<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><rss version="2.0" xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/" xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/" xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" xmlns:sy="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/syndication/" xmlns:slash="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/slash/" > <channel> <title>Relationships Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <atom:link href="https://bravingboundaries.com/category/relationships/feed/" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" /> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/category/relationships/</link> <description>PROFESSIONAL LIFE COACHING & TRAINING</description> <lastBuildDate>Thu, 28 Nov 2024 14:21:23 +0000</lastBuildDate> <language>en-ZA</language> <sy:updatePeriod> hourly </sy:updatePeriod> <sy:updateFrequency> 1 </sy:updateFrequency> <image> <url>https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Asset-1.svg</url> <title>Relationships Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/category/relationships/</link> <width>32</width> <height>32</height> </image> <item> <title>Only the Lonely – the Fear of Loneliness</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/only-the-lonely-the-fear-of-loneliness/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/only-the-lonely-the-fear-of-loneliness/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 28 Nov 2024 14:01:52 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[The Fears series]]></category> <category><![CDATA[awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Building Connections]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Coping with Isolation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[divorce and loss]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional resilience]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional well-being]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Fear of Loneliness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[grief and loss]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Human Connection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Overcoming Loneliness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Relationships and Loneliness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-compassion]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Tackling Loneliness]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=235014</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/only-the-lonely-the-fear-of-loneliness/">Only the Lonely – the Fear of Loneliness</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_0 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_0"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_0 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_0 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As Roy Orbison croons his famous song</span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D6Aw3ZnqQrY" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;"> “Only the Lonely”</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, the lyrics will hit differently for different people. Some of us will listen to the song and instantly feel a kinship with Orbison knowing full well what it feels like to miss the warmth of someone next to us. Or the yearning to be someone’s darling, their sweetheart, their “one”. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When he sings – </span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Only the lonely</span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Know the way I feel tonight</span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Only the lonely</span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Know this feeling ain’t right”.</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We feel the breaking of his heart and can empathise with the thought that the feeling isn’t right. Shouldn’t be right. Can’t be right – live this life alone, without your person? No way!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And then there are the rest of us that understand the sentiment that being alone doesn’t necessarily mean we’re lonely. Perhaps it’s an only child thing – you grow up, ostensibly alone. You learn to be ok with that, comfortable in your own space and in the silence that it offers. You have your – often vivid – imagination to keep you company. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But there’s no denying that at some point in your life – an only child or not – the idea of being alone is frightening. For different reasons. But it’s a reality all of us face at one point or another. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The difference is how it affects you. For some, the fear of being alone will be so all-consuming that it will be classified as a phobia – like other phobias such as arachnophobia – known as </span><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-the-fear-of-being-alone-2671883" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">monophobia</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">One thing is for sure – only the lonely know the way it feels tonight…</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_1 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>The phobia – monophobia</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_0"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/European-woman-hiding-face-under-the-clothes.-She-is-pulling-sweater-on-her-head.-by-Koldunova_Anna-from-Getty-Images-Pro.jpg" alt="European woman hiding face under the clothes. She is pulling sweater on her head. by Koldunova_Anna from Getty Images Pro" title="European woman hiding face under the clothes. She is pulling sweater on her head. by Koldunova_Anna from Getty Images Pro" class="wp-image-235028" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_2 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-the-fear-of-being-alone-2671883" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Verywellmind</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> describes monophobia (also known as autophobia) as a severe, irrational fear of being alone. So much so that this fear could impact your normal day-to-day life.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It can refer to several fears which may or may not share a common cause, like the fear of:</span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Being apart from a particular person;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Being home alone;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Being in public by yourself;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Feeling isolated or ignored;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Experiencing danger while alone;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Living alone;</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Loneliness, and</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Solitude.</span></li> </ul> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Granted, being diagnosed with monophobia is a little different to waking up </span><a href="https://www.google.com/search?sca_esv=4b38bf61f79e2069&rlz=1C1AVFC_enZA990ZA990&sxsrf=ADLYWIL2bxYQB27k7bOxQCDna3pDLUwTmw:1732629720268&q=Bridget+Jones+waking+up+alone+at+30&udm=7&fbs=AEQNm0Aa4sjWe7Rqy32pFwRj0UkWd8nbOJfsBGGB5IQQO6L3J603JUkR9Y5suk8yuy50qOYMMWTNCTu57lKPsZpPcfqPO_IpBTFq5Iu5fjJcS9zeIjPFJUv87eZfN29UFdVUPMDQu7RK9R_bUPLOf1fjQfA8iavGDDNI4XAiPb7CBH_tYixgN7oUspZLXXXsRkqTIf5aqMzAsa5BiGd_cq9iXccaPMpaPw&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjVyIPYlPqJAxWJYEEAHcgaA40QtKgLegQIEhAB&biw=1098&bih=457&dpr=1.75#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:02eac83d,vid:sYO6j_D8cg8,st:0" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Bridget Jones style</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> in your late 30’s (40’s, 50’s – insert age here) wondering where your Mr. Right (or indeed Mrs. Right or simply “Right Person”) is. But the sentiment is the same – it’s the degree of severity that distinguishes the phobia from simply being alone (which is not simple at all). </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_3 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>This loneliness is killing me</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_4 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When Britney Spears sang those famous lyrics in </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-u5WLJ9Yk4"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Baby One More Time</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, I’m sure she didn’t think that the feeling of loneliness could be so desperate. But it can be. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As we head towards the Festive Time of year, shops around town are hanging up tinsel and bells, wreaths and lights, there’s a merriment in the air. A bringing together of families – regardless of whether you celebrate Christmas or not – a hunkering down of sorts while you all collectively wait to ring in the New Year. And with all this merriment there is a sense, a need to belong – to someone mostly. Looking forward to late mornings in bed as you while away the time on Boxing Day and New Years Day – all the better spent with someone you love. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">This sentiment of the time of year can have a lot of us feeling glum. Especially those of us who aren’t attached to someone else. Not being attached. It sounds so blasé. And is anything but. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Some of us haven’t met our one yet, despite all attempts to the contrary – too much work, too little time, too many apps, not enough face time. High expectations, low self-esteems. It’s hard out there. So, we throw ourselves into work, into exercise, into jazzercise, into rock climbing, into [insert activity here] just so that we fill the time with something. Anything. Instead of focusing on ourselves. On how we can make ourselves better, happier, more adjusted. You want to find your person. Not just any person. The right person. And perhaps to do that, you need to start with you. And that’s a scary thing. Because is it really you? Or them? Or just society’s fault? Why are you </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">still</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> single? </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_1"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Lonely-by-Gang-Zhou-from-Getty-Images-Signature.jpg" alt="Lonely by Gang Zhou from Getty Images Signature" title="Lonely by Gang Zhou from Getty Images Signature" class="wp-image-235031" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_5 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Some of us are coming out of a break-up or divorce. The heartbreak still well and truly set in – regardless of who did the leaving. It’s the coming apart – it feels like from the seams – your lives turned upside down as you try to forget how someone likes their coffee (or tea), as you stop buying their favourite cereal or biscuits. It’s the uncoupling that hurts so badly. Like you’re suddenly missing your pinkie. You can get on without it but it’s far more useful to have it </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">on</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> your hand. It also looks better – aesthetically anyway. And suddenly it’s the realisation that you are – once again – on the market. A “For Sale” sign squarely on your front lawn. And the prospect of having potential buyers coming on over to look at what you have to offer has you filled with fear – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">what if I’m doomed to be single? What if no one else will ever love me? </span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And still, some of us are only just about ready to come up for air. If that’s what it is. Air – what’s the use of air? What’s the use in breathing without them? What’s the use of lungs or eyes, or hearts if there’s no one to look at, no one to love, no one to breathe for? Some of us have lost our “Plus One’s”. No. That doesn’t sound right. Our person. Our </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">only</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> person. And it feels like we have been swallowed up by the sea, thrown around by the waves, fighting – but not really – to get back to the shores. A broken person where a couple once stood. It’s funny how death makes angels of us all, redeeming even the worst fights, forgiving misdemeanors and words said but not meant. And now as we look to our future, alone for the first time in a long time, reality sets in. You are on your own. And that’s enough to make any one of us want to stay in our dark rooms like the Miss Havisham of the Upper West Side.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Being alone looks different for all of us. We all have our stories, our feelings of loss, or feelings of not belonging. It hits differently for all of us. Just like Orbison’s song. But the underlying feeling that connects us all in this loneliness is the need to belong. To a person, to a group of people, to a cause. It’s the need to connect, to make a connection to another person, or people. It’s the need to be seen. That’s what connects us as we all travel in tubes, buses and railways looking to make our ways back home.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Hopefully to a home that doesn’t echo the sounds of silence. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_6 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>How can you counter your fear of loneliness?</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_7 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s clear that as human beings we find solace and comfort amongst others – we’re social creatures after all, (well most of us anyways).</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We thrive within communities of like-minded people and in healthy relationships. When we feel isolated from other people – during times of loss or grief, break-ups or mishaps – it can take a toll on us both mentally (emotionally) as well as physically. Your stress levels can go soaring, triggering anxiety and depression, thereby increasing your risk for heart disease and stroke.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Now let’s be clear about something quickly – you can feel lonely for any number of reasons not discussed above. Moving to a new city for work, attending college far from home, not having friends close enough to divulge your feelings to, being isolated due to an illness, being housebound due to a disability, being lonely because your social anxiety sends you running for the comfort of your own home rather than face the awkwardness of a crowd.</span> <span style="font-weight: 400;"> Or y</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">ou just feel an existential loneliness that you can’t shake. Like even though you’re surrounded by friends and loved ones, you still feel lonely. Or maybe you’re just working so hard that you often find yourself eating a piece of chicken (out of the bag) over the kitchen sink at midnight, right before you take the quickest shower known to man so that you can get at least 4 hours’ worth of sleep before your day starts again – this kind of lifestyle often comes with less human interaction than one might like. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_2"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Man-Sleeping-on-A-Bed-by-Andrea-Piacquadio-from-Pexels.jpg" alt="Man Sleeping on A Bed by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels" title="Man Sleeping on A Bed by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels" class="wp-image-235032" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_8 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And it stands to reason that in any number of situations, one would fear that this feeling of loneliness is here to stay. And for some of us, that feeling is too much to bear.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Tackling your fear of loneliness often involves looking inwards. It involves working on yourself first and it often involves big bold steps into the unknown to make the changes you need in order to gain the connections desired. But there are things that you can do today to face your fear of loneliness, and they include – </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_1 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_1 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_3"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_2 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_9 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Acknowledging your feelings</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – first things first. As with any fear or irrational belief, you first need to acknowledge that you feel it. That it’s there. That it’s real – to you. The next is seeking help. Whether you talk to a close family member or friend about how you’re feeling and why you’re feeling that way or whether you seek assistance from a mental health professional, talking about how you’re feeling, acknowledging that feeling and seeking help should be your first point of call. “Keeping calm and carrying on” is so WWII. Your feelings are valid. So, express them and get the help you need.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_2 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_3 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_4"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_4 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_10 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Choosing to heal</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – you must make the cognitive, conscious decision to heal, to work on yourself, and to face your fear of being alone (or loneliness). This is not to say that it’s because of something you have done or haven’t done that you are destined to be alone. No. Rather this is an opportunity to get comfortable in your own skin. Get comfortable with who you are and what you have to offer – knowing how much you have to offer. It’s an opportunity to get comfortable learning and growing while you’re on your own. The thing is, you must make the decision to show up for yourself every day, especially when it’s hard. You must learn about the things that make you happy, the things that get your heart racing. Learn about you – the real you. Remember it’s the stories we tell ourselves about who we are and what we deserve, that often cause our feelings of loneliness. If you don’t honestly believe that you deserve human love and connection, you won’t allow yourself to feel it. And it’s up to you to change that.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_3 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_5 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_5"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_6 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_11 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Practicing self-care</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– the way you treat your mind and body has a direct effect on your emotional wellbeing. It’s why loneliness is so intricately linked to burnout and stress. It’s also why it’s important to put self-care at the top of your list – prioritise your physical and mental health. Feed your mind the correct messaging. Talk to yourself the way you would a good friend – kindly and with understanding. Try getting some physical exercise even if that’s a quick walk around your neighbourhood. Take a time out with meditation or yoga. Self-care is key to dealing with loneliness – because when you feel good about yourself, that will radiate off of you, attracting others into your orbit.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_4"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_7 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_6"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Frieda-Levycky-walk-in-the-forest.jpg" alt="Frieda Levycky walk in the forest" title="Frieda Levycky walk in the forest" class="wp-image-235029" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_5 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_8 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_7"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_9 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_12 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Getting out into nature</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">(where possible) – being out in the world – outside of the concrete jungle that is – can really put things into perspective. It gives you a sense of how big the world is, how beautiful each creature is and how each individual thing – whether tiny and seemingly insignificant – has a place and a purpose in the world. Just like you do. It can bring a sense of peace to your soul and quiet the mind and the voices that are perhaps telling you that you don’t deserve love or connection. In the UK, organization such as </span><a href="https://www.ramblers.org.uk/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Ramblers</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, arrange walks for groups of people to get together and take – building community and connection as you walk in the open, fresh air. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_6 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_10 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_8"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_11 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_13 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Planting a garden</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">(where possible)</span><b> – </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">whether that’s a vegetable garden or flower garden, Bonsai’s, or herbs. Whatever floats your boat. Whether it’s in your own garden, on your rooftop or simply on your windowsill. Not only does it give you a sense of purpose – you need to research how to plant things and what to do, you need to visit nurseries and ask questions, joining gardening enthusiasts as they shop for compost or seeds. Posting pictures of your garden online can also open up a world of possibilities with online communities that hopefully meet in person to chat about the latest Bonsai technique. But gardening also gives you a sense of accomplishment – look what you have grown! And in that a sense of pride in yourself. It’s also symbolic – watering your own garden before you can even think about watering someone else’s.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_7 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_12 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_9"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/6.jpg" alt="" title="6" class="wp-image-1491" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_13 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_14 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Spending time with animals </strong><b>– </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">animals have a way about them that transcends verbal communication. Looking into their eyes, it’s as if they know what you’re thinking and how you’re feeling without you having to express anything. Spending time at an animal shelter has a twofold purpose – not only are you offering company to an animal in need thereby contributing to their social interaction and socialisation, but you are also gaining companionship from a furry friend that can leave you feeling all the feels. A fan of dogs? </span><a href="https://www.borrowmydoggy.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Borrow my Doggy</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (in the UK) connects local dog owners with people who want to walk them, care for them, or keep them company. And that also has a two-fold result – maybe you could meet a fellow dog lover when you borrow their doggy for the day… for one person – Meg – it literally was </span><a href="https://www.glamourmagazine.co.uk/article/borrowing-dog-mental-health" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">the best thing she did for her mental health</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_8"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_14 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_10"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Frieda-Levycky-with-Dog.jpg" alt="Frieda Levycky with Dog" title="Frieda Levycky with Dog" class="wp-image-235030" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_9 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_15 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_11"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/7.png" alt="" title="7" class="wp-image-1882" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_16 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_15 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Volunteering</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – contributing your time and energy, working alongside others for a good cause, can effectively help you fight off your feelings of loneliness and isolation. Volunteer activities are shown to ease stress, reduce feelings of depression, can help you make friends, and connect with others, and give you a sense of purpose. All in all, making for a happier human being. A sense of happiness, fulfilment, and connection to others trumps loneliness any day of the week. You could volunteer at a senior nursing home, work in a soup kitchen, or even read to kids after school – all giving back while making in person connections. Brilliant!</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_10 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_17 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_12"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/8.jpg" alt="" title="8" class="wp-image-1883" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_18 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_16 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Joining a club or a group</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– what’s better than meeting new people and making new connections? Meeting new people and making new connections with shared interests and hobbies!! You know like book clubs. But it doesn’t have to be a book club – it could be a club that meets on a weekly basis talking all about Stranger Things or a group that likes visiting pubs built in 1827. Sherlock Holmes enthusiasts? There’s bound to be a club like that. </span><a href="https://www.meetup.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Meetup</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> is an online platform through which you can find a group or create your own based on a particular interest. Groups meet in person, wherever you’re located. There are Meetup groups for all types of interests, including food, travel, lifestyle, entertainment, sports, recreation, culture, and so much more. Meetup groups give you things to do when you feel lonely. It’s a terrific way to make new friends and get together with likeminded people on a regular basis.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_11"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_19 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_17 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>I’m not lonely when I’m alone</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_18 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As an only child, I feel it’s my duty to point out that some of us enjoy our own company. We even prefer it. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I may – on occasion – look foreboding (it’s all by design) and seem to repel unnecessary human interaction, but I do actually like people. And have been known to be quite the chatterbox. But because I grew up alone without siblings and am the oldest of the grandkids, being on my own is normal for me. I married another only child (as one should – we are a different breed of people I think) who is also comfortable in his own skin. So, we choose to be together rather than being dependent on one another for company – if that makes sense.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">My husband fishes a lot and as a fishing widow I’m often left to my own devices – which is a dangerous thing. I can go days without muttering a syllable to another human being (my cats on the other hand can’t get me to shut up). The point I’m making is that I am on my own a lot but that doesn’t mean I’m lonely. My mental health issues have forced me to put in the work on myself. And now, years later, with all my flaws, I realise I like myself and like my own company. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I welcome interactions with friends and love seeing loved ones, I love my hubby – so I welcome the social interaction but I’m also happy enough with who I am to know that I’ll be ok on my own. Does that make sense?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s important to make that distinction. Because being alone doesn’t necessarily mean you’re lonely. Sometimes it’s a choice.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">With all that said, loneliness is something we all feel at some point. It’s real and those feelings are valid. It’s what you do about those feelings that will determine whether you join Orbison crooning about his heartache and sorrow or whether you combat your fear of being alone by joining a group or volunteering your time – focusing on your own self-development as a cure.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It was Irish poet Brendan Behan that said – </span></p> <blockquote> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“At the innermost core of all loneliness is a deep and powerful yearning for union with one’s lost self.” </span></i></p> </blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, let’s reclaim loneliness as a natural, human emotion that most of us feel at some point or another and instead use it to connect us to our innermost selves and to one other in a deeper, more meaningful way. Focus on you and allow the deep connections to flow….</span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Sources used and to whom we owe thanks – </span></i><a href="https://www.cigna.com/knowledge-center/how-to-deal-with-loneliness" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Cigna</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/tips-for-everyday-living/loneliness/tips-to-manage-loneliness/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Mind</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/our-work/public-engagement/unlock-loneliness/15-things-do-if-youre-feeling-lonely" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Mental Health Foundation</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/social-connection/i-feel-lonely" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">HelpGuide.org</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.tonyrobbins.com/blog/loneliness-and-longevity" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Tony Robbins</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span></i><a href="https://fearlessliving.org/fear-series-how-to-overcome-your-fear-of-loneliness" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Fearless Living</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">).</span></i></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_13"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image-6.png" alt="" title="End of blog post CTA image (6)" class="wp-image-235037" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_12"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_20 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_0 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_13 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_21 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_14"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_22 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_19 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">[email protected]</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/only-the-lonely-the-fear-of-loneliness/">Only the Lonely – the Fear of Loneliness</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/only-the-lonely-the-fear-of-loneliness/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Living with the Fear of Rejection</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/living-with-the-fear-of-rejection/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/living-with-the-fear-of-rejection/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 30 Oct 2024 14:00:35 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Lessons Learned]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[The Fears series]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Coping mechanisms]]></category> <category><![CDATA[coping with fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Coping with rejection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional resilience]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional well-being]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Fear of Rejection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fears]]></category> <category><![CDATA[live your life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[managing fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Managing rejection anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Mental health tips]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Mindset and resilience]]></category> <category><![CDATA[overcoming challenges]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Overcoming rejection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Rejection sensitivity]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-confidence building]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-help strategies]]></category> <category><![CDATA[The Fear Series]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=234920</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/living-with-the-fear-of-rejection/">Living with the Fear of Rejection</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_1 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_14"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_23 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_20 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY FRIEDA LEVYCKY, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/" style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;">BRAVING BOUNDARIES</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><span style="color: #be9727;"></span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">This article forms part of “The Fears Series”. With the Fear of Rejection being so prevalent for many people, we’ve written two articles on the topic: one from Frieda’s perspective (Founder of Braving Boundaries) and <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/facing-the-fear-of-rejection/">one from Alicia’s perspective</a> (Founder of the Legal Belletrist). Take a read.</span></i></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’d love to know what it’s like to live without the fear of rejection. Imagine how freeing that must feel! But for as long as I can remember, this notion of rejection has always been present. It’s almost like a shadow lingering quietly in the background; that familiar sensation that reminds me of the “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">what ifs</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Fear of rejection isn’t a simple, one-layered issue and it’s not just about the rejection itself. It goes beyond the sting of hearing “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">no</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” or the awkwardness of being ghosted. It’s the </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">ripple effect</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> we fear. What if that “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">no</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” says something about me – about my worth, my abilities or even my future?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As humans, we have this natural need to belong; to be liked, wanted and accepted. From childhood, we learn the importance of fitting in. It’s so entrenched within us that Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs even allocates a whole level to it! Rejection threatens that. It gnaws away at our sense of belonging and safety.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But where does this fear come from? Well, I think it’s a mix of things: a deep need to feel secure, accepted and valued. When we’re rejected (or think we’re being rejected), it can feel like a blow to our self-worth. It challenges our sense of who we are and, let’s face it, none of us like the idea of being told “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">you’re not enough</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”. We’ve all felt it at some point … so we all know how painful that feels.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_21 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>My experience of the fear of rejection</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_15"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/10/Rejecting-Bribery-in-an-Envelope-by-89Stocker.png" alt="" title="Rejecting Bribery in an Envelope by 89Stocker" class="wp-image-234956" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_22 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The fear of rejection has held me back at various stages of my life:</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <ul> <ul> <li><b>Job interviews</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – Well, I avoided those like the plague! Putting myself forward and potentially hearing: “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Thanks, but no thanks</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” was always unsettling. I’m pretty sure that this particular version of my fear of rejection stems from the constant rejection / radio silence I experienced when applying for Summer Internships. I spent hours filling in the forms and I couldn’t help but wonder what the rejection / non-responsiveness said about me. Was I not good enough?<br /></span><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>Asking for a pay rise</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – There have been many times where I have avoided having the pay rise conversation arguing that it would be a pointless exercise. But really, I avoided that conversation because I feared hearing the justification for the negative response. Not only would it make me question my value in the workplace, but I also feared being seen as greedy or out of line. It was irrelevant that I also knew that I was only asking for what I deserved. The fear trumped the logic most times.<br /></span><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>Telling people I was a coach</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – Yes, Yes, I know! Transitioning from a well-established legal career to a flourishing coaching career felt daunting though. Would people take me seriously? Or would they see me as just another person jumping on the coaching bandwagon? The fear of losing credibility amongst my peers and network – or no longer “belonging” – was very real for me, and it held me back from truly stepping into my identity as a Coach for a good couple of years.</span><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /></span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>Promoting Braving Boundaries</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – SALES! The word still fills me with dread. When it comes to marketing services to corporates, rejection is a given and it comes in many forms: radio silence, vague responses or budget constraints. It requires a thick skin to push on through – perhaps that’s why most new businesses fail within the first 2-4 years of being established. The fear of rejection makes you avoid putting yourself out there; letting people know how you can help them. This, in turn, chips away at your confidence and makes you question your entire business.</span></li> </ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">Dating</b><span style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;"> – Ah, dating! I’ve lost count of how many times I avoided online dating or being set up by friends simply because the fear of rejection was too overwhelming. The fear of opening up to someone and being natural and vulnerable – i.e. being me – and then being told: “</span><i style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">I just don’t fancy you enough</i><span style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">” or “</span><i style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">I think we should just be friends</i><span style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">” or “</span><i style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">Maybe we could keep things casual</i><span style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">” or “</span><i style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">You’re great, but …</i><span style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">”, hit me right to the core. Vulnerability combined with rejection? No thank you! It’s honestly a miracle I ever got married!</span><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></li> </ul></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_23 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>The ripple effect of the fear of rejection</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_16"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/10/Sad-woman-suffering-by-bymuratdeniz-from-Getty-Images-Signature.png" alt="" title="Sad woman suffering by bymuratdeniz from Getty Images Signature" class="wp-image-234957" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_24 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The fear of rejection can manifest in different ways for each of us. For some of you, it will stop you entirely while for others, like me, it leads to procrastination and delay. Save in the case of dating, the fear of rejection didn’t stop me from taking action, but it did make me hesitate – whether in job interviews, asking for a pay rise or promoting Braving Boundaries. It made me worry about how rejection would reflect on my abilities, identity and self-worth, and caused me to delay taking the steps I knew I needed to in order to progress.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For others though, this fear might show up as staying in a comfortable role or relationship to avoid the potential pain of rejection. It might keep someone from sharing their ideas or speaking up – fearing criticism or failure (there is a separate article on that). This fear (while seemingly protective) often holds us back. It keeps us stuck and undermines our confidence. Whether it’s in personal relationships, careers or creative pursuits, the fear of rejection stalls progress. It leaves us questioning our worth and comparing ourselves to those who seem to push through without hesitation.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_25 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Overcoming the fear of rejection</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_26 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If the above sounds all too familiar, just know that you are not alone. I’ve set out below some of the tried and tested strategies which have helped me address my fear of rejection over the years (and still help me today):</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_15 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_24 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_17"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_25 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_27 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Explore where your fear of rejection comes from</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– The fear of rejection often has roots deep in our past. It might stem from a specific incident that knocked your confidence or perhaps it’s been a lifelong struggle to feel accepted. Either way, it’s important to recognise that what we perceive as rejection may not have been rejection at all. It’s simply how we’ve interpreted it. Working with a counsellor can help you explore and, more importantly, reframe that incident. By revisiting it, you might discover that the rejection you’ve carried for so long was more about perception than reality. Seeing it for what it truly was can help you release its grip. Separate your current situation from the past. They are not the same and it’s time to stop letting the past define your present.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_16 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_26 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_18"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_27 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_28 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Fact-check your beliefs</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– So often, our fears aren’t grounded in reality. They are beliefs we carry around with us. A great way to check is to ask yourself: “</span><strong><i>What proof do I have that this fear is justified?</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">”. Take, for example, my fear that no one will show up for a workshop. Is there any factual reason to believe that? Have I ever had a workshop where no one signed up? Is there something else occurring on that date which might prevent people from attending? This exercise helps to challenge those beliefs and bring you back to reality. If the response is no – then you’re confirming that your thoughts are fear-driven beliefs and not facts. If the response to any of the questions is yes (i.e. the fear has a factual base), then explore that further – what can be adjusted or done differently? This is a great exercise to work through with a friend/coach/partner. Having someone asking these questions who is not emotionally tied to the outcome, can bring much needed perspective to the situation.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_17 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_28 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_19"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_29 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_29 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Rejection is just a change in direction.</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">Rejection stings – there’s no denying that – but, more often than not, it’s simply redirecting us to where we’re meant to be. What do they say? “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"><strong>When one door closes another door opens</strong>”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. It’s about shifting our perspective from seeing rejection as a final judgment on our worth to seeing it as part of the process. Sometimes a “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">no</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” is just a way of clearing space for a better “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">yes</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” down the line. Instead of viewing rejection as the end of the road, try to see it as a detour that’s leading you to an opportunity that you wouldn’t have discovered otherwise.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_18"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_30 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_20"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/10/Changing-business-management-concept.-by-tadamichi-from-Getty-Images.png" alt="" title="Changing business management concept. by tadamichi from Getty Images" class="wp-image-234955" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_19 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_31 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_21"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_32 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_30 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Not everyone is your person</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– In life, whether it’s in relationships, job interviews or even friendships, we won’t always be the right fit for everyone. And that’s ok. Just because someone doesn’t choose you (whether personally or professionally), it doesn’t mean you’re not enough. It simply means that what they’re looking for might be different from what you can offer. It’s about finding the people or opportunities that align with who you are, not trying to be something you’re not. The right people will see and appreciate your unique value. Keep putting yourself out there because your people and your opportunities are out there too.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_20 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_33 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_22"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_34 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_31 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Celebrate the small wins</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – Let’s face it, overcoming the fear of rejection is no small feat. So, when you do step out of your comfort zone – whether it’s sending that email, asking for that raise or swiping right – celebrate it. Those moments of courage deserve recognition, no matter the outcome.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_21"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_35 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_32 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Final Thoughts</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_33 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The fear of rejection is something many of us carry and it can shape so much of what we do (or don’t do) in life. But it doesn’t have to control us. By understanding where that fear comes from, challenging our beliefs and learning to see rejection as part of the journey, we can begin to move through it. It’s not about eliminating the fear entirely but about learning to live with it in a healthier way. Each small step forward, every risk we take, helps loosen its grip.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Remember, rejection isn’t a reflection of your worth, it’s just a part of life. Each “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">no</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” can lead you closer to the opportunities, people and experiences that are truly right for you. So be kind to yourself, take those small steps and celebrate each win along the way. You’re braver than you think.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_23"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image-5.png" alt="" title="End of blog post CTA image (5)" class="wp-image-6274" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/living-with-the-fear-of-rejection/">Living with the Fear of Rejection</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/living-with-the-fear-of-rejection/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Facing the fear of rejection</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/facing-the-fear-of-rejection/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/facing-the-fear-of-rejection/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 30 Oct 2024 13:45:49 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Lessons Learned]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[The Fears series]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Coping mechanisms]]></category> <category><![CDATA[coping with fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Coping with rejection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional resilience]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional well-being]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Fear of Rejection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fears]]></category> <category><![CDATA[live your life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[managing fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Managing rejection anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Mental health tips]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Mindset and resilience]]></category> <category><![CDATA[overcoming challenges]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Overcoming rejection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Rejection sensitivity]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-confidence building]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-help strategies]]></category> <category><![CDATA[The Fear Series]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=234937</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/facing-the-fear-of-rejection/">Facing the fear of rejection</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_2 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_22"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_36 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_34 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><span style="color: #be9727;"></span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">This article forms part of “The Fears Series”. With the Fear of Rejection being so prevalent for many people, we’ve written two articles on the topic: <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/living-with-the-fear-of-rejection/">one from Frieda’s perspective</a> (Founder of Braving Boundaries) and one from Alicia’s perspective (Founder of the Legal Belletrist). Take a read.</span></i></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I was born with rejection as my shroud, and I feel like I’ve worn it ever since.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">My mother was adopted as a baby, and I don’t think she ever forgave the universe for this fact. It’s defined her as a person, just like having red(ish) hair defines me. In a way. It’s as if it’s tattooed on her forehead. Like an expiration date on a milk carton. And for some reason, when I came into the world, I was meant to not only be her redeemer, her saviour but the one she could bat this fact against – as if she was bouncing a ball against a wall, expecting it to come right back to her. Almost like playing fetch.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It was always her and me against the world. And I know how sweet that sounds. Mother and daughter, two peas in a pod. Until it’s not so sweet. Until it really is you and her against everyone. Until you’re made to believe that no one else could ever care about you like she could. Until you’re made to believe that no one else has your best interests at heart. Including your father. Until you’re made to believe that only she will tell you the truth, will help you succeed, will be there for you. Will ever love you. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s a lonely place. Your world. Especially when there’s only one other person in it. And she’s sucking all the air out the room. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_35 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>My experiences with the fear of rejection</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_24"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1250" height="937" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/10/Young-Angry-Emotional-Mother-Screaming-at-Troubled-Teen-Daughter-at-Home-by-dimaberlinphotos.png" alt="" title="Young Angry Emotional Mother Screaming at Troubled Teen Daughter at Home by dimaberlinphotos" class="wp-image-234963" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_36 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Growing up with a mother who is a textbook narcissist and compulsive liar with </span><a href="https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/conditionsandtreatments/munchausen-syndrome" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Munchausen syndrome</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> is not for the faint at heart. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When you’re a little girl, especially an only child, you’re so susceptible to the things that your mother says and does – as William Makepeace Thackeray said, </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Mother is G-d in the eyes of a child.”</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As all my friends went to children’s parties, I would be stuck at home. But my mother would always go – it was the right thing to do. Apparently. I was always “sick in bed” even when I wasn’t. When I asked why I wasn’t invited, my mother told me that the birthday girl/boy didn’t want me there. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Strike one. </span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When I was 9 it became difficult to hear. I started to sit really close to the TV just so I could read lips. If my head was turned away from you, I probably wouldn’t hear you. It turned out that I needed to wear hearing aids. Well one at least, in my left ear. When I got it, my mother was furious. It cost them a lot of money, money they needed for other things. And I didn’t really need it. I had lied. I was looking for attention. Rich coming from her. What child lies about needing a hearing aid? I was teased horrendously to boot. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Strike two.</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When I started to go through puberty, I matured quicker than all the other girls my age. I got a lot of attention from older boys. Before I could even kiss my first boy, my mother scolded me – no one likes a slut – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“when you lay down with dogs, you get their fleas”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Then as I got a bit older her friend was the mother of boys my age and she would come home to tell me – all the boys were talking about you today; they say your bum is too big and your hair isn’t straight enough. You know no boy wants to date a fat girl. Confidence blown. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Strike three. </span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">With my very first boyfriend, who of course she didn’t approve of – he will never treat you right and will never care about you. Not like I do. Turns out he wasn’t the nicest guy. He hit me – always in places no one could see. He tortured me emotionally, cheated on me constantly over the couple of years we were together. And when we broke up, he told me he never loved me. Almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy.</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> And you’re outta here……</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Every exam I ever wrote my mother (and father) would remind me how much money they were spending on me – despite me taking out a student loan so that I could study law – and that failing wasn’t an option because they didn’t have the money to bail me out. Also, they warned – who wants to be with a “failure” a “loser”? </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">The dug out is my home now…. </span></i></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_25"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1250" height="937" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/10/concept-word-imposter-on-cubes-on-a-blue-background.-by-Eugene-Zvonkov-from-Getty-Images.png" alt="" title="concept word imposter on cubes on a blue background. by Eugene Zvonkov from Getty Images" class="wp-image-234962" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_37 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When I applied to do articles – something you need to do in South Africa, 2 years of training before you can be admitted as an attorney – my parents asked me what I had that would make any of the large law firms take me on? I honestly didn’t have an answer. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Are there any other baseball references?</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When I was in a room full of other lawyers, I always felt like there was a sign above my head saying – </span><b><i>imposter here</i></b><span style="font-weight: 400;">. I didn’t belong in the same room as other legal eagles, the ones who had made partner and were driving the new BMW. We had written the same exams, studied the same textbooks and yet I, I don’t know sneaked through the side door when no one was looking. At least, that’s how I felt. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">There are countless more stories. Stories behind the scenes. Stories of – </span><b><i>the world out there will never accept you, but I will – even with all your flaws</i></b><span style="font-weight: 400;">. And boy she was so quick to point out the flaws. In detail. But in front of people, it was – you’re beautiful, you’re perfect, you’re my angel from heaven. I support you. I love you. I am your ever devoted mother. And best friend. So sweet. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But it was all lies. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So many lies it’s hard for the mind to comprehend. In fact, at 42, I have only now discovered the full extent of all the lies and manipulation and deceit. It’s been a long, rocky, heartbreaking road. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">What I can tell you from all of this is – </span><b><i>I have always felt rejected long before anyone even had the chance to actually reject me</i></b><span style="font-weight: 400;">. I expected it. The no’s didn’t surprise me – why would they? The you’re not right for this, not a good fit, it’s not you it’s me – insert rejection here – none of it surprised me. It kind of just went with the narrative– </span><b><i>just like my mother’s biological mother rejected her, the world would reject me. </i></b><span style="font-weight: 400;">Maybe that was my mothers’ intention the whole time. It makes sense. In retrospect.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, when someone </span><b><i>didn’t</i></b> <span style="font-weight: 400;">reject me, it was such a surprise. I often couldn’t believe how lucky I was – even when the person or the position was very wrong for me. This has led to a lifetime of bad relationships, abuse – physical and emotional, poor job choices, abuse at the workplace, always doing more than what I should be doing personally and professionally, always scared of asking for days off or asking for a raise, eating disorders, self-harm and later diagnosis of generalised anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder and depression.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Is it any wonder?</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_38 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Overcoming the fear of rejection</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_26"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1250" height="937" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/10/Asian-small-business-owner-working-at-home-office.-Business-by-Natee-Meepians-Images.png" alt="" title="Asian small business owner working at home office. Business by Natee Meepian's Images" class="wp-image-234961" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_39 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Look, I know this sounds like I’m parent bashing. And I’m sure there will be people saying – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">how long will she blame her mother for her own failings? </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Eventually we all have to take responsibility for our own lives, right?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Right. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, let’s put things into perspective. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It wasn’t all bad. I do have happy memories of my parents. They always went “all out” for my Birthdays. Those were such happy days. And for a while – and despite everything that happened – I was close to them in my 20’s and early 30’s. And that’s what makes “zero contact” so hard. Because I miss them. I miss who </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I thought they were</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. And there are times when I feel so lost and so alone that all I want is to contact them. But I can’t. Because they are still who they are. And I am who I am. Or who I am trying to be without them. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Somehow, amidst everything, I managed to find the most amazing man – a gentle, kind, caring, loving man, who treats me like a Queen. And he loves me. More than I ever thought I deserved. We have been together for 16 years and happily married for 12. So, my mother was wrong there. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I have built a business from the ground up, with nothing but an idea . And I have made it work. Not only that, but I get to do something I love every single day.. Again, my mother was wrong there too. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Because when everything else fails and you have no one but yourself to rely on, you step up. You become your own saviour. You pick your own damn self up off the ground and you make it happen. There’s no one else in the world – no matter how much they love you – that can make a success out of your life other than you. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So that’s what I did. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s something I have learnt to do. I had to. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’ve learnt how to make myself shine brighter than the things that my mother said. I’ve learnt to be louder than the deafening silence that is my father sitting idly by. And I’ve learnt to accept that this is my life. No one else’s. And I get to choose how I want to lead it. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, nowadays when I hear a no, I take an unemotional, educated view of why it was a no and learn from it. Take the lesson with me as I move forward. It’s not personal. It’s just a no. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Because no one and nothing will ever again take my power away! For me that is what the fear of rejection is – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">giving your power away. </span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Look, it’s hard to feel unwanted. It’s even harder to feel like you’re not worthy. But from personal experience I can say this wholeheartedly – </span><b><i>I would rather it be a no and avoid another bad fit than have it be a yes and find myself in another horrible situation. </i></b></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Knowing your true worth – which does take some work, believe me – means knowing that a no, that a perceived rejection, is not necessarily a bad thing. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The are two quotes from two of my heroes that I want to leave you with – </span></p> <blockquote> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – Dita Von Teese</span><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – Walt Disney</span></p> </blockquote></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_27"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image-5.png" alt="" title="End of blog post CTA image (5)" class="wp-image-6274" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_23"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_37 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_1 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_24 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_38 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_28"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_39 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_40 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">[email protected]</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/facing-the-fear-of-rejection/">Facing the fear of rejection</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/facing-the-fear-of-rejection/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Healthy Employees, Happy Business: The ROI of Corporate Wellness</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/healthy-employees-happy-business-the-roi-of-corporate-wellness/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/healthy-employees-happy-business-the-roi-of-corporate-wellness/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 27 Mar 2024 05:38:41 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Corporate Wellness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Effective communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Leadership]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Team building]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Team communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Work life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Working environment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Business]]></category> <category><![CDATA[corporate]]></category> <category><![CDATA[corporate wellness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[corporate wellness programs]]></category> <category><![CDATA[employee wellness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[employees]]></category> <category><![CDATA[employers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[flexible workforce]]></category> <category><![CDATA[good mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[happy business]]></category> <category><![CDATA[happy business environment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[happy team]]></category> <category><![CDATA[happy workplace]]></category> <category><![CDATA[healthy team]]></category> <category><![CDATA[healthy teams]]></category> <category><![CDATA[healthy work environments]]></category> <category><![CDATA[healthy workplace]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental well being]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental wellbeing]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental wellness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[team building]]></category> <category><![CDATA[toxic work environments]]></category> <category><![CDATA[toxic workplace]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Well-being]]></category> <category><![CDATA[wellness]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=5857</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/healthy-employees-happy-business-the-roi-of-corporate-wellness/">Healthy Employees, Happy Business: The ROI of Corporate Wellness</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_3 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_25"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_40 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_41 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The world has evolved over the last few years. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We can all understand why – the world experienced a joint-mass crisis. Something every one of us were touched by. Of course, we’re talking about the Pandemic. Something that seems almost too long ago to remember firsthand and yet, when we look back on it, it seems all too familiar to ignore. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And because of the pandemic, the world changed. People changed. Employees most certainly changed. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Employees realized the value that they bring to the table. They realized that “life is short, you best be doing exactly what makes you happy”. They realized what’s important for them going forward. And that didn’t always include </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">just</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> a steady paycheck.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Employees look for more nowadays – like wellness programs, mental health awareness, upskilling, and flexibility. Gone are the days when employers can demand overtime or scream and shout at their employees. The risk of losing valuable employees – and skills – has become all too real. The </span><a href="https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2022/06/the-great-resignation-is-not-over/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">“great resignation”</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> springs to mind. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As </span><a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbesbusinesscouncil/2022/04/01/the-growing-importance-of-employee-wellness-how-are-you-responding/?sh=680f568f7afa" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Forbes</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> sets out – </span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Employees realized their worth, and there has been a huge transformation in mindset; many employees are speaking up more about the issues that matter most to them. They are being clear about their needs and wants. If their current employer doesn’t meet those needs, they are finding a new one that does”.</span></i></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Perhaps now in 2024, what happened </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">because of</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> the pandemic is already old news. But how we got to this place where employees expect more from their employers had a starting point that’s worth acknowledging. Because there is a lesson to learn here and we all </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">should</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> have learnt it by now. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The thing is, not all corporates have taken heed. Not all employers have taken corporate wellness seriously. Not all businesses are learning from what the past has taught us. And that’s got to change. Lip service is no longer sufficient. Action needs to be taken. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Perhaps we need to start from the beginning – first things first. </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_42 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>What is Corporate Wellness?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_29"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/Corporate-wellness-is-important-3.jpg" alt="" title="Corporate wellness is important (3)" class="wp-image-5878" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_43 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">When we think of wellness, we imagine healthy minds and healthy bodies full of vitality. And that’s not far off from the accepted definitions of wellness. </span><a href="https://www.pfizer.com/health-wellness/wellness/what-is-wellness#:~:text=Wellness%20is%20the%20act%20of,how%20it's%20linked%20to%20health." target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Pfizer</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> defines </span><b>wellness</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> as – </span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Wellness is the act of practicing healthy habits on a daily basis to attain better physical and mental health outcomes, so that instead of just surviving, you’re thriving”.</span></i></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">According to </span><a href="https://yourwellspace.com/why-is-employee-wellness-important/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Wellspace</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">,</span> <b>corporate wellness</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> can be thought of as follows – </span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Wellness covers physical and mental fitness. Over the past 30 or so years, it has grown as a concept in the workplace. It focuses on helping employees influence their own health, quality of life, mental wellbeing and, consequently, their performance at work.</span></i></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">As such, employee wellness looks not just at reducing absence from work through illness, but also at how to proactively encourage and promote healthier lifestyles and attitudes.</span></i></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Employee wellness looks at the individual and encourages them to make healthy lifestyle choices. The purpose of this is to benefit them and the culture in which they work”.</span></i></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Wellness – whether in the corporate environment or at home – involves the good health of both body and mind. It’s about more than just surviving, it’s about thriving. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">What that looks like depends on what corporate wellness programs are put in place.</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_44 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Corporate Wellness Programs</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_30"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/Corporate-wellness-is-important-4.jpg" alt="" title="Corporate wellness is important (4)" class="wp-image-5875" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_45 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Corporate wellness programs – according to</span><a href="https://www.wellsteps.com/blog/2022/01/03/employee-wellness-program/#:~:text=What%20is%20an%20Employee%20Wellness%20Program%3A%20Everything%20You%20Need%20for%202024&text=A%20well%20organized%20employee%20wellness,improving%20employee%20morale%20and%20productivity." target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Wellsteps </span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">– is</span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“any worksite activity designed to support better employee health. These activities often include medical screenings, incentives for healthy behaviours, behaviour change interventions, health coaching, fitness, nutrition, and weight loss programs, social support, gamified wellness challenges and much more.”</span></i></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And employers should care about employee wellbeing and corporate wellness because the costs to business of absenteeism and stress are considerable. And the benefits of attracting and retaining talent, while also improving productivity, are clear as day. A happier, more well-adjusted team is a more productive team. And that should read – increased working capacity means increased income and return on investment. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Ok, so now that we know what corporate wellness refers to and have discussed the general need for corporate wellness to be put in place, you may be wondering what some of the benefits of incorporating corporate wellness programs may be – </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_26 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_41 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_31"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_42 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_46 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Increased productivity</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">–we have alluded to this already but having employees that eat well, employees that talk about their mental health issues and who put physical activity top of their list are likely to be more productive than those employees that don’t. Poor health behaviours lead to higher health risks and chronic diseases. And that equates to absenteeism. Something a thriving business can ill afford. </span><span style="font-weight: 400;"> </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_27 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_43 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_32"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_44 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_47 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Improved employee morale</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– by investing in the wellness of your employees you make them feel valued and appreciated. An employee that feels valued is more likely to be enthusiastic, is more likely to put in the work required. Is more likely to excel. And an employee that excels in what they do will have a knock-on effect, which is – as we may already know – an increase in productivity and overall performance. And that friends, means increased profits.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_28 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_45 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_33"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_46 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_48 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Retention of employees</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– we all know that recruiting new employees is more expensive than retaining current employees. So, retention of employees and their skills should be top priority. Nowadays with employees expecting improved working environments and employers that offer wellness programs, offering an extensive corporate wellness program, will not only help with the retention of employees but may contribute to the attraction of world-class talent, whose skills you should be keen to grab ahold of. Well thought out and implemented corporate wellness programs can be an incredibly attractive attribute for any employer. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_29"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_47 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_34"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/Corporate-wellness-is-important-5.jpg" alt="" title="Corporate wellness is important (5)" class="wp-image-5876" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_30 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_48 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_35"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_49 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_49 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Reduced absenteeism and presenteeism</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – it stands to reason that extensive corporate wellness programs will see a decrease in absenteeism as the logical assumption is that with less sickness, less stress, less anxiety – there should be increased attendance at the office (and work from home individuals, less days away from the computer). However, reduced absenteeism is only one part of the problem. Remember that just because an employee is at the office or is online, doesn’t mean they are really present. It doesn’t mean that they are participating, doesn’t mean that they are fully engaged. In the article </span><a href="https://yourwellspace.com/why-is-employee-wellness-important/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Why Is Employee Wellness Important?</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, the following was set out – “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">The president of the CIPD, Professor Gary Cooper, has warned that the statistics for sickness absence may in fact be telling a different story. The suggestion is that increasingly, people are at work when they should be recovering at home. Presenteeism is where employees are present, but their motivation, and productivity, take a significant dip. There is also a risk that employers have helped encourage this situation by creating a culture of fear, where taking time off is looked down on. Both absenteeism and presenteeism are costly in both business and personal terms. This is where employee wellness has a vital part to play. Helping people become more aware of their own physical and mental health, can motivate them to be more mindful of it and to make key, positive lifestyle changes”.</span></i></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_31 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_50 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_36"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_51 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_50 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Reduced health risks</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – by promoting a healthier environment in the office, the hope is that a healthier lifestyle will be embraced at home. And that will naturally lead to a healthier mind and body of each employee leading to a reduction of avoidable health risks and may even prevent or at least address chronic illnesses. Low health risks lead to reduced health care costs.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_32 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_52 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_37"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/6.jpg" alt="" title="6" class="wp-image-1491" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_53 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_51 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Building happy teams</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– this may not be as obvious as some of the other benefits. However, it’s still important. By having wellness programs in place, an additional advantage is the promotion of happy teams. The interaction between colleagues – whether it be going to the gym together, joining a corporate sports team or openly sharing struggles, encourages bonding. And a bonded team leads to a well-oiled, coherent, team. And well, happy teams are supportive and productive teams. It just makes sense. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_33"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_54 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_52 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">At the end of the day, the point of corporate wellness programs is to do away with (or at least limit) – unhappy employees that tend to work less, that see see fewer reasons to be loyal to the company and no longer see a salary as a valuable return, if the sacrifice is their mental health.</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_53 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>How can one incorporate corporate wellness programs into their business?</b></h2> <p><a href="https://www.gallup.com/workplace/404105/importance-of-employee-wellbeing.aspx.aspx" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Gallup</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> sets out as follows – </span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Employers who care for employee health and wellbeing see numerous measurable benefits, from higher productivity and profitability to lower turnover and fewer safety incidents.</span></i></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Well-designed and research-informed wellbeing initiatives and strategies provide all-important organizational resilience and remove risk from organizations.</span></i></p> <p> </p> <p><b><i>In fact, </i></b><a href="https://www.gallup.com/workplace/390776/percent-feel-employer-cares-wellbeing-plummets.aspx" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><b><i>employees who strongly agree that their employer cares about their overall wellbeing</i></b></a><b><i>, compared with other employees, are:<br /> </i></b><b><i></i></b></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">69% less likely to actively search for a new job.</span></i></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">71% less likely to report experiencing a lot of burnouts.</span></i></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">36% more likely to be thriving in their overall lives.</span></i></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">3 times more likely to be engaged at work.</span></i></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">5 times more likely to strongly advocate for their company as a place to work and to strongly agree they trust the leadership of their organization”.</span></i></li> </ul> </blockquote></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_38"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/Corporate-wellness-is-important-1.jpg" alt="" title="Corporate wellness is important (1)" class="wp-image-5874" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_54 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">So how does one implement corporate wellness programs into practice?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">First of all, it’s important that businesses realise the importance of soft skills. Soft skills are more essential than ever to support the ongoing health, wellness and success of your teams and business. Then –</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_34 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_55 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_39"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_56 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_55 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Set goals for both team and business</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – when creating a wellness program, it’s important that you don’t lose sight of your main objective. Ensure that all parts of the program provide benefits for both the staff and the company. It’s crucial that wellness programs cater to the audience of your employees (</span><a href="https://corporatefinanceinstitute.com/resources/management/employee-wellness-programs/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">CFI)</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_35 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_57 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_40"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_58 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_56 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Set up a dedicated team</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– an extensive corporate wellness program doesn’t arrive in a day. It involves the involvement of different stakeholders within the company. It also takes time. By forming a team dedicated to the corporate wellness program you ensure that there is a real interest in the promotion of a healthy workplace.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_36 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_59 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_41"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_60 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_57 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Get in touch with external service providers</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – here its crucial that you shop around for the service provider that provides you with the most benefits. Partner with your service provider to see what resources and programs may be at your employees’ fingertips or what may be available for a small investment. In this regard Frieda Levycky of </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Braving Boundaries</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> is perfectly poised to offer your teams </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/work-with-me/individual-coaching/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">one on one coaching</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/corporate-workshops-seminars/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">creative workshops for corporates</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/enneagram/#teams"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Enneagram Team Sessions</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – all of which will benefit your team members.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_37 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_61 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_42"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_62 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_58 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Communicate with employees</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – communication is always key when implementing anything that has something to do with employees. The wellness program should be communicated to employees. They should be able to understand the schemes that are involved, the importance of wellness, and the positive effect it will have on their lives (</span><a href="https://corporatefinanceinstitute.com/resources/management/employee-wellness-programs/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">CFI</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">).</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_38 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_63 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_43"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_64 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_59 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Feedback</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– an extensive corporate wellness program will ensure that feedback from employees is considered in a way that benefits the program. The corporate wellness program must be adaptable enough to incorporate ideas and feedback from employees and continuously improve on the program. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_39"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_65 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_60 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Sources used and to whom we owe thanks: </span></i><a href="https://corporatefinanceinstitute.com/resources/management/employee-wellness-programs/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Corporate Finance Institute (CFI)</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://yourwellspace.com/why-is-employee-wellness-important/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Wellspace</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; Gallup </span></i><a href="https://www.gallup.com/workplace/404105/importance-of-employee-wellbeing.aspx.aspx" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">here</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span></i><a href="https://www.gallup.com/workplace/340202/wellness-wellbeing-difference.aspx" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">here</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbesbusinesscouncil/2022/04/01/the-growing-importance-of-employee-wellness-how-are-you-responding/?sh=680f568f7afa" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Forbes</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://emergenetics.com/blog/prioritize-soft-skills-to-enhance-workplace-and-employee-wellness/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Emergenetics International</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2022/06/the-great-resignation-is-not-over/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">World Economic Forum</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.pfizer.com/health-wellness/wellness/what-is-wellness#:~:text=Wellness%20is%20the%20act%20of,how%20it's%20linked%20to%20health." target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Pfizer</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span></i><a href="https://www.wellsteps.com/blog/2022/01/03/employee-wellness-program/#:~:text=What%20is%20an%20Employee%20Wellness%20Program%3A%20Everything%20You%20Need%20for%202024&text=A%20well%20organized%20employee%20wellness,improving%20employee%20morale%20and%20productivity." target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Wellsteps</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">). </span></i></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_61 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Corporate Wellness: Next Steps</b></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Corporate wellness and the programs that promote healthier bodies and minds of employees are win-win for employers. By investing in their employees, companies ensure improved morale, increased productivity and output and happier teams working cohesively together. And with benefits like that, it makes one wonder why every business in the world hasn’t at least considered it. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"><strong><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/download-the-2024-corporate-wellness-brochure/">Download the new Braving Boundaries Corporate Wellness Brochure</a></strong>.</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_44"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/download-the-2024-corporate-wellness-brochure/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/Brochure-mockup.jpg" alt="" title="Brochure mockup" class="wp-image-5841" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_40"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_66 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_2 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_41 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_67 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_45"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_68 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_62 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">[email protected]</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/healthy-employees-happy-business-the-roi-of-corporate-wellness/">Healthy Employees, Happy Business: The ROI of Corporate Wellness</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/healthy-employees-happy-business-the-roi-of-corporate-wellness/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>The Benefits of Being Grateful</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-benefits-of-being-grateful/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-benefits-of-being-grateful/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 05 Oct 2023 15:49:22 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[appreciation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[celebrate]]></category> <category><![CDATA[celebrate the small stuff]]></category> <category><![CDATA[communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[finding gratitude]]></category> <category><![CDATA[grateful]]></category> <category><![CDATA[gratefulness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[gratitude]]></category> <category><![CDATA[honesty]]></category> <category><![CDATA[openness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[thankful]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=5713</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-benefits-of-being-grateful/">The Benefits of Being Grateful</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_4 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_42"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_69 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_63 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></h5> <p> </p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Thank you. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Two words we say every single day. Almost like we are automated to say the words. Without giving much thought to the words we are saying – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">thank you for this, thank you for that.</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s good manners, thanking people for what they have done or what they have given. Most of us were taught to always show appreciation. Even for the small things. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But is that it?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">This got me thinking. What does it really mean to be thankful? To be grateful? The words are often used interchangeably. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If we think about it, </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">to be thankful</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> requires an action by someone else or a positive occurrence around a person in order for them </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">to express gratitude.</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> So, one might say that being grateful is a positive reaction to a positive stimulus.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But that seems rather sterile.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And it occurred to me – perhaps in order to be grateful, one needs to </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">understand what gratitude is.</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_64 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Understanding gratitude</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_46"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/10/The-Benefits-of-Being-Grateful-2.jpg" alt="" title="The Benefits of Being Grateful (2)" class="wp-image-5725" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_65 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">In a quest to understand gratitude, the following definition comes to mind – </span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Gratitude is an emotion similar to appreciation. The American Psychological Association (n.d.) more specifically defines this phenomenon as a sense of happiness and thankfulness in response to a fortunate happenstance or tangible gift.</span></i></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Gratitude is both a state and a trait (Jans-Beken et al., 2020). Better explained, one can experience gratitude for someone or something at a certain moment in time, and someone experience gratitude </span></i><a href="https://positivepsychology.com/more-more-more/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">more</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> long-term as a positive character trait” </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(</span><a href="https://positivepsychology.com/gratitude-appreciation/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Positive Psychology</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">).</span></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In other words – and according to </span><a href="https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-health/gratitude.htm" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Help Guide</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“gratitude involves showing appreciation for the things in life that are meaningful or valuable to you”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So perhaps our above assumption was correct – gratitude is a positive response to a positive stimulus. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But there is a little more to it than that. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Psychology professor and gratitude researcher at the University of California Davis </span><a href="https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/profile/robert_emmons"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Robert Emmons</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (yes, he’s a gratitude scientist) </span><a href="https://youtu.be/pdLRNnrxQAw"><span style="font-weight: 400;">describes gratitude</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> as follows – </span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Gratitude is something we are all familiar with. We have all received gifts from others. We have all received benefits and kindnesses. What is the feeling we have inside when we receive the gift from someone – it is gratefulness. It is the warm feeling of appreciation. We know that we have been the recipient of a benefit and we feel a tendency to want to give back because of the goodness we have received. That’s really what gratefulness is. It’s really just a form of thankfulness”.</span></i></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Gratitude comes from a feeling of thankfulness, gratefulness and appreciation. </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_66 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>How can one practice gratitude?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_67 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s easy to say thank you for something you have received, but to truly practice gratitude for the small everyday things – like a chat with a friend, a hug from a partner, a kind gesture from a stranger and a cool breeze in the heat of Summer – takes practice. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But it was Jon Kabat-Zinn that said</span><b> – </b></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“The little things? The little moments? They aren’t little.”</span></i></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Just like a muscle, practicing gratitude takes conscious effort. And you can do this by practicing these 6 simple exercises – </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_43 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_70 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_47"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_71 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_68 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>Make gratefulness a part of your morning routine</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – instead of waking up and immediately checking your phone, practice mindfulness first. For at least 30 seconds, start your day off with contemplation. Focus on how lucky you are. Lucky to see the sky, lucky to hear the birds’ chirp. Blessed to be able to experience a new day. Breath in and out on this thought, taking deep, mindful breaths. Focus on how you feel as you contemplate your blessings – however small – in life. Starting your day like this is a great way to remind yourself how big the small things are. How they all contribute to your overall happiness in life. And this thought and feeling will follow you throughout your day. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_44 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_72 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_48"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_73 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_69 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>Notice the small things</i></strong><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">try your best to notice all the small things that happen throughout your day (remembering that they aren’t actually small). Being mindful of the things that happen around you and stretching yourself beyond what is directly in front of you. Open your eyes to more of the world around you. Write small notes on your calendar or in a book you’re reading – wherever – about all the things that you’re thankful for. Notes that you will come across on another day and be able to look back on.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_45 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_74 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_49"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_75 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_70 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>Keep a gratitude journal</i> </strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">– Professor Emmons suggests keeping a </span><a href="https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/ten_ways_to_become_more_grateful1/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">gratitude journal</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">. In this journal you can remind yourself of all the things that bring you joy – getting really specific about what happened to you during your day that brought a smile to your face. Do this on a daily basis, setting aside time to remember moments of gratitude that are associated with everyday ordinary events, personal attributes, or the people around you that enhance your life.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_46 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_76 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_50"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_77 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_71 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>Keep things fresh</i></strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– perhaps journaling isn’t for you. That’s ok. Try new and creative ways to express your gratitude. For example, Derrick Carpenter in his article </span><a href="https://www.happify.com/hd/the-science-behind-gratitude/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Science Behind Gratitude (and How It Can Change Your Life)</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> suggests keeping a gratitude jar. Any time you experience a poignant moment of gratitude, write it on a piece of paper and put it in a jar. On New Year’s Eve, he suggests (and as is done by his wife), empty the jar and review everything you were grateful for. It’s a simple and eco-friendly way of practising gratitude. Take a look at Frieda’s gratitude jar below.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_47"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_78 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_51"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/10/The-Benefits-of-Being-Grateful-3.jpg" alt="" title="The Benefits of Being Grateful (3)" class="wp-image-5726" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_48 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_79 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_52"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_80 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_72 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>Practice a 5-minute gratitude meditation</i></strong><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">if you’re able to meditate, find a peaceful, quiet place in your home and tune into your senses. Take deep breaths in and out, focusing your energy on the present moment. Slow everything down by noticing that you can see, hear, touch, smell, and taste. Be grateful for those things. As simple as that. Nothing special needs to be going on in your life in order to practice this meditation. It’s all about the moment and the simple feeling of being grateful for your senses, for your morning coffee, a good book or the kitty on your lap. Explore this simple practice to appreciate all the little things.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_49 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_81 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_53"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/6.jpg" alt="" title="6" class="wp-image-1491" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_82 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_73 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>Share your gratitude</i></strong><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> –</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> we are almost all guilty of taking our loved ones a little bit for granted. Unfortunately. And this can create tension in an otherwise harmonious relationship. So next time you notice a kind act by a loved one, say thank you, give them a hug, buy them a cup of coffee. Do something to make them feel noticed and appreciated. By consciously doing this and making the effort, you naturally strengthen your relationship. And by all accounts that can only be a good thing. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_50"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_83 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_74 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Building any one of the above habits will promote the practice of gratitude. Because what it comes down to is recognising the good moments as they happen. Being grateful for the small things (knowing that they are actually the big things) and expressing this gratefulness outwardly. </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_75 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>What are the benefits of practising gratitude?</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_54"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/10/The-Benefits-of-Being-Grateful-4.jpg" alt="" title="The Benefits of Being Grateful (4)" class="wp-image-5727" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_76 arrows et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">First and foremost, practising gratitude forces us to shift our thoughts away from negative emotions and instead we focus our attention on positive things that may have been initially overlooked. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">According to </span><a href="https://positivepsychology.com/gratitude-appreciation/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Positive Psychology</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, practising gratitude is important because it – </span></p> <p> </p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">strongly relates to overall wellbeing, including social wellbeing, emotional wellbeing, and psychological wellbeing; and</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">has a domino effect. If a person experiences gratitude, they are more likely to recognise the help and then later reciprocate that help. People who are thanked are presumably more apt to extend help to others in the future.</span></li> </ul></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_77 arrows et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Additionally, and as set out in </span><a href="https://www.mindful.org/an-introduction-to-mindful-gratitude/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Mindful</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span><a href="https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-health/gratitude.htm" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Help Guide</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, practising gratitude can – </span></p> <p> </p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong><i>Relieve stress and pain</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – feeling grateful and recognising help from others creates a more relaxed body state and allows the subsequent benefits of lowered stress. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong><i>Improvement in health over time</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – as gratefulness reduces stress, this, in turn, can decrease blood pressure and levels of inflammation. This can give way to better overall cardiovascular health.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong><i>Alleviate depression</i></strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– researcher </span><a href="https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_gratitude_changes_you_and_your_brain" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Prathik Kini </span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">at Indiana University performed a study examining how </span><a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1053811915011532" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">practising gratitude can alter brain function in depressed individuals</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Evidence was found that gratitude may induce structural changes in the brain. Such a result reflects how the mental practice of gratitude may even be able to change and re-wire the brain.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong><i>Better sleep</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – increased gratitude supports higher quality sleep and fewer sleep disturbances. All because our bodies are more relaxed. Also, if you express gratitude right before going to bed, you fall asleep with a more positive outlook.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong><i>Improved focus</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – if you begin to view the task in front of you in a more positive light, you spend less energy feeling stressed about it. You might even begin to view challenges as opportunities rather than hurdles. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong><i>Higher self-esteem</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – viewing the world with a sense of gratitude can change the way you think about your own worth. Especially if you focus on acts by those around you. If your partner takes you out for dinner, they are not only spending money on you but are also spending time with you. This in turn makes you feel appreciated and loved. </span></li> </ul></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_78 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">From the above, it would seem that the positive effects of experiencing and expressing gratitude are endless.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you need help with practising gratitude or are not quite sure how to go about doing so, get in touch with Frieda Levycky of</span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/"><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Braving Boundaries</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> who can help you see the forest for the trees and the light at the end of the tunnel. Or why not<strong> join Frieda and Vee at the <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/workshop">“<span style="text-decoration: underline;">Reflect, Connect & Celebrate” Workshop</span></a> in Cape Town on Saturday, 25 November 2023</strong>? The workshop is all about reflecting on and finding gratitude in 2023. It sounds like a perfect place to start to me! See details below.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For me, I will be starting a gratitude jar where my first little note says: “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’m so grateful I was able to write this article</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_51"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_84 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_3 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_52 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_85 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_55"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_86 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_79 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">[email protected]</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_53"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_87 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_56"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/workshop/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1200" height="628" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/10/BB-Facebook-Ad-Graphics-HORIZONTAL-1.png" alt="" title="BB - Facebook Ad Graphics - HORIZONTAL (1)" class="wp-image-5733" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-benefits-of-being-grateful/">The Benefits of Being Grateful</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-benefits-of-being-grateful/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Embracing conflict: 5 benefits of rocking the boat</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/embracing-conflict-5-benefits-of-rocking-the-boat/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/embracing-conflict-5-benefits-of-rocking-the-boat/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 25 May 2023 12:41:32 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Conflict]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Effective communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Team communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[arguments]]></category> <category><![CDATA[benefits of conflict]]></category> <category><![CDATA[blind spots]]></category> <category><![CDATA[communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[competency]]></category> <category><![CDATA[conflict]]></category> <category><![CDATA[conflict resolution]]></category> <category><![CDATA[dispute]]></category> <category><![CDATA[effective communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[interpersonal communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[learning to communicate]]></category> <category><![CDATA[positive outlook]]></category> <category><![CDATA[reactive]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relationship dynamics]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[rocking the boat]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[team dynamics]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=5476</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Despite the discomfort that many of us feel towards conflict, it is a natural part of life. Join as us we discover the benefits of conflict.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/embracing-conflict-5-benefits-of-rocking-the-boat/">Embracing conflict: 5 benefits of rocking the boat</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_5 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_54"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_88 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_80 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY FRIEDA LEVYCKY, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://bravingboundaries.com/">BRAVING BOUNDARIES</a></span> </em></span></h5> <h2></h2> <h2></h2> <h2><b>Introduction</b></h2> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Seriously, WTF?”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Ok. Those words didn’t exactly come out of my mouth on Justin and my jog around Newlands Forest a few weeks ago. What I actually said was: “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Thanks for waiting for me</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” in a fabulously passive aggressive tone, shrug of my shoulders, raised arms, head jutting forwards, raised eyebrows and a sneer on my face. Needless to say, “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Seriously, WTF?</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” was definitely conveyed!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And, as expected, one aggressive stance (whether verbally communicated or not) was met by another: </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“What’s that for? Why are you ‘kakking’ me out? I turned back at the corner, ran back for a bit so you could catch up and then carried on. Just like I always do!”</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Ah the joys of couple’s conflicts. And usually over the silliest things.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The funny thing is that it’s rare for me to enter into conflict voluntarily. In fact, I usually actively avoid conflict. Conflict makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable, results in direct confrontation, and leaves me feeling a mix of overwhelmed, exposed, guilty, vulnerable and fragile. These feelings are not generally my first pick of the bunch, and they can sometimes last weeks (if not years) on end.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Any yet, there are some occasions, like the above, that despite knowing that a conflict will no doubt ensue, I forge on ahead regardless. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Why is that?</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> What makes those particular circumstances different to others? </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, this got me thinking, are there actually benefits to conflict? Is this something which we should be encouraging rather than avoiding? </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_81 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Coping with conflict: our default position </b></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Before looking at the benefits of conflict, I’d like you to consider what your default position is when it comes to conflict. If it helps, sit for a minute and consider the last argument you had with someone.</span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Perhaps you are someone who relishes a good “ding dong” to clear the air? The issue is out in the open. Everyone knows how you feel about the situation. Case closed. Move on (The </span><b>REACTIVE</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> approach).</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Perhaps you avoid conflict. What good can come of it anyway? Someone (if not everyone) always gets hurt. Best not to upset the apple cart. I’m sure we can find a silver-lining to the situation anyway (The </span><b>POSITIVE OUTLOOK</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> approach).</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Perhaps you see conflict as merely a problem to be resolved. Remove the emotion and apply a rational and logical approach to reach a resolution (The </span><b>COMPETENCY</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> approach).</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Or perhaps you’re like me: You’d prefer to shy away from conflict, but, sometimes you just can’t resist a dig despite knowing you’ll need to deal with the fallout.</span></li> </ul> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Where do you think you sit within these conflict styles? Each of these conflict styles (</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">harmonics</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">)</span><sup>1</sup><span style="font-weight: 400;"> have both their benefits and detriments and, in fact, we should work towards being able to access the full range of conflict styles, so that we can navigate each conflictual situation with greater flexibility and ease. Alicia will explore conflict styles in greater detail in next week’s article.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For the remainder of this article though, I want to consider the overall benefits of conflict (irrespective of the conflict style you use). </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_57"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/Embracing-conflict-5-benefits-of-rocking-the-boat-1.jpg" alt="" title="Embracing conflict 5 benefits of rocking the boat (1)" class="wp-image-5492" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_82 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>The benefits of conflict</b></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Let’s be honest for a second. Conflict is a natural and inevitable part of life. It may not be a regular occurrence, but put any two people together for long enough and conflict will ensue. We’re humans, not robots. None of us think, feel or act exactly the same way. What a boring world it would be if we did! </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We each have needs, desires, values and opinions that, from time to time, will clash with those of our friends, our partners, our children and our colleagues, leading to heated discussions, passive aggressive comments, fights or, in my mother’s case, the day long silent treatment!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Despite the discomfort that many of us feel towards conflict, it has a number of benefits:</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_55 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_89 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_58"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_90 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_83 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Conflict identifies underlying issues</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – Conflict often serves as a catalyst for uncovering and addressing underlying issues in relationships, friendships or teams. You know as well as I do that the incidents causing the conflict are rarely the real issue at hand. When conflicts arise, they provide a unique opportunity to delve deeper into the root causes of the disagreements and tensions. By acknowledging and exploring underlying issues, we can gain valuable insights into differing perspectives, unmet needs and miscommunications. And it, sure as heck, removes the elephant from the room!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In the example above, our quarrel had nothing to do with Justin not waiting for me. It was all to do with the fact that I was supposed to be the good runner in the couple (he was the cyclist) and yet he was stronger and quicker than me. I had started to doubt my capabilities and fitness levels and started to feel “not good enough”. It was those underlying issues that needed to be released, and the conflict brought them to the surface.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_56 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_91 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_59"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_92 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_84 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Conflict increases personal growth</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – Following on from 1) above, conflict provides us with the opportunity to improve our self-awareness. When underlying issues are explored, we become aware of how our behaviour, attitude and/or communication style have contributed to the conflict at hand. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Embarrassingly, our tête-à-tête, once again highlighted for me my passive-aggressive tendencies when it comes to conflict. This approach supports my desire to avoid conflict, but at the same time vent my frustrations (admittedly indirectly) with the situation. Inevitably though, it ends up as a direct confrontation anyway with a good hour of silence afterwards. “Fun” times. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But conflictual situations give us the chance to acknowledge the impact of our conflict style and adjust our behaviour and approach accordingly. So not </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">all</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> bad.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_57"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_93 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_60"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/Embracing-conflict-5-benefits-of-rocking-the-boat-2.jpg" alt="" title="Embracing conflict 5 benefits of rocking the boat (2)" class="wp-image-5490" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_58 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_94 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_61"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_95 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_85 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Conflict improves relationships and makes us better communicators</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– Conflict, if handled correctly, can improve communication. By actively listening to what the other person is saying, engaging in a dialogue, considering that person’s perspective, providing your own perspective and intentionally working together to find a resolution, people can build trust and respect for each other, ultimately leading to stronger relationships. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Using a different example, during the 6-week COVID lock down in April/May 2020, I was able to continue working remotely whereas Justin was not. As a result, he took on the household duties (actually, he always does), and I continued to work as normal. Now, I’m not the tidiest of people and I often leave my clothes lying around (much to the irritation of all of my family). By the third week of lock-down, Justin calmly asked me if we could have a chat. He told me that, although he knew that it was not my intention, he felt that I really undervalued his efforts around the house. He felt disrespected and unappreciated. Oh crumbs! That was certainly </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">not</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> my intention. In fact, I hadn’t even contemplated that my actions could impact someone in that manner. His approach to the situation (which was, in every essence, a conflict) allowed us to bring awareness to the issues, explain our perspectives and create a solution to address the problem moving forwards. All without either of us feeling that we’d not been heard.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_59 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_96 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_62"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_97 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_86 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Conflict effects change</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – When conflicts arise, they highlight existing issues, disparities or outdated practices that require attention. Conflict often prompts individuals and organisations to re-evaluate their current actions and behaviours, leading to the exploration of new ideas, perspectives and approaches. Conflict can also ignite passionate discussions, inspire innovation and challenge the status quo, pushing individuals and groups to think collaboratively and creatively.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">From my career as a legal practitioner, people’s frustration with the hierarchy, the billable hours and poor work-life balance, (amongst other things) resulted in a lot of conflict amongst partners and senior associates alike. Over time, these conflicts have resulted in a new breed of lawyer and legal practice emerging. No longer is “Big Law” the only option. Boutique law firms with purpose driven values (rather than profit driven values) now compete with the City Firms. Individual lawyers have opted to work as consultants or contractors rather than full time employees, many of which are supported by alternative legal service providers such as </span><a href="https://www.cognialaw.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Cognia Law</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">. And Artificial Intelligence is also making its mark in the legal arena reducing time-wasting tasks, enhancing legal research and supporting contract analysis. All changes which have ultimately resulted due to a difference of opinion in approach. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_60"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_98 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_63"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/innovation.jpg" alt="" title="innovation" class="wp-image-5509" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_61 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_99 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_64"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_100 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_87 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Conflict creates awareness and re-establishes boundaries</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – Conflict is not something everyone enters into lightly. So, when an individual is prepared to step into the conflict arena and consciously engage in conflict, they do so because they believe that fight is worth having. Conflict offers us the opportunity to re-assess what is most important to us (our values), whether those values are being met, and whether appropriate boundaries are in place to protect those values.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">This is probably the only situation where I find conflict remotely bearable, when I’m fighting </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">for </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">something that I truly believe in. Whether that be standing up against inappropriate behaviour in the office or fighting for a promotion/pay rise because I know that I deserve it. In those circumstances, I’m prepared to take on the wrath of my opponent if it honours my beliefs and values. In each of those situations, not only have I reminded myself of the things that are most important to me, but I’ve re-established my boundaries for others. They are made aware of the line I am not prepared to cross. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_62"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_101 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_88 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Consequences of avoiding conflict</b></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">There are ways and means of approaching conflict, but constructive conflict (i.e. conflict that embraces different ideas and viewpoints) benefits us. In contrast:</span></p> <p> </p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>Avoiding conflict risks compromising our values and principles</b><span style="font-weight: 400;">, resulting in us choosing to remain silent or go along with situations that contradict what we truly believe in. This dissonance between our actions and values can lead to a sense of inner conflict and dissatisfaction.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>Avoiding conflict allows underlying issues to fester</b><span style="font-weight: 400;">, resulting in unresolved tensions and resentments that can gradually erode relationships and create long-lasting damage. By avoiding conflict, we miss the opportunity to address and resolve small problems early on, allowing them to escalate into larger, more complex issues over time.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>Avoiding conflict limits our opportunity for personal growth</b><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Whereas conflict allows us to explore new perspectives, create self-awareness and develop our problem-solving skills; avoiding conflict stifles self-expression, impedes emotional intelligence and prevents the opportunity for self-reflection that arises from confronting and navigating challenging situations.</span></li> </ul></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_89 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Conclusion</b></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As much as I struggle with conflict, it clearly does have its benefits. And embracing constructive conflict can have a transformative impact on our lives and relationships. By recognising the value of conflict and approaching it with openness, curiosity and a willingness to learn, we can harness its power to foster growth, strengthen relationships and create positive change in our lives. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">While this is not a “call to arms”, perhaps it </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">is</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> time to go forth and rock the boat. Embrace conflict and accept it for what it is: a catalyst for growth and understanding and an opportunity to navigate life’s challenges with just a tad more resilience and grace.</span></p> <p> </p> <p> </p> <p><em><span style="font-weight: 400;"> <sup>1 </sup>Integrative Enneagram for Practitioners, Dirk Cloete</span></em></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_65"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/conflict-CTA.jpg" alt="" title="conflict CTA" class="wp-image-5510" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/embracing-conflict-5-benefits-of-rocking-the-boat/">Embracing conflict: 5 benefits of rocking the boat</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/embracing-conflict-5-benefits-of-rocking-the-boat/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>8 lessons learned about finding love (PS. It’s no Hollywood Movie)!</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/8-lessons-learned-about-finding-love-ps-its-no-hollywood-movie/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/8-lessons-learned-about-finding-love-ps-its-no-hollywood-movie/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Mon, 13 Feb 2023 10:18:35 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Lessons Learned]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Love]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[affairs]]></category> <category><![CDATA[bad boys]]></category> <category><![CDATA[boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[bridget jones]]></category> <category><![CDATA[communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[damsel in distress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fairy tale]]></category> <category><![CDATA[finding love]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Hollywood romance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[looking for love]]></category> <category><![CDATA[love]]></category> <category><![CDATA[love actually]]></category> <category><![CDATA[love conquers all]]></category> <category><![CDATA[love yourself]]></category> <category><![CDATA[patterns]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[romantic comedies]]></category> <category><![CDATA[romantic movie]]></category> <category><![CDATA[romcom]]></category> <category><![CDATA[searching for love]]></category> <category><![CDATA[unrequited love]]></category> <category><![CDATA[valentine]]></category> <category><![CDATA[valentines]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=5161</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Is there a dramatic formula for finding love (like Hollywood would like us to believe)? Or does love simply find you?</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/8-lessons-learned-about-finding-love-ps-its-no-hollywood-movie/">8 lessons learned about finding love (PS. It’s no Hollywood Movie)!</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_6 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_63"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_102 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_90 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY FRIEDA LEVYCKY, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="http://bravingboundaries.com/" style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;">BRAVING BOUNDARIES</a></span> </em></span></h5> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Love is a many splendored thing. Love lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love!” – </span></i><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0203009/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Moulin Rouge</span></i></a></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">LOVE! I love LOVE and I have done ever since I was a little girl. If you browse through my DVD collection (yes, I still have one of those), 80% of those will be love stories. From the classics of </span><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0032145/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Wuthering Heights</span></i></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, </span><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0031381/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Gone with the Wind</span></i></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0046250/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Roman Holiday</span></i></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> to the modern day love stories of: </span><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0332280/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Notebook</span></i></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, </span><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099653/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Ghost</span></i></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, </span><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0100405/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Pretty Woman</span></i></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092890/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Dirty Dancing</span></i></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> to the RomComs of </span><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0243155/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Bridget Jones’s Diary</span></i></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, </span><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0251127/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days</span></i></a> <span style="font-weight: 400;">and </span><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0160862/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">She’s All That</span></i></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – I’ve loved them all and seen them all (many, many times)!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you take any cinematic love story though, nothing about “love” is easy. Come on, it would be a pretty boring movie if the crux of the story was: boy meets girl, they fall in love, the end! </span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">No, no! Love must conquer the most impossible situations for it to have meaning and depth. Look at </span><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0117509/?ref_=nm_ov_bio_lk" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Romeo and Juliet</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">: two warring families prohibiting their entanglement which resulted in them poisoning themselves to be together! I’m not really sure that worked out too well for them, but I digress. </span></li> </ul> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">If it’s not warring families, there is deceit, lies, mischief, a ruse that must be discovered before the protagonists’ true feelings of love and adoration can emerge. Think </span><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8740790/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Bridgerton</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and every other period drama that has ever been filmed. </span></li> </ul> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">And if there is no deceit, then there is a clear obstacle in the way that needs to be navigated (usually a husband, wife, fiancé(e) or partner, a geographical divide, or a societal gap (rich/poor, prostitute/businessman, black/white, guy/guy, girl/girl)) before “true love” can materialise!</span></li> </ul> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The problem is, no matter how much we love these Hollywood fables, we start to believe that this is reality. Unrealistic, fantastical expectations about love are created and then transposed into the real world. To find “true love” one must experience hardship, drama and tears. It needs to conquer all, with the promise that all the pain will be worth it in the end.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_66"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1920" height="1440" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/8-lessons-learned-about-finding-love-3.jpg" alt="" title="8 lessons learned about finding love (3)" class="wp-image-5165" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_91 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>The drama that was my love life</strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Needless to say, my own love life mirrored my Hollywood love education, leading to 20 years of romantic chaos and drama. It provided the source of much entertainment for my work colleagues & friends. I always had a story to tell about some ski chalet shenanigans or </span><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0095243/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_2" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Gorilla in the Mist”</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> exploits. The constant newness of the beginning phase of the relationships was exhilarating. It held so much potential. “Maybe this is the one?!” But the dizzy highs were met with devastating lows.</span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">From the high of feeling my knees buckling under me as the “man of my dreams” strode up to me, took me in his arms and kissed me in the elevator, to the crushing realisation that three years later he was in a relationship with my colleague. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">From the high of a forbidden glance, a touch, a breath against my ear, to the desperation of waiting for a call on my birthday that never came. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">From the high of a long-distance romance that started in the valleys of the Dordogne, to a broken engagement and a wedding dress that, to this day, hangs unused, never to be worn. </span></li> </ul> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Hollywood’s romantic drama infused my life. But, that promise of a “true love” phoenix rising from the flames of pain and suffering, never did transpire.</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_67"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1920" height="1440" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/8-lessons-learned-about-finding-love-4.jpg" alt="" title="8 lessons learned about finding love (4)" class="wp-image-5166" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_92 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>When <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0110950/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Reality Bites</a></span></strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Unlike the single blow experienced by the protagonist in a romantic movie (which can seemingly be resolved by a makeover montage and a few cutting words which make the intended realise what he’s about to lose unless he comes to his senses), the reality of constant drama repeated in one relationship after another begins to wear you down. </span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">You begin to question yourself. Your choices. Your self-worth.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Your confidence takes an almighty blow. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">You start to lower your standards and accept things because you feel like you have no other option. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Your insecurities come to the fore. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">You start behaving in ways you never imagined. Where did this neediness and desperation come from?</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">You pretend to be someone you’re not, purely because you start to believe that you – </span><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/803962-jude-just-as-you-are-not-thinner-not-cleverer-not" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">“just as you are”</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – are not good enough.</span></li> </ul> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s a recipe for disaster, and one that inevitably ends in heartbreak. Compounding the pain realised from the break-up before. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And yet, with this hope of true love still residing deep inside you, somehow you manage to stitch the broken pieces of your heart back together again. Willing it to just keep on searching for the one. He has to be out there somewhere. Just a little more effort. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And so you go out, you search, you find, you repeat your pattern, you experience that giddy, all-consuming high…</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And then you feel the tug. Something is off. The drama starts again. And soon that piece of string holding those fragile pieces of your heart together is yanked away like a rip cord, spiralling you back down to that familiar pit of despair and confusion.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">There’s your Hollywood drama. Just not the intended romantic comedy type.</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_68"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1920" height="1440" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/8-lessons-learned-about-finding-love-5.jpg" alt="" title="8 lessons learned about finding love (5)" class="wp-image-5167" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_93 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Finding love – Re-writing the fairy tale</strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Fast forward 6 years, and here I am in love and in a healthy relationship. As I sit down to write my vows, I realise that I’m none the wiser about how you </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">find</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> “true love”. Is there a method to the madness? Is it fluke? Can you intentionally go out and “find” it? Or is it just destiny?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’d be a hypocrite to even think that I could tell you the formula for love, despite having eventually found it. Why? Because I think love comes in many forms, and my understanding of love will be very different from yours. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">What I can share with you though are a few lessons I learned along the way, which I’m pretty certain put me in a better position for love to find me.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_64 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_103 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_69"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_104 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_94 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Sort out your own sh*t first</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– Our choices in partners are a reflection of how we feel about ourselves, what we think we deserve and what we’ve learned from our environment (whether that be Hollywood movies, </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Just_Seventeen" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Just Seventeen</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, parents or friends). Challenge your beliefs. Challenge the stories that you tell yourself about how loveable you are. Challenge society’s notion of what is acceptable in love. Do the hard work. If you do not love and accept yourself, how can you possibly expect someone else to?</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_65 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_105 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_70"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_106 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_95 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Identify your patterns</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – We all have patterns in relationships. Maybe you are someone who only likes bad boys or people you can fix. Maybe you only date people that earn more than a certain amount of money. For me, it took a couple of years of therapy to work out my pattern. My internal story was that: “all men would leave me”. So, I dated people who were attached / unavailable because I subconsciously knew that they couldn’t commit to me. If they couldn’t commit to me, then they couldn’t hurt me when they left me. The rationale was logic enough. Needless to say, the reality was quite different. </span></p> <p> </p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">By identifying your patterns in relationships, you can change your internal narrative.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_66"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_107 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_71"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1920" height="1440" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/8-lessons-learned-about-finding-love-6.jpg" alt="" title="8 lessons learned about finding love (6)" class="wp-image-5183" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_67 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_108 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_72"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_109 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_96 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Break your patterns </strong><b>– </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">Linked to point 2 above. Identifying your patterns is one thing. Breaking them is quite another. When Justin and I met, I had worked hard at quashing the drama-filled notions of romance that had dictated my early adulthood. I was 37 years and I’d had my fill of piecemeal, uncommitted relationships. So, as I quit my job and jet-setted off around the world on my gap year, my new “men” rule book was being strictly applied (irrespective of how good looking they were): no married men, no attached men, no ar$eholes, no divorcing men, no needy men, no letharios, no men that could only speak basic English, no men more than 5 years younger than me, no men more than 10 years older than me, no French men (I’d just had enough!), no men that I needed to “save”. Trust me, I had experienced them all. In fact, for a good 6 months of my year out, men were completely off the cards. </span></p> <p> </p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">By breaking your patterns, you can start making better, more conscious choices. A whole new world opens up to you, and you’ll be amazed at what you can find.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_68 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_110 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_73"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_111 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_97 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Enjoy being single</strong><b> – </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">There are sooooo many advantages of being single. You can do what you want, when you want and with whom you want. There are no obligations or commitments. Life is cheaper, freer, more spontaneous and a heck of a lot of fun. Once I embraced my independence, I lost the notion of needing to “find someone”. And then, when I did, I still took that independence into the relationship. We’ve not lost ourselves in each other. We still know who we are and that we can, perfectly happily, live on our own if things don’t work out between us. </span></p> <p> </div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_69"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_112 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_74"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1920" height="1440" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/8-lessons-learned-about-finding-love-7.jpg" alt="" title="8 lessons learned about finding love (7)" class="wp-image-5184" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_70 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_113 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_75"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_114 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_98 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Ignore the well-meaning (and slightly patronising) advice of your married friends</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – here is just some of the advice that I’ve been given about finding true love:</span><b></b></p> <p> </p> <ul> <li><strong>“<i>Weddings are the best place to meet your future partner.</i>”</strong><b> – </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">As they surreptitiously pop you on the dreaded singles’ table! Just because your friends met their beloveds in a particular way, doesn’t mean that you will follow suit.</span><b> </b></li> <li><strong><i>“I have a single friend – he’ll be perfect for you.” </i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">Why? Because he’s single? I’ve been on some terrible dates purely because of our shared status!</span></li> <li><strong><i>“You don’t have to be attracted to them initially to fall in love with someone.” </i></strong><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">–</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Do you know, that’s probably true for some, but not for me. </span></li> <li><strong><i>“You’ll never find true love with someone who you sleep with on the first night. He’ll just think you’re easy.</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"><strong>”</strong> – Sorry, also a myth.</span></li> <li><strong><i>“Don’t punch above your weight. Good looking men are always self-centred</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"><strong>.”</strong> – A double whammy. Not only does this one absolutely shatter your own self-worth and self-confidence by suggesting our looks dictate who we should or should not be with, but it also suggests that someone’s looks will determine their morals and values! Again, not true! Good old Hollywood movies influencing all our thinking it seems.</span></li> <li><strong><i>“Are you still single? Tick-tock. Tick-tock”</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – I’m not sure how well-meaning this advice was, but it was certainly not helpful in finding true love. I’ve seen many a friend walk down the aisle with the wrong person because of this biological and societal pressure to have children. Choose your partner for love, not because the time for having children is running out.</span></li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_71 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_115 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_76"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/6.jpg" alt="" title="6" class="wp-image-1491" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_116 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_99 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>There’s a difference between love and lust </strong><b>– </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">Good sex can be like kryptonite. It messes with your brain. It cripples your rational senses. It convinces you that it is love. But, sex is only one part of a relationship (granted, a rather fun part). Long-term, relationships last and love strengthens out of so much more: shared values; morals; communication & compromise.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_72 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_117 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_77"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/7.png" alt="" title="7" class="wp-image-1882" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_118 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_100 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Know your limits & make sure your partner knows them too </strong><b>– </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">You have to be aware of what you’re prepared to compromise on in a relationship, and what is an absolute “no go”. Boundaries are essential and communicating those to each other is vital. For me, if you cheat on me, I’m out. I’ve been there before. I’ve no interest in going there again. It’s my hard line.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_73"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_119 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_78"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1920" height="1440" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/8-lessons-learned-about-finding-love-1.jpg" alt="" title="8 lessons learned about finding love (1)" class="wp-image-5163" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_74 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_120 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_79"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/8.jpg" alt="" title="8" class="wp-image-1883" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_121 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_101 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Create space for the tough conversations </strong><b>– </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">This romantic notion of arguing and then incredible make-up sex is very Hollywood. Constant bickering is exhausting. Not saying what you want to say in case you cause and argument or they leave, damages you and the relationship. Walking on eggshells in a relationship is not fun. It impacts your self-worth, your self-confidence and your self-esteem. Healthy, loving relationships allow you to express your needs, desires, discomforts, concerns and frustrations to your partner without fear that the relationship will collapse as a result. They also require you to listen and take on board the needs of your other half. Healthy relationships create the space and respect for the tough conversations to be had.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_75"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_122 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_102 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Despite what we’ve learned from Hollywood romantic movies, love doesn’t have to be hard or scripted or complicated. It doesn’t have to be full of drama, pain and suffering. It doesn’t have to conquer all.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Love, in many ways, should feel easy. I’m not saying that relationships won’t face their difficulties, but the “love” part – that’s the straightforward part. It’s a strong, positive emotion. It allows you to be yourself in a relationship. To maintain your identity. To be part of a team. To feel supported. To have a voice. To be vulnerable. To feel safe.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">That, in my humble view, is </span><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0314331/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">love … actually</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_80"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/tired-of-all-the-drama.jpg" alt="" title="tired of all the drama" class="wp-image-5191" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/8-lessons-learned-about-finding-love-ps-its-no-hollywood-movie/">8 lessons learned about finding love (PS. It’s no Hollywood Movie)!</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/8-lessons-learned-about-finding-love-ps-its-no-hollywood-movie/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Effective Workplace Communication – Learning how to talk the talk</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/effective-workplace-communication/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/effective-workplace-communication/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 25 Oct 2022 11:00:58 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Effective communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Enneagram]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Team building]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Team communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Work life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Working environment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[conscious communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[effective communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[effective workplace]]></category> <category><![CDATA[enneagram]]></category> <category><![CDATA[enneagram for team]]></category> <category><![CDATA[enneagram for teams]]></category> <category><![CDATA[improve team dynamics]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[problem teams]]></category> <category><![CDATA[team]]></category> <category><![CDATA[team bonding]]></category> <category><![CDATA[team building]]></category> <category><![CDATA[team communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[team performance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[team training]]></category> <category><![CDATA[team work]]></category> <category><![CDATA[toxic teams]]></category> <category><![CDATA[toxic work environment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[working environments]]></category> <category><![CDATA[working together]]></category> <category><![CDATA[workplace]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=4862</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Effective communication is the glue that keeps teams together, working cohesively and creating a positive working environment. How does your team communicate?</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/effective-workplace-communication/">Effective Workplace Communication – Learning how to talk the talk</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_7 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_76"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_123 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_103 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></em></h5></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_104 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Sections include:</strong></p> <p> </p> <ol> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><a href="#communication">Effective communication in the workplace</a></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><a href="#skills">How to develop key communication skills</a></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><a href="#personalities">Different personalities</a></li> </ol></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_105 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">It was Robert Frost that said – </span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can’t, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it.”</span></i></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Personally, I don’t know a better quote that describes what it means to have effective communication. Or to be an effective communicator. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">To be an effective communicator is not simply a matter of speaking whatever comes to mind. A person that can communicate effectively speaks </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">to you </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">instead of</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> at you</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. They drive positive communication between themselves and others resulting in valuable communication within teams. They are self-aware and are also aware of others around them. It takes skill. Something that can be learnt just as easily (or not) as riding a bike. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But it can (and should) be a skill that we all improve on. Daily. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Because communication that is effective, that has impact and that results in positive outcomes, takes choosing </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">what you say</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">how you say it </span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">carefully</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></div> </div><div id="communication" class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_106 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Effective Communication in the Workplace</strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Effective communication is the glue that keeps teams together, working cohesively and creating a positive, healthy working environment, resulting in an overall positive impact on a company’s wellbeing. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As </span><a href="https://www.betterup.com/blog/why-communication-is-key-to-workplace-and-how-to-improve-skills" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">BetterUp</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> sets out – </span></p> <blockquote> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Communication in the workplace is important because it boosts employee morale, engagement, productivity, and satisfaction. Communication is also key for better team collaboration and cooperation. Ultimately, effective workplace communication helps drive better results for individuals, teams, and organizations.”</span></i></p> </blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Similarly, poor communication can affect a businesses bottom line. How you may ask. Well abusive language within a team or language that is not enabling will inevitably break down trust. As a result, employees can feel demotivated and demoralized becoming disconnected from the businesses’ culture, believing that they are uninformed and excluded from decision making. Feelings of demotivation and demoralization result in disinterest in achieving workplace goals or a complete disinterest in the workplace. Entirely. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">That’s a lot of “dis’s” which a business should avoid! </span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">And it all starts with improving communication</span></i></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_81"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1920" height="1440" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/10/Effective-Workplace-Communication-Learning-how-to-talk-the-talk-1.jpg" alt="Effective Workplace Communication - Learning how to talk the talk " title="Effective Workplace Communication - Learning how to talk the talk (1)" class="wp-image-4880" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_107 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The truth of the matter is not everyone is the same. That may be an obvious statement, but it is worth stating. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">People don’t automatically think the same or speak in the same way. How can they? We are all raised differently, we go to different schools, come from different backgrounds and (as is natural) will be motivated in different ways by different things. The result? Team members will inevitably differ (quite widely in some instances) in the way they communicate. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If any of you have worked in a team before, you will have noticed that each person within a team will approach a task in a unique way. Why? Because each person has their own needs when it comes to the support they need.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Again, we are all unique and will have individual approaches to things, our own likes, dislikes, needs and desires, and preferred ways we need to be spoken to, motivated and supported. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And it’s because of all these differences that </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">real, honest, positive and enabling communication becomes key. </span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Because if a team is going to build rapport and promote an effective working relationship, each team member must develop the skill and flexibility to address collective needs and concerns through effective communication.</span></p></div> </div><div id="skills" class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_108 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>How to develop key communication skills</strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As Tony Robbins </span><a href="https://www.tonyrobbins.com/ask-tony/effective-communication/#:~:text=How%20to%20get%20people%20to,solutions%20and%20ask%20for%20action" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">sets out</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – </span></p> <blockquote> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Effective communication resolves conflicts, transfers information, increases understanding and ultimately strengthens your relationships. That said, it almost always involves some form of deep listening, empathy for the person or people you are communicating with, body language and being aware of your emotions and the emotions of others involved in the conversation that conveys the message you are ultimately trying to send.”</span></i></p> </blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And we couldn’t agree more with Tony Robbins – listening, having empathy, recognizing body language are all crucial when getting your message across. In a way that best serves the team. Not an individual.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Therefore, after looking at several resources, we have set out 7 effective communication skills that we can all do, because they are all skills that can be easily developed – </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_77 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_124 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_82"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_125 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_109 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Step One – Actively listen</strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It was Greek Philosopher, Epictetus who said – </span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.”</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, let’s start there.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">People need to make a conscious effort to listen to one another. But more than just listening, we need to </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">hear one another</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. We need to </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">actively listen</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. This involves </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">thinking </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">about what is being said, </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">acknowledging </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">what is being said and </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">understanding</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> what is being said. [1] </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Active listening takes participation, involving all of one’s senses. One needs to give another person their full attention. They need to </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">show that they are listening,</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and this involves a few non-verbal messages – using body language, like nodding and smiling, even murmuring “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Mmm hmm”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> to indicate that someone has been heard. By consciously involving oneself in the conversation the person doing the talking feels more at ease and will be more willing to communicate openly and honestly. [2] </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_78 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_126 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_83"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_127 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_110 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Step Two – effective body language</strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As we set out in Step One above, using body language is key when trying to establish rapport with someone. It’s not just about smiling and nodding (which are important), it goes a little further than that. Mirroring someone’s movements becomes key – matching someone else’s body movements, energy levels and breathing patterns is a sure-fire way to build rapport. It is also an effective tool in improving communication skills. Why? By mirroring someone you are attempting to connect with them, trying to build trust. The goal with effectively communicating is to get team members to identify with one another and relate to one another – engaging instead of disengaging. Answering “me too” or agreeing with what is being said – buying in to an idea or a suggestion instead of shutting it down. [3] </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_79 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_128 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_84"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_129 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_111 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Step Three – show empathy and exercise patience</strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Actively listening and mirroring body language are only the initial steps. Because it takes real understanding and empathy towards another person – putting yourself in their shoes – that really gets someone to open up. If you can demonstrate to a team member that you understand how </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">they feel</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">, you may gain a better understanding of what their pain points are and how they are struggling. And by doing that, you can understand </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">how to help them. </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">But it may take patience. And while “patience is a virtue” it is something that we all have to practice. On both sides – the listener and the speaker – it takes patience to calmly but precisely communicate how you/they are feeling, even when you/they are frustrated or annoyed (especially when). Showing empathy and exercising patience can go a long way to avoid disagreements or arguments. [1]</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_80 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_130 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_85"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_131 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_112 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Step Four – Sound reasoning</strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">With people engaged and feeling listened to, responding to what is being said with logic and reason is the next reasonable step. What </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">is</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> the goal here? What </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">is</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> the core message? Once you know that for yourself, communicating it to others needs to be delivered in a way that justifies a decision – whether it’s in favour of something the team has put forward or is in a different direction to what has been suggested. And to do this, you need to give enough detail to satisfy questions and any negative reaction and instead garner support and understanding. Creating a sustainable choice comes down to reason and logic. Fact. Data. Numbers. Whatever it is that will substantiate reasoning. And this is what communicating in an engaging way comes down to – providing logical reasons upfront so that a decision is easily justified, having the complete buy-in from all team members concerned. However, there is a word of caution here – don’t launch into listing facts and figures. Instead try to integrate the valuable information naturally into a discussion while still actively engaging. Try the “power of storytelling” when giving justification for a decision, remembering it needs to be in an easy to understand and positively engaging way. [3]</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_81 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_132 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_86"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_133 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_113 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Step Five – positivity, open-mindedness, and honesty</strong><b><i></i></b></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Yes, this may be in stark contrast to the “sound reasoning” we discussed above. But, in delivering the sound reason and logic, you need to remain positive, open-minded, and honest to ensure that any trust and any rapport you have managed to build within your team remains intact. For both the listener and the speaker, remaining positive, assists in retaining the mindset that something can be done, or a goal can be achieved instead of immediately assuming it can’t (being a “Negative Nancy”). It’s about a positive outlook that is clear for all to see. Likewise, keeping an open mind where you are open to possibilities will result in a far better result than if you naysay every idea put forward. Lastly, trust is crucial when people are working in a team. Everyone involved needs to know that they can rely on one another to “have their back”, to do what they say they will do and to be honest about their intentions. Sure, this may amount to “blue skies” thinking. But in an ideal world, one where there is effective communication – positivity, open-mindedness, and honesty are key in ensuring any message delivered, is done in a way that encourages a positive outlook and engagement in what could otherwise be a difficult situation. [1] </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_82 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_134 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_87"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/6.jpg" alt="" title="6" class="wp-image-1491" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_135 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_114 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Step Six – Action</strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s at this point that you need to ask for action. Communicating effectively involves asking for a resolution to something. It involves asking for action. If you have followed the steps above, you’ll have made whoever you are speaking to feel comfortable, engaged with and listened to. You’ll have provided sound reasoning for a decision and will have (undoubtedly) provided a solution to the issue/problem. But that is not enough. You cannot assume that someone in your team is going to take action after a discussion. You need to ask for follow-through by asking team members to commit to </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">doing something</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. It could be as simple as sending an email or calling someone. Whatever it is, there needs to be an action point at the end of the conversation. [3]</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_83 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_136 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_88"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/7.png" alt="" title="7" class="wp-image-1882" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_137 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_115 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Step Seven – show you care</strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s important to remember that the recipient’s of your communication are human beings. Real people who have their own stresses, hopes, fears, distractions, personal problems, and challenges. It’s therefore important to remember – before sending out an email or jumping on a MS Teams call – to remember you are just one human being dealing with another human being. And because of that, exercising care is important – now more than ever. With some team members working remotely and others working in the office, checking in with one another every now and again, asking how they are doing, following up if you know of a personal problem, shows care. And it really doesn’t have to take an inordinate amount of time. But check in. It will be so worth it. [4]</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_84"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_138 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div id="personalities" class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_116 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Different personalities</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_89"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1920" height="1440" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/10/Effective-Workplace-Communication-Learning-how-to-talk-the-talk-2.jpg" alt="Effective Workplace Communication - Learning how to talk the talk " title="Effective Workplace Communication - Learning how to talk the talk (2)" class="wp-image-4881" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_117 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-size: 16px; font-weight: 400;">It’s worthwhile to repeat that </span><i style="font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-weight: 400;">different personality types will need different things. </span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Take myself for instance. Throughout my career I’ve always needed a softer approach when it comes to communication or receiving instructions, criticism and when delivering on required tasks. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s not that I am weak or particularly sensitive, it’s just my personality type. The problem is, it was often difficult communicating this to leaders and team members. Maybe because they simply didn’t understand that there </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">are</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> so many </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">different personality types</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> all requiring a </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">different approach. </span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It would’ve been so much easier on me had the leaders I worked for invested in </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">a way to understand different personality types </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">within their teams. And this is where the </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/enneagram/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Enneagram</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> can become invaluable to a diverse team all having diverse needs. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As you may recall in the last article – </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/investing-in-you-the-world-of-the-enneagram/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Investing in You – The World of the Enneagram</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – I set out just </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">how beneficial taking the Enneagram was</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> in better understanding myself and the reasons why I do the things that I do. It has highlighted my core motivations and the impact they have on my personality, how I think, how I feel and how I take action.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Enneagram has been invaluable in my journey of self-discovery, self-development, relationship building, how I can better resolve conflict according to my own personality type and how I can work better in a team.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And I think for anyone looking to better understand team dynamics, the following found on the Braving Boundaries </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/enneagram/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">website</span></a> <span style="font-weight: 400;">is highly enlightening – </span></p> <blockquote> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“The power of the Enneagram lies in its subtle complexity, in its flexibility, and in its open-endedness, allowing it to take into account the myriad characteristics of human personality, how these traits blend in each person, and how they change depending on circumstances.</span></i></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Enneagram is all about the WHY. It delves into our motivations and explains why we do the things we do. It offers profound insights into what makes us tick, such as the unconscious fears buried deep in our psyches that affect our everyday decisions.”</span></i></p> </blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The feedback session – as I said previously – was where I was able to gain a real understanding of my personality or archetype style. It’s how I got better acquainted with myself. It’s how I have been able to implement the changes suggested to me in the report. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And for </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">any team</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> in </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">any business</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">, this would be worth its weight in gold. The perfect way to ensure a harmonious working environment, as well as effective, positive communication. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">To find out more about the Enneagram Team Session and how you can both better understand team members within your organisation whilst also discovering ways you can improve your own communication skills, take a look at the </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/enneagram/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Braving Boundaries website </span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">and </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">get in touch</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> with Frieda Levycky today. There are fantastic programmes for both individuals and teams.</span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Truly invest in yourself, your team and ensure a positive, harmonious working environment!</span></i></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_90"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/enneagram-inquiry/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/10/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image-1.jpg" alt="Book a Team Enneagram Sessions with Frieda Levycky" title="End of blog post CTA image (1)" class="wp-image-4875" /></span></a> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_118 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><b>References</b></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">[1] Beqiri, G. (2021, February 15). </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Communication Skills in the Workplace.</span></i> <a href="https://virtualspeech.com/blog/communication-skills-in-the-workplace" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">https://virtualspeech.com/blog/communication-skills-in-the-workplace</span></a></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">[2] Skills You Need. (n.d.). </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Active Listening.</span></i> <a href="https://www.skillsyouneed.com/ips/active-listening.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">https://www.skillsyouneed.com/ips/active-listening.html</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">[3] Tony Robbins. (n.d.) </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">How can I communicate more effectively?</span></i> <a href="https://www.tonyrobbins.com/ask-tony/effective-communication/#:~:text=How%20to%20get%20people%20to,solutions%20and%20ask%20for%20action" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">https://www.tonyrobbins.com/ask-tony/effective-communication/#:~:text=How%20to%20get%20people%20to,solutions%20and%20ask%20for%20action</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">[4] Cookes-Campbell, A. (2022, July 14). </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Why Communication is Key in the Workplace and Ways to Improve.</span></i> <a href="https://www.betterup.com/blog/why-communication-is-key-to-workplace-and-how-to-improve-skills" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">https://www.betterup.com/blog/why-communication-is-key-to-workplace-and-how-to-improve-skills</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_85"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_139 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_4 et_pb_divider_position_center et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_86 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_140 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_91"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_141 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_119 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the writer, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong></p> <p>Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/">The Legal Belletrist website</a>.</p> <p><strong>Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">[email protected]</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/effective-workplace-communication/">Effective Workplace Communication – Learning how to talk the talk</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/effective-workplace-communication/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Dealing with Grief & Loss</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/dealing-with-grief-loss/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/dealing-with-grief-loss/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 07 Jun 2022 12:32:09 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Comfort over coffee]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[alone]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[bereavement]]></category> <category><![CDATA[bravery]]></category> <category><![CDATA[courage]]></category> <category><![CDATA[death]]></category> <category><![CDATA[depression]]></category> <category><![CDATA[grief]]></category> <category><![CDATA[grieving]]></category> <category><![CDATA[heartache]]></category> <category><![CDATA[heartbreak]]></category> <category><![CDATA[isolation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[loss]]></category> <category><![CDATA[missing someone]]></category> <category><![CDATA[not alone]]></category> <category><![CDATA[regret]]></category> <category><![CDATA[sadness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[worry]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=4386</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>This blog post is a little different to our usual posts. At various points in our lives, we will be faced with the loss of a loved one: a close friend, family member, pet, parent or child. The last two years, particularly, have been full of grief and loss.  Alicia, my friend and co-writer, recently […]</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/dealing-with-grief-loss/">Dealing with Grief & Loss</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[ <p class="has-text-color" style="color:#c69223"><em>This blog post is a little different to our usual posts. At various points in our lives, we will be faced with the loss of a loved one: a close friend, family member, pet, parent or child. The last two years, particularly, have been full of grief and loss. </em></p> <p class="has-text-color" style="color:#c69223"><em>Alicia, my friend and co-writer, recently lost her granny and wrote this beautiful piece as a way to help process her feelings and emotions. It’s raw. It’s heartfelt. It’s deeply personal. But, perhaps it will provide many of you who are struggling with grief and loss at present a chance to feel understood.</em></p> <p class="has-text-color" style="color:#c69223"><em>Frieda</em>, <em>Founder of Braving Boundaries</em></p> <hr class="wp-block-separator has-text-color has-alpha-channel-opacity has-background is-style-default" style="background-color:#c69229;color:#c69229"/> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h3 class="has-black-color has-text-color wp-block-heading">Dealing with Grief & Loss</h3> <h5 class="wp-block-heading"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></em></h5> <p></p> <p>Death and grief are close first cousins. </p> <p>Meet the one and you are sure (to one day) meet the other – they are related after all.</p> <p>But it’s funny, even though you (half, kinda, but don’t wanna) expect their arrival, the wave of emotions they bring with them hits you like a brick across the forehead. Ouch! </p> <p>It’s almost as if they arrived, unannounced and unwelcome, had a huge party at your expense and vacated your home staggering after all their festivities. While you were left to clean up their mess. </p> <p>Death and grief are “people” we have all come across at some point in our lives. None of us are exempt and one day Death and Grief will wreak their infamous havoc on those you yourself leave behind. </p> <p>And it’s in that thought that I began to wonder. As I watched my grandmother folded into the earth, I looked upon the faces of those who were family. Generations. I looked at my uncle with his daughters and grandchildren and saw the relief that they brought him. He had others. </p> <p>Watching my own mother, she seemingly seemed smaller and more alone than my uncle. Or at least more alone and smaller than before. I sadly realised that it was her and I. That’s all. And that fact aches. Deep inside of me. </p> <p>You see my grandmother came from a long line of women – only children (in most cases)- given the second name Rosa. My grandmother was Elizabeth Rosa. My mother (and then I) broke the tradition of a long line of Rosas (or roses depending on how you see it). Granny didn’t mind – being a breaker of tradition and societal expectation herself. Everyone forges their own paths (at least that’s what she said). </p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/Dealing-with-grief-and-loss-1.jpg"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="768" height="250" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/Dealing-with-grief-and-loss-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4393"/></a></figure> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <p>But it is this moment – while I am still spending time with Grief – that I have found the hardest to overcome. </p> <p>Grief, as it happens, likes to bring along bedfellows. Friends and deviants. No wonder your home is left in such a mess once they are done. Friends like Regret, Remorse, Longing and Worry. </p> <p>My lucky day – they have all arrived. </p> <p>As I sit – huddled in the corner – shielding my eyes from the obscenity they are prone to creating – I feel tears roll down my face. </p> <p>I have tried to hold them back – she led a life well lived after all (and all that) – but these tears have a mind of their own. </p> <p>Two women with no Rosa’s in their names. Two women who have their own demons to face. And my mom who has no one writing her “thinking of you Granny” cards. My cats don’t have the best penmanship. </p> <p>The circle of life, undoubtedly, brings you to these points. Not by chance. They bring you to these points to deal. And so many old wounds have been reopened. </p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/Dealing-with-grief-and-loss-4.jpg"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="768" height="250" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/Dealing-with-grief-and-loss-4.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4394"/></a></figure> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <p>Grief and all his mates are funny that way. Parting gifts, I suppose. Death, like Elvis, has long since left the building, having partied himself out days ago. </p> <p>But he “hung around” (like seriously hung around) taking stock and taking notes. I made the same ones. I think. </p> <p>And in my little corner where Grief has fixated his eyes on me – I remember. I regret. I wonder. I hurt. I want. I grieve. </p> <p>But I am reminded that Grief and his friends have other homes to visit – places where they will wreak even more havoc than they have here. I was only a first stop. On borrowed time it would seem. Because, I realise this is only second hand grief. Like a pity visit. Funny, coming from Grief himself.</p> <p>Belonging to my mother and my uncle more so than I. Happening to visit me instead. Or at least at first. </p> <p>Like a cat, I remain in my corner licking my wounds reminding myself – that it will all be ok. In the end. </p> <p>But wounds take some time to heal. Especially the infected ones. And I have so many that are. </p> <p>Did I mention Loss? </p> <p>She is Death and Grief’s second cousin twice removed. Again – family matters. </p> <p>Loss attaches herself to many things and to many situations. Loss of a loved one – that’s obvious. But loss of so many other things too. </p> <p>Grief and his pals are taking their leave – hurrying on to the next home (how do their livers cope) but Loss has made herself quite at home. It seems. Unexpectedly. </p> <p>I didn’t even have time to change the sheets. </p> <p>And it’s at this juncture that I wonder, quite seriously, what we shall have for tea? </p> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <hr class="wp-block-separator has-text-color has-alpha-channel-opacity has-background is-style-wide" style="background-color:#c69229;color:#c69229"/> <div style="height:50px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-1 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist-1024x1024-1.jpg" alt=""/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p>About the writer, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong></p> <p>Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism. </p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/">The Legal Belletrist website</a>.</p> <p><strong>Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">[email protected]</a> </strong></p> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/dealing-with-grief-loss/">Dealing with Grief & Loss</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/dealing-with-grief-loss/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>The truth about love</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-truth-about-love/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-truth-about-love/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Fri, 18 Feb 2022 14:31:06 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Love]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[affairs]]></category> <category><![CDATA[attorneys]]></category> <category><![CDATA[better half]]></category> <category><![CDATA[brokenhearted]]></category> <category><![CDATA[business women]]></category> <category><![CDATA[cupid]]></category> <category><![CDATA[cupid's arrow]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[love]]></category> <category><![CDATA[love life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[love sick]]></category> <category><![CDATA[marriage]]></category> <category><![CDATA[office affairs]]></category> <category><![CDATA[office relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[office romance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[professionals]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[rom-com]]></category> <category><![CDATA[romcom]]></category> <category><![CDATA[the truth about love]]></category> <category><![CDATA[trust]]></category> <category><![CDATA[valentine]]></category> <category><![CDATA[valentine's day]]></category> <category><![CDATA[valentines]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work life]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=4010</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Whoever said your personal life does not affect your professional life is lying. Love and relationships affect EVERYTHING! And here's why.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-truth-about-love/">The truth about love</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[ <h4 class="wp-block-heading" id="by-alicia-koch-of-the-legal-belletrist-with-section-contribution-by-frieda-levycky-of-braving-boundaries"><em><strong>BY ALICIA KOCH OF <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a> (with section contribution by FRIEDA LEVYCKY OF BRAVING BOUNDARIES)</strong></em></h4> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <p>Aaaaah February.</p> <p>The month of love. Or as some would say – the month of Tom Foolery and shenanigans. Depending on which side of the love pendulum you fall.</p> <p>Money is spent aplenty on roses and chocolates, champagne and expensive romantic dinners out with our Valentines. Wooing is the name of the game and courtships begin and end amidst waves of <em>“things moved too fast”</em>, <em>“I just needed a Valentine for Valentine’s Day”</em> or simply <em>“it’s not you, it’s me”.</em> </p> <p>That darn <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cupid#:~:text=In%20classical%20mythology%2C%20Cupid%20(Latin,His%20Greek%20counterpart%20is%20Eros." target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Cupid</a> flitting about shooting his arrows left, right and centre. Irresponsibly, I might add. I mean, you just know that a little guy in a diaper and wings, with red cheeks and pouty lips, armed with a deadly assault weapon, is most certainly up to no good. Causing mischief wherever his flits and flops. </p> <p>But Cupid or not, it’s the month where people like me – those that “love <em>love</em>” – get to indulge in rom-coms galore, reminisce over times we were wooed to perfection and showered with red roses and chocolates. Recalling our very first Valentine’s Day with our significant others. </p> <p>But, I’m kind of getting ahead of myself. A little bit.</p> <p>Sure, the point of this article is love. And more so than that, <em>the truth about love</em>. And when better to discuss this subject pondered over by poets, philosophers and the broken hearted over thousands of years, in the month that’s all about love. Make’s sense, right?</p> <p>But there is another side to this article. And that’s also talking about relationships. After all, isn’t that the point of love? </p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="finding-love"><strong><em>Finding love</em></strong></h2> <p>As professionals, we can all relate to how hard it is to find our (sometimes) better halves. It’s tough out there. With the high expectations we set both for ourselves and our partners, our ”wish lists” grow ever-longer with each “single” year that passes – <em>“why should we settle”?</em> </p> <p>The simple answer to that – you shouldn’t. Settling for love is like settling for (sugar-free) grape juice when all you wanted was a glass of champagne. And that is just plain disappointing. </p> <p>But working long hours whilst trying to build a career doesn’t leave much time for finding love. It’s a simple truth. Valentine’s Day, in the professional world, may not be as romantic as Cupid would have liked to believe. </p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/finding-love-in-an-app.jpg" alt="finding love in an app" class="wp-image-4019"/></figure> <p>I hear you. Meeting in bars is really not conducive (always) to a budding romance. Tinder is a plunder with Swindlers (have you watched <a href="https://www.netflix.com/tudum/articles/who-is-tinder-swindler-real-shimon-hayut" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">The Tinder Swindler</a>?). And set-ups by well-meaning friends or aunts often just leave everyone disappointed – least of all the setter-upper. </p> <p><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGVZOLV9SPo" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">“Love is a Battlefield” by Pat Benater</a> certainly comes to mind right about now.</p> <p><em>“Heartache to heartache we stand”.</em></p> <p>And we can relate. In one way or another. </p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="love-and-relationships-affect-everything"><strong><em>Love (and relationships) affect everything!</em></strong></h2> <p>Whoever said that your personal life does not affect your professional life (or shouldn’t) is lying. Both to you and to themselves. Think about it – you have a fight with your partner and whether you consciously think about it or not, your day is that much worse than it ought to have been. You go through a break up and suddenly the world seems like a sadder, darker place, filled with <em>love sick fools doomed to have their hearts broken too</em> (or so you <em>kind of</em> hope in your despair). You find out your partner is cheating on you and you instantly hate the opposite sex, call them liars and cheats and stop believing that you too can find happiness. </p> <p><em>Again, love is a battlefield. A fight that is not a fight waged in isolation.</em></p> <p>The different aspects of our lives (which most certainly includes our love lives) <em>will</em> have an impact on the other areas of our lives – our work, our health, relationships with other people. It has an effect on everything. Our lives are swayed by <em>how we feel</em>. Especially about love. And about ourselves because no matter how grounded and self-assured you may be, how your partner makes you feel will most certainly have an impact on how you see yourself. </p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="love-life-personal-life-professional-life-are-all-linked"><strong><em>Love life – personal life – professional life are all linked</em></strong></h2> <p>It therefore stands to reason that if your personal life is in shambles, you will either over-perform to compensate for your “failing romance” or under-perform because you simply cannot motivate yourself enough to do anything productive – <em>“what would be the point?”.</em></p> <p>Often, as professionals, we invest huge chunks of ourselves into our professional lives, simply because our personal ones are not quite living up to their potential. We over-compensate in an effort to disguise how awful, how lonely or how sad we feel inside. <em>It’s ok, you can admit it.</em> </p> <p>You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t. No one is immune to Cupid’s charms (and sometimes terrible aim).</p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/cupids-arrow.jpg" alt="cupids-arrow" class="wp-image-4018"/></figure> <p>And then there are those of us, who find the loves of our lives and live smugly forever after. And this too will have an effect on other aspects of their lives. It will affect their work, their health, their mental state, their wellbeing, their outlook on the world and their health. All of which would seemingly be better, because they are in a happy place and in a happy relationship.</p> <p>For all intents and purposes, it would seem that love, relationships (and all that goes with it), go hand in hand with everything else in our lives. </p> <p>The “truth about love (and relationships)” at least on the face of it, is this – they are complicated because love (and life) is tricky and messy and affects us all at one or other point in our lives. It even goes so far as to dictate <em>how we react to things</em>. We each have different stories. Our love lives have influenced our personal and professional lives in different ways. There is beauty in that. </p> <p>And I think that is the crux here – love affects us all in different ways. Sometimes in positive ways and other times in negative ways. And it extends to so many other aspects in our lives.</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="the-love-pendulum"><strong><em>The love pendulum</em></strong></h2> <p>Frieda and my love lives are perfect examples of the “love pendulum”. One of us found love (relatively) young and that helped mould who she was as a professional (and as a person). Whilst the other one of us forged her own professional path, not reliant on a partner, singularly focused on over-achieving and being the “best of the best”. Going on to find the love of her life a little later on, because (quite simply), she was ready. </p> <p>You can probably figure out which one is which, but these are our stories: </p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="256" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/HEarts-1024x256.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4023"/></figure> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="love-at-first-sight-ali-s-story"><strong><em>Love at first sight – Ali’s story</em></strong></h2> <p>I never believed in “true love”. Not really. I was exceptionally skeptical and a terrible cynic. And I had every reason to be. I had got “involved” in relationships very young, having had my first boyfriend at the age of 15. But sadly, I was a magnet for love in all the (very) wrong places. If there was a bad boy anywhere in sight, I was instantly attracted. I was Love’s Fool to a T. </p> <p>I had been cheated on, used, abused (physically and most certainly emotionally). I was not skinny enough, not pretty enough, not intelligent enough, or too intelligent (which just rubbed their ego the wrong way) or we simply “didn’t have a spark”. This last one resulted in a famous line between my friends and I – <em>“our wood was wet”.</em> This particular boyfriend meant that we didn’t have that “spark”. That something extra. And together our wood just wouldn’t burn. Not the way it should. A reason that still perplexes me to this day. Because I tried so hard. But it is funny. <em>Now.</em> Isn’t hindsight a wonderful thing?</p> <p>So, I had resolved to give up on love. At 25! That was until my Jewish family got wind of my plans – they were having none of it – and I was marched off to “matchmaking school” with my Rabbi’s wife. <em>Awkward</em> doesn’t even begin to describe that conversation! </p> <p>A couple of days after the “matchmaker visit”, I was (almost) strong armed into going to a “speed dating event” with a work colleague of mine. Be her “wing woman” as it were. Reluctantly, I accompanied her. It was for professionals only. Both men and women within a certain age group. I was dreading it.</p> <p><em>Until I saw him. </em></p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/Alicia-Koch-and-her-husband-1.jpg" alt="Alicia-Koch-and-her-husband-1" class="wp-image-4014"/></figure> <p>I was outside the event, trying my best to acquire “Dutch courage”, about to light my Dunhill menthol slim line cigarette (I still smoked at the time) when I saw a Jack Daniels t-shirt wearing man walk towards me. It was funny – I was drinking Jack Daniels at the time. Before I could light my cigarette, he offered to “<em>Light my fire”.</em> Being a Doors fan, I was immediately intrigued. Must be another bad boy, I thought. </p> <p>It was then that I noticed his smile and his beautiful blue eyes. I was a goner. I often wondered about <em>“love at first sight”.</em> I didn’t believe it could actually happen. At least not in real life. And not to me. But there I was. Falling in love. At first sight. Cupid had finally shot his arrow straight. And at the right people this time. </p> <p>My (now) husband was unexpected. He was not who I imagined spending my life with. Simply because I had proudly declared to the world that I would remain single. But I also did not believe that I “deserved” someone like him. </p> <p>We met during my last year in Articles. And I can say with all honesty, that he has helped me become the person and the professional I am today. He has stood by me and guided me through some of the toughest years of my life (both professionally and personally), he has helped me to always see things clearly. He has helped me make some extremely important life decisions and then stood back and cheered me on as I found my place in the professional world. </p> <p>He changed my entire world. In only the best of ways. He became my person, the one I went home to after each hard day, the person I woke up next to every morning. He was (and still is) always happy to see me. And I truly believe that because of his love, because of his faith in me, because of his guidance, his wisdom and his humour he has made me not only a better person, but a better lawyer. And (most of the time), a better writer. He helped me become <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">The Legal Belletrist</a> because he believed in me, he supported me and he gave me the grounding and foundation I needed to ultimately become who I am today.</p> <p>I guess you could say that I am one of those lucky people who are <em>living smugly</em> in their “happily ever after” with the love of their lives. And I couldn’t be more grateful.</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="loving-yourself-first-frieda-s-story"><strong><em>Loving yourself first – Frieda’s story</em></strong></h2> <p>Ha! 25?! Geez, I was nowhere near ready to settle down at 25. It wasn’t that I wasn’t looking for my perfect match, but I was so distracted by and invested in the lifestyle of an international corporate lawyer that the thought of diverting any time away from my career was really not an option. In fact, if my memory serves me correctly, at 25, I was celebrating my birthday in Wan Chai, Hong Kong by falling rather drunkenly off the bar in Carnegie’s! Not one of my proudest moments, but it makes for an amusing story! </p> <p>How different our love lives were Ali!</p> <p>In all seriousness, as much as I was loving “<em>living the high life</em>” in my 20s, it acted as the perfect distraction from looking closely at the patterns which were so clearly forming in my romantic relationships. I was attracted to “Mr Unavailable”. Whether he be physically unavailable (married, attached, newly separated) or emotionally unavailable (vague, non-committal, part-time, hot and cold) – that was my poison. For my 20s, that didn’t really phase me too much. I wasn’t ready to commit, so how could I expect anyone else to? But, once I hit my 30s, and watched every one of my friends marry and start having children, that is when the imbalance between my professional and personal life started to emerge and, inevitably, merge.</p> <p>I ended up in relationships with people in the office because that was where I spent most of my time and they were the only people I met. But rarely do work and play make for good bedfellows (there are exceptions, of course). And, inevitably, the emotional toll of the breakup seeps into the working day. It’s hard to hide heartbreak, but rather than address it – I just worked harder. To the point where both my physical and mental health took a hammering. As law and life collided, it soon became evident that there were clear patterns in my romantic relationships that needed to be addressed and some proper work needed to be done on my self-esteem if I was going to stop repeating those well-engrained patterns.</p> <p>It took two years of therapy to address the underlying issues which had led me to: (a) become a workaholic; and (b) settle for breadcrumbs in my relationships. But, by 36, I had the self-confidence, self-esteem and self-love to quit my job, travel the world for a year, and go in search for the life (and love) that I wanted (and deserved). </p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/Frieda-Levycky-running-Small.jpg" alt="Frieda Levycky running during year off" class="wp-image-4015"/></figure> <p>I know it sounds corny, but it was during my year off that I fell in love with myself. Not in a narcissistic way, but in an acceptance way: I learned about myself. I saw what I could bring to the table in a relationship. I remembered what was important to me. I set boundaries. I talked openly. I stopped trying to be someone that I thought people would want me to be. And the more I liked myself, the more I attracted the right people around me. Gone were the “Mr Unavailables”. I deserved more than that. </p> <p>People often talk about “good timing” “luck” and “fate” as being the reasons for finding the love of their lives. There is an element of that, but I think it is more to do with the work you put into yourself. When you are comfortable and happy with who you are, you attract the right people. Then let fate take its course.</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="256" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/HEarts-1024x256.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4023"/></figure> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="so-what-is-the-truth-about-love"><strong><em>So, what is the truth about love?</em></strong></h2> <p>Whether this February is your first month of love or your 50<sup>th</sup> with your partner, whether you are still looking for someone special or are happily single – whatever your status – the truth about love (we think) is this – it affects us all in ways we can’t really imagine. It is different for each of us because each relationship is unique and each one of us is an individual – special in our own ways. </p> <p>Love is not a battlefield, it is a beautiful thing that takes work. Daily. It can be strong or fragile. Love can be found in everything or nothing. Relationships can break you down or build you up. They can complete you or destroy you. Simply put, relationships are hard and love is… complicated.</p> <p>It is so complicated in fact that there really is no right or wrong way <em>to be in love</em> or to <em>have a relationship</em>. It is all relative. There is not any one thing that makes love <em>love</em>. It is a complex mix of a multitude of things. And we can only hope that Cupid in all his wisdom, good aim and occasional mischief sees fit to shoot straight and at the right people – for each of us. </p> <p>There really isn’t any <em>real advice</em> we can give you. Because we are <em>all </em>learning as we happily plod along. </p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <hr class="wp-block-separator"/> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-2 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist-1024x1024-1.jpg" alt=""/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p>About the writer, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong></p> <p>Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism. </p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/">The Legal Belletrist website</a>.</p> <p><strong>Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">[email protected]</a> </strong></p> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-truth-about-love/">The truth about love</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-truth-about-love/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> </channel> </rss>