<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><rss version="2.0" xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/" xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/" xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" xmlns:sy="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/syndication/" xmlns:slash="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/slash/" > <channel> <title>Self-awareness Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <atom:link href="https://bravingboundaries.com/category/self-awareness/feed/" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" /> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/category/self-awareness/</link> <description>PROFESSIONAL LIFE COACHING & TRAINING</description> <lastBuildDate>Thu, 30 Oct 2025 11:24:54 +0000</lastBuildDate> <language>en-ZA</language> <sy:updatePeriod> hourly </sy:updatePeriod> <sy:updateFrequency> 1 </sy:updateFrequency> <image> <url>https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Asset-1.svg</url> <title>Self-awareness Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/category/self-awareness/</link> <width>32</width> <height>32</height> </image> <item> <title>The End-of-Year Crunch is Always Nuts! Part I – Especially for Individuals</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-end-of-year-crunch-is-always-nuts-part-i-especially-for-individuals/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-end-of-year-crunch-is-always-nuts-part-i-especially-for-individuals/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 30 Oct 2025 11:10:58 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[braving boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Christmas pressure]]></category> <category><![CDATA[end-of-year tips]]></category> <category><![CDATA[holiday burnout]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Personal development]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress management]]></category> <category><![CDATA[wellbeing]]></category> <category><![CDATA[year-end stress]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=235409</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-end-of-year-crunch-is-always-nuts-part-i-especially-for-individuals/">The End-of-Year Crunch is Always Nuts! Part I – Especially for Individuals</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_0 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_0"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_0 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_0 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p> </p> <p class="p1"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-end-of-year-crunch-is-always-nuts-part-ii-especially-for-teams">Click here for Part II: The End-of-Year Crunch is Always Nuts – Especially for teams …</a></span></p> <p> </p> <p class="p1">It can’t be that time of the year already, can it?</p> <p class="p1">Wow, this year has flown by. It literally felt like Januuuuaaaaarrryyyyyyyy, Febrrrrrrruuuuuuuaaaaaaaarrrryyyyyyy and Maaaaaaaaarch took up most of the year, then AprMayJuneJulyAugustSept and October were sort of compacted into a few short weeks. Or so it seemed. And now we are left with the last two months of the year.</p> <p class="p1">I’m not sure about you, but usually when the end of year starts approaching, I become a real Grinch. Not because I dislike Christmas. Actually, I LOVE this time of the year. The lights, the Christmas décor, the mulled wine and hot cocoa. The joy that’s in the air. No matter your age, the end of the year brings with it a kind of magic. However, when you’re the one responsible for closing up shop, purchasing gifts, cooking, visiting family and friends and generally all of the organising, it can feel a little unnerving and suddenly two months doesn’t feel like enough time.</p> <p class="p1">It’s like we become burdened with endless responsibilities with trying to fit everything in. With trying to make sure everyone is happy and everything is done “just right.” The problem with that is that it often comes at the cost of our own enjoyment and happiness. You end up turning into the Grinch on a mission to “tick all the boxes.”</p> <p class="p1">And, frankly, who does that serve? Not a single soul.</p> <p class="p1">We get so caught up in the madness of the end of the year and before we know it, we are stressed to the max, overwhelmed and feeling frustrated at just how little time we have left to get everything done. Most importantly we can completely lose the joy, fun and excitement of this time of the year. And that just doesn’t feel right.</p> <p class="p1">There has got to be a different way?!</p> <p class="p1">A way that means that you can enjoy this time, while still getting all the important things done. A way that doesn’t put your mental and emotional wellbeing at stake because the point here is to thrive through the end of year craziness! Not suffer through it.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_1 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Preparing for year-end pressures</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_0"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/10/Sprinter-Getting-Ready-to-Start-by-Dean-Drobot.jpg" alt="Sprinter Getting Ready to Start by Dean Drobot" title="Sprinter Getting Ready to Start by Dean Drobot" class="wp-image-235443" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_2 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1"><strong>How individuals can prepare for the end of year silliness</strong></p> <p class="p1">I was reading <a href="https://amazingbusiness.com/6-ways-to-thrive-through-the-end-of-year-craziness/#:~:text=It%2520is%2520that%2520time%2520of,I%2520could%2520enjoy%2520this%2520time." target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1">an article</span></a> by Kim Baird regarding her prep for the end of the year and really liked her 6 guidelines. They set out as follows –</p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_1 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_1 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_1"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_2 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_3 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Get clear on your priorities</strong> – with more than enough to do at this time of the year, it’s important that you know what is most important to you, so that you can focus on those things and not allow them to slip through the cracks. Take some time, sit down and write down the most important things at this time of the year. You can do this by asking yourself some pertinent questions like: <i>What is most important for you to get done before the end of the year? What goals do you want to achieve? </i>(remember to be realistic here and not overburden yourself) and <i>how do you want to feel come the end of the year?</i> Once you have answered these questions, it’s time to set up a schedule so that you can fit these priorities into your life. That includes family time … because otherwise we find that there’s no time left for the things that are most important to us.</div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_2 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_3 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_2"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_4 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_4 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Get good at saying “No” </strong><b>– </b>if you are a “yes man” this is your time to change your ways. You don’t need to be superhuman. No one has time for that. Instead learn to embrace the “no.” You cannot do everything and cannot be everywhere. It is perfectly acceptable to say “no thank you” as well. Because you are worth it. Your goals, your business and your wellbeing are worth it. They don’t need to always be getting pushed to the bottom of the priorities list! That’s why getting clear on your priorities is so important. Once you know what those are, saying no to everything else becomes a lot easier.</div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_3 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_5 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_3"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_6 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_5 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Schedule in downtime for self-care</strong><b> – </b>being busy is good, getting things done is even better, but having a schedule that leaves little room for you and your own wellbeing practices will not help you thrive as you get through the silly season. You are as important as year end and planning for the New Year. If you are only getting caught up in the busyness of the season you risk burnout or getting sick because you are not taking care of yourself. Make yourself a priority. Schedule in your own downtime and self-care.</div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_4"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_7 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_4"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/10/Top-view-of-a-lightbox-with-motivational-words-for-self-care-mental-health-emotional-well-being-by-Wirestock-from-Getty-Images.jpg" alt="Top view of a lightbox with motivational words for self-care, mental health, emotional well-being by Wirestock from Getty Images" title="Top view of a lightbox with motivational words for self-care, mental health, emotional well-being by Wirestock from Getty Images" class="wp-image-235446" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_5 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_8 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_5"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_9 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_6 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Delete the unnecessary</strong> – striving for excellence and reaching epic goals is impressive but, at this time of the year, it isn’t necessary. Not really. Being ambitious is one thing. Being realistic is far better. Especially now. Deleting the unnecessary is in line with saying no, it’s just going a little deeper. Delete things from your list that are just not that important and don’t weigh yourself down with massive responsibility to get everything done. Recognise what is truly important to you and what really needs to be done and delete the rest of your list.</div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_6 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_10 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_6"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_11 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_7 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Delegate what you can</strong> – you aren’t an island and there’s no “I” in team. Get the picture? You don’t need to do everything yourself and you don’t need to control everything. You are still worthy, deserving and valuable even when you get other people to help with the things that need to be done. It’s ok to ask for help and it’s ok to delegate tasks to others. It may even be beneficial in the long run. So, ask for help if you need it.</div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_7 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_12 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_7"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/6.jpg" alt="" title="6" class="wp-image-1491" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_13 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_8 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><i></i><strong>Take focused action</strong> – sitting at your computer or laptop trying to work and taking focused action are two vastly different things. Make sure that when you’re working, you remove all the distractions around you that will take your focus away and truly focus on the matter at hand. It’s also a good idea to plan ahead for your day (the day before). Understand that you have 3 or so important tasks that need to get done the next day and plan how you’re going to go about doing them. When you are taking focused action, you are more productive, and you can get huge amounts done in a small amount of time. And this frees up more time and space for downtime, fun and looking after you. Ultimately helping you to thrive through the end of year craziness!</div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_8"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_14 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_9 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p class="p1">It’s clear from the above that closing off the end of the year and planning for the New Year while also shopping for Christmas presents and everything else the end of year brings can be done in a way that makes you thrive! In a way that helps you enjoy this time of year. In a way that allows you to feel less guilty and less crazy with all the end of the year holds. It just takes some planning, some prioritising and it definitely takes some saying no.</p> <p class="p1">And lastly if you need support as you go through the end of year craziness, get in touch with Frieda Levycky at <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/"><span class="s1">Braving Boundaries</span></a>. Don’t waste a moment more! Again, asking for help is not only brave but the best thing you can do for you. No matter what time of the year you do it in.</p> <p class="p2"><i>(Sources used and to whom we owe thanks – </i><a href="https://www.gouldtraining.co.uk/topics/assertiveness/setting-boundaries/boundaries-at-work" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>Gould Training</i></span></a><i>; LinkedIn </i><a href="https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/navigating-year-end-pressures-finding-balance-amid-di-dia-pcc-szzce/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>here</i></span></a><i> and </i><a href="https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/manage-year-end-stress-go-q1-strong-approach-miller-caton-jr-mrmhf/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>here</i></span></a><i> and </i><a href="https://amazingbusiness.com/6-ways-to-thrive-through-the-end-of-year-craziness/#:~:text=It%2520is%2520that%2520time%2520of,I%2520could%2520enjoy%2520this%2520time." target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span class="s1"><i>Amazing Business</i></span></a><i>).<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></i></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_8"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/10/Revised-Corporate-Services-Brochure-2025.pdf" target="_blank"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/10/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image.jpg" alt="End of blog post CTA image (5)" title="End of blog post CTA image" class="wp-image-235400" /></span></a> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_0 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_9 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_15 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_9"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_16 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_10 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">[email protected]</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-end-of-year-crunch-is-always-nuts-part-i-especially-for-individuals/">The End-of-Year Crunch is Always Nuts! Part I – Especially for Individuals</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-end-of-year-crunch-is-always-nuts-part-i-especially-for-individuals/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Mirror, Mirror: Reflections on ageing (and laughing anyway)</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/mirror-mirror-reflections-on-ageing/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/mirror-mirror-reflections-on-ageing/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 07 Oct 2025 07:03:51 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Procrastination]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[ageing]]></category> <category><![CDATA[body confidence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[confidence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Embracing Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[friendship]]></category> <category><![CDATA[invisibility]]></category> <category><![CDATA[middle age]]></category> <category><![CDATA[midlife]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mindset]]></category> <category><![CDATA[navigating midlife]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal empowerment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[perspective]]></category> <category><![CDATA[redefining limit]]></category> <category><![CDATA[resilience]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-Acceptance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-talk]]></category> <category><![CDATA[women and ageing]]></category> <category><![CDATA[yoga]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=235362</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/mirror-mirror-reflections-on-ageing/">Mirror, Mirror: Reflections on ageing (and laughing anyway)</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_1 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_10"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_17 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_11 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY FRIEDA LEVYCKY, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/" style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;">BRAVING BOUNDARIES</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em></em></span></strong></p> <p><span>“<em>So, I’m old and weak?</em>” Fabulous! Well, that’s a good start to a Monday!</span></p> <p><span>My friends and I burst out laughing at girls’ night last week as I relayed the story of my yoga instructor helping me stretch further into a pigeon pose than I’d ever managed before. Post class, he gave me some feedback: “<em>Older women …</em>” he started, then quickly corrected himself: “<em>I mean, women who are more mature … need additional weight to progress into positions, as flexibility is just not enough as we get older. Your hips and shoulders are flexible, but weak</em>”. To be fair, his feedback was probably meant to be encouraging. I mean, I am (a bit) older now and I do have weak spots in my body, but all I heard was: <em>old and weak</em>.</span></p> <p><span>So, of course, I went home and did what any reasonable, totally well-balanced woman would do. I studied myself for a good ten minutes in front of the mirror. First my face then, for good measure, the rest of me too. Am I old? Is that how the world sees me now? Inside, I still feel like that flirty little nymph; the young lawyer who tottered around the office in very high heels and a dress. I’m the runner, the traveller, the yoga pretzel, the one who’s never been fussed about make-up. Ever since I was at school, I was always the youngest of the group (an August birthday has its perks). That’s still how I see myself, but is that really how the rest of the world sees me? Or have I quietly, without meaning to, stepped into this “<em>tannie</em>” role (as they say in South Africa)? Not properly old, not exactly young either, but that strange middle space of invisibility.</span></p> <p><span></span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_10"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/10/2.jpg" alt="ageing" title="who is that in the mirror?" class="wp-image-235368" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_12 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong><span>The Invisibility Cloak of Middle Age</span></strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_13 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p style="text-align: left;"><span>A friend of mine told me she knew she’d officially crossed the line when, at 50, the teenage checkout assistant asked if she’d like to use her pensioner discount. “<em>For f**k’s sake!</em>” she laughed, describing how she marched home, dumped the shopping and demanded of her husband and friend: “<em>Do I look like a pensioner?</em>”. There really was only one correct answer to that question and, fortunately, both men were wise enough to choose it.</span></p> <p>Another friend recalled standing in a wine bar bathroom next to a gaggle of 20-somethings on a hen party and catching her reflection beside theirs. The contrast was sobering. Others have shared those silly, but defining, moments when you realise you’ve officially lost track of what “<em>Whip/Nae Nae</em>” is (yes, I did need to look up the spelling for that as I did originally write “<em>Nay Nay</em>”), let alone how to dance to it.</p> <p>To be fair, I can still give them a run for their money if Whigfield or Steps comes on the radio. I’ve always nailed “<em>Saturday Night</em>” and “<em>Tragedy</em>.”<span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_14 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong><span>The Double-Edged Sword of Invisibility</span></strong></h2> <h2></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_15 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">There’s a strange freedom in becoming invisible though. Fewer eyes watching, fewer judgements, fewer comparisons. However, it can also be lonely. You start to notice the subtle ways the world stops looking your way: the compliments fade, the flirtatious glances vanish and shop assistants suddenly call you “<em>Ma’am</em>”.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_11"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_18 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_11"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/10/3.jpg" alt="Becoming invisible" title="Becoming invisible" class="wp-image-235369" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_12"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_19 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_16 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span>I used to be judgmental about women who turned to Botox or surgery. I’d make sweeping statements about “<em>ageing gracefully</em>” and “<em>accepting yourself</em>”, but as I inch closer to that stage, I can feel myself softening. I understand now that it’s not always about vanity. Sometimes it’s about visibility. About wanting to feel seen again in a world that treats women’s ageing as something to hide.</span></p> <p>There’s something to be said for doing what makes you feel good in your own skin. Whether that’s fillers or face yoga, Spanx or squats. Seriously, who am I to judge? If it lifts your spirits, then that’s what matters.</p> <p>Clearly, I’ve been talking about ageing a lot because Instagram’s now decided that I’m obsessed. My feed has been flooded with clips from <a href="https://www.instagram.com/reel/DPWk_OAETkK/">Paris Fashion Week</a>: a stunning parade of ageless icons like Helen Mirren, Heidi Klum, Jane Fonda, Gillian Anderson, Iris Berben, Andie MacDowell and Philippine Leroy-Beaulieu drifting effortlessly down the runway, and snippets of Patricia Routledge’s <a href="https://selfdiscoverywisdom.com/2025/08/08/a-poem-by-patricia-routledge/">Letter to Life</a> which she wrote for her 95th birthday. Alongside them, the quote that keeps popping up: “<em>Too young, too old, too bold. Whatever you do, someone will always judge your choices</em>”. How accurate that statement is.</p> <p>It’s almost as if the universe (or the algorithm) is forcing me to re-check my thinking. Some of those women have chosen the surgical route; others have aged naturally and all of them looked magnificent. There really isn’t a single right way to do this ageing thing.</p> <p> </p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_17 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong><span>Old Bird, Strong Body</span></strong></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_13"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_20 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_18 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span>This past week, after all the “old and weak” jokes, I went back to yoga and did a Bikram class. I’ve trained on and off in Bikram for 15 years (I even took my teaching qualifications back in 2017), but this was my first class in months. For anyone who’s ever sweated through those 26 poses in 40 degrees, you’ll know: no class is ever the same. Yet, that class was one of the magical ones; one where everything clicks. My bow-pulling pose was strong, my balance steady and I felt incredible.</p> <p>At the end, a gorgeous, blonde twenty-something bounced over to me and said: “<em>Wow! How long have you been practising? I hope one day I can be just like you</em>”. Now, if that doesn’t make an “old bird” smile, I don’t know what will.</span></p> <p><span></span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_12"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/10/4.jpg" alt="yoga" title="yoga" class="wp-image-235370" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_14"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_21 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_19 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong><span>Rewriting the Narrative</span></strong></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_15"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_22 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_20 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>The reality is that I’m new to this ageing thing. I don’t have all the answers and I know damn well that the only way to get them is to walk through this period of my life. What I have started to realise though is that I’ve been joking a lot about ageing lately. I’ve been laughing it off, making quips about “<em>feeling</em> <em>ancient</em>”, but … I’ve also started to notice it (that feeling of being old) and, if I’m not careful, I’ll end up believing my own words too. Negative self-talk rewires the brain and I’m not ready to programme mine to think I’m old and weak.</p> <p>So, I’m changing the script. I’ve set myself a new mantra to stop the negative seeping in:</p> <p><em>“I’m healthy, happy and still a little bit fabulous. This body has seen things, done things, climbed mountains, danced in heels and still gets me through yoga. She’s not old or weak. She’s strong and full of life.”</em></p> <p><em></em></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_13"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/10/5.jpg" alt="my new ageing mantra" title="my new ageing mantra" class="wp-image-235371" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_16"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_23 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_21 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>Ageing is a privilege, one that’s easily forgotten until you realise that not everyone is given that gift.</p> <p>So, here’s to all the “<em>old birds</em>” out there, laughing our way through yoga classes, mirror reflections and checkout discounts. May we never forget: <strong><em>we are anything but invisible</em></strong>.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_14"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image.jpg.webp" alt="" title="" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/mirror-mirror-reflections-on-ageing/">Mirror, Mirror: Reflections on ageing (and laughing anyway)</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/mirror-mirror-reflections-on-ageing/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>What’s Holding You Back? Overcoming Imposter Syndrome and Fear of Failure</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/whats-holding-you-back-overcoming-imposter-syndrome-and-fear-of-failure/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/whats-holding-you-back-overcoming-imposter-syndrome-and-fear-of-failure/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 28 Aug 2025 14:13:28 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Personal Growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[The Fears series]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Barriers to Success]]></category> <category><![CDATA[braving boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Coaching for Confidence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of failure]]></category> <category><![CDATA[How to Build Confidence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Mindset Shifts]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Navigating Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Overcoming Anxiety at Work]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Overcoming Imposter Syndrome]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Psychology of Success]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-Doubt and Confidence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-Sabotage]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=235323</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/whats-holding-you-back-overcoming-imposter-syndrome-and-fear-of-failure/">What’s Holding You Back? Overcoming Imposter Syndrome and Fear of Failure</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_2 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_17"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_24 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_22 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em></em></span></strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s a funny thing.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When we think about all the things we have accomplished in our lives – and some of the things that we haven’t accomplished (yet) – each thing has been because we either made up our minds that we were going to give it our all, or we decided that “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">the juice just wasn’t worth the squeeze</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” (a saying I have used since I was a teenager). </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But the common denominator here is that it’s always been up to us. Sure, we may get help every now and again, but whether we succeed or fail has always been up to us. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, the thing that I am pondering is this: </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">What holds us back on the times when we don’t succeed?</span></i> <i><span style="font-weight: 400;">What is the thing that keeps us from even trying?</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And it’s that “thing” that invisible barrier that we put in front of ourselves to stop ourselves that has me interested. It’s the why that has me intrigued. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I have some theories and, for some or other reason, I have the </span><a href="https://mrmen.fandom.com/wiki/Little_Miss_characters"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Little Miss characters</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> in mind – as if by imagining these barriers as little characters, they are easier to boot. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Shall we dive in?</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_23 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Common Barriers to Achieving our Goals (Imposter Syndrome and Fear of Failure)</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_24 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It stands to reason that there will be the usual suspects when it comes to the barriers to pursuing our dreams and our goals. You know, the common miscreants that turn our confidence into gloop and our self-esteem into putty. Perhaps you have heard of them?</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_18 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_25 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_15"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_26 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_25 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Little Miss Imposter Syndrome</strong><b> – </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">This little number knows how to play us for fools. You know the saying “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">fake it ‘til you make it?</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”, well Little Miss Imposter Syndrome not only has her admirers singing that like their favourite tune, but believing it wholeheartedly as well. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">They believe they are frauds that they will be “found out” any day now. That they are not good enough. That one day someone will find out that they were faking “it” the whole time. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Despite being excellent at their job. Despite being more than qualified. Despite being trained and proficient in their role. Despite all the evidence to the contrary, they believe they are failures. All rubbish. And yet, Little Miss Imposter Syndrome has them eating out of her outstretched hand. According to </span><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/imposter-syndrome-and-social-anxiety-disorder-4156469"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Verywellmind</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">:</span></p> <blockquote> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Imposter syndrome is not a </span></i><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/definition-of-mental-illness-4587855" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">diagnosable mental illness</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Instead, the term is usually narrowly applied to intelligence and achievement, although it also has links to perfectionism and the social context. It can show up in the context of work, relationships, friendships, or just overall, that holds us back from the self-confidence we’ve earned and deserve to feel. Psychologists Suzanna Imes and Pauline Rose Clance first used this term in the 1970s”. </span></i></p> </blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The sweet irony here is that people that suffer from Little Miss Imposter Syndrome’s attentions are often highly accomplished, super impressive people. There is no apparent reason for them to feel like an imposter, and yet they do. This is what makes it such a challenging psychological phenomenon that needs to be unpacked.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_19"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_27 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_16"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/concept-word-imposter-on-cubes-on-a-blue-background-by-Eugene-Zvonkov-from-Getty-Images.jpg" alt="concept word imposter on cubes on a blue background by Eugene Zvonkov from Getty Images" title="concept word imposter on cubes on a blue background by Eugene Zvonkov from Getty Images" class="wp-image-235350" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_20 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_28 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_17"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_29 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_26 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Little Miss Fear of Failure</strong><b> – </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">This Little Miss is a funny one. Because she’s slightly deceiving. You don’t realllly notice her right away because, let’s be honest, a lot of us are kind of scared of the big F. And we mean failing. Not the other F. None of us like it. Who likes failing? Sure, we may be scared to fail, and it may give us pause before we start something new, but do we have an actual fear of it? You see that’s why we say Little Miss Fear of Failure can be a tough one to crack. Little Miss Fear of Failure </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">is</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> a type of anxiety disorder that can manifest through thought patterns and subconscious behaviours, such as self-sabotage or procrastination. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Clinically Little Miss Fear of Failure has a “stage name.” She is known as atychiphobia. Not very showtuney we admit. But it does mean that there is an irrational and persistent fear of failing. This fear can stem from a number of sources. Sometimes it might emerge in response to a specific situation. In other cases, it might be related to another mental health condition such as anxiety or depression. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Little Miss Fear of Failure can produce emotional and behavioural symptoms – she’s fun like that. Some of her common entourage include – anxiety, avoidance (they’re cousins), feeling a loss of control as well as helplessness and powerlessness (they’re twins). In addition to emotional and behavioural symptoms, people who hang out with Little Miss Fear of Failure may also experience physical symptoms including rapid heart rate, chest tightness, trembling, dizziness, light-headedness, sweating, and digestive problems. It’s an absolute hoot! </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_21"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_30 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_27 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>How do you know if you and Little Miss Imposter Syndrome have met? </strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_28 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Well, the funny thing is, Little Miss Imposter Syndrome used to only target high-achieving women. But now, with Little Miss Imposter Syndrome becoming more well known, or rather a more widely experienced phenomenon, she has no preference. Little Miss Imposter Syndrome targets anyone, no matter their social status, work background, skill level, or degree of expertise. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_18"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/Exhausted-millennial-african-woman-suffering-from-dry-eyes-syndrome.-by-fizkes-from-Getty-Images.jpg" alt="Exhausted millennial african woman suffering from dry eyes syndrome. by fizkes from Getty Images" title="Exhausted millennial african woman suffering from dry eyes syndrome. by fizkes from Getty Images" class="wp-image-235351" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_29 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you wonder whether you and Little Miss Imposter Syndrome have become well acquainted of late, ask yourself the following questions:</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Do you agonize over even the smallest mistakes or flaws in your work?</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Do you attribute your success to luck or outside factors?</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Are you sensitive to even constructive criticism?</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Do you feel like you will inevitably be found out as a phony?</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Do you downplay your own expertise, even in areas where you are genuinely more skilled than others?</span></li> </ul></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_30 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>How do you know if you and Little Miss Fear of Failure have met? </strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_19"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/Failure-concept-View-more-by-alexskopje-from-Getty-Images-Pro.jpg" alt="" title="Failure concept View more by alexskopje from Getty Images Pro" class="wp-image-235352" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_31 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Little Miss Fear of Failure is intense. You’ll know if you have met her because you will feel that a toll has been taken on your beliefs in your abilities and your motivation to pursue your goals, accompanied by:</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Low self-esteem</strong><b> –</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> people who fear failure may also engage in negative self-talk or have low self-confidence that makes it difficult to pursue goals. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Poor motivation</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – if someone actually fears failure, they may also experience a lack of motivation that makes it difficult to get started on projects and work toward goals. When something seems too challenging or involves learning new skills, people may simply give up or refuse to get involved before they have even begun.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Self-sabotage</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – it’s not unusual to be loved by anyone…. nor is it uncommon for people who fear failure to engage in acts of self-handicapping that undermine their own chances of success. Why even try when you can sabotage instead – it’s not your fault if it’s someone else’s, right? </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Shame</strong><span> – Little Miss Fear of Failure is well acquainted with the fear of experiencing shame or embarrassment. Failing can trigger feelings worthlessness, so avoiding trying in the first place can sometimes serve as a way to protect the self from disappointment, regret, and sadness. A weird way to protect yourself from worse.</span></li> </ul></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_32 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>How do you end your relationship with Little Miss Imposter Syndrome?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_20"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/Friends-talking-to-each-other-View-more-by-simonkr-from-Getty-Images-Signature.jpg" alt="Friends talking to each other View more by simonkr from Getty Images Signature" title="Friends talking to each other View more by simonkr from Getty Images Signature" class="wp-image-235354" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_33 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The problem with Little Miss Impostor Syndrome is that the experience of doing well at something does nothing to change your beliefs. The thought still nags in your head: “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">What gives me the right to be here?</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“. The more you accomplish, the more you feel like a fraud. It’s as though you can’t </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">internalise</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> your experiences of success.</span> <span style="font-weight: 400;">And b</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">ecause imposter syndrome eats at you from the inside out, often with no outward signs of struggle, it makes it all the more important to recognise and take steps to address your ill-founded feelings. Otherwise, your feeling of false incompetence will prevent you from pursuing a professional goal that might actually be right for you. And that will only lead to more regret, more negative self-talk, more self-loathing, anxiety and eventually depression. So how do we nip this in the bud so to speak? Name and shame! Name her, call her out and let her know she is no longer welcome here! To do this, or to get to this point, you can do the following – </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Share your feelings </strong><b>– </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">talk it out. Tell someone how you feel. Whether it’s a friend, family member or professional. Tell them how you feel. Irrational beliefs tend to fester when they are hidden and not talked about.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Focus on someone else</strong><b> – </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">while this might feel counterintuitive, try to help others in the same situation as you. If you see someone who seems awkward or alone, ask them a question to bring them into the group. As you practice your skills, you will build confidence in your own abilities.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Assess your abilities</strong><b> –</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> if you have long-held beliefs about your incompetence in social and performance situations, make a realistic assessment of your abilities. Get unbiased help. Write down your accomplishments and what you are good at, then compare these with your self-assessment. Seek the counsel of someone outside of your immediate support circle, who will be able to guide you unbiasedly, like Frieda Levycky of </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Braving Boundaries</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Question your own thoughts</strong><b> – </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">as you start to assess your abilities, start to question whether your thoughts are rational. Does it make rational sense to believe that you are a fraud given everything that you know? Does 1 + 1 = 2?</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong>Most importantly – Stop comparing! </strong><b>– </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">every time you compare yourself to others, in whichever capacity that is, you are going to find something wrong with yourself. It’s only natural. And that will only serve to fuel the feeling of not being good enough or not belonging. Instead, focus on listening to what the other person is saying. Be genuinely interested in learning more. Open yourself up to new experiences and new people. We are all different and we can all learn from one another. </span></li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_22"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_31 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_34 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>How do you end your relationship with Little Miss Fear of Failure? </strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_21"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/Success-and-Failure-Concept-View-more-by-pixelshot.jpg" alt="Success and Failure Concept View more by pixelshot" title="Success and Failure Concept View more by pixelshot" class="wp-image-235356" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_35 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The key to breaking tup with Little Miss Fear of Failure is recognising your behaviours. For some, the anxiety created by a fear of failure becomes so familiar that maintaining it feels safer than working through the underlying cause. It’s safer, it’s easier. Just maintain the status quo. It might take some time to recognise that she is bad for you, and it may take some time to recognise the signs of fearing failure in yourself. So, don’t be too hard on yourself. The symptoms can be interwoven with shame, depression, anxiety, or low self-esteem, which makes identifying a fear of failure as the root cause so hard to spot. Self-awareness and patience are crucial, but it’s also critical to be compassionate with yourself. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As with learning any new skill, it takes time. However, when you learn how to work with a fear of failure, you open the door to greater life and career satisfaction. You’ll feel more confident and better equipped to work toward achieving life goals, and you’ll ultimately experience greater life fulfilment. After you have identified the need to break up with Little Miss Fear of Failure, the next step is to work through your feelings. And you can do this by:</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_23 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_32 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_22"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_33 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_36 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Accepting that failure is normal</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – even the most successful people experience failure. The ability to overcome obstacles and accept mistakes is a key part of achieving success. By learning from your mistakes, you’re a step closer to reaching your goals. If you fail, remind yourself that it’s normal. It’s life.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_24 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_34 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_23"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_35 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_37 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Talk to someone you trust</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – if you’re feeling stuck, overthinking and overwhelm can kick in. Talking to someone you trust, such as a friend, mentor, family member, or therapist, can help shed new light on your situation. Tell them about your fears and listen to their feedback. An outsider’s perspective on your challenges can change how you see things.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_25 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_36 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_24"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_37 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_38 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Remember the cost of not trying</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – making decisions based on a fear of failure can come at a cost. You could miss out on some of life’s great opportunities if you never try anything unfamiliar. Remember that trying and failing is often better than not trying at all. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_26"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_38 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_25"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/Go-with-the-Flow-written-in-sand-View-more-by-JodiJacobson-from-Getty-Images-Signature.jpg" alt="Go with the Flow written in sand View more by JodiJacobson from Getty Images Signature" title="Go with the Flow written in sand View more by JodiJacobson from Getty Images Signature" class="wp-image-235355" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_27 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_39 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_26"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_40 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_39 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Maintain a flexible mindset</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – be easy breezy lemon squeezy. Go with the flow. Approach every situation with the mindset that you can learn and grow from the experience. Be flexible enough to move with each situation. Don’t pre-judge the situation and think you’ll fail before you even start. As long as you’re willing to adapt, you’re never truly stuck in a decision.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_28 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_41 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_27"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_42 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_40 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Be afraid but do it anyway</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – be brave and the mighty forces will come to your aid. Or something along those lines. Sometimes you just have to put the “big person pants” on and go for it. Be brave and you’ll be surprised at what you can accomplish. Don’t let the fear stop you from the really cool things that life has to offer. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_29 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_43 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_28"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/6.jpg" alt="" title="6" class="wp-image-1491" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_44 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_41 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Work on taking risks</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – a fear of failure can make you risk averse. But taking small, healthy risks is a little less scary. More manageable. So perhaps you can take a larger risk, and break it down into smaller more manageable risks, Tackle it one small bite at a time. With practice, you’ll grow more comfortable taking a reasonable risk. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_30"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_45 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_29"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/Concept-of-a-Businesswoman-Taking-a-Risk-View-more-by-Creativa-Images.jpg" alt="" title="Concept of a Businesswoman Taking a Risk View more by Creativa Images" class="wp-image-235349" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_31 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_46 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_30"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/7.png" alt="" title="7" class="wp-image-1882" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_47 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_42 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Get comfortable with rejection</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – every time you put yourself out there, you risk rejection. And that is normal. For us all. But if you approach it as a learning curve, every rejection becomes an opportunity to gain experience and to grow. And when has that ever been a bad thing?</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_32 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_48 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_31"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/8.jpg" alt="" title="8" class="wp-image-1883" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_49 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_43 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Try new things</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – doing the same old thing is like wearing the same old trusted jersey. It fits, it’s comfy, it’s dependable and there’s no fuss. But there’s also no excitement. Get uncomfortable for a change. Try on a new “outfit” (tip – we are not talking about clothes here) and get out of your comfort zone. if you attempt new things or visit new places, you can grow more comfortable with being uncomfortable. You’ll learn something new and gain practice. While discomfort is uncomfortable, it’s also a sign that you’re expanding your horizons. And that’s a good thing!</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_33"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_50 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_44 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">With Little Miss Imposter Syndrome and Little Miss Fear of Failure given their marching orders, following your dreams may be a tad easier to achieve and success may be just around the corner. Who knows? Maybe Little Miss Sunshine, Little Miss Splendid and Little Miss Magic will keep you company instead. They seem like far healthier bedfellows from where we’re sitting. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But understand this – giving Little Miss Imposter Syndrome and Little Miss Fear of Failure the boot is only the first step. Working through your feelings and working on yourself, on an ongoing basis, is key. If you feel you need assistance with identifying and working through your feelings, </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">get in touch</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> with Frieda Levycky of Braving Boundaries who is perfectly poised to support you as you learn to manage your relationship with these toxic Little Misses. </span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Sources used and to whom we owe thanks – verywellmind </span></i><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-the-fear-of-failure-5176202" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">here</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span></i><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/imposter-syndrome-and-social-anxiety-disorder-4156469" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">here</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span></i><a href="https://www.betterup.com/blog/how-to-overcome-fear-of-failure" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">BetterUp</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">).</span></i></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_32"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image-5.jpg" alt="End of blog post CTA image (5)" title="End of blog post CTA image (5)" class="wp-image-235348" /></span></a> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_1 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_45 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>Related Articles</strong></h3></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_46 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><ul> <li><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/living-with-the-fear-of-rejection/"><b>Living with the Fear of Rejection</b></a></li> <li><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/facing-the-fear-of-rejection/"><b>Facing the Fear of Rejection</b></a></li> <li><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/7-ways-to-bounce-back-after-failure/"><b>7 Ways to Bounce Back after Failure</b></a></li> <li><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/imposter-syndrome-fighting-the-feelings-of-being-a-fraud/"><b>Imposter Syndrome: Fighting the Feelings on being a Fraud</b></a></li> </ul></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_2 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_34 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_51 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_33"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_52 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_47 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">[email protected]</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/whats-holding-you-back-overcoming-imposter-syndrome-and-fear-of-failure/">What’s Holding You Back? Overcoming Imposter Syndrome and Fear of Failure</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/whats-holding-you-back-overcoming-imposter-syndrome-and-fear-of-failure/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>How to Beat Procrastination (Part 2): Practical Strategies That Work</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/how-to-beat-procrastination-part-2/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/how-to-beat-procrastination-part-2/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 16 Jul 2025 15:32:49 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Procrastination]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[beating procrastination]]></category> <category><![CDATA[braving boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[how to stop procrastinating]]></category> <category><![CDATA[implementation intentions]]></category> <category><![CDATA[overcoming procrastination]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Pomodoro technique]]></category> <category><![CDATA[procrastination]]></category> <category><![CDATA[procrastination emotional root]]></category> <category><![CDATA[productivity for professionals]]></category> <category><![CDATA[science-backed productivity tools]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-compassion]]></category> <category><![CDATA[time management]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=235304</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/how-to-beat-procrastination-part-2/">How to Beat Procrastination (Part 2): Practical Strategies That Work</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_3 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_35"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_53 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_48 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY FRIEDA LEVYCKY, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/" style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;">BRAVING BOUNDARIES</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em></em></span></strong></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Yes, finally.)</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So here we are. Part 2 of the procrastination series. Only three years in the making. I mean, if that’s not living the work, I don’t know what is.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For those of you who’ve been waiting patiently since </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/beating-procrastination-part-1/"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Part 1</span></i></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (published in June 2022 – sorry about that), thank you. You’ll be pleased to know that the delay wasn’t due to a lack of inspiration. Quite the opposite. I’ve had plenty of real-life examples of procrastination play out in all their glory; some impressively creative, others frustratingly familiar.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">There was the weekend I’d set aside to write this article in July <strong><em>2022</em> </strong>… which coincided, very inconveniently, with a sudden and unrelenting need to sort out our table plan for our wedding in April 2023. Then came the flurry of pub quiz planning, a strong case made (by me) for why walking the dogs was far more urgent than finishing this article and even a couple of bouts of spring cleaning (if you know me, you’ll know procrastination is definitely in full swing when that happens). There may even have been a holiday spreadsheet involved at one point too! No one </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">needs </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">a spreadsheet, but there you go!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Classic procrastination.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Still, I always knew it needed to be finished. The first article unpacked the </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">why</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> behind procrastination: the roots, the reasoning and a fair bit of personal reflection, particularly on the emotional side of things. That was the easy part to write. Well, easier. This one asks:</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> What do we actually do about it?</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> A far trickier question for a procrastinator.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, before we get into the how, here’s a quick reminder of where we left off.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_49 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>What causes procrastination? A quick recap of Part 1</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_34"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/PROCRASTINATION-3-1024x768.jpg.webp" alt="" title="" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_50 et_pb_text_align_center et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span>Burka & Yuen (2008): </span><strong><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702" target="_blank" rel="noopener">“<em>Procrastination: Why you do it. What to do about it NOW.</em>”</a></strong></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_51 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you haven’t read it (or can’t remember it – I had to go back and read it myself), </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/beating-procrastination-part-1/"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Part 1</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> was all about understanding what procrastination is and where it comes from</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Drawing on the brilliant work of Burka & Yuen in </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Procrastination: Why You Do It, What To Do About It Now</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">, I explored the four key roots of procrastination:</span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>The Time Root</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – that slightly warped relationship with time, where we convince ourselves something will only take 15 minutes … right up until it doesn’t.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>The Interpersonal Root</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – the influence of our upbringing, our environment and those oh-so-familiar family patterns.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>The Biological Root</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – where our limbic system (the emotional, reactive part of the brain) often hijacks our best-laid plans and our prefrontal cortex just sighs in the background.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>The Emotional Root</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – the most uncomfortable of the lot and the one that hit me the hardest. This is where fear creeps in. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of being judged, exposed, relied on, left behind, pushed forward … the full emotional buffet.</span></li> </ul> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, with the </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">why</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> in mind, let’s take a look at the </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">how</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_52 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>How to start moving through procrastination</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_53 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’d love to say there’s a one-size-fits-all answer. That there’s a magical method I discovered whilst on a trail run that cured my procrastination overnight and I’ve never looked back. I haven’t though. I do procrastinate and I probably always will.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The reality is, procrastination isn’t something we fix. It’s something we learn to understand. Something we work with rather than battle against. I’ve spent the last few years trying different things, some helpful, some completely ineffective and some just another form of productive avoidance (organising a to-do list using different coloured pens, for example, is </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">not</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> the win it feels like).</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Still, there are a few strategies that do seem to work. They don’t work every time, but they are enough to gently interrupt the cycle and help move things forward when the familiar urge to delay starts creeping in.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you struggle with procrastination, why don’t you give these a go?</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_36 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_54 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_35"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_55 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_54 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>Break big tasks into smaller steps</strong></h3> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When something feels big, it usually means I’ll avoid it. My brain throws it straight into the “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">too hard</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” basket, where it sits until the pressure becomes unbearable and I do it in a mad panic while simultaneously resenting everyone and everything around me.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The trick (and this is one of the very few that works reliably) is to shrink it. Make the first step so small that it’s almost laughable.</span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Write one sentence.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Open the document.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Put your leggings on. You don’t even have to work out, just put them on.</span></li> </ul> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">This is loosely based on the </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">two-minute rule</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> in behavioural psychology. If something takes less than two minutes, do it. If it’s more complex, start it for just two minutes. The point is not to finish the task. It’s to override the part of your brain that’s convinced it’s impossible.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Once you’re in, you usually keep going. Not always, but more often than not, something shifts.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_37 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_56 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_36"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_57 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_55 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>Use the Pomodoro Technique or timed sprints</strong></h3> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’m not naturally a timer person. I rebel against rigid structure (that’ll be my <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/enneagram/">Enneagram 7</a>). However, I’ve learned that giving myself a set amount of time (e.g. 25 minutes) and then a break, feels manageable. That’s the basis of the Pomodoro Technique and it’s surprisingly effective. It has certainly helped me with assessment writing.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It turns the looming mountain of: </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">write a research paper on Mental Toughness</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (something I am currently working on) into </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">just work on it for 25 minutes</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. I don’t have to finish it. I don’t have to get it perfect. I just have to stay with it for that short period (then I can make a cuppa and complain about it to someone). </span><span style="font-weight: 400;"><img src="https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/15.0.3/72x72/1f60a.png" alt="😊" class="wp-smiley" style="height: 1em; max-height: 1em;" /></span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The psychology behind it is simple: we focus better in short bursts and we’re more likely to start something if the commitment feels light.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_38"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_58 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_37"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/07/Closeup-shot-of-a-Pomodoro-technique-by-Wirestock-from-Getty-Images.jpg" alt="Closeup shot of a Pomodoro technique by Wirestock from Getty Images" title="Closeup shot of a Pomodoro technique by Wirestock from Getty Images" class="wp-image-235316" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_39 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_59 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_38"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_60 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_56 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>Try if-then planning (implementation intentions)</strong></h3> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I realise that sounds like something from a productivity podcast, but bear with me. There’s a theory called </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">implementation intentions</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> which basically means creating a clear plan in advance in the following format: “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">If X happens, then I’ll do Y</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For example:</span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">If it’s 8am, I’ll go for a 20-minute walk.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">If I finish lunch, I’ll spend 10 minutes replying to emails.</span></li> </ul> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It seems obvious, but there’s good evidence that this kind of planning increases the likelihood of follow-through, especially when willpower is low. The clearer the cue and the simpler the task, the less room there is for the usual mental negotiation to creep in.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_40 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_61 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_39"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_62 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_57 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>Create accountability without pressure</strong></h3> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Now I know a lot of people are not a fan of the public declaration approach. “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Tell everyone you’re running a marathon so you have to do it!</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” can sound more like a threat than a strategy.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">That said, sharing something with a trusted friend – someone who knows you well, who won’t guilt-trip you and who will check in with curiosity rather than judgement – can be really helpful. It creates a gentle nudge and a little momentum.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Back in June, when I came back from the Coaching Advocates roadshow, I messaged my yoga instructor and said: </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“I turn 44 years old on 12 August 2025. There are 50 days left before that. My goal is to complete 44 exercise sessions before then. Please can you support me on this bout of madness?!”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. She gladly agreed. It was less about being held accountable in a disciplinary way (though she is good at that too </span><span style="font-weight: 400;"><img src="https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/15.0.3/72x72/1f609.png" alt="😉" class="wp-smiley" style="height: 1em; max-height: 1em;" /></span><span style="font-weight: 400;">). It was more about breaking the pattern of secrecy that procrastination loves to hide in (e.g. well, if I don’t tell anyone about my challenge, then if I fail, no one will know).</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_41 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_63 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_40"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_64 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_58 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>Use self-compassion to break the cycle</strong></h3> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">This one sounds obvious, but it can be the hardest. Procrastination is often wrapped up in shame and when we start beating ourselves up for not getting things done, we shut down even more.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Self-compassion is, as it turns out, a far more effective motivator than criticism. Studies show that people who respond to their procrastination with kindness are more likely to move forward than those who berate themselves. It’s definitely a work in progress for me!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, if you find yourself deep in avoidance, maybe the best thing you can do is pause, take a breath and, rather than asking yourself: </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“How do I fix everything today?”,</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> ask yourself: </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“What do I need right now to take one small step?”.</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Just one step. That’s all.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_42"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_65 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_59 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Final thoughts on how to beat procrastination</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_60 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Procrastination isn’t something to conquer. It’s something to understand. Mine still pops up more than I’d like, sometimes dressed as helpful planning, sometimes hidden under tiredness, sometimes wrapped up in old fears I thought I’d left behind.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The difference now is, I see it sooner. I notice the excuses, I know what it’s protecting me from and I have a few more tools in my kit to meet it with curiosity rather than shame.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you want to go deeper: </span><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Procrastination: Why You Do It, What to Do About It Now</span></i></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702"> by Burka & Yuen</a> is still one of the most insightful books I’ve read on the subject. It’s not a hustle manual, but a genuine exploration of the messiness behind the avoidance.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Finally, if you’re currently procrastinating on something while reading this … I see you. Me too.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Maybe just start with five minutes. That’s all.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_41"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image.jpg.webp" alt="" title="" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/how-to-beat-procrastination-part-2/">How to Beat Procrastination (Part 2): Practical Strategies That Work</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/how-to-beat-procrastination-part-2/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Who You Were, Who You Are and Who You Are Becoming</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/who-you-were-who-you-are-and-who-you-are-becoming/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/who-you-were-who-you-are-and-who-you-are-becoming/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 26 Jun 2025 14:32:15 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Life after Law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Mid-Life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Personal Growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Authenticity]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional Wellbeing]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Healing]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Identity]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Life Transitions]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-Acceptance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-reflection]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=235268</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/who-you-were-who-you-are-and-who-you-are-becoming/">Who You Were, Who You Are and Who You Are Becoming</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_4 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_43"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_66 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_61 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <h2><strong>INTRODUCTION: WHY SELF-REFLECTION MATTERS</strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I read a quote the other day that said – </span></p> <blockquote> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“A person without self-reflection never changes they just get older.”</span></i></p> </blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And it got me thinking. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">About who I am. Who I was. And mostly on who I am still becoming. Because life is a journey. We all know that. A journey with so many twists and turns, bumps in the road, U-turns, and dead ends. Where we thought we would end up is hardly ever the place we foresaw in our daydreaming’s. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But I have said this on more than one occasion –</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> if my younger self could see me now</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. And I am never quite sure in those moments whether I am saying that in a state of appreciation or disapproval. Perhaps a little of both. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">What I know for sure is that it has taken a lot of work to get to where I am – both work in the real sense, my 9-5 work, but also work on myself, my inner self, to get to a place where I am ok with who and what I am. With who I am becoming. There is so much that can be said for that.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">What it comes down to is constant self-reflection. Looking inward. And that’s so much harder than it sounds. Trust me. Admitting to your own faults and downfalls and areas where you can improve on yourself. Admitting that you’re not “perfect.” Whatever </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">perfect</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> means. Admitting that you are fallible.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But one thing is for certain – I am not the same person I started out as. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And thank G-d for that. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_62 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Who I was: tHE cost of living for others</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_42"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/Tired-Worker-Sleeping-on-Messy-Work-Desk-by-oleksandrbedenyuk.jpg" alt="Tired Worker Sleeping on Messy Work Desk by oleksandrbedenyuk" title="Tired Worker Sleeping on Messy Work Desk by oleksandrbedenyuk" class="wp-image-235294" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_63 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If we are being honest – and I think we always should be – I was a hot mess. I’m not talking about when I was a teenager because we are all kind of messed up as teenagers. I’m talking about my twenties.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Fresh out of varsity, I had both intellectual and academic arrogance, accompanied by a confidence that comes with looking a certain way – something I put a lot of importance into. I lived under the roof of people I didn’t get along with. Wait, that doesn’t quite cover it. I lived under the roof of people who were and are still the cause of so much trauma and confusion in my life. I was manipulated into believing that family came before my own happiness, that looking after them was more important than looking after myself, that putting their needs before my own basic needs, was my duty and that the only way out of their house was through death or marriage.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">My anxiety was at an all time high. I lived on caffeine and cigarettes, alcohol on weekends just to shake things up. I was a cliché – a work hard, die hard wannabe lawyer working in an environment designed to make you fail – law clerks, at least when I was a law clerk, weren’t expected to excel. They were expected to be downtrodden and exhausted, and I fit the bill perfectly. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">My </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">sunny personality, raucous laugh, dance on the table, shine bright like a diamond, me against the world</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> attitude either rubbed you the wrong way or intrigued you. But it was all a front. An act. A face I put on to fool the onlookers. Inside I was broken. Plagued by not feeling good enough, feeling like I wasn’t pretty or thin enough, feeling like a failure before I had even really begun. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I set myself up to fail. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It didn’t help that my choice of partners at the time either physically abused me or emotionally abused me – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“have your salad dressing on the side, you don’t want to get fat.”</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It was a concoction of emotional abuse and guilt at home, emotional abuse at work, emotional abuse from bad choice partners, self-doubt believing I was fat, that I was ugly, that I wasn’t worthy of happiness. It was a lot. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And I buried it all really deep.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I didn’t seek help. I didn’t think I needed it at the time. All I could focus on was getting out, was starting my life away from everyone, was starting over. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But I would never admit to that aloud. Ever. Talk against my parents? Never. Admit that Articles were not shaping up to be what I had hoped they would be? Never. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">To the world, life was peachy. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But it was a lie. And it took its toll. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Who I was then was a broken person with hopes and dreams, but with no idea of how to make any of them happen. Or belief that any of them could happen.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_64 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Who I Am Now: Healing, Growth and Self-Acceptance</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_43"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/Loving-Young-Couple-in-Countryside-by-Jacob-Lund.jpg" alt="Loving Young Couple in Countryside by Jacob Lund" title="Loving Young Couple in Countryside by Jacob Lund" class="wp-image-235292" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_65 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It was when I met my husband that my life changed. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">He saved me in so many ways I can’t fully explain. Who I am now has a lot to do with him. But it has also taken a lot of work by myself on myself. And it has been very hard. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So much has happened between my early twenties, my thirties and now my forties. I feel like I have run a gauntlet. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">From career changes to failed pregnancies, to almost dying from COVID, to being diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, to my mental health diagnoses. And most importantly to confronting my parents and resorting to “no-contact,” to losing my beloved grandmother, aunt, uncle, and best friend. I have been through a great deal. I have faced and am still facing my traumas, the things I still have nightmares over, the things I have buried deep within me. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But I am facing my so-called demons, my triggers, my pain. I’m controlling my anxiety and am on top of my melancholy. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I am constantly self-reflecting, ensuring that I check in with myself on an ongoing basis – because that’s been so important. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For the first time, in a long time, I am putting myself first. My needs first. Not in a self-indulgent way. In a healthy way. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But there’s one thing I have noticed about getting older and that is the feeling that life is fleeting. It really is. A year ago, it was 1998! </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In that realisation comes the understanding that it’s </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">your</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> life. You need to live it for </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">you</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Not for anyone else. Do the things that make </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">you</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> happy. Not what makes someone else happy. Because waiting until your deathbed before you fulfil the things on your bucket list is not the way to live your life. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Living my life for </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">me </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">has meant leaving the legal profession (well not entirely) so that I can write to my heart’s content at </span><a href="https://thelegalbelletrist.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Legal Belletrist</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, starting a new venture collecting and trading authentic (imported directly from Japan) vintage and antique Japanese Kimonos at ManeKi NeKo Private Kimono Collection (Kimono’s currently available at Wizards Vintage in Johannesburg), taking pottery classes, writing poetry, starting a novel, spending time with the friends and family I have left, focusing on my health – both physical and mental, giving my cats the love and attention they deserve, travelling as much as my work and budget will allow and spending as much quality time with the amazing man I married as I can. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It has also meant saying goodbye to the people in my life causing me harm. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s an ongoing journey. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_66 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Who I Am Becoming: Owning My Life and My Future</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_44"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/Kintsugi-Japanese-antique-ceramic-bowl-by-Marco-Montalti-from-Getty-Images.jpg" alt="Taking a pause in nature by gradyreese from Getty Images Signature" title="Kintsugi Japanese antique ceramic bowl by Marco Montalti from Getty Images" class="wp-image-235291" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_67 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I had to go away and really give this one some thought. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Luckily, music is an eternal motivator. While on the treadmill, Linkin Park’s </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Somewhere I Belong”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> played over the speakers and the words just seemed to speak to this very topic – </span></p> <blockquote> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real</span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I wanna let go of the pain I’ve felt so long</span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Erase all the pain ’til it’s gone)</span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real</span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along</span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Somewhere I belong”</span></i></p> </blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">They’re not my favourite band by a long margin. So, it struck me as odd that these lyrics would mean so much. But they do. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And I think that’s who I am becoming – the person who is healed, or who is healing. The person who is able to let go of the pain that was bottled up for so long and finally be at peace. The person who finally feels like her place in the world is where she is happy and safe. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">No drama. No lies. Just peace and being happy in my own skin.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Life is short. It’s unpredictable. And that makes it so very precious. I’ve wasted so much time living my life for others and by others’ rules.</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> It’s now my turn.</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It will take work. I know that. I’ll have to constantly check in with myself to ensure I’m being true to who I am while reaching the goals I constantly set for myself. Self-reflection will be key. On an ongoing basis. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Who I am becoming is a work in progress, but I know one thing for sure – I will be authentically me. Weird, loving and looking forward to growing old, grey and hopefully wiser.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_68 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Let’s talk about Self-Reflection!</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_45"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/Taking-a-pause-in-nature-by-gradyreese-from-Getty-Images-Signature.jpg" alt="Taking a pause in nature by gradyreese from Getty Images Signature" title="Taking a pause in nature by gradyreese from Getty Images Signature" class="wp-image-235293" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_69 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Practicing self-reflection takes discipline and intentionality. It requires pressing pause on the chaos of life and simply taking the time to think and ponder about your life. Something often easier said than done. But it’s an incredibly valuable practice.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Without self-reflection, we simply go through life without thinking, moving from one thing to the next without making time to evaluate whether things are really working for us. We don’t pause to think. To analyse. The unfortunate result is that we often get stuck. Like I quoted above – we don’t change we just get older. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Throughout this article I have mentioned how important self-reflection is and how important it has been for me to practice it on an ongoing basis. But I haven’t really stopped to explain how one goes about doing it.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Before you begin with your own self-reflection, I want to say this – it’s important to remind yourself that your time in self-reflection is a safe space within yourself. Don’t judge yourself while you explore your inner thoughts, feelings and motives of behaviour. Simply notice what comes up and accept it. Instead of focusing on fears, worries or regrets, try to look for areas of growth and improvement.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_70 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>How to Self-Reflect in 6 Easy Steps</strong></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_44 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_67 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_46"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_68 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_71 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Find a quiet, comfortable place where you won’t be disturbed</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – take a notebook or device to record your reflections.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_45 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_69 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_47"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_70 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_72 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Begin with a mindful body scan</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – close your eyes and take a few deep breaths.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">What are you feeling right now?</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Where do you notice these feelings in your body? </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Note your observations.</span></li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_46 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_71 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_48"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_72 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_73 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Identify your inner feelings </p> <p></strong></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">What events, thoughts, or situations might be contributing to these feelings?</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Are these feelings aligned with your values or external pressures?</span></li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_47 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_73 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_49"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_74 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_74 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Explore your needs </p> <p></strong></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">What do you need most right now (e.g., rest, connection, adventure, achievement)?</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Are there unmet needs or boundaries you need to address?</span></li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_48 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_75 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_50"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_76 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_75 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Consider acting</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – can you take a small step to address your needs or align more closely with your values today? For example:</span></p> <p> </p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you feel stressed, commit to a short relaxation activity.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you feel disconnected, reach out to someone important to you.</span></li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_49 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_77 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_51"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/6.jpg" alt="" title="6" class="wp-image-1491" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_78 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_76 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Review your experience </strong></p> <p><strong> </strong></p> <p><strong></strong></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">How do you feel now compared to when you started?</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">What did you learn about yourself?</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">What can you change to better align yourself with your goals?</span></li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_50"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_79 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_77 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Final Thoughts: Coming Home to Who You Really Are</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_78 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">If you need support in figuring out how to self-reflect or what it means to self-reflect or even what the benefits of self-reflection are, get in touch with Frieda Levycky at </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/" style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">Braving Boundaries</a><span style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;"> today. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For me, self-reflection has meant getting to know myself better. Learning what really matters to me. What I like and what I can live without. Truly. Self-reflection has meant growth. It has meant coming home to who I really am. And loving her regardless.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And that has been priceless.</span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Sources used and to whom we owe thanks: </span></i><a href="https://www.reflection.app/blog/self-reflection-101-what-is-self-reflection-why-is-reflection-important" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Reflection</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/self-reflection-importance-benefits-and-strategies-7500858#toc-how-to-practice-self-reflection" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Very Well Mind</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span></i><a href="https://positivepsychology.com/introspection-self-reflection/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Positive Psychology</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">). </span></i></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_52"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image-4.jpg" alt="End of blog post CTA" title="End of blog post CTA image (4)" class="wp-image-235295" /></span></a> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_3 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_51 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_80 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_53"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_81 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_79 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">[email protected]</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/who-you-were-who-you-are-and-who-you-are-becoming/">Who You Were, Who You Are and Who You Are Becoming</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/who-you-were-who-you-are-and-who-you-are-becoming/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Why We Fear Change – And How to Reframe It</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/why-we-fear-change-and-how-to-reframe-it/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/why-we-fear-change-and-how-to-reframe-it/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 29 Apr 2025 18:22:46 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[The Fears series]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Change Management]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Embracing Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional resilience]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Life Transitions]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Mindset Shift]]></category> <category><![CDATA[overcoming fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Reframing Challenges]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-Development]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=235222</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Discover why change often evokes fear and how to reframe it as an opportunity for growth. This article delves into the psychology behind our resistance to change and offers practical strategies to embrace transformation with confidence.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/why-we-fear-change-and-how-to-reframe-it/">Why We Fear Change – And How to Reframe It</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_5 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_52"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_82 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_80 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><strong></strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Have you ever heard the saying: “the grass is always greener on the other side” or “better the devil you know”? I have. Many times. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’m not sure if it’s because I come from a religious Jewish family and the go-to was always to remain under the radar, always to be careful, always to stick with who and what we know. Never to wander too far, never to ask too many questions, never to rock the boat and certainly never to make drastic changes. Better the devil we know was the family motto. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s understandable. My grandparents – who I spent most of my time with – are from the WWII generation. Their friends and some of our family members escaped the camps. I heard the stories. It scared the hell out of me. So, I understood that safe was better. Safe meant sticking to the status quo. To what we knew. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But that’s before I became a teenager. Before I “knew” everything. Before I decided that safe was last century and that changing everything was all that mattered. I was rebellious. Part of me still is. Then again, I do have things to rebel against (but that’s a whole other story). The world seemed so big to me, while my little corner of the world seemed so small. The devil we know felt a little too familiar and I was looking for new devils to meet. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Change didn’t feel so scary. When I was younger. I learnt a great deal. Met some real-life devils that’s for sure. And eveeeenually found my place in the world. But it took an embracing of change to get here. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As I have aged and experienced the world, that desire for change has dissipated. My grandparents’ view of the world seems more understandable; more palpable. And I find that now, all I want is to feel safe. To keep those I love safe. To keep everything that means something to me safe. Maybe it’s because it isn’t just about me anymore. There’s more at stake. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And I have found that I am or am becoming fearful of my life changing in an instant. Because everything can change – *snap* – just like that. In a second. And that scares the bejesus out of me.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, how have I reverted back to this old way of thinking? How have I become what I fought so hard against?</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_81 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>It’s in the Brain</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_54"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/3d-render-medical-illustration-of-the-human-brain-cerebrum-by-SomkiatFakmee-from-Getty-Images.jpg" alt="3d render medical illustration of the human brain cerebrum by SomkiatFakmee from Getty Images" title="3d render medical illustration of the human brain cerebrum by SomkiatFakmee from Getty Images" class="wp-image-235242" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_82 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">There’s a part of the brain called the amygdala, a small almond-shaped structure located in the temporal lobe of the brain, specifically in the medial portion of each hemisphere, just anterior to the hippocampus. It is the part of the brain that is responsible for processing emotions, particularly fear and anxiety. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Neuroscientists have discovered that when it gets activated, the amygdala sends a distress signal to the hypothalamus. The hypothalamus functions like a command centre, communicating with the rest of the body through the nervous system so that the person has the energy to fight or flee (a stress response). </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As you may have guessed, this fight or flight response has been deeply ingrained in our evolutionary history since forever, it’s what has kept us safe from potential threats for the last 300,000 years (or last 7 million years if you want to get technical and include the oldest hominins).</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">However, with modern day humans, this fight or flight response has become overused, impacting our ability to adapt and embrace new opportunities</span> <span style="font-weight: 400;">therefore being more of a hinderance than a help. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_83 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>It’s Psychological</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_84 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">There are three main biases that affect our fear of change:</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_53 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_83 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_55"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_84 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_85 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">A cognitive bias called </span><b>“the status quo bias.”</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> It is what it sounds like – the bias for things to remain the same or that the current state of affairs remains the same. This bias minimises the risks associated with change, but it also causes people to miss out on potential benefits that might outweigh the risks.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The term “status quo bias” was first introduced by researchers William Samuelson and Richard Zeckhauser in 1988. In a series of controlled experiments, Samuelson and Zeckhauser found that people showed a disproportionate preference for choices that maintain the status quo.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In these experiments, participants were asked a variety of questions in which they had to take the role of decision-maker. It involved situations often faced by individuals, managers and government officials.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The results showed a strong bias in subjects’ responses. Specifically, when making an important decision, subjects were more likely to pick the option that maintained things as they were.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_54 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_85 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_56"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_86 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_86 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The reason for the status quo bias can be explained through </span><b>“the loss aversion bias” </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">– when considering potential choices, people often focus more on what they stand to lose rather than how they might benefit. According to the “prospect theory,” an economics theory developed by researchers Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky in 1979, “losses loom larger than gains.”</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">3</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In other words, the potential for loss stands out in people’s minds much more prominently than the potential for gains.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As an example, the research by Samuelson and Zeckhauser also found that younger workers were more likely to sign up for a health insurance plan that had better premiums and deductibles. Whereas older employees were more likely to stick with their old but less favourable plans.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Older employees may be more concerned with minimising any possible losses rather than risking everything on </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">potential</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> gains. They know what to expect from their current plan, so they may be less willing to accept the risks of a new plan, even though the switch might come with financial benefits.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Sort of like – better the devil you know. And I totally get it. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_55"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_87 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_57"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/old-way-vs-new-way-improvement-and-change-management-concept-by-anyaberkut-from-Getty-Images.jpg" alt="old way vs new way, improvement and change management concept by anyaberkut from Getty Images" title="old way vs new way, improvement and change management concept by anyaberkut from Getty Images" class="wp-image-235244" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_56 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_88 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_58"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_89 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_87 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">There is one more theory that has an effect on our fear of change and that is </span><b>“the cognitive dissonance theory.”</b></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The cognitive dissonance theory was hypothesised by Leon Festinger in 1957. The theory is based on the idea that two cognitions can be relevant or irrelevant to each other. Such cognitions can be about behaviours, perceptions, attitudes, emotions and beliefs. Often, one of the cognitions in question is about our behaviour. If the cognitions are relevant, they can be in agreement (consistent) or disagreement (inconsistent) with one another.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Discrepancy between an attitude and a behaviour – like eating a doughnut the day before going on a diet – leads to psychological discomfort called cognitive dissonance.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Cognitive dissonance leads to the motivation to reduce the dissonance. The stronger the discrepancy between thoughts, the greater the motivation to reduce it. There are four strategies used to reduce the discomfort of cognitive dissonance:</span></p> <ol> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">We change our behaviour so that it is consistent with the other thought.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">We change one of the dissonant thoughts in order to restore consistency.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">We add other thoughts (consonant thoughts) that justify or reduce the importance of one thought and therefore diminish the inconsistency.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">We trivialise the inconsistency altogether, making it less important and less relevant.</span></li> </ol> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">There are two other factors that influence the magnitude of cognitive dissonance: whether you had some choice over the inconsistency and whether you expect the inconsistency to have negative consequences in the future. The more choice you had over the inconsistency and the worse the consequences, the stronger the dissonance will be.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_57"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_90 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_88 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>It’s Emotional</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_89 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Perhaps looking at the anatomy and psychology is tooooo analytical. It can just as easily be explained through our emotions because as humans we are emotional – </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_58 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_91 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_59"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_92 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_90 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Fear of the unknown</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – with change comes uncertainty and I don’t know about you, but right now I tend to shy away from change because I’m anxious about what the result might be. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_59 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_93 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_60"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_94 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_91 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>The moral force</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– people become so set in their ways that they honestly believe that the status quo is the right way to do things. Just like my grandparents – and now me – better the devil you know. We tend to cling strongly to the familiar, the tried and tested, to what is familiar and comfortable. It becomes “morally correct” – a term coined by noted psychologist Howard S. Friedman.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_60 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_95 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_61"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_96 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_92 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Fear of failure</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– another source of anxiety associated with change is the fear that any change will result in failure or even disaster. Like trading in your petrol car for an electric vehicle. Somewhere deep down we know that it’s better for the environment and that inevitably we will all one day be driving electric cars, but there is that fear – at least in South Africa – that there aren’t enough charging stations, and that we’ll get stranded because we couldn’t charge our car. In reality, it’s exactly the same as being stranded because we ran out of gas, but because it’s new and unknown, we immediately assume the worse – failure.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_61"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_97 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_62"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/Thoughtful-Bored-Lonely-Teen-Girl-in-Glasses-Feeling-Apathy-Sadly-Pondering-Sitting-on-Couch-at-Home-by-dimaberlinphotos.jpg" alt="Thoughtful Bored Lonely Teen Girl in Glasses Feeling Apathy Sadly Pondering Sitting on Couch at Home by dimaberlinphotos" title="Thoughtful Bored Lonely Teen Girl in Glasses Feeling Apathy Sadly Pondering Sitting on Couch at Home by dimaberlinphotos" class="wp-image-235245" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_62 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_98 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_63"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_99 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_93 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Apathy</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– sometimes people resist change simply because it takes effort. It takes effort to learn a new procedure and it takes work to adapt to change – like a diet and getting fit. It takes work. And sometimes people see the work or the effort as not worth it. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_63 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_100 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_64"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_101 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_94 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Mistrust of changemakers</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– many people resist change because they are wary of those advocating change. They may doubt the knowledge and credentials of those advocating the change, known as the changemakers. Why is changing so important to them – are there ulterior motives? Just like during COVID and with the COVID vaccines.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_64"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_102 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_95 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Reframing The Fear</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_96 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Reframing our fears so we see them as opportunities is crucial if we want real change, so taking the fears, we listed above, let’s reframe them in a way that’s positive. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_65 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_103 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_65"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_104 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_97 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Fear of the unknown</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – knowing the full details about the situation is crucial. Being told what the benefits and drawbacks are can change the whole scenario for you. Always insist on clear and credible information so that you can make proper and informed decisions. This can help alleviate the fear of unknown outcomes caused by change.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_66 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_105 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_66"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_106 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_98 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>The moral force</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – although combating a moral force is difficult it’s the presentation of evidence that the new way is better than the old way that will win the day. It sounds like an obvious thing. But showing the sceptic proof is key.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_67"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_107 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_67"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/Hand-Opening-Blind-to-See-the-Sun-by-calimiel-from-pixabay.jpg" alt="Hand Opening Blind to See the Sun by calimiel from pixabay" title="Hand Opening Blind to See the Sun by calimiel from pixabay" class="wp-image-235243" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_68 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_108 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_68"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_109 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_99 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Fear of failure</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– providing assurances that a worst-case-scenario is unlikely is the best way to help people overcome their fear of failure.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_69 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_110 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_69"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_111 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_100 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Apathy</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– motivation is everything! Motivating a sceptic is critical for overcoming change-related apathy. Focusing on the desirable outcomes of a change process can help incentivise naysayers.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_70 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_112 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_70"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_113 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_101 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Mistrust of changemakers</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– changemakers must first establish their credibility. They need to be transparent and clear about the benefits and potential risks associated with the change, provide a good rationale for why people should change and monitor the change process while providing support.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_71"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_114 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_102 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The fear of change is a complex phenomenon that is influenced by many things – anatomical, psychological and emotional. But by understanding the underlying causes of our fear – of my fear – of change, we can implement small strategies to address them, thereby improving on our adaptability and flexibility as we navigate our way through the world. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Change is not only an external thing that needs to be monitored. It is an “inside job” that needs to be navigated with care. Embracing change as a natural and necessary part of growth and development is key to overcoming our fears and, as a result, achieving long-term success.</span><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you need help navigating your fear of change, book a consult with Frieda Levycky at <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/">Braving Boundaries</a> today.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Sources used and to whom we owe thanks: </span></i><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/za/blog/cutting-edge-leadership/202408/why-are-people-so-resistant-to-change" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Psychology Today</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://medium.com/change-becomes-you/why-we-are-resistant-to-change-489a6f06d234" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Medium</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/psychology-change-understanding-human-resistance-how-david-mccreery-ave2c/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">LinkedIn</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/understanding-the-stress-response#:~:text=When%20someone%20experiences%20a%20stressful,after%20the%20danger%20has%20passed." target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Harvard Health Publishing</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/status-quo-bias-psychological-definition-4065385" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Very Well Mind</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span></i><a href="https://positivepsychology.com/cognitive-dissonance-theory/#:~:text=What%20is%20cognitive%20dissonance%20theory,beliefs%20to%20achieve%20internal%20consistency." target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Positive Psychology</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">). </span></i></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_71"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image-8.png" alt="" title="End of blog post CTA image (8)" class="wp-image-235236" /></span></a> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_4 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_72 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_115 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_72"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_116 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_103 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">[email protected]</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/why-we-fear-change-and-how-to-reframe-it/">Why We Fear Change – And How to Reframe It</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/why-we-fear-change-and-how-to-reframe-it/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>The Silent Weight of Unwanted Change: How to Start Moving Forward</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-silent-weight-of-unwanted-change/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-silent-weight-of-unwanted-change/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Mon, 17 Mar 2025 14:26:49 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Change and Transition]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Coping with Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Embracing Uncertainty]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional resilience]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Growth mindset]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Inner Strength]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Life Transitions]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Managing Unwanted Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Mindset Shift]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Moving Forward]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Navigating Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[overcoming challenges]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Personal development]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-Discovery]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=235148</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-silent-weight-of-unwanted-change/">The Silent Weight of Unwanted Change: How to Start Moving Forward</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_6 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_73"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_117 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_104 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em></em></span></strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Change is hard. Even when we want it for ourselves. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But when it’s unexpected or unwanted change, the blow to the gut is that much worse. It’s not like it can even be prevented. It’s out of our hands and that’s why it makes it even more difficult to swallow. Like a lump in your throat or a knot in your stomach, unwanted change sits like an unwelcome visitor. A heavy, yet silent weight. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It could be the loss of your job, the end of a relationship, the loss of a loved one or the receipt of unwelcome news from a doctor. Each one carries with it, its own weight in pain and remorse. The “what ifs” running through our minds. Broken hearted and crestfallen we look for ways to shoulder the strain, only to find ourselves wanting. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s hard to find the light when we are amid the heaviness of the dark, feeling our way through the uncertainty, the loss of control, the heavy feeling that things will never be the same again. And there’s nothing we can do about it. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Heavy. Heavy. Heavy. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Let’s not forget the overwhelming stress that accompanies this unwanted change – like best friends walking hand-in-hand into your life, they feel quite at home together. Stress takes residence in our minds – as opposed to our stomachs – where it makes you worry. Worry that you’re leaving or losing something that was well known to you and moving towards something that is uncertain. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The mind, the poor thing that it is, processes that as loss and fear. Even positive change is stressful. But if the change is unexpected or unwanted, and accompanied by greater uncertainty than normal, the experience of loss and worry are amplified. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s a tough position even for the strongest of us. But there are ways to get through this time of your life.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_105 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Ways to Cope During Unwanted Change</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_106 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We’re not saying that change is easy. We know that it’s hard. Any change is hard. Unwanted change is especially hard. But there are things you can do that will help you cope with the change as you process everything you are going through – </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_74 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_118 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_73"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_119 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_107 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Recognise that your situation <i>is</i> temporary</strong><b> – </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">while you’re processing change, it’s natural to feel anxious and depressed, even angry. The important thing is to recognise that these intense feelings are intermittent, they are temporary. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Any change, whether they are welcome or not, creates discomfort. When the change is both unwelcome and unexpected, the discomfort is even worse. Unexpected changes throw us off balance. And in this space, we find ourselves out of our comfort zones. It can feel like things will never be ok again, that things will never get better. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The thing is, as humans we are incredibly resilient creatures. It’s how we’ve survived 300 000 odd years. We weren’t the fastest, or the strongest. We weren’t the fiercest in a fight. But we could outlast just about anything. Wearing them down until they eventually collapsed. And then, well, we ate them – Survival of the fittest and all that. So, know that you are naturally resilient, know that this situation is temporary and know that, in time, things will go back to a state of normalcy. What normal now looks like for you will depend entirely on you. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_75 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_120 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_74"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_121 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_108 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Learn what you <i>can</i> control</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – when you’re looking at a substantial change, it’s helpful to understand that there are </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">simply things you can control and there are things out of your control</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. When someone passes away, we can’t control that – as much as we would want to. It’s out of our hands. What we can control is how we deal with things afterwards. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We can ensure that their last wishes are carried out as they would’ve wanted them to be. We can ensure that their memory is immortalised in a way that we feel good about. And we can remember them with love and respect. Perhaps immortalising a small memory that just the two of you would know about. Finding small things that you </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">can</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> control during the change process helps make the whole ordeal easier on the soul. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_76"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_122 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_75"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/Keep-moving-forward-motivational-quote.-Milestone-on-the-field.-by-designer491-from-Getty-Images.jpg" alt="Keep moving forward motivational quote. Milestone on the field. by designer491 from Getty Images" title="Keep moving forward motivational quote. Milestone on the field. by designer491 from Getty Images" class="wp-image-235160" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_77 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_123 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_76"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_124 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_109 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Be kind to yourself</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– for every transition we go through, whether it’s positive or negative, there will always be a sense of loss, a sense of sadness – like something is gone, and you can’t get it back. These feelings are absolutely normal and it’s important to let yourself grieve that loss. It’s important that you let yourself sit with those feelings. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But it’s also important that you don’t allow yourself to wallow. Instead, try to indulge in something that makes you happy, like seeing friends, painting a random piece of art, baking a cake (even if it’s wonky) or going for a walk in the sunshine. Surround yourself with things that bring a smile to your face – even if this is a gradual process – and remind yourself that there’s so much life still to live. So much still to experience and enjoy. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_78 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_125 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_77"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_126 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_110 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Find meaning, look for positives</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – change brings about new problems, but we often forget that it also brings about new opportunities. Being able to find meaning in our challenges allows us to own them. We challenge our ability to go where we have not gone before, and to do what we have not done before. In turn, this fosters courage, resilience, confidence, and self-worth. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Ask yourself: What can I learn from this? What do I know about myself now that I didn’t know before? How can I turn this into something that will have a positive impact on my life one year, two years, or five years from now? </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Try and look beyond the “big change” and try to see what comes next or what </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">could</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> come next… there might just be a positive in there somewhere. For example, if you’ve lost your job, it’s normal to worry about the future. But think about whether it’s time for something new anyway? Even the most fearful changes can bring about unexpected joys.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_79"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_127 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_78"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/Everyone-needs-support-by-LaylaBird-from-Getty-Images-Signature.jpg" alt="Everyone needs support by LaylaBird from Getty Images Signature" title="Everyone needs support by LaylaBird from Getty Images Signature" class="wp-image-235159" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_80 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_128 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_79"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_129 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_111 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Get help</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – the important thing to know is that you’re not alone. Even if it seems that way. There is always help when you need it. Reaching out can help you gain new perspectives, or even solutions to your problems. Tough times is when social support is needed the most. Positive social support enhances resilience to stress. It helps you cope with unexpected changes in healthy, adaptive ways. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Think about whether there are individuals in your family or social circle that you can turn to. Have any of them been through similar situations? Perhaps seeking professional help is the best way forward and can be a valuable resource for navigating life’s unexpected changes. By reaching out to experts, like Frieda Levycky of </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Braving Boundaries</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and Di Atherton of </span><a href="https://diatherton.co.za/grief-end-of-life-coaching/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Spiral Pathway</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, you can enhance your ability to cope and adapt effectively. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_81"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_130 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_112 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Author of the Chronicles of Narnia, and my personal favourite </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe,”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> C.S. Lewis</span> <span style="font-weight: 400;">had this to say about overcoming change</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – </span></i></p> <blockquote> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” </span></p> </blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And he’s right. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We all know that the only way out is through. So, to overcome unwanted change, we need to work through the feelings of loss and grief, anger and sadness. We need to accept that these feelings are part of life. They happen. Devastatingly they happen. To all of us at one point or another. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The trick is knowing, beyond your worrying mind, that your state of flux is temporary. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">That even in the hardest moments, you are not alone. That support is there when you need it. And that, in time, you will feel the sun on your face and the smile on your lips, not because the pain has vanished, but because you have found a way to carry it differently. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Sources used and to whom we owe thanks – </span></i><a href="https://careinmind.com.au/blog/how-to-deal-with-unexpected-change/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Care in Mind</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.wm.edu/offices/wellness/virtual/flourishing/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">William & Mary</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span></i><a href="https://www.sofia.com.sg/facing-unexpected-changes/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Sofia Wellness Clinic</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">). </span></i></p> <p> </p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_80"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image-3.jpg" alt="End of blog post CTA" title="End of blog post CTA image (3)" class="wp-image-235162" /></span></a> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_5 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_82 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_131 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_81"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_132 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_113 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">[email protected]</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-silent-weight-of-unwanted-change/">The Silent Weight of Unwanted Change: How to Start Moving Forward</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-silent-weight-of-unwanted-change/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Five years of Braving Boundaries: The good, the bad and the “what was I thinking?”!</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/five-years-of-braving-boundaries-lessons-learned/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/five-years-of-braving-boundaries-lessons-learned/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Mon, 17 Mar 2025 13:16:02 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Business Development]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Celebrations & Festivities]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[braving boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Business Growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Business Mistakes]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Coaching Business]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Corporate Coaching]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Entrepreneurship]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Leadership Development]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lessons learned]]></category> <category><![CDATA[overcoming challenges]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Professional Development]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-Employment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[small business]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Small Business Advice]]></category> <category><![CDATA[small business lessons]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=235165</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/five-years-of-braving-boundaries-lessons-learned/">Five years of Braving Boundaries: The good, the bad and the “what was I thinking?”!</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_7 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_83"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_133 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_114 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY FRIEDA LEVYCKY, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/" style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;">BRAVING BOUNDARIES</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em></em></span></strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Five years of Braving Boundaries. Five years of building a business from scratch. Five years of learning. And what a journey it’s been!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Starting a business is an eye-opening experience. It brings up all your strengths, weaknesses, fears and blind spots. It forces you to grow in ways you never expected. These are the biggest lessons I’ve learned over the last five years. If you’re running a business or thinking about starting one, maybe some of these will resonate.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_82"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/2.jpg" alt="Braving Boundaries 5 years collage" title="Braving Boundaries 5 years collage" class="wp-image-235206" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_84 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_134 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_83 et_pb_image_sticky"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="540" height="540" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-235189" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_135 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_115 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>I’ve learned that focus changes</b></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_85"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_136 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_116 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Braving Boundaries started as a coaching business for the legal industry. It made sense. My background was in law and I knew the pressures lawyers faced. But over time I expanded my focus for two reasons.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">First, my corporate experience was broader than just law. Despite being told by business coaches that I needed to niche, I felt stifled by not being able to help a wider audience. Second, I realised I was playing safe by sticking with what I knew. I wasn’t stepping into a broader field because I didn’t feel I had the right. In reality, everything I had learned was transferable.</span></p> <p><strong>Takeaway:</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Don’t be afraid to change direction and step away from what you </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">should</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> be doing just because someone told you that’s the right way to do it. Trust yourself and evolve in the way that feels right for you.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_86 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_137 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_84 et_pb_image_sticky"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="540" height="540" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-235190" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_138 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_117 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>I’ve learned that you just have to start</b></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_87"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_139 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_118 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Perfect doesn’t exist. You can spend months refining a programme, tweaking your messaging and waiting for the right time, but you still won’t know if it works until you launch it. By doing so, I’ve learned that some workshops sell out, others flop, some ideas take off, some don’t. The only way to find out is to </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">put it out there</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></p> <p><strong>Takeaway:</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Stop waiting. Just start. You’ll adjust as you go.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_85"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/Ive-learned-that-you-just-have-to-start.jpg" alt="I've learned that you just have to start" title="I've learned that you just have to start" class="wp-image-235214" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_88 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_140 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_86 et_pb_image_sticky"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="540" height="540" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/3.png" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-235191" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_141 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_119 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>I’ve learned that quick fixes don’t work</b></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_89"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_142 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_120 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When you’re building a business, there is a huge temptation to speed up success. That’s when the “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Make US$10k a month overnight</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” adverts get you. Even when you know they’re too good to be true, there’s a part of you that wants to believe them.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Much to my own chagrin, I’ve fallen for it. I ignored my gut and paid for a course that sold the dream. I shouldn’t have. It still irritates me because I knew at the time it wouldn’t work. The reality is there are no shortcuts. Just put in the work, grow steadily and know that building something meaningful takes time.</span></p> <p><strong>Takeaway:</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> If something sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Trust your instincts and don’t waste time chasing quick wins.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_90 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_143 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_87 et_pb_image_sticky"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="540" height="540" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-235192" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_144 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_121 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>I’ve learned that building a coaching business isn’t easy</b></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_91"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_145 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_122 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’ve had many clients who have benefited from coaching and decided to become coaches themselves. It makes sense. When something profoundly changes your life, you want to share it with others. I felt the same about becoming a counsellor after experiencing the benefits of two years of counselling in my early 30s.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The thing about coaching though, is that it isn’t the easiest business to grow. There are a </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">lot</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> of coaches out there (see point 7 below) and, despite what the <em>“Make</em> <em>US$10k a month</em>” ads claim, it isn’t a “<em>get rich quick</em>” kind of business. You don’t go into coaching because it’s an easy way to make money. You go into coaching because you genuinely want to help people struggle less and succeed more. That’s why so many coaches fold within two years.</span></p> <p><strong>Takeaway:</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Coaching is about impact, not instant success. If you’re drawn to it, make sure you’re in it for the right reasons. The business side takes time, effort and patience – but when you’re passionate about what you do, it’s worth it.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_88"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/Ive-learned-that-building-a-coaching-business-isnt-easy.jpg" alt="I’ve learned that building a coaching business isn’t easy" title="I’ve learned that building a coaching business isn’t easy" class="wp-image-235212" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_92 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_146 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_89 et_pb_image_sticky"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="540" height="540" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-235193" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_147 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_123 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>I’ve learned that pricing is a psychological battle</b></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_93"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_148 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_124 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Setting prices as a coach is torture. You spend hours comparing yourself to others, questioning your worth and wondering if you’re charging too much or too little.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">What I’ve learned is that people will pay for what they value. If someone tells you that you’re “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">too expensive</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” what they actually mean is: “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">it’s too expensive for me</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” or “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">this isn’t my priority right now</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” – and that’s fine. It shouldn’t make you doubt your worth.</span></p> <p><strong>Takeaway:</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Charge what reflects your expertise. The right clients will see the value.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_94 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_149 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_90 et_pb_image_sticky"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="540" height="540" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/6.png" alt="" title="6" class="wp-image-235194" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_150 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_125 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>I’ve learned that you have to keep studying</b></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_95"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_151 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_126 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Getting a coaching qualification isn’t the end; it’s just the start. The world is shifting rapidly. AI is developing at speed, workplace challenges are evolving and new theories on human behaviour keep emerging. What worked five years ago doesn’t always work today.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Every client is different. Every team is different. To be a good coach, you have to keep learning, adapting and staying open to new ideas. The moment you think you know it all, well … that’s when you’re in trouble.</span></p> <p><strong>Takeaway:</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> If you work in a people-focused profession, staying relevant means staying curious. Keep learning.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_96 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_152 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_91 et_pb_image_sticky"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="540" height="540" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/7.png" alt="" title="7" class="wp-image-235195" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_153 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_127 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>I’ve learned that coaching should be regulated</b></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_97"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_154 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_128 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It still shocks me that anyone can call themselves a coach after a weekend course. No degree, no rigorous training, no board exams – just a certificate and a LinkedIn profile. Meanwhile, counsellors and therapists spend years earning degrees, passing board exams and meeting strict requirements before they can practise.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Yet as coaches, we work with real people facing real challenges. Whether you’re guiding someone through their past or helping them build their future, you’re responsible for their wellbeing. That’s not something to take lightly.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’m grateful for my 18-month coach training, but even then I chose to study psychology and counselling further. Not everything can be solved with a “<em>just focus on the future</em>” approach. Sometimes people need to unpack what’s holding them back before they can move forward.</span></p> <p><strong>Takeaway</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"><strong>:</strong> If you’re looking for a coach, do your research. If you’re becoming a coach, take the responsibility seriously. People put their trust in you – make sure you’re qualified to hold it.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_98 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_155 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_92 et_pb_image_sticky"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="540" height="540" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/8.png" alt="" title="8" class="wp-image-235196" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_156 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_129 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>I’ve learned that business brings up all your baggage</b></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_99"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_157 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_130 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Self-doubt, imposter syndrome, fear of failure, you name it! Starting a business drags up everything: </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Am I good enough? What if people don’t sign up? What if I fail?</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Running a business means constant change. Change creates uncertainty. Uncertainty fuels fear. The trick is to take small steps and keep going.</span></p> <p><strong>Takeaway:</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> If you feel overwhelmed, break it down. What do they say about eating an elephant? Take one bite at a time.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_93"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/Ive-learned-that-business-brings-up-all-your-baggage.jpg" alt="I’ve learned that business brings up all your baggage" title="I’ve learned that business brings up all your baggage" class="wp-image-235213" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_100 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_158 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_94 et_pb_image_sticky"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="540" height="540" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/9.png" alt="" title="9" class="wp-image-235197" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_159 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_131 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>I’ve learned that self-awareness is an ongoing reality check</b></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_101"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_160 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_132 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">One of the biggest surprises was how much I learned about myself while coaching others and building a business.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I started noticing patterns. How I react under stress. How I have so many ideas but struggle to finish them. How, when I feel overwhelmed, my instinct is to avoid and run.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Just last week my overwhelm levels tipped the scale. Instead of writing everything down on my to-do list and gently working my way through it, I decided to book in a facial and avoid everything for the day! I also managed to justify it easily as self-care (rather than avoidance) – I’m quite a pro at that! </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The irony is, I </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">know</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> that facing things head-on makes life easier. Yet even with all my awareness, old habits still creep in. That’s the thing about self-awareness – it doesn’t mean you magically stop your patterns, but it helps you catch yourself faster and course-correct.</span></p> <p><strong>Takeaway:</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Self-awareness is ongoing. Pay attention to your patterns.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_102 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_161 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_95 et_pb_image_sticky"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="540" height="540" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/10.png" alt="" title="10" class="wp-image-235198" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_162 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_133 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>I’ve learned that your support squad is everything</b></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_103"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_163 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_134 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Business can be lonely. Having a group of people at the same stage as you or a few steps ahead makes a huge difference.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">They’ll give you honest feedback, help you see things differently and keep you accountable.</span></p> <p><strong>Takeaway:</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Find your people. Business is hard enough without trying to do it alone.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_96"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/Ive-learned-that-your-support-squad-is-everything.jpg" alt="I’ve learned that your support squad is everything" title="I’ve learned that your support squad is everything" class="wp-image-235209" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_104 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_164 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_97 et_pb_image_sticky"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="540" height="540" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/11.png" alt="" title="11" class="wp-image-235199" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_165 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_135 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>I’ve learned that passion and purpose both matter</b></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_105"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_166 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_136 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’m passionate about helping people and teams get unstuck. Seeing those </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">a-ha</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> moments when something finally clicks is what makes this work so rewarding. But passion alone isn’t enough. It’s what gets you started, but it doesn’t always keep you going.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Purpose is what gives passion direction. My purpose is to help people </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">do things differently</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> so they can create successful lives and businesses in a way that actually works for them. That’s what keeps me committed, even on the days when things feel hard.</span></p> <p><strong>Takeaway:</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Passion gets you excited about the work, but purpose gives it meaning. If you feel stuck, reconnect with both.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_106 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_167 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_98 et_pb_image_sticky"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="540" height="540" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/12.png" alt="" title="12" class="wp-image-235200" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_168 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_137 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>I’ve learned that there is only one </b><b><i>you</i></b></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_107"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_169 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_138 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In business (and especially in coaching), it’s easy to get caught up in comparison. You see other people launching polished online courses, nailing their social media presence or recording twenty engaging videos a week with zero effort. And sometimes, people even pinch your ideas. It’s frustrating, and it has a way of making your inner critic very loud.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">What I’ve learned though is that someone can copy your content, your process or even your business model, but … they can’t be </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">you</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Your unique voice, your perspective, your way of connecting with people are what makes the difference. There are people out there who will choose </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">you</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> because of who you are, not just what you offer.</span></p> <p><strong>Takeaway:</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Forget the noise. Stop worrying about what others are doing. The people meant to work with you will be drawn to </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">you</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Not because you have the fanciest website or the most polished videos, but because of the way you make them feel. And no one else can replicate that.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_99"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/Ive-learned-that-there-is-only-one-you.jpg" alt="" title="I’ve learned that there is only one you" class="wp-image-235207" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_139 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Looking ahead</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_140 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The learning never stops. These lessons have shaped how I work, coach and grow. Now it’s time to take them forward.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The next five years will be about building, evolving and making an even bigger impact. My dreams and goals for Braving Boundaries (and myself) have been set. Now it’s time to see them unfold.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Here’s to the next 5 years! </span><span style="font-weight: 400;"><img src="https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/15.0.3/72x72/1f942.png" alt="🥂" class="wp-smiley" style="height: 1em; max-height: 1em;" /></span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_100"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/Heres-to-the-next-5-years.jpg" alt="Here’s to the next 5 years!" title="Here’s to the next 5 years!" class="wp-image-235208" /></span> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/five-years-of-braving-boundaries-lessons-learned/">Five years of Braving Boundaries: The good, the bad and the “what was I thinking?”!</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/five-years-of-braving-boundaries-lessons-learned/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>New year, same stuck feeling?</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/new-year-same-stuck-feeling/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/new-year-same-stuck-feeling/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 29 Jan 2025 12:21:52 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Enneagram]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Breaking Patterns]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Career Growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Coaching for Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[feeling stuck]]></category> <category><![CDATA[finding purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[goal setting]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Life Transitions]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Mindset Shift]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Navigating Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[New Year Reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[new year resolutions]]></category> <category><![CDATA[overcoming challenges]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-Development]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=235097</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/new-year-same-stuck-feeling/">New year, same stuck feeling?</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_8 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_108"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_170 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_141 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_142 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Why resolutions fail without self-awareness</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_143 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Isn’t it funny how, as the clock strikes 12 on December the 31</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">st</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">, social media is awash with posts about New Year’s Resolutions: </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“This will be the year I finally lose the baby weight” </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">or </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“2025 is my year to get fit”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> or better still </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“This is the year I make a million quid”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Endless empty promises dominating your news feeds that you just know will be broken the minute the going gets tough.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Because let’s be honest, no one’s problems – whether they are health issues, mental health issues, family problems, work problems, weight problems, financial problems – disappear the minute the calendar changes from the 31</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">st</span><span style="font-weight: 400;"> to the 1</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">st</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">. The rolling over the date doesn’t make problems disappear. So yeah, the same stuck feeling continues. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The idea that New Year’s Day offers a </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“clean slate”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> or a </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“New Year, New You”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> type mentality is so misleading. Sure, it’s easy to believe that as the new year starts, we get the opportunity to turn over a new leaf. And who can blame our optimism? </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But while January the 1</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">st</span><span style="font-weight: 400;"> offers an opportunity for a fresh start; the underlying habits and mindsets that led to past failures don’t just disappear overnight.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Real change takes time, and it requires a real shift in mindset. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_101"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/New-Year-resolution-concept.-by-Coompia77-from-Getty-Images.jpg" alt="New Year resolution concept. by Coompia77 from Getty Images" title="New Year resolution concept. by Coompia77 from Getty Images" class="wp-image-235110" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_144 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The notion that we can completely change ourselves in the blink of an eye is unrealistic. Sustainable transformation doesn’t happen as soon as we change our minds about a situation. And it certainly won’t happen in the first 31 days of the year. It’s a long-term process that extends far beyond the novelty of a new year.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But there’s no getting away from the fact that New Year’s Resolutions are a part of the festivities. Everyone is doing them. So, it’s only natural that you’ll get caught up in the whole hoopla that the new year offers. And what it offers more than anything else is hope. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Hope that change </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">can</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> happen. Hope that you </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">can</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> make a difference in some aspect of your life. And there’s nothing wrong with hope. It’s the expectations behind the hope that need some adjusting. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Because while our intentions are good – they reflect our desire for self-improvement (which is never a bad thing) – we need to remain realistic. The uncomfortable truth is that most new year’s resolutions won’t last until February. According to </span><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/202412/why-new-years-resolutions-set-you-up-to-fail#:~:text=last%20until%20February.-,Research%20shows%20that%20about%2080%25%20of%20people%20abandon%20their%20resolutions,the%20concept%20itself%20is%20flawed." target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Psychology Today</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, research shows that about 80% of people abandon their resolutions within a month.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And the reason for this? We are so quick to set unrealistic goals that we rarely vet our resolutions through the filter of self-awareness. In other words, we gravitate towards aspirational objectives that make sense for someone else – not being entirely realistic for ourselves personally. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Let’s be clear – this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t set New Year’s Resolutions. Go ahead. But inform your goals by reflecting on what matters most to you.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And you can do this by implementing the following strategies: </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_109 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_171 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_102"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_172 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_145 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Get to know yourself</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – to set realistic and achievable goals for 2025 (and beyond), you need to understand what really makes you tick. What motivators get you moving and which ones get you to stay on track? Use your answers to bypass self-sabotaging tendencies that cause you to constantly miss your goals, such as trying to work toward big-picture achievements on Fridays when you know you do your best thinking work on Mondays. As you begin to get a better handle on your needs, create smaller, easily achievable tasks that can assist you in fulfilling your larger longer-term objectives. Here, it’s important that these smaller tasks have meaning and will aid in the achievement of your overall yearly objective. A simple tick-box exercise isn’t going to do the trick. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Find smoothie recipes I will actually make,”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> for example, is a concrete step toward an overall goal of eating healthier in 2025. Over time, you’ll naturally begin to understand how to establish new dreams that help you get out of ruts, overcome your shortcomings, and challenge yourself in positive ways, thereby setting goals that will stick.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_110 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_173 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_103"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_174 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_146 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Explore the <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/enneagram/">enneagram</a></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – following on from the above, by exploring the enneagram method with a trained professional such as Frieda Levycky at </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Braving Boundaries</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, you can delve into what motivates you and answer a burning question – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">why do you do the things you do?</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> The enneagram offers profound insights into what makes us tick, such as the unconscious fears buried deep in our psyches that affect our everyday decisions. While you can’t change who you are, there are several benefits to having a deeper understanding of yourself – you can make the most of your strengths and become aware of the things that challenge you; you can face the hidden motivations and fears that rule your life and are holding you back in both your personal and professional life; you can see what lies behind the decisions you make, why you see the world the way you do, where your blind spots and defence mechanisms are, what’s behind your anxieties, and what’s likely to trigger you. Essentially you can live up to your true potential and identify where you can grow and develop. By knowing these things, you can set resolutions that speak to exactly who you are. Because you will know who that is. You will set goals that speak to your specific needs and desires and you’ll be able to set goals that you know you’ll be able to stick to. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_111"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_175 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_104"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/Handwritten-2025-GOALS-New-Year-Resolutions-Aims-Goals-on-Paper-Notepad.-Preparation-for-New-Year.-Planning-and-Setting-Goals-for-Personal-Development-by-Анастасия-Янишевская.jpg" alt="Handwritten 2025 GOALS New Year Resolutions Aims Goals on Paper Notepad. Preparation for New Year. Planning and Setting Goals for Personal Development by Анастасия Янишевская" title="Handwritten 2025 GOALS New Year Resolutions Aims Goals on Paper Notepad. Preparation for New Year. Planning and Setting Goals for Personal Development by Анастасия Янишевская" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_112 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_176 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_105"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_177 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_147 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Focus your mind on past successes</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – while you’re getting to know yourself (pretty well at this point), looking to past failures and ruminating on past wins is the next step. To be clear, the aim is not to focus on the negative. Rather it’s to learn from past mistakes and then reset your focus on your past achievements – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">how did you achieve what you set out to achieve?</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> By doing so, you shift your focus from </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“How will I achieve this?”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> to </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“I know I can do this, because I have done it before.”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Having a positive outlook is essential to achieving the new goals you set for yourself because you will have a resilient, success-driven mindset. When you find yourself lamenting too long on prior mistakes, force yourself to revisit your accomplishments. Over time, you’ll naturally begin to look for the silver lining, which will help you see yourself as worthy, competent, and successful rather than unable to get a leg up. Your resolutions will start to fall into place because you’ll know you have done it before. And that’s half the battle won. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_113 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_178 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_106"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_179 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_148 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Reframe your why</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– the next step in getting to know yourself and really practicing the act of self-awareness is to take the time to ask yourself why this particular goal matters to you. Are you choosing it because it’s something you deeply value, or because you feel you should? Is it something you really want to achieve – and by now if you have really got to know yourself and employed the enneagram method, you should be able to answer this question – or is this goal linked more towards what society thinks you should be achieving. Like getting a ”Snatched body” or a “revenge body” by March. Aligning your goals with intrinsic motivations creates a greater sense of purpose. So, in the examples we have given, instead of focusing on “getting a revenge body by March” reframe your resolution around </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“feeling stronger and having more energy so I can do fun activities with family.” </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">See the difference there? Make sure you’re setting goals for you and not because society expects you to. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_114 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_180 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_107"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_181 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_149 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Forget perfection</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – the last point we want to make about making resolutions through self-awareness is the perfection conundrum. The pressure that comes with expecting perfection from your new year’s resolution is immense. It’s the enemy of progress. And it’s a sure-fire way to set ourselves up to fail by aiming for an ideal that is simply too hard to achieve. Resolutions like </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“I’m going to work out every day,”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> or </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“I’m going to eat clean all month,”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> are doomed to fail from the start because they leave little room for imperfection. Remember that </span><b><i>life happens</i></b><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Don’t let one slip-up on the road to achieving your long-term goal lead you to giving up. The key to success isn’t perfection. It’s consistency. The smallest changes, done consistently can make a big difference in your life. Don’t give up. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_115"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_182 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_108"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/Just-go-with-the-flow-View-more-by-Nicola-Katie-from-Getty-Images-Signature.jpg" alt="Just go with the flow View more by Nicola Katie from Getty Images Signature" title="Just go with the flow View more by Nicola Katie from Getty Images Signature" class="wp-image-235109" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_150 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Once your resolution has gone through the self-awareness check, the rest is easy. Sure, we can remind you to have fun, don’t take yourself too seriously, track your progress (not your perfection); be flexible and most importantly be kind to yourself – but these points are applicable to every situation. Not just when setting your resolutions or better put – goals – for 2025. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The important take-away here is that change isn’t just about acting. It’s about knowing yourself first in order to make your goals achievable. Lastly, it’s important to note that you don’t need to wait until January to start over. Every day is an opportunity to reshape your life with goals that honour who you are and where you want to go.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And to this we say</span><b> – Carpe Diem friends!</b></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Sources used and to whom we owe thanks: </span></i><a href="https://www.inc.com/rhett-power/why-self-aware-resolutions-are-way-to-go-in-2020.html"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Inc.</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; Psychology Today </span></i><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/202412/why-new-years-resolutions-set-you-up-to-fail#:~:text=They're%20Based%20on%20All,feel%20like%20you've%20failed."><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">here</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span></i><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/202412/why-new-years-resolutions-set-you-up-to-fail#:~:text=last%20until%20February.-,Research%20shows%20that%20about%2080%25%20of%20people%20abandon%20their%20resolutions,the%20concept%20itself%20is%20flawed."><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">here</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/why-new-years-resolutions-fail-6823972"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Very Well Mind</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.lhsdoi.com/29285/opinion/failed-by-february-why-your-new-years-resolutions-never-last/"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Drops of Ink</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span></i><a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/markmurphy/2020/02/11/this-is-the-month-when-new-years-resolutions-fail-heres-how-to-save-them/"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Forbes</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">). </span></i></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_109"> <a href="https://calendly.com/bravingboundaries/exploration-call"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image-7.png" alt="" title="End of blog post CTA image (7)" class="wp-image-235105" /></span></a> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_6 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_116 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_183 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_110"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_184 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_151 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">[email protected]</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/new-year-same-stuck-feeling/">New year, same stuck feeling?</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/new-year-same-stuck-feeling/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Only the Lonely – the Fear of Loneliness</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/only-the-lonely-the-fear-of-loneliness/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/only-the-lonely-the-fear-of-loneliness/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 28 Nov 2024 14:01:52 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[The Fears series]]></category> <category><![CDATA[awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Building Connections]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Coping with Isolation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[divorce and loss]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional resilience]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional well-being]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Fear of Loneliness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[grief and loss]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Human Connection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Overcoming Loneliness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Relationships and Loneliness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-compassion]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Tackling Loneliness]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=235014</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/only-the-lonely-the-fear-of-loneliness/">Only the Lonely – the Fear of Loneliness</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_9 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_117"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_185 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_152 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As Roy Orbison croons his famous song</span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D6Aw3ZnqQrY" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;"> “Only the Lonely”</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, the lyrics will hit differently for different people. Some of us will listen to the song and instantly feel a kinship with Orbison knowing full well what it feels like to miss the warmth of someone next to us. Or the yearning to be someone’s darling, their sweetheart, their “one”. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When he sings – </span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Only the lonely</span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Know the way I feel tonight</span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Only the lonely</span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Know this feeling ain’t right”.</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We feel the breaking of his heart and can empathise with the thought that the feeling isn’t right. Shouldn’t be right. Can’t be right – live this life alone, without your person? No way!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And then there are the rest of us that understand the sentiment that being alone doesn’t necessarily mean we’re lonely. Perhaps it’s an only child thing – you grow up, ostensibly alone. You learn to be ok with that, comfortable in your own space and in the silence that it offers. You have your – often vivid – imagination to keep you company. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But there’s no denying that at some point in your life – an only child or not – the idea of being alone is frightening. For different reasons. But it’s a reality all of us face at one point or another. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The difference is how it affects you. For some, the fear of being alone will be so all-consuming that it will be classified as a phobia – like other phobias such as arachnophobia – known as </span><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-the-fear-of-being-alone-2671883" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">monophobia</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">One thing is for sure – only the lonely know the way it feels tonight…</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_153 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>The phobia – monophobia</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_111"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/European-woman-hiding-face-under-the-clothes.-She-is-pulling-sweater-on-her-head.-by-Koldunova_Anna-from-Getty-Images-Pro.jpg" alt="European woman hiding face under the clothes. She is pulling sweater on her head. by Koldunova_Anna from Getty Images Pro" title="European woman hiding face under the clothes. She is pulling sweater on her head. by Koldunova_Anna from Getty Images Pro" class="wp-image-235028" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_154 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-the-fear-of-being-alone-2671883" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Verywellmind</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> describes monophobia (also known as autophobia) as a severe, irrational fear of being alone. So much so that this fear could impact your normal day-to-day life.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It can refer to several fears which may or may not share a common cause, like the fear of:</span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Being apart from a particular person;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Being home alone;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Being in public by yourself;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Feeling isolated or ignored;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Experiencing danger while alone;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Living alone;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Loneliness, and</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Solitude.</span></li> </ul> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Granted, being diagnosed with monophobia is a little different to waking up </span><a href="https://www.google.com/search?sca_esv=4b38bf61f79e2069&rlz=1C1AVFC_enZA990ZA990&sxsrf=ADLYWIL2bxYQB27k7bOxQCDna3pDLUwTmw:1732629720268&q=Bridget+Jones+waking+up+alone+at+30&udm=7&fbs=AEQNm0Aa4sjWe7Rqy32pFwRj0UkWd8nbOJfsBGGB5IQQO6L3J603JUkR9Y5suk8yuy50qOYMMWTNCTu57lKPsZpPcfqPO_IpBTFq5Iu5fjJcS9zeIjPFJUv87eZfN29UFdVUPMDQu7RK9R_bUPLOf1fjQfA8iavGDDNI4XAiPb7CBH_tYixgN7oUspZLXXXsRkqTIf5aqMzAsa5BiGd_cq9iXccaPMpaPw&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjVyIPYlPqJAxWJYEEAHcgaA40QtKgLegQIEhAB&biw=1098&bih=457&dpr=1.75#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:02eac83d,vid:sYO6j_D8cg8,st:0" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Bridget Jones style</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> in your late 30’s (40’s, 50’s – insert age here) wondering where your Mr. Right (or indeed Mrs. Right or simply “Right Person”) is. But the sentiment is the same – it’s the degree of severity that distinguishes the phobia from simply being alone (which is not simple at all). </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_155 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>This loneliness is killing me</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_156 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When Britney Spears sang those famous lyrics in </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-u5WLJ9Yk4"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Baby One More Time</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, I’m sure she didn’t think that the feeling of loneliness could be so desperate. But it can be. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As we head towards the Festive Time of year, shops around town are hanging up tinsel and bells, wreaths and lights, there’s a merriment in the air. A bringing together of families – regardless of whether you celebrate Christmas or not – a hunkering down of sorts while you all collectively wait to ring in the New Year. And with all this merriment there is a sense, a need to belong – to someone mostly. Looking forward to late mornings in bed as you while away the time on Boxing Day and New Years Day – all the better spent with someone you love. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">This sentiment of the time of year can have a lot of us feeling glum. Especially those of us who aren’t attached to someone else. Not being attached. It sounds so blasé. And is anything but. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Some of us haven’t met our one yet, despite all attempts to the contrary – too much work, too little time, too many apps, not enough face time. High expectations, low self-esteems. It’s hard out there. So, we throw ourselves into work, into exercise, into jazzercise, into rock climbing, into [insert activity here] just so that we fill the time with something. Anything. Instead of focusing on ourselves. On how we can make ourselves better, happier, more adjusted. You want to find your person. Not just any person. The right person. And perhaps to do that, you need to start with you. And that’s a scary thing. Because is it really you? Or them? Or just society’s fault? Why are you </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">still</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> single? </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_112"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Lonely-by-Gang-Zhou-from-Getty-Images-Signature.jpg" alt="Lonely by Gang Zhou from Getty Images Signature" title="Lonely by Gang Zhou from Getty Images Signature" class="wp-image-235031" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_157 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Some of us are coming out of a break-up or divorce. The heartbreak still well and truly set in – regardless of who did the leaving. It’s the coming apart – it feels like from the seams – your lives turned upside down as you try to forget how someone likes their coffee (or tea), as you stop buying their favourite cereal or biscuits. It’s the uncoupling that hurts so badly. Like you’re suddenly missing your pinkie. You can get on without it but it’s far more useful to have it </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">on</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> your hand. It also looks better – aesthetically anyway. And suddenly it’s the realisation that you are – once again – on the market. A “For Sale” sign squarely on your front lawn. And the prospect of having potential buyers coming on over to look at what you have to offer has you filled with fear – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">what if I’m doomed to be single? What if no one else will ever love me? </span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And still, some of us are only just about ready to come up for air. If that’s what it is. Air – what’s the use of air? What’s the use in breathing without them? What’s the use of lungs or eyes, or hearts if there’s no one to look at, no one to love, no one to breathe for? Some of us have lost our “Plus One’s”. No. That doesn’t sound right. Our person. Our </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">only</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> person. And it feels like we have been swallowed up by the sea, thrown around by the waves, fighting – but not really – to get back to the shores. A broken person where a couple once stood. It’s funny how death makes angels of us all, redeeming even the worst fights, forgiving misdemeanors and words said but not meant. And now as we look to our future, alone for the first time in a long time, reality sets in. You are on your own. And that’s enough to make any one of us want to stay in our dark rooms like the Miss Havisham of the Upper West Side.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Being alone looks different for all of us. We all have our stories, our feelings of loss, or feelings of not belonging. It hits differently for all of us. Just like Orbison’s song. But the underlying feeling that connects us all in this loneliness is the need to belong. To a person, to a group of people, to a cause. It’s the need to connect, to make a connection to another person, or people. It’s the need to be seen. That’s what connects us as we all travel in tubes, buses and railways looking to make our ways back home.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Hopefully to a home that doesn’t echo the sounds of silence. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_158 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>How can you counter your fear of loneliness?</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_159 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s clear that as human beings we find solace and comfort amongst others – we’re social creatures after all, (well most of us anyways).</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We thrive within communities of like-minded people and in healthy relationships. When we feel isolated from other people – during times of loss or grief, break-ups or mishaps – it can take a toll on us both mentally (emotionally) as well as physically. Your stress levels can go soaring, triggering anxiety and depression, thereby increasing your risk for heart disease and stroke.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Now let’s be clear about something quickly – you can feel lonely for any number of reasons not discussed above. Moving to a new city for work, attending college far from home, not having friends close enough to divulge your feelings to, being isolated due to an illness, being housebound due to a disability, being lonely because your social anxiety sends you running for the comfort of your own home rather than face the awkwardness of a crowd.</span> <span style="font-weight: 400;"> Or y</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">ou just feel an existential loneliness that you can’t shake. Like even though you’re surrounded by friends and loved ones, you still feel lonely. Or maybe you’re just working so hard that you often find yourself eating a piece of chicken (out of the bag) over the kitchen sink at midnight, right before you take the quickest shower known to man so that you can get at least 4 hours’ worth of sleep before your day starts again – this kind of lifestyle often comes with less human interaction than one might like. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_113"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Man-Sleeping-on-A-Bed-by-Andrea-Piacquadio-from-Pexels.jpg" alt="Man Sleeping on A Bed by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels" title="Man Sleeping on A Bed by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels" class="wp-image-235032" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_160 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And it stands to reason that in any number of situations, one would fear that this feeling of loneliness is here to stay. And for some of us, that feeling is too much to bear.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Tackling your fear of loneliness often involves looking inwards. It involves working on yourself first and it often involves big bold steps into the unknown to make the changes you need in order to gain the connections desired. But there are things that you can do today to face your fear of loneliness, and they include – </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_118 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_186 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_114"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_187 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_161 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Acknowledging your feelings</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – first things first. As with any fear or irrational belief, you first need to acknowledge that you feel it. That it’s there. That it’s real – to you. The next is seeking help. Whether you talk to a close family member or friend about how you’re feeling and why you’re feeling that way or whether you seek assistance from a mental health professional, talking about how you’re feeling, acknowledging that feeling and seeking help should be your first point of call. “Keeping calm and carrying on” is so WWII. Your feelings are valid. So, express them and get the help you need.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_119 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_188 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_115"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_189 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_162 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Choosing to heal</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – you must make the cognitive, conscious decision to heal, to work on yourself, and to face your fear of being alone (or loneliness). This is not to say that it’s because of something you have done or haven’t done that you are destined to be alone. No. Rather this is an opportunity to get comfortable in your own skin. Get comfortable with who you are and what you have to offer – knowing how much you have to offer. It’s an opportunity to get comfortable learning and growing while you’re on your own. The thing is, you must make the decision to show up for yourself every day, especially when it’s hard. You must learn about the things that make you happy, the things that get your heart racing. Learn about you – the real you. Remember it’s the stories we tell ourselves about who we are and what we deserve, that often cause our feelings of loneliness. If you don’t honestly believe that you deserve human love and connection, you won’t allow yourself to feel it. And it’s up to you to change that.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_120 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_190 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_116"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_191 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_163 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Practicing self-care</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– the way you treat your mind and body has a direct effect on your emotional wellbeing. It’s why loneliness is so intricately linked to burnout and stress. It’s also why it’s important to put self-care at the top of your list – prioritise your physical and mental health. Feed your mind the correct messaging. Talk to yourself the way you would a good friend – kindly and with understanding. Try getting some physical exercise even if that’s a quick walk around your neighbourhood. Take a time out with meditation or yoga. Self-care is key to dealing with loneliness – because when you feel good about yourself, that will radiate off of you, attracting others into your orbit.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_121"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_192 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_117"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Frieda-Levycky-walk-in-the-forest.jpg" alt="Frieda Levycky walk in the forest" title="Frieda Levycky walk in the forest" class="wp-image-235029" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_122 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_193 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_118"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_194 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_164 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Getting out into nature</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">(where possible) – being out in the world – outside of the concrete jungle that is – can really put things into perspective. It gives you a sense of how big the world is, how beautiful each creature is and how each individual thing – whether tiny and seemingly insignificant – has a place and a purpose in the world. Just like you do. It can bring a sense of peace to your soul and quiet the mind and the voices that are perhaps telling you that you don’t deserve love or connection. In the UK, organization such as </span><a href="https://www.ramblers.org.uk/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Ramblers</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, arrange walks for groups of people to get together and take – building community and connection as you walk in the open, fresh air. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_123 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_195 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_119"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_196 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_165 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Planting a garden</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">(where possible)</span><b> – </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">whether that’s a vegetable garden or flower garden, Bonsai’s, or herbs. Whatever floats your boat. Whether it’s in your own garden, on your rooftop or simply on your windowsill. Not only does it give you a sense of purpose – you need to research how to plant things and what to do, you need to visit nurseries and ask questions, joining gardening enthusiasts as they shop for compost or seeds. Posting pictures of your garden online can also open up a world of possibilities with online communities that hopefully meet in person to chat about the latest Bonsai technique. But gardening also gives you a sense of accomplishment – look what you have grown! And in that a sense of pride in yourself. It’s also symbolic – watering your own garden before you can even think about watering someone else’s.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_124 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_197 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_120"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/6.jpg" alt="" title="6" class="wp-image-1491" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_198 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_166 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Spending time with animals </strong><b>– </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">animals have a way about them that transcends verbal communication. Looking into their eyes, it’s as if they know what you’re thinking and how you’re feeling without you having to express anything. Spending time at an animal shelter has a twofold purpose – not only are you offering company to an animal in need thereby contributing to their social interaction and socialisation, but you are also gaining companionship from a furry friend that can leave you feeling all the feels. A fan of dogs? </span><a href="https://www.borrowmydoggy.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Borrow my Doggy</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (in the UK) connects local dog owners with people who want to walk them, care for them, or keep them company. And that also has a two-fold result – maybe you could meet a fellow dog lover when you borrow their doggy for the day… for one person – Meg – it literally was </span><a href="https://www.glamourmagazine.co.uk/article/borrowing-dog-mental-health" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">the best thing she did for her mental health</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_125"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_199 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_121"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Frieda-Levycky-with-Dog.jpg" alt="Frieda Levycky with Dog" title="Frieda Levycky with Dog" class="wp-image-235030" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_126 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_200 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_122"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/7.png" alt="" title="7" class="wp-image-1882" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_201 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_167 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Volunteering</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – contributing your time and energy, working alongside others for a good cause, can effectively help you fight off your feelings of loneliness and isolation. Volunteer activities are shown to ease stress, reduce feelings of depression, can help you make friends, and connect with others, and give you a sense of purpose. All in all, making for a happier human being. A sense of happiness, fulfilment, and connection to others trumps loneliness any day of the week. You could volunteer at a senior nursing home, work in a soup kitchen, or even read to kids after school – all giving back while making in person connections. Brilliant!</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_127 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_202 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_123"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/8.jpg" alt="" title="8" class="wp-image-1883" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_203 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_168 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Joining a club or a group</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– what’s better than meeting new people and making new connections? Meeting new people and making new connections with shared interests and hobbies!! You know like book clubs. But it doesn’t have to be a book club – it could be a club that meets on a weekly basis talking all about Stranger Things or a group that likes visiting pubs built in 1827. Sherlock Holmes enthusiasts? There’s bound to be a club like that. </span><a href="https://www.meetup.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Meetup</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> is an online platform through which you can find a group or create your own based on a particular interest. Groups meet in person, wherever you’re located. There are Meetup groups for all types of interests, including food, travel, lifestyle, entertainment, sports, recreation, culture, and so much more. Meetup groups give you things to do when you feel lonely. It’s a terrific way to make new friends and get together with likeminded people on a regular basis.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_128"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_204 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_169 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>I’m not lonely when I’m alone</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_170 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As an only child, I feel it’s my duty to point out that some of us enjoy our own company. We even prefer it. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I may – on occasion – look foreboding (it’s all by design) and seem to repel unnecessary human interaction, but I do actually like people. And have been known to be quite the chatterbox. But because I grew up alone without siblings and am the oldest of the grandkids, being on my own is normal for me. I married another only child (as one should – we are a different breed of people I think) who is also comfortable in his own skin. So, we choose to be together rather than being dependent on one another for company – if that makes sense.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">My husband fishes a lot and as a fishing widow I’m often left to my own devices – which is a dangerous thing. I can go days without muttering a syllable to another human being (my cats on the other hand can’t get me to shut up). The point I’m making is that I am on my own a lot but that doesn’t mean I’m lonely. My mental health issues have forced me to put in the work on myself. And now, years later, with all my flaws, I realise I like myself and like my own company. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I welcome interactions with friends and love seeing loved ones, I love my hubby – so I welcome the social interaction but I’m also happy enough with who I am to know that I’ll be ok on my own. Does that make sense?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s important to make that distinction. Because being alone doesn’t necessarily mean you’re lonely. Sometimes it’s a choice.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">With all that said, loneliness is something we all feel at some point. It’s real and those feelings are valid. It’s what you do about those feelings that will determine whether you join Orbison crooning about his heartache and sorrow or whether you combat your fear of being alone by joining a group or volunteering your time – focusing on your own self-development as a cure.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It was Irish poet Brendan Behan that said – </span></p> <blockquote> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“At the innermost core of all loneliness is a deep and powerful yearning for union with one’s lost self.” </span></i></p> </blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, let’s reclaim loneliness as a natural, human emotion that most of us feel at some point or another and instead use it to connect us to our innermost selves and to one other in a deeper, more meaningful way. Focus on you and allow the deep connections to flow….</span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Sources used and to whom we owe thanks – </span></i><a href="https://www.cigna.com/knowledge-center/how-to-deal-with-loneliness" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Cigna</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/tips-for-everyday-living/loneliness/tips-to-manage-loneliness/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Mind</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/our-work/public-engagement/unlock-loneliness/15-things-do-if-youre-feeling-lonely" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Mental Health Foundation</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/social-connection/i-feel-lonely" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">HelpGuide.org</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.tonyrobbins.com/blog/loneliness-and-longevity" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Tony Robbins</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span></i><a href="https://fearlessliving.org/fear-series-how-to-overcome-your-fear-of-loneliness" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Fearless Living</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">).</span></i></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_124"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image-6.png" alt="" title="End of blog post CTA image (6)" class="wp-image-235037" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_129"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_205 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_7 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_130 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_206 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_125"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_207 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_171 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">[email protected]</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/only-the-lonely-the-fear-of-loneliness/">Only the Lonely – the Fear of Loneliness</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/only-the-lonely-the-fear-of-loneliness/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> </channel> </rss>