<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><rss version="2.0" xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/" xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/" xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" xmlns:sy="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/syndication/" xmlns:slash="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/slash/" > <channel> <title>Motivation Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <atom:link href="https://bravingboundaries.com/category/motivation/feed/" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" /> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/category/motivation/</link> <description>PROFESSIONAL LIFE COACHING & TRAINING</description> <lastBuildDate>Tue, 07 Oct 2025 07:50:12 +0000</lastBuildDate> <language>en-ZA</language> <sy:updatePeriod> hourly </sy:updatePeriod> <sy:updateFrequency> 1 </sy:updateFrequency> <image> <url>https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Asset-1.svg</url> <title>Motivation Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/category/motivation/</link> <width>32</width> <height>32</height> </image> <item> <title>Mirror, Mirror: Reflections on ageing (and laughing anyway)</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/mirror-mirror-reflections-on-ageing/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/mirror-mirror-reflections-on-ageing/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 07 Oct 2025 07:03:51 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Procrastination]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[ageing]]></category> <category><![CDATA[body confidence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[confidence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Embracing Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[friendship]]></category> <category><![CDATA[invisibility]]></category> <category><![CDATA[middle age]]></category> <category><![CDATA[midlife]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mindset]]></category> <category><![CDATA[navigating midlife]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal empowerment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[perspective]]></category> <category><![CDATA[redefining limit]]></category> <category><![CDATA[resilience]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-Acceptance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-talk]]></category> <category><![CDATA[women and ageing]]></category> <category><![CDATA[yoga]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=235362</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/mirror-mirror-reflections-on-ageing/">Mirror, Mirror: Reflections on ageing (and laughing anyway)</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_0 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_0"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_0 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_0 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY FRIEDA LEVYCKY, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/" style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;">BRAVING BOUNDARIES</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em></em></span></strong></p> <p><span>“<em>So, I’m old and weak?</em>” Fabulous! Well, that’s a good start to a Monday!</span></p> <p><span>My friends and I burst out laughing at girls’ night last week as I relayed the story of my yoga instructor helping me stretch further into a pigeon pose than I’d ever managed before. Post class, he gave me some feedback: “<em>Older women …</em>” he started, then quickly corrected himself: “<em>I mean, women who are more mature … need additional weight to progress into positions, as flexibility is just not enough as we get older. Your hips and shoulders are flexible, but weak</em>”. To be fair, his feedback was probably meant to be encouraging. I mean, I am (a bit) older now and I do have weak spots in my body, but all I heard was: <em>old and weak</em>.</span></p> <p><span>So, of course, I went home and did what any reasonable, totally well-balanced woman would do. I studied myself for a good ten minutes in front of the mirror. First my face then, for good measure, the rest of me too. Am I old? Is that how the world sees me now? Inside, I still feel like that flirty little nymph; the young lawyer who tottered around the office in very high heels and a dress. I’m the runner, the traveller, the yoga pretzel, the one who’s never been fussed about make-up. Ever since I was at school, I was always the youngest of the group (an August birthday has its perks). That’s still how I see myself, but is that really how the rest of the world sees me? Or have I quietly, without meaning to, stepped into this “<em>tannie</em>” role (as they say in South Africa)? Not properly old, not exactly young either, but that strange middle space of invisibility.</span></p> <p><span></span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_0"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/10/2.jpg" alt="ageing" title="who is that in the mirror?" class="wp-image-235368" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_1 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong><span>The Invisibility Cloak of Middle Age</span></strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_2 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p style="text-align: left;"><span>A friend of mine told me she knew she’d officially crossed the line when, at 50, the teenage checkout assistant asked if she’d like to use her pensioner discount. “<em>For f**k’s sake!</em>” she laughed, describing how she marched home, dumped the shopping and demanded of her husband and friend: “<em>Do I look like a pensioner?</em>”. There really was only one correct answer to that question and, fortunately, both men were wise enough to choose it.</span></p> <p>Another friend recalled standing in a wine bar bathroom next to a gaggle of 20-somethings on a hen party and catching her reflection beside theirs. The contrast was sobering. Others have shared those silly, but defining, moments when you realise you’ve officially lost track of what “<em>Whip/Nae Nae</em>” is (yes, I did need to look up the spelling for that as I did originally write “<em>Nay Nay</em>”), let alone how to dance to it.</p> <p>To be fair, I can still give them a run for their money if Whigfield or Steps comes on the radio. I’ve always nailed “<em>Saturday Night</em>” and “<em>Tragedy</em>.”<span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_3 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong><span>The Double-Edged Sword of Invisibility</span></strong></h2> <h2></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_4 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">There’s a strange freedom in becoming invisible though. Fewer eyes watching, fewer judgements, fewer comparisons. However, it can also be lonely. You start to notice the subtle ways the world stops looking your way: the compliments fade, the flirtatious glances vanish and shop assistants suddenly call you “<em>Ma’am</em>”.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_1 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_1"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/10/3.jpg" alt="Becoming invisible" title="Becoming invisible" class="wp-image-235369" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_2"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_2 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_5 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span>I used to be judgmental about women who turned to Botox or surgery. I’d make sweeping statements about “<em>ageing gracefully</em>” and “<em>accepting yourself</em>”, but as I inch closer to that stage, I can feel myself softening. I understand now that it’s not always about vanity. Sometimes it’s about visibility. About wanting to feel seen again in a world that treats women’s ageing as something to hide.</span></p> <p>There’s something to be said for doing what makes you feel good in your own skin. Whether that’s fillers or face yoga, Spanx or squats. Seriously, who am I to judge? If it lifts your spirits, then that’s what matters.</p> <p>Clearly, I’ve been talking about ageing a lot because Instagram’s now decided that I’m obsessed. My feed has been flooded with clips from <a href="https://www.instagram.com/reel/DPWk_OAETkK/">Paris Fashion Week</a>: a stunning parade of ageless icons like Helen Mirren, Heidi Klum, Jane Fonda, Gillian Anderson, Iris Berben, Andie MacDowell and Philippine Leroy-Beaulieu drifting effortlessly down the runway, and snippets of Patricia Routledge’s <a href="https://selfdiscoverywisdom.com/2025/08/08/a-poem-by-patricia-routledge/">Letter to Life</a> which she wrote for her 95th birthday. Alongside them, the quote that keeps popping up: “<em>Too young, too old, too bold. Whatever you do, someone will always judge your choices</em>”. How accurate that statement is.</p> <p>It’s almost as if the universe (or the algorithm) is forcing me to re-check my thinking. Some of those women have chosen the surgical route; others have aged naturally and all of them looked magnificent. There really isn’t a single right way to do this ageing thing.</p> <p> </p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_6 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong><span>Old Bird, Strong Body</span></strong></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_3"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_3 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_7 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span>This past week, after all the “old and weak” jokes, I went back to yoga and did a Bikram class. I’ve trained on and off in Bikram for 15 years (I even took my teaching qualifications back in 2017), but this was my first class in months. For anyone who’s ever sweated through those 26 poses in 40 degrees, you’ll know: no class is ever the same. Yet, that class was one of the magical ones; one where everything clicks. My bow-pulling pose was strong, my balance steady and I felt incredible.</p> <p>At the end, a gorgeous, blonde twenty-something bounced over to me and said: “<em>Wow! How long have you been practising? I hope one day I can be just like you</em>”. Now, if that doesn’t make an “old bird” smile, I don’t know what will.</span></p> <p><span></span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_2"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/10/4.jpg" alt="yoga" title="yoga" class="wp-image-235370" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_4"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_4 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_8 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong><span>Rewriting the Narrative</span></strong></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_5"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_5 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_9 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>The reality is that I’m new to this ageing thing. I don’t have all the answers and I know damn well that the only way to get them is to walk through this period of my life. What I have started to realise though is that I’ve been joking a lot about ageing lately. I’ve been laughing it off, making quips about “<em>feeling</em> <em>ancient</em>”, but … I’ve also started to notice it (that feeling of being old) and, if I’m not careful, I’ll end up believing my own words too. Negative self-talk rewires the brain and I’m not ready to programme mine to think I’m old and weak.</p> <p>So, I’m changing the script. I’ve set myself a new mantra to stop the negative seeping in:</p> <p><em>“I’m healthy, happy and still a little bit fabulous. This body has seen things, done things, climbed mountains, danced in heels and still gets me through yoga. She’s not old or weak. She’s strong and full of life.”</em></p> <p><em></em></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_3"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/10/5.jpg" alt="my new ageing mantra" title="my new ageing mantra" class="wp-image-235371" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_6"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_6 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_10 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>Ageing is a privilege, one that’s easily forgotten until you realise that not everyone is given that gift.</p> <p>So, here’s to all the “<em>old birds</em>” out there, laughing our way through yoga classes, mirror reflections and checkout discounts. May we never forget: <strong><em>we are anything but invisible</em></strong>.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_4"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image.jpg.webp" alt="" title="" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/mirror-mirror-reflections-on-ageing/">Mirror, Mirror: Reflections on ageing (and laughing anyway)</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/mirror-mirror-reflections-on-ageing/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>How to Beat Procrastination (Part 2): Practical Strategies That Work</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/how-to-beat-procrastination-part-2/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/how-to-beat-procrastination-part-2/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 16 Jul 2025 15:32:49 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Procrastination]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[beating procrastination]]></category> <category><![CDATA[braving boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[how to stop procrastinating]]></category> <category><![CDATA[implementation intentions]]></category> <category><![CDATA[overcoming procrastination]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Pomodoro technique]]></category> <category><![CDATA[procrastination]]></category> <category><![CDATA[procrastination emotional root]]></category> <category><![CDATA[productivity for professionals]]></category> <category><![CDATA[science-backed productivity tools]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-compassion]]></category> <category><![CDATA[time management]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=235304</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/how-to-beat-procrastination-part-2/">How to Beat Procrastination (Part 2): Practical Strategies That Work</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_1 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_7"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_7 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_11 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY FRIEDA LEVYCKY, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/" style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;">BRAVING BOUNDARIES</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5> <p><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em></em></span></strong></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Yes, finally.)</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So here we are. Part 2 of the procrastination series. Only three years in the making. I mean, if that’s not living the work, I don’t know what is.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For those of you who’ve been waiting patiently since </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/beating-procrastination-part-1/"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Part 1</span></i></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (published in June 2022 – sorry about that), thank you. You’ll be pleased to know that the delay wasn’t due to a lack of inspiration. Quite the opposite. I’ve had plenty of real-life examples of procrastination play out in all their glory; some impressively creative, others frustratingly familiar.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">There was the weekend I’d set aside to write this article in July <strong><em>2022</em> </strong>… which coincided, very inconveniently, with a sudden and unrelenting need to sort out our table plan for our wedding in April 2023. Then came the flurry of pub quiz planning, a strong case made (by me) for why walking the dogs was far more urgent than finishing this article and even a couple of bouts of spring cleaning (if you know me, you’ll know procrastination is definitely in full swing when that happens). There may even have been a holiday spreadsheet involved at one point too! No one </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">needs </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">a spreadsheet, but there you go!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Classic procrastination.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Still, I always knew it needed to be finished. The first article unpacked the </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">why</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> behind procrastination: the roots, the reasoning and a fair bit of personal reflection, particularly on the emotional side of things. That was the easy part to write. Well, easier. This one asks:</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> What do we actually do about it?</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> A far trickier question for a procrastinator.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, before we get into the how, here’s a quick reminder of where we left off.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_12 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>What causes procrastination? A quick recap of Part 1</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_5"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/PROCRASTINATION-3-1024x768.jpg.webp" alt="" title="" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_13 et_pb_text_align_center et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span>Burka & Yuen (2008): </span><strong><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702" target="_blank" rel="noopener">“<em>Procrastination: Why you do it. What to do about it NOW.</em>”</a></strong></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_14 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you haven’t read it (or can’t remember it – I had to go back and read it myself), </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/beating-procrastination-part-1/"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Part 1</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> was all about understanding what procrastination is and where it comes from</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Drawing on the brilliant work of Burka & Yuen in </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Procrastination: Why You Do It, What To Do About It Now</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">, I explored the four key roots of procrastination:</span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>The Time Root</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – that slightly warped relationship with time, where we convince ourselves something will only take 15 minutes … right up until it doesn’t.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>The Interpersonal Root</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – the influence of our upbringing, our environment and those oh-so-familiar family patterns.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>The Biological Root</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – where our limbic system (the emotional, reactive part of the brain) often hijacks our best-laid plans and our prefrontal cortex just sighs in the background.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><b>The Emotional Root</b><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – the most uncomfortable of the lot and the one that hit me the hardest. This is where fear creeps in. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of being judged, exposed, relied on, left behind, pushed forward … the full emotional buffet.</span></li> </ul> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, with the </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">why</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> in mind, let’s take a look at the </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">how</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_15 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>How to start moving through procrastination</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_16 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’d love to say there’s a one-size-fits-all answer. That there’s a magical method I discovered whilst on a trail run that cured my procrastination overnight and I’ve never looked back. I haven’t though. I do procrastinate and I probably always will.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The reality is, procrastination isn’t something we fix. It’s something we learn to understand. Something we work with rather than battle against. I’ve spent the last few years trying different things, some helpful, some completely ineffective and some just another form of productive avoidance (organising a to-do list using different coloured pens, for example, is </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">not</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> the win it feels like).</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Still, there are a few strategies that do seem to work. They don’t work every time, but they are enough to gently interrupt the cycle and help move things forward when the familiar urge to delay starts creeping in.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you struggle with procrastination, why don’t you give these a go?</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_8 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_8 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_6"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_9 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_17 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>Break big tasks into smaller steps</strong></h3> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When something feels big, it usually means I’ll avoid it. My brain throws it straight into the “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">too hard</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” basket, where it sits until the pressure becomes unbearable and I do it in a mad panic while simultaneously resenting everyone and everything around me.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The trick (and this is one of the very few that works reliably) is to shrink it. Make the first step so small that it’s almost laughable.</span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Write one sentence.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Open the document.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Put your leggings on. You don’t even have to work out, just put them on.</span></li> </ul> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">This is loosely based on the </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">two-minute rule</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> in behavioural psychology. If something takes less than two minutes, do it. If it’s more complex, start it for just two minutes. The point is not to finish the task. It’s to override the part of your brain that’s convinced it’s impossible.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Once you’re in, you usually keep going. Not always, but more often than not, something shifts.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_9 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_10 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_7"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_11 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_18 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>Use the Pomodoro Technique or timed sprints</strong></h3> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’m not naturally a timer person. I rebel against rigid structure (that’ll be my <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/enneagram/">Enneagram 7</a>). However, I’ve learned that giving myself a set amount of time (e.g. 25 minutes) and then a break, feels manageable. That’s the basis of the Pomodoro Technique and it’s surprisingly effective. It has certainly helped me with assessment writing.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It turns the looming mountain of: </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">write a research paper on Mental Toughness</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (something I am currently working on) into </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">just work on it for 25 minutes</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. I don’t have to finish it. I don’t have to get it perfect. I just have to stay with it for that short period (then I can make a cuppa and complain about it to someone). </span><span style="font-weight: 400;"><img src="https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/15.0.3/72x72/1f60a.png" alt="😊" class="wp-smiley" style="height: 1em; max-height: 1em;" /></span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The psychology behind it is simple: we focus better in short bursts and we’re more likely to start something if the commitment feels light.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_10"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_12 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_8"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/07/Closeup-shot-of-a-Pomodoro-technique-by-Wirestock-from-Getty-Images.jpg" alt="Closeup shot of a Pomodoro technique by Wirestock from Getty Images" title="Closeup shot of a Pomodoro technique by Wirestock from Getty Images" class="wp-image-235316" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_11 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_13 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_9"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_14 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_19 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>Try if-then planning (implementation intentions)</strong></h3> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I realise that sounds like something from a productivity podcast, but bear with me. There’s a theory called </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">implementation intentions</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> which basically means creating a clear plan in advance in the following format: “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">If X happens, then I’ll do Y</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For example:</span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">If it’s 8am, I’ll go for a 20-minute walk.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">If I finish lunch, I’ll spend 10 minutes replying to emails.</span></li> </ul> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It seems obvious, but there’s good evidence that this kind of planning increases the likelihood of follow-through, especially when willpower is low. The clearer the cue and the simpler the task, the less room there is for the usual mental negotiation to creep in.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_12 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_15 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_10"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_16 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_20 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>Create accountability without pressure</strong></h3> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Now I know a lot of people are not a fan of the public declaration approach. “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Tell everyone you’re running a marathon so you have to do it!</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” can sound more like a threat than a strategy.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">That said, sharing something with a trusted friend – someone who knows you well, who won’t guilt-trip you and who will check in with curiosity rather than judgement – can be really helpful. It creates a gentle nudge and a little momentum.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Back in June, when I came back from the Coaching Advocates roadshow, I messaged my yoga instructor and said: </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“I turn 44 years old on 12 August 2025. There are 50 days left before that. My goal is to complete 44 exercise sessions before then. Please can you support me on this bout of madness?!”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. She gladly agreed. It was less about being held accountable in a disciplinary way (though she is good at that too </span><span style="font-weight: 400;"><img src="https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/15.0.3/72x72/1f609.png" alt="😉" class="wp-smiley" style="height: 1em; max-height: 1em;" /></span><span style="font-weight: 400;">). It was more about breaking the pattern of secrecy that procrastination loves to hide in (e.g. well, if I don’t tell anyone about my challenge, then if I fail, no one will know).</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_13 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_17 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_11"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_18 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_21 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h3><strong>Use self-compassion to break the cycle</strong></h3> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">This one sounds obvious, but it can be the hardest. Procrastination is often wrapped up in shame and when we start beating ourselves up for not getting things done, we shut down even more.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Self-compassion is, as it turns out, a far more effective motivator than criticism. Studies show that people who respond to their procrastination with kindness are more likely to move forward than those who berate themselves. It’s definitely a work in progress for me!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, if you find yourself deep in avoidance, maybe the best thing you can do is pause, take a breath and, rather than asking yourself: </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“How do I fix everything today?”,</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> ask yourself: </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“What do I need right now to take one small step?”.</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Just one step. That’s all.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_14"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_19 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_22 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Final thoughts on how to beat procrastination</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_23 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Procrastination isn’t something to conquer. It’s something to understand. Mine still pops up more than I’d like, sometimes dressed as helpful planning, sometimes hidden under tiredness, sometimes wrapped up in old fears I thought I’d left behind.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The difference now is, I see it sooner. I notice the excuses, I know what it’s protecting me from and I have a few more tools in my kit to meet it with curiosity rather than shame.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you want to go deeper: </span><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Procrastination: Why You Do It, What to Do About It Now</span></i></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702"> by Burka & Yuen</a> is still one of the most insightful books I’ve read on the subject. It’s not a hustle manual, but a genuine exploration of the messiness behind the avoidance.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Finally, if you’re currently procrastinating on something while reading this … I see you. Me too.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Maybe just start with five minutes. That’s all.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_12"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image.jpg.webp" alt="" title="" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/how-to-beat-procrastination-part-2/">How to Beat Procrastination (Part 2): Practical Strategies That Work</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/how-to-beat-procrastination-part-2/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>New year, same stuck feeling?</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/new-year-same-stuck-feeling/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/new-year-same-stuck-feeling/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 29 Jan 2025 12:21:52 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Enneagram]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Breaking Patterns]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Career Growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Coaching for Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[feeling stuck]]></category> <category><![CDATA[finding purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[goal setting]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Life Transitions]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Mindset Shift]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Navigating Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[New Year Reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[new year resolutions]]></category> <category><![CDATA[overcoming challenges]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-Development]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=235097</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/new-year-same-stuck-feeling/">New year, same stuck feeling?</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_2 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_15"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_20 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_24 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><strong><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></strong></h5></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_25 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Why resolutions fail without self-awareness</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_26 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Isn’t it funny how, as the clock strikes 12 on December the 31</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">st</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">, social media is awash with posts about New Year’s Resolutions: </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“This will be the year I finally lose the baby weight” </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">or </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“2025 is my year to get fit”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> or better still </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“This is the year I make a million quid”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Endless empty promises dominating your news feeds that you just know will be broken the minute the going gets tough.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Because let’s be honest, no one’s problems – whether they are health issues, mental health issues, family problems, work problems, weight problems, financial problems – disappear the minute the calendar changes from the 31</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">st</span><span style="font-weight: 400;"> to the 1</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">st</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">. The rolling over the date doesn’t make problems disappear. So yeah, the same stuck feeling continues. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The idea that New Year’s Day offers a </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“clean slate”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> or a </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“New Year, New You”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> type mentality is so misleading. Sure, it’s easy to believe that as the new year starts, we get the opportunity to turn over a new leaf. And who can blame our optimism? </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But while January the 1</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">st</span><span style="font-weight: 400;"> offers an opportunity for a fresh start; the underlying habits and mindsets that led to past failures don’t just disappear overnight.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Real change takes time, and it requires a real shift in mindset. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_13"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/New-Year-resolution-concept.-by-Coompia77-from-Getty-Images.jpg" alt="New Year resolution concept. by Coompia77 from Getty Images" title="New Year resolution concept. by Coompia77 from Getty Images" class="wp-image-235110" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_27 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The notion that we can completely change ourselves in the blink of an eye is unrealistic. Sustainable transformation doesn’t happen as soon as we change our minds about a situation. And it certainly won’t happen in the first 31 days of the year. It’s a long-term process that extends far beyond the novelty of a new year.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But there’s no getting away from the fact that New Year’s Resolutions are a part of the festivities. Everyone is doing them. So, it’s only natural that you’ll get caught up in the whole hoopla that the new year offers. And what it offers more than anything else is hope. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Hope that change </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">can</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> happen. Hope that you </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">can</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> make a difference in some aspect of your life. And there’s nothing wrong with hope. It’s the expectations behind the hope that need some adjusting. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Because while our intentions are good – they reflect our desire for self-improvement (which is never a bad thing) – we need to remain realistic. The uncomfortable truth is that most new year’s resolutions won’t last until February. According to </span><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/202412/why-new-years-resolutions-set-you-up-to-fail#:~:text=last%20until%20February.-,Research%20shows%20that%20about%2080%25%20of%20people%20abandon%20their%20resolutions,the%20concept%20itself%20is%20flawed." target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Psychology Today</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, research shows that about 80% of people abandon their resolutions within a month.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And the reason for this? We are so quick to set unrealistic goals that we rarely vet our resolutions through the filter of self-awareness. In other words, we gravitate towards aspirational objectives that make sense for someone else – not being entirely realistic for ourselves personally. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Let’s be clear – this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t set New Year’s Resolutions. Go ahead. But inform your goals by reflecting on what matters most to you.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And you can do this by implementing the following strategies: </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_16 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_21 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_14"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_22 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_28 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Get to know yourself</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – to set realistic and achievable goals for 2025 (and beyond), you need to understand what really makes you tick. What motivators get you moving and which ones get you to stay on track? Use your answers to bypass self-sabotaging tendencies that cause you to constantly miss your goals, such as trying to work toward big-picture achievements on Fridays when you know you do your best thinking work on Mondays. As you begin to get a better handle on your needs, create smaller, easily achievable tasks that can assist you in fulfilling your larger longer-term objectives. Here, it’s important that these smaller tasks have meaning and will aid in the achievement of your overall yearly objective. A simple tick-box exercise isn’t going to do the trick. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Find smoothie recipes I will actually make,”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> for example, is a concrete step toward an overall goal of eating healthier in 2025. Over time, you’ll naturally begin to understand how to establish new dreams that help you get out of ruts, overcome your shortcomings, and challenge yourself in positive ways, thereby setting goals that will stick.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_17 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_23 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_15"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_24 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_29 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Explore the <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/enneagram/">enneagram</a></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – following on from the above, by exploring the enneagram method with a trained professional such as Frieda Levycky at </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Braving Boundaries</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, you can delve into what motivates you and answer a burning question – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">why do you do the things you do?</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> The enneagram offers profound insights into what makes us tick, such as the unconscious fears buried deep in our psyches that affect our everyday decisions. While you can’t change who you are, there are several benefits to having a deeper understanding of yourself – you can make the most of your strengths and become aware of the things that challenge you; you can face the hidden motivations and fears that rule your life and are holding you back in both your personal and professional life; you can see what lies behind the decisions you make, why you see the world the way you do, where your blind spots and defence mechanisms are, what’s behind your anxieties, and what’s likely to trigger you. Essentially you can live up to your true potential and identify where you can grow and develop. By knowing these things, you can set resolutions that speak to exactly who you are. Because you will know who that is. You will set goals that speak to your specific needs and desires and you’ll be able to set goals that you know you’ll be able to stick to. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_18"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_25 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_16"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/Handwritten-2025-GOALS-New-Year-Resolutions-Aims-Goals-on-Paper-Notepad.-Preparation-for-New-Year.-Planning-and-Setting-Goals-for-Personal-Development-by-Анастасия-Янишевская.jpg" alt="Handwritten 2025 GOALS New Year Resolutions Aims Goals on Paper Notepad. Preparation for New Year. Planning and Setting Goals for Personal Development by Анастасия Янишевская" title="Handwritten 2025 GOALS New Year Resolutions Aims Goals on Paper Notepad. Preparation for New Year. Planning and Setting Goals for Personal Development by Анастасия Янишевская" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_19 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_26 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_17"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_27 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_30 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Focus your mind on past successes</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – while you’re getting to know yourself (pretty well at this point), looking to past failures and ruminating on past wins is the next step. To be clear, the aim is not to focus on the negative. Rather it’s to learn from past mistakes and then reset your focus on your past achievements – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">how did you achieve what you set out to achieve?</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> By doing so, you shift your focus from </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“How will I achieve this?”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> to </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“I know I can do this, because I have done it before.”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Having a positive outlook is essential to achieving the new goals you set for yourself because you will have a resilient, success-driven mindset. When you find yourself lamenting too long on prior mistakes, force yourself to revisit your accomplishments. Over time, you’ll naturally begin to look for the silver lining, which will help you see yourself as worthy, competent, and successful rather than unable to get a leg up. Your resolutions will start to fall into place because you’ll know you have done it before. And that’s half the battle won. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_20 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_28 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_18"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_29 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_31 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Reframe your why</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– the next step in getting to know yourself and really practicing the act of self-awareness is to take the time to ask yourself why this particular goal matters to you. Are you choosing it because it’s something you deeply value, or because you feel you should? Is it something you really want to achieve – and by now if you have really got to know yourself and employed the enneagram method, you should be able to answer this question – or is this goal linked more towards what society thinks you should be achieving. Like getting a ”Snatched body” or a “revenge body” by March. Aligning your goals with intrinsic motivations creates a greater sense of purpose. So, in the examples we have given, instead of focusing on “getting a revenge body by March” reframe your resolution around </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“feeling stronger and having more energy so I can do fun activities with family.” </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">See the difference there? Make sure you’re setting goals for you and not because society expects you to. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_21 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_30 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_19"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_31 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_32 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Forget perfection</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – the last point we want to make about making resolutions through self-awareness is the perfection conundrum. The pressure that comes with expecting perfection from your new year’s resolution is immense. It’s the enemy of progress. And it’s a sure-fire way to set ourselves up to fail by aiming for an ideal that is simply too hard to achieve. Resolutions like </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“I’m going to work out every day,”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> or </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“I’m going to eat clean all month,”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> are doomed to fail from the start because they leave little room for imperfection. Remember that </span><b><i>life happens</i></b><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Don’t let one slip-up on the road to achieving your long-term goal lead you to giving up. The key to success isn’t perfection. It’s consistency. The smallest changes, done consistently can make a big difference in your life. Don’t give up. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_22"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_32 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_20"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1500" height="1125" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/Just-go-with-the-flow-View-more-by-Nicola-Katie-from-Getty-Images-Signature.jpg" alt="Just go with the flow View more by Nicola Katie from Getty Images Signature" title="Just go with the flow View more by Nicola Katie from Getty Images Signature" class="wp-image-235109" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_33 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Once your resolution has gone through the self-awareness check, the rest is easy. Sure, we can remind you to have fun, don’t take yourself too seriously, track your progress (not your perfection); be flexible and most importantly be kind to yourself – but these points are applicable to every situation. Not just when setting your resolutions or better put – goals – for 2025. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The important take-away here is that change isn’t just about acting. It’s about knowing yourself first in order to make your goals achievable. Lastly, it’s important to note that you don’t need to wait until January to start over. Every day is an opportunity to reshape your life with goals that honour who you are and where you want to go.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And to this we say</span><b> – Carpe Diem friends!</b></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(Sources used and to whom we owe thanks: </span></i><a href="https://www.inc.com/rhett-power/why-self-aware-resolutions-are-way-to-go-in-2020.html"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Inc.</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; Psychology Today </span></i><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/202412/why-new-years-resolutions-set-you-up-to-fail#:~:text=They're%20Based%20on%20All,feel%20like%20you've%20failed."><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">here</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span></i><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/202412/why-new-years-resolutions-set-you-up-to-fail#:~:text=last%20until%20February.-,Research%20shows%20that%20about%2080%25%20of%20people%20abandon%20their%20resolutions,the%20concept%20itself%20is%20flawed."><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">here</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/why-new-years-resolutions-fail-6823972"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Very Well Mind</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">; </span></i><a href="https://www.lhsdoi.com/29285/opinion/failed-by-february-why-your-new-years-resolutions-never-last/"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Drops of Ink</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span></i><a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/markmurphy/2020/02/11/this-is-the-month-when-new-years-resolutions-fail-heres-how-to-save-them/"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Forbes</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">). </span></i></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_21"> <a href="https://calendly.com/bravingboundaries/exploration-call"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image-7.png" alt="" title="End of blog post CTA image (7)" class="wp-image-235105" /></span></a> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_0 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_23 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_33 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_22"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_34 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_34 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">[email protected]</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/new-year-same-stuck-feeling/">New year, same stuck feeling?</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/new-year-same-stuck-feeling/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Beyond Resolutions: 10 Ways to Approach the New Year with Purpose</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/beyond-resolutions-10-ways-to-approach-the-new-year-with-purpose/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/beyond-resolutions-10-ways-to-approach-the-new-year-with-purpose/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Mon, 15 Jan 2024 05:49:09 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[2024]]></category> <category><![CDATA[benefits of coaching]]></category> <category><![CDATA[coaching]]></category> <category><![CDATA[creating habits]]></category> <category><![CDATA[finding direction]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fresh start]]></category> <category><![CDATA[go with the flow]]></category> <category><![CDATA[goal setting]]></category> <category><![CDATA[intention]]></category> <category><![CDATA[intention setting]]></category> <category><![CDATA[intuitive reading]]></category> <category><![CDATA[new habits]]></category> <category><![CDATA[new start]]></category> <category><![CDATA[new year]]></category> <category><![CDATA[new year resolutions]]></category> <category><![CDATA[one life live it]]></category> <category><![CDATA[phrase of the year]]></category> <category><![CDATA[purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[resolutions]]></category> <category><![CDATA[routine]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work of the year]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=5793</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The new year offers a chance for a fresh start, but rather than creating last minute resolutions, approach 2024 with intention and purpose.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/beyond-resolutions-10-ways-to-approach-the-new-year-with-purpose/">Beyond Resolutions: 10 Ways to Approach the New Year with Purpose</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_3 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_24"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_35 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_35 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span><span style="color: #be9727;"></span></h5> <p><span style="color: #be9727;"><em></em></span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Boy oh boy the beginning of a new year can be tricky!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">With last year’s <em>“new year, new me”</em> slogan getting an overhaul into this year’s <em>“new year, same me”</em> motto, one is left with a confuzzled idea of how to approach 2024. Is self-improvement or self-compassion on the cards?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Let’s be honest, getting going after you had some time off is kind of like drudging through thick mud – sure you can move through it, but the mud definitely makes the going tough.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">At least, that’s how I feel as I sit down to write my first article of 2024. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Not exactly unmotivated, but not exactly rearing to go either. You see, I spent my time off lazily lounging on the couch catching up on all missed “must see” shows. Complete with microwave popcorn and my cuddle buddy – my kitty, Miss Georgia Peach. I woke up late, had brunch instead of breakfast and roamed around in the Crocs I said I would never buy together with my most comfy lounge wear (don’t you love that term?) from </span><a href="https://boodywear.co.za/?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQiAnfmsBhDfARIsAM7MKi1OjTj4obCmDIHJWEqA_VTySmmGH4HBjkqghC_6k-VqIsNmIpNYfj4aArrvEALw_wcB"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Boody</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Bamboo cool, stretchy perfection.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Now that I am officially </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">back at work</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">, waking up at a respectable early hour, ingesting breakfast and wearing clothes that don’t have elasticated waists has got me a little flustered – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“I don’t wanna”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – all this while keeping squarely in mind that I absolutely love my job. And I simply can’t understand why I’m not excited to get 2024 started. I love what I do, I work from home, and have the best clients. A literal best-case scenario. How can I be this “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">bleh</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I don’t have any stress (yet). Don’t have deadlines (yet) and don’t have any co-workers that have caused the hairs on the back of my neck to stand on end (the exceptionally light fluff on my neck. I’m not some werewolf roaming around in the daylight). </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It was then that it hit me – you can’t take a holiday away from yourself. Whatever you have going on inside your noggin remains there, whether you lounge on the couch or on a beach. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, I came to a conclusion. If motivation is not going to come to me naturally, I need to figure out ways to get my butt into gear. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_36 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>10 Ways to Approach the New Year with Purpose</strong></h2> <p><span>Sometimes you just need some pointers to get you started on the right track –</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_25 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_36 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_23"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_37 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_37 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Goal setting</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– according to </span><a href="https://positivepsychology.com/benefits-goal-setting/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Positive Psychology</a> <span style="font-weight: 400;">goal setting </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“helps trigger new behaviors, helps guide your focus and helps you sustain that momentum in life. Goals also help align your focus and promote a sense of self-mastery. In the end, you can’t manage what you don’t measure, and you can’t improve upon something that you don’t properly manage. Setting goals can help you do all of that and more.” </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, take out a pen and paper, think of the year ahead and jot down a goal or two – whether it’s a walk around the block once a day, or volunteering at your nearest animal shelter. It can be whatever you want. Get creative. Step out of your comfort zone. </span><span style="font-weight: 400;">But</span><span style="font-weight: 400;"> be sure to set goals that are at the very least, S.M.A.R.T. (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound). Challenging is fine. But achieving what you have set out should be the aim. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_26 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_38 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_24"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_39 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_38 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Working with a coach </strong><b>– </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">sometimes the feeling of “bleh” doesn’t end with starting the year with purpose. Sometimes the feeling of “bleh” extends to your everyday life – where there’s a part of you missing, where you want something different. And this involves the seemingly scary, painstaking process of change. Sure, change is scary but with the right support and help, it can be an easier, exciting process. Working with a coach can help you not only set out achievable goals but can also give you focus and direction. A coach can provide the support you need to make the changes necessary to live a fulfilling life. Take </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Braving Boundaries</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> as an example – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Change for many is a frightening prospect. It takes us from a place of certainty and puts us smack, bang into the unknown. We may dearly want to create change in our lives, but there is a big difference between wanting to change and being ready to make a change. Don’t worry though, whichever stage in the journey you’re at, Braving Boundaries has you covered”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. So, if you’re feeling stuck, </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">contact Braving Boundaries</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and set up a call with Frieda Levycky to see how you can make the changes necessary to succeed in the areas of your life you need help with.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_27 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_40 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_25"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_41 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_39 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Going with the flow</strong><b> – </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">starting a new year with grand expectations can leave a lot of us feeling overwhelmed – where do we even start? But it really doesn’t have to be this way. Forget the pressure and just go with the flow. Simply starting the year with a positive outlook whilst also seeing how life unfolds and what opportunities present themselves is a healthy way to begin a new year. Don’t add on unnecessary pressure and stress from the get-go – that will come on its own accord. Manage your expectations and start the year on an easy note. Life and work are complicated enough without the addition of unrealistic expectations.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_28"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_42 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_26"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Beyond-Resolutions-10-Ways-to-Approach-the-New-Year-with-Purpose-go-with-the-flow.jpg" alt="" title="Beyond Resolutions 10 Ways to Approach the New Year with Purpose - go with the flow" class="wp-image-5803" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_29 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_43 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_27"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_44 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_40 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Creating new habits</strong><b> – </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">according to the </span><a href="https://hbr.org/2021/02/what-does-it-really-take-to-build-a-new-habit" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Harvard Business Review</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Our habits govern our lives, literally. Research shows that around half of our daily actions are driven by </span></i><a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20110526144503/http:/dornsife.usc.edu/wendywood/research/documents/Neal.Wood.Quinn.2006.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">repetition</span></i></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Experts advocate for the old-fashioned approach: incremental progress. Dedicated commitment is what, time and again, has proven to lead to change. Surprisingly, the first step towards creating long-term change involves building routines — not habits themselves.</span></i> <i><span style="font-weight: 400;">a habit is a behavior done with little or no thought, while a routine involves a series of behaviors frequently, and intentionally, repeated. A behavior has to be a regularly performed routine before it can become a habit at all. The problem is that many of us try to skip the “routine” phase”. </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">And if that’s the situation, then to create new habits, we need to build them into a routine. Take exercise as an example. Believe you me, after the festive season, no one voluntarily wakes up at 5am to get to the gym in order to start burning recently engorged calories. But if you say… hire a personal trainer, set up a day and a specific time that you need to show up at the gym, eventually with repetition, your work outs become healthy habits. It takes one step in the right direction and then repeating it daily and without fail to make exercise a habit. One that’s not only good for your physical health, but your mental health as well – all those endorphins swimming around in your blood stream, is exactly what the doctor ordered. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_30 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_45 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_28"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_46 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_41 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Participating in a challenge</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – there’s something about having a community that helps one to follow through. Have you ever noticed how when a group of people get together to achieve something, everyone pulls their weight? Perhaps it’s the idea of having a common purpose that gets you going. Take a beach clean-up as an example. Everyone that shows up for the beach clean-up challenge, will not only pull their weight, but will do so with a smile. And achieving a goal in this arena will you give you the motivation you need to achieve in other areas of your life. Communities motivate each other and celebrate when one of their members achieve. Why not make a lifestyle change part of a challenge? Grab a friend and sign up to Braving Boundaries </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/motivate-me/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Motivate Me</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> challenge together. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_31 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_47 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_29"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/6.jpg" alt="" title="6" class="wp-image-1491" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_48 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_42 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Setting a word for yourself to focus on for the year</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – ah words. Words are my life and, for me, carry great significance. It’s therefore only natural that picking a word for the year would help motivate me before anything else will. It’s also a wonderful way to set your intention for the year, something to focus on outside of yourself. Something to work towards – a kind of all-encompassing, over-arching goal for the entire year. This year mine is </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">health</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and Frieda’s is </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">self-acceptance</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Two positive affirmations that will see both of us focusing on positive elements that will see us striving to be kinder to ourselves. And that is as important as setting goals for the year.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_32 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_49 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_30"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/7.png" alt="" title="7" class="wp-image-1882" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_50 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_43 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Setting a phrase for the year</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– maybe a word isn’t enough. Maybe you need a quote or a phrase to get you started. I personally like this quote from Walt Disney </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them.”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Just knowing that “it can be done” if we only put our minds to it, gives me hope. It could be a clever idea to set a phrase or have a quote that you and a couple of your friends all adopt. Again, community helping you stick to your guns. </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_33"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_51 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_31"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/Set-word-of-the-year.jpg" alt="" title="Set word of the year" class="wp-image-5804" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_34 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_52 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_32"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/8.jpg" alt="" title="8" class="wp-image-1883" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_53 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_44 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Detox</strong><b> – </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">after holidays and the festive season</span><b>, </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">many of us are feeling the slump. Are feeling a little toxic from all the fatty foods and alcoholic beverages. And something’s gotta give. Your poor liver! Your poor tired body and your foggy mind. Do a detox and clear your body and mind from all the toxins that have accumulated during the festive season. While your body detoxifies itself naturally and on a daily basis through the liver, kidneys, digestive system, skin, and lungs, it helps if these organs are healthy enough to do so. And you can do this through optimising your body’s ability to get rid of unwanted harmful toxins. You can do this by limiting or eliminating alcohol from your diet. Call it “dry January” or “dry February” and help your liver and kidneys recover. Get enough sleep so that you can focus on your goals on a daily basis. Drink more water! According to </span><a href="https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/how-to-detox-your-body#3.-Drink-more-water" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Healthline</span></a> <i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“The </span></i><a href="https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/how-much-water-should-you-drink-per-day" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">adequate daily</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> water intake is 125 ounces (3.7 liters) for men and 91 ounces (2.7 liters) for women. You may need more or less depending on your diet, where you live, and your activity level”. </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Reduce or refrain from sugars and processed foods – say goodbye to your hamburgers, pizzas, and sweets. At least for a while. Eat antioxidant rich foods and think about taking antioxidant supplements. Healthline sets out that </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“antioxidants include vitamin A, vitamin C, vitamin E, selenium, lycopene, lutein, and zeaxanthin. Berries, fruits, nuts, cocoa, vegetables, spices, and beverages like </span></i><a href="https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/coffee-worlds-biggest-source-of-antioxidants" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">coffee</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and green tea have some of the highest amounts of antioxidants”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. It’s also important to limit your salt intake. Eat greens. Don’t think of it as a long-term diet. You’re detoxing. But there are some positive things – like drinking water – that should be adopted long-term.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_35 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_54 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_33"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/9.jpg" alt="" title="9" class="wp-image-1884" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_55 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_45 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Intuitive reading</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – according to </span><a href="https://wheeliemomma.co.uk/what-is-an-intuitive-reading/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Wheelie Momma</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> intuitive readings are energy readings. </span><a href="https://clear-intuition.com/products/intuitive-readings" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Clear Intuition</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> describes intuitive readings as a tool of self-discovery and self-empowerment to gain deeper insights and a better understanding of oneself. </span><a href="https://dinastrada.com/intuitive-readings/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Dina Strada</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> sets out that intuitive reading involves the tapping into of a person, their life and people within their life and then relaying that information. </span><a href="https://diatherton.co.za/retreats/#readings_guidance" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Di Atherton</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> describes intuitive readings – not as fortune telling – but rather </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“true, heart-centered guidance to help move forward”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Frieda has just completed her intuitive reading with Di Atherton and highly recommends the process. Don’t think of this as fortune telling, think of this as another, alternative way to gain valuable insight into you and your life. Another way to gain a hold on where you are going and how you will get there. And that can only be thought of as a good thing.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_36 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_56 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_34"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/10.jpg" alt="" title="10" class="wp-image-1885" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_57 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_46 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>Planning ahead</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – now this is important. In order to take leave or in order to do absolutely nothing (because that is a completely acceptable thing to do), you need to actually plan to do so. Start by blocking out days in your diary for “doing nothing” / holidays / down time. Do this asap so that you are forced to take some time off – which is crucial to ensure you not only have balance in your life but that you protect your mental health in the process. If you don’t plan for this, it won’t happen and burn out will come sooner than you think. Plus, you know what they say – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“all work and no play makes Alicia a dull girl”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. I’m slotting down time into my diary as I type…</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_37"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_58 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_47 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">That’s a lot of ways to find your mojo for the new year. A lot of ways to get you going. But remember you don’t have to do it all. Pick one and get the ball rolling with that… Baby steps.</span></p> <p> </p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Before I sign this article off, I thought I would share an image with you all that – when I saw it – I thought “that makes perfect sense to me” –</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_35"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="750" height="728" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/January-Reminders.jpg" alt="January reminders" title="January Reminders" class="wp-image-5800" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_48 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And with that we wish you all a fantastic start to 2024. May it be a fantabulous year for us all!</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_38"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_59 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_1 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_39 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_60 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_36"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_61 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_49 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">[email protected]</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_40"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_62 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_37"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/work-with-me/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/CTA-for-Christmas-Blog-2023.jpg.webp" alt="" title="" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/beyond-resolutions-10-ways-to-approach-the-new-year-with-purpose/">Beyond Resolutions: 10 Ways to Approach the New Year with Purpose</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/beyond-resolutions-10-ways-to-approach-the-new-year-with-purpose/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>The Benefits of Being Grateful</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-benefits-of-being-grateful/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-benefits-of-being-grateful/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 05 Oct 2023 15:49:22 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[appreciation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[celebrate]]></category> <category><![CDATA[celebrate the small stuff]]></category> <category><![CDATA[communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[finding gratitude]]></category> <category><![CDATA[grateful]]></category> <category><![CDATA[gratefulness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[gratitude]]></category> <category><![CDATA[honesty]]></category> <category><![CDATA[openness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[thankful]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=5713</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-benefits-of-being-grateful/">The Benefits of Being Grateful</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_4 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_41"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_63 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_50 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></h5> <p> </p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Thank you. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Two words we say every single day. Almost like we are automated to say the words. Without giving much thought to the words we are saying – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">thank you for this, thank you for that.</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s good manners, thanking people for what they have done or what they have given. Most of us were taught to always show appreciation. Even for the small things. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But is that it?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">This got me thinking. What does it really mean to be thankful? To be grateful? The words are often used interchangeably. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If we think about it, </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">to be thankful</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> requires an action by someone else or a positive occurrence around a person in order for them </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">to express gratitude.</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> So, one might say that being grateful is a positive reaction to a positive stimulus.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But that seems rather sterile.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And it occurred to me – perhaps in order to be grateful, one needs to </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">understand what gratitude is.</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_51 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Understanding gratitude</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_38"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/10/The-Benefits-of-Being-Grateful-2.jpg" alt="" title="The Benefits of Being Grateful (2)" class="wp-image-5725" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_52 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">In a quest to understand gratitude, the following definition comes to mind – </span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Gratitude is an emotion similar to appreciation. The American Psychological Association (n.d.) more specifically defines this phenomenon as a sense of happiness and thankfulness in response to a fortunate happenstance or tangible gift.</span></i></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Gratitude is both a state and a trait (Jans-Beken et al., 2020). Better explained, one can experience gratitude for someone or something at a certain moment in time, and someone experience gratitude </span></i><a href="https://positivepsychology.com/more-more-more/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">more</span></i></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> long-term as a positive character trait” </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">(</span><a href="https://positivepsychology.com/gratitude-appreciation/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Positive Psychology</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">).</span></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In other words – and according to </span><a href="https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-health/gratitude.htm" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Help Guide</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“gratitude involves showing appreciation for the things in life that are meaningful or valuable to you”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So perhaps our above assumption was correct – gratitude is a positive response to a positive stimulus. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But there is a little more to it than that. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Psychology professor and gratitude researcher at the University of California Davis </span><a href="https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/profile/robert_emmons"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Robert Emmons</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (yes, he’s a gratitude scientist) </span><a href="https://youtu.be/pdLRNnrxQAw"><span style="font-weight: 400;">describes gratitude</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> as follows – </span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Gratitude is something we are all familiar with. We have all received gifts from others. We have all received benefits and kindnesses. What is the feeling we have inside when we receive the gift from someone – it is gratefulness. It is the warm feeling of appreciation. We know that we have been the recipient of a benefit and we feel a tendency to want to give back because of the goodness we have received. That’s really what gratefulness is. It’s really just a form of thankfulness”.</span></i></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Gratitude comes from a feeling of thankfulness, gratefulness and appreciation. </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_53 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>How can one practice gratitude?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_54 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s easy to say thank you for something you have received, but to truly practice gratitude for the small everyday things – like a chat with a friend, a hug from a partner, a kind gesture from a stranger and a cool breeze in the heat of Summer – takes practice. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But it was Jon Kabat-Zinn that said</span><b> – </b></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“The little things? The little moments? They aren’t little.”</span></i></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Just like a muscle, practicing gratitude takes conscious effort. And you can do this by practicing these 6 simple exercises – </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_42 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_64 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_39"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_65 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_55 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>Make gratefulness a part of your morning routine</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – instead of waking up and immediately checking your phone, practice mindfulness first. For at least 30 seconds, start your day off with contemplation. Focus on how lucky you are. Lucky to see the sky, lucky to hear the birds’ chirp. Blessed to be able to experience a new day. Breath in and out on this thought, taking deep, mindful breaths. Focus on how you feel as you contemplate your blessings – however small – in life. Starting your day like this is a great way to remind yourself how big the small things are. How they all contribute to your overall happiness in life. And this thought and feeling will follow you throughout your day. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_43 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_66 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_40"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_67 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_56 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>Notice the small things</i></strong><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">try your best to notice all the small things that happen throughout your day (remembering that they aren’t actually small). Being mindful of the things that happen around you and stretching yourself beyond what is directly in front of you. Open your eyes to more of the world around you. Write small notes on your calendar or in a book you’re reading – wherever – about all the things that you’re thankful for. Notes that you will come across on another day and be able to look back on.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_44 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_68 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_41"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_69 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_57 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>Keep a gratitude journal</i> </strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">– Professor Emmons suggests keeping a </span><a href="https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/ten_ways_to_become_more_grateful1/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">gratitude journal</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">. In this journal you can remind yourself of all the things that bring you joy – getting really specific about what happened to you during your day that brought a smile to your face. Do this on a daily basis, setting aside time to remember moments of gratitude that are associated with everyday ordinary events, personal attributes, or the people around you that enhance your life.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_45 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_70 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_42"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_71 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_58 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>Keep things fresh</i></strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– perhaps journaling isn’t for you. That’s ok. Try new and creative ways to express your gratitude. For example, Derrick Carpenter in his article </span><a href="https://www.happify.com/hd/the-science-behind-gratitude/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Science Behind Gratitude (and How It Can Change Your Life)</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> suggests keeping a gratitude jar. Any time you experience a poignant moment of gratitude, write it on a piece of paper and put it in a jar. On New Year’s Eve, he suggests (and as is done by his wife), empty the jar and review everything you were grateful for. It’s a simple and eco-friendly way of practising gratitude. Take a look at Frieda’s gratitude jar below.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_46"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_72 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_43"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/10/The-Benefits-of-Being-Grateful-3.jpg" alt="" title="The Benefits of Being Grateful (3)" class="wp-image-5726" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_47 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_73 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_44"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_74 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_59 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>Practice a 5-minute gratitude meditation</i></strong><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">if you’re able to meditate, find a peaceful, quiet place in your home and tune into your senses. Take deep breaths in and out, focusing your energy on the present moment. Slow everything down by noticing that you can see, hear, touch, smell, and taste. Be grateful for those things. As simple as that. Nothing special needs to be going on in your life in order to practice this meditation. It’s all about the moment and the simple feeling of being grateful for your senses, for your morning coffee, a good book or the kitty on your lap. Explore this simple practice to appreciate all the little things.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_48 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_75 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_45"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/6.jpg" alt="" title="6" class="wp-image-1491" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_76 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_60 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>Share your gratitude</i></strong><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> –</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> we are almost all guilty of taking our loved ones a little bit for granted. Unfortunately. And this can create tension in an otherwise harmonious relationship. So next time you notice a kind act by a loved one, say thank you, give them a hug, buy them a cup of coffee. Do something to make them feel noticed and appreciated. By consciously doing this and making the effort, you naturally strengthen your relationship. And by all accounts that can only be a good thing. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_49"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_77 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_61 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Building any one of the above habits will promote the practice of gratitude. Because what it comes down to is recognising the good moments as they happen. Being grateful for the small things (knowing that they are actually the big things) and expressing this gratefulness outwardly. </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_62 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>What are the benefits of practising gratitude?</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_46"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/10/The-Benefits-of-Being-Grateful-4.jpg" alt="" title="The Benefits of Being Grateful (4)" class="wp-image-5727" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_63 arrows et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">First and foremost, practising gratitude forces us to shift our thoughts away from negative emotions and instead we focus our attention on positive things that may have been initially overlooked. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">According to </span><a href="https://positivepsychology.com/gratitude-appreciation/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Positive Psychology</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, practising gratitude is important because it – </span></p> <p> </p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">strongly relates to overall wellbeing, including social wellbeing, emotional wellbeing, and psychological wellbeing; and</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">has a domino effect. If a person experiences gratitude, they are more likely to recognise the help and then later reciprocate that help. People who are thanked are presumably more apt to extend help to others in the future.</span></li> </ul></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_64 arrows et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Additionally, and as set out in </span><a href="https://www.mindful.org/an-introduction-to-mindful-gratitude/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Mindful</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span><a href="https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-health/gratitude.htm" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Help Guide</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, practising gratitude can – </span></p> <p> </p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong><i>Relieve stress and pain</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – feeling grateful and recognising help from others creates a more relaxed body state and allows the subsequent benefits of lowered stress. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong><i>Improvement in health over time</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – as gratefulness reduces stress, this, in turn, can decrease blood pressure and levels of inflammation. This can give way to better overall cardiovascular health.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong><i>Alleviate depression</i></strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– researcher </span><a href="https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_gratitude_changes_you_and_your_brain" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Prathik Kini </span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">at Indiana University performed a study examining how </span><a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1053811915011532" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">practising gratitude can alter brain function in depressed individuals</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Evidence was found that gratitude may induce structural changes in the brain. Such a result reflects how the mental practice of gratitude may even be able to change and re-wire the brain.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong><i>Better sleep</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – increased gratitude supports higher quality sleep and fewer sleep disturbances. All because our bodies are more relaxed. Also, if you express gratitude right before going to bed, you fall asleep with a more positive outlook.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong><i>Improved focus</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – if you begin to view the task in front of you in a more positive light, you spend less energy feeling stressed about it. You might even begin to view challenges as opportunities rather than hurdles. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><strong><i>Higher self-esteem</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – viewing the world with a sense of gratitude can change the way you think about your own worth. Especially if you focus on acts by those around you. If your partner takes you out for dinner, they are not only spending money on you but are also spending time with you. This in turn makes you feel appreciated and loved. </span></li> </ul></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_65 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">From the above, it would seem that the positive effects of experiencing and expressing gratitude are endless.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you need help with practising gratitude or are not quite sure how to go about doing so, get in touch with Frieda Levycky of</span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/"><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Braving Boundaries</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> who can help you see the forest for the trees and the light at the end of the tunnel. Or why not<strong> join Frieda and Vee at the <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/workshop">“<span style="text-decoration: underline;">Reflect, Connect & Celebrate” Workshop</span></a> in Cape Town on Saturday, 25 November 2023</strong>? The workshop is all about reflecting on and finding gratitude in 2023. It sounds like a perfect place to start to me! See details below.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For me, I will be starting a gratitude jar where my first little note says: “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’m so grateful I was able to write this article</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_50"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_78 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_2 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_51 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_79 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_47"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_80 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_66 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. <strong>Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">[email protected]</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_52"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_81 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_48"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/workshop/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1200" height="628" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/10/BB-Facebook-Ad-Graphics-HORIZONTAL-1.png" alt="" title="BB - Facebook Ad Graphics - HORIZONTAL (1)" class="wp-image-5733" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-benefits-of-being-grateful/">The Benefits of Being Grateful</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-benefits-of-being-grateful/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>The Self-Help Conundrum</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-self-help-conundrum/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-self-help-conundrum/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Sun, 30 Jul 2023 15:11:58 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[confidence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Counselling]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional intelligence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Empowerment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[goal setting]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Growth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Growth mindset]]></category> <category><![CDATA[happiness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[inspiration]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life coaching]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Mindfulness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Personal awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Personal development]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Positive thinking]]></category> <category><![CDATA[productivity]]></category> <category><![CDATA[resilience]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-help books]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-improvement]]></category> <category><![CDATA[success]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Therapy]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Well-being]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=5595</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Are you a lover or hater of self-help books? Join Alicia and me as we explore the pros and cons of the self-help world.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-self-help-conundrum/">The Self-Help Conundrum</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_5 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_53"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_82 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_67 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>CO-WRITTEN BY FRIEDA LEVYCKY, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://www.bravingboundaries.com/">BRAVING BOUNDARIES</a></span>, AND ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></h5> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"><br /> Self-help books seem to divide the world into two camps (a bit like Marmite): The lovers and the haters.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I hadn’t realised this until I suggested to Alicia that we write a joint article on the self-help books which have shaped our lives and our careers. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">But I don’t believe in self-help books</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”, came the response. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Really?</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”, I asked in surprise.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">“</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Nope. It really annoys me that anyone (often with no qualifications whatsoever) thinks its ok to tell you that if you ‘follow my method’ or ‘learn from my experience’ you can be more successful, thinner, happier … you name it.</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">” </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Hmmm… she has a point. But, I think it is a little unfair to smash self-help books as a whole. I personally see a lot of value in them.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, instead of proposing a list of self-help books that have changed our lives, we have decided to provide a narrative on the pros and cons of the self-help world.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We hope you read both sides of the argument and challenge your existing beliefs. Maybe you find that self-help books do have their place and could be beneficial for you? Or maybe you realise that self-help books can only get you so far and that sometimes investing in external support is required. That’s up to you though. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We just hope you enjoy the read. </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_68 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Self-help books – The non-believers (Alicia’s viewpoint)</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_49"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Self-help-books-3.jpg" alt="" title="Self help books (3)" class="wp-image-5618" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_69 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">The other day I was browsing in my favourite bookshop. Walking around the store I read title after title and found myself – quite unexpectedly – in the Self-Help section.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Not my usual preference. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As I stood there looking at the rows of “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">How-To’s”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Do-You’s?” </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I admit to having a certain degree of curiosity. Enough to find myself picking up one book and reading the back of it. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">To summarise – the book promised to help guide you through “some of your most difficult times and help you find a place of serenity and happiness”. I’m paraphrasing here because it said a lot more than that. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It was a tall undertaking by the author (who shall remain nameless) – all for the nominal price of ZAR680. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">This book promised to do what no other psychiatrist or clinical psychologist would promise (especially in one session and especially to that degree of certainty). And at an absolute bargain – considering that the going rate for a mental health professional has a far heftier price tag. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">That got me thinking – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">who are the people extracting the most value out of these self-help books? </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">And</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> how effective are they? </span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As a non-believer in the self-help movement, I think it’s only fair that I apply some reason and scientific analysis to my approach or face – perhaps – missing out on the greatest invention of all time.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">With the sheer volume of titles on the Self-Help shelves there </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">must be </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">quite a tally of bodies that flock to the stores, that sign up for the newsletters and that attend the “sold-out” shows of the latest “Guru”.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If there weren’t, there wouldn’t be a section in any book shop with titles like </span><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (which is – as fate would have it – the only somewhat self-help </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">styled</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> book I have ever read. And that’s saying something since it’s touted as the counterintuitive kind). </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_70 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>What are self-help books?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_71 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Before we get started, it’s worth reminding ourselves what self-help books are. In short, they are books which instruct or give advice on how to improve yourself. This could be physically, mentally, financially, spiritually or otherwise. The idea is that by reading a self-help book you are capable of improving your current position without the need of external resources, advice or support. In other words – </span><span style="font-weight: 400;"><span style="text-decoration: underline;">you help yourself</span>.</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_72 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>So, whose reading these books?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_50"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/BB-Blog-images-Self-help-books-1.jpg" alt="" title="BB - Blog images - Self help books (1)" class="wp-image-5621" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_73 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">According to </span><a href="https://blog.gitnux.com/self-help-industry-statistics/#:~:text=Over%2045%2C300%20new%20self%2Dhelp,how%20to%20improve%20one's%20life." target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Gitnux, “</span></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">over 45,300 new self-help books were published in 2020”, </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">with</span> <a href="https://www.marketwatch.com/press-release/global-self-improvement-products-services-market-2023-2030-estimated-to-reach-worth-usd-5607374-million-growing-at-a-cagr-of-513-2023-04-25" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Marketwatch</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> predicting that the self-help market would reach a total value of “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">USD 56073.74 Million by the End of 2030”</span></i><b>. </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">That’s a compounded annual growth of around 5.13% expected till 2030. The average reader of self-help books buys 3 a year. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Let’s face it, those are not only big figures (backed by sound scientific research) but a rather large readership. </span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Am I missing something?</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I remember the hype that surrounded the launch of </span><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Secret-Rhonda-Byrne/dp/1582701709" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Secret</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> by Rhona Byrne in 2006 – first a movie that “revealed the great mystery of the universe” – and following that (and a little after the release of the movie), a book that became a worldwide bestseller.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Every single – female – member of my family was hooked. Everyone was talking about it. Everyone believed it would turn their humdrum lives into something masterful and full of opportunity. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I had my doubts. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For starters, The Secret said that the skills learned could be used in </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“every aspect of your life—money, health, relationships, happiness, and in every interaction, you have in the world. You’ll begin to understand the hidden, untapped power that’s within you, and this revelation can bring joy to every aspect of your life”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (</span><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Secret-Rhonda-Byrne/dp/1582701709" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Amazon</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">). </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It sounds incredible… Wait just a second. All I have to do is </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">foresee the thing I want to happen, happen? To truly believe it will. And it shall be?</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> It felt far, far too easy. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, there I sat the day before my final exam of my worst subject in University – Economics – and truly believed (and in fact, foresaw) me acing the exam. Achieving an A. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Well, surprise, surprise – that didn’t happen. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I passed that exam by the skin of my teeth actually. I should have spent more time studying than “foreseeing the event happen”. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Perhaps that wasn’t the purpose of The Secret. Perhaps I’m oversimplifying. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">But that was the value I extracted from it. </span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Which then led me to ask – was it only my female family members that read The Secret – and by extension – all other self-help books? Because I don’t remember my father, my uncles or my (then) boyfriend reading it. Or any other self-help book on the shelves. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The answer to that is funnily enough – yes. Generally speaking. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Turning to </span><a href="https://blog.gitnux.com/self-help-industry-statistics/#:~:text=Women%20make%20up%20the%20majority,this%20when%20marketing%20their%20books." target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Gitnux</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> again – </span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Women make up the majority of self-help book readers, and African Americans have the highest percentage of self-help book buyers. Most self-help book buyers are under 45 years old and purchase books through planned purchases in chain bookstores, online, or through a friend’s recommendation”.</span></i></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, essentially, an African (American or not) woman under 45, that frequents a bookstore (or shops for titles online) would be the self-help market’s perfect target audience. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Bollocks to that I say. It can’t be. That’s far too general. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So why then is success coach, public speaker, self-help author and actor, </span><a href="https://www.tonyrobbins.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Tony Robbins</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> estimated to have net worth of around $600 Million (</span><a href="https://wealthygorilla.com/tony-robbins-net-worth/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Wealthy Gorilla</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">)?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Again, have I missed something?</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_74 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Do self-help books work?</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_51"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Self-help-books-1.jpg" alt="" title="Self help books (1)" class="wp-image-5616" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_75 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">The premise of seeking advice from a self-help book is that you do – in fact – need help. Funny that since it’s kind of in the title of the genre. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But the people that need help (and quickly) often turn to the wisdom and knowledge of “mentors” like Robbins (who has made a success of his self-help career), rather than seeking the professional mental health support and care they most probably desperately need. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Sure, reading </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">how to turn your life around in ten easy steps</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> from the women who turned her love for fudge into a word-wide sensation, can give one hope. It makes you see possibilities in the world and in your circumstance that maybe you didn’t see before. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And that’s a great thing if it does.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Technically there isn’t anything wrong, per se, with the advice of the Queen of the Fudge Empire. It </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">can be inspiring</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. But the problem I have with it is that it’s just her view. It’s just her experience. It doesn’t mean that because you can bake a decent batch of muffins, you will become the Muffin Monarch just because you did what the Fudge Queen told you to do in her book. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And yes, I know that’s not the purpose of the self-help genre. I know that. But I do believe </span><a href="https://medium.com/@crismaximilian?source=post_page-----7737df3aa6e9--------------------------------" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Cristofer Maximilian</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> in his article </span><a href="https://medium.com/@crismaximilian/self-help-books-dont-work-here-s-why-7737df3aa6e9" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Self-Help Books Don’t Work — Here’s Why</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> when he says – </span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“While people lose themselves in a sea of advice, suggestions, routines, and “hacks”, they also lose sight of the fact that no amount of information will change this simple fact: </span></i><b><i>in order to succeed or improve in any area of your life, you need to actually do something”</i></b><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></i></p></blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And there it is. For me at least. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">You can’t just read the book and expect a miracle. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">You need to act. You need to want to make the change. You need to put in the work.</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> And that’s where having a professional coach, psychiatrist or psychologist can be far more beneficial. Why? Because they hold you accountable and support you whilst doing so. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">When we’re done with the book, most of us put it back on our shelves. Maybe we sign up for the monthly newsletter. Maybe we read it every second month or so. Maybe we even attend a seminar (or webinar) hosted by the author. But are we really implementing the change we need in our lives? Are we really acting on the – well-meaning and well-intended but perhaps not exactly professional – advice of the self-help author?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The answer is most likely no. Again, generally speaking.</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_76 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Reasons why I believe self-help books don’t work</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_77 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Author of </span><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, </span><a href="https://markmanson.net/self-help" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Mark Manson </span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">sets out five major problems with the self-help industry (that are unlikely to go away). I have (partly) paraphrased for ease of the reading – </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_54 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_83 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_52"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_84 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_78 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Self-help reinforces perceptions of inferiority and shame</strong> –<span style="font-weight: 400;"> there are (generally speaking) two types of people who purchase self-help books. Those that feel they can simply improve on their lives with a few little tips and tricks and those that feel that there’s fundamentally something wrong with them. Those that just want to improve themselves will read a self-help book and go “Ok, I can do that” and not feel disparaged by the contents of the book. Those that feel there’s something fundamentally wrong with them will take the content in the book and use it to make themselves feel even worse about themselves. Because “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">the irony here is that the pre-requisite for self-help to be effective is the one crucial thing that self-help cannot actually help: </span></i><a href="http://amzn.to/2BHZotI" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><b><i>accept yourself as a good person who makes mistakes</i></b></a><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_55 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_85 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_53"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_86 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_79 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Self-help is often yet another form of avoidance</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – if you suffer with anxiety (like I do) reading a self-help book has two consequences. The first is you replace one neuroticism with another one (in other words instead of feeling anxious about performing in my role as a legal practitioner, I start my own baking business and then become worried about not performing there too). And two, reading the book and implementing the thoughts and advice in the book leads to avoiding the issue altogether. The book becomes more important than dealing with the problem. And that’s not self-helping anyone.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_56 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_87 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_54"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_88 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_80 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Self-help marketing creates unrealistic expectations</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – The Secret comes to mind here. The incentive for the self-help market is not enforcing real change. Instead, the only thing they need to do is create the perception of change. Real or imagined. You see all these people living their best lives because they did steps 1 – 6 out of XYZ self-help book and you feel let down because it isn’t working for you. That’s setting yourself up to fail. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_57 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_89 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_55"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_90 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_81 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Self-help is (usually) not scientifically validated</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – The fact is</span> <span style="font-weight: 400;">people without qualifications, without degrees and with little real expert knowledge of the human brain, psyche and serious mental health issues often write these novels. I mean what gives them the right to give other people advice? And should people really be listening to them?</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_56"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Self-help-books-2.jpg" alt="" title="Self help books (2)" class="wp-image-5617" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_58 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_91 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_57"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_92 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_82 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Self-help is a contradiction</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – self-help amounts to self-improvement. Simple as that. And the purpose of self-improvement is to improve on yourself. To enhance what you already have. Is to accept yourself as is and be happy with that – only needing slight tweaks here and there. The person who has a fundamental problem with who they are is not going to find the help they need. They are looking to replace one aspect of who they are with something else. Something better. That person will never succeed. Instead, they will become bogged down by the </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“nonsense and pseudo-science and suppress your feelings of inadequacy rather than deal with them head-on”. </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Again, who is that self-helping?</span><span style="font-size: 16px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;"> </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_59"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_93 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_83 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">For me, self-help books create more problems for the people who need real help from medical professionals. Reading a book will not result in real change. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And that seems counterintuitive. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But I’m a cynic.</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_84 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Self-help books – The believers (Frieda’s viewpoint)</b></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_58"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="2000" height="1500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/BB-Blog-images-Self-help-books.jpg" alt="" title="BB - Blog images - Self help books" class="wp-image-5620" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_85 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Cynical or not, Ali’s viewpoint has its merits. Achieving our goals and dreams requires a lot more than just believing that they are possible. I’d love it if I could think myself to becoming the fastest trail runner on the mountain, but the reality is that if that ever has a chance in hell of happening, I’m going to need to take action. So, Ali and I are in agreement on that point.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I also agree that the motivation driving individuals to pen a self-help book is not selfless. There is undoubtedly a benefit for the author: it forms part of a marketing strategy; they gain recognition as an author; and there is sheer reward and pride in being able to write a book. Gosh, I genuinely hope one day that I find the courage to write my own book.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Selfish or not though, given the effort and time it takes to write a book, I believe that authors of self-help books have a genuine desire to help people. And, even if they are not qualified therapists, people’s stories have the power to provide new perspective and insight, encourage self-reflection and provide a sense of hope. In fact, many psychologists, coaches and therapists often recommend self-help books as a means of developing self-awareness between sessions and helping individuals process issues through the use of stories. It’s called </span><a href="https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/types/bibliotherapy"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">bibliotherapy</span></i></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">. </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_86 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Reasons why I believe there is a place for self-help books</b></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_60 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_94 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_59"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_95 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_87 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>They are affordable </strong><i>– </i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Not everyone can afford therapy or coaching (no matter how much they may need it). It’s the reality of the world we live in. Self-help books provide an accessible and affordable means of gaining insight into issues which individuals are facing. The self-help book genre tackles the full range of topics: from improving self-esteem, coping with stress and developing communication skills to discovering your potential, improving personal relationships and enhancing emotional awareness. Having the ability to read around a topic on which you are struggling and learning from the experience of others is a natural way that humans progress and develop awareness in this world. Why should that be any different merely because it now has the label: “self-help” attached to it.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_61 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_96 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_60"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_97 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_88 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>They are relatable</strong> – <span style="font-weight: 400;">Prior to my own therapy back in 2014, a friend recommended I listen to the audiobook: </span><a href="https://brenebrown.com/book/the-power-of-vulnerability/">“<em>The Power of Vulnerability</em>” by Brené Brown</a><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span><span style="font-weight: 400;">. She was concerned about my inability to set boundaries both in my professional and personal life and could see it was affecting my self-esteem. For me, the power of the book was in its relatability. I was able to connect my struggles with self-worth to those reflected in the book which, in turn, encouraged me to question and challenge my beliefs and thus my negative self-talk. It is a book I will always recommend to clients struggling with self-esteem issues. Brene Brown is so relatable and her tone and delivery allow you to shed the layers of embarrassment and shame that is often attached to low self-esteem. Exposure to that book satisfied my need to belong and feel understood and became my first step to seeking the professional help I required.</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_62 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_98 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_61"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_99 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_89 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>You gain a sense of autonomy </strong>– <span style="font-weight: 400;">There are two dominant drivers for reaching out for a self-help book: You either want to learn something new or improve the way you are approaching something (a more proactive, enhancing approach) or you are experiencing a crisis and your existing coping mechanisms are no longer stepping up to the task (a more help-seeking approach). In the latter case, everything feels off balance and you often find yourself feeling stuck and incapable of shifting out of the situation. It’s not a fun place to be. Although potentially not a replacement for coaching or therapy, relevant self-help books can help to restore a sense of autonomy and agency.</span> <span style="font-weight: 400;">The action of purchasing and reading a self-help book restores your mobility and gaining a new perspective on the situation acts as a stepping-stone to restoring equilibrium. You are helping yourself.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_63 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_100 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_62"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_101 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_90 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>You may not need therapy</strong> <i>– </i><span style="font-weight: 400;">As mentioned above, self-help books are not all about fixing you or helping you cope. There is a whole genre of self-help books which are about skill-enhancement, creating self-awareness and assisting with growth and development. You don’t need a therapist for that! Learning from other people’s experiences and what has worked for them is a great way to add new tools to your own skill set. If I’m a new mum, why wouldn’t I want to learn tips and tricks from mothers who have raised 3 kids? If I’m a workaholic, why wouldn’t I want to hear the story of how a former workaholic managed to flip her life into something a lot more fulfilling and balanced? Sometimes all you want and all you need is a new perspective from someone who has walked a similar path before you. A bit of inspiration. What you do with that information is completely up to you. Some things may work, others may not. But without reading those stories, you may never have discovered those techniques or approaches. Who’s at a loss then?</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_64 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_102 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_63"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_103 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_91 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>You continue to grow and learn </strong><i>–</i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> One of Ali’s arguments is that self-help amounts to self-improvement. She argues that we should be seeking self-acceptance rather than self-improvement, and self-help books discourage this. I’m all for self-acceptance i.e. fully embracing who you are, without judgement or comparison to others. However, there is an innate </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">need</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> for humans to grow and develop. Take a look a </span><a href="https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-is-maslow-hierarchy-of-needs">Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs</a> <span style="font-weight: 400;">below:</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_64"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="768" height="500" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/BB-Blog-images-Maslows-needs.png" alt="" title="Maslow's hierarchy of needs" class="wp-image-5610" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_92 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Once we have satisfied our lower-level needs of safety, security, love and belonging and we’ve reached a stage of healthy self-esteem, we still need purpose. Needs motivate us. Self-help isn’t about self-improvement (i.e. you are not good enough as you are). Self-help is about self-expansion (i.e. acquiring resources, gaining new perspectives, growing).</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_65"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_104 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_93 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><b>Conclusion</b></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Whether you’re a cynic like Alicia, or believer like Frieda, one thing is for sure – there is a huge readership of self-help books. And there’s clearly reason for it.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As Frieda has highlighted, self-help books do serve a purpose in the therapy/coaching spectrum. They are affordable, accessible, relatable and serve to help individuals address their problems. However, in this “helping” context, we both agree, that they are no substitute for the help of a therapist/coach. If you feel that you really need help, we encourage you to seek the guidance and support of a mental health professional who can support, guide and help you achieve mental wellness. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">On the flip-side, it’s important to remember that self-help books are not all about fixing problems. They exist for self-expansion; to provide inspiration; to generate new ideas; to help you grow. You don’t need a therapist/coach for that. Self-help books – in Frieda’s opinion at least – serve a very valid purpose.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">One final point to make is this. Whatever your views about self-help books, please remember that self-help books are not gospel. They provide the author’s perspective and opinion on a topic which is based on how they see the world and/or how they have analysed data presented to them. It doesn’t mean it’s right. It merely provides a perspective. When reading a self-help book, you therefore have a responsibility to question what you’re reading. Does this apply to me? Do I agree with it? Are my own beliefs and experiences influencing the way I’m interpreting this book?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">We hope this article has given you some food for thought.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">One thing we can both agree on though is this – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">happy reading (whatever genre of book you choose)!</span></i></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_66"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_105 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_3 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_67 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_106 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_65"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_107 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_94 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>About the Co-author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong> Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>. Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">[email protected]</a> </p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_68"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_108 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_66"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/work-with-me/individual-coaching/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Copy-of-linkedin-filler-pictures-7.jpg" alt="" title="Copy of linkedin filler pictures (7)" class="wp-image-5630" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-self-help-conundrum/">The Self-Help Conundrum</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-self-help-conundrum/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Your own worst enemy is YOU!</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/your-own-worst-enemy-is-you/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/your-own-worst-enemy-is-you/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Sat, 21 Jan 2023 18:31:14 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Lawyer Life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Lessons Learned]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Life after Law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Work life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[alice in wonderland]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[attorney]]></category> <category><![CDATA[believe in yourself]]></category> <category><![CDATA[business owner]]></category> <category><![CDATA[business woman]]></category> <category><![CDATA[determination]]></category> <category><![CDATA[direction]]></category> <category><![CDATA[dreams]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[jabberwocky]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[legal world]]></category> <category><![CDATA[live your life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[love your life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[overcoming anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-belief]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-esteem]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/the-festive-seasons-unexpected-delights-copy/</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Building self-belief: 5 Ways to quieten the negative thoughts that hold you back from living to your fullest potential.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/your-own-worst-enemy-is-you/">Your own worst enemy is YOU!</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_6 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_69"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_109 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_95 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist" style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></h5> <p>When I was a child, I was fearless.</p> <p>I believed I could do anything I set my mind to – and I had big dreams. Bless little me. I wanted to climb mountains, go to the Moon, swim with Mermaids, and fly a plane to Antarctica.</p> <p>I may have been influenced by my favourite novels of all time – Alice in Wonderland and Through the looking glass. I have read both dozens of times (probably more, but who’s counting)?</p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It was Alice’s line –</span><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span></p> <p><em>“Sometimes I believe in as many as </em><a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=six+impossible+things+before+breakfast+alice+in+wonderland&rlz=1C1AVFC_enZA990ZA990&biw=1536&bih=722&tbm=vid&sxsrf=AJOqlzUesyOonKcblO8Rn3OHgM9lP3jlXQ%3A1674216117463&ei=tYLKY43vG6CUhbIPuv2M0Ag&oq=6+impossible+things+before+breakfast&gs_lcp=Cg1nd3Mtd2l6LXZpZGVvEAEYATIGCAAQFhAeMgYIABAWEB4yBggAEBYQHjIGCAAQFhAeMgYIABAWEB4yBggAEBYQHjIGCAAQFhAeMgYIABAWEB4yBQgAEIYDMgUIABCGAzoFCAAQkQI6CAgAEIAEELEDOgUIABCABDoLCAAQgAQQsQMQgwE6BAgAEEM6BwgAELEDEEM6BwgAEIAEEAo6CAgAEBYQHhAPOggIABAWEB4QClAAWI8mYKw4aABwAHgCgAGYA4gB206SAQgyLTI4LjcuMZgBAKABAcABAQ&sclient=gws-wiz-video#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:d332b5a3,vid:81qfjNLAo5c"><em>six impossible things before breakfast</em></a><em>.”</em></p> <p>That had done me in.</p> <p><em>6 impossible things for breakfast she says? Why – I could gobble that all in one mouthful. I can do 10 impossible things before breakfast”</em>! Ha Alice. Take that!</p> <p>Little did I know how much that fearless attitude affected those around me. How could I know? A child can never truly see how amazing they are. They are too caught up in their own world and “becoming” that they cannot see who they are through other’s eyes.</p> <p>Some of us still can’t.</p> <p>But it was my life-long friend who, on my 21<sup>st</sup> Birthday got up and gave a speech. She said something to me that night that has stuck with me – through better or worse – ever since. She said <em>“Fishy*, you <u>will</u> rule the world one day. I believe in you”. </em></p> <p><em>*a caveat here – my nickname was Fishy because my maiden name was Fisher. Full disclosure. </em></p> <p>Since I had known this friend, let’s call her my “BFFE”, from the day I was fresh from the oven – I figured she had a pretty good insight into my potential. Someone who had known me since birth (still does) can probably see something I could not.</p> <p>And for a while, I believed her.</p> <p>I wasn’t afraid of anything – dance on a table? Sure. Jump out of a plane? Absolutely (who’s packing my parachute?). Swim in shark infested waters – yeah (ok, at the time I wasn’t really aware there were sharks around but nevertheless), let’s go!</p> <p>Fearless.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_67"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1920" height="1440" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/alice.jpg" alt="6 ways to create a harmonious work environment" title="alice in wonderland" class="wp-image-5149" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_96 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>And then suddenly one day, I grew up (unwillingly).</p> <p>That fearlessness and self-belief had dissipated. Like cotton candy in the wind. The moment I graduated with my second degree and my life loomed before me, I got an inkling of reality and responsibility and how hard it would truly be to take over the world. Lady Gaga had stolen my look and I didn’t even have one minion, let alone dozens.</p> <p>But I still read Alice on an annual basis and I still believed I could do 6 impossible things before breakfast. So on to legal articles I went. And then suddenly 6 individual impossible things turned into 1 enormous impossible thing. A feeling I am betting most article clerks/trainees will share.</p> <p>And that 1 enormous impossible thing grew. Like a little snowball that rolls down a hill and accumulates more and more snow so that by the time it lands at your feet it is a ginormous sphere almost ready to take on its own climate – the <a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=big+bang+theory+intro&rlz=1C1AVFC_enZA990ZA990&sxsrf=AJOqlzUTe4w-KtizOon-omKXI9zdAntkew:1674216115123&source=lnms&tbm=vid&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiYscaGjdb8AhWORsAKHfS4AkAQ_AUoAXoECAEQAw&biw=1536&bih=722&dpr=1.25#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:f089c26d,vid:6CawmYcysAQ">“big-bang theory”</a> almost starting again…. A hot dense state and everything.</p> <p>And like with most things in life, <strong><em>the more you tell yourself, you can’t, the less you actually can. </em></strong></p> <p>A once fearless girl who had believed she could take over the world, felt “less than”, unequal to the task and pretty scared. Of just about everything, but most significantly – failing. I started saying to myself – “Don’t do that, it wont work” and “You are such a failure” and “Why bother trying, you will only fail”.</p> <p>It was the last one that really got me into some pretty dark, dank places in my life.</p> <p>But almost like Samara from the movie <a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=the+ring+girl+out+of+well&rlz=1C1AVFC_enZA990ZA990&sxsrf=AJOqlzU3MXShn_UT_B6189vDqvRyRE4m7Q%3A1674216575518&ei=f4TKY6umH4q4gQbAiZqYAg&ved=0ahUKEwjr4Yrijtb8AhUKXMAKHcCEBiMQ4dUDCA8&uact=5&oq=the+ring+girl+out+of+well&gs_lcp=Cgxnd3Mtd2l6LXNlcnAQAzIGCAAQCBAeMgYIABAIEB4yBQgAEIYDMgUIABCGAzIFCAAQhgMyBQgAEIYDMgUIABCGAzoKCAAQRxDWBBCwA0oECEEYAEoECEYYAFDFA1iVE2DpGGgBcAF4AIABiAOIAYcVkgEFMi04LjKYAQCgAQHIAQjAAQE&sclient=gws-wiz-serp#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:f5538344,vid:IWj_Q-WinUc">The Ring, crawling out of the well</a>, I somehow managed to pull myself out of my darkest place.</p> <p>It wasn’t pretty, resembled a horror movie and I really needed to wash my hair!</p> <p>But I got out.</p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_68"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1920" height="1440" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/adult-anxiety.jpg" alt="6 ways to create a harmonious work environment" title="adult anxiety" class="wp-image-5150" /></span> </div><div id="flicks" class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_97 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>BUILDING YOUR OWN CASTLE</strong></h2></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_98 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>Whoever told you starting your own business – whatever you may be doing – was easy, had clearly not done it themselves.</p> <p>It takes guts, it takes self-belief and it takes someone who doesn’t mind listening to Billy Ocean on a daily basis – because <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1S89K49BeBU">“When the going gets tough. The tough get going”, </a></p> <p>The lyrics becoming almost like a daily mantra –</p> <p><span style="color: #c69229;"><em>“I got something to say</em></span></p> <p><span style="color: #c69229;"><em>I’m gonna put this dream in motion</em></span></p> <p><span style="color: #c69229;"><em>I Never let nothing stand in my way</em></span></p> <p><span style="color: #c69229;"><em>When the going gets tough</em></span></p> <p><span style="color: #c69229;"><em>The tough get going</em></span></p> <p><span style="color: #c69229;"><em>I’m gonna get myself ‘cross the river</em></span></p> <p><span style="color: #c69229;"><em>That’s the price I’m willing to pay</em></span></p> <p><span style="color: #c69229;"><em>I’m gonna make you stand and deliver….”</em></span></p> <p>And every day, especially when you are starting from scratch, takes having confidence in yourself and in what you can achieve. It takes getting up after being knocked down. It takes looking at situations with new eyes and a new perspective. And more than anything, it takes getting out of your own way.</p> <p>Because you have probably had more than one person say to you <span style="color: #c69229;">“</span><em><span style="color: #c69229;">you are your own worst enemy”</span>. </em>I know I have.</p> <p>And so my own version of Alicia in Wonderland continued.</p> <p>I began The Legal Belletrist at the start of 2020, possibly the worst time in my own personal timeline to start a new business. Or so the naysayers said. But I did. And here I find myself doing the very thing I love the most – talking about me. No that’s not right, I meant – writing. That’s it, writing. For a living!</p> <p>I never had this as part of my dreams as a child. I don’t even think I – with the biggest imagination and biggest dreams – could’ve foreseen this incredible turn of events.</p> <p>And yet, I’m doing it.</p> <p>Taking over the world, one article/blog/ (and one day) book at a time.</p> <p>Just like my BFFE said I would.</p> <p>But that doesn’t mean that on my first working day of 2023 I didn’t wake up in a cold sweat, freaked out and worried I wouldn’t be able to write anymore. That I wouldn’t be able to write anything coherent or meaningful. In fact, I am thinking that as I type.</p> <p>I was scared that I would disappoint a client or all my client’s. I was worried that the very thing I loved would disappear. That I would fail. That I would lose my business, my livelihood. Or that someone else would be able to do what I do, only better – Billy Eilish standing in the wings ready to take on <em>my</em> leading role. Someone else stealing my look. Yet again.</p> <p><em>Turns out that even in your own business doing your own thing, away from all the office politics and toxicity, you still have your own Jabberwocky to slay. </em></p> <p>And the most unexpected one are your own negative thoughts – they can be the hardest. The thing is, all this negative noise is good for is keeping you in your status quo, stuck in the mud and deep down your own dark well, like Samara (and no-one needs that bad-hair day). </p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_70"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_110 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_69"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1920" height="1440" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/change-your-mindset.jpg" alt="6 ways to create a harmonious work environment" title="change your mindset" class="wp-image-5151" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_71"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_111 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div id="lessons" class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_99 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>5 ways to slay your inner jabberwocky</strong></h2> <p>Now anyone that has read Lewis Carroll’s “Jabberwocky” knows that it is a playful, whimsical poem that makes little sense, but is at the same time, beautifully bewildering and fun.</p> <p>The same does not however go for the creature itself – which is a rather scary, horrific creature that is threatening to destroy Underland. And the Jabberwocky – which in your particular circumstance and the villain in <em>this</em> story – has got to go!</p> <p>So how do we go about slaying it?</p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_72 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_112 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_70"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_113 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_100 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong><em>Take a moment </em></strong>– when you hear yourself talking badly about YOU, stop for a minute and realise what is happening. Realise that this is just your anxiety or an anxious moment that is taking hold of you. The thoughts are irrational, nonsensical and can threaten your very success and affect self-esteem. Realise that you are in a type of fight or flight (or in my case freeze) scenario that does not serve you right now. And then take a deep breath. In and out. And repeat. Then – and this is important – stick up for yourself, as you would do for a good friend. Tell your inner voice – No. That’s not true. It’s irrational. Because you deserve protection from your inner Jabberwocky sometimes too. Remember that.</p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_73 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_114 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_71"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_115 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_101 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong><em>Identify exactly what you are feeling</em></strong> – it’s very easy to feel negative about something, to feel like a failure before you have even tried. But understanding what triggered that feeling in the first place is key to slaying your inner Jabberwocky. Why do you feel this way? What was the precursor, what was the trigger? Did you see someone post something on the socials about a moment of success and feel envious, pressure, or subconsciously wonder how they did it? It’s a healing process to genuinely think about how your thoughts can affect your emotions. An effective way to do this is to write it all down – what you were thinking and how it made you feel. That way you can start to unpack any underlying emotions that need to be addressed. Think of this as starting a journal to help YOU. Not only will this create self-awareness, but it will also help you truly identify your inner thoughts and feelings.</p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_74 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_116 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_72"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_117 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_102 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong><em style="font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">Replace negativity with positivity </em></strong><span style="font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;">– sure, it’ easier said than done. It’s hard to be positive all the time. But it’s time to replace your negative thoughts with positive ones. It sounds so simplistic – like “sure why didn’t I think of that”? But the truth is, we often don’t. We don’t remember what we have already achieved or what we have already overcome. We forget our accomplishments so easily. I’m not even sure why this is the case. But it always seems like it’s easier to believe the negative over the positive. So, changing that is key. Every time you think to yourself “I will never succeed” or “I’m a failure”, remind yourself of everything you have already done, everything you have already achieved. And the more you think about those positive things the less you will focus on the negative Nancy in your own head. Your inner Jabberwocky is not who you should be listening to. It should be your inner Alice – remembering the 6 impossible things she did before breakfast!</span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_75 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_118 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_73"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_119 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_103 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><em><strong>Take it easy on yourself</strong> – </em>living in such a fast-paced society, everything feels like it should have happened yesterday. You should already be listed on the stock exchange after just starting your start-up, right? You should already be listed on the Forbes Top 50 most successful people list, because you published one opinion article and have changed the world. At 40 you should already be a director of a global Law Firm, right? By 35 you should already have 2 kids – a perfect pigeon pair. How lovely. What nonsense! There is no time limit here. There is no age we should be doing anything by. It’s all according to our own timelines. So, take it easy on yourself. Instead, take a moment and celebrate what you have achieved and look forward to what comes next. Stop measuring yourself against everyone else. We are all on our own journeys.</p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_76 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_120 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_74"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_121 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_104 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><em><strong>Focus</strong> – </em>something everyone who has ever run their own department or own business will tell you is key. Having focus. It is all too easy to get bogged down by all the little “to-do’s”, the accumulating unread emails in your inbox, the constant sales pitches or touch bases. It is amazingly easy to get overwhelmed. It can feel like you haven’t done enough – there is still more you should be doing. Again, overwhelm. It happens. But this feeling of overwhelm can cause you to lose focus on what your end-goal is. What you want to achieve. And when this happens, it can feel like your dreams are falling by the wayside. So, don’t let that happen. Keep laser focused on what you want out of your work, your livelihood. What is important to you. If it helps, write down what you want to achieve and stick it on your wall – like a daily reminder of why you started whatever it is you started in the first place.<span style="color: #008000;"><b><i></i></b></span><span style="font-weight: 400;"> </span></p></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_77"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_122 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_75"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1920" height="1440" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/believe-in-yourself.jpg" alt="" title="believe in yourself" class="wp-image-5152" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_105 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>The take-away from this article simply is – everything is achievable if you look at the facts that support and drive your ambition and desires to work for and on yourself.</p> <p>Less listening to the inner Jabberwocky. More listening to your inner Alice! Instead of your own worst enemy, become your own best friend and most fervid supporter.</p> <p>Believing in YOU is the absolute best thing you can do for your self-esteem, confidence and self-belief.</p> <p><strong><em>It’s time to become fearless again. It’s time to tackle 6 impossible things before breakfast!</em></strong></p> <p>Because you can….</p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;"></span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> </span></i></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_4 et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_78 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_123 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_76"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_124 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_106 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p>About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong></p> <p>Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism. </p> <p>Click here to visit<span> </span><a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist">The Legal Belletrist website</a>.</p> <p><strong>Email: [email protected] </strong></p></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/your-own-worst-enemy-is-you/">Your own worst enemy is YOU!</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/your-own-worst-enemy-is-you/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Investing in You – The World of the Enneagram</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/investing-in-you-the-world-of-the-enneagram/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/investing-in-you-the-world-of-the-enneagram/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 28 Sep 2022 08:22:33 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Enneagram]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Leadership]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[behavior]]></category> <category><![CDATA[behaviour]]></category> <category><![CDATA[communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[de-stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[effective communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[enneagram]]></category> <category><![CDATA[enneagram coach]]></category> <category><![CDATA[invest in yourself]]></category> <category><![CDATA[leadership behaviour]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health matters]]></category> <category><![CDATA[motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[overwhelm]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personality]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personality type]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Selfcare]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[understanding you]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/7-ways-to-bounce-back-after-failure-copy/</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Have you ever wondered WHY you do what you do? Or WHY others behave in a certain way? Welcome to the world of the Enneagram!</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/investing-in-you-the-world-of-the-enneagram/">Investing in You – The World of the Enneagram</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_7 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_79"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_125 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_107 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></em></h5></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_80"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_126 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_108 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Sections include:</strong></p> <p> </p> <ol> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><a href="#intro">Introduction to the Enneagram</a></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><a href="#selfcare"><span style="font-weight: 400;">What does self-care look like?</span></a></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><a href="#whatis"><span style="font-weight: 400;">What is the Enneagram?</span></a></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><a href="#me"><span style="font-weight: 400;">What was the Enneagram like for me?</span></a></li> </ol></div> </div><div id="intro" class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_109 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Introduction</strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’m not sure what it is. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’m not sure what causes us to put our own personal needs at the bottom of the pile. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Perhaps it’s because many of us (often from a young age), are taught that looking after our own needs amounts to self-indulgence and selfishness, resulting in an air of (unwanted) self-importance. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">None of which – in my childhood home – were positive.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Helping others, donating time (or money) to those less fortunate was always seen as a good deed. My family fully supported </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">outward</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> care. Looking out for others and championing the underdog. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And those things can be good. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Can</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> being the operative word.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But what about the </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">inward</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> care? Well, those were not really on the list of my priorities growing up. Or as an adult for that matter. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It doesn’t help that I am prone to feelings of self-sacrifice wanting to do more for others than myself, often to my own detriment (although I would never admit it). </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s just that, sometimes, it all feels a little too much. You know what I mean? </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Constantly putting what you need at the bottom of your own to-do list. And this, in turn, can have a knock-on effect. A feeling of utter overwhelm. The feeling of not doing enough. The feeling of not being good enough. Suddenly imposter syndrome pops in for a visit and you find yourself rocking yourself back and forth in the corner of a dark room (you know, “self-soothing”?)</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The problem is, the longer we let them take up space in our heads (and hearts), these feelings manifest and grow into more troublesome bed fellows. This undoubtedly will cause further issues, whether it is at home or (more often than not), at work. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The result? Feeling outgunned and outmaneuvered. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">At least, that’s how </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I feel.</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And you know the truth of the matter? I’m often amazed by how some people seem (on the face of it) to have all their s&%t together. And yet, here I sit (despite my best efforts) seemingly struggling (on the face of it anyway). </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">These feelings of overwhelm tend to catch me by surprise and because I don’t see them coming, I panic.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The other day, whilst chatting to my friend </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/my-story/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Frieda Levycky of Braving Boundaries</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – an ICF-accredited coach specializing in Whole Person Coaching and Enneagram Coaching – about feeling overwhelmed and how I (on occasion) struggle, she suggested that we explore WHY this happens to me. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, we sought to address my nagging issues by exercising self-care. More specifically – looking at the Enneagram.</span><span style="font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.06em;"> </span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_77"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/Investing-in-You-–-The-World-of-the-Enneagram-selfcare.jpg" alt="" title="Investing in You – The World of the Enneagram - selfcare" /></span> </div><div id="selfcare" class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_110 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>What does self-care look like?</strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For some of us, practicing self-care comes down to regularly seeing a massage therapist to help get rid of the tight stress knots in our shoulders and neck. For others, it’s spending bucket loads of hard-earned cash on a fancy holiday for yourself and family.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Either way, you’ll (most likely), return home relaxed and rejuvenated. That is, until you get back into the swing of things. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The familiar and seemingly ever-present feelings of overwhelm, not being good enough, not being worthy, being an imposter in your own life, come flooding back in. Once again taking up residence in your life like an unwanted tenant. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Why? These expressions of “self-care” are transitory. They are not permanent and will not result in permanent positive change in your life. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Change they say, </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“is as good as a holiday”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. But in this case – the self-care case – change is what is needed. </span><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Lasting change</span></i></span><span style="font-weight: 400;">. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Change that comes with practical steps that can be implemented in your daily life to promote balance and wellness. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Step in – </span><b>The Enneagram. </b></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I must admit that I was skeptical at first (as I always am with personality type assessments) but with an invitation to </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“live life to the fullest”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> how could I possibly say no?</span></div> </div><div id="whatis" class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_111 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>What is the Enneagram?</strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">According to</span><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Braving Boundaries</span><span style="font-weight: 400;">, the Enneagram is –</span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“At its most basic, the Enneagram is a personality assessment that has nine personality types. Each type—for example, Type 7 (or the Enthusiastic Visionary), or Type 1 (the Strict Perfectionist) or Type 5 (the Quiet Specialist)—has its own unique strengths and challenges, and each person within that type has their own blend of these group characteristics.</span></i></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">We all have a dominant personality type and exhibit the traits of this type along a continuum, either showing the healthier side of our personality, or spiralling down into the more unhealthy and reactive patterns of our natures.”</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But the Enneagram is also far more than just a “personality assessment”. Sure, the Enneagram does identify an archetype (“</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">a very typical example of a certain person or thing”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">) that resonates with your core motivations – making up a part of what makes you, you. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And your core motivations will have an impact on your personality, how you think, how you feel and how you take action. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But the Enneagram can also be used as a valuable guide towards self-discovery, self-development, relationship building, how you can resolve conflict according to your own personality type and how you can improve team dynamics – or simply how you can work better in a team.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Enneagram doesn’t try to put you in a box. It’s not aimed at limiting you or treating you as a generic copy of someone else. It completely recognizes that each person is complex, unique, and distinct. It recognizes that you (inevitably) change over time. In Enneagram terminology, this means that while your Enneagram style remains constant throughout your life, </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">the characteristics </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">of your archetype style may either soften or become more pronounced as you grow and develop. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Think of the Enneagram as a map, providing context and insight into –</span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Why you do the things that you do.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">How you can improve on the things where you faulter. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">How you can embrace your most important (and valuable) qualities. </span></li> </ul></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_78"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/Investing-in-You-–-The-World-of-the-Enneagram-Map.jpg" alt="" title="Investing in You – The World of the Enneagram Map" /></span> </div><div id="whatis" class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_112 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">By using the Enneagram as a map to better understand yourself, you become a more liberated, actualized and fully expressed version of yourself. You gain insight into your overall purpose and get closer to achieving your full potential.</p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Importantly, the Enneagram helps you to recognize and accept your own strengths and weaknesses. Which can be hard for some of us to do. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As found on the Braving Boundaries </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/enneagram/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">website </span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">– </span></p> <blockquote><p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“The power of the Enneagram lies in its subtle complexity, in its flexibility, and in its open-endedness, allowing it to take into account the myriad characteristics of human personality, how these traits blend in each person, and how they change depending on circumstances.</span></i></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Enneagram is all about the WHY. It delves into our motivations and explains why we do the things we do. It offers profound insights into what makes us tick, such as the unconscious fears buried deep in our psyches that affect our everyday decisions.”</span></i></p></blockquote></div> </div><div id="me" class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_113 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>What was the Enneagram like for me? </strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Going into the Enneagram as a skeptic was probably my saving grace. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I know how odd that sounds, but I answered each question as openly and honestly (and as forthright) as I could, hoping I would catch the Enneagram out. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">To my utter astonishment, my report was extremely accurate. To the T in fact. Even when highlighting my weaknesses and the things that I can work on. The things that I knew deep down but found hard to admit. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">My faith was renewed!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Of course, not all assessments are created equal and there will be some that fall short of legitimacy. But the Integrative Enneagram Solutions Assessment isn’t one of them. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In fact, I’ve read over my report numerous times. Making notes, taking in the insights set out in the report and have tried to implement the recommended exercises into my daily life. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Of course, I don’t think I would’ve got to this place of absolute acceptance had I not had a feedback session with Frieda. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Frieda listened to what I thought of the report and how it made me feel. We spoke through some of the issues highlighted and discussed straightforward ways to implement change.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It was invaluable. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And let me tell you why….</span><i></i></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_81 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_127 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_79"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_128 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_114 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>You get to put the Enneagram Report into YOUR life context</strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Your report may contain some words which – traditionally – have a negative connotation. This will be the same for every archetype. There will just be some words that trigger you and in turn trigger your defence mechanisms. We all have a word that just rubs us up the wrong way e.g. impatient, manipulative, emotional, sensitive, self-absorbed, controlling, uncommitted, passive-aggressive. Words that we’ve been told are “negative” and certainly don’t like seeing in a report. And if you’re anything like me, I stressed about “my word”. I worried that I was that “word” in everything I did. It caused me immense anxiety. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Simply because I read it in isolation, with all my preconceived ideas attached to it (which is a recipe for disaster). </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The truth is every archetype will have a trigger word. After all, we are only human. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But the problem arises with </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">how</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> we interpret the words and the challenges those words highlight. </span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">How do we process them? </span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Instead of running away from these “negative words” or hiding under the covers for fear that you may actually </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">be</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> that word, or perhaps ignoring them entirely, pretending you never read the report in the first place (sort of like an ostrich sticking its head in the sand – not a great look by the way) – a feedback session with an accredited Enneagram coach, allows you to gently explore the report. In its entirety. And most importantly, in context (less the preconceived ideas). </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In doing so, you begin to understand what everything actually means. Helping you to come to terms (and fully understand) your weaknesses or blind spots and how you can embrace your strengths and positive qualities. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_82 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_129 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_80"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_130 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_115 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>The Enneagram Feedback Session helps you to hold yourself accountable</strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The other valuable point of the feedback session is accountability. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">How many times have we, as professionals, taken a report from an assessment we did (often because we had to), had a quick read through it and then done absolutely zilch with the information? Because there’s no one holding you accountable. It’s just another piece of paper with your name on it, categorizing you into a specific box. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Sure, you may laugh and agree that some of the points are “totally you”, but </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">how does that add real value to your life? </span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">With the Enneagram, the feedback session is where you gain a real understanding of your archetype style. It’s how you get better acquainted with yourself. It’s how you implement the change suggested in the report. </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Truly investing in you</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. Because once you understand your core motivations, you can – in fact – become a more “</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">liberated, actualized and fully expressed version of yourself”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. You can gain insight into who you (really) are deep down, you can discover what your true purpose is and you can (as a result) reach your full potential. Naturally, leading to </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">living your life to the fullest. </span></i></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_83"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_131 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_116 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Following my feedback session with Frieda, I have gained a far better understanding of who I am, acknowledging my challenges and areas for growth and looking forward with hope (and excitement) because I have realized </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">how much I have to give.</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I simply cannot recommend the Enneagram Feedback Session enough. Self-care with long lasting results that you can take with you as you grow.</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> That’s what I’m talking about!</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">You owe it to yourself to gain a better understanding of who you are – deep down – and perhaps even a better understanding of the team you work with. </span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_81"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/enneagram/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1920" height="1440" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/BB-Blog-images-Investing-in-You.jpg" alt="" title="BB - Blog images - Investing in You" class="wp-image-4841" /></span></a> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_117 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><span style="font-weight: 400;">As Frieda </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/enneagram/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">sets out</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – </span></p> <blockquote> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“You can’t change who you are, but there are several benefits to having a deeper understanding of yourself:</span></i></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">You can make the most of your strengths and become aware of the things that challenge you.</span></i></li> </ul> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">You can face the hidden motivations and fears that rule your life and are holding you back in both your personal and professional life.</span></i></li> </ul> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">You can work more effectively in a team.</span></i></li> </ul> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">You can see what lies behind the decisions you make, why you see the world the way you do, where your blind spots and defence mechanisms are, what’s behind your anxieties, and what’s likely to trigger you.</span></i></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">You can live up to your true potential and identify where you can grow and develop.”</span></i></li> </ul> </blockquote> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">To find out more about the Enneagram Feedback Session, take a look at the </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/work-with-me/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Braving Boundaries website </span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">and </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/contact-me/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">get in touch</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> with Frieda Levycky today. There are programmes for both individuals and teams.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">This is valuable self-care. At its finest. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">All that there’s left to do is to</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> truly</span></i> <i><span style="font-weight: 400;">invest in </span></i><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">you.</span></i></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_82"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/enneagram-inquiry/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image.jpg" alt="" title="End of blog post CTA image" class="wp-image-4842" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_84"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_132 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_5 et_pb_divider_position_center et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_85 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_133 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_83"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_134 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_118 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the writer, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong></p> <p>Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/">The Legal Belletrist website</a>.</p> <p><strong>Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">[email protected]</a> </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/investing-in-you-the-world-of-the-enneagram/">Investing in You – The World of the Enneagram</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/investing-in-you-the-world-of-the-enneagram/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>Beating Procrastination (Part 1): Getting to grips with why we procrastinate</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/beating-procrastination-part-1/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/beating-procrastination-part-1/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Wed, 29 Jun 2022 06:37:43 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Perfectionism]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Procrastination]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Stress & Anxiety]]></category> <category><![CDATA[accountants]]></category> <category><![CDATA[boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[business men]]></category> <category><![CDATA[business women]]></category> <category><![CDATA[coping with stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[covid stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[down time]]></category> <category><![CDATA[executives]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of being controlled]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of failure]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of intimacy]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of separation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fear of success]]></category> <category><![CDATA[financial stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fitness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[holidays]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[managers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[procrastinating]]></category> <category><![CDATA[procrastination]]></category> <category><![CDATA[productivity]]></category> <category><![CDATA[professionals]]></category> <category><![CDATA[reduce stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relationship stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relax]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relaxation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress spiral]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stressed out]]></category> <category><![CDATA[time off]]></category> <category><![CDATA[time out]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work-life balance]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/stressed-out-why-holidays-are-a-necessity-not-a-luxury-copy/</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Procrastination: The bane of my life and for many others. But what is procrastination and why do we do it?</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/beating-procrastination-part-1/">Beating Procrastination (Part 1): Getting to grips with why we procrastinate</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_8 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_86"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_135 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_119 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><p><strong>I’m not fat. But I’m not fit.</strong></p> <p>Well, not in the way that I used to be.</p> <p>It’s that time of year again where a number of running photos pop up on Facebook, highlighting the various races I’ve run over the years. In 2015, I was training to summit the Matterhorn. In 2016, it was the Verbier-St Bernard 65km Traverse. And in 2019 it was “The Beast” (the 30km ‘baby’ race!) and the Whale Trail (53km, 25km of which comprised endless stretches of beach)! Ugh! Never again!</p> <p>I was fit! Very fit! Even if I hadn’t quite grasped that at the time.</p> <p>And then lockdown commenced and my motivation to run utterly dissipated.</p> <p>Last year, as I prepared to turn 40, I wrote an article called: <strong><em><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/motivate-me-what-to-do-when-youve-lost-your-mojo/">“Motivate Me: What to do when you’ve lost your mojo!”</a></em></strong>. The article explored the different types of motivation that encourage or force us to take action. It also gave me (and 35 of my followers who decided to join in with me) the opportunity to test out a new approach to tackling my/our goals. I loved the challenge and it worked! I committed to 40 days of yoga to kickstart a return to my practice and I’m pleased to report that I’m still practising a year on.</p> <p>But motivation isn’t my current issue. I want to get fitter. I feel better when I’m fitter. And, I have the perfect excuse to get fit too. Our wedding is next April and hey, who doesn’t want to look their best in their wedding dress?</p> <p>So, what is it that is currently holding me back?</p> <p>That darned thing called: <strong>PROCRASTINATION!</strong></p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/picture-1-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4412"/></figure> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="i-m-so-stressed-holidays-are-a-luxury-not-a-necessity"><strong>What is procrastination?</strong></h2> <p>Before we get into the nitty gritty of the definitions, just see if you recognise any of these situations:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li><strong>Scenario A:</strong> Your alarm goes off for the gym in the morning: “<em>Oh just 15 more minutes in bed. It’s so cold outside. And, well, I didn’t sleep very well last night</em>.” Before you know it, 15 minutes has turned to 30 minutes and the window for the gym session has gone.</li><li><strong>Scenario B:</strong> You’ve a complicated contract to review and the deadline is two weeks away. You leave it until the last minute. Twenty things pile in during the last week, and then there is a mad dash to get it done.</li><li><strong>Scenario C:</strong> You’ve set yourself a target to bring in more clients by the end of June. You know the best way is to make direct contact, but instead you spend the next few weeks perfecting marketing materials, writing lists of people you’d like to speak to, researching companies, but don’t make any contact.</li></ul> <p>Well, they are certainly all familiar situations to me. But, then again, I’m a prime example of a procrastinator!</p> <p>As these situations highlight, procrastination is <strong><a href="https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/procrastinate"><em>“the act of delaying or putting off tasks intentionally and habitually”</em></a> </strong>[1]. What’s worse is that this behaviour sometimes occurs: <a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/the-psychology-of-procrastination-2795944"><em><strong>even when negative consequences may result from the procrastination</strong></em></a> [2].</p> <p>If we look at the Latin meaning of the word, it provides even more clarity. “<em><strong>Pro</strong></em>” meaning forward; and “<em><strong>crastinus</strong></em>” meaning belonging to tomorrow, results in a combined definition of “<em><strong>forward it to tomorrow</strong></em>”. In other words, “<em><strong>do it later</strong></em>”! [3]</p> <p>Let’s re-look at the examples above:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li><strong>In Scenario A</strong>, the intention of going to the gym to get fit is defeated by staying in bed. The consequences of continued procrastination are potentially weight gain, health issues and low self-esteem.</li><li><strong>In Scenario B</strong>, the goal is to review and amend the contract and deliver within two weeks. By leaving it to the last minute, there are potential consequences of non-delivery (and an angry client) or a highly stressed 24-hours trying to deliver by the deadline. Neither of which are particularly helpful to your health or your business. And before you say: “<em>But, I work at my best when I’m under pressure</em>” – it doesn’t mean you’re not procrastinating.</li><li><strong>In Scenario C</strong>, the goal is to bring in new clients – after all, they pay the bills and grow the business. By distracting yourself with other work rather than reaching out and making contact, procrastination in this instance could result in your business folding before it’s even had a chance to flourish.</li></ul> <p>The above are just a few examples of procrastination played out in the real world. But despite knowing the potential for detrimental consequences, why do we continue to procrastinate?</p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/picture-2-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4413"/></figure> <p></p> <div class="wp-block-buttons is-content-justification-center is-layout-flex wp-container-core-buttons-is-layout-1 wp-block-buttons-is-layout-flex"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="my-experience-how-a-proper-holiday-shifts-the-stress-perspective"><strong>Why we procrastinate</strong></h2> <p>In their book: <strong><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702">“<em>Procrastination: Why you do it. What to do about it NOW.</em>”</a></strong>, Burka & Yuen (2008) highlight four “roots” to procrastination (some or all of which may be present):</p> <ol class="wp-block-list" type="1"><li>The <strong>Time Root</strong>: This relates to a procrastinator’s complex relationship with time and the difficulty they have with conceptualising how long a task will take. As a result, tasks are often delayed.</li><li>The <strong>Interpersonal Root</strong>: Our upbringing, our socio-economic settings and our culture can also influence our levels of procrastination. If procrastination has been evidenced in our childhood, it may well be behaviour carried into adulthood.</li><li>The <strong>Biological Root</strong>: This really is explained by the continuing struggle between two parts of our brain: the limbic system (the part of our brain involved in emotional and behavioural responses, including our flight, fight or freeze responses) and the prefrontal cortex (the area of our brain utilised in planning complex cognitive behaviour and decision making). As the limbic system is a stronger, older and more developed part of our brain, it often overpowers the prefrontal cortex. As a result, automatic fear responses kick in when faced with certain situations and procrastination ensues [4]. </li><li>The <strong>Emotional Root</strong>: The final root of procrastination lies in the desire to avoid uncomfortable feelings, fears, hopes, doubts, memories, dreams and pressures [5]. Perhaps we avoid doing certain tasks because we don’t think we’ll enjoy them? Perhaps it’s because we believe we can’t do them well? Perhaps it’s because we fear that we’ll do them so well that, in turn, it will increase the demands on our life? So, we push them out until the last minute – if we get to them at all. We’ll explore the emotional root in a little more detail below.</li></ol> <p>James Clear, in his article: <strong><em>“<a href="https://jamesclear.com/procrastination">Procrastination: A Scientific Guide on How to Stop Procrastinating”</a></em></strong> [6] highlights an additional behavioural psychology approach to procrastination which also relates to time. He argues that procrastination stems from “time inconsistency”. Our brains value immediate rewards more than they do future rewards.</p> <p>So, taking Scenario B above – you have 2 weeks to complete that complicated contract review. The future goal is obviously to complete it. The benefit to your Future Self of completing it is praise from your clients and your boss, and that great feeling of a job well done. But that’s two weeks away. Who wants to wait for two weeks if there is something that you could do <strong>now</strong> that would give you that “feel great” feeling? As James Clear says: <em>“Your Present Self really likes instant gratification, not long-term payoff”</em>. So, instead, you distract yourself with the easier and quicker things on your to do list to get that instant fix. Ha! And you wonder why those prioritisation lists don’t always work!</p> <p></p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/PROCRASTINATION-3-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4414"/><figcaption> Burka & Yuen (2008): <strong><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702">“<em>Procrastination: Why you do it. What to do about it NOW.</em>”</a></strong></figcaption></figure> <p></p> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="i-m-so-stressed-holidays-are-a-necessity-not-a-luxury"><strong>The emotional side of procrastination</strong></h2> <p>Although there are a number of “roots” of procrastination, for me, the time, interpersonal and biological roots feel easier to digest. They feel less personal. They are things that have happened to me (over which I had no control) rather than something to which I might have contributed.</p> <p>I’ll be honest, as I deepened my research into the emotional root of procrastination over the weekend, I had to take a pause. I stepped away from the article and avoided it for a couple of days, distracting myself with a trip to my friend’s and the preparation of our weekly family pub quiz. There you go, procrastination in its prime!</p> <p>The emotional side, for some reason, felt deeply uncomfortable. It forced me to question and consider the underlying motivations for my own procrastination and the potential impact it has had and could have on my life. What had procrastination stopped me from achieving? Was I really operating at my full potential? Was I using procrastination to my own detriment? Was I procrastinating or setting boundaries? Is all procrastination bad?</p> <p>Needless to say, it was a confusing weekend and I’m grateful for my friends and other half who helped me process my thoughts and the research!</p> <p>So here is a high-level summary of the four underlying motivations of emotional procrastination identified by Burka & Yuen (2008) in their book: <strong><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702">“<em>Procrastination: Why you do it. What to do about it NOW.</em>”</a></strong>. See if any (or, in my case, how many) of these resonate:</p> <p></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>(a) Procrastination: Because of the fear of failure</strong></h3> <p>This rationale for procrastinating may be the most recognisable. Often, people delay tackling a task out of fear of failing at it. That failure could come in the form of being seen as “not good enough”, “not capable enough”, simply “not enough”. But rather than limiting the failure to an inability to be able to perform a task to a specific standard, people struggling with this type of procrastination view these failures as a failure of themselves as a person (Burka & Yuen, 2008). In other words, it directly impacts their self-worth.</p> <p>Dr. Richard Beery identifies a direct correlation between <strong>PERFORMANCE</strong>, <strong>ABILITY </strong>and <strong>SELF-WORTH</strong> [7]. Think about this in the context of <strong>Scenario A</strong> above.</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>If you go to the gym and work out (<strong>PERFORM</strong>) and get fitter/slimmer and start achieving your goals, you have <strong>ABILITY </strong>and you feel really good about yourself (<strong>HIGH SELF-WORTH</strong>).</li></ul> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>If you go to the gym and work out (<strong>PERFORM</strong>), but don’t see any weight loss or any fitness improvement, you see this as a lack of <strong>ABILITY </strong>(a failure of the task) and feel bad about yourself (<strong>LOW SELF-WORTH</strong>).</li></ul> <p>What procrastination does is step in to try and protect the individual by breaking the correlation between ability and performance (thus protecting self-worth).</p> <p>Think about it. If you avoid going to the gym and working out or only go to the gym with a week to go before your big event, you know that your ability has not been fully tested. Therefore, the fact that you have not got fitter or slimmer isn’t as a result of your personal failings, merely a lack of effort. You always have the excuse: “<em>Well, if I’d given myself more time, I’d have easily been able to lose 5kg.</em>”</p> <p>But what procrastination actually does is prevent you from operating at your full potential. It prevents you from challenging your abilities; seeing just how far your potential can take you. It risks keeping you locked in a place of mediocrity because it feels more comfortable. After all, being labelled as disorganised, lazy or a “last minute Nellie” feels like a less bitter pill to swallow than “you’re unworthy” or “you’re inadequate”, doesn’t it?</p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/290268939_570967407872303_1803610608235388622_n-1-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4416"/></figure> <p></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>(b) Procrastination: Because of the fear of success</strong></h3> <p>This concept may be a little harder to grasp. One theory is that procrastination is driven by a fear of success even if we want to be successful. This requires us to look both at the light and dark side of success, and is probably easier through the use of an example.</p> <p>Success to you may be the launch of your own business. The pros are that you get to work for yourself, you are your own boss, you choose your own clients, you dictate your own hours etc. You gain independence, freedom and time.</p> <p>But depending on your experience or upbringing, deep-rooted concerns and beliefs about success could also be triggered:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>Perhaps you believe that, by running a successful business, more demands will be placed on your time. There is a risk that you become a workaholic and lose control of your time. As a result, procrastinating on tasks (leaving things to the last minute) is seen as a way of avoiding that risk (i.e. preserving time), but it also undermines the likelihood of success.</li></ul> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>Perhaps success is seen as “unbecoming”. I have a friend who, throughout childhood, was taught to believe that money is evil. It leads to arguments within the marriage. People with money are deemed to be “selfish”. Success separates and differentiates you from your friends and family etc. If that’s your belief pattern, is it any wonder that you find yourself procrastinating and stalling the establishment or growth of your own business?</li></ul> <p></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="reducing-stress-by-putting-you-first"><strong>(c) Procrastination: Because of the fear of intimacy / separation</strong></h3> <p>Procrastination is also used as a means of regulating the closeness of our interpersonal relationships. Burka and Yuen (2008) explain that:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>For some people, that desire for closeness in a relationship is driven by anxiety (a fear of separation). In order to feel safe / capable of surviving in this world, they need to have their partner / friends / family / colleagues present. So procrastination is used to preserve that dependence e.g. seeking out help with work; leaving things to the last minute so that you can “be saved”; helping a colleague shine in the work environment whilst you take a back seat; or postponing things that you want to do in favour of the things your partner wants to do.</li></ul> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>For others, procrastination is used as way to maintain distance in relationships (i.e. avoid intimacy). Intimacy (romantic or otherwise) scares some people. They feel that if they allow people to get too close to them, people may take advantage of them. Perhaps they’ve experienced painful relationships in the past and want to avoid repeating these scenarios, so use procrastination (e.g. a delay in committing or progressing the relationship) as a way of maintaining their independence.</li></ul> <p>Both of the above scenarios, Burka and Yuen (2008) explain, highlight how procrastination can be used to maintain a “comfort zone”. In reality though, procrastination in these scenarios impedes the development of healthy relationships and that balance between dependence and independence and the testing and establishment of boundaries.</p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/INTIMACY-SEPARATION-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4417"/></figure> <p></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>(D) Procrastination: Because of the fear of being controlled</strong></h3> <p>Lastly, Burka and Yuen (2008) talk about the use of procrastination to avoid being controlled. The theory here is that people delay performing certain tasks as a means of asserting their independence and autonomy. And actually, it may be more familiar to you than you think.</p> <p>Think about children and their school projects. When I was 10 years old, I had to do a project on the Wirral (the peninsula next to Liverpool in the UK). It was staggered over the whole school year and various topics were covered: geographical features, religion, Roman influences, the origins of place names. Our teacher had told all of our parents about the Wirral Project because they needed to help us take photos and explore various places. The delivery of each chapter was every 4-6 weeks.</p> <p>Now, I am sure there were some very compliant children in my class, but one of the things ensconced in my personality is the need for independence. I hate being told what to do! Despite my poor mother setting rules and routines about getting each chapter of this project done early, I would leave everything to the last minute and then, in a blind panic and with a lot of drama, throw something together. But at least I retained that sense that I wasn’t being controlled!</p> <p>Procrastination, in this context, goes back to that correlation between performance, ability and self-worth discussed in Fear of Failure above. Only, in this context, self-worth is closely linked to the ability to maintain control by NOT performing [8]. So, using the above example:</p> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>If I do my homework (<strong>PERFORM</strong>) in accordance with my mother’s rules and routines, I have no autonomy or independence (<strong>ABILITY</strong>) and I feel bad about myself (<strong>SELF-WORTH</strong>).</li></ul> <ul class="wp-block-list"><li>If I avoid /delay doing my homework (<strong>NOT PERFORM</strong>) in defiance of my mother’s wishes, I retain my autonomy and independence (<strong>ABILITY</strong>) and I feel good about myself (<strong>SELF-WORTH</strong>).</li></ul> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/defiant-child.jpg"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/defiant-child-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4418"/></a></figure> <p>This form of procrastination (the desire to avoid being controlled) doesn’t just operate at a child level though. It can easily be identified in adult life too. How many of you resist paying bills until the last minute? How many of you file your taxes late and get hit with the late filing penalty? How many of you attend meetings late despite specifically been told to turn up on time?</p> <p>What’s interesting is that, although this form of procrastination (rebelling against parental, societal, corporate control) preserves this sense of independence, it prevents you from choosing what you actually want to do. Perhaps you do want to pay your bills on time so you have peace of mind? Perhaps turning up for a meeting on time is beneficial because you’ll get back to your desk earlier?</p> <p>In my case, had I just complied with my mother’s wishes and got on with the Wirral Project, I could have avoided one of the most mortifying experiences I had as a child and achieved the A Grade I desired. Due to procrastination, I’d begged my grandad to help me complete one of the chapters the weekend before it was due in. Bless him, he had painstakingly copied (i.e. plagarised) a chapter from one of the library books I’d taken out about the Wirral’s geographical rock formations. I’d copied what he’d written and handed it in! Needless to say, my teacher humiliated me in front of the whole class and called me out for cheating. My procrastination had had the direct opposite effect to the one intended. My self-worth was not exactly in tact!</p> <p></p> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Now what?</strong></h2> <p>Well, I did say that the emotional root of procrastination may feel quite confronting. I can certainly see how it has impacted my own life, particularly the fear of failure. The reality is, it still does. The reason I’ve struggled to get back into running isn’t a lack of motivation or an inability to prioritise. It’s the fear that if I set myself a goal to get fit and toned for my wedding and fail, what does that say about me as a person? My ability? My commitment to myself?</p> <p>There is a great line in the book which I’d like to leave you with which certainly helped me to feel more positive about the whole procrastination saga. <em><strong>“We believe that when you know what you feel and understand why you feel it, you are likely to be more confident, at ease with yourself, and then able to proceed without procrastinating”</strong> </em>(Burka & Yuen, 2008).</p> <p>In other words, if you’re prepared to work through your procrastination, there is light at the end of the tunnel. And that’s what we’ll focus on in Part 2. The steps which you can take to beat procrastination depending on the type of procrastinator you are.</p> <p>And, just so you are aware, the irony has not escaped me. I could have made this article twice as long and covered off the strategies here. But, hey, in true procrastinator fashion, why would I do something today which I can push to July? The challenge for me is whether I’ll give myself two weeks to write the next article or just a couple of days? Let’s see. <img src="https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/15.0.3/72x72/1f60a.png" alt="😊" class="wp-smiley" style="height: 1em; max-height: 1em;" /></p> <p></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading">Side Note</h3> <p>The summary above of the motivations driving the emotional root of procrastination is exactly that – a high level summary. It, by no means, does justice to the book. If you are struggling with procrastination or would like to discover more about it, I highly recommend you take the time to read <strong><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702">“<em>Procrastination: Why you do it. What to do about it NOW.</em>”</a></strong>. It’s a fabulous book with a wealth of examples of how each of type of procrastination is displayed.</p> <p></p> <p></p> <h3 class="wp-block-heading">references</h3> <p>[1] https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/procrastinate</p> <p>[2] <em>What is procrastination?</em> https://www.verywellmind.com/the-psychology-of-procrastination-2795944</p> <p>[3], [5], [7] and [8] Burka, J., & Yuen, L. (2008). <em>Procrastination: Why you do it. What to do about it NOW.</em> Da Capo Life Long. <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702">https://www.amazon.com/Procrastination-Why-You-What-About/dp/0738211702</a></p> <p>[4] Le Cunff, A. (n.d.). <em>Why we wait: the neuroscience of procrastination. </em>Ness Labs: <a href="https://nesslabs.com/neuroscience-of-procrastination#:~:text=Procrastination%20actually%20finds%20its%20roots,Its%20processes%20are%20mostly%20automatic">https://nesslabs.com/neuroscience-of-procrastination#:~:text=Procrastination%20actually%20finds%20its%20roots,Its%20processes%20are%20mostly%20automatic</a>.</p> <p>[6] Clear, J. (n.d.). <em>Procrastination: A Scientific Guide on How to Stop Procrastinating</em>. https://jamesclear.com/procrastination</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3291"/></a></figure></div> </div> </div> </div> </div><p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/beating-procrastination-part-1/">Beating Procrastination (Part 1): Getting to grips with why we procrastinate</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/beating-procrastination-part-1/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>New Year’s Resolutions with a twist (Part 2)</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/new-years-resolutions-with-a-twist-part-2/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/new-years-resolutions-with-a-twist-part-2/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Thu, 16 Dec 2021 23:01:00 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Celebrations & Festivities]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Finding direction and purpose]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[2022]]></category> <category><![CDATA[be kind]]></category> <category><![CDATA[big picture]]></category> <category><![CDATA[braving boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[celebrate the small stuff]]></category> <category><![CDATA[celebrations]]></category> <category><![CDATA[connection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[creativity]]></category> <category><![CDATA[direction]]></category> <category><![CDATA[end of year]]></category> <category><![CDATA[enneagram assessment]]></category> <category><![CDATA[harmony]]></category> <category><![CDATA[IEQ9]]></category> <category><![CDATA[keep on track]]></category> <category><![CDATA[kindness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[life goals]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mantra]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mindset]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mindset matters]]></category> <category><![CDATA[motivate me]]></category> <category><![CDATA[motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[new beginnings]]></category> <category><![CDATA[new year]]></category> <category><![CDATA[new year's resolution]]></category> <category><![CDATA[optimism]]></category> <category><![CDATA[overcoming overwhelm]]></category> <category><![CDATA[positivity]]></category> <category><![CDATA[reconnect]]></category> <category><![CDATA[reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[starting anew]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stay on track]]></category> <category><![CDATA[word for the year]]></category> <category><![CDATA[word of the year]]></category> <category><![CDATA[year goals]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=3715</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Keeping your New Year's Resolutions on track. How do you give yourself the best chance at implementing and achieving the changes you desire?</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/new-years-resolutions-with-a-twist-part-2/">New Year’s Resolutions with a twist (Part 2)</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[ <h4 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>By Frieda Levycky of Braving Boundaries and Alicia Koch of The Legal Belletrist</em></strong></h4> <p>So, how are you holding up at the end of 2021? If you’re anything like us, the end of year can’t come soon enough. After two years of uncertainty – of changed plans, obscure regulations and waves of highs and lows (and not just in the pandemic sense) – we are well and truly in need of a proper break. A time to reflect, relax and re-connect with ourselves and our loved ones.</p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/9-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3759"/></figure> <p>In part 1 of this Article, we spoke about taking a kinder (rather than resolute) approach to making New Year’s Resolutions in 2022. Instead of having a long list of things to accomplish, we encouraged you to identify one word that could be your guiding light for the year.</p> <p>Did you have a chance to consider the word that encapsulates the changes you want to make in 2022? Ali and I managed to choose ours and here are our reasons why.</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>New Year’s Resolution: RE-CONNECT (Frieda’s word)</strong></h2> <p>For me, 2022 is going to be all about re-connection. As a natural extrovert – someone who is always connecting, socialising, involving and organising – I never imagined being someone who would struggle with connection. However, having easily adapted to working from home and the inevitable reduced in-person interaction in 2020/21, I’ve stopped flexing my “connection muscle”. And, frankly, the thought of group activities, live trainings, networking events and easily reaching out to people one-on-one to connect, has started to cause some feelings of overwhelm and anxiety. The irony is that I coach around this and know everything that I need to do to move through these feelings and fears. The reality is though that, at times, we all fall off track – even coaches – it’s just part of being human.</p> <p>So, rather than beating myself up for not making more of an effort to connect in 2021, 2022 is going to be a kinder reintegration into connection again: connection with my family in the UK and Ireland, connection with my existing clients and potential clients, connection with my followers, connection with my industry and connection with myself. That muscle will get re-built, I just need to take the necessary steps to bring about that change. </p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/10-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3760"/></figure> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>New Year’s Resolution: HARMONY (Alicia’s word)</strong></h2> <p>The word harmony, to me at least, evokes feelings of balance and flow within all the different areas and facets of our lives, and is something I have personally lacked the last couple of years (being an ex-lawyer it is not entirely hard to understand why). Whether it has been changes in my career, challenges with health or disconnection with family (or friends), I have felt my life lacking harmony and balance. I have, often times, felt lost at sea without a life jacket flailing around the waves in panic. When one part of my life has improved, another has suffered. And because of that, I have not felt completely present nor completely at ease. </p> <p>The beginning of COVID (and start of lockdown) in 2020 marked an enormous change in my life – both professionally and most certainly personally. And whilst lockdown regretfully had negative ripple effects globally, I found myself slowly coming into my own. I had finally found what I loved to do – write – and have successfully made a career out of it. But my health suffered. When my health improved, I found that my personal relationships were negatively affected. It has (very much) been a give and take situation with the important things unfortunately not weighing equally. </p> <p>Whilst I don’t (yet) have all the answers to how I am practically going to find harmony and balance in my life, I know that it will be the small steps I take every day (keeping my word of the year in mind), that will ultimately improve my life. I will need to make focused, conscious decisions and take deliberate actions, knowing (now) that I need to handle myself with care and kindness. Something we do for others but not always for ourselves. </p> <p>I am so looking forward to 2022 which I know will be more balanced and more harmonious not only because I will it so, but because I will take the necessary actions to ensure the outcome I have envisaged for myself. Slowly and gently… </p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/11-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3761"/></figure> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong>Helping you to keep your New Year’s Resolution on track</strong></h2> <p>As we said in the <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/new-years-resolutions-with-a-twist-part-1/">previous article</a>, choosing your word is the first step. But how do you give yourself the best chance at implementing that word throughout 2022 and achieving the changes you desire?</p> <p>Here are a few ideas:</p> <h4 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Positive Self -Reflection</em></strong></h4> <p>Once you have chosen your word for the year, think about the areas in your life you would like to improve. This will help you to reflect not only on your past but your present and future as well. What has been working in your favour and what would you like to change? In order to set an achievable goal, you need to have a better sense of where you have been, as well as the direction you are moving towards. It’s also important to acknowledge your most recent accomplishments. When immersed in the hustle and bustle of everyday life, we often forget to reflect on our achievements. Perhaps you have already made positive changes throughout the year without giving these accomplishments much thought. Do that now and ensure you acknowledge what you have achieved.</p> <h4 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Develop critical self-awareness </em></strong></h4> <p>Living without self-awareness is like driving your car at night without brakes. Technically, you can still drive, but you will eventually lose control, be unable to stop and have a collision. With self-awareness, you shed light on your destructive, reflexive habits. And by doing so, you are able to eliminate self-sabotaging behaviour. So be aware of them. If you’re interested in finding out more about your motivations, blind spots and defence mechanisms, take a look at <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/enneagram/">the Enneagram</a>.</p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/12-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3762"/></figure> <h4 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Make your goal possible</em></strong></h4> <p>Make the actions around your word something you will enjoy. For example, choosing “Health” as your word for the year will involve many different actions like becoming more active and eating healthier. But don’t undertake exercises that will make you feel miserable. Don’t put a bowl of fruit on your kitchen counter filled with fruit you don’t like or commit to running a marathon if you hate running. Be conscious about the actions you take to honour your word for the year in a way that ultimately makes you happy. </p> <h4 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Celebrate the small stuff</em></strong></h4> <p>The trick is not to become overwhelmed before you get going. Decide the type of person you want to be – A healthy person? A strong person? A writer? A musician? Then prove it to yourself with small wins over time. Start small and begin with acknowledging all of your small successes on a daily basis. </p> <p>Start by taking a look at habits that may be holding you back. Find one that is simple and easy to achieve. For example drinking a glass of water every time you are at your kitchen sink. It may not be often but every time you are there you have one glass of water. This will contribute to your overall wellness and health/fitness. It is also not impossible to do. Find small, simple challenges that you can easily make happen and do them. It will feel so good as well.</p> <h4 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Get creative about it</em></strong></h4> <p>How can you motivate yourself to stay on track? It is often the visual things that keep us optimistic. So why not get creative with it? Why not create a piece of art (in whatever medium feels good to you) to hang in your home or your office that visually captures your word of the year. Have a little fun with it and focus your energy on that word entirely as you get creative. </p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/13-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3763"/></figure> <h4 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Define what your word means to you</em></strong></h4> <p>One simple word can capture limitless inspiration and many meaningful feelings. Your own personal definition of what that word means to you will go far beyond what the dictionary has to say about it and will be more meaningful because it is from your own unique perspective. So think about this hard and write it down somewhere that you can refer to when you feel that you have lost your way. </p> <h4 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Use your word as a mantra </em></strong></h4> <p>Whether or not you create an affirmation, prayer, statement, or something else that works for you, use your single word as a mantra throughout each day. See it in your mind’s eye by creating a mental image that captures its meaning and repeat it to yourself every day. Believe in it and know that it is achievable. </p> <h4 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Cultivate optimism </em></strong></h4> <p>No one’s life is positive all the time. But the important thing here is to train yourself to focus on the positives and only briefly acknowledge the negatives. Don’t let insecurity prevent you from having a positive outlook. Realise it’s a choice.</p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/14-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3764"/></figure> <h4 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Let go of the typical “resolution” mentality</em></strong></h4> <p>The word of the year process is meant to be a gentle one. But the important thing here is not to confuse gentle with weak. A word for the year is a powerful practice. It is far more effective to focus on a word like “health” than to command yourself to get to the gym or to only eat X number of calories a day. As you inspire yourself towards overall good health, it is likely that you will find yourself achieving good health as a byproduct of simply having an overall healthier mindset. So, make sure that your word feels good to you, not pushy, demanding or unachievable.</p> <h4 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Don’t sweat the bad days (small stuff)</em></strong></h4> <p>Just because you have your word for the year and are taking baby steps to achieve your overall goal every day, good habits are extremely hard to develop. And they are really easy to break. Remember change is never easy – for anyone. </p> <p>Perfection is impossible. There will be days when you slip and fall, graze a knee or take a tumble. There will be times when you won’t be able to do what you planned to do. But know that it’s okay – accept it, own it, and then get back on the new habit horse.</p> <p>What matters most here is your long term goals. While you might occasionally fail, see a setback as just a setback – not a reason to give up. </p> <h2 class="wp-block-heading"><strong><em>Remember the Big Picture</em></strong></h2> <p>Although change is difficult, what’s most important is developing <em>the kind of habits that allow you to achieve that change</em>. Your mindset is crucial in ensuring that your word of the year is honoured in a way that <em>motivates you, encourages you and fulfills you. </em> </p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/15-1024x768.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3765"/></figure> <p>Don’t just wish and hope that all will be well. Take attainable steps that will ensure success. And keep your mind focused on the achievement of the overall bigger picture. A small misstep today should not mark the end of “word”. </p> <p>While there are, no doubt, still resolution-makers in our midst, we feel it is prudent practice (at least at this point in time) to be kind to ourselves. Whether you’re defining your New Year’s resolutions, choosing your one word to define the whole year, or are choosing to decline the tradition altogether, try your best to maintain positive outlooks and motivation. </p> <p><em>“Past and Present I know well, each is a friend and sometimes an enemy to me. But it is the quiet, beckoning Future, an absolute stranger, with whom I have fallen madly in love.” – </em>Richelle E. Goodrich</p> <p>So, embrace the beckoning future and fall madly in love with it – whether you make resolutions or choose a word of the year, make it your own. Be kind, be gentle, have grace and fall in love with the opportunities that lie ahead of you. </p> <p>From all of us at <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/">Braving Boundaries</a>, we wish you a Happy, Healthy Festive Season and all the best for 2022. </p> <p>Frieda & Ali x</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/End-of-blog-post-CTA-image.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-3291"/></a></figure> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-1 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist-1024x1024-1.jpg" alt=""/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p>About the writer, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong></p> <p>Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism. </p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/">The Legal Belletrist website</a>.</p> <p><strong>Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">[email protected]</a> </strong></p> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/new-years-resolutions-with-a-twist-part-2/">New Year’s Resolutions with a twist (Part 2)</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/new-years-resolutions-with-a-twist-part-2/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> </channel> </rss>