<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><rss version="2.0" xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/" xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/" xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" xmlns:sy="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/syndication/" xmlns:slash="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/slash/" > <channel> <title>Love Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <atom:link href="https://bravingboundaries.com/category/love/feed/" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" /> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/category/love/</link> <description>PROFESSIONAL LIFE COACHING & TRAINING</description> <lastBuildDate>Tue, 21 Feb 2023 10:52:54 +0000</lastBuildDate> <language>en-ZA</language> <sy:updatePeriod> hourly </sy:updatePeriod> <sy:updateFrequency> 1 </sy:updateFrequency> <image> <url>https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Asset-1.svg</url> <title>Love Archives - Braving Boundaries</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/category/love/</link> <width>32</width> <height>32</height> </image> <item> <title>It’s Time to Exercise Self-Love</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/self-love/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/self-love/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Tue, 21 Feb 2023 10:47:42 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Love]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[courage]]></category> <category><![CDATA[love]]></category> <category><![CDATA[make yourself a priority]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mental health advocate]]></category> <category><![CDATA[priorities]]></category> <category><![CDATA[priority]]></category> <category><![CDATA[respect]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-care]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-love]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-prioritization]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self-respect]]></category> <category><![CDATA[you are your priority]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=5230</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>A heart-felt and deeply personal reflection about the importance of self-love, self-care and self-respect.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/self-love/">It’s Time to Exercise Self-Love</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_0 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_0"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_0 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_0 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY ALICIA KOCH, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;" href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist" target="_blank" rel="noopener">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a></span> </em></span></h5> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s the month of love and around the world people are oohing and aahing over Valentine’s Day cards and meals out with their loved ones.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s a time for </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/8-lessons-learned-about-finding-love-ps-its-no-hollywood-movie/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Rom Coms galore</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, chocolates and even a glass of bubbly or two. Because you know – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">we are celebrating love in all its glory.</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Cupid doing his thing and living his best life. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The funny thing is, whether in a relationship or not, we kind of miss the point. We are so used to expressing love outwardly and for other people that we completely neglect the love that we should be exercising for ourselves inwardly. Self-love. Self-care. Self-respect.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">These three things are all interconnected. And they are all about the Self.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Because if you have respect for yourself and care for yourself, ultimately you are showing love for yourself. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And that’s where I think Cupid sometimes misses the mark. Because, let’s be honest, taking a leaf out of the magnificent Ru Paul’s book – </span><a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=ru+paul+if+you+cant+love+yourself+how+in+the+hell&rlz=1C1AVFC_enZA990ZA990&oq=ru+paul+if+you+cant+love+yourself+how+in+the+hell+&aqs=chrome..69i57.11422j0j15&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:2dcb2826,vid:kyarSnDGHuE" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“if you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?”. </span></i></a></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Can I get an “Amen” up in here?</span></i></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_0"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/Its-Time-to-Exercise-Self-Love-3.png" alt="" title="It’s Time to Exercise Self-Love (3)" class="wp-image-5242" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_1 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>But, self-love? I’m a complete hypocrite.</strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If I seem like I have everything all wrapped up in one big bow with my (excuse the language) shite together – that would be a big fat lie. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I don’t. Far from it.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">You see, when it comes to expressing self-love, I am the absolute worst at it. So, basically I’m a hypocrite – writing all about self-love, care and respect when I don’t do any of that for myself. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Then again, it’s always so much easier to advise others on how to live their best life without doing so yourself…. It makes you think, doesn’t it?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The truth is, I’m pretty hard on myself. I put immense pressure on myself to do better, to do more, to be more, to give more. Constantly. It always feels like I’m filling other people’s cups up while my own runs dry. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If we are being honest here. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">This is truer now – over the last couple of weeks – than ever before. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Sure, life happens and sometimes we do need to put others’ needs before our own. But the big question is – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">how often does this really happen? </span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">For me personally and as much as I love my partner, my family and my friends (and am immensely grateful for all of them), I would probably guess that putting others’ needs before my own happens more often than not. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s no wonder that I’m kind of feeling like a big cloud is hanging over my head and it’s starting to drizzle. With no raincoat or umbrella, not even Cupid’s arrow can help me now.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, putting my “big girl panties on”, it’s time to take some action. And refill my own cup. After all – there’s a universal rule (especially in aviation) – you need to put your own oxygen mask on first, before attempting to help those around you. Sure, this may sound selfish. Putting yourself before others. But it’s also very, very necessary.</span></p> <p><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Cobpj3KoOoV/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Make yourself a priority once in a while. It’s not selfish, it’s necessary. At the end of the day, YOU are your longest commitment” – </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Easy Wisdom</span></a></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Ain’t that the truth! YOU are your longest and greatest commitment, so why not make yourself a priority? Why not do things for yourself?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The answer is simple (and it should be easy) – there is absolutely no reason not to. If everyone else is getting in the way of doing that or all your commitments have become too much for you to cope with, then you need to start making some room.</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_1"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/Its-Time-to-Exercise-Self-Love-4.jpg" alt="" title="It’s Time to Exercise Self-Love (4)" class="wp-image-5241" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_2 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>How do we exercise self-love, self-care and self-respect?</strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Beatles once crooned </span><a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=all+you+need+is+love&rlz=1C1AVFC_enZA990ZA990&oq=all+you+need+is+&aqs=chrome.1.69i57j0i271.4432j0j15&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:1409702f,vid:_7xMfIp-irg" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">“All you need is love”</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and while I can (almost) wholeheartedly agree, it’s the all you need is </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">self-love</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> part that is missing. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I need to fall in love with </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">myself </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">again.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">In order to do that – and for me – I always need to understand what it is (at its core) that I am trying to do. Falling in love with other people, like my hubby, was easy. I know how to do that. But finding and falling in love with myself is a whole different ball game. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, to begin the self-love journey, I need to understand what “self-love” truly means. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">According to the </span><a href="https://www.bbrfoundation.org/blog/self-love-and-what-it-means" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Brain and Behavior Research Foundation</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, self-love is defined as follows – </span></p> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others. Self-love means not settling for less than you deserve.”</span></i></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And that </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">seems</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> straight forward enough… supporting our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. But I’m still not 100% sure </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">how</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> to go about doing that.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">So, here’s what I’m going try …</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_2"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/Its-Time-to-Exercise-Self-Love-5.jpg" alt="" title="It’s Time to Exercise Self-Love (5)" class="wp-image-5240" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_3 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>7 Steps to falling in love with yourself</strong></h2></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_1 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_1 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_3"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_2 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_4 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>I need to do more of what makes me happy</i> </strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">like reading, writing (for myself) and getting back into painting and sculpting. Take a pottery class. Go to gym more often – it helps burn off some of my anxiety. I need to take more long baths and enjoy a glass of wine if I feel like it – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">damn the judgement! </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">I need to do more of the things that make me happy. Even if – perhaps especially if – I do them alone (my husband does not like sculpting and has no desire for a </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-MxKd1WY2k" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Patrick Swayze and Demo Moore Ghost moment</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">). </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_2 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_3 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_4"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_4 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_5 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">I also need to understand that </span><strong>s</strong><i><strong>ometimes not doing something is exactly what I should be doing</strong> </i><span style="font-weight: 400;">– nothing. We are only human after all. And despite recently going 46 hours without sleep (I don’t recommend this), we all need to and should turn off. When you are a busy person and feel like you are all over the place, doing nothing feels counterintuitive. But trust me when I say that it’s also necessary. I find it almost impossible and will forever have my grandmother’s words in my head – </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“You only lie on the bed when you are sick. Otherwise, you must be outside and playing or doing something. Make something out of your day.”</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> But that</span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> is</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> why I feel like the </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gDCAEyLABo" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Duracell Bunny </span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">most of the time. And while it is sage advice – if taken holistically – it doesn’t help when I feel overwhelmed, forget who I am and what I want out of life. It’s time to put a stop to that. At once. It’s time to simply take deep breaths, light a candle and chill the f**k out! </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_3"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_5 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_5"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/Its-Time-to-Exercise-Self-Love-6.jpg" alt="" title="It’s Time to Exercise Self-Love (6)" class="wp-image-5239" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_4 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_6 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_6"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_7 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_6 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>I need to be more mindful and practice daily mindfulness</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> in the form of being completely present in a single moment. Instead of worrying about what the future holds or being anxious about what I should have done or could have done, I need to focus my attention on the here and now. I need to pay attention to and focus on how I’m feeling, what my body is telling me and become more aware of what I want, think and feel. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_5 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_8 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_7"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_9 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_7 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>Working on my bad habits</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> is also something I need to address – it’s all too easy to place reliance on “something” in order to get through a stressful day. Or to make ourselves feel better. I have done that more than I care to admit. Especially recently. Whether that’s a (small) tub of </span><a href="https://paulshomemade.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Paul’s Homemade Ice-cream</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> (yes, it’s amazing!) or anti-anxiety medication or even that glass of wine. We all (myself included) need to understand that these bad(ish) habits don’t serve us and instead, we need to (I need to) replace them with ones that do. That can be tough to work out. And often the best course of action is to seek guidance from a professional about how to go about doing this – like </span><a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/work-with-me/"><span style="font-weight: 400;">working with Frieda Levycky</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> as an example. I need to truly practice self-care in the form of healthy eating habits, physical activity and (if I can muster the patience), meditation. Taking care of myself as a whole, rather than simply focus on one bad habit. A holistic approach to self-love</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_6 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_10 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_8"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_11 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_8 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>Being kind to myself and setting some healthy boundaries</i></strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">are key for me. I have recently experienced some very harsh, cruel and horrible criticism from someone I loved and trusted, at a time when I lost a family member and have been feeling at my lowest point. The things that were said are unforgivable and they truly and very deeply broke my heart. It’s part of the reason I was unable to sleep for 46 hours. The thing is, what was said </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">was</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> cruel and hurtful (beyond what I believed a close family member would say) but they also </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">weren’t true</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">. That person was going through their own grief and guilt and lashed out at the person that they believed could take it. Possibly because I have before. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The thing is, I have never said “no” before. I’ve never felt that it was ok to tell someone that their words had hurt me or that their actions were not acceptable. I haven’t put up boundaries before. So doing it now (seemingly “all of a sudden”) has been a bitter pill for others to swallow. But it’s been necessary. You see, it’s often so much easier to believe the negative things, the cruel things, the degrading things about ourselves, than to believe all the good stuff about who we are inside. The things I </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">have</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> done, the people I </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">have </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">helped, the work I </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">have </span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;">done and what I </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">have</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> accomplished, the love I </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">do</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> give to others. I have forgotten about all the successes. All because one person told me I wasn’t worthy. Being kind to myself also means sticking up for myself. Saying no. And not taking the hurt. So, yes, I need to start setting some healthy boundaries.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_7"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_12 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_9"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="768" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/Its-Time-to-Exercise-Self-Love-1.jpg" alt="" title="It’s Time to Exercise Self-Love (1)" class="wp-image-5244" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_8 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_13 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_10"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/6.jpg" alt="" title="6" class="wp-image-1491" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_14 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_9 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>I need to practice positive self-talk.</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> And no, this doesn’t mean I will be walking around my house talking aloud to myself (which I already do btw), I mean more of outwardly saying “I love myself” without feeling embarrassed or believing myself to be self-centered or narcissistic. I need to stop the self-criticism and start believing more in who I am and what I have done. I also need to give myself room to forgive myself. Consistently punishing myself for saying something out of turn or for making a small mistake is just not healthy. I have to learn that I am just human, I am flawed, I have imperfections. I need to learn to love my humanness.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_9 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_15 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_11"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/7.png" alt="" title="7" class="wp-image-1882" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_16 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_10 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong><i>I need to weed out the toxic people in my life</i></strong><i> </i><strong><i>– </i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">this may be a little bit of repetition but it is important for my own self-worth. While setting my healthy boundaries, I also need to start protecting myself against toxic people. If I can (and this is sometimes easier said than done), I need to dismiss or avoid them as often as I can. I need to start cutting them out of my life. Again, easier in principle. But the toxicity only brings me down, it sucks the energy from me and leaves me completely flat. Unable to love myself. I need to start recognizing that anyone who shoves me into the dark so they can have my light, anyone that continually criticizes me or stops me from being me, needs to hit the road. I need to stop giving people second and third chances. I need to walk away. Instead, I need to surround myself with people who build me up and support me, not those who thrill in my misfortune.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_10"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_17 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_11 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Now, I’m not saying those 7 steps are the be all and end all of falling in love with myself again. Even starting with just one of those steps above would be a huge start. I can see how all of that change in one go is likely to feel quite overwhelming. It’s going to take some time. And work. It’s going to take me having an active role in my </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">own</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> happiness. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But they </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">are</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> steps in the right direction.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Falling in love with someone else is amazing, staying in love takes work but loving yourself is the most important thing any of us can do – we are our longest commitments.</span><strong><i> It’s time to put in the work.</i></strong></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Now not to be facetious or weird about it, but tonight I’m going to run a bubble bath, pour myself a glass of bubbly, put on my favorite song and have a date with myself.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">But that’s me and my journey. How are you going to start loving yourself? What one thing can you do right now that is solely for your own happiness? Go on, do it. And then, every day, do it that little bit more. </span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_11"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_18 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_12"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/Copy-of-linkedin-filler-pictures-2.jpg" alt="" title="Copy of linkedin filler pictures (2)" /></span></a> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_divider et_pb_divider_0 et_pb_divider_position_bottom et_pb_space"><div class="et_pb_divider_internal"></div></div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_12 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_19 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_13"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist.jpg" alt="" title="Alicia Koch - The Legal Belletrist" class="wp-image-1704" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_20 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_12 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner">About the Author, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong></p> <p>Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism.</p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://legalwhizz.wixsite.com/thelegalbelletrist" target="_blank" rel="noopener">The Legal Belletrist website</a>.</p> <p><strong>Email: [email protected] </strong></div> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/self-love/">It’s Time to Exercise Self-Love</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/self-love/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>8 lessons learned about finding love (PS. It’s no Hollywood Movie)!</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/8-lessons-learned-about-finding-love-ps-its-no-hollywood-movie/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/8-lessons-learned-about-finding-love-ps-its-no-hollywood-movie/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Mon, 13 Feb 2023 10:18:35 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Lessons Learned]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Love]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-awareness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Self-reflection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[affairs]]></category> <category><![CDATA[bad boys]]></category> <category><![CDATA[boundaries]]></category> <category><![CDATA[bridget jones]]></category> <category><![CDATA[communication]]></category> <category><![CDATA[damsel in distress]]></category> <category><![CDATA[fairy tale]]></category> <category><![CDATA[finding love]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Hollywood romance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[looking for love]]></category> <category><![CDATA[love]]></category> <category><![CDATA[love actually]]></category> <category><![CDATA[love conquers all]]></category> <category><![CDATA[love yourself]]></category> <category><![CDATA[patterns]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[romantic comedies]]></category> <category><![CDATA[romantic movie]]></category> <category><![CDATA[romcom]]></category> <category><![CDATA[searching for love]]></category> <category><![CDATA[unrequited love]]></category> <category><![CDATA[valentine]]></category> <category><![CDATA[valentines]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=5161</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Is there a dramatic formula for finding love (like Hollywood would like us to believe)? Or does love simply find you?</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/8-lessons-learned-about-finding-love-ps-its-no-hollywood-movie/">8 lessons learned about finding love (PS. It’s no Hollywood Movie)!</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="et_pb_section et_pb_section_1 et_section_regular" > <div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_13"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_21 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_13 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h5><span style="color: #be9727;"><em>WRITTEN BY FRIEDA LEVYCKY, FOUNDER OF <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="http://bravingboundaries.com/" style="color: #be9727; text-decoration: underline;">BRAVING BOUNDARIES</a></span> </em></span></h5> <p><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Love is a many splendored thing. Love lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love!” – </span></i><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0203009/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Moulin Rouge</span></i></a></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">LOVE! I love LOVE and I have done ever since I was a little girl. If you browse through my DVD collection (yes, I still have one of those), 80% of those will be love stories. From the classics of </span><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0032145/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Wuthering Heights</span></i></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, </span><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0031381/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Gone with the Wind</span></i></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0046250/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Roman Holiday</span></i></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> to the modern day love stories of: </span><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0332280/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">The Notebook</span></i></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, </span><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099653/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Ghost</span></i></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, </span><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0100405/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Pretty Woman</span></i></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and </span><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092890/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Dirty Dancing</span></i></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> to the RomComs of </span><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0243155/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">Bridget Jones’s Diary</span></i></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, </span><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0251127/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days</span></i></a> <span style="font-weight: 400;">and </span><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0160862/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">She’s All That</span></i></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – I’ve loved them all and seen them all (many, many times)!</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">If you take any cinematic love story though, nothing about “love” is easy. Come on, it would be a pretty boring movie if the crux of the story was: boy meets girl, they fall in love, the end! </span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">No, no! Love must conquer the most impossible situations for it to have meaning and depth. Look at </span><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0117509/?ref_=nm_ov_bio_lk" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Romeo and Juliet</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">: two warring families prohibiting their entanglement which resulted in them poisoning themselves to be together! I’m not really sure that worked out too well for them, but I digress. </span></li> </ul> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">If it’s not warring families, there is deceit, lies, mischief, a ruse that must be discovered before the protagonists’ true feelings of love and adoration can emerge. Think </span><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8740790/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Bridgerton</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> and every other period drama that has ever been filmed. </span></li> </ul> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">And if there is no deceit, then there is a clear obstacle in the way that needs to be navigated (usually a husband, wife, fiancé(e) or partner, a geographical divide, or a societal gap (rich/poor, prostitute/businessman, black/white, guy/guy, girl/girl)) before “true love” can materialise!</span></li> </ul> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">The problem is, no matter how much we love these Hollywood fables, we start to believe that this is reality. Unrealistic, fantastical expectations about love are created and then transposed into the real world. To find “true love” one must experience hardship, drama and tears. It needs to conquer all, with the promise that all the pain will be worth it in the end.</span></p></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_14"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1920" height="1440" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/8-lessons-learned-about-finding-love-3.jpg" alt="" title="8 lessons learned about finding love (3)" class="wp-image-5165" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_14 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>The drama that was my love life</strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Needless to say, my own love life mirrored my Hollywood love education, leading to 20 years of romantic chaos and drama. It provided the source of much entertainment for my work colleagues & friends. I always had a story to tell about some ski chalet shenanigans or </span><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0095243/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_2" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">“Gorilla in the Mist”</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> exploits. The constant newness of the beginning phase of the relationships was exhilarating. It held so much potential. “Maybe this is the one?!” But the dizzy highs were met with devastating lows.</span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">From the high of feeling my knees buckling under me as the “man of my dreams” strode up to me, took me in his arms and kissed me in the elevator, to the crushing realisation that three years later he was in a relationship with my colleague. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">From the high of a forbidden glance, a touch, a breath against my ear, to the desperation of waiting for a call on my birthday that never came. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">From the high of a long-distance romance that started in the valleys of the Dordogne, to a broken engagement and a wedding dress that, to this day, hangs unused, never to be worn. </span></li> </ul> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Hollywood’s romantic drama infused my life. But, that promise of a “true love” phoenix rising from the flames of pain and suffering, never did transpire.</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_15"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1920" height="1440" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/8-lessons-learned-about-finding-love-4.jpg" alt="" title="8 lessons learned about finding love (4)" class="wp-image-5166" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_15 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>When <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0110950/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Reality Bites</a></span></strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Unlike the single blow experienced by the protagonist in a romantic movie (which can seemingly be resolved by a makeover montage and a few cutting words which make the intended realise what he’s about to lose unless he comes to his senses), the reality of constant drama repeated in one relationship after another begins to wear you down. </span></p> <ul> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">You begin to question yourself. Your choices. Your self-worth.</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Your confidence takes an almighty blow. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">You start to lower your standards and accept things because you feel like you have no other option. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Your insecurities come to the fore. </span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">You start behaving in ways you never imagined. Where did this neediness and desperation come from?</span></li> <li style="font-weight: 400;" aria-level="1"><span style="font-weight: 400;">You pretend to be someone you’re not, purely because you start to believe that you – </span><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/803962-jude-just-as-you-are-not-thinner-not-cleverer-not" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">“just as you are”</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – are not good enough.</span></li> </ul> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">It’s a recipe for disaster, and one that inevitably ends in heartbreak. Compounding the pain realised from the break-up before. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And yet, with this hope of true love still residing deep inside you, somehow you manage to stitch the broken pieces of your heart back together again. Willing it to just keep on searching for the one. He has to be out there somewhere. Just a little more effort. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And so you go out, you search, you find, you repeat your pattern, you experience that giddy, all-consuming high…</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">And then you feel the tug. Something is off. The drama starts again. And soon that piece of string holding those fragile pieces of your heart together is yanked away like a rip cord, spiralling you back down to that familiar pit of despair and confusion.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">There’s your Hollywood drama. Just not the intended romantic comedy type.</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_16"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1920" height="1440" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/8-lessons-learned-about-finding-love-5.jpg" alt="" title="8 lessons learned about finding love (5)" class="wp-image-5167" /></span> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_16 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><h2><strong>Finding love – Re-writing the fairy tale</strong></h2> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Fast forward 6 years, and here I am in love and in a healthy relationship. As I sit down to write my vows, I realise that I’m none the wiser about how you </span><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">find</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> “true love”. Is there a method to the madness? Is it fluke? Can you intentionally go out and “find” it? Or is it just destiny?</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">I’d be a hypocrite to even think that I could tell you the formula for love, despite having eventually found it. Why? Because I think love comes in many forms, and my understanding of love will be very different from yours. </span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">What I can share with you though are a few lessons I learned along the way, which I’m pretty certain put me in a better position for love to find me.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_14 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_22 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_17"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1.png" alt="" title="1" class="wp-image-1486" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_23 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_17 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Sort out your own sh*t first</strong> <span style="font-weight: 400;">– Our choices in partners are a reflection of how we feel about ourselves, what we think we deserve and what we’ve learned from our environment (whether that be Hollywood movies, </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Just_Seventeen" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Just Seventeen</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">, parents or friends). Challenge your beliefs. Challenge the stories that you tell yourself about how loveable you are. Challenge society’s notion of what is acceptable in love. Do the hard work. If you do not love and accept yourself, how can you possibly expect someone else to?</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_15 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_24 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_18"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/2.png" alt="" title="2" class="wp-image-1487" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_25 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_18 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Identify your patterns</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – We all have patterns in relationships. Maybe you are someone who only likes bad boys or people you can fix. Maybe you only date people that earn more than a certain amount of money. For me, it took a couple of years of therapy to work out my pattern. My internal story was that: “all men would leave me”. So, I dated people who were attached / unavailable because I subconsciously knew that they couldn’t commit to me. If they couldn’t commit to me, then they couldn’t hurt me when they left me. The rationale was logic enough. Needless to say, the reality was quite different. </span></p> <p> </p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">By identifying your patterns in relationships, you can change your internal narrative.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_16"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_26 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_19"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1920" height="1440" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/8-lessons-learned-about-finding-love-6.jpg" alt="" title="8 lessons learned about finding love (6)" class="wp-image-5183" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_17 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_27 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_20"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/3.jpg" alt="" title="3" class="wp-image-1488" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_28 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_19 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Break your patterns </strong><b>– </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">Linked to point 2 above. Identifying your patterns is one thing. Breaking them is quite another. When Justin and I met, I had worked hard at quashing the drama-filled notions of romance that had dictated my early adulthood. I was 37 years and I’d had my fill of piecemeal, uncommitted relationships. So, as I quit my job and jet-setted off around the world on my gap year, my new “men” rule book was being strictly applied (irrespective of how good looking they were): no married men, no attached men, no ar$eholes, no divorcing men, no needy men, no letharios, no men that could only speak basic English, no men more than 5 years younger than me, no men more than 10 years older than me, no French men (I’d just had enough!), no men that I needed to “save”. Trust me, I had experienced them all. In fact, for a good 6 months of my year out, men were completely off the cards. </span></p> <p> </p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">By breaking your patterns, you can start making better, more conscious choices. A whole new world opens up to you, and you’ll be amazed at what you can find.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_18 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_29 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_21"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/4.png" alt="" title="4" class="wp-image-1489" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_30 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_20 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Enjoy being single</strong><b> – </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">There are sooooo many advantages of being single. You can do what you want, when you want and with whom you want. There are no obligations or commitments. Life is cheaper, freer, more spontaneous and a heck of a lot of fun. Once I embraced my independence, I lost the notion of needing to “find someone”. And then, when I did, I still took that independence into the relationship. We’ve not lost ourselves in each other. We still know who we are and that we can, perfectly happily, live on our own if things don’t work out between us. </span></p> <p> </div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_19"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_31 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_22"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1920" height="1440" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/8-lessons-learned-about-finding-love-7.jpg" alt="" title="8 lessons learned about finding love (7)" class="wp-image-5184" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_20 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_32 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_23"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/5.png" alt="" title="5" class="wp-image-1490" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_33 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_21 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Ignore the well-meaning (and slightly patronising) advice of your married friends</strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – here is just some of the advice that I’ve been given about finding true love:</span><b></b></p> <p> </p> <ul> <li><strong>“<i>Weddings are the best place to meet your future partner.</i>”</strong><b> – </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">As they surreptitiously pop you on the dreaded singles’ table! Just because your friends met their beloveds in a particular way, doesn’t mean that you will follow suit.</span><b> </b></li> <li><strong><i>“I have a single friend – he’ll be perfect for you.” </i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;">Why? Because he’s single? I’ve been on some terrible dates purely because of our shared status!</span></li> <li><strong><i>“You don’t have to be attracted to them initially to fall in love with someone.” </i></strong><i><span style="font-weight: 400;">–</span></i><span style="font-weight: 400;"> Do you know, that’s probably true for some, but not for me. </span></li> <li><strong><i>“You’ll never find true love with someone who you sleep with on the first night. He’ll just think you’re easy.</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"><strong>”</strong> – Sorry, also a myth.</span></li> <li><strong><i>“Don’t punch above your weight. Good looking men are always self-centred</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"><strong>.”</strong> – A double whammy. Not only does this one absolutely shatter your own self-worth and self-confidence by suggesting our looks dictate who we should or should not be with, but it also suggests that someone’s looks will determine their morals and values! Again, not true! Good old Hollywood movies influencing all our thinking it seems.</span></li> <li><strong><i>“Are you still single? Tick-tock. Tick-tock”</i></strong><span style="font-weight: 400;"> – I’m not sure how well-meaning this advice was, but it was certainly not helpful in finding true love. I’ve seen many a friend walk down the aisle with the wrong person because of this biological and societal pressure to have children. Choose your partner for love, not because the time for having children is running out.</span></li> </ul></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_21 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_34 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_24"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/6.jpg" alt="" title="6" class="wp-image-1491" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_35 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_22 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>There’s a difference between love and lust </strong><b>– </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">Good sex can be like kryptonite. It messes with your brain. It cripples your rational senses. It convinces you that it is love. But, sex is only one part of a relationship (granted, a rather fun part). Long-term, relationships last and love strengthens out of so much more: shared values; morals; communication & compromise.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_22 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_36 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_25"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/7.png" alt="" title="7" class="wp-image-1882" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_37 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_23 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Know your limits & make sure your partner knows them too </strong><b>– </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">You have to be aware of what you’re prepared to compromise on in a relationship, and what is an absolute “no go”. Boundaries are essential and communicating those to each other is vital. For me, if you cheat on me, I’m out. I’ve been there before. I’ve no interest in going there again. It’s my hard line.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_23"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_38 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_26"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1920" height="1440" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/8-lessons-learned-about-finding-love-1.jpg" alt="" title="8 lessons learned about finding love (1)" class="wp-image-5163" /></span> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_24 et_pb_gutters1"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_1_4 et_pb_column_39 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_27"> <span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1080" height="1080" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/8.jpg" alt="" title="8" class="wp-image-1883" /></span> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_3_4 et_pb_column_40 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_24 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><strong>Create space for the tough conversations </strong><b>– </b><span style="font-weight: 400;">This romantic notion of arguing and then incredible make-up sex is very Hollywood. Constant bickering is exhausting. Not saying what you want to say in case you cause and argument or they leave, damages you and the relationship. Walking on eggshells in a relationship is not fun. It impacts your self-worth, your self-confidence and your self-esteem. Healthy, loving relationships allow you to express your needs, desires, discomforts, concerns and frustrations to your partner without fear that the relationship will collapse as a result. They also require you to listen and take on board the needs of your other half. Healthy relationships create the space and respect for the tough conversations to be had.</span></div> </div> </div> </div><div class="et_pb_row et_pb_row_25"> <div class="et_pb_column et_pb_column_4_4 et_pb_column_41 et_pb_css_mix_blend_mode_passthrough et-last-child"> <div class="et_pb_module et_pb_text et_pb_text_25 et_pb_text_align_left et_pb_bg_layout_light"> <div class="et_pb_text_inner"><span style="font-weight: 400;">Despite what we’ve learned from Hollywood romantic movies, love doesn’t have to be hard or scripted or complicated. It doesn’t have to be full of drama, pain and suffering. It doesn’t have to conquer all.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">Love, in many ways, should feel easy. I’m not saying that relationships won’t face their difficulties, but the “love” part – that’s the straightforward part. It’s a strong, positive emotion. It allows you to be yourself in a relationship. To maintain your identity. To be part of a team. To feel supported. To have a voice. To be vulnerable. To feel safe.</span></p> <p><span style="font-weight: 400;">That, in my humble view, is </span><a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0314331/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><span style="font-weight: 400;">love … actually</span></a><span style="font-weight: 400;">.</span></div> </div><div class="et_pb_module et_pb_image et_pb_image_28"> <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/book-a-call/"><span class="et_pb_image_wrap "><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="810" height="450" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/tired-of-all-the-drama.jpg" alt="" title="tired of all the drama" class="wp-image-5191" /></span></a> </div> </div> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/8-lessons-learned-about-finding-love-ps-its-no-hollywood-movie/">8 lessons learned about finding love (PS. It’s no Hollywood Movie)!</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/8-lessons-learned-about-finding-love-ps-its-no-hollywood-movie/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> <item> <title>The truth about love</title> <link>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-truth-about-love/</link> <comments>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-truth-about-love/#respond</comments> <dc:creator><![CDATA[friedaL2020]]></dc:creator> <pubDate>Fri, 18 Feb 2022 14:31:06 +0000</pubDate> <category><![CDATA[Love]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[affairs]]></category> <category><![CDATA[attorneys]]></category> <category><![CDATA[better half]]></category> <category><![CDATA[brokenhearted]]></category> <category><![CDATA[business women]]></category> <category><![CDATA[cupid]]></category> <category><![CDATA[cupid's arrow]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lawyer life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[love]]></category> <category><![CDATA[love life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[love sick]]></category> <category><![CDATA[marriage]]></category> <category><![CDATA[office affairs]]></category> <category><![CDATA[office relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[office romance]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal life]]></category> <category><![CDATA[professionals]]></category> <category><![CDATA[relationships]]></category> <category><![CDATA[rom-com]]></category> <category><![CDATA[romcom]]></category> <category><![CDATA[the truth about love]]></category> <category><![CDATA[trust]]></category> <category><![CDATA[valentine]]></category> <category><![CDATA[valentine's day]]></category> <category><![CDATA[valentines]]></category> <category><![CDATA[work life]]></category> <guid isPermaLink="false">https://bravingboundaries.com/?p=4010</guid> <description><![CDATA[<p>Whoever said your personal life does not affect your professional life is lying. Love and relationships affect EVERYTHING! And here's why.</p> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-truth-about-love/">The truth about love</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[ <h4 class="wp-block-heading" id="by-alicia-koch-of-the-legal-belletrist-with-section-contribution-by-frieda-levycky-of-braving-boundaries"><em><strong>BY ALICIA KOCH OF <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">THE LEGAL BELLETRIST</a> (with section contribution by FRIEDA LEVYCKY OF BRAVING BOUNDARIES)</strong></em></h4> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <p>Aaaaah February.</p> <p>The month of love. Or as some would say – the month of Tom Foolery and shenanigans. Depending on which side of the love pendulum you fall.</p> <p>Money is spent aplenty on roses and chocolates, champagne and expensive romantic dinners out with our Valentines. Wooing is the name of the game and courtships begin and end amidst waves of <em>“things moved too fast”</em>, <em>“I just needed a Valentine for Valentine’s Day”</em> or simply <em>“it’s not you, it’s me”.</em> </p> <p>That darn <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cupid#:~:text=In%20classical%20mythology%2C%20Cupid%20(Latin,His%20Greek%20counterpart%20is%20Eros." target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Cupid</a> flitting about shooting his arrows left, right and centre. Irresponsibly, I might add. I mean, you just know that a little guy in a diaper and wings, with red cheeks and pouty lips, armed with a deadly assault weapon, is most certainly up to no good. Causing mischief wherever his flits and flops. </p> <p>But Cupid or not, it’s the month where people like me – those that “love <em>love</em>” – get to indulge in rom-coms galore, reminisce over times we were wooed to perfection and showered with red roses and chocolates. Recalling our very first Valentine’s Day with our significant others. </p> <p>But, I’m kind of getting ahead of myself. A little bit.</p> <p>Sure, the point of this article is love. And more so than that, <em>the truth about love</em>. And when better to discuss this subject pondered over by poets, philosophers and the broken hearted over thousands of years, in the month that’s all about love. Make’s sense, right?</p> <p>But there is another side to this article. And that’s also talking about relationships. After all, isn’t that the point of love? </p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="finding-love"><strong><em>Finding love</em></strong></h2> <p>As professionals, we can all relate to how hard it is to find our (sometimes) better halves. It’s tough out there. With the high expectations we set both for ourselves and our partners, our ”wish lists” grow ever-longer with each “single” year that passes – <em>“why should we settle”?</em> </p> <p>The simple answer to that – you shouldn’t. Settling for love is like settling for (sugar-free) grape juice when all you wanted was a glass of champagne. And that is just plain disappointing. </p> <p>But working long hours whilst trying to build a career doesn’t leave much time for finding love. It’s a simple truth. Valentine’s Day, in the professional world, may not be as romantic as Cupid would have liked to believe. </p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/finding-love-in-an-app.jpg" alt="finding love in an app" class="wp-image-4019"/></figure> <p>I hear you. Meeting in bars is really not conducive (always) to a budding romance. Tinder is a plunder with Swindlers (have you watched <a href="https://www.netflix.com/tudum/articles/who-is-tinder-swindler-real-shimon-hayut" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">The Tinder Swindler</a>?). And set-ups by well-meaning friends or aunts often just leave everyone disappointed – least of all the setter-upper. </p> <p><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGVZOLV9SPo" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">“Love is a Battlefield” by Pat Benater</a> certainly comes to mind right about now.</p> <p><em>“Heartache to heartache we stand”.</em></p> <p>And we can relate. In one way or another. </p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="love-and-relationships-affect-everything"><strong><em>Love (and relationships) affect everything!</em></strong></h2> <p>Whoever said that your personal life does not affect your professional life (or shouldn’t) is lying. Both to you and to themselves. Think about it – you have a fight with your partner and whether you consciously think about it or not, your day is that much worse than it ought to have been. You go through a break up and suddenly the world seems like a sadder, darker place, filled with <em>love sick fools doomed to have their hearts broken too</em> (or so you <em>kind of</em> hope in your despair). You find out your partner is cheating on you and you instantly hate the opposite sex, call them liars and cheats and stop believing that you too can find happiness. </p> <p><em>Again, love is a battlefield. A fight that is not a fight waged in isolation.</em></p> <p>The different aspects of our lives (which most certainly includes our love lives) <em>will</em> have an impact on the other areas of our lives – our work, our health, relationships with other people. It has an effect on everything. Our lives are swayed by <em>how we feel</em>. Especially about love. And about ourselves because no matter how grounded and self-assured you may be, how your partner makes you feel will most certainly have an impact on how you see yourself. </p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="love-life-personal-life-professional-life-are-all-linked"><strong><em>Love life – personal life – professional life are all linked</em></strong></h2> <p>It therefore stands to reason that if your personal life is in shambles, you will either over-perform to compensate for your “failing romance” or under-perform because you simply cannot motivate yourself enough to do anything productive – <em>“what would be the point?”.</em></p> <p>Often, as professionals, we invest huge chunks of ourselves into our professional lives, simply because our personal ones are not quite living up to their potential. We over-compensate in an effort to disguise how awful, how lonely or how sad we feel inside. <em>It’s ok, you can admit it.</em> </p> <p>You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t. No one is immune to Cupid’s charms (and sometimes terrible aim).</p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/cupids-arrow.jpg" alt="cupids-arrow" class="wp-image-4018"/></figure> <p>And then there are those of us, who find the loves of our lives and live smugly forever after. And this too will have an effect on other aspects of their lives. It will affect their work, their health, their mental state, their wellbeing, their outlook on the world and their health. All of which would seemingly be better, because they are in a happy place and in a happy relationship.</p> <p>For all intents and purposes, it would seem that love, relationships (and all that goes with it), go hand in hand with everything else in our lives. </p> <p>The “truth about love (and relationships)” at least on the face of it, is this – they are complicated because love (and life) is tricky and messy and affects us all at one or other point in our lives. It even goes so far as to dictate <em>how we react to things</em>. We each have different stories. Our love lives have influenced our personal and professional lives in different ways. There is beauty in that. </p> <p>And I think that is the crux here – love affects us all in different ways. Sometimes in positive ways and other times in negative ways. And it extends to so many other aspects in our lives.</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="the-love-pendulum"><strong><em>The love pendulum</em></strong></h2> <p>Frieda and my love lives are perfect examples of the “love pendulum”. One of us found love (relatively) young and that helped mould who she was as a professional (and as a person). Whilst the other one of us forged her own professional path, not reliant on a partner, singularly focused on over-achieving and being the “best of the best”. Going on to find the love of her life a little later on, because (quite simply), she was ready. </p> <p>You can probably figure out which one is which, but these are our stories: </p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="256" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/HEarts-1024x256.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4023"/></figure> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="love-at-first-sight-ali-s-story"><strong><em>Love at first sight – Ali’s story</em></strong></h2> <p>I never believed in “true love”. Not really. I was exceptionally skeptical and a terrible cynic. And I had every reason to be. I had got “involved” in relationships very young, having had my first boyfriend at the age of 15. But sadly, I was a magnet for love in all the (very) wrong places. If there was a bad boy anywhere in sight, I was instantly attracted. I was Love’s Fool to a T. </p> <p>I had been cheated on, used, abused (physically and most certainly emotionally). I was not skinny enough, not pretty enough, not intelligent enough, or too intelligent (which just rubbed their ego the wrong way) or we simply “didn’t have a spark”. This last one resulted in a famous line between my friends and I – <em>“our wood was wet”.</em> This particular boyfriend meant that we didn’t have that “spark”. That something extra. And together our wood just wouldn’t burn. Not the way it should. A reason that still perplexes me to this day. Because I tried so hard. But it is funny. <em>Now.</em> Isn’t hindsight a wonderful thing?</p> <p>So, I had resolved to give up on love. At 25! That was until my Jewish family got wind of my plans – they were having none of it – and I was marched off to “matchmaking school” with my Rabbi’s wife. <em>Awkward</em> doesn’t even begin to describe that conversation! </p> <p>A couple of days after the “matchmaker visit”, I was (almost) strong armed into going to a “speed dating event” with a work colleague of mine. Be her “wing woman” as it were. Reluctantly, I accompanied her. It was for professionals only. Both men and women within a certain age group. I was dreading it.</p> <p><em>Until I saw him. </em></p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/Alicia-Koch-and-her-husband-1.jpg" alt="Alicia-Koch-and-her-husband-1" class="wp-image-4014"/></figure> <p>I was outside the event, trying my best to acquire “Dutch courage”, about to light my Dunhill menthol slim line cigarette (I still smoked at the time) when I saw a Jack Daniels t-shirt wearing man walk towards me. It was funny – I was drinking Jack Daniels at the time. Before I could light my cigarette, he offered to “<em>Light my fire”.</em> Being a Doors fan, I was immediately intrigued. Must be another bad boy, I thought. </p> <p>It was then that I noticed his smile and his beautiful blue eyes. I was a goner. I often wondered about <em>“love at first sight”.</em> I didn’t believe it could actually happen. At least not in real life. And not to me. But there I was. Falling in love. At first sight. Cupid had finally shot his arrow straight. And at the right people this time. </p> <p>My (now) husband was unexpected. He was not who I imagined spending my life with. Simply because I had proudly declared to the world that I would remain single. But I also did not believe that I “deserved” someone like him. </p> <p>We met during my last year in Articles. And I can say with all honesty, that he has helped me become the person and the professional I am today. He has stood by me and guided me through some of the toughest years of my life (both professionally and personally), he has helped me to always see things clearly. He has helped me make some extremely important life decisions and then stood back and cheered me on as I found my place in the professional world. </p> <p>He changed my entire world. In only the best of ways. He became my person, the one I went home to after each hard day, the person I woke up next to every morning. He was (and still is) always happy to see me. And I truly believe that because of his love, because of his faith in me, because of his guidance, his wisdom and his humour he has made me not only a better person, but a better lawyer. And (most of the time), a better writer. He helped me become <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">The Legal Belletrist</a> because he believed in me, he supported me and he gave me the grounding and foundation I needed to ultimately become who I am today.</p> <p>I guess you could say that I am one of those lucky people who are <em>living smugly</em> in their “happily ever after” with the love of their lives. And I couldn’t be more grateful.</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="loving-yourself-first-frieda-s-story"><strong><em>Loving yourself first – Frieda’s story</em></strong></h2> <p>Ha! 25?! Geez, I was nowhere near ready to settle down at 25. It wasn’t that I wasn’t looking for my perfect match, but I was so distracted by and invested in the lifestyle of an international corporate lawyer that the thought of diverting any time away from my career was really not an option. In fact, if my memory serves me correctly, at 25, I was celebrating my birthday in Wan Chai, Hong Kong by falling rather drunkenly off the bar in Carnegie’s! Not one of my proudest moments, but it makes for an amusing story! </p> <p>How different our love lives were Ali!</p> <p>In all seriousness, as much as I was loving “<em>living the high life</em>” in my 20s, it acted as the perfect distraction from looking closely at the patterns which were so clearly forming in my romantic relationships. I was attracted to “Mr Unavailable”. Whether he be physically unavailable (married, attached, newly separated) or emotionally unavailable (vague, non-committal, part-time, hot and cold) – that was my poison. For my 20s, that didn’t really phase me too much. I wasn’t ready to commit, so how could I expect anyone else to? But, once I hit my 30s, and watched every one of my friends marry and start having children, that is when the imbalance between my professional and personal life started to emerge and, inevitably, merge.</p> <p>I ended up in relationships with people in the office because that was where I spent most of my time and they were the only people I met. But rarely do work and play make for good bedfellows (there are exceptions, of course). And, inevitably, the emotional toll of the breakup seeps into the working day. It’s hard to hide heartbreak, but rather than address it – I just worked harder. To the point where both my physical and mental health took a hammering. As law and life collided, it soon became evident that there were clear patterns in my romantic relationships that needed to be addressed and some proper work needed to be done on my self-esteem if I was going to stop repeating those well-engrained patterns.</p> <p>It took two years of therapy to address the underlying issues which had led me to: (a) become a workaholic; and (b) settle for breadcrumbs in my relationships. But, by 36, I had the self-confidence, self-esteem and self-love to quit my job, travel the world for a year, and go in search for the life (and love) that I wanted (and deserved). </p> <figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="640" height="480" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/Frieda-Levycky-running-Small.jpg" alt="Frieda Levycky running during year off" class="wp-image-4015"/></figure> <p>I know it sounds corny, but it was during my year off that I fell in love with myself. Not in a narcissistic way, but in an acceptance way: I learned about myself. I saw what I could bring to the table in a relationship. I remembered what was important to me. I set boundaries. I talked openly. I stopped trying to be someone that I thought people would want me to be. And the more I liked myself, the more I attracted the right people around me. Gone were the “Mr Unavailables”. I deserved more than that. </p> <p>People often talk about “good timing” “luck” and “fate” as being the reasons for finding the love of their lives. There is an element of that, but I think it is more to do with the work you put into yourself. When you are comfortable and happy with who you are, you attract the right people. Then let fate take its course.</p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" decoding="async" width="1024" height="256" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/HEarts-1024x256.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-4023"/></figure> <h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="so-what-is-the-truth-about-love"><strong><em>So, what is the truth about love?</em></strong></h2> <p>Whether this February is your first month of love or your 50<sup>th</sup> with your partner, whether you are still looking for someone special or are happily single – whatever your status – the truth about love (we think) is this – it affects us all in ways we can’t really imagine. It is different for each of us because each relationship is unique and each one of us is an individual – special in our own ways. </p> <p>Love is not a battlefield, it is a beautiful thing that takes work. Daily. It can be strong or fragile. Love can be found in everything or nothing. Relationships can break you down or build you up. They can complete you or destroy you. Simply put, relationships are hard and love is… complicated.</p> <p>It is so complicated in fact that there really is no right or wrong way <em>to be in love</em> or to <em>have a relationship</em>. It is all relative. There is not any one thing that makes love <em>love</em>. It is a complex mix of a multitude of things. And we can only hope that Cupid in all his wisdom, good aim and occasional mischief sees fit to shoot straight and at the right people – for each of us. </p> <p>There really isn’t any <em>real advice</em> we can give you. Because we are <em>all </em>learning as we happily plod along. </p> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <hr class="wp-block-separator"/> <div style="height:30px" aria-hidden="true" class="wp-block-spacer"></div> <div class="wp-block-columns is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-1 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex"> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:15%"> <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://bravingboundaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Alicia-Koch-The-Legal-Belletrist-1024x1024-1.jpg" alt=""/></figure> </div> <div class="wp-block-column is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow" style="flex-basis:85%"> <p>About the writer, <strong><em>Alicia Koch, Founder of The Legal Belletrist.</em></strong></p> <p>Alicia, an admitted attorney with over 10 years PQE, and now a legal writer and researcher, has established The Legal Belletrist to assist companies (in different sectors) to write well-researched articles that speak to each company’s core business, enabling growth and commercialism. </p> <p>Click here to visit <a href="https://www.thelegalbelletrist.com/">The Legal Belletrist website</a>.</p> <p><strong>Email: <a href="mailto:[email protected]" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">[email protected]</a> </strong></p> </div> </div> <p>The post <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com/the-truth-about-love/">The truth about love</a> appeared first on <a href="https://bravingboundaries.com">Braving Boundaries</a>.</p> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>https://bravingboundaries.com/the-truth-about-love/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> </item> </channel> </rss>