And something she would do more often if I had the flu or a cold. It was her way of giving me a big, get-well hug from across the wall. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">You see, I grew up next door to my grandparents and spent so much time with them it felt like home. I learnt to play card games from my grandmother on days my mother had a migraine – something that happened often. In fact, growing up I was more at my grandparent’s home than I was at my parents’ home. I didn’t mind, there was less drama there. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’ve been thinking about them a lot recently. Both because of the deterioration of familial ties in recent times but also because I have been going through old family photos and gathering items together – inherited from my grandparents – which I now need to sort into </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">keep, donate </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">or</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> sell</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> piles. We are starting to downscale as we look to move to Cape Town in the coming months and for some or other reason, I have accumulated a mass of “stuff” that I neither like, use or want. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But some of this “stuff” is not so much sentimental as it is “theirs”. And the process of getting rid of it, is a burden that feels too heavy to take. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It feels like I am losing them all over again. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And I know that isn’t true. They are only things after all. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">There’s an old writing desk that my grandmother loved. It used to be where she opened letters (when people still wrote them), where she read newspapers and magazines (when people still read them) and where she did her weekly accounts (when they were still sent by mail). It has marks on it from where she spilled her tea one time and left a hot tea pot. It’s old (it belonged to her mother), warped with age and a little rickety if I’m honest. It’s also heavy and in a dark wood, not really matching anything else in my home. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">There’s also an old rocking chair that my grandfather loved. It’s where he spent most afternoons dozing after a long day. It’s where he watched the 7 o’clock news from and from where he drank his tea. It’s also where he spent his last days rocking along, with a red checkered blanket covering his legs. The same red blanket is still on it today. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">They are memories of my grandparents. Flickers of the lives they led and the people they were. And while they are just things, it’s very hard to let them go. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_71 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>The Process of Letting Go</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_48"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/blog-fear-of-letting-go-3.png" alt="" title="blog - fear of letting go (3)" class="wp-image-6205" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_72 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">And it’s here that I find myself – with this absolute fear of letting go. Of the items and what they mean. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Letting go of two people who meant so much to me. Letting go of a past that I don’t want to address nor forget. Letting go of memories that mean so much to me. All because I’m trying to make room in my life for new beginnings, for new memories, for a new life in a different city. I should be excited, jumping for joy really. But here I sit cross legged on the carpet crying into my tea. My cats think I’ve lost the plot. My husband knows I have. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As my tea gets cold, with me staring into the distance, a thought crawls up my spine – is it them I’m afraid of losing or is just my fear of losing an item that has a self-proclaimed meaning attached to it? </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In other words, if I decide to sell, donate or give the rocking chair or writing desk away will it make it easier to move or could I potentially find a place for it in my new home (keeping in mind that we have already decided that these items will not be moving with us). </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s then that I decide to Google “Fear of Letting Go” and this pops up </span><a href="https://www.becomingminimalist.com/loss-aversion/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Loss Aversion: Understanding and Overcoming Our Fear of Letting Go</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, and the first two points seem to apply to my situation – at least in part –</span></p> <blockquote> <ol> <li><b><i>“Acknowledge the Fear of Loss</i></b></li> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">The first step is to recognize when loss aversion is influencing your decisions. Are you keeping an item because it moves you toward your purpose? Or are you giving extra weight to the fear of what you may be losing?</span></i></p> <ol start="2"> <li><b><i> Redefine ‘Loss’ and ‘Gain’</i></b></li> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Rather than focusing on what you are giving up, shift your perspective to what you’re gaining through owning less. Minimalism is about </span></i><a href="https://www.becomingminimalist.com/add/"><b><i>addition</i></b></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> more than it is about subtraction—more space, less stress, increased focus on what truly matters. The loss of physical items pales in comparison to these gains.”</span></i></ol> </blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Reading this article got me thinking – and while I in no way proclaim to be a minimalist – perhaps there are steps that I could take that could ease my fear of letting go? Not just of the furniture but of the memories and of the past attached to them. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Which leads me to the first step of five. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_46 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_74 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_49"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_75 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_73 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Acknowledge the past</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – don’t dance around the issue, instead identify whatever you are afraid of letting go of and confront it as best you can. Don’t allow your past to loom over you like a monster hiding under your bed. Remember: It happened, but it’s not happening any longer. Ignoring or suppressing the things you’re afraid of letting go of will only lead to it disrupting aspects of your life. So, if there are any necessary actions to be taken, take them. Do you need to have a conversation with someone you have pent up animosity towards or someone you need closure from? Is there something you need to get off your chest? Speaking about the past, whether it is with friends or a therapist, is an effective way to release whatever emotions you’re hoarding from that experience. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Releasing these emotions is the first step to letting go.</span></i></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_47 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_76 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_50"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_77 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_74 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Look for the positives</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – there’s no denying that it can be hard to look back on situations that may have hurt us, that may have been disappointing or where you need closure. But regardless of how negative that situation may have been, think of the positives. Is there something that you can learn from the experience? Instead of dwelling on what could’ve been or what was, think of what can be. What can you get out of the situation that will be of use to you in the future? How can you move on if you aren’t able to get the closure you need? What positive reinforcement are you able to take that can help you close the book on whatever situation you are struggling to let go of? </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_48 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_78 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_51"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_79 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_75 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Baby steps</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– letting go doesn’t have to be an all or nothing process. Break the process down into small, manageable steps. That way, letting go will feel attainable. Progress is progress. Celebrate each and every small achievement along the way – they all matter. Positive reinforcement helps shift your focus from the difficult past into a positive future, from what you’re saying goodbye to, to what you’re gaining from the process. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_49"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_80 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_52"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/blog-fear-of-letting-go-1.png" alt="" title="blog - fear of letting go (1)" class="wp-image-6203" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_50 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_81 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_53"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_82 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_76 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Embrace the joy of letting go</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – the joy of what we will find ahead is much greater than what we leave behind. Keep that thought in mind—every time you let go of something you take another step towards a more intentional life. This mindset can help counterbalance the initial discomfort of addressing difficult pasts or disappointing outcomes. And while our tendency may be to overvalue the loss we feel from those situations, we can overwhelm that tendency with the promise of something better – letting them go.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_51 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_83 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_54"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_84 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_77 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Strive to live in the present</strong><b> – </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">today is more important than yesterday, we all know that. That’s why it’s called the present. It’s therefore important that we fully immerse ourselves with the present, that we occupy ourselves with things that make us happy, with activities that we enjoy. We need to make new memories that we can look back on with contentment. Oftentimes, we can’t help but ruminate on the possibilities, the </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">might have beens</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. But the truth is, this is all we get. Looking back gets us nowhere. Ultimately, we can’t change the past — we can only control our actions in the present. So, dedicate your time to pursuing your desires and creating that future you would like to see.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_52"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_85 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_78 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">With the above five steps in mind and a proper plan in place, I feel better equipped to not only deal with the pieces of my past that I need to address before moving on but also the literal pieces from my past – the rocking chair and writing desk that need new homes. It’s funny how we bury things so deep down that they resurface at the most inopportune moments. But here we are, adulting our lives away, needing to deal with issues as they arise. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">No one said adulting would be fun, only that it would be a journey. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you are on your own journey towards letting go, I wish you luck, patience, and peace. There’s nothing to be afraid of if you deal with it head on. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_55"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image-4.png" alt="" title="End of blog post CTA image (4)" class="wp-image-6189" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_53"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_86 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_4 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_54 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_87 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_56"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_88 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_79 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-of-letting-go/">The Fear of Letting Go</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-fear-of-letting-go/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>The Self-Help Conundrum</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-self-help-conundrum/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-self-help-conundrum/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Sun, 30 Jul 2023 15:11:58 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[confidence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Counselling]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional intelligence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Empowerment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[goal setting]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Growth mindset]]></category> <category><![CDATA[happiness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[inspiration]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life coaching]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Mindfulness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Personal awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Personal development]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Positive thinking]]></category> <category><![CDATA[productivity]]></category> <category><![CDATA[resilience]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-help books]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-improvement]]></category> <category><![CDATA[success]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Therapy]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Well-being]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=5595</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Are you a lover or hater of self-help books? Join Alicia and me as we explore the pros and cons of the self-help world.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-self-help-conundrum/">The Self-Help Conundrum</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_6 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_55"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_89 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_80 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>CO-WRITTEN BY FRIEDA LEVYCKY, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://www.bravingboundaries.com/">BRAVING BOUNDARIES</a></span>, AND ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></h5> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /> Self-help books seem to divide the world into two camps (a bit like Marmite): The lovers and the haters.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I hadn’t realised this until I suggested to Alicia that we write a joint article on the self-help books which have shaped our lives and our careers. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">But I don’t believe in self-help books</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”, came the response. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Really?</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”, I asked in surprise.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Nope. It really annoys me that anyone (often with no qualifications whatsoever) thinks its ok to tell you that if you ‘follow my method’ or ‘learn from my experience’ you can be more successful, thinner, happier … you name it.</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Hmmm… she has a point. But, I think it is a little unfair to smash self-help books as a whole. I personally see a lot of value in them.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, instead of proposing a list of self-help books that have changed our lives, we have decided to provide a narrative on the pros and cons of the self-help world.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We hope you read both sides of the argument and challenge your existing beliefs. Maybe you find that self-help books do have their place and could be beneficial for you? Or maybe you realise that self-help books can only get you so far and that sometimes investing in external support is required. That’s up to you though. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We just hope you enjoy the read. </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_81 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Self-help books – The non-believers (Alicia’s viewpoint)</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_57"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Self-help-books-3.jpg" alt="" title="Self help books (3)" class="wp-image-5618" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_82 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">The other day I was browsing in my favourite bookshop. Walking around the store I read title after title and found myself – quite unexpectedly – in the Self-Help section.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Not my usual preference. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As I stood there looking at the rows of “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">How-To’s”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Do-You’s?” </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I admit to having a certain degree of curiosity. Enough to find myself picking up one book and reading the back of it. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">To summarise – the book promised to help guide you through “some of your most difficult times and help you find a place of serenity and happiness”. I’m paraphrasing here because it said a lot more than that. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It was a tall undertaking by the author (who shall remain nameless) – all for the nominal price of ZAR680. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">This book promised to do what no other psychiatrist or clinical psychologist would promise (especially in one session and especially to that degree of certainty). And at an absolute bargain – considering that the going rate for a mental health professional has a far heftier price tag. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">That got me thinking – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">who are the people extracting the most value out of these self-help books? </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">And</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> how effective are they? </span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As a non-believer in the self-help movement, I think it’s only fair that I apply some reason and scientific analysis to my approach or face – perhaps – missing out on the greatest invention of all time.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">With the sheer volume of titles on the Self-Help shelves there </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">must be </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">quite a tally of bodies that flock to the stores, that sign up for the newsletters and that attend the “sold-out” shows of the latest “Guru”.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If there weren’t, there wouldn’t be a section in any book shop with titles like </span><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (which is – as fate would have it – the only somewhat self-help </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">styled</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> book I have ever read. And that’s saying something since it’s touted as the counterintuitive kind). </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_83 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>What are self-help books?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_84 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Before we get started, it’s worth reminding ourselves what self-help books are. In short, they are books which instruct or give advice on how to improve yourself. This could be physically, mentally, financially, spiritually or otherwise. The idea is that by reading a self-help book you are capable of improving your current position without the need of external resources, advice or support. In other words – </span><span style="font-weight: 400;"><span style="text-decoration: underline;">you help yourself</span>.</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_85 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>So, whose reading these books?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_58"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/BB-Blog-images-Self-help-books-1.jpg" alt="" title="BB - Blog images - Self help books (1)" class="wp-image-5621" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_86 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">According to </span><a href="https://blog.gitnux.com/self-help-industry-statistics/#:~:text=Over%2045%2C300%20new%20self%2Dhelp,how%20to%20improve%20one's%20life." target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Gitnux, “</span></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">over 45,300 new self-help books were published in 2020”, </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">with</span> <a href="https://www.marketwatch.com/press-release/global-self-improvement-products-services-market-2023-2030-estimated-to-reach-worth-usd-5607374-million-growing-at-a-cagr-of-513-2023-04-25" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Marketwatch</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> predicting that the self-help market would reach a total value of “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">USD 56073.74 Million by the End of 2030”</span></i><b>. </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">That’s a compounded annual growth of around 5.13% expected till 2030. The average reader of self-help books buys 3 a year. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Let’s face it, those are not only big figures (backed by sound scientific research) but a rather large readership. </span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Am I missing something?</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I remember the hype that surrounded the launch of </span><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Secret-Rhonda-Byrne/dp/1582701709" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Secret</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> by Rhona Byrne in 2006 – first a movie that “revealed the great mystery of the universe” – and following that (and a little after the release of the movie), a book that became a worldwide bestseller.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Every single – female – member of my family was hooked. Everyone was talking about it. Everyone believed it would turn their humdrum lives into something masterful and full of opportunity. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I had my doubts. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For starters, The Secret said that the skills learned could be used in </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“every aspect of your life—money, health, relationships, happiness, and in every interaction, you have in the world. You’ll begin to understand the hidden, untapped power that’s within you, and this revelation can bring joy to every aspect of your life”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (</span><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Secret-Rhonda-Byrne/dp/1582701709" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Amazon</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">). </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It sounds incredible… Wait just a second. All I have to do is </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">foresee the thing I want to happen, happen? To truly believe it will. And it shall be?</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> It felt far, far too easy. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, there I sat the day before my final exam of my worst subject in University – Economics – and truly believed (and in fact, foresaw) me acing the exam. Achieving an A. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Well, surprise, surprise – that didn’t happen. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I passed that exam by the skin of my teeth actually. I should have spent more time studying than “foreseeing the event happen”. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Perhaps that wasn’t the purpose of The Secret. Perhaps I’m oversimplifying. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">But that was the value I extracted from it. </span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Which then led me to ask – was it only my female family members that read The Secret – and by extension – all other self-help books? Because I don’t remember my father, my uncles or my (then) boyfriend reading it. Or any other self-help book on the shelves. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The answer to that is funnily enough – yes. Generally speaking. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Turning to </span><a href="https://blog.gitnux.com/self-help-industry-statistics/#:~:text=Women%20make%20up%20the%20majority,this%20when%20marketing%20their%20books." target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Gitnux</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> again – </span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Women make up the majority of self-help book readers, and African Americans have the highest percentage of self-help book buyers. Most self-help book buyers are under 45 years old and purchase books through planned purchases in chain bookstores, online, or through a friend’s recommendation”.</span></i></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, essentially, an African (American or not) woman under 45, that frequents a bookstore (or shops for titles online) would be the self-help market’s perfect target audience. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Bollocks to that I say. It can’t be. That’s far too general. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So why then is success coach, public speaker, self-help author and actor, </span><a href="https://www.tonyrobbins.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Tony Robbins</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> estimated to have net worth of around $600 Million (</span><a href="https://wealthygorilla.com/tony-robbins-net-worth/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Wealthy Gorilla</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">)?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Again, have I missed something?</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_87 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Do self-help books work?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_59"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Self-help-books-1.jpg" alt="" title="Self help books (1)" class="wp-image-5616" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_88 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">The premise of seeking advice from a self-help book is that you do – in fact – need help. Funny that since it’s kind of in the title of the genre. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But the people that need help (and quickly) often turn to the wisdom and knowledge of “mentors” like Robbins (who has made a success of his self-help career), rather than seeking the professional mental health support and care they most probably desperately need. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Sure, reading </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">how to turn your life around in ten easy steps</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> from the women who turned her love for fudge into a word-wide sensation, can give one hope. It makes you see possibilities in the world and in your circumstance that maybe you didn’t see before. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And that’s a great thing if it does.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Technically there isn’t anything wrong, per se, with the advice of the Queen of the Fudge Empire. It </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">can be inspiring</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. But the problem I have with it is that it’s just her view. It’s just her experience. It doesn’t mean that because you can bake a decent batch of muffins, you will become the Muffin Monarch just because you did what the Fudge Queen told you to do in her book. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And yes, I know that’s not the purpose of the self-help genre. I know that. But I do believe </span><a href="https://medium.com/@crismaximilian?source=post_page-----7737df3aa6e9--------------------------------" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Cristofer Maximilian</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> in his article </span><a href="https://medium.com/@crismaximilian/self-help-books-dont-work-here-s-why-7737df3aa6e9" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Self-Help Books Don’t Work — Here’s Why</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> when he says – </span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“While people lose themselves in a sea of advice, suggestions, routines, and “hacks”, they also lose sight of the fact that no amount of information will change this simple fact: </span></i><b><i>in order to succeed or improve in any area of your life, you need to actually do something”</i></b><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></i></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And there it is. For me at least. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">You can’t just read the book and expect a miracle. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">You need to act. You need to want to make the change. You need to put in the work.</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> And that’s where having a professional coach, psychiatrist or psychologist can be far more beneficial. Why? Because they hold you accountable and support you whilst doing so. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When we’re done with the book, most of us put it back on our shelves. Maybe we sign up for the monthly newsletter. Maybe we read it every second month or so. Maybe we even attend a seminar (or webinar) hosted by the author. But are we really implementing the change we need in our lives? Are we really acting on the – well-meaning and well-intended but perhaps not exactly professional – advice of the self-help author?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The answer is most likely no. Again, generally speaking.</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_89 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Reasons why I believe self-help books don’t work</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_90 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Author of </span><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, </span><a href="https://markmanson.net/self-help" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Mark Manson </span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">sets out five major problems with the self-help industry (that are unlikely to go away). I have (partly) paraphrased for ease of the reading – </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_56 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_90 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_60"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_91 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_91 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Self-help reinforces perceptions of inferiority and shame</strong> –<span style="font-weight: 400;"> there are (generally speaking) two types of people who purchase self-help books. Those that feel they can simply improve on their lives with a few little tips and tricks and those that feel that there’s fundamentally something wrong with them. Those that just want to improve themselves will read a self-help book and go “Ok, I can do that” and not feel disparaged by the contents of the book. Those that feel there’s something fundamentally wrong with them will take the content in the book and use it to make themselves feel even worse about themselves. Because “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">the irony here is that the pre-requisite for self-help to be effective is the one crucial thing that self-help cannot actually help: </span></i><a href="http://amzn.to/2BHZotI" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><b><i>accept yourself as a good person who makes mistakes</i></b></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_57 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_92 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_61"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_93 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_92 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Self-help is often yet another form of avoidance</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – if you suffer with anxiety (like I do) reading a self-help book has two consequences. The first is you replace one neuroticism with another one (in other words instead of feeling anxious about performing in my role as a legal practitioner, I start my own baking business and then become worried about not performing there too). And two, reading the book and implementing the thoughts and advice in the book leads to avoiding the issue altogether. The book becomes more important than dealing with the problem. And that’s not self-helping anyone.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_58 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_94 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_62"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_95 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_93 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Self-help marketing creates unrealistic expectations</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – The Secret comes to mind here. The incentive for the self-help market is not enforcing real change. Instead, the only thing they need to do is create the perception of change. Real or imagined. You see all these people living their best lives because they did steps 1 – 6 out of XYZ self-help book and you feel let down because it isn’t working for you. That’s setting yourself up to fail. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_59 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_96 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_63"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_97 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_94 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Self-help is (usually) not scientifically validated</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – The fact is</span> <span style="font-weight: 400;">people without qualifications, without degrees and with little real expert knowledge of the human brain, psyche and serious mental health issues often write these novels. I mean what gives them the right to give other people advice? And should people really be listening to them?</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_64"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Self-help-books-2.jpg" alt="" title="Self help books (2)" class="wp-image-5617" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_60 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_98 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_65"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_99 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_95 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Self-help is a contradiction</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – self-help amounts to self-improvement. Simple as that. And the purpose of self-improvement is to improve on yourself. To enhance what you already have. Is to accept yourself as is and be happy with that – only needing slight tweaks here and there. The person who has a fundamental problem with who they are is not going to find the help they need. They are looking to replace one aspect of who they are with something else. Something better. That person will never succeed. Instead, they will become bogged down by the </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“nonsense and pseudo-science and suppress your feelings of inadequacy rather than deal with them head-on”. </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Again, who is that self-helping?</span><span style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;"> </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_61"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_100 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_96 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">For me, self-help books create more problems for the people who need real help from medical professionals. Reading a book will not result in real change. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And that seems counterintuitive. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But I’m a cynic.</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_97 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Self-help books – The believers (Frieda’s viewpoint)</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_66"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/BB-Blog-images-Self-help-books.jpg" alt="" title="BB - Blog images - Self help books" class="wp-image-5620" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_98 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Cynical or not, Ali’s viewpoint has its merits. Achieving our goals and dreams requires a lot more than just believing that they are possible. I’d love it if I could think myself to becoming the fastest trail runner on the mountain, but the reality is that if that ever has a chance in hell of happening, I’m going to need to take action. So, Ali and I are in agreement on that point.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I also agree that the motivation driving individuals to pen a self-help book is not selfless. There is undoubtedly a benefit for the author: it forms part of a marketing strategy; they gain recognition as an author; and there is sheer reward and pride in being able to write a book. Gosh, I genuinely hope one day that I find the courage to write my own book.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Selfish or not though, given the effort and time it takes to write a book, I believe that authors of self-help books have a genuine desire to help people. And, even if they are not qualified therapists, people’s stories have the power to provide new perspective and insight, encourage self-reflection and provide a sense of hope. In fact, many psychologists, coaches and therapists often recommend self-help books as a means of developing self-awareness between sessions and helping individuals process issues through the use of stories. It’s called </span><a href="https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/types/bibliotherapy"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">bibliotherapy</span></i></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">. </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_99 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Reasons why I believe there is a place for self-help books</b></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_62 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_101 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_67"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_102 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_100 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>They are affordable </strong><i>– </i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Not everyone can afford therapy or coaching (no matter how much they may need it). It’s the reality of the world we live in. Self-help books provide an accessible and affordable means of gaining insight into issues which individuals are facing. The self-help book genre tackles the full range of topics: from improving self-esteem, coping with stress and developing communication skills to discovering your potential, improving personal relationships and enhancing emotional awareness. Having the ability to read around a topic on which you are struggling and learning from the experience of others is a natural way that humans progress and develop awareness in this world. Why should that be any different merely because it now has the label: “self-help” attached to it.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_63 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_103 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_68"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_104 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_101 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>They are relatable</strong> – <span style="font-weight: 400;">Prior to my own therapy back in 2014, a friend recommended I listen to the audiobook: </span><a href="https://brenebrown.com/book/the-power-of-vulnerability/">“<em>The Power of Vulnerability</em>” by Brené Brown</a><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span><span style="font-weight: 400;">. She was concerned about my inability to set boundaries both in my professional and personal life and could see it was affecting my self-esteem. For me, the power of the book was in its relatability. I was able to connect my struggles with self-worth to those reflected in the book which, in turn, encouraged me to question and challenge my beliefs and thus my negative self-talk. It is a book I will always recommend to clients struggling with self-esteem issues. Brene Brown is so relatable and her tone and delivery allow you to shed the layers of embarrassment and shame that is often attached to low self-esteem. Exposure to that book satisfied my need to belong and feel understood and became my first step to seeking the professional help I required.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_64 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_105 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_69"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_106 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_102 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>You gain a sense of autonomy </strong>– <span style="font-weight: 400;">There are two dominant drivers for reaching out for a self-help book: You either want to learn something new or improve the way you are approaching something (a more proactive, enhancing approach) or you are experiencing a crisis and your existing coping mechanisms are no longer stepping up to the task (a more help-seeking approach). In the latter case, everything feels off balance and you often find yourself feeling stuck and incapable of shifting out of the situation. It’s not a fun place to be. Although potentially not a replacement for coaching or therapy, relevant self-help books can help to restore a sense of autonomy and agency.</span> <span style="font-weight: 400;">The action of purchasing and reading a self-help book restores your mobility and gaining a new perspective on the situation acts as a stepping-stone to restoring equilibrium. You are helping yourself.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_65 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_107 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_70"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_108 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_103 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>You may not need therapy</strong> <i>– </i><span style="font-weight: 400;">As mentioned above, self-help books are not all about fixing you or helping you cope. There is a whole genre of self-help books which are about skill-enhancement, creating self-awareness and assisting with growth and development. You don’t need a therapist for that! Learning from other people’s experiences and what has worked for them is a great way to add new tools to your own skill set. If I’m a new mum, why wouldn’t I want to learn tips and tricks from mothers who have raised 3 kids? If I’m a workaholic, why wouldn’t I want to hear the story of how a former workaholic managed to flip her life into something a lot more fulfilling and balanced? Sometimes all you want and all you need is a new perspective from someone who has walked a similar path before you. A bit of inspiration. What you do with that information is completely up to you. Some things may work, others may not. But without reading those stories, you may never have discovered those techniques or approaches. Who’s at a loss then?</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_66 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_109 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_71"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_110 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_104 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>You continue to grow and learn </strong><i>–</i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> One of Ali’s arguments is that self-help amounts to self-improvement. She argues that we should be seeking self-acceptance rather than self-improvement, and self-help books discourage this. I’m all for self-acceptance i.e. fully embracing who you are, without judgement or comparison to others. However, there is an innate </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">need</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> for humans to grow and develop. Take a look a </span><a href="https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-is-maslow-hierarchy-of-needs">Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs</a> <span style="font-weight: 400;">below:</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_72"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="768" height="500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/BB-Blog-images-Maslows-needs.png" alt="" title="Maslow's hierarchy of needs" class="wp-image-5610" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_105 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Once we have satisfied our lower-level needs of safety, security, love and belonging and we’ve reached a stage of healthy self-esteem, we still need purpose. Needs motivate us. Self-help isn’t about self-improvement (i.e. you are not good enough as you are). Self-help is about self-expansion (i.e. acquiring resources, gaining new perspectives, growing).</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_67"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_111 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_106 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Conclusion</b></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Whether you’re a cynic like Alicia, or believer like Frieda, one thing is for sure – there is a huge readership of self-help books. And there’s clearly reason for it.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As Frieda has highlighted, self-help books do serve a purpose in the therapy/coaching spectrum. They are affordable, accessible, relatable and serve to help individuals address their problems. However, in this “helping” context, we both agree, that they are no substitute for the help of a therapist/coach. If you feel that you really need help, we encourage you to seek the guidance and support of a mental health professional who can support, guide and help you achieve mental wellness. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">On the flip-side, it’s important to remember that self-help books are not all about fixing problems. They exist for self-expansion; to provide inspiration; to generate new ideas; to help you grow. You don’t need a therapist/coach for that. Self-help books – in Frieda’s opinion at least – serve a very valid purpose.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">One final point to make is this. Whatever your views about self-help books, please remember that self-help books are not gospel. They provide the author’s perspective and opinion on a topic which is based on how they see the world and/or how they have analysed data presented to them. It doesn’t mean it’s right. It merely provides a perspective. When reading a self-help book, you therefore have a responsibility to question what you’re reading. Does this apply to me? Do I agree with it? Are my own beliefs and experiences influencing the way I’m interpreting this book?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We hope this article has given you some food for thought.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">One thing we can both agree on though is this – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">happy reading (whatever genre of book you choose)!</span></i></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_68"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_112 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_5 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_69 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_113 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_73"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_114 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_107 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>About the Co-author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_70"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_115 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_74"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/work-with-me/individual-coaching/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Copy-of-linkedin-filler-pictures-7.jpg" alt="" title="Copy of linkedin filler pictures (7)" class="wp-image-5630" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-self-help-conundrum/">The Self-Help Conundrum</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-self-help-conundrum/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Your own worst enemy is YOU!</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/your-own-worst-enemy-is-you/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/your-own-worst-enemy-is-you/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Sat, 21 Jan 2023 18:31:14 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Lawyer Life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Lessons Learned]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Life after Law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Work life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[alice in wonderland]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[attorney]]></category> <category><![CDATA[believe in yourself]]></category> <category><![CDATA[business owner]]></category> <category><![CDATA[business woman]]></category> <category><![CDATA[determination]]></category> <category><![CDATA[direction]]></category> <category><![CDATA[dreams]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[jabberwocky]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal world]]></category> <category><![CDATA[live your life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[love your life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[overcoming anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-belief]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-esteem]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/the-festive-seasons-unexpected-delights-copy/</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Building self-belief: 5 Ways to quieten the negative thoughts that hold you back from living to your fullest potential.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/your-own-worst-enemy-is-you/">Your own worst enemy is YOU!</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_7 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_71"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_116 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_108 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist" style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></h5> <p>When I was a child, I was fearless.</p> <p>I believed I could do anything I set my mind to – and I had big dreams. Bless little me. I wanted to climb mountains, go to the Moon, swim with Mermaids, and fly a plane to Antarctica.</p> <p>I may have been influenced by my favourite novels of all time – Alice in Wonderland and Through the looking glass. I have read both dozens of times (probably more, but who’s counting)?</p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It was Alice’s line –</span><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <p><em>“Sometimes I believe in as many as </em><a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=six+impossible+things+before+breakfast+alice+in+wonderland&rlz=1C1AVFC_enZA990ZA990&biw=1536&bih=722&tbm=vid&sxsrf=AJOqlzUesyOonKcblO8Rn3OHgM9lP3jlXQ%3A1674216117463&ei=tYLKY43vG6CUhbIPuv2M0Ag&oq=6+impossible+things+before+breakfast&gs_lcp=Cg1nd3Mtd2l6LXZpZGVvEAEYATIGCAAQFhAeMgYIABAWEB4yBggAEBYQHjIGCAAQFhAeMgYIABAWEB4yBggAEBYQHjIGCAAQFhAeMgYIABAWEB4yBQgAEIYDMgUIABCGAzoFCAAQkQI6CAgAEIAEELEDOgUIABCABDoLCAAQgAQQsQMQgwE6BAgAEEM6BwgAELEDEEM6BwgAEIAEEAo6CAgAEBYQHhAPOggIABAWEB4QClAAWI8mYKw4aABwAHgCgAGYA4gB206SAQgyLTI4LjcuMZgBAKABAcABAQ&sclient=gws-wiz-video#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:d332b5a3,vid:81qfjNLAo5c"><em>six impossible things before breakfast</em></a><em>.”</em></p> <p>That had done me in.</p> <p><em>6 impossible things for breakfast she says? Why – I could gobble that all in one mouthful. I can do 10 impossible things before breakfast”</em>! Ha Alice. Take that!</p> <p>Little did I know how much that fearless attitude affected those around me. How could I know? A child can never truly see how amazing they are. They are too caught up in their own world and “becoming” that they cannot see who they are through other’s eyes.</p> <p>Some of us still can’t.</p> <p>But it was my life-long friend who, on my 21<sup>st</sup> Birthday got up and gave a speech. She said something to me that night that has stuck with me – through better or worse – ever since. She said <em>“Fishy*, you <u>will</u> rule the world one day. I believe in you”. </em></p> <p><em>*a caveat here – my nickname was Fishy because my maiden name was Fisher. Full disclosure. </em></p> <p>Since I had known this friend, let’s call her my “BFFE”, from the day I was fresh from the oven – I figured she had a pretty good insight into my potential. Someone who had known me since birth (still does) can probably see something I could not.</p> <p>And for a while, I believed her.</p> <p>I wasn’t afraid of anything – dance on a table? Sure. Jump out of a plane? Absolutely (who’s packing my parachute?). Swim in shark infested waters – yeah (ok, at the time I wasn’t really aware there were sharks around but nevertheless), let’s go!</p> <p>Fearless.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_75"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1920" height="1440" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/alice.jpg" alt="6 ways to create a harmonious work environment" title="alice in wonderland" class="wp-image-5149" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_109 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>And then suddenly one day, I grew up (unwillingly).</p> <p>That fearlessness and self-belief had dissipated. Like cotton candy in the wind. The moment I graduated with my second degree and my life loomed before me, I got an inkling of reality and responsibility and how hard it would truly be to take over the world. Lady Gaga had stolen my look and I didn’t even have one minion, let alone dozens.</p> <p>But I still read Alice on an annual basis and I still believed I could do 6 impossible things before breakfast. So on to legal articles I went. And then suddenly 6 individual impossible things turned into 1 enormous impossible thing. A feeling I am betting most article clerks/trainees will share.</p> <p>And that 1 enormous impossible thing grew. Like a little snowball that rolls down a hill and accumulates more and more snow so that by the time it lands at your feet it is a ginormous sphere almost ready to take on its own climate – the <a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=big+bang+theory+intro&rlz=1C1AVFC_enZA990ZA990&sxsrf=AJOqlzUTe4w-KtizOon-omKXI9zdAntkew:1674216115123&source=lnms&tbm=vid&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiYscaGjdb8AhWORsAKHfS4AkAQ_AUoAXoECAEQAw&biw=1536&bih=722&dpr=1.25#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:f089c26d,vid:6CawmYcysAQ">“big-bang theory”</a> almost starting again…. A hot dense state and everything.</p> <p>And like with most things in life, <strong><em>the more you tell yourself, you can’t, the less you actually can. </em></strong></p> <p>A once fearless girl who had believed she could take over the world, felt “less than”, unequal to the task and pretty scared. Of just about everything, but most significantly – failing. I started saying to myself – “Don’t do that, it wont work” and “You are such a failure” and “Why bother trying, you will only fail”.</p> <p>It was the last one that really got me into some pretty dark, dank places in my life.</p> <p>But almost like Samara from the movie <a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=the+ring+girl+out+of+well&rlz=1C1AVFC_enZA990ZA990&sxsrf=AJOqlzU3MXShn_UT_B6189vDqvRyRE4m7Q%3A1674216575518&ei=f4TKY6umH4q4gQbAiZqYAg&ved=0ahUKEwjr4Yrijtb8AhUKXMAKHcCEBiMQ4dUDCA8&uact=5&oq=the+ring+girl+out+of+well&gs_lcp=Cgxnd3Mtd2l6LXNlcnAQAzIGCAAQCBAeMgYIABAIEB4yBQgAEIYDMgUIABCGAzIFCAAQhgMyBQgAEIYDMgUIABCGAzoKCAAQRxDWBBCwA0oECEEYAEoECEYYAFDFA1iVE2DpGGgBcAF4AIABiAOIAYcVkgEFMi04LjKYAQCgAQHIAQjAAQE&sclient=gws-wiz-serp#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:f5538344,vid:IWj_Q-WinUc">The Ring, crawling out of the well</a>, I somehow managed to pull myself out of my darkest place.</p> <p>It wasn’t pretty, resembled a horror movie and I really needed to wash my hair!</p> <p>But I got out.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_76"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1920" height="1440" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/adult-anxiety.jpg" alt="6 ways to create a harmonious work environment" title="adult anxiety" class="wp-image-5150" /></span> </div><div id="flicks" class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_110 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>BUILDING YOUR OWN CASTLE</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_111 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>Whoever told you starting your own business – whatever you may be doing – was easy, had clearly not done it themselves.</p> <p>It takes guts, it takes self-belief and it takes someone who doesn’t mind listening to Billy Ocean on a daily basis – because <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1S89K49BeBU">“When the going gets tough. The tough get going”, </a></p> <p>The lyrics becoming almost like a daily mantra –</p> <p><span style="color: #c69229;"><em>“I got something to say</em></span></p> <p><span style="color: #c69229;"><em>I’m gonna put this dream in motion</em></span></p> <p><span style="color: #c69229;"><em>I Never let nothing stand in my way</em></span></p> <p><span style="color: #c69229;"><em>When the going gets tough</em></span></p> <p><span style="color: #c69229;"><em>The tough get going</em></span></p> <p><span style="color: #c69229;"><em>I’m gonna get myself ‘cross the river</em></span></p> <p><span style="color: #c69229;"><em>That’s the price I’m willing to pay</em></span></p> <p><span style="color: #c69229;"><em>I’m gonna make you stand and deliver….”</em></span></p> <p>And every day, especially when you are starting from scratch, takes having confidence in yourself and in what you can achieve. It takes getting up after being knocked down. It takes looking at situations with new eyes and a new perspective. And more than anything, it takes getting out of your own way.</p> <p>Because you have probably had more than one person say to you <span style="color: #c69229;">“</span><em><span style="color: #c69229;">you are your own worst enemy”</span>. </em>I know I have.</p> <p>And so my own version of Alicia in Wonderland continued.</p> <p>I began The Legal Belletrist at the start of 2020, possibly the worst time in my own personal timeline to start a new business. Or so the naysayers said. But I did. And here I find myself doing the very thing I love the most – talking about me. No that’s not right, I meant – writing. That’s it, writing. For a living!</p> <p>I never had this as part of my dreams as a child. I don’t even think I – with the biggest imagination and biggest dreams – could’ve foreseen this incredible turn of events.</p> <p>And yet, I’m doing it.</p> <p>Taking over the world, one article/blog/ (and one day) book at a time.</p> <p>Just like my BFFE said I would.</p> <p>But that doesn’t mean that on my first working day of 2023 I didn’t wake up in a cold sweat, freaked out and worried I wouldn’t be able to write anymore. That I wouldn’t be able to write anything coherent or meaningful. In fact, I am thinking that as I type.</p> <p>I was scared that I would disappoint a client or all my client’s. I was worried that the very thing I loved would disappear. That I would fail. That I would lose my business, my livelihood. Or that someone else would be able to do what I do, only better – Billy Eilish standing in the wings ready to take on <em>my</em> leading role. Someone else stealing my look. Yet again.</p> <p><em>Turns out that even in your own business doing your own thing, away from all the office politics and toxicity, you still have your own Jabberwocky to slay. </em></p> <p>And the most unexpected one are your own negative thoughts – they can be the hardest. The thing is, all this negative noise is good for is keeping you in your status quo, stuck in the mud and deep down your own dark well, like Samara (and no-one needs that bad-hair day). </p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_72"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_117 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_77"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1920" height="1440" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/change-your-mindset.jpg" alt="6 ways to create a harmonious work environment" title="change your mindset" class="wp-image-5151" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_73"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_118 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div id="lessons" class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_112 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>5 ways to slay your inner jabberwocky</strong></h2> <p>Now anyone that has read Lewis Carroll’s “Jabberwocky” knows that it is a playful, whimsical poem that makes little sense, but is at the same time, beautifully bewildering and fun.</p> <p>The same does not however go for the creature itself – which is a rather scary, horrific creature that is threatening to destroy Underland. And the Jabberwocky – which in your particular circumstance and the villain in <em>this</em> story – has got to go!</p> <p>So how do we go about slaying it?</p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_74 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_119 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_78"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_120 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_113 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong><em>Take a moment </em></strong>– when you hear yourself talking badly about YOU, stop for a minute and realise what is happening. Realise that this is just your anxiety or an anxious moment that is taking hold of you. The thoughts are irrational, nonsensical and can threaten your very success and affect self-esteem. Realise that you are in a type of fight or flight (or in my case freeze) scenario that does not serve you right now. And then take a deep breath. In and out. And repeat. Then – and this is important – stick up for yourself, as you would do for a good friend. Tell your inner voice – No. That’s not true. It’s irrational. Because you deserve protection from your inner Jabberwocky sometimes too. Remember that.</p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_75 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_121 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_79"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_122 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_114 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong><em>Identify exactly what you are feeling</em></strong> – it’s very easy to feel negative about something, to feel like a failure before you have even tried. But understanding what triggered that feeling in the first place is key to slaying your inner Jabberwocky. Why do you feel this way? What was the precursor, what was the trigger? Did you see someone post something on the socials about a moment of success and feel envious, pressure, or subconsciously wonder how they did it? It’s a healing process to genuinely think about how your thoughts can affect your emotions. An effective way to do this is to write it all down – what you were thinking and how it made you feel. That way you can start to unpack any underlying emotions that need to be addressed. Think of this as starting a journal to help YOU. Not only will this create self-awareness, but it will also help you truly identify your inner thoughts and feelings.</p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_76 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_123 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_80"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_124 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_115 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong><em style="font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">Replace negativity with positivity </em></strong><span style="font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">– sure, it’ easier said than done. It’s hard to be positive all the time. But it’s time to replace your negative thoughts with positive ones. It sounds so simplistic – like “sure why didn’t I think of that”? But the truth is, we often don’t. We don’t remember what we have already achieved or what we have already overcome. We forget our accomplishments so easily. I’m not even sure why this is the case. But it always seems like it’s easier to believe the negative over the positive. So, changing that is key. Every time you think to yourself “I will never succeed” or “I’m a failure”, remind yourself of everything you have already done, everything you have already achieved. And the more you think about those positive things the less you will focus on the negative Nancy in your own head. Your inner Jabberwocky is not who you should be listening to. It should be your inner Alice – remembering the 6 impossible things she did before breakfast!</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_77 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_125 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_81"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_126 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_116 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><em><strong>Take it easy on yourself</strong> – </em>living in such a fast-paced society, everything feels like it should have happened yesterday. You should already be listed on the stock exchange after just starting your start-up, right? You should already be listed on the Forbes Top 50 most successful people list, because you published one opinion article and have changed the world. At 40 you should already be a director of a global Law Firm, right? By 35 you should already have 2 kids – a perfect pigeon pair. How lovely. What nonsense! There is no time limit here. There is no age we should be doing anything by. It’s all according to our own timelines. So, take it easy on yourself. Instead, take a moment and celebrate what you have achieved and look forward to what comes next. Stop measuring yourself against everyone else. We are all on our own journeys.</p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_78 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_127 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_82"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_128 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_117 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><em><strong>Focus</strong> – </em>something everyone who has ever run their own department or own business will tell you is key. Having focus. It is all too easy to get bogged down by all the little “to-do’s”, the accumulating unread emails in your inbox, the constant sales pitches or touch bases. It is amazingly easy to get overwhelmed. It can feel like you haven’t done enough – there is still more you should be doing. Again, overwhelm. It happens. But this feeling of overwhelm can cause you to lose focus on what your end-goal is. What you want to achieve. And when this happens, it can feel like your dreams are falling by the wayside. So, don’t let that happen. Keep laser focused on what you want out of your work, your livelihood. What is important to you. If it helps, write down what you want to achieve and stick it on your wall – like a daily reminder of why you started whatever it is you started in the first place.<span style="color: #008000;"><b><i></i></b></span><span style="font-weight: 400;"> </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_79"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_129 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_83"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1920" height="1440" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/believe-in-yourself.jpg" alt="" title="believe in yourself" class="wp-image-5152" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_118 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>The take-away from this article simply is – everything is achievable if you look at the facts that support and drive your ambition and desires to work for and on yourself.</p> <p>Less listening to the inner Jabberwocky. More listening to your inner Alice! Instead of your own worst enemy, become your own best friend and most fervid supporter.</p> <p>Believing in YOU is the absolute best thing you can do for your self-esteem, confidence and self-belief.</p> <p><strong><em>It’s time to become fearless again. It’s time to tackle 6 impossible things before breakfast!</em></strong></p> <p>Because you can….</p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> </span></i></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_6 et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_80 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_130 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_84"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_131 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_119 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong></p> <p>Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism. </p> <p>Click here to visit<span> </span><a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>.</p> <p><strong>Email: legalwhizz@gmail.com </strong></p></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/your-own-worst-enemy-is-you/">Your own worst enemy is YOU!</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/your-own-worst-enemy-is-you/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Investing in You – The World of the Enneagram</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/investing-in-you-the-world-of-the-enneagram/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/investing-in-you-the-world-of-the-enneagram/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 28 Sep 2022 08:22:33 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Enneagram]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Leadership]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[behavior]]></category> <category><![CDATA[behaviour]]></category> <category><![CDATA[communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[de-stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[effective communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[enneagram]]></category> <category><![CDATA[enneagram coach]]></category> <category><![CDATA[invest in yourself]]></category> <category><![CDATA[leadership behaviour]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health matters]]></category> <category><![CDATA[motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[overwhelm]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personality]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personality type]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Selfcare]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[understanding you]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/7-ways-to-bounce-back-after-failure-copy/</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Have you ever wondered WHY you do what you do? Or WHY others behave in a certain way? Welcome to the world of the Enneagram!</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/investing-in-you-the-world-of-the-enneagram/">Investing in You – The World of the Enneagram</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_8 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_81"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_132 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_120 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></em></h5></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_82"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_133 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_121 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Sections include:</strong></p> <p> </p> <ol> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><a href="#intro">Introduction to the Enneagram</a></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><a href="#selfcare"><span style="font-weight: 400;">What does self-care look like?</span></a></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><a href="#whatis"><span style="font-weight: 400;">What is the Enneagram?</span></a></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><a href="#me"><span style="font-weight: 400;">What was the Enneagram like for me?</span></a></li> </ol></div> </div><div id="intro" class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_122 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Introduction</strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’m not sure what it is. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’m not sure what causes us to put our own personal needs at the bottom of the pile. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Perhaps it’s because many of us (often from a young age), are taught that looking after our own needs amounts to self-indulgence and selfishness, resulting in an air of (unwanted) self-importance. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">None of which – in my childhood home – were positive.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Helping others, donating time (or money) to those less fortunate was always seen as a good deed. My family fully supported </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">outward</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> care. Looking out for others and championing the underdog. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And those things can be good. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Can</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> being the operative word.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But what about the </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">inward</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> care? Well, those were not really on the list of my priorities growing up. Or as an adult for that matter. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It doesn’t help that I am prone to feelings of self-sacrifice wanting to do more for others than myself, often to my own detriment (although I would never admit it). </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s just that, sometimes, it all feels a little too much. You know what I mean? </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Constantly putting what you need at the bottom of your own to-do list. And this, in turn, can have a knock-on effect. A feeling of utter overwhelm. The feeling of not doing enough. The feeling of not being good enough. Suddenly imposter syndrome pops in for a visit and you find yourself rocking yourself back and forth in the corner of a dark room (you know, “self-soothing”?)</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The problem is, the longer we let them take up space in our heads (and hearts), these feelings manifest and grow into more troublesome bed fellows. This undoubtedly will cause further issues, whether it is at home or (more often than not), at work. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The result? Feeling outgunned and outmaneuvered. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">At least, that’s how </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I feel.</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And you know the truth of the matter? I’m often amazed by how some people seem (on the face of it) to have all their s&%t together. And yet, here I sit (despite my best efforts) seemingly struggling (on the face of it anyway). </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">These feelings of overwhelm tend to catch me by surprise and because I don’t see them coming, I panic.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The other day, whilst chatting to my friend </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/my-story/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Frieda Levycky of Braving Boundaries</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – an ICF-accredited coach specializing in Whole Person Coaching and Enneagram Coaching – about feeling overwhelmed and how I (on occasion) struggle, she suggested that we explore WHY this happens to me. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, we sought to address my nagging issues by exercising self-care. More specifically – looking at the Enneagram.</span><span style="font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;"> </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_85"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/Investing-in-You-–-The-World-of-the-Enneagram-selfcare.jpg" alt="" title="Investing in You – The World of the Enneagram - selfcare" /></span> </div><div id="selfcare" class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_123 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>What does self-care look like?</strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For some of us, practicing self-care comes down to regularly seeing a massage therapist to help get rid of the tight stress knots in our shoulders and neck. For others, it’s spending bucket loads of hard-earned cash on a fancy holiday for yourself and family.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Either way, you’ll (most likely), return home relaxed and rejuvenated. That is, until you get back into the swing of things. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The familiar and seemingly ever-present feelings of overwhelm, not being good enough, not being worthy, being an imposter in your own life, come flooding back in. Once again taking up residence in your life like an unwanted tenant. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Why? These expressions of “self-care” are transitory. They are not permanent and will not result in permanent positive change in your life. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Change they say, </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“is as good as a holiday”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. But in this case – the self-care case – change is what is needed. </span><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Lasting change</span></i></span><span style="font-weight: 400;">. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Change that comes with practical steps that can be implemented in your daily life to promote balance and wellness. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Step in – </span><b>The Enneagram. </b></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I must admit that I was skeptical at first (as I always am with personality type assessments) but with an invitation to </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“live life to the fullest”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> how could I possibly say no?</span></div> </div><div id="whatis" class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_124 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>What is the Enneagram?</strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">According to</span><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Braving Boundaries</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">, the Enneagram is –</span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“At its most basic, the Enneagram is a personality assessment that has nine personality types. Each type—for example, Type 7 (or the Enthusiastic Visionary), or Type 1 (the Strict Perfectionist) or Type 5 (the Quiet Specialist)—has its own unique strengths and challenges, and each person within that type has their own blend of these group characteristics.</span></i></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">We all have a dominant personality type and exhibit the traits of this type along a continuum, either showing the healthier side of our personality, or spiralling down into the more unhealthy and reactive patterns of our natures.”</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But the Enneagram is also far more than just a “personality assessment”. Sure, the Enneagram does identify an archetype (“</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">a very typical example of a certain person or thing”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">) that resonates with your core motivations – making up a part of what makes you, you. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And your core motivations will have an impact on your personality, how you think, how you feel and how you take action. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But the Enneagram can also be used as a valuable guide towards self-discovery, self-development, relationship building, how you can resolve conflict according to your own personality type and how you can improve team dynamics – or simply how you can work better in a team.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Enneagram doesn’t try to put you in a box. It’s not aimed at limiting you or treating you as a generic copy of someone else. It completely recognizes that each person is complex, unique, and distinct. It recognizes that you (inevitably) change over time. In Enneagram terminology, this means that while your Enneagram style remains constant throughout your life, </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">the characteristics </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">of your archetype style may either soften or become more pronounced as you grow and develop. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Think of the Enneagram as a map, providing context and insight into –</span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Why you do the things that you do.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">How you can improve on the things where you faulter. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">How you can embrace your most important (and valuable) qualities. </span></li> </ul></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_86"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/Investing-in-You-–-The-World-of-the-Enneagram-Map.jpg" alt="" title="Investing in You – The World of the Enneagram Map" /></span> </div><div id="whatis" class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_125 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">By using the Enneagram as a map to better understand yourself, you become a more liberated, actualized and fully expressed version of yourself. You gain insight into your overall purpose and get closer to achieving your full potential.</p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Importantly, the Enneagram helps you to recognize and accept your own strengths and weaknesses. Which can be hard for some of us to do. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As found on the Braving Boundaries </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/enneagram/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">website </span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">– </span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“The power of the Enneagram lies in its subtle complexity, in its flexibility, and in its open-endedness, allowing it to take into account the myriad characteristics of human personality, how these traits blend in each person, and how they change depending on circumstances.</span></i></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Enneagram is all about the WHY. It delves into our motivations and explains why we do the things we do. It offers profound insights into what makes us tick, such as the unconscious fears buried deep in our psyches that affect our everyday decisions.”</span></i></p></blockquote></div> </div><div id="me" class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_126 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>What was the Enneagram like for me? </strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Going into the Enneagram as a skeptic was probably my saving grace. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I know how odd that sounds, but I answered each question as openly and honestly (and as forthright) as I could, hoping I would catch the Enneagram out. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">To my utter astonishment, my report was extremely accurate. To the T in fact. Even when highlighting my weaknesses and the things that I can work on. The things that I knew deep down but found hard to admit. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">My faith was renewed!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Of course, not all assessments are created equal and there will be some that fall short of legitimacy. But the Integrative Enneagram Solutions Assessment isn’t one of them. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In fact, I’ve read over my report numerous times. Making notes, taking in the insights set out in the report and have tried to implement the recommended exercises into my daily life. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Of course, I don’t think I would’ve got to this place of absolute acceptance had I not had a feedback session with Frieda. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Frieda listened to what I thought of the report and how it made me feel. We spoke through some of the issues highlighted and discussed straightforward ways to implement change.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It was invaluable. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And let me tell you why….</span><i></i></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_83 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_134 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_87"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_135 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_127 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>You get to put the Enneagram Report into YOUR life context</strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Your report may contain some words which – traditionally – have a negative connotation. This will be the same for every archetype. There will just be some words that trigger you and in turn trigger your defence mechanisms. We all have a word that just rubs us up the wrong way e.g. impatient, manipulative, emotional, sensitive, self-absorbed, controlling, uncommitted, passive-aggressive. Words that we’ve been told are “negative” and certainly don’t like seeing in a report. And if you’re anything like me, I stressed about “my word”. I worried that I was that “word” in everything I did. It caused me immense anxiety. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Simply because I read it in isolation, with all my preconceived ideas attached to it (which is a recipe for disaster). </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The truth is every archetype will have a trigger word. After all, we are only human. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But the problem arises with </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">how</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> we interpret the words and the challenges those words highlight. </span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">How do we process them? </span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Instead of running away from these “negative words” or hiding under the covers for fear that you may actually </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">be</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> that word, or perhaps ignoring them entirely, pretending you never read the report in the first place (sort of like an ostrich sticking its head in the sand – not a great look by the way) – a feedback session with an accredited Enneagram coach, allows you to gently explore the report. In its entirety. And most importantly, in context (less the preconceived ideas). </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In doing so, you begin to understand what everything actually means. Helping you to come to terms (and fully understand) your weaknesses or blind spots and how you can embrace your strengths and positive qualities. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_84 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_136 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_88"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_137 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_128 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>The Enneagram Feedback Session helps you to hold yourself accountable</strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The other valuable point of the feedback session is accountability. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">How many times have we, as professionals, taken a report from an assessment we did (often because we had to), had a quick read through it and then done absolutely zilch with the information? Because there’s no one holding you accountable. It’s just another piece of paper with your name on it, categorizing you into a specific box. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Sure, you may laugh and agree that some of the points are “totally you”, but </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">how does that add real value to your life? </span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">With the Enneagram, the feedback session is where you gain a real understanding of your archetype style. It’s how you get better acquainted with yourself. It’s how you implement the change suggested in the report. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Truly investing in you</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Because once you understand your core motivations, you can – in fact – become a more “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">liberated, actualized and fully expressed version of yourself”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. You can gain insight into who you (really) are deep down, you can discover what your true purpose is and you can (as a result) reach your full potential. Naturally, leading to </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">living your life to the fullest. </span></i></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_85"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_138 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_129 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Following my feedback session with Frieda, I have gained a far better understanding of who I am, acknowledging my challenges and areas for growth and looking forward with hope (and excitement) because I have realized </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">how much I have to give.</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I simply cannot recommend the Enneagram Feedback Session enough. Self-care with long lasting results that you can take with you as you grow.</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> That’s what I’m talking about!</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">You owe it to yourself to gain a better understanding of who you are – deep down – and perhaps even a better understanding of the team you work with. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_89"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/enneagram/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1920" height="1440" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/BB-Blog-images-Investing-in-You.jpg" alt="" title="BB - Blog images - Investing in You" class="wp-image-4841" /></span></a> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_130 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As Frieda </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/enneagram/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">sets out</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – </span></p> <blockquote> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“You can’t change who you are, but there are several benefits to having a deeper understanding of yourself:</span></i></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">You can make the most of your strengths and become aware of the things that challenge you.</span></i></li> </ul> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">You can face the hidden motivations and fears that rule your life and are holding you back in both your personal and professional life.</span></i></li> </ul> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">You can work more effectively in a team.</span></i></li> </ul> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">You can see what lies behind the decisions you make, why you see the world the way you do, where your blind spots and defence mechanisms are, what’s behind your anxieties, and what’s likely to trigger you.</span></i></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">You can live up to your true potential and identify where you can grow and develop.”</span></i></li> </ul> </blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">To find out more about the Enneagram Feedback Session, take a look at the </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/work-with-me/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Braving Boundaries website </span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">and </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">get in touch</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> with Frieda Levycky today. There are programmes for both individuals and teams.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">This is valuable self-care. At its finest. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">All that there’s left to do is to</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> truly</span></i> <i><span style="font-weight: 400;">invest in </span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">you.</span></i></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_90"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/enneagram-inquiry/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image.jpg" alt="" title="End of blog post CTA image" class="wp-image-4842" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_86"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_139 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_7 et_pb_divider_position_center et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_87 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_140 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_91"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_141 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_131 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the writer, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong></p> <p>Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/">The Legal Belletrist website</a>.</p> <p><strong>Email: <a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/investing-in-you-the-world-of-the-enneagram/">Investing in You – The World of the Enneagram</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/investing-in-you-the-world-of-the-enneagram/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>7 ways to bounce back after failure</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/7-ways-to-bounce-back-after-failure/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/7-ways-to-bounce-back-after-failure/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 24 Aug 2022 14:07:58 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Lessons Learned]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Working environment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[airbnb]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[bounce back]]></category> <category><![CDATA[career anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[career progression]]></category> <category><![CDATA[coaching]]></category> <category><![CDATA[confidence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[failing]]></category> <category><![CDATA[failure]]></category> <category><![CDATA[failure before success]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of failure]]></category> <category><![CDATA[feeling down]]></category> <category><![CDATA[feeling like a failure]]></category> <category><![CDATA[harry potter]]></category> <category><![CDATA[overcome disappointment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-esteem]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-worth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[success]]></category> <category><![CDATA[successful]]></category> <category><![CDATA[worry]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=4534</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>There is nothing worse than feeling like a failure. But, there is no success without failure. Here are 7 ways to bounce back after failure.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/7-ways-to-bounce-back-after-failure/">7 ways to bounce back after failure</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_9 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_88"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_142 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_132 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF<span> </span><a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></em></h5></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_89"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_143 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_133 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">What a word.</p> <p><strong><em>Failure. </em></strong></p> <p>All by its “itty-bitty” self, it conjures up feelings of inadequacy, inferiority, and embarrassment. All in one go.</p> <p>As if the word itself holds the power of a hundred men and women pointing and laughing because you <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RMDgmHB4znc" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">tripped on a banana peel and landed flat on your backside</a>. Yes, a completely ridiculous scenario out of scenes of a slapstick comedy.</p> <p>But it does make you think – <em>why does the word hold so much power over us?</em></p> <p>Perhaps it’s because failures seem to make news headlines quicker than success stories do. Let’s be honest.</p> <p>It’s like we all thrive knowing that someone else has failed. It makes us feel good somehow. Like we are not alone in the world of mishap.</p> <p>The truth is, when I asked my husband (again – he suddenly seems to be filled with sage advice) what failure means to him, he couldn’t quite put it into words. Thinking quite hard, he described losing a job, losing a home, having no food to eat, no friends, no family. He basically described the story of Oliver Twist – <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7tOkpntQtBM" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><em>“Please Sir, I want some more”</em></a>.</p> <p>Sad to be sure. But rather generic. And devoid of what failure <em>could</em> actually mean. With all due respect to my husband.</p> <p>Why do I say this?</p> <p>Because <strong>every single person who has done anything with their lives has failed. </strong>At least twice. Sometimes more.</p> <p>Don’t believe me?</div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_92"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="900" height="708" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/image1.png" alt="" title="image1" class="wp-image-4535" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_134 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p style="text-align: center;"><em><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Infographic by </span><a href="https://blog.adioma.com/how-many-times-should-you-try/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Adioma</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">)</span></em></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_135 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong>Everyone has failed.</strong></h5> <p>The sheer number of quotes about failure proves this statement:</p> <ul> <li><em><strong>“Success is most often achieved by those who don’t know that failure is inevitable.”</strong> – </em>Coco Chanel</li> <li><em><strong>“Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.”</strong> – </em>Robert F. Kennedy</li> <li><em><strong>“The phoenix must burn to emerge.”</strong> – </em>Janet Fitch</li> <li><em><strong>“If you don’t try at anything, you can’t fail… it takes back bone to lead the life you want”</strong> – </em>Richard Yates</li> <li><em><strong>“Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.”</strong> – </em>Denis Waitley</li> <li><em><strong>“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”</strong> – </em>Winston Churchill</li> </ul> <p>And all of them – essentially – say the same thing.</p> <p>The biggest lesson we can learn is changing how we see “failure”.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_136 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>The biggest success stories start off as “failures”</strong></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_90 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_144 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_93"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_145 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_137 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Heard of Airbnb?</strong><br /> As of August 2022, Airbnb is <a href="https://ipropertymanagement.com/research/airbnb-statistics#:~:text=%20Airbnb%20Statistics%20%201%20Corporate%20revenue%20for,have%206%20million%20listings%20on%20Airbnb.%20More%20" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">valued at</a> over US$70 billion. But it wasn’t a success story overnight. It took years for this “success story” to become a reality.</p> <p>According to <a href="https://failurebeforesuccess.com/airbnb/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Failure before Success</a> and <a href="https://inc42.com/resources/airbnbs-journey-failing-startup-25-bn-company/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Inc42 </a>, it all started in 2007 when Joe Gebbia and Brian Chesky met in Rhode School of Design and rented an apartment together. Due to the high rent, the roommates tried to find some means to pay for it. After a little bit of brainstorming, they came up with an idea.</p> <p>They started with a very pedestrian website (airbedandbreakfast.com), bought three air mattresses and gave their apartment up for rent. Their first clients were two men and a woman, each paying out US$80 rent. With US$240 in hand on their very first day, Gebbia and Chesky both realized that there was something big about their idea.</p> <p>And it was about this time that they approached their former roommate Nathan Blecharczyk to develop a more professional website for their budding enterprise (Blecharczyk eventually became the third co-founder of Airbnb).</p> <p>But they hadn’t found success yet.</p> <p>With their new, “more professional” website launched in 2008, they expected big things to start happening. But no one noticed, no one blinked an eye. So, instead of admitting defeat, they decided to launch it again at the annual event of SxSW.</p> <p>Alas, the 5-day festival ended up with only two customers #epicfail (right?).</p> <p>In fact, in 2008, more than 15 investors rejected them outright. There was no growth, no revenue, no visibility, the trio’s cash was running low and things seemed hopeless. Even their close friends advised them to look for other options. The trio spent the first three months of 2009 at the <a href="https://www.startupschool.org/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Y Combinator Startup School</a>, but they failed to convince investors about the possibility of turning their marvelous idea into – what they believed – would be a profitable business. It was an extremely difficult time for the company.</p> <p style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/how-airbnb-started-infographic.png"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="aligncenter wp-image-4539 size-full" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/how-airbnb-started-infographic.png" alt="" width="1024" height="798" /></a>(Infograph sourced from <a href="https://blog.adioma.com/how-airbnb-started-infographic/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Adioma</a>)</p> <p>But while brainstorming one day, they suddenly had a light bulb moment – it was the photos on the portal that really sucked. So, they rented a camera and went door-to-door in NYC, building connections with the hosts and shooting quality photos of all the leased premises. As soon as they replaced the amateur photography with high resolution photos, the revenues doubled to US$400 per week.</p> <p>In addition, in March of 2009, they decided to ditch their not-so-catchy name – “Air Bed and Breakfast “– and changed it to Airbnb – flashy, new, and so easy to say!</p> <p>Their efforts finally had paid off.</p> <p>Within a month, they got a seed investment of US$600,000 from Sequoia Capital (April 2009). Following that, they grew exponentially – the US$7.2 million Series A investment in 2010 and the next round of US$112 million investment from Andreessen Horowitz made Airbnb a Silicon Valley unicorn.</p> <p>And this was from a company who struggled to raise US$150,000 in 2008.</p> <p>Airbnb was a massive hit.</p> <p>So much so, that as of 2022, Airbnb broke its own booking record in the <a href="https://ipropertymanagement.com/research/airbnb-statistics#:~:text=%20Airbnb%20Statistics%20%201%20Corporate%20revenue%20for,have%206%20million%20listings%20on%20Airbnb.%20More%20" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">second quarter of 2022</a> when guests collectively booked 103.7 million stays (including Experiences). The gross booking value for 2022 Q2 was US$17.0 billion. There are over 150 million worldwide users who have collectively booked over 1 billion stays. Airbnb includes listings from over 100,000 cities worldwide. And those are staggering numbers from a company that struggled and struggled when they first started.</div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_91 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_146 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_94"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_147 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_138 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Heard of Harry Potter?</strong></p> <p><span style="font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">Harry Potter and indeed the writer of the Wizarding World – J.K Rowling – are household names.</span></p> <p><span style="font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">But Joanne Rowland (her actual name) was not an overnight success.</span></p> <p>According to <a href="https://www.biography.com/news/jk-rowling-harry-potter-author-rags-to-riches-billionaire" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Biography</a> – <em>“Poor and almost homeless, the ‘Harry Potter’ creator eventually became the world’s first billionaire author”</em>.</p> <p>From a failed, abusive marriage, Rowland found herself alone, in an apartment which she secured after begrudgingly accepting a loan from a friend, with her infant daughter, Jessica. She found herself <em>“as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless,” </em>she became increasingly hopeless, angry about her so-called failures and immense guilt about her inability to provide for her daughter. It was at her lowest point that she contemplated suicide. She was in a bad way.</p> <p>After realizing that she had to take care of her child, she pulled herself together and tried to get her head right. For the sake of her daughter. She underwent therapy, which helped, and decided to focus on a “boy wizard who flitted through her imagination” (since 1990).</p> <p><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/harry-potter.jpg"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="aligncenter wp-image-4552 size-full" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/harry-potter.jpg" alt="" width="1920" height="1440" /></a></p> <p>She completed her first Harry Potter manuscript in 1995 and thereafter submitted a three-chapter sample of Harry Potter to an agent Christopher Little in London. But Harry Potter was rejected over a dozen times by publishing houses. <em>Harry Potter rejected? It’s hard to believe</em>. Little <em>finally </em>found a taker in a London publishing house Bloomsbury, which offered a £1,500 advance to Rowland. She also snagged a £8,000 grant from the Scottish Arts Council, enabling her to finish the next Harry Potter book on a brand-new typewriter.</p> <p>On June 26, 1997, Rowland saw her determination and typing night-after-night come to fruition with the publication of Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone in the U.K. But she was now known as “J.K. Rowling,” due to concerns about how boys would respond to a female writer.</p> <p>Within days of the release of the first Harry Potter, children’s publishing powerhouse Scholastic had bid more than US$100,000 for the American publishing rights (They renamed the book Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone). The highly successful sequel, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets followed a year later, and by the fall of 1998, Warner Bros. was on board with a feature-film deal.</p> <p><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/harry-potter-2.jpg"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="aligncenter wp-image-4562 size-full" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/harry-potter-2.jpg" alt="harry potter" width="1920" height="1440" /></a></p> <p>A true “rags to riches” story – Rowland became a billionaire by 2004 when Hollywood was still only halfway through eight Harry Potter films and well before the launch of another cash-cow franchise, Fantastic Beasts.</p> <p><em><strong>From almost homeless to being a billionaire. From epic failure to epic success.</strong></em></p> <p>But it is Rowland’s commencing address to Harvard where she talks about the <a href="https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2008/06/text-of-j-k-rowling-speech/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">‘The Fringe Benefits of Failure, and the Importance of Imagination’</a> that really speaks to what we said earlier – <strong><em>rethinking how we see failure:</em></strong></p> <p><em>“Ultimately, we all have to decide for ourselves what constitutes failure, but the world is quite eager to give you a set of criteria if you let it. So, I think it fair to say that by any conventional measure, a mere seven years after my graduation day, I had failed on an epic scale. An exceptionally short-lived marriage had imploded, and I was jobless, a lone parent, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless. The fears that my parents had had for me, and that I had had for myself, had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew.</em></p> <p><em>Now, I am not going to stand here and tell you that failure is fun. That period of my life was a dark one, and I had no idea that there was going to be what the press has since represented as a kind of fairy tale resolution. I had no idea then how far the tunnel extended, and for a long time, any light at the end of it was a hope rather than a reality.</em></p> <p><em>So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realized, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.</em></p> <p><em>You might never fail on the scale I did, but some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.</em></p> <p><em>Failure gave me an inner security that I had never attained by passing examinations. Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way. I discovered that I had a strong will, and more discipline than I had suspected; I also found out that I had friends whose value was truly above the price of rubies.</em></p> <p><em>The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift, for all that it is painfully won, and it has been worth more than any qualification I ever earned.”</em></p> <p>And I think that J.K Rowling sets out how to relook at failure far better than I ever could.</p> <p><em>(For more stories on people who have failed – epically – and then succeeded, read </em><a href="https://www.lifehack.org/articles/productivity/15-highly-successful-people-who-failed-their-way-success.html" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><em>this</em></a><em>).</em></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_92"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_148 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_139 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>After failure – How do you pick yourself up again?</strong></h2> <p>Ok. So maybe you have failed. Maybe everything you have done and worked for thus far has not turned out the way you had planned it.</p> <p>Life is like that sometimes.</p> <p><strong><em>So, what do you do if you fail? How do you pick yourself up again?</em></strong></p> <p>As inspired by the article’s <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/guides/working-womans-handbook/how-to-overcome-failure" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Everyone Fails. Here’s How to Pick Yourself Back Up</a> and <a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbesbusinesscouncil/2020/10/20/seven-outstanding-ways-to-overcome-failure-and-succeed/?sh=2a6d38194200" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Seven Outstanding Ways To Overcome Failure And Succeed</a>, I have set out some pointers that can help you get back on track:</p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_93 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_149 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_95"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_150 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_140 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong style="font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">You are more than your mistake</strong><span style="font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;"> – it’s easy to focus on your mistake. It’s easy to reprimand yourself – </span><em style="font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">“you could have done this better”</em><span style="font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">. It’s easy to dwell. But that would be the wrong approach. Instead, remind yourself of all the things that you have done right. No matter how small they are. Remind yourself that before this failure, you had other successes. Think about what those are so that you can try soothing the burn of a setback. The point here is not to diminish the mistake or glance over it but rather to remind yourself that this is a minor setback. You are worth more than this!</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_94 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_151 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_96"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_152 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_141 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong style="font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">Take a break but don’t give up</strong><span style="font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;"> – when facing failure, it’s important to take time out to look inward. Identify what the possible disconnect was. Identify the root of your mistake. Look at ways that you can do it differently next time. Draw up an action plan if you need to. Because it’s only after you have addressed the mistake that you can move forward. It’s only then that you have a chance to succeed. Don’t give up.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_95 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_153 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_97"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_154 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_142 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Try again</strong> – some say that success comes from living outside of your comfort zone. In order to do that, you need your drive to succeed to outweigh your fear of failure. So, do just that – dream big and let those dreams carry you as you move towards your goals.</p> <p><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" class="aligncenter wp-image-4555 size-full" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/dream-big.jpg" alt="dream big" width="1920" height="1440" /></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_96 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_155 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_98"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_156 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_143 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong style="font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">Own your mistakes</strong><span style="font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;"> – it’s all too easy to point the finger of blame elsewhere. </span><em style="font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">“I didn’t succeed because x happened”</em><span style="font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">. But if you do that, how do you learn? And by blaming something or someone else, you may even end up repeating the same mistake in the future. And who wants that? Instead, own up to your mistake and your part in it. Take the lesson gained from that admission and apply it to your life so that the past is not repeated.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_97 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_157 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_99"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_158 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_144 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Practice self-compassion</strong> – I know when I fail or make a mistake, I’m extremely hard on myself. I’m my worst critic. I’m sure that a lot of you reading this are the same way. But what if it was your friend that was going through this? What would you tell them? I’m sure you would be kind, supportive and compassionate. After all, it’s one set back. Not the end of the world. So, practice the same compassion towards yourself. Being hard on yourself can cause immense stress and anxiety (I’m speaking from experience here). So, instead of being harsh and critical, be kind. Be gentle. And treat yourself how you would treat others – compassionately. Dealing with a setback is hard enough without the self-criticism!</div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_98 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_159 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_100"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/6.jpg" alt="" title="6" class="wp-image-1491" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_160 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_145 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p style="text-align: left;"><strong>Practice risk taking</strong> – Eleanor Roosevelt once said:<em> “Do something that scares you every day.” </em>And that’s all well and good. But perhaps a little “higher grade” for those of us who haven’t quite yet mastered the “art of failing”. So, instead of doing something that completely freaks you out, why not start small? Here are a few suggestions on less adrenalin inducing activities, which will still help you as you learn that failing is not the end of the world:</p> <ul> <li style="text-align: left;"><strong>Practice being alone – </strong>enjoy a meal for one at a new restaurant. Better still, be brave and order a glass of wine whilst you do!</li> </ul> <p><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/1202841364506607.Bx4LqNVPXopUQQbyvUew_height640.jpg"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="360" height="480" class="wp-image-4543 aligncenter" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/1202841364506607.Bx4LqNVPXopUQQbyvUew_height640.jpg" alt="" /></a></p> <p><em>Dinner for One: Green Lip Mussels and a glass of Chardonnay at the <a href="https://peppertreerestaurant.co.nz/">Pepper Tree Restaurant & Bar</a>, Coromandel, New Zealand</em></p> <p> </p> <ul> <li style="text-align: left;"><strong>Try a new activity</strong> – like ice-skating or horse riding. Something a little out of your comfort zone. But still fun. Please be sure to do any new activity with a professional – we wouldn’t want you to cause physical injury to yourself just to experience a new activity!</li> <li style="text-align: left;"><strong>Be bold</strong> – when booking your next trip ask for an upgrade in accommodation. Give it a whirl and see what your negotiation skills are like.</li> <li style="text-align: left;"><strong>Gain a new skill</strong> – have you changed a tyre by yourself? Do you know how to crochet? Or perhaps, pottery is on the cards for you. Pick one and give it a shot. You have nothing to lose.</li> <li style="text-align: left;"><strong>Seek like-minded people</strong><em> – </em>failure, especially when you are hard on yourself, can be hard to deal with on your own. Instead of bearing down and ‘going at it alone”, seek out people that are like-minded, that can rally around you. Seek support from others who may have been in your shoes or are currently going through all the feels too. Having a support system is key.</li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_99 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_161 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_101"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/7.png" alt="" title="7" class="wp-image-1882" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_162 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_146 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Seek outside help</strong><em> – </em>sometimes it’s extremely hard to see through all the fog, to see the forest for the trees. Sometimes you need some outside, unbiased perspective to help you get through the muddy water. Contact <strong><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/">Braving Boundaries</a></strong> and set up a call with Frieda Levycky who can take you through some practical and actionable steps to get you out of your failure rut and ultimately on the road where you can achieve success.</p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_100"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_163 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_147 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>Whilst doing any of the activities suggested above, please remember that lasting change doesn’t come easily. It takes work. It takes practice. Sometimes change is a result of the small things that you have done along the way. Don’t beat yourself up. Try a few new things, try taking small risks and see where that gets you. After all, you often need to master the basics before you can move on to the next round. Think of these suggestions as the basics. As baby steps. And go from there…</p> <p> </p> <h2><strong>Final thoughts on failure</strong></h2> <p>As Paulo Coelho said –</p> <p><strong><em>“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.” </em></strong></p> <p>Don’t give up on your dreams because of mistake, a failure, a setback – whatever you want to call it. Get back on that horse and try and try again!</p> <p>Every single person fails at some point in their life. The supporting evidence is overwhelming.</p> <p>Failure is just an “itty-bitty” little word. <em>It does not define you! </em>And what’s more – it is inevitable.</p> <p>Remember what J.K Rowling said –</p> <p><strong><em>“It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.”</em></strong></p> <p>So, then, by all means – fail.</p> <p>Because at least it means you will be living. But remember to dust yourself off and get back up again.</p> <p>Because giving up is not an option!</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_8 et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_148 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3>FURTHER READING</h3> <p>If you enjoyed this article, take a read of the previous article: “<a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/what-is-success/">What is Success?</a>“</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_9 et_pb_divider_position_center et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_101 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_164 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_102"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_165 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_149 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>About the writer, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong></p> <p>Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism. </p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/">The Legal Belletrist website</a>.</p> <p><strong>Email:<span> </span><a href="mailto:alicia@thebelletrist.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alicia@thebelletrist.com</a> </strong></p></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/7-ways-to-bounce-back-after-failure/">7 ways to bounce back after failure</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/7-ways-to-bounce-back-after-failure/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> </channel> </rss>